The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Barry Crimmins

Episode Date: November 19, 2016

Barry Crimmins

You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the table, on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Good evening, everybody. Welcome to The Comedy Cellar Show. We're here with Dan Nannerman, Kristen Gonzalez, Dave Juskow, and we have Barry Crimmins is going to join us in a minute. How are you, Dan? Well, you know, recall that I had a choice to make a couple weeks ago. I was trying to decide whether to do a corporate gig for a few thousand dollars in California versus the Michael J. Fox Parkinson's fundraiser for no money. And I elected to do the Parkinson's fundraiser. Smart choice.

Well, I did it. And I was a little disappointed. It wasn't quite the celebrity, you know... Event, really? Well, there were a few there. But, you know, it wasn't? Well, there were a few there. But, you know, it wasn't as much as I thought it would be. But I'm glad I did it because I probably would have regretted it if I didn't. But here's the thing.

I got Michael's number. Michael J. Fox's number? Yeah, I got his number. And a very nice guy, as you might imagine. But I invited him down to the comedy cellar. I assume it's okay if we bring him down and comp him as the comedy cellar guest. He always has to do this on the air.

My famous story went hot. Tim asked my father, Manny, I don't know who to charge and who not to charge. My father said, listen, if they're struggling and really trying to make it in the world, they pay. If they're rich and famous, they don't pay. All right. Well, I'll take that as a yes, we can comp them. Yes, of course we can comp.

Michael J. Fox. Michael J. Fox was the reason I'm a Republican. Absolutely. He's the reason you're a Republican. He's the reason you watch Family Ties. I swear to God, I wanted to be him so badly.

I don't know why. You're a Republican, Dave? Yeah, I used to dress in a jacket and tie all the time and carry a briefcase. I swear that's all I wanted to be. I swear't know why. You're a Republican, Dave? Yeah, I used to dress in a jacket and tie all the time and carry a briefcase. That's all I wanted to be. Really? Does that mean you voted for Trump? You know, it means what it is. I'm registered

as a Republican. I can't even believe you admit to being registered as a Republican. You must really have given up on your career. That's why it hasn't worked out so well. That's why you never heard of me before. No, it is really like that. The few people I know who voted for Trump, they swear me to secrecy.

They swear me to secrecy. It's amazing. That's how we won. Exactly. There are a few comics that I noticed that once Trump won, they went on Facebook and sang they voted for him. Who's that?

Mark DiMeo, Jimmy Fallon. I didn't know. I mean, maybe they were saying it before, but I didn't notice. Am I supposed to know these people? Nick DiPaolo. I was going to say Nick DiPaolo. Nick DiPaolo. Now, I'll tell you who did the whole time.

Norton was supporting Trump publicly the whole time. Was he? Yeah. This guy, Ari Tiemann, was supporting him the whole time. I mean, he doesn't work here. He was? Yeah. Supporting him the whole time. The whole time. Norton was supporting Trump publicly the whole time. Was he? Yeah. This guy, Ari Tiemann, was supporting him the whole time. I mean, he doesn't work here. He was? Yeah, supporting him the whole time on Facebook. I mean, I didn't see these others, but I think some people kind of came out of the closet after the victory.

Yeah. But I have to say I admire anybody that was willing to support him. I didn't vote for him, but I kind of have to admire anybody that was on Facebook, especially before he won, saying that they support Trump. It's just like when anybody's willing to take a stand like that against a complete tidal wave going in the other way, I have to have a little respect for him. I agree with you, Dan.

Well, I'm glad we're in court on that. I mean, I got a friend who was doing that on Facebook nonstop, and now his whole family won't invite him to Thanksgiving. He's a great guy. In my family, they're having a huge... Not blood family. My marriage. They're having a huge

Facebook fight about Trump and literally families are breaking apart about this. It's going to be a strange Thanksgiving for lots of people. But how much of it is informed? I feel like people, like they were interviewing the people that were protesting and they couldn't sound more

just dumb. I don't think they know why they're protesting. Have you ever heard a Trump supporter? A lot of them don't know either. Actually, the one person they interviewed who sounded intelligent was an Arab guy who voted for Trump. Strange, but...

Alright, well, we have with us now Barry Crimmins. He's a famous name in the comedy world. I'm not intimately familiar with him, but I... Wait, wait. You can introduce him. Wait till he sits down. Well, I don't really know him, so you can introduce him. Okay. Do you know him? No. Okay. Well, we'll get to know him for goodness sakes. That's why he's here.

And Stephen, you come sit here, too. Stephen is our... I don't know what he is. Booker. Well, we'll get to know him, for goodness sakes. That's why he's here. And Stephen, you come sit here, too. Stephen is our, I don't know what he is. Booker. Booker. Well, he's our booker. Liaisoner. Dave Duskow, Dan Natterman, Kristen Montella. Yeah, we met.

The reason you're here is because you were recommended by a fellow who goes by the name of Kurt Metzger. Highly recommended. Yeah. Well, you are Kurt Metzger's hero. Yes. But anyway, this is Barry Crimmins who is a legendary name in the world

of stand-up comedy. One of the founders of comedy in Boston which most people know. I actually was in Boston at that time with a Sweeney Meaney show that I was going

to college there. And he had, what was the name of that Chinese restaurant? The Bing Ho. Bing Ho. And he had, there's a documentary now on Netflix, which I highly recommend.

It's called Call Me Lucky. Is that what it's called? Yeah. Which chronicles his unbelievable life. Anyway, welcome to the show, Mr. Barry Crumman. Thank you. I keep nodding to you, which probably isn't good on a podcast. We were discussing before you got here,

comedians that voted for Trump and how most of them didn't have the balls to admit it. So I was wondering if you have anything to say about that. Well, I'm not going to admit voting for Trump. He's an outspoken Howard Zim-like liberal, correct? Yeah, yeah. Okay. So, yeah, I don't know. You know, I'm sure some did, but probably if they lived in New York or whatever.

