The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Bonus Episode 5: Stand Up Comedy and Optometry

Episode Date: April 26, 2023

Dan Naturman and Periel Aschenbrand are joined by comic and actor, Brian Scott McFadden. They discuss the art of stand up comedy and optometry.

You're good. This is Table Talk, the bonus episode for Live from the Table with Dan Natterman. That's me and Perrielle Ashenbrand. Hi. And we have with us today Brian Scott McFadden, who was our guest on the main show today. Yeah. And he decided to stick around because he— I have nothing else to do.

He had nothing else to do until— Eight o'clock. Eight o'clock. So we thank you. We had a great discussion that got deep, deep, deep, deep into stand-up comedy. The art of. The art of crafting jokes. Yeah. I hope people enjoyed it, even if you're not a comedy junkie.

Nicole, what did you think of it? I thought it was great because as an outsider, you watch people do these things on stage, and it looks like it just comes so naturally to you because you've been doing this for so long and as mentioned, put so much work into this. It's interesting to hear how much you actually did because for all of us, it seems Well, some people think that

we make it up on the spot. That's what it's supposed to look like, right? But nobody's that brilliant to make up 45 minutes of stand-up on the spot. That's what it looks like. When you watch Brian. I don't think I ever thought that. Well, you're a comic.

I've been a comic for so long that I don't remember what I used to think. But I don't think I ever thought a comic just made the shit up. But when you're an audience member. I was an audience member before I was a comic. And I don't think I can't. Can I interject a story here? Yeah. Okay, there was a rock club on Long Island that changed to start doing,

to become a stand-up comedy club for a very short period of time. And there was a bouncer there. And he was this big freaking, you know, big gorilla-looking guy, like very, very tough guy. And they started doing stand-up. And he was a bouncer at the rock club and then became, like, the door guy at the comedy club and the first I was there like this the third week or something and he he taps me on the shoulder he goes you know this

MC and he was they had a house MC a local guy and good somebody good from Long Island and he goes I thought this guy was a genius the first time I saw him I thought it was unbelievable and now I realize it's all a scam. These freaking people are being scammed. They don't even realize it. He's doing the same jokes that he was doing the first week. I can't freaking believe it. Do they know? Are they on to this? This guy thought that everything that came out of a comic's mouth

was... The one thing I did think was always improvised was when a comic talks to the audience, which can be improvised, but it can also be shit that just always comes up. Like, like, you know,

I, I mean, especially here at the comedy cell, you know, you say, where are you from? Well, there are certain places that people are from and they're often from Canada.

They're often from Holland here at the comedy cellar. So if I say, Oh, I'm from Holland. I used to do a joke. I used to say, well, we are from Holland and we don't need it. We got legal marijuana here. Anyway, say, oh, I'm from Holland, I used to do a joke. I used to say, well, we're from Holland. We don't need it.

We got legal marijuana here. No, anyway, we don't need you guys. And I've done that 10 times. Yeah, right. I think it's genius. But you're like, you're asking a question because you have a joke about that, right? You might, if it's the right answer.

If it's not, like if I ask somebody where they're from, a foreigner. If they're from Canada, I can do a Canada joke. if they're from Canada, I can do a Canada joke. If they're from Holland, I can do a marijuana joke. If they're from any country where they don't speak English, I can say, do you understand what I'm saying? Because here in America, we only speak English. And then I do those jokes. If they're from Ireland, I have a problem. I don't know what to say.

I always pray they're not from Ireland. I have a bit for that. I don't really have a bit for Ireland. I wish, but I never get anyone. I mean, they come once in a problem. I don't know what to say. I always pray they're not from Ireland. I have a bit for that. I don't really have a bit for Ireland. I wish, but I never get anyone. I mean, they come once in a while. If they're from England, I talk about, oh, we got rid of you guys 250 years ago. Yeah. I got plenty of stuff for that.

