The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Bonus Episode: War with Iran, The Mossad and Stage Fright

Episode Date: June 20, 2025

Dan Naturman and Periel Aschenbrand discuss Noam's absence, the war with Iran, the Mossad and stage fright.

This is Live from the Table, the official podcast of the world-famous comedy seller, available wherever you get your podcasts. Available on YouTube, which is the preferred way to enjoy the podcast, because you get visual as well as audio. And every now and again we'll play videos where that really comes in handy. This is Dan Natterman. Hey, Noam's not here this week. He's in Vegas doing something regarding the Las Vegas Club. I'm not sure what it is, but Noam also owns a comedy cellar in Las Vegas. And every now and again, he goes out to Vegas to do business. Maybe he's not really doing business. Maybe he just tells his wife that so he can get a week away. I don't know. That's not my business.

I don't think that that's true. I don't think he likes going away from his wife or kids, actually. You're probably right. Anyway, Periel Ashenbrand, that's her voice. And that's it. It's a skeleton crew. So, you know, it's obviously going to be very different than the typical episodes where Noam does most of the talking.

And it's very, very political. Tiana, though, she joins us as usual behind the soundboard. She's our sound wizard. Tiana, how are you? Good. How are you guys? We're okay, I think. Well, I can't speak for Periel. I'm all right.

You know, I was wondering, now that we have Noam's not here, I just wonder, Tiana, you know, you've been quietly there behind the soundboard all these episodes. You must be thinking to yourself, how the hell is this the Comedy Cellar podcast? They don't talk about comedy. All they fucking talk about is Israel. It was definitely different, but I'm learning.

No, but you must have thought to yourself, how the fuck is this the Comedy Cellar podcast? I think that's what you're thinking. That's what everybody is thinking. That doesn't mean they're not enjoying it, by the way. But it means they're thinking this is a seriously odd way to brand this podcast. Listen, I think that...

Just say this is the podcast of the comedy seller, and then we talk about, you know, the things that we talk about. It must strike people as somewhat odd. Tiana, I would imagine, among them. I mean, I'm sure these convos happen at the other comedy seller tables, so live from our table.

No, no. If Noam's not there, these conversations aren't happening. Not to the depth. I mean, Noam, he comes here. He's got quotes. He's got videos. A lot of research.

Most comics don't have discussions in that sort of depth, even within a tenth or a twentieth or a hundredth. Maybe Colin comes the closest, Colin Quinn. But no, these conversations aren't happening if Noam's not here. And certainly nobody's got a stack of notes at the Comedy Cell. Anyway, here we are. So Iran is happening.

We can, you know, we're not going to do it the way Noam does it. That's fine. I don't have a stack of notes. I have some notes. You have some notes. You don't have any notes. On Iran? Yeah. No, I don't have any notes. Listen, I mean, I know, you know, I want to just say that the plan was not to have a skeleton crew. We were trying to zoom some comics in who were trapped in Israel because of this war. And unfortunately, circumstances took a turn. The circumstances is that they're tired. It's where they are. They had to fly out from Jordan and they wound up in Rome because that's the only flight they could get. And it's midnight

or so in Rome at this time, at the time that we're taping. And then they had an exhausting day of travel and an exhausting week of being in bombing. And then they had an exhausting day of travel and an exhausting week of being in bomb shelters. And so they couldn't, they decided not to join us. Now, do you think that had you been there that you would have opted to take a bus to Jordan, or you would have stayed in Israel until you could have evacuated, you know, from there, let's say. Well, I have things to do, Periel, so that I might have stayed a little bit longer, but I have a cruise next week. I got to go to Nova Scotia. Really?

Well, I'm going on a cruise. It's the first stop is Nova Scotia. And like one of the stops is Boston. It's just weird to be going on a cruise with like, you know, where you could have taken an Amtrak. But it's one of these New England cruises that they do during the summer. In the Caribbean, I guess it's too hot. So I'm

doing that. Are you looking forward to it? No, I'm not looking forward. You know damn well I'm not looking forward to it. I don't look forward to these things. What part are you not looking forward to, though? If... Now, most comics will tell you oh i i i love the performing but it's the traveling yeah that yeah you know that that's what i'm being paid for uh i don't

feel that way um i actually the traveling to me is not that the bad part no i don't love it it's not the bad but it's the performing i don't like it um it's no secret. I make no secret of the fact that I got into a profession that I don't enjoy. And I never liked it. I always thought I would be a get on television because this is what was going on when I started doing comedy. I looked at Seinfeld

and I said, well, he went on Letterman, did five minutes, made people laugh, and got a show. So therefore, if I go on Letterman for five minutes, make people laugh, I thought that's what it was. But do you think that you would enjoy having a television show or would you not enjoy that either? Yes.

What would you enjoy about it? Well, if it's a good show. I'll tell you what I don't enjoy about stand-up is the stress of the stage fright. I like, you know, if i do a new joke and it works when i come here to the comedy cellar because this is my home club and i'm at easier that's fine that's fun that's satisfying yes especially if i have a new joke that works because it's not i'm not the whole damn show i mean if worse comes to like there's no pressure i'm like you mean there's no pressure of course there's no pressure. What do you mean there's no pressure? Of course there's pressure. There's no pressure. I'm doing 15 minutes.

So there's 15 minutes of, wait, wait, wait. There's 15 minutes of very serious high stakes. Like, you can't bomb. Yeah, but even if you're bombing, you're only bombing for 15 minutes. And for whatever reason, I can't finish the set. There's other people there. Has that ever happened to you once at the Stella? Well, one time it did because I had to use the bathroom.

So I ran off the stage and the emcee wasn't in the room and I said, get back on stage and I ran down to the Village Underground where they have bathrooms with more privacy. That's it. Okay, but how many years have you been performing? Well, don't age me. I mean, I'm just trying. 30-ish years. I'm just trying to have a reality conversation with you because I think that a lot of this is anxiety.

Look, you're not going to cure me. 30 years of dealing with this, it defies rational. Okay, but just stay with me. But you're not going to cure me in the course of this podcast. Okay, fine. I'm going to try, okay? Make it quick because we've got a lot of shit to get to. You have 30 years of, let's say

you perform here, what, three, four times a week? I'm not worried about See, that's what I'm saying. I'm not worried about performing here. I understand that, but you're saying you're not worried because it's only I get worried when the whole show is on me. If I'm on a cruise ship, they're like, oh, let's see the comedy show. Then I can't do the job that I'm supposed to do.

