The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Bonus Episode 5 with Dov Davidoff

Episode Date: July 2, 2020

Bonus Episode 5 with Dov Davidoff

this is live from the table bonus edition coming at you on the riot cast podcast network dan natterman here uh with perriel ashen brand the producer and uh david off who joins me for these bonus episodes dove how do you do how do you do how do we all do how does everybody do i don't know how anybody's doing well dove, Dov is coming to us. I know how your hair's doing, which is questionable. Well, the hair, you know, I mean, I got a haircut. It wasn't good enough for you. I get it. It wasn't a great haircut. It's COVID-19. We do what we can do. We do what we can do. I've been cutting my own hair, by the way.

Yeah. Okay. Well, that's fine. And I don't know if I'm going to get a full-on buzz, but, you know, that might be coming. You know, we'll see how things go. So how have you been? I haven't seen you, I guess, since last week. Yeah, I guess since last week. Listen, I don't know. I mean, fine overall. Whatever.

The most significant experience I've had in the last several days is reading about the murder rate in New York City is 100% or 200% more than it was at this time last year over the course of several months. Wow. Two months. Yeah. Yeah. There's a number of articles. I'm not making it up. And then there's all of this trash and lots more homeless and, which is what I predicted. Okay. So I'm not opposed to racial justice. Nobody reasonable is opposed to racial

justice. I am opposed to, to tearing down a system without creating a supplemental system and ideally a superior system to replace it with. Because once you just remove quality of life crimes and every cop in New York City is afraid of arresting or talking to anybody non-white because they're afraid of being called a racist, the city turned into a shithole. So that's what's happening.

I was here with Dinkins. I was here with Koch. It was a fucking, it was filled with garbage, the. I was here with Koch. It was a fucking garbage. It was filled with garbage, the city. You couldn't take a kid to a park. So anyway, that's what's going on with me. How are you guys? Hasn't that been going on with de Blasio for years?

Nowhere near as bad as it is now, as indicated by the murder rate. In terms of my experience of garbage under the FDR Drive, the city builds this beautiful setup where people can go work out. I understand, you know, sort of the disenfranchisement and poverty and racism. It's chicken or the egg. and nobody gets hurt worse than the poor people who, you know, part of the movement was about, you know, defunding really meant reorganization. You can't tear down the current mousetrap without creating a better mouse.

Once again, we're just in the teardown phase. And so affluent people will continue to leave New York city, uh, affluent people. I'm not, I don't, I don't feel pity for affluent people, but they are the ones that drive a lot of the tax dollars and economic

dynamism in the city. So if you want to live in Baltimore or fucking East St. Louis, uh, that's going to be New York city. If this continues, I agree. Well, you're eating ice cream,

Dov? Good, good. I'm eating a Rocky Road. I tell you, it's a Haagen-Dazs rocking road. And if there's ever been a better ice cream, I haven't heard about it. I enjoy Haagen-Dazs compared to Ben & Jerry's. I find it a little more dignified,

a little more elegant. Ben & Jerry's is trying to, they come up with names like Cherry Garcia. Spare me the pop culture references. Just give me the goddamn ice cream. I could not agree more. I don't need your creative, your creative,

funny, like half-baked or fish soup. Just tell me what's in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The kitchen sink, and it's got caramel, and then they add something else and backing up the garbage trucks.

Give me a classic conservative dog. That's all I need. I have the same problem with Geico Insurance. Are they an insurance company, or do they do comedy sketches? They have your damn Geico commercial. You got cavemen, and they've been trying to outdo cavemen for the past 20 years yeah they're trying to out funny caveman you say you know your insurance if i want comedy

i'll i'll i'll i'll i'll do that no yeah why am i that but are people saying this insurance company is funny we got to get insurance from these people we We got to get involved. And if we're lucky after the car accident, we may actually get to talk to a lizard about whether or not we can claim the front end of this car. I, I, I, you know, I, I don't want, I, there's certain people that I don't need to be funny. I don't need the pilot of the plane. I don't need it. I don't want you to be funny. How do you like that? You're my doctor. Don't try to be too humorous. It'll only diminish diminish my my confidence in you how are you getting back to ben and perry is trying to be a little too creative just give me the ice cream yes give me the ice cream that's it hagen has a dignified company go ahead perry are you

saying all right i say that you guys might be very um biased because you're in the very, very small minority of people who are, you know, do this for a living. And so the average guy who's just, you know, they're trying to connect with the general public here. They're trying to set themselves apart from all the other ice creams. Set yourself apart like delivering a quality product, be it insurance or ice creams. Set yourself apart by delivering a quality product, be it insurance or ice cream. High level of cream, Mahogany Daz,

a German name, never heard an ice cream. I don't need your, I don't need your hippie politics in my ice cream. I don't need a Cherry Garcia, for God's sake. Keep your guitar outside of my ice cream.

