The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - The worst thing in life is wasted talent with Chazz Palminteri

Episode Date: February 18, 2025

Oscar award winning actor, Chazz Palminteri joins Joey DIaz and Lee Syatt to talk about how The Bronx Tale went from a one man show into the hottest property in Hollywood, The UFC and MMA, why Chazz is fasicnated with stand up, and much more! Support the show and try BlueChew for free, just pay $5 shipping. Visit https://www.bluechew.com This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try and get on your way to being your best self at https://www.betterhelp.com/diaz   Support the show and get 50% off your first Factor box, plus free shipping. Use code FACTORPODCAST at https://www.factormeals.com/FACTORPODCAST

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It's a beautiful Tuesday morning to be alive. February 18th, we got a special guest, Mr. Chas, Pomerary, Academy Award winner, fucking diver, everything. He's done it all. Producer, the whole thing. And we got Lee Syed over here. What's going?

He went to a restaurant. I was looking. Yeah, he owns a restaurant too. I was watching some movies this weekend, and I just typed in your name. Yeah. And I live in the city, and it was like, Chas Palminteri. I was like, oh, shit. Oh, yeah.

That looks good. Many looks great Italian restaurants. 30 West 466th Street. Chas Palmitari is at 264 Main Street. Jesus. You do everything. I didn't, and by the way, and sorry to start off like this, I had no idea that the Bronx tale was like your story. Yeah, that's, well, my real name, my real name is collodial.

And it's about this killing that I saw, and I wrote it. and Robert De Niro saw it, you know, before it was a movie, yeah. Holy shit. Yeah, it was a crazy story. Everybody wanted it, but nobody would give me. I had $200 in the bank. They offered me, went up to over a million dollars. And I said, no, because I could, they wouldn't let me play the part.

They wouldn't let me write it. And then one day, Robert De Niro walked into the theater, the crowd stood up, and then I got it offstage and they said, De Niro's in the dressing room. I said, all right, wow, Robert De Niro? I said, yeah. I walked in there and Bob was sitting there. And he said, look, I know what's going on.

He said, I think you should play Sonny and you should write it. Of course, it'll be honest, and you should direct it. You should play Sonny and you should write it. He goes, I'll direct it and I'll play your father. And that's how it happened. You know, why a one man show?

What year did this all start? I started writing at Joey in 1988. And at 1988, I started writing because I couldn't get a big break. I was getting, I was on Hill Street Blues, I was on Madlock, I was on Dallas. I was getting guest star roles, but I just wanted more. I wanted to be in movies. And it's very hard, it's very difficult. And then finally I said, well, if I write something, I was at the lowest of my career

because I ran out of money then. And I just said, saddest thing in life is a waste of talent, man. I'm not going to, you know, waste my talent. So I said, I'm going to write about this killing that I saw. And I started writing about it. And I performed that on stage first. It was like five minutes. And I did it.

And the place, just, my theater just went crazy. And each week I would write more and more. And then I would perform it on Monday nights. Then I would take five minutes out of the ten minutes, you know, like a comic does. Yeah, yeah. You know, same thing. Just workshop it, worship. And at the end of a year, I had 90,

minutes of a fucking tight show, man. That was really tight. I borrowed some money off a friend of mine. I put it up. The fucking reviews were outrageous. All of Hollywood kept coming. The theater, it was only a 99-seat theater. We had to get out of there.

The crowds were too big. We moved into a 400-seat theater, and even that was too small. But I stayed there, and everybody came to see, Nicholson came, Pacino, came, Bert Reynolds came, Robert Redford came. They all wanted to play Sonny. You know, and I was like, no, I play Sonny.

And they kept offering more money. Then it went up to over a million dollars. And I still kept saying, no, I'm not doing it. And then one night, Robert De Niro saw it. And I went in the back, and he said, man, this is a great movie, man. He said, you did the whole movie on stage. I said, yeah, that was my idea. Instead of people reading it, I wanted you to see it.

And Bob did it and changed my life, man. Now, how come there no more one-man shows now, besides yours? Nobody else is doing a one-man show anymore. It's really, first of all, it's really, really hard. A one-man show, a good one-man show. Most one-man shows are not good. They're just pontificating, you know. Yeah, you know, my mother had cancer, and then I did.

You know, it's always, it's not, it's not. It's hard. See, mine is not really a one-man show. It's a linear story. It's a movie. You know, like a comic goes up there, and he's funny. He talks about this. Then he talks about that, drink some water.

My show is not like that. My show is straight through without stopping. All the scenes of a Bronx tale, I do. Different. Well, like, I didn't, is that a normal way, like the way you wrote and workshopped? No. Originally.

Because that sounds like that's how comics do it. That's how like they, it was, it's, I've never heard of an actor doing anything like that. Yeah. I mean, no, I did it. I figured I just keep trying stuff out. Because I had an audience every Monday night at my theater. So I would keep trying it out. So I, you know how it is.

You know on stage something's work and something's night. I would tape everything. I had a cassette play and I would tape everything. And then I would say this word. And then you hear comments from the. audience you know oh I didn't like this they didn't like that and so once in a while somebody says a great idea and you go fuck well that's a good idea and you you incorporate that you know so at the end of a year I had a fucking really tight show but still I didn't know for work

because I never did it straight through but then when I did it the fucking crowds just went Joey it was a phenomenon it only happened twice in Hollywood and all the in twice in the history of Hollywood. Sylvester Stallone and me. That's it. Where it was insane. I mean, I had producers following me to the men's room in restaurants, in the men's room. You know, Al Reddy, the guy who, Al Reddy, great Al Reddy, I love him. I got to know him really well after I met him. I was taking a leak in the urinal. The guy comes right up next to me at the Palm in Beverly Hills. And he goes, you're Chas Palmetari. I'm looking at him. Yeah. He goes, I just saw it two days.

go fucking love it. I'll write you out a check for a million dollars. What do you think? And I'm going, I really can't talk right now. So I said, you got to call my agents and we'll work it out. It was, I'm telling you right now. I said, Al, called the agents, you know. It was crazy. Joey, it was crazy. Burr Reynolds wanted to take me out to dinner. Everybody wanted to take me out to them, but they wanted that role. And I said, nah, no, no fucking way. And then when I met Stollone, because I did a movie with Stallone right before that I told him what was going he said I heard about what's going on with you I said yes line I want to I actually thanked him because I said you did it before me and so you made me believe that it can't happen and he said if you believe it hold on and I said all right I am

and I did you just kept saying no you know joey the for you know people say how could you turn down over a million dollars with two hundred dollars in the bank and know what I say the first awful was the hardest. And as people who grew up like we did, the first offer was $2.50 after two weeks of doing it. And to me, that was like, that came out of nowhere, $250,000. I was like, can I call you, can I speak to you tomorrow? I'm just a little, like, shook up by it. And then I hung up, and I said, I called my parents. And they said, well, what do you want, son? And I said, look, I really want to play the part. I don't want to give it.

They said, don't worry about us. If you're worried about us, we'll be fine. Because I wanted to take care of them, you know. And then I said, fuck it. I'm not doing it. And once I made it my mind, then it was just numbers. 500. Yeah, 750.

It didn't fucking mean. The 250 was the hardest. A million, million two, I'm going, yeah, but can I play the part? I said, no fucking way I'm doing it. And everybody in Hollywood said, you're going to blow it. They're going to walk away. I said, no fucking way they are. Because there's too many people who wanted it.

I'm not exaggerating. Every number one director, every producer, every studio head, every main actor wanted this part. We're chasing me down. Was it crazy? You know, it's crazy that you, as you were telling this story, I was thinking about Frank Pesh, 29th Street. Yeah. How, that's a fucking great story.

Great story. Great story. And he sold it, but they had the Australian play him. Right. What the fuck? They gave him a role as the brother. Yes. He was still in the movie.

Yeah. But they gave it Lampaglia. Anthony Lopagia. Who was... Anthony Lepagia is very good. Yeah, he was very good. And he is Australian, but he is Italian, because a lot of Italians are Australian.

He got mugged in Beverly Hills. He was telling me one time. He was walking, and they pulled up with a gun. Yeah? And said, give me your money. He's like, wow. He's Beverly Hills. Right?

No, no, no. But I always tell people, unless you had something like Stallone or myself, it's better to sell it. If only two people want it, it's hard to be really stand by your guns.

But I had everybody walking. It's a little different. So what happened to me, what happened to Sly, in fact, he says it too. It was an anomaly. It was an aborician.

It doesn't happen. It just the stars were right or whatever And it just was right Are you like Are you paranoid at all? Like for me, I'm thinking back then Before like the internet Like I know that you could have proved

That you had the script But they could have ripped you off And written a movie like it And then put it out Like did that cross your mind at all? No No because you can't You could write something similar

But I But they saw it You see this is different This was not really reading it they and all the reviews were like the new york times the l a times god was like one of the greatest i've a genesis of a of an of an academy award movie i mean it was just like they wanted this fucking movie and they wouldn't leave me to fuck alone that i was blessed you know it was great what does that feel like after you haven't like to say but you know my lord's savior

jesus christ he was right there he's the one i put his hand on my shoulder and said Hang in there, kid. And I hung in there. Is that, because, I mean, after, like, even the money sounds great, but, like, being like a, not, I don't want to say struggling, but being an up-and-coming, a struggling actor to have everybody, like, like, you know, you're the most popular guy. Yes.