I got to write more stuff for like, you know, Holland. I don't have a Holland bit. But again, I have just- Germany, I don't have any. But again, there's also like a bit for anybody that doesn't speak English. Right. I got to cover my jokes about language yeah you got that's good you got that nailed down right or you can just not ask yeah the audience where they're from i

mean that's another option but right but i like to to do that so yeah you know um like lenny marcus told me once the only reason you ever talk to the audience is because you have something that you want to say. Like you're just like setting and, you know, obviously not every. Well, you know, you should have a backup plan. I mean, there could be something you might come up with something that's improvised that you've never said before. I mean, I watch. That's brilliant. Yeah. But if not, you should at least have somewhere to go with it. But watching crowd work like you ask a couple. Brilliant. Like you ask a couple, where did you guys meet?

Right. So if they met someplace weird, maybe you can come up with a funny joke. If not, you can just say, if it's the internet, do an internet dating joke. Right. If it's in person, I can say, you know what? I never go to meeting women in person. I was at the gym, and then I do my joke about meeting women at the gym. Right.

Yeah, because there's scenarios that always come up in stand-up. I always tell young comedians, like, I'm amazed when I see a comedian go up in front of six people, and he just launches into his material because he doesn't call out the situation. And you have to adjust, and not everyone can or does. Some people, it doesn't matter. That works for them. But I always have to call out whatever scenario I'm in. If it's in a weird locale, I like to talk about the locale. Or if it's a weird, you know, there's eight people in the room,

you'll see a comedian is not talking about it. You know, the emcee usually will call it out or something like that. But I always feel like if you're not talking about something weird that just happened or whatever you're facing right there, the audience is actually expecting you to at least make some allusion to that. Not 17 comics in a row, obviously, saying, you know, 5PO, I had more people in my car,

or whatever that shitty hack thing is that somebody will do. But, you know, you always have to have material in your back pocket for bad scenarios or crazy stuff that's going to happen. Right, right. Somebody, like, well, Ariel Elias, somebody threw a beer at her. Now, that's something you would never see.

And I think, how did she respond to that? She fucking opened it and drank it. Oh, she drank it. Okay. All right. So that was her response. I mean, like, you're not going to plan for something that crazy because that never happened. Right. But that, I think, is part skill, part talent, part experience. Like I think, you know, once you start, you're on stage so much, like you start developing those muscles.

Like I was terrified to ever host a show because you really had to be able to like catch. Well, but not every host does that. Mike Yard just does his jokes. He doesn't interact with the audience, and it's an effective way to emcee the show. And he has no interest in saying who here is from Canada. No, but stuff happens when you're hosting that you have. I mean, in my experience, it's like, you know,

people walk in, something falls. You know, you're waiting for a comic to go on stage. He's not there. I don't know, a million things. It's also emceeing places you in a situation in which you are the schoolmaster for what comedy is to the audiences, and they're not prepared yet. And that often falls, if you're just doing crowd work, to the first comic who goes on, because the opening guy will often do crowd work or something like that,

and your audience is not quite – Right. They're not ready yet. They're not wired. So you're actually shepherding them from the outside world. Well, there is that. Keep dogging everyone together and then saying this is how it's going to be and this is a punchline and this is a joke and this is a setup.

And you're sort of rewiring them to the comedy experience. And not all emcees are good at that. They'll leave you to the wolves. The first person that goes up is oftentimes the one who's going to school the audience in what comedy is. They have great MCs at the cellar who usually do some combinations of great crowd work, and then they do some jokes and everything else. So the audience is prepared for what they're going to hear.

But that isn't always the case. If you go on the road, you'll see somebody who digs a hole. Right, right. Does nothing good. And If you go on the road, you'll see somebody who digs a hole, does nothing good, and then you're like, oh, God. Anyway, that brings us to Perrielle had a gig recently. I did. Perrielle, not everybody knows, is a new comedian. Relatively. So she had a gig, which sounds like a terrible gig,

a gig I would do for the money but wouldn't look forward to, performing at a bridal shower. Right. I got hired to perform at a bridal shower. And frankly, I think I found a good niche for myself. Really? It was, so first of all, they had rented out a restaurant. So it was just a room and luckily you know I am surrounded by such masters

that I got a lot of information of things that you know you have to make sure like nobody's serving food while you're performing you have to make sure that there's an area that's set up with a microphone. You have to make sure that everybody knows a comedian is coming. Now, you had gotten this information from other comedians. Yeah. You called them and said, I'm doing a brow shower.

