The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Bonus Episode: Comedy, Cruises and Plane Crashes with Ashley Austin Morris

Episode Date: July 19, 2025

This is Live From the Table, the official podcast of the world famous comedy seller, available wherever you get your podcasts and available on YouTube for a multimedia experience. Dan Natterman here. Once again, we are without Noam. He is away with his family on a cruise ship, oddly enough, because I'll be away on a cruise ship coming up in a couple weeks. So he's not here. So we're going to once again not be overly political. And I'm with Perrielle.

Hi. Ashenbrand. Hello. Nice to be here. And we have a guest this time. Yeah. Ashley Austin Morris. She has three names.

Hi. How do you do? I'm good. How are you? Fine. Thank you. Ashley is, I'm using my best radio voice. I know it's really good. Hey everybody. It's really good. Heavy traffic on the BQE.

So Ashley Gossamorris is a new MC here. Yes. And very delightful onstage and off. She does a great job. And everybody seems to like her. And she's a little insecure. I am very, yeah. She's worried she's gonna get fired. Yeah. Thank you. You say you're still worried you're gonna get fired. No, I don't want to worry. No, I'm not worried I'm gonna get fired. No, I'm not worried about that. But I do

try to, but I do try to be mindful of always doing a good job. And so I don't do new material here very often. Like I'll slip one in. Yeah, the weight of what this place is, I think is always at the forefront, right? Like it's amazing. It is for me. It is for me, but I just got here. But it probably shouldn't be for me after all these years.

That's a lot of it is just my own neuroticism. Mischa gasp. Mischa gasp. And also because it's usually a big crowd. I know I always feel more comfortable doing new jokes in front of a smaller crowd, regardless of the venue. Sure, sure. So other clubs, I won't mention them because I don't want to mention clubs that don't usually have big crowds.

But there's other clubs that I prefer to. Yeah. Do new material. But by the way, I wanted to ask you up front. Why you have three names? Is that a SAG thing? Oh, it is a SAG. No, at first it was Equity. So when I joined Equity, my first job out of college was, I went to acting school, and

the first job was this play, and you have to join the union, and there was already an Ashley Morris, and she's also in SAG. So Austin was in my email because I was living in Austin when I got email and so everybody always thought that was my name anyway. So that's what we did. That's so funny. Yeah. That's not your name. No. That's a great name, you know. I hope so. I don't know. Are you from Austin? I'm not. I'm from Texas, but I am I we lived everywhere, but I lived in Austin in between high school and college. Okay. So yeah, but my family like we're not from there, but my brother's there though.

Ashley is a newish mother. I am. How new? Five and a half months. Wow. Yeah, that's pretty new. He's pretty new. that's pretty new. Wow. Yeah. That's pretty new. He's pretty new. That's really new. Yeah. Yeah. Now, did you think that you were just never going to be a mother?

I never wanted to be. Because you reveal on stage, so I'm not saying anything that you should talk about, that you were an older mother. Sure. As mothers go. Yeah. I mean, for the South, yeah. I mean, you should be grandmother by now. I should be a grandma. Yeah mothers go. Yeah, I mean for the South, yeah. I mean you should be grandmother by now.

I should be a grandma, yeah. But there's certainly, there are grandparents your age obviously. Yeah, maybe. No, I don't think so. Typically not in New York. No, no, I'm not that old, Dan. I'm just like not in my 20s. Maybe in like Yemen.

But do you mention how old you are on stage? I ballpark. I ballpark. You know what it is? I love getting older. I have no problem with getting older, but you know, when you're, I need to buy my mom an apartment. Okay.

So I need every job I can get. So I'm not, I don't want to say my age anymore. Like this just came to me like yesterday. How is it, how is it being a mom and a stand up comic? Have you found that like? Perrielle, you're one. I know, but one of the reasons why I don't go on the road is because I don't wanna leave my kid.

And I opt to sort of produce my own shows so that I don't leave him. I love that. I don't wanna leave him either. I mean. I don't want to leave him either. I mean, I wouldn't have a problem with like one-nighters or maybe two. Yeah, especially now. But right now I don't want to.

That's why the timing of getting to work at the cellar is like, God, thank you, perfect, right? Because I want to be here anyway to work at the cellar and I don't want to be here anyway to work at The Cellar and I don't want to be leaving my son right now. But it's amazing because I get to be with him during the day and then his dad's with him at night. Like is that what you find? And my mom helps me. So... Is your ambition to be a road commenter? No, that's never been my ambition. No. That's not my ambition either. Yeah.

I don't... It's my ambition to no longer do it. Yeah. I mean, listen, but I also said I didn't want to be married and I didn't want to be a mother and I love both those things. So maybe I'm going to be a road comic and be like, this is the greatest life ever. I'll be at ha ha's next week. There's any hilarious. Well, maybe. I don't know anybody that enjoys it, but you know, especially as you get older,

but I guess for younger folks, it may be okay. Yeah, but going on tour is fun, right? Yeah, like Sam Morell, I mean, he has a boss, like that's amazing. You know, he's at a different level. He's at a huge level. You know, and I still wouldn't like it, by the way, if I were at that level. I would like to, I think that would be fun. I want to experience it.

I would do like a few shows here and there just to make enough money and then, yeah, no, I don't like it at all. Um, if it were that level, I would like to experience. Well, that would be helped. That would help. Yeah, but not at my level. I don't want to do it. But the first time I remember going on the road years ago and I said, this can't be right. This can't be what't be what stand-up is. This is horrific. I thought it was like, you know,

if you performed in New York, Yeah. that you'd make a lot of money because it's New York. Right. And then I got into it and I realized, oh, you can't make any money in New York. This shit, I mean, this shit don't pay.

So you have to leave New York to make any money. I was like, wait a minute, hold on, this can't, no. I know. And I'm like, well, maybe I'll get a TV show and then this'll be all behind me. But anyway, the best laid plans. But you know. Wait, I have a question for you.

When you like open for like Louie in Chicago or something, like that's not fun. That seems amazing. Yeah, that seems. That's a relatively, relatively fun. Okay. Okay. But still not fun. Really? I don't like, I get, I get stage fright. You know, I mean, this is the worst job for me. I was thinking, you know, but

the only job for you, I think actually, what else? I mean, I mean, I have a certain aptitude for it, I suppose. But so in that sense, it's for me. But I just I just get so anxious. Yeah. But wait a second. What if the good news is when I mean, the one good thing is, is that when the show is over, the relief is so great.

So great. Yeah. So I guess, you know, in that sense, I guess it's like working out. It's unpleasant, but at least, and you're sitting in the steam room when it's done, you get those endorphins. Yeah. So I guess that's a good thing, you know.

But what if you were like a surgeon and you got really nervous before you performed surgery? I don't think I would. Well, I mean. Ooh, do you think they do that? I never even thought about that. Maybe, I mean, it just occurred to me right now. It's totally possible that you'd be like a brain surgery.

No, because I never thought I'm never going to have surgery. I never thought, no, because public speaking is a primal human fear and surgery is not. Well, so it's like maybe killing somebody by a lot of responsibility. Yeah, I don't know. Well, I don't know. Well, you're right. But I think a lot of surgeons have a God complex. I mean, maybe. But like, you're the anesthesiologist and you're like, oh, my God. Those guys are arrogant. I fought one at my c-section. I got in a bad fight with that guy.

Maybe they're not all arrogant, but the one at New York Presbyterian is. You want to name? I mean, the one in my colonoscopy seemed nice. Yeah. Oh, really? I guess. Is that an anesthesia? I guess that's anesthesia. It's not. I'm not sure if propofol is officially anesthetized. Yeah. But you're not out out. Like they don't, you don't need like a breathing tube.

Is it like local anesthetics? No. You're out. You're out. Like you're not out out. Like they don't, you don't need like a breathing tube. Is it like local anesthetics? No. You're out. You're out, but you're not out in the way that anesthesia makes you. Yeah, no, not with this either. Not with what I have. It's a different kind of out.

Yeah. It's like, cause I think like, like when you're being operated on, it's like you can't breathe or something or, or maybe that's a different drug that they use. But I don't know if it's the same, whatever. I think you're talking about the Michael Jackson drug. Yes, probably followed as anesthetic agent.

