The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Bonus Episode 2: Dan Naturman, Periel Aschenbrand and Dov Davidoff

Episode Date: May 28, 2020

Bonus Episode 2: Dan Naturman, Periel Aschenbrand and Dov Davidoff

You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the Table, the official podcast of New York's world-famous comedy cellar, coming to you on SiriusXM 99, Raw Dog, and the Riotcast Podcast Network. This is Dan Natterman with a special bonus episode that we are recording on Monday, Memorial Day, with myself, with the fashion brand, the producer, and I guess

on-air personality, though it was never official, and Dov Davidoff. Nice. And we're on Zoom, and I have one of those virtual backgrounds. It's my home in the Hollywood Hills.

That's a tremendous home, Dan. You know, on some level, in the context of our new reality, what's the difference between a virtual home and a natural home? From our perspective, I mean, it looks like it's – I'm not sure what I'm saying or what I'm trying to say, but I think it's ironic to experience somebody. It's just, what's the difference after a while?

You're not allowed to leave. Right. Right. I mean, you didn't have to say that was your virtual. It, you can kind of tell, but this was inspired by,

I was watching on Netflix, selling sunset, which is a show about these four chicks that sell real estate in the Hollywood Hills. And I started watching it because I, you it because I like to see pretty houses, but they got bogged down in the soap opera aspect of it, about the girls, their love lives, rather than just the houses. So I kind of lost interest.

They try to make it into like a soap opera where, for example... All those shows, all those reality shows are trying to generate some drama. And you can't have drama without these personalities banging up against one another. If they just showed houses, it wouldn't be a different show. It would be. It would be a show that I would enjoy, but it wouldn't be a show that they're kind of trying to create. There was one scene in which one of the real estate agents was showing a house to this wealthy guy, and he kept trying to hit on her. He was like so he was Israeli he's like so yeah we move in

there together if I buy the house he said well I'm married he's a yeah but where does he live where does he live Oh Miami oh well then who cares as if somebody would really do that and they did do that but they would do it in front of a camera. Yes. Like it weren't scripted. So anyway, so I said, you know what? You're insulting my-

Well, he must have been Sephardic, yes? I believe that he was. Okay. I'm not sure. But in any case, Selling Sunset is on Netflix. A little too soap opera-y for me. But if you enjoy that kind of thing, you might want to check it out.

Anyway, today, by the way, I found out that Gilligan's Island had a theme song that predated the one that we all know. I don't know if anybody wants to hear a little bit of it. It's horrible.

It's a Calypso melody. No, nobody wants to hear it. You know, I threatened, I mean, by way of a straw man argument, I actually, I said to, I closed on my house finally, and I had to, my, the proceeds from the house were wired into my attorney's trust account. But they didn't flow through to me immediately, and then I couldn't get a hold of the guy.

And then American Greed Special started flashing through my head. And I thought, for all I know, this guy's smoking methamphetamine. I mean, probably not, but one never knows. And he's sailing around on a yacht and or I didn't know what the guy was doing. So finally, when I didn't get a response, I just said, listen, you know, I spoke to my other attorney in New York. I'm going to have to call the FBI if it doesn't show up in the next, you know, X amount of hours. And it's, uh, anyways, it was very anxiety producing. You understand you've got that kind of dough floating around and binary computer codes, and you don't know whether or

not every American greets special. And by the way, including Madoff, you know that, you know, the whole Madoff scandal was not some genius kind of high tech, you know, Ponzi scheme. It was a basic, I'm printing paper, I'm printing on pieces of paper and then showing my clients returns that don't exist in reality. It was as low tech as it gets. It was a, it's fascinating that the biggest, a scandal in history, the biggest financial embezzlement scandal in history was, was, was relatively low tech. I don't know. I went to, by the way,

law school with Shauna Madoff, who was Bernie Madoff's niece. Yes. Very pretty girl. as I recall. Yes, yes, delightful. Large breasts? I don't recall her having large breasts. I recall her being sort of a willow, having a willowy form. Willowy, yes.

I was intimidated by her, as I was intimidated by all but the homeliest of girls. And even them sometimes, I would be shy. But I certainly didn't dare talk to her a whole lot. Right. But that was before my confidence was given a shot in the arm by my stand of comedy. Yes, of course. Not a tremendous shot. It was all down here.

I mean, yeah. Smooth sailing from there, yes. What's that? I say it was all smooth sailing. No, it hasn't been smooth sailing and um but it's better than it was you know this was you recall i didn't kiss a girl till i was 24 years old for example okay well i had 700 grand in a wire that didn't play a count you'll follow me so while you were jerking off to madoff's niece, I had real bones on the line, baby. Real liability.

How long? I don't think I ever... Could I just finish my thought, Perry? I don't recall. Now, obviously, human memory is not perfect, but I don't recall having jerked off to Bernie Madoff's niece. But I can't

rule it out entirely. I can't rule it out entirely either. You it out entirely either you know i don't know why i wouldn't have to be quite honest with you but in those days this is we're talking about prior to instagram prior to thirst trap shot generally speaking i needed some visual stimulation uh i.e uh pornographic images, that sort of thing. And where'd you get yours from? Was it magazines?

In those days, it was magazines. Magazines, yes. In those days, it was magazines. Or it was public access television. Public access television. I don't know when that Spank Spanktrivision came out that you could pay for,

but I certainly do remember magazines. I've used many a magazine from a very young age. And matter of fact, my child, I did IVF. My son was born by way of sperm generated in front of a high society magazine two years ago. Two years ago, I leafed through a high society. I was sitting on a chair, like a hospital chair, but with a wee-wee pad, like for a small dog, because that's the way they do it at NYU. And you go in this room, and it was well lit, no dimmer, no dimmer.

