The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - The NAACP will be boycotting us soon

Episode Date: January 16, 2024

Joey Diaz covers a lot with Lee Syatt on this week's Check In including setting a trash can on fire at work, the early days on the road with Joe Rogan, Ari Shaffir, Duncan Trussell, and Redban, what h...ell is for a comedian, Lee's first time making someone cry at a comedy show, and much more.  Get 50% off of Factor at https://www.factormeals.com/diaz50 & use code DIAZ50 Try Blue Chew for free at https://www.bluechew.com promo code JOEY Support the show & get 20% off your order at https://www.liquidiv.com with code JOEY The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz  

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Starting point is 00:04:02 So I love you to see you. We didn't put you on this planet just to give up. If Uncle Joey could do it, I could fucking rule the world. I feel you got to be thinking. Welcome back to show! What's the story, dog? It's good to see you, buddy. Good to see you.
Starting point is 00:04:35 Fucking Tuesday to 16th. We're already past the fucking halfway mark. it's over. That's it's been going. It snowed yesterday. It's going to snow tomorrow. It's going to snow. It's going to fucking let it snow, dog.
Starting point is 00:04:49 That's, you know, people are like, oh, it's going to snow. It's fucking January. What do you expect? What the fuck you think is going to happen?
Starting point is 00:04:56 You know, the sun's going to come in. People are going to be dancing with fucking bikinis. No. It doesn't get hired and maybe 50 if you're fucking lucky. You know? Do you see what's going on like Nashville and Texas? It looks crazy.
Starting point is 00:05:09 Like, know how to do it. Like, I think we got like, Stu Feiner was flying into Nashville today and he got his flight got canceled. They got like eight inches in Nashville. Oh yeah. That's, you know, it's fucking January. It's not like it happened in fucking June. Right.
Starting point is 00:05:24 It's January. They're telling you it's going to be a fucking snowy January. Fuck. I can't stand. How is your week? My week was fucking fantastic, bro. It's getting better and better. It's just been good loud. Just
Starting point is 00:05:39 the last four weeks or so, it's just been fucking dynamite. Like, it really has been. I'm sticking to my schedule. I got on stage last week again, you know. So when I do those little things, I always feel better about myself. Just little things. Little steps become big steps. Started out of the book, the new comedy book with Erica.
Starting point is 00:06:03 You know, we're going to hook up tomorrow again. So, yeah, I can't. complain, man. Been getting a lot of fucking sleep, but smoke a good refa. Did you get more delivery of that kind you got last time? Oh, I got a different back today. Today I got white
Starting point is 00:06:20 something, white gumbo. Jesus. I was tip-top McGoo at 415 today. I was doing jump. I did a lot of shit today. I smoked three bottlenecks of it. Next thing I had to take an hour and nap.
Starting point is 00:06:36 Oh, that's best. Bring groceries up the steps my wife, I brought him up and I'm like, you know what? I got to take a little fucking afternoon, siesta. And I snout quick hour, got up, ate some medibles, bang, boom, and here we are. How, and I know you just started,
Starting point is 00:06:54 but have you noticed the difference in like the writing process since you already wrote tremendous? Like, is it easier this time? Well, it's all fitting together. The reason why I want to, listen, the night that I fell on my ankle, that same night I was coming home to go to an open mic here.
Starting point is 00:07:15 They do like twice a month, and one of my buddies from Jiu-Jitsu told me about it. I didn't know that. It was a big surprise. And then I hurt myself that night. I couldn't do nothing for three or four weeks. Then the holidays were coming. I said, fuck it.
Starting point is 00:07:30 I won't start it until January. And the reason why was because I want to write this book. And for me to write this book, I got to be in touch with what I was in touch with 30 years ago. I don't know how I'm going to do it. But the beautiful thing about this is it's time. The first time I got up, I did five minutes, the second time I doubled it with my fucking 10.
Starting point is 00:07:52 You know, so I got something else I want to add tonight. And it's just a process. And that's what people will never understand that way before we pop on a podcast in L.A. or with Rogan or with Cicler or with Burke Prysha, we go through fucking hell. They just think we came out of the grave one day and started doing comedy.
Starting point is 00:08:13 And that was, before we met you, there was 15 years of fucking confinement. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I feel like I'm in that hell right now. But I, there's a difference between like being funny on stage and being funny on a podcast.
Starting point is 00:08:30 What are you fucking, yeah. Yeah, there's a big fucking difference. A big, difference. What you just figure that out now? No, it's just different, man. Like, it's with stand-up, like you get to practice it and then like, you know, refine it, try different
Starting point is 00:08:47 words on a podcast. Usually, at least the kind we do, it's just whatever we're thinking about in the moment. Okay, let's say how many podcasters you don't have to say any names or whatever. I'm just, you know, there's a couple podcasts that got into this.
Starting point is 00:09:04 And because of the podcast, they sprung into comedy. the next level. And they've developed in front of their audience. They're not the best stand-ups in the world, but they play to their audience. And so there's two thoughts there. When I write this book, I'm not talking about podcasts.
Starting point is 00:09:22 I ain't talking about roller skating. This is stand-up. You know, I was thinking about what hell is the other day, you know, for some people. And what hell is for a comic? Okay, a comic will move. You will leave your house right now, you're home. You will leave your girlfriend, you know, and you'll move to, I'm just throwing names here.
Starting point is 00:09:49 You're going to move to New York, Austin, or whatever, as a comic. Now, you know, there's some people that have a little bit of money. There's some people that go, listen, when I moved to L.A., I had $250. Five. expenses, okay? So once you fucking hook up with something, they're going to go, yeah, you could stay on my floor for a month until you get on your feet.
Starting point is 00:10:16 And, you know, your grandmother sends your money. You fucking get a little part-time gig. You don't want them because you're fucking do it. You're an artist. You're doing comedy. The only problem with artists is they get thrown out of a lot of fucking apartments. And they break a lot of leases and there's credit problems. That's the serious problem about being a fucking artist.
Starting point is 00:10:37 Because I was thinking about this. I was in Seattle. I was living in a house that had a dog. And the dog would shit in any room he wanted to. My bedroom faced the fucking highway. There was no air conditioner. There was a fan. You know, my bedroom, the TV stunk like that.
Starting point is 00:10:59 Why did the TV stink? No, the TV room stunk like that. Like that the cats were all old and shit. And, you know, I don't know what I was paying there, but I know I couldn't afford the rent. But I found happiness because I had three sets that night. Right. And one of them was a paid gig for $50. Not that they was even going to get me close to the rent, so why even try?
Starting point is 00:11:23 You know? That's fucking hell for a regular person. That's heaven for a comment. Was it hard for you to go from, you know, like stealing and drugs, even like selling cars to having no money? Yeah, because even when I was selling cars, I had been brokely. I went over my everything, like by 93, I was flat broke. When I came to New York, and then in New York, I got my hustling game back on. I was dropping phone packages.
