The Code To Winning - BORN DIFFERENT, BUILT TO WIN: THE BEN KJAR STORY ON BEING A VICTOR NOT A VICTIM || BEN KJAR || EPISODE 024

Episode Date: May 9, 2025

BEING A VICTOR NOT A VICTIM - EPISODE 024   Ben Kjar was born with Crouzons syndrome (a craniofacial anomaly), and as a young boy the doctors told him that he would live a different life.....and that’s exactly what he’s done! He has risen above any of life’s challenges and become a Victor not a victim. Ben is Utah Valley University’s first-ever NCAA Division 1 Wrestling All-American and has represented the USA team internationally. Ben is an international professional speaker and has told his story to millions around the globe, in front of crowds of up to 10,000 people!   In the past 6 years, Ben has flipped nearly 200 properties and compiled a Rental portfolio of almost 100 multi family rentals and multiple storage unit complexes.  Ben and his wife, LaCol, are proud parents of 3 beautiful adopted kids which are 4 yrs old and under. Ben believes the real way to become truly wealthy is to travel and experience culture and it’s people.  If you can connect with mankind, you will have a rich life.   After 10 years of marriage, Ben and his wonderful wife, LaCol, tried over and over to raise a family of their own without success.  Eventually they went the IVF route (4 unsuccessful rounds) and then adoption. After two failed adoptions, they finally got the opportunity to start their family. Watch the incredible heart wrenching story of how, through perseverance and an unbreakable mindset, Ben and LaCol were able to start the family of their dreams.

I was born with something called Truzan syndrome. From the moment being born into the arms of my mom, I would come out with the umbilical cord tighter on my throat, blue. I couldn't breathe. Doctors would grab me, take me into the next room. And my parents are like, what's going on? Like, is he okay? Is he normal?

He's breathing, but he's not normal. His face looks different. Shortly after birth, they would find out it would be Truzon syndrome. It would be a facial difference. And they would go on to tell my parents that I would live a different life. And that's exactly what I chose to do. I decided to live a different life. I just remember being, you know, having numerous situations where I would be confronted by little kids in school or even in the supermarkets or the mall by adults or by teenagers.

And they would see the way I would look and then they would say what they saw. And that always wasn't. And the majority of the time it wasn't very kind. We all go through hard times. We all go through tough times. Your listeners right now are maybe going through a divorce, a drug addiction, a witcher. all maybe have had a death or maybe think they're less than like I have numerous times. That pain can knock us to our knees time and time again, but it all depends on how we rebound

and how we follow forward. My mom taught me in that moment that we combat those moments of doubt, negativity, with positivity and purpose. And when we realized that God literally created us to be a force of light, to be able to actually stand out, and when we realized that we were absolutely created on purpose for a purpose, like, watch out once you figure that out. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Code 2 winning insights you need today to seize the world tomorrow. Today we have a real treat, a special and amazing guest. Somebody I've been looking forward to having the podcast for a while.

Let me give you a brief introduction of who we have as a guest today in the studio. He goes by the name of Ben Care. Now, just to give you a brief introduction of Ben, he was born with Cruzon's syndrome. Ben was told from an early age that his life would be different. And that's exactly what he made of him. Different in the best possible way. Instead of letting adversity define him, he became Utah Valley's first ever NCAA Division I, wrestling all-American to represent the team USA and went on to insuffer.

aspire millions worldwide as well as an international speaker. Beyond wrestling, however, Ben has also built a thriving real estate empire, flipping nearly 200 properties as well in the process, which is pretty much somebody who defines in every possible way, resilience, grit, the power of an unbreakable mindset. Again, a real treat, somebody who defines winning in every possible way. So without further ado, our amazing guest, Ben, care. How are you doing, brother? Brother, I'm just happy to be here. I'm sitting here watching you.

I'm like, this guy is a freaking superstar. I love it. You're an absolute world-changing, man. You know, I would say, can you see a black man blushing? You've got to look real deep. I love it, brother. I love it. Thank you so much, boss.

I really appreciate your time. Like I said, I met you briefly, 2022, no, 2023, yeah. I met you briefly for a short time because I only came towards the end. I remember some of the guys taking picks with you as well. Your story from then is transcended. Like in the sales teams that I've been and like there's many examples, we've watched a few of your videos, especially with the guys that we now worked with. They were all like obviously born in Idaho.

so born into like wrestling kind of environments as well. So it's an honor to actually have you as a guest today. So I'm grateful for the time you took to actually join us. So thank you very much. Well, I feel like I should be interviewing you. I just know there's so many stories. We talk briefly about just so many things that you've been a part of. And I'm excited for your story to be out there as well.

Let's talk off to this. Let's talk off to this. I want to just a touch base. I mean, can you give us just a slight brief introduction of who you are? Yeah. I think we all have the chance to decide who we are, regardless of what you're born with or where you're born or how you're born. We all have the chance to decide this is who I'm going to be. Now let's make it happen because it's truly.

up to us, all right? This is who I'm going to be. It's up to me. Let's go, right? I was born with something called Cruz-on syndrome from the moment being born into the arms of my mom. I would come out with the umbilical cord tighter on my throat, blue. I couldn't, I couldn't breathe. Doctors would grab me, take me into the next room. And my parents are like, what's going on? Like, is he okay? is he normal? And they would come back shortly after and they say, he's breathing. He's breathing. But he's not normal.

His face looks different. Shortly after birth, they would find out it would be Cruzon syndrome. It would be a facial difference. And they would go on to tell my parents that I would live a different life. And that's exactly what I chose to do. I decided to live a different life. In which way? I think in the most fantastic way, Paul.