I'm not an animal. And anyway, you know, you've got to peel one off. And I did so to a filthy magazine. I was interested in that image. I bet your baby was born in that way, and I don't know if it'll have any repercussions later on, but maybe. It can't be good, you know. I remember years ago

I was, I went to one of those bodegas or whatever, you know, one of those neighborhood stores to buy a magazine of that nature. And I put it on the counter, and I was a young guy, I was probably 27, 28. So young. And the Indian guy that owned the door that was behind the counter. And I was a young guy. I was probably 27, 28. So young.

And the Indian guy that owned the door that was behind the counter said, what are you doing? There's real girls out there. You can fuck them. Yes, yes. Why are you buying this? Of course. He was right.

He was right. Out of you, out of you, pussy, he said. He didn't say that. But here he sees a young guy who's white, kind of white anyway, white-ish, probably figured, you know, that I might be able to actually have sex with some of the actual woman. Yes. And I was buying one of his magazines, and I think that he was probably correct, you know, to some extent. Well, he was trying to help you out. I mean, you know, he did what he could. I mean, I wasn't a horrifying individual.

I was a young, okay looking person that he felt might be able to have an outside chance of getting laid in real life. That's right. And he expressed that to me. And I didn't say anything back in my head. I'm thinking, you know,

don't be, don't be so sure. But, but in any case, so he was like the father I never had, to be honest. You know, listen, we all go through stages

wherein we question our objectives and what's taking place. And those happen to be, in your case, you know, it was a time that the span of which lasted 49 to 51 years. Still going, still going. Still coming along. Everything's coming along. Periala, you had something that thought that you wish to express by a few minutes back. I don't

know if it's still relevant. You still want to... Of course it's still relevant. Do you still want to... Of course it's still relevant. Thank you, Dan. Well, I wanted to know how long is reasonable for that amount of money to be floating? A domestic wire,

it's a very good question. A domestic wire generally hits the intended account inside of 24 hours. It's uncommon that it doesn't. And then, and so I didn't know in the first place because of this covid thing when you go through a closing it's not face to face or in an office setting

you're doing everything you sign these docs and then you send them you overnight them to the attorney and then he overnights them to the other long story short you have a it's not even virtual you're just doing it by a phone you pre-sign the docs and then i signed a power of attorney so that my lawyer could execute the contracts and then the title woman um wired the proceeds into my attorney's trust account and so every american greed special is some guy you know is either is either gets ahead of himself in some way financially that he didn't understand, or it's just some guy started getting high, and he invades a trust account in the knowledge that

Pariel's going to close the month after, and Dan's going to close the month after. And then a Ponzi scheme is he takes my money today, spends it on cracking a yacht, and then he pays me back with somebody else's money. But then when the music stops that's the Ponzi scheme right well I didn't want the music to stop on me and so I began you know but so how long were you freaking out for like how long did it take him to get back to you

it was 48 hours of tension you know it was it is for that kind of tension. And so, you know, just, I don't know, it was an interesting experience. And we try to learn as best we can or as much as we can from these things. And, you know, I learned that it's always buyer beware. You really have to keep an eye on transactional kind of situations, and in any transactional situation, whether it's a date via some, you know, what are these dating services, by the way? Well, what are the best dating services? You want it because you're getting back into the game? Oh, yeah, I'm getting back in the game, yes.

Well, there's Raya, which I mentioned to you yesterday. Yesterday, Dove and I and another friend of ours, Sandy Marks, went day drinking in the streets of New York because this whole town is just drinking all day long. There's nothing going on, and people are just in the streets drinking. We'll get to that. But I mentioned to you Raya, which is an invitation only. They rejected me, by the way, as well they should.

It's an invitation only kind of like tinder bumble but invitation only so you get recommended by a friend yeah yeah laurie siegel who used to be an anchor on cnn right amended me but it didn't work right but um yeah no there are different sites or if you have like a big instagram following you can just apply i think without a recommendation i'm not exactly sure how anyway it's like invitation only it's a lot from what i hear it's a lot of djs and like instagram models you know it's not necessarily the highest quality of people yeah it used to be a more uh i was i would say legitimate though i'm not sure what it was legitimizing but um yeah i don't know what the likelihood of meeting somebody of uh of uh higher

integrity uh character or uh you know being more engaging is on that or if it's any more likely than just you know fishing in in in you know more accessible water i think bumble is probably your i hear good things about bumble i i was i never met i i met somebody on tinder a couple people on tinder i had some actually it took me years me years and years, but I got a couple of bites on Tinder. I associate Tinder with a more hookup site. Is that the case? Well, that's the reputation. Because the site can be – I went to a Tinder wedding.

A friend of mine's daughter was married from a guy she met on Tinder. Tinder can be whatever you want. I mean, you can meet somebody in any circumstance, and it could be true love. But generally, the reputation of Tinder is the hookup. If I had a daughter and she married somebody she met on Tinder, that would bring shame to my family. I would have to kill her. Well, you know. Perrielle, how are you feeling after your health scare?

Why don't we hear Perrielle's, you asked the question. Maybe Perrie ell has a even though she's married uh she might have a take on it and i don't know that perry ell i know she's married i don't know for a fact that she's monogamous uh this would definitely be the place where i would say if i weren't you might have an open relationship it might be a swinger in which case it would be not a secret. Right. No, we're not swingers. Although, you know, I wouldn't begrudge anybody that lifestyle.

Yeah. Well, let me ask you this. We might have discussed this before, but I think it's worth revisiting. If your husband said to you, Perrielle, you know, you go do your thing. I don't need to know about it, but you do your thing once in a while. Don't go crazy, but now and then I'll do my thing now and again. I won't go crazy. What would your response be to that?