Starting point is 00:11:59 I was picking up Coke in the city. for people. I was, you know, selling insurance on the phone. I did a thousand things. I picked up a job doing a limo. And coming back here got me in that hustler's mood again. I had been in Boulder for God knows how long. And I got back into it and doing the open mics in New York helped me figure it out. But when I was here in 93, I shared a bedroom with a man. Okay. He was my best friend. He's my brother. He's still my brother, George. He slept on the couch And I slept on a fucking kid's bed We had a fan
Starting point is 00:12:36 You know It wasn't We lived with his grandmother That's not That's not what you tell a girl When you're 33 And what is that like Being because you
Starting point is 00:12:51 You're 30s You're 30 You're 30 You're friends already established They're getting married They're having kids And here you are Sleeping in a fucking
Starting point is 00:13:01 in bedroom with a man with no TV, you know, no air conditioner, just a fan. But I was fucking happy as shit because I was doing comedy, I was writing, I was wearing a suit half the day, the other half I had jeans on. It was a superb nine months of training. And then you get used to it.
Starting point is 00:13:27 You're like, this is how I'm going to live from now. And you'd be surprised. Again, as long as you keep doing those sets, people invite you over to eat, the bartender will go, hey, I ordered spaghetti, I don't want the rest of it. You want it? Do I want it? And let me get the rest of those olives
Starting point is 00:13:43 for the martinis. I don't care that day old. I pops and olives in that spaghetti. It's fucking crazy what we think heaven is as a comic. And it could be hell for not a regular person, not a regular person, but just someone else. Someone who doesn't
Starting point is 00:14:00 have that dream. A woman who doesn't have that logic. When your brother comes to visit you and you're in a house with eight guys and the house smells like fucking doom. And, you know, you got a beat-up car. You know, the guy's girlfriend lives there.
Starting point is 00:14:16 She's been stabbed. And he's like, Lee, what are you doing? And you're like, I'm doing comedy, man. I'm happy. And they're like, are you fucking? Because they don't see that. They don't, nobody will see that. Oh, so you're, they was, there was people that used to go out of that way to go,
Starting point is 00:14:33 oh, you did comedy last night? What you make? And they thought they were cute, yeah. That was the first question? Yeah, like, what'd you make last night? Like, people were trying to be cute, you know, and I would, it didn't matter what I made. It didn't fucking matter. I didn't care about making money.
Starting point is 00:14:50 I cared about being funny. I didn't care about my health. You know, I ate whatever was in front of me. If I didn't need, I didn't eat. If I had cash, I ate good. if I didn't have cat, you know, it's a fucking jungle of a life. But you know you're working for something.
Starting point is 00:15:08 It's like going into the army and wanting to be a fucking sniper. You know, you got to go through three fucking wars. It's not the life people want to choose. You know, when you look at the first 10 years. And it was, it was probably, I talked to you a little bit about this weekend, but I was having breakfast with Josh this weekend
Starting point is 00:15:32 and he was telling me about when you guys were caterers in Seattle and let's look you say he said he said he said a trash can on fire you know listen man it was one of those NBC something in the afternoon I forget what street that one large mount you know what large mount is it goes straight down if you in LA okay this is in LA yeah so if you go back to fucking LA if you hit Santa Monica. You could only make a left door right there. There's a straight building off a large map.
Starting point is 00:16:06 Okay. NBC was having like some type of party. It's got to be 98. You know, I'm sleeping on couches. I'm doing sets at the store. Josh gets me some catering gigs. I get a couple gigs on my own. You know, it was just, you're just surviving.
Starting point is 00:16:24 And we did this catering, and it was Gentiles. Everybody was too cool, you know, and all of a sudden. It was like we had a cater like from 12, like 11 to 2. It was like 11 to 2.30. And Josh had a leave to pick up his fucking kids. Right. So we're wrapping up. And they're like, well, you have to take the oil and walk down the block and drain it.
Starting point is 00:16:49 And I'm like, what? I'm not walking down no block with a kettle of oil. I just get Josh, get it. Let's dip it in the garbage. And I throw it in the garbage. And all of a sudden the fucking garbage can starts melting. and flame shoot out of it. And you know me, dog, I don't know nothing.
Starting point is 00:17:06 I just keep talking like it's none of it. People like, fire, fire. Josh, let's get out of here. And that was the end of it. Did anyone ever say anything to you? Nothing. They called like an hour later. Were you there?
Starting point is 00:17:20 Were you there? I don't know. I don't know what happened. There was combustion of material in the fucking, I don't know. I didn't care. I didn't care. That was not my job. Right.
Starting point is 00:17:34 That's what I'm going to say. I'm a comic. If you want to give me 50 bucks to come here and serve food, that's your problem. I'm not going to be the best server. You know, I'm not going to have a casino on. What can I get you? Fuck you. Get it yourself, you fucking peasant.
Starting point is 00:17:48 I'm going to fucking hate it. Oh, is it? Listen, the joy I found in that part of my life, to the joy I found going on the. road every week and people light your cigarettes. It was two different worlds. The latter one I wouldn't enjoy as the early one. All that walking in L.A. and shoplifting packs of cigarettes and sleeping on Josh's
Starting point is 00:18:16 couch and fucking some night you get lucky and sleep at her house and you fucking steal a box of fucking cereal for breakfast. It's a different world. But it's weird. It's not weird. It's nice that you like it, but it's just, it's a scary thing to think about. It's a scary thing to think about having no money. For a lot of people, it's scary.
Starting point is 00:18:43 How many people get $90,000 a year and hate their fucking job? A lot of people. How about I give you a job that you're not getting paid, but you do it for free every fucking night. And you know what? I'm looking at you right now. If I said to you, listen, I got a fucking tour, of fucking Antigua
Starting point is 00:19:02 tickets to $10. I'm going to take care of your expenses or your meals. You're not going to need for anything, Lee, but I can't pay you. But it's four weeks. Every night? Six nights. Okay? That's a
Starting point is 00:19:18 fucking summer camp for me and you. Like, we tell everybody Ma, see you later. I'm going to summer camp. Even though it's going to be hell. You're going to have to sleep in the room with a sound guy. You know, you have to smell his feet, he's farting. But even at night when you lay down, you're like, this is crazy.
Starting point is 00:19:38 But you know what? I did really good tonight. Yeah. I don't know. And I'm, I, this is like the first time it's happened. But because I'm not like a really, I'm, I'm kind of a reserve person, but I did really well on Saturday. And I just, I found myself, like, kind of dancing.
Starting point is 00:19:58 Like, once I got off state, like, I don't know. I was just, I was walking over to my stuff and I just sort of like strut it over. I got on like the confidence that you have, or at least that I have one, like I do well. I just, I was literally just dancing as the music was playing for Josh to go on stage. You know, it's so much, I love when you call me at the end of your nights when I'm not sleeping already and we get to chat. And I can tell the happiness in your voice. And that happiness is what I'm talking about. Like, as comedians, we don't think like most people.
Starting point is 00:20:36 Most people like, hi, Lee, it's Sunday. Let's go shopping. What would you like to dinner this week? And you're like, you know what? Wednesday I want meatloaf and fucking Thursday, I want lockers. And comics don't do that. Real comics are like, listen, I'm living for today. Like, is that?
Starting point is 00:20:59 Because you were, were you like that before comedy? You didn't, not that you didn't plan because you always planned, but like you just didn't really, if someone asked you what you were doing in a week, like you don't really do that. I do, but I don't. I have anchors. Everybody has anchors every day. There's something that you have to do every day and then you build your day around that. For us, it's a job, right? It's working.