And then they lecture you. Ben and Jerry's and they lecture you about what you, about politics. Well, they're out there in the streets, those guys. They are. That's fine for them to do on their own time, but just give me the ice cream.

Keep it out of my ice cream. But isn't this like people saying actors shouldn't have political opinions? I don't mind smart ones having political opinions, but the average actor leaves a lot to be desired in terms of the opinion itself. So I don't mind an actor having an opinion as long as they're not dopey. But yeah, everybody

has a right to have an opinion in this country. Unless, of course, you have an opinion about race. Then it's a major problem. You're not allowed to have that. Ben and Jerry can have an opinion as Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield. They can have an opinion as Ben and Jerry's ice cream.

I don't want to hear it. Ben Cohen, the citizen can have all the opinions he wants. I feel the same way about actors. They're human beings and they're citizens. Thus they can have an opinion. But their opinion, you know,

but don't, anyway, well, you get the idea. So Ben, Hagen has always been more elegant. Ben and Jerry's, it's fine, but they're trying to be too cute. That's my opinion about the ice cream wars.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. I just saw my son. I was just, Ariel, I never knew. I've never been around kids, and I didn't have any siblings who had kids before me. I didn't know that. He means 70 siblings. What's that me. I didn't know that. What's that? You have a sibling?

I don't have any nieces or nephews by way of a sibling. I don't have any close cousins. Long story short, I've never been around young kids. I didn't know they make an erection. Yes. I'm like you. I was the only child. I wasn't around a lot of babies. I did not know that. an erection. Yes. I was actually surprised. I'm like you.

I was an only child. I wasn't around a lot of babies. I did not know that. It was a big surprise. My kid got out of the shower today, and he was drawing, you know, on this little thing. And I looked at him, oh, my God. You know. And then he...

Yeah, go ahead. We're frozen. With a kick in the face, hitting a flip-flop and i thought i thought um you know i don't know when a foot finish starts or how people froze you froze say it again oh no i was saying that my kid was slapping a flip-flop on the floor and i looked down to see what he was hitting and he had a he hitting and he had what's known as a tadpole. But I mean, it was a

real, you could tell. It was a child erection. It was shocking for me too. But you should know that because didn't you guys have erections when you were little boys? Well, I don't remember from the time i was 19 months old

i mean i started early i wheeled i wheeled a stiff piece from a young age but i did but i don't remember that far back you know at 19 three four five you know i remember like having some is it nascent is it like an interest that i didn't understand? Right. And you have like kind of a crush. You know that it feels good. You remember from, because I remember when my son was three, I had girlfriends of mine telling me they had daughters who were, you know, rubbing their vaginas while just laid out on the couch. And they're like, honey, you have to do that in your room.

Right, right. No, no, yes, I've heard that. Yeah, but it's just funny to see it in person when you didn't know. You don't expect that, you know. And so apparently it's not, yeah, I mean, it isn't the result of a sexual fantasy. He was playing with a marker and a flip-flop. No, no.

You know, I mean. It's totally physiological. Totally physiological. Though that doesn't mean that Dan hasn't run around his apartment with a marker, a flip-flop, and a hard-on. I mean, but by him,

it was sexual. Well, that happened to be my fetish, but that's a whole different... I have a marker fetish and a flip-flop. I got, like, a marker. Dan, how's your nephew?

Oh, he's fine. He's fine. Yeah, he's fine. I don't want to get into, you know, that necessarily, but he had some tick bite or something. So they were concerned about it, but he's doing okay. He's on antibiotic. So that's good. I don't want to get into details.

He had a tick bite. He's on antibiotic. That's pretty detailed. I mean, you could have just moved on beyond that. Well, all right. Those are minor details. No, no, because I was concerned. I see.

But anyhow, yes. By the way, last time we had on the podcast, I know Dove is not particularly interested in pop culture necessarily, but we had Ted Lange on. Ted Lange, Ted Lange. I forgot how you pronounce his name. He played Isaac from The Love Boat, the bartender in The Love Boat.