The thing that everyone's catching on to now, the electoral college, I get less upset about specific votes if I know people are in specific states. It doesn't matter. I mean, you know, Trump could have cured cancer the night before the election. He wasn't going to win New York. Now, if the guy lives in Florida or Ohio, that hurts. Yeah, well, there's been a lot of talk about reforming the electoral college. Never going to happen.

And why do you say that? Because it would require three-quarters of the states, and at least three-quarters of the states are going to object to losing their influence. You know, why would they come to i would a campaign i mean uh... you know there's i don't know how barry feels about it there's a you know it is a trade off to it because we do want to somehow represent the entire country as the coasts you know have more bigger and bigger populations in in a kind of sense it it might become unfair to the hearts you know have more bigger and bigger populations in a kind of sense

it might become unfair to the heartland you know i don't know it's a tough call i i also suspect that if like in new york and california and except probably in staten island there's almost no contested races so that people who are republican or conservative, they probably don't even bother to go out and vote. So the popular vote might change a little bit if every... Like in Ohio, everybody votes. Because they know their vote counts. In New York and California, why vote if you're a red state guy? So I don't know.

I don't know. What do you think? Well, if you're on the devil's advocate here, if you were to go to a popular vote, you know, a lot of campaigns, a lot of presidential campaigns, they're down to by Labor Day. They're not going to be in more than eight or ten states for the rest of the campaign.

So, I mean, it might actually bring it to some other states more than, you know, they'll show up in New York and California because of fundraising and things, but in Texas, but, you know, they're kind of decided. But there's a lot of extra votes out there to invigorate if maybe the national popular vote. That would be the, you know, that's just devil's advocacy. I mean, on the face of it, the popular vote shouldn't outrage anybody as a formula for deciding an election. No, no.

But we have what we have. First of all, in this absolutely riveting and fantastic documentary, and I had no idea it was going to be so powerful. Bobcat's a great film. Did he approach you about it? Yeah.

Directed by Bobcat Goldthwait, who also, you probably know him from the Robert Kelly Live at the Village Underground. He directed that but you were struck by lightning yeah just the once I don't do it you want to tell that story

it's an amazing thing I was at the Rock Festival with the Dad the Band and the Allman Brothers in Watkins Glen in New York

in 72 or 73. I guess it was 73. It was one of my good years. And I was in one tent. I was in one tent. And I'm going to run to the other tent to get some pot. I think the statutes run on this. And this woman in the tent we were in, this big tent we were all gathering in,

said, oh, take an umbrella with you. And I'm a 19-year-old kid. It's like I never used an umbrella in my life. I was still walking directly through mud puddles at this point. So I get outside, and I open the umbrella up, and it's this clear plastic thing. And I look at it, and I go, this thing is like a lightning ramo. Oh, my God. I was high up on the hill and the band

later released their album live from Watkins Glen and the storm that I got hit by lightning

is on the album so you know you might maybe even the blast that hit me is on the album did it knock you out

does it it kind of blew me into the air and then I came down and then I ran around in circles going holy shit I got hit get my lightning.

I should have started a cult right then and there. I want all your women, money, and drugs. I mean, it's just amazing. You weren't unconscious? You didn't get knocked down? No, I didn't get knocked down. I had on boat shoes. You remember those?

That's what saved me, the boat shoes. Rubber bottoms. You didn't know your clothes weren't all burned? No, but the umbrella was like from a cartoon. It was black. Gorsh? Yeah, it was just a stick with this smoking black tendrils on it. I mean, it's funny now, but that must have been terrifying.

Did you feel emboldened to take risks after? Like, fuck it. Well, you know, I mean, no. I mean, it's, you know, I was going to say shocking. But, I mean, I felt a pretty good jolt, but it didn't hit. Unfortunately, there was a, you know, there was something on the handle that was, you know, insulated me, and then the shoes insulated me. And in this weird way, I mean, I swear I was blown up into the air. It was like I was blown off.

Wow. Crazy. I mean, I had one slight lightning experience where I was in a cabin in Maine just lying on a bed that had, like, it was in summer camp where they had, you know, they're metal beds. And I don't know where, I think the lightning just struck the ground

outside the cabin, and I got a shock because I was holding the bed. So I can only imagine what it's like to get hit by the lightning. Well, what's the percent? Usually people don't survive, or is it 50%? No, I don't know. I know a lot of people. I know if you've been hit, supposedly you're more likely to be hit.

He's all charged. You're likely to get hit again. His irons are all fucked up. That's something. That's what they say. You've got to drink a lot of soft, smart water. I've met a lot of linemen and stuff, electric company guys,

and some of these guys have been hit several times, and one of them early on said, how do you sleep when there's a full moon? And I'd never noticed, but ever since then, for years, it's better now, but for years, I didn't sleep well when there was a full moon. What's the correlation there? I don't know.

It turns you into the tide? I don't know. A wolfman? Yeah. Now, what about seeing the future? Anything? You can't see the future or anything like that? Dan was hoping he had a good prognosis for him.

I thought it would be like the dead zone where the guy gets out of the coma and he can see the future. It doesn't help with the future. I would have left a couple weeks ago. He saw the future of comedy and it was Boston. It says here 10% of people struck by lightning are killed. There you go. I want to go into more of the stuff that

was in the documentary, but you are quite politically oriented. Yeah. And I wonder if you have any take on the election. Were you shocked? Well, I wasn't completely shocked. I wasn't completely shocked because I live in the red part of New York State. And so, I mean, I knew how popular Trump was with those people.

