The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Chris Gethard, Jared Fried, and the Epic Pop-In

Episode Date: July 21, 2017

Chris Gethard is a prominent standup comedian and a regular performer at the Comedy Cellar. He is the star of the TV show "The Chris Gethard Show" and the HBO standup special Career Suicide. Jared Fried is a prominent standup comedian and a regular performer at the Comedy Cellar. He is the host of the JTrain Podcast.

You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the table, on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Alright, good evening everybody. Welcome to The Comedy Cellar show here on Sirius XM channel 99. My name is Noam Dorman. I'm the owner of The Comedy Cellar. We're at the back table at The Comedy Cellar with Jared Freed and Chris Gethard. Hello, hello. Did I pronounce your name right? Jared Freed and Chris Gethard. Hello, hello. Did I pronounce your name right? It's Gethard. Gethard. Yeah, you came very close.

There's worse mispronunciations for sure. The only reason I don't know is because the MCs mispronounce it. All the time. All the time. Yeah. Yeah, I would get it right if it was. And Chris, we don't really know each other. No, I think this might be the first time we've spoken.

Yeah. Thank you for having me on the show. Well, thank you for coming. I saw your act for the first time a couple days ago and I thought you were fantastic. Oh, thanks.

But you don't need to hear that from me because apparently there's a huge buzz about you now all through the comedy world. I know you don't want

to say that. Yeah, no, I can't. Isn't Judd Apatow, didn't he produce or direct your latest? Yeah, i had a special on hbo that judd produced is it is it airing now yeah it came out a couple months ago and it's on demand now and i was very happy with it and it's nice i will say this though like not

blowing smoke in any way hearing you say that i did well here means just as much to me like i uh i can say that genuinely it shouldn't't. No, I was telling people I actually got passed right after it aired. I've always, like many people, put The Cellar in such rarefied air that I was like, now is the time. Clearly, the week my HBO special airs is a

great time to maybe ask for that audition. And I was as nervous auditioning here as I was taping the special. That's not a lie. Well, I'd like to talk about that, actually, but this is what really should make you feel good. I was sitting with a friend, and he had his girlfriend with him, who I didn't know, and

you walked by, and she said, is that Chris Gethard? Right. And she was totally starstruck. All right. Girlfriend stamp of approval. I'm big with other men's girlfriends. That's my target demographic. Meaning that it's seeping out into the general public.

Now, there's a few things. This is not going to focus on him. Not a problem. I'm just kind of meeting him for the first time, Jared. But there's a lot of things. Are you familiar with him? Very. Yeah, I'm a fan too.

Thanks. Yeah, I've seen the special. I loved it. Thank you. I know, you know, I haven't seen the movies. You've been in like super successful movies recently.

Very small parts. Very small parts. But they've been like the best received movies of the year. Which movies? I was in Don't Think Twice which Mike Birbiglia directed.

I had like a pretty decent sized part in that. That was very flattering. Mike's a very good friend of mine and has helped me a lot over the years. Mike used to like me. Not anymore. We argue politics, and he's like, oh, really? Yeah, yeah.

His last answer to me was, whatever gets you through the day, no. I'll have to talk to him about that. But then, yeah, I was in The Heat and the other guys. But I've been cut from a lot of successful movies. But what's the most recent? Are you in The Big Sick, too? No, I'm not in The Big Sick. I thought you were in that.

I'm sorry. But Don't Think Twice is one of the most highest received on Rotten Tomatoes ever. Yeah, yeah. I think what he's saying is that he doesn't take credit for that. No, that was all Burbicks. That was all Burbicks. That was all Burbix. But this is what's interesting. So you have, is this still, I'm going for Wikipedia because our producer, Calabria,

I tell him every week, can you please just give me a little. Throw some notes on it. And he doesn't. He's horrible. And by the way, I really want to air how horrible he is. Is that too loud for you? No, no, no. I was just scratching my ear because of an itch situation.

But do you have a public access show streaming around the world? I did. For four years, I was on New York Public Access. And then my show, it got picked up by a very small network called Fusion. We were there for two years. And then on August 3rd, we debut on TruTV. It's a much bigger network, so it keeps kind of just like climbing the ladder. Dude, I was at a meeting at TruTV.

Is it live? It is. It's live. It's going to be their first ever live show. And we were pitching something for the comedy seller. And she was all buzzing about this new show that they were about to have on. I'm pretty sure she said it was live because it was 609. And she wouldn't tell us what it was.

Oh, yeah. It's this guy. It was you. They were really excited. Like, yeah. It was you. They were really excited. Like, our problems are over. We don't need you. I don't know about that. We'll see how it goes. They're very happy about that. Back up the brinks.

Gethard is here. So, and there's all these kind of weird, like, offbeat things. Yeah. It says fan interaction. Tell me a little bit about these offbeat things that you've done. Well, let's see.

I like, you know, I've been like working in New York 17 years and 17 years and we didn't know you. Yeah, well,

a lot of it was at UCB. That's where I came up was in the improv world. So, you know, very different corner of the comedy world and kind of did that and, you know,

all my friends started like getting gigs and stuff, and that was, like, very cool. And then I got a job on a sitcom in 2010, and it didn't go well. And that was okay, but I kind of was like, man, I've been, like, chasing all these, like, I don't really like sitcoms. Like, no offense to the people who are in them and make them. More power to you.

They're just not my thing. And you're saying all the people's lines, right? Yeah. And, like, also the reviews for this show I was in, like, took it on the chin like a lot of them blamed me and that's okay but that's like what you sign up for but i was like i've always been like a little bit of a weirder guy and the comedy i like has always been a little more strange and aggressive like why am i trying to it's all ego you know it's like all ego that's making me chase those jobs so that's when i went on public access tv it was like less than a year after I'd been the star of a sitcom, I was hosting a public

access show. And it was all, it's all just like, you know, it was just a lot of like, if I'm ever going to get creamed like that again with reviews and in the press, it better at least be for something that I care about and that I'll stand by. So yeah, I spent four years on public access because that was the only place that would give me a show. How did it eventually bubble up to Judd seeing you and well let's see like it was all you know everything kind of feeds each other so um around 2007 is when i started doing stand-up

and uh a lot of that in like the alt world um and then a lot of like the brooklyn rooms like a lot of the arts here spaces that accommodate stranger stuff like mine and then i just hit a point where i would look at people and you know you see people who find one corner of the world that feels safe for them and then they just stay there forever and i was like and that's great and that's that's even that's not easy with comedy like you see more often people just eat it until they go away so even finding one place but i would look at guys like like berbiglia like john mulaney where i was like oh these dudes will like drop by ucb when i'm there and they'll kill in front of like all these improv nerds and then they'll go out to brooklyn and do some like artsy show there and then they'll be at the at the cellar at the

end of the night and you'll see like oh there's certain people where they can just go everywhere like aziz was another guy or it's like that guy can just go anywhere in the city and kill and that's what there is to aspire to for me so I really started focusing so much on stand-up whatever I could do and I just always found that anytime I tried to do outright just like set up punchline joke writing it's just always there's people much better at that but I just was like not scared to just be honest just like brutally honest so a lot of my stand-up is just more story-based, very honest stuff. I don't really mind talking about personal stuff and sad stuff. Judd caught wind of that eventually.