I'm interested in aspects of their lives. I mean, if they have any pop culture figures, then that could be interesting as well. Here's the thing. I personally was interested in discussing The Love Boat with him. And in particular, we had John Joseph on who I handpicked because he's a cruise comic.

And I thought we could discuss some of the differences between cruises in real life and what went on on the love boat. And maybe some of the people that I, that Ted Lange met, because you know, everybody did the love boat. I think that seems like a fun topic. But he, he was just off to the races he's a perfectly nice guy was anybody was it was clear to me i felt it was clear to me that he did not wish to talk about the love boat in any great detail because he just started in with stories about

hollywood that were interesting but but not what i necessarily wanted and so i just kind of gave up um and just said okay we're not going to talk about the love boat. But I told Perrielle, I had told Perrielle prior, I said, can you just email him and say we'd like to talk about the love boat? Yeah. She said she didn't want to do that. Ask him if it's okay to talk about the love boat. And I said, well,

why would I set somebody up to say no to this? If he didn't want to talk about it, he would say from the beginning. Very smart. Listen, my father always said, this was a wise piece of advice. Never ask a question you don't want an answer to. I wanted the answer to it because if the answer was we're not talking about the love boat, I would have said, great, wonderful. But with all due respect, well, we don't need to do this podcast.

Now it so happened that he had some interesting stories anyway, which I didn't anticipate. But I did a podcast years ago with Henry Winkler. You know Henry Winkler. He played the font. So I was doing a podcast with Danny Lobel, who you may remember. He lives in LA now.

And I get there, and I'm all excited to do a podcast with Winkler. And Danny Lobel says, by the way, just don't bring up Happy Days. Don't bring up Happy Days. It's Henry Winkler. What the hell am I supposed to bring up? What are we talking about?

He wants to talk about his new book about fishing. He said, well, why are we having him on to talk about Henry Winkler to talk about fishing? This makes no sense at all. Of course. Well, it becomes conspicuous. And so the whole time the audience is going, when are you going to talk about happiness? I mean, you know, you got to be able to thread that needle, especially if you're in the entertainment business, you know, damn well what people able to thread that needle, especially if you're in the entertainment business. You know damn well what people want to talk to you about. I don't know the name of the guy from the tugboat, the love boat. The tugboat.

That was a different one. That's a different show. I didn't grow up with television. So, yes, the love boat. It's not the tugboat. But on the love boat, you know, he thinks that you want to interview him about politics. I mean, the thing is, if you're allowed to, you know, discuss the love boat for a little while, you get the questions out of the way.

And then we can move on to what else the guy wants to talk about. Move on out of the way. You can't open the door with somebody like that and be like, once you start taking things off the table, you're setting yourself up. But you have to know upfront if they're, if they're unwilling or don't desire to talk about these topics, it makes sense to know upfront. Because he wrote in his bio that he sent me and he was.

But he also said when, when you, you when you said you forwarded to me several things that he wanted us to look at including a couple of plays that he had written and i got a spider sense that he didn't want to talk about the love boat okay normally i would agree with you but i got a spider sense because of what you told me it's good radio if he doesn't want to talk about it, and you do. If you ask him beforehand, then the whole tension is gone. It's much more fun to say, hey, so about this love boat. He goes, well, well, I trust my boy. You go, listen, what do you think that, you know, part of what's interesting about you is the goddamn role that we all know you from.

Nobody, you know, I don't, I forget the guy's name, but I'm sure that not one person in the audience is going, I hope they talk about his playwright. No one's saying that. And he's got to know that. And hopefully you talk about the love story. I don't have the balls to do that. You're correct. You do have the balls.

Listen to me. What do you want? You're a political, you know, a touchy-feely political show host. Your job is to make things interesting. what are you uh you're you're a political you know a touchy-feely political show host your job is to make things interesting hopefully they can also be funny and engaging and dynamic an argument have you learned nothing from stern an argument is worth more than him talking about playwright i know but you have to have the you know you what stern has that we don't have is they gotta be nice to him because he's stern and he can also...