It's all me. Their whole, their evening. I understand. How long is the show? And it's embarrassing. How, 45 minutes? On this cruise, it'll be a half hour. On this particular cruise with this particular... Okay, so half an hour.

For you, that's nothing. You can do half an hour with your eyes closed. It's two sets at the cellar. I'm just trying to offer another perspective. It's also not my home environment. I'm also confined on a ship with the very people that if I bomb or if for whatever reason, it doesn't go right. What would happen? They're on the ship with me.

I mean, I was on it. Well, it's embarrassing. And to see them at breakfast the next day is embarrassing. Yeah, I did a Ritz-Carlton ship a couple of months ago. The first show went well. The second show was terrible. Okay. I look forward to going ashore the next

day. Uh-huh. I didn't go ashore because the ship docked out to sea. You had to take one of those little ships, a tender. Yeah. And there's like, it's a tiny little, you know, it's a tiny little, it looks like a lifeboat. And it goes from the ship to the shore. But it's a very confined

space with you and whoever else is on the tent. I didn't go ashore. I was looking forward to seeing St. John, and I didn't go. Because I had had such a bad set the night before. Because you didn't want to be... I didn't want to be in a little tiny thing with people that might have seen me the night before. What do you think would have happened

had you done that? Look, I don't... We don't need to go down this road. Because you're not going to cure me in the space of this podcast. Why are you so committed to not even trying to see it from a different perspective? Do you understand that public speaking is people's worst fear?

That's like a deep-seated, intrinsic, primal, genetically encoded even, fear that people have, and I'm no exception. I was hoping to use this to get on a TV show where if you don't, if you fuck it up, they yell cut and you do it again. Okay. But let me ask you this then, if you got on a TV show and you had your own TV show,

let's say you sold your own TV show and then people didn't like the TV show, you'd have to see like millions of people in public. Well, didn't like, I guess, but at least you're on a TV show. I mean, you know, it's not the same as bombing in a room. Listen, I want to say a few things. I feel like I'm not getting like sufficient credit here. First of all, I do understand that public speaking is terrifying. I also have bad stage fright. So I really, really, really appreciate how anxiety inducing that is. I have terrible stage fright also. So I really do get it. And I used to teach public speaking to high school kids. So I feel like I'm not profoundly empathetic to this position. Tiana, are you enjoying this conversation?

I think it's funny that you're not taking Perry L's advice. Well, I don't know what advice she can give me. I'm not trying to give you advice. I'm only trying to have like a different angle of looking at this. Cause I think that, I just don't like that you refuse like you're so committed to your the suffering i i just don't think that anything you you say and we have a lot to get to okay so we can we can skip it if there are any um psychologists or psychiatrists listening, I'd be

interested in info at what's our... I forgot. I haven't given it out in so long, I forgot what it is. Podcast at ComedyCellar.com, I believe. Yeah, okay. Okay, fine. We can put a pin in

that. Anyway, so that's where I'll be. So, yeah, so that's why I wouldn't have stayed. I probably would have. And if everybody was going to go to Jordan, and I've never been to Jordan, so that might have been interesting. I probably would have done that. I just want to say for the record that had I been on that Ritz-Carlton trip with you, I would have made you come in the tender with me. And I think you would have come.

Yes, because I could have buried my head. Yes, I would have made you come in the tender with me. And I think you would have come. Yes, because I could have buried my head. Yes, you could have. And so that they wouldn't see me. Next up on the... Did you want to talk about Iran? I think we should talk about Iran. Well, I mean, you know, I don't know... Do you know what's going on?

You don't know what's going on? I know what's going on. I know that Israel's bombing Iran, trying to take out their nuclear facilities, and trying to take out other things like oil fields and command and control, you know, the ballistic missile launchers and where they are and all that. And is America officially involved now? Have we started, the United States started to do missions over there? No, I don't think so.

I think that it seems like we're possibly on the dawn of an entirely new era. No? Well, if they can knock out this regime, and if it gets replaced by some stable democratic regime, then yes, then that would be the dawn of a new era. Do you think that that's possible or likely? It's certainly possible, you know, but I mean, from what I gather, most Iranians are anti-regime. Yes. And from what the Iranians that I see on Twitter, they're all anti-regime.

That doesn't mean they love Israel, and that doesn't mean they like getting bombed. And that doesn't mean they like it, you know, what's happening. Well, first of all, I don't think that anybody likes getting bombed. I mean, you're saying that. No, but some people, some number of Iranians are like, yeah, we hate getting bombed, but it's worth it because the regime might fall. Other Iranians are like, are behind the regime, and I don't know what percentage that would be, 10%, I don't know, 20%. And then others are like, yeah, we don't like the regime, but we don't like, but it,

and we don't like the bombing more than we don't like the regime, so that it's not worth the price we're paying by getting bombed. And some number might be that we're anti-regime might become pro- regime as a result of this. So I, you know, and then... I don't think most Iranians are pro-regime. No, I said some

number. No, I know that. Might switch to the other side, maybe. I don't know. I mean, most of them are anti-regime. No, I said some number. No, I know that. Might switch to the other side, maybe. I don't know. I mean, most of them are anti-regime. Yes. From everything I didn't get. Most Iranians are completely anti-regime. This is a regime that is killing women for showing their hair and killing people for being gay. I mean, this is a country that in 1949 was like a full Western democracy. Well, somebody must like these people because they're in power and they've been in power for 40 years. I mean, that's, no. You can't do that with no popular support. You know, you have to have some number of people to enforce these.

I mean, dictators take over. Yeah, but it can't be one person taking over. You have to have an infrastructure of people that are enforcing your decrees and arresting the people that need to be arrested and all that. So some number of people there like the regime. But the majority of the country, and certainly the majority of Iranians who fled Iran because of the regime.

I saw something last night where this woman was saying that this Iranian French woman, I was watching French news, and she said that her contacts in Iran, they all have one name. They're all saying the same thing. They want to bring this palavi bot guy back yeah who was the shah's son yeah but the shah was an asshole too from what i understand you know he was a corrupt guy that that that persecuted his political enemies and um you know so he wasn't so great either he was anti--democratic. So, you know, I don't know. I do see the Shah's son on Twitter, though.

