The Code To Winning - MASCULINITY, ATTRACTION & POWER DYNAMICS: DATING COACH FOR MEN || IYA OBGADZE || EPISODE 042

Episode Date: July 18, 2025

In this unique and eye-opening episode, we sit down with Iya Obgadze—elite dating and relationship coach for high-achieving men—to unpack the truths behind attraction, masculinity, and modern relationship dynamics. Known for her bold and no-fluff approach, Iya helps men decode high-value women and evolve into the kind of man she can’t replace. Whether you're navigating the dating world, healing from a past relationship, or striving to elevate your presence, this episode delivers clarity and strategy.   Iya dives deep into how high-value women think, what they look for beyond surface-level traits, and why so many successful men unknowingly sabotage their chances with the women they desire. From emotional intelligence and masculine leadership to setting boundaries and embodying purpose, she outlines exactly what it takes to magnetize—not chase—deep, lasting connection.   We explore the unspoken power dynamics in relationships, how to command respect without manipulation, and why true masculine confidence isn't about dominance—it's about self-mastery. Iya shares how men can build an internal foundation so strong that attraction becomes a natural byproduct, not a constant pursuit. If you've ever wondered how to be the man in today’s dating landscape, this conversation is your roadmap.   This episode isn’t about pickup lines or surface tactics—it’s about transformation. Tune in to discover how to shift from performing for love to being the love she values most. If you're ready to attract high-caliber women and become irreplaceable in both life and love, Iya Obgadze is the coach you need to hear

a man that knows who he is and holds his own leadership and his own value first and foremost within himself. The man that has skills to self-regulate when things become uncomfortable or anxious instead of shutting down or maybe blowing up as an alternative. And I would also say it's limited accessibility is what makes high value both men and women. What are those barriers that are just preventing this miscommunity? between these two genders, you know. Absolutely. I think social media has done a great job at splitting us up

and positioning it like it's men's fault or it's women's fault. And at the end of the day, we all want happy and healthy relationship. What does the term high-value men mean in today's world, obviously beyond money and status in your opinion? High value men mostly think that it's their house, the cars, the success that they have, that now they're ready to find that high value woman. And that actually makes you feel more replaceable than anything else. Where do most high-achieving men go wrong when it comes to love and dating?

Men can approach dating like they're approaching business. They can be very logical and drive relationship through. logic. Women don't necessarily need logic in a relationship. They need your presence. They want you to show up to hold space to make them feel safe. That's an ultimate superpower men hold that they're not always aware of because even the most high achieving successful, strong alpha female, they still crave that safety from a man that only... The code to winning in. In fact, insights you need today to seize the world tomorrow. Today we have a very unique, amazing and a very educational interview with an outstanding guest today. She, excuse me, is a relationship coach

specifically for men as well. Now, just to give you a brief introduction of our guest, she helps high achieving men decode high value women and become the the man she can't replace. That's already exciting enough for you to be able to tune in for the entire episode today. If you're curious and learning more, we'll also be able to put the information for her courses and reaching out to her at the same time as well in the description section. She goes by the name of Aya Obgadze. She is from Georgia slash Russian.

So we have a Scandinavian in the building, the Viking herself. Welcome to the studio, Aya. Yeah. It's I. Iya. Oh my gosh. All this time I thought it was Aya. Most people pronounce it Aya because of the way it's spelled.

But it's actually Iya. Okay. My mom speaks German, not English. So when they spelled my name in translation from Russian, they just spelled it like it would sound in German. So that's why it's spelled that way. Oh, but is it spelled the same way as it is? In Russian it would be two letters, E and D. Oh, okay.

All right. No, thank you for correcting me as well. No, you're good. My name is spelled K-A-G-I-S-O. And if you notice, people will say Kajas-O. That's what the series says, or Kegiso, all this kind of stuff. And I'm the same way. I'm like, listen, it's actually Kajiso or Kahiso.

But also my name back at home was K-G. So, like, people go by that as well. And I prefer that, if they can't pronounce it. Because sometimes you pronounce it incorrectly. I'm like, that is not my name. No, I don't mind at all. Having a unique name is actually a great thing because people remember you. It's true.

It's true. Especially, yeah, you're right. And the fact that it's also so short like an I-Y-A, it just rings. You know what I'm saying? It does. My wife's name was also a Russian name was like Elita. E-L-I-T-A. And my mother's-in-law's last name is Nisonova.

And so that's like a St. Petersburg kind of area as well. So can you give us a brief introduction of who you are and where you're from? Absolutely. My name is I, Aya Obgadze. I was born in Georgia at Belisi, the capital, but grew up mostly in Moscow, Russia. Have lived and worked in 14 other countries outside of Georgia and Russia before moving to United States. Moved here in 2007.

and also moved around quite a bit in the States, lived in California, in New York, in Florida, and now beautiful Utah. Which part of California? Both actually, northern and southern. Initially, I moved to Santa Rosa. That's a wine country. Northern California.

Beautiful area, but felt a little bit like a retirement community at that point. I was only 21 when I moved there, 22. So soon enough realized that I needed to live in a bigger city and move to Los Angeles. And then from then on, just kept moving to the bigger cities. So you said New York and Miami as well, right? New York and Miami, yes. When did you live around New York time?

It was probably 2013. That's actually where my daughter was born. Okay. Okay, 2013. Yeah, I lived in... I don't know you know myself. I lived in New Jersey for a while. I did like some sales there,

but I also ended up doing two different internships where I lived around like Manhattan side. But California, Bay Area was there for like three and a half years, four years. So you moved around quite a bit too. Yeah. That's great. But I wish I lived in Miami. I only went there for like a week and a half and stuff.