No, no, no. Stop. He was like that from day one. But also, if they leave, he's got other things he can go to. Whereas we had just booked Ted... You're right. I didn't have the balls to push him. Listen to me. You're better off going to the other things than you are talking to him about playwriting

for 60 minutes. You follow me? At least you'll get an argument out of it with the guy from the tugboat. That's the way to do it. The tugboat was another show that only – I feel like it's a calculated risk. You get somebody like that on, you have to assume that that's an okay question. You have to be willing to push for it. If they don't want to talk about it, they'll tell you

oh, and like Henry Winkler did. That's exactly right. In this case, he didn't tell us about not wanting to talk about it. I think you're right. I think he would have talked about it. I did not get that sense. Don't worry about what sense you get. You ask him any

questions that comes to you about that love boat because that's what's interesting. And then we can talk about other stuff, too. Again, I thought it would be fun, too, because me and John Joseph both worked on cruise ships. The great contrast between a cruise ship and a love boat, for example,

on a cruise ship, nobody speaks English. Certainly not their native language. And on the love boat, everybody was American. The bartender, the captain, And on the love boat, everybody was American. You know, the bartender, the captain. But on the real ships. That's already funny and interesting. Everybody speak, you know, the bartender's from Bosnia.

Not addressing cruise ship culture with that guy is like talking to somebody with two heads and never asking what it's like to have two heads. You understand? That's, you gotta, you gotta address it. I don't care what he wants. I don't, we don't have to talk about it for 59 out of 60 minutes, but we have to get it out of the way. I have a confession to make.

Okay, Perrielle, well live and learn. Perrielle, you have a confession. I've never seen the love boat. Oh really? Well, you're a little bit younger. You're 41 or 42. You know, I guess that was a little bit, you know, before you. But anybody that's, you know, an older generation has heard of the love boat. Well, I've heard of it. Yeah. She's heard of it.

She's not from Yugoslavia. Right. Has seen it, I should say. But in any case... Didn't you guys meet up in real life recently? We met up last week for Frisbee and dinner.

I haven't been to the cellar yet since the closure. The cellar is now... The cellar is now open. Pardon? It's open for... It's open for outdoor dining.

The Dollar Tree Cafe upstairs is open for outdoor dining. Oh, wow. Wow. All right. So it might be worth going there just to see, you know, whoever we see.

I don't know. Absolutely. You get to say hi to some people. Absolutely it is. Sure. Yeah. We should go down there. We should do it Tuesday,

but the Vimo will go downtown, but we'll figure it out tuesday is tomorrow yeah exactly tomorrow that's what i meant um but you know this this i don't i look i you know i mean if this covid thing is this contagious in the summer where weather is warm and humid, which is the least, um, the, which is the least likely conditions in which this is transmitted or, or, um, Dr. David off. Well, yeah, that's what I hear. It's the heat and then the humidity, which is why flu is so much less likely in the warm months. And so the likelihood in the fall is significantly higher. I'm worried about the state of indoor experiences in general. And so comedy is... But how do you account for what's going on in Brazil?

What's going on in Brazil? I mean, the numbers are like... In terms of the humidity and the... Well, that's how contagious this stuff is. I mean, if you're indoors in the fall and you have not flattened the curve or eliminated a lot of the probability, you're going to, you know, I don't know.

This whole thing started from one person. So as long as there's even one person left that has it, once we stop lockdown, the whole thing could start over again. So I don't understand what we're waiting for. Because if we're waiting for eliminated entirely, I don't know if that's feasible. Well, I was reading that some notable epidemiologist that was involved in the programming in Sweden and their idea of herd immunity was that this thing is you're not going to just stomp it out until there's a vaccine and it's going to continue to linger.

And the best thing we can do is social distance and still stay in business. And they said that America, either you go full Asian lockdown or you go herd immunity. But if you try to do it in between, it becomes a game of whack-a-mole. And so their position is that we did it very wrong. Go hard or go home is what the Swede basically said. But nobody in America can listen.

So you can't uniformly get people to wear masks. Everybody's going to show up when they shouldn't because we lack an Asian discipline. And that's, what's going to, that's, what's going to, it's going to jam up. You understand what's going on. We lack a discipline in this country. We have a frontier spirit, you know, we. No, not anymore. We just lack discipline. We used to have a frontier spirit, you know. No, not anymore. We just lack discipline. We used to have a frontier spirit, in which case, yeah.

It's really terrible. I would say that the way that COVID has been handled in America is probably one of the greatest failures, of which there have been many, over the past 100 years, easily. Yeah, listen, it's not good, and it's even less good in urban centers. So we'll see, you know, knock on wood.