I don't think those things ever really work. Yep. I mean, I have some- You don't seem outraged or disgusted by the notion, but you also don't think it's- No, I'm not disgusted or outraged by the notion at all. I have some very close friends who did exactly that. You know, it turns into, um, he's fucking everything under the sun. You know, one of the girls inevitably goes berserk,

right. Starts like freaking out on him. Then she starts getting phone calls. You know, then she finds somebody and you know, I mean, it's, in theory, intellectually, it's fine. You know, it's actually very European. I think it's a very American notion, you know, this sort of like bourgeois idea that you're supposed to find somebody and get married and stay married and never have sex with anybody else but um and that I've ever heard of it really working quite in the way that I I don't know anybody that it's worked for yeah well yeah no no I mean I way back in the day i mean i i uh i was involved um unbeknownst to me in the swing game i mean i was very young i was a young impressionable man 18 years of age and a uh a puerto rican gal in her mid-20s brought me into a club and i would walk past the buffet and she

said hi to somebody and then people began taking off their clothes. And a long story short, it was an eye opener. But I couldn't tell you whether or not anybody has sustained that lifestyle successfully in the context of a relationship. But how was the buffet? Well, they had a ziti of higher quality than you think it would be in that environment in that the priority is not um uh uh the the um quality of the cuisine you understand the priority is on shaking it up what good and uh i did find myself in a chair with my socks, you know, sort of pulled around my ankles. And I was, I was getting head while the woman that brought me watched while the woman giving me head was

getting eaten by, it was a real dog, dog on dog festival. I mean, it's really very, it's horrible. The whole thing is a filthy, filthy operation. And I'm not looking to get back there anytime soon. But it's a delightful place to spend a half hour. And, you know, they make a nice eating. So what would you recommend to dub Perrielle as he ventures forth into the dating scene? Once again, after a long hiatus, you know, he's been married for a long time, about a year and a half. Three years. Going on four. Going on four. Going on four.

But he was with her, in all fairness, for several years prior to that. So he's getting his feet wet. He's dipping his feet back in the pond. Yes, a dip. Do you have any advice for him? I really, I don't know that I could ever or would go. On these dating sites, I mean, I sort of feel like you just, if you lead an interesting life, you meet interesting people.

And I don't have anything against these sites. I mean, God bless everybody who's out there. I realize it's like how people meet each other now and like it's fine. But I don't know. I just sort of feel like... Sorry, Perrielle, there was a boy who just... Oh, hello, oh my God. Remember Uncle Dan?

Hello, Emerson. You sat on Dan's lap outside of a restaurant and this is Perrielle. Hi, Emerson. Big boy just got out of the shower isn't that right yes yes you see buddy look at that so oh yes nothing before emerson emerson i don't know if you heard any but we had been discussing we were talking about your father's re-entry into the dating world.

Just feel yourself. Alright. Goodnight, buddy. I assume your wife is not far away. No, she's right here. She's taking the boy. Hello, Jessica. I don't know if you want to say hi.

Sweet dreams, buddy. You do right by that boy. Put him down. That is a cute kid. So you were saying Periel, Ash and Brad. Yes. Lead an interesting life, and by way of that life, hope that, you know, that fate does the right thing.

I don't know. I mean, I would be too paranoid. What are you paranoid of. I don't know. I mean, I would be too paranoid. What are you paranoid of? I don't know. It's like, I mean, what am I personally paranoid about? Serial killers? Really? Is what I'm personally paranoid of.

You see actual liability. My experience isn't paranoia, and I've done a little bit of online dating but it was just that the person and the profile often is a net disappointment you know it's just this thing where you know if you've ever looked at houses or apartments yeah that's exactly right you can't everything comes back to real estate with uh that's his passion in life and you'll often find really i mean what can you really tell about a person until you meet them in real life you meet them in real life but if you meet them on on an app then you meet them in real life what's the difference if you met them because people do

this endlessly they get into these virtual relationships and they text back and forth. Well, you don't put up with it, but you say, let's meet or I'm moving on. Well, yeah. Lay down your own work. And as far as serial killers are concerned, it's very, nowadays, very difficult to hide.

I mean, you know, if you're any kind of respectable person, you have some internet presence, you go on Facebook, you have friends, maybe friends in common. It's really not a good time to be a serial killer in that regard you're right about that at least not to have

terrible secrets yeah i mean it's hard nowadays to have another family that you know or to pretend you're somebody that you're not and um the other thing i was trying to say before i apologize for um inadvertently inadvertently cutting you off, Dan, is that I think I have a very close friend who is best friends with Shana Madoff. Oh, yeah. What's her name? My friend's name. Her name is Jennifer. You don't want to reveal the last name. Well, I haven't seen Shana Madoff since law school. That's going back quite a few years. And so, you know, that name probably wouldn't be... Frankly, Shana Madoff since law school. That's going back quite a few years. And so, you know, that name probably wouldn't... And frankly, Shana Madoff is trying to forget

about the last time that she did have an experience. The overwhelming likelihood is I would surmise that Shana Madoff does not know who I am, does not know my name. If they said, oh, Dan Natterman, you go to law school with him, she would say she would have to check her yearbook if she still has it.

Yeah. So can I ask you a question i knew who she was because again she was an attractive woman and yes you know and so i had i guess a crush on her i suppose that wouldn't be uh ridiculous to say but uh but i never spoke to her more than a few words here and there which is what typically with my crushes over the years particularly in my teens and twenties, they were more of a distant sort of a thing. Why? Because you were shy?

You were too shy to talk to girls? Too shy to shy. Too shy. And then you started doing standup and you got less shy? I didn't get less shy at all. But what happened was, is every now and again, somebody would come up to me and make it easy and say, hey, let's have a drink, you know, and, and, and, uh, or, you know,

let's go to your house and watch pornography. And even then I would be like, I don't know if she's into me because that actually did happen once. Um, it wasn't through standup. That was my, I mean, we, this is a story I've told before, but in law school, a friend of mine said, and she said, she asked, she said, I think she asked me to come back to my house with me. And she said, what's that cassette on over there? He saw a cassette with the nose of the VHS. I said, oh, that's pornography. It's my roommate's. Can you believe my roommate? Can you get this guy? He likes porno. I was still

trying to pretend to be respectable. And then she said on and then she said oh well let's watch it and i all right well that's interesting you know i didn't expect that but i put it in we're watching literally watching hardcore pornography and i'm literally saying to myself mate i don't know is this the right time is she you turned it you turned it to go with Gilbert Gottfried when she said that? No, I was more like Jackie Mason. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Yeah.