Starting point is 00:21:23 For most Americans, it's working. For us, it's writing. It's writing. But then it's also like, I'm at a place at least. where like right now it's started to get out a little bit. But for the most part, people ask me to do a show like week of, two weeks out. This is the game.
Starting point is 00:21:42 That's what I said to you. Hey, nobody's going to call you and say October 24th. Not in your world right now. Right. You're going to get more. At the end of the year, you're going to look at all your notebook and see your work. 50% of it was planned. I guarantee the other 50% you got the week up.
Starting point is 00:22:00 You picked up on Monday. You don't know how many times I'll talk to a real comic And they'll go I just got one week at the end of the month And then a week later I'm on Instagram and I see them in Minnesota And I'm like, that's a real comic He picked up a fallout.
Starting point is 00:22:18 Right. It's amazing once you put your heart into it The calls you start getting I told you I went on the road With a friend of mine We had Four Weeks book We ended up doing 10.
Starting point is 00:22:34 Oh, you just got it while you were on the road? On the road. Calling people. Hey, man, we're close by. We're going to be in your neighborhood next week. What do you got? Well, I got a feature and an MC. Perfect.
Starting point is 00:22:45 I'm bringing a girl with me. We'll take it. Yeah, $3.50 for you and $150 for her. What are you going to do? It's a hotel for three nights. I get to do laundry. I get to eat with a discount. And I get to make some money.
Starting point is 00:23:00 that's how you look at it. And then Sunday morning you wake up and you're ready to leave and all of a sudden you got a call from the booker going, hey, where are you? Are you still there? Good. What do you got next week? And you're like, I got a Thursday night show at Taco Bell
Starting point is 00:23:19 and fucking Arvada. And he was like, listen, stay there, I'll pay for your hotel tonight. And Monday, head out to Idaho and do the Boise run for me. It's five nights and you're like, okay, I just went from picking up $75 in a free taco to $500 and a hotel room for three days. That three days in the hotel, meanwhile, I'm in my car.
Starting point is 00:23:46 I'm looking for a $20 hotel room. Usually the hotels where you stay at in those little states like that, they'll say that if you stay the extra night, we'll just charge you half the rate $38,000. $44. It's better than the 80s. Yeah, I got fucked. A hotel in Richmond, because I went the night before, charged me for two nights.
Starting point is 00:24:11 It's not like, it's quite like, did people try to fuck with you? And I was just thinking, because I'm lucky enough to be able to pay for it. If I was broke and someone charged an extra $150 to my credit card, I would be pissed. Your head blows up. People have no idea. You're expecting to pick up cash to hit you with a fucking check.
Starting point is 00:24:30 You know, there's so many variables. That's part of the game. The end of the night, when you're going to get paid, and they go, oh, your agent didn't tell you, we're mailing you a check overnight. You'll get it Tuesday, and you're like, how the fuck? Am I getting back?
Starting point is 00:24:48 There's just so many fucking things. But at the end of the day, they're always fun. Oh, yeah. While, you get a reality check. You have to spend the night at Greyhound. You know, with some old guy next to you. looking at your shoes and shit and fucking, you know, eating, you know, you're on a 12-hour bus, right?
Starting point is 00:25:09 And all you're eating is fucking junkly. Yeah. You're eating garbage. And it's just, it's a, you know, I look at the other day, Coke case was on. For the last year, Coakase is on every fucking day. I don't know what time. I don't, okay.
Starting point is 00:25:30 And every once in a while, I'll catch it. ton and I put it on to see if it was disco inferno. What's that? The co-case. It's an old show on CBS. Oh, I know that show, but what's Disco Inferno? It's an episode? Yeah, Disco Inferno was my first guest star ever.
Starting point is 00:25:47 Oh, shit. What year was that? 2002, 2003. I swear to God, I booked that. It doesn't matter. I just want to give you an example. The other night, I'm sitting there, and I'm ready go upstairs and I scroll and
Starting point is 00:26:04 there it is, disco infertile. So, I put it on, Lee, when I first came on screen, I just turned the TV off. Really? Just turned it off. I turned it off
Starting point is 00:26:20 and I sat there for 20 minutes thinking about that day. And what had happened was I booked that show on December 18th and I left for Houston, Texas. on like the 20th. And that's when I used to do the two weeks before Christmas in Houston.
Starting point is 00:26:39 He would headline me the guy because he liked me. And he paid me good money for then, you know. Right. And I'd do the two weeks leading up to New Year's. And then Gaffigan would come in. And I'd go to L.A. and do New Year's with Rogan at the improv. We do the comedy store last. We would do something at 8 and 10.
Starting point is 00:27:00 So that was my schedule I went down to fucking Houston on the 20th And I came back I was like 24 pounds heavier In two weeks Bro when I went to put wardrobe on The shit I had tried on for an hour For wardrobe two weeks earlier
Starting point is 00:27:23 Did not fit me My stomach was bought When you see this episode You will fucking die my stomach was bulging through the shirt. That was two weeks of fucking doing powder, drinking Yeagermeister. A bottle of night we were drinking in that bar at the last stop.
Starting point is 00:27:44 He would go through a bottle of night after the show. Just from you or like all the comics. Everybody. Six, 70 shots, five shots. Then I was waking up. I was going to that fucking Greek place. And he would make me the biggest egg arm, cheese omelet you'd ever seen in your life.
Starting point is 00:28:03 He'd give me like six pieces of weak toast, buttered, and a separate dish, a crinkle-cut French fries. And I'd be drinking Coca-Cola's the whole time. And that was every morning? That was every morning in Houston. Or I would get up and get calaches, like 10 of them with a can of them. Like donuts, right? Like donuts with sausages in them or something?
Starting point is 00:28:27 And some days I would go get a breakfast and then make him stop at the Kalachi factory and get fucking a dozen Kalachi's and shit. And then for lunch we're hitting anti-w-wos, anti-whatever's dumpling palace. We were killed in there.
Starting point is 00:28:43 Fried rice. Why are you allowed to eat Chinese food in Texas? Because this was a good place. This was in Houston. I don't think they're any good now. But back then, they made really good pork fried rice, a decent soup. the dumplings were okay you know not nothing like what we get with steady freddie right or fuck in this place
Starting point is 00:29:05 nah but uh yeah that's about was my lunch either that place or papados fuck that's a that's a good two weeks but you how much do you think you put on i told you 20 fucking six pounds 20 pounds 20 pounds 23 pounds something like that to the point where my shirt didn't fitly like like I I went from like, that's the time I went from like 350 to 3.79 or something like that. What did wardrobe say? They were like, what happened? Like it was a fucking week or two weeks in Houston. Two weeks in Houston, no sleep, drugs, no water, zero exercise.
Starting point is 00:29:52 Zero exercise. The only exercise was walking to the club, walking for the, for the bathroom to do coke, you get them. What a sad fucking life. But that was part of the comedy. It was part of the gig. You know, it was Jimmy Page's birthday last week. He turned 80.
