The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Damon Linker and Ian Fidance

Episode Date: December 26, 2020

Damon Linker is a senior correspondent at TheWeek.com. He is an author and a lecturer at the University of Pennsylvania.  He has worked as a  senior editor at Newsweek/The Daily Beast and his essays and reviews have appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, and other leading publications. Ian Fidance is a New York City comedian, writer, and actor. He’s been featured in the New Yorker, New York Times, was a writer on Crank Yankers and has made multiple TV appearances. His first comedy album debuted at #1 on iTunes. He has a podcast forthcoming called Ian's Infinite Playlist. 

You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the Table, the official podcast of New York's world-famous comedy cellar. Coming at you on Sirius XM 99 Raw Dog and on the Riotcast Podcast Network. Dan Natterman here with Noam Dorman, the owner of the world-famous comedy cellar. Kiriel Ashton-Brand, our producer, as well as an on-air personality.

Didn't start out that way, but it has evolved in that direction. We have with us Damon Linger, senior correspondent at TheWeek.com and lecturer in critical writing at the University of Pennsylvania. That was a very bad four years for me, Damon, and there's some stiff competition, but one of the worst four years of my life. But we may or may not get to that later. He's the author of Theocons, A Secular America Under Siege and the Religious Test, Why We Must Question the Beliefs of Our Leaders. His essays and reviews have appeared in the New York Times, the Washington Post, the Wall Street Journal, and other leading publications. That's a long introduction.

Ian Fidance is a New York City comedian, writer, actor. You know him, you've seen him. If you've been to the Comedy Cellar, he is, or was, a MC there, a beloved. He's been featured in the New Yorker, the New York Times, as a writer on Crank Angers, and has made numerous TV appearances. His first comedy album debuted at number one on iTunes. What do you think of that? And he

currently lives in Brooklyn with his cat, Samson, who I guess is not with us tonight. I don't see Samson, but maybe Samson will make an appearance. Welcome one and all to this pre-Christmas recording of Live from the Table. Hello. I'll say it again. Hello. Hello. Ho, ho, ho.

Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. Thanks for having me. Not a typical Christmas this year, but we'll do the best we can. By the way, I spoke to your wife, Noam, yesterday. We had some business matters to take care of, but she

mentioned that there's too many Jews on this show. So I don't know if David Linker is Jewish or not. I am, in fact. Oh, not another one. I'm just so glad she could say what we've all been thinking. We have Ian Fidance, who is

of mostly Italian origin, I believe. Yes. I'm Italian in Delaware, and just a pinch Ashkenazi enough to get away with jokes. Is that true? I didn't know you had some Ashkenazi in you. Yeah, I got the 23 in me. My great-great-great-great-great-grandparents. Was a whore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They really slept around. And, you know, now I'm here. So, Dan, you have something in mind, or can I start?

Why I invited David Lincoln? Because David Lincoln was your pick, so why don't you get the ball rolling? So, I read him from time to time. Usually, I have to admit, because I don't, I don't read the week. When, when Andrew Sullivan tweets out one, one of his columns, which, which is pretty frequent. And when Andrew Sullivan is an admirer of yours, that's a, that's a, that's something substantial, but he's, he's always been unpredictable. He's not a basher of the right. And, but from time to time, he really does come down with a sledgeher of the right.

But from time to time, he really does come down with a sledgehammer on the right. And now is probably a more deserved, they deserve it more now in the last month than they ever did in the entire four years of basically, I thought, false criticism and false accusations against them. So let's start here. What the hell is going on? Have they lost their minds? Why are they all lining up behind this election fraud nonsense? What do you, how do you, and I mean that in a serious way,

like they can't really believe it. So there has to be some strategy or something, some incentive. What's your take on that? Well, I think it basically boils down to the strategy is avoid incoming projectiles from the Republican base. You know, if you go back to like, remember Sarah Palin getting chosen by McCain in 08. And as soon as she started talking, a lot of kind of professional politico types were like, ooh, she's not really ready for prime time. But like Republican voters were like, yes, that's what we want.

And then in 2012, in the primaries, you had Michelle Bachman and then eventually Rick Santorum won like 11 states, which is, I think, as much or more than Bernie Sanders won this last time. So he did really well. And Newt Gingrich won a couple states. So there was a kind of hunger for crazy on the right. And Trump in 16, he tapped into it, and they have fallen for him. And what has happened is that by now, Trump desperately wants to avoid being a loser. So in order to make himself feel better, he is whipping that base into this froth. And a lot of Republican office holders are terrified of this. So they are sort of bobbing and weaving, trying to follow Trump as much as they feel they need to, while deep down thinking like, this is crazy town. But how can we not do it? Because if we stand up to him, he's going to turn on us. He's going to get the voters to turn on us. I'm going to get primaried by someone further to the right. And for the country

as a whole, that won't make anything better because then I, the sensible center right politico here in the House or the Senate, will just be replaced by a lunatic. And so it's not like it'll be good for the country because the problem is these Republican voters who just absolutely adore Trump and believe every bit of nonsense that he says. And the politicians are left looking like this. Oh, what am I going to do? And so they go along with it. And that's where we are. I mean, I really do think it's that simple. So you, do you have access to anybody who speaks to you, any of these people that we're referring to obliquely that speak to you off the record and, and tell you, look, you know, I'm in a bind here. Well, not directly. I mean, I'm not a reporter. So, but I talked to a lot of people who do have connections with people inside the White House, in the Senate, and in the House. And, you know, there are in the House, there are

some representatives who actually do buy the nonsense. You know, especially some of the ones who were just elected, the kind of QAnon lady down in Georgia. She seems to really believe some of this stuff. But most of them don't believe it, but they feel they need to say it because that's what the voters want to hear. And they feel sort of trapped. Now, they deserve, I think, a lion's share of the blame for this because there's been this whole ecosystem on the right, starting with Rush Limbaugh and then eventually the Republican Party itself that sort of stokes this kind of crazy, rabid populism in order to generate enthusiasm and get people to show up to vote and to support the party. fully taken over. They are no longer being controlled by the elected people. The people who are elected are being controlled by those voters. And so it's like, you know, the person who was trying to ride the tiger has now flipped it over and they're being ridden. And it's a big old mess and we're all sort of screwed because of it.'s a sad it's a sad time i think yeah i i

i love that you mentioned sarah palin in 2008 because i feel like all this started with the tea party movement where the republicans had no choice but to just do whatever their constituents were saying in order to save face and stay in office and one of my favorite stories is i believe uh at john mcc McCain's concession speech, when he was walking off stage, he grabbed Sarah Palin and said, you have two roads to go down. You can either take the party route, or you can give in to that fan base. And I hope you choose the right one. And she just went with being a complete lunatic extremist, because that's where the money was. And then it just morphed the party into what

