The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Bonus Episode #7 with Dov Davidoff

Episode Date: July 21, 2020

Bonus Episode #7 with Dov Davidoff

Four of it. Is it going to be video as well? Video, yeah. I don't care. You look good. Well, very good. You're looking real good. Thank you, man. Dan's in Hawaii. This is the Pacific Northwest, I think.

Northwest. Let me do the introduction. This is live from the table, the official podcast of New York's world-famous comedy satellite coming at you on the Ridecast Podcast Network. This is the bonus episode. This is Dan Natterman. I'm here with Doug Davidoff and Perry Alashian, brand and producer.

And we have a guest today. We don't always have guests on the bonus episode. Today we do. His name is Todd Barry. Is it good that I'm not, you You don't usually have guests or is this like where you just put the secondary guests? This is a special honor that we've, in other words, we're very selective. Okay. We don't just put people on because, well, we need a guest. We say, well, who would contribute in a substantial way? By the way, Perry, I wanted me to mention that I'm not in the Pacific Northwest.

Yeah, I didn't think so. Just a virtual background. I assume you knew that. Todd certainly did. But maybe it's their people at home. Oh, I see. Also, by the way, you can watch us on YouTube in addition to the Riotcast podcast network.

Hello, everybody. Hi. Juanita or Noam is joining us right now. It looks like. Hold on. Oh, okay. Well, that is a nice surprise. Let's see who's here. A nice surprise. Probably Noam or neither. Or nobody. We have an empty room coming at us and a dog Okay well I don't know what that's about But anyway Todd I haven't seen you literally since before the pandemic Either on video

I might have seen you at Rachel Feinstein's baby shower Yeah I didn't get a word in on that one That was more of a That was like a roast Yeah I also laid back to be. I didn't try that hard. Well, it is odd when you have about 30 or 40 people on a Zoom. Usually when you have 30 or 40 people at a function, you can pair off.

And I can talk to Dove about what I want to talk to Dove about. And you would talk to who, you know, but when it's everybody, it's much more difficult. And it became like a roast, everybody jumping in, insulting everybody. I stayed on for two hours, too, man. That was draining. Yeah, I mean, I love Rachel and everyone involved, but it's not easy. That's painful. Yeah, it's not easy.

Hey, how you doing, Juanita? Hi, guys. Hey, how you doing, Juanita? Hi, everybody. Hey, Juanita. Well, we have two guests, so this is unusual. This is so unusual. What are you guys up to? What are we talking about today? Juanita, did you work, Juanita?

What? You look good. You look very healthy. You look good. You look sunny and fresh and and um uh vibrant oh thank you you don't mind the gray no i like the gray it's very distinguished it sets off your radiance this is ranita dwarman she is us today from the Dorman home in, I guess, Westchester County. Is that correct? Yes. Todd, we haven't seen you in a while. I mean, everybody wants to know

what is going on with Todd Barry in lockdown. Oh my god, so much is going on. It's great, super fun, right? No, it's awful. Just taking a lot of walks, getting my feet sore. I have two podiatry appointments so far because I'm walking so much. That wasn't a joke. City? Truth. What's that? Todd, are you still in the city? Yeah, I'm in the city, yeah.

Oh, God. I'm on the Lower East Side. Get out of there, man. I'm on the Lower East Side as well, Juanita. But anyway, Todd, I'm here on the Lower East Side. Are you full mask? Are you dealing with certain socially distant situations? I'm very good about the mask, and I'm also, I get very angry.

I almost get angrier at someone who wears it below their nose than I do someone who doesn't even wear a mask. Yeah. I feel like Woody is trying to do a little workaround or something. It's like, wear your fucking mask. Have you gotten together? Like, I'll meet up with Dan and a couple of people, and then we create, you know, enough social space

that we take the mask off, like like in the park. Have you gotten together with anybody? I've done a few dinners and outside drinks, which I don't know if it's super safe. I think, Todd, from what I hear, that outside it's hard to transmit

it outside, but that's just what I read, and they seem to change. Yeah, that's what I think. I went to the comedy cell of the Olive Tree last night just to see who was there. I stopped by a couple of times as well. I made a special trip. David Tell was there. Oh! Yes, he was.

Big Jay Oakerson, Ari Shafir. And was everybody, were they just sitting out front, sort of hanging out? Or was there rather some unifying event that drew everybody there? They were just hanging out out front. People just go there.

I went there alone, but I think Dave and Big Jay and Big Jay's girlfriend. And they all, I think, and Ari Shafir. I'd like to stop by. It's nice to see people. Yeah, I think that's where all the comedians are meeting up and just hanging out and saying hi. Yeah, just show up and someone will be there.

Somebody will be there. And if you're lucky, it's somebody that you can roll with. Or you can make plans ahead of time. But I like the surprise element. I like potluck. You never know. Am I going to get somebody interesting or is it going to be people that I have? Is it going to be a Natterman night?

How did you get there? How did you get there? I used the subway and distancing. I haven't been on the subway once. Is it safe? I don't been on the subway once. Is it safe? I don't know.

You'll have to ask me after the incubation period is over if it's safe. Have you been tested? I haven't been tested. Have you all been tested? I'll put it out to everyone. I've been tested three times. Antibody or regular test? Regular test. I haven't left the house.

Where do you get tested? Where do you go to get tested, Juanita? Yeah, the first time I got tested in New Rochelle when that whole outbreak happened. Oh, yeah, yeah. It was a lot in Westchester. Took my whole family in that minivan, eight of us, and we all got tested. Drive-thru. All tested negative. And then, well, maybe I only got tested twice i just got tested

a week ago with my mother came over she was feeling nauseous and uh we were like oh my god it's covid we got tested or it turns out i food poisoned her the the dormans are very cautious i know that uh they're mostly staying in the house has noam gone has he gone to the comedy cellar in all in all this time yeah he's gone he's gone outside to see what house. Has Noam gone to the comedy cellar in all this time? Yeah, he's gone outside to see what's going on. Has he gone to the comedy cellar? Well, there's no comedy cellar.

