The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Big Jay Oakerson and Keith Robinson

Episode Date: February 18, 2016

Big Jay Oakerson and Keith Robinson

Good evening, everybody. Welcome to the Comedy Cellar Show here on Sirius XM Channel 99, Raw Dub Comedy Channel. We're here with my best friend, Mr. Dan Natterman, fellow Sirius XM radio show colleague. Jay Oakerson has his own show on Sirius XM on Comedy Central Radio, making his first appearance on the Comedy Cellar Show. Mr. William Stevenson crossed me a man who swore, swore he would never do this radio show,

and I'm very appreciative to him for coming down tonight, Mr. Keith Robinson. I've been asked. I've declined. Have you declined? So we hear William Stevenson, and apparently he's been asked to be on this radio show before, and he's declined. Why did you decline? Because it was at a time when there was some controversy about something that Godfrey had said, and they wanted me to respond immediately, and I thought it was not a good idea. Yeah, that was not our finest moment. Are you and Godfrey okay now?

As okay as we're going to get. Can I talk about what he said, or no? I have no idea. It was something. This is it. I'm going to tell you what it is. And this is? I have no idea. It was something. This is it. I'm going to tell you what it is. And this is how foul things can be. Hi, Jay.

Jay Oakerson. Are we live? We're live. We're not live. I mean, I don't know if I can identify with this, but this is kind of like a black thing, I guess. But William, he likes to run the show on time. Yeah. He wants to get home.

Which is the way things are supposed to run. He comes on time. to run the show on time. Yeah. He wants to get home. Which is the way things are supposed to run. He comes on time, he runs the show on time. And, of course, Godfrey came late or whatever it is, or Godfrey likes to run over or whatever it is. So William had the temerity to say, Godfrey, yo, I need you to come on time or get off on time. There's other people waiting to come on. So Godfrey, you know what Godfrey does? Godfrey turns around and calls William a house negro. Oh, right, right, right.

I would have guessed that. I remember that. I would have guessed that. I remember that. I would have guessed he said that. And William was livid. But actually, it's an insult to me, too, because it's as if I'm massive. Like, I don't know. Isn't that offensive in so many ways? Well, it depends.

I mean, in mixed company, it's offensive. If it was all white guys sitting here, I'd be like, nice, right? No. William refused to come on the radio show for two years. Two years of radio silence from William Stevenson. Because of that on the radio show. That was the only time I was asked. Well, I don't blame you because it would have probably gotten pretty ugly.

Right. And I don't do ugly. I feel the, I'm not a light runner at all, really. And even when I go on the road and I look at that very much as like not just being dicky to the audience, I think for the staff. I think there's nothing to prove in doing like an hour and a half of

comedy on a show or running crazy long over the light. And on spots to do like 30 minutes or 30 some minutes when you're supposed to be doing 15, it doesn't really make much sense to me because, like I said, the staff wants to go home. They've been here all night.

I happily do as little time as you'll allow, and I'll take the money and leave right now. I mean, I don't have to go on at all. See, I love to perform, so I want to do the spot for sure. Now, this is an amazing day because Keith Robinson has agreed to do a little bit of this. Keith has never – Keith chimed in and mouthed off a little bit on this show before, but he's never agreed to sit down. No, he has. I'm sitting down. I've sat down a little bit of this. Keith has never, Keith chimed in and mouthed off a little bit on this show before, but he's never agreed to sit down and... No, he has.

I've sat down a little bit. He has. One week when you were out of town, though, and he... Let's face it, I'm the star of this podcast right now. There's a lot of things going on. Hey, how you doing? So, just to be clear, we have William Stevenson, Keith Robinson, and Jay Oakerson, and Dan Aderman

are here, and we were talking about the time that Godfrey called William the house negro because he tried to run the show on time. Any thoughts on that, Keith? Any thoughts on that? No. You know what William is? Oh, here we go. William's like the manager MC. One time I decided I wanted to switch.

I'm like, man, I'm going to switch, William. I need to switch. He's like, who are you to come here and switch it? What business is that of yours that I want to switch? Was that real, though? Yes, it was real. If you know William, it's real. You don't tell me you're going to switch.

You tell them who's ever managed to go switch. No, no, no. You didn't like the, he said, this is what he said. I'm getting tired of you switching. Nah. Really? That's is what he said. I'm getting tired of you. Switch it. Nah. Really? That's exactly what you said. Nah.

If we hooked him up to a lie detector, you'd find out. William gets into his hosting situation. My only William being a shitty to me story ever was... But you do have one. No, but this isn't that bad. This isn't bad at all. It was here one night. William was hosting. I was outside. The Eagles. It was here one night. William was hosting.

I was outside. The Eagles were playing Monday Night Football, and William came outside. He goes, your team's playing in there. I go, no, I know. I said, don't tell me anything about it because I got a DVR at home. I'm taping it so I can watch it later. He goes, well, they're winning now. I said, don't tell me anything about it immediately.

That's it. That's all I have. Anytime somebody says, don't tell me the score of a game because I'm taping it, the first thing anybody's going to do is tell you the score of the game. No, not a real sports person. I'm not a real sports person.

Well, when Godfrey called him a house negro, I say the Godfrey thing, and I believe William is the kind of guy that back when the slavery was going on, William was hiding behind the trees, tripping the slaves as they were running so they'd get caught. I don't know about house negro because I say when a white man tells you not to tell him the score of the game,

and you defied me, that doesn't seem very House Negro to me. Just for those who may not be intimately familiar with the workings of a comedy club, you go on stage, you have a certain amount of time, and there's a light. Somebody gives you the light, and that means you do the last couple minutes and you get off stage.

Now, there's certain comics that are known for going over the light by a lot, and many of these comics are African-American. Dan's always been starting that back. That is the thing.

That's how the cops get us like that, because that is just what's put out there. Everybody goes over. In fairness, the cops get us like that. Because that is just what's put out there. Everybody goes over. In fairness, David Tell goes over a lot. David Tell goes over a lot. Greg Rogel goes over a lot.

You want me to keep naming white boys that go over? I do, Keith. Jay Oakerson always goes over. Kevin Brennan doesn't go over. Kevin Brennan can't go over because he has the same stories over. You got punk bitch enough. Plus, when you're married and you have kids,

sometimes it just hits you like, wow, we're together forever. I think I hit my wife the other day. We're just sitting around. She goes, why are you acting so weird now? I'm like,

I'm not acting weird now. This is the real me. When we were dating, I was being nice and buying shit all the time. Then I was acting weird. This is the real me. You don't like it.

Nobody likes it. That's why I was single when you met me. You got punked bitch thank you very much a lot more show you guys are not a fun that was racist

but go ahead well I'm wondering if there's this notion in the black comedy community that to go over the light is defiance against the white man a lot of it is

is that true William? I believe it is. That's why he's a house negro. Of course. Now, why do we care about defying white guys by going over a light? I don't know. I think it's just ego.

I don't think it's erasing at all. If you're long-winded, you're long-winded. Some people are just long-winded. They ain't got nothing to do with it. White or black. They don't have nothing to do like I'm going over because I'm going to show the white man. Beat it. I believe that's part of it. I think it's more like I'm just't have nothing to do like I'm going over because I'm going to show the white man. Beat it.

I believe it's part of it. I think it's more like I'm just going to wag dick because I can. But let's be honest, William. I mean, you have resentment towards white people. I felt it. So how come you don't? I mean, so like, why don't you go over? Ask the house negro, has there ever been a white guy that won over?