That must have, that must feel great just in itself, even without the money. Yes, I went to a shrink. Oh, yeah, I want to a shrink. I'm not fucking wrong. I went to the number one shrink. shrink in Hollywood. His name was Dr. Phil Stutz. He's on Netflix. They did a special on him. He said, the number one shrink, the great shrink in the world, in the world. And I found out, and he took me, and I walked in, he goes, I'll never forget it. He says, why do you want to

everything all right? I go, yeah. He goes, well, why do you want to see me? I go, I'm about to come really famous, and I want to make sure I don't fuck it up. And he said, he looked at me, He said, nobody ever did that to me before. I says, I'm serious. And you know what? I was 39 years old. And I was been around a long time. And still, it took me back.

I mean, I was like, whoa. Whoa! What the fuck? From literally an unknown actor, I mean, I was on Broadway before that in the early 80. An unknown actor, too, I'm on fucking huge billboards all over the world with Robert De Niro. and people are just, you know,

there's all of a sudden, you know, I mean, I did a right with girls, but now it's like every fucking supermodel wants to talk to you, everybody wants to meet you. Everybody wants to be in the charge parliamentary business as they tell the agents. Right.

It's insane. So I had to grab a hole of myself. I wasn't married. I wasn't married. So I was okay. But it was, and I talked it all over. my shrink and he said anybody who's famous

before the age of 30 it's a crime. You can't do it. You just can't do it. I mean, I had a hold on like in a chair because it's fucking scary, man. You're broke and now you're getting millions of dollars for movies. Now your face

and it's like, what the fuck is this? Well, I don't have it in front of me, but I was because I was looking you up yesterday. Didn't you have like, wasn't like there run of bullets over Broadway usual

The Bronx sale and the usual suspects Like back to back To back to three Like three of the top movies ever Three back to back to back to back To back and it was like Forget it

It was fucking crazy It was I'm telling you It was crazy Now from the time De Niro told you that in the green room Yeah To this time to get on set How long?

Well, he had two movies that he told me he had to do. He was committed to. It was two years. He said, just wait. Just wait. That's fucking brutal. It was brutal. It was brutal.

But you know what? It was okay because I was fucking, I got paid. So I had a few million dollars in the bank. Oh, they paid you all right. Oh, they paid me. Oh, then fuck them. Don't call back. No, no.

And didn't bullets over Broadway come out first? Yeah. I got paid everything except my when I was going to be the actor. So I got over a million dollars as the writer. So that was good. So I waited. So I had all this money.

So I had a new car and I'm living in L.A. I'm doing a movie with the arrow in a little while. So I'm fucking, you know, yeah, I'm flying, man. And am I wrong or did Bullets Over Broadway come out first? No.

Bullet from Broadway came out after Bronx still. Oh, it did. Okay. It did. Oh, yeah. And then I had another one, Jane. And that.

Yes. I saw that. And Jay did. I mean, I was fucking on a street. With Red Dog. Yes. From CSI. Yes.

Caruso. David Caruso. And Salon's wife. Yes. Well, that's his wife. Yeah. I forgot. Flavored.

Yes. Isn't she the model in that movie? Yeah. Jay. Yeah. Yes. I forgot. Yeah.

She was great. Yeah, Linda Farrantino. Linda Farrantino. And, where the fuck is Linda Fiorantino? Leave me alone. Leave me alone with that. I'm so aggravated with her.

Where is she? If you're listening, Linda, listen to me. This girl is a fucking star. A star. She's a great actor, and I've been telling her for years, but every time she gets close, she goes, ah, I don't want this. And she tells people to go fuck themselves.

She made that movie about Madonna, right? Crazy for you. Yeah, she's... Linda is fucking... The last seduction. Yeah. She's so great. I wanted to come out of retirement.

I hope she didn't retire. She's so great, so wonderful, so fucking sexy and hot, and she should be fucking out there. But, you know, some people they don't want it. I don't know. She annoys me with that. Linda, if you hear this, you're pissing me off. Yeah, me too.

Somebody tell her. You got to come back. Really, you know, she's great, man. So for two years, it's like when you get the call it, you got the movie. Yeah. Like, that's why I hate when they call you and they go, this movie's shooting in June. Go fuck yourself.

I'm old school. Tell me when it's shooting. You want me to audition now? Right. It's shooting in March. No, I had to wait two years. Oh, my God, because that, you go to wardrobe. And then now you got, now, in today's world, back then you didn't have it.

Now you got to look over social media. Yeah. That you don't tell somebody fuck you on social media because as you're getting hired, they'll fire you. Yeah. Because you told somebody to go fuck yourself. Right. So the whole time, you're always like, when am I going to? get fired. That's the way I think when I

go to the movie. If I have a long time on the movie, I'm like, I'm going to get fired. Why? Are you going to say something or do something? Both. Both. So I might as well just I want to shoot it out and get out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I worked with Tracy

Morgan. And you know Tracy. He's fucking out of his mind. And I'll never forget that I asked Adam, why did you shoot Tracy out so fast? He goes, Tracy's that funny. Plus, you don't want him around and I never forgot that yeah and then I saw how the girl treat them on that show 30 rock 30 rock yeah the pilot of that how does she treat him she treated him just like that he's a dangerous guy

really like not dangerous in the sense that he's gonna do something to you right he's just dangerously fucking funny anybody who tells a woman's funny my finger it smells like rape you know that type of shit oh you don't want them around that long on the set yeah so they get on the set at seven shoot them and get them the fuck out of there by 10. And you live your life the rest of the day. You're not going to capture. The longer you have them sitting back there, animals like that, like me,

the longer you have me sitting back there, the more you got me brewing. And if that room ain't got windows, like I learned that, I've got to sit somewhere with it has windows. If I'm in there for too long, and I don't mind smoking and enjoying the book for six hours. Right.

I got nothing against that. Right. that you're paying me for the day. I don't give a fuck if you shoot me last. But my advice to you is, you don't want me back there. You don't want me back there. Just get me the fuck out of there early.

You know, I'll wait. I don't give a fuck, but get me out because, what's that expression? The idol-mine is the devil's worship. Yeah, I don't mind is the devil's worship. That's it. And that's with me. Once I get bored, I'm like,

you know, so I just want to shoot it out. With Tracy, Went dirty rock if you see the pilot while he was talking to her he made him he made her take him to a strip club In the pilot yep while she waited outside he she was talking to him like convincing him right to be on the show he's like I don't know Let me give this bitch another dollar you gotta watch the fucking pilot oh my god and that's when I realized Animals like that you got to shoot him shoot him out yeah get them out they're gonna fucking you know Yeah you never worked with somebody like that they go crazy No, I never did.

No, not, I love Tracy. He's great. He's funny. But I never, I work with a couple of people who are alcoholics. That's rough. You know, that's rough when they come in and they're just, I won't say who they are. I watched the movie the other day. And we'll talk about it later.

But this motherfucker was high on heroin. Yeah. He shot this movie. Jesus. And I know he was on heroin for a long time. But there's a scene. He's in a courtroom. and the camera's not on him, and he's nodding.

He's trying to focus on the judge. But he starts fucking nodding, and you're like, oh, my God. Yeah? That's kind of crazy. I could smoke a joint and shoot a movie. Yeah, see, I can't do anything. I can't do anything. Two hits off with the ttuots just to loosen it up,

to make crap service a little better. I'm very relaxed. Yeah, but I can't drink or people fucking... When I did the longest yard, those motherfuckers were making margaritas. at 10 a.m. The wrestlers, because wrestlers don't play.

Yeah, yeah, they don't play. They told Adam, we're not out there by eight. Yeah. We're going to get margaritas. And they bought a blender. Yeah. And they would get fucking blenders, plural.

Wow. And they had the big cooler with ice, and they would sit out there, Goldberg, and those motherfuckers were out of their mind. No way, really. That's why I loved them. I loved them. They were like,

12 o'clock, we're not shooting, we're done. Then they go back to the hotel, taking a nap. Yeah, I just had a wrestler on my show. He was great, Karen Cross. Oh, they're great. What a great guy, man. They're ultimate. I learned a lot from wrestlers on how to treat people.

Yeah. Because they're the ultimate, like Kevin Nash, that motherfucker, you get getting beat up. If you go up to him and ask him for a picture, he'll hold the guy's hand and take a picture and keep fighting with him. Wow. Those guys, that's a different training. They train differently.

They're more audience. Right, right. They're very audience savvy. Wow. Yeah, it was great. And he was fun to talk to. I love talking with guys and jiu-jitsu and I love UFC. I go there.

I love it. UFC is great. My son loves it. He boxes. He does MMA. He does Brazilian. We go there. We love it.