we are today. And Trump is just a lightning rod for it. It's just so despicable and disgusting what's going on. Yeah, I mean, I, you know, the question about, you know, do they really believe it? In the end, I can't, I don't know. I mean, if I, if I got to Rush Limbaugh on his deathbed, which probably will be fairly soon, because he is sick. And if I gotbaugh on his deathbed, which probably will be fairly soon because he is sick, and if I got to him on his deathbed and no one else was around and I said, like a kind of ringmaster at the center of our public life, stirring up a mess for the sake of profits and advertising and adulation of fans. Would he say, yeah, wink, yeah, I know, it was all just bullshit? Or would he say, no, this is my life's work to further this conservative movement because the people he supported over the years have totally changed and yet he he uh he his views evolve as necessity dictates in order to kind of keep the ratings up and keep the money coming in so i don't know what he really thinks i i haven't

kept up with him but did glenn beck not have a reckoning where years ago he was like, look, everything I said, I didn't believe in. It was fake. I really feel like I led people down the wrong way. I haven't heard from him since. Is he going back to crazy town or is he still, you know, He's pretty crazy, but the rest of the right has now joined him in that. Remember how he used to be on the, on the TV and he'd have like the big black board

or the white board and he'd have lines and and circles and all kinds of stuff like a giant map of insanity like at the time he was really out there you know pushing the the bounds of crazy town and now everybody in the party is with him there. And so he sort of looks kind of normal at this point. Well, and, and to me, and actually Glenn Beck became anti-Trump. He was for a very, very long time. And, and, you know, Roger Ailes let him go because he thought he was too crazy, which is kind of an interesting thing. I'll tell you one thing about this, whether they believe it or not.

In 2008, I guess it was i was somewhere in or with a bunch of national review writers and i know definitely one of them was john o'sullivan who was the editor and writer there and i think it was victor david hansen and definitely ramesh panero i don't i'm not sure yeah and i and by this time, Sarah Palin was totally exposed. She'd already said all the ridiculous stuff. She'd already couldn't didn't know what she had read and all kinds of stuff. And I asked John O'Sullivan, I said, it's so obvious that she's not smart and she's making up as she's going along

and she has, you know, she's totally an empty suit. How can you support her? And he said, with all sincerity, no, no, no, she's not. I don't believe that. And so did Victor David Hanson. The only one who kind of rolled his eyes and said, of course, she's an idiot, was Ramesh Pinaru. And I remember being shocked at the time that these smartest people, very, very smart people, obviously, were still taken in. And you can add to that Bill Kristol, who's very sanctimonious now on Twitter, but he remained sour, pale, and loyal to the very end also, and he should have known better. Well, and he was involved in the choice to begin with, because he had all kinds of connections

with the McCain campaign. He was quoted in a New Yorker piece before she was picked, kind of holding her up as a great choice. And people thought, you know what, she's a successful governor of a red state. She's attractive, charismatic, perfect. And there is a history on the right with people like Bill, who I'm fond of, but up until Trump, a lot of them did have this kind of view of their role is our role is to find the crazy populist who we can sort of put out there, get votes, and then when they get on office, I'll get hired to be their advisor and we'll make them do intelligent things and make good policies. And this is that same dynamic where like trying to ride the tiger gets flipped. So like, you know, Bill Kristol's in

favor of Sarah Palin. And then, you know, eight years later, Trump is the nominee and he's like, whoa, how did this happen? Well, one reason why it happened is that you wet the appetite of the base for someone like Palin, and then Trump did it better than Palin ever did. I mean, he's not as cute as she was, but still, you know. And let's admit there is also something about human nature, which is, for instance, Andrew Sullivan, who, you know, I cannot say enough about how much I admire this guy and always have. But he was all in on this Sarah Palin didn't really have the baby thing, that it was the, you know,

and he was all in on this kind of conspiratorial hide the baby, it wasn't his. So it's like, and I could never account for that. I said, how could this brilliant man be all in on this? And it was, it's very analogous to the election fraud thing, in my opinion. You could cherry pick some facts, magic bullet Kennedy type stuff,

but it couldn't be true. Yeah, Andrew is a good friend. I'm not gonna try to defend that aspect of his work. I will only say that the tendency toward believing in conspiracies is kind of universal. And we always have to, every one of us has to always be vigilant to be skeptical of any time we find ourselves starting to be seduced by some theory that explains more than any theory can ever really explain.

So when that happens, you got to kind of step back and be like, all right, time to take another dose of doubt here and not go down the road. And let me really reiterate that. I'll turn it over to Dan. I love Andrew Sullivan. I mean, I cannot say enough how much I love him. Go ahead, Dan. What'd you want to say? Did I say I wanted to say something? No, I figured you, you, you, you have a lot. I have some topics that I did want to get to today. Go ahead, Dan. All right. Well, first of all,

but some of these are very different than what we've been discussing. Well, you want to talk about what's connected to this is the stimulus, as they call it. I think it's a bad name, but you had some questions about that, Dan, didn't you? I don't know if I had a question. First of all, I very cleverly titled the segment Stimulus for the Rest of Us. Oh, that's good, Dan. I love it, Dan. Thank you. A lot of people have been making a lot of noise about how this is only $600 per person, roughly, or something like that. But there are other things involved. There's an increase in unemployment benefits and an extension of the PPP loan program.

Yeah, those are all very good and very essential for the economy. I mean, one reason why we haven't ended up in a true depression through all of this crazy shutdown stuff is that the PPP program helped to keep alive small businesses. It was basically a system to say, we'll give you money if you don't fire your employees. And that's a much more effective way of getting money into people's pockets than just sending them checks. So, I mean, that worked really well in the spring and summer. It kept businesses afloat, which means that when the vaccine finally gets out there, we can hopefully snap right back and the economy can surge right away. But that won't happen if we end up with kind of semi-permanent

15% unemployment because every restaurant and small shop in the country goes under in the next couple of months. So it's pretty damn important, I think, to get this thing passed. So I have a few things to say about it. Is $600 not completely insulting to every single American? It's just laughable that they think that that's an okay amount to give. And the $1,200 one-time check that we got was insulting in and of itself. And we're such a nation of abused little puppies that we're getting $600 and we're yearning for the $1,200. Ian, Ian, it's $600 at one time, plus the extension of unemployment benefits,

plus the money that passes through from the employers, plus... I don't care. Yeah, okay. But I mean, I'm just saying that it's not actually accurate to say, here's your $600 and now you're on your own. That's not what it is. But listen, let me just rewind. I thought that, listen, we saw people around us lose their businesses and close. And this was going through September, October.