And I've been around the country a lot this year. And I don't think, I think polling, I mean, I was distrustful of it. In this age of cell phones and so on and so forth, I don't think they have the polling down the way they used to. And I also think that a lot of these people would vote for Trump if somebody called up and said, oh, yeah, we're asking, you know, and again, a lot of them are pretty paranoid people. They're not going to talk to somebody on the phone.

Where do you live, precisely? I live outside of Corning. Oh, yeah, that's Western New York. They've got the glass people there. Yeah, right. So, when you talk to your neighbors, now, we're trying to, here in our bubble here in New York,

we're all trying to figure out precisely what happened. And, of course, everybody talks about the rage of the white working class. What did your neighbors say about Trump and why they were voting? Well, he's speaking for us and so on and so forth.

And just basically parroting his confidence that he would just win and show everybody. And it's like, you know, I mean, so now we have a civil rights movement for bigots. So you think that the people in your town, that it was animated by bigotry? Well, yeah. A lot of these people, I mean, yeah, they're bigots. So you think that the people in your town that it was animated by bigotry? Well, yeah, a lot of these people I mean, yeah, they're bigoted. And they presume you are too because you're also I'm also white. And so, yeah, I mean, I see a lot of that.

And also, they're very gun oriented. I mean, my neighbors don't trust me. They literally think the words out, that guy's crazy because he doesn't have a gun. And literally my neighbors think that I'm, oh, you can't trust that guy. He has no guns. And that's in New York.

I wouldn't have... I was going to say, my parents have a house just outside of Poughkeepsie and it's very much the same. I mean, they call us city-its because we're liberal. We don't have guns and, you know, you see a lot of Trump signs on lawns. Poughkeepsie's not that far.

No, that's what I'm saying. You're talking two hours outside of New York, outside of Manhattan. I mean, you might as well put a bullseye up on your lawn to put a Clinton sign up. Wow. Really? If you had a Clinton sign up,

I mean, people talk a lot about the intolerance of the left, and many of them are bullies. What about if you had a Clinton sign on your lawn up where you are? What repercussions might there have been? Well, I mean, it would be a target. Yeah. We're going into armed tourist season

or hunting season, as they call it. But it's a different world. But did you see that Ted Nugent video I sent you, by the way, Noel? I didn't get a chance to watch it. It's Ted Nugent reacting to the victory of Trump and he had tears in his eyes. This guy, you've got to see the video.

The soft side of Ted Nugent. He was quite pleased. Living up there, has it opened your mind in any way to a soft side to this white working class? Well, yeah. I mean, here it is. Those people are getting screwed.

They are. And they just get cons. They put the wrong face on the monster, and they think, oh, the whole problem with this country is they're giving black people cheese. You know, the black people are getting the cheese. I can't. Black people are getting cheese. Here's your cheese delivery, Larry.

Hold on a second. You know, they're getting the cheese, too, but we don't talk about that. I mean, the head of the tea party in my town is this person I know, and her daughter has had two babies on the state tab, and she knows how to get everybody on any sort of dole that there is, and then she's always bitching about, you know, taking care, you know. People abusing the system. Yeah, right, right.

Are these people you're describing, are they abusing the system? Well, I don't think so. I think they're impoverished. I think their jobs went away. I think they need some help getting some food. And I hope they get some health care and whatever else. I'm in favor of taking care of them. I think when some of that, if they cut all the stuff they're going to cut,

they're going to hit a couple of political third rails here because suddenly, you know, your uncle, that the family already helps out a lot because he's disabled, loses his Medicaid, loses his food stamps, loses this and that. Now that's all. You want to talk about dumping something on the working class in this country. That's a real big dump. I don't think Trump's going to cut that stuff.

I think he's... I think Trump just wants to go down as this Mount Rushmore type president. I don't think he... He said he's not going to cut it. I always had a theory that... That's why I didn't have any problem with him because I just had a theory that he's still a New Yorker.

And a lot of the stuff he was saying was just to get kind of elected. And I don't think he's going to do a lot of the terrible stuff. I'm worried about what he's going to do in foreign policy because he has no checks on him there. And he's impulsive and thin-skinned. The thing about that is, though, he does deal with a lot of foreign. I mean, you know, he does have buildings all over, and he does—I think he has a relationship with them. This guy said Hillary Clinton needed to take a drug test before a debate. I mean, the day after he won the nomination, he was out.

He went after the gold star. I mean, this is a guy, I always say, who clearly couldn't govern his behavior to his own obvious self-interests. That worries me. I mean, it doesn't... He could not have always been that way, I think, to be as successful as he was in building. But at some point... And I think Bannon is, you know,

I'll give the guy a chance, and the first thing he does is move that guy into a corner office at the White House. I mean, I think that's a pretty... You know, those Breitbart people. We've been debating Bannon all day, and my big complaint about Bannon, and I told him that if I want to research something,

and in the Google results of Breitbart, I won't even look at it unless it's an interview or something. Right, right. And that I find extremely offensive, and I think almost disqualifying. You're a purveyor of lies. Yeah. I don't think he's an anti-Semite.

I think that was ridiculous and they discredited themselves. I think he certainly looks the other way at a lot of anti... For instance, that renegade Jew thing that they trumpeted. If you read the article, it was actually, first of all, it was David Horowitz's article. And the article was complaining that the Never Trumpers were selling out the Jews. It was exactly, it was not an anti-Jewish article, it was an article complaining that the Jews are getting shafted.