It's great. It's a great. I box. You know, it was funny, but when he started learning, and he started getting older, and then all of a sudden, I realized that, shit, I can't beat up my son anymore. You know what I mean?

This kid is like, we started, like, grappling a little bit, and he just choked, he got me in a triangle, and I was like, what the fuck? And then he explained to me that a person who knows Jiu-Jitsu, even a blue belt, he said, when you're wrestling or grappling with a person who knows nothing, he goes, it's a magic trick. They don't know what you're doing.

It's easy. And I was like, oh, really? He goes, yeah. He goes, but a black belt does that to me. Or a brown belt does that to me, what I do. And he says, it's just levels. It's just levels. It's just levels, yeah.

I love going to Jiu-Zitsu. I haven't been there since October 8. Well. But before that, I was for three years. I was in the same place. Here's the problem. As you get older, you wrestle with younger guys.

Right. And even if you know more about it than they do, their speed and quickness always beats you. You know, it's always, you end up on your back. But I fucking love it. Yeah, it's great. I fucking love the guys there. And I'm older, and there's not a lot of other.

You know, we had one guy that was like 65. Right. And there's a guy in that at 67. That's a fucking brute. He was a school principal. Right. He's a black belt and karate for 40 years. Oh, wow.

So he's been doing it. that long. Oh, Jesus. But there's something about Jiu-Jitsu that when you go in there, you're either going to like it or hate it. Hate it, right. You're right. You either going to like it or hate it. There's no, and you can't feel bad for not liking it. But if you

really start to like it, you're going to get beat up for a year. That's what he did. My son got beat up, he told me. It's a year. It's a year getting beat up, choked, hurt, people pulling your hair. I'm getting thrown all over the fucking. I know one time I was wrestling this guy and I wasn't even, he was like a brown bone. I wasn't even doing nothing to him. And

I kept seeing him going ah ah I go dog am I hurting he goes you're pulling my leg hairs because I had his ghee but I really had his leg hair and I was spinning him around so I wouldn't lose the fucking leg and he go ah you know you're gonna get hurt at every level yeah no he did my son did get hurt but it's something about it like yeah fun a friend of mine just twisted his fucking knee and he's like calling me telling me don't no worries I'm gonna shoot it with a peptide yeah right back in six weeks they don't They don't give a fuck. They don't give a fuck.

And they'll go back in three weeks and now re-heard it for good. Yeah. It's so addicting that you re-hurted it for good. I love watching it. I love going to UFC. I think it's great. Oh, the UFC is a lot of fuck. Yeah.

The energy in that motherfucker? Right. The energy. Right. It's crazy. You know, Joey, I always wanted to ask you. Because I always ask people who know, and I know you know about Jiu-Jitsu. I just box.

And I asked my son about it. He said, well, Dad, sometimes, It can't overcome, but if you had a guy who was in the street, but a young guy, big, strong guy, but knows nothing about grappling, but a big, tough guy. And he fought the number one jiu-jitsu woman in the world. In other words, she was a black belt in jurzzo.

Who would win? He said there's no cap. Mackenzie Duren will fuck you up. Who? McKenzie Dern. Really? Will fuck you up. I'm talking about a big, strong guy like a fucking,

Listen, she's not going to twist them, but she's going to neutralize them. You think so? Those people that are black belts like that, like she's a Brazilian black belt. Have you ever seen fucking McKenzie? No, I haven't. She's like a supermod. But what about if this guy grabs up on a fucking hair and grabs her neck, Joey? She has the patience that she'll fucking breathe through it and at least get hooks on them.

And she's a black belt. So she'll get a leg somewhere. So if you had a bet on the woman, you wouldn't bet on the woman. At that situation, I'll bet on the woman to neutralize him. Yeah, right. After a while, it's a woman and her strength. Yeah, that's it. It's strength.

But I can guarantee her Katzangano. There's a lot of women that are fucking really good jiu-jitsuers. They'll break something on you. Yeah. And if you really think about it, Jiu-jitsu is made for a woman. All the aspects of it is for a woman. My daughter was into it until she was 10, and I lost her.

Because you don't understand, that's their playground. A woman's playground is on her fucking back. And if she could defend herself from her fucking back, that is something that you can't. It's priceless. What do you think Joe Rogan would say about that? Do you bet on the woman, too? Well, it depends on the, like,

there's a fucking chick Gabby Garcia. She's bigger than me. She just fought Craig Jones. Really? In the competition and Craig Jones choked her out. Again, what? But that's too, that's a great jiu-su person. I think, are you saying like a fight or like a, in the street?

No, no. She's saying he's a street guy. I'm doing out of the street. Hey, thank you. Fuck me off. That type of shit. In the street, I'm 100% better on the woman. I think they have videos of it of like, especially of like guys who are like kind of

assholes going to jiu jimms and like they talk shit and the people jiu jitzu gyms are usually really nice until like some guy's an asshole and then they like they play with them it's like it's like it's it's an animal and like a there's always one really good woman at every gym yeah like where i was going there was a purple belt at night that was really good i never rolled with her but in the daytime there was an indian girl that started coming in right married two girls that's how she got into it she brought her girls I said, what made you come in here? We all called the mom.

Mom. Yeah. You're fucking Fox. What made you come in here? She's like, I brought my girls in here. And she goes, I saw how important it is for a woman. She comes to the lunchtime classes. There's no other women in that.

Wow. Yeah. And she battles it for a year. I would see her at the end of class. You'd think she was a battered woman. She got beautiful long hair and she put it in a ponytail, but they'd rip it the fuck out. And she'd just be like, I'd bless you.

Yeah, the amazing thing about it. I knew when I was bouncing many years ago in the 80s, early, I worked with a guy who was an Olympic judo. He was like 10th in the world in judo in his class. And I was in the gym one day. I said, come on, Mark, just, come on, just. And he goes, ah, Chas. I said, no, no, no. I said, I want to really try to like, he treated me like I was a two-year-old.

And that's what I couldn't understand. That's what you can. He treated me like I was, you know, when you're fine. year old gets upset you go stand over here literally I felt like I couldn't do anything he just he just flipped me and threw me and I just never forgot that listen you do a great one-man show and you're an actor I'm a comedian I'm a street comic I know tell jokes on a corner take that energy and flip it think about somebody who's been throwing punches for 20 years yeah it's true what do you think is going to happen yeah

It's not going to be good. Have you ever gone into a ring with a guy just fucking around that's like... Yeah, I boxed with some spard, but we knew we were going to... And just the shoulder feints along. Exactly. I knew that I... Just professionals. I knew that he could take me out at any moment.

You go to one of these schools and you see, like, the Brazilian... Yeah. Like, I go to Hollis Gracie. Right. Rose Gracie. He's the big one. Right. I joined that school because he's a big dude.

Right. And he teaches big dude's shit. How to control you more. Right. How to move slowly. to put his weight on top of you a lot more. There's little guys who move. Like there's a school in Edgewater.

That dude, he fucking moves. Right. He's 5'8, 160. That guy will choke you before fucking anything. Have you ever seen the Hodger Gracie tapes? The what? Hodger Gracie. No, I never did.

Roger Gracie is the fucking best in the world. Better than Hickson? No, he's like a nephew of Hickson. Nephew to Hickson. But this guy does, The same shit every day. Yeah. Which is, takes you down.

He'll let you put him in his close guard. Right. It's a 15 minute bout. He'll take him 13 minutes to get on that mount. But those 13 minutes, you're on the bottom suffering. You're fucking with him. And once he gets you on a mount, everything he does is basic. He gets you with a collar choke.

and he does that in the worlds. But when you see him, you go, wow. Yeah. Because it's like Caterpillar. It's not two, the Berrumbolo brothers flying through the air. It's this guy that gets on top of you, like a boa constrictor. And he just gets closer to you and closer to you. And that's what you're doing.

You're worrying out the guy on the bottom. Will you have on stage, Joey, and you thought somebody's going to come up on stage and you thought you were going to have to do something? Yeah. Really? And I hit him with the microphone. Come on. In 1995, there was an open mic on Wednesdays,

like Steakhouse 58 or something, in Commerce City, Colorado. And every week I did the same round. There was a tortilla plate. What's the taco place on fucking Thursday night? Right. The one on the West Coast. They got them all over California.

El Dorito. El Torito was Thursday. Wednesday was that. Tuesday was an Elvis impersonate. from Brooklyn that had a restaurant in Vegas, and he was the first Elvis first name, like 1968. Wow. Now he was 400 pounds, and they paid him off.

Caesars gave him like a half a mill, and he opened up a little Italian restaurant. And every Tuesday, I would go up there on Tuesdays and crack some jokes. He would have like an eight-table restaurant, and he would come out at first as the chef. And then he would, listen to me. And he'd wink at me, and he'd go in,

and I'd go on stage, and he'd a bag of dicks for 15 minutes. I'd be up there just telling stupid jokes and dying. People still be eating their Italian. And after 15 minutes, he'd come out dressed like Elvis with a towel around his neck, and I'd go, come into the stage, Elvis Presley,

Bito, or something like that was his name. And he'd come out and fucking do the moves and the kicks, and he'd get drenched in sweat. And he'd go to the tables, and he'd talk to the people, and he sweat on their meatballs. It was fucking classic. Yeah.