But they're eating outside. So has he gone to the sidewalk? He's gone for like five minutes. Because he was being very cautious. He's building up. Because I'm told you have asthma is that correct and then so that's i don't have asthma i have like a uh i was mitral valve prolapse which is not really not supposed to be anything i have a small heart condition and i have um i'm pre-diabetic so he's just really

nervous about it well Well, Todd has a cat. Todd, you've been spending a lot of time with your cat. Yeah, we're... Oh, he's so cute! Yeah, let's see. A sweet cat. I never got along with cats, but... Why not? You seem like a guy who would have a cat. Nonsense. Dan's all man.

That cat looks bored out of his mind. I think the cats know that i'm on to them and so they don't do that they don't fool me so they're a little you're not on to them nearly such as they are on to you man well we're on to each other and so there's a mutual distrust i have i've had dreams where i'm in fights with cats. You know, it enters my subconscious. So, yeah. Dan? Yes, Periel has a question. Periel, you say what?

I feel like you're burying the lead here a little bit. What's the lead? Well, then you, by all means, dig it up. Dig up that lead. You are on the subway. I mean, I haven't been on the subway in five fucking months. What is going on? Don't gloss over it.

Why? I can't believe you're taking the subway. Well, it was either that or, well, the bus. But it's kind of far. Or I could have taken a Revel moped, but I feel uneasy on those things. Yeah, don't do that. How about a city bike?

Well, the city bike's kind of, especially, it's very, very hot right now. The city bike is a bit far. There are electric city bikes, but they're impossible to find. I've been trolling city bike on Twitter because they have so few electric city bikes that I'm on Twitter, and I say things to them like, what do you call an electric city bike that's at a nearby station when you need one? Uncharged. Things like that. Wow, I didn't know they had electrics.

I didn't know that either. Yeah, there's electric city bikes, but it's almost impossible to find one. Maybe they can sponsor you if anybody from City Bike is listening right now. Dan, where were you traveling that you took the subway? To the Olive Tree, to the Comedy

Cellar slash Olive Tree. Oh my Lord. No, from the Upper East Side. Noam. Noam, he's wearing no shirt. How you doing, Noam? Why do you guys

have shirts on? Pardon? Why do you guys have shirts on? It's shirt day off. Hello, Mila. That's Norm's daughter, Mila. Hi, Mila. How you doing? Everybody go talk to mommy.

Everybody come talk to mommy. Wait, who's the other person with the long hair? This is my niece, Gianna. Oh, cousin Gianna. I met you. How do you do? You look a lot like your cousin, Mila. But I don't want to get bogged down.

You look like twins. I don't want to get bogged down in the Dwarven family minutiae. Because I don't know that our listeners you know... Dan Edelman has been taking the train to the olive tree. Is that nuts? Should he be

on the train? Don't brainwash it. I don't let her think for herself. Have you taken an Uber at all, anyone? I've taken Ubers, taxis, and trains. What are you wearing on the train? Gloves? Hazmat? I don't...

What are you wearing? I wear a... Dan is a woman now. He wears a light sundress, and he's been thinking about a lot over the past... I've been wearing a mask, and I keep my social distance. Such a distance.

And what if... Is the subway empty or crowded subway is medium it's not crowded and it's not empty it's medium um so i mean it doesn't feel crazy it does not feel crazy but you know with each passing day you become and i've talked about this before you you get you go a little bit further you know it's like anything in life. At first, it seems crazy to do something, and then you get used to it, and then you keep going and going

a little bit further, a little bit further. Like the first time you shoplift, you're a little nervous, but you do it. And the second time, you know, and before you know it, you're robbing a bank, but it's gradual. I was going to make that same joke that you just made. So congratulations.

Crazy is also relative. You know, I mean, Dan's been on the edge for a long time. A little trip on the subway is not going to... You know, I mean, we have to eventually start living. It doesn't mean we have to start being crazy, but we have to start living. And the vaccine is probably not coming for another year, year and a half.

What are we supposed to do? Well, we're supposed to put on masks um and you know do we do it for the next two to four weeks so this can fucking what happens in two to four weeks it's going to make it okay to then all of a sudden be more relaxed about i'd like to reiterate that the united states has and dove please correct me if i'm wrong but if i'm not mistaken the united states has approximately four% of the world's population and 25% of COVID cases. And what percentage of COVID cases would you say we can take the subway? Why did you fact check that with Dove, Vivaldi?

Because I feel like he's not knowledgeable and sort of worldly. Dove's a poser. I'm not posing. I'm not posing. I'm not posing as a physician. He grabs a piece of paperback and walks around. I would say that a number that is more commensurate with our percentage

Commensurate's not even a word. Commensurate's a word. Commensurate is a word, as it so happens. Not commensurate is not even a word. Commensurate is a word. Commensurate is a word, as it so happens. Not commensurate. Todd, have you been... Now, there's a lot of people, you know, talk about their using this time in lockdown to be productive.

Todd, Dan wrote a novel. That's correct. Really? I'm editing it now. Holy shit. And if it's as successful as my other writing projects, you'll never see it anywhere. Do you have someone to show it to or like an agent or anything? Dan is a young...

I'd like to read it. I have not known... Don't you send it out to your agent? I got to go through this first pass of edits, and then I can send it out to people on a select basis. So you wrote a full novel. I wrote a full novel. I started a year ago, but because of COVID,

not that my, look, let's face it, I got free time with or without COVID, but COVID gave me even more free time, and I was able to work on it. Are you going to submit it cold to people? How are you going to work it? I don't know. First, I'll give it to some selected people to give their opinion.

And then I do know a couple of agents. For example, our friend Karen Burgreen, her agent I know, I've met. Ah, there you go. Karen Burgreen's a comic that published a couple of novels, actually. So I know her. Iris Spiroiro before COVID. Dan is like a young Saul Bellow, a young Philip Roth. Well, I think they were probably younger than me when they wrote their most more famous work.

Dan is a little older than they were when they wrote First, but Dan's work is more mature. It's got seasoning. But I'm younger now. So tell me, the question I have for Todd Barry is what have you been working on? I've been working on a screenplay, which is going to tear up Hollywood now that no movies are being made. And I'm doing my first set ever tomorrow.

