The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Bonus Episode 1: Keeping It Real

Episode Date: March 31, 2023

Dan Naturman and Periel Aschenbrand in the inaugural bonus episode of Table Talk, the new series of bonus episodes of Live from the Table. They discuss different styles of comedy and Dan gets vulnerable.

This is Table Talk, a live from the table bonus podcast coming at you on the, I guess not on Sirius. Maybe. Probably just on the Laugh Button Podcast Network. Yeah, did you have to turn around and see where that was? No, I forgot for a quick second what podcast network we're on. Anyway, Table Talk, we've decided to call it. We might change that name. We might.

We might call it Under the Table or... I like Under the Table. It's funny. But anyway, it's with me, Dan Natterman, and Perry L. Ashenbrand, and discussing whatever, but I guess with an emphasis on recent episodes of Live from the Tech. We just did an episode with Josh Johnson where we discussed, among other things, the Chris Rock special. So the point here is that we're going to try and do some of the things and talk about some of the things that maybe get swept under the rug a little bit or or just just go more in detail about um what we have discussed like for example the chris rock special

you know and and i made the point that my jokes tend to be shtick that in 90 of my jokes they never happened and not only didn't they did they never happen they clearly never happened. And not only did they never happen, they clearly never happened. It's not like, well, did it really happen? Like, in other words, we discussed with Josh whether or not Chris was really told as a kid, spoiler alert for special, to not fight in front of white people. Right. But he very

well might have been told that. I thought it sounded reasonable to me that he was told that. Whereas my jokes, it's clear that these things never happened. Be it my cousin Sheila coming over for sex. Be it my sex ed teacher, you know, bringing a banana to teach us how to use a condom because, quote, he can't get hard on an empty stomach. These are not the kinds of jokes you typically find in a Chris Rock special, but also I think,

and Noam brought this up, in the comics that are really blowing up hard seem to me to be nowadays the comics that are keeping it real. Right. I don't know if you can say that across the board.

There might be some exceptions. They're taking on issues in a very real way. And as Chris took on wokeness and hypocrisy and everybody's a victim and there's not a lot of shtick, there's not a lot of stuff he said that you can say, well, he made that up. And you just said that you don't think that if you did that, because I was saying, well, you could do the same thing.

I could do it, but it would have to be, I don't think it would be hard to mix and match. Would it? I think it might be. I think that you don't like to be vulnerable that way. You don't like to talk about yourself. Well, it doesn't have to be about myself. It could be about issues.

Chris talked about himself, but he also talked about Lululemon and other people's folly, which I do. But, yeah, I mix it in, you know. But I don't know. I mean, do you think that nowadays the comedy that's really getting attention is this very real, you know, like a Stephen Wright kind of guy or a Mitch Hedberg kind of a guy, you know, would they be flourishing now? Right, that's an interesting question. Or a Gilbert Godfrey kind of a guy, you know, if he hadn't already become a big deal.

Right. I don't know. I think that it's an interesting question. I'm trying to think of somebody like that who's really, you know, big right now. And I can't really come up with anybody off the top of my head. But, again, I would argue that you could very easily do that. I just don't know if you like to do that. Well, I'm trying to be unique, and I think I've achieved that. Well, you certainly are unique.

But imagine how much more unique you would be if you talked about yourself more and your mishigas. Yeah, I could. Because that's part of what makes you so unique, right, is your mishigas. Yeah, I could do it. And you're right. A lot of it is because I don't like to be vulnerable. You know.

So, I don't know. But, anyway. You had said to what Chris Rock said, that he said not to fight in front of white people. Right, at the end of his set.

And I mean, I've certainly— It was just before the mic drop, I believe. Spoiler alert. That my mother, you know, used to get and probably still would get upset with me if I would say something bad about, like, Jewish people. Like, that I shouldn't be saying that publicly. That it's the same— It struck me as—when Chris Rock said that, it struck me as realistic that a woman might tell her son, a black woman might tell her son, don't fight in front of white people.

It struck me as very realistic, and Josh said that this wasn't something familiar to him. Well, I can only speak. So obviously he can speak to it better than we can, but it did seem realistic. Well, I can only speak to it from the Jewish perspective, which is that the first with any time I told my mother a scandalous story, the first thing she would ask me is, are they Jewish? You never got that? Yeah, that's a little bit different than don't fight in front of, you know. Right. But I think the idea is, is that you don't want to make a spectacle of yourself in front of other people. Right, in front of other non-Jews in our case. In a general sense.

