The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - Tough as nails

Episode Date: August 27, 2024

Joey Diaz discovers you can get ice cream delivered, gets his prescription updates on Instagram, explains why he likes bar shows, and why he wants to get an office above a funeral home. New DraftKings customers get $200 in bonus bets when you bet just 5 bucks. Just download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code JOEY Support the show and get your new Mint Mobile 3-month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month. Head to https://www.mintmobile.com/DIAZ The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz

What's up, buddy? What's up, you bad motherfuckers? How are you doing, Val? It's a beautiful Monday, Tuesday, whatever. Everybody's looking good, looking healthy. What's up, Lee? I'm doing good, but I'm already high. You always...

Me too. What do you think? Special me too, that Baclavar breath. And I got to introduce the fucking the check-in tonight. Check a look at this. This is the spray I was telling you, about. Oh, shit, look at it.

Oh. How many milligrams is it per squirt or whatever? It don't matter. I mean, I don't know. Jesus. Beautiful.

I love, I love, like, just the idea of you walking down this brief, like, like you know, spreading bonaca. I'm telling you, people have no idea. You can spray them in their eyes. They can spray it in their ears. I sprayed it in my cat's ears. He hasn't stopped eating for two days, you know what I'm saying?

I can't even could you imagine if like you, like instead of like pepper spray people used weed spray? Yeah, but what good is that? They're just going to be happy and run away. This is,

I want a pepper spray you say you fucking scratch your eyeball out. Relax me. You're trying to make a comparison between apples and you just said you were spraying people. Yeah, but to get high, not to fucking for them to scratch an inch and

well, I'm trying to think of like a you're not really supposed to spray people with drugs. So I was trying to think of like a positive way. I'm like pepper. It could be pepper spray. Depends who it is. Some people like to get sprayed by drugs, Lee. Just relax. All right. Some people like to wake up every morning walking through a cloud

of cocaine. I know 2,000 people that that's their dream every morning. Just to get up and walk through a fucking cloud and be high for like 19 hours until they drop dead. Some people want to walk into a cloud of smoke. Some people want to walk into a you know, everybody's got their own fucking

dilemmasly. I know. And you can tell who these people are who want to get sprayed? You can tell them. They got a limp and not. You know, they're just doing things. I love you. I had a great weekend, great week. Last week, you know, I feel good.

I'm going to go meet the girls for vacation tomorrow. Oh, yeah? You excited? Yeah, I'm fucking excited. I'm going to sit by the beach. I got 19 different types of wheat. I got ABX edibles and I got my kids. and I got my fucking, you know.

Oh, Jesus. Ah. I feel like you're going to go through a bottle by the end of the show. All liquid dabs. Oh, you're good. That's what you want to take unlimited sprays. After about 10 of them, you get fucked up.

You drop a couple mushroom grams at this. Forget about it. You're sitting in your car listening to fucking black cold sun over, over, over, over again. That's a good night right there. And look, what are you going to? Are you going to do this at the beach? Do you what?

You're going to get, like, what's your trick for getting high at the beach? I'm going to smoke a big fat joint, take some edibles, and then when I get there to maintain, I'll spray this shit in my eyeballs. Every 20 or 30 minutes and turn over. Turn over and bake. How many even uses a sun tan lotion? Oh, probably would seep in, yeah. Seeps in, let the sun bake it into you.

Forget about it. I'll be fucking positive for about a year and a half. If a little puppy comes up to me and the beach, he's going to die, that little cock's lec. Would you ever spray it in, like, food or something? I don't know, Lee. Why spray it in food when I can spray it in my, fuck, under my tongue, and it's a direct connection? I don't know.

Questions tonight. What's going on with you? You're getting ready for fights or steps up and down or what? Oh, geez. I think you go start and end every call with, it's not like, what do you think it's going to happen on these four blades? I'm going to hate it. I'm not lying you.

I'm not looking forward to that. But, like, you fuck, oh, every time. We talk about anything that goes to stairs. If you hate it going in, how's it going to be after 90 days? Because I love the apartment. I'm excited about New York, and I'm not going to be there. All right. Wait, I'm not going to be there.

Where are you going to be? Hopefully. Hopefully I'll be doing shows. You're not going to be there. So how are you going to get down to the first floor? I'm going to just throw up. myself down the stairs. What are you thought? I'm just going to walk down the down. The down is not what I'm worried about. The up is what I'm worried about. Oh yeah. Down's a breeze down you like jog a little bit.

It's fun. But right now you're going to have 12 flights a day. That's if you go down three times, which I don't think you'll do that. Why would I need to go down three times? You go down twice. Huh? You go maybe twice. Like before I leave for shows, I'll go grab someone to eat maybe. But I, why am I going down? Who leaves the house that often? You never know. You might be. You might be You get batteries, you know. Who fuck knows? I'm going to be Uber Eats is the number one customer for sure. Yeah, Uber Eats.

After a while, nobody's going to want to deliver to you. They're not there. Four flaws. This is a guaranteed 20. I ain't going up there. What's what they'll do? They'll leave the food downstairs. I'm sure they will.

Did I ever tell you that I got like a pizza place when I was in college, called me and told me that they couldn't deliver to me anymore? Why? Because I found a deal online. Have you spent like 10 bucks? They gave you a free small. like a personal pizza. And so I would order a chicken sandwich and a soda

and it would give me a free pizza. And they called me one day because I ordered it fucking like two, three times a week probably. And they called me one day like, dude, you got to order more. We can't keep coming down. I couldn't call in it because it wasn't going to spend more.

That's all I needed. Let me ask you a question. Yeah. About three months ago, I did the worst thing ever. I stopped with Mike. She kept telling me about dairy queen. Okay.

It's on Route 9 by Amboy. It is a fucking dive that place. I mean, Oh, no. The guy had like a cross-eye. The chick had a mustache. It's like a circus that broke down and went to work in there. Filty.

And the fucking, while I was there, they had a line just for people to pick up ice cream. So you're telling me, if I call Uber Eats and go, listen, I want a pineapple Sunday from Dairy Queen. They'll deliver it. With a smile. Not even, not a service chart like that. No, there's a fee. Oh, yeah, it's probably going to cost you, like, double what it would, but... But isn't there a minimum?

Sometimes, but if you don't go to a minimum, they'll just give you, like, a $5 fee. But I think you can go... To me, I've never gotten ice cream delivered just because I'd be pissed it to be melted. But you can, I think. I'm almost positive, you can. Listen, I don't want to get it there. Never mind, get it delivered. They might have Carvel.

They might have Carvel and Uberie. I don't want Carvel either. I don't... Who gets fucking ice cream? cream delivered to the house unless you're in a fucking wheelchair, okay? The least you can do is a fat fucking go down there and get it, go for a ride,

smell, get some air, get bitten the neck by a vampire, whatever the fuck it is. But it's better. Who the fuck sends out for a dessert? I mean, you know, I can see De Niro sent out for two pieces of sushi one time. He sent this assistant down there like 10 o'clock at night. No, it goes to cocktail.