Oh my goodness, look at this place. This is the cellar. Yes, but is it, how is it different than anesthesia that would be used, say, in open heart surgery if there is is a difference, and there may not be. But I'm pretty sure- We're veered off from the- Well, that's okay, we can veer. But it's interesting to think about,

because you're saying this isn't the job for you, what would be, think about what your ideal job be? Ideally, the job would be nothing. You really don't wanna work? I'm terrified of AI, because I love working. No, I would, if I like were on the lottery, you know, I would come here. Yeah. And I would do and I would maybe do a podcast and if I won a hundred million dollars in the lottery, yeah, or even five million dollars in the lottery, I would come here. Right. And you

know, and and do and do comedy here and do the podcast. Yeah. But I wouldn't go out on the road. No, no, no. Yeah. Would you do your own TV show? Like, would you write a... Well, no, because, well...

Well, you always said that was the goal. But you're talking about I have to invest money to make the show? Yeah, but now you have $100 million. Okay, but I also said also if I inherited $5 million a hundred million maybe, but five million no. Five million, maybe a couple hundred thousand in Bitcoin. Well, how are you going to get it? I'm so confused. Never mind. How am I going to get the five million? I'm saying the lottery. No, but I don't know how you get the Bitcoin. Oh, you go on. Well, there's different ways, but I just have some on Coinbase. Wait, do you really? Right now? Yeah, very little, very little.

A couple thousand worth. Very little. I can't believe that- By the way, Propofol is a drug used to induce and maintain anesthesia, while general anesthesia is a state of controlled unconsciousness achieved through various medications. I'm not exactly sure-

Including Propofol, along with other drugs and sometimes inhaled gases. Well, anyway, all right. Let's not get too far down this rabbit hole. We can bring it up next time. But I do think it, I don't think it's the same type of drug that they would use for say open heart surgery. It's unbelievable that even in this hypothetical

five million dollars, you won't spend it to make a show. Because there's a lot of money to make a show. But not five million. My goal was to be on TV to make money, but I already got the money. That's what I would make a show with that. I thought it was a fun, a relatively fun way to make a living.

But an even better way to make a living was to come here every now, you know, a few times a week, hang out. Yeah. You know, they do a podcast, you know, with guests. I'll tell you what, if I'd invested any money it would be to pay for guests, to get for guests to come on. Oh, that's nice. I have news for you.

Oh, you're like, you're gonna be like, no, but it wouldn't be you. Well, I'm just saying, like, if a guest was- Like a famous person. Well, people I would wanna talk to. But yeah. Top five. I mean, I wanna talk to Ashley, but-

She's already here. We can get her for free. This is true. Top five? Yeah, who are the top five? Well, but she's already here. We can get her for free. This is true. Top five. Yeah. Well, anybody huge, huge. Top five. I wouldn't have enough money to get.

Oh my gosh. Why? You. This is a fantasy. Paul McCartney's not going to do this for two grand. Paul McCartney, go ahead. Two grand, that's the max. That's what you're offering.

But like somebody like in a lower range, like Neil deGrasse Tyson maybe could do it, maybe would come for a few grand. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe not. I feel like he's busy. Go ahead, who else?

Science. He's not that busy. You really? Bullshit, come on. I'm not sure. Some of those people I sent you that are like, you know, I'd have to think about that. Okay. So, so, so maybe that's maybe, maybe that's not. You have sent Brooke Shields before you have expressed.

Oh my goodness. She's so funny. Yes. It says Neil deGrasse Tyson in the range of a hundred grand to 400 grand. That's crazy. But that's for speaking. So, you know. But also have you ever done that Google how much people think you make? You can do it. Yeah. It, you know. But also, have you ever done that? Google how much people think you make. You can do it. Yeah, it's much higher.

Yeah, it's like, I wish, you know, so I don't know. You could probably get them for less. But anyway, yeah, so the road is not your ambition. So what is your ambition? I mean, I was always wanted a TV. My dream would be to have a TV series and then do stand up in the summers, like on hiatus or. Yeah, so you and I are similar in that regard. Except when I was starting, the difference is when I was starting.

That was a thing. That was a thing. Yeah. It's still a thing. TV shows aren't the thing that they used to be, especially. You can make a TV show now. That's what's amazing.

Can you? Yes. Make a TV show, really? Yeah. Who's make a TV show. Now that's amazing. Can you make a TV show? Who's making a TV show? How do you get, you can make little clips and hope to get a, to make an actual 30 minute show. You can't do that by yourself. Not by yourself, but like you can make a pilot. You can write a pilot. You can shoot it. You could always write around. Yes. You could always do those. I mean, you can write a pilot, you can shoot it, you can snap it around. Yes, you could always do those. I mean, you're not beholden to like these huge studios anymore. You just said you're going to shop it around,

who you're shopping it around to. Producers, executive producers. Exactly. I mean, you can get investors. But that's not doing a show on your own. Well, I'm saying that like when I was 25 years old and I moved to Los Angeles to try and work in TV, like you had no other recourse.

Wait, what years were you in LA? Well, then I would be aging myself. Oh, I was there too. I'll tell you. I think you guys are about the same age, by the way. Probably. It sucks because I love getting older and I really don't care. And it's like, so I hope one day we look back at this time in history and like, that was

so weird that people. It is lied about their like it's so bizarre and don't you know I don't see that happening really yeah because aging is why it's a big deal but in a good way until you're in a diaper and that you know that's like in a good way for the most part until the diaper you know and even then I don't know have you ever had I was thinking about this today have you ever had um what do you call it the thing where there you could just pee the when you get a surgery what's it called the catheter it's amazing it's fantastic so I don't know I never had that that's great I didn't even I was, I think it's less fun for guys. Oh, for us. It's fantastic. Well, look, the I don't want one God, but like in a real life. Yeah, the you know, the approach of of being elderly and dying is a big deal. Yeah,

you say age is just a number, but it's right. It's a pretty important one. But it's weird to be like, oh, I might not get certain jobs. It's weird to base our self-worth on something that is inevitable. We can't change it. So that's weird. My friend's gram has 105. In some societies, well, if I could just finish my thought, in some societies, it's less obviously a big deal, I guess.

And talking to a Japanese friend recently who said, you know, in Japan, you know, the elderly are as we've heard, you know, it's not just a myth. They are more revered than they are here. Anyway, your friend, you said is a hundred. No, I think it's a cultural thing for sure. Yes, my friend's grandmother just turned 105. Wow. Wait, my husband's grandma's 104. Wow. Yeah. Where is your friend's grandma? In on the Upper

West Side. Oh, I thought you were gonna say a blue zone. Is she living alone? I think she lives in like... Assisted living? Yeah, like something like that. Wait, is she Puerto Rican? No, she's Jewish. Oh, I know a Puerto Rican lady who's that age. It's amazing. My friend Jacinta, I'm not gonna brag. I'm not going to live that long, and I'll tell you why. You don't know, why?

Because people that live that long have good attitudes. You know, the way you have to, because you're going to lose so many people along the way to suffer those sorts of slings and arrows. That sucks. To lose all your, you know, you live to 105, you're going to lose everybody. I know, that sucks. And you may tragically even lose people in the generation below you.

Yeah. Which, you know. That's the worst, I would think. You have to have so much you. Yeah. Which, you know. That's the worst, I would think. You have to have so much resilience. Yeah. And you'd be one of those people that, well, you know, just love life and take every day and it's a gift and those are the kind of people.

Do you not think that? Of course I don't think that. You don't be better than that. Yeah, but don't you think stand up gives you kind of a resilience that, it's a, you have to be pretty resilient in stand up. Well, I'm not saying great resilience. I'm saying a lot of beaten people.

You know, did resilience, was Mitch Hedberg resilient? Greg Giraldo resilient, you know? Yeah, but- These are extreme examples, but there's a lot of people on the end. But like look at Phyllis Diller, She did stand up until she was like 90. Yeah, but I don't think as a class of people we're the most resilient. Listen to me, I want to tell you something, and I'm serious right now. You say this, but the truth of the matter is, is that for the past however many decades, you could have opted to do something else.

Yeah, because I'm holding onto the dream. Well, see, that's what- So that's resilience, right? As well you should be. I'm not good with vocabulary, but I think that's resilience. Well, I guess of a sort. But if you just look at the lifespan of comics, I don't know if we're doing worse than everybody else.

We're certainly not doing better. And we're likely doing worse. I mean, I haven't done the math, but- Don Rickles, Mel Brooks. Yeah, they look funny people. Sam Kinison. I think funny people live longer. Sam Kinison.

Andy Kaufman, Ralphie May, Patrice O'Neill, Todd List. Well, let's get to this decade. Let's get to this decade. Has there been any major? Brody Stevens. Oh, that was, yeah. Oh. That was rough, yeah.

You know. But that, do you think? I mean, for everyone that went the distance, I could name, you know, so on average, are we better than, you know, cops, for example? Right, that, well. Maybe. I mean.