Of course there has. Then what are you talking about? I said it was part of it. Well, what's the white guy that won over? Of course there has. Then what are you talking about? I said it was part of it. Well, what's the white guy's problem? I don't have any insight as to what white people think. But you're ready to accuse a black man of going over. I'm ready to accuse him. I think it's ego thing.

I think if Sherrod's a guy, if somebody asks him to not go long, that's why he'll go long. No, Sherrod will just go long. It's pure to five. It has nothing to do with, like, fuck a white man. There's a million. If a black comic asked him, like, hey, man,'s why he'll go long. No, Shirada can't go long. It's pure to five. It has nothing to do with like fuck a white. There's a million. If a black comic asked him

like, hey man, I'm going to go over here. There's one reason for it. Shirada go over just like the next white guy. I've seen plenty of white guys go over.

Plenty of them. The truth is, I never thought it was something that black comics did more. Shirada does it. Shirada does it, but it's Shirada.

But Robert Kelly, a lot of people does it. That's all personality. Say Robert Kelly, don lot of people do it. That's all personality. Say Robert Kelly. Don't be scared of him. Robert Kelly goes over the line. Robert Kelly definitely does it. He goes over. Lynn Coplish goes over the line. But...

But... That doesn't mean what William is saying is not true. What he's kind of saying is that some black guys resent the power structure of the white guy or the club, so they find ways to be defiant. First of all, most black guys, y'all don't even know most black guys. Most of the black comics don't even work white clubs.

Oh, I know. Oh, yeah. Okay. So they're in their own element. You think they're defining it all? It's just the personality of a person. It's like preachers. I've seen white preachers be long-winded.

I've seen black. One black preacher did three hours. Three hours. The people in church was cursing like, this motherfucker better get up. I'm like, whoa, it's true. I'll say, I think notoriously black hosts, House Negro excluded, do a lot of time in between. A lot of time in between the comics. See, here's the thing.

And that's where Jay's wrong. You're talking about Keith? No, no, no. Not Keith. You better not, boy. I don't remember Keith. I mean, Keith hasn't been hosting here for years with any kind of regular. When we first came up with Keith, me and Kev, Keith hosted every night almost.

I was hosting. Several nights a week. We'd drive back to Philly and make Jake drive to Philly. And because we had that drive, it was also a thing. It was like, Keith didn't know. Keith wasn't really like that. But I mean, these aren't even insults to the people. It doesn't matter to me.

I'm going to get the end of the night anyway. We don't see. Here's a... But I think Will and Artie, I think they do a lot of time in between, but I don't care. White or black, I think the root of the problem is we don't fear Noam. And I think Noam has brought this up. That is what it is. Noam, he's an absentee

owner. He's an absentee owner. He's never in the audience. He's playing his ukulele, is it? What do you play? It's a kalimba. Gnome is a great musician. And that's what he wants

to really do. Gnome don't have time to watch the comics That's not true He's with his band That's not true Would you say Do you love music Noam? Yes I love music Don't you love music?

No Alright That's what I'm talking about And I even love music after 1971 Which you can't say But But No it's not that they don't... I don't know why

the community is going over, but they went over prior to... They go over to every club and they went over prior to me. And it's just disrespect for the rules. And it's not good. And of course, everything falls apart if people go over. But there's no repercussions and ramifications.

There are. We've had out with Sherrod. We've suspended Sherrod. I have suspended Sherrod. Sherrod's been suspended by everybody. Three times. Sherrod's been suspended by four owners and there's only been three. I suspended him three times for going over and behavior and stuff

like that. Here's a dirty little secret. And then I took him back. Here's a dirty little secret. If you kill, you can do whatever you want here and Gnome will tolerate. Which, you know, is not a big deal. Well, Sherrod kills and he said he suspended Sherrod. But Sherrod, to get suspended, Sherrod has to push Gnome so far.

And even then, Gnome suspends him for like, listen, a few days. If you are, if you're dying and you're bombing and you run the light, yeah, that's a lot worse than if you're killing and you run the light. If you are rounding third base and the third base coach tells you to hold up and you keep going and you score, you might get in trouble, but it's not the same trouble if you get thrown out of the plate.

You might even get away with it if you score. You could have sex with Norm's wife. If you're killing, you will work that week. What? You guys are really being harsh. That is too much. It's too soon. I don't know.

I mean, I see comics. I'm just saying Noam can, and this is maybe to your credit, Noam knows how to divide personal feelings from what's good for his business. Oh, yeah, of course I can do that. What's good for his business, but here's the thing now. Here's what people don't always know. And I have William, my house Negro, to take care of things for me. Lord have mercy.

What do I need? Here's the hypocrisy of everything. That's the problem with Negroes like you, Keith, yapping all day, causing trouble for all of us. Here's the problem with what you guys are saying, what the owners are saying. When we side with the owners, here's the biggest problem. We talk about Godfrey going over and all that. I've seen times when we wanted us, we were waiting for a celebrity to come,

and they need somebody to do that time. Godfrey stayed on that stage for four hours to wait for whoever y'all wanted to. That big celebrity, do you hear me?all wanted to. That big celebrity. Did you hear me? Yes. He waited for that celebrity. But our man Godfrey did his time. But nobody was complaining.

Oh, happy day. So it all balances out at the end because we need each other at certain times in our life. I agree. Listen, I agree. The only reason I really care about running over is the real reason is because, especially in the wintertime, people are online waiting outside in the freezing cold. And it's crazy.

Sometimes we want to minimize the time that they're waiting outside in the cold. Yeah, but when Chappelle is on stage, what do you tell Chappelle? There's a double standard to that, though. You tell those people to freeze your little mitties off. I fucking hate the term double standard. 99 times out of 100, you hear that term. It's bullshit. I think that's right here, though.

What? It is a double standard. I think it is a double standard. You care about your audience, but only to a point. I'm supposed to treat Dave Chappelle the way I treat Paul Mercurio? That's a double standard? Wow, good name and point. He's a great debater.

That's unbelievable. No, but it is. Let me give him a point. No, you're not supposed to, but that is a double standard. Just like the hypocrisy, like if a guy fucks on the first date, he's the shit,

and if a girl fucks, she's a whore. I'm saying like there's that. Well, that's true too. But it's a double standard, I'm saying. It's not a double standard. If you care about your audience within limits, you care about your audience freezing out in the cold, waiting in line,

unless Chappelle is on stage, and then the audience can all drop dead. Can I explain about the double standard? Sure. Yes, there are two standards, but the term double standard is a criticism. It means essentially that you're being a hypocrite. You are. I'm saying that it's not a hypocrite because one has nothing to do with the other. Dave Chappelle and what he does, go over, shouldn't, one has nothing to do with the other. Dave Chappelle has not,

and what he does, go over, not go over, has nothing to do. But the people waiting outside are getting treated the same way. And here's the worst part of it.

They're collateral damage. The people online, not only are they waiting outside, the reason they're waiting outside is because of a comic that they're probably not even going to get to see. Yes.

What would you do? Give Chappelle the light? I would tell Chappelle, look, do you care to get to see. Yes. What would you do? Give Chappelle the light? I would tell Chappelle, look. Do you care about the reason? Go ahead. What would you do, Dan? Say, look, Chappelle, you get off that stage, I'm calling the police. You'd be one police calling somebody.

It's not just Chappelle. Anybody. I say you're trespassing. Anybody. After 45 minutes. Seinfeld doesn't run the light. Oh, you don't have to run the light. If Seinfeld came, you wouldn't give him the light.