A certain cocktail. I'm not that fucking crazy. No, but people do it all the time. Like, people will order. I'm always amazed by coffee. Like, that, I wouldn't, I don't know. It just seems like a crazy thing to order yourself. People order everything.

You know what's crazy? I love the Starbucks by my house. Right. It's my favorite. I go in there and get the green tea almost every fucking day, even though I can make 10 gallons for four bucks. I like the girls. I like the people in there.

They're very nice. but I go to the drive-thru Okay What am I gonna get out for? I go to the drive-room I'm just getting fucking tea I don't sweeten it or nothing It's just plain green tea

I like it But I tell you when it's scary When a fucking person And it's usually a chubby lady And a nice car When she has like the app Right She shows it to them

That's when I'm like There's gonna be 18 minutes And then you see it You can fucking see like The Cups just coming into the car Like four. Trays are four. Fucking chocolate milk

with whatever the fuck they put in it. More sugar. You don't use the app at Starbucks to get the points? No. Do you use points anywhere? I get points everywhere.

But do you actually ever use them? Graff Kings gives me a ton of points. I just did it $200 or something like that. Well, with Draft Kings, it makes a lot of sense. I thought for you, I was surprised they used points in any of these stories. There's a store called Coles.

Okay. That I really enjoy. It's like a fucking because they make you feel like family. Because I like, my wife got me a fucking suit there and I almost killed her, but the suit is fucking nice. Like for what? You know, I don't wear suits, so I don't give a fuck. But that place always makes me feel like family because they always give me something. That's nice.

What do they give you? If you shop in there, you get a coupon for something, $8. off 30% Listen, they don't even wait for your fucking birthday They hit you up on February 1st and go happy birthday motherfucker Here's a coupon for 50% off Listen, it just makes you feel better

When you feel appreciated And in this society businesses Don't give a fuck anymore The airlines, nobody gives a fuck So when you got one person that really, you know, the places where between you and I, I get fucking hit up once a week with numbers. People offer me money to talk about their restaurant on Rogan.

Jesus. Or they're coming and make a video. I mean, people, you don't even want to know the office, you know. And I laugh at them because if I needed the money, I could just ask Joe. I would never just put a T-shirt on and go on Joe and, you know. Right. Right. If you just ask Joe, he'll give it fucking.

If I call Joe and Joe, I'm going to wear a t-shirt for 25 grand. I got to do a commercial. Or you could give me the 25 grand. Joe, give me 50 to shut my fucking mouth. That's why I like Joe. But I would never ask him for that. I'm just saying. Right.

You've got the offers. You know, people always go come into the restaurant and eat. So what do you think I'm going to give me a review after the first fucking time? I can't. That's not fair to you. That's not fair to the fucking restaurant. What if I come in one night And the Mexican burnt himself

And the assistant Mexican Is fucking getting his cousin on the border You know When that happens Yeah And now the main chef ain't there You know, it's just I like, there's a restaurant

I go to all the time Okay It's my go to Osteria Mm-hmm I don't go there every day But when I want a meal Like a fucking meal With no problems

I go there and pay the extra dough Do you think I go there because of the food? You know? No. I go there because of the owners. Steve and Angelo. They're the type of Italians I grew up with. That when you walk in the house, you got to eat something.

And if you don't like what they got, they'll cook something for you. They don't even care if you have money, those guys. They'll say, you're hungry. You know, they'll just ask you. What do you want? You know, he told me next time I come in, he's going to make. me a fried diablo. I went in there about two weeks ago and I got on a Friday night. It was the best thing I ever fucking tasted

in my life with Bucatini noodles. Nice. thicker with the hole in the middle. So it was the sauce or Bucatini, something like that. I'm not fucking. I don't know. With fraud diablo? Yeah, Bucatini type pasta.

But the point is that they always, I've never, they've never asked me. I always go in there and take pictures of the food. and post them because I know what I'm putting up there is fucking 100. But that chicken parmesan is so fucking good. I dish, angel hair pasta with garlic and oil. They have so many. Their seeds of salads are this fucking world.

Is that the place that has like the huge dishes too? Or am I thinking of a different place? It's not the place where you thought your hands were the lobster tails. No, no, not that place. It was the Italian place. So like even Mercy gets like a spaghetti. and meatballs with like a sausage, but it's like each dish Sunday sauce. Yeah, yeah, that's Austeria.

Yeah, it's like just huge. It's like those four people. I go to chill chiroir therapy because they're the sweetest people in the world. When I call the girl, she's like, would you like us to turn this on? Yeah, you know, I go to a gym that the people are nice as hell. I train with a guy that the people are nice as hell. I go to Jiu-Jitsu where if you ever heard the story,

He kept telling me, just come in. The Brown Belt, Sean, my brother kept saying, come in, come in, you don't even need money. Just come in and move around. You're an old guy. You know, shit like that. That's great from a business owner. We don't, there's not a lot of people that do that anymore.

No. There's not a lot of people that do that, that go out of their way. You know, I bump into a lot of people that I go, wow, I wish I loved my job as much as they did. I love when that happens. It really will make your day. Like even if you go to like someplace where they shouldn't love their job and they love it, that's my favorite.

Like when they're just quiet at it. Let me try this. And you're like, wait a second. I thought you were on the clock. And they're like, no, my next appointment is in two hours. Don't worry about it. And you're like, wow, those are people who really enjoy what they do. And I bumped into a lot of them here, like for certain different things and my family.

Like, you know, I don't need to take pictures with them. I don't need to talk. You know, I'll tell people about it. But it's so weird how people contact me and go come to the restaurant and have a meal. And if you can't talk about it, you know, and I'm like, oh, I'm not a fucking food critic. When I go somewhere and I like something, Lee, and you've been with me, we go to a couple places ago, holy shit, this is fucking good. The people are cool. I'm in.

I'm all in. I'll never go anywhere else again. And isn't it also kind of disrespectful to like email? I just like just to like everyone knows you and Joe are friends. It would be kind of shitty of you to accept that. My brother, people do not think at all. People do not care. In today's world, people are not concerned with other people.

You know, when I make a left turn and there's a light that's about to turn fucking red, I fly through there because I want the guy behind me to make the fucking light. I don't want them to sit there like a goddamn. penguin. I'm always thinking about the guy behind me. Look, that light turns green and you're at the left, and you're looking at your phone. You only got 30 seconds at that fucking light.