If you were watching the stock market, you'd never know there were any issues at all. I mean, it's a strange disconnect, but that's neither here nor there. So, Dee, any news with uh fatherhood with uh or with your divorce or any any interesting tidbits any news i just told you my kid's 19 months old had a heart on the length of the length of a baby spoon you understand my kid is all man. He's ready to go, baby. Well, yes. Okay. As far as I got it.

Your kid's got a pole the size of a chapstick. You understand? Which I guess for 19 months is pretty good. Oh, such a pole. At 19 months, a full chapstick? You know, we often talk about penis size as adults. Is there a difference with regard to children penis size? I mean, adults often there's variation, as we know.

But I don't know that there's much variation in children. I don't necessarily think that there is. I think all children have roughly the same size. I'm not sure. I haven't really looked or done research. And when I was a kid, I didn't notice. But I don't know that there's any major difference. If there were ever an area to avoid topic wise, it's not the love boat. It's the size of young children's pieces. That would be the area you want to avoid. I don't know why we can't get through one episode. With due respect, you brought it up. I brought it up because it was my kid.

And it's an innocent thing. And there's nothing wrong with it. And it was a funny sort of observation. Because if you've never been around kids and you don't know, it's sort of surprising. There's nothing lascivious about it. I didn't mean it lasciviously either. I'm just saying scientifically.

I understand. I remember as a little kid, all the older kids were talking about, Mike, I got a big cock. How big is your cock? You got a big cock. The older kids in the neighborhood. I don't remember that. I remember because I remember thinking to myself, who cares how big your cock

is? As a 5, 6, seven-year-old, whatever it is, that's all, it's just you're aiming your urine with it. Who was talking about that at that age? The older boys. How old? The older boys.

Were you talking like 26? How old? I think there were 11 and they heard it from their older brothers. So it was like it got transmitted down. Oh, they're talking about it? Okay. I remember at summer camp, I was 10 years old.

Hey, I got a big car. How's your big Chicago? I think they heard it from the older kids from the movies or whatever. And maybe they knew what the significance of it was because maybe they were more educated on the matter. I'm just surprised that it was happening at scale. I didn't realize you went to porn summer camp. I had never heard more than a couple of kids mention pea size.

Apparently, on bunk number 14, where you were living, every kid in the room was talking about cock size. It just surprises me, that's all. Well, we were 10, So I assume that some of the kids probably knew what sex was and might've actually known what the significance of penis size was. As I always say, the two things I never understood as a young boy is the significance of penis size and oil. Those are the two things that seem to obsess adults. Oil? Yeah, oil. I never understood why adults would talk about oil all the time. Like, oh, well, black gold.

Oh, I see what you're talking about. It was an economic conversation. They were talking about the price of oil. I didn't know how important oil was. I didn't know the importance of a large penis. No, no, I see. That's a fascinating observation made by a madman. But yeah, I get it.

I just thought oil was what you put in the door to make it. I just figured, what if we run out of oil? And I'm thinking, well, I guess it. I just thought oil was what you put in the door to make it. I just figured, what if we run out of oil? And I'm thinking, well, I guess we'll have squeaky doors. Right. Well, also in the 70s, the price of oil skyrocketed, which was very impactful to the average American.

Well, the gas, I understood the importance of gas. I didn't know that gas came from oil. I didn't make that connection. I thought oil was just, again, I thought oil was, you know, I understood the importance of gas. I didn't know that gas came from oil. I didn't make that connection. You understand? I thought oil was just, again, I thought oil was, you know, oil, like oil, you know, oil is like the Tin Man.

You know, the Tin Man needs oil. No, listen, you had a lot on your plate. I mean, at 10 years old, you were still digesting all of the range of penis sizes associated with everybody in your bunk that was talking about whether or not they had a 15-year-old cousin that had a pole on. I mean, yeah, no, that's interesting. That is interesting, right? I don't know why we can't make it through one episode without me having to do mental gymnastics about what part I have to edit out. Why would you have to edit out any of those? That is humor. don't know the children with the penis side because it's nothing lascivious it's an it's an innocent sexual just uh wondering whether there's any

variation amongst younger folks it's a delicate time it's a delicate time like a time well actually yeah it's a delicate time but unless but if you don't mention the race of the child, I don't think anybody's going to, you know, I don't think there'll be any issues on social media. It's only delicate in certain areas. Right. It's also delicate because of the issue of pedophilia has become something that we discussed that.