And I felt there was a different spirit there. I've never seen like such a level of young, entrepreneur. There's two areas I often tell people that young entrepreneurs are thriving. It's Miami, Florida and Scottsdale, Arizona. Really? Those two are so unique. You always see like 19, 20, 21-year-olds that are super successful, 22, 23. It's like a young hub of entrepreneurs.

I agree. I love Miami. Beautiful area, beautiful weather, healthy people working out all the time. Motivates you to also be in shape and keep up. Great place too. And I'm grateful for the topic we're about to talk about because, my gosh, seeing how people were dating in Miami and how dating is in Utah is completely different. Really? Maybe you can share with me because I do not have experience of dating in Utah quite yet.

And I'm sharing from somebody. I didn't date in Miami, but I was getting across people that were dating there, but like the expectations and all the different stuff. But this topic is, the reason I'm excited, I think I spoke to you earlier, this topic of masculinity, this topic of men like, I know, understanding woman is such an important topic that is not discussed enough and I feel. Right. And I feel like experts and coaches are like you having you in the studio. I'm excited to break down a few of these topics and fully understand what are those barriers that are just preventing this miscommunication between these two genders, you know, so.

Absolutely. I think social media has done a great job at splitting us up and positioning it like it's men's fault or it's women's fault. And at the end of the day, we all want happy and healthy relationship and we want to have that unit together. So I think the most important part is probably to look at things as we're not against each other. And we're on the same side of the story trying to build something happy and joyful and then work towards that together. Oh, no, I like that. And which kind of kind of just goes into the very first question I wanted to ask you, which is what does the term

high value man mean in today's world, obviously beyond money and status in your opinion? I love that question and I love the way you actually started replying for me because high value men mostly think that it's their house, the cars, the success that they have, that now they're ready to find that high value woman. And that actually makes you feel more replaceable than anything else. Because if you can think of what are some of the qualities that makes a men replaceable, financial part would be one of them. If it's just money that you offer,

there's 100,000 other people that can offer the same thing. So I think the most important part is probably a man that, knows who he is and holds his own leadership and his own value first and foremost within himself. The man that has skills to self-regulate when things become uncomfortable or anxious instead of shutting down or maybe blowing up as an alternative. And I would also say it's limited accessibility is what makes high value both men and women. because if everyone can have you, are you really a high value? You know, I'm grateful you touched on that.

And I think society is painted a slightly different saying, yes, accessibility. If a woman is not accessible, but then it's portrayed that a high value man is that with a higher body count and more experience in that dating thing, which I disagree with. But continue, you're going to say something regarding that? No, I definitely think that limited accessibility is. prime marker for being a high value and having high body count does not make you high value and I know that many people would disagree with me and maybe I'm more traditional and old school but I do believe that high value first and foremost you should be very selective of who you let in

and who has access to you and I've been curious as well would you consider like Georgia Russia, that's Scandinavian culture. I know the answer, but would you consider the culture completely different to the American culture from what you've seen and experienced? Absolutely, to a certain degree. I think Georgian culture is definitely more traditional values, traditional values and roles of men and a woman. And maybe it's not as open sexually as it is in Russia or on the West.

In United States, too, depends on the state you live in and the city you're at. There are states that are more based on religious values or traditional values of the family. And then you have large cities like Miami, New York, and Los Angeles, where people just live very differently and date very differently. So absolutely, where you live has an impact for sure, and cultures differ. I couldn't agree more. There's been any recent trains. The reason I'm asking that of a lot of men saying they're packing their passports

and they're going to Russia, Ukraine, Slovakia, Slovenia, Georgia and all that kind of stuff, mainly because there's a cultural difference where people often feel women often are preserve their virtue, like a longer and the exaseless. accessibility that you mentioned is like it's it's there where I feel like traditional values are implemented far more in more Eastern European countries would you agree with that or is that just like a myth I would say that Caucasian countries for sure have more traditions around that of keeping women pure as long as possible Russia probably especially modern day things are a little bit more moving towards Western culture. However, I think traditional values in Russia

are still very strong in Eastern Europe in general as far as men's role in a relationship versus women's role. In the United States, I think the whole feminist movement in a way hurt everyone involved because, sure, it helped women have equal rights in certain aspects. of life, but then there are rights where I personally, for example, don't want to have equal rights.

Like, I will never fight a man to carry heavy suitcase upstairs and to show how strong I am. And I have zero interest in competing in men's arena. But, again, it's just a level of how far you go with something. So there is a place for it, but I think we went a little too far on the West with that. All right. Let's go back to the topic that I was prepared. I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for you. You touched on that. And I think you can see the difference in that because how far along can equality become equality?