And I just feel like we're just starting, man. What is Cruz-on-Sin syndrome, if you don't mind me asking? Of course. Cruz-on syndrome is a facial difference. And it affects the mid part of the face, mostly, and the way the head shaped. And so what the doctors would have to do is they would go into my head by cutting the head open, going into my mouth and cutting parts of my jaw, move it forward. They would take bones from my hip and put it in my face.

It's a baby? Numerous times. Okay. So for me it was when I was one. Every time that you would mature, as you can imagine, especially as a baby from one to five to ten, your body is changing, especially your face, right? And so every time during these growth stages,

they would need to go in and expand my skull so that it would allow my brain to grow. But it would affect the way I would breathe. the way I would eat because if you can imagine the mid part of the face not growing at the same speed, I would have a massive underbite. And so I couldn't eat, I couldn't chew. It was hard for me to breathe in so many different aspects. And then beyond that, it was the way I looked. And so I just remember being, you know, having numerous situations.

situations where I would be confronted by little kids in school or even in the supermarkets or the mall by adults or by teenagers. And they would see the way I would look and then they would say what they saw. And that always wasn't, and the majority of the time it wasn't very kind. And how did that affect you like personally? Because especially in a childhood, those are. a very vulnerable time in one's life as well. And considering that words of appreciation is almost like I'd say a common denominator in terms of love language for somebody growing up.

You just need the form of affection. And you're growing up and hearing those negative things, especially when you're just going to a normal supermarket. How does that affect, how did that affect you? There's a part that we talk about in my documentary. we recreated it and it was such a pivotal moment and I'm so excited for people to see it because they'll see into my past in this moment it affected me to where after I just got annihilated verbally by an adult I went home locked myself in a bathroom and tried to physically figure out a way

to remove my face. That's how it affected me. I felt that if I could just get rid of the difference that I was being made fun of, then life would be better. Luckily, before I made any wrong decisions, my mom came, broke in the door, and this was the pivotal moment that would change my life.

It would be my mom, kneeling next to me, me, just loving on me, crying with me, and then me telling her what happened. And then she would stand me up, have me look in the mirror in front of the vanity. And it would be moments like this that would just totally change my perspective, right? She said, Ben, look at yourself. And I would. You had talked about words of affirmation and positivity. She changed my perspective of what I thought in that moment was on the ugliest, I don't have

many friends, I'm different, why me, why me? And she said, Ben, you're different. So you're born to make a difference. There's going to be attention that comes. And in a world that seeks after attention, you don't need to try for that attention. So take a hold of that attention, of that opportunity, and absolutely shine. Choose to stand out in that moment. We all go through hard times. We all go through tough times. Your listeners right now are maybe going through a divorce, a drug addiction, a withdrawal, maybe have had a death, or maybe think they're like, less than like I have numerous times. That pain can knock us to our knees time and time again.

But it all depends on how we rebound and how we follow forward. My mom taught me in that moment that we combat those moments of doubt, negativity, with positivity and purpose. And when we realize that God literally created us, to be a force of light, to be able to actually stand out. And when we realized that we were absolutely, absolutely created on purpose, for a purpose, who, like, watch out once you figure that out. And then once you figure that out, like life becomes really exciting and fun.

because then the obstacles that come in your way are just an opportunity become stronger, an opportunity for a new beginning, not a dead end. I used to think that, oh, this is a dead end, this is a dead end. I keep getting shut down. I keep getting denied. But what if it was just the right no to get the right yes, right? So when you have those perspectives, I call it Victor over victim perspective, right? when you have that, life becomes different.

I call it victory mentality. You have a victorious victory mentality. And then the pain or the arrows of hate that come after you, that come at you from people saying stuff, especially on social media. I mean, anybody can go on my social media accounts, my YouTube accounts, they will see people's reactions. As a matter of fact, you and I sitting right here,

there's probably someone saying a negative remark as we speak. and I just get the opportunity to go back and love on them because they just really are hurt. Hurt people, hurt people. You've heard of that. Exactly. They just need a hug, man. They need some love.

Just like my mom gave me in that bathroom that day. That's such a beautiful thing that you just mentioned right now. And I loved the testimony that you shared. I'm a strong believer in our Savior, Jesus Christ. stronger believer there. He can see beyond the now, the pain that we feel. I feel it's easier for us to also rely on his strength. Sometimes when we feel short that we are incapable of overcoming any specific

trial we're feeling. I feel the fact that we are literally a direct offspring, spiritual offspring of our Heavenly Father, we have inherited that specific gift in order to overcome all the challenges that we face adversity. trials, tribulations in this world as well. And every time I talk about this, I'm also confident to know that Heavenly Father cannot give us any trial

that we cannot overcome. And every time I get to understand and study that, we all face such tremendous trials and sometimes your testimony becomes almost a solid foundation for you to be able to bounce back on when the world may seem to be falling apart as well. which kind of segues and to everything you just shared right now with me

just touched me a lot because you said the phrase has become my new favorite phrase that I recently posted recently Victor don't be a victim and can you share a bit more about that if you don't mind

I love that topic so much and I saw it from your thing that's why I'll tell you I saw it from you actually so yeah do it do it absolutely you weren't stealing nothing

just borrow it and shine with it baby I love it brother So, Victor over victim means this. What you just said can be taken two different ways. There can be a victor approach and a victim approach. The victim approach takes what you just said and says and sees life as, ah, my life is falling apart. This is happening to me. That's the victim approach for any obstacle we see and we come across.