And that's another group of people, though, that aren't really hitting the numbers longevity wise. Do you think that we're doing any differently than, I don't know, doctors, lawyers, teachers? I mean doctors is another profession with a high rate of like suicide. Dentists have. Why is it dentist? I think they just have access to that.

The stuff. The stuff. Oh, you think so? Well, that's that's helpful. Like cops have guns. So make if you have access to easy, easy access to things that'll kill you. Well, I mean, everybody has access to like a rope. I mean, yeah, but yes, that is true.

But I think the easy rope is a rope. I mean. Yeah, but yes, that is true. But I think the easy, a rope is a little bit more involved. Pills? Pills don't work. You know, they don't work most of the time. Yeah, that's a gamble. That would be, cause if you, you know, in the old days,

they give you barbiturates. Yeah, they don't give those out anymore. Now they give you, they give you the benzodiazepines, which if you've seen our dear friend, the John Mulaney special, that's what he was struggling with. I mean, you could take one pill of fentanyl and- Yeah.

You have to get your hands on it. I think they can. Tiana, what's the highest rate of suicide of any profession? Comedy is such a... I don't even know if we're listed, cause we're not like... We're listed.

We're not really a profession. We're not like W-4s or twos or whatever. I don't even know what they're called. But yeah, I think doctors and speaking of, this is relevant, speaking of suicide, it's looking like the Air India crash might've been a suicide. No! What?

You haven't been following this? Yesterday I heard something about like it was a button, but I didn't. All right, let me break it down for you. Oh, if somebody killed themselves and took out all those people, that's vile. That's horrific. Well, we can't say for certain,

whether that's the case. Why not? If the guy that lived is the one that pushed the button. No, he's not the guy was sitting in the back row. He doesn't have access to it. Can you imagine, though? He's like, my bad. The one guy who survived.

He's like, guys, I have made a mistake. This did not go. Well, that could be true if the engine cutoff switch were right next to seat 13A. No, but this is like you're winning the lottery thing. We're just playing. We're just playing. We're just... Okay, so what happened?

So they found out that the engine cutoff switches were turned off and then turned on. So they cut off the engines. Hi, Susare construction workers. Wow. Because they're up high, they can jump. Farming, fishing, and forestry, installation, maintenance, and repair work. It's literally only the jobs that AI does. And then medical professions.

Female physicians have suicidies significantly higher than the general population. I bet because we have empathy. So we're like, oh gosh, that person died. Military personnel. Veterinarians, because they're depressed that they have to be around those animals. If you can find the data on comics

Oh, you're right though. Look what it says exposure to animal suffering wrong hours and access to legal drugs That was a good. I think military would be so much higher Well, you know apparently not So anyway, right? Yeah, so so there's an engine, two engine cutoff switches, one for the left engine, one for the right engine. Normally you only use those when you're parked at the gate to turn off the engines, or if an engine's on fire, you want to cut the fuel

off to the engine. Yeah. So one of the pilots apparently switched, the switches, you can't accidentally bump into them and turn them off. So somebody switched them off. And at low altitude, the engines lose thrust. There's not enough time to get them back running before,

you know, but those engines don't start up immediately. So when you turn them off, to start them up again, takes some time. And if you're at 400, 500 feet, there's just no time. So they found out, they determined that these switches were turned off. They were then turned on, but not in time. So it's possible one pilot turned them off, the other's like, what the fuck are you doing

and turned them back on. It's also possible one pilot turned them off. This is a theory I heard. One pilot turns off the engines, tries to frame the other pilot by saying, because on the cockpit voice reporter, one pilot is saying to the other pilot, why did you turn off the engines? And the other pilot says, I didn't turn them off. So one theory is the pilot turns them off. The pilot that turned them off says to the other pilot, why did you turn off the engines? So this way, people will think it was the other pilot and he

won't bring shame to his family. And then he turns them back on, but it's too late. That's cockamamie that Barry that sounds reasonable. The second one sounds totally not real. This is so why I think the second one sounds, sounds reasonable, especially because it's in, or what if she, he said, why did you turn them off? And the guy's like, I didn't because he didn't. What if, what if someone else,

but there's no other way that those guys, the guy in 13 a snuck in 13 The guy in 13A, when he, well the seat back is connected to the engines. Okay, listen. This is crazy. Listen, I'm gonna, this might be naive take unlike humanity, but I think that if somebody shut them off, like it was probably, it's like a Hail Mary trying to figure out how to save the plane.

There are so- But there was nothing wrong with the plane. The black box didn't find anything wrong with the plane. The black box covers all the parameters and it would know if there was something wrong. There was nothing wrong with the plane. Oh, this is bad. Well, that's fucked up. This is so sad. And you wouldn't switch the,

the only time you switch off fuel to the engines is if the engine is on fire. Which it wasn't, I'm assuming. It's not on fire. Or maybe if there's a bird gets into the engine and the parts just flying all over the place, you don't want the engine spinning. Also, no, that didn't happen.

No, it was no bird strike. And it wouldn't be very, it'd be very unlikely it would be in both engines. Although that did happen with USA or with Sully. But there were no birds. If you see the video, there's no bird. You can't see any, there's no birds in the video. You can see the video, the whole thing, there's no birds.

Who is also somebody you wanted to get on the show. Yeah, Sully. Yeah. So the second I mean, why would you do that? Unless you're like a psychopath and you have some history of very serious mental illness. Because it's happened before. What?

It happened. The German wings, aircraft crash. There's an Egypt air aircraft crash, there's an Egypt Air aircraft crash, because sometimes people slip through the cracks. And you get pilots that have serious problems that slip through the cracks and wind up in the cockpit. It doesn't happen very often. Pilots seem troubled. There's a lot of alcoholism. I was gonna say, they always look a little cirrhosis-y of the liver.

Okay. A little. That's not. A little. In the-y of the liver. Okay. A little. That's not... A little happy. In the US, the FAA does a pretty good job of screening out pilots that could be problematic, but it can slip you the crags. This is so sad.

I just, wait, you have to be like a psychopath to do, it's not just like, oh. Now, I wanna underline that it's not been determined with certitude that this was a suicide, but it's been determined with certitude that those switches were turned off and there doesn't seem to be any other way to do it other than for the pilot to turn it off.

It's possible the switches were broken and they hit turbulence and somehow they bumped off. Yeah, I feel like something's going wrong and you're like freaking out and doing weird stuff. Do you guys think we're gonna solve this? No. Not on this show, no. If we could get the passenger that survived on... Oh, that you should spend...

How much would you pay to get the surviving India Air passenger on this show? Well, how much do I have? Unlimited. Well, unlimited, then I would give whatever was necessary. Okay, five million. You just won five million dollars. Ten thousand. If I have a hundred million, a hundred thousand.

And right now as you are. A hundred thousand. No, no, no, right now with just in reality, like with the amounts of money that you have as Dan Natterman right now. A thousand dollars. Wow. I think that's wow I'm like you're rich. I would not. That's great. Well but I think it would be first of all you'd probably make it back in YouTube ad. You think so? Because nobody hasn't been interviewed yet. He hasn't? Not that I know.

Oh, I thought like the news. I don't think he's been interviewed. I thought like David Newer and all that. No, well, maybe. I guess I would have to do that research. If he hasn't been, then yeah, you're right. If he has, but I don't think he's been on anything. Poor thing.

He's probably still trying. I feel so bad for him. He lost his brother. No, I feel so bad for him. It's like it's... Unless he's the one who pulled the... Unless he's the one that did it. And then just ran back to his seat.

Ran back to his seat. I don't know. That's a it's unless he's the one who pulled the one that did it and then just ran back to his seat. Oh, that's a lot. We're going to hell. Yeah. No, no. Oh, God, please. But he actually is a Christian. I am. You don't you don't loosely say those things. I am a Christian. Lucky she's like, gross. No, not at all.

That's not true at all. I am and and and well, if we could just pivot a little bit, No, not at all. That's not true at all. Yeah? I, um... And, and, and, um, well, if we could just pivot a little bit, because that's a good pivot. Unless you have another question about Air India. I don't. Um, I think we've tapped out of Air India. I have a, I have a thing to bring up that we didn't discuss beforehand, if you'll... Well, what is it?

It's the... He's so skeptical. Did you see the... I do want to get into Ashley's Christianity. OK, go do that first. Wait, no, no, no. Tell me what you're thinking. If you saw President Trump complementing the president of Liberia for having such good English. Oh, I didn't see.

Oh, gosh, what did he say? I guess that's what he said. And he said, how? That's an English speaking country. Yeah. Well, that's what he said. He said he said how in English speaking country. Yeah. Well, that's our leader, folks. That's our guy. That, you know, I mean, what the guy I got to Google.