Starting point is 00:30:13 Okay. I'm like, how the fuck is this guy 80? You know, 45 years ago, this guy was hooked on heroin that he was a skeleton. You know? And I'm like, wow. Listen, man.
Starting point is 00:30:29 You know, I guess the body heals, the mind heals. Those, uh, from when I got into comedy, it gave me freedom. It gave me no responsibility. I didn't have to get up anymore. Yeah. You, you were just yourself. And then when I moved to L.A., I thought it was going to calm down.
Starting point is 00:30:56 It fucking just expanded, you know? Your career or the, or your health? well, the health and the drug use and the drinking and the fucking whatever came with it, you know? Speaking of drug use, I found a video this weekend that I have to show you. Andy, could you show Joey the video that I found? It might be the best thing I've ever seen on YouTube. Do I have to put glasses on? Are you here to fuck me, cuck, sucker?
Starting point is 00:31:25 It's a crackhead chucking competition. That's black on black crime, dog. Wait until you see this one. Look at this, look at the muscles on this guy. that guy just lets him throw him. And then the guy comes over to like measure. Oh, my God. Throw the crackhead?
Starting point is 00:32:11 It's the crackhead chucking competition. Oh, my God. And they're in the projects and the guy has no shirt on. He threw him 23 feet, nine inches. Would you ever... If that was just a Lute the Martin Luther King Day? you're fucking done you know what I'm saying
Starting point is 00:32:28 if that was where you dug up on Martin Luther King Day I didn't think it up for Martin Luther King Day but Jesus Christ you're going to get me fucking banned from the airwaves Why? And the PCP
Starting point is 00:32:44 will be boycotting us soon and shit Martin Luther King Day you can show people Black people marching and dancing and having a good time a fucking crackhead chucking contest Martin Luther King is spinning
Starting point is 00:32:56 in his fucking grave right now. Well, I don't think you liked the marching videos. So who? I don't think you would have liked to the marching videos. I like anything. The last thing you showed us was a dude letting a firecracker in his eyeball.
Starting point is 00:33:13 So yeah. It was a Martin Luther King Day. It wasn't June 19th. You know what I'm saying? It might have been. You don't know. No, I showed at you on a Tuesday in May. I love that video.
Starting point is 00:33:27 Holy shit. Do you ever run in? Like, what's the difference with a crack kid? Like, did you ever run into someone who would let you do that to them for money? Or do any, like, did you run into, like, any crazy people out there? The craziest thing I ever ran into was I met a girl in a Miami. I forget the name of this place. They had a great breakfast.
Starting point is 00:33:48 They had a great bar. Miami News or something. It used to be 50 yards from the condo. Okay. Started talking, and I could see that she was doing blow. And I go, I got some powder. And she goes, I have some two or whatever. And I go, let's get some beers and get out of here.
Starting point is 00:34:07 And we went to the condo. We talked a little bit. You know, I had dirty thoughts. And her thoughts were dirty too. And she looked at me, and she goes, if you could stand on your head against the wall, I'll have sex with you today. and the Lord knows I tried.
Starting point is 00:34:26 How many times do you try? Like three, and she grabbed a bag and left. She actually left? Yeah, but she left her cocaine, so I didn't give a fuck. Perfect. I locked the door and put the chain on it. You know what I'm saying? You ain't coming back in.
Starting point is 00:34:42 Holy shit. You can do a handstand. Lee, comedy, when you get into the, you know, I was outlining this chapter. I was looking at it, and I had to put it in the book about the universe. Okay. Okay. When you get into comedy, you really, really have to know that the universe is watching.
Starting point is 00:35:05 You're getting into a karma business. You're getting into a weird business. It's not being a carpenter or an IT tech. This is all based on your performance and what you do. Nobody could get on stage for you. Right. nobody can do the work for you here. You could get all the headshots you want.
Starting point is 00:35:27 You could be on all the podcast you want. You can make all the videos you want. But nobody's going to do that work for you. It's 20 sets a month to 50. Did you see Dean Delray list his sets? Yeah, he has like five. Yeah, he does it every year. For like every year he's done stand-up.
Starting point is 00:35:42 This is all important. So you know you did the work. So 20 years from now when you're taking a $10,000, we gig. and people downstairs are working for fucking 10 bucks an hour, you don't beat yourself up. You go, whoa, whoa, wait a second. For this long, I ate fucking ass.
Starting point is 00:36:03 For this long, I suffered. For this long, when everybody else was jumping up and down, I didn't do that. I didn't have the money or the means, so I decided to work. And that gives you peace of mind. You just didn't go to Hollywood and suck the dick and some guy put you on a show.
Starting point is 00:36:21 I did stand up for a year. I didn't really know. You know what you did. You know what you did. You know, it's so weird. I always wanted to know I did the work, and I always wanted to be, I wanted to remind myself I did the work.
Starting point is 00:36:38 You know, that's the last three years very, the first two years that I caught here were very hard. But the last year and a half, I processed that. I did the work. I did the work. I controlled. my destiny. I walked out on my own two feet.
Starting point is 00:36:56 But I always did the work. I did the work before I got to the store and I put on double the work when I got into the store. We were talking about you being tired last Sunday and we were talking about what my hours used to be. And I would be, you know, I'd get home on a Sunday at fucking nine, sleep for two hours and then be ready for you seven o'clock on Sunday with 2,000 more edibles. Yeah. I can't imagine jumping off of a podcast
Starting point is 00:37:24 There was never a night off With the podcast No There was never an AA podcast There was never a sober podcast There was nothing There was nothing There was a podcast
Starting point is 00:37:36 No we got Especially when you were touring like I don't know Like the last couple of years Not that you weren't touring hard But you had started Doing theaters a little bit But like when you were doing
Starting point is 00:37:48 Weekends at clubs The whole time I think the first seven years of the podcast, we didn't even take off for Christmas. No, we were working it. And guys, we were at a different level and we were still working it. And you were watching me and you, you know, I appreciate that you were fucking like, you know, in my days where I had my workouts done for the week, when I would take that plane on Thursday,
Starting point is 00:38:11 I had everything done. Sometimes I would lift weights on Thursday morning, get on the plane and tighten up. And then I would walk off the plane like fucking Iron Man. And now I'm on gate, you know, it's the last flat of the fucking day. And you're on gate 2000. You got to walk 10 miles to get you to the fucking train, you know, people have no idea what it's like to wake up in Detroit airport and think you're in the twilight zone.
Starting point is 00:38:39 You're still buzzing from last night. Those edibles are still kicking through your fucking system. And you're walking under the airport with lights on and pictures of whales and light turning colors and you're like, dog, it's too fucking early for this. Did you ever have? I had it this weekend.
Starting point is 00:38:57 He was very nice, so I didn't say anything, but I always have you in my head. I got picked up at 5 in the morning to go to the airport, and the Uber guy was very nice, but it was a half an hour ride and he talked for 29 minutes of it.
Starting point is 00:39:11 And whenever I start a conversation with him, be like, shut the fuck up. Like, did you ever have, like, what would you do in that situation? Do you tell them to, like, be like, hey, man, I'm too tired for this. It's cold, I open the window. It's cold, you open the window.