Yeah. No, it's me. My eyes were wide open, because I had never kissed a girl before. Yes. Wide open. Yes. And she said, do you usually kiss with your eyes wide open? Yes.

And I said, come on. Is that what you said? No, I just, I was looking at something. Of course. Of course. Of course. It's a ridiculous question. You're not a serial killer. You don't kiss with your eyes wide open like an animal.

And I was 24 years old and that's what happened. And you had sex with her as well, I imagine? Oh, no. No. No, we didn't. No, she gave me a handjob, if memory serves. So sweet, so sweet. Nothing like a... And I got weird and she gave me a handjob, if memory serves. So sweet, so sweet. Nothing like a...

And I got weird, and she blew me off. And I got weird, like I got weird about it. That was the handjob to completion? Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh! I didn't realize. That was some romantic interlude. The only thing we're doing is we're doing, I think, well.

Completion, yeah. Worth following up on. Now, is your sense that she left feeling worse about who she was as a woman? Or did she come back around for more humiliation? No, I don't think so at all. What happened is I got weird about it. She wanted to hang out, and I was like, eh. It is incredible. What happened is I got weird about it. She wanted to hang out and I was like, eh. You know.

It is incredible. I mean, you got no tail. You're the one with your eyes wide open. She jerks you off and you give her the cold shoulder. You got some balls. I know it is odd when you think about it. But that, yeah. In that regard, yes. Roughly the way it played out

um didn't you start to realize though that i mean once girls started talking to you or that they were interested in you did that didn't make it sort of easier for you to oh no oh no and nothing's changed well i don't like being rejected like being rejected, so I was and am very careful not to make too big an overture until I have a clear green light. Like, do I watch hardcore pornography? Isn't, like, how much more of a green light? Well, if that happened,

obviously, if that had happened again, I would have known, but I'm just saying, that was my very first experience. I didn't know, and so I just didn't know, but... Now now this is the mind of a great legal eagle as somebody that had to that that it took him to better part of 15 minutes to determine that she might be interested in making physical contact I called out Shauna you

know when when she was doing it that didn't help matters no I'm kidding but I have a real serious question you You are in an industry. The answer is mentally ill. Well, what's your question? Your query, Perry? I mean, the industry we're in is more full of rejection than any. I thought you were an author. Well, I mean, I'm an author amongst other things.

You're also an author. In any creative endeavor, you have a very high probability of rejection. There's lots of that. And what you're asking is about the paradox of Dan's profound fear of one-on-one rejection relative to getting into a business where you get nothing but rejections. Well, I don't like that either,

but for whatever reason, I find it less embarrassing. Less impactful. I think it was because, to be honest, I never got, I don't know, I maybe had my parents said to me or my father said to me, hey, you know, that girl over there, why don't you tap that ass or smash that? You know, I mean, not in those words, but, you know, what are you kidding me?

You can take that. Don't blame it on your father, your poor father. He's dealt with enough. I don't know if it has anything to do with him. It has nothing to do with him. I think a lot's to do with, you know, I mean, yeah, I don't know if that would have helped. I'm wondering if that would have helped. I don't know if it would have. I think a lot of that would have helped. I don't know if it would have.

I think a lot of it's to do with the fact that I had a late puberty, very late. And so I looked like a little boy until I was 17. And so I think that was part of it. The psychological reasons are myriad. But that being said, Dan Perriel is known for what a friend of mine termed snatching defeat from the jaws of victory as it relates to women because I have seen women be relatively forward with him and him find a way to not convert despair, so to speak,

because of whatever it is that's taking place. And I don't have any criticism of that. I think that people make too big of a deal about the value associated with bumping up against one another or getting involved or a one night stand. I don't see the big deal with walking away. But the irony is that Dan will talk about it

as though he's very interested in doing it and then find a way to make sure that the situation doesn't happen for whatever. You may have this truth to that, but let's, let's shift the focus if we could toward Dove and his react, because I may be a lost cause, but Dove there's hope for, I suppose. Yeah. I don't think you're a lost cause Dan.

Oh, well, I think I am. Anyway. It all depends on the cause. It depends on the cause. You know, but I think that Dove, I don't know that Dove will find what he's looking for, but, you know. I don't know what Dove's looking for. What are you looking for? Because you have your kids.

So you're not looking, are you looking to get married and have another kid? Well, you know, I would like to experience some resonance with someone. You know, I mean, I certainly have not spent a lot of time with women who i otherwise would have been friends with and so i think i have some psychological evolution that i've undergone to some degree and we'll see how that plays a part in in things but i don't know it's all very

confusing and you know the most important part is, you know, being near my kid and having a close relationship with him. And then the other stuff is secondary. But, you know, it would be nice to meet a human being to talk to and in close proximity and have a relationship with in theory. What percentage of the women that you've bedded over i would say the past decade or or more yeah what percentage of them would you say you have met at a comedy club after a show having done a show 90 90 percent yeah well that's a robust percentage it's a robust percentage it is a robust right i mean you meet people at work at our age right yeah especially in that environment and it's not a super healthy environment often to meet people if it's an

audience interaction thing if you're meeting people that you otherwise would have been genuinely interested in talking to it's a lot more healthy but but yeah i mean certainly it is there is a work element to it um but also it isn't an anonymous experience. If they've already, you know, sort of seen you do something and you've communicated some degree of value and the ability to put a couple of sentences together, it makes it a little bit easier. And so I am very out of practice as it relates to trying to talk to somebody in a real life scenario where you're anonymous in a bar or something like that. And that just does not feel. Many of the other women were in acting class or some of the other women were in acting classes. Oh, well, yeah, that was prior to 10 years. Yes, that's

right. I mean, it was usually in the context of some creative scenario where I was able to deliver some value by way of something. And so you're not totally anonymous in that context. You're right. Shannon was in acting class. Some ass on that road. Yes, yes. That was in, yeah, acting class. Yeah. You know.