And I was very, very upset about it. And this was one of the times where we really saw, in my opinion, how serious the problem of the biased press is, because it was clear to anybody, and maybe Mr. Linker is going to disagree, but I'd be willing to debate it. I think it was clear to anybody who was ready to look the truth in the face that Nancy Pelosi wanted to hold up this package until after the election, God forbid it should help Trump win, that the pain was a good thing for the Democratic Party. And with a non-biased press, they would have held the Democrats to the fire because Trump was saying,

go big. Mnuchin was at $1.8 trillion. Yeah, McConnell was saying, no, no, no. But there was no way that if she had agreed to it and went through the House, that I don't know how many, you'd need 45 Republican senators or something to stand up against Trump going into the election. That just, that wasn't going to happen. It would have gone through.

And the press kept quiet because they didn't want to do anything that might upset the apple cart when it looked that Biden might win. Now they're settling for half that. And I agree with you. And I, and I hope they do give more money, but I'll tell you something just, so that's, you know, leading up to it, but I have to tell you, the Save Our Stages thing is part of this, which is a lot of money for comedy clubs, concert halls, and things like that. And I actually don't think that's fair. I don't see why my business is going to get a kind of lavish treatment that the Chinese restaurant around the corner is not going to get. I can't justify that. I mean, I'll take the money. I need the money, but I don't understand why they could do such a thing. Like it's just things so elitist. They like their classical music and their Broadway shows. And, you know, these are high rollers that invest in that sort

of stuff. And they should have treated everybody the same, in my opinion. I don't know. Mr. Link, do you have any opinion on that? Well, I don't know the details of the bill, so I don't, I don't, I can't speak to it with any kind of public policy authority, but I will say that I suspect the PPP money is supposed to go to small businesses. And what you're describing, these stages, the, the, you know, acting and theater and, and you know, music, classical music and other things, those are not considered for tax purposes, businesses.

And so there is, there needed to be another stream of revenue if they were going to go to them, because they, those people can't take advantage of the PPP money. So I assume that's what it is. And their idea is there are a lot of actors and, and P and D and they're not high rollers. The people who attend a classical music concert will tend to be pretty elite, but the people who are like unionized musicians or actors are, are, you know, not making that much money in most cases. And so, you know,

the idea, I think, is to try to create a system like with the PPP money that can keep those people afloat so that they'll still be here when this is all over. Well, I'll be interested as I've read it. And as I understand it, that's not doesn't seem to me what's really happening. It seems like a lot of clubs and businesses like mine are going to get the money. Broadway theaters are businesses just like my business. Yeah, the theater owners themselves. Yes, of course.

Although it's also true they've been sitting idle for a year now or almost. No, I think they should get the money. I mean, the government, this is why I think they should get the money. I mean, the government, this is why I objected to the word stimulus. I mean, this is not a stimulus to me. This is much better likened to a taking. The government shuts us down and then has a moral responsibility, in my opinion, to the extent that they can, and it seems that they can, sustain us through this hard time. And they should, and they should be sustaining all the businesses, including mine, but also the people that, you know, that have less of a

megaphone. And I just think there's something wrong that went on here that, I mean, Chuck Schumer did a high profile thing about Save Our Stages. It just seems like it's it's politically chuck chuck schumer only did that because for months behind the scenes clubs and venues were putting pressure on his neck because they weren't getting any support whatsoever you know we got support we got ppp loans and they should and and and when they ran out they it should have been relatively easy they just should have extended it and tweaked it because some things, you know, didn't. Right. And they didn't.

But now he's coming in. No, they didn't. Like the hero who's saving the day. And the only reason he did it is because he has a foot on his neck. They didn't. The money ran out in August or something. And then they sat on it because it was too close to the election. And then a lot of places that we know, Ian, Dangerfields, Creek in the Cape, Comedy Clothes,

they went broke. They shut the doors. And they're not going to get it back open. Is there a chance now for them to reopen with Save Our Sages? No, there's not. No. That's such a shame. What does Save Our Sages do exactly?

What is that? I downloaded the 5,000 page thing. It seems like they give you 40. It's based on 45% of your revenue from the 2019, which is a big number. And then you can use it for your rent and your mortgage and your business expenses. I think you get to use it for a full year. I mean, it's a great, it's a huge thing. Good. Yeah, good. Yes, don't get me wrong.

It is good. I'm just saying that it just bothers me that they're giving it just to, that they're picking music venues and stuff. Why is it not okay to have something that's just for the arts? Like, why? Because I don't believe in that. But the restaurants have at least been getting

takeout business and outdoor dining. They haven't- I'm going to tell you, if you have an outdoor table, I'm going to tell you this. If you were to take a camera to the homes and were able to follow the lifestyles of the people who are going to be getting

these Save Our Stages money and then compared it to the lifestyles of the people who are really struggling in small businesses, I think you would see that the money is not going to the most needy people. It's just, you know, and then, of course, of course, there's some people who own music clubs that are in desperate situations, just as a small takeout place might be. Well, look at the Creek and the Cave. They are a live entertainment venue, and they're also a small takeout place might be. Well, look at the Creek and the Cave. They are a live entertainment venue and they're also a small takeout place

and that did not sustain them through. So now they're done. I don't know why there can't be some sort of retroactive clause to that. Because landlords move on. The places available is horrendous. It's very difficult to bring that back to life read i think that's a failing of the initial rollout package that venues like that and even you know like you said small businesses a small

chinese restaurant down the street were not protected and some restaurants did great with outdoor dining but again you know other ones that were relegated to take out and just small outdoor dining ended up getting eaten up and it's it, it's absolutely terrible. Real quickly. No, am I, is Vegas going to open back up soon? Comedy seller Vegas? Cause I thought I. Well, yeah, it is. And that's a perfect, so save our stages is really good for Vegas because, because, um, one of the, one of the holes in the PPP program was that they wouldn't get money for

1099, uh, people that you pay 1099. So in seller Vegas, we didn't really have any employees basically just one but all our overhead was in 1099 payments to comedians sizable pay and we weren't able to get a dime so i i was actually ready thinking that we were probably going to end up closing but i think this so the the save our stages will bail us out in Vegas, I believe. And that's great. You know, again, I'm not, I think we do deserve the money. I just, there's something, and Mr. Linker is right. It's not really clear what it means yet.