The Victor approach is, oh my gosh, things are falling into place. Life is happening for me. Two different scenarios, two different options. The same absolute difficulty, same trial, same pain potentially, but seen in totally different lenses. people say half glass full half glass empty however you want to say it i just believe that dead ends don't have to be just that if you celebrate them what do i mean by that eventually me and my wife decided that we would celebrate our new beginnings let me get an example so here's it to do and take away for your listeners let's say you guys are going through a trial let's say something happens

Let's say you get fired from a job. Instead of being like, oh, this is the end of the world. This is the worst. This is a dead end. Life is over. What if we chose that instead of feeling that everything is negative, scarcity mindset, selfish behavior, it was, oh my gosh, I got let go over a job.

that was not for me, let's celebrate my new life that is about to take place and then actually celebrate it, not just think about it, and what is that for you? So for me and my wife, it was we would go on a trip.

And depending, or travel, depending on what money we had in place, we could just literally like go to the next town and stay at a hotel, or we could go on a camping trip. or it would be going on a plane and flying to South Africa, to J-Berg, right, or Ghana like we had talked about. Or just to Denver, we were to get a reset, a mind reset, a fresh breath of air, to then be able to see our life in that new beginning opportunity.

Mind you, I've been to like 50 plus countries. I've had a lot of new beginnings, brother. I've had a lot of new beginnings. When people take that, that's a life-changing opportunity. That's you get fired in your life. What a blessing. What's next? And that's it.

Those are the people I want to be surrounded with. I love that. I love the fact every time I kept mentioning, one of the things I really admire the most about you, you can tell a lot by someone's character about what they say about others. I mention a name when you went off for like 20 minutes on each person. I love that so much.

I often believe that we grow by raising others. We grow by, you know, the ship rides with the tide. And I feel like, and I know that they speak the same, if not even highly of you as well, with the stuff they do at how they just fly in an event and they fly out as well. So those meaningful connections are so important as well. And how did you end up establishing such strong connections with, you know, successful people as well? like yourself I believe that

we talk about success I mean that that can be a lonely road and though they get marketing though their faces on cameras whatever it is that is a lonely path that not very many people

are willing to take what people in that position on those lonely roads love the most is just people pouring into them. I call it being a cheerleader or I call it being a fanboy. My friends that we talked about, I love to just be their fanboy.

Love to just calm up and be like, let's freaking go, baby. For example, Ashton Buzzwell, right? I saw the post he made about you, by the way. Yeah, dude, he came into town. and he's from Cal, well, he's from Utah, but he's coming from California where he lives. And he's speaking. And I rearranged my entire schedule to be there.

I got my videographer to be there, paid for him to be there, to get all of the footage that we could possibly just capture to celebrate him. I made sure I was right there cheering him on Make sure I was directing the the videographer Don't do this do this do this do this do this So he could just focus on him He deserves that He absolutely deserves that

People that are fighting the good fight Get to have people behind them going Let's freaking go You know and that feels good because when you're fighting the good fight, it's not easy. It's hard. Because there's a lot of,

there's a lot of combat that happens. When you're going against the dark, when you're going against the enemy, there's a lot of gnarly stuff coming. And it's easy to be selfish. It's easy to point fingers at the people who are being inside the arena. You've heard about man in the arena.

I think it's by Theodore Roosevelt, right? Yeah. The man in the arena are people like him that keep putting themselves out there. That's hard. A lot of people like to throw tomatoes. What if you're the one that's there sharpening their sword? What if you're the one there that's giving them the massage, the water on the side, and cheering them on. And saying, by the way, I'm not just here to cheer.

tag me in, tag me in, I'm ready. That's different, bro. When people are willing to not just cheer you on with words, but with action, that is different. Ashton, on a Sunday morning, grabbed his entire family. His wife wasn't even in town. it's hard when you have a lot of kids your wife's not in town you throw them in the car and you drive hours up the coast to come to a 9 a.m. world premiere of my documentary and he's there to celebrate the entire time on a day off that's who asked you is I love those are the people who continue to show up for me and it makes it so easy to show up for them so so powerful And I want to just reiterate with that as well. I definitely won the lottery with, I often say, you know, Nephi says,

having been born of goodly parents. I was born of both goodly parents and good-looking parents. The evidence is here. Yeah, my friend. You have to have confidence, you know. So, no, I'm joking. But the reason I'm bringing that up, with the lottery with good friends, as well.

And when you speak, the way you just spoke right now about Ashton, um, 2024 will always go down as the pivotal, crucial, most painful, uh,

year of my entire life. Mm. But at the same time, when I look at the surroundings I had, not only like my, my parents, I also look at the, the friends that you have that don't actually

necessarily bring up the trials you faced. but are just there to just be there. That's so important sometimes. It's not even about like the talking. It's about just being there. It's always about going the extra mile. If I'm not reachable, trying going out and reaching and getting a hold of me

and showing love. And I almost just choked up just talking about that because good friends are equally as important as, as family is as well. Eventually friends become family. and which kind of like segues to what I want to kind of talk about. Obviously growing up slightly with the visible difference and getting the judgment from others, what advice would you give those that are currently struggling with self-image, self-confidence,

or even a self-acceptance? That's a great question. I would say it's on them. Like for an example, I say all the time, for many years when I started speaking, they would have me come in for anti-bullying. And I would say probably not what they were expecting.

I said, guys, don't let bullies be undefeated. If you keep getting bullied, that is on you. That's on you. That's a victim mentality. Oh, I keep getting bullied. I keep getting bullied. I can't accept myself. Bda, blah, blah, blah, blah.