Well, what do I know? What's that? Acting class is, I mean, it's, you know, I would recommend to any young man looking to sow his own. Oh, so sweet. I mean, you can't help but step in it in the old acting class. I mean, that is a swirl of insecurity and, you know, sort of relative sexual dynamism because everybody's, yeah, you know, in that environment, you can't help but fall in something.

And also, I mean, if you have any degree of talent, I mean. Yeah, you know, in that environment, you can't help but fall in something. And also, I mean, if you have any degree of talent, I mean, then all of a sudden, you know, if you're the guy in acting class, that's actually good. Yes, yes. That will what's known as grease the skids. Yes, yes. And, you know, and they're like, oh, I'd really like to do a scene with you, you know.

Oh, so sweet. Such a scene. And by the way, you don't do a scene in a coffee shop because if you're really going to work the scene, you've got to be in a in, you know, somebody's apartment because it can become emotional or loud or, you know. And so if you're a serious actor, you've got to put your time in, you understand understand which involves showing up the other person's residence you understand and then um you know every now and then things get hot you know you get close to one another and uh you're tearing into a stiff beckett maybe an odette's and before you know it before you know it boy you are knee deep in actress tale. You understand? I don't know why anybody, any young person is not in an acting class. Well, because they don't know better. There's no reason not to be in an acting class. No reason whatsoever.

The next best place to be is a male dancer on Broadway, but that takes a lot of work. Whereas anybody can join an acting class. Yes, if you're a heterosexual male dancer on Broadway. That's what I was referring to. Yes, of course, a heterosexual male dancer on Broadway. That's what I was referring to. Yes, of course, a heterosexual male dancer. Yeah. I said Perrielle's health.

No, I want to know about Perrielle's health. Perrielle, how is your health? Thankfully, I'm all better now. Good. If you're not a regular listener, had the symptoms of COVID-19, many of the symptoms.

She was never officially diagnosed via a test. A doctor hearing her symptoms assumed and probably accurately, but we don't know for sure that she had COVID-19 and she's back in action. I would bet a large sum of money. I would bet $700,000 that was mired up in your attorney's fund that I had COVID-19. Oh, wow. I, wow.

We shot the pilot of my first book many moons ago, and I was quote unquote playing myself, which I had no business doing. You know, this is probably back when I was in my late twenties and I had a heated sexual scene with a male actor, which I then, you know, sort of going off of what you were saying, we met in a bar later, you know, that week. And then we were in a car and I, I actually had a boyfriend at the time, but then also tried to make out with this guy. And he was like, what are you doing?

Oh, wow. He said, what are you doing? Because he wasn't interested or because he knew you had a boyfriend or because he was trying to drive the car. No, I mean, I, mean, he may have been interested, but he wasn't interested because he... So I said, he's like, don't you have a boyfriend? And I was like, well, yeah, but, you know, things are complicated. You know, they're not black and white.

And he was like, well, maybe for you, they're complicated. He goes, for me, they're not complicated at all. I don't... Poor Perry, I me, they're not complicated at all. I don't know. Poor Perry, I'll just have to dick all the time. He had such an upright morality, this guy. Well, he had been, he was a pretty serious AA guy. Right, yes. So, yeah.

Could have also been a serious homosexual, by the way. I mean, I don't, we don't know for sure whether or not it was pure integrity that resulted in that decision making. It was really embarrassing. Yeah, listen, you know. It never went anywhere. You were just like, oh, all right, well.

I mean, it was humiliating. For a woman to be, for a man to be rejected, obviously it's very unpleasant, but we expect that. We expect a woman to say, what the hell are you doing, you animal but humiliation is very good for an actress or an actress when offering uh yeah sexual sexual uh you know favors and sexual uh overtures that does not expect to hear beat it i was not expecting that go away what are you doing yeah no nobody's expecting that you know I mean

although you know the AA thing that's interesting that he was from AA I used to go to an AA dance once in a while with my friend Robert Shapiro who was who was a well known character in the

AA scene in the East Village. It used to be on St. Mark's Place. And you walk in, and the interesting thing being a single guy in an AA situation was that the women, one, they're drinking a lot of coffee, and they're smoking cigarettes, and they drink a lot of soda. And so they're all hopped up. And it isn't hard to generate an initial conversation. And because they're in AA,

you got to think that they have been through a bottom, you know, in their addiction before they got into AA, which involved taking it from the back of the bathroom, maybe a double dog style. I mean, these women have been up to behaviors that have... Hit a rock bottom, whatever that rock bottom. Very unchristian,

very unchristian. And so the idea of having a one night stand for them was not such a hurdle to overcome because they were very unchristian. But you have, um, I mean, there's amounts of discipline and self control that this guy had, um,

that I, you know, did not possess. Well, we all respect him and regard him highly for that, except for the fact that he was homosexual. But yes, we all have a great deal of respect for this man. His name... And we speak his name.

It still stings. Well, of course, as I said, for a woman to be rejected like that, for basically offering free sex, no strings attached. Especially when you've just been naked in bed with this guy. For a scene. For a scene.

Such a scene it was. Mariella has had her share of knocks, but she keeps getting back up. God bless her. That's the name of the game. She will not stay down. Certainly not. You guys went out for a drink the other day in the city? Well, yesterday we had a drink in Manhattan,

here on the Upper East Side where I live, when I'm not in my sunset, when Hollywood Hills is home. Yes, that's right but the whole city now is everybody's selling the bars are all you can't go in the bar so what they're all doing is they like uh they kind of they have like a window to the street and they're selling booze and everybody's just drinking on the street so it's like yesterday was a very nice day so yeah everybody was out and drinking. It was quite a pleasant time.