Nobody knows. And maybe I'm getting way ahead of myself. But I hope, I just hope that they treat everybody the same. Are the shows in Vegas going to start up again? We're trying to in a month or so, yeah. 25% capacity or something, but maybe it'll be enough for Mark Cohen to bring some money in.

No, should I book my plane ticket now or will you guys be using the Sabre stages to pay for my flight? Well, here's the thing. Now Trump is holding the whole thing up. Mr. Link, do you think it's going to pass? What do you think is going to happen? I really don't know. I mean, the thing, he does this a lot. He's done it many times where

there's a big negotiation going on in Congress. He sort of weighs in here or there, usually like with a tweet or a comment to the press, we'll walk into a helicopter and it sort of shakes the negotiations. But pretty much, as you pointed out, Mnuchin or someone else in the executive branch is negotiating with Congress and they negotiate for weeks and weeks and weeks, and then they reach a deal barely and it's fragile. And then Trump finds out the result and he just pisses all over it in a second and almost blows it up. And then in the end, he usually just signs in the end. So, but I would, I, the thing I want to point out, so I don't know what he's going to do. His whole incentive structure is different now because of the election and he's leaving office and he's pretending he didn't lose. So like he has like a

weird combination of incentives. So I don't know what that will lead him to do exactly. But the interesting question for me is, his initial gut reactions are so politically potent, but he's so incapable of consistently holding a line. Imagine if last September 1st, he went out on the road when he started doing all his big rallies after that convention. If he went out and in every single rally and in all of his tweets, he kept saying, these bums in Congress have to stop being cheapskates. This is a disgrace. $2,000 checks for every American. If he said that every day, $2,000 for every American, not only would that have passed, he would have won by a large margin. He would definitely have won

because it was pretty damn close. And he did pretty much everything in his power to lose as far as like strategize wise. Like he, you know know with all the way he fumbled the covid stuff yes wear masks don't wear masks it's going away it's still here uh you know all the nonsense of the last year but he he clearly is on to something when he's come out now and said yeah this is a disgrace two thousand dollars if he had said that from the beginning, it would have been better for the country because the checks would have been bigger. And it would have been better for him because he probably would have won easily. And it just shows how, on the one hand, he does have like potent instincts better than any Republican politician. On the other hand, he's so incapable of actually like seeing it through and

being effective as a president. It's just a terrible lost cause, I think. By the way, Noam, I've been calling you Mr. Linker. He does that. He always tends to the form- And I keep thinking they'll call me Mr. Dwarman in return and it never works. But I think the style and the feel and the tone of the show is more informal. And I think that we can all agree with that. So, and I assume that you would prefer to be called Damon. Is that correct? Mr. Damon to you.

Damon is fine. Damon is an odd name. You and I were born in the, I looked you up, both born in 69. I don't know that Damon was a particularly common name then. It was not. Somehow you slipped through the cracks and got that name. It was just in time to be, right as I started school, to be coinciding with the Omen movies, which is Damien, but it was enough that it was like an all-purpose, you know, way for the kids to pick on me for years after that. So I came to hate my name for a while when I was a kid. What kind of a Jew is named Damon? I don't know. The bad one I am,

I guess. I don't know. My mom was a little weird that way and just liked unusual names. My brother's name is Mitchell, so it's Damon and Mitchell. In the 70s, those were not your average kid names. It would be like Mark and John or something. He didn't go for Mitch? Mitch is a good set of nicknames.

He goes by Mitch now, but as a kid, he was Mitchell. I know we're going to, we got you for half an hour, but let me ask you the last question, which is, how can we have a good future for America here? There's such disdain between what I consider to be the racism. I very much take the Andrew Sullivan line in all of this.

The racism of intersectionality, the way that the left just looks down their nose on the right, the craziness on the right. I mean, is there a happy ending to this? Will it pass? Well, I've been pretty gloomy in my columns, actually, but I will tell you at least least hypothetically, what I think could help. And I think Biden is trying. We'll see how well it works. But the recipe for success

is Biden doing kind of standard Democratic stuff on the economic side, which would mean, for instance, if we're up to Biden, yeah, $2,000 check sounds good. But on the cultural side, the kind of culture war stuff, totally anti-woke. Not like be like Trumpian racist style stuff like he sometimes does, but just none of it. Just don't go down that road. Don't talk that way. Don't be intersectional. Don't talk about defunding the police. Don't give in to any of the activists on the left, because even if you believe those people have their heart in the right place, which sometimes they do, their political instincts are atrocious. And the fact is that if we want to cobble together a decent kind of, say, 55, 60% of America who is kind of sane and wants to govern

the country and make the country a better place, you need to do it by bringing over the sane people on the center right in the Midwest and in the West and in the South who are persuadable. And the thing that makes those people go, you know what? I don't like Trump, but screw you people. You're nuts, is a lot of this culture war stuff from the left. So I really think it's poisonous. I really think it's a bad thing. I totally agree. You hit the nail on the head. And it's a thing of the entire woke mob,

if you give them an inch to say, here's an olive branch, they want the whole tree. And it's just not going to do anything but divide people more. And Biden already, who's he installing in his cabinet? You know, I think Governor Newsom is putting up a Hispanic ban, which would be the first Latino person in the Senate. And I already saw an article that says now there's no Black women in the Senate. And here's why it's racist. It's like, what? You know, and Biden's putting

like a Native American in the cabinet, but they're still doing the same thing with, you know, taking kids away from their family at the border. It's just, you know, a puppet show. I will need to see more of what actually happens once Biden is in charge. I agree with you that the transition and a lot of the decision making about who gets big jobs in the Biden administration has been kind of comical in this way. Like, like they have a giant grid of bean counting considerations. And it's like, okay, have we picked a disabled Latino transgender man yet? And no, it's just like, It's just like entertainment. At the face of every movie, it's a totally diverse cast.

And then who's making it? Who's making the money? All whitey. Yeah. So I mean, what I want to see, what I think the problem for Biden is that the Democratic coalition is fractious and big. And you got the kind of culturally conservative Midwestern kind of union people. And then you've also got like upward, you know, upper class California and Brooklynite

types who are really into a lot of the activist stuff and being very woke. And then you have other factions, you have African Americans in the South who are pretty culturally conservative. And it just, it's a lot of stuff. And so my hope is that Biden is playing this kind of, the kind of bean counting game with who gets what position in order to placate all these factions in the hope that when he gets actually in and the rubber meets the road with policy, then that stuff isn't going to get as much play as it did, say, in the second Obama term, where I think they really went off the rails in some of this stuff, like really pushed a lot of the woke agenda from 2012 on. So I'm hoping that this is a hope. I don't know if it'll happen, but I'm hoping that that Biden sort of has the right instincts here to to put together that mix, as I described it.