Oh, wow. Yeah, outside in Brooklyn. I did a set at The Stand about three nights ago. The Stand Comedy Club. They have shows outside on the sidewalk. How was it?

It wasn't bad. You know, it wasn't bad. I mean... Were you rusty? How many people are going to hold on the sidewalk? Oh, wow. I don't know.

Maybe 30 people. And, yeah, I was a little bit rough. Like, I forgot some of my jokes. And, like, I'd tell a joke. I'd be like, oh, shit, I forgot how this goes. You feel crazy? But I only had to do 10 minutes, so it wasn't that big a deal. If I had to do an hour, it would have been, or 45 minutes,

it would have been a big problem. I just canceled. Todd, I was on my way to Arizona. Oh, my God. And stand up live last weekend. And then when I went on the NewYorkCity.gov website, they said that I would have to quarantine for 14 days upon returning. And obviously I canceled, but I didn't know how I was going to do 45.

Oh, you wouldn't have to quarantine there? I thought you'd have to quarantine there. Well, no, no, because the cases are so much higher there now than they are here. It used to be you'd have to quarantine there, but now you have to quarantine to get back here. I thought the agent would know. I mean, I didn't realize until I researched.

You should be going to Arizona. Or Florida. Or Georgia. I think there are 15 different states that if you're coming inbound to New York City from, you have to quarantine when you get here. Half the country you can't go to, including

California. A safe area is Rwanda, I just read. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They do comedy there, but seriously, their cases are very low. There's some other conflict, but you're unlikely to get COVID there. Yeah, Rwanda's good. Can we hear a little bit of... Where in Brooklyn is your gig, Todd? Where?

Fort Greene Park. I don't know. Oh, in the park? Yeah. That seems safe. It's outdoor. Yeah, how should I get there, though? I live in lower Manhattan. Well, I think if you're really scared, a bike or an Uber. Yeah, I'm going to take an Uber, I think.

But wear a double mask. A double mask? Yeah. I've never heard of anybody wearing a double mask. I double mask? Yeah. I've never heard of anybody wearing a double mask. I double mask. Just because you haven't heard of it doesn't mean it's not a thing. Right. Just in the Uber

though, right? Yeah, and make sure all the windows are open. Yeah, that I know. So I went into an Uber where the guy had a partition which I thought was nice. But then I've been to Ubers where they don't have that, and you're like... Yeah. And wear gloves.

Yeah, I'm going to wear gloves when I touch the filthy microphone. They say they're changing out the mics. Like a wrapper on it or something. At the stand, they gave us each a separate mic, and then we plug it in. And Jew that I am, it took me a little while to figure out how to plug the mic in, but I got it eventually.

I ate up some of my time, but everybody had a separate mic. I thought you made that part of the act, didn't you? No, no. It killed, Todd. It killed. That took up five minutes. I don't know how to use a microphone. I'm exaggerating a little bit.

It probably didn't take me that long, but yeah, it wasn't bad. that long, but, but yeah, I wasn't watching some shows. What shows are you guys watching? Well, I was watching money heist, but I finished money heist. What is that? That's a show on Netflix about a group of people. Going to the mint in the, you know, the, the mint in Spain, it's a Spanish show. They go to the mint in the, you know,

the mint in Spain. It's a Spanish show. They go to the mint and print money and then they print their own money and steal the money from the mint. Is it a documentary or drama? No, it's a most. Dan speaks all languages. Dan speaks three, four, five languages. He can pick it all up. It's not a documentary at all.

It's in fact, it's utterly ridiculous and preposterous. It's completely unbelievable. And there's quite a few plot holes in it, but you enjoy it nonetheless. And you let your... You suspend your disbelief. Is there any way you can give us a teeny tiny insight into your screenplay?

I know you probably don't want to tell us. No, I'd rather not. Okay, okay. But can you tell us the genre? Is it funny? It's a hilarious dark comedy. Of course it's funny. There's parts for all of you. Have you ever known anybody? A cat in the Lower East Side.

The reason I chose to write a novel this time around, because I've written screenplays in the past, is because I actually know people that have published novels. I don't know a soul that's ever sold a screenplay on spec. I know people that have written screenplays because they're paid to write screenplays. I don't know anybody that's written a screenplay that doesn't already have a deal.

Maybe he has a deal. He might have a deal. Yeah, I have a $10 million deal, Dan. There you go. I know, it's a long shot. And then just getting people to read it and but yeah. Well, you know, listen, it's not like a novel is any slam dunk

relative to a street slam dunk. But a novel, you know, I know people that have published novels like I said, several people in fact. You know, they might get a tiny advance. I know somebody got a literally $500 advance for her novel. Ouch.

I don't get this, Dan. You don't have a deal, but you know people who have gotten deals. So you wrote a novel because you think, because you know people who have gotten deals, you're going to get a deal? No. I say I got to do something. I got to do something. So what do I think is the most likely to bear fruit?

And my estimation was. I think you the most likely to bear fruit? And my estimation was... I think you and Todd are in the same boat. Well, don't ever say that. Well, first of all... That boat ends up in a very dark place. Three of the five people on the panel... I've never been involved in something like that in my life.

Three of the five people on this panel, Wanda, Juanita rather, have had book deals. Dove, of course, published his book, Road Dog. Todd Barry has a book that he wrote, a memoir of life on the road as well. Periel has two memoirs about her sexual awakening. Sexual awakening. Neither

one of those books are about any sexual awakening. Oh, she couldn't credit it. The cover says otherwise. That's right. That's just marketing. Maybe not your awakening. Maybe your sexual effervescence. You've already, we were awoken

and this just takes it where it left off. Dan, what's your genre? I feel like yours is a slice of life kind of novel. My novel has everything. It's got something

for everybody. It's got something for everybody. Dan has written a, a, a, what do they call that?