Yeah. Talk about, you know, like, now's the time. Yeah. I mean, I think that everybody's saying, or most people are saying that now is the time. Well, if there's going to be a time, it will be now. You know. If they're not going to do it now, then it's not getting done. And I don't think Israel or the United States, our record of regime change is abysmal. Yeah, it's not great. So unless they're going to do it.

Yeah, they have to do it. Then it's going to be another mess like Iraq or Libya. Let's hope not. So hopefully, you know, I can't imagine the regime will stay in power, but what replaces it? You know, I don't know. Will it be replaced by a civil war or something worse?

You know, or maybe they'll stay. Where are you putting your bets? Well, if I had to bet, I'd say the regime is going to fall. But in terms of what's going to come after, I don't know. Maybe this Pileva guy would have. I don't know. Maybe Bernie Sanders.

I think that it's a real opportunity for, I mean, maybe I'm being like sort of a, what, Pollyanna? It's not, it's apparently not that easy to overthrow this regime because they haven't done it in 40 years. You have a majority of the country, by all accounts, by everything I've read, that hates this regime and yet they're still there since 1979. So for whatever reason

they haven't gotten rid of these people. So I guess it's not that easy. I mean, now it's obviously easier. So I don't gotten rid of these people. So I guess it's not that easy. I mean, now it's obviously easier. So I don't know. So that's why I can't say for sure, you know. Well, I don't think anybody can say for sure. I think that the point is, is that like, let's get them the fuck out of here and try to usher in a new dawn.

I will see what happens. I can just tell you that... Will the Ayatollah survive the week? If you had to make a prediction. Survive the week either... That is to say, survive either... Die or leave Iran. Within the week.

I mean, he's saying... He may already be out of Iran. You think so? Well, I've heard rumors that there's planes that have been flying out. I don't know. Caitlyn Jenner was in Israel or is in Israel. I think she actually flew out. Um, that, that was, she said there was no place she would rather be that she was. Well, I wonder how she flew out. She probably flew out in a private aircraft. I would imagine that she was, I mean, I would imagine that she

flew out the same way that our friends got out through Jordan. Maybe, but if I don't think there are any flights Even a private aircraft. I don't think so. I don't think so. I think the airspace is completely closed. I can tell you this my mother-in-law was born

and grew up in Iran and came to Israel as a little girl. And she said that she, when I asked her, and also a building went down, 14 story building around the corner from her house in Israel, from these ballistic missiles that are flying into Israel and knocking down buildings, right? So it's not just that Israel's bombing Iran. It's also that Iran is bombing Israel and has been attacking Israel through their proxy armies for the past, you know, four decades. So like, let's put all the cards on the table if we're going to have a conversation. Hezbollah in Lebanon, that's Iran, the Houthis from Yemen, that's Iran, Hamas in Gaza, that's Iran. So let's just be clear with that.

And they're also killing Arabs and Muslims in Israel with these bombs. Okay, so that's one thing. Well, look, I mean... Wait, wait, wait, let me just finish. So my mother-in-law... But I have to speak to that point. Okay. A lot of people have been making the point that, well, look at what Iran's doing.

Israel is targeting specific military sites, and Iran is targeting civilians. That's right. That argument to me... I certainly fault Iran for many things, but I can't blame them. They don't have the technology or the ability to target the military. I don't think so. All they can do is send off ballistic missiles blindly into civilian areas.

I don't know that they have a choice. Either they do nothing at all, which, you know, that's not going to happen, or they do what they're doing. I mean, I don't think that that's an excuse for killing civilians indiscriminately. If someone's attacking you and your only method is to send ballistic missiles in the blind, I'm hard-pressed to fault you for sending out ballistic missiles blindly. Okay. I do fault them for everything else.

I fault them for, you know, pursuing nuclear weapons, while at the same time having said over the past decades that Israel must be destroyed, I fault them for the Houthis, the Hezbollah, the Hamas. They may be sending missiles for decades. But the fact that they're sending these missiles blindly into civilian areas, to me, that doesn't make it... That's not an argument that I think... Well, let me put it this way.

If Israel or the United States was sending ballistic missiles anywhere blindly... Because we have the ability to be more precise. They don't. I don't know that they have the ability to be more precise. If they wanted to, which they probably don't want to. And if they did have the ability? Well, then it would be another conversation. But I don't think they have that ability.

I think the only thing they can do is send off these rockets blindly. You know, and they land wherever they land. Or semi-blind. Maybe they can kind of sort of get into the area. Because they haven't, I don't think, hit Jerusalem. They have. They have. They have? Okay. Anyway, a building went down around the corner from my in-laws, a 14-story building.

And I spoke to my mother-in-law and I asked her, you know, how she feels that Iran, like this whole thing is going on, given that she's from there. And she said that she hopes that Israel kills all of these Drek leaders in all of Iran so that she can go back shopping in the markets there, like she did when she was a little girl. And I would argue that most people who were expelled from Iran probably would take that. They want to go shopping. They want to go shopping. They want... You're saying this war is about shopping. I'm saying that most Iranians, from what I've read on Twitter and Instagram and people who I know, are like...

Well, you know Iranian Jews. No, I know Iranians who aren't Jewish also. Okay, and even if it's just Iranian Jews, they don't count? They do not count. That is correct. Not in this particular context, they don't. Why not? I want to hear from Iranians that are not...

Because Iranian Jews are going to side with Israel. It's not just siding with Israel. These people have been ethnically cleansed out of their home country. What does it matter if they're Jewish or not? I'm saying on this particular issue, I want to hear from Iranians that are not Jewish. And of the few that I stumbled across on Twitter, yes, they're all anti-regime. And some of them are pro-Israel. Others are anti-regime and anti-Israel.

My understanding also is that in the Middle East, it's not about who you love, it's about who you hate less. I guess, I don't know. So I don't think you have to love Israel to want the regime to fall. No, but I'm just saying, those seem to be the points of view. Anyway, that's our take. That's our take on Iran. And I think it was a reasonable one. I don't know what Noam would have necessarily added.