It's certainly how he won because he never he never spoke in that way. He was pretty good at saying, you know, protests, good burning down your neighborhood, bad, you know, like, yeah, reform the police, defund the police, get the hell out of here. So, you know, I hope those instincts, you know, end up playing a big role in setting the agenda for the Obama, to the Biden administration as it actually ends up being enacted. We'll see. I think, I think, did you want to say something, Dan? Well, I was wondering where we're at speaking of wokeness. I've been, I was reading a lot about how, how there was a proposal that African-Americans and maybe Latino Americans would get the vaccine first to, to, to resolve injustice.

But I don't think that's currently the policy. Where are things at with that? It was floated by this panel at the CDC, and it was absurd and insulting and unethical. And it sort of burned down within like 48 hours. It was such a public relations nightmare. And I like to think that some of the Biden people were like, you people can't do this. What are you crazy? And so they backtracked immediately and now they're not doing it that way. Now it's going to like people with certain preexisting conditions and then people who are over 75, which is really what it should have been from the beginning. But it is true that like a lot of elite institutions in America and, you know, running the Centers for Disease Control is an elite job.

The people in the top positions there. A lot of that stuff is just infected by this woke ideology where like they sort of think we have to then remake the world and like convert everybody in this kind of moral revolution to be anti-racist. And a lot of it involves this kind of micromanaging of outcomes. So like, well, we were, more blacks have died of COVID than whites. Therefore, let's let white people die now. And if that also means that elderly black people died too,

well, you gotta break some eggs to make an omelet. It's just nuts. It really is nuts. And I think there's going to be a civil war on the left, too, because this policy of trying to strip Asians of their achievements, of their meritocracy, they will not stand for it. I mean, you know, they're not, they might, I don't know why they think the Asians will stand for it. I'm telling you, they're not going to stand for it. Well, I hope they don't because it's ridiculous. I mean, it's a complicated story because like, I just saw numbers in the last day or so that came out showing the kind of median income for different ethnic groups

and like white whites are like like 65 000 a year and all these uh groups from east asia and south asia are like up 80 90 110 120 000 like indian americans have a median income of like 120 000 a year which is double for white people. And I don't care. I'm not, I'm not going to go like vote for David Duke or some far right person to say this must be changed. I'm just saying that's what's happened in the, in the American melting pot and the way it works. Yeah. Yeah. On the contrary, I would think any sensible American would be filled with patriotism and pride to know that the Indian Americans have the highest income. I mean, that's that's what is a better demonstration of who we are, what we are and that what and what they say is not true. But of course, yeah, but then that points to like the total lie of like America's all white supremacy and only white people get ahead, everyone else is kept down.

And that simply is not true. And it does not reflect it in the numbers at all. So it's, you know, that doesn't mean racism doesn't exist. And there aren't all kinds of structural problems that do have to be addressed. but it's a much more complicated story than you get from the woke brigade one thing that we know is i think i don't know if ian agrees because he's far left but uh what most i think what sensible people ought to realize far left yeah i just don't agree with everything you say but i well but you know but you're a comedian so you're not woke it's an interesting thing damon i'll tell you that. The comedians, even if they're far left, because

they're comedians, they still side with the anti-woke because they understand it firsthand how dangerous it is. Because the woke people have no sense of humor at all. It's very earnest. I mean, I agree with people.

If you know, what's his name? Andrew Yang. He's a, he's a writer, very smart guy. He's been a critic of the woke stuff. Wesley, Wesley, Wesley, Wesley. Yeah. Oh, great. Yeah. He's, he's very, very smart. And you know, his, his line along with Ralph Ross Douthat at the New York times, who's very good on this, they think that this is a kind of reboot of kind of old Protestant, kind of the liberal Protestant ethic in America. So this is kind of a religious awakening that's happening with the wokeness.

That's where the name woke comes from, like awakening. And I do think that it has those kinds of roots. And that's one reason why they don't have a sense of humor, because this is deadly serious to them. This is like a kind of spiritual crusade they're leading and spiritual crusaders don't want to stop and have a joke, take a joke, because a joke requires a little bit of irony, standing back from the fray and laughing at it, and finding humor in human folly. And yet, you know, the woke people don't have any time for that, because that's a distraction from the crusade. And I totally agree with that. It is a disgusting new form of religion.

And do you think that any of it is in a way self-preservation because they know if they give in to one joke or one thing that doesn't go with their ideology, they will then be held to the fire by their fellow woke congregation for laughing at one thing. And because they want to be consistent across the board of like, I don't want to give into this because then if I give into that, that could mean that I am now accepting this ideology that blah, blah, blah, you know, or they have skeletons in their closet that they don't want anyone to see. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. So psychological motivation. I mean, I always tend when people are very brittle and kind of bristly, like you criticize them the least bit and they flip out on you usually that's i think a product of a kind of insecurity like deep down they recognize

that they have no ground to stand on and a lot of the shit that they say and so they're they're like if you prick them they they like flip out because they like sort of have to then like go nuts in your face and attack you back so that you'll back off because they recognize that if you kept coming at them, their whole house of cards would crumble. So I tend to assume that about people, like a lot of the journalistic versions of this, like, you know, the Atlantic hires Kevin Williamson, this conservative, and like the whole newsroom goes bonkers, like, we can't have him, he's a Nazi, and then they let him go because it looks too bad. Well, what exactly are they afraid of, that somehow if we invite this guy in, and he'll like make fun of stuff that we believe in and what like so what why would that

bother you if you weren't afraid that he could actually destroy you with a nasty column oh and he and boy is he a great writer he is he is he's he's a very uh gifted menken style polemicist yeah all right damon go ahead perry well i just wanted to not to take a sharp swerve, but I'm not sure what time Ian has to go, but I wanted to make sure that we talked about his. Let's let's let's say goodbye to Damon, which by the way, I just want to know what's going on at my alma mater, the university of Pennsylvania.

I went to Penn too, but I went to the law school. You went to the law school, it's a whole totally different thing than going undergrad. It's better. I wouldn't know what's happening because of course I haven't set foot on campus in months. It's just all-

Where are the kids getting laid now? There used to be the palladium on Locust Walk, they call it the getladium. I don't know if they called it that just because it was like a play on words or people were getting laid there. I have no idea what they're doing. I mean, there are hardly any students around.

They're all in their homes with their parents. So I think they're probably just jerking off in their bedrooms. I don't know. I mean, they're not having the full college experience. Speaking of jerking off. I didn't have the full college experience either. But I had a space picked out on Locust Walk.