It's like a meta novel. It's a novel about a guy writing a memoir. You understand? Is it really? That's correct. Oh, that's not brutal. Well, I don't even know if it looks, structurally it might be a mess

and structurally it might not even work at all. That's what they said about Moldy Dick. That's what they said about War work at all i was ambitious i was ambitious and so but but it's it's it's funny but it's also there's there's there's a pathos whatever that means that's just a word that people use pathos todd and it's got it's got sex there's sex scenes he's bending all through it there's nothing this guy doesn't have in this novel. And there's poignant moments, hopefully. Does it have a title or do you not want to share it? Well, the title is, as Dove mentioned,

Iris Spiro Before COVID. Because that's the name of the memoir within the book. You see, you've got psychology. You've got romance. You've got enlightenment You know what, all jokes aside I would be a little concerned about having COVID in the title Because I feel like they're going to be inundated

With books with COVID in the title Nonsense, not a book like this That's what they said about Moby Dick, Todd That's what they said about Hopefully I'll be the first one Because I was already writing it Well before COVID I integrated COVID in it

I have an idea For your second book Anyway, Noam has just entered with his pajamas on Noam is taking my privilege I have an idea for your second book It can be after COVID You can talk about all your train rides and adventures, sex on the train, all that stuff.

After COVID. Well, it's not really written to have a sequel, but that's certainly a possibility. Noam, why are you wearing pajamas? That's not psychologically healthy to wear pajamas when it's broad daylight outside. Although you can only see your chin. Can you come down a little bit?

Sit down next to me. Why am I wearing pajamas? Because to get dressed for the next three hours holding my pajamas on to go to bed, it just seems silly. I just don't think it's good for you, Noam, because we've talked about this before. You've got to pretend that this is normal times

or you're going to sink into a kind of a depressive state. Or am I too late? You're right, Dan. I mean, yeah yeah but i'm i guess that's what that means put on pajamas that's why he's got a captain america t-shirt on because you can't sink into a depressing it's a match set it's a match set oh no i was at your establishment last night uh the olive tree cafe what was it called oh yeah the all i vaguely remember um i mean i don't know you know

is it uh i don't want i don't like to count noam's money but is is is this helping at all is this helping the financial situation to have it open for outside business or oh i i did he ask you we're gonna need donations oh i don't i have money. I mean, obviously, it's probably a loss to open up. But we need to be open. Comedians come and hang out. Yeah. We just have to be open, I think. I don't think we'll lose that much more by being open.

But we lose. I couldn't even tell you how much money we take in day to day. I don't even look at it. And no, there's no more guidance from the city in terms of some sort of capacity, opening, when, date, timeline? Nothing. No, no, nothing. Nothing.

It's horrible. Are we talking about racism? You can if you want. You can. We can. We can if you'd like. Well, Todd has a play and Zan wrote a book. Todd has a play.

It's a screenplay. Green Platinum is a novelist known. A young Saul Bellow, a young Philip Roth, a novelist. You know, Cariel tried to bang Paul Roth. No, no, those are the Dan takes after. Todd's a deep guy. I'm sure his play is really good. Yeah.

Screenplay, not a play. Does anybody like screenplays really good? Yeah, yeah. Thank you. What do you think Dan's book is? Do you think it's good? I can't sit like that. Dan's book should be good, too.

But I think Todd may have more of a commercial sense. Dan may be a little narrow. That's what they said about Moby Dick. Bring up Moby Dick every two seconds. And this is Dan's first book this this would be my first book yes okay no no um do you have so you you have a racism uh question or issue you'd like to discuss no not in front of my wife you can't talk about it in front of your wife we talk about it all day we had dennis we. Young, by the way, on the last podcast.

You know, from Styx? Really? Yeah. How did that happen? Because he's not doing anything. He also did Gilbert Godfrey. How did he track him? How did you get Dennis D. Young?

You know, I can't give away my trade secrets, you guys. He probably has a website with his actual email address on it. Yeah. By the way yeah he also did by the way he also did gilbert godfrey's podcast and perriel's good friends with gilbert's wife so maybe that's how i don't know okay but that's racism i saw that dennis well i'm getting to that or maybe i'm not getting i saw that dennis was on youtube he was singing some of his song from home i thought that was interesting so i said perriel can you see if Dennis DeYoung's available? Anyway, Dennis DeYoung said that him and his wife have been married

for, he's only had one wife, and they've been married since like 20 years old. And Perrielle said, what's the secret? And Dennis said that, well, we're both very similar. And he said that we're both, for example, half Italian. And I noted that Noam and his wife do not share

any ethnic kinship. Neither of us are half Italian. We have that in common. We're doomed. Well, yeah, apparently, yeah. Go ahead. Sorry, Dan. Does that ever come up in your marriage, Noam, the racial issue?

Noam's wife is Puerto Rican and East Indian. Every day West Indian Every day in the bubble over my head Noam's on a roll Every day I remind him Of his white privilege Every day That's why she married me

She married me to get her hooks into some white privilege no one said jokingly not in front of my wife but i'm wondering if you were entirely joking is there anything that you feel that you wouldn't say uh that you might say now just something you wouldn't say in front of me no about race no no that you would say uh in front of uh no my my my view i my views on race are pretty well known and nothing i'm we have somewhat the same view yeah yeah there's nothing there's nothing that i think i'm embarrassed about there is a time it seems to be melting a little bit where a kind of pretty traditional liberal view on race about wanting people to you know be judged by the kind of their character and

things like that seemed like it could get you in trouble so i told her not to talk about it but um no i don't think i mean we don't we don't have any neither of us have any coleman noam did you see the the last uh there was an interview on it's called unheard on youtube heard h-e-r-D with Coleman Hughes about it was entitled The Moral Case Against Black Lives Matter, and it was an excellent conversation with Coleman. Yeah, I would recommend that we all watch it. First of all, I

just want to say that the headline of that interview, just to you know, he didn't, that's not his headline. And it's a nice, he completed another Polly Bridge level. It is not a fair

encapsulation of the interview to say he was making the moral case of Black Lives Matter. Just for the record. So I do really recommend that interview with anybody who is interested because he really does lay out a really powerful... Everybody owes it to themselves to listen to this interview, because we all have these emotionally charged opinions, but they're not substantiated by any data. And so everybody, the narrative is an ideology and it's emotion and it's nonsense. But it's really, Coleman doesn't have that same issue. His opinions actually seem as though they are substantiated by arguments that can be backed up often