Where did he see you? I first met him, I did Pete Holmes' podcast live at South by Southwest. And if you listen to that episode, it's a complete disaster for me. Pete put me on after Judd, so the crowd did not care that I was there. And then a lot of that podcast was Pete and Kumail making fun of the fact that I didn't have a career and like asking Judd if he would help me and him kind of being like, I don't really know this guy. So that was the first time I met him, and that was pretty brutal. And then we just ran into each other a few times over the years. And then I did Whiplash one night.

And he was like, I hear you've been doing this really. What's Whiplash? It's a stand-up show up at UCB. Okay. Sorry to mention it. I don't know. You say UCB one more fucking time. I'm sorry.

It's just my background. I'm kidding. I've moved on, though. Even I don't hang out there anymore. It's fine. I'm so sorry. I'll stop. I'll stop.

Some other unnamed venue. But I saw Judd there. and I had been doing this show. It was like a very dark, personal show out in Brooklyn. I was workshopping it, and he had heard about it somehow. I think through Birbiglia, but I've never been sure. And he was just like, do you have any video? You got any video of this show you've been doing? And I was like, yeah, I just taped it.

And then he just started calling me. He just sent me an email like, hey, man, I watched your show. I have some thoughts. You mind if I give you a call? And I was like, no, of course. And he just, he was very nice about it too. He's like, you know, if you don't want notes, that's fine. And I was like, no, of course I want notes from Judd Apatow on my like emo comedy. Like you're doing comedy with emotion. Yeah. You want Judd Apatow involved. And he just was so nice, so kind. And then, um, he was in New York one time he was in New York and he asked me to get lunch. And he was just like, I really like your show.

He's like, I think I can help you with notes. He's like, I also just get the sense that you're a terrible businessman. And I was like, absolutely true. And he got on board and it was really crazy. It's like this is how different his life is than mine. He emailed me one day and he just goes, hey, I sent your video to the president at HBO. He liked it. And I was like, okay, like as simple as that for you, huh?

Like, you know, most of us would like kill to get a meeting with the president at HBO. We'd prepare for months. And he just like emailed it to. Judd is a whole nother subject because this guy, aside from being a great standup comic, and he's really become like that. He seems to just have this like a, just have this like Clive Davis in the music world could just, with almost a perfect batting average,

just see, and it's not that each thing is a repetition of the same type of thing over and over. Across genres, across types, and just almost perfectly sealed that this guy is going to work. He recognizes talent. And it does.

I haven't seen him. He apparently heard Amy on see, oh, this guy is going to work. Yeah, he recognizes talent. And it does. Yeah. And it's, I haven't seen him, I mean, he apparently heard Amy on the Howard Stern show, and that's how he knew. From outside, it almost seems egoless for Judd to look at someone and be like, I like what you do. Here's a couple things that I'm thinking.

You know, just feel like that takes someone who's like totally okay with their stance and where they are to be like, Hey, I think I can help this person to make it even greater. You know, it's cooperative. That's what it seems like from the outside. Yeah. And when he, when he kind of went to bat for me too, it's like, it's one of those things where you're like, Oh, now I'm a part of this lineage and I better work my ass off. You know what I mean? Like I can't, I better not sleep. I better just stay up working on this thing. Cause if he's putting his time into it, like I can't waste his time. There's a million other people who he could be helping right now. He's helping me. And I always left

to like, when I was on Pete's podcast, he and Kumail and I were all on it. It was all the first time we'd met Judd. And now this year Judd's producing Pete's show, Kumail's movie and my special. And it was like, Oh, that has to be the most productive podcast taping of all time. Like it has to be. It's just crazy. I got a feeling about this one. Yeah, I think this could really go. This could be the next one.

This right here. This could be the next most productive. I'm going to be a star? Yeah, yeah. We're all going to be stars after this. We're going to be talking about this podcast taping. Was there a moment where he had to tell you that he thought a joke was just not good? Yeah. I mean, there were definitely times where he was, you know.

Is he diplomatic about it or just says, look, dude. Both. He can be both. And I think he was also very good at sensing where I was at and massaging it as necessary. But there were definitely not only like not good, but there were times where you'd say that one's cheap. Like that one's cheap compared to it. And the special, a lot of it is about, all of it really is about like,

like my experiences with like depression and suicide and stuff. So that's pretty sensitive stuff. Are you clinically depressed? Yeah, I've been medicated for years, many years. You're currently taking medication? Oh, yeah. For 10 years, I've been medicated for years, many years. You're currently taking medication. Oh, yeah. For 10 years, I've been taking medication. And then for two years before that, but I had a gap in between that didn't work out well.

Is it in your family as well? Yeah, yeah. All kinds of stuff. All kinds of stuff. So Judd was very respectful of that, giving me notes. But a lot of times where he'd say, you know, you're talking about this stuff. It's very serious. That's a cheap joke.

And you really have to, with this material more than other material, like, what if somebody's out there watching it and they've lost someone to this stuff? You want a cheap joke in there? You can't have cheap jokes, you know? And one of the other really crazy things about him was, you know, being a stand-up, you want punchlines. Where's the laughs? Where's the punchlines?

Unapologetic, go get it. And he very quickly stepped in and was like, you know, with this stuff, you're going to have to be okay with stretches that are silent or stretches that are uncomfortable or stretches that aren't funny. Get it out of your head. I agree with that. I mean, as an owner and like a guy who has to watch it, and I've talked about this before, I should say as an owner as an

audience member that I think I mean applies to all of us we're more enthralled by the the interesting than we are by the the punchlines and the laughs but from the performers point of view if you don't hear the laughs that's you don't know you're flying blind you certain performers have so much confidence and are just in tune they don't know. You're flying blind. Certain performers have so much confidence and are just in tune. They don't know. I'm being interesting, and they kind of can lay back and be confident about that. But I notice some people can't, and it almost paralyzes them sometimes.