Well, I tell you what Noam would have added. He would have added an air of intellect. This just sounds like two idiots talking. Why? Do you think that that was anti-intellectual i think that noam has a way of doing it that he's got his ipad he's looking at his computer he's typing he's typing it up uh you know he'll cite things uh quote people okay so can you pull up that quoteiana, that we have. Dan, can you read that for us, please? Iran says they hit the Mossad building in a missile strike.

Luckily, nobody's there. They were all in Iran. All right, that's funny. Well, yes, because apparently there's, just to explain this for those who may not get it, there's a lot of Mossad agents in Iran, apparently. Whether they're Israelis or Iranians that are working for the Mossad, I tend to think that they're Iranians working for the Mossad, rather than Israelis in Iran. Or they're both. They're Iranian-Israelis. They could be like Eli Cohen.

They could be Eli Cohen-ing their situation. You know Eli Cohen? Yeah, go ahead. Well, Eli Cohen was a guy. He was Egyptian. And there was a miniseries on Netflix starring Sacha Baron Cohen. He was an Egyptian Jew who infiltrated Syria at the highest levels and convinced them that he was some Egyptian Muslim guy

that was originally, his grandparents were from Syria or something like that. And he infiltrated at the highest levels of Syrian politics and gave and transmitted secrets back to the Israelis. He got caught because he was transmitting and they were able to triangulate the transmission somehow and they caught him and they hung able to triangulate the transmission somehow, and they caught him, and they hung him.

I think this was in the 60s. And so maybe that's what's going on. So there could be Israeli-Iranians that speak perfect Farsi. Of course. Now, my whole thing about Ali Cohen is I don't think the Syrians tried very, like, it wouldn't have been that hard for them to verify who this guy was, in my opinion. If they really wanted to. They say, well, who are your, because he said, I'm from Egypt and these are my parents. Well, who are your parents?

Really? Okay, well, who'd you grow up with? Name one Muslim that we can call that you grew up with. And they didn't do that. You know, had they done that? He said, just name one guy, who'd you grow up with? Name one Muslim that we can call that you grew up with, and they didn't do that. Okay. You know, had they done that, they'd say, just name one guy. Oh, you're a Muslim? Name the guy, name the imam at your mosque. We're going to call him up, and we're going to ask him, is this guy I forgot the name that

he used, but here's his picture, here's the name that he, is this guy somebody that you remember from your mosque in Cairo? And they would have said, no, who the fuck is this guy? And that would have been it. They didn't, they didn't, it didn't seem like it would have been that hard. Okay. I mean, I don't know.

So they didn't try very hard. I think. Maybe they were very trusting. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I think that I'm, I'm sure that they've got like a few layers of protection. They're not just sending people in with no, I didn't see the show. I'll watch it and report back. Okay. But I'm, I'm pretty sure that there's not much more there. I mean, I think it would have

been very, very easy. If, if somebody said to you, if somebody came to Israel and said, I'm Jewish and I want, you, you could find it within a 20 minute conversation. You'd find, you'd know if they were bullshitting you or not. I mean, I think that people do this all the time. They wind up working in like, like pedophiles work in like schools and then like six years later you find out. But they don't have the resources of the Syrian government, I'm saying, with the resources of a government

could have, if they really investigated. How long did it take them to find out? They never found out until they caught him transmitting to the Israelis. They never knew until they, they were like these transmissions that were coming from his apartment. And Sasha Baron Cohen played Eli Cohen? Sasha Baron Cohen played Eli Cohen, yeah.

I love him. He's very good. He's good. Okay, I'm going to watch this. It's The Spy on Netflix. I think it's called The Spy. Did you see it, Tiana? Tiana, are you there?

Yes. No, I didn't see it. Okay. What are you watching on Netflix these days? Any recommendations? I'm watching old stuff because I'm on a nostalgia kick right now. Well, what old stuff are you watching? I just watched Meet the Barkers, which is about Travis Barker from Blink-182.

And there's a remake of One Day at a Time on Netflix that's really good. Oh, you know, because I know Mike Royce, who was a showrunner. Mike Royce, who used to write for Everybody Loves Raymond, and he was a showrunner

for One Day at a Time. And People Magazine just came out with an article saying, oh, you've got to watch this. It's great. It's great. So he posted that on his Instagram, and I congratulated him. Mazel tov.

Because I'm trying to get a writing show. This is a quote from CNN. Go ahead. Israel's unprecedented attack shows Iran has become a quote-unquote playground for the Mossad. Okay. But again, I don't know if these are Israelis infiltrating or Iranians that... I don't see what difference that makes.

I'm saying that they're one and the same, I think. I mean, but one is more impressive. You send an Israeli guy into Iran pretending that he's, you know, it's an L.A. Cohen sort of. But you understand that like sending a quote unquote Israeli guy into Iran probably means that his parents were from Iran. Right. But he still has to like he still has to come up with a whole backstory. Oh, here was where I was born. Here's where I went to my mosque. Here's where. Sure. Here are the people I knew growing up. Here's where I, you know. Here's where I go for my

halal kefta. You have to have a whole story. Good, Dan. Very good. So, whereas a guy that's already living in Iran, he's got a story already. He grew up in Iran. He's Muslim and he just happens to be working for the Mossad. So that, to me, is a lot easier,

a lot less impressive. I would venture to guess that, just for argument's sake, I'll grant you like, I mean, if I'm being generous, it's like, what, 70-30? Okay, I have no way of knowing when we're together. Well, I have no idea either. It doesn't really matter. Something I'm curious about. Okay, we'll come back to that too, maybe. Well, we'll have to get,

we'll have to ask somebody that knows. Who knows? Maybe Yochai Sponder would know. Yochai Sponder's a comedian, an Israeli comedian. Why would he know? He doesn't live in New York, he lives in Israel. Okay, well, he lives there, so maybe he knows these things. Maybe he's an operative. Maybe, maybe

my husband knows. I could ask him, too. Should I call him? Yeah, not now, but at some point. Why? I could put him on speaker. He might be... All right, if he can get him. If he can get him, you know.

Let's see. You know, please. I mean, I guess we can either edit this out, or I can maybe just sing or something, or keep people entertained. Let's see. With a rap, with a freestyle rap. Right. Let's see. Where's Chris Turney when you need him?