Like, God has created both men and women differently for reasons. You know, men are performing better in certain roles and women perform way better in certain roles. Men can't give birth and women can't do certain stuff that men can do. And I think that's the divine beauty of having two different roles. different genders because together they're a superpower. Absolutely. Absolutely. Polarity is what makes it amazing of having masculine and feminine in their full power and expression instead of fighting on each other's territories. And the problem is sometimes that men are becoming a bit more feminine and a woman are becoming a bit more masculine. Is that like just a natural response to women

when they see that happening in today's society? I think definitely there is an attack to masculinity in a modern day dating. I hear a lot from my men clients that they will go on a date and women will fight to open the door or split the bill or feel offended if he offers any sort of help. And I know it might sound strange to you or I, but like there are women that are still fighting for that independence. And it really confuses men and they don't really always.

know how to behave. Now, I know this sounds strange and I don't personally experience this, but I think it's also how women behave around men that makes a big difference too. Can you explain that a bit more? Absolutely. Absolutely. And my personal experience of dating or being in any relationship, all men open doors for me and most of them will take the leadership role where I don't have to lead. But if men are consistently shamed for showing up in full in their masculine, then they're confused so they hold back. They're not sure if they should open the door, if they should offer help, or they'll

over-apologize to you before offering any help. And I think also on the West especially, men feel very criticized for everything that they do to the point where they just don't know anymore what they're supposed to be doing. So it's not coming from a place of not wanting to show up fully in their masculine, but more from a confusion of like what is acceptable anymore so I don't offend anyone. Interesting. And I think it's happening more than we see because obviously social media only portrays a certain small percentage, but yeah, you read a lot of stories. but yet again goes back to what you touched on.

The problem is right now social media is making such a divide because it's like women are so bad and so evil. Oh my gosh, I don't need no man. Man will give you a headache. They add no. And the thing is once you click on one thing, the algorithm can just go on for days before you become an anti-man or anti-woman. So you just have to be careful, you know.

And so which kind of goes to my next question. Like where do most high-achieving men go wrong when it comes to love and dating? men can approach dating like they're approaching business they can be very logical and drive relationship through logic women don't necessarily need logic in a relationship they need your presence they want you to show up to hold space to make them feel safe that's an ultimate superpower men hold that they're not always aware of because even the most high achieving successful strong alpha female, they still crave that safety from a man that only men can provide. And just to add on there, because I found that very interesting

where you see these strong female personalities still when they get the right alpha male for them, it also creates a level of security. But is that like strong female character? Is that like a defensive mechanism from like trauma when they were young or how does, or is that something they develop over time? It can be both. It can be definitely trauma from childhood.

But it also can be that she's not meeting men that are fooling they're masculine, that are stronger than her. So she can actually relax and be in her feminine and trust. So it all comes down to trust and safety. That's prime thing all women want. It's safety. And if you are able to get her to that state and it might not be easy,

but if you get her to that, then you'll win most of the time. And yeah, and the reason I want to touch on this, I want to tell you two different examples personally for me previously. I've been attracted to both the strong personalities but are mostly attracted to like just a feminine ladylike, just a woman who embraces just the feminine side of things.

You know what I'm saying? And I feel like I'm not speaking for most men, but I feel like I speak for like a large population because it just brings like naturally the masculinity in you where you want to provide, where you want to protect, where you want to be able to fulfill your role. It's just, but like it's a conflict of interest when I start seeing a woman saying they want to pay.

for herself. I'm like, okay, what the heck am I doing you? Right. I agree with you, but this also touches on polarity. Polarity is where the strength of relationship is when woman stays in her feminine and men stays in masculine. And the fight is who is going to do the first work, right? Is it the guy that is taking charge and stepping fully into his masculinity and lets her relax and be in her feminine or is it a woman that figures out how to get into that feminine state so she can motivate guy to step into his masculinity? And I think that's where the divide is happening all over social media and in a way propaganda to split family unit as is or relationships. And I hope we can turn things around before we go too far off. Facts, isn't that facts?

Now the question I'm curious, and I think for most of the viewers out there, because this will actually have a very high male view watchers. What do high value women look for that often men overlook and don't notice and understand? I'm surrounded by a lot of high value, successful, gorgeous women, and I can speak on our behalf that we all are looking for men, first of all, that have a leadership within their own lives, within themselves first. It's a man that really has a good understanding of who he is. It's a man that knows what are his triggers and how he can self-regulate when those triggers happen. It's a man that has a mission that is beyond himself of making some sort of impact.

it's a man that, again, is not easily accessible. And it's a man that can hold the space for women's emotions of all the spectrums of emotions. So when she's messy and crying and is overwhelmed, he can hold that space and create that safety for her. That is an ultimate what all women want. But for high-value women that are already strong and are managing their old, lives, that is the thing they can't give themselves. No matter how much we meditate, no matter how independent we are, we still need that man that can come and hold us and give us that space and softness for us to relax and be in our

feminine. And I know we said that money and status is not important, but to some degree it's still important, you know, because providing is such a important characteristic because when you say provide and protect, it creates that safety because without money, how are you going to provide? You know what I'm saying? I get you saying it's not the do-all and end-all, but it's somewhat important. Absolutely. No, men should definitely be a provider.

I agree with you. But that should not be the only thing you bring to the table. Just the same as women should take care of herself and look beautiful. but if that's the only thing she brings to the table, is that enough? Ultimately, there should be more than that. There should be presence. And I think more than success, we are looking for a man that can provide that presence. Powerful.

It's actually powerful. Then how can men balance that ambition and like emotional availability? Because it's so hard because in today's society, society with the criteria and the expectation and the responsibility bestowed upon men, it's important for you to be able to be ambitious and actually have a drive because it's something that was built and it's like enlisted in us from like birth. You know, I think it's in our DNA. But how can you balance that in a relationship, like both that and emotional availability?