And then the guy behind them is two carlings behind. You know, when I'm on that line, I'm looking at that light, and I got my foot in the pedal ready to step on that motherfucker, like a cockroach. You know what I'm saying? I'm ready to step on that pedal. Look at the drag

racing? Yeah. Yeah. I'm ready to go, because I want the guy behind me to make the fucking light. People don't do that no more. People, I went to a place a couple days ago. What's in your salad, ma'am? Lettuce, tomato, onion, and cucumber. I said, can I get that with no cucumber?

And are they cherry tomatoes or the big tomatoes? She goes, big tomatoes. I go, big tomatoes. I go up to the cherry tomatoes. don't bring them. She came back with blue cheese dressing, cucumber, celery, fucking carrots on the salad. That's why they want. Carrots or cucumbers. You don't even say nothing no more because this happens

constantly. Constantly. It happened to me today. I was calling to get internet in New York and I was like, hey man, I have a place in math. I'm keeping the service on. I need to add service to New York. And he literally said to me, he said, oh, I'm really confused. So you want to transfer your service

from Mass to New York? I said, no. He said, I'm going to have to transfer you. Like, he couldn't handle just adding another internet. I was like, I thought it was just fucked up. I think a lot of people have fucked up at work now. I don't think they just fucked up. I think they're hiring

the bottom of the barrel. Dog, my local CBS, I love that motherfucker. but there's like two people working there that should not be working there there's a chick that works nights and every time I go in there you could smell the vodka oh no

and she always forget shit you know I always get my 40% off coupon she forgets it you know she it's a fucking nightmare I go in there a couple days a week I get you know milk whatever I get the protein shit there I get Band-Aids

from my ears, I get fucking Nicorette, you know, but I wait until I get the coupon and I go to Nicorette, you know, Nicorat's expensive. But I get a 40% off coupon. I go and then get everything. This chick will tell me the coupon's in there and then not hit the ticket. Oh, no. And I'm like, what the fuck? You know, and it's just, and there's no way this woman would have got hired anywhere

except somewhere where you couldn't see, you know what? We used to hire people and just put them in the back. we'll find something for like she's one of those people that would have been in the back and will you ever go in and leave because she's the only cashier nah there's an Indian dude

I didn't like it first but that motherfucker is solid cool but they must have moved them to a different fucking store they had a gay manager for a while he got sick the AIDS backfired and he fucking he hasn't come back

now they got a sweet black dude it's always something. And then the other CBS, I go to pick up my medication. These motherfuckers are like, you know, but there's a kid there. My man, Asian Alex, that's a bad one. Is he a pharmacist?

Where does Asian Alex work? He's like a tech. Oh, and he's cool? Cool as a motherfucker. He'll hit me up. Tell me I got medication. He'll hit me on Instagram. I don't think they're supposed to do that.

I don't give a fuck. And then I bring him a little gift to see. to make him a little lighter on his feet at work. You've got a perspective right on Instagram. What's that? That's so crazy to get that on Instagram. No, me, dog.

Oh. I love it. Get this thing started. It's a beautiful Tuesday morning. What's happening, you savages? It's Tuesday, the 27th of August. The checking is brought to you by On It. Listen, for all your supplements, you got to go to Onit.

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it. Turn out your TVs run for your lives it's over. They didn't put you on this planet just to give up. If Uncle Joey could do it, I can rule the world. That's what you've got to be thinking. Welcome back to church. I got to do that video.

My friend's kid. And I'm also excited about football season. You know what I'm saying? I can't wait. Yeah, preseason is over, I think. And now it's time to get down. Don't we have to wait two weeks? Yeah, it's two weeks.

So it's not the fucking next weekend. It's the week after that. that the ninth, I think. That's a long two weeks. Nah, you're as tough as fucking nails. You know what I'm saying? You got smoke some weed. You're moving. By the time you move, football season will be in full fucking stretch.

If there's any New England people in New York that do like a New England bar to watch the Patriots on Sunday, let me know. Yeah, let them know. So you can make sure it's a Raider boss when he walks in, beat the fuck out of them. God damn it. They had it in the... Yeah, they have that. They had in L.A., but God. That's what you want.

want to walk around New York or New England shirt or you need to shoot. No, I'm not going to wear the shirt. Yeah, you are. I know you are. I'm not, I'm going to hide those. I'm going to hide those. Like I'm back. Shirt dragging on the floor.

I beg. Kwamey with a hot dog in your hand and your other hand is sticky. You don't want to do that. All right. This ain't the town. You're 36 years old. It's over. I can't watch the games anymore.

Watch the game. Put it better than go do your thing. But you're not going to sit at a bar with a bunch of other New England people with holding and towels to the heads. Why don't I'm supposed to make friends in this town? What? Are I supposed to make friends? Go to fucking comedy clubs.

I'm going to, but the games are like 1 o'clock. We're not good. Our game is going to be over by 4 o'clock. I can take a nap before my sense. Let's stop right there. You ain't walking four flights down those stairs to go watch a football game. So knock it off.

I'm going to have to. I'm not going to live up there like a man, Frank. I did it. When the elevator would break, when I lived in Hollywood, You wouldn't see me for days. Well, you had the elevator as an option. There's never going to be an elevator in my building. Well, you know, I didn't make that mistake, cuck, sucker.

A good apartment. I'll make a video. I made it one on Instagram, but I'll make it once I fill it up. I'm excited about it. I can't wait to live in New York. Make a video, I get scared. I don't know what's going on. I see a big head in a little space.

I don't know what's happening. What do you want me to do about my head? My head's always been big. And by the way, your head looks as big. You always have the camera right up here. That's why I don't become a tranny, because my head's too fucking big. That's the only reason why? Yeah, no.

I don't know you're looking. But, you know, you become a woman. You got the size of a head of fucking lurch. It's very tough to make that sale. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I didn't know that was the only reason of holding you back. And look at these gorilla hands.

And when they see my fungi. toenail. That's a dead giveaway. You know, I could never transition. I got the fungi toenail. What chick, what 60-year-old chick do you see with 50-pound feet and fucking fucked up toenails? Nobody's so relaxed. If you wanted to, you could. You look beautiful.

Listen, let's get off this conversation because you're starting to talk shit here. I'm not going to fuck it. I got to take a shot to kill a fungi in my body. Really? Yeah, I got to take like that. fucking two shot deal and it zaps me out for a few days. This shit is deep.

So it's like even though it's on your toenail, it's in your body? It's in my bloodstream. I don't know that. Okay. I can cut this nail. I could cut it, chop it. It'll still have the fungus in my body.

You have to kill the yeast in your body. All the fungus. Listen, who the fuck knows? I didn't know. That's crazy. Are you going to miss your fungi toenail? Because you love your,

like I feel like you like it now. Well, it's a hobby. It became a hobby. Like some people collect stamps. I like cutting my nail, buffing it, sniffing it, baking with it, putting it in edibles for you to eat, you know. I know I've eaten it before, smoked it at least. But that's, when are you going to do these shots?