statistically, which nobody seems to be able to handle. Is this the guy you said is a Todd Berry fan? Is this Coleman? Todd Berry fan, of course he's not. Is he a Todd Berry fan? He absolutely is. I think he called you the G word. There you go. A genius. I think he called you a genius um and and listen callman you know i speak to

callman a lot and callman i can't tell you how many times he'll say to me you think i'm wrong here right i'm missing something do i have to rethink this he He's very, very humble to the idea that he might need to revise his views in some way. He's not like that self-assured, but he follows the, as you said, data and logic. And I guess some personal experience. He's black. Can you give us a tidbit of what he said in that interview to say wet heart appetites? Well, Doug, what do you remember from it? Well, I remember hearing him making the argument that a lot of the over-racialization of ideas and narrative and even identity politics is divisive and has an effect that will be

counterproductive to the very reason the movements began in the first place. And so it will further divide, further disenfranchise, and further manifest itself in comorbidities, which we see all around us in this city right now. And we better be very careful about taking the tip of the spear off the streets, these plainclothes cops. I understand there may need to be a reorganization and a reeducation, but you yank these guys off, homicides go up by 300% over the month of July, and now there are leaders in the black community saying, we've got to get these guys back on the street. So let's be very careful about what we call, Todd, Barry, externalities, which are the unintended consequences of a policy or a decision.

You sit there with your cat. You don't go outside. Dan's on the train. He's writing a novel. He's coming up against the world. Dove, do your neighbors complain about you? Sorry, I apologize. Dove's in a... Oh, no, he's not in the house right now. He's in the apartment. He was in the house previously.

Noam, are you leaving us? No. Did you hear your tell again? Jesus Christ. I think that Coleman... Dad doesn't want you to walk. I don't know if we're going to spend this podcast talking about what Coleman said, but Coleman said, first of all, he makes the point that the data doesn't want you to walk i mean i don't know if i spent his podcast on what colman said but colman said first of all he makes the point that the data doesn't show um

a disproportionate number of black people being shot and killed by cops it does show a disproportionate number of um black people being mistreated by cops so he he doesn't and and he thinks that racism is is part of what goes on and he supports all measures to stop it. But he thinks that racism is only one small ingredient in our problem and that if we were to eliminate racism entirely, all these other problems would remain and they're significant in terms of family break. I don't want to say them cause I'll get tarred with having said them. You have to watch his interview, but you know, he, and he lays it all out and he also talks about how the air has become very

fixed, you know, with critical race theory that white people and black people almost can't even be friends anymore. I mean, you know, like, like. Apparently you didn't see Sherrod Smalls latest Instagram post where the two of us are sitting on a stoop in Greenwich village. And we were getting likes up the wazoo because America needs that right now. America needs to see me and Sherrod Smalls together. That's a good screenplay. It's called Buddy Cup.

Cause last night when I was down in the village going to the olive tree, I bumped into Sherrod and we shared a moment. So that should give America hope. One of the things that really bugs me, I know Coleman would agree, but I think he agrees. When the mayor of Chicago tweeted out to, what's her name? Kelly McEnany?

I can't remember her name. Calling her Karen. Says, you know, watch your mouth, Karen. Yeah. So Trump's press secretary made a comment about Chicago being, you know,

out of control. So the black mayor of Chicago tweets out to the white woman, watch your mouth, Karen. And I'm like, well, you know, I understand it's not painful for a white person to be called a Karen. But isn't there something wrong with resorting to racial epithets at a high level of mayor in Chicago to come back? So they're teaching us like, you need to talk to your children about race and you need to discuss it. And I agree with all that.

Now, what if my daughter Mila hears the mayor of Chicago calling somebody a Karen? How do I explain to her that everything I told her about not judging people by their color and it's wrong to pick on generalizations and all that stuff, how do I then tell her, but it's okay if the person is white? It also moves the goalpost known in the conversation about culture. You're not allowed to have an observation if you haven't occupied another person's skin. It's the nature of cognitive bias. If I'm wrong immediately for any observation that I have that is not flattering about a minority community, then how do we have an honest conversation about an observation or an idea?

It moves the goalpost. If being white is inevitably sort of prevents you from seeing things from another perspective, it removes you from the right to have a perspective. And so if you're Karen in that, go ahead. No, well, first of all, I wanted two things. Yeah, being white, you should be careful, I think, that you don't have the full perspective on things. I know you agree with me.

Yes, of course, be careful. But don't remove you from the conversation. Right. You need to be able to learn from other people. And obviously, you don't know, you have no idea what. You need to be able to learn from other people. And obviously, you don't know, you have no idea what it's like to be black. You can imagine. And people with better skills at empathy

will maybe imagine closer to it. But a lot of people are going to imagine it very arrogantly and just totally underestimate how traumatic that might be and what kind of hunger that could cause you but with the thing with um but but the thing is that you shouldn't you shouldn't be punished for talking about it or expressing your opinion right faith with love in your heart even if you get it wrong like you know like even if you say something it's 100 180 degrees opposite of what it's like you but you're willing to have the conversation

you want to learn they're gonna they're gonna hang that around your neck and try to ruin you with the fact that you didn't know going into the conversation what you're supposed to believe and the very fact that you didn't know means you're some kind of monster and that's what it's come to i'm just what i think so the lightfoot thing i just want to be very clear in case that i don't i am not offended i. I am not insulted. I don't think anybody, virtually nobody white is really pained by the phrase Karen. people have, like Robin DiAngelo, what society is supposed to look like once we improve it in 30 years from now and we follow everybody's, all the anti-racist advice. What is that society supposed to look like?

Can it really be that people will still be calling white people Karens? I mean, that just seems like a totally divisive society. It has to be based on principle. And that principle has to be that it's wrong to judge people by the color of their skin. And otherwise we're doomed.

We're a multiracial nation. We have to get rid of that idea. That has to be the third rail. You cannot judge somebody by the color of their skin. You have to judge individuals. Period. I vote for Noam, 2024.