Starting point is 00:39:25 You look out the window. And it gets cold in that fucking car. And he starts like, do you want me to turn the heat up? No, not really. No, really. And they usually get the message. Let's not chat. You can put like something on there on Uber that I don't want to talk to the driver.
Starting point is 00:39:51 I think that's the rude. this fucking thing in the way. I would never do. It was just, it was five in the morning, and I went to bed at three, so I was like, no, there ain't no chitty-chatter. He don't know that, you know, just tell him, listen. I got in that three, I did some battery acid last night. I'm just coming down.
Starting point is 00:40:06 I don't know if your name is Hugo or Mugo. It don't matter. We're taking this motherfucker to the next level here. You know, I look at the comedy's fun, man. Yeah. Comedy's fun with your peers, and you build
Starting point is 00:40:22 the best thing about being a young comic is the peers that you, you know, like with you, you have two clubs and they're kind of scattered. There's really no, it's weird when you're associated with a club in the beginning. Like, I was associated with the comedy works in the beginning, and it was great.
Starting point is 00:40:42 They did things. I just wasn't ready for them. When I went to Seattle, the underground also gave me a fucking friendship and a camaraderie that was awesome. Awesome. That's something that I'll never, ever forget those years with Josh and the other guys
Starting point is 00:41:03 and Brody and Tainer. And what about like the of being on the road those early days with Rogan and like not even, like I know you and Rogan are close, but like the other openers. Like I've gotten pretty close with Jacob just because like, you know, we're there. We chat when he's on stage.
Starting point is 00:41:21 We watch his show. together. Sometimes you go to eat. What was, what's being on tour? Like, what were those days like? You know, it's kind of weird that I care a lot about a lot of my friends. But there's two guys
Starting point is 00:41:36 in the comedy world that I care a little bit more than others. And those two guys are Ari Shafir and Duncan Truffs. We were Rogan's openness and even Red Band. Right? I know one thing in this world.
Starting point is 00:41:51 I know one thing in this world. There's going to be one motherfucker crying for sure at my funeral. And that's going to be Red Band. Red Band and me are very tight. I love Brian very much. You know? And Ari, like, listen, Ari's made some mistakes to some people, to others. He's just a fucking nut.
Starting point is 00:42:15 To me, I know Ari like nobody else because I know him as a child. I know him as a kid. I know what his heart is. saw him work. I saw him get rejected by Mitzie over and over. I saw him just break out one day and go, fuck all you
Starting point is 00:42:31 motherfuckers. And he did the amazing racist. People still talk about it. People go listen, whatever he is, the amazing racist was fucking tremendous. He did all that shit. Then he sold that character to a movie. You know, guys, people
Starting point is 00:42:47 have no idea. My brother, Duncan Trussel, again, another guy, that was the talent coordinator at the store. We were friends before that. When he became the talent coordinator, it was fucking club cocoa. Do you guys meet at the store? Did you meet with Rogan?
Starting point is 00:43:06 We met at the store. Okay. I still remember a door guy telling me that, I still remember this night, like it was, he was really young then and Duncan. Duncan was a kid. I had to be, I don't know, in my 40s maybe.
Starting point is 00:43:23 Okay. And we're waiting to go up. There used to be a pay phone at the bottom of the stairs. And this comic was working the door. And he was talking about how he wasn't getting as many spots as he wanted to. And Duncan was a talent coordinator at the time. And I was like 10 minutes away from going on stage.
Starting point is 00:43:44 Duncan didn't know this is going on. When the kid came to me, I go, you want more spots. You didn't know what you got to do here? He goes, what? Sleep with Mitzie? I go, no. You got to pay the Vig. Jesus.
Starting point is 00:43:58 He goes, what are you talking about? I go, instead of taking the $15, you got to pass the envelope to one of us and we'll pass it to who it goes back to. And he's like, what if I want four spots a week? I go, then, well, you got to give him 60 bucks a week. And he goes, when does this start?
Starting point is 00:44:16 And I go, next week if you want. And right there, Duncan walked in. he was the talent coordinator at the time. And I go, Duncan. And he's like, no, please don't say that to Duncan. And I winked at Duncan. I'm like, this guy wants more spots. He says he'd like to work something out.
Starting point is 00:44:33 Where does he leave his money? He goes, Duncan's like, leave it by the cash register on Fridays, and I'll take a look at it. We'll see how many spots you get a week. Bro, we had this kid going for like two hours. Even after I got offstage, you came up to me. So what about the main room? How do I get the main room?
Starting point is 00:44:49 I had this guy going. I was like, oh, $15, that's for the fucking belly room. You want the O.R. Oh, that's 25. And he's like, well, what about the main room? That's like 150. All right, I take a main room. We were fucking dying.
Starting point is 00:45:06 That's the best. And like how many shows are, like, how many years were you on the road with Ari and Duncan and Red Band? it had to be five, six years. All, because we started doing it before 2007 with him. And then Rogan went on the Men of Comedy Tour. Okay. That's where he met Seguer and those guys on the Maxim Men of Comedy Tour. And that was like we started branching out after that because he was gone for like six months.
Starting point is 00:45:41 So me and Ari started doing little different things and we would fill each other in. I still remember fucking calling Ari. in the middle of the afternoon and going, Ari, I need $200. And him going, come down to 200 South LaBreya. I'm here right now. In additioning, there's an envelope here. I got 200 for you. And he goes something else.
Starting point is 00:46:02 There's a commercial here with your name on it. It's a commercial or something. I ran down there. I parked my car. Ari gave me the 200. Now, when I signed up for the fucking commercial, I went in there and I booked it. and they're like, what do we call?
Starting point is 00:46:19 And I called Ari. I go, Ari, you got a commercial agent? He goes, fuck, yeah, Aqua. And that's how I got with Aqua. Because you came with a gig? Yeah, you show up with an envelope, like a real Jew. Sometimes you've got to show in an envelope. And that's exactly what I did.
Starting point is 00:46:36 I signed with Aqua Talent Agent. That's when Ari ran that fucking talent agency. Yeah, didn't he have to get, like, a bunch of commercials? A bunch of them. A bunch of them in the beginning. Harry was the king of fucking commercials. I remember a Kia one.
Starting point is 00:46:51 It's so, it gives me hope a little bit. It should give every comic hope. Listen, when you touch the stage as a young comic, an old comic, I don't care what anybody tells you. You're looking for something. There's something you're actually looking for.
Starting point is 00:47:11 Self-respect, trying to get back at society, you know, whatever. whatever it is you want to be famous you want to take pictures with fucking you know with uh cat williams you know whatever the fuck it is that you want to do so it's a journey man it's a fucking journey you enjoy it because what you're going to enjoy from this journey is going to be completely different than what you think and in what you think because like for me whatever the fuck you think is
Starting point is 00:47:49 going to happen. Whatever you want to happen will probably happen. Not the path that you're thinking you're going to get it. And that's strong. That's what really makes you go, what the fuck? I worked for this and I ended up getting this. I didn't want this. I wanted this, but I got this. or it's fucking amazing you know I was reading something about Clint Eastwood a couple of about how you know he had to leave the United States
Starting point is 00:48:23 and go to Italy and shoot movies because nobody would hire him here and then he would fucking come here and do the he would dub him in English they would send them the reels because they were made in Italian I didn't know that yeah so it's just really weird
Starting point is 00:48:40 I think everybody wanted him, Charles Brons, and all those guys just wanted to come up the American way. When the American way didn't give it to them, they went a different way and then came back on it. They didn't want to live in Italy shooting fucking Italian movies, but that was the journey. And that's what comedy is, man. Comedy is a fantastic journey.