I don't know. Why are we talking about shots? Anyway, you brought it up. What's going on with comedy check? It's supposed to be the comedy check and my fungi tail jacket, all right? It's going, I had a really fun, I had a show in Maine on Saturday. And it was like really exactly the show I was looking to do. It's like a cool group of guys called like the comedy mill up there.

And they had 80 people at a bar. And it was it was awesome. Like it was just I love doing shows like that. And like they were just like there. Like you can make fun of them a little bit. And it was a cool. It was fun. Like it was, you know, it's a two hour drive back and forth.

It just felt like the stories that you guys have told on the podcast. You know, bar shows can be very good. Yeah. When I was starting out, like my third or fourth year, my friend Jimmy in Denver, he knew how to put together a bar show, and they would be quiet.

The only problem you ever having a bar show, you can't turn the TV off during a nugget game. And in any city, in a Laker, you can't do it. If you go to one of the Spanish rooms and, you know, off the five, They want to do comedy when the Lakers are on. On the Dodgers, yeah, of course. But there's one room that sticks out in my mind.

There was a kid who did a room like on the Wyoming border. This kid, you know, I talked about him before on the podcast. He helped me a lot with comedy. He knew, like he would go to these shitty small towns and rent the barn and put 500 chairs in there and take his chances. And he'd get 600 people on a Saturday night. They have nothing else to do, but bowl and listen to country music at a bar. I love those shows.

They're right now. They're my favorite. I would, like, I love because they're there to laugh. Not always, but I usually have a pretty good show. Like, they're just there to have fun. The problem with the bar is you have people that are not there to see comedy. Well, this one was cool. Was it up in like a private space just like that?

They had a real stage and everything like that. You need somewhere in the back where people aren't going to fuck where your waitresses come, a security guy to keep it quiet. You know, I saw something. I saw somebody put a video up a couple days ago of a comic on a ship getting attacked. I saw that.

And I never heard about that. I thought the security was great on a ship. But the problem on a ship is they're drinking all fucking day. Oh, yeah. They're drinking all day for multiple days. and like a security can be great but they're never like right on top of the stage but like she shouldn't have ever got up there

but yeah I don't know if it was a girl or a guy I don't know it's just crazy that on a ship you know I heard it at bar shows like people getting crazy I used to love those fucking things you know

it shows so crazy how and I hate to say this because I'm not, I'm very grateful for everything, but sometimes your career gets in the way of just just wanted to be a regular comic sometimes. Going to a bar show

without people bother me, I get off stage, I got to meet the chef now and the I just want to go do the fucking show and giggle, laugh and focus on that. People really cannot deal with that anymore. What do you mean?

You know, when you, when I go see a band, I don't want to talk to them before or after the show. I don't want to do nothing with these fucking guys. The only thing I want, if I go see a band, is to get my fucking hand knocked off. And if I go see a comic, I want the comic to knock my fucking socks off.

That's it. I don't expect anything else from that comic. I pay $30. I want to laugh. I want to date or the friend I bring with me to laugh his ass off. And now we got something to talk about the diner. You know, maybe we'll see a chick pass out drunk and they have to carry her out and we'll remember the memory forever.

That's as far as I'm concerned. Yeah, listen, when I think at concerts, I think about the girl that passed out, like that was all excited, got to the concert and passed out because her adrenaline just gave up at the concert. She's here. she's been excited all day and she's been drinking

but the adrenaline's been fucking keeping her sober once she gets to the show boom and she goes down when I went to the concert with Bill Burr and Dean Delray to see guns and roses I go here we go and I told Bill I go look at this chick over here

she's going to that this is not going to be good how often would you see a girl pass out of the concert like every concert nah like one out of four concerts there's always that one girl or one guy that they just fucking pass out

and people are stepping on them. And that's got to suck because if you brought that person to the concert, now you've got to kind of feel responsible for them. But at the same time, you're like, you know what? Fuck this bitch.

He knew the consequences. Passed out. Just like getting too fucked up. They would just pass out. Pass out. When I did 420 in Columbus in the middle of Kay Quigley show, the fucking guy passed.

He had like a stroke. And the ambulance got to come into the middle of the fucking floor, pull him out, and his friends were like, see you. Jesus. He's a good trip to the hospital. We ain't going with you. They stayed for the show? Yeah.

That's hysterical. I wonder if they're still friends. Hell no. But who gives a fuck? You know what I'm saying? The three people had a good time. The other guy went to amateur time. He was on Amateurville, and he fucking went.

the edibles backfired with the whiskey, and he was all fucked up. That's great. And alcohol is crazy? Is your gig still on this Friday? Because one of my friends is going to see you. We'll see. So as of right now,

I'm going to be a Rodney's on Friday at 7.30. I'd love for you guys to come as far as I know. We'll find out tomorrow, I think. I'll post it. I'll let her know. Thank you. Yeah, you get little fucking people already starting to know who Lisa.

That is and shit. It's exciting. I'm very excited. I'm very excited to the Ronis. And I have shows in Boston at Nix, September 6th and September 7th. Don't worry about September 6th and 7th. Just worry about this weekend. Let's focus on Rodney's.

I'm focused. And what you're going to say and what you're going to do? I'm excited. Okay. I am. Yeah, it should be fun. It's fun doing 45 minutes. And I've only done it like 10 to 15 times.

Like, I'm just getting it. probably won't do 45. I'll probably do like 30 minutes. I'll probably do like 30 minutes. I got to show you some. I got this on Friday. I'm going to be one of the judges at the fucking 420 Expo Cannabis Cup. Nice. We'll be out of town for the event. But I'm going to smoke all these weeds.

And then I got to fucking send them the thing and vote on them. There's one, two, three, four, four, five, six, seven. All right, I got five here. Oh, there's ten off together. Ten strains? Ten strains. They give you a little squeeze ball.

I don't even know what this is for. When you get so high. And what do you do with it? Focus on it. I don't know. Who plays with a ball when they're high? So what are you looking for? Like, did it tell you what, like, and I don't know if you can read it or not,

if you're not allowed to, but like, what are you like, what are you like, what do you like, what do you for say the best one? they sent me 10 of them. They're indicas. They know I like indicas, and it's like, strange from anywhere from 26% to about 31. Wow.

But I also got some Obama weed, this weed that's Obama, and he's giving everybody the finger. Oh, my God, it's tremendous. I haven't smoked the weed yet. I haven't even broke the bag because the bag is so fucking cool. It's a picture of Trump.

I'm sorry. It's a picture of Trump. Fucking Obama. but that's how I am. How did you confuse those guys? Well, you know. Ah. So they give you 10 strains.