Tremendous. This is what you, I see as a comic, as a young comic. But on Wednesdays, I went to this place, and they were flipping beer caps at every comic. Motherfucker kept flipping beer caps. Yeah, that's not that. You know, and they were drinking beers and ripping the labels, and then flipping the...

And I went in there, I was going through a divorce. I was in no fucking mood. Right. And I went up then, I go, before the show even starts, if you flick one fucking thing, I'm going to fuck you up. I didn't even say that and the beer thing went flying by me

and I go come on motherfucker because I wasn't going to go after them I have to bring them to my territory I got the mic stand and they had one of those microphones that had batteries in it I didn't know this and they came close

like he charged me and I'm like this is easy I picked up the thing and just bang them in the fucking head and the microphone busted the batteries around he started bleeding and his buddy stood there

and he goes you want to you want he just left. And I went, I finished my steak. They said, the cops are coming, I got in my car, and I left. I didn't go back for like a month. It was all forgotten.

That's funny. Oh, yeah. I've seen comics go through some shit sometimes. There's guys that... Listen, I'll tell you what happens. A girl goes home and tells a husband that her and her eight girlfriends

from work are going to go see a certain comedian. Yeah. There's like eight of them that are really good looking. there's always that one husband that tags along I'm going with you is Maggie going I don't trust her

you know she dates a fucking Spanish dude you know right those are the guys you're always gonna have a problem with because they're the ones that sit there sit there like that he ain't funny

you know and then you have to say something to him and he says something yeah comedy is fascinating to me I mean I was never a stand-up comic I was always an actor but I'm fascinated by stand-up comedy. I really have. It's fascinating

to me. I talked to Chris Rock about it once. I did a movie with him. And I said, what's the number one thing a comics got to learn? And he said, don't be afraid of the silence. No. He says, once you're not afraid of the silence, you got it. Let me take a breather real quick. We'll talk about

better help for people who need a psychiatrist that didn't get those movies. There's people that haven't gotten movies and are still in L.A. right now. What am I going to do? Or better help. We'll be back in two minutes. Hey, if you don't know, now you know. The church of what's happening now is sponsored by BetterHelp.

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or if you want the keto, they got everything for everybody. Factor podcast to get 50% off free shipping on your first box. Thank you for listening to the podcast, and thank you for Factor for sponsoring the show. We're back, bitches! Anyway, what's up? I want to talk to you about something. You were talking about when we left. God damn it.

About people in Hollywood who didn't make it yet? Was that it? Well, we were talking about that. But that was just a jokey poo. We're talking about time and comedy. Yeah. That you're fascinated with stand-up. I'm fascinated with it.

So the fuck was I. And I'm still fascinated with it. I've been doing it now for 30 years. 30 years. Now, do you... 91. Do you know what you're going to do when you get on stage, Joe?

I have a direction. I have a direction. Right. And then, like you, like right now, I have no direction. lately I have no direction I'm coming up with little bits right and now I have a month off and that gives me time to polish two I see bits like I started working on them today I haven't I in the back of my mind I just want him to fucking laugh right you know I want him to laugh we were talking during the break about Lee doing comedy for seven years it's so weird or eight years right and the Agostino's been doing it for 10 or 12 15 15 now when is it comic feel like he made it. When he does, okay, when you feel,

if a comic could fill up a comedy club three, four hundred people, that's pretty good, right? What now, then you move to theaters, like a thousand to two thousand. Would you say that's pretty good? That's really good. That's real good. That's really good.

Now when you get like over three or four thousand, that's something. Sebastian, arenas. That's, that's Joquois, that's Gabriel. That's heights of the, you know, you just dream about. Right. But does the average comic, would you say,

when he hits, like, 2,500? That's good. That's good. That's good. You asked me a question. What was the question? When do I thought I was successful?

Yeah. When I didn't have a day job no more. Right. That's the first fucking hurdle. When you're making the money to... That's the first fucking hurdle. How about you, Lee? I'm surprised to hear you say that it was there.

That's the first hurdle. That is a first hurdle. hurdle, but because you said, well, you said, you said, you said, you said, when you made it, like, when a comics made it. What do you feel like, all right, you know? Because, like, my thought, when I, when I was listening to you, Joey, what, what I thought you were going to say is, is like,

to get to that level, you're, you have goals, but then when you got, when you got to theaters, comic, you always look bigger. So, like, are you ever really fully satisfied? That would, I, but, but I do think that that's a, I like, that that's where your head is that to just be like the first hurdle is day job. Day job. Yeah. And then after that, listen. That's a lot more attainable. I don't think Chappelle

is happy. I think he's happy. But I don't think any comic is ever happy. They could always look at just a little more. Maybe if I could sell out a spaceship. Right. You know what I'm saying? Maybe if I could put them on Guantanamo Bay. I get 80,000

people in Guantanamo. I can do Dallas Stadium or something. Do you follow me? But I always thought, for starters, you have a different head. I was a criminal. I got out of the joint. I couldn't find the fucking job as a felon. Right.

And I removed the felony from my life. I didn't go to the judge. I just removed it. Right. Myself. And I go, I'm going to go for this comedy thing. Right. But I never thought of anything until I found out that fucko,

who again has another show on TV. Tim Allen did time for cocaine. Yeah. That guy's got another show on TV. He like owns ABC. They just give him shit, and he deserves it. That's a bad motherfucker. He deserves it.

You know where he eats for breakfast every day? Denny's in the Valley. He's in there Denny's. I would see him in there. And go, what the fuck are you doing at Denny's? Right. So, you know what I'm saying? He's a real guy that dude.

But... Yeah, but I found... I kind of studied comics. and I fooled around with a little comedy and I remember the thing that I noticed

I'm very observant is the thing that bothered me the most is hanging out backstage with comics they're all depressed Joey they're all depressed Joey Well we're in our heads

Like I'm always happy You're in your fucking head And then when you say something funny They'll never laugh at your joke They'll just go Never they'll go That's funny Don't look at you and go

That's funny But they'll never fucking laugh Ever Ever ever ever I used to talk to Robin Williams About all this And he used to make me laugh Because he was a funny fucking dude

That was a funny fucking dude And it's almost like a comic First they want to be They just want to not pay the bills They want to pay the bills I mean they don't have to get a day job Then when they start filling out Comedy clubs that

They're like great Then they start filling out theaters. 1525. Then they want to go to Radio City, Madison Square Garden. And once you get there, you can only hold that, he was explained to me,

you can only hold that position for like three or four years. And then you have to move back down to the theaters. And you stay to theaters then for the rest of your career. It was really fucking interesting. A theater that's,

in today's world, you can make good money if you did theaters all year. Oh, yeah. Look at Brian Rieger. Brian Regan popped out one TV show He did something else He's great Brian Reagan

Nobody knows who he is So he does theaters Huh? Does he do He doesn't do Rader City musical He might At one point

Like I want to do the Apollo Yeah Just out of respect I'd love to do the Apollo Here's the problem Yeah You gotta do eight shows To break even then

No no no I only do one show I know what I'm saying You have to do two and one night there Because the first show goes to the boys. Unless you charge $300 for ticket. So the first show goes to the boys.

Since you're there for the second show, now the second show is all profit, pretty much. So you got to do two fucking shows in the night. And that's what, you know, I would love to do the Apollo. The beacon with a bunch of white people playing the violin. I don't want to hang with this. I want to go up there with the brothers, Jack.

I have a very big, you know, African-American following. Oh, I love it. I would love to do that. The Bronx. Some theater in the Bronx. It was paradise. I thought about that. Some theater in the Bronx.

Yeah. I got to do out of respect for my mother before I die. I got to get a date at Yonkers raceway. They got to have a theater up there. Do they have a theater in Yonks? Yeah. The Midnight Show at Yonkers. They do?

No. That's the last track that's over. And I always tell people, when people go, well, my uncle was a degenerate. What did he do? He went to the middle. lands every day. That's not a degenerate. The degenerate is somebody goes to the mental lands,

then rushes over and catches the end that aqued doesn't, and then goes home, takes the shower, stops at OTB on 181st Street by 430. And right on that road, you shoot up the Yonkers. And when you walk out of Yonkers in those days, you were going to get shot. Oh, yeah.

In the 70s, it's fucking, you're walking out to Mary J. Blas and shit. Fucking tremendous. No, that's true. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Wow, that's a degenerate. That's a degenerate. Yeah, that was Eddie Mush. That was Eddie Mush. That was Eddie Musch from Bronxdale. He was, that was him. That was him. He would constantly,

constantly, fucking all day, all night, fucking gamble. Let me tell you what we've seen. I don't mean to interrupt your mush. We'll get to that later. That's a mushy question for you. That's Junior Mush, right there. He calls me mush for years. Yeah, this guy is the worst. If you've noticed, any day now,

any day now, you're going to get a big movie. Any day now. The way God works lately. Yes. You're going to get a big movie. I was thinking about this the other day after we spoke. Because people have to realize

one thing, and it's on the conversation we're talking about. Whether you're a boxer, you've been doing it for 20 years. Right. When you're a writer, it takes you a week what it'll take me two years to write. You're that apt on it. Well, you... I apply myself, yes.