I think being ambitious is definitely one of the most attractive qualities that men can have. again it taps into provider and leadership which is like number one thing that women are attracted to so I'm not saying don't strive for the better absolutely be an achiever but also understand that being emotionally available does not mean that you're texting all day long it just means that you are clear in your communication and you are communicating certainty that woman knows at all points, what is going on. She's not sitting and guessing or trying to understand where you stand because when you put a woman in that state, her cortisol level goes up, which means her oxytocin, that's neuroscience, her oxytocin drops, and that's a bonding hormone. So then she cannot bond

with you. But if you communicate clarity, if you lead and she knows where you guys are going or where relationship is leading to, then she can actually relax and just enjoy being around you without overthinking it. So it's not an expectation that you should be available 24-7. It's just having a really good communication, whether it's, hey, I will be in meetings today and probably won't have access to my phone,

but just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you. It's small things like that that creates safety within women. So I think that communicating that is, crucial. And just to add on that, I've seen this happen a lot with some of my friends and and close colleagues and stuff like that is that they'll get a woman that's attracted to them. Then they overtext and they all raise like, you know, then they become clingy. And then she potentially might have the ick. Like, oh my gosh, this guy is so clingy. Is that something women find very unattractive? Why do you think that happens?

No, because she'll like him, he'll like her. And then before you know it, like, they hit it off. And then he's just like texting nonstop. He's calling and she's like, oh, God, it's not me, it's you kind of things. I don't know. Like, I think it happens mainly because you're getting that attention from a girl that's now, like, that you're attracted to. She's attracted to you. And it's one of those things you want to keep it going, you know, in my opinion, I would assume that.

But it's an ick, right, that women don't like that. Not necessarily. So the texting is not the problem here. the problem is emotional regulation. So it can go both ways. If the men, and it goes for women to, not just men, if a person is anxiously attached, they will try to look for reassurance through communication.

And they might text you over function in a relationship, trying to get that validation and reassurance. And then when they don't get that, they get really upset and show in a passive, aggressive way or they block you or get really mad at you or the other spectrum of not being able to regulate yourself is an avoid antitachment. Some people just develop that as a coping mechanism. So when they get anxious, they will just pull back and shut down. So both spectrums are painful for the receiving person on the other side. But the most confusing thing is that those typically

attract each other. So that is what makes things hard, which is why we all should work towards becoming secure within ourselves and learn how to self-regulate. So then we don't project those insecurities and look for validation outside of ourselves. That's true. But yeah, personally for me, if I really love the person, I kind of don't mind them being clingy. But if I'm not interested, then it's like a very uncomfortable thing. It's like, listen, you know, you know, but if I really like care, it's like, okay, you kind of like

like the fact that they really like love you so much. It's like a how do I explain it? A feeling of just not even reassurance, but you're right. Reassurance is important, but it's like a feeling of like, okay, gosh, like I mean a lot to this person, you know what I'm saying? Connection. Connection. There's the term.

Yeah. And so and I think there's a, there's a bit of a. misbalance and a misconception and misunderstanding because it happens so much with people like right now where they get attracted and then just there's over communication, over texting, over responding and then it's just they lose the girl. So that's what I wanted to find out from you regarding that. No, I think even from my own dating experience and my people that have helped, women that have helped, I would say this is how it feels on a receiving end of a high value woman. You get messages. The guy is excited. He's doing all this nice gestures, sending you gifts,

buying you flowers, texting you nonstop. And you're communicating, you're connecting, you're having a great time. And then let's say one day you're busy. You're in meetings or you're filming podcasts or you're doing something where you don't have access to your phone. And you don't reply in the same sequence that you did before. That can trigger the other person. And then they'll start over functioning and when they don't get the response, they'll just say something mean. Like, okay, I won't bother you again. And on a receiving end for a woman, that's like, okay, so you can't regulate yourself. So you're coming to me for that. And how can I feel safe with you if you are not feeling safe within yourself? So again, it triggers the prime need for a woman

is to feel safe. So if you, like anything you do, and I, I think, I think I've shared this with you. If I could give any advice to men, just put everything through lens of will this make her feel safe? Whether it's you want to text her or say something to her or take any actions, just put through that lens. And if the answer is it will make her feel safe, you'll win most of the time. The only time you won't win if you're trying to get self-regulation through her. That's powerful. Now, a question for you.

personally for you. Sure. You're a high value woman. You know exactly what you want. You're very intelligent and you're very successful. When dating, what's the first thing

that you look for in a man? The first thing, just one. Self-awareness. Self-awareness. And then probably would be accountability. High-value women are not looking for perfection. They're looking for a man that can hold his power and leadership, be accountable and know his shortcomings. And when those things come up, be able to admit to them

and work on them together. I think this goes for both men and women. If you want to have a healthy relationship, you should be self-aware and accountable to some extent. But then you got rid of the amazing myth because the myth you know when you spoke about accessibility I don't know if you've watched the movie John Takama's die I have not okay it's a funny movie I watched a while back

it's about his high schooler that's I think dating a cheerleader dating the prom queen girl or just dating like all these like amazing girls but the theory back then was like woman want men women want okay so popular guys

popular guy that can get any girl kind of thing. So accessibility is, yes, is important. But at the end of the day, like, isn't there a psychological thing where women feel like they want to have the main guy? Absolutely, but I think things are shifting. Maybe when you are 18 and you're just starting to date, that is attractive.

But once you are already at the point where you really understand who you are and what you want in life, you understand things that are actually important. And importance is not something that shines and looks pretty on the paper or checks all the boxes. It's how someone makes you feel in small moments, in hard moments, in everyday moments, how they show up for you. Wonderfully said. People have to grow out of this high schoolness. You know how long in high school?