What should I look for? You have to make sure that people that want to do a comedy show know how to put on a comedy show. Right. And they often don't. And they often do not. Right.

They often do not. Right. And we'll— The sound system has to be good. Right. As you said, you can't—some people say, oh, we're going to have a surprise comedian. I did a gig where— Nobody wants—

I did a gig where there were—nobody was seated. They were all milling about. And the guy says to me, start telling jokes, and they'll start to sit down if you're funny. I'm like, no. That does not work that way. No. It has never worked that way.

Me and you did a gig, and you finish, and then half the audience went to the bathroom. And he was supposed to bring me right up. But I didn't. You didn't. Half the audience went to the bathroom after my set, and I was going to bring up Brian. Right.

And I just did a few more minutes of just kind of banter back and forth to wait until people came back from the bathroom. But that wasn't the fault of the venue. That was just everybody had to pee at the same time. But sometimes people plan a comedy show, and again, the sound's not good. Right. You have to make sure. Or like, as you said, some people say, oh, we want to have a surprise comedy show. No, that does not work.

They all have to be there to watch comedy. And you can't just be like, okay, guys, we have a special treat. Even though you're all trying to get laid and it's a singles dance and, you know, you're rapping. You don't realize how fragile an art form comedy is. There is it has certain requirements

and certain pillars that are required. The sound system being one. I thought you brought the sound system. There are a lot of things that I probably would not have known to ask for or, you know, be aware of. I happen to have been in Florida with Modi when I was having this conversation.

And and then I spoke to Dan and he was I was like, oh, I'm so excited because it really is really kind of very sweet to be like included in like somebody's like, this is like a major life happening and you want me to be there. And Dan, um, in his infinite wisdom said to me, well, you know, just get ready that they're going to probably want to talk to each other

more than they're going to want to listen. Well, that can happen. I did a corporate gig recently. The bunny was great. So I couldn't say no, but half the audience was standing at the bar milling about. So they said, well, just, you know, there's seats,

and there were seats in the front. They said, well, the people that want to listen will, you know, it's okay if they're standing, but if they're standing, they're not geared to listen. If they're standing, they're geared to mingle. And it was me screaming into the void for 45 minutes. Oh, God. And the front row enjoyed it because they were in the front row for a reason.

And nobody else was listening. And I got paid. It was a utility company. And it was a big check. So I did it. And what am I going to do is say, I'm not doing the gig. Like if I was Seinfeld and didn't need the money,

I'd say, well, I don't, this is no, or I'd have a rider. You'd have a rider that says, it's gotta be like, it's gotta be like this.

Yeah. Well, one of the things that I did was I spoke a lot to the mom, the mom of the bride was the one who hired me. And so she gave me, I asked her like for all of this information about everyone before I did the show. So once I was there, I like for the first, you know, I don't know, 15 minutes or whatever,

I was interspersing the jokes with talking to the people, like relating to them. And that's, that worked really well because they were happy because it was really about them. Because that's a tricky thing because you go there, if you're a comic and you're, and you're, and you think they're hiring a comedian, but a lot of times they want to,

they don't know, but they want to roast. Like they want a bit of a roast. What you did is perfect because it was a bit of a roast, but you did some material. Obviously you got to get to your material, but you weaved in. Right. Sometimes you'll get to your material, but you weaved in that stuff. Sometimes you'll get to the gig and somebody will say, you got to make fun of Steve.

Right, right. Steve just, Steve is like the office, you know, he's like, whatever. He just got fucking divorced for the fifth time. Right. You know, you got to hit. So to some people, that's what stand-up comedy is. Yeah, it's true. They want to hear about themselves a little bit.