I'm not even going to get into it. Go ahead, Dan. Go ahead. I had a space picked out where Locust Walk. Well, nevermind. I'm not even gonna get into it. Go ahead, Dan, go ahead. I had a space picked out where I was gonna do my mass shooting. Again, I told you, I don't wanna get into it. You know that, you know that, you know that comfort, but I don't even wanna give ideas out.

It's too dark. But, but, but. I wanna hear this transition. Speaking of jerking off. Oh, and also, by the way, I did, you know, High Rise South, the student lounge, I did once masturbate in there.

Oh, excellent. You know High Rise South. Is it still there? I guess it is. Yeah, it is. I'm talking about my cum. Is it still there? No, that I don't know.

I'll have to check when campus opens up again. I'll be in touch. You tell me exactly where you left it, and I'll look for the stain. I probably did. We should do a black light. What's that? Bring in a black light and look around. Yeah, yeah.

You're going to have to wear a welder's mask if that happens. I think Damon should come on the show again. I think he fits in great. I don't know if he likes it, but I like it. Yeah, great, Damon to have to wear a welder's mask if that happens. I think Damon should come on the show again. I think he fits in great. I don't know if he likes it, but I like it. Yeah, great, Damon. I love hearing you. This has been fun. Let's do it again anytime.

Thanks for the invite. My pleasure. Well, anyway, thank you very, very much. Thank you. You're welcome. Take care, everyone. Happy holidays. Yes, thanks.

You too. All of you. Bye-bye. Merry Christmas. Jewish. I'm kidding. Happy holidays. Happy holidays. Yes, thanks, you too. All of you, bye bye. Merry Christmas. Yep. Jewish. I'm kidding, absolutely. All right, now we are doing our post-guest.

He was good, right? He was great, I loved him. I really, really loved him. I'd never heard of him or read anything about him. I don't think he had to leave, Noam. For you, because you always complain that the people stay. No, but if he's willing to talk about stuff that's less

on point with him. But anyway, you told him it was going to be half an hour, right, Perrielle? Well, I told Perrielle not to tell him that because we never... You know, it's loose. I try to keep it loose. Oh, but then email him now and tell him that I thought it was half an hour. I would have been happy to have him on for an hour

except I was afraid of offending Dan because he wants to get- Not for 45 minutes. It's fine. Okay, okay. As long as he's not offended. 50 minutes, it's fine. Because I like to talk about-

Jerking off. Well, I do like to talk about that. I also like to talk about things that are comedy related. If there happens to be comedy stuff in the news, no mention that the comedy seller Vegas is opening up again. He kind of gave a short trip but i think that's pretty significant when when when do you think that's going to happen i actually don't know mark cohen is out there and he's kind of in charge of it there's there's a lot

of hoops to jump through now in vegas and and who even knows if you know if you build it if they'll come but i'd say for you're saying so you're saying I should have FedEx this next day air gift I got for SD like 10 days ago. Yes. You're you want to go out and perform? I would do it in a heartbeat. Question is, this is the worst situation to be in because we're not gonna be able to pay

what we usually pay. We weren't paying that much to begin with, you know, and then I will have to, I, what about the same, our stages money? Can that be generously?

Well, hopefully. Yeah, that might be a game changer. We'll see. And then also, maybe we'll be able to pay the same or close to what we were paying if we just have fewer comedians, which, you know, the show will suffer. But we'll have to figure it out. We'll have to figure it out. Are you going to be doing any Zoom things?

I mean, you guys really laid low with the whole zoom boom yeah i didn't believe in it but actually on new year's eve um um mint comedy is renting out the village underground and they're doing like a a broadcast from there but we're not um none of our employees or anything are working on it but it will be at the comedy stage and it'll be our you know basically the comedians that we're used to oh wow i'm at stress factory with jessica and natal uh the tent outside when i was at the stress factory they had a huge tent that vinnie put up yep the tent i gotta i gotta hand it to vinnie vinnie brand the owner of the stress factory put out this huge tent with uh he did it right man he did it right i didn't know

how to self-preservation and obviously he wanted to help out comics but he nailed it man well vinnie brand is a scrapper you know vinnie brand if you're not in the comedy world vinnie brand he started out doing shows that i guess the hyatt regency in in new brunswick or something like that like 30 years ago and he and then eventually he got enough he made enough money to open up his own club and now he's got two clubs and he's a scratch he's in the old school you know um he's resourceful how putting a tent outside is any different than just being inside well it's more airflow there's more airflow because the tent has a huge like opening so it's open on four sides? It's open on one or two sides, so there's a lot of airflow.

Okay. I don't know what the science says about transmission in a tent versus... I imagine it's quite a bit lower. Because every time I step outside, Noam tells me I'm going to get COVID. Well, I mean, outside is where the transmissions are lowest, I believe. It's not every time you step outside.

It's every time you step outside and then into a store. Yeah. Anyway, I just really don't want to get COVID now that there's a vaccine. You don't want to be like the last guy's a vaccine okay so you don't want to be like the last guy that died during world war one after the after the armistice exactly which by the way i mean this is completely unrelated but apparently like a thousand people died like they declared like they they world war one ended they said okay we're going to end it

at 11 a.m tomorrow on the 11th of November, but they were still fighting. And it was like, I don't know, so like a thousand people died after they agreed to end the war, between whenever they agreed, like 5 a.m. and 11 a.m. That wouldn't happen today. It does happen. I feel like when I was in Israel years ago

and they were in the middle of the war, they said the war was ending and then it was over but then like it takes a while for people to stop like shooting and stuff well there's better communication now so that you can get work I mean part of the problem back then was is you say okay

the war is over but the guy in the trench now do you just send him a text or you send him a a Facebook messenger or you send him a a uh a facebook messenger or a whatsapp and don't shoot dan you got two things on your list here mulaney and the can't talk about mulaney i think because it is a comedy related john mulaney beloved 38 year old comedian boy's a young guy has checked into treatment for a 60-day cocaine and alcohol rehab. Mulaney has been open about his past struggles with sobriety.