So, you know, they discredit themselves when they take something and twist it. But still, the alt-right is full of anti-Semites. The alt-right is. Well, that's who he's playing to. He's the clarion call. What I'm about to say is not partisan. It applies wherever and whenever it rears its ugly head.

When you take something that a guy said to mean A and present it to me to imply that he meant B, and you know he meant A, I'm like, go fuck yourself. If the truth wasn't good enough for you, you got a hard time convincing me. Well, I mean, you know, and on that specific case, you're absolutely right. I mean, I must say I was bigoted against Breitbart years when Breitbart was still alive, you know.

Who himself, I think, was gay. Yeah, well, of course. I mean, projecting yourself loathing on society. We've had a lot of right-wingers do that in this country. Edgar Hoover, for instance. But Breitbart, I mean, that whole organization, if you just look at what goes on, if you look at just sort of the comment trails and stuff in there, you don't have to go far to find some really anti-Semitic stuff and hate stuff that somebody,

if there was any sort of legitimacy to them, they would go, look, we draw the line here. We can have discourse. We can disagree. We can do this. We can do that. But we're not here for this. And this guy, I think, fans those flames. I think Bannon is dangerous. And I think it's an insult to my old man who fought to end fascism, you know, that he's sitting in a corner office at the White House in a couple of months. You know, I have real sympathy for that point of view. I suspect I told him that, I said, why would Trump put him in the Oval Office? Like, what was he?

And I suspect that he passed over him to make previous chief of staff. Yeah. And I've been in this situation. Now, what am I going to do? Am I going to insult this guy? I don't want the guy at Breitbart. I don't want him on the tent pissing in. I want him in the tent pissing out.

Say, fuck, let me give him a title and let him. I have hope about that, too. I hope that that's just the situation. Again, the question is, is Trump acting in his self-interest or has he fucking lost his mind? Because in his own self-interest, I don't see where the Bannon thing gets him. He could have Bannon as an advisor without giving him a title. A lot of the early choices are making me nervous, but I just have hope.

That's all we have, right? And as the editor of ISIS magazine, I don't mind telling you. I had a weird feeling Jessica voted for Trump. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't think he would do that. He hasn't lost his mind. Anyway. I have a career to think about.

Speaking of ISIS, though, I mean, I've never been one to be overly panicked about terrorism because you consider just the percentage of things and the odds. Well, you've been hit by lightning, so you want to be scared of terrorism. Right. But were I involved in that, I would be pretty excited about testing out a way to push this guy's buttons. And by wanting to test out how to push these guys' buttons, that does make us a little less safe.

So I'm a little more concerned about the next several months. Yeah, man, I didn't even think about that. Yeah. Noam, I haven't been watching the shows here the past few days, but I don't know if a lot of comics have been doing jokes about this whole thing. I haven't been watching the shows either.

I'm sure they must be. It's one of those things you kind of have to talk about, because given the power of the impact of it, but at the same time, you don't want everybody to go on stage and hit the same joke. There's a lot of talk about

Chappelle giving his hope vote, so to speak, for Trump on SNL. Chappelle weighed in twice. Chappelle weighed in once, kind of defending Trump on the grab the pussy comment, and then he weighed in and said, I want to give Trump a chance. Yeah, on SNL. And he got a lot of negative feedback for that, actually.

I suspect Chappelle kind of knows Trump. He kind of alluded to that. They used to hang out at the same parties, maybe know some of the same people. And I think Chappelle, this is just my guess, it's not like I had some trouble reconciling the Trump that he's met hanging out with Puff Daddy and the Hamptons and the Trump that he sees on TV now.

And he says, well, let's see. That's a smart move, especially he even mentioned on SNL that he was rich. And he wanted to stick around and see what these tax cuts bring. But it's like, you know, I think he did it right. You know, you don't want to start something. I mean, you know, what does he have to complain about, really, in his status? And maybe he's like where I was, where you just don't want to listen to the celebrities. Here's one thing you can complain about.

Some guy might not recognize that he was Dave Chappelle, but might realize he's black. That's all I realize. I didn't even know. So anyway, in this documentary yesterday, I'm sure I can... Where did you see it? Netflix? Netflix. I'm sure I can talk about it because it's in the documentary. We saw this horrifying story of how you were raped as a child. Yikes. One of the most horrifying things.

I mean, talk about his head into the pinnacle and asphyxiating. I mean, you have to see the thing. Up in Corning? In Syracuse. Why do you still live up there? Hold on. I have two small children. Calm down. We can get through this part without you getting a line in. I have two small children.

What is this? I raped a four-year-old. I have two small children. This is a subject which highly concerns me, and I was in tears. I was highly moved by. And interestingly enough, we had a woman from the ACLU on two weeks ago. Right.

And she was, I don't want to get her wrong, but she was essentially saying that she thinks that child pornography, she kind of finally conceded, well, if you're the one paying somebody to make the child pornography, then it's a crime. But other than that, you can't punish it. You consume it. You're demanding the children be abused.

Period. That's period. And I'm not a member of the ACLU. I mean, I may owe them dues, but I've been a member of the ACLU, and I will re-up. But I disagree. I'll use my First Amendment rights to say, you know, that's crap. You know, I mean, you can't have that stuff without children being harmed. It's as simple as that. And if you're adding to the demand for it, you're asking for more children to be raped and abused.

I agree with you. And she said, again, tell me, she made the argument, well, it actually is an outlet for these pedophiles. So it's a good thing that they can get their child pornography because somehow that's an outlet. Oh, my God. Thank God I wasn't on that show. I mean, it just stops with the fact that there's children in these things who are being harmed. And I've met, because of the work I did on it, I've met a lot of people who 30, 40 years ago were photographed while they were being raped. And they're still ruined to this day.