Well, look. Let me say this. Any of those white boy celebrities, you wouldn't say nothing to. Even if everybody went on time, did the right amount of time, 15 minutes is not enough time to get people out and people back in for the next show. So it's always going to be late. Always. I thought that we tried to minimize it.

This is how you get into the managerial part. He knows that. We need more than 15 minutes. Why should he care? He cares because he wants to go home as quickly as he can. I'd like to do a full warm-up set rather than have to cut it in half because the show started late.

I take my set. Why don't you be a man and take your set? I'm just as much a man as you. Well, take your set then. That ain't got nothing to do with being a man. You're being an asshole and you do it because you want to. Oh. Because you think that's what manhood is about, taking what you want.

That's what I was taught. Okay. Growing up in the hood. That's fine. What were you taught? Single mom. No, listen, I appreciate William starting the hood. That's fine. What were you doing? Single mom. No, listen, I appreciate William starting the show.

Like, William always arrives on time. Look at his watch. He gets brittle sometimes. Like, sometimes I feel like he should just take it easy.

Sometimes he's just overzealous. I've seen that. He comes in in a pissy mood or whatever it is. So what you're saying, are you saying the same thing that the slave said about the nigga in the house,

the house nigga? I, you know, I don't like that. The house nigga's over there. I had a bass player. Say it. I had a bass player one time who was playing too loud

and he, and I said, dude, it's too loud. And he goes, yes, I'm Massa. And I fired him. I don't like that. Billy Grant?

No, it was Ron Long. And then I took him out. Are you saying you're going to fire me? Then I tried like five white guys in the bass and I took the guy right back out. You had to exact your white power on him and show him.

All right, you made your point. I never had a good white bass player, ever. But there's an example of what I was talking about with the white power structure and a guy that was being defiant because he didn't want to take orders from a white man, even though it was a white man that owned the club. There is that, yeah. That's different. I never thought I wasn't going to take him back,

but I felt like I had to draw the line somehow because I think that's ugly. I wasn't relating to him that way. And I don't like to be... And I guess it's human, and this is not racial, but it includes racial. It's human when you're angry to strike where somebody's vulnerable. And in an argument between a black guy and a white guy,

the white guy is vulnerable to being thrown back on his heels with the racial card. So my answer to that was you're fired. I'm not getting into that. You want to play the racial card, go play it somewhere else. It's either that or say, oh, Ron, I hope you didn't think it's because you're black, and I didn't want to get into that kind of being defensive because it wasn't it. But,, Ron, I hope you didn't think it's because you're black, you know, and I didn't want to get into that kind of being defensive because it wasn't it. But of course I was going to take him back. He's the best bass player

in the world, you know. Right? William will even attest to that. Was it William? The best bass player in the world? He might be. And it's possible for the best bass player in the world to be completely, basically unknown? Yes. Sure. Okay, I There's a question.

He's known by all the greatest bass players in the world, and they all think he's one of them. For whatever reason, he hasn't but like... He's done studio stuff probably, right? For like major players. Yeah, he's done studio stuff. When Prince's dad was making a record, Prince hired this guy Ron Long to produce the record for his dad. So that's, you know...

But that's different. That's like even football players. Some football players, the stars can get Peyton Manning, can slap the shit that's different. That's like even football players. Some football players, the stars can get Peyton Manning, can slap the shit out of his wife in front of the national TV. They'll go, well, it wasn't that hard of a slap because he's Peyton Manning. It's like certain people get away with more with that talent. Yeah, I never understood how Michael, like Michael Jordan's wife got mad at Michael Jordan or divorced him because she found out he was fucking around.

Of course he should be. Isn't that ridiculous? Did you really think you were going to marry Michael Jordan? At that because she found out he was fucking around? Of course he should be. Isn't that ridiculous? Did you really think you were going to marry Michael Jordan? At that point, it's pretty ridiculous, yeah. It is. Women are unrealistic in their demands. You just say anything. What?

They are. If you really look at it, yes, they are. If I was a woman and I'm going to get married to somebody, I don't have a realistic expectation of them fucking around them. Yeah, you should. But I don't. Listen, you know your history. You know all the people that cheated.

You go down to all the great men that cheated and you go, there's a big- The Reverend Dr. King. Reverend Dr. King. Crushing pussy. You know how many- Crushing pussy. That's right. How many church hats he had on his bedroom floor.

Church hats all over the place. Gandhi. I'll tell you who I don't think cheated is Celine Dion's husband. But she got to him when he was already old. He stunk. He was finished. We ain't talking about him. We talking about world athletes.

Guys like Jordan who's got to cheat. You got to give them some cheat space. I agree with you. You're going to be born one of the greatest athletes in the history of the planet. And you're going to fuck one woman the rest of your life. That's crazy. If you said you would, you should. Oh, shut up, will you?

Lenny Marcus could take your moralistic stuff out. Look, as sure as men cheat, men are maybe designed to cheat. Women are designed to not get it. All right? And as sure as men are going out there fucking... To not understand it. To not understand it. That's not always true.

Many of them just don't plain, straight up don't get it. And they ain't going to get it. And no matter how many millions of years we share the planet together, they still don't get it. There they ain't going to get it. No matter how many millions of years we share the planet together, they still don't get it. There's also guys that really won't cheat. There are. I've met several guys. Harrison Greenbaum?

I've met several guys who I believe genuinely don't. Give me a name! How about my friend Mike? You wouldn't know who my friend Mike is. Give me somebody we know. He's a married guy What's your name? Don't just say your name. How about Paul? My friend Mike, but you wouldn't know who my friend Mike is. Exactly. Give me somebody we know. Really?

Your friend Mike won't cheat? He's a married guy in Connecticut. He's married and he lives down here. Is he on the road? Yeah, he is on the road. And is he desirable to women? He opens for me on the road. Yeah, good looking dude in good shape.

Let's not say not cheat. Let's discuss people who turn it down. Who does he turn down, pussy? I've watched him do it several times. Let's discuss people who turn it down. Does he turn down pussy? I've watched him do it several times. That's a different thing, William. What about not cheating is no big deal if you're not turning anything down. We all probably got one guy. But that's...

There's a few. There's guys. Paul McCartney. It would seem, there seems evidence seems to indicate that he didn't cheat on Linda. Or at least if he did cheat, he cheated a lot less than he could have. At a minimum, he cheated a lot less than he could have. At a minimum, he cheated a lot less than he could have cheated.

You're going to sign the release for this? They say we have to stop? Leave me alone with that. Let's do this thing. We're in the middle. I got to go downstairs. It's a slippery slope.

William is going to MC. Can you demote me? Before you go, William, before you go, I want to understand. So really, let me just hear your attitude

about all this cheating thing before you go. Have you ever been in a committed relationship? Yes, I want to understand. So really, let me just hear your attitude about all this cheating thing before you go. Have you ever been in a committed relationship? Yes, I've never cheated. For how long? What's the longest you've been in a relationship? A couple years. Eighth grade. Have you had any feelings for men?

Do you want to kiss Keith in the mouth right now? Now I understand why I've never done this show before. Y'all have a good one. Well, William Sears. But again, I never, I'm never shocked when they find celebrity like men and they find, because what happens is like the wholesome shit, it all crumbles when one, like when one thing falls down, like Tiger Woods, like as soon as it was one girl, there was a thousand. Do you know what I'm saying? So it's like, it's like a lot of these guys, like Paul McCartney, you don't understand.