Right, right, right. There was a story many years ago about a gynecologist or an OBGYN who was carving his initials after his, after he was delivering baby. Yeah. And, um, my mother was horrified when, you know, I told her about this and I was talking about it in some public forum and, you know, he was Jewish. Well, unfortunately there's a long list of embarrassing Jews out there. Um, we don't need to get into all of them, but there's certainly no shortage. But in any case, any Periel news? We're supposed to be doing a show you would mention to me you wanted to do a show in Scarsdale. Yeah. You want to talk about this on the air?

Well, we could talk about the general idea. Can we not? Yeah, we could talk about it. Because you said there's a guy you know who has a room in Scarsdale. Yeah. And I thought it would be really fun. First of all, I think that selfishly I thought it would be really fun that I could do like 20 minutes and then you could do like 45 minutes. But it's a small room. And I think that the audience there would love you.

Well, what kind of audience would it be? Well, why don't you take a guess? Well, why don't you take a wild guess? Well, Scarzell's a Jewish area, but that doesn't mean the whole audience is Jewish. Well, no, but I mean, I don't think, you and I have argued about this before a little bit, that I mean, I don't- If the audience is 90% Jewish, but 10% non-Jewish I I'm not going to do stuff you know that's going to leave out the 10 I mean that's typically not what I do nobody's asking

you to leave I mean I I'm not like taking like tests I'm not like sending people like questionnaires I don't know who's coming but like if I do a synagogue like I do I do gigs are explicitly Jewish yeah a synagogue fundraiser A Jewish community center fundraiser. Right. And I will do jokes. Right. Specifically Jewish-oriented jokes because that's what it is. But if I just happen to be in a room where the audience just so happens to be half Jewish

or 60% Jewish or whatever, like at a country club where it's a heavily Jewish but not exclusively Jewish country, I don't do those jokes. You don't do any of them? No, very few, because most of the ones I do are so inside that the people wouldn't get it if they weren't Jewish. Right. It's inside shit. I'm sure that you can gauge very well. You've been doing this.

So I'm saying, I'm telling you, if you're going to open for me, you might want to consider not being a little more ecumenical. You always tell me that, like, I'm so Jewish and that the only people that... I never said that. You make, like... That you're a little dirty. You do say that.

I don't complain about the content. I complain about the R rating of some of the material. Right. But you've said to me, like, oh. I'm not really complaining. I'm just saying that that's, you know, that's what it is. Okay. But fine.

And I've argued that I don't think I'm that dirty. I'm a little dirty. I'm not, like, filthy. Right. But you also. Anyway. But wait a second. But you've always said, oh, well, like, are they Jewish? Like, you ask me as though, like, you're like, well, are they going to get you if they're not Jewish?

Well, that's what I'm... I don't think I'm that Jewish. I'd have to take another look at your act. Okay. I mean, you've seen it several times. Well, I'd take another look. Okay. Because we're doing something on...

I'll see it, I guess, on... Saturday, we're doing Deli Laughs. Saturday, we're doing Deli Laughs. Saturday we're doing Deli Laughs. Yeah. Which is at Stand Up New York, which is Zabar's... And Old Jewish Men. I don't know when this is coming out. Are we supposed to be pitching other shows?

I mean, Noam generally doesn't care. Noam doesn't care. Noam is so... Because Noam is so confident in the Comedy Cellar's dominance. And it's a level of domination that is so overwhelming and so brutal, really, that, I mean, it's ridiculous. The comedy seller, the way it has a, not stranglehold necessarily, but it's a big, big, big fucking presence.

Stranglehold's a good word for it. Yeah, it's not a stranglehold, but the comedy stellar is a behemoth. It's a behemoth. Okay. You're also dirty, though, which is the thing that you always seem to leave out. But dirty, but with a dirty, but with a... Yeah, I guess.

You are dirty. I can be dirty. You're just as dirty as I am. No, I can be. I can be dirty. You're just as dirty as I am. No, I can be. I can be, but I don't talk about a hairy front butt. That's not dirty. That's kind of cute. That's not cute.