I mean, are you able, like, are you guys wearing masks? Are you able to sit far apart? Like, how is this all working? I haven't gone out in the city. Well, I'm taking the mask a little bit more seriously than Dove and Sandy were. But obviously, you can't drink with a mask on. So you sit down, however many feet apart. You pull your mask down, and you knock it back.

But I think people are getting less and less cautious as the weeks go on. Oh, certainly, yeah. That's certainly the case, sure. And with every week that you don't get COVID, you start to think, well, maybe I'm not going to get it. Like at the beginning of the epidemic two months ago, I get to come to the house, you take off all your clothes and you put them in the laundry and then you wash your hands

and 80 billion times a day. And then little by little, with each week that passes and you don't get sick, you relax some of those. What you're referring to is a cognitive bias called the hot hand fallacy. When people experience success on some level, the assumption that it will then be successful again. And that is, in fact, not the case. And so one would not want to suffer from the hot hand fallacy.

We still must be, what's that? Vigilant. Vigilant, yeah. We still must be um uh what's that um vigilant vigilant yeah we still must be vigilant but it is interesting what's going on in the city periel and that the people that are out there is more of a um a sense of um um you know what's the word we're in it together after 9-11 there was a real kind of lottery yeah there's a camaraderie and a kind of energy and that everybody's been through something. And you can tell that the PTSD, the smaller, you know,

the degree to which people have all been experiencing PTSD in their little, you know, boxes and their little apartments and they start to come out into the street. And the experience I would imagine is that the PTSD elements are mitigated by the fact that you're around other people who have had precisely the same experience. And so there is this solid solidarity. Solidarity, that's the word we're looking for, solidarity. Solidarity, yeah, of this shared kind of trauma.

And that aspect of it is enjoyable. And I would imagine it increases the likelihood of a successful tail mating because you're thought of as, Dan, correct me if I'm wrong, but you're a little less guilty of just running out and trying to talk to somebody in a singles situation because there is a there is a well we've both been through this and so um you know and we survived therefore we can talk on the window really shake it up well but i i think that that yeah but then then there's the other factor which is people are scared to have that kind of intimacy in a COVID-rich environment.

Well, I was more talking about the initial kind of, you know, meeting somebody and exchanging, you know, kind of contact information. But you had to take the full tale. It's also a way to talk to people. We all have a common conversation starting point right now. We all have things to discuss. We've all had the same experience. It's like in a movie we all just saw. Well, it's not a movie. It's real life

and we can all discuss it. So what are there? Are there tables on the streets? Are there just tables? No, there's not tables on the streets. You sit down on a well, we said on a stoop. There's numerous stoops. Yeah.

Yeah. The problem is there's nowhere to pee. So you end up going in the streets like a dog. There's nowhere to pee because the restaurants by law, which I didn't realize this, they can't let you in to pee, apparently. That's right. Also, the last place you want to be is in a public bathroom. I mean, that seems like... Well, if nobody else is in there, I don't think it's an issue.

But the people that work in these bars and restaurants use it, I gather. But they don't let us in. And so there really is no place to urinate. Now, my bladder is not, I guess, as weak as Dove's. I was able to hold out until all day long. I didn't go to the bathroom until I got back home. That is incredible. I don't know how you did that.

Dove peed two times. Yes, twice. In the course of three hours on the street. Yes. I've got such a, I've got a prostate that will not allow me to go.

I can't go three hours while having a drink without a, you know. And I'm very good like drink without a, you know. And I'm very good like that. You know, usually on an airplane, I can go the whole flight. So I often get a window seat and I can hold out, you know, if it's a four-hour flight or less.

I mean, a New York-LA flight might be a little trickier. All right, listen, you know, what do they say? The old expression is God rarely gives with two hands. You know, you've got some other psychological drawbacks, but you have a tremendous bladder. And I can hold my pee in reasonably. And we must give thanks for that which we have. To quote Bill Murray in Caddyshack,

so I got that going for me. You got that going for me. Yeah. Yeah, listen. So you're gearing up to move back to the city then. Yeah. I'll be, I'll be on June 11th. I will be fully in for a while, you know? And so I'm going to, I gotta get, what's that Dan found a place. No, no, no. I'm going to be,

my mother doesn't want to be in the city for now. My mother's in her seventies and HIV positive and she's in an at-risk group. And so I'm going to pay her rent for a while while I figure out what's going on. But I'm going to... You do. And whenever she wants to come back, that's when I will sign a more permanent lease. And I had thought about buying a place in Manhattan, but I'm not into the idea of permanence right now. I just want to, I just want to float around for a bit and lease rates are pretty competitive. And so,

um, when she wants to come back in, I'll probably lease something in the West village or Soho and stay over there. Where does your mom live? On the Lower East Side. Okay. On the Lower East Side. I mean, she's HIV positive? Yeah, yeah, yeah, but not active. It's a very low, what's it? I forget, the viral load and the white blood cell count.

All of the metrics, all of the metrics associated with being HIV positive. She is not at all active, you know, she's very healthy. I mean, really in tremendous shape, but in terms of being at risk, it is what it is. Did she get infected in like the eighties or was this? Oh no, no, no. no it's a it was a crazy situation where she was with one man this one guy one time although my father died of AIDS as well but in it but unrelated I know it's crazy I mean you you would have to go are we just talking about this for the first time now I don't know I first of all, I don't bring it up. It's not my place. If Doug wants to discuss it,

I'm certainly happy to do so. Yeah, my father... Why wouldn't you bring that kind of thing up, you know, without Doug bringing it up? Yeah, no, no, I got you. But the... No, no, my father tore it. My father was...