You know what? People will not agree with me. It just doesn't make any sense. You know, if we're judging people by their actions, and we all know this is true, there are Karens on both sides of the fence here, okay? Was it Jussie Smollett? There's a new guy in the news who wrote that he had some racist things at college on his car.

And it was all a lie. It's on both sides. So it makes no sense. Are they not Karen's too? Here's a hypothetical I would ask Robin DiAngelo if Perry Oliver gets her. So let's say our daughter, our mixed race daughter comes home with a with an african-american boyfriend right yeah her dad says hell no you're not dating that black because that's that's racist right that's clearly racist yeah because her mom was like now what now what

if her mother said to her hell no you're not dating that black i know apparently apparently by their theory that's not racism. Because only white people can be racist. So I would just say, Juanita, would you tell Mila? No, but they would consider that racist, too. No, they would not. That's the point.

That's not true. From what I'm reading about white fragility, she actually believes that people of color cannot be racist. It really reads that way. Because she's a crazy white lady. No, no, no. It's because also, there's something

about the power structure that is inherent in racism. Why? Where did that come into the definition of racism? That's the modern definition of racism? I think it has a lot to do with... That's the modern definition of racism.

I want to just... It doesn't hold up! I just want to say that Todd sometimes gets uncomfortable with these conversations. Todd, do you... Todd is a heterosexual. Sorry, Todd! I'm laying back and listening. I'm good.

Todd is a full heterosexual. Well, be that as it may. I don't know this person you're talking about, D'Angelo. Who is that? That's the woman she wrote a book on, White Fragility. Okay. Not White Fragidity, which is a story about my ex-girlfriend.

Hi-oh. Hi-oh. There's a problem. Yes, I hope you can get her on on i really want to talk to her well you don't sound very confident in my abilities well you could get a guy it's not a guy you can offer i'm sorry is that how she gets all the male guests i don't think she'll come on because i don't i don't think she's the type that wants to maybe you can maybe you can tell her and it would be interesting to talk about you know how how in in the comedy workplace i should internalize the lessons that she

teaches and by the way some of the book is quite valid i don't you know and that would be an interesting conversation but um i just feel like she only wants to talk to people who, you know, treat her like some kind of hero. What do you think of these Trader Joe's label, these foods that they have? Did you hear about this? Yeah. They have like Trader Jose and then they have a Trader Asian thing and people, they're going to phase them out because people think it's racist.

I mean, do they have a Trader Sh or schlomo they might i don't know i know they have trader jose he owns the building well i mean it's interesting because i don't see why it should be it i don't see what's wrong with it i mean it but i don't think anybody really cared about it but what's happening you get so tuned into something it things begin to bother you that wouldn't otherwise and self-fulfilling prophecy you'll get you're caught up in a narrative that is coming at you from all sides and it it becomes inescapable and so you begin to see everything through the lens of race which is the opposite of what mr. Martin Luther King said about judging a man is content and not the color of his skin.

You know actually my father years ago he met Dr. King and he said hi I'm Dr. King and my father said it hurts when I go like this. Dr. King said I'm not that kind of doc. I'm not that kind of doc. I'm not that kind of doc. So, listen, you get so caught up with it. I told this story, but it's really a true story. I was watching Star Trek. I was watching Star Trek. Yes, racist.

Dr. McCoy gets mad. He goes, shut up, Spock, you half-breed, green-blooded son of a bitch. Right. And I'm like, Jesus Christ, Dr. McCoy. My word. I really like, you can't talk about it being half-breed and green-blooded.

Right. And, you know. The Vulcans have a position of power in the galaxy so that it wouldn't be racist. I guess not. Obviously, if you hate somebody because of their skin color, well, there's no word for that, I guess.

I mean, that's racism. That is racism. And if you're a Jew and somebody, a minority group pounds you on the head. If you have money, it's only racism. In the current discourse, if you are unempowered financially, it's only racism. It's why you can say whatever you want about the Hasids and nobody will call you, you know, ethno, whatever. You know, it isn't racist. It isn't punishable by current contemporary climate. But let me tell you why it's really, why that doesn't hold up.

Oh, I know why it doesn't hold up. I'm just saying that seems to be the current, you know, colloquial racism. Well, let me give you a reason that I think is not commonly talked about why it doesn't hold up. Yeah. It's the following that if you look into why we consider racism bad we consider it bad supposedly because it's actually not legitimate meaning that it actually is not um logically or it is actually not logically correct to assume that somebody is something based on race. You should not assume that Jews are cheap because they're Jews.

That would be, I mean, if Jews really were all cheap, nobody could criticize you for that. It is wrong to generalize and that's and that will get and if it's wrong to generalize then calling somebody out because they're white is still indulging in that same anti-intellectual absolutely and i don't want to call it racist so maybe you want maybe they want to say well it's not it's not the same because the power struggle i guess in a certain way is not the same but you're embracing untruths but i don't think that's why people are horrified by racism i think they're horrified by racism because they've seen the consequences of it historically so if i said that oh redheads she's a crazy redhead you know how they are people wouldn't be upset because redheads have not suffered. They may have suffered.

Of course, you're right there. But let's take it the opposite way. If she can call somebody a Karen and she says, no, no. Well, what would she say? She could either say, listen, I don't see how they can get out of that. If she can call somebody a Karen, she can say, yeah, I think it's perfectly fine to judge white people by the color of their skin. That's the only way out of it.

If she says, no, it's not fine to judge people by the color of their skin. I'm just doing it because it makes me feel good. Then she's just saying, well, give me a break because I'm, you know, I have some hate in me and it makes me feel good to do it. But you're the mayor of Chicago. Like, I could cut, I even cut Ilhan Omar a little bit of slack because she was raised in Somalia. And I imagine that she was kind of really brought up in an atmosphere where she heard a lot of untrue things about Jews. And, you know, if you're brought up with that the whole time, maybe it's hard to break out of that. I cut her a little slack. Maybe I shouldn't, but I do. But the mayor of Chicago, an American born person, is just going to indulge in racial talk like that and then expect, like I said to Coleman, what kind of strategy is it to embrace everything you're trying to eradicate?