Have you seen this picture? Have you done it? And I try to explain to them, look, the good people, someone like me who was investigating something, who saw something, is just going to see a little sweet kid getting harmed. And that's what we see. And then we see an evil person there, too. And these people that consume that stuff are only going to see a child there. They're not going to recognize you as a 40-year-old adult and go, oh, you know, they don't see.

Adults don't even register with them. They're fixated on that. But they're very, very dangerous. And I think something that's been proven over the years, and I said in 95 when I testified in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee about it was that these guys, they don't, you know, if you find the people that are consuming that stuff, you're going to find a lot of people who are actively harming children, too. Case in point, Jared Fogle. You know, I mean, and there's been a lot of cases again and again where they get busted

for child pornography. They start to go through the hard drive, and the next thing you know, the kid's from next door, down the street, or in the Cub Scout troop, whatever it is. So if you find that stuff, there's more than just, it's not just this, I mean, what is it, an unhealthy outlet? What would you even call that? I mean, that's just, you know, that's like a horrible debating club that woman's in. Well, someone has to take this side.

I agree with you a thousand percent. And you know, it's so different. And this applies to a lot of politics, actually. It's academic for somebody on one side, and it's real life on the other side. And you might even disagree with it, but

when I hear people in Arizona on a border town complaining about what the fuck it's like to live with all these immigrants, I'm like, my first instinct, and I'm not anti-immigrant, my first instinct is, wait a second, before I start judging them, I really don't know what it's like. Maybe it really fucking is a problem over there. Maybe their life is really upside down. But no, I believe in freedom of this and freedom of that. I hope you see the analogy. People need to be more, make a better attempt to, before you assume the worst about somebody,

really try to open your mind and make, let me understand where they're coming from. I really don't understand. Now, this is the ultimate example, but if somebody like this, you can't even put yourself in the shoes of someone who's a victim of child rape, like that's

that's how fucking academic the ACLU has become and she can sit there without I mean, it infuriates me and I'm a free speech guy, believe me Well, I mean, yeah, you were very calm at the time when she was here Yeah, but I was contemptuous of I liked her, I just couldn't

believe that she was so, like she could think that way, you know? But do you think that it's more of just they can't, they just can't find a better alternative? And it's just, I feel like politics is like that a lot too. She went this far. It's just like we'll settle for this because. She didn't even believe that it should be, like that somebody should, there should be a law against showing it on television I don't believe she said that she said there should be no

censorship I said even porn she said even porn no no she didn't say child porn should be shown on television she didn't see any distinction between child porn not so sure about that we have to go back to the archives go back to the videotape someone's insane I don't think she said that she's not here so studies have actually shown that,

that for people who have compulsive perversions like pedophilia, that having access to pornography that scratches that itch actually sometimes prevents crimes. I'm talking about the children in the movies. Well, fair enough, but I don't think me showing you this image harms the kid when the movie was produced. I think, again, we go after child porn producers and parents who allow their kids in that situation,

but to be a felon because you saw a single image, I think is over the top and counterproductive. Because you show it. You distribute it. That's what I'm saying. Well, you don't have to distribute it. All you have to do is access it under federal law. No, I'm asking should it be a crime to distribute it? Do you think that my viewing of Jennifer Lawrence's... Yes, I'm more open to that. I'm sorry. I thought you were just meant like...

A TV station should not be able to show child porn. Yeah, I think that's fair. Do you think Michael Jackson did it? Yes. You do? I'm convinced he did. I mean, who builds a gated house with an amusement park? Neverland. You know, although we did finally answer the question, how do you get to sleep at night?

Right. Oh. That is the best drug way. And who settles a case for millions of dollars the first time I do it and then does it again unless they have a compulsion they can't control. Woody Allen. Did Woody Allen do it?

I don't think that looks good either, but I agree with you. I don't think it looks good at all. And when you start looking at his movies or whatever, there's sort of a fascination in that area. I've noticed that too. I think it's in either Crimes of Mr. Meters or Hannah and Her Sisters and he's using the one that they say

he touched. I don't remember which child it was. Dylan. Dylan, right. She's in the movie as a little girl and there's like all these shots of her which don't progress the film. And because it's in my head now, I notice this. She's like

eating cake. What about this character? I I notice this. She's like eating cake. What about this character? It's all questionable. This character, Vladimir Nabokov, wrote a whole novel dedicated to banging 14-year-olds. Well, 14-year-olds is different. Well, be that as it may, it is different, but you have to wonder about a guy

that writes a whole novel. First of all, the age of consent in Puerto Rico today... How old was Lolita at the beginning? That took place in what? The age of consent in Puerto Rico is 14. 14? 14. American citizens are

allowed to have sex with 14-year-olds in Puerto Rico. Really? Yeah, really. I think that 14 was an age for a long time was considered okay. But there is a bright line between being attracted to a mature woman of 14 and a prepubescent child. And I think that psychologically they're two different animals. There's a fine line maybe in terms of one is maybe more understandable.

But in terms of the harm to the child, they're both, they're certainly comparative. You know, having sex with a 13-year-old with big boobs is harmful to the 13-year-old, even though she's got monster titties. I'm not sure you're right. If it's rape, yes. If it's consensual, it might be something that bothers her when she gets older.

But that's why we have the term informed consent. And before a certain age, you know, you're not capable of informed consent. People go, hey, they're having sex with a dog. It's like, no, it's always rape with a dog. A dog can't give you informed consent. You're a dog rapist. A dog can certainly make noises that are.