Hi, you're on speaker and you're on the podcast with me and Dan. Hello, Guy. Can you tell us if you know from the Mossad agents from Israel who are in Iran,

are those Israeli Jewish people? Or are they Muslim Iranians? Or is it a combination of both? Probably a combination of both. What do you think the percentage would be? Probably more local.

That's what I'm saying. More local. So, like what? Like 50-50? He said more local is not 50-50. I really don't know. Okay. I really don't know. But probably they use, they definitely, like definitely.

They're probably using local as well. Okay. Or it can be also foreigners. That it doesn't need to be Jewish, Israelis, or Muslim, or Iranian. Okay. Well, then who would they be if they're not one of those two people? Dan's saying who would they be then? European.

And then what, they have to make like a whole backstory up for them? Of course. Yeah. All right. Well, it doesn't sound like Guy has any specialized right. Well, it doesn't sound like Guy has any specialized knowledge. Well, I beg to differ, but okay. I'll talk.

Go ahead. Don't forget it's a huge, huge country with a bunch of different borders. And Israel in the past few years have an unbelievable relationship, partnership and agreements between us and Azerbaijan. Correct?

Azerbaijan. I think, like, Israel is now flying pretty easy to Azerbaijan, and it's a pretty wide border. Okay. All right. Thank you. I'll call you later. Thank you, Guy. Well, Guy clearly is not, doesn't have any direct contacts with the Mossad,

but he seems to agree with, his hunch seems to be in accord with my own. Your first assumption is actually not accurate. Okay. Well, you know him better than I do. I'm just saying, like, that he's not making that answer up. Like, that comes from... Okay, so it's that he's not making that answer up like that comes from Okay, so he's not an expert. They use

local talent. He's saying that much like many of the comedy clubs do here in America. He's saying that they're using locals and it's not just Israeli Jews and Muslim or Arabs from local areas or local Iranians. He's saying that

it's a huge country with many borders and Israel has a very close relationship with, for example, Azerbaijan. Yeah, I heard all that. All right. So, but you're distilling that into like something else. It sounds like you were right. and there's something that we didn't consider. Well, yeah, I'm right. That's true. There's another... We didn't consider these third options with people that are from neither Israel nor Iran.

And to your point, that is more impressive, perhaps, because they do have to come up with this whole spy backstory backstory right right they gotta yeah they gotta do all that so anyway like cohen eli a la eli cohen a la eli okay um yes so right eli cohen um i think they still have his body they never sent it back and they're still trying to get it back they i just read something that they just found the last letter he wrote to his wife and kids.

I think they've had that for a while. I think he was able to... I think he got that letter to them and then it was... No, they just gave that to his wife. Tiana, can you see if that... Are you alive back there? Will you see Eli Cohen?

Okay. So anyway, but we've exhausted it. Do you think that you could be a spy? No, of course not. Of course not. You've got to have nerves of steel. You do, right? No, I certainly couldn't.

I'm sorry, you want me to look up what exactly for Eli Cohen? Eli Cohen, letter to his wife. Okay. They tried to recruit Guy for the Mossad after he finished in the army. Okay, but he decided to come here. Yeah, well, no. I mean, he decided to turn that position down

and, I mean, he didn't come here until much later in life. He could probably be a spy though. He's got that... Anyway. Again, I that, uh, anyway. Again, I'm still like, you know, here I still, um, well, I can't read that cause it's in Arabic. Oh, here we go. We don't have to read the whole thing. No, no, no. But no, no. When did they find it? Did they just find that? Okay.

Um, and also another thing is like Eli Cohen, like did he speak the same Arabic that like an Arab? You'd have to learn it. No, no, he spoke perfect Arabic, but he spoke the Arabic that they spoke in his Jewish community in Cairo might not have been the same Arabic. You'd have to have some kind of a story. But I'm saying it may not have been the exact same.

Like it might have been, you know, how like, if I try to convince somebody that I was from South Carolina, I speak perfect English, but I couldn't pull off South Carolina, so I don't know if the communities in Cairo might have had a different, somewhat different way of speaking. Unless you studied

that accent. But I don't know if he did or he didn't. I'll have to ask ChatGPT. Anyway, okay. They found the letter in May. They found it? She got the letter in May. This May? This May. I tell you, the Postal Service really... Anyway, whatever. That's remarkable,

right? Yeah, that's amazing. They just found it this year. Well, how did they find it? The Mossad got it. Okay, okay, okay. The Mossad went on this special mission, and they got a bunch of his stuff. They went on a mission just to get stuff? I don't know if they went on a mission just to get stuff, but the Mossad found or went to...

I don't think they went on a whole mission just to collect... I didn't say that. Maybe a staple gun. Hello. After decades, Eli Cohn's widow receives his personal archive including last letter before execution. Alright, what else have we got on the agenda? We have India Air.

Air India, not India Air. There might be an India Air, but that's not that's not the one that crashed. I don't want to talk about this for too long because it gives me anxiety. Okay. But what do you want to say about this? There's one survivor. Well, that's unbelievable. You know, when you look at the footage and the whole thing blows up,

somehow this guy was in a pocket. 11A, seat 11A. I don't know if 11A is particularly, if there's anything particular about that seat, whether it was in an area that's somehow more reinforced. I don't know. But yeah, it's unbelievable. And he walked away.

He wasn't even injured. I think he was just walking away from the damn accident. They didn't even have to carry him out. Really? No, he was just walking away. That was crazy. His brother died. It's horrible.

Yeah, his brother died. I mean, it's horrible for everybody affected by that. So it's not like, mean for his family it's certainly wonderful that their one son survived but it's it's just uh their other son now you speaking of inside knowledge you can really speak to this because you are a uh trained pilot well i got a pilot's license many years ago for financial reasons. I haven't used it in a while. Why? It's expensive? Very expensive to rent an airplane, or to buy one, certainly expensive,

but to rent one is also expensive. But only single engine, you know, with those planes, which have nothing to do with the plane, you know, so I don't know much about these planes. I only know what I watch on YouTube. There's some very good, I can recommend some excellent YouTube channels

that discuss aircraft accidents. Well, you can do that for our listeners, by all means. Well, there's Captain Steve. I don't know the exact address. Just put Captain Steve in the search bar. There's Blanco Lirio, B-L-A-N-C-O-L-I-R-I-O. And there's this pilot debrief.