Look at acting. I was watching something the other day that I was blown the fuck away I had nothing to do I was in the hospital and I put on sons of anarchy why I don't know and it was the season when Jimmy Smith came on

and he was eating these motherfuckers up he was eating Jacks Tella up which is tough to do that's a good looking dude and then you see the success of oil man with this Billy Bob Thornt have you watched that show? I haven't seen it holy shit he's good

What's the name of it? You know the name? Do you say oil man? I've seen clips of it. I don't know what the name is. I heard it. Well, he's really good. He's great.

I mean, it's like everybody else is on a different fucking level. Yeah. And that's how you are now. You know, when I see Lawrence Fishburn. Yeah. Everybody looks at Denzel. I look at Lawrence Fishpun and I go, he played four different types of yams.

Yeah. Okay? What's Love got to do with it? Yeah. And he played a gangster black yom. And King of whatever. It's okay to say that word. It's okay.

It's cool now. Yama's in the middle. Nobody gets offended. Okay. So, what is it? What's the king of New York? King of New York. Think of it.

He played Ike Turner. And the King of New York and they were completely fucking different. Great, great. And then he played something else in that realm. And you go, he broke those guys up into threes, brilliantly. Brilliant.

So that's a nice. Another guy, like I said yourself. Right. You go on a fucking movie now. You just eat it up. Everybody looks at you because you're that. You got 40 years in the fucking game, Chad. Yeah.

A lot of movies. 40 fucking years. Yeah. You know? So, and I respect that. And it's the same thing we were talking about. You start eating and breathing this shit. You know, Katie's a gal.

She's been doing it since I was locked up. Yeah. When I was locked up, it was her first year of. Yeah. Marriwood children. there's a bunch of those fucking guys oh yeah at o'neill i grew up on

McQueen like when i was in the hospital i watched Armand Flint god damn James Colbert and it was a double feature but I had to go to sleep I couldn't watch the second my man Arman Flint and something else oh my god you know I grew up on I was a big

Charles Bronson dude yeah mr no personality i mean you look at Steve McQueen he did nothing but he was a movie stuff there's something about Steve McQueen, you just go, Motherfucker, look at this guy. He's great. Just great, man.

Just great. The fucking one with the Camaro. Yeah. Bullet. Bullet. And the getaway. The Great Escape. Papillon.

Papillon. Oh, shit. Damn. Yeah. The fact that that motherfucker stole Bob Evans' girlfriend. Yeah. If that happened now,

people would turn their back Only two men have done that. Brad Pitt, when he went to fucking Angelia Jolie's and never came back to Jennifer Anderson. Yeah. She was at home waiting with tea. Like, I'm done with tea. You know what I'm saying?

Wow. I'm done with tea. And Steve McQueen. And she just didn't take an actor's wife. He was the head of fucking movies. A Paramarthe Association. And I liked him. I knew Bob very well. I liked him a lot.

That's crazy. Yeah. He was a good guy. I liked him. Those are different types of dude. Yes. You know, Clint Eastwood. he first started shooting

those spaghetti West West. Oh, man. That's why that's so interesting to me. Right. All those actors, how they did all that. They went through a struggle. Yeah. You know, when I shot the longest shot, Faco told me that his roommate at the time was the other

fucking crazy guy. Bert Reynolds had a roommate when he lived in New York and they went to audition for Ilya Kazam. And at the end of the audition, his roommate, who ended up becoming a star in his own way. I just forget what his name was. Pulled a gun. Ely Kazan and said,

if I'm not in this play, I'm going to shoot you. He's the one in that movie with the bowling. He's got the hook on his hand. Really? He's an older guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's probably dead by now. Yeah. Showed up to the audition. With a gun.

With a fucking gun. Some actors are crazy, man. You can't believe the things people do to get noticed. I mean, I've seen things where You know, I mean, I just, one of my dear friends died. One of my closest friends died in COVID. And I was there, and I'm still hurt.

My friend Phil Foley died in COVID. And I went to the wake, and then we went afterwards. You go to a restaurant. You know, that's how you do. You go to a restaurant to eat something. Everybody talks. This guy comes over me, and he says, hi, you know, he says his name. And he was at the funeral.

I saw him. And he said, you know, me and Phil were working on a script. together. Now, I know that can't be true because Phil would have told me. And he goes, and he said that you were going to be in on it with us. And I know it's unfortunate that he passed, but I was wondering if

you and I could do it, you know. And I look at it. I'm like, I'm at the fucking funeral. You ask me, if I want to write with you because Phil's dead. Are you ready to your fucking mind? Like, get the fuck away from me.

I mean, I was like, do you have any sense of of compassion, of feelings, of, I don't know, some people are just fucking crazy. He just figured I was there and he's never going to see me again. Let me take a shot. And I had the script with him. Had the script with him. Listen to me. My car's on fire.

I'm changing a flat. Now I don't know how to change a flat. I'm doing my best. I'm pumping. This is about nine years ago. and some kid screeches over. And I think he's going to ask me, he's going to say, do you need help?

This motherfucker came up and goes, hey, Joey, remember, we read a script together? Are you interested? I looked at them, and I go, get the fuck away from it. I'll never, ever forget that. And I've had people now, like when I went to the hospital two weeks ago,

the first day I went in there, I was dying. I couldn't breathe. I was like purple. Some guy came up, can we take a picture? I'm like, man I've had that, man What the fuck is wrong with you? I fucking had that

I fell asleep at the wheel You could be diving I fell asleep at the wheel And my fucking car Hit a tree Dead center Knocked the tree down The wires

Killed all the fucking power In my neighborhood In Bedford I mean I wiped my own house out And the fucking police came And they got me In the ambulance I was fine.

The airbags, you know, really, it was like a big Mercedes, so no, I wasn't even heard. But they said, no, you got to get in the gurney. So they put me in the gurney. And the guy comes up, puts the thing on my neck, and he goes,

fucking A, usual suspects. I love that movie. And I look at him, he goes, how was that movie? And he's talking to me. And I'm like, is he fucking serious? But then later, he goes, Chaz, you know what?

I said that to you because I wanted to see if you were, you know, coherent. and you could know what I was saying. And I said, oh. I said, I didn't know what the fuck you were though. But he didn't recognize me. But I had a fucking guy in Hollywood. This was the best.

I met a diner. I met a diner with my buddy. And I hear a guy going, Joey, my hint to God, true story. And I go, what the fuck? So I get up and I look, because we were at the counter and I look at the tables, there's this guy, and I see he had a steak,

and he's choking, and he's pushing the waitress awake like he was embarrassed or something and she's going let me try to help him and he was fucking dying I go over to him I put my hair and I I give him the thing and it wasn't

I don't even think I did it because whatever I did it popped out and it pops out and he looks at me and he goes I said man you want to go to hospital you're okay and he goes he goes you're chasmountary

and I said yeah yeah he goes he puts his hand in his pocket takes his fucking wallet out takes a fucking card out he goes I got a great script for you oh my god and he goes he goes you call me

I got a great script and I'm saying sir are you all right now I didn't think of it at the time but I walked out of there with my buddy who was an actor and I said do you fucking believe that crazy fucking guy he goes chaz it could have been a setup he could have saw you and did it and I didn't think of that I said you know what I know what I anything's possible anything's possible you know people go to AA meetings yeah that's the only city where people go to AA meetings tell you a story that they're

clean and sober and they're there to give you a script Yeah, I heard that That's the only time There's no decency No decency, no And they always try to give you something for somebody else That's when it really pisses me I can I talk to you about something

You know, I really like your comedy Do you mind giving this to Joe Rogan and you're like, no I think you, you know how many people say No, I'm not giving him that The reason why he's my friend It's because I don't give him that Exactly Robert De Niro

You know how many times I get a script Could you give this to Bob? Could you do this to Bob? you set me up above. I go, no. I don't fucking do that. I said, what are you crazy? I don't do that, man. I just, I won't do it. I won't do it. I mean, I gave Bob three scripts in my, in my 35 years of knowing him, have I ever given him three scripts? And two of them were mine. And he did both of them, and the third one was, well, I didn't give him the script. I shouldn't say, but I called him. him and told them that I read this and that was,

fuck, what was the name of that movie that he did? I can't think of it. It escapes me. No, they asked me to read this thing. I read, analyze this. And they said, would Bob be interested in this? I said, Bob be interested. First of all, I read it, I said, it's fucking great.

It's fucking great, you know? But not knowing, they called by. I said, you know how you get Bob De Niro? You make an offer. This is $20 million. Read the fucking script. I'm not bringing them anything. You know what I mean?