That's what, like, we want to get rid of people, you know, hurling racial epithets. So let's just all do it ourselves. It doesn't make any sense. No sense whatsoever. But ideology isn't just about making sense. It seems to serve an overarching objective, which has nothing to do with nuance and rationality and a sort of coming together,

or sort of creating a dialogue that everybody feels a part of so that it doesn't become a game of gotcha, which is, you know, I mean, right down to... I had expressed... Excuse me. I had expressed some thoughts about cats

earlier in the podcast before Noam got here. That's right. I'm listening now. I'm listening. Perhaps I spoke out of turn, but I find it to be aloof and cold and shifty. Joyelle Johnson

hates cats. This is the last thing I'll say. Periel, since you're the stand-in for everything woke and liberal, you can ask this. Oh, no. So Mayor de Blasio was mayor for seven years.

In those seven years, he got rid of stop and frisk, which I thought he should have gotten rid of it a long time ago. I was in favor of that. And NYPD was considered to be a pretty good police department. And he knew better than anybody what was really going on and he had seven years to deal with whatever he wanted to deal with so then in his last year some you know nazi cop in minnesota murders a black guy and what does the mayor of new york say holy shit i need to get rid of the anti-crime division in new y. And I need 20% of the budget. I'll figure out later where to cut it from.

But this is what I need to do now. Now, obviously, this is a rational process of anything. First of all, you don't even make the connection that what happened in Minnesota reflects what happened in New York. If you do think it does, then why didn't you do something about it the last seven years? Why cut money? I mean, why not? I mean, from every angle, it makes no sense. And if you just, and if you say, wait a second, I'm skeptical of this in a, in a problem solving way as a businessman, like as somebody who I have, have i have to i have to optimize the police

so i'm skeptical of what's going on here now you don't care about the problem that's now now you got to be careful but nobody could say this makes any sense but why would you think because somebody's murdered in minnesota that you have to immediately have to cut the new york city anti-crime. And about half of the NY New York Police Department is black. This doesn't make any sense. I don't think it's quite half. Almost half is non-white. It's non-white.

It's non-white. Okay. I was pulled over by an Asian, actually, about a year ago. You were going 55.5 miles an hour? I made a left on York and 70-something. That was pretty good, guys. They didn't only cut the anti-crime unit. They also cut the shelter outreach, and that's why we see so many homeless people now.

Well, I don't know if that's taken into effect yet, but the anti-crime unit has actually been cut already. So you said that Perrielle represents all that is woke. So does Perrielle have a woke explanation? Can she woke explain? Perrielle is a communist. A communist. She is. What am I being asked right now?

You're being asked why does it make sense to cut the New York City police budget? Willy nilly. All right, look. There's no answer the issue is huh the issue is that i mean we've discussed this at length right like i, I'm not going to be able to give you an answer that is anything that you haven't heard me say before. I mean, I don't know if, you know, I can't speak to de Blasio's strategy for whatever the fuck he did.

And I certainly think that, you know, turning New York City back that, you know, turning New York City back into, you know, the murder rates seem like they've gone through the roof in the past, you know, few weeks or a couple of months or whatever. And that's a disaster, obviously. But, you know, I definitely believe that there's some really serious problems that do stem from racism. And those, I'm not saying that they're being addressed properly. You know, changing the name of like Traitor Jose to something seems absurd. But I do think... So what Periel has done is what's typical, is that she zoomed out from a very specific question that a person really

in a position of authority has to deal with. Okay. But I didn't answer that question. I mean, I don't know what... The answer is obvious. Wait. Okay. Go ahead, my wife. Go ahead. Speak to your truth. I wouldn't answer it the way that... go ahead, my wife. Go ahead. Speak to your truth, sweetheart.

I wouldn't answer it the way that... I mean, it doesn't make sense to me to defund the... All right, I have a friend. She's Italian. She thought that they were defunding the police. This is what she thought. She's white. She thought they were taking the money from the police

to put it back into training for the police. This is not what they're doing. They were taking the money and putting it back into training for the police. This is not what they're doing. They were taking the money and putting it back into the communities for social workers or whatever it is to help resolve these issues. Maybe. We don't even know that. We don't even know that.

That was the argument, that the money could be better spent. A lot of people are confused about what defunding the police means. But if you're taking out the anti-crime unit that's helping these minorities in these places where they live, it just doesn't make any sense to me.

And now they want it back. So many, over the past three weeks, how many children, forget about adults killing adults, how many children have died over the weekends? Every time I turn on the news on Monday, it's heartbreaking. This is why the term is the externalities, which are the unintended consequences.

Everybody gets caught up in that term racial justice. And then the first thing they think is we're going to yank the anti-crime, plainclothes guys off the streets that really actually stop crime. And the first people that are hurt by that are the people that are most likely to be yelling, you know, for the BLM narrative, are the people in vulnerable communities. It's not the people in the West Village getting shot yet. Not yet. It's like the White Walkers.

What was that show on HBO where they had the Knights Watchmen on the wall? People forget. And I was out in Montclair in the suburbs and, you know, an affluent suburb. And I see these lawns and it says racial justice. Nobody knows what that means from that context. You don't rip cops off the street that were stopping crime. You get the point. Right. Yeah. Ironically felt the most that racism was the most directed at them are going to be the most hurt by the unintended consequences of a policy like defunding or reorganizing in some sloppy way. um arrogance in the way they treat people overreacting to situations which can lead to you know manhandling whatever it is and and finally this may be the biggest problem i don't

know how to solve it which is the friction that comes when in the pursuit of the guilty, they end up dealing with the innocent. All the people who fit the description or look around or in whatever way or another, all the innocent good people minding their own business who find themselves with their liberty impinged or pinched, even if it's for a short amount of time, it's very serious. There's no answer to this.

And they, and the cop is the representation, even the polite cop. Yeah. Problem is that, that is hard. It's hard because you're, you're angry and you're not polite to the cop.

And then the cop may snap back and it escalates. And this, this causes tremendous resentment and towards the police. And that is a huge problem. It's real. And I don't see how just cutting money is going to change it. Noam, Noam, I just just shift gears a little bit because we have discussed this on the other, the main podcast.