I know. Pull it up. I got to see his reaction when I was a kid, the president. But I've grown accustomed to the presidency just being buffoonery. Yeah, since Bush, since Bush. So it doesn't fade. And now we're like, can we get Bush back? Like, can we get that silly war criminal mask?

You know, Bush is like, I mean, Bush said ridiculous shit too. Yeah. So and Biden, you know, was Biden. And so the look on this guy's face. I have to see. I have to see it. Can we call it up? I mean, if Tiana, if it's not easy, easily accessible. One second. Ashleigh.

OK. We can come back to it if we want to. We can get to Ashley's faith. Oh, gosh. Can we call it that to be the title of this episode? Oh, no. This is why I don't do it. You have to put it on your head first.

OK. Is that Mike Tyson? I this episode. Oh, no, this is why I don't have to. You have to put it on your head. OK, OK. Is that is that Mike Tyson? I'm sorry. Oh, my. I. I mean, I guess theoretically we should cut that out. Yeah. But at the same time, people think I'm Lenny Marcus. I mean, all the time, people think all Jews look alike, apparently. I'm sorry, from a distance that's...well I don't know if we're getting any information from the video that...I can't hear it. Me neither. Okay, well suffice it to say the president asked Joseph Boak, Boakai. How is there no sound?

He spoke English. Oh man, that's. And also we want to encourage American involvement in the investment in Liberia. I would like to see that happen. We want to work with the United States in peace and security within the region because we are committed to that. And we just want to thank you so much for this opportunity. The President. Well, thank you.

You have such good English. Such beautiful. Where did you learn to speak so beautifully? Were you educated where? Liberia. Well, that's very interesting. Well, in his defense. Oh my God. I don't need to play devil's advocate.

He did have an accent that. No, he just said, were you educated? He said, where were you educated? We said, where were you educated? He said, where were you educated? No, where were you educated? Oh, gosh. I'm so uncomfortable. That was terrible. He did have an accent that didn't scream native anglophone to me necessarily.

You know, I mean, it's a very generous read. Ronnie Chang's accent. That doesn't seem like a native. And he's a native English speaker. Okay, but native English speakers don't have to sound like Americans. I know, but I'm just trying to defend Trump as best I can. Poorly granted, but as best I can. And in my...

As far as thinking that guy looked like somebody other... People think I look like Lenny Marcus. I don't see that at all. You've mentioned that. But, you know, people think I look like Lenny Marcus. I don't see that. You've mentioned that. But if you're not Jewish. Really? Apparently we all look alike. No.

Cause this woman came out of this, it happens all the time. Are you serious? And Greg Rogel. All the time. Greg, I could see more than Lenny, but I can't. All the time. Wow.

God. Yeah, Robert De Niro thought I was Greg Rogel. What? He was here because he was here, like they were doing a movie, so he was here, whatever, but after the show he was like, hey, you were funny. I wasn't on the show.

Oh my God. Happens all the time. Oh my God. Why did you tell him that you were on the show? Was it the Irish man? I was just gonna say thank you. I would ever, no, they were doing a movie about comedy. Oh.

Okay. Remember that movie he did about comedy? I think. Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Charles Grodin was in it. Yeah, remember that movie he did about comedy? I think. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. Charles Grodin was in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I do know what you're talking about. Yeah. Anyway, I'm just trying to put the best possible spin on it that he did to hear his accent. And if he didn't know any better. But why wouldn't you know any better? That's the valid point. Yeah, I have no, I have no, and I have no answer to that question. Yeah.

Okay, back to Ashley. No, because now I don't like when people bring up Trump and then Christianity, because I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, well, we'll keep those separate. Well, should we do traffic and weather? No, do whatever you want. This is your show, do whatever you want.

We want to separate them. We could talk about the BQE again. Okay, so Ashley is a Christian, which I found out the other night because she was telling me she met her husband online. And if you want to just recount, you said being a Christian was one of the... Yeah, that was like my only deal breaker.

That was like the only thing, is I needed my husband to be a Christian, to be like a follower of Christ, like the real Christ, like the one in the Bible that's like, be loving to refugees and don't judge people like that one just to be clear. Because I think sometimes there's some loud voices in our world that I do not. Did you grow up Christian? So I grew up with I grew up with a very different form of Christianity than I practice. I grew up in a really intense religious upbringing.

Like super, super, like, you know how there's Orthodox and then yeah. So I grew up like really intense. And then my parents have changed over the years. I by the grace of God have had like a lot of, I think my faith is hard won. Like I think I wasn't just like, oh, I was born this and I stayed this. Like I think God has brought me through like a lot of

things where I'm like, oh no, no, no. I don't believe the way I, this wasn't just fed to me and I just accepted it. In other words. I don't know the way I, this wasn't just fed to me and I just accepted it. In other words. I don't know if that makes sense. So how did you know, you know, that's clear, but how did you know your husband, it was Hinge was it? It was Hinge, yeah.

How did you, so what on his profile led you to, did he say explicitly on the profile that he was a believer? Yeah, so first of all, this is how sad we are is I wasn't booked one Saturday night and it was so depressing to me that I was like, I'm going to online date. Like I never even wanted a husband. I didn't want to date. I didn't want anything, but I had an open Saturday night and that's making it sound like I'm like always booked. I'm being, I don't mean to sound that way, but I sound that way. I don't mean to sound that way, but I was so depressed. I was like, I guess I'll get married.

Like, you know what I mean? Like, I was so crazy. And then, so obviously, like that was my deal breaker, but I just assumed I would never find like a guy in New York that had, you know what I mean? Like, that's kind of weird. And then the only thing in his profile was like any deal breakers. And it said, like, if you have a problem with my faith in God.

But that sounds aggro. He's not. What's aggro? What do you mean? Like aggressive? Oh, I thought aggro meant like agriculture. Yeah, I think it does. I mean, maybe both. Yeah, OK. But yeah. And so I was like, oh, and I let me see. And then I told you why I. But faith in. Why, wait.

Faith in God doesn't necessarily mean Christian, of course. Right, yeah. It could be something else. Absolutely, yeah. Although that particular phraseology does sound, I don't think a Jew would say that, and I don't think a Muslim would say that. Just that phraseology sounds Christian to me.

Oh. I think. Oh, I don't know. But in any case, you Christian to me. Oh. I think. Oh. I don't know. But in any case, you took the chance. Yeah. And he was Asian, so Jewish was probably not, although possibly. Possibly, but probably not.

And Muslim, maybe. Yeah, I don't know. Are there any Asian Muslims? Of course. I mean, entire countries full of them. Malaysia, for example. Indonesia. Oh, yeah, yeah. But he wasn't that kind of them. Malaysia, for example, Indonesia. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But he wasn't that kind of Asian. No, he's Korean. So, uh, okay. So yeah.

And is, I don't know if you knew that right away. I know I did not. I know I made an idiot of myself trying to figure out what kind of Asian. What didn't you have a joke about? Yeah, I have so many jokes about that. Yeah. Oh my God. But just like trying to figure out like which one. What was his last name? Choi with an I because if it's with an I now I know it's Chinese. That's a tough one.

Yeah because Choi sounds Chinese to me. Well with a Y. If he had said if it was Kim, no problem. Is that just Chinese always? That's always Korean. Always Korean. I literally grew up Korean. I don't know this.

Kim and Park I think is Korean I think. But Kim for sure. Really? I had two Korean roommates. I'm not a Kim. In college I had two Korean roommates. They were unrelated and they were both named Kim. Huh. Popular name. Very very common name. Wow. It's like the Korean Goldberg. Oh wow yeah. And where I'm from in Texas like everyone is Mexican so like Rodriguez is like like the Korean Goldberg. Oh, wow. Yeah. And where I'm from in Texas, like everyone is Mexican. So like Rodriguez is like, like the equivalent, like Gonzalez and Rodriguez are like Smith and Jones. Yeah, sure. That would have thrown me. But yeah. So so how did he did you didn't ask him straight out what kind of Asian he was, or maybe you did. No, I wasn't like, what are you? I mean, were you even, did you even, did you even care though? No, why would I care? That's really relevant.

No, why would I care? Interesting, but like that's about it. You'd think it would come up at some point. It did come up, but I, but I don't even know. I don't even remember. So you asked him out. No, um, I liked his profile and then this is why I went out with him and kept going out with him.

Cause it wasn't like sparks at first, you know? Is he just, I liked his profile and he wrote, would you like to get a cup of coffee? And because I don't know if you online date Dan, but women, we don't want to do that. Hey, hey, how, no, just get to the point. Yeah, you want to meet. Get to the point. Yeah, you wanna meet. Get to the point.