They're buck up, man. Like, let's freaking go. If you keep getting bullied, you ain't changing. You ain't moving. What my parents did incredibly well for me. I'm in the same boat. Goodly parents, check. My parents placed me in things that would allow me to,

find confidence, period. That is so important nowadays. So important. Now more than ever with our youth, with our youth being raised, there's such a need for confidence. So if you're a parent out there, raising kids, do what my parents did.

They placed me in everything and anything. piano, clogging, I hated clogging, to ukulele, to orchestra, to choir, to any sport under the sun, until I found something that gave me confidence. So what am I trying to say? Dial yourself in to have the confidence that you need to show up in front of the mirror and be dang proud of who you are. Be dang proud of who you are. We talked about my friend Michael McHenry,

who's going to be on your show. He's a great example of that. He says, never walk by a mirror that you don't take a picture of. That is really deep because he also has had the history of many people

of not being incredibly proud of themselves, just like all of us. When is the last time we looked in the mirror and were just looking at ourselves and like, dang, I really enjoy hanging out with that person. Dang, I'm really proud of who I look at every day. Dang, that's a world changer. Oh my gosh, that person is a hero. Until you believe that, why should you think anybody else should? You see what I'm saying?

I think a lot of times we believe that, oh, everyone should see me as this and this and why don't they? Because you ain't seen that in yourself. You ain't seen that in yourself. So what do we do to change that? It's going to come first and foremost with our I am statements positive self-talk. Now let's talk about believer, right? Jesus Christ. So many people who are believers, I imagine if you're a believer, your followers are probably believers all over the world.

a lot of us go to church as a believer as Christians whatever that looks like and we're like and we sing songs about Jesus I'm trying to be like Jesus yada yada yada but yet we have the most weak I am statements because we feel like the I am statements can't be powerful because then once we say something powerful we feel like it's not humble we feel like it's it's arrogant or too much or we're haughty or we're big-headed. Okay, you may be right, depending on the limit of what you're saying. But what if?

But what if we realized that Jesus's I-Am statements were so freaking powerful and were so outside the normal that he actually got killed for them? until our I am statements reach that type of combat from other people, we probably aren't saying the right stuff to ourselves in the mirror. Let me get an example. Read the Bible.

Read the scriptures. And you're going to see Jesus's I am statements. Let me remind you, Jesus was a homeless dude that hung out with 12 crazy dudes. That's what they saw him as, right? They're like, who are these 12? like crazy John who is this guy who is this guy they're all homeless none of them have jobs and they follow this guy around yet that guy Jesus said I am the prince of peace I am the king of kings I am the lord of lords I am the son of God and yet we want to be Jesus or be like him

or we want to be a good follower of him and we can't even stand in front of the mirror and say, I'm proud of you? Come on, man. How is that Christ like? Love that. It ain't.

So somewhere along the line, if we feel like we're not proud of us, if we feel like we're not enough, if we feel like we can't be loved, shame on you. That's victim mentality. We better buck up. and realize where we came from and then we better act accordingly i love the fact that you broke it down

in the problem that is being faced with those that are experiencing and how to overcome their problem because i feel like sometimes we acknowledge the problem without giving solutions and eventually if we can start with the i am statements it's so important because affirmations as much as it may sound like you're delulu in the head they're actually so important because if you believe a certain way then you start then you start acting a certain way. And then if you act a certain way, then it becomes like second nature. I often tell myself that, obviously, I'm striving for substantial amount of wealth, but mainly because I have a feeling, I know that Heavenly Father blesses those that bless others as well.

So there's many ways where wealth comes through many forms of way, of course. But if you have wealth, it creates more opportunities for you to also help others as well. And that's the reason why I also love people like you that come to the podcast, take time away to share their story, take time away from your busy schedule. You're very, trust me, I follow you on social media. You're busy all the time. So I want to acknowledge the fact that people like you have a great and positive influence on me, myself, because I can see how you end up changing what people would consider a trial. But the doctor told you different to an opportunity as well, which I'm grateful for. which segues to my next topic as well.

So, you know, wrestling is something that's very, very fascinating. So you are Utah Valley's university's first ever NCAA's first division, All-American wrestler, right? Now, I find that to be very fascinating. But what's important is that it's such a physically and emotionally and mentally demanding sport. How did you succeed to become one of the best? in that sport for the university,

it'd be the first one in UVU? I think I chose to be what I called disobedient to average. And what I mean by that is in the sport of wrestling, it's different than some sports where it's just one-on-one. It's one individual versus one individual. It's really easy to see who takes shortcuts. It's really easy to see who listened to the coach when he said do 20 pushups

and then actually did 20 because in the sport of wrestling after the tournament they give away one gold medal to one individual and so if your coach is saying to do 20

push-ups and you do 20 how in the world are you supposed to stand out? How in the world are you supposed to be different? Growing up I prayed to be normal. I prayed to be normal. I prayed to not stick out until I realized it was a gift

and then I welcomed it and I shot for it so what made me stand out and become Utah Valley University's first ever all American I would do more than what was asked because I knew that was average and to set yourself apart we deserve to do more and that was it

it was simply that Like it literally comes down to that Now the question is When you're tired And you're sweaty And your muscles are so achy And just you don't feel like you can push it anymore That's the moment

That's the moment That's where Everything is on the line The moments that you're hurting And you know you can't do anymore but you do it anyway. That's what set you apart. I was weightlifting with one of my buddies.