A teller's joke is if the horse doesn't like it, why does it get so wet? He said the good thing about fucking a horse is you always have a ride home. Yeah. He has a whole slew of jobs. No, I think that the term, believe me, I'm not for either of them, but the term pedophile is used very sloppily. I know. Yeah, there's gradations, but it still has to do with consent and capability

and the damage that can be done. And you still can swindle someone who's younger than you, you know, into stuff that they aren't ready for or whatever. It just... A five-year-old. You know, this... Yeah, of course. This kind of...

I don't even understand sex. I was... My nieces bought mitzvahs or something, and her friends were over the house, and we had a party, and I was drunk. Too many Jews on this show. Yeah. But, well, they're only half.

But I was talking to this girl and she's 13 and I'm just like, hey, you should come into the city. We should hang out. And I'm talking to her. Then I realized, what am I doing? It just came naturally because it seemed like we were having a conversation and then when I realized she was 13

I left. I went home that day and having a conversation. And then when I realized she was 13, I left. I went home that day and hit a deer. Because I was supposed to stay over. And I'm like, what the hell? And the deer didn't give consent. But I'm saying it's like a normal person realizes at that moment, like, what's happening here? But I can see where the sickness would be like, you know,

where you have to make, you know. Not to dwell on it. My only point is that when a normal man sees a post-pubescent woman fully developed, it's natural to be attracted to her. Then you realize how old she is. Like, no, that's a mistake. A normal. But when you see a five-year-old, you're not even supposed to be attracted to a five-year-old.

It's not supposed to be like, you know better. There's something different going on there. And that's, it's a different psychological problem. But it is somebody who's like diseased, right? I mean. That's what I different going on there. It's a different psychological problem. But it is somebody who's diseased, right? That's what I was going to do. How do you know? But if we pathologize it too much, then we're just letting... Right now, you kind of have

to... All I know is that people that offend in this way after, say, the age of 21 just basically never stop, as far as we know. They'll con you. Whatever. They'll sit in this way after, say, the age of 21 just basically never stop as far as we know. I mean, they'll con you, they'll do whatever, they'll sit in jail, they'll say whatever you want to hear, and then they'll get out and they'll offend again. So I don't believe in putting them in draconian prisons or whatever, but I believe in segregating them.

If someone offends that way after a certain age, I don't want them out on the streets ever again, anywhere where they can get near a kid. And that's a terrible thing. But I don't care if there's two golf courses at the goddamn prison. You know, that doesn't upset me. I don't care if they have cable TV and they eat well, you know, good. They just need to be separate. I just want them segregated from children who they can harm. Because I know I deal with a lot of people that are harmed. They saw the movie, they contact me. I hear from a lot of people. I've been working with a lot of people that are harmed. They saw the movie. They contact me. I hear from a lot of people. I've been working with a lot of people for years. And I'll tell you, the worst part of this Trump thing is when his cheesy behavior came out,

a lot of people I've been working with for a long time started calling me, sounding like they did the first day I talked to them, because they're hearing the same basic alibis and excuses and put the victim on trial shit. I mean, this guy, he either did what he said he did or he said he did that, which is, I mean, either way, shouldn't he be gone? You're a creep. You're either going around grabbing, I mean, you know, like sexually assaulting women or you're saying that you do it.

Well, I mean, okay, saying that you do it, that might not be illegal, but if we have you on tape saying you're doing it, maybe it would be kind of weird to make you president. Well, Chappelle's take on that was he, you know, I mean, you've heard Chappelle's take on that whole grab them by the pussy. He said they let you grab them by the pussy. In other words, they're down with it. Well, they let you.

Chappelle's point is that he was describing consent. I've met a lot of women in my day, and it was just never the first move. Certainly is not the first move. It seems like that's kind of a nerve-setter. I think a lot of people feel he was just making the point that when you're famous, you can do anything. And it came out in that. I never condemned him for saying that. It's just then we heard that maybe he actually did these sorts of things.

That came out later, you know. But there are a lot of women that I have spoken to that are crying that I posted on Facebook. This one woman I know that wanted me to share something she wrote about how she has been traumatized by the election and she's basically like post-traumatic stress disorder after Trump has been elected. So I post that. And I got a lot of, a lot of people said, wow, this is great.

And I feel the same thing. And a lot of people were saying, you know, man up and this, you know, don't be, don't be. Everybody's got,

these college kids are, they're literally coloring books, really? Well, the other people had your reaction. First off, you lost, and I don't believe in inconveniencing cab drivers and truck drivers. Thank you. I just don't believe in that, and I never have, and I've been involved in a lot of peace marches and things in my day. I've been involved in every possible kind of demonstration.

And again and again, I think we're trying to win these people over. The first thing, we don't start off by annoying them. Secondly, the electoral colleges, we knew coming in, that's how you decide these elections. And so, I mean, the popular vote thing, that's interesting, but it doesn't apply. The elector, you had to win 270 electoral votes. If you do that, you're the president. That's what he did. He's the president.

Now, after that, telling me, well, you've really got to give the guy a chance. No, I've seen him not give all sorts of people chances. I don't have any faith at all in the guy or the people that are close to him. I think they're very scary. To giving him a chance is no alternative. He's going to be in the White House. That's because it doesn't depend on my permission or not. I'm just going to remain skeptical.

I'm not going to go like, well, gee, you know, maybe he'll surprise me. I don't think so as he moves the guy from Breitbart into the White House. But that's just me. But, you know, but that's my choice. I can do that. What I can't do is say that the election results don't count because the popular vote was different than the Electoral College vote. We do it on Electoral College. We knew it coming in.