You know what I'm saying? Real life will hit you. Absolutely. And I get it. Shiny is definitely attractive, but it's a surface level attractive. and that's just not enough to sustain long-term relationship. Perfect. Which kind of goes now to my next question,

and I love this leadership that you were talking about. I love the masculinity. In your personal definition, how would you define masculine leadership and how can men embody it without being controlling? Absolutely. I think leadership, is not about controlling. It's about having direction and understanding where are you headed to,

like where are you going? What are your life goals? And what are your standards? Not just the wish list, but what are your non-negotiables? And then work off of that, have a really good understanding of who you are and what energy you bring to the table. And then clearly communicate that to a woman. This is what I'm trying to do. I would love if you joined me there. I would love to have you, but this is a direction I'm taking

and give her an opportunity to join in or not. That's not a control. That's leadership. Control is, this is what I'm doing and you are following me, which is also attractive, by the way. Which, yeah,

another topic. I was about to say, that debunks the myth because women want to be led. Women want a strong, character, woman wants somebody that knows himself, but they want to be led. Absolutely. But again, that comes down to upbringing and culture. That is attractive to me because that's a culture I was brought up with. My father is very much a masculine man, very high-achieving men, which I think is

why I really understand high-achieving men, because I was raised by one. And I also understand that you can be a very powerful woman and be really strong without having to talk about it. And set standards on your first dates and talk about them, but actually embody that and being your feminine because you don't have to keep talking about how strong you are. You can just be that internally and still be feminine. Love it. Love it so much. So now going to misconceptions and myths, what are the biggest misconceptions men have about high value women? It's definitely not her looks or burking bags or her expensive jewelry. There should be definitely more to it.

I've experienced, and my friends and also women I worked with, high value have experienced this too with men, where men assume that because she's strong and independent, she does not need anything, that there is nothing that he can offer her. or that she's only looking for money, status, success, and all those things. And that's actually not it at all. Most successful, high value, most gorgeous women,

they actually want men that come and solve their problems and put them in their feminine, that are stronger than them, that will come and say, you know what, I've got you. Like, relax. You don't have to do this. I know you can do it, but you don't have to. I've got you. We all want the same thing.

Again, safety. Safety to just be women, to be in our feminine. Gosh, wow. I feel like these topics are not discussed enough because I feel like there's just this misconception in society. There's a misunderstanding. People don't understand what is the expectation because it's not laid out.

It's not communicated. It's not understood, you know? Because I feel like for the most part, like men and women, if things are, all tradition was way, easier to understand because it was the man goes out and goes and works and the women's at home with the kids. Both roles are equally important, but there was also less divorces, less conflict. But at the same time, people saying that there were people that were stuck in their marriage.

So there's a lot of different pros and concerts, all tradition, but it worked, you know. For instance, I'm from South Africa, Johannesburg. My parents have been married for 35 years. Like, the divorce rate in my country is super low. And if you look at my parents today, they're, you'd think they're still in the honeymoon phase because they're like each other's best friends. I love that. I love that. We toured the country. We did Vegas, California and stuff for a month, me and my wife. And like it's almost like you would say that they are the ones that are newly wet.

You know what I'm saying? Because I feel like that's the old traditional way where you work throughout everything and you fully get to develop that bond and you become one, which people are missing. There's so much of divorces. There's so much of breakups. And what do you think is the problem contributing to that? I mean, definitely propaganda, I think, of against splitting men versus women that I touched on earlier. Same as propaganda that women are oppressed if they're housewives or taking care of children.

I think we just went a little too far off with that because being a mother myself, I don't see any other joy bigger than being a mother and being around my child. and I think most mothers probably agree with that. And I think also in a modern day society, especially on the West, women are forced to work because of, I think pressure of having double income to be able to get ahead in life and take care of your children. And that puts a lot of pressure on women. And then there is also a system that is not supporting of families and women in general. you only get max three months of maternity leave. And if you compare that even with Eastern Europe,

you get at least 18 months off with one child. And if you have a second child within that period, you get another 18 months. So most people have children and stay home with them for three, four years, which is essential to develop children and their brains. So even developing connections, having secure attachment, All that comes stems from very early childhood. So I think that's also something that is a major problem on the West

that kids don't get to spend as much time with their moms, like even from an infant stage. Couldn't be more accurate. And then how important is a man's purpose to the ability to attract the right partner? I find that very attractive because that's an aspect. because that's an N-core. Because if you have just an ambition

and you're achieving something, let's say you want to build a company and scale it to a certain number, and you achieved that. And then you sell that company and what now. And I have a lot of men in my circle that have gotten to that point and really struggle with their mental health

because their entire life they dedicated trying to build up to that success. thinking that, okay, when I make this number, I'm going to be happy. When I reach this number, I'm going to have all the women that I want. And they get to that point and they have that number and nothing has changed. They still can't have healthy conversations with women. They still can't build relationships that are fulfilling. And if they don't have a purpose, now what? You have a crisis until you figure out what your next goal is. So I think it's very important to have a mission. outside of your personal goals and impact you're making.

This next question, I like that I saw it in your bio. You know where I'm going with this, right? Maybe. You guys have made it about 40 minutes into the podcast right now. So this next question is probably why you actually hear. So I'm hoping you enjoy her answer. She prepared this answer for the last 20 days. Not at all.

No idea what you're going to ask. She does not know what I'm going to ask at all. But this is a type of question I'm going to actually ask by reading because I want to make sure I get every single word out. It's so important. I'm curious as well. The phrase, become the man she can't replace. What does that transformation actually look like?