He's a bodybuilder. This is a perfect example of this. And I'm like benching. And I'm like, how many do we do? How many do we do? They don't know me, son. They don't know me, son. I was going to carry the weights.

I know. I'm like, let's go. So he knows, he knows I'm a little crazy. So I'm like, wow, let's go. How many? And he said something that would change my life. He said, tell me when you're tired and you don't feel like you can do anymore. Then we'll start counting.

I'm like, dang, that's different. The older I get is I'm more attracted to different. I'm more attracted to peculiar. I'm more attracted to people that are seen a little bit as weird because they're the people that are doing things that are outside the normal. In the scriptures, it talks about people who are lukewarm, and God says he's going to just basically spew him out of his mouth. Like, it's not welcomed.

The more that we're seen as different, the more that we're seen as crazy, cuckoo in the head, delusional. for the right reasons those are the people that I just am intrigued by man I love that I love that so much which I want to kind of relate to

something you know with your wrestling experience I don't know if you watch soccer I love soccer what's your team if you don't mind me asking I love the Chivas I'm a big fan of the Chivas

out of Mexico because you have to be of Mexican descent to be on the team. Oh, wow. And I had a mission companion who also played for the Chivas, so it just ended up being one of my teams.

And in Europe, would you say Manchester United or not? Yeah, I think they have a fantastic program. Yeah. So the reason I'm bringing this up, which I want to relate with your story, so historically, Manchester is probably the biggest team in, like, England. And there was once a period of time where they had a captain, his name was Roy Keane, and he was an absolute stallion leader of men.

He was aggressive. He held players accountable, but he also was very intimidating to the other side. And in one of the interviews, he spoke about that 90% of the matches that they won was won in the tunnel before the game even began because he defeated the opponent and the opponents at that tunnel. because the aura of the presence and what they knew they were going up against as well which I kind of want to relate to what you were saying

when you spoke about every wrestler or every time you were in with an opponent one and one you could tell the shortcuts you could tell who didn't listen to the coaches which was a bigger part of your wrestling was it more the physical aspect or was it the mental or did they go both together both hand in hand

but you should know by walking in someone's living space what their goals are without even knowing them. What I mean is if you go to Penn State which is the most powerful college wrestling team

in the country, literally. And their coaches are from Utah here, the Sanderson's. If you go to their room, you will see on the wall 2,025 NCAA national champions.

They just won last week. In the next week, if you go to their room, it'll probably say 2026 NCAA National Champions. You will know about somebody by literally just walking in their living space. If you go to my bathroom right now, you walk up, you go by my sink, all you have to do is look to the right in all my I call it my shots. I tell people when I speak, I tell them to call their shot. All my shots are on the wall. If you look on my mirror, it says, world champion.

I wrote that way before I was a world champion. I believe, just like Babe Ruth did, he pointed towards the fence. and even though that year he was in the World Series in the fifth inning when he did it even though that year he had like over 60 strikeouts and 40-something home runs he still called his shot he stepped in the batters box

looked the picture down right in the eye and said give it to me let's go I believe that if I would have come to your room if I'd come to your car, if I'd look through your phone, or be in your living space, I would know pretty dang quick, or I should know at least what your goals are, what your aspirations are. When we don't put it out there, it's hard to actually achieve it. I met Connor McGregor a few weeks ago. Wow.

He said, this is what I love about him. He comes from a small island. He was homeless. He was a failing plumber. His documentary, it talks about it. His girlfriend financed him basically just to be able to fight. And he said he put his goal out to the world. He talked about it.

He told everybody about it. And then he did psychotic, obsessive work to achieve it. I don't believe anybody achieves an absolute. world-changing thing quietly. I love that. You've got to obsess with your goals. You have to, and you have to hold yourself accountable as well,

you know, short, medium, long-term goals as well. So I love that so much. Obviously, wrestling being so physically demanding and one of the toughest sports of the world, what would you say are those principles that you've learned from wrestling that you can apply in business today? Same thing.

Disobedient to average, show up early, go late, do more than anybody else. No, before you ever go into the board meeting, before you ever go into the negotiation, you've already won. I would step on the scale in wrestling. Way before I would ever make weight, way before I would ever tie my shoes and put on my singlet,

I would look down the line. Very similar to what you're talking about with the captain of the soccer team. It would be one in the tunnel. and I would look down the line, I'd be like, who's going to be taken second today? Like, they might as well not make weight, hand out the donuts because you're taking second.

You might as well take a treat on the way out the door. And I joke around, I'd be like, ah, whose girlfriends am I going to be stealing today? One match at a time, baby. I believe it's no different. The difference is, like with business, I believe there's a true win-win. Sometimes in wrestling it's hard to see with a win and a loss.

I believe in business, you can truly have a win-win situation in every negotiation you go in. But you've got to be prepared. You got to show up ready to rock and ready to bring your best self to the table way ahead of time so you can bring the best value

to anybody that you're sitting at the table with. I love that. I love that so much. which segues as well perfectly to what made you transition into business you mean you flipped over 200 homes like what was that transition to go into real estate and the entrepreneurial space well that's such a good question so I graduated from Utah Valley University I loved it I also believe that some areas of school teach us to work for other people my heart and soul is an entrepreneur and so I left school and I went into working at a family business. I was horrible at it. I was horrible at sitting at a desk, taking calls and selling something that I absolutely wasn't passionate about. I remember the day I got let go, I got fired.

I went to one of my mentors who was one of the first ever CEOs of Einstein Bagels. Would you go to fire in a family business? Yeah. imagine getting fired by your dad and your brother. Wow. Imagine that. That's tough to take. Oh, it sucks, especially when you're really bad at your job because you have zero passion.