And also, you're going to a place, those gigs can be so difficult because they know, at a comedy club, everyone's a stranger, including you, to them. And they're all strangers to each other. There's a few people sitting together. They're all strangers. But at these gigs, everyone knows everybody, and you're the alien. You're the outsider. You're the outsider. But at these gigs, everyone knows everybody, and you're the alien. You're the outsider. You're the outsider. So you're sort of the enemy until you prove otherwise,

because you're the outsider coming in to entertain them. And if you're insulting them in a way that they don't like or something like that, that can go south really fast. Right, right, right. So what you did was great, because you found the information, and you were like, okay, but you're gentle enough that you didn't have to you know but also it's like you know i'm pretty dirty um so like uh that's why here so i had to really figure out like where the lines are now in a club or a show like if you step over it like it's fine. Right. Like you can always like reel yourself back from it or maybe not. You ask the, you ask upfront what's, what, um, you know, what,

what can I, what am I authorized to say? But you also, but that's not necessarily going to work because sometimes people say, Oh, just say whatever you want. And then you try that. And the audience is horrified. Yeah. Cause they don't know. They don't know anything. Yeah, they don't know what's going to offend them until they're offended. Yeah, exactly. And people will go, say whatever you want.

It's fine. And the paradox can also be true, which is you go to a gig where they'll say, don't be dirty. They don't like that. Oh, and they do like it. They love it. They love it more than anything. If you go to like some of these, there's nothing that will make them laugh harder than filthy, disgusting material. Right? Yes.

Yeah. Oftentimes. Yeah. But sometimes there's one person there that's a stick in the mud. Like, you know, I did a gig. I was just in Maryland doing a fundraiser for a Jesuit school. Okay, so why they're hiring a Jew to do a fundraiser for a Jesuit school, I don't know, but they seem to enjoy me. Already doesn't sound good.

But there's a priest there. Okay. Wait, a Jesuit. A Jesuit priest. Okay, but the Jesuits are known for being, first of all, very intellectual, and really... Well, the point being is I saw a priest.

Oh, no. And I said, okay, point taken. I got to be clean. Now, maybe I didn't have to be. No, you didn't. But it's possible that a dirty joke would have killed. But if the priest is offended. Yeah, yeah.

And he's the one that's in charge. Right, right. You know. It could get bad. It could get bad. So when the contract tells you to, you know, keep it clean, you know. Keep it clean. Keep it clean.

But I did find that, you know, I was, you know, careful. How much time did you have to do? I did an hour. Oh, keep it clean. You know, keep it clean. Keep it clean. But I did find that, you know, I was, you know, careful. How much time did you have to do? I did an hour. Oh, okay. I was supposed to do 40 minutes. Right. And then I was like, oh, my God, I'm completely out of material. Oh, right, right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I said, what time is it? And then they're like, oh, an hour. I was like. Wow, good night. And I was like, thank God, because I have one joke left, and it is filthy beyond measure. And I don't think it would have gone over very well.

I think we need to hear that joke right now. I'm sure you have. I probably have. Did we want to discuss a little bit? Another thing we discussed on the main podcast was that Gwyneth Paltrow is being sued and is counter-suing for a ski collision. She, a retired optometrist, the joke writes itself, folks, collided.

Who hit whom is the question to be answered by the jury, I guess, or maybe it's a bench trial, but whatever it is. But, you know, what I wanted to, it's a weird coincidence because I went to the optometrist last week for the first time. This sounds like one of those comedy segues that we talked about earlier. It's not a segues. It's an odd thing because I was just at the optometrist today. I really was at the optometrist. I haven't been to the optometrist in like 25 years.

He's really selling this. I love it. I really was at the optometrist. You really haven't been to the optometrist? Yeah, because I only – my eyesight hasn't really deterior this. I love it. I really haven't been to the optometrist. You really haven't been to the optometrist? Yeah, because my eyesight hasn't really deteriorated. Wow, mine hasn't. And I only wear glasses when driving at night. With Gwyneth Paltrow.