I did this in my marriage for years. You're balancing this crazy stack of plates. Do you know what I mean? And then when one plate falls and one person comes out and they're getting like newspaper recognition, I'm sure there's probably a hundred other girls who didn't come out on Tiger Woods because they were just like, oh, I don't want to be in the paper for that. But there's so many of them that will jump out. And a lot of them will be cool and quiet

until it suits them not to be. What does that have to do with Paul McCartney? I'm saying his first plate maybe just hasn't fallen yet. It could be. Or maybe he's a great guy, but you've got to give him the benefit of the doubt until you're right, until you find out otherwise. My father used to say stealing is like masturbating.

It's very hard to do it only once. And I guess cheating is kind of the same way. Like, if you're going to cheat once, you're going to cheat. Well, you're in for a penny, you're in for a pound. The stress I put on myself and, like, the tension that was in my shoulders when I was married and with her the years before being married was so intense and so, like, I was so anxiety riddled by all of it and everything and now, I wouldn't have been with my girlfriend I'm with now for a couple years.

I don't fuck around on the road with her because once she comes to me on the road, probably every other time or so and why it's fun to have her come on the road is because like,

she'll bring chicks back. Like, she'll get them. She's into that. Oh, you have threesomes. Yes, and she's very, she's not doing it for me either. I've had girlfriends in the past who will do it for you,

and then you feel that, and that ends up being arguments. But when the girl's into it, that's a... But you have a relief valve anyway. Yes. You're cheap, but you do it in front of her.

So when I go on the, I was in Atlanta two weeks ago, and there was a girl who was laying it out pretty out there that I'll go back with you. In my mind, I'm just like, that's being the next level greetings. I'm like,

if she would happen to be here on this trip, we would have fucked. I told her that. I'm like, if my girl was here, I totally would fuck her. If you ever come to New York. Why can't you get your girl on my Skype to watch you guys? That's what's happening with Jay. Jay has been so rotten. So don't listen to this horse shit that he said. Yeah, I'm riddled with guilt from how bad I was.

You were cheating a lot on your wife? Oh. How old are you now? I'm 38. He's a shit. 38. You know, the thing is, I finally stopped cheating when I got older. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It just, you slow down. No. What? There you go. You knew what I was, yeah, there you go. No, no, the whole thing is when you get older, it becomes easier. But when you're 25, there's no fucking way. At 38 also, you're right, I don't also want to.

It's a little easier not to also because a lot of times you have to do when the girl's like, all right, so come with us. We're going to this bar, and then we're going to go here, and then an after house. And then maybe like that hunt, I have no. I never did that. Even my last few years of cheating, it was very much like, hey, you want to go to this bar? Like, I'm going back to my room. So if you want to come back and, like, smoke weed and we can hang out and whatever, that's great.

But no, I don't want to go. I'm not stopping. I'm a limp to the finish line. Just like this. What's he doing? He's still... He's dragging a bad leg. I'm never going to stop.

But you don't feel a slowdown in the over... I am, of course. You do, right? But I'm never going to stop. But you don't feel a slowdown in the over... I am, of course. You do, right? But I'm still cheating. In my mind, in my soul, I still want to cheat. Men were meant to cheat. Period. Have you really seen the crush on a chick that caught you?

Yes. Not the anger. No, I've seen anger. I had my apartment smashed up. But on a girl that you didn't want to break up with. That was the hard thing making my ex understand. When I described it to her when she would catch me with stuff

she'd be like, what do you think about me and our daughter when you do this? And I'm like, nothing. It's not like a fuck you to you or anything. It's simply like, I'm like, this is a great opportunity. This is going to make my shitty night in this bumfuck hotel way better. You know what I mean? And it's like... Someone will hold me.

But in the beginning, it was like, the numbers were high because the quality was also low. So you didn't care about your daughter? You didn't care about your daughter? You didn't care about your daughter crying? Daddy, why are you doing this to mommy?

How old was your daughter when the shit hit the fan? When we broke up? Yeah, just when the cheating got all... I'm saying, did your daughter catch wind of this? Did she understand what was going on? No. No idea. No, no, no.

She never caught wind of it at all. That's a great woman you have. Because if my wife... Me and Carla are very close still. Very, very close. I was honest with her. And when we broke up, I was just kind of like, she wanted to have more kids. I didn't, and it was like, I'm holding you up. He was a good kid at first.

I've seen his guy. He was good. When I first seen him, he was a good kid. He was a little sucker. He fell in love. You know how the windows in the car get smogged up? He'd write the girl's name. It's true.

But my buddy Lewis actually always used the term right. He goes, I took my love with me. That's the problem. I had to go fall in love with another girl when my ex wouldn't be around because, you know, she was home with our daughter, and then I was home with her during the day. And then when she'd come home from, like,

whether it was law school or work, then I'd go do comedy at night and then there'd be a girl who I'd be seeing that happened to bump into and starting a thing with like here who I really liked a lot not working here but I mean just a girl who like came here and then she'd come here to meet me all the time and it would be and I would drag everybody

around me into it and then they'd all be guilty by association and when it blows up my ex is mad at everybody and I started to realize, like, let's keep things a little more, like, secret and off to the side. And then eventually,

we're just kind of like, this is ridiculous. I need, like, a fresh start with this and let her find somebody who's not, you know, who wants to... A piece of shit. Say it.

No, no, no. I wanted to find somebody who, like, goes to bed with her at 10 o'clock at night. You know what I mean? Like, she wants a life that's very normal.

I couldn't provide that for her and I wasn't... And I just wasn't going to stop doing what I was doing. My father cheated right to the end. Into his 70s. Yeah. Well, I came home one time. My mom was a kid.

So you're saying right to the end. I don't know about right to the end, but close to the end. Shut up, Dan. All right. You're the one who said it. I know, but you don't have to. No, he's trying to make a have to Let me get this out of you You know what that means?

Yeah So But I came home one day And I found Every article Of my father's clothing Like 40 suit jackets

40 pair of pants 50 boxer shorts Every one of them Ripped up At the bottom of the stairs In my house Because his girlfriend Claudia Found out that he was cheating.

And she spent like three hours with scissors, every single article of clothing that he had. Me and Keith came home, drove our friend back one time from Philly to his chick fucking burning all of his clothes in a bonfire. Remember that? Yeah. That was hilarious. I had one, actually, Rosalyn one time when she found out I was with Juanita, she found Juanita's panties.

I didn't even know. I was in another room of the house. That's the worst. She put the panties on the stove, turned on the fire, and left the house. And all of a sudden, I'm working out here, beep, beep, the smoke alarm, I come running out, the whole kitchen's on fire. I said, what, Rosalind? She was gone.

Just Juanita's panties and Nicholas's toys on the stove. The kids' toys? In plays. She didn't care about the kids? Juanita was the other woman at one point. Yeah, well, for a while they both thought they were the, it was not clear who was the other woman. It went back and forth.

But that's what I'm saying. That's what kind of my situation was that I'm in now. It was never like official or anything until I was out of my, not out of the marriage, but like separated and moved out. No, Juanita was not the other woman. Roslyn, it was Roslyn that I was with Juanita, but Roslyn didn't know.

Roslyn thought I was getting back with her. There are guys that I meet, you know, that are like Big J that there's a dichotomy. They like sex and they like variety, but they also love being in a relationship. Every guy's like that. Well, there's some guys.