Oh, you're talking about. No, no, but that's not pedophilia. I mean, I understand the word is being thrown around. That's not pedophilia. Yeah but that's not pedophilia i mean i understand the word is being thrown around pedophilia yeah that's not pedophilia no you get wrapped up that's the word that people have been using to describe these well they're using the wrong word i mean i can't take responsibility for them not knowing the definition of the word they're using that's um something of particular sensitivity if you will i agree um i have a question yes that's not to say mad or dad where i got a lot of them I just see ad oh no it's my father's initials ad his initials alan davidoff so yeah it's just ad you know when I was it when I when I was younger

yeah no I've always liked um tattoos I'm not quite sure why and part of it was just you know cultural and socioeconomic as as so many young people's decisions are uh if i had it to do over i i might not ink up but um why they're great yeah no i mean i don't have any major issue with them i just um as long as people don't attribute too much significance to like yeah this was when i like I like, you know, just take care of your kid. You know, whether or not you got his initials on your arm, just make sure you do the right thing about the kid. There are all kinds of people that show up twice a year to their kid's birthday party and then Christmas, but they have them tattooed on their arm. Do you have any Emerson tattoos? No.

How many ex-girlfriend and ex-wife tattoos are on your body? None. I mean, you know, I mean, well, I mean, the process I am now, I have one that says Jess, but it's like, and then one, that was an older one that was covered up. But after you have several tattoos, it's not that big of a deal. If I have a name that's written right here, I can turn that into an eagle, baby. I can turn that into a bird or an Indian sign. It's not hard to do. I mean, you know, I once saw a prostitute that had

a Thai bitch written across her neck. It's a T-Y apostrophe S written big across her neck. That's a problem. But if you have on small lettering, you know, somebody's first name on your arm, you can get that done over in 15 minutes. They'll knock it right out at that too far. Well, as you probably know, I don't have any ink. It would be ridiculous for me to have ink.

It's just so not... It's not your style. We get it. It's not my style. It would be me trying to be something that I'm not. Well, what does that mean? How so? Well, I just, I'm just, to me, look, I grew up, I'm old school. First of all, I grew up at a time when you had ink meant you were in the military or you

were a biker or you had done time. Now, all of a sudden, you know, everybody has that too. So it's taken me a while to adjust to that. But even there, I feel like even by today's standards, I'm not a tattoo-type person. You know, to me, the discernment... Have you been to the Genius Bar at an Apple store lately? I mean, you know, but I understand what you're saying. When I grew up, they were not common, too, among certain socioeconomics. store lately i mean you know it's you know but i got i understand what you're saying when i grew

up they were not common too among certain socioeconomics so they i mean but i grew up you know in a shitty environment so they were common among the people i knew but yeah i got yeah they're not they were not yeah how old were you when you first got when you got you first oh i was like 18 like 18 like just turning age. And then how often do you get them? Like are you still getting them? Yeah, every year, every couple of years. You know, I'd be walking around someplace or I'd be on the road

and I'd stop in and get something. But I don't know. I mean, it's, there is some, yeah, I don't, I'm not sure. I mean, I think early on, I think it's more superficial and aesthetic, even though like some of the stuff is from books and things that are very meaningful to me. But, you know, you write that on your soul, whether or not you have it tatted on your arm, what's the difference. But somebody once said, it's important to commit to the things that you love. And they were talking about things that they had tattooed on their body,

but I don't see it as important. And it's, it can be important. It depends what you do with it. But I don't, I mean, I enjoy the way ink looks, I think. I don't know if I ever asked you if you miss doing standup. I don't think I know a lot have said that they had missed it. I don't know if I asked you that question. Yeah. I think it's a good question. You, I think you answered it, which is you don't miss it. The thing that much you miss these sort of

circumstances. Yeah. I guess I did address that. I miss all of that as well. And I've had these thoughts, you know, that, that like, like a premise that you'd want to build into something. And so I miss having the ability to go on and make connections with people and, you know, and sort of that creative process. I miss like, you know, trying to create a new piece of something, but also stand up.

Although the standup part is inseparable from some of the social part. And I feel isolated. So it makes me miss it that much more. What about the road? I mean. Yeah, well, I miss the paychecks. I miss the paychecks and i miss um aspects of the road yeah because it felt like i don't know it just feels more engaging than the groundhog type day that is more associated with this covid landscape you know it's astounding we're almost in july i mean this thing started in mid or early May. The amount of time. March. Just insane. In March, rather. March. I'm in March. Yeah, just insane how long we've been living this way.