Think about what men looks like when he's easily replaceable. That's a man that. is easily accessible, that is looking for validation outside of himself, whether it's through social media likes or posts or through subscriptions to OnlyFense or any of those websites. It's a man who is uncertain and has no idea what he wants. He just wants to go with a flow, which, by the way, is a feminine energy and puts, when men is in that energy,

puts women in their masculine, which also messes with the polarity of the relationship. Also, if a man is non-committal, if a man is not safe within himself, again, comes down to self-regulation, if he's not able to regulate himself and shuts down when you share how you feel or what you need from him

or opposite starts to like dump all his emotions on you, right, and sends you 100 messages. It's not about the number of messages. It's the energy that is behind it. And now we look at the opposite side of what is the man that she can't replace. It's the man that is safe within himself. He knows who he is. He worked through all his childhood traumas,

through his programming, through all the limitations. And again, he doesn't have to be. perfect, none of us are. We all are figuring it out. Human experience is a traumatizing experiences. So nobody's expecting you to be perfect. But having ability to look at yourself in the mirror and say, hey, this is something that I'm struggling with, but I'm going to work on it to become better. Every day, I'm going to work towards it to become better. Just having that awareness and ability, I think, trumps everything else. All your achievements, all your houses, all your cars, all the Rolexes, yachts, and all the above.

Powerful. I love that so much. And the reason I always randomly also kind of talk about my experience, your experience, and just like making it super real, which is going to what I'm talking about right now. I find one of the most attractive characteristic in a woman is nurturing. Right. You know what's crazy? I don't care how muscular man is if like every now and then you don't mind being a little

Spoon. Absolutely. No, absolutely. So I don't know what it is, but like, you know, and I think another thing is also peace. If you come home and you know that someone has got your back and it's not going to be like a head butt contest, gladiator back and forth. But like even if you had a hard day, but nurturing and peace like can overtake any form of looks a woman can have. You know what I'm saying? Absolutely. I agree. with you 1,000% question for you though when a woman is overly nurturing

does that make you feel mothered yeah then it's a little bit of a conflict of interest so there's a balance it's so weird we're just weird species we like certain stuff in portions but let me tell you yes not overly nurturing like packing like lunch or people

like I don't mind like certain stuff but when it's like I got a report back or like when it's like a mother kind of son thing it's like no no It's not sitting wall with me. But I'll quickly bring it up. I'm a very, very transparent, open person. But overly nurtures, it's no, it's not good.

It kind of, I think it takes away from like you being a man as well, I feel like. So where is that line? What do you think? That's a very good question. Personally for me, and I look at that, the line comes when you start seeing frequent patterns where it's too much, it's continuous. Like, it's nice. It's like, oh, I packed a nice lunch for you.

And I understand sometimes some work might be more demanding than others. But it's like when it's like, I need you, I don't know, it's like where it's like almost talking down to the point where it's like a mother, but like it's a caring and love. And we're not disrespectful, not condescending, but it's always like just like report back to me, son. Did you do that thing? Did you eat that thing? Did you like that thing? you know, it's like, no, that's not nerd.

You're not my mom. Why do you think women do that? Isn't it like a normal, natural instinct that they have sometimes? Or maybe is their lack of respect for the man? I don't know. I don't think so. I mean, first of all, I would assume always positive, right? That's why I said there was not disrespectful.

It was a condescending. In a way of maybe she's trying to, one, take care of you because she's nurture. But if she's overdoing it, maybe she's trying to get validation from you and appreciation that she's not feeling in other areas of the relationship. And I think we all tend to do that,

whether we are men or women. If we don't feel seen and appreciated, it shows up in other aspects in interesting ways. You know, it's crazy. That's why men and women just think differently. I never thought about it once when you say that. I'm just like,

what's up? What are she doing that, you know? Absolutely. Like I saw on this, on Reels, actually, on Instagram, a woman shared that she went into her boyfriend's phone and didn't find anything there. And then she went and apologized to him that she did that. And he went as a response and bought chocolates for her,

got back home and apologized for not making her feel safe enough that she felt the need to go check on his phone. And I think that's so mature and self-aware. And that's real growth of being able to see what maybe I'm not doing that creates that void in another person to over-function in some way. That's so, and I think that's why the first thing you said is self-aware. Because self-aware, it's an attribute which kind of breaks down to providing safety for because you could have easy to respond and say,

you don't trust me. Right, right. I don't have privacy or whatever. I've never given you an excuse not to do that way. You know what I'm saying? Right, because if you have nothing to hide, you will have no issue with someone checking your phone. You will want your natural instinct

will be to soothe the person you love and reassure them that you have nothing to hide. But if you become super defensive and blame the other person for violating your privacy, what is it that you really are hiding? and again I'm not encouraging people to go check each other's phones I'm very big on respecting privacy

but if those moments happen and the person feels unsafe why wouldn't your natural instinct be to reassure? Wow. And it works both ways, right? If you feel maybe that she's not responsive or where is she if you guys are long distance

and you want to FaceTime her, she should be open to reassuring you back and letting you know that, hey, look, I'm here by myself. It works both ways. That's, you know, that's such a good example that you just touched on. How many people actually even think of doing such a thing? Because there's a natural defensive thing, like you have to kind of protect yourself,

even if you're innocent. And even sometimes if you're innocent, you overdo it to make it seem like you're not innocent. You know what I'm saying? It's such a conflicting thing. But like just doing that thing has just created a bit more trust and it's kind of solidify the relationship as well. Absolutely. she will now never check his phone, right?

Because she knows now that he's fully in and loves her. So there will never be again the opportunity for her to even doubt him. Wow. But I agree with you. And we are in the moment and we feel all the emotions and we get triggered. We get into defense. And we are all equal. Like it's not men against women.