No, they're not every guy's like that. Some guys just like to... Some guys don't get into relationships. Some guys are not into relationships. They just like to fucking run, or they like to have more brief relationships that are of short duration. Do you need that staple in your life? The one that's there. Somebody that holds you down a little bit.

You're talking to somebody that is what I'm saying. You're talking to somebody right now that does not have long-term relationships. You don't want one? You do want one. You can't find a woman to tolerate your ass. Well, I'm a

special case. I'm mentally ill. I'm mentally ill. I have real problems in the area of intimacy and closeness with another human being. Keith always thought I was holding up for Rachel Feinstein. Yeah. I know because Rachel told me that you thought that I was in love with Rachel Feinstein. You was. But I never was.

No. Rachel Feinstein is a good friend of mine. Or was a good friend of mine, but I haven't spoken to her in a while. She comes here all the time. I know, but it's like, you know Rachel is. I just think that just had, so he's absolutely right. You want somebody, but you don't know how to achieve that because you have a block. So you're not saying that you don't want it.

You just have a block, something that's blocking you from really achieving that. Do you not know what it is exactly you want? Because I said when I broke up with Carla, and you know Carla. Yeah, of course I do. When I broke up, before I got officially with Christine, I said to Christine, I was like, I'm in a position now where it's like I don't have to hurt anybody by wanting to do what I want to do. I can be kind of single. At the time, I was able to, I could afford to get a place and live. to do what I want to do. I can be kind of single. At the time, I was able to afford to get a place

and live. I don't know about well at the time, but I could definitely figure it out. I was like, I'm going to be with you. We've got to figure out something. She said nothing was going to change in that regard. Do you think it's possible to love two women? Yes.

To want to be in a relationship with two women? Not just cheating on one woman and being in a relationship with two women? Not just like cheating on one woman and being in a relationship with another. A relationship? Two relationships? To truly love two women. You're not just cheating on a woman with another woman. You love two women and want to spend time with two of them.

That's why I became a Muslim. I have still very much loved Carla in so many ways. She got pregnant nine months into us dating. And I just tried to do the right thing always. Did you want the baby? Yeah.

Because we were together for years. You can't say I didn't want the baby. No, I did, though. Very much. I told her. But that baby was on purpose? No. It was an accident. But when it was an accident, I was like, I'm cool.

But the accident, the condom broke? No. She just left it in until I mistyed my fire. That's all. That's no accident. Shoot it. Yeah, so you're saying, did you think? No, he's getting into the deepest thing. You're saying that Big J actually deep inside.

I'm saying if you really don't want a baby, and it's important to you not to have a baby, you make damn sure that you pull that thing out with plenty of time to spare. You've never fucked? you pull that thing out with plenty of time to spare. You've never fucked... I pull that shit out. I've got these... I've got stories of fucking some slag in fucking Des Moines, Iowa that I didn't use a condom.

I was an idiot kid. You know what I mean? Well, I pull that shit out with plenty of time. Have you ever been on your back while a Dominican girl was riding you and you said, get off, get off,

and she wouldn't get off? That's what happened to my son's mom. She put the music on, the ocean music on. She got on top and it was like whoosh. And it was like, relax. I didn't have no energy to push her off. I think it depends how bad. Even when you tell her, get off, get off.

Look, it's a matter of how much you don't want a kid, I guess. It's a scale of how much. It's like, oh, I don't want a kid, but if I have a kid, it's not a tragedy. That's what I was at. That's how I felt. I was going to have a kid but I was like I think every dude

want to know that thing works I want to know I can have a kid it was tough though you go to the doctor they can tell you you know that I know

I can do it my shit you know your shit work I don't do that shit you know your shit work by the by you know you get a nice good thick

you know friendly fribble that's how you know it works consistency shit you know the shit work by the, you know, you get a nice, good, thick, you know, friendly, fribble, consistency shit, you know the shit work. No, that's not true, Dan. No, that's not true. It's a good rule of thumb. Good rule of thumb. You think your thick load has something to do with your, really? The thickness of your load?

I can shoot across the room. The viscosity of the semen is not indicative of the- I say it is indicative. The numerousness of the sperm. I'm telling you it's indicative. Van Jerk's own goes, oh, I'm going to have to pull out this week. I'm saying it is indicative on some level. You're telling me you shoot a thick, gooey.

No. I'm talking about heavy cream, thick. We get it, Dan. Dan, I want to see your batch now. You're telling me that has nothing whatever to do with your potency? Yes, I'm telling you that. Look that shit up

on... Some guys are big shooters, some guys are dribblers. I believe the goop comes from your prostate and the semen is sprinkled in by your testicles on the way out. I don't think... I don't know exactly how it works, but I don't think the goopy part represents the fertility part. out. I don't think, I don't know exactly how it works, but I don't think, I don't think the goopy part represents the fertility part. Yeah, I don't think it's...

But when you have a... That's what he thought all he did. When you have a vasectomy, when you have a vasectomy, I don't believe it's detectable in your semen.

That's what I'm saying. Okay, so reasonable minds disagree on this one. But so do our... Sorry, sorry. I gotta look that shit up on Wikipedia. Well, let's get back to why Dan has intimacy issues. Well, we're not going to solve that here.

You might as well say let's solve what's dark matter. No, you know what it is. I mean. Do you get like one nighter pussy and stuff on the road and shit ever? Does this stuff happen? Not often, but you have to understand, Jay, and this is a misconception on a lot of people's parts. I turn shit down

because I have very high standards. And yes, that's just true. Why are you making that face now? That is weird though. I mean, but I get it. I believe you. Most of the time when you've been in love, you've seen somebody that you really wanted to be with.

Well, I believe you're scared to be turned down. Well, I've always been scared to be turned down, which is why. So you want it. I'm very afraid of that. Text messaging came a little too late for me because text messaging has allowed me to be a lot more at ease talking to women. Unfortunately, it came at a later point in my life. It could have been more useful As a young person No but see that's why Because these bitches nowadays

Don't want you catcalled Don't use that word Oh sorry But I Yeah right But no They don't You know that's what

You could have used a good catcall in your life Well I knew how to do that Well I don't catcall You know I don't That's not part of my culture I was raring on catcall No well that's not part of my culture That's not an Aderman's game

By the way What We don't do that Well yeah you do No no You ain't never seen aerman's game. By the way, we don't do that. Well, yeah, you do. No, no. You ain't never seen a girl like, hey, sweetie, what's up? No, I don't do that. You never did that?

Never in my life. Me either. Yeah, you did. No, I don't do that. No, we don't do that. We're not raised that way. Don't try to say that's a black thing. It's more of a black and Hispanic thing than a white thing for sure.

Can we get a female perspective in here? Do we have any females? Are there any chicks that want to come talk with us? Your standards are high to what level? Like you don't fuck below a seven type thing? Well, no, I'll certainly fuck a seven. Don't you believe in practice? It also depends on...

Where's Liz, the waitress? Where's the other Liz? Liz Cook? Or the other one? Where's Liz? Liz Bar? Where's Liz... Yeah, you know what you want to say. Where's the other Liz? Liz Cook? Or the other one? Where's Liz? Liz Barr? Where's Liz? Yeah, you know what you want to say.

Where's Liz? Waitress? Where's Liz? Is Liz here? We're not going to solve my... She left? Oh, okay. She would have been good for this.

Because the guys are always trying to bang her. Your problem is a confidence problem. Are they trying to bang her? Of course. This problem is a confidence problem. What about the new waitress? Let's get Sadie here. Where's Sadie?