They just have to get that laugh. So a good director, I guess, can really help you be confident enough to trust yourself and just be interesting. As an audience member, it's great to hear somebody be interesting. Louis will do a long time, and he'll spatter in a laugh, but they're not big laughs. You're just kind of listening to what he's talking about. Carlin was the same way. Yeah, it's very inspiring

to see people who do it. I also have so much insecurity because I didn't start as a stand-up, and I always have all this anxiety that I'm being, you know, like, stand-up is going to think I'm a real stand-up which at the end of the day on my best days I'm like oh if you can go on a stage and get laughs then people respect you like at the end of the day if you do your job people respect it but I think I also had that in my head of like this is going to be on HBO it's a huge platform I want to like prove that

I can go out there and just like tear it up and he had to step in Judd really stepped in and in a very gentle way was like The best thing we can do for this one is just let it kind of be what it wants to be like let it organically turn into what it is, which is not So many laughs per minute like it's not that let it be what it is and thank God because I think it really Informed everything and I'm very proud of what it became and for you to have Judd Apatow tell you like, oh, I can trust you because it's Judd. I'm really good at shutting up and listening to people who are smarter than I am. That's a skill of mine.

Anybody see Neil Brennan's, that three mic thing he did? He did a good job of I mean, he kind of separated them out into the punchlines or whatever it was. But just the part I think that everybody liked best was when he was just talking about his treatment for depression. And it was a magnetic resonance therapy or something he had.

Right. Did you see it? I didn't see it, no. I saw it at the beginning. Is it on Netflix also? I think it's on Netflix, yeah. I haven't seen it on Netflix, but it's pretty interesting. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, the stories that people have who are depressed. I know a lot of people who are depressed. I would imagine. I would imagine. I would imagine. In everyday life. Come across a couple. I don't know that comedians are more depressed than everyday people.

I think that's a myth. I think so, too. Our jobs are to talk about our lives. We air it out more. Yeah, I think that that's what it is. It's like when a joke gets an aww, and you're like, that's not the reaction I want. It's just, oh, I'm just speaking something that you feel badly about. Right. It's not that I'm depressed, but I'm just saying

that's how I feel about it and I'm the only one telling you. Look, I mean, if you figure 15% of the male population has erectile dysfunction or something, right? But if you just judge it by who talked about it, you would think 50% of comedians

did, you know? Because they're the only ones who are going to talk about it, you would think 50% of comedians did. Because they're the only ones who are going to talk about it. And everyone's just silent about, oh, a lot of comedians have erectile dysfunction. But it's probably the same across the population. I don't think that comedians are depressed. The only thing I think... I don't have erectile dysfunction. I just want to let all the women know. I do have depression.

I can say that. The erectile dysfunction, that comes and goes depending on what medications I'm on for the depression. So it all goes hand in hand. I've heard that. Yeah, it happens sometimes, but not in a while. But I also do think comedians, you know, someone who wants to get on stage and talk about what they're observing about life is probably maybe someone

who feels a little more prone to not being in the flow of life, you know? Say it again? I've thought about that, that like, if you have made your life and your job, like, here's the things I notice that are strange about the world around me, messed up about the world around me, might be fair to say that it's a type of person who doesn't necessarily feel like they fit in in the world around them. Right.

Or else why would they be so prone to pointing it out? So in that sense, I can see why there's this idea that comedians are depressed, because it's like, yeah, all they do is think about the things about life that are broken or strange or frustrating all day every day and if you're built to see that stuff yeah you're probably someone who is pretty in tune with the frustration and isolation that can come with that when you when you see somebody that's like just really smooth look like they're comfortable in their own skin, as if they totally fit in. I often suspect it's an act in some way. I find it infuriating.

I often find it infuriating. I just wishful thinking that it's an act. I mean, it's not. Everybody's got to have their issues, right? Well, maybe not. Everyone's got something. I think, you know, I think I come off, you know, personally as someone, you know, people look at me and always

you kind of have a certain look where it's like bro-y and don't really have a care in the world but everyone's got their shit you seem quite confident I have some confidence but I don't think that I don't think I go without having a day where you're like

what the hell did I say yesterday? And what am I doing today? And what am I doing with my life? I think everyone has that. And I think we're all like, I do genuinely think that we're all pretty much 10% away from each other in our thoughts and our feelings. So it's like, if I feel a certain way,

I'm assuming most people feel that way too. It's like when you wake up, I'll wake up hungover and I'll be like, what did I do last night? And then I think about what I think of other people and I'm like, oh, I didn't even notice anyone else. I'm like, yeah, probably no one noticed you either. It's

usually how it goes. It doesn't seem like Barack Obama has those thoughts, does it? I mean, he seems like the most just comfortable and confident guy ever, ever. He does. I gotta assume that he wakes up some mornings

and cries like a little girl yeah with what he knows and all that stuff he gets erectile dysfunction too no come on now

I'm sure he's looked into Michelle's eyes and been like I'm sorry I'm usually better at this you know after sex I'm sure he's had that moment

just like all of us have you ever said that to a girl? Of course, my bad. I'm usually... Really? Yeah, I've said that. I've had moments. Have you said something like that? Oh, I've apologized many times. My wife told me... My wife has told me that our first time was not

good. Years later, my wife was like, the first time was... I was underwhelmed. But girls are so forgiving about these things yeah because they know they just want to know that you're not a weirdo and not gonna like creep i had a girl tell me the other day she was like i was she was just like the first time you know you you're just like okay with it and girls want to stay with a guy more because they're like we can make this better you know they're like oh this is this is something i can

work with it's a guy with a regular size penis and a good personality that's not going to rape me. And then you get past that, and you're like, okay, I feel safe. Now we can start getting comfortable with each other. And I think with guys, we're just looking to punch stuff out. We're like, okay, come, come, come, come, come. And it's like, because we are every time. So I think it's like the comfortability for us is different. I don't know.

But I don't think apologizing after sex actually... I don't think it helps. I don't think it's a good look. Normally, there are situations where if you don't apologize, whoever you didn't apologize, that fucker didn't even apologize.

I don't think sex is one of those things. I don't think it was. I don't apologize apologize. I don't think sex is one of those things. I don't think it was. I want to be clear. I don't apologize afterwards. I want to be clear. I apologize during. During. During.

Much different. Much different. I mean, I just want to let her know that this isn't an everyday thing. Like, hey, we can get better. You know, like this isn't the norm. I don't want, because especially as a guy,

you know, guys have egos. So you walk away, like a lot of women will be like, did he think that was great? You know, I don't want her ever thinking that if it's a bad, when I know I perform badly in anything, I just want to admit it to be like, I know I'm not in this crazy world. Speaking of Jared performing badly, Jared actually got his start here on True TV. Yeah. Did you know this story?

No, which show? They were doing a documentary about the comedy seller and somebody approached us and asked if you could audition. Well, Lenny suggested me. Lenny Marcus. And then a week later I get a call from Lenny being like, hey, they're doing a documentary about

the seller. They're asking if you can tape your audition for this True TV show. That's brutal. It's already so stressful. It's stressful. At this point, I can't say no. You guys are asking. What am I going to say? No? You could have said no. I could have said no. It was true TV asking.