We are all human beings. And we all have the same experiences. It's just coming from a place of maybe, having a little more compassion towards each other and seeing what is other person experiencing in a moment. And then what's your take on healing childhood wounds and trauma and, you know, even like father wounds and becoming like a better partner in a relationship?

I mean, I think we should all try and work through all of our childhood traumas, whether it's father wound or mother wound. I would not say that all men have father ones, but certainly there are some that had very critical fathers or absent fathers or fathers that were functional on day-to-day life, but not emotionally connected, or so critical that the only time they felt loved is when they were achieving something, which is very common with high-achieving men to have a father that is extra critical. So then they

assigned their self-value only to their financial success and what they bring to the table when it comes to finances. So I think it's essential for them to work through that because there is so many more reasons to love them for besides the money that they bring to the table. And having that inner wholeness will help them connect with a partner and go deeper and be more intimate. So I definitely think that everyone should be working through their childhood traumas, whether it's mother, father, wound. But at the same time, don't get stuck on it too much. Don't go into loops of blaming your parents for not doing something right. Because once you're an adult, it's your job to change your life. And blaming others, unfortunately, is not going to help anybody. Has not

helped anyone yet. That's very fact because accountability is just as important as well, because yes, You may not have chosen the circumstances you were born in, but you can choose how do you react on the situation that you were presented. Absolutely. I can agree more. But then if you could give an example, if they're going to work on that, what suggestions would you say that should do programs or places or things that you do to try and work on those traumas? Like counseling or what? Absolutely. I'm a huge promoter of counseling.

I think every human being should try therapy at some point in their life. I'm certainly in therapy myself and have been for years because I look at it as coaching. I don't look at it as something is wrong with you. It's more of like tool to get to know yourself more and have more coping skills. So when things happen in your life, you respond very differently than you would otherwise. Because most of us were not raised maybe with the parents that we're, we try to date. So like people that we want to date are not exactly like our mothers or fathers. Maybe it's different for you. I mean, I certainly have some friends that have

wives that are similar to mothers. But most high achieving men, by the way, are not dating women that are like their mothers from what I've seen. Why is that? I think they go either to total opposite spectrum. So if they had very cold mothers, or removed mother or critical mother, then they're looking for a woman that is very emotionally warm and connected and affectionate. But then they struggle with connection because they don't know how to build a relationship with a woman like that

because they've never had a relationship with a woman like that. And one of my best friends as well, Scandinavian adopted, one of the hardest things for him is establishing strong connections with relationships with women as well. And even if the woman is emotionally available, I feel like at times he's always made excuses not to pursue it sometimes. But there's something deeper in that,

not necessarily just the situation that was faced. And I think what's hard right now is that there's a disconnect with understanding that everyone has got their own story, their own traumas, their own pain. But it's so hard when that person's willing to be able to give that pain or that baggage they feel to the other person as well. Vulnerability. What's your suggestion on situations like that for both the men that are facing that and the woman that are dating men that are facing that? I know two questions. No, absolutely.

Again, this touches on attachment theory. And I don't really like the term of anxious. attached or avoidant attached because I think it's again leads to stigmine diagnosis which nobody wants to be categorized like that but I would say there are people that want more connection and then there are people that want more space and when trigger happens some people want more connection and reassurance and some people want more space. What you're describing with your friend is probably someone needing more space. They are afraid of real true intimacy and connection because at some point in their childhood that connection did not feel safe and that could have been

with a mother or with a father. So they developed coping mechanism to distance themselves, shut down or avoid connection. And probably the first step to work through that would be do microchairs. So instead of feeling all this vulnerability and dumping all the emotions like your partner is expecting, you're hoping you will do, do micro shares. You can say, okay, I had a really hard day at work today. I'm going to sleep. But even just like those micro shares of like I'm really struggling today with, whatever, Texas, or whatever you're dealing with in a day,

maybe offer solution for it. So not just share a problem, but offer solution with it. Then it doesn't feel as vulnerable for you. So doing those small micro shares consistently will slowly build that trust that your partner is not disconnecting when you do that. Okay. And then for the receiving side, I think overall if even a person that is looking for distance is communicating with another person and is aware of his shortcoming, he can be transparent

about it and communicate that, hey, I'm struggling with being vulnerable. This is something I want to work through. Then the partner will be more receiving of them in rewarding more when they do microchairs. I think just understanding each other, it's not a war. I think we're all on the same side and having that comprehension that when you're in a relationship, you should always strive to work towards making it together, not one against another. But does vulnerability not like scare women away? Absolutely not. If you are dating a high value man and he just starts bawling out and crying.

I love that. I hold space for that. Absolutely, I hold space for that because I know how hard for a man is to open to that extent, I absolutely treasure and value that. And I'm blessed enough to hold that space for many men that I work with and also I'm friends with. And I find that absolutely precious gift to be able to hold that space for men. And I hope to change that narrative that men are some weird beings that don't cry and don't have emotions and change the narrative. And change the narrative that vulnerability is weakness

because absolutely not. Vulnerability is power. And would you say most women are the same way or high-value women are the same way? I would say high-value women are absolutely same way because they're aware of themselves, first and foremost. They understand emotions. They understand how hard it is to be an entrepreneur,

how hard it is to be successful for men, how hard it is to be a provider. And at the end of the day, again, all human beings, we all have emotions. We're not robots quite yet, although we're moving towards that. Not there quite yet. I think they said in 2036, men will be dating robots because they would have disconnected so much with women and stuff like that.

Well, I hope we can turn that a little bit around to make the difference. That would be so sad. Would you date a robot? No, there's no emotion there. I watched two robot movies. One of them, I think, was the maid. I can't remember who played it. And then as much as like it can just do all the stuff there.