You got Sadie? Is Sadie here? That person knows all their names. Dan has a confidence problem. That's all his problem is. It's not just confidence because sometimes women come at me hard

and I'm like, I push away. It's confidence. It's all confidence. That's all it is. No, no. I don't know. I'm not a confident person.

Sometimes women, I'm not confident. Women have to come is. No, no. I don't know. I'm not a confident person. Sometimes women, I'm not confident. Women have to come after me, generally speaking. When I get laid, it's because women came after me. Sure. It's about me too. Wait, wait, wait. Generally speaking.

I have no hunt. Oh. I have very little hunt, but text messaging has helped. Yeah, you do. Me? Are we okay now? No, I'm not really good. You grew into your hunt.

A little more. Listen, I've. I've watched your growth as a puppy. Text messaging and smileys have helped me with women. I could. Seriously. What I've gotten better at that maybe you need to get better at, too, is like. You send a chick a.

Learning to read signals that. What I learned was, because I'd be leaving a lot of towns sometimes. By the way, probably thank God. Literally, if I had confidence, the amount of more cheating I would have done would have been legendary. But when I would leave these towns sometimes, a girl who I had a three second back and forth with at the comedy club lobby

or bar after the show would write something like, man, really wish you would have asked me to come home with you and blah, blah, blah. And I'd be like, wow, I'm missing out on this stuff for some reason. And it was because I didn't read, I've gotten better now that I can see if a girl's even just like, you know, I'm missing out on this stuff for some reason. And it was because I didn't read. I've gotten better now that I can see if a girl is even just like, you know. Vibing you or something. I'm a big fan of this or whatever, that kind of thing.

And I get now, like, I'm like, okay, she's definitely trying to hang out. By the way, that doesn't mean I always want to fuck. Sometimes I just kind of want to glom on. But, I mean, either way, it makes you feel good. How old were you when you lost your virginity? 15. 15? How old was the dude? 25?

No, 17. 17? That's not too bad I guess. That's how old I was when I lost my virginity. 17. So the girl was 22. That was awesome. She wasn't a virgin. She wasn't even my girlfriend. She was like a neighbor. And one day she was like I'm gonna make you a man. And I was like, whatever, lady. Then she started barking all these orders at me. She goes, all right, you've got to get a hotel room. I'm like, all right, well, I guess we've got to get my mom involved in this project. I don't have a credit card. She's like, take me to dinner.

So we went to some shitty diner with my allowance. And before I knew it, we were in a hotel room all day. I was nervous. It was dark. It smelled like mothballs and Febreze and shit like my grandma's house. I couldn't see. She was pouring me wine into a plastic cup. That's all they had.

And I'm young, so I'm like, it's so bitter. She's like, drink it. I'm like, And she had a boombox with the Enigma CD playing. Remember Enigma? It's like a chanty dance music It's fucking terrifying

In this capacity Because I can't see And I'm nervous And I'm holding this wine That I hate And I don't know What I'm going to do And blaring

It's like Ha-hee-ha-ha Do-do-do-do Ha-hoo-hee Hello? She was like, strip. I got naked. I thought we were going to start having sex.

I thought that's how it worked, but it doesn't. It doesn't work that way. She knew what she was doing. She kind of just took over. And she pushed me down on the bed. And she started kissing down my body. Now, why that's hilarious is I'm 17, I'm

naked, I'm fat, I have no beard. I look like a gigantic, fat baby. That's what I look like. And she's kissing like, and I'm like, and I'm like, and then she started sucking my dick and I'm like, I like this part.

This part's great. And I thought she would keep doing that, but she didn't. She started doing some crazy shit that I was not prepared for at all. She holds up my dick, starts licking my balls, doing some crowd work, if you will. Now here's what I learned about my balls that night.

My balls. I can't speak for all the balls, but my balls are very, very ticklish. I don't know why. I don't know if that's a thing, but my balls are crazy, crazy ticklish. And I wanted her to stop, but I didn't want her to stop everything, so I'm just trying not to laugh through this part. But it's hard, because she is licking my balls hilariously. She's licking them, she's vibrating them with her mouth, and she's saying the word balls.

That's a lot of shit going on to laugh at. And I'm trying. But I'm looking around, I'm seeing the top of her head, and all I hear is she's like, Ball-la-la-la-la, ball-lo-lo, ball low low, ball ba da ball ba banga dang balls. Zzz. My eyes are tearing and my face is purple and I'm biting my lips but I'm not laughing. I'm doing great.

And then she did something that nobody should ever do. Unannounced. To a virgin. She went lower than the balls. You following me? Lower than the balls. You following me? Lower than the balls. You hear what I'm saying? Lower. She took the express train down to Browntown.

You know what I'm saying? Yes. You guessed it. She touched her tongue to my butthole. Yeah. And that was it for me. In one explosion of life, I laughed out loud,

peed one squirt, and farted in her face. That's all I ever did. I was like, burn. Whoops. Whoops. I said, whoops.

And whoops doesn't cover that. Whoops is I knocked over your beer or I bumped into you. Whoops. Whoops is not farting directly down your throat. And then I thought, she probably won't even smell it. She probably swallowed it. And then I thought, she probably won't even smell it.

She probably swallowed it. And then she burped. She burped. I panicked. I didn't know what to do. I was thinking crazy. I didn't know what to do. I tried to yell over the smell.

That's all I had to offer was volume. She's like, what's that smell? I'm like, what smell, moron? You guys have been a lot of fun, man. Thank you very much, New York City.

We'll see you next time. 90% of it is knowing that she wanted to bang you, right? It's not that with me. You go on a hunt. I'm a hunter. Well, you're a hunter, sure. You're a hunter. I'm a gatherer.

I was at the dance clubs. When you go at the dance clubs, you dance, you have to ask girls to hunt. I'm a hunter. You're a hunter, sure. I'm a gatherer. I was at the dance clubs. When you go out to dance clubs, you dance, you have to ask girls to dance. People fish and the fish comes out and they throw the fish back. They just want to know they can catch the fish. You need to kill the fish and eat it. But I wasn't like go up to a girl and ask her to dance guy either.

That's the whole thing. That's where it started at. Machismo. Hey, how you doing, sweetie? What's up? I want to ask you about Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. Because I know Keith... I don't know if this is the crew for that. I know Noam always likes to drive into political waters.

You can still drive into political waters. You know, but you got to also choose... I'm going to give you credit. What? I think you were right about Trump. That it hurt him that he didn't do the debate. It definitely hurt me that he didn't do the debate. I think you were absolutely right about that.

I kind of like this thing of it just being like, how many more of these are we going to do? Saying the same things over and over again. Who cares? I never, never... I don't think he should win, but I think it's kind of like hilariously badass. I never necessarily found debates instructive. I never necessarily found a debate the best way to ascertain

who the best candidate is. To me, oftentimes a debate is a lot of shouting and a lot of bullshit. Sometimes I just prefer, tell me what your platform is, you know, and I don't necessarily know that a debate is necessarily instructive. The debate has become,

for me right now, reality TV. Because I think the best one on is Kasich. He really has a plan. Who is going to be the nominee, Republican nominee? Again, Keith Robinson, you want to know about? Wait a minute, hold on. With all due respect to Keith Robinson. I would go like this.

I think it may be that little twerp Rubio. You think it might be Rubio? Yeah, because he's gaining something. Here's the thing with Noam. But you got, look, you got who's up top is Trump. Cruz is definitely not going to be Cruz. Definitely not going to be Cruz. Because they hate him.