Starting point is 00:49:04 It's a growing experience, and it'll get you, I don't know. It'll get you the self. no matter what level you get to. Everybody just wants to be a fucking star today. And this is why with this book and what we're doing here, it's about stand-up. The fucking podcast don't matter. That's what people think.
Starting point is 00:49:25 They want to get into comedy and do comedy 50% and stand-up 50%. You've got to pick a fucking evil. Either you're going to be a podcaster or a fucking comedian. And you're going to go, well, Joey, you did it. Hold on. I was established as a comic already. When I started podcasting, I was already 20 years into comedy.
Starting point is 00:49:45 That's a hell of a fucking cushion. Let's say 19 years into comedy. That's still a lot. I had movies under my belt. I had been on a set before. I knew how a set worked. I knew how a lot of things worked before I walked on a podcast. That's 20 years.
Starting point is 00:50:05 That's what I was saying about earlier. Because it's just, I put so much work into I put work into both, but just the way I'm able to like see if it works on a stand-up. But I had something happen this weekend that I wanted to talk to you about because I never, like my, I'm never,
Starting point is 00:50:23 I'm not a shock comic. I'm not really even that dirty. But I made someone cry for the first time. Like, I don't know if she left. I don't think she actually left, but like I, like she was so upset at my joke. And like, I didn't sleep that night. I stayed up.
Starting point is 00:50:40 I was going to rewrite it. I didn't, it fucking really hurt my family. Like, no? Once you strike a court, fuck it, run with it.
Starting point is 00:50:50 You didn't go out there and put, from what I heard, from what you told me, you didn't go out there and just go fuck retards. Whatever. You told the story about a guy checking into a hotel.
Starting point is 00:51:06 Right. On the hotel that you were on the spectrum, there was a joke on you. you. Right. Yeah. All of a sudden out of anywhere, she turned it into her night crying and I've never been so insulted. I got a kid who ate pain chips. That's not my
Starting point is 00:51:21 that's not my fucking problem. I didn't insult them. It's not like I went up there and said, I hate kids who wear helmets or you know, on the spectrum or whatever. No. No. Right.
Starting point is 00:51:36 You have to, you know, listen, man, sometimes a joke might hurt. It's a funny joke. Somebody, listen, as long as you're not doing abortion,
Starting point is 00:51:45 Hitler jokes, anti-Jew jokes, you know, there's so many fucking things that you could be saying. I mean, I've gone to places and the things
Starting point is 00:51:56 I've heard out of comics mouth, and you've heard shit out of my mouth, and when I hear that coming out of, I just cringe sometimes. Oh, yeah. There's definitely stuff, but do you have, like,
Starting point is 00:52:09 how did you decide what your line was. Do you have a line that you won't write jokes? I know you just said like, you know, abortion and stuff like... Absolutely. There's a couple lines I won't pass. And I'm sorry. As a comic, I talked about this, like the first time I got on stage.
Starting point is 00:52:25 The night that night that is a comic. 70 of us, 70% of us are religious, or were brought up religious or whatever. When I got into comedy, there was a line I wouldn't cross. I did Jesus jokes, like a motherfucker and whatever. I laughed at Kenneson doing them.
Starting point is 00:52:43 I didn't like the abortion reaction from the audience. That was one thing. I didn't ever want to find any jokes in the abortion of a baby or Hitler jokes or, you know, whatever like that. I never found that type of stuff. It's just some stuff that doesn't, even though I was crazy on stage. And I know I've said things that most people want. fucking say. You know, they look at me and go, Jesus Christ, I would never say that.
Starting point is 00:53:16 You know, there's a couple things, and you'll see it. You have to read the room. It's definitely reading the room, but it's also the part that, like, I was going, and Josh talked to me for a while about it, but that's never, and I don't judge anyone whose style is that, but I'm never, almost all of my jokes are making fun of me. Almost all my jokes. Yeah, no, no, no. You don't want anyone to feel bad, though.
Starting point is 00:53:45 No, no, that's what a professional does. You're looking to fuck. When you go to an open mic or you go to a, like, even at the comedy store one night, I was hosting. Okay. It was hosting the open mic, and I was sitting next to Mitchie. Out of the 20 comics that go up, six of them have this thing that, it's the Stanhope effect.
Starting point is 00:54:08 They want to be Stanhope, but they didn't put the years in. they don't say it right. The delivery is completely off. And they go up there and they want to be stand out. And they don't understand that I wish we could tape it for them. Tape them saying the jokes and the reaction from the audience. So what? You got us with that first one.
Starting point is 00:54:29 There was a point in my life when I did that. Really? Not to that extreme punching me or kicking the soul of an aborted fetus. I don't want to hear that shit. It's rough. You know, so once you see it that it don't work, there's a comic in L.A. I've known for 20 years. And he's still doing this fucking same joke.
Starting point is 00:54:58 And it is the worst joke I have ever heard in my life. The joke is bad. The noises he makes are bad. It's just a fucking long night. And it's like as long as bit. It's like a seven minute that he's, He's had as a closer. It didn't work.
Starting point is 00:55:15 He moved it to a fucking middle. It didn't work. And he opens with it. And that's when people started running out of the store. And he stopped getting sets. Jesus. For 20 years. And then one day, I got out of the store for like seven years.
Starting point is 00:55:29 So I hadn't seen him. So he's, you know, on Facebook at the time. And he's writing that he's blowing up, this, that, this. So I kind of believe him because people in L.A. do blow up. And then we were put on a show together one night somewhere. And he did that fucking joke. Eight years later, he did the joke that's still not working for him. He opened up with it.
Starting point is 00:55:55 And I could see people's reaction. And today, I think he works at a fucking factory in the valley. Do you ever, have you ever said anything to a comic about that? Or do you not really bring up other people's jokes? Unless you're my fucking brother. Unless you're my brother, you understand, comedy, how I do. You know, people have come up to me and said, hey, change that for a second.
Starting point is 00:56:19 Do I get offended? I'm taking it from who the fuck it is. If it's some open micah who can't get arrested, I'm not taking this fucking invite. I've never taken, listen, in my life, somebody wrote a joke for me. One person said this joke would work for you, and it turned out the joke was stolen. And a bunch of fucking horror. Yeah. The guy accused me of a joke he did 20 years ago.