And then they give you like a card, you have to mark them down and all that stuff. Oh, yeah, but I don't know if you're looking at like taste or like. Taste, you know. Yeah, I haven't looked at what the criteria is, what they're looking for. Me, I'm just looking to see if I see the devil. The problem is I got to try those for breakfast because I can,

can't smoke different strains throughout the day. My bong has to be clean for breakfast, and I got to get the most nutrients out of that bud. If I take two hits and I go upstairs and I jump in the shower and I got overwhelming anxiety, that's the weed you want, dog. Because if I get that type of anxiety in the morning, whoo, what it'll do to a regular human being? There was something I smoked last week when I had to walk up the stairs slowly.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. It was like, fuck it. And this is what you're looking for. Like, this is like the best weed. I want something to fucking knock me out in the morning for me to go, hmm, I'm not doing that today. I'm not doing that either.

Fuck that. I'm not driving up there. They could sit there and send smoke signals for all I give a fuck. Is that why you don't go like going places? Yeah. Because I smoke in the mornings and that clears up the day. You know what? I got eight things on my schedule.

There's only one thing I need to do. that's workout. And fuck the rest. And fuck. Today I had a thousand things to do. And I still, I went to boxing today. And it was fantastic.

I got my fucking sweat on. I couldn't breathe. Like what's kind of like regular boxing? Yeah, I went at two o'clock today. How was it? I hit the bag. I hit the sticks.

I threw weights around with my hands, three minute rounds, eight rounds. Fuck. That's it. How long have you been doing that? Maybe six weeks. That's pretty.

cool. I thought about doing that. Yeah, it's a great program over there. Listen, man, I'm like half retired now. I'm going to try to get a residency this fall. You know, I really appreciate what you said to me a couple weeks ago about, because now I consider myself 61 years young. And I didn't say this to me. I didn't think of this, to be honest. Somebody told me at Jiu-Jitsu. I was talking to them and they're like, Doug, look at you. You're 61 years young. You still come in here. You're still moving around. You do the best you can't. That's all. That's it. I still eat my edibles. I ate that whole fucking ounce of mushrooms in two weeks. You do put yourself through different trials that no one asks you to. Like with the drugs. And these mushrooms,

I thought I was eating like one or two grams and one night I waited. It was like I was eating like eight grams a shot, you know. Yeah, you have big hands. Like I'm eating gullbies with it. smoking at night Listen, man At night I get bored But I'm better if I get high And I read a little bit I try to write some stupid jokes

You know But what are you gonna 8 milligrams of mushrooms Or 8 grams of mushrooms Yeah, you know me I can go deep into the hemisphere With anybody It's over

I'm 61 The fucking The lever has broken But you're saying like You don't feel as old anymore Like you feel like You can definitely Can do it again

What's that? You just said, like you just said you were, like what we talked about a couple weeks ago that it changed your outlook on things. It's negative. When I say I'm 61 years old, it's negative talk. And I'm 61 years young. I still got a heart of a fucking savage.

You know, I still remember things. I forget a lot of things. But I remember things. And listen, man, if you stop using it, you lose it altogether. You're moving to New York. That gave me a little energy. I'm grateful to you.

And let's roll up our sleeves and get to work. But you're excited. It's at his football season. The playoffs are starting soon. Let me take a couple seconds here and read them a little thing from Draft Kings. I'll be right back. All right, guys. I'm talking to you this week about Draft Kings.

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New customers on the first three-month plan only. Speed slower than 40GB on unlimited plan and additional taxes and fees and restriction. See Mint Mobile for details. We're back, bitches. Anyway. You actually, we were just talking about draft kings, had a good call. I went to the Washington game, the Nationals game, and you're like, hey, put a bet in and put a bet on like a home run future.

And I think it was Aaron Judge from the Yankees. It hit. I bet him Friday and Chattani on Friday, and they both hit home runs. Oh, nice. That's the parley, but I didn't parley. I'm like, a lie to you and tell you I did, but I didn't. it was my first time ever being in like a sweet at a baseball game. It was pretty cool.

How was the food? The food was pretty good. They did have crab cakes, but the crab cakes then looked a little weird, but like the hot dog was cool. But like it was like the only bummer was I was at work. So like I could, I would never bring any weed to anything like that.

But they had peanuts, which were cool. Beats. Yeah. That's my favorite part about a baseball game. You don't like peanuts? I like peanuts, Lee, but it's a booth. I didn't throw it. I put it on a plate. I wasn't an animal. I had to wear a polo. It was a warring thing. They didn't know. They didn't have some hot dogs. They had some meat. That was pretty good. But the best part was they had a dessert cart,

which went around. What did you eat? I had a brownie with a, huh? What didn't you eat? No, dude, that's like, if it was my sweet, like, if I was ever wrenched enough to have Red Sox sweet tickets, I would go crazy on it. But like in front of people at work, I'm not going to go. I wanted to get more things. I got a good brownie with a scuba ice cream. But what else did they have on the car? They had like four different cakes.

They had like a rainbow cake, which I don't even know what flavor it was, but it just looked cool. They had like a carrot cake. They had a bunch of cookies. They had shots on top. That was the coolest thing I've ever seen. Shots? Yeah. Dude, that was.

Oh, shots of alcohol. Yeah, the whole thing, like a work event is like, I've never drank more in a week and at like work meetings. It was crazy. It was fun. The conference was fun. And you learned a couple things about podcast that we're about to use. Yeah, it's interesting to see from like, you know, what the like the business side of it. It was cool to see and to like, you know, we're talking with people all over the country.

And it's just fun. It was cool to meet them in person. And, yeah, it's more of just, like, reaffirming stuff like you've been saying for a while about a lot of stuff. It's crazy. I had to make a tough decision last week. Well, I knew it was coming for a while. And it breaks my heart. I was with them for 12 years.

I was with them for longer than Mercy's been born, you know. And I had to let my agency go and go to a new agency. It took me five days to get rid of them. I really wanted to think about it. my next move and you don't like burning bridges but sometimes they're a great agency. The problem

was I was there a long time and when you're with an agent a long time sometimes they just get very passively let things go by you'll get the next one and when you sign with an agent they're very aggressive for 90 days

got it okay very interesting to see what the rest of the year will bring I mean I auditioned a bunch of times couldn't book a fucking thing, not even a pin, nothing. So, you know, did it bother me? Yes and no,

because I usually book it high percentages to go 0 and 9, 0 and 10 is just a fucking, you know, it's unbelievable. But, you know, you being here, me being a little looser the last couple months

and not uptight about a lot of things, Listen, I'm settling in. I'm really settling in to who I am and who I became now. You know, I'm leaving tomorrow. I don't have to be down there for two or three days. But I'm leaving tomorrow. I miss the girls. You know, I spent the whole summer with that little girl this summer.