But the glasses that I have, they're old, and they're literally like 25 years old. I got them when I was in law school because I wasn't seeing the blackboard properly. After law school, I stopped using them because I didn't need to see the blackboard. But anyway, so I figured I need new glasses. So I'm going to the optometrist and I said to myself, this is the job for me. You know, I don't know if you know this,

Brian, about me, but stand-up scares the shit out of me. Yeah, I didn't know that. Yeah, it does. You're looking for an out, is what you're looking for. You know, I was hoping this would get me. Voice over work sounds ideal. Yeah, yeah. But that's not going to happen.

You're bad timing. Bad timing. Optometry sounds like a career that really. This seems so easy. Yeah. How fucking easy. And these guys make money. Yeah. Yeah, they just put. Yeah. How fucking easy... And these guys make money. Yeah.

Yeah, they just put glasses on. How fucking easy does she say, okay, is this better or is this better? Is this better or is this better? This is a great bit. Is this better or is this better? Right. I wish I could write jokes that way.

All right, audience, is this better? Is this funnier? Is this not funnier? Not funny? Good. Very funny. That's sort of what we do. Yeah, we do, but we have to do it...

Live. In front of, like, hundreds of people. Hundreds of people, right. And don't automaters make, like, really we do. Yeah, we do, but we have to do it live. In front of hundreds of people. And don't optometrists make really good money? Yeah, they do. You do. And you have to go to med school? You don't have to go to med school. No, you have to go to optometry school.

How many years? Which I think is four years. I don't know why. You could bang that out. Yeah. I'm not going to do it. I think you could do it online. I'm just saying, if you could just snap your fingers and I'd be an optometrist,

I think it's... I mean, there's no stress. Nobody ever fucking sues the optometrist. Oh, there was just a, well. Unless they ski into you. Right. Hilarious. What about getting, there's very little heckling. Does any, yeah, like a doctor is like a big responsibility.

People die. Right. What's the worst that can happen? Somebody goes blind. But that's not your fault. But that's not your fault. That's the worst that can happen? Somebody goes blind. But that's not your fault. That's not your fault. That's the ophthalmologist. Because people get those confused.

You've got an optician, ophthalmologist, an optometrist. The optometrist is just there to give you glasses. Right. Just test your eyes. Maybe see if you have a detached retina. Oh, so the optometrist isn't the doctor. No, no.

The ophthalmologist isn't. The ophthalmologist isn't. Right. You don't have to go to school for four years to go to ophthalm. I think it is four years. It's like being a therapist or being a psychoanalyst. You have to be a doctor to be a psycho, you know, to be, what is it? Optometry school.

Psychiatrist. You have to be a doctor. But a psychologist, you don't, right? Yeah. You can go, like, two years at a correspondent school or get a degree. No, you have to get a. A, C, S, W. No, no, no.

That's social work. Social work. You need to, you get a doctorate of psychology. Psychology, but yeah, exactly. But you're not a medical doctor. Right. You can't prescribe. You're not a medical doctor.

You can't, yeah. But if you're a psychiatrist, you're an actual doctor. Yeah, yeah. So go ahead. How many years? I'm trying to look it up. Let me just see. I think it's four.

I don't know why. It just seems so like you could do it in a weekend. Is this clear? Is this clear? There's no weekend. But it's funny that Dan is very successful. Read that line. Go ahead.

It's four years. Doctor of Optometry is a four-year professional program after undergrad. All right. And doesn't it seem like everything has to just – they have to just say four years, and they have to make you go to school for four years. But really, the caseload of what you have to really learn and everything else, you could probably bat out. You probably could.

You could probably bat it out. They make you go just because they... They want to make it hard. They get so much hate mail. That less people will do it. Oh, so this guy was... Like, law school could probably be accomplished in less time than three years.