Starting point is 00:56:43 go, I'm going to talk. I don't even know you. This went on for about six months, and the dude died. Fuck him. Someone gave you a stolen fucking joke. Yeah, and it was a stupid joke, and one night I was in a pinch, and I did it. And then it started working. I was like, oh, that joke works. And then one day I get fucking assaulted
Starting point is 00:57:03 at the improv. Hey, you stole my joke. I haven't been accused. I have had, I've seen a couple other comics. have like the same. It was not that they stole it from me by any means, but like we had the same joke and it bummed me out. Like I don't really do that joke anymore. Listen, when you go to a comedy club,
Starting point is 00:57:23 right? Your jokes are going to get stolen once in a while. When you go to an open mic, they're going to pick your shit apart like a buzzet on the road. Fuck, have you had something stolen? No, because I never had jokes like that. I never had good jokes. But when you're an open mic,
Starting point is 00:57:41 you'll be doing comedy one day in fucking Indiana. Okay. And six years later, somebody will call you with a tape and go, look at this guy. And you go, holy shit, he's doing my material bit by bit. He's some guy that works see rooms. He just thought he was on an open mic with you. And he would all your fucking material. Did he get mad?
Starting point is 00:58:02 His flavor to it. Just did word for word. I'd be pissed. That's not even something I've even thought about yet. Have you ever, like you've never said anything? anything to anybody about it? I don't want you to think about it. Okay. I don't want you to think about it because people get bent over over a stolen joke.
Starting point is 00:58:22 Okay. It's been, if you know the motherfucker stole it, you look at him, you say a prayer for him, and know that he stole a fucking joke. And if he stole one joke, he stole five jokes. And not today, but in two or three years, it'll come out. Well, something else will happen. He won't get. to that place. Well, you were talking, when you were talking earlier about, like, you wanted to know you did the work,
Starting point is 00:58:51 something that I, not that I worry about it, but that's important to me, and I wonder if it's important to you, is I don't care, I don't necessarily need every comic to like me, but I want to be respected, like, I want to be respected as a con, does that at all play into you? Like, you want other comics to look, you be like, yeah, that's a good comic. I'm going to tell you some. How long have you been doing comedy, Lee? Five years. Okay.
Starting point is 00:59:11 Number one, right now you're very fortunate. You have something to face you on the road. But right now, you'd be getting into comedy clubs as an MC. A couple clubs would be giving your feature spots. I want you to stop being in your fucking head. What if a guy steals your joke? Just do your comedy. When you're an early comic, this is what I want to stress.
Starting point is 00:59:39 Do your comedy. Don't worry about three months from now. what's going to happen? Somebody steals my joke. I'm not going to know what to do. Listen, write another one. Okay. You can take a month out of your life,
Starting point is 00:59:54 wasting time and crying, or you can just write another one that's even better. You know, when you're a comic, you cannot be in your head every day. What if with the what if? Cannot. That's a comic. How do you stop it?
Starting point is 01:00:11 Huh? How do you stop it? Just do a fucking set. Smoke weed. Smoke more weed and do more sets. I want you to always think about where you are and never forget. You're a five-year comic. You're five years away from, you know, in your mind,
Starting point is 01:00:31 in your mind, you were calling Joey's Wrong. I could do this in seven years. Listen, in ten, five more years, you'll be in the rotation, you'll be in New York or fucking L.A. and let the game come to you as it comes to you. Don't start thinking about shit. Like, what am I going to do when I get an agent? Listen, if anybody approaches you now, they're full of shit.
Starting point is 01:00:55 Okay. Because what are going to book you? They're going to cancel fucking the Indian and put you in there at the improv, the headline? No. So anybody who comes to you with that shit now, don't worry about any of that shit. Right now, get into a habit.
Starting point is 01:01:10 You know, I went to Jiu-Jitsu yesterday. I was working with this guy, and he was young. You know, he was a new white belt. He had two stripes. And he kept grabbing me here. And I said, grab me here. He goes, yeah, but I'm not going to choke you. I go, no matter.
Starting point is 01:01:26 Getting the habit of sticking that hand deep in that collar. Getting that habit now. Getting that habit. Now is when you get these habits in. Now is we spoke two weeks ago about writing. You asked me, What mistakes did you make? This is it.
Starting point is 01:01:45 You're a great writer. This time you're wasting on the what-ifs. The jeopardy mind, you're wasting your fucking time. Right now, your result is to do comedy, write comedy, and log it down. That's it. That's it. You're going to step over that and it's going to come back to fire you. Stick to what you're doing right now.
Starting point is 01:02:09 Don't worry about 20 years from now. That's the best thing. about a comic. We don't have to worry about it. We're not waiting for a promotion. We're not waiting for a raise. You know when we get all those things? When we earn them.
Starting point is 01:02:24 This is old school jiu-jitsu. This ain't every year I'm going to give you a stripe or a belt. That's the beauty about fucking comedy. That you want to knock out of this tax bracket? Yeah, but it's going to take time. You know, it's not going to happen in six months. it's going to take time and plant that in your head because I did and I'm the most unpatient person in the world I knew by the time I got to Seattle that this is going to
Starting point is 01:02:57 take time Jack holy fuck this is going to take a lot longer than what I anticipated what what made you realize that just how much work you have to do to get five minutes The shit you got to do, the places you have to sleep. This ain't going to be easy. You know, this ain't going to be a... When I used to watch Rogan, they would party in the afternoons and go eat dinner. Yeah, that's not what it is. You guys saw the afterproduct.
Starting point is 01:03:35 You guys didn't see the beginning product. Right. Not that it seems easy, because I never, even when I was watching, that I didn't think it was easy. But it's like, you know, it's hard for me to imagine you as like a 20-year-old. I don't know. I just met you when you were 50. No, no, no.
Starting point is 01:03:58 Or 40-something. And, but something hard. I wasn't even doing comedy. I was still robbing clubs, not comedy clubs. So my mind at 30 was I had done everything. I had been a felon. I was in my mind that was a loser. I didn't have nothing going on.
Starting point is 01:04:16 So why not going? into something now that you really want to do. Oh, absolutely. I wasn't married. I lost my child. I had one bill every month, which was child support. I didn't have a car payment. You know, I barely paid insurance. You know, it was just something that it worked at that time. But there was one day I realized, like,
Starting point is 01:04:39 this is just comedy. Your life is fucking stand up the first 10 years. And I want people to know that. It's not about headshots and going to a premiere and taking your picture on the catwalk. That's all great. But that ain't going to do dick for you. Getting on stage
Starting point is 01:04:59 and writing those jokes and listening to your sets, that's going to get ready that you're married to comedy. But Joey, I'm already married. Well, get ready for a mistress. Tell her that you're sharing you. Because somewhere along the line,
Starting point is 01:05:15 you're going to have to put the work in. Somewhere along the line, you're going to have to fucking get up at two in the morning and write to four somewhere. And this is not driven by money. This is driven by habits. This is why I tell you, get into habit now. It's a lot easier. I used to write in the car, drive and listen to music, smoking a little paper. And I would come up with a subject and then go on stage and rewrite the rest of it.
Starting point is 01:05:44 That's why I didn't have a career. at the beginning yeah that's why I was a mediocre feature act because I would improvise and do stand-up and improv they gotta know who the fuck you are when you get into the nuts and bolts they don't want to see a guitar they don't want to see voices that's cute
Starting point is 01:06:03 and you could do a voice go on Saturday Night Live this is you a stage bricks and a microphone it's midnight and there's eight people in that right when you were living your hole in Indiana thinking that
Starting point is 01:06:19 I can't wait to go out to Hollywood I'm going to do spots at the store and all the guys will be there. The guys are home. It's you at 115 at the store for six people. This is not what you thought. You go home those nights and you're like
Starting point is 01:06:35 maybe it's time to go sell apples with dad. You know what I'm saying? Maybe it's time to get into the family market. That's where you test yourself who the fuck you are. And you make a deal with you. yourself. You know what? If I stick with this, I got to do more of this. Okay.