But I was just in a position where I was like, I've never been here before. And I was like, of course, whatever they need. That was kind of my feeling, but it was like a double down on my bet. And your audition didn't go that well, as I recall. It didn't go great. I could have done better, but it was very nerve wracking.

And, you know, I wish it would have gone better. But it was just like, you know, going down the stairs. Like, you know, the feeling, it's like, and then you have a camera in your face. And they're like, don't worry about us. We're cheering for you. But the camera is like, you know, now I have it on tape and it's like,

there's the added bonus of like, if I didn't have a get in moment or like be able to work the, you know, the seller and be like, you know, friends and family see that. And I kind of had like, I remember when I came out,

I had to post like that. I just felt like I had the need to have this like long admittance kind of had like I remember when I came out I had to post like that I just felt like I had the need to have this like long admittance kind of you know bad sexual experience to be like hey uh it I don't know what it's gonna look like or how I'm gonna look um but I just want to let you know that like now I'm working there and it's been a great experience but this is what it is this is the situation that you presented, and I took it. I don't remember the audition, but I remember it was... But I've begun to mistrust the whole audition process, but that's for another day, I guess.

Really? Yeah, I know. I'm a musician. I know that it's nerve-wracking. Yeah. And some people can really handle that, but some really talented people can't, and it does make them bomb,

or it does get in their heads. And now with YouTube, and there's so many other ways to see someone, I put a lot of stock in just seeing what people can do online. If somebody has a bad audition that made me laugh online, I kind of trust what I saw online more than I trust the audition. It's funny because my wife,

I was telling my wife I was auditioning and she saw how nervous I was and she's like, you perform all the time. And I said, my perspective, I was like, yeah, but at this place, it's not about how good you are in a vacuum, because you have nights here, everybody knows,

legendarily, where it's like, all of a sudden, you might randomly wind up going up between Seinfeld and Chris Rock. That happens here every once in a while. And I felt like the audition was more about, can you handle that? Can you handle being thrown into the fire on this stage and still pull off your act adequately?

That's how I viewed it. I apparently made up a whole dialogue in my head that you actually do not prescribe by. You sure got that wrong. Because first of all, Esty doesn't even speak English. Okay, fair to know. I wish I knew that before.

No, she speaks a little English. I don't want to get Esty mad because she gets mad when I talk this way. But I think that my father used to say, you could not even speak the language. And you could go there and you could know who the good comics were. There's no, it really is, and comedians don't like to hear this or not, but it really is, if the audience likes you, that's it to me. I like good art. I hope you're artistic, but, you know. I think for me especially, like,

I'm like, I try to be a bigger act. Like, I try to, like, be high energy and stuff like that, and it took me some time, especially downstairs, getting used to, like, toning it down. I think it took me time to be like, okay, and feel the surroundings of the room and realize

that you have two people that are two inches from you. Just like your sex life in every way. Just like my sex life. Tone it down. Apologize halfway through. Let them know that you're here. But then I would go to the VU and the VU, I was like, right away, I was like, oh, this room

feels like a very me room because I could be bigger because it is, you know, and I could believe with the music and kind of dance around a little bit. But then what helped me personally was, you know, just feeling confident here and not feeling, it was the Fat Black. Because I kind of started here right when the Fat Blacks started opening as a room. And for me, I felt like, you know, I don't think everyone, like, was excited, as excited to be in the Fat Black as I was excited because they, you know, especially some of the people that have been here a while, they're used to downstairs.

Gad Elmelo used to call it Guantanamo. Guantanamo, yeah. But for me, that was my Super Bowl. Like, I could go in there and kind of sing, dance, and dust and, like, do my thing and feel like I could be a part of the room. I think that helped me personally. Then it was like, oh, okay. Then I got confident

there to get confident here. By the way, I think that the spots sandwiched in between those famous acts, I think those are actually the easy spots. I don't worry about who's going to go between two spots like that. If I had to say what the standard was,

on a night when nobody famous comes, can this guy have people walking away thinking, well, I didn't see anybody famous, but they were just as funny as somebody. And we do get emails like that all the time. People are disappointed that nobody famous came, some tourists. But I have to say that everybody we saw was funnier than, you know. Well, that's the thing about emceeing here. Like, you notice, like, when someone big comes,

there's the feeling, because they've heard of famous people coming here, that they're like, I got my thing. Yeah. I got my story. So now everything else is cake. You know, I got my cellar moment. I can go talk about it at the office or go talk about it with friends, but now I can just relax.

Because then when there's no one here, there is this thing when you say, you've seen this next person on Trainwreck and Schumer Show, and then it's like, Keith Robinson. Womp womp. Just to fuck with him. But where they go, there's the entrances of, you know,

someone that you're like, oh, this could be it. We'll see. You know, we'll see if you're as good as the one I just thought of. Right. You know,

so I do, yeah, I hear what you're saying. Those nights, it feels like it's like, oh, you know, we're cool now.

We did it. Yeah, the audiences are pretty easy, I think, about that stuff. Have you worked in the Fat Black? I've been there once, but not much. Just the one time.

Was it Guantanamo-ish? No, I had a great time. You did have a good time. Yeah, I enjoyed it. But I enjoy every room. I'm just happy to be, I'm just very happy to be allowed to go anywhere, if I'm being honest. Like, every show I can do, I learn something. Just like, go for it.

Who cares? Louis, for instance, when we first opened the Underground, the Underground's gotten a lot better since we opened it. But at first it was a little bit tougher before we made certain changes. But Louis immediately wanted to do the Underground all the time because he wanted to do the tougher room. Interesting. Yeah, and for obvious reasons. And that shows how smart he is.

He didn't want the huge laughs that he knew he could get from the tiny intimate room in the cellar. He wanted a more realistic view of what he was doing. So he immediately gravitated towards the tougher rooms. And the truth is that the comics who are really, really good, it doesn't matter what room they go up in.

They kill in every room. I remember when I saw in the Cafe Wa, which was a tough room for comics. Attell always killed. Ray Romano for comics. Attell always killed. Ray Romano always killed. Jon Stewart always killed. Dave Chappelle always killed. As hard as they would in any other room.

Other comics, I won't mention their names, who were pretty respectable acts in the cellar, would die there. And it was predictable. It happened over and over again. And you really could see

that the really special talents were bulletproof. It didn't matter where they went. It happened over and over again. And you really could see that the really special talents were bulletproof. It didn't matter where they went. For whatever that's worth. I think you're working towards that, too. And that's what the beauty is about the three rooms, because it's three different types of performances.

I really do believe that. It can be... It's three different types of, you know, vibes in the room versus, you know, downstairs, VU, Fat Black. And, you know, if you can get used to all three, they kind of form into one. Or then you become bulletproof, you know? So what else? You have kids?