First, he first became sober at age 23. I guess he's been, he fell off the wagon, I gather. And now he is in rehab. Thoughts about John Mulaney, frequent comedy seller comedian by the way john mulaney in rehab thoughts when we first saw mulaney they said he was like a young natterman uh uh you know that right he was you were all they say his voice was somewhat reminiscent of mine i don't know i don't know if there's anything else about him that was reminiscent of me but i've heard i heard his good looks and uh um but uh his ability to snag puss um but i mean i i think it's great everybody's supporting them uh you know i i think that's

wonderful i think that's awesome um you know to to actually go in and take care of yourself is is a wonderful thing it's it's really tough right now for addicts and alcoholics. This has been, I mean, just so emotionally draining and so hard. I mean, I was really, really strong for a while. I haven't drank or done drugs, but God damn, if the thoughts nodded my head almost every day. You know, when I was drinking all the time, I thought, man, if I could just not have to go to work, not do anything, I would love to just sit around and drink all the time. And man if i could just not have to go to work not do anything i would love to just sit around and drink all the time and then i do that and lose a job and then i get back on the horse you know and then now that's like the only thing to do i'm seeing my friends like let's just get a bottle of wine and watch a movie and i'm like all right i'll just smoke cigarettes and walk

well you could uh ian i suppose uh find comfort in food if you if it was necessary yeah but then i think i'm fat well but better that than then and then hopefully you can lose the weight after the pandemic but at least in the meantime you have something to help cope with right well you know my coping mechanisms are shit i gotta you know this whole thing has taught me i got a lot of things i gotta do because when i'm not busy running around, I'm stuck with self, you know. And fortunately, I have my bike to ride, which is great. You know, that's how we are.

We're not meant to be stuck with self. We're not meant to be stuck with self. I mean, it's just an unnatural condition. And we've been part of an experiment, you know, that's very unnatural to be in, to be this isolated, especially those of us, I mean, Noam has his family. Noam, you were about to say something? I was going to ask Ian a question. So Erica Comisar was a,

was a really good therapist who's been on this show before. And we had an idea a while ago about doing an online therapy session with a comedian. She's legit there. Would you be willing to do something like that? I don't know if I'd be willing to be so vulnerable and open publicly about that. You know, I think that would be pretty difficult. You know, I already kind of bleed everything of my own on podcasts and everything.

I don't know if I'd be willing to do that with a therapist. All right. Publicly. As far as, as far as, as far as Melanie goes, what was very, I'm going to say,

uh, who knows? What was, what were you going to say? Um, I was saying, what have you been doing to stay sane? Riding my bike,

uh, working out, trying to get a schedule. schedule um i think that's the most important part like trying to work a thing of like even if because sometimes if i have nothing to do until later in the day i'll just sleep until i have to do that you know but if if i if i if i can wake up in the morning and just you know get, get a schedule, I will be much better served to, you know, be, be well for myself and for others, you know, but I can easily fall into a thing where I'm just like sleeping for days. I have nothing going on. It's, it's a bad spot to be in, you know? What are you still to stay sane? I'm hanging on by a thread, honey.

No, I tell people I'm hanging on by a thread or a rope, but you know, at least I'm hanging on by a thread, honey. I know I tell people I'm hanging on by a thread or a rope, but you know, at least I'm hanging. What? Um, but you're performing a little bit. I am. Fortunately, I've been, you know, super busy and everything, not just with city stuff and Zooms the road. I kind of, um, turned a couple things down because I didn't feel Indoor stuff, you know, I've been kind of iffy about,

but I think I'm going to be more cavalier coming up in the winter months. Just, you know, for pay, yeah, but also for sanity, you know, just to, you know. I'm also working on different projects. You know, I have a podcast coming out that I'm working on that I'm excited about, you know. And something I do for sanity is I got to turn the internet off and not look at other people's success and how well everyone else is doing. Because then I just, I'm like, I've been playing solitaire with a deck of cards for three hours. I'm a piece of shit. I should get my shit together. You know what I mean? You have a deep and interesting

sex life. How come you're not mentioning any of that in any of this? That's the prime directive. That's got to be the root of every day. Why are you not mentioning that? We're living in a global pandemic, Noam. I'm not really going to throw my dick around. Pay the extra $10.

That's why I Venmomoed you you didn't get it isn't isn't there some rapid test uh online not accurate there's rapid yeah yeah and also you go you wait for five hours to get a rapid test it isn't even 90 effective you know and then you do the the pcr you gotta wait five days haven't you been tested i go all the time just to be safe the house he has no reason to get tested you wouldn't get a massage from a a boy in a dress and a mask that had just had a rapid test all right listen no no and stop reading this your to-do list okay okay? No, I'm actually being serious. Like, I mean, I'm not advocating it, but you know, it's been a long time.

You wouldn't have a sexual encounter with someone who had a rapid test right before you did it and they're wearing a mask or something you wouldn't get some relief? No. That's insane. You know how dangerous that is? I mean, you're just like begging to get COVID.

I don't know how dangerous that is i mean you're just like begging to get covid i don't i don't know how dangerous that is leave the house read a book and here's a question if um luckily i'm married so i don't have sex anyway go ahead one thing i've never i've always sort of been confused as to what the philosophy is that is guiding our COVID policies. Is our philosophy to keep deaths as close to zero as possible? Is it to keep hospitals from overflowing? With regard specifically to this vaccine, if we're able to vaccinate all the elderly people and all the people with the worst pre-existing conditions, and if we therefore can then reduce the overall fatality rate to far lower than it is now.

Is that enough to let everybody back out into the world? I think it's insane that we do temperature checks because they don't work at the time. And it reads like 94.7. I'm like, is this a country music station or my temperature and it's affecting overweight people so we should have a scale at the door and if you're over a certain weight you're like listen honey you ain't getting in run around the block a couple times and then we'll talk are you doing material yeah yeah you got me hit the hit the ejector seat please that's actually my closer i do have to go

no i'll tell you listen the philosophy was very haphazard and make it up as you go along for a long time now is the one time when we should have a pretty easy time of having a clear philosophy which is just keep everybody safe and locked down as best we can until everybody gets the vaccine. Like before when it was open ended, when people were saying we have never had a vaccine in sort of in five years, at that point it was like, you know what? It doesn't seem feasible to just stay home forever. So we're going to have to figure out ways to let this just

thing to bend the curve, but let it spread. But now that we know there's a vaccine, now is the one time when it seems to make more sense than ever before to just stay home. We'll send you a check, get deliveries, and we'll give you a vaccine. And that's like, I don't see what the other side of the coin is. The other side of the coin might be let's, I mean, I think, you know, if we can vaccinate within six months, all the super high risk people, you know, then, then can the other people go out about their business? Or would you advocate? No, it sounds to me like you're advocating. No, we want to wait till everybody.

When it gets down to low risk, very low risk i i would i would be okay with it and the truth is once it gets there you're not gonna be able to keep these people inside no matter what you do because the big the big moral case we've been making to 20 year olds is it's not about you it's about the people you're gonna get sick you're gonna spread it to old people your grandparents blah blah blah once there are no more old and sick people to kill, you try telling a college kid he can't go out. I mean, it's just not going to happen. That's my opinion.