What the fuck? To go back to your show that Lee and I watched. Yeah. And it's on Amazon and Apple TV. It's on Amazon, Apple, Google, Fandango. It's the one-man show that I've been doing

for 34 years, but Joey, I filmed it. I wrote and directed, obviously, with five cameras. So it's really inside. I really worked a year on it. And there's more than that. audio to it too yeah like for different things your music and in different effects it was great yeah i know i it's a movie i mean i i i paid for it myself because i don't want anybody telling me what to do

so i paid for the whole fucking movie myself i said no no no i don't want nobody's money now you know what i got from all this yeah you're just a great fucking storyteller and when i went to see the show at the beacon i knew right then i go this guy's just a a phenomenal storyteller he knows how to keep a lot of people don't have that yeah they could tell you a story but then they can't keep you you could keep me and take me through different emotions and then you do all the characters which is mush and fucking right and that guy you know i thought it was great but that's the bottom line you grew up in the Bronx and you went to get apples on the corner when you went to get an apple there was always action going there was all these characters and you talk and everybody

had a nickname right and a nickname right and a nickname that hit home. Do you know how many guys came over to me and said, you rob my story? Do you have any guys in all these years I've told me that? You know what? That was my story. This one guy was a stand-up comic.

I'll never forget him. And he said, you stole my act and you made a movie out of it. I go, leave me the fuck alone. Get the fuck out of here. You know what I mean? You know what they say? You know, an orphan success has one father, an orphan, failure is an orphan.

It's so true. So fucking true. Listen, we all had that story, you know, at one point... Of course. Everybody had all these guys. Well, then you should have wrote the movie. You know what I mean? But you're a phenomenal, like, up there.

That's what cultivates these people. That's what the mob genre is. It's a genre that's kind of weird, but it's part of our culture. Right. You know, now you make an Italian movie. The Colombo people come after you for fucking... You know, you can't make a fucking... I'm surprised that Sharipas commercials

lasted three weeks. Yeah? Because the entire American association comes right. He's very well-liked, man. No, but he's well-liked. He's fucking well-like. No, no, no, I'm not saying anything bad about the commercial. I'm just saying that for 10 years,

I shot mob commercials for pens oil. Yeah, right. Dairy clean, you know, fucking prudential. Right. Die-hard was the best. Right. Die-hard, we went to bury a body, and we left the headlines.

lights on and then when we go to turn the car on it's dead and now we're stuck out you know I did them all they ran for a week then your agent called you and said your commercial got canceled the anti-italian infrederation called and said that uh fucking what's that food chain i did them they that lasted four weeks before the italians came out yeah you know what i have a thing with i and i have beef with the italians about this because they they came to me a few times and i said look, I said, Bronx Hill, first of all, Brockdale is not a fucking gangster movie. It's a

family movie. I said, that's why it's been around for 34 years. It's a family movie. And I said, do you expect the Italians not to work? Do you expect us not to work? I said, if you work and you don't like it, shut it the fucking thing off. You know what the best part of that family movie is? When you beat the fuck out of the bikers.

Let me tell you. That's a family scene, right from the ABC after school. Everybody said... Every time I do that thing in theaters, fucking standing, clapping, applauding. I go, now you're just going. Now you're going.

Crazy, man. It is fucking... And the characters, like, we sit here at night, like I put a lot of my friends on here. Right. Because all these stories you tell over the years, these fucking doozes, oh, that didn't happen.

Okay, motherfuckers. I'll start bringing these motherfuckers in here. Well, you see, here's the... You're like... there's this you gotta be a great story you gotta have great stories and you gotta be a great storyteller so there's this guy Bobby Moresco I don't know if you know who he is Bobby Morisco wrote Crash which when the Academy won and he won a million dollar baby would pull uh haggis he grew up he was a Westie he was like Westie grew up in West you know

down hell's kitchen great storyteller great director too and a great writer and he one day him and I were at this big table, and he's on one side and I'm on the other, and we're going trading stories and telling him. And if it was like, you were there, you'd be number three. Like, you're a great storyteller, and you know how to tell a great story. So me and him are fucking rocking. The whole restaurant is on the fucking floor. All of a sudden, in the middle of this one guy, wait a minute, he goes, I got a story. I was 13 years old, and it was like the most boring fucking story. So I turned to him and I go,

hey, what was his name? JP, I go, JP. This is the fucking World Series. Shut the fuck up. And the whole place was fucking laugh. But it's true. You know how it is when you rock in the house, you know, when you rock in the house,

and then somebody wants to tell the story. Once in a while, you've got to shut the fuck up. Like my wife. Yeah. You're telling the story, and your wife wants to follow it, and you're like, God damn. I want to go, honey. She goes, no, no.

Oh, how about when they go, no, that didn't happen? It was this time. I'm going to shut the fuck up. You know, sometimes you lied to make a story better. You embellish. You know, what the fuck? That's what you do.

It's an art. You embellish the story, man. It's so stupid. That's what makes the joke even more outlandish. Even more funny, right. You said something to add to it. Like, me and you were talking one day. Yo, nephew number one, we were talking one day on the phone.

talking about something, and I said to you, you got me over here waiting like Michael Chandler. Do you remember? We were fucking dying, you and me, for like 20 minutes. Because Michael Chandler, how long are you going to wait? Yeah, right, exactly. You're going to wait for Conno McGregor. Move on.

He's never going to fight. Yeah, look, two years later, now he wants to fight and beat KC this week. Right, right, right. Every Friday he gets coked up, and he shows up at a new event on Saturday. Right, right. Listen, I started coke for 27 years, okay?

Nobody's got footage of me. snort and coke. Go on YouTube. They have 30 minutes of Kamenegger talking all coaked up. There's one thing where he can't even talk. He's like, you saw that one? When he's scratching his nose and he can't

even talk. Is he going to come back a fight, Joey? I don't see it. You don't see it? I don't see it. He's got enough money, right? He's got tons of loot. Yeah. You know, he needs a handler.

Yeah. He needs like somebody that'll come. He's got to hire somebody and go send me three guys and they got to beat the fuck out of me when I'm acting crazy. Right.

Because he's crazy. He's Irish. He's crazy. He drinks that fire water. Yeah. That sets him off. And they puts that shit in his nose. Yeah, that's shit.

I've been there. That's a dangerous person. Hi, man. That's it. That's it. Look at him. He's turning purple. His veins are getting in there.

He shows up every Saturday. If there's a fight at an ice game. He shows up at the weirdest places on Saturday Takes his shirt off starts bartending and shit I gotta give it to him he's an animal well I mean I got to give it listen McGregor goes to Vegas he doesn't just sell tickets do you know that he adds like a two million dollars to the economy Now a lot of people do that Michael Jackson could do that yeah yeah come to New York and fuck gregor does it

Think about it was all the other people flying in people flying in from fucking Ireland Oh He generates so much fucking cash. You cannot take that away from him. But he's made so much cash. Listen, it's tough. Who said it the best? It's tough to run five miles when you sleep on silk sheets.

Yeah, yes. You know, the hunger's gone. The hunger's gone. And while you're getting beat up, you're thinking to yourself, I knew I was done. I knew I was done. I'm done. I'd rather be with three Chinese chicks right now.

I want to be with two hookers. Bring bomb. Look at me. I'm getting beat up by this guy. And I don't need this money. I'm going to make $11 million. I don't need it. I got $300 million.

There is a point where, but that's what makes the true champions. My father used to tell me. And even my shrink told me that. He goes, you think it was hard now to make it? He goes, it was hard, right? He goes, yeah, he goes, it's hard to stay in there, Chaz. I'll never forget that.

You know, you were saying before by feeders, I had this dream sitting behind the comedy store 20 years ago. In the dream, I used to talk to Ari. I mean, Ari discussed this about five years ago. You sit behind a comedy store. You're back there at midnight. You're waiting another half hour to get on fucking stage to end your night. You know, you basically can't make rent.

You hope you get a commercial audition so you could fucking cover the spread next month. Right. And you dream about the day when you're just a regular comic that you sell not clubs. You run a recurring TV show on ABC. They pay you. well, you do six episodes, maybe somebody gives me a little gig for three weeks

writing, that was success for me. That would have been fine for me. And I wasn't even want that. I was just happy to do comedy and not do crime. For me, it was just if God, if you could just help me do comedy, live in a car. Live in a car.

I read Ladies and gentlemen, Lenny Bruce. He lived after Chelsea. He did comedy at fucking burles shows and he lived with a bunch of dirty strippers. He never made money, right? I don't know. I don't even know. He shot heroin. But he didn't matter. He hung out with strippers, then he

went back to the Chelsea, he banged them, he shot heroin. I'm in. I don't need to make money. It was $65 a week to live in to Chelsea. I'm just saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me tell you something. One day you get to be with CIA, and one day you do get a manager like three yards. Yeah. And one day you are selling our theaters. Yeah.

And guess what? You still fighting for your life like a motherfucker. Absolutely. Even double than when you weren't making money. That's it. True. You're fighting. You're waking up in the morning with phone coming out of your mouth.

Yeah. Because you know you're going to get somebody who's going to try to fuck with you today. Yeah. Every fucking day. And that's what got me sick towards the end. I just write and keep writing and act and direct. And that's why I've been around 40 years. I just keep doing it.