I remember walking out the doors that day and having like a relief off my shoulders, almost feeling like what a gift it was that I'm getting let go of this thing that I was trying to be loyal to almost. My mentor said this, Ben, what do you do in your spare time? I'm like, what do you mean? He said, what do you do when people think that you're off task at work? And what I would do is I would look on the MLS and I would look at homes. I would watch fixer-upper and I was just passionate about it.

In the book good to great, it talks about three things. What are you passionate about? Number two, what can you shoot to be the best in the world at? It doesn't mean that you have to be. It doesn't mean that you even have to start out by being the best in the world. But during the path down this thing that you're passionate about, you have to start looking to be one of the best in the world. Or be on the journey of that.

on the progression towards that. The last thing is, once you found something you're passionate about and that you're looking to be the best in the world, that you'll be paid handsomely enough to do these full time. I went in after he told me that and realized that I was looking online and that the easy segue or entry into that was to start flipping homes. So what's the transition? Find something that you're passionate about,

that you're willing to dive deep into for the next five years. Right now, I don't enter anything that I'm not going to be involved with for the next three to five years. Because it doesn't happen in three weeks, three months, maybe not even three years. So you pretty much anti-get-rich, easy schemes and like short-term, like quickly get wealthy. You're in it for like you fully committed. That's why it's like a three to five-year term. Yeah, I'm just, I'm just anti-lying. that's what I'm anti

anti-like scam yes I'm anti that so you know a financial guru oh bro I'm telling you like if someone would have come to me in a wrestling and be like you want to be a world champ yeah good it's going to take you three months

I'm going to be like what are you talking about like it ain't going to happen I'll tell you when I was going for the Olympic trials I gave you a perfect example I go to Mark Schultz who had a movie done about him Channing Tatum played Mark Schultz in the movie.

Foxcatcher. I go to Mark Schultz, World and Olympic champ. I was just with him a couple weeks ago. And he said, Ben, you want to train for the Olympic trials? I said, yes. He said this. Then commit suicide. I'm like, Mark, you're psycho, dude.

What are you talking about? He's like, yeah. Financially, mentally, physically, socially, you got to go all in, bro. Do you want to be the best in the world? I said, but I think so. That's what it takes.

You want to be the best? Go to the people who have been the best and ask them what it takes. And then ask yourself, am I willing to do that? And there is no shortcut. Now, is there a fast forward button? because to get to a destination, there's no shortcut.

But you can fast forward to that destination. Get a mentor like a Mark, like a Dave, like a William, whoever your mentor is, they can help you get there a little bit faster. But it's on the same path. The road's not shorter. But by what they tell you, if and when you follow it, it can get you there a little bit quicker. That's powerful.

And I'm glad you mentioned that because the problem with social media, there are so many of these fake gurus that keep popping up every day. And it's like, but the nice thing is that there's eventually we all have some sort of a discernment because we can see between the genuine ones and the ones that aren't so genuine, you know. So I'm grateful of how you elaborated that and you brought it like into fruition. and you kind of like touched base on that because by the fruit you shall know them, right? Like, yeah, if you want to just become the best wrestler,

let's just do that thing in three months. It's like, no, buddy, I'll punch you in three months. Yeah, you're not wrong, man. I always think, go beyond the words of the individuals and see what they're doing. You would be surprised if social media didn't have audio. If social media didn't have the talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, if social media was just do, do, do, do, do, that's a different action. Find the people who are doing, not just talking, and then find the people who have actually lost and rebounded.

I think that's important as well because those have a story instead of just having a success in your record they don't have a failure so if you've failed a few times it's easy for you to understand and help others to prevent failure but if you've just had successes

I think that's a red flag well it means you just haven't been in the game long enough like I was talking with a lender recently on some properties I was looking at and he told me we've never lost money we've never lost money we've never lost money

and I've been to him like five times for a loan on good assets and he's never lent the money. And I'm like, of course you've never lost money. You've never lent money. I'm like, of course you've never lost money. Like, give me the people who have lost money. Give me the people who have gone through the ups and downs. Then there's business there because you get it. The people who haven't lost, man, they just haven't been in the game long enough.

That's perfect. I like that so much. You know, the problem as well, I feel with entrepreneurs, it is a risk that people take when they jump into that field because sometimes you have to, not sometimes, most of the times you have to go all in or to build your business. Obviously, you're flipping over 200 homes. What advice would you give or what three steps perhaps could you break it down to that's important for people to become successful when they are building their business? go all in on you number one I mean imagine you go to Vegas and you're betting on the table

and you have control of the table you have control of the cards that's what entrepreneurship is go all in on you number two find a niche that's what I would say find a niche don't go against

everybody else doing the same thing I like to follow Warren Trump or Warren Buffett's. I like to follow Warren Buffett's bit of advice when he says when the house is on fire he likes to run in and he just sees

everyone running out. He says when people are greedy you know, don't do business. When people aren't doing business get greedy. What that means is hey, when people aren't doing business go. Go against the grain because that's where that's what people I mean for example everyone knows what happened 2020 the world shut down the people who went through and went against the grain

their legacies financially were made go and study Warren Buffett and see how his financial I mean go look at his financial statement what happened in 2022 in the following years When everyone was running out, he was running in. Some of my best deals happened in those years. I remember being on the plane, flying out to Kansas, being the only one on the plane, going in the Lakinta, touching in Wichita, and then, like, handed me a little bag, and I did a deal when lenders weren't lending, and a year later doubling the profit on that deal. Because why?