So those are three really good ones. Now, this doesn't send you into a tailspin of panic? About flying? Yes. No, because the odds are still, you know, the 787 has been flying since, I think, 2011, when they first rolled off the assembly line. And this is the first, they call a hull loss.

A who? Euphemistically put. A hull, H-U-L-L, loss. Why do they call it that? That's what it's called, a hull loss. I don't know. That's what they call it. Maybe that's an insurance company term.

I don't know. Okay. So I think a hull loss just means the plane is, it's like when you total a car, it's like equivalent of that. Did this guy's luggage also make it out? I doubt it. Oh, the guy that made it out? I don't think so. No, but it doesn't give me anxiety because I know the statistics are still very much with me, number one. Number two, I don't fly Air India, which has, I don't think, it's not bad, but I think it's not great either in terms of...

Yeah, I'd say so. Well, not just because of this. I mean, I think just generally they've had issues. So I don't think they're going to be as safe as an American carrier. So there's that. And this seems like a very, very one in a million more type. I don't know what exactly happened because no one does. No one knows what happened? Not yet. They'll know when they analyze the black box.

How long does it take to analyze the black box? I don't know. Maybe not that long, but they got the black box. How long does it take to analyze the black box? I don't know. Maybe not that long, but they've got to do it. I mean, did this happen like a week ago already? Yeah, as far as I know, they haven't. They've got to analyze it, and I guess they've got to cross-reference it with the other evidence. So you have the black box, and then they'll talk to the survivor,

they'll talk to the air traffic controllers, they'll talk to eyewitnesses. And they'll put it all together. And they tend to be very conservative about not jumping to conclusions. So they might have already listened and analyzed the black box. There's one black box that records the audio from the cockpit. And one that records all the flight parameters. This is more than I can handle. I mean, this really, like,

I need a Valium. Well, you don't fly a lot, right? I do fly a lot. Okay. You know nothing about me. I fly all the time. What do you mean? Well, like, you're not flying Air India, which I think has already put you ahead of the game. Okay.

If you're flying on an American carrier, if you're going to Israel and you're flying LL, which has never had a hull loss, actually, that's not true. They did in Amsterdam. It was a cargo plane that crashed. An Amsterdam LL plane. When was that?

You can look it up. I don't remember. Okay. But, okay, flying to begin with is a little bit of a scary thing. Like, what would possess you to want, I mean, like, I know that you're interested in, like, AI and science and all that, but I mean. No, I just thought, well, you know, it all started when I opened for Howie Mandel years ago in the 90s, and we flew in a private jet, and I was able to, for the first time, because, you know, I had flown in airliners, but I never got to see the cockpit and to see what was going on and to look out the front window. And it was really cool, you know. Some people just, I mean.

It was really cool. I just thought it was really cool. Okay. So then I started reading about it, because I spent a lot of time at the bookstore in those days, back in the days when there was a bookstore in, like, every corner, and reading about it and getting more interested in it. Because I spent a lot of time at the bookstore in those days. Back in the days when there was a bookstore on like every corner. And reading about it and getting more interested in it. And finally I took a lesson. I actually had a lesson on 9-11.

Shut the fuck up. Yeah, but I didn't get there. I didn't get to the airport. Because, obviously. Why not? Because I woke up and I turned on the TV to check the weather, and I saw what I saw. And that, and how often did you fly?

Like, how often did you have to fly to get away? Once or twice a week for maybe a year. I mean, it took me a lot. Like, I didn't do it, like, maybe once a week. I don't remember, but it was a couple of years before I got my license. So you're fully capable of taking a tiny single-engine piston plane in perfect weather for a short flight, yes. And landing it. Yeah, but that's all I'm capable of.

That's a lot. I'm not capable of flying in weather, in clouds, because that requires an instrument rating, which I don't have. And I'm not capable of flying anything that's not. And even then, I'm only capable of flying a Cessna 172, which is what I trained in, because it's not like renting a car. Every plane is different. So you can't go from one to the other. But now you can't be guaranteed that you're going to have perfect weather, right? You look at the weather. Weather doesn't just pop up out of nowhere. It's not a cloud in in the sky, clouds don't just appear out of nowhere. Okay.

So, you know, you check the weather. It doesn't just, clouds don't just surround you instantly, you know. Okay, if you say so. I don't know that much about clouds, but fine. Now, this is, I'm seeing like a trend here, because this is exactly what you did with French. Yeah, that's right. That's right.

French was the same thing. I went to the bookstore because I was bored, trying to avoid my roommate. Not that he was a bad person, but you have a roommate, you know how it is. You don't want to see them. Like, you get, especially in a tiny little apartment I'm married to my roommate

but then you probably, even with that so you go to the bookstore I used to go to the movies all the time and just sit there and go from one movie and then I go to the other movie like the multiplex and then I go to the bookstore Can you do that in a Jackie Mason voice?

I go to the bookstore I go to the bookstore. Can you do that in a Jackie Mason voice? I go to the bookstore. I go to the movie. I don't know. Do it. Come on. Try again. I'll be honest with you. You go to the bookstore.

No, it's not coming. It's not coming. Okay. For whatever reason, it's not coming. I'm not an impressionist, but sometimes I can get a Jackie Mason, but it's not coming. Okay. Also, you know, the topic, I don't know. I'm not inspired impressionist, but sometimes I can get a Jackie Mason, but it's not coming. Okay. Also, you know, the topic, I don't know. I'm not inspired.

Okay, fine, fine. I'm not inspired by the topic. But anyway. You go to the bookstore. Yes, but the French was the same thing. It was me avoiding my roommate and going to the bookstore and studying French. And then becoming, like, fluent in French to the point. I mean, the fluency is a word with no precise meaning, but yes. I mean, the way that word is generally

used, I would classify myself as fluent, but not native level fluency. Okay. I mean, I would claim the same thing for my Hebrew. Okay. Fluency, but not native level. Right. But again, fluency is- Define fluency. There's no definition to it. I mean, come on.

Well, there really isn't. Put some parameters around it, though. I would. Like, if I had to define it, I would say being able to say everything you want to say with reasonable fluidity and a minimal amount of stuttering. Okay. And with, you know, I mean, I don't like it. It's hard to define it. That's fair.