So it's very rough for me, you know. I'm not playing botchy tomorrow night. No, when are you going to head out? I'm going to probably go to Jiu-Zooten-soot and then get the fuck out of here right from jiu-jitsu. Come home, wash my pussy. I have my bags packed the sleep apnea machine and pail. That's awesome.

And then I come back Saturday and give you two days till Tuesday. And Tuesday, in my mind, the rat race starts. It won't to the following week. Who got sunburned, who got bit by a jellyfish, you know. There's always some fucking excuse. But I'm excited. And I call it the last quarter. You were like, no, that starts in October.

I'm like, no, no, no, no. We start the last quarter in the middle of the third quarter, which is middle of September. But we show up a little early to warm up and make sure we're in stride in October. Why roll up your sleeves in October where you're going to not get things going to November? Then it's fucking Thanksgiving.

You've got to bury September. Because if you don't bury October, once that last kid not, well, that's one. good thing. You ain't going to have no Halloween kids at the house. Not in New York, yeah. Yeah, but that's, uh, once that last

kid drops, knocks on the door and you come downstairs, they're putting Thanksgiving ads. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And, but they're always you're planning, like, it's always, it's funny. And then as soon as Thanksgiving is over, it's Christmas, Valentine's Day. And you're like,

I'm going to get this job. No, you're not. They're fucking on break. They're done for the year. They're fucking jumping up and down. candy canes and you're sitting at home telling your mom, I'm not going to Costco. I'm going to get this job as a fucking electrical engineer. Go to Costco. You haven't heard from them. It's three months. No, I want to start 2025 as an engineer. It gets real and people have no idea how real it gets. I fucking went through 20 Christmases when I couldn't rub two sticks to put together, show up at somebody's house with a handshake.

get a shit fucking shoplift Christmas toys one year. Damn. I got sick and tired of it, man. And finally you're like, you know what? I don't even give a fuck about the rest of the year. I just want my Christmas to be like regular people and have a little money and be able to eat a dinner and be able to buy a dinner and be able to, you know,

not think about stupid shit over the holidays because you do. It's pressure. God forbid you get a girl from October. Now you've got to figure out what to get it. You know, they're looking for a ring after two months or jewelry. You're thinking of buying them. The share CD, you know. And it never ends.

And then, like, it's tough. I remember my first birthday in L.A. was pretty lonely. Like, it's like those events can be tough, especially if you're, like, if you're without people. Yeah, but we got each other here. I'm excited. My family, you got George up north. Oh, I know, I know way more people than in this year. So I'm excited to be there.

Yeah, you're not like alone in the area. No. Either dinner, you just jump on a train, you know, whatever. So all that stuff helps. You know, today it was funny when I went to box. The boxing coach asked me at the end of the session. He goes, Joey, why do you come here? And I told him, I said, you know, when you get into you older,

you get lonely. And I got a kid and a wife. And sometimes I'm like, I'm fucking lonely. You know, because you don't have the amount of people around you're like you used to. Right. And that's what I do. I go to those classes so I could have physical contact with people. Jiu-Jitsu, boxing.

When I go to the one gym, there's a few people. When I go to the other guy, it's just me and him. That's okay, but not really. I want to be around people and talk to them. And then after class, you talk a little bit. And I told them that, you know, first of all, I like, I like doing something. I always got to do something, go for a walk, shoot darts. I got to do something to burn calories every day.

And I like to mix it up, you know. I don't want to do something every fucking day, you know. But I think it brings me peace when I do that. This brings me a little peace that I didn't have in L.A. I was trying to get it, but I couldn't. Now I'm at more peace. So I'm happy I made the decision I did with the agency. I'm happy that I'm going to do some shows.

I'm happy that you get to do them with me, wherever the residency is, you know, all my friends, because I want to make it an event. I'd be honored, buddy. Ruby, R.E., Aaron Berg, Rich Boss, you know, go somewhere, you know. Listen, I don't want to get dancing girls. I don't want to get girls to show their ass.

I don't want that bullshit. I just want to put something fun together even for the comics like what Sam does at the store he has food for them

and weed and CBD and a girl give him massages in the back and people sneaker companies are there and it's an event for everybody.

I think that's what's lacking with comedy. Kill Tony really open my eyes to where comedy is going now. What do you think it's going? I think it's going to be more of an event. that's it. People are sick and tired of seeing three dogs, you know, two guys in a

every fucking Friday. You know, it's got to be something, something, something. That's, that's what makes Kill Tony and a lot of those podcasts spectacular, that it's something different every week, you know. I can't wait to get an office with you to fucking burn it down. Oh, yeah, Jesus Christ. They're going to have no idea what's next to them. No, I'm trying to get this funeral parlor to rent me there upstairs. Why does it always have to be at a funeral parlor? Because this place is perfect. No, it's not.

It's quiet, I guess. Yeah, it's quiet. The bottom is downstairs. You have a door. You have a side door. It's like going into a building with a side door. You walk up the stairs. It's where the chick that used to cut the dead people's hair lived.

Oh, good. Good. We're going to be in her bedroom. Where the dead ladies. But she She moved out She got married or something Congratulations

The apartment's been open So I keep asking them And I love to get anywhere else Why does it have to be in the Because who wants to be his place Studio Nobody else Just that gives it to fucking intrigue

That they're going to get haunted Or something like that No one wants to be haunted I want to go how many high as fuck And there's going to be ghosts around It's pretty Perfect. We're not going to get a fucking office on an office building. You know what I was going to get an office like outside or, you know, we want to get the party started, put fucking acid on ice cubes again and shit like that.

Oh, Jesus Christ. I don't think we're putting acid on ice cubes. Yeah, we're doing whatever. That's it. You're a lone wolf. You're living in New York and you're living by the seat of your fucking pants. You want to, now you want to live controlled. Well, I don't know. When have I ever been controlled here? That's what I'm saying. Well, not here. We're going to go off when you move here. Remember.

Jesus Christ. The fuck we're talking about here. Can't wait. Can't wait for what? To move. Jesus, stop spraying that thing. Pupples under your tongue. That's where you get the live resin.

Holy shit. I did have a quiet. question for you because something was bothering me. All right. Have you like, what do you think about when like a, like a straight couple calls them like themselves as partners? What? Like, like, well, like a younger part.

Like, I've noticed like a lot of 20 year old, like a lot of, instead of boyfriend and girlfriend, and it's like they're my partner. What do I care? Call it whatever the fuck you want. And I don't know. Different in 10 years anyway. So who cares? That's true.

It doesn't like bother me, bother me. I just don't care why they're having a boyfriend and girlfriend. The guy kidnapped Bella with whenever I talk to me and I'd say to him, can you get me a pound of weed? He always go,

well, I need to talk to my partners. What partners? What partners? You live in a one-bedroom, fucking apartment? What partners? Everybody's got a partner. Listen, whatever they want to call themselves.