It really is. And it's perhaps the more challenging aspect of it is that it ain't coming to a close anytime soon. Well, we just don't know. I mean, as you said. We do know it's not going to end in the next month and a half. We know that. We know that. And Broadway, by the way, I think just announced they're not opening until January 2021. You've got Disney, you've got Broadway, you've got pro sports, you've got every bar in New York City. You can have a drink on the sidewalk. What happens when it comes to the fall, especially for single people and young people? It's like, you're going to have a drink on the sidewalk. What happens when it comes to the fall, especially for single people and young people? It's like, you're going to lock

yourself in your apartment? It's one thing if you've already led that life and you have a wife and a kid. It's tough on people psychologically and all the other ways it's tough. Well, your kid, as I mentioned, by the time he's even aware, it'll all be

over. He gets to just be a kid through all of this. And then when he's three or four and actually knows what the hell's going on, you'll be able to say, you won't believe what just happened. That's right. You know, because he's not, he doesn't, I mean, I don't even know if at 19 months you're even, maybe you are. I have no memory of it. If you're aware of anything. He's not going to remember anything. No.

You know, for No. Who will? My son will. Your son probably will never forget. This for him is a big deal. But for Emerson, in 19 months, he's doing what he would have done anyway. He's crapping his pants. He's running around

the yard. He's doing what he might otherwise have yard and he's doing what he might otherwise be doing what he does you know i saw him yeah oh no i mean they're missing out on socialization you know i mean that's not that's not a healthy normal thing for any of us including very small children what is what what socialization does a 19 month old-old have necessarily? A lot. I don't really recall. Well, they go to little classes and they have little friends and, you know, they're around other kids. It's how you learn to function in the world.

It is. I had to read my kid a book earlier this afternoon called Teeth Are Not For Biting and Hands Are Not For Hitting because the kid is slapping at things and they'll try to you know he's not sure yet but when you socialize the kid you let him know that you know yeah um yeah i don't recall doing much socialization until like three years old but maybe i but oh i can tell i can tell i mean that could just be my memory could be faulty or that could just be how it was no you you wouldn't remember though i mean oh i don't remember you know i'm sure my parents took me whatever to you know to the beach and i played on the in the sand and i put sand but you had you had two sisters right then yeah well i had two sisters yeah well that's a form of socialization if you're an only child although my you know jessica has a friend and they play with with

the her friend's daughter and we still go to the playground i had him at the playground today and so in new york city playgrounds are back open by the way yeah. Yeah. They're all opening up. Is that wise? Well, it seems like a lot of the transmission isn't outdoors in the sun and in the open air, but I don't know what's wise anymore. I mean... But as you said, like when fall hits, then what do we do?

You can't hang out outside. Are we back to lockdown, you know? And do we have the the um resolve to do this again yeah and forget fall what about winter yeah that's right what about winter yeah um all is like you can function outside in the fall it's you know what about you know febru. I don't think that the resolve is there on a national level to initiate another, you know, big lockdown. I just, I don't see the will there and I see the economic impact being so profound that the underlying comorbidities is the word comorbidity being so negative

that they'll really question whether or not, you know, I don't think the will. I don't think both. I mean, you understand that Europe is banning Americans from entering the continent at this point. Like they're looking at this, us like, you know, we were just like the biggest morons on the planet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. At the end of the day, but if

all we're doing by lockdown is slowing the process, maybe it's better to just let things go because if we're all going to get it anyway, then what's the sense prolonging it? I guess the sense would be to

get a vaccine which i don't i'd like to go on record and say this vaccine stuff is fucking nonsense there i mean there's never been a vaccine in the history of medicine that's been turned around that quickly right Right, yeah. Yeah, I've heard that as well. The flu vaccines are different every year, I believe. I believe every year the flu vaccine is slightly different because there are different strains of flu. So in that sense, there are new vaccines, I believe.

Yeah, but the flu vaccine doesn't necessarily prohibit you from getting the flu. No, but it is very helpful. It lessens the impact a great deal. It's very, very helpful. And we've also never had the entire resources of the world working on a vaccine, you know, with this level of intensity. So I think that that's a factor as well. Right. Yeah. That's a factor. Yeah. I'd like to balance that out also by saying I have no idea what I'm talking about.