If we weren't sophisticated to know that coming in, then we're assholes. Isn't there something, though, technically certain electors in certain states can go the other way? You think things are bad now. I'm not suggesting they do that. I'm saying technically speaking, I think the electoral college, I think the idea of the electoral college

was because the founders didn't quite trust the people and figured maybe the electors, if some guy's really, really, really, really horrible, the electors can go the other way,

theoretically. I agree with you. If they did that, there could be armed revolution. I only worry about this. There is an aspect of human nature. I recognize it in myself, and I try to resist it, which is that when you stake such a claim to oppose and dislike somebody, you start rooting for them to live up to your expectations. And then even when they do something, this is what happened to Obama.

Even when he would do something that they ought to have liked, the right would not accept it no matter what he did because they could not give up the delicious feeling of hating him. Or God forbid being proven wrong about him. People don't like to be proven wrong. Noam, of course, is certainly part of that group. Nobody does, but I'm saying so. I'm aware of that. I try to control myself. I'm not rooting for I'm aware of that, and I try to control myself, like, not to get, because I know that I don't, I'm not rooting

for the Mets here. I want to be a patriot first. I want what's best for the country. And if he does something good, I want to be able to recognize it, if it's him or anybody else. I mean, if he does something good. Like infrastructure or help. Noam, which you need to know about Noam and Barry,

you don't know Noam very well. He's obsessed with infrastructure. No, he's not. Trump's first thing is he's going to put brand new state-of-the-art checkpoints all over the infrastructure. Noam has a problem with the airports in this country. I find them more than serviceable. Listen, I don't want to get into infrastructure, but I just think that when I was a kid, if you were to imagine the state-of- of the art in the world of various roads, and then look at America, we represented it.

Now, we're still in the 70s, and if you go to Qatar, you see the state of the art. And in that sense, the make America great again reverberates to me. Yeah, I still want to be the America when I was a kid. Well, we were the best of everything. When we put men on the moon, where if it happened, if it was great and it was happening, it was happening in America. And that's actually not just, that's also good for binding a nation. Why, I, and we are a big country and we need, and whether anyone likes it or not, we need big economic stimulus. And if it does something that's peaceful and makes it safer and saner, fine.

So repair the infrastructure. I'm all for that. I'd much rather do that than buy. You know, I mean, listening to the Republican debates this year, they're all upset about how many battleships we had. You know the last time we used a battleship in a battle? 1944 in the Battle of Leyte Gulf. My father was there. He's been dead 20 years, okay?

And we still have to, and they were like, and they talk about the military like it's this one thing. Oh, it's just faith. You can barely tell, you know, have faith in Tinkerbell. You know, I mean, the U.S. military, really? The Pentagon's so greedy it has an extra side on its building. I mean, if we took that same money and put it into stuff that sustains life, you know, or makes life safer and better, like an infrastructure, like a cleanup of a city, like improvement of our—I'm all for that. And we need—and that's a space program when it was a peaceful thing was the greatest, because it was this huge program, all kinds of jobs and we got all these benefits

from it. Well, we don't have a man on the moon, but as I pointed out on our last podcast, we do have satellites and GPS, which is pretty damn great. Not the same. You wait until China puts a man on some other planet we're going to be like, oh, that's the clear demarcation that

something has changed. Now it's happening in China, not in America anymore. And psychologically, for a nation that does not even share a nationality, there will always be Chinese, right? We need these things to bind us together so that people of all ethnicities and races can take pride as Americans, and we're losing that. As you know, I don't trust the mosaic.

The melting pot, I believed in. the mosaic. The melting pot, I believed it. The mosaic, wherever it's tried, it rips apart. Even in Canada, the French, I mean,

mosaic is unproven and risky. And I... By mosaic, you mean that people, it's not a melting pot but that everybody retains their culture. Yeah, like Yugoslavia, yeah.

And when you stay, stick just to your people, you're a lot easier to kill. That's true. Identify. If I'm moving stick just to your people, you're a lot easier to kill. That's true. Identify. If I'm moving next door to your cousin, you know, you might at least blow up the building. That being said, you go to Noam's house on a holiday, not a Gentile in sight. What are you talking about?

I'm trying to get a line in. I had a wrapper at my Passover dinner. I had a wrapper at my Passover dinner. Passover is different. But that being said, you'd know him as a certain type of friend, you know,

very intellectual, bookish, you know, scholarly friend. Thank you, Dan. He's got a lash out. I'm just saying, you know,

you haven't reached out to the working class. Actually, you're wrong. I'm married to a Puerto Rican. Yeah. Well, that's different. That's sexual. And that family is working.

And my family, my mother-in-law, I have reached out to the working class. And I browned. My family is of color now. The Dwarvens are now a family of color, correct? I mean, they came out pretty light-skinned, but they're a family of color. I mean, they're going to get affirmative action is what I'm saying. That's awesome.

And they're going to be able to get into those Ivy League schools. Absolutely. This is the first I've met Barry. What a wonderful guest and a wonderful wit and a wonderful guy. He's fantastic. Thank you so much for having me. You're a stand-up. Yeah, I am.

But you're also a club owner. No, I ran a couple of clubs. I never owned anything. I got 0% off the top. That was my deal. But I just knew we needed stage time and stuff, so I got a couple clubs going in Boston. And then once

we were up and running pretty well, then I went and concentrated on my performing career and writing and stuff. This documentary is absolutely riveting. Riveting. That Chinese restaurant in Boston was so legendary. I think I might have been there once.

I don't know. I just heard, it was so, like, Jay Leno was there all the time. No, no, no, he wasn't. See, that's funny how that grows, but Leno wasn't there. Who were some of the people you saw for the first time there? Well, the people, you know, the people in Stephen Wright and Paula Poundstone and Lenny Clark and Gavin and Sweeney, Meany, Kilimany. And, God, you know, when I start naming people, I'm going to not name somebody and insult them. But, you know, an incredible amount of talent, plus all the talent that came through town, too.