No. You married? Married a couple years. Three years next month. Are you going to have kids? Yeah, going to try. See how it goes. It's the best thing ever.

Really? Yeah. I would like to pull it off someday. I'm single and trying my best not to have kids. Trying not to have kids. Yeah, that's every day. Are you using condoms? Every day I try not to have kids.

I use condoms. Every time? Every time. Oh, come on. I can't do it. I rather mentally feel good than penis feel good. Are you actively discouraging condom use right now? No, I'm just do it. I rather mentally feel good than penis feel good. Are you actively discouraging condom use right now? No, I'm just being realistic.

No, I can't. I had a girl that wanted to go no condom, and it made me uncomfortable. And then she felt uncomfortable that I felt uncomfortable, and I was like, that's an insanity. I feel like you're holding back for me if you won't not use a condom. And I was like, no, no, no, that's crazy. I don't feel comfortable with this.

I'm out of here. Well, have you ever had sex without a condom? Yeah, of course. But what do you mean, of course? Well, when I had a serious girlfriend and I knew she was, you know, that we were being safe. But, like, in this world of, you know, of Bumble and Tinder and dating apps,

I'm rather, I want my head straight. And I can't keep my head straight if I'm like, you know, flinging it around. I think that, just way off the topic here, but I've often believed that the worst sex, the worst you'll ever be at sex as a man is when you're wearing a condom. Really? Because there's no subtlety. It's almost like, I made a joke, it's almost as close as you can ever be

to a lesbian strapping on a dildo. Yeah, yeah. You really can't feel anything. I would argue the worst. There's moments to go, there's a whole process. I would argue there's an even more specific level, which is a situation I was in, being in a relationship for years where there's no condom,

and then the first handful of times you're back on the dating scene and have to use a condom when you haven't had to use one for like five years. That's the worst. Because it's also mentally, and you're so excited to be back in the game and like picking somebody up and bringing somebody home and it's actually happening, and then

all of a sudden it feels like someone's just like gripping you with a death grip. It's not good. Not a good scene. Those are the real apologized ones. Can't they invent something better than... Can't there be a spray on? The male pill.

No, that wouldn't protect you against diseases. But some thin coat, micro spray. Micro spray. There's got to be. That's a very unsexy process. Hold on. It's time for me to bust out the aerosol can. No, she can do it. She can do it for you.

Let me binoc on my dick. Yeah. It just doesn't seem like this is the best science can do. Yeah. I don't know. I'm okay. I'm just like happy to be in the game. I'm happy to not be in the baby game and feel good about it.

When I come away from a sexual experience where I know everything went safely, I actually am, like, calmed by that. How many products, how many technologies hit the brick wall in, like, 1925? There's not that many. Like, condoms are not... Maybe they're a little bit thinner.

It's almost like they got with condoms, like, okay, at least this is out of the way. Let's stop inventing better shit. It's ridiculous. Anyway, I'm getting a vasectomy, by the way. Oh, you are? On August 24th. Wow.

You say why or why? No, I said wow. Yeah, my wife insisted. Insisted? I'm dreading it. I'm trying to figure out how I get it. Why are you dreading it? Does it hurt? I think we can suss this out. Yeah, but I think it's like, I've heard it's just some small procedure.

First of all, yes. When it's done on you. No, I'm scared of needles and all these things. I have a thing. But I'm not paralyzed by the fear, but I am scared of these things. So just the very fact that I'm going to have an incision in my scrotum is scaring me. Then, apparently it's two days of swollen balls. I've heard this.

I had a friend who got it and he had to rent a hotel room because he had young kids. And if they like jumped on him or anything, it would have been like instant back to the hospital. Oh my God. So he had to rent a hotel and just hang out playing cards for like three or four days. And then the words of my doctor keep reverberating through my head when I told him. I said, my wife wanted me to get a vasectomy. I just had my third child. Congrats. I said, what do you think?

He said, well, are you sure you don't ever want to have any more children? I'm like, yeah, we don't want any more children. He said, if your wife and all your children should perish in a terrible car accident, are you sure you never want to have children then? That's what he said? Yeah, that's what he said. And I'm like, well, it's reversible, isn't it?

He's like, no, it may not be reversible. Doctors speak in such a weird way because they're all trying to get around lawyers and stuff. No, that's what he should say to you. I know, but still, I just recently had an issue where I was like, are you saying this to me right now? And then they're like, they won't be definite. They're always like half in because they don't want to get sued.

So they're like, you could do this or you could do that. I don't know. And then it's like, I don't know. I hate this. No doctor comes at you with like, just like, yeah, go for it. It's cool. Like they're never relaxed. Well, in any event.

So I just, I just, and then I don't know, this is stupid, but I feel like, I don't know, I feel like I'd be half a man. You're losing your manhood. Yeah, it's just like, a vasectomy is like, okay, there's another thing. I'm getting older. Does it still come out? Yeah, buckets. Buckets. I'm getting older.

Oh, no, does it still come out after the vasectomy? Yeah. Yeah, it comes out. Yes, it comes out, apparently it comes out the same way. Okay. But it's different. Soupier? It goes from a thick lentil to a chicken

broth? You do a follow-up episode on August 26th. This is what happens as you get older. How's it look? How's the cum look? How old are you? 37. You might even be experiencing this. You start crossing lines in your life where you say, oh, that is over for me. I'm done.

And, you know, you don't feel that maybe until you're 30. And I feel like, oh, that's it. Like I'm on the other side of this age thing. This is an aging moment for you. I'm like, there's no more kids, no more fertility. It's just, I don't know. I mean, I'm going to do it. I understand that.

You're graduating of sorts. It upsets me. Now, my wife, she's had four kids, three by me. She's very fertile. She's Puerto Rican. It's true. And, of course, she doesn't want to have any more kids. Yeah, she's done with it.

Yeah, so I'm going to do it. Yeah, you should. I understand that. Do you want, getting older, like, does that, like, you don't like that? Dude, it scares the shit out of me every day. Really? More and more. What scares you the most about it?

It's not dying. Okay. It's two things. It is the period where I won't be able to just do, like right now, even though I'm 55, I still basically feel like I did when I was in my 30s. Okay. I can get up. I can run around.

I can bang. I can do whatever it is. But you see old people, and they clearly can't. Yeah. So that period worries me. And then even little things which are normal for my age, like forgetting names or whatever it is, am I going to get worse and worse?

Or is that just kind of plateau? Putting on readers. Well, that doesn't worry me. How old are you, can I ask? 32. 32. Because I'm starting to, like, I now have pain. Like if I play basketball, the next day, the whole day I'm in pain. That's not, five years ago that wasn't the case.