You wanna meet. Yeah, and like that back and forth would drive me nuts. I was like, I don't wanna banter on with, like this isn't- But you don't wanna get to know them online. You wanna- No. Before you get to know them. No. 100%.

So he was like, would you like to get a cup of coffee? I went to get the cup of coffee. I did not enjoy it. Oh, so you weren't attracted to him initially. I wasn't, I weren't attracted to him initially? I was physically attracted to him. I was very bored. And then I went to do my show and like Ian Finance was on it.

Can you imagine being like bored and then running into Ian and you're just like, this is what I need. And we're like manic doing cartwheels. And then I was like, wait, no, like both people can't be like doing cartwheels at home. Like you got- Cause he was, he's a serious guy you're saying. He's caught. No, he's not.

But in the beginning it takes a long time to get to know him. And now he's like hilarious. Like he's so fun. But um- So he was like one of the first guys or the first guy or the only guy that you had like connected with? No, I think I had match like two other people. But he's the only one you've met?

That you met? No, I met two other people. And one of them, I was walking and he was walking and we saw each other and literally just both decided it wasn't right. Hey, we had some technical difficulties and we lost the last 20 minutes of our discussion with the delightful Ashley Austin Morris, so our apologies to anybody that was digging that discussion and Ashley who was nice enough to come down and talk with us. So we're just going to, you know, fill it in with just me and Periel. We were discussing spiritual matters, because Ashley is a Christian, and we're

discussing our views of the afterlife. And Ashley is very confident that there's something that comes after death. I am of course less confident, to say the least, which probably explains some of my, or most of my, you know, fear of, of, of aging and my hypochondriac, my hypochondriasis. I mean, if I thought that after we died, we'd went someplace cool, I, you know, would probably not be so concerned with my eating. Do you think so? I don't think so.

And that's why I'm clinging to life with such cowardice. Do you think that if you had like a more robust notion of what happens after we die, you would be... Well, if I had a robust notion and if that notion was that it was something good, well, then what am I staying around here for? You know, I mean, I... So, well, I was saying that I also do,

I do believe that something happens after we die and that there is another realm and that if you've lost somebody close to you and that you've gotten signs from that person, it makes it very difficult to not believe in the afterlife. And you started telling an interesting story. Well, I was saying that when my father was ill, he was cognitively in decline,

I would have frequent dreams about him wherein he was well in the dream. He all of a sudden regained his lucidity in the dream. And that since he died, he has not been in my dream life, oddly enough. And I don't know why that is. And that's, I guess, something I might explore with a psychologist or a dream analysis person, if there's such a thing. But I'm not sure why that is. And I also mentioned that I have frequent dreams about Lucian from the comic strip, the Booker,

who was an interesting character. He was the guy that decided who would go on stage at the comic strip. He died about 20 years ago. And for some reason, I don't know why he always seems to show up in my dreams, you know, on a regular, I mean, not all the time, but like every, at least every few months. I don't know, he always seems to show up in my dreams, you know, on a regular, I mean, not all the time, but like, every, at least every few months, I hello, he used to talk like, how are you?

That's how we talk. That's not him in the afterlife. That's how we talked in this life. He would say, and he would always use people's full names who would say, well, we have David Attell on the schedule tonight. Were you close to him? No, I wasn't. I just, but I, for whatever reason, he was an interesting character.

I guess I miss, well, if I had to analyze it, and I may or may not be correct, I think it was, it was, it was a, he died in about 2003 or something like that. He 2004 or whatever it was. I think he represents not so much that I was close to him, but I think he represented a fun time in my life because I was a beginning, relatively new comic, and that's an exciting time, I think, when all possibilities are open. Was it exciting back then, too?

Were you enjoying it? I mean, there were also moments of angst, but yes, a lot of it, I was very enjoyable, and I used to hang out the comic strip a lot, back when I was trying to avoid my roommate. Because that's what- I thought you hung out at Barnes and Nobles. I did, but I also used to go to the comic strip

because it was in my neighborhood and there'd be people there. And so I would spend, you know, I would, if I was bored of the bookstore or had seen every movie in the theater, I would go over to the comic strip. So, and it's possible that it's because he represents a time that, for me, that was, you know, interesting. I don't know, but for whatever reason, he pops up. I think that if you're open to getting messages

from other realms that you might. Well, it's a dream. It's like, you would say that's a sign. Well, it's. Yeah, I mean, I think that that's something, right? Yeah, it's a dream. It's like, you would say that's a sign. Well, it's... Yeah, I mean, I think that that's something, right? Yeah, it's a dream. It means he's part of my mental life.

Mm-hmm. And I don't know that it's a message from the other side. Well, you don't know that it's not, though. Well, I know that we dream, and that, you know... I don't know why you need a supernatural explanation for something that can be explained without a supernatural explanation, which is to say he's in my mind and he shows up in my dreams. I'm just saying that I think that if you were open to receiving supernatural messages, you might be surprised.

But how do you know if there's no supernatural supernatural, if you said that you, you know, you know, there was some supernatural, I mean, what messages have you gotten from the other side that don't have a perfectly rational explanation? I mean, I've had a lot of things happen to me about things, people who I was very close to who passed away and then like I don't know like just one crazy personal anecdote that I've never been able to make sense of was my grandmother used to give me these quarters that were

pretty unusual they had like I don't remember what they had on the back, but they stopped making them and she called them haltsy quarters. Like it was almost like a heart or something. And after she died, like I never really saw one again. And then I was thinking about her a lot one day. I was writing about her, talking about her. And this is like 20 years ago and I was living in LA

and I went to go park my car and this was when you would still put quarters in the meter. And I went to go put the quarter in the meter and right on the parking meter was sitting one of these quarters. I mean, I don't know. Like you can certainly find some way to explain that.

Right. But you could also explain it that like some universal something. Right. Well, you could, but except yes, I suppose you could. Like why did I pull up to that meter at that time? Well, it might well be that, you know, your grandmother, you have a lot of associations with your grandmother, and that's the one that popped up, you know, if it like,

it's pretty cynical. Like oftentimes I think of people and I see them very, it's a common experience. You think of somebody that you haven't seen in years and you see them. So the explanation being that you think of a lot of people and then when you see someone that you had been thinking, then you remembered having thought of them, but you forget about all the people you thought of

that didn't pop up. Well, that's the explanation that I think is the most rational explanation. I don't know, I mean, it's a pretty cynical take. Well, we don't have evidence. Well, we don't need to have evidence of everything to make it be so. Some things can't be explained away by science

or rationale or logic. Like some things are, I don't know, I do. I believe in- Well, you're lucky if you can believe that because it makes life, I think, a little less frightening if you know that there's something beyond. Or more frightening. Well, if that's something beyond, it's punishment.

And you've been naughty, then I guess I would be upset. Well, I have been naughty, but I don't necessarily believe in punishment. Well, look, my only, my only, um, the, the, the thing that to me that makes some scientific sense perhaps is that we come back in, in, in some other, in some other body and another, like our consciousness lives again. Okay. As like a ladybug?

No, I mean, like maybe as another human being, maybe on another planet as another. Wait, wait, so if you come back as another human being, do you know that you used to be? No, it's just that, you know, you don't remember anything from your past life. Why not? I don't know that this is true. Well, because I don't remember anything

from my past life now. So if we are in fact coming back, then it stands to reason we wouldn't remember anything from our past lives. It's just that we're reincarnated in some other form, some other form of higher consciousness. You know, like not a ladybug, because a ladybug, as far as we know, doesn't have consciousness. So how do we come back as a ladybug? So it's our essence. But this is just that we're, it's not even our essence. It's just that we're, it's just, you know, your sense of being you. But, okay, but that's what makes you you, right?

You're sensitive to being you. I don't know what, you're asking me questions. The greatest mysteries of the universe. We're gonna solve this. Human consciousness. I don't know. And I just think that's a possibility. I mean, I don't even think it's a probability.

I think it's a possibility. I mean, I think you're asking- I don't even think it's a probability. I think it's a possibility because we came into existence once, so we know that that can happen. Yeah. So why can't it happen again? It can. In other words, I came into existence in either, if you want to date it from 1969 when I was born, or I would say I came into existence in 1971 or two,

because that's when I first became aware and conscious. I don't think you really exist prior to your own Self awareness that's interesting. So which for me, I guess would be about I don't know I have vague memories in a crib and I Do have any very vague but I was I was I slept in a crib till I was 19, but I So I very vague memories That might date to 71 or 72. I'm pretty sure I have memories of 72. And 73, absolutely. But 72.