And I think end up developing emotion by then. But like I said, that nurturing thing, feeling that heartbeat, like laying next to a person at night and just like knowing like their breathing patterns and like that, you'll do anything to protect this person right now. It's something that no robot can replace. You know what I'm saying? So I feel it's, well, it's a smart business because it's targeting, I feel like right now the men that are, you know, your gamers that are inside the home, that don't want to approach a woman and stuff like it. It's a market for it, but it's going to eventually ruin society in the long run in my opinion. Absolutely.

Again, 97% of our communication happens through nonverbal. It's energy. And I don't want to be to woo maybe. I know. I love this topic. But if there is no energy and. connection and you are purely just operating from functionality, there is never going to be intimacy and connection.

You did so well, yeah. There's like 10 questions I'm left with, but there's only like 10 seconds in our thing. It's just, it's, it's an amazing conversation. I'm like, we have to have around too. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Yeah, by the way, I literally had like 27 questions. We only asked like, I think 10.

So there's 17 out there. So I'm going to try and like see it and try and find the best one. Okay. That I can maybe ask, then we'll probably have like a round two like in like September time because our life is conversation. Sounds good. So let's try and see. Hmm.

What is the role of feminine energy in a relationship? Ooh, that's a good one. They're all so good. What do I do? What do I do, yeah. Just pick the best one. You know what? Or which one I interest you maybe?

Well, I'll ask another one that interests me, but I think you touched a lot on safety. And I think that's been one of your main messages today that I feel like many people have got to disconnect with. So I'm going to just ask this one year. And I think you've answered it, but I kind of want reassurance for our viewers as well. Absolutely. How does a man create emotional safety for a woman?

And why does that matter? I know you've kind of answered both of them, but I want it in one answer if that's okay with you. Absolutely. Just lead with clarity, have a really good communication on where are you going? What is your intention with a woman?

And what are your expectations? And again, it doesn't have to be necessarily engagement off the bed or getting married right away. We understand that it takes time to build relationship. But having understanding of intentions and communicating those intentions and being very clear about it, that makes a woman feel safe again with you. I'll bring as an example, one of my best friends. She met her husband. She's actually about to have her third baby soon.

They met six years ago now, I want to say. But one month into the dating, he brought to the date a box, like a ring box, but it has keys from his house. And she's very high value woman, gorgeous, successful, all the above. And he told her, I don't want to freak you out. I know that this is too early, but I want you to understand where my intention is. are. So I want to give you the keys from my house so you know that nobody else is coming to this house and I'm finishing up the renovation or whatever he was doing at that moment so we can build

family here. And I think that action changed everything, how she viewed him. So I think just having clarity and communicate with a woman or if you're not ready to date and have that relationship, communicate. Just be open. Say that up front because there are women that want that too. There are women that want open relationships. There are women that don't want to commit either. But there is no reason to play games and keep each other in suspense and stressed out. I think we're all adults and should have enough self-confidence to communicate what we want.

Give each other that clarity and opportunity to choose from that, not from games, but choose. Wouldn't you want to be chosen because you're so awesome? people want to be around you or do you want to manipulate someone to be around you? It's not true love if that's the case. Absolutely. But even if you're having fun, even as a friend, like I would not want to go on a lunch with you if you're just being polite with me. Like, I want you to hang out with me because you're truly enjoying my company. Precisely. I think that extends to any relationship in general.

Just having clarity and communicate from authenticity. And I know that I said that was my last question, but you opened up a new can of worms. So this is the last. Sure. I'm not in a rush. Which, what is the difference then between needed in a relationship and chosen in a relationship? What's the difference between the two? Absolutely.

I think we all want to be chosen, not necessarily needed. But once we are chosen, we also want to be needed. I know I'm kind of confusing you right now. I think it comes down to, again, attachment theory that I, touched on earlier and having codependency. So if you're codependent, again, this is part of psychology that if we don't feel very safe within ourselves, we're looking for that reassurance and safety in our partner. And many times when we start dating, we stop doing things that bring us joy, socializing with other people or pursuing our passions or hobbies and totally melt into

another person and become one. To an extent it's healthy because at the beginning it does happen that you do spend more time together. But at some point you have to have that space where you find your identity again and not lose that. So that is neediness where the person cannot have their own space, identity, friends, interests, that their whole life is you. And choosing someone is when you're super happy by yourself, your life is full, and that's what makes you high value, woman or man, when your life is amazing and you're coming from wholeness, that I love hanging out with you so much

that even though I'm so super busy, I'm making time to see you. I'm making time to be there for you, and I think that is so much more valuable. Powerful, powerful. I always ask you as a question, code to winning insights you need today to seize the world tomorrow. definition or like one liner, what does it mean to be winning? Absolutely. For me personally, winning is leaving a legacy behind and teaching my daughter that ultimate joy and happiness

is making an impact and giving back. And my personal mission is to remove stigma around mental health for men and I'm really striving towards that. So even if I change opinions of five people in my lifetime, I will consider it a win. Powerful. I let our viewers know whether you get a hold of you if they want to try and jump in your program and get to learn a bit more about like understanding high value women. Can you let us know as well? Absolutely.

I'm mostly on my Instagram. I manage it myself. It's I-Y-a.it.it. Again, IT because I don't know if I've shared with you, but I come from tech. background but it also looks as it girl so it has kind of like double meaning but yes I'm easy to find it's IYa dot IT also the Instagram handle the coat winning insights you need today to seize the world tomorrow yeah thank you so much thank you so much this was great