Now there's just random pain all over my body a lot of the time. I don't like it. The mental thing is going to scare you much more. Losing memory. Yeah, you're just not. Like you don't see many 55-year-old Jeopardy champions. For whatever reason. It's not that there are any... In many ways, I'm smarter and certainly wiser than I've ever been. I can give really good advice

to people about stuff. And really, it's good advice. But I'm slower. I read my kids a story and the next day, they remember the names, the characters. I can't remember even reading it. But getting back to the question, what really scares me is not being there or not being vital when my young children are older.

That really worries me. And my kids really depend on me. And that worries me. But at that point, they're going to be taking care of you. Isn't that the whole deal? Yeah. That's how farms used to work. Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know what's going to happen, but I'll be in my 70s as my kids are in their 20s to a certain degree, and some people are really young 70. Like my father,

even though he died at 73, at 72, he was indistinguishable from the way he was at 42. And some people at 72,

they're old men, you know? Yeah. And I don't know, I just don't know what the future holds. That worries me. Yeah. That worries me.

I can understand that. I mean, that's... You guys, you guys have way more things to worry about that because your careers are huge stress-inducers in and of themselves. Tenuous. And could go away tomorrow. Yeah, they can go away tomorrow. I'll let you talk about it

I'm friends with one comedian who you know it's like up and down he gets a TV role then not and like but he has a family and a house

and like this kid this guy must be just going crazy with stress because you can't make any decisions should we get that house should we get well I don't know

what tomorrow's gonna hold well that's that holds you back a lot from life like I mean I feel that way with dating and relationships. Any relationship I get, I'm like, I don't know what next year is going to be

and how could I make you the promise of getting more involved with you. I think a lot of people, like a lot of comics, put off life stuff just because they're like, I have to keep going just as hard every day to make sure that next year is as good as this year.

If I'm going this hard at it now, I have to keep doing that because the things I want haven't come yet. Yeah. You know? I think it's especially hard for comedians, even harder than for musicians. It's a profession. Like, if you're a competent musician who can get hired on gigs, even like a session player or a background player, you kind of know that you've got it under your fingers

and you'll always be able to get work. But comedy is so fickle. You don't know. You really don't know. There's also no comedy nostalgia tours. There's no comedy nostalgia tours. You can go right now and see a tour where it's like Marcy Playground and Lit and Gin Blossoms doing like a 90s revival mini festival.

And people go and flip out to hear like, hey, Jealousy. Yeah. Nobody's going to come in 15 years to hear me do like my joke about growing up in Jersey because they were so fond of it back then. Unless you're super famous like Seinfeld. Well, Seinfeld's like the only one who can really do that, right? Gaffigan can do Hot Pockets maybe on a tour. Yeah. I think that's the beauty of what's going on right now with...

And it's a handful of comics. Yeah. It's like being some young guy in a hood boxing and getting brain Parkinson's disease because there's a handful of heavyweight champions out there. If you do the numbers on comedians that are older and at the level that everyone aspires to, they're very depressing

numbers. But I think that's why it's nice to be able to put out your own stuff now. I think what you did with the Local Access show, that is you taking it into your... I believe in that. That's taking it into your own

hands and creating and then someone says, look at this person creating. That's energy it into your own hands and creating. And then someone says, look at this person creating. That's energy that's going and they're moving forward. I want to be involved with that guy. I started a podcast just because I liked radio. And I matched up with a Twitter account that had big numbers. And I was like, let me be your podcaster. And it's nice that I can speak directly to an audience and keep telling them, hey, help me grow.

You know, it's not in the hands of someone saying, well, you're not the look I need. You know, you're not the this I need. And I think we're slowly, you look at like a website like Patreon. I never heard of it. So Patreon, you can just subscribe to creators that you like for a dollar a month, and they can keep creating for you. And there's people making thousands of dollars a month just because they have an audience and they can say to someone, I'm going to be your guy. You'll get stuff out of me for this dollar a month, less than a cup of coffee.

And that's kind of what it's moving towards. We're all moving towards being apps. I think there's real potential for a lot of artists to make a little money more than there ever was. There's a lot of people who can probably pay their rent and get by than there's ever been before, but what there will never be again is, oh, you get to go to Montreal

and get a five-year holding deal from a major. That's done. That's done. That whole, you just go live off this and think of a show and pitch us in two years when you come up with it that's never happening again um and i know like on my end like like you said like this last year has been all this buzz for me and it's been very nice and i feel very lucky but i also there were 15 and a half years where no one ever heard of me and where all i did was slam my head against the wall and all my fans were these underground cult people

who part of what they liked about me was that I could not figure out how to succeed and they were just watching me on public access. It's nice to have those people, but it's also like, and now the past year and a half, there's buzz. I'm making more money than I ever did,

but I know in my head the whole time, logic dictates. There's been one and a half out of 17 years that have gone well. At some point, this buzz is going to go away, and it's going to be back to the grind, so don't fall in love with this. Not necessarily.

Not necessarily. I think I've done a very good job of maintaining my integrity. I think the fact that I did it the way I did means that I haven't had to totally sell out. I think I've also done a good job of not pretending. I'm not trying to turn around to those fans who were with me five, six years ago, hey, yeah, I'm still the public

access guy who's like this do-it-yourself punk rock, screw the rest of the entertainment industry, I'll go on public access and just do my own thing if you like it. Wayne's World. It has that Wayne's World vibe and now I'm in the Noah's Arcade phase of the movie, but it's like I'm not

going to pretend that there's not commercials now. I'm not going to pretend that there's not higher stakes and corporations giving money to it now. So as long as I don't pretend, I think people respect it and they don't throw the sellout card too much, you know? But a lot of it is just how do you start as an underground guy and sell out responsibly and do it in a way that you're okay with, you know? It's got to help that, like, especially with Judd, too.

Like, that's like, he's got that cool touch, you know it's gotta help that like especially with Judd too like that's like he's got that cool touch you know like he even though he's Hollywood and he's got these connections

to HBO I don't think he's thought of in that way I think he's still thought of in like that's a guy who gets funny

and gets creativity and is on the side of a creator yeah well I don't know this but I would imagine that first and foremost

he's a guy who makes money for the people who trust in him. And, like, Mo Green always made money for his partners. Hyman Roth always made money for his partners. I mean, that's Judd Apatow. Nobody, very few people have lost a lot of money by investing in a Judd Apatow project. I think also from the audience's perspective, like, they're like, oh, that's a Judd Apatow film. That must be cool and funny. His brand is very, very respected.