Right, yeah, yeah. They had to pick a number of years. It used to be... Yeah. I think in the old days, like, I think Abe Lincoln... They want to weed out the people who aren't serious about it. I think Abe Lincoln never went to law school because in those days, you could just be an apprentice and learn on the job. days, like, I think Abe Lincoln They want to weed out the people who aren't serious about it I think Abe Lincoln never went to law school Because in those days you could just be an apprentice

And learn on the job Then, you know, but now it's three years Could it be two years? Probably But In any case, the point being is Comedy stresses me out I was hoping for TV work But not stand-up.

I get stage fright. Right. The doctor just prescribed me a beta blocker. Beta blocker, yeah. Which is supposed to relieve the symptoms of anxiety. Right. How's that working? Well, I just got the prescription.

Yeah. So I'll see. Right. But I've been known to, just on stage, to... Well, recently, I had got the prescription. Yeah. So I'll see. But I've been known to, just on stage, to, well, recently I had to sit down. I was like, hypervent, you know, at a gig. Yeah, if you're a stressed out, easily stressed out person, stand-up comedy is not exactly. Right, because I was hoping to make a quick transition into Seinfeld. Yeah, yeah, of course, which is easy.

Do you get the page right? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, no, but see, this is the thing. There's a difference between crippling, like where your anxiety level is so high. Like when I first started, I was a wreck. Like I was a wreck every show.

And I learned to compartmentalize that and place that aside and just function. But that was actually bad because I would muscle through. I would just muscle through. I'd be punching myself. Just all of you pussy. And that wasn't good either because I'd get off stage and I'd collapse. Until I got really good and was confident that I could like crush them, then that sort of eased a little, I got, I, that, that went away sort of,

you know, but, and now I've sort of, a lot of that is like, oh, okay. So that's something I'm working. I'm still working on, like, like in terms of like becoming accepting of that, that, that it's not, that's always going to be a bit of that in like, in terms of, like, becoming, accepting of that. That's always going to be a bit of that in there. But you can, the more prep I do, the more, you know. The more prepared you are. Yeah, the more prepared I am, I find less. Like, I'll go to a gig, and if I don't know what I'm going to do or I don't know the terrain, it's my first time there. That goes up.

The anxiety level always goes up. The anxiety is dependent on different factors. The size of the audience, the bigger, the more anxious I get. The longer the set I have to do. The more restrictions, if I have to be squeaky clean. These are all things that will

factor into the anxiety. Not to segue, we're doing a show together, right? We are doing a show together in Scarsdale. In Scarsdale, April 22nd. Jackie B's, you can get tickets. The small venue. Jackie B's.

Get tickets now. It's a small venue. We're not going to make much money, but that's fine. Edit that part out. Tiny venue. We don't have to edit it out. It's a small venue. But you, I mean, you've said this, I think you've said this to me too.

You've said this to me before also, that you like doing my shows because you feel like there's not that much pressure. Like, you feel like you can work stuff out. But this is another, well, okay, this is kind of a semi, another topic. Yeah. Is that the Comedy Cellar, I'm not stressed out at the Comedy Cellar because it's my home club. Right. But I do feel it is difficult to try new material here.

I do feel under pressure to kill here. Yeah. Because it's always full. You are under pressure to kill here. And because they're watching you. Yeah, I always feel that way. Wait, but you guys feel that way because it's actually the truth. Right, yeah.

Yeah. It's true. I always feel that way. Wait, but you guys feel that way because it's actually the truth. Right. Yeah. Yeah. It's true. Like, I'll do the CNN guy here because there's so many. I'll do the CNN guy here where I won't do it very often. Like, that bit, it's like five minutes long. And I'll do it here, like, because there's a lot of tourists. And I know it's going to crush.