Wow. 72, maybe. Like clear, really clear memories? Vague memories of 72. Starting to get to 73, starting to get a little more clear, 74. We took a trip to St. Thomas in 1974. And I have very clear memories because it's my first time on an airplane. Wow. Clear memories of getting to the airport at very early in the morning because I guess that's when the cheap flights are. And I still fly oftentimes very early in the morning. And I remember though it

was early early morning and I remember seeing getting to Kennedy and seeing the the aircraft. And so I have that memory. And so what, you were like five? I was about four. My math is. I'm about four. It was after the ice storm of 1973 or four.

Wow. And my mother said, fuck it, we're going to the Caribbean. She said that? She didn't use those words. Okay. I don't think. Anyway, so yeah. So we were discussing that with Ashley and we were-

What else were we were discussing also the Air India? Yeah, but we got that. We got that? We have that, right, Teana? Yeah, so we were, Teana wants to hear about our thoughts on the R word, retarded, you know, because not everybody knows what the R word means. Right. And it's come back. everybody knows what the R word means.

And it's comeback. I don't know what that means. What do you mean you don't know what that means? Like, what does that mean? It's comeback. People are using it now fairly liberally, at least in certain circles. Rogan uses it and his crew, but just more generally, I see it on Twitter a lot. I saw, what's her name? Claire Lehman from Clipquillette.

Okay. Used it recently. What did she say? And Melissa Chen who's a big Twitter following. I don't remember precisely what she said. No, no, but like are they saying- They're saying, oh, this is retarded or America's become retarded. And so, you know, not everybody's down with the return of this word. What do you think?

Well, look, it's hard for me to judge. I don't use it. Why don't you use it? I don't use it because I spent years not using it because out of respect for people that are mentally challenged. But you could make the argument that words like idiot and imbecile also once applied to the, these were once scientific words that applied to the mentally handicapped and became just terms we use, you know, for somebody who's not intelligent. So who am I to judge that the R word is bad, but these other words are okay. So that's how I feel about it. But I don't use it anyway because it's trendy and I don't like doing things because they're trendy. I mean, within reason, you know, but, um, like you would wear tight jeans if they were trending.

Now I probably wouldn't do that, but I don't like linguists. I try to avoid linguistic trends as best as I can, but sometimes they slip into your vocabulary, but that's how language is. We kind of, you know, so like the really, you know, that's something that I don't think we had 10 years ago. Really? I don't remember that 10 years ago. I should say something sometimes and you guys would get bad at me.

Oh, gaslighting, you didn't like that. Yeah, I don't like that word because I don't think it's typically even used. If it brought something to the table and it kind of does because it kind of means something more specific than simply lying. Gaslighting means you try to convince the other person that they're crazy. Okay, if you're using it like that, fine, but people don't use it like that. They just throw it out. Anytime somebody's saying something untruthful, they'll say, oh, he's gaslighting. And so I'm not going to use it for that because it doesn't add anything new to the table and it's trendy. I don't want to use it. Again,

shit slips into my vocabulary, but I'm fairly conscious of words that have become trendy and I try to avoid them. Unpack. I don't unpack. Unless unless I'm coming back from a cruise, then you're going to unpack. But I don't unpack in the sense in that sense. You also conflate. I don't get mad. You get mad when I say that. I don't use conflate. So that's I mean, that's I mean, there are clear definitions to these words. I'll just say lump together.

I mean, if I can avoid conflate, I'll avoid it. Just because it's like trending. Just because it's trending. But if I feel it's absolutely necessary, I'm not against using a word that brings something to the table. Right. Look, I don't- But our word that brings nothing to the table except I'm cool because I use this word and so do all these other people.

And Mike, now it feels like edgy to use it. It feels like, yeah, cool, like part of the cool crowd. And I don't- Look, I don't- I'm not judging people that crowd. And I don't, look, I don't- I'm not judging people to do, but I'm not doing it. I don't know, I don't, it just sounds, I don't mind any of those other words, although I do appreciate your point.

I just feel like it feels a little bit mean. So- Yes, because it feels mean, because- So I don't- Because for so long, it was a taboo word. And maybe it feels mean because we remember a time when retarded was a word that was used for the mentally handicapped, for people, yeah. And so we associate that word with people

that are mentally handicapped. We don't wanna use a word in a disparaging way that we remember from our childhood, maybe you don't, but as a kid, that was the word that was used, mentally retarded. That was a word that was a perfectly appropriate word to use for somebody that was mentally handicapped. But it's not anymore.

So now it's just used as like a slur. Now it's just used as like stupid. It's just used as to mean stupid, dumb, idiotic, but. So now it's just used as like. Now it's just used as like. A slur. It's just used as to mean stupid, dumb, idiotic, whatever. Well, so I think the problem is, is that people who are mentally challenged in some way or have some sort of intellectual disability, if you will, are not necessarily stupid at all.

Some of them can be very intelligent. I think that that's why people sort of rejected using it. Right? People used to call people with autism that, right? Yeah. Well, they probably mistakenly thought that they had an IQ deficit. Right. But that just word fell out of favor. Sometimes words do use to say colored people. That was a perfectly normal and natural way to refer to African Americans, and that became, you wouldn't say it anymore.

So words go through these transitions, and I don't make the rules, but a word becomes, it starts to take on a bad connotation. Whatever, I'm not gonna... Anyway, but my main beef with it is that it's one of these trendy words that everybody says. Well, I said to Claire Lehman on Twitter, I said, okay, I know the word is back, but why are you jumping on the bandwagon? What did she say?

Nothing. I don't know who that is. She's a journalist. You know, I mean, but anyway, so that's how I feel about that word. Tiana, is that answer your curiosity? Yeah. Okay, because Tiana had especially requested,

we got a request. Look, I don't particularly care that much. I do agree with you that I think I don't love this like, oh, I'm so edgy thing. Like I don't because you stopped using it when it was like really taboo. But now that it's okay, you're starting again. Like if you'd kept using it that whole time, I think that has more respect for you. Yeah, I mean, maybe, clearly, by the way,

maybe it's possible, it's possible, clearly, I mean, kept using it the whole time. Well, I don't know. But I tend to think she probably did not. Okay, well, I don't even know who that is. So I'm- Well, she's a fairly well-known journalist. Okay. With a fairly large Twitter following, I think.

I'm sure she- But anyway, that's not the point. I'm just saying. The point is, these people are using it, and I just don't like the trendy aspect of it. But anyway, that's not the point. The point is these people are using it and I just don't like the trendy aspect of it. But I think we've covered that topic fairly thoroughly. Okay. Ashley. Hot as fuck. You wanna turn on the AC?

Well, the AC was on before. It was, but then, can you turn it on from where you are? Well, if it's a big deal, we don't have too much. Okay. Too much left, I don't think. Thank you. Yeah, I mean, it's a big deal, we don't have too much left. Thank you. It's insanely hot. I know, but that's not the most pleasant thing. But it's fine.

I also mentioned after Ashley left that you seem to have a knack for picking really good guests. I've had some conquerors've had some clunkers, but I think, yeah, my batting average is reasonably good. Well, I also know who I can speak with, you know, and be relaxed and be myself. I know Ashley, because, you know, she's been working here and we have a good rapport. So that's a lot of it.

If I have a good rapport with somebody, then that's going to go a long way. But what if you have no rapport with somebody? Well, then that's not gonna make for a very good conversation. But I don't know, if you just don't know somebody at all. Well, if I don't know them at all, then I guess you'll see.

But in the case of Ashley, you know, I know that we have a good rapport, so. Well, I thought she was great. And she's very nice. Yes, and funny. She had suggested that you go on a spiritual journey, and we tried to unpack that a little bit. We tried to unpack it.

Well, because I have some cruises coming up, which we've discussed in previous episodes, which I don't want to go on, but that's that. But you're happy for the work? Well, it's work anyway. And she said, she asked it going on a spiritual journey. I don't know what she meant by that. We didn't really, she didn't clarify it necessarily.

Well, I don't know. I don't really know what she meant. You know what I would say, but you'd get mad at me for saying, you've gotten mad at me in the past when I've suggested this. What? Meditation? Yeah. It doesn't work for me. It doesn't work for anyone.

That's the point of figuring out how to do it. That's the first thing that the Tibetan and the Buddhist monks tell you is that it doesn't work for you. Well okay well you know the best thing for me would be to not do these cruises now I gotta figure out how to do that I gotta figure that out. I'm working on a script I can't reveal what it's about with with Kyle Donegan. Yes you mentioned that. We're not going to discuss the plot. Okay. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed that something can happen with it, you know? Yeah.