Well, that's part of your brain. There are plenty of PhDs on both sides of that argument, so I'm not sure that knowing what we're talking about actually makes a difference here. I mean, you can find doctors that don't see it coming, and other doctors are pretty confident there'll be a vaccine. I don't know. I mean, you can find doctors that don't see it coming and other doctors are pretty confident there'll be a vaccine. I don't know. I don't know.

We're almost at the end, but I do want to ask, and I sent you a quick text about this, you know, about the idea of bringing guests into the bonus podcast, which so far it's just been us. But, you know, we only talk about your child's erection or my hair.

So many times. Right. And unless something brand new comes up, you know, then maybe it's worth inviting, I don't know, who are people you enjoy talking to, Dov? I mean, in the event, if you actually want things to discuss, I mean, you can just run the top five things in addition to whatever you wanted. In, in, in addition to that, there could be the top five search,

you know, trending things on Google. Like there's always a million things to talk about. You don't need somebody else, but that should be a really good idea. I like that idea. I don't mind that, but Dove doesn't necessarily love to talk about pop culture necessarily.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I said the top trending things and I love to talk about pop culture necessarily. No, no, no, no, no. I said the top trending things and I'm fine talking about pop culture in, in the context of me, not necessarily knowing.

And so I would try to make something funny or engaging or have a comment about it. I'm not gonna, I'm not, I want to talk all day about Justin Bieber, but who the fuck does? I mean, if you're talking about things that are trending, it's going to be political, it's going to be cultural, it's going to be racial. It'll be interesting. I'm not worried about that. That's a good idea. Yeah. I mean, literally, just

pull the top five trending thing on Google that week, and whatever the most interesting ones are, the top ten, you pull five of them, and then in addition to whatever's going on in our lives, and then in addition to that, you get a Todd Beret, you get an Al Tucher, you get, you pull five of them. And then in addition to whatever's going on in our lives, and then in addition to that, you get a Todd Beret, you get an Al Tucher, you get, you know, we can figure something out.

But with all due respect, I mean, I think the idea is that you guys are the talent here, right? We're not trying to farm out and get other people. But the part of the talent is learning how to, it's like playing an instrument. You know, I've got, I'm playing the Todd Barry over here. We do that twice a week. So it's like, you guys need to step up to the plate and, you know, shine, shine bright, honey. Yeah. Shine bright, honey. Yeah, shine bright, boy. Well, the difference being is the other, the guests on the Noam podcast tend to be more political,

tend to talk about issues where, you know. Listen, Joe, why don't you try to, why don't we try to, you know, get one guest a month? We'll have somebody on once a month, once out of every four times, or if you want, twice, you know, you try that. Okay, so possibilities are Al Tucher, Todd Beret. Yeah, sure, yeah. You know, you try that. Okay, so possibilities are Al Tucher, Todd Bure. Yeah, sure, yeah.

You know. Yeah. You know, I will. Not for a little bit. You can go right down any list of comedians. I mean, you know, nobody has anything to do right now. We can get plenty of comedians. Although Todd Bure and Al Tucher both had things to do tonight.

Well, if you talk to him 10 minutes before the podcast, you know, they've got to mentally prepare. That's what being on the edge psychologically is. I'm skeptical that Todd Bure had anything to do. I just think he didn't want to do it. No, that's not true. That's not true. He had another show.

I believe him. He might have had another Zoom. He might have had another Zoom Zoom. Todd is very involved with his cat. Yeah, I know Todd is a cat lover. He's a cat lover. So we can talk about that. There are people...

What's that? There are people who... Those are the kinds of people that they are. They have these relationships with their animals. Yes, that's right. Which is something... no that's uh look you we can't pathologize things unless of course they're preventing those people from achieving some objective in their life in which case if you're not really able to sustain a relationship

but you're super involved with your cat then there may be an issue but otherwise you know we'll talk to that uh we'll talk to that todd beret i know okay go ahead never mind i'm saying you know so so perry l if you could put todd beret on the calendar he's i i will talk about it hey bye oh in terms of dan in terms of uh social media you know that branding stuff so what can I tweet out? I mean, other than just a link and like a static picture of what we're doing right now,

is there anything that I can, like, I'm waiting for a little video. Okay. All right. All right. All right. So we'll see you.

I guess that's it for today. And we'll see you next time. God bless. Live on the table. The bonus episode. Podcast at ComedySally.com for today and we'll see you next time. God bless. Live on the table. The bonus episode podcast at comedy, Sally.com for comments and suggestions. Bye. Bye guys.