If they're happy, so be it. That's true. I'm not, yeah, that's fair. You know, I mean, you look at some people and you look at them and you go, what the fuck? And before you say fuck, you go,

look at them. They're happy. It's not what I would do. Right. But they're happy. What do I give a fuck about? You ever see a really ugly couple? Uh-huh.

They're really in love with each other, like a big goofy guy and like a short chick with glasses and like greasy hair. But they're in love with each other. And you're like, what am I going to do? That's real love. That's what it's all about sometimes.

You know, if they want to call themselves partners, they're partners. I didn't expect you have that reaction. I think we look into too many things. And I'm the same way, Lee, I get annoyed by little fingers. Sometimes you've got to look at them and go, how does this affect me? I mean, when you ask yourself that question, honestly, When you ever ask yourself that question, how does this situation affect me? Be careful for what answer you might come up with because it might scare you.

Yeah, it's always going to be, it doesn't. And I don't judge them, but I see people talking about shit for hours. Right. And you go, can I ask you a question? I'm not trying to be a dick. But how does this affect you? Think about this. well, it doesn't.

But then what? Why are we here for an hour and a half? We could be discussing how to take over fucking Pennsylvania. You know, another fictional fucking thing, you know. Do you follow what I'm saying to you?

Like, you got to make the fucking poison. If you're trying to be a comic, and every time I see you, you're talking about the girlfriend that you love and how you don't trust her and blah, blah, blah, blah, you're never going to grow as a comic. If you have an agitation with the word partner, now. That's what's great about comedy. You could write about it. Write a joke about it.

Okay. What bothers you? That's what's great about comedy. Yeah. Why did Judy Carter workbook? One of the exercises in there is talk about what bothers you. The beginning when I told you about the salad, the cucumbers and shit like that. Like, I would go off on that 20 years ago. Oh, yeah. Does it really fucking matter? Nobody can be funny Their shrimp chatter was to die for The steak and potatoes are great You know, the fucking dessert

Was fucking out of this Why didn't eat? I just tasted My buddy's dessert, holy shit A rose raspberry tort Oh nice Dog, I never had that I just had one bite The raspberry knocked me to fuck out of my socks

But listen man When you're focusing on real things in your life you have to ask yourself, how does this affect me? Whether it's politics, whether it's the people across the street that keep playing loud music, and you and your wife are like, what are they going to do? They're going to end up in your jam. Who gives a fuck? Let them play music till the speakers fucking blow.

What are you going to do? You're sleeping, right? Yeah. So what's it got to do with you? And people, you'll be in shock of what answers you get. Right. how you start feeling about different things and stupid fucking things.

That don't really affect you. No, in this conversation. How is this conversation stimulating to me? We're talking about Kamala Harris again and Trump. Let it go. Go buy milk. It's expensive. Go buy a plane ticket.

It's expensive. How many migrants are coming in? I got to tell you who to vote for. No. You know, I mean, it's just simple things. But, I mean, I can't vote. I'm not endorsing anybody here. I'm just saying that.

You think about how these things affect you. You know, you're going to get pissed off about something about two years. A club owner. Somebody doesn't want to headline you. Something. You're going to get pissed off. And guess what? You're not going to talk about it to me or to your partner.

But when you're in the shower, taking a shower, before you go to bed at night, you're going to think about that motherfucker. Right. You're going to just be angry about some guy that three years ago didn't hire you. And you don't even know how to get them back. And then one day you get invited to do, what was the Live Nation thing with Dane Cook and where Brody used to work the side stage? Audubon.

You get to work odd. Wallfest, here you are, working with great headliners, and that fucking guy that wouldn't headline you, he's there, standing there, and he'll come over and say hello, hey, how you doing now? You're like, fuck you, you cock sucker. And then you got a choice.

You could tell him to go fuck himself and give him your B from eight years ago or now get paid three times more than what you were going to get paid for four years ago. Now it became a business for you. Now you do torture. After you get the first check, you do smack

around a little bit and remind him how he didn't want to headline you and that next time I'm coming in for fucking double cocksucker. That must feel great. And you start to scare him. That feels a lot better than going off on somebody.

Right. But when you're young and you're angry about not being where you want to be in your career because we always think that we should be somewhere different than where we are. That's every comic. At every level. You're doing comedy three years.

I should be headlining. Okay. You know, everybody should always be ahead of where they are. And that's just the way it is. We're all like that, you know, comics have that little thing. I don't think it's narcissistic. Is that what you'd call it? It could be in.

But it's just what you, with comedy, man, the more you focus on the material and the material that affects your life and you make stand-up personal, that's when it gets real. And that's when the ticket start flying off the fucking shelves. But it takes a level to get there. It is a barrier.

You're putting that barrier up. You know, it's like a resistance like Stephen Presfield says. I was thinking about that book. It's the art of war? Yeah, the War of Art, I think. War of Art, okay. You know, they're just little resistance

that you put upon yourself. So it's like the man said, this could be hard or this could be really fucking easy. You know, this could be really fucking hard. You can make this really hard or you can make this easy. What's easy? Get on stage right. Keep your nose clean. Stay healthy.

Perform as much as you can. And eventually the fucking door will open up for you. It could be the door to hell. It could be the door to fucking heaven or it could be the daughter. you know, but you never know where this is going to take you. Right. And it's like I'm, that's why I'm so looking forward to New York.

It's just like being able to really like two, three times the night minimum, even if most of them are open mics to begin. How old are you now, Lee? 36. All right, 36 years old. You were in L.A. for how long? 10 years.

Yeah. 10 years, about 10 years. Just under. You did great. Everything worked off. You came. home. You got some strength. You lost some weight. You got to be around mom. And now you're ready. I mean, mom wants you to spread your wings too. Yeah, she's excited for me.

You're going to New York with an open mind, an open heart. You're going to do comedy, but let the journey take you where it take you. I'm living. I have a child with a woman that I met on a Sunday night at the comedy store during the, I was hosting and she was waitressing. the first time. Oh, is her first night? Okay. No, no. She was there the first time I had met her. We were both there for like a year and a half.

I just never saw it because I was always on the road. Okay, I got it. So I met her and now I sit here and I go, how is it? I went to do comedy and at the comedy store, I met a woman who I have a child with, have a home with, and have a life with for 24 fucking years.

And were you looking for it at the time? No, but you don't know what you're looking for. That's the fucking beauty of this journey. That's the beauty of this journey. This journey doesn't have a map. Right. This doesn't have a map. It's wherever it ends up.

And the difference is that you guys were together for a while before you had mercy. It doesn't matter, but what we're talking about is the journey. It's like when you said, I'm going to sign a lease or something for three years. And I go, no. No, you don't know where the journey's going to take you. You might start doing stand-up, meet a chick from fucking, you know, one of these foreign countries, Amsterdam, and then she takes you back to do a tour there, and you end up living there, and you're calling me going, I miss you, and I'm like, dog, you're living your life.