Whether we option it or what have you. Well that's exciting. Well, it's not exciting yet. Well, Joan, first of all, the fact that you get to sit down, I don't know, every day or three times a week with one of your very close friends who by all accounts is a pretty brilliant comic and write is exciting. Like that's amazing. Like most people on planet earth don't get to do that. Yeah I guess so.

Okay. I guess so. And he makes you laugh I'm sure. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah McCartney impression that's always never fails to do the job. But yeah, but you know, we'll see, you know, is all I can say. So I mean, you said that if you got like a hundred million dollars and what would you do while you would, you would still do a podcast and you would still do stand up. We discussed, is this part, has this been, is this part of the stuff that that didn't get cut off or Tiana. I'm just saying but so like you would still. Well I'm not gonna get 100 million dollars for a script that's for sure.

Well how much did squid games make. Well squid games made a lot of money. I don't know what squid games make because it was on Netflix and Netflix is a subscription thing so you know you can make money merchandising but they don't know what Squid Games make, because it was on Netflix, and Netflix is a subscription thing. So I guess you could make money merchandising, but they don't pay screenwriters that kind of money. But do you know how many times that guy got told that that script was absolute garbage

and nobody wanted to touch it and it would never be successful? That may or may not be, but he'd make $100 million. Well, how much did he make? Nobody makes that kind of money for a script. If you own the be, but he'd make $100 million. How much did he make? Nobody makes that kind of money for a script. If you own the show, you can make a lot of money. I mean, Seinfeld owns Seinfeld.

He's worth hundreds of millions of dollars. But the writers on Seinfeld, you know, were made, I don't know what they made, 10 grand a week, 20 grand. I mean, it's a lot of money. Not bad. No, but they didn't make 100 million dollars. Netflix paid an estimated. Twenty one point four million for the first season of Squid Game, and the nine episodes have impact value of eight hundred and ninety one point

one million dollars. That's insane. And that money probably goes to Netflix because they bought it for 21. I'm sure he's doing just fine. Okay. But you said 100 million. Okay. Well, I mean, really, don't be so specific about it.

Did you make you make like a sell a screenplay? You probably make like $100,000. I would assume something like that. If you sell the screenplay, but then if you make the film, you can get- Yeah, but you don't own the film. Unless you pay for the film, you don't own it. So what do you get? You don't get shit. You got your name at the end that says written by.

And then hopefully that, now you become a name and then you get out at work. Or maybe you negotiate, you know, a negotiated percentage of it. But, you know, if you're a real big shot and you're a big of it, but you know, if you're, if you're, if you're a real big shot, if you're a big, big, big time writer, you might say, well, I wanted 1% or with like an executive producer credit. I don't know what the hell you get. I'd never fucking sold a screenplay. You want to tell me, I'll tell you all about how the cruise

business works. You know, you get, we get three grand a week and all the food you can stuff in your throat. Um, actually it's up to 3,500, but anyway, um, well, it's good work if you can get it, huh? It's okay. You know, So you write the script, you sell the script. Ideally, yeah. But the idea would be that if you,

I suppose if you, now you have a little bit of clout. You know, if the script, if it's produced, and if it's a hit, and there's a if after it, there's a lot of ifs, then I guess you got some clout and you can say, hey, you know, hire me to write another script. I don't know. I haven't. Like I said, I don't know how it works. I know on the cruise, if you do a good job, they invite you back for another cruise.

Now you go to Alaska. Where do you go before you go to Alaska? Well, I don't know. I started off in the Caribbean. Well, the Caribbean seems like a step up from Alaska. Alaska is cool. Alaska, you said it was like going to New Brunswick. I said that about Halifax Nova Scotia. Yeah, it looked like New Brunswick, New Jersey to me. I don't know what to tell you I'm sure there's interesting shit there, but I saw New Brunswick, New Jersey. Oh my god

No one's in Alaska right now. He's on a crew. Yeah, Alaska's cool. I saw some pretty cool pictures Yeah, it was cool. That I saw some pretty cool pictures. Yeah, it was cool. All right. Okay, what else? Well, I was writing with Kyle yesterday and he said, you know, and he's a lot more like in terms of AI, he thinks we're all getting replaced like in five years. Okay.

He was like, this could be the last script ever written by humans. We'll make history as the last human beings ever write a script. He was joking about that. But then he played me some AI music. Yeah, it was apparently written and performed by AI. And it was pretty fucking good. Yeah. Band called Velvet Sundown. Now look, maybe it was written by people and they just for publicity. I don't know that was really written by AI and performed by AI, but it's called dust on the wind by the velvet sundown. And this is not like a real band. It's not like a real.

Apparently it's all AI. Everything is AI. The instruments, the voices and the writing of the music. Now maybe that may not be true, but this is what they say. And it was pretty good. It wasn't, it's not my favorite song, but I kind of liked it. And it sounded like a real town. Is there any way you can play it? I don't know if we can do that on the fly. It's called Dust on the Wind by the Velvet Sundown. It's a tall order. We're lucky we're still recording. Okay. Well, if you can't, you can't.

That's fine. But I would say listen to it, people out there. And I think it's a pretty good song, especially. Okay. So I mean, okay. I mean, well, the font is horrible. Okay. I mean, one second, I want to like, well, we have to get through this commercial first, but this, I mean, the design is terrible for anybody who's just listening. Well, that's true. I mean, it's just god-awful. All right, you're not wrong there, but... Just, if you could just... All right, hit play when you can. All right.

It takes a few seconds to really to get cooking. This song, this part's not amazing, no peace found. Rivers run red, the drums roll slow. Tell me brother, where do we go? Okay. Okay. We have enough. All right. I mean, I'm biased. Like I, I can't give like an objective. You're biased against computers. No, I just like, it's just like there's so much great music out there and so many talented people why do I have to listen to this? You don't have to, but this is what's coming. So like it or not. So you know, is that my favorite song?

No, I thought it was pretty good. And considering, assuming this is true, the words, the music, the instruments, and the voice are all AI. So what I'm- Well, that's pretty fucking, I think, impressive. I mean, if I'm- And it may be in another few years, you will get Let It Be or Bohemian Rhapsody

or something of that quality, who knows. Would you rather get it from a person or are you indifferent to the source? I'm not indifferent to the source. I find it upsetting. Yeah, me too. I mean, I'm trying to be objective and say, well, if Dan just played that for me and told me that there's this like cool new band or some young new musician, what would I say about that? And I do will admit that I think my reaction would be different than it is to knowing or thinking that it was made by a machine. Like it's like, yeah, okay, I agree. It's, it's not bad. It's, you know, I might even say like, it's great

if you gave me another source, but I think that I'm not interested in listening to that music. Like I'd rather listen to something real. Yeah, well, I get that. I get that. But you know, I bet you know the same way that like, I don't want to fuck a robot. Like maybe you could have, that's who he part ways. I'm happy to fuck a robot. If the robots sufficiently attractive. Well, you can do that. Well, but you can, if a robot looked like I'm not robot looked like a robot that looks like a robot. No, they have these real. No, but they don't. They're not.

I'm saying if a robot could mimic a woman 100 percent. Yes, a woman would be preferable. OK, so you're saying I guess. Well, you never know if the woman, you know, I mean, sometimes I mean, the robot might want something that, you know, if you're not if you're with a woman that you don't like, the woman, you know, I mean, sometimes I mean, the robot you might want something that, you know, if you're not, if you're with a woman that you don't like, that you just want sex from, then a robot would probably be a better option.

So that's what I'm saying. There are these real dolls that people buy. They're like a hundred thousand dollars. I've seen them and they're not humans. They don't, and they just lie there. Well, I'm saying if you could replicate a human such that it was visually the same thing, then I would not object to sex with such a product. What do you mean?

So it looked and it acted like a person? Yes, if it looked like it acted like a person, but except you could turn it off. I'll bet my husband would like that. Well, you know, I mean, probably at times. Maybe not all the time, but I'm sure moments, you know. We did a show together, Perrielle. It's not not often that we work together outside of the context of the podcast, but we did a show together that you produced at the West Side Comedy Club.

We can mention it's okay. We can mention another comedy club. We can? Yeah, because Noam's not threatened by any other comedy. Noam's got a fucking Empire area. He's got fucking opening up the new McDonald's, McDonald's room there. The Menachem Dorman Comedy Theater.

That was so fun. It was a very good crowd. It was really fun. It was a very good crowd. It was all, were they all people you knew? No. But for some reason it was all Jewish. So I thought it was all people that you knew.