Yeah. I'm sorry, from the HBO end, they're like, I can imagine, they're like, we don't even know anymore, but if Judd says so... If he likes it,

audience trusts him, we trust him. It helped me a lot. It helped me a lot. I went from public access to HBO, and that would not have happened based on my merits alone. Well, and you helped him too,

because there's a huge buzzer about your show, which means that his batting average is still intact. I was happy to work hard and come through for him on that. It's funny when you're asking about the selling out thing too. I think one of the things about the modern world and so much creator-driven stuff and smaller stuff, like we're saying, is I think one of the keys to selling out is not caring if it fails,

not caring if it goes away. Like we're, I'm just going to have to do it this way and either they like it or they don't. And that's one of the things I'm very proud of with my career is like, if it does all go away tomorrow, I'm very content with the fact that I did it the right way that I did it away.

I'm proud of. And I think that's, I think that's a big aspect of that conversation as well is like, if you're ready to die on the sword doing it your own way, then I think you tend to succeed, even if it's in a non-traditional fashion. People respect that. Yeah, and I think that is part of why Judd maybe liked me,

was like, you have carved out your own little corner of things, and I see that you have a voice. And I think he knows, one thing that I think he's in an extremely well position to do is to amplify other people's voices, and I think there might be a little bit too much in comedy of people trying to angle to get in the room where things like that are happening and then getting there and not having much to say.

I think I was the opposite. I spent 15 years banging my head against the wall, but I had to figure out what I just wanted to say at the end of the day, so when he finally noticed me, it was right there on the surface, and he was able to help. Yeah, I agree with you 100% in what you're saying. I think that people who move the ball down the field artistically can only do it because they have, whatever it is,

something that makes them unique. Now, most people don't have something that makes them unique. So most people are going to die trying. But if you are going to make it, you're only going to be able to make it by trusting in whatever it is. Trusting is the wrong word. Spinning, you know, you're going to have to put all your chips on that thing that makes you unique. And if it works, it works. And if it doesn't, it doesn't.

Because someone else, to try to be what someone else has done in some way, well, the guy who did that, the guy who was unique and did that is going to do it way better than you'll ever be able to do it. You're never going to be that guy. I would imagine you must see that here all the time, right? People who want to be on the stage to say they were on the stage, not to be on the stage as a reflection of the fact

that they got good enough to be here before. And I would imagine it doesn't go well when that happens. It doesn't go well. We also see something else, which is people who are sometimes infected by other comedians. And you see it kind of take over. Like, there are a lot of comics who are so in awe of Dave Attell. You can actually see Dave Attell you can actually see Dave Attell

coming through them I don't know if you ever seen it and and you and they're funny but you wonder like well

it's kind of like well okay but you know this is still you can see it's Dave Attell like so how much can you how far can you take this

because you're never going to be Dave Attell no he's already nailing that. He's nailed that a little harder than the rest of us can. Yeah. I have this fantasy I've talked about on the radio, but I had a meeting with somebody important about it last week,

but I can't get off square one, that I think there should really be a David Tell documentary. I would watch it. I would sign up. Because my pitch was that the most revered comic mind in the country is basically unknown to the public as what he is. People kind of heard of David Tell, but nobody, very, very few people,

except for real comedy junkies, understand just how respected David Tell is. If I ask comedians, who are the top three comics of all time, many of them will list Dave Vettel in that short list. Like he was left off of that Rolling Stone list. That's ridiculous.

You're like, who are you to write the list? You just excluded yourself from writing the list if you left him off the list. It's also kind of half-baked expert, right? And every famous comic in the country would sit for that documentary. Oh, yeah, yeah. So in terms of marketing it,

it would be just boom, boom, everybody, everybody. So it just seemed like it would be a great topic for a documentary. Yeah, because he's also such a fascinating guy because as someone who watched him from afar for a long time, being in this city, his act indicates one thing. And then when you sit and talk with him for a long time being in this city, his act indicates one thing. And then when you sit and talk with him for the first time, it's like, oh, this is an insanely empathetic,

astute, gentle guy at times in conversation, which you don't always expect from his act because his act reflects such a different type of pathos that comes pouring out. And then there's just clearly so much, so many more sides to it that get him out. And then there's just clearly so much, so many more sides to it that get him there. And I would watch that documentary just to try to find out

what exactly leads to the stuff that comes out of his mouth. Because it's not what you think. It's so much more layered, whatever's going on inside his head. And you also never see him with a pen and paper. He walks in ready. He walks in ready. I love watching him walking because he's ready for work.

And then he's like, okay, we'll do the new ones now. Just from watching his sets when he's here, he'll start out and go, those are the ones I know will work. And you can hear him churning on stage.

But I've never seen him walk in and be like, I don't know what I'll do. He comes prepared. He's also one of those guys, he's one of the only people I can think of where I'm like, if they just never turned the light on, I don't know what I'll do. He comes prepared. He's also one of those guys, he's one of the only people I can think of where I'm like, if they just never turned the light on,

I feel like he could just go, and it would never dip. There's not a well where he's like, now I've got to go to the B stuff or the C stuff. He just goes to subjects. I think he only has A stuff, and he could do it for hours. And it would be different every night, too.

I watch comedy. I don't pretend to be any kind of comedian or anything like that. But I'm, you know, I have a good sense of humor. In life, you know, I... Hey, Judd. Hey, hello. Speak of the devil. I gotta go. I'm doing a benefit next door.

We're gonna come watch you. We were just talking so much shit about you. The great Judd Apatow. I'd like to be, but apparently I'm helping people. I was really just talking very recently about how I did most of

what I've done on my own the past year. You sort of hitched your wagon to my star a little. No. That's how I look at it. I go, there's Chris with this great show and he does not know how to get it to the people. And I will hitch my wagon. No. That's how I look at it. I go, there's Chris with this great show and he does not know how to get it to the people.

And I will hitch my wagon and I will bring it to the people. It's a very nice thing. And you know what? I brought it to the people. You did. What I actually said

was that you showed any slight interest and it made me work harder than I've ever worked on anything so as to not fail you. It felt like it would be sad if people didn't see it.

That's very nice. You know, you see a lot of one-person shows, and you feel like they all disappeared into the ether to be immediately forgotten. And I'm so happy that it exists, and you can go to HBO Go or Now and watch that. It's a miracle, isn't it? Yeah, I feel very lucky. It's like I'm a strong producer. Fantastic.

I don't think I've asked you. I was telling them how... I think you're going to make it, kid. I was telling them how I was amazed by this. I don't think I've ever told you how much this blew me away, that the way it went, you just emailed the president of HBO. That's right.

No one else gets to do that. Only you get to do that. That's how it works at a high level, Chris. This is how it works. You get to just email people like that. Let me tell you how the world works. It's just, you know, Putin pulls Trump over. Uh-huh.

Does a little sidebar. Uh-huh. That's just like, I'm like Putin in that situation. You're the Putin of comedy. Yeah. Wow. And HBO is Trump. That's how the world works.