He was a man's man in terms of persona, but every now and then he liked that... He was not offended by a light homosexuality you understand i mean there was nothing gay about the man with the exception of the fact that he banged men um and and you know and he ran a junkyard in jersey i mean you're not talking about running around the west village i mean it is it was and my mother knew that my father was gay my mother was on her way to teach piano in India in the 70s when she stopped off to visit her friend who was a lesbian that owned a monkey in Jersey. And this is blowing my mind.

My mother was an Ivy League wasp hippie on her way to India. And my father was an uneducated Jewish business guy from the street. And while he was banging guys, he was also with her and then they got married. And then she joined a post-apocalyptic cult that was convinced that things were coming to an end, but they would be saved by a force field. And then she, you know, it was a wild scene, a wild scene. This is all by all by the way dove has a book you know called road dog yeah yeah and that focuses on your life on the road i don't know if you touch on any of this and road it's all there it's all there it's not just about the road but anyway

it was a very interesting dog so i assume you know yeah yeah no but that's it's within that you you can call things anything and then thread the rest of the story but yes you're right right um but it had to be called like aids aids baby yeah yeah no it's hard it's it's a tough sell when you call it no when you when you name a book double aids it's it's very challenging to get not had to ask if you're talking about this in the book yes yes yes no no it's all talked about but road dog closet or not really in the closet or well my father was in the closet um with you know he worked around you know blue-collar guys and so he was in the closet, but not as it relates to my mother. My mother didn't believe in definitive sexuality. She would, she was, you know, when she was on the ashram, she spent most of her divorce money on freeze dried food awaiting the apocalypse. And then they were building earth integrated housing you know and sort of living

in a communal setting upstate and it was uh it's very intense and odd you know it was very odd all that being said i met your mother years later and i there's no there's no real sense of of that life she seemed to have left far behind her because that's not the woman that i know because i've known your mother for several years oh i disagree There's every sense that she is an outsider and radical. Quirky, but I mean, you know. Not just quirky. When you met her, we would go to have brunch at her house, and she had a bathtub in the middle of the floor,

which she built herself, and in the East Village, and then she would have these quirky characters coming in. It isn't hard to sort of extrapolate back from there to the 70s. Yes, I suppose. But she had a beautiful apartment and was a wonderful cook. That has nothing to do with it, you fool. All right. Fair enough.

But yeah, no, sure. I mean, I would just say that, you know, look, I think what you're describing, had you went into the Upper East Side and met somebody who works at an investment bank, and you go, wow, you know, look, I think what you're describing, had you went into the Upper East Side and met somebody who works at an investment bank and you go, wow, you know, I would have never seen that. That's not the case if you meet my mother. You may not have seen the full AIDS and living in a junkyard and working with a monkey, but you'd see that she is an outside operation. She's a therapist, so her job is to get people to function better. I don't know what the hell that means but yeah if you're describing a woman that her functioning seemed uh not terrific

no no it's just part of the journey it isn't much of a judgment you know i mean i don't think that if if i were you know betting a probable kind of love affair and and you were getting involved with somebody who was likely gay I would say uh that might not be a good way to go uh but how long were they married for uh two years but then they lived in the same house for the following 10 years on different floors oh wow yeah and so you were two when they got divorced yes two years old yes that's right and did you have a sense that like all of these insane things were going on when you were a kid? Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, yeah. No, because I remember going to Sai Baba's ashram in India as a kid.

And I came back. And I would explain as 10-year-old. I would try to explain to these kids in Jersey where I was. And they thought India was in Queens. And it was very, very strange. And, and I had to become, I had to become a little violent, you know, to offset. It was exceedingly challenging. I mean, to the point where you could develop a psychological fissure trying to reconcile the pieces, you know, but,

you know, you, if you, if you, you crack a few heads, they'll come around in working class environment. But it was very, very challenging. I had to hide that environment from anything around me because there was, you know, it wasn't the East Village. I mean, you were talking about, you know, it's where Bruce Springsteen grew up. That kind of, you know, real hardcore working class people with their hands. You know, there was no spiritual, maybe no ashram. No,

you couldn't talk about it. There was nothing. I kept it all inside, kept it all inside. It was like Dan's first kiss. After it happened, he never talked about it. You mentioned Bruce, Bruce Springsteen.

I mean, he talks about his struggles with depression and his father, I believe had, if not depression, he might've been had schizophrenia or manic depression.

Yeah. Yeah. Obviously it was, he was not living in a time or a place growing up where these sorts of things were acceptable. Yeah, certainly that's the case. But Dove's history is interesting. So, well, you were married longer than your parents, at least. I guess you got them beat.

Yeah, yeah, you were married longer than your parents, at least. I guess you got them beat. Yeah, yeah, on paper. I mean, I'm not running around with a gold star on my report card. But, yeah, you know, listen, it's... You think your brother's marriage is going to last? He's married, right, your brother? Yeah, yeah, he got married. I was the reverend. I married them, you know.

I'm a man of the cloth. Okay. Of course you are. Yes, yes. Dan lacks respect for... Well, I understand. The right Reverend Dove Davidoff. Yes, that's right. Reverend Dove Davidoff. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't know. They've got their challenges, but I don't know. I mean, it's a tough game, this idea of marriage. And so there's... Perrielle's been at it for how long, Perrielle? Not easy.

We got married in 2010. Yeah. I see you're at 10 years, so. How long were you guys together before marriage, Perrielle? A year and a half, two years. Right, yeah. I mean, he was supposed to be a one-night stand. Ah, so sweet. He was the actor that said yes. He was really supposed to be a one-night stand.

Amazing. How did that go from a one-night stand to a... I met him at my cousin's wedding in Israel. I was trashed. I was wearing a yarmulke and shoveling falafel into my face. Oh, nothing heats a man up like a falafel and a yarmulke. I was so shit-faced when I met him. And then, I don't know, we went out.