The world came back around. The world will always come back around. We're survivors. Humans are people who get back up and go again. The house will not burn forever. We are the firefighters that fight the fire. Are we willing to go in when the fire is on? So bet on yourself.

Go in when the fire is on and find a niche. Find something that you're passionate about. Be willing to jump in for three to five years or longer if it takes it. and shoot to be the best in the world. And if you do all those things, you'll be paid handsomely. To where, when the moment comes to hit off what you said, you weren't just making enough money for your family. You're making enough money to benefit generations of other people too.

That's an abundant mindset. Love that, love that so much. And when you just speak about Warren Buffett, just his track record, you know, and not just his investments, but he's always had liquid cash in financial crisis, not just COVID time, but even the Great Recession, which occurred between 2007 and 2009, when obviously we know Lehman Brothers went down and under a lot of the insurance companies and a lot of the big bank. went down and under and he was literally helping bail out in terms of cash flow some of the biggest banks investment banking firms in the world today and that's just one person saving an entity you know it just shows you how some people are more prepared than an actual institution it just gives a different perspective completely and you know which this kind of goes as well to the next question i want to talk to you about i know you say

know you said even in these crisis during COVID when banks were not lending you any money, when you, you know, you weren't getting it. And that's when you made some of the best deals. That is a story of perseverance and grit, which leads to my next question. I've been segueing nonstop. Now I'm finally getting up my question. Let's do it. What has been the toughest real estate deal that you've done and how did you turn that into a win? There's a couple of tough things. I think when I first started, I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't have contracts in place. And I remember jumping into a deal with a guy that just wasn't committed to the deal and we had a bad contract. Long story short, he sued me. And I remember, especially first going into my real estate career,

I was so hurt personally that another human who I didn't feel like was being honest would sue me. I went on to win the lawsuit and I lost

$40,000 $40,000. And I remember my father who's a real estate attorney comes to me and for me back then, $40,000 was so much money.

And he came to me, he said, Ben, that will be your best education and maybe the cheapest. And I'm like, man, now almost 15 years later, he's not wrong. That kept me away. from being placed into deals that could have went that same way. And so that moment where I felt so distraught and offended that he would sue me and that even when I won, I had to hire an attorney and I lost $40,000 because of how long it took, it has taught me so many lessons. So is it a new beginning or is it a dead end?

For a moment I thought it was a dead end. it has been such a new beginning for me as I've gone through and I've chosen to relive those learning lessons that I had in that moment and have it be a gain for profitability in the future. That's powerful. That's so powerful.

I look at the scriptures. I love, like, you know, circling back to the scriptures, I often look at Moses, obviously, you know, father faithful, one of the most faithful people he come across. Abraham, you know, father of obedience as well and how he obeyed the Lord and was blessed. Job, a very underrated person,

are calling Father Patience. That's a circle that are my notes because every time I always think I'm going through trials and you read how he lost everything. Sometimes yes, we do lose everything with the circumstances we currently face and have in this world. And you look at Job and you'd like, to be that patient is leading to my next question to you.

The trials you face, I've studied your story, I've read about it, even you and your beautiful wife and family, the trials with IVF and struggling to have kids and all these different trials. Has it ever been a time in your life when you say, gosh, enough is enough? I've been experiencing trials and tribulation. Has that ever crossed your mind? Today. brother today I'm going through that

I don't think you're ever on the safe side and if you are you're probably just being laxadaisically patient I think patience has many different levels I like to say tenacious patience because I don't believe God created us to be laxadaisically patient. Chill and be like,

I God, tell me where to go. I'll be waiting right here with my lemonade. I believe the way that I like to maneuver my life and what works best for me at least is I believe that we're all, I see a vision of like an incredible muscular sprinting stallion and we're just running as quick as we can towards our target, whether that's the mountain, the sunset, the beach,

whatever that target is for somebody. And I believe we continually do that tenaciously, like a savage, like an obsessed goal achiever with the ability to surrender at any moment. I spoke in a recent event behind a business owner of a company called Lendia. It's a big, big financial company. And he talked about the difference and the symbiotic relationship of surrendering and being just like tenaciously driven. If you're like me and you just feel like you're driven, like, let's go, let's get it.

it's hard to be that sprinting stallion and have your master call you to go a different direction or just halt. But I believe that once we understand that surrendering a certain distance or location is not bad, it's exactly what's supposed to happen. And we listen to the voice of our master or God or whatever deity you, you decide to choose and we choose to go a different way, that's exactly how life is supposed to go. I'll give an example of what I'm going through right now. I feel a calling to go more into speaking. I feel like God is gathering his people, literally, from all ends of the earth. And I don't feel like painting another wall for me or doing texture or doing a

design wall and a flip is what God wants for me. He doesn't care. He says, leave that for somebody else. Ben, I need you to run this way. And I didn't want to do that for a while because it's home away from family. It's time away from family, I should say. And one of my dear friends said this, Ben, follow that voice. And then he said this and this changed my life. He's like, I know you have three kids and they're young. Five, six, and six. I'm like, I don't want to leave.

He said, I promise you, as you follow that voice, he will give you maybe less time with your kids, but they will be more intense times. I'd never heard that. before. Wow. And he's not, he's not wrong. When we do what God or what we're supposed to do, we may have less time with some loved ones because we're doing his errands, his mission. But as we align ourselves with those things, he will then create more special bonding times. Do you know how many fathers sit at home with their kids and never connect because they're not living intentionally

or intensely in those moments instead of me being home 24 hours a day seven days a week but being on my phone with my kids in the in the area saying ban daddy daddy daddy come on he'll create opportunities for me as I go down that path to have more intentional and intense times That's the battle I'm facing right now, to be very just candid with you. Powerful. Powerful so much. I said, I want to respect your time. I just have two more questions.