I don't let nobody stop me, man. That's it. $62 years old, I've been with SAG since 1997, I got no insurance. Can somebody tell me how the fuck that's possible? When I joined SAG, if you were 45 and been there for 10 years, you were vested. True? All of a sudden, they changed the rules. I'm paying $3,000 a month of fucking insurance.

Yeah, because too many people, and then they even change. It used to be you had to, they counted residuals. They still do, right? They don't do it anymore. Now they stop doing that. So now you've got to work every year and make $35,000 to be finished right. You got to that level, and they threw more curveballs at you. You know, when I started comedy, here's the deal, Joey.

Become a regular. Get on a TV show. Do six episodes after that you sell out, and an agent will sign you. I did four movies before an agent even. And I had like six different little agents, and those were before the commercial day, so you had a hand-deliver. They didn't know who I was with.

I would do showcase and invite all my four agents, and I'd put them each at different sides. They didn't know. They all four sucked, but between all four of them, I'd get something from time. Right, right, right, right. Because at least one of them,

but I learned how they saw me also. What I was going out for. And there was one guy who sent me out for Latino auditions. He's fired. Because he's not looking no Latino roles. Never. Don't let me read and take me the producers.

But they want Chico and the man. They don't want me. They got a fan. So you learn about the guys who send you out, like construction people, that some people sing out as a chef. And there's just one guy that are waiting for the mobster roll.

So you learn all that shit. You learn the business. And that's the opportunity. facility you had and I had that I really learned. There was a time, Chas, you know how I got the longest yard? They weren't going to give it to me. They were going to give it to Vincent or Saragusa. I was in Houston.

I got cooked up, and I was thinking, how the fucking Adam Sandler is a comic. That's a comedy movie. I love Vincent, but he's not a comic. And neither is Saragusa. So I went to play it again sports, and I bought everything a size too small, and I had Chuck Savage, a friend of mine

and Houston tape me playing football at the University of Houston I sent it to Chris Rock and he sent it to Adam and I learned that so I started doing it. That's how I booked the American gangster and they broke up the movie and they put Foco in it instead of Leonardo

whatever. I had that I sent the tape. I used to just send tapes it. I would go on pre-production if the movie was shooting in New York I didn't even know the role. I would just set the table. I'm Joe Diaz. I'm from the upper west side.

Yeah, I mean, what the fuck you got to lose? It's better than sitting there. I always tell young kids, show up, man. Show up. That's the other thing, that if you're not going to show up,

it ain't worth you a while. If you don't show up, it ain't going to work with a bluebird of happiness is not going to knock on your door with an Adam Sandler movie. It's one of the biggest 85% of success in life is showing up, man.

That's it. You got to get up in the morning, and I was snorting Coke till 6. I'm up at 7.30 with the breakdowns. I just did. Okay, I'm up at 7.30 with the breakdowns. This is dead. Yeah.

I don't even think there's breakdowns anymore. Yeah. I would be up a seven with the breakdowns, so my agents had the rolls by the time they fucking got into their office. And then at 901, everybody got a call. Yo, did you get what I sent you? Call them up, see what they could do. And I would wait for the first idiot to call me back.

If they didn't call me, then I'd call them each again. Absolutely. What happened with the chair is? Ah, the casting director isn't in. Fuck you. And I'd wait. call the castor yeah because I ain't waiting on you bitches no I'm not no listen I just did three shows in a row three big theaters sold out every theater I was exhausted I woke up

this morning my wife says oh you can rest today I said now I got to go Joey Diaz called me to do a show she goes are you kidding aren't you gonna rest I said no going it's like no I got the opportunity to be with you to do a great show I'm fucking going that's it show up show to up. That's how I am. Everybody cries so much in California and other places. And guys, this just didn't happen. This just didn't happen. You know?

Yeah, the skies aligned from time to time. You just got to keep getting up every morning going, what the fuck am I going to do nothing? This month I wanted to work, but I have health issues. Right. You know, I got the shortness of breath going on and my fucking tuberculitis, so I got to keep, and now it's eating me alive. But you got to take care of yourself now. I'm trying.

You see me over here drinking water. Yeah, yeah. I've been a Coke in 17 years. I'm loyal, I'm a loyal soldier, you know what I'm saying? I got you. It's not like I'm eating fucking sausage every day. You know, when I moved here, I thought there was going to be a problem. But then I came back and I'm like, I don't know,

you know, I grew up on two slices a day. Right, we all did. Two slices and a Coke for a buck and a quarter. All day long at 2.30. I'll urge you over until 6. I don't even eat pizza now. Yeah. You know, so it's like...

Yeah, you gotta take care of yourself, man. I'm 62, it's a hard body. I ran from cops. Yeah. I ate prison food for nine months. That's like smoking cigarettes for 10 years. Oh, yeah. Eating that for nine months.

Eating that fucking astronaut food. Oh, yeah, bad, yeah. So it's not like I'm a virgin here, you know. You're gonna have some issues later on in life. I've been smoking dope since I'm 12. That means I'm officially smoking dope 40 years. What do you think? What do you think?

Congratulations. Now is when you start smoking Marlboro Reds. Yeah, but you got to be careful, because after 50, the warranty runs out. Shit. In the last six months, I had a yeast infection in my ear, an infection, a loose tooth, my fucking dention in the back is loose now. My fungi toenail was worse than ever. I got divertulitis, my rash is back.

And I got fucking... I got a rash that won't go away. They just shot me with everything. Right, right. Maximilian, they shot me with more antibiotics. Everything disappeared, except that rash came back like three days. Right under my tit. It's like the fucking alien.

It's under my tit. It's fucking here. It's on this foot. It sucks getting old, but you can't give up. Can't give up, man. Can't give up. Today I went to box. I couldn't fucking breathe.

I lasted 10 minutes today, boxing. I put music on, and I just started boxing. I started huffing and puffing and I stayed in there. I did some fucking whatever you call those bats The club bats They didn't fucking whatever And I was like I'm good

Tomorrow all I got to do is 15 As long as you get a little better Every fucking day That's it You're right bro That's it You fucking right man Living like a doctor dog

Yeah Everybody's trying to sell this shit to you And it's just easy Yeah you're right I'm telling you Write your day out Let these motherfuckers know what you're thinking I fucking work out of every day Joe

Every day I get up. And I go, what am I going to do today to make my career better? That's the way it's got to be, man. I mean, I enjoy my life. I have a great time with my family, but every day my mind's on the, I'm on the fucking ball with something. And that's why I've been around this long. You got to.

You got to do it, man. I see you out a lot, man. Yeah. You do a cigar night. Yeah, I have a cigar line. I have a cigar. And I don't, one day, I just want to lay out a beach and just write. so I say okay

so I want to write I have two restaurants I have a cigar line I have wine that's doing great you know it's all planned but you gotta work at it you know I got no hobbies

like I would have a cigar night but I don't smoke cigars I don't smoke very rarely oh I fucking hate it and then they hate you with the cigar breath yeah oh really kills you yeah they start getting close to year I dedicate the cigar to my grandfather

who is this so I get away with it like that I don't drink wine Yeah. So it's like, I can't put a bottle of wine out. I mean, I could, but I'm lying to people. You're lying, yeah. Well, you drink wine.

This wine is the best. Joe, you don't drink wine. You don't drink wine. I've never seen you hanging out with Julius Caesar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what, like I tried the weed line. I'm not doing that again. That's a waste of time.

You're very rare they make money with that. See, there are some people who do? I did for a while, and then it all went sound. And it's like, you know what? Everybody's got fake accounting. Yes. And I figured out unless you're doing it all, you're picking it, growing it. Absolutely.

Packaging it. There's no dough. Everybody's always wanting to. Everybody's always lying. For the small 5%. What's up, Lee? Hit him. You're all right.

You're sitting there like zumbo. Look at you. You had a little sleep. No, I'm good. I'm good. I was wondering. Got some edibles? You got that edible look on it.

I do. I do. Holy shit. Holy shit. I busted you, didn't I? No, but. busted, but yeah. Yeah, like you're fucking ripped.

Look at him. He's ripped. He should be ashamed of himself. What are those vile things? We're taking him to rehab this one. He's not doing well, Shaz. Yeah. Well, that's the first thing you gotta do.

Is rehab? Lay off the fucking mushrooms. No, no mushrooms tonight. He just did 100 milligrams. I did not do 100 million. I know he did so. Oh, yeah. I'm looking at him.

No good. What the fuck am I going to ask this guy? What are you going to ask him? You forgot already ten times. Oh, I forgot him. million questions I wanted to ask. All right, well, I got to tell you, you got to be on your game, baby.

Oh, no, I love talking to you. Otherwise, you'd be sitting in this chair 20 years from now. No, I've loved, I was wondering how many people have told you about their rashes while they were interviewing you. But no, I'm like, all right, we're good, babe. Well, poor bastard. Look at the shapeies. I can't give you nothing.