It's all done in back rooms. Yeah. And you got talked about in a back room. I was amazed. When you sent me an email that was like, hey, showed your video to HBO. They like it. I was like, that's not how that works.

It actually could have been more like Donald Trump Jr. talking to that Russian lawyer. I like that. That might be a better analogy. Yeah. Can I ask you one question? Yes. How much of it is,

because being clever and understanding the trends and trying to predict the trends and all this kind of gobbledygook that people talk about, and how much of it is just it struck you as funny, so you think it'll be a market for it? I think I was just moved by it. I knew it was really funny. Not just him. In general,

in all these decisions. In general, I think some people feel like they have a story to tell and you feel like, oh, I can help them get that together in some way. I like people who have something to say, and that's something that seems unique. And I like when it seems like it might be difficult for them to pull it off on their own.

So it didn't seem like anyone was going to knock down Kamal's door to do his Muslim coma film. And I felt like it deserved to be out there, and I knew it was a beautiful story and that him and Emily would do a great job, but it's fun for me to try to knock doors down for people who deserve it the way people did for me

when I was trying to get those opportunities. But you have a thing where what you find interesting and entertaining seems to line up with the public. Not everybody has that. It didn't used to. It only took a decade or two of failure before it

lined up. All my shows were cancelled the first season. I had three shows cancelled in the first season before the season was over and then i did three pilots that did not get picked up uh and had a couple of movies that did not do well three movies that did not do well and then uh when anchorman came out suddenly it feel it felt like things changed did you learn conscious lessons, or it just got easier somehow? I kind of can't put my finger on it.

I loved Will Ferrell for years. I couldn't get anyone to do a movie where he was the lead. It took us years to convince people to let us make Anchorman. And then when he was so great in old school, suddenly people were more open to that idea. And then Elf, then they did Elf too.

I've always heard, you famously had like, there's that story about when Freaks and Geeks got canceled that you were like, I'm going to make every one of these people a star now. Out of revenge. And that chip on the, I feel so lucky about, I'm sorry you had to go through it, but that chip on the shoulder clearly still exists and has now benefited me. You're my latest geek.

I ran out of cast members. Do you put all your current, do you put all your current protégés or the people you mentor into Freaks and Geeks categories? In my head, you are a geek. What about Lena? Lena is a geek. I feel that she feels geeky. Schumer? Schumer's kind of freaky.

Yeah. A little bit. She's got some geek in her, but she might be a Long Island freak from the old school. You know, in my high school, there was a smoking section. Our school, like the hall surrounded like a square that was outside and we were allowed to

go outside and smoke. We had that in my high school too. Isn't that weird? Yeah, we had that. Hundreds of kids outside powering

cigarettes. No one checking the age of any of these children. Yeah. It was just a different time. Okay, I'm going to

go do a benefit for Schumer next door. We'll be seeing you. Because I care about people. Not just Chris, I also care about other people. Thank you, Judd. Great'll be seeing you. Because I care about people. Not just Chris.

I also care about other people. Thank you, Judd. Great seeing you, sir. Judd Apatow, everybody. By the way, weren't you supposed to show up for his Judd Apatow and Friends show? I fucking screwed that up. Sorry. Pardon my French.

Oh, my God. I had seen him the day before, and he was with Wayne Fetterman. And I thought he had said, I think we're good, just me and Wayne, because I'm doing an hour. And it turned out that he had said, I think we need you, even with Wayne there and even with me doing an hour. I just totally misheard him. And I have not been past here so long, so then it's terrifying to me that you're even bringing that up.

No, don't worry about it. I started getting the texts. Well, you can imagine on mine. I'm home. I had just gotten off the train, and I'm getting texts that are like, hey, where are you? And I was like, did I just manage to piss off both Judd Apatow and the Comedy Cellar with one bonehead move? As a notoriously anxiety-riddled man, I was shitting my pants with fear at that. I still feel really bad.

We weren't mad. I was angry. I can imagine. I never want to let anybody down. I'm letting everybody. I never want to let anybody. I'm a Catholic. I never want to let anybody down. That's like the whole thing that we do. And then I let everybody down.

I was very mad at myself. And I'm usually not like that. It'll never happen again. I promise. What was it? We're just about finished with time. What were we talking about right before Judd came over? Does anybody remember?

I remember you getting your balls cut off or something. Oh, about Attell. Oh, right, right, right, right, right. Attell had a vasectomy. Last thing about Attell. So I say, I have a sense of humor, but not... And so I look at a lot of comics, and I've said this before,

that I say to myself, well, you know, if I had spent five years, like five years every night going on stage, I think I could put together a good 15 minutes. I just really think I could. And so I put a lot of comics in that category. Like I said, I play the guitar. I see some guitar players, I could do that.

But then you see somebody like Attell, and you realize that that is a natural ability on a different order of all together. I could try, I could spend 20 hours a day, and I wouldn't get one inch closer to that. It's one of my favorite feelings in the world when you see someone like that. You agree with that analysis, right?

I agree with that and I love it. And I will say, being a comic, you go on stage and I think for those of us who do it a certain number of years, you learn how to do it. You learn how to make your batting average higher. You're going to bomb sometimes. There's going to be nights where it doesn't go well. You learn how to make it go well average higher. You're going to bomb sometimes. There's going to be nights where it doesn't go well. You learn how to make it go well

more often than not. And there's the chance that you might convince yourself that you're actually good at this. And you might be better than you used to be. But when you see the people like that and when you see the sets like that

and you realize, I do not know a thing, that is one of my favorite feelings in the world. Humbling. Back to the drawing board, back to work. Do not ever forget that at the end of the day

you put your head down, you work hard there's no shame in being Neil Diamond but you're not Mozart you can still be great for sure I love it he's amazing I just was at a festival and Tig Notaro

went up and I don't know I love Tig I just watched her do festival and Tig Notaro went up. And I don't know. I love Tig. I just watched her do a set where I was like, oh, I feel like I've never done comedy. I feel like I've never done an open mic. It's insane how good that set was. And then all I did was work the next few weeks. All I did was think about jokes.

How do I do anything that good? I love being inspired. There's those people. There's those certain people. You don't miss them. If you do, you're being cocky. You're being inspired. There's those people. There's those certain people. You don't miss them. If you do, you're being cocky. You're being arrogant. I think that's a nice sentiment, nice optimistic sentiment to end on.

Absolutely. Gentlemen, Chris, thank you very much. It was such a pleasure. I'm so sorry I missed that set at that thing. Most of what I take away is that, for my reason, in my mind, the only reason you invited me here was because you were mad about that. That's what I take away from this. Even Sherrod Small can't really get banned from this club.

There is no way to get... Once you're in, you're in. Except if you're not funny. That's it. Very nice. All right. Good night, everybody. Thank you very much.

Thank you. That's fun, dude. That's fun.