I promise all. I love it, man. Man, I'm feeling it. I'm really feeling it. I'm excited for the viewers to get to watch this as well. With all that important saying, that transformative phrase the doctor said to you, that you're going to live a different life. how you chose to follow the victor's path,

rather the victim's direction. What would you tell younger Ben right now? And I want to get this right. Like, what would you say to him? I had a meditation in the last year where I was able to do that. I had a breath session that allowed me what's called shadow.

So I was able to go and see myself in my elementary age. And I remember going to this moment where I saw myself walking down the hallway with my big backpack. I was like the shortest kid in my class. I looked different. There was so much like doubt with who I was. I was shy. I was insecure. in many ways, tired of being bullied.

And I remember seeing myself and just like pouring into me. And the younger me looked at me and recognized me. And it was really unique because as he looked at me, his eyes kind of got big, little Ben's eyes got big, almost like, this is who I become. in a proud sense. And man, I was able to have this communication with Little Ben and more than anything, just tell them it's not just going to be okay.

It's going to be freaking awesome. Like it's going to be a ride. And it's going to be so good. So get through the hard times. Bite down, buckle up, and get ready. because our life is going to just not mean something, it's going to be like incredibly meaningful, not just for you but for other people.

So I've had those moments. In my documentary, I have a little Ben who's five years old. On April 18th, he'll be six. And his name's Colton. and I have the opportunity to pour into a real little bit. And my goal is with a documentary to make him an absolute superstar. I want the world to know him.

I want the world to see that the narrative is changing. And I want him at the age of five, six to know things that I didn't figure out until about 36. and as that happens with the support of me and other people and his parents, he'll be able to make a larger impact than all ever dream of making. Wow. Wow. Wow. That's nothing. I don't know what else to say after then. That's just, that's powerful. It makes a big difference and not just being present, but literally being intentional in your, in your way to uplift. little Ben as well, you know.

So I love that so much. I admire it. And I mean, I look back at the times when I was in sports, whether it was like a hundred meter or 200 meter or even playing soccer, it's a little different when you start seeing your parents in the stands and your family there. Or whether I'm at a talent show in the beginning of high school. and you're just performing on stage

and they take their evening out to come and watch you and support you yell, even though you're probably just making a whatever upstairs, you know, on stage. But like it's such a big boost in one's self-confidence in just seeing somebody, some of the people you love and look up to, just being there for you.

You know, so I'm grateful for everything you've shared. I'm grateful for your strong resilience, grit and your entire definition. of being a serial winner. And that's why I have to conclude by asking the most important question. This is the code to winning. And you define it in every way.

What in your personal definition would you say is winning? Intention. The older I get, the more I look to intention in people as quick as possible. I'll be 42 this year. And I feel like that's the first. first thing I look for. What's the intention of this individual? And if their intention is pure, I want to be surrounded by them. I don't care if they're male or female. It doesn't matter

their age. It doesn't matter where they come from. It doesn't matter their demographics. It doesn't matter how rich or poor they are. It doesn't even matter their skill or talent. If they have incredible intention than they are they're an incredible asset and that's what I search for and I strive to do that in my own life through the hard times and the tough times

it's easy to show up happy and go and go get after it during when you're winning what happens when you're losing what happens Are you the person that leaves In business, I look for that

I look for the people When the fire is on in the building Are you the one bouncing? Or are you going to be here To fight the fire with me? Is your intention to fight this Out for the good Or are you running for the hills

To save yourself? I want the people that stay behind To fight the fire with me And sit and save others And make sure Is everyone good? You guys got it? Let's go. We're already good. Those are the people I want to be around.

Because bro, we're about to go into those moments. I love that. And I tell you what, do God's come and quit? And in those moments, I want to be around the people who are intentional with how they're living. That's winning to me. Powerful. Awesome. Well, if you could let our viewers know, Ben, where they could get a hold of you, if they want to try and, like, get mentorship for you.

If they want to try and, like, upscale their business. whatever you may do. If you could let them know the social media platform that could get a hold of you, how to get in contact with you, please let our viewers know. What's going on, guys?

I would love to get ahold of you just to be your fan. I would love to pour into you. I would love to just be your biggest cheerleader. One thing that I would love to share with you is the standout documentary. I'm wearing the shirt of it right now. We're bringing it to the world.

We just got done winning awards in Hollywood. last month, and we're taking it to Utah for the first time ever in St. George, Utah, at Desert Scape Film Festival, April 19th at 2 p.m. The week after, we'll be in Iowa at the Dubuque International Film Festival. I would love to share that with you. That is an absolute gift that I want to share with you, and I want to pour into you. So if you'll reach you out to me on social media or my website at Ben,

care, B-E-N-K-J-A-R.com. Let's connect and let me add value to your life. And I appreciate you, brother. Thanks so much for everything that you've done and for just giving me the microphone and giving me a chance to shine my light. And this is what I call a living journal. Dude, way after we're gone,

this technology is going to be accessible for generations to come. And so thanks for putting yourself out there and organizing and investing in this so that we can share a moment that hopefully stays around for hundreds of years to come, man. Let's go, baby. Let's go. The co-to-winning insights you need today to seize the world tomorrow. Ben Care, leader of men, one of one, the stud he is. Thank you, boss.

Appreciate you, man.