So what do you got to come? out. Talk to me. How many more dates on this? Oh, I'll be doing the, this is like the national tour again I'm doing. All the after you is go to chast pommitory.net. I'm going to be a tarry town next week, but that's sold out. But I'm going to be a tarry town. If you go to chas palmetry. My host schedule is there. You can get tickets right there. Or you could see it. You can see it shot with five cameras, the one-man show. So on Amazon Prime, Google, Fandangle, and what else Apple, Apple TV.

And that's doing great. So I'm very excited. I'm going back on Godfather of Harlem with Forrest Whitaker. That comes April 18th? April 18th. See, I have to do my homework. Yeah.

That's a great show. You like it too? You watch them. The fourth episode's coming out. Then I'm just, I'm on for the fifth episode, for the fifth season. And Gravesend I'm doing again.

So there's a lot of stuff. I mean, I'm just like, I'm doing a movie in April, in Rhode Island, I forgot the name of it, with Chad Verdi. Actually, my son has the lead in it, and he's very excited about that. I have a small part, which is good. And so a lot of great things are happening.

Really good. You're a fucking inspiration, right? My life, every day I wake up and I look to God, I go, thank you, Jesus. Thank you, thank you, thank you. you every day I say that thank you because I look at my life and I look at where I came from and I look at some guys that I grew up with and hung with and some of the lot of them are not here and some of them you know some did very well some not and I go what I

don't know what I did right but thank you I really do Joe I do I say thank you I'm so grateful so grateful man really thank you for what you do man and thank you you are a great inspiration you really are you fucking hired me Yeah. He hired me A long time ago. Well, I see talent right away, you know. He didn't fucking know. All I had to do is get thrown in the pool. No, it's great.

But you know what? Certain people, you could just say, you know what? He's got that thing that people like. I always enjoyed that role because I met two of the nicest walk on top of you. I met your buddy from Sanja Anarchy. Yes.

The old guy that played Who Dayton? What's his name? Dayton Callie. Dayton Callie. He was fucking great. Great. But I met that dude that died.

He was on that show on CBS. And he died after he did the Travolta movie. New York guy. Really fucking good guy. You hired him as a... Yeah, he was one of the major roles in that movie. Men versus women was the movie. Men versus women, that's correct.

And he was on the set. And I was fucking in awe. Because I had grown up watching them on, come on guys, the show with the really good blonde woman that was on CBS, Sybil Shep Sheppard, one of those fucking blondes on CBS. He played the plumber or something. Oh, come on now. Yes, Candice Burden.

And the show, and he was a great actor. Richard. What the fuck was his name? I can't think of any. He fucking schooled me, dog. He was great. Schooled me. Great actor.

Schooled me. me and you'll know who he is. You'll definitely know. Did he die of an OD? I think he did. They don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know if he did. He died in sleep. He died in sleep. I was so... Yes. And I had just lost a role to him in that movie the second part of Get Shorty.

Yeah, he was true. And usually I would tell those, I would go home and kill a chicken and do some Santeria to fucking get rid of it. And I went home going, you know what? If I lost a role to him,

I'm doing something right. It was me and him. I'm doing something right. Because this guy was fucking. You know what? I've been very fortunate. I highly... Richie.

Richie. Richie. Richie. Richie. The first name was Richie. Funny guy. He always said, what about me? What about me?

Funny guy, man. And he's in the movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah. When they do... What's the movie? The other guy is in that movie. You know... Who plays the gangster?

Joe in Bullets Over Broadway, Joe, the one that's... Joe Varelli. Joe Varelli was Sean Penn's neighbor. And Sean Penn talked them into fucking acting. Yeah. That dude, Joe Vittrelli. Joe Vitts is in that movie, too. Terrific, Joe Vig.

Oh, the one with Vanessa Williams. Yeah. The Fed movie with Arnold kidnapped Vanessa Williams and she's got the pay for us to the mob in Baltimore. There was a lot of people I hide as a writer-in-direct. Porter I just saw Billy Porter you know recently and he now he's you know Billy's huge and he just had talent when you see people like that they just exude talent and I knew from you know and who's the guy who played Basquiat great actor oh my god a black actor he's I forgot his name but he did

he did a small part for me in the movie I did I produced and he did it and I said this fucking guy and he did this little part and he was so great And now he's huge mega star. And you can just see it. No blowing smoke. You were the same way. It's just a character. It's a character.

It's like bigger than life. When I saw you on stage, when I went to see you on stage, it was like a fucking Mooney convention. He was screaming. Ah, Joey! You didn't even fucking come out yet. And you were opening for Joe. You know.

Atlantic City. Atlantic City. Yes. And I said, holy shit. What the fuck. is going on. Yes. And it was screaming

like it was like a fucking cold. Joey, Joey! And then you come out and your first words are what's up motherfuckers? And the place goes nuts. They love all that shit. Holy shit.

What's up, cock suckers? All day long they had called Mr. I couldn't believe it. I mean, and moms and people, it's just you know, you have the hit thing. You know what I mean? You go out there?

How you do, Lee? I'm doing great. Right? You want us to call 911 or anything? Not yet. I was going to ask you about your podcast. How you got started with your podcast? You know, I'm glad you brought that up.

People want to see me on my podcast. Go to Chas Pomeratary Show. It's on YouTube. It's on Google. Apple. And it's a great show, man. I saw the one with Fat Joe. Yeah, Fat Joe is on.

I've had a lot of good people. Catherine Adduci. Captain Adduci. I love it. You've been on. Billy Joel's been on. I got a lot of good people, man. I've been on.

You've been on. I said. We had a good time. You've been on. You toured a place out. My wife had those. My wife. Fucking food.

Tremendous. My wife is. Joey Diaz, the nicest person. I said, I said, he's always like, she's always talking about. Oh, please tell Joey.

I said hi. And he's always going, send you. I said, Hey, Joey, you fuck my wife. I felt like De Niro in fucking rage and broke.

She's a sister from down here. Yeah, I know. She grew up down the girl. She grew up right down there, yeah. That's fucking. I thought she was going to come with you. I'm heartbroken.

Yeah. No, she couldn't. She went down the fucking corner. Yeah. I think she said 48th Street or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's family. You know, when you, you know,

when I see her, she's fucking beautiful. What nationality is she? What? What nationality is she? She's full Italian. First generation of Thai. She came here. She couldn't speak English.

How's that? All the time. Wow. Yeah. Speaking Italian. The Union City ain't fucking around. What's the? Union City put out.

some good looking women. Oh yeah. My wife's a good looking woman. His grandmother, Union City, fucking beauty queen. Yeah, that's great man. Fucking pretty girls in Jersey. Jersey girls, man. As the song says, bro. Well, really, thanks for having me, Joe. Dog, it's an honor to have you on here. And I can't wait to see you on Godfather album. Thank you. I appreciate that. That's one of my favorite fucking shows. I've been waiting for two years. Yeah, I know. It's fine. I know that. The chin is gone. Yes. But I'm sure he worked.

worked around and everything's going to be beautiful. Everything's going to be great, bro. I'm going to tell you who's real quick. I'm going to tell you who blows me away lately. Who? Bo Diedel. Oh, Bob's great. Bo is getting better and better.

He is. And better. How is this Monday night? Should I go to one of them? Yes. I just feel weird. You know, he's got a lot of heavy-duty people there. Oh, you should go.

Judges. I've been there. It's great. Okay. Because he's asked me. Joe, oh, you know, but Bo is great. I love Bo. I love to that.

Bo is fucking great. And let me tell you something. Bo was fucking the Irish male with Bob De Niro and Appuccino he held his own He held his own

He fucking held his own Without the shirt With the watermelon With the watermelon All that shit He was fucking Bow was great He's smart

He plays these parts That's right in his wheelhouse You know what I'm saying And he's great at it man He's fucking And I work with him In The Godfather He's great at it

He really is And a great guy too So you're coming back Yeah Because you went away They sent you away Yeah, they sent me away after, I did two seasons, and they sent me away because my character, I got exile.

They were going to kill me. So I went to retire, and then they just brought me back for season four and five. You wrote the book when you were away? What book? The book he wrote, Man of Honor. No, I didn't remember right Man of Honor. Not you, your character. Oh, my character, yes.

Oh, I'm sorry. I said, what the fuck did I do? Is that when he writes a book when he goes away for those two years? They're going to talk about it. I'm not supposed to talk about it. Where the fuck are you thinking of dealing with Joey bananas? Fucking Joe Bananas. You think I just walked on a hunting park on a raft?

I love you, my brother. God bless you. Thank you. And support, Chas, any way you can. Thank you. Lee, where you at this weekend? I'm at the House of Comedy in Minnesota, opening up for Josh Walt Friday and Saturday.

And me, I got dick. I'm on a sabbatical. I'm trying to get healthy. I'll let you know. I'll do some pop-up shows. Lee will definitely come, and you guys are fantastic. Thank you very much for watching the show.

and it's my birthday Wednesday. Hey, happy birthday. I'm officially three years collecting social and I'm taking it because that means my daughter gets three years until she's 18. So whatever they give me, they give her. So I just got to stay alive now. I love you, cock suckers. Stay black.

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