It's also the nature of proximity, Noam. If you're interfacing with the police or anybody else, it's almost like a friendship. Listen, I see Dan once a week. There are little things about him. We all love Dan, but there are little things. If you live with somebody or you interface with them on a regular basis, whatever problem, whatever agitated variable you're experiencing is going to be compounded. And so if you have the police coming into communities,

as a white person living in a rough area in the Bronx years ago, I was pulled over far more than a Puerto Rican would have been on 165th and Woody Crest because I fit the description of somebody was buying drugs. Anyway. Dov just alluded to the fact that he's certain things about me annoy him. One of those things is that the chicks like me better. But you know, you'll just have to learn to live with it.

Noam, are you going to be at the Olive Tree anytime soon so I can see you in person? I'll go down there and make a special trip. Oh, he misses you, honey. He wants to see you in person. What day? Today is Monday. Today is Monday. Monday is Monday. You have to go get the mail for me.

Let's say Thursday. Okay, Thursday. Also, if you want to invite me over to your house for swimming and barbecue, I'm open to that as well. You have to take a rapid COVID test. Have you been tested? I haven't been tested. I had to read my COVID slip. Where can we get a rapid test, do you know?

A quick one? There are places in the city I can find out for you. Dan is COVID free, but has rabies, ironically. I also want to say in my defense that I pronounced the word incorrectly. You were right. It is commensurate, but I used it other than that correctly. And so to answer- Yes, you did. I knew that. How did you pronounce it? Commensurate or commensurate. And so the answer to the question, when is it safe to ride the subway, is when those numbers even out,

would be my answer to your question mr natterman oh yeah when those numbers even out right before you came on no i was saying i took the subway to go to the olive tree and perriel said that it's too dangerous to take the subway and i said at what point is it no longer too dangerous to take the subway what When can we start doing that? New York is pretty safe right now. There's 1% positive rate in COVID tests. And I think that's among people who think they might have COVID, right? It's definitely much safer than it was when we were walking around having a good time at the end of February and the first couple weeks in March when we were all just packing in um I think you can if you wear a mask I mean better if you don't take the subway but I don't think it's I think it's very unlikely to catch it in New York

right now well the point is that we have to you know go back to living our lives at some point so at what point you know would that be unless we're just going to wait for the vaccine which could be a year or more you might have to spend a little more money Unless we're just going to wait for the vaccine, which could be a year or more. You might have to spend a little more money, Dan. I was just going to make a bad take of you. But Dan, aren't you right about like subway crime? Oh, sorry. Sorry, Todd. I was just going to shit on him for being cheap.

Or broke. We're not allowed to say it's because he's Jewish. Whoa. Todd can say it because Todd is Jewish, although people don't know that about Todd because he doesn't, A, doesn't mention it in his act. B, he's an overwhelmingly

Jewish-looking. Not to say, I mean, he has a look, but it's not a Jewish. Todd is a handsome man. I never second didn't know that Todd was Jewish. I never, I never even, I never even actually thought of it. I just didn't.

It was just part of the gestalt. I always knew he was Jewish. But how would you know that? He doesn't seem it in any overwhelming way. I didn't know Todd was Jewish. You didn't know that Perry? No, I didn't. Maybe the name Barry, Barry something.

Yeah. I feel like he could easily pass. You didn't know that, Perry? No, I didn't. Maybe the name Barry. Barry's something interesting. Yeah. I feel like it could easily pass. Is it your last name or it's not? It was originally B-A-R-I coming through Ellis Island, and it got changed. But B-A-R-I sounds Italian. I know.

It was Syrian now, I think. Todd could be Italian. Todd grew up on a shtetl in eastern Poland. So you're a Spartan Jew, Todd? No, I'm not. He's a Sting. I just had a story. I got to go help my kid build a bridge.

Okay. Be nice to my wife. We're about to wrap things up. Oh, wrapping it up? Well, we're glad to have you on. Pardon? What are you doing? He's like... wrap things up well we're glad to have you on i'm so worried about juanita saying something wrong well juanita is of color thus she has a certain latitude to say it has a right she can say pretty much anything i would imagine. I mean, maybe not. She does. Juanita's got caramel skin that does not age.

She's made a deal with the devil or something. Get easy, Dan. Sometimes it's like little, Dan will compliment my wife and it's like, it's a little... Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. He's not far away from jerking off while he says it. Caramel skin and a fine ass, it doesn't it? Caramel skin, so fine.

That's about it for today's episode of Live from the Table. Thank you, Todd. You're welcome. Thank you for having me. And tomorrow, you can see Todd. If you're willing to brave the COVID, you can see him in Brooklyn. Yeah. Where can people find that information, Todd?

Where can they find you? Well, I actually told the people to not advertise me. So if you go to the Fort Greene Park at around 9 o'clock, you'll see a bunch of comments. Is it paid or is it gratis? It's a token payment. Okay, man, you come show me. What does that mean?

That means it's not very much. Maybe they... It's small, yeah. It's a cab fare type situation. Well, yeah, the stand, they just gave us something to eat. Oh, really? Yeah, I mean, they're not actually...

There was no cover charge. It was just the people that are eating and they gave them a show, a free show. So, you know, if you want to practice a joke or just get the rust off, you know, I'm sure they'd be thrilled to have you, by the way, if you want to contact Adele. I already put in. They don't give me a lot of

spots there. I think they're mad at me or something. That's between you and the people at Stan, but they don't have many spots to give, obviously, right now. They only do, I think, one show a week. Thank you, Juanita Dwarman. Thanks for having me. Bye, Juanita. Nice to see you, Juanita.

Bye-bye. I miss you guys. We see you Juanita. I miss you guys. We'll see you soon. I'm coming over. Podcast at ComedyCellar.com for questions, comments and suggestions. I'm coming for swimming, not for any lascivious purposes. Stop! Oh, fuck.

I guess that's it. We'll see you next time at Live from the Table. All right. Bye, everyone. Live from the Table. Are we still recording or no? We are about to stop recording.

All right, let's talk about Dan. He's not here. Wait, wait, wait.