It's fair. It's hard to define it. Like, you know, and how much. Being able to communicate. Yes. But how much, even if you can communicate, can you really, how much of your personality can you inject in the communication? And nuance.

How much of you really comes through if you're, you know, in the communication? So all those things are factors in terms of your level of mastery. And so it's very tough to precisely define where you're at in the language. And then the word fluency, you know, I guess I would say you can say, I guess I would quote John Mayer, you can say what you need to say. Okay. Well, I think that that's a fair and reasonable definition of fluency. Tiana, can you pull up fluent just to see what the dictionary definition says? By that definition, I would like to nail in a point that you and I have been going back and forth on for years. I am fluent in Hebrew.

Well, again, as I say, the word fluent, we don't have a... Able to express oneself easily and articulately. But those words, easily and articulately, are not the most precise words in the world. So, you know.

We're just going to have to take a trip to Israel. That's the only way I'm going to convince you of this. You're going to have to see me interacting in the wild. I guess I, well, no, there's plenty of Israelis here, and especially at the Olive Tree Cafe downstairs that come in. But when I see you speaking Hebrew, I hate to say it, I see you going, I see you falling back on English a lot. That's all I'm saying.

That's all I'm saying. I definitely do interject my Hebrew and English words because there are words in Hebrew that I don't know. So for sure, I freely admit that. And yet, I still would say that according to your definition and the dictionary definition, I'm saying it's not a native level. It's not perfect. I'm not as articulate as I am in English, but my personality certainly comes through.

I can express myself. I can say anything I need to say. And I do interject with English sometimes. And there are a lot of words that I don't know. Okay. All right. Okay. Alright. Okay. So I'll give you

fluency then. Wow. I'm a man enough to admit when I'm in error. Okay. Our last topic today is going to be about your intermittent fasting. Do we have some other? I could swear we had some, oh no, we did. I think we cut everything.

We covered it. Well, I'm intermittent fasting, you know, because first of all, I went to the gym and like, I didn't know where I was five pounds heavier than I had been. I was like 160 apparently is the threshold for overweight for my height. And I'd been like 158. And all of a sudden, like overnight. So maybe the gym scale is wrong. But all of a sudden, I was like 165, 164. Well, did you feel and look like you were? No, I didn't feel.

Well, because what happened was, is once I saw that 165, I started to pay more attention to what I was looking like. Because I wasn't really paying attention. Okay. And yeah, I got a fucking gut. like. Because I wasn't really paying attention. Okay. And, yeah, I got a fucking gut. Okay. And I'm not happy about it. Okay. Now, you reach a certain age and pretty much everybody has a gut.

But I don't like it. That's not. Well, most people. I mean, not Lenny Kravitz. Right. Who I saw a picture of him online. He's 60 years old. I mean, it was unbelievable.

Yeah. I don't know if that's, you know, because he's injecting shit in him or... No, I don't think so. I mean, maybe, but I think that that's just what he looks like. Well, look, virtually anybody in their 50s has a gut.

But I don't like it. And I don't like being over 160 because that's the threshold of overweight. And I just don't like being overweight. So I said, i said well i'm gonna fucking take the bull by the horns and and while i'm at it intermittent fast because intermittent fasting does two things number one you generally theoretically you could intermittent like what i'm doing is i'm eating for in an eight hour window and fasting for 16 hours when do you you start? Sometimes 17. It depends. When I start will vary,

but it's always 16 hours after I stop eating that I start eating again. So usually it's 7 or 8 or 9. In the morning? No, at night I stop and then I go around the clock. If I stop at 8,

then the next day at noon I can start eating. If I stop at 9, then it's 1. You get the idea. Now, are you hungry? Yes at nine, then it's one. You get the idea. Now, are you hungry? Yes.

Yeah, it was fucking hard. It's not impossibly hard, but it's hard. But it does two things. Number one, you probably won't eat as many calories. Theoretically, you could eat 5,000 calories in an eight-hour. But generally, and I'm being mindful to eat less calories. So you have less calories. So that's one positive. The second positive is, is the fasting window, the 16 hours apparently has these effects. This, you know, it varies from person to person. I don't know if the science is

100% settled, but there's a lot of good evidence that it does a lot of good things for you. Lowering blood pressure, lowering cholesterol, some glucose shit that I don't really understand, but makes you less susceptible to type 2 diabetes. Cognitive health makes you less susceptible long-term to dementia. So it has those effects, you know, and we'll see. Well, have you... I haven't gotten my cholesterol checked. I haven't...

My blood pressure machine broke, so I've got to get another one. But I haven't checked that. And have you checked your weight? It's like a couple pounds. It's not much. Okay, but it sounds like you weren't much up either. It's just a few pounds. It's not much. It sounds like you weren't much up either. It's just a few pounds. We're talking about just a number of pounds.

A few pounds can be very tough. I'm not saying no. I'm just saying that it sounds like you're dealing with like a five pound. I'd like to be under 160. But even 158, I'm still going to have a gut, which is probably...

You don't have a gut. I'm looking at you right now. You do not have a gut. Well, maybe I have body dysmorphic. Well, maybe. I have to make it. That's very possible. Well, it's a bit of a gut.

Well, you haven't seen me without my shirt, but... I do think that it's good to be mindful of what you eat and to be healthy and all of those things. Right. So is it hard? Yes. And along with the intermittent fasting, because I don't want to intermittent fast any garbage because that defeats the purpose, I'm trying to eat less carbs, less simple carbs, sugar, breads, and so on.

Now, do you like sugar? Do you have a sweet tooth? Yeah, but I haven't really craved it because I guess I'm sort of used to it at this point. I did have some ginger beer downstairs before the show, which was a bit of an indulgence. Yeah. A bit of a splurge. Now, do you cook at home? Not much.

Not much. Which makes it hard, you know. Because you don't like to, you don't want to, you don't know how to. Yes, all of the above. And I'm not in the house a lot anyway. If I'm here, I eat here. Yeah. By the way, you know, Kyle Dunnigan and I are writing a movie together.