That's horrifying. Well, okay, so I have to tell the joke then. Go ahead, tell it. Or you can tell it. I don't know the joke then. Go ahead, tell it. Or you can tell it. I don't know the whole joke. The joke is that I have a small son and that one of the things that you have to do when you have a child is bathe them

and you often wind up bathing with them. And when you have a boy, you sort of wonder at what point is this no longer appropriate to bathe together. And at some point, not that long ago, my son looked up at me in the shower and said, Mommy, why do you have a hairy front butt? And I said, I guess the time is now.

Well, maybe what he was asking is, Mommy, why don't you wax and shave like everybody else? Like all the porno I'm watching. I don't think that I mean that's like really pretty tame compared to like your jokes about you know your

teacher's cock well maybe I'm just maybe I'm just a little bit more squeamish when it's a woman that's where I was leading you there but it's true you don't like it when women are dirty well i i don't necessarily mind i don't for some for some reason hairy front

butt just struck me in a way that i don't like i don't know why but it but it is you do maybe i just don't like that phraseology or maybe maybe i you know um i, do you prefer a clean, you know, sort of clean, very sort of waxed? Well, nowadays that's what it is. I mean, only because I'm used to it at this point. You know, it didn't bother me in the 80s when nobody gave any thought to manicuring their area. So in the 80s... In the 80s, I was perfectly fine with it. It was the era of the front butt in the 80s, the hairy front butt.

There was a lot of hair, and I didn't mind it. Now when I look at it, I'm like, yeah, that's not nice, but because I've been conditioned. Right. So I do wonder sometimes what else I've been conditioned to not like, like, could I get conditioned to not minding women that don't shave under their arms or their, their, or their legs? I don't know. I, you know, you could, I mean, it's, it's brainwashing. I mean, why, why is there any reason why women need to, you know,

remove all of their pubic hair, but men can walk around like, you know, wild national geographic animals. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I mean, there may be some natural desire for women to be less hairy, to be more feminine because men are hairy. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. But that, that, that's a made up, you know, distinction that. No, men are hairier. But no, it's that... So the less hairy a woman is, the less like a man she is. Right, but that's not a real thing. It is a real thing that men are hairier than women.

No, women can be plenty hairier. Women don't have chest hair the way men do. Some men even have back hair. Yeah, that's true, but it's not... And men have facial hair. Well, some women have facial hair, too. Well, generally, they don't. No, because we remove it.

And if they do, it's not Zach Galifianakis in The Hangover. Right. But it's not a natural distinction that it's more feminine to have left hand. Well, but I'm saying if men are hairier, as we agree that they are, perhaps that's how this notion evolved that we like women to be as unhairy as possible. I'm guessing. Why did it come about? And I think in many, many cultures, I don't think it's exclusive to the West. But maybe it is.

Yeah. I mean, who came up with it and why? And when? And we can research that. That'll be episode two. Well, maybe we have to research that. I don't know how much energy we want to devote to that topic. Well, what topics would you like to devote?

I'm just saying that topic is, I don't know how, you know. Nicole, what do you think? Is that an interesting topic? Yeah, but also maybe something else since this is your first episode. By the way, Nicole's a lot more vocal when Noam's not here. I'm less frightened. Okay, good. Since it's your first episode, maybe discussing your origin story

or any other big firsts in your life, kind of sticking with the theme of this is episode one. Oh, that's a good idea. My origin? What do you mean my origin story? The origin story of your friendship, this podcast, your relationship, whatever. Well, the origin of the podcast is Noam wanted to do a podcast years ago. Well, Robert Kelly, I think, encouraged Noam to do a podcast.

And then I was a guest, and Noam thought, oh, you're a pretty good guest. Why don't you just do every episode? And then he may regret that decision because I was pretty good as a guest, and now, like, as a co-host, I don't know if I'm as strong. But in any case, and then he brought Perrielle in years later because he said, I know this woman, Perrielle, and maybe she'll help us book guests. I don't know how you know Noam. Well, I met Noam because I used to write a column for Tablet magazine called

The Chosen Ones in which I was interviewing sort of famous and high-profile New Yorkers. And I was writing a weekly column. But they were, The Chosen Ones, I guess they were Jewish New Yorkers. Well, Tablet is a Jewish cultural magazine. You seem disappointed by that notion. No, but I just wanted to be clear. Yes. The Chosen Ones.