Starting point is 01:06:52 I'm going to give myself six months. In six months, if I'm not doing this, I'm going to fucking quit. Guess what? You won't hit that in six months. But something else will come up. That'll keep you in the game. If you keep working at it. That's...
Starting point is 01:07:09 And because you've talked about with me, like right before we met, you almost not fully quit, but went and got a job. Listen, man. It's a journey. They're not going to give you nothing. And because of the success of the podcast and what you see
Starting point is 01:07:26 with Jo Koi and Bert and Tom and Rogan and fancy cars with a lot of comics, these people getting into this. And even podcasting, people getting into this thinking, where's my $200 million deal? And then they realized that this is called fucking work, man. This is work. This ain't no Michael Jackson, and this ain't motherfucking thriller.
Starting point is 01:07:54 This week I'm going out twice. Oh, nice. Yeah, that's my goal. Two times this week. That's it. That'll put me at four. I got six more to decide what my fucking fate is. And how, how, that week in, like two weeks in,
Starting point is 01:08:12 how was it going? How was last week? Tremendous. Tremendous. It was seven minutes. Oh, you didn't think I even quit. The energy was bad. I was happy.
Starting point is 01:08:24 I was enthusiastic. And I was having fun again. I had fun. Was it like the last seven minutes of the set? Like where was it? It was just fun, you know? The whole set was fun. I did the bit I did the week before and added a new bit.
Starting point is 01:08:47 So it was fun creating. And then taking it to the stage. delivering it, you know, it's been really a lot of fun. I just finished putting three auditions on tape. I put an audition on tape yesterday and one today, and I got to put another one tonight at some point, you know, for three different, two different shows. But, you know, it's like, it's nice that I had a day to look at these and create.
Starting point is 01:09:14 One guy that I auditioned for was a guy who owned a laundry place. and he gets questioned by the cops. The other guy is a restaurant owner. And this one I got to put tonight is for a gangster. But, you know, and it's great thinking about the roles going on. I got to wear a white shirt for that one. Oh, this one, I'll let my hair messed up. You know, this one, I'll put a med hat on and put a gold chain on or something.
Starting point is 01:09:42 So all this creating stuff always is very good for you. and I didn't have this for a while. I would get these auditions and I would fucking dread them. Really? Even auditions you didn't learn? Yeah, because you got to learn the lines. My mind wasn't retaining lines. And then I started getting better at them.
Starting point is 01:10:05 Then I started getting like, I was like one out of every three were good. And now I'm getting back into it. So thanks for you for inspiring me, you know, getting me on here once a week, talking about this shit, help me write a better book. so people can understand
Starting point is 01:10:19 and you know I just want people to understand that they're confusing podcasting with stand-up don't confuse the two it's two different
Starting point is 01:10:28 complete different fucking muscles and one will help the other one in time but for right now you need to focus on the building blocks
Starting point is 01:10:39 which is stand-up and what do I always say I'm thinking about doing stand-up but I really will write to write something. You're never going to write dick. I'm going to solve that right now for you.
Starting point is 01:10:55 You're not going to write dick. So think about the day. Think about you driving your mother to the doctor, whatever, write it out and go up there and just tell the story and see where you could sprinkle it. And that's your first time on stage. You know, that's it. It's that fucking easy. It is when you're doing it.
Starting point is 01:11:17 in but like making that jump. There's a lot. I just remember because I'm, I did it a couple years ago. It's like, there's just a lot of anxiety, at least for me. Like when you're saying, turn your brain off. If I figure out how to do that, I'm going to be sure it's my whole life.
Starting point is 01:11:33 Eat more fucking edibles, my friend. I've been telling you seven fucking years. What do you got this week coming up, Tarzan? I'm going to go to Nashville for the first time. I'm doing it's going to be my first time doing an hour. I'm going to be at the East Room on the 19th. at 7 p.m. I'm very excited.
Starting point is 01:11:49 And then you got two shows or something? One show Friday, one show Saturday. Saturday is I'm just doing a local Nashville show. I'm not even sure where that is yet. I'll put that up online when I find out. But if you could come out, take it to $10 at the East Room, I'm just, I'm excited to do an hour for the first time. I've hit 40 minutes.
Starting point is 01:12:08 I want to see if I can do 20 more. And I'm just fucking really excited. Are you taping them? Oh, yeah. I bring a, I have a, I have a, bought a phone to film it. I filmed this weekend in Richmond. I listen.
Starting point is 01:12:24 I always do audio, but I've been trying to film them recently. So you can watch the body language. Learn what you're looking. Maybe you can twist to your head. This becomes interesting. Watching tape, that's a complete different episode we'll talk about. I was not good at watching tape. but whenever I did have the courage to watch three, two minutes,
Starting point is 01:12:49 I would always go, holy fuck, I got to do something. I got to play. I got to stop twitching. I got to stop moving. You know, so that's what's good about fucking tape, my friend. I'll save it for that episode. But yeah, I've noticed a lot. I've started, I tried to do on Saturday.
Starting point is 01:13:11 I used to just have the leave in the mic in the mic stand for like the first three, like up until like six months ago. And then I started to take it out and I'm trying to start to move around a little bit. I never really moved. And like it's crazy how like the, I have a joke now where I look and I like, I'm just starting to act stuff out a little bit. I've never really,
Starting point is 01:13:32 but it's crazy how it can get laughs. It's a different. It's a movement can get a laugh. This is it. This is it. For me, it was using my hands. When I first started, I would move
Starting point is 01:13:43 And I'd make you fucking dizzy And I could stop moving I'm right there, I'm a target I got my hands explaining the joke It's like I'm a fucking Cuban sign reader But yeah, I'm looking forward to this week's sets Nice I'm congratulating you on an hour
Starting point is 01:14:00 I'm sure I'll hear about it that night Oh yeah And that's it we just covered another week Of fucking the checking This is what we would do on the phone So Yeah, I love it I'm having a great time on Monday night
Starting point is 01:14:12 talking about this and it excites me as you can tell. It gets me angered. This is one of the only things I ever cared about, man. Right. It's in film and shit like this. It's one of the only things that I really dove in. The film is the second. Let's face it.
Starting point is 01:14:29 I love everything about film. But again, when I first started I thought film and stand up were the same. And they weren't. And it was just an extension. So your big muscle, is stand-up. TV, films,
Starting point is 01:14:45 commercials, podcasts, that's all extensions of your muscles. That's what makes you a superhero. But the building block is what we discussed, cocksucker. I love it. Thank you, buddy. I love these talks. Me too. I love these two. I don't give a fuck.
Starting point is 01:15:02 If two people get it, some comic is going to come up to me one day and go, hey, I heard that episode and you were right or you were wrong or thank you for doing this. And this is what a laborer love is all about. I love it, but great to talk to you. All right. We'll talk during the week.
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