That journey is your life, but this isn't about your comedy journey. This is about your life, what you're about to do right now. Oh, yeah. I don't have no shades on. When I went to Colorado in 1985, I had no shades on. I was in for whatever you brought me, except being gay. Anything else you... You know what I'm saying?

Like, anything else you showed up with? I'm not going to be gay. Okay? I have no hatred against someone else, and I just don't want a dick in my ass. Right. That's fair. That's fair, you know? So that's it.

It's a journey for you. You go to New York to fucking find Lee and for Lee to find you. That's if you look at this. That's even way before comedy. My whole life I've wanted to live in New York. Just the fact that I'm there, what do you say? And to walk up and down steps like a motherfucker.

Dude, I'm going to be so ripped. You're going to laugh in like six months. You're going to be like, whoa. Is that Lee or like a swimsuit model? I'm going to be ripped. all right but there are two chinese restaurants on my block so yeah no that's the first thing you said to me that's the other place where you went to move to there's a donut place and there's a the other place had nothing the other place was above a vegan restaurant yeah but they had a diner

and the one that's open 24 hours and they had disco fries he told me all this but he never told me about the four stories you know what I want to tell you the bad news I mean you know the thing is everyone's like oh no now joey's not coming to your apartment you weren't coming to my apartment if there was an elevator. You're not going to drive in. I'm not going to go to the apartment. I would come over there to see what's cracking over there, hide some medables, sprinkled fungi dust on the furniture.

It will be fun to be that close. It'll be fun to do stuff and wherever you do a residence. It would be fun and do shows with you. You know, it's like me right now. I haven't really done anything in four years. Fuck around a little bit. I shot a movie. I shot two movies. a TV show, a law and order. Nothing too serious, but things happened. Even they weren't too serious.

Now, I want to go on a different journey. With that? At an older age, more controlled and more focused, you know. And now I know how I want to do things. And, you know, this is my journey. Your journey is to find you and, you know, to find Lee and for Lee to find you. And if you meet a woman, whatever, it's all open.

This is it. This is part of it. Don't fight it. This is life. I'm not looking. I'm just, I'm so focused on comedy. You want to be a 50-year-old with a Led Zeppelin t-shirt,

still doing Nyack with no wife and no kids. You don't think so? No. You want a life. You want a family. You want something to ground you. And everything will be worked out around that. Trust me.

I'm not, I'm not like pushing people away either. But no, no, you're not even, you're not thinking. No, I'm just so focused in common. I don't want you to, I'm never going to do this. Listen, you don't know how you to do, all right? You do what this? I never said I was never going to do it. But you know what I mean.

You're one of those fucking Lincoln poops that are, yeah, I don't know. No, don't just be open. This is what comedy is about And trust me, I fought this too for years And you know what? The best times in my life As fucking sad as it is Was when I was doing Coke and doing comedy

On my terms It was all on my terms I was a fucking outlawed to the end You know I was just on the road And if I needed money I'd go to Kmart and Rob car mats and try to bring them back or, you know, I did whatever I had to do to make this journey

fun at some point. Is that the best thing that's happened to me now? No, now I have a wife and a child and I enjoy my time. I'm a fucking geek. I don't do drugs no more except fucking spray shit and and mushrooms and reefer. But that was all part of the journey back then. And that's what got me to where it got me. And your journey is going to start with a lot of shit on you. And the more you put into it, you know, it's like I told Joe,

the more doors you go through, you lose luggage. The more of what you go through? Doors. Oh, okay. You start losing luggage. When you leave Boston, you got 36 suitcases.

You know, now you start moving and traveling. You start losing suitcases. Your soul gets attached to these places. It's fucking unreal. When I look back, that I lived in Seattle, that I lived in Boulder. You know, it's unreal to think that at the point of my life, I just got up and went to Seattle one day.

And it was great. I met Josh Wolf. I met a bunch of people, Brody. I got into Soundgarden. When I was into them before, I went up there, I got into music more. It was a great time in my life. Could I do it forever? No, it was part of the journey. Right. But, like, I'm, there's something about moving, because this is the second time, I moved to L.A. And, like, just moving from here to, like, a new city, moving to any new city, I think it's just a crazy experience. Like, you're just really moving your life in bags.

Listen, like I told you, I have a friend on Facebook that's never left his block. Yeah. I don't think he ever went to Europe. And part of me makes me jealous that he had a family. But he never left his block. He never lived in Florida for 90 days. He never hid in Sarasota when the cops were looking from, Nutson County.

He didn't, you know, like he just, I don't know. People get mad at me. They're like, oh, well, you don't travel internationally, but bitch, I know every fucking dirty spot in this country, and that makes me proud, man. It's everybody has a different journey. You're going to meet comics that they're going to disappear from New York. and in three years

they're going to be doing comedy in Australia and they live in Australia. Yeah. Or they move to London. What happens when you go to London and meet a girl? And you're like, fuck it, chip, chip, chally ho. This is a good pussy. I'm staying here.

That's a good Twitter post. This is a fucking, this is a journey lead. And it's a great journey. No matter what the result is, because you're going to learn more in this journey. Such a heartfelt message. Yeah. You're going to learn more from that journey.

And you're going to go, what do you do with that journey after your 58, brother? It's a TV show. You look back and go, I did that. Oh, my God. It's a TV show. Oh, absolutely. So look at it. This move is the best thing you're ever going to do.

California was great, but this is going to be. Oh, yeah. And it's a journey. You might end up with a Greek chick with a hairy pussy. You might end up with a bear, some guy who loves you and is rich and just want you to sit on his lap and he rubs your bald head. You know, it matter of, like, I want to have, like, that doesn't sound like, are you selling me to some guy?

I don't know, Lee. What do you mean you don't know? I wouldn't know if I was selling somebody to somebody. Listen, all I know is you're going to have a great time. You're going to learn a lot. Oh, yeah. I'm envious of you. because everybody will like this shot.

You know how many people sit at their fucking little job and their little house and daydream about what you're going to do? A lot. I never thought about that. But I didn't... And a lot of people don't go, well, I'm going to do it.

They push it back. They push it back. They push it back. And then they get married and they have kids and they never did anything. At least you're giving it a try and I'm proud of your cock sucker. Thank you, buddy.

I'm excited. I can't wait. Maybe I'm excited. I can't wait. Anyway. I can't. I do it, you know, people, like New York and L.A. are like the two places.

And Austin's, like, really busy now, too. But I could do comedy in New York is pretty cool. Listen, Sinatra didn't sing a song about Austin. All right? So, put your shit, get your shit together. I'll see you next week. All right, buddy. Friday night at the fucking whatever.

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