He was a friend of my cousin's. We went out a couple times. I was in Israel. I was like, this guy is fucking hot. I had been with somebody for like 10 years before that. Wow. And I was like, the last thing in the world I wanted was a relationship. Did he live there,

Perrielle, or he was from here? Yeah, he lived there. We went back and forth for like a year. Such a sweet, sweet Tel Aviv hookup. Nothing like it. Tel Aviv nights. So sweet This has been, I think

An interesting episode, but of course We can't discuss You know, my first kiss every week And we can't discuss Dove's marriage every week, I'm wondering Dove, what do you think about bringing some guests in Listen, certainly we can bring a guest in The guest just has, yeah, you know

I mean, we can usually turn something, you know, we can create some interesting aspect of a conversation with whoever, but you want to get somebody that can, you know. Who's the girl you had your first kiss with? Can we bring her on? Oh, so sweet. You know, I look for her on Facebook.

She wasn't there. Yeah, I doubt she has the same name now. She's probably married. Most people do get married. Well, I got married. I have the same name. All right. And she has a very common name.

She has a Hispanic name. It's a very common one. And so it's going to be hard to locate her. Okay, well, I don't think our listeners need to be privy to the, you know, our process of out guests for, I think it's interesting because we've all, we've all gone on Facebook,

try to find old flames and our old hookups. And we, you know, that's something I think it's a universal concept. And, um, you know, you,

you enter in whatever data you have at your disposal in my case just her name really i don't remember much else about her um so you know that wasn't sufficient to find her and i remember the company that she worked for also but that didn't help either in my search well you got quite the impression on her. She's been there. I suppose you're easy enough to find, though, right, Dan? I'm easy enough to find because I am a public figure. That's right. Of sorts. Not really, but more so than, I guess, the average person.

So I'm not hiding. I'm easy to find. But most people are not. Well, most people actually are kind of already. Look, guests can be good, certainly, you know. I mean, and Dan, I mean, you get to control, so to speak, between you and Perry, all the tenor of the conversation. And so you don't have the political pitfalls, you know. You don't have to, we don't have to talk about specific administrations

and, you know, in detail. You can sort of surf. The last episode with Noam, I mean, it was interesting, but it was very weedsy and we were talking more about COVID, a lot about COVID. Yeah.

A lot about, what else did we talk about, Perrielle? With that guy, John Last. Yeah. I mean, it's fascinating because I learn things on our show. Like, you know, we talk to these people. I'm like, why are these people talking to us? I have no business talking to, like, Tony Blair's advisor. Yeah, weird, right?

Yes, but on the other hand, he has a thousand Twitter followers, so it's not like he's a huge... God bless him. But that's not the point. That isn't the point Perrielle was making. The point she was making was that it's a wildly

eclectic range. Yes, it's eclectic. It's eclectic, but the difference of what is Twitter following? No, I mean, in terms of... I thought, period, I meant why are they wasting their time with us? No, I don't think it's...

I don't, I mean... It's not like you're too big for us or they're too important or they're too famous. That's what I thought. I mean, I think that it's really interesting that a fellow like that

is excited enough to come on our show and talk to us. I mean mean i think in a lot of ways he's doing you know the layman a great service um it's a little bit you know i'm not really sure he's that concerned with how many twitter followers he has yeah twitter isn't always a priority again i'm saying i thought you meant that he was too important or too busy. Not whatever at all. Or too whatever to do business. It makes perfect sense to me.

How often does somebody get invited on a podcast? The comedy side was a pretty well-known kind of a thing. And people want to know somebody who's solicited constantly. It's not the point. You're not getting the point. What is interesting and worth mentioning is the idea that somebody can go to a comedy seller podcast and experience a conversation

with somebody who you would never find you would associate with a comedy club. You're an animal. First of all, that's your take. I don't know if that was necessarily what Perrielle was getting at. That was pretty much what I was getting at.

But there's value there nonetheless. When you said we have no business talking to Tony Blair's advisor, I took it another way. Anyway, it is, you know, but whatever. So that, I guess, is our show. Yes, it certainly is. Yes, yes. And so, Dan, do you have any guest ideas or somebody you'd be looking to pull in?

I mean, you know, I mean, I'd be curious about how some comedian who was on the verge of mental illness when things were going well is currently doing after things that were, you know, I mean, some real stage time addict. You know, one of our colleagues from the cellar or Dove likes real estate. So I don't know if there's any. No, no, no. But it wouldn't be a conversation about general kind of, it would be the changing dynamics in our world. I mean, we can get to it next time,

but there are fascinating developments in terms of what's going to happen to New York City when there's a decentralized office community as demand decreases by way of a remote workforce, which is clearly the trend and exacerbated by way of this pandemic and the proof of concept provided. Well, you know, Addy, I think Addy, Addy Baufman, your mother would be a fine guest. My mother would be very good. Yes. Yeah, you know, Addie, I take it, Addie, Addie Baufman, your mother would be a fine guest. My mother would be

very good, yes. Yeah, we, yeah, actually, she would be, she's a real character. I don't say that because she's my mother. I say that because it's a legit character.

She has interest. Yeah, she would be great. Yeah. I want to discuss this further, you know, off- Okay, all right. We'll figure it out for next week. All right. We'll do it this further you know off okay all right we'll figure

it out for next week all right again you know podcast at comedyseller.com for questions comments and suggestions at Dan Natterman you know whatever on social media Dan Natterman on social yes and I guess at Dove Davidoff on Instagram and this

this this hack you're committed you're committed because again my hair being the situation. I understand, but at what point are you going to take, you're going to shear that homeless mop you got on your head? At what point? I'm not sure, but we'll see. Another week or two might be. Let's see how

long it is. Shake it out. Whoa. That is, I mean, you're talking about the Beatles. That is 1972 level hairstyle. It's a good look. I'm meeting. The tail's all in, but anyhow. Okay, so we'll see everybody next time.

Okay, next time it is. Good night, everyone.