Well, maybe that's the sort of crowd that. because it was the most Jewish show as I remarked on stage The most Jewish show I've ever done that wasn't explicitly billed as a Jewish show that wasn't called like much much or bagels and comedy or something like that and then I jokingly said or I said on stage I said it is the most Jewish Show that didn't have a name like bagels and comedy or something like that. And then I jokingly said, or I said on stage, I said, it is a Jewish show that didn't have a name like Bagels and Comedy or Modi Live. And everybody laughed. So if everybody laughed, that means everybody knows who Modi is. And if everybody knows who Modi is, that means they're all Jews.

No, Modi's audience is not all Jewish. Not all, but that's a big, big, big part of his thing. And yeah, that's a big part of his thing. And they know anyway. So first of all- So yeah, it was a good show. And Periel,, and yeah, that's a big part of his thing. And, and they know, you know, anyway, so first of all, it was a good show and, and peri-Elli did very, very well. Thank you. Very well. I, I, I take that as a big compliment coming from you. It's just reality. You did well. The artist was laughing. Thank you. You had some good stuff. Although I don't love your joke about your hemorrhoid. I get, I don't like that. You know, I don't like to hear about hemorrhoids. Well...

Sorry. And maybe that's sexist of me, because women are human beings. It's not maybe, it's sexist. It's definitely sexist. I don't know that I'd like... I don't know if a tell would... If it was a tell, it'd probably be funny though, because it's a tell. A tell having hemorrhoids is but I guess if it's a woman

you don't like it. I guess I don't like it. I'm sorry. Yeah I guess so. Yeah I guess so. And you you were amazing and everybody was everybody loved you and um you did just the amount of time before you get stressed out, right? Yeah, and also in the city I'm less stressed out anyway. And also you've said that when you do shows with me you're generally less stressed out. Did I say that? Or did you say that? No, you said that. You remember it as me saying it. I don't remember.

Is that not true? Yeah, it's probably true. Yeah, maybe I said it because yeah, no, it's true. With people like, you know, that's the beauty of working in the city is A, you're doing less time, B, you're working with people you know, you go on a cruise ship, you don't know anybody. You know, unless you work a lot of cruise ships all the time, and you kind of you see the same because then you know, the cruise director, you know, the, the staff and all the other people, but you know, there's no one there that you know, you're there by yourself and you know so it feels almost adversarial in a way because it's like they don't have your

back I mean if the audience complains they're not going to take your side. You're saying that. That they when they write out at the end of the cruise you know the Dan Adaman sucked well you know no one's going to. You're saying it's nice to perform, you know, no one's gonna, you know. You're saying it's nice to perform when you know that you have people rooting for you. Yeah, I mean, they're rooting for you because they want the audience to have a good show.

In that sense, they're rooting for you. But they're gonna take their side. They're gonna take the audience side. If there's a, well, he was offensive or we didn't think he was funny. You like seeing familiar faces in the audience? Not in the audience, no, but I like to be working with people. So you're somebody that I know and we're working together and I'll go

name her who was also on the show. I think she's very funny. Very, very funny. She's dirty. Very, very dirty. Dirtier than I am. Yes, but no hemorrhoids yet. No hemorrhoids. Yet.

No hemorrhoids interact in life. I don't know. All right. Well, anyway, we're here to fill in the time. Well, don't say that. I mean, you give people like a nice 15, 20 minute thing. We tried to salvage. There was a mistake.

And don't you think kill it and say we tried to fill in the time. You know me. But yeah, again, I'm apologies to Ashley. I'll have to apologize to her in person, but you know, I mean You know she came down here and that's too bad that we lost that time, but sometimes technical issues arise That's computers for you technical issues arise. That's computers for you. So we got a lot of good stuff from her. Questions, comments, and suggestions. And Nome's back next week, so we're gonna go full tilt. We got Omer Bartov who's gonna discuss, is there a genocide in Gaza? So a bit a bit a bit different than the the show that we did today, but in any case And Susie Weiss is coming. Yeah

so So no one's coming back. So yeah, so that's that. Oh, I have one more thing Yeah, did you see that Mandy Patinkin thing? Oh, you want to talk about that? I don't know much about it. He said what he said, there's a genocide going on. No, no, no, no. I mean, he said that it's Netanyahu's fault that Jews are unsafe all around the world. And I've just want to go on record here and say that that is the biggest fucking crock of shit. It's like, you can hate the leaders of any country you want, right? That you disagree with what they're doing, you think they're doing

terrible things, whatever the case may be. I have not seen any group of people being lambasted and persecuted around the world from countries with terrible leaders as you have Jews, right? Yeah, I mean look yeah, I'm very hesitant as a general matter to blame You know Jews for anti-semitism blacks for racism gays for homophobia, etc That said, you know, I, some, you know, some hatred of Jews is because of Israel's actions. And then how come there is no, no, no, I think that I reject that.

Well, hold on. I'm not saying that it's justified. I'm saying that that's what it is. I'm saying I'm calling bullshit. I'm saying if Israel didn't exist, we don't some some left. I don't believe that's true. Well, some level of what was, you know, there certainly wouldn't be anti-Zionism if Israel didn't exist. Black people didn't exist, there wouldn't be racism against blacks.

That doesn't mean that that's a justification. It's just a fact. So if Israel didn't exist, there would be no anti-Zionism, obviously. And anti-Zionism sp obviously. And anti-Zionism spilling into anti-Semitism? Yes, that happens. So sure, I mean I guess if Israel just decided to lay down its arms and die, yeah, some amount of anti-Jewish actions wouldn't be taking place. That being said, as I said, if every Catholic converted to Protestantism, there would have been no anti-Catholic bias, you know, back when that was a thing. So, yeah. But,

you know, you had to be very careful because, you know, that doesn't justify anti-Catholic bias. It's just a fact that if there were no Catholics, there'd be no anti-Catholic bias. Well, I think that if- Boom, if there's no Israel, there's no anti-Zionism. And if there's no anti-Zionism, there's no anti-Zionism spilling into anti-Semitism. Okay. Well, I am calling bullshit. I think people would still hate Jews. Of course. But some amount of Jew hatred wouldn't- maybe there'd be other Jew hatred. They blame us for whatever else.

But I mean, to some extent, some number of people that that have committed anti-Jewish acts wouldn't have done so if there were no Israel, if there were no or if Netanyahu just surrendered or whatever. Maybe, but maybe. My point is more that like the leader of Sudan has done horrible things and you don't see people running in the streets, putting up encampments, and hating the Sudanese people and the leaders of Myanmar and Ethiopia and I mean the list goes on and on.

Well for whatever reason, for numerous reasons, they do that about Israel for various reasons. Or for one, or for one. Well, I think there's, well, I think it's more than one reason. Well, I mean, if there's one thing in common, right? I think there's a combination of anti-Semitism that was there anyway. I think it's also the perception, incorrect, that Jews are white Palestinians are brown Ridiculous, I think it's the fact that we're talking about the Holy Land Which has a great deal of meaning to a great many people and it's hard to talk about that area of the world without arising without

passions, you know becoming heightened I And I think that they you know, yeah, so I think those are the main reasons. I am saying that you can hate Netanyahu and be critical of Netanyahu and think he's terrible and there is not one other example that you can give of any other ruler that people feel that way about and then that that sentiment spills over to the people who are from that country. That's what I'm saying. Okay. Yeah, that's probably correct. But as far as, you know, man, Pantinkin saying that,

what did he say again? You want me to read you exactly? No, no, you, you, you, you get, you get. All right, whatever. I think that was a dumb thing to say, but I'm just trying to analyze. If no one were here, he would snap at me. That's what he does. He snaps at me, you know, if I don't agree with him. So, um, anyway, um, or, you know, I like to analyze every nook and cranny of it. You can analyze it. I mean, that's fine.

Doesn't mean that I'm, I'm saying that, you know, uh, that I agree with what Pantinkin was saying. Why are you pronouncing his name like that? Isn't that Pantinkin? I don't know. I thought with what Pantinkin was saying. Why are you pronouncing his name like that? Isn't that Pantinkin? I don't know. I thought it was Pantinkin. I don't know. Yeah, you just said what I said. Pantinkin.

No, Pantinkin. Well, whatever. Anyway, whatever. He's a very talented actor. That fucking sanctimonious. It was just outrageous. Look, yes. Yeah, I guess so.

But there's, you know. Okay. Well, anyway, thank you all for listening. I have podcasts. I have podcasts. I have podcasts. I have podcasts. I have podcasts, I guess so. But there's, you know. Okay, well anyway, thank you all for listening. And, um...

I have a podcast at ComedyCelly.com and we'll see you next time with Gnome. Bye bye!