Yes, The Chosen Ones. And usually I would just interview people and then I would never see them again. But Noam, at the same time, had a big piece coming out in The New Yorker about, ironically, the comics table. And I say ironically because that's where we wound up. We used to tape this at the comics table. Maybe you want to say what that is. Okay, yeah, that's a good idea. The comics table. We're recording right now what that is. Okay, yeah, that's a good idea.

We're recording right now upstairs in a studio is where we record. We used to record downstairs at the Olive Tree Cafe. What is the Olive Tree Cafe? Most of you know. It's the restaurant above the Comedy Cellar where the comedians hang out and people come eat. I'm tired of the food. I've been eating it for over 20 years,

and I think I'm done. I may just get a pizza tonight. But I digress. There is a table reserved for comedians in the corner of the Olive Tree Cafe. That is the comics table, and that is where we used to do the podcast, which is why it is called Live from the Table. And the idea was, well, you'll get an insider's view of what comedians talk about at the table. But it turned out to be quite different than that.

And even in the beginning, before my time, was it different than that? Well, it started off kind of that, and then it evolved more toward Noam read an article in Slate and wanted to talk to the guy that wrote the article and go into punishing detail about topics. I went to law school, by the way, and I don't know what the hell he's talking about. And Noam's very well informed. And Noam could probably do a... I think Noam doesn't give himself enough credit

for a lot of things. I think he's just as smart as Ben Shapiro. I'm not even... I don't even know how smart... I guess Ben Shapiro's a smart guy. But I don't think Noam's any less so. He's despicable.

But anyway. I don't love him. I don't love him. I mean, some of the stuff he says is fine. He's obsessed with trans. Ben Shapiro is. He's obsessed with trans. One might ask oneself why he's obsessed.

Yeah, well, that's an interesting question. He is obsessed with trans, yeah. Well, I'd be interested to see. And he's obsessed with these are not, and we talk a lot about that too on this show, trans issues, because maybe we're kind of obsessed with it. It is damn interesting. But we're obsessed with it in a different way.

Ben is mean. Yeah, he's nasty, it's disgusting. But anyway. We are lovers of the trans community, but we're also trying to understand, you know, we have an open mind about it. But, like, for example, is it possible that there's a cultural contagion going on

which is leading more women to become trans, we're not going to rule it out on this show, and we will explore it. Maybe it's true, and maybe it isn't. On this show, we're going to do that? No, not on this particular. I'm saying on live from the table. Oh, right.

Okay, but you're getting off topic here. Okay, so then you met Noam, and you started doing the podcast. Well, I met Noam because Noam's father owned the club. I knew Noam at that time. And were you always friendly? Friendly, yeah, friendly. And then I don't know when we precisely became friends,

whether it was through the podcast or slightly prior. But we're both, you know, I mean, of a similar age and of a similar demographic, so I guess it made some sense that we'd be friendly or friends. So I interviewed Noam. And at the same time, there was this big piece in The New Yorker that came out. And he did not like how that piece was written. And they had misquoted him.

And he was very upset. And I wound up going to bat for him in my column, and I wound up meeting with him several more times. You're not allowed to check your phone. I'm sorry. They said I was paid for Vegas. Okay, but who cares right now? I mean, are you going to get evicted?

No, but I get obsessed with... Maybe he meant I was paid for the podcast. We do get a small stipend. Do you want to work out your finances live on the show right now? He said I was paid for the comedy cellar Vegas. Okay. Well, maybe you were. Maybe I was. Okay. Well, maybe you were. Maybe I was.

Okay. I could swear I was not, but... Nicole, is there any, like, haunting music, some suspenseful music? We can say, as Dan checks his bank account. Yeah, I can get something. Do-do-do-do-do-do. Don't you think you should have checked that

before you said that you weren't paid, though? All right. Yeah, I stand corrected. I was paid. Oh, boy. No, you better issue an emergency apology. Wait, hold on a second. Okay.

I mean, I'm sure people are just at the fucking edge of their seats right now on this show. It's such a great way to introduce the first episode. Yeah, all right. I don't know how I missed that. It's like literal dead air. Okay. Yeah, right. My bad.

Oh, God. Okay. Done. Done? Okay, great. Everyone can sleep easy tonight. Oh, God. Okay, done. Done? Okay, great. Everyone can sleep easy tonight. Dan was, in fact, paid for his week at the Comedy Cellar in Las Vegas.