And there's always Brits. And there's always people. And if I'm ever, and I do a new joke and it doesn't work, I'll just go, you know, I was watching the news, you know, and you'll see me do it. And then immediately, a young child, boom, huge – I got him, and it's five minutes, like, crusher. Yeah, you feel that extra added pressure of not having – So what I was saying, when Perrielle does shows at Stand Up New York, she produces shows. And hosts. And hosts them

and produces them. And I feel much more comfortable there doing whatever because I have a show tonight at West Side Comedy Club. It's another comedy club on the Upper West Side. It's not the cellar.

And so the cellar is, I feel pressure to kill. So it's not quite related to stage fright. It's just related to the fear of doing new material, which is another fear. But when you're going to some other place, you're not doing new material. So what's the anxiety about? When I do a big show, I'm doing tried and true material. Right.

So what I'm trying to find out is what are you anxious about? That it won't work. But you know it's going to work. Public speaking is scary, you know, even for everybody. I mean, so sometimes I just – I get scared. It's genuinely regarded as one of the most nerve-wracking things in public speaking. People often say that. And comedians do it every night.

Yeah. And in hostile environments. People often say that. And comedians do it every night. And in hostile environments. It's not a friendly, hospitable. There's an antagonistic aspect to what we do. And it's not like a Broadway theater where you're like, Bravo! You know, I mean, like, some of

these places, usually it's fine, but we've talked about corporate gigs where they're just talking to each other. Okay but we've talked about corporate gigs where they're just talking to each other. Yeah. Okay, we've talked about surprise comedy gigs where they don't even know or want a comedy show. Right, right, right. We've talked about Arielle Elias getting a beer thrown at her.

Yeah, by the way, there's a great, I think Ray Romano told this story. I think I heard him tell the story or something where a guy saw him at a club, thought he was so funny, said, can you work on my wedding? I want you to perform my wedding. And he offered him, and he's ridiculous. This was before Ray got the show and everything else.

And he did the show, and it was a different context in a different situation with a totally different environment. And Ray said, like, he bombed. Like, nobody was listening. It went terrible. But, of course, the guy thought, what the hell is wrong with you? You know what I mean? I thought this guy was so funny. And now he's not funny.

This is Ray Ramone. You know what I mean? The funniest guy. And I think Ray told the story. I had to go up to the guy and say, and I said, can I get my money? And the guy's like, I gotta pay you for that or something. I remember, oh, I go, everyone can relate to that. Like every comedian can relate to the pain of

just going up out of, like, a fish out of water in an environment completely unconducive to stand-up comedy whatsoever. And people thinking that you should be funny anywhere. Like, anywhere without a mic. You should just be able to go up and do 45 minutes off the top of your head. It's amazing what people like.

There's no, it's the most revered and most disrespected art form there is. Yeah, and people come up to you and say, if I'll get introduced to somebody, oh, this is Perrielle. She's a pad maker. Tell me a joke. Yeah, right away.

Be funny right now. By the way, there's another phenomenon related to the asking for money, and that's a phenomenon where you show up at a gig, and they're thrilled to say, oh, I did a college, and the welcoming committee, the students are so excited to have you.

Man, we can't wait for this show. We saw you on Last Comic Standing or whatever, which was me doing five minutes. We loved you. We can't wait for this show. We're so excited. Then, well, five minutes is not an hour. So you do an hour, it doesn't go as well.

And then those same people that came up to you before the show were like, okay, well, thank you. So you do an hour, it doesn't go as well. And those same people that came up to you before the show were like, okay, well, thank you. Thank you for stopping by. It was really, it was interesting. The same people that were like, they were celebrating you. Rolling out the red carpet. Yeah, I did a

prom. I did a prom. A prom. Someone's prom. Worst gig. In fact, worst gig I ever. It traumatized me for private gigs for years after this because I didn't know. They were like, I thought, oh, they'll be excited to see me. I didn't know. I was a young comic. And I go on the dance floor.