Linda, come here one second. Here's the thing about Noam. Noam has two loves in his life. He wants to be a rock star, and he wants to be the daily show host. Would you go Rubio? I'd say I would put Trump slightly more probable. 55-45 for Trump. and he wants to be the daily show host. Would you go Rubio? I think it might. I'd say I would put Trump slightly more probable, 55-45 Trump. We're having a perfectly good conversation about my load.

Okay. And you want to bribe this shit. That's why I brought Linda up to talk about. What? Linda, we're going to talk about Dan's load. No, we were talking about Dan. Linda, I just want to ask you a question. Now, Linda is a girl, a woman who has experience in life.

Okay. And she hates black dick. And she hates black dick. And she loves white dick. She doesn't like black men, but that's beside the point. This is, I introduce her. She's a waitress and manager here at the Comedy Cellar. She's a waitress and manager at the Comedy Cellar and an old friend of mine. And gorgeous.

And I've known her for such a long time, too. Did you ever? No, we never. Never. Just wondering. I mean, he fits the profile. No, we've been very buddy-buddy for a long time. I think Linda's beautiful.

I would have in a heartbeat. Never felt that she would have ever given. If Christine wanted Linda as a third, would you? In a fucking heartbeat. What? Yeah. But this is my question, Linda. Now, Linda has had boyfriends.

She's dated important celebrities, as far as I know. Yeah. And my question is, what do you think about a man who cheats? Ah! What am I here for?

Just to tell you, she's honestly... What do you think about Keith? Do you think it's possible for a man to cheat and it's just physical and it's not a betrayal, it's just a physical

biological need and you can get over it or is it a betrayal and you... I guess that's the question. That's not a betrayal. It's just a physical, biological need, and you can get over it. Or is it a betrayal? I guess that's the question. That's not what I was asking, but you can answer that. What were you at? I guess it just depends on the relationship that you have with that person. That's a good answer.

If you have the relationship where you were like this for me. Are you capable of having a relationship where you can say, this man is an alpha male who's very attractive to a lot of women and I'm going to let him do what he needs to do biologically and it's nothing and he still comes home to me. Can you have that kind of relationship? It depends on the male. So you're saying you can

have that kind of relationship? Oh gosh, why am I here? Because you're honest. Can I say something? Can I almost give you a help here for something? I, throughout my 19 years of comedy, I guess now, have dabbled in the world. I've been to, I've gone to a swingers party before.

I've gone to a swingers club before. Did you bang at the party? No. No. I've gone to things. I've done like a couple swap things and threesome and all that stuff. And sometimes, and particularly I said in my former marriage, all that stuff was being, why that wouldn't work,

why it wasn't a thing that was going to work, was it always felt like it was something she agreed to do for me, even though I said specifically, let's not do that. That's why I said, I think Linda makes a good point there because my relationship now is a very different, and I said,

some swingers that I've met at those things and doing that and stuff like that is they meant it. They both mean it. And if you both mean it, that can be a very successful thing. Sometimes women will look the other way

because it's a less, because they love you. Because they love you. I think Carla would look the other way. I think Carla would have stayed with me forever. I started to feel like I was dragging her. I was slowing down her life. She wanted another kid.

She wanted things like that. And she was able to do that stuff now, which is great. She has another kid, by the way? She does, yeah. One years old. Gorgeous. And I had a girl of her one time who found out I cheated. And she was like, if it had just been some girl, but you care about her.

It was clear that if she didn't care really what I did, except that she saw that I was attached to someone. Now you want to get into politics. Now this is a good end. What about Hillary and Bill? Is Hillary just like, let Bill do what he wants? Or was she legitimately hurt by Monica Lewinsky? She was hurt. What do you think, Linda? Or is she just like, let Bill do what he wants? Yes. Or was she legitimately hurt by Monica Lewinsky? She was hurt. What do you think, Linda?

Or is she just like, fuck it. She was hurt because it went public. Sorry, I'm sorry. No, no, no. It's okay. I kind of felt that way. I felt like it was just kind of like, you know, we had that deal where you were going to keep this deal.

And then now everybody knows. Carl is big thing. Monica's the least of it. What about the women accusing Bill of harassing them and taking his dick out and saying suck it. I think she knew exactly what Bill was doing. Like every wife knew that. But Carl, my ex's big thing when I got caught was that like, and she would say this is what hurt a lot. That's why it makes me question doing things like that ever again.

She goes, you fucking humiliated me. Yeah. That's the guilt. It's not that you fucked some chick. It's like, you fucked some chick and then, like, Keith has met her. And it's not Keith's fault. I'd bring her. You know what I mean?

Right. So she goes, you humiliated me. And that's what I said before. I think if Christine, my current girlfriend, caught me doing anything now, I think her reaction would really be, I don't think we'd break up over it. I think she'd be like, why would you like, why don't you just like,

you know, when you come home, we could have found a chick to fuck together. So you can't, you couldn't wait two days. You'll find that I'm so jealous of you. But here's the thing. I've known guys that.

She'd be mad. She'd be sad and she'd be mad and she'd be jealous. I've known guys that are in your position where their girlfriend lets them bring other girls home and have a threesome with them. And many of these guys tell me it ain't the same as just a one-on-one encounter. It's like it doesn't fill the need. It's pretty great. Okay.

Well, except as you know in threesomes, as you know, Linda. I don't know. Usually at some point in any threesome, two people end up having a little more chemistry than the third one. It is always a thing. And if it's not your girlfriend, that's got to be awkward. Here's the move. They start. Let them do their thing a bunch.

Then I take care of my chick first. Then you send her for a pizza. No. And then she enjoys watching. Watching. That's another thing about women. They can do their thing and then still enjoy it. After I would be done, I'd be like, you girls, I don't even want to watch.

No, you're right. I don't want to go to sleep. But here's the thing. The novelty. By the way, this isn't something that happens constantly, but the novelty of that girl, she'd rather check that out after she wants to watch it because that's the novelty of the situation right then and there.

But we don't, here's the thing. The beauty of that is like, me and her sexual relationship is still like strong. When it's one-on-one, it's still excellent. It's excellent

and it's often. Like, that didn't slow down. You're annoying me now. Listen, Linda. No, I'm kidding. You're really rubbing it in. Not in a real reason,

but it's like, really, Jay. But Linda, this is like, my question wasn't quite, I'm wondering, like, you meet a guy, you find yourself attracted to that guy. You meet a white guy. And you meet a, that goes without saying. He's white. Remember, he's white.

But part of what you're attracted to is who he is as a person. But then he's cheating on another woman with you, which means that he's exposing to you that he's also not a good person in a way so how how do you and then he's also kind of making you into a bad person because you know that you're cheating on another woman's man with another woman's man so like what goes through your mind like how do you put all that you just think that men are men and that's no it's um You're saying that he... I'm the other woman. How does it feel to be the other woman? I've not been the other woman.

Why are you asking that? Has she been the other woman? I don't know. Every woman has been the other woman. Well, no. Every woman has always been the other woman. You may not have known. If I didn't know, then I wouldn't...

No, it doesn't matter. The tree falling in the woods. If I don't know... The point is't. No, it doesn't matter. The tree falling in the woods. If I don't know. Point is this. If you know that a man cheats, do you say to yourself, that's a man? Or do you say to yourself, I don't approve of that man. I wouldn't want to be with him. It's according to how in love she is with that guy.