Anyway, so I think that Noam took a liking to me because I kept my word to him. He was really pissed off about what The New Yorker wrote because, you know, um because you know it's now that you don't know him so well you know that one thing that he really does not like is when things are uh disingenuous right um so there you have it folks our first episode dan um has been paid for ve. I mean, you are really... I'm sorry, I do get... Yeah, I do.

I tend to get... If I get a text or something, I... What happens? I get sidetracked. This is interesting. Why don't you talk about this a little bit? What happens when you get a text? I feel the need to tend to it.

And? And I tended. Yeah. You know, I was... Because Noam said... Because I said before the show, I haven't been paid yet for Vegas. And Noam said, oh, no, we, because I said in the, I said before the show, I haven't been paid yet for Vegas. And Noam said, well, yeah, let me ask Liz.

And so, anyway. So, yeah, I don't know how I fucking missed that. How did I fucking miss that? Well, I don't know. How often do you check your bank account? I checked it recently. Anyway, whatever. So, I got that text saying you were paid.

And so, I needed to verify. And what happened? I mean, what if you're on, and so I needed to verify. And what happens? I mean, what if you're on like a date or something and that happens? Well, I don't date very often. But I suppose if I did, I would come off as a weirdo. No, not a weirdo. That's not, I don't think that's accurate. I would just explain.

Look, I'm a bit obsessive compulsiveulsive, and I've got to deal with this. I just say I've got something important to deal with. But it's not that important. We live in a world—well, we live—but she doesn't know that it's not that important. It's important to me, and I just tell her it's important, it's important. But we live in a world where you're expected to—maybe not in mid-podcast. No, you're not expected. You're expected—slight expectation that every now and again you'll get an important text.

I'm sorry. I have to. I'll be right with you. No. Okay. I'll be right with you. Enjoy your foie gras. I'll be right with you.

I just have to deal with this text. I think that's. I don't think that's crazy nowadays. Are you taking a girl out for foie gras on the first date? I just threw. I just. I just mentioned foie gras. Just because I had to say something.

Okay. I could have said beet soup. You could have said beet soup. Okay. Anyway, so I met Noam, and then I think he liked me because of that, because I kept my word. And also, I had just started to like really

try to get into comedy and I told him I was very transparent about that I said you know I'm really making like a swerve I'm giving it all up for comedy now which is as we've discussed you know really my great love in life and um I said if anything ever opens up because i i would love to you know work with you somehow well but you have a kid so you know i mean so your commitment to comedy you can't like necessarily do a lot of road comedy right so that's exactly right so for me it was like i was not and i'm still not in a position to you know i'm not going to do what everybody generally does, which is you have to go on the road and you have to perform five times a night, every single night. That's not a reality for me right now. So I've had to carve out a little bit of a different path. And here we

are. Right. Here we are, indeed. Here we are. And what else do you have i mean i feel like you really better offer up something after that lapse well maybe it wasn't a lapse i thought i thought we agreed that's sort of an interesting insight into my psychology yeah okay i mean maybe there was some dead air you know but we we've covered the half hour. Yeah, we've covered the half hour. So why don't we call it an episode? Okay. This was our first bonus episode. I don't know if we're going to Patreon it.

I don't fucking know what we're going to do. I mean, you think people are going to sit there, they're going to pay money to hear you checking your text messages? Well, I don't know. What's on page? Your bank account? Well, I don't know. Nicole? But that's not the whole episode, wasn't that? No, it don't know. What's on page? Your bank account? Well, I don't know. Nicole? But that's not the whole episode, wasn't that?

No, it wasn't. Nicole, did we miss anything important? No, but I think we should invest in like a phone safe or something to lock up Dan's phone. You mean like a yonder bag? Do people still use those, the yonder bags? Louis C.K. used to use those at his shows where people put the phone in a bag. Yeah, they do that here. It's not a yonder bag.

Yeah, it's not a yonder bag. I'm just saying the yonder is a specific type of bag. We just use it. Here at the Comedy Cell, they put their phone in an envelope. Yeah. Not a yonder bag. Okay, well, you can find us on Instagram

at Perrielle Ashenbrand. At Dan Natterman, yeah. Do we need to say that? No one always makes a point. They can just find you easily enough. No, they could. All right. Okay.

Podcast at ComedySally.com for comments, questions, suggestions about either live from the table or table talk, which is this. Or under the table. Or whatever we call this. Okay. We'll see you next time. Bye-bye.