They're dancing. And then they said, and now we're going to have a comedian. And I walk onto the dance floor. And they had to stop dancing and sit down to listen to me. And they hated me. Like, I mean, I have never seen a person. So they didn't know there was going to be a con? No, I, they hated me. They, I was invading their space, ruining their magical night. I mean, they despise me. And they told me, you know, don't, don't, nothing dirty or whatever. And I just done MTV or something or something. That's why they hired me or something. And, uh, and, and, uh, a kid yelled out, I said,

I was, I was just on MTV and they go, and some kid yelled out bullshit. And then I looked at the guy and they go, Oh, he's a big guy. I'm not going to fuck with him. I said F word. Like, and then immediately someone ran on stage, like, and handed me a note, end the act, you know what I mean? Oh my God! And then I walked off and they were like, first person walked off, who hired you? It was terrible. It was just this awful situation where no one wanted me there.

The kids were not told. And then years later, years later, someone came up to me. I think it was at Gotham Comic Con. Or maybe it was a seller. And somebody saw me here. And they came up to me. I think it was at Gotham Comic Con. Or maybe it was a seller. And somebody saw me here. And they came up to me. Yeah, I think it was a seller.

And somebody came up and said, by the way, you did my prom, right? And I remember thinking how sad that was. Because I thought you were funny, but it did not go well. Sometimes you get after a show, somebody will say, well, I thought you were funny. Yeah, exactly. Awful. Which is, I guess, better than you Yeah, exactly, yeah. Awful. Which is, I guess, better than you weren't funny, but obviously

a backhanded compliment. But see, you had a happy ending to your story. You did an hour. You're possibly seeing a new addendum to your career as possible more of doing more gigs like this. You guys are scaring me. It's like maybe I had like... Look, usually it goes well,

but there's always a possibility that it doesn't. Yeah. Usually it does go well. Yeah. I think the thing that's terrifying... That's, you know... But sometimes it does not go well. Like that corporate gig that I did very recently where they were not even listening.

No. And there's nothing you can do. Not listening is... I mean, I don't know. Is that worse? Not listening is better than you suck it off the stage. Right. I think not listening but not listening is

still brutal because I do a lot of check spots especially when I'm and not listening is not... The check spot is so painful because the audience is required to not listen. Like you're being literally put in a situation where you're the sacrificial lamb

to take care of financial business. The check spot meaning is when the checks are given out at a comedy club just for the uninitiated. Someone's on stage and everybody's figuring out their checks and no one's listening to the show. I take it on purpose. I could farm it out, but I take it

because I think it makes me, you know. Yeah, it toughens your comedy. But there's like people that write riders in when they're headlining on the road that you will not drop the checks during my set. Which is reasonable. Yeah, absolutely reasonable. I've done road gigs where they drop the checks. I'm crushing. I'm having my headliner set and then they drop the checks.

No, no, no. And I don't call in advance and get the rider. I don't know if they drop the checks. No, no, no. And I don't call in advance and get the rider. I don't know if I'm big enough. No, no, no. Nobody should be dropping checks on headliner sets. No, ever. Absolutely not. It ruins the experience also for the audience.

Yeah, and it ruins your momentum as a comic if you have callbacks, if you have things, and you're ramping into your ending that's going to cascade, and all of a sudden the checks are out. But that's one of the things that the comedy is how there is no checks. All that is taken care of after the show. It's outrageous. I mean, imagine like Hamilton in the middle of Hamilton. They like brought you your bill. Yeah, exactly.

Right. At the very end of Les Mis, you know what I mean? They're doing their final big killer number at the end. And the checks are out. And people are doing financial calculations at the tables. Speaking of the checks being dropped, we're going to drop our metaphorical check on this bonus episode. Yeah. We thank you for listening to Table Talk, the bonus episode for Live from the Table.

Thank you, Brian McFadden, for staying an extra half hour with us. And engaging us even more. You were terrific on the main show, terrific on the bonus show. Brian Scott McFadden, everybody. Perel Ashenbrand.

And Nicole Lyons, our sound lady from upstate New York, who does what she does so well. Thank you, everybody. Podcast at ComedyCellular.com for comments, suggestions, and constructive criticism. Bye-bye. Bye.

Bye.