I can't get into details about it. But we were at, he's a wonderful cook. I was at his house yesterday writing. You know Kyle. Yeah, of course. And he gave me a wonderful anti-inflammatory meal. Just

terrific. It was salmon and spinach and tomatoes. Okay. Just really, really good stuff. The guy's incredible. He's got so many talents. He does voices. He's a music guy. He even did the... He did his floor in his apartment really like himself really he laid down like the the

flooring and he did like a backsplash on his countertop he like cut glass and wow and the guy could do everything well he is extraordinarily talented. There's no doubt about that. Okay. Well, I... Kiana, how did you find this episode? This is obviously very different than our typical episodes. It was a nice catch-up between the two of you. Nice refresh.

Well, I'm not hearing great enthusiasm. It's not just what she says, but how she says it. That's what I pay attention to. I think that if you had any interest in becoming a good chef, you could probably... I don't have that much interest. You don't have that much interest.

I don't. Yeah, I don't. And again, I'm away so often. I mean, that's an excuse. Yeah, that's not neither. You're not interested. That's it. You're not interested. And the cleanup, I don't have a dishwasher. You don't have a dishwasher?

No. Why not? I don't have it. I don't have a dishwasher. Well, I mean, you could get a dishwasher. Yes, you got to put it somewhere. I guess so. There's a small kitchen.

They have small dishwashers. All right, okay. Somebody comes in and installs it. You get like a small dishwasher for a small New York City apartment All right, okay. Somebody comes in and installs it. You get like a small dishwasher for a small New York City apartment. That's insane. I cannot believe you don't have a dishwasher. I don't know.

Is it that on you? Tiana, do you have a dishwasher? No. There you go. She's much younger than you are, with all due respect. All right. Point taken.

Point taken. Well, I also don't have a wife and kids you know there's a lot of things i don't have that people might often have i think we could start with a dishwasher what are there any other things that like you're super interested in or like uh french or flying planes that like maybe you'll delve into and become just an apps. I mean, nothing comes to mind. I am interested in AI,

but not because I want to, I was never interested in programming computers, much to my financial detriment, but I am interested in the topic of AI. I find it fascinating. And as I said, I want, if we can get somebody on the,

the, somebody on the, we had, what are you so interested in? I just find it. I don't know. You know, I just find it fascinating. And as I said, if we can get somebody on. What are you so interested in? I just find it interesting. I don't know. I just find it interesting. Because, first of all, we could be on the verge of the greatest revolution the world has ever seen. Or not. In Iran?

No. AI. I'm kidding. I think I read something that they're programming it to be anti-Semitic. I'm not kidding. Well, they could be. I mean, who's programming? Whoever's programming it. be anti-semitic i'm not kidding well they could be i mean who's programming whoever's programming it they're feeding in my god all right i mean i haven't i haven't seen that because i'm on twitter a lot and a lot of people ask grok questions about israel and about jews and grok is always very very diplomatic in its anything but anti-semitic

in its answers okay good and this Grok, which is Elon Musk. You know, the guy that was allegedly gave the Nazi salute, if that's what you think, but I assume ChatGPT is similar. ChatGPT and Grok were very politically correct. You tend to be very politically correct

when you ask them questions about anything to do with race, religion, what have you. But what's interesting is, you know, I mean, this could, as we discuss with that, you know, I forgot her name, but what's her name? She's dating Nick Gillespie. We had her on. Oh, Sarah? Sarah. Yeah, it might Sarah? Sarah, yeah, it might have been Sarah. But anyway,

we talked about AI. I wasn't here. Oh, you weren't here. But she's not technical. You know, she's, she writes about it, you know, and she lived with a robot

for a time, so, you know, she can talk about it, but she's not technically, you know technically involved. So if we can get somebody that has some technical knowledge of AI and really get into where we're going with it, is this really going to put everybody out of work,

which some people are predicting? You think it'll put us out of work? I don't think it'll put comics out of work for a while, if ever. First of all, people want to hear from real people. Even assuming a robot could write jokes as well as a human, and even assuming a robot could deliver jokes as well as a human, you want to hear a human, because a human has human problems. When a human says, oh, my fuck, this happened,

we feel it because we've been there. The robot hasn't been there, so we're like, you know, we can't relate to the robot. So I don't think comics are in any danger of being replaced anytime soon. But doctors, lawyers. They say that a lot of people are blind. Engineers, programmers. Buying up, a lot of people are buying up plumbing um businesses because it's a business and dentists by the way because it's a business that will not be taken over by uh robots ai well

and dentists it's too precise okay yeah because supposedly you know well well that's the question we talked about that with with with with the woman that we're sarah i guess um you remember her name tiana i hope she doesn't listen um but anyway um you know because anything you have to use your hands and yeah that's physical in nature is more difficult because you have because you have to have rope the robot technology has to be at the level of the, you know, you can invent a robot that knows everything there is to know about dentistry, but can you invent a robot that can actually do that? Would you let a robot perform surgery on your mouth?

If after several years, the robot's record of surgery, I mean, I would wait to see. If two years go by and every surgery goes perfectly, then yes. Like these driverless taxis in San Francisco, would you take one of these? Yeah, and if after two years there was zero accidents, then yes. I wouldn't do it, you know. You're a numbers guy. Numbers guy.

That's what you're saying. You're a real numbers guy. If the numbers, if the statistics are. That's what you're saying. You're a real numbers guy. Yeah, if the numbers, if the statistics are in my favor, then I would. You know, I just got a dental procedure done. It's funny you bring it up. Just yesterday. Because I had a chipped tooth.

Oh, yeah? So he spackled. He put spackle in it. Really? Yeah, I had it done last year, but it came out. This tooth here, the left front tooth. You can't tell. It did a very good job.

I would just like to say that for a numbers guy to bring this whole conversation full circle, this is what I was trying to say in the beginning. Oh, you're talking about with the anxiety? That you have 15, if you're okay doing a 15-minute set and you've done probably 10, 1 second. Well, I said it was irrational. Fine.

Tens of thousands of 15 minute sets then a 30 minute set or even a 45 minute set according to your own logic well i but there are certain things that are arrest certain fears human fears that are irrational that define rationale defy rational, that are just baked into our sauce. And that is one of them. So, so, you know.

So that's my argument. Okay, well. All right, well, I hope people enjoy this episode. You know, it's obviously very different than what we typically do. Okay, they know that. We don't have to keep saying that. They're aware of that.

All right. If they're still listening, they don't need to be told that. If you made it this far, then you don't need to be told that. Okay, everybody. Thank you. Thank you. Good night.