You accept who you love the most. But if you're in love, you might tolerate it. But that doesn't mean you're cool with it. Yeah, that makes sense. No, you're not. I don't think I'm cool with it. I love that Linda managed to not give a single straight answer.

Not a single answer. I like judo. I have never been. All right, Linda. Go ahead. Some women... Go slingshots, please. Some women at least,

some women tell me, and I don't know if they're lying to themselves, but they tell me they are cool with their man having sex with other women as long as they tell her that they're doing it. Sure. And that they're lying to themselves, but they tell me they are cool with their man having sex with other women as long as they tell her that they're doing it.

And that they're cool with it. Are you like that? No. How about going to get a handjob at a massage parlor? Is that okay? No. You wouldn't let your man just go get a massage? Yes, you would. Depends on the superficiality of the situation.

I'm just going to get a handjob. It's almost like I'm going to get some cookies. You know what I'm saying? You can get some snacks. I see what you're saying. Something like that. I'm going to go get a handjob. That just seems weird.

I'm going to show you the picture of the woman. She's real old. I've had about a 54-year-old Asian woman. I've heard a girl say this before. If your girl is like your that, Adelaide. If your girl is like your partner, like genuinely your partner, why they wouldn't make a public mess

out of catching you cheating is almost... It's almost the belief system. And a friend of mine who's a girl, actually like a wealthy girl too, which I find odd, said that she goes, well, if another girl can get you, but they can't keep you,

you know what I mean? It's like they can get you, they fucked them, but if you're still coming home, if you're not doing it reluctantly, you're not going home reluctantly, do you know what I mean? If I was out of love with my ex

for probably, out of love in that physical relationship for a couple years probably before I left, but I went home every night kind of going home like oh man I just you know you have a child too right but I mean I was like I was like living in the basement essentially for a couple years almost you know I mean I think a bed set up down there and a tv and it was kind of just like oh because they get up in the morning there's plenty of excuses I can make to why that's like it made sense to do that but it was really just just like my heart wasn't there in that regard.

I said we haven't been together for years and I still take care of them. I give back. I got one last question. We're going to wrap it up. When you and Christine bring home a girl and they do their thing first, doesn't it ever happen that the girl says, all right, I'm out of here

and you don't get yours? No. We know what she's great at. This is true. She's really great at spotting a girl that I don't. She'll go, she goes, this girl's into you. I'm going to tell her to come back home with us. And I go, no, that girl's not into me. She goes, you're an idiot.

This girl's into you. So she's got to be into you, and then she's got to pass through Christine to get to you. Yeah, but she lays it on. These girls are into it. I've never had a girl hook up with Christine to get to me. I've never had a girl hook up with Christine and be like, do we have to involve him? It's always been a smooth... She's good at finding.

It's amazing. I'm just amazed. Yeah, yeah. Really. But you're a truly rich man. No, but I had an opportunity to not put Christine in that position. When I said, well, me and Carla were finished, essentially I could have just lived on my own

and not hurt anybody's feelings. But I said, and it's funny, I don't even know for the first couple months if I went on the road thinking to myself, like, I won't fuck somebody else. You know what I mean? I think what happened was, I remember coming home after a road gig

where I didn't fuck somebody else who offered it pretty hard. And I said to her, I sat down with her, almost in a very passing conversation, I said, man, you really figured out a formula, I guess. I go, now I feel like if I fuck some girl on the road and you're not there, I'm just being as shitty to you as humanly possible because you would fuck her with me.

I'm just going like, still, I need it behind your back. It's like I need to have this lie and the stress. Well, I'm just saying, I think his situation is different. Very unique. When you get a girl like that, sometimes a girl accepting that don't

mean they necessarily want it. They just do. They fill that position for you. Because they don't believe they have you anywhere. But you gotta make sure, as it goes on, you'll start to see the real thing will come out. You start to see the real thing come out. You haven't had the real thing with Christine. It's been going on for a while now.

Jim Florentine did the same thing. I got you. It's been going on for a while. I've done all this. I understand. Here's the difference. I said before. I'm a hall of pro.

There's girls who will do it. I'm a hall of famer. We've hooked up with girls before who have said that they're not really generally into girls, but they wanted to hook up like they were into me so they were like, you know, but they got into it with Christine, if it makes sense. Christine genuinely,

we've had many arguments because I say there's no such thing as bisexuality. I think it's fake. I think it's like just society like collapse when girls make out so it's easy for them

to go that direction. She claims to be, she goes, no, I have a real attraction. I've almost argued that she's a lesbian at points

where that's almost concerning. Can I say, I want to say one thing, Keith, and I a real attraction. I've almost argued that she's a lesbian at points where that's almost concerning. Can I say one thing, Keith? I think that Jay has really snowed us and conned us, and it just occurred to me. He's so taken our eye off the ball that we might actually believe, but I realize, no. He still bangs girls alone on the road. Absolutely. Don't tell me it never happened. Never happened. I don't believe that he does. I believe he's sincere. Don't tell me it never happened. Never happened.

I don't believe that he does. I believe he's sincere. At least once. At least once. Florentine had the same thing 15 years ago. It's unbelievable. You know, his stupid voice. It's what I do.

She lets me do whatever. But that girl truly wasn't really happy. That was the whole thing. Well, yeah. A lot of girls do it just because that's what cheats you. Carla did that. Carla did that a few times and it made her miserable. I just felt it.

I felt that I was like, she's not into this. She's agreeing to do it. I felt that. So you're saying, Noam, the only reason you're not cheating currently is because you're too old and you don't have the drive anymore? First of all, I believe it's wrong to cheat. But I know that when I... You don't have to drive anymore? First of all, I believe it's wrong to cheat. But I know that when I...

Because you don't believe that Jay is honest. I believe that people are human. I believe that if you spend a life on the road, and you're drinking and getting high, and girls are hanging out with you, over the course of a 52-week year... I wouldn't say that I'll never fuck up. I'm just saying I haven't fucked up.

Fair enough. Over the course of a 52-week year, you'm not perfect. I wouldn't say that I'll never fuck up. I'm just saying I haven't fucked up. Okay, fair enough. But over the course of a 52-week year, you're going to fall off. And, you know, my life is different now. I'm a bit of a deviant. This isn't something that happens, but I can rationally, and this is going to make Keith go into a whirlwind. He can never see this. I'm very sexually, I'm not... Nothing homosexual at all

or anything like that in any way. He likes it in a poop shooter. I like dudes to fuck me. No, but I'm saying like I can... I've had arguments on podcasts and radio shows before

where I can go, it's never happened and I don't think... I don't even think I want it to happen, but I get why guys like to watch their girls get fucked by other...

You know, it's just those pornos when black dudes come in and fuck a guy's wife while he videotapes I get that I understand that it's a removal

from sex and jealousy so that's it for our show special thanks to the elusive Keith Robinson and the elusive William Stevenson HN

William Stevenson and Keith Keith's never officially part of the show but whenever he hovers about and he shouts

from off Mike and you have a radio show on Sirius right yeah the Bonfire Mondays and Wednesdays Keith's never officially part of the show but whenever he hovers about and he shouts from off Mike. And you have a radio show on Sirius, right? Yeah, Bonfire. Mondays and Wednesdays on Comedy Central Radio with Dan Soder.

So that's channel one. Watch the cop show. Channel 95. Colin Quinn's cop show. Watch that joint. Colin Quinn's cop show. Damn right. If we learned anything

we've learned that Linda Turley is not going to give us any insight into anything. So good night everybody.