You know, I mean, a bunch of guys, Nealon and Rooney and people like that, I got to know from coming to the thing. Oh, it was great. Jimmy Tingle was a lot in the documentary. Tingle was the bartender at the Ding Ho. And Randy Credico. Credico used to come up a lot. Randy Credico, didn't he just run for mayor here?

He did. He plays H.R. Puffin stuff on a kid's show now. Yeah. That's a pretty good job. He does great voices. And poor Kevin Meaney died two weeks ago. Yeah, he's one of my best friends. He's a big kid.

We had him on the show. He lost a lot of weight, and then he died? Or did he lose weight for a long time? I think he lost a lot of weight. I don't know. I mean, you know. I think that has something to do with it, when you lose. I don't know.

It is possible. He's my really close friend. I don't know. Weight fluctuations can be very stressful in the heart, but who knows? He had lost weight for quite a while before. That's what I was asking. Yeah, yeah. Who in the hell knows?

I mean, whatever it is. I always wonder when somebody goes like that and they're all healthy, you know, it's a question, you know, why? Why? It's like getting hit by lightning, dude. I guess it is. I guess I need to know because otherwise it's just too, you know, how can you go on? You know, it's just too, it's like Woody Allen stuff, you know, just like, we're all hanging by a thread. You know, it's just like, I need to know.

Yes, there is that, like when a colleague dies and you're trying to convince yourself that it can't happen to you. Right. You know, so you try to say, well, I can just avoid doing what he did and I'll be all right. Yeah, it's just natural. As I was watching the documentary about Barry Crimmins, I had an epiphany of a documentary about another comedian, Dave Attell. Yeah. And my take on it is that this is the living comic most revered by his peers on the planet Earth. Oh, yeah. And the public is not aware of it.

And every famous comic in the world will be happy to be on this documentary about Dave Attell. And it would be a wonderful feeling to get this out to the world. Yeah, well, the question is how do you get Dave to want to do it? But wouldn't that be, I mean, who wouldn't do that documentary? What's great about it, tell us. There's already so much footage. Yeah, there's a ton of footage. Tons of footage.

That's why we don't really need them. And a lot of it is just getting other people to talk. I mean, I talk some in the documentary, but a lot of it was other people who gave it some I think it's a good idea. I think you should produce it. I think he'd be willing to do it. You'd think he'd be willing to do it. Yeah, why wouldn't he?

It'd be great for his career. Why wouldn't he? Why wouldn't he? Because he's David Teller. He's out of his mind. Oh, okay. Well, you know him better than I do. And there's the fun of the documentary.

He's Dave's best friend. They talk every day. And you're looking for projects because you should know this. Noam feels like, what do I do now? I've got the greatest club in the world. I need new hills to climb. There could be something for you to do there. It would be something to do. You're right. I do look for that.

But I also... Really, everybody, you have to go on Netflix and watch this documentary because it really opened... I'll never forget it. And if I can plug something else, Louis C.K. produced my new special, Whatever Threatens You, his name of it.

And is this going to be downloadable on his website? It's on his website. It is now. It just came out. Louis is revolutionizing comedy. Yeah, I know. I love that. He's cut out the corporate middleman, and it's great.

It's a great, you know, he's really shown the way there. You're from Syracuse originally? Yeah, Skinny Atlas. I always liked Skinny Atlas. Do you know Moody McCarthy? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's a great, you know, he's really shown the way there. You're from Syracuse originally? Yeah, Skinny Atlas. I always liked Skinny Atlas. Do you know Moody McCarthy? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's a great, you know Moody, right? He's just started working here relatively recently.

He's from Syracuse, but they have the family has a cabin on Lake Skinny Atlas. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, the point is people from that part of the country are great. Can we, when your special is. Some wise asses from out there. It's the weather makes you so sarcastic. When your special is downloadable, will you make sure... It is.

It's there now, yeah. Whatever threatens you. When we do our next Comedy Cellar email thing, I want to put a link to the special and to the documentary. And when he put it out, Louie wrote this lovely thing about me and Kevin because Kevin had just died and about how we had both influenced him. I mean, I

always said the Goldthwait doc should have been called Thank God I Was Nice to That Kid. And now this is part two of the special with Louis, which I shot in, of all places, Lawrence, Kansas. He's become quite a nice writer. Oh, he's a wonderful writer.

Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Now, may I say that this episode, I think, is one of our better ones. We all seem to get along. Yeah, it was very peaceful, actually. Normally, Noam and I go at it pretty heavily. No mention of Jon Stewart today. You have a calming force. Much of it's to do with certain competing visions of the show,

and sometimes I'm just in a bad mood because I have a road gig coming up. Oh, yeah. But in any case, I thought this was a rather lovely discussion. I had a great time. Thank you very much for having me. My pleasure. I hope to see you again. Maybe we can talk some more politics.

Thank you. It's great to be on a podcast. People hear. Usually you're on them with more people than ever hear them. That's right. And it's on the radio. It's on the radio. It's on Sirius. It's on the radio.

Oh, that's great. People always ask me why I don't have a podcast. I say because if I got a podcast, there would be no one left to be a guest on podcasts. You're welcome here, by the way, anytime. Well, thank you very much. Thank you very much. Thank you.

Dave, Jessica, you want to plug your Twitter? We got the November 30th football show, me and Artie Lang, and then December 20th, the Christmas Cow, right here with Danny Natterman as Ebenezer Scrooge. Oh, yeah, with Perfect Cast. Oh, awesome. At the Village Underground. Good night, everybody.

Thank you. Good night, Call of Cast. Good night. I don't know. I don't know.