But there still might be a lockdown on clubs and restaurants at that point. Yeah, I think at that point it'll give way. I also think that this vaccine is going to get spread a lot quicker than people think. Already they're talking about instead of giving everybody two doses of it, give everybody one dose and give them twice the number of doses because apparently one dose, there's a law of diminishing returns. One dose is quite effective. Two is better.

And then there's like five other vaccines coming online. And I have a lot of faith in American logistics. And my goodness, everybody really underestimated how long it would take to get the vaccine, right? Trump was the only one who got it right. And I think they're underestimating how long it's going to take to give it out. Maybe that's wishful thinking. I don't know. I mean, if the, if, if the, you know, if the underestimate of the,

if the overestimation of how long it takes to get the vaccine in the first place is any indication, then, you know, that, and you're probably right. Is it mostly American companies that are the vaccines? Everybody in Sweden is getting the vaccine for free right now. So you have to wonder what... There's got to be an anti-American angle in this somewhere. Go ahead, find it, Perrielle. I mean, it's clear. I don't even need to find it. It's right there. Yeah. How come there's other countries that are giving everyone the vaccine? Look at the look on your

face. I haven't... Because it's so easy. Because if we were getting all the vaccine. Look at the look on your face. I haven't- Because it's so easy. Because if we were getting all the vaccine and the other countries were getting none, you'd be like, look at us. We're taking all the vaccine and nobody's getting it in other countries. I get that though. I mean-

But isn't that exactly what you would do? It's so easy. It's like shooting fish in a barrel for you. My question is, is how come other countries can manage to vaccinate everyone? Sweden has like 7 million people. Well, that's a decent answer. How many people?

Is that why? Well, I'm pretty sure. I'm no expert, but I think it's easier to vaccinate seven million. Well, he sure sounds like a fucking expert. Ten million people in Sweden. I thought it would be, I would have guessed more, but it's

ten million people. But there was just in the news that we bought like another ten, hundred million million i get the numbers confused a big amount of doses from pfizer madonna vaccine is coming they're giving out the vaccine we we it's true we we do have a pr issue about hoarding all the world's doses and uh none of this is easy but you know stop a second and admit that the people on your side

got this wrong. What's my side? The people who were saying, for instance, NBC that actually reported that Trump was lying. They used the word lying. They didn't even say unsubstantial, that Trump was lying when he said we'd have a vaccine by December. You know what? Again, you wonder, I mean, I'm not, I'm happy he lost, but I'm saying what if they had, what if they had not reported their lies? You know, they, they were lying when they said that they weren't lying, but who knows what, what, what word you want to call it. But the point is they called him a liar without any factual basis. And it turned out he was telling the truth.

And maybe, and maybe when he lost by so many few thousand votes, maybe if people knew the vaccine was about to come, they might've said, holy shit, he did it. And maybe he would have won. And somehow I'm responsible for this. I'm saying that people on your side were, you know, consistently get it wrong. What's my side?

Yeah, what's that side? The people who find a way, who work backwards from the position they want to be in. Perio always wants to find herself in the position of being able to knock America, especially if it's being led by a Republican, always. So she will find, like what I said before was exactly right. If Sweden had zero doses, she would be saying, look at us.

We're the world's glutton. We take all the doses and we don't give it to anybody else. And God forbid, in a poor country, if they don't have it, forget about it. But here, where it looks like an egalitarian thing is happening, where it's being spread around the whole world. Well, now it's a complaint. How come we don't have all the doses? It seems incompetent.

Like, are we competing with Sweden for the number? Yes, it's incompetent. We should have all the doses. They shouldn't have any, right? There should be enough for everyone. Well, how? Oh. You know what's funny?

You know what's funny about UNOM what's funny about you, Noam? You said, I don't like to save our stages. It's helping me, but not the Chinese restaurant down the street. I think it should be for everyone. I do. And now with the vaccine, you're like, no, no, no. That's wrong, Perrielle. I said the vaccine should be for everyone.

But she's saying something ridiculous because they're manufacturing the vaccine from zero. Eventually, there'll be enough for everyone but there doesn't matter what as long as i'm saying it yes yes perry how can you admit that you work backwards to your conclusions i don't know i don't think i work backwards although i do think that it's very possible that i would have said the other thing that you said i would have said of Of course you would have said it. But I don't think it's a matter of working backwards. Ian has a new podcast coming out. Okay, I have to go. No, no, go ahead.

Go ahead. I'm kidding. Ian should have a great podcast. He's a great talker. Ian, what tells you about your new podcast? It's called Ian's Infinite Playlist. It's a new podcast. It's called Ian's Infinite Playlist. It's a music podcast I have guests on. You tell me three of your favorite, wonderful songs,

and we go through what that song is. And then at the end of the show, I try to introduce you to a song that I think you would like. You're sort of like a human Pandora. We give you the songs. You then give us a song that i think you would like wait you're sort of like a human pandora we give you the songs you then give us a song that we yeah yeah like like that like natterman name like name like two songs that like two or three meant a lot to you in your life that you always hear and you're like damn that's a good one well you see with me the songs i mean at any given moment in my life there's different songs but affect me. But I say right now,

songs that I really like, Snow Patrol, Chasing Cars, how about that? And The Land of Hopes and Dreams, Bruce Springsteen. Wow.

Those songs really have very little in common, so you have your work cut out for you. My wife said, Oh, Jesus, when you said that for some reason. in common, so you have your work cut out for you. My wife said, oh, Jesus, when you said that for some reason. I think. Why don't you say, I like it like that or something. Go ahead. I think you would like the app Grindr. I got to run. I got to run.

I got to run. Well, Ian always likes to leave on a laugh, so we'll see. That's the funniest thing you ever said, Ian. That was perfect. Thank you. See, that's what you're going to be getting on Ian's infinite playlist. For more of that kind of humor,

if that's your thing. Ian, what is a song you want to leave us with that we might not know, which is good in a pandemic? Oh, man. What song you want to leave us with that we might not know, which is good in a pandemic? Oh man. What do you want? You want like, you want like,

you want like happy, sad. What do you want? My wife is here. What will get my wife in the mood? You want like a Christmas? Oh, get in the mood for,

you know, boning. My, my, my buddy has an album out. My buddy has an album out called vignettes uh his name's wes wesley schultz he's the lead singer from the lumineers he does a cover of cheryl crow's if it makes you happy and it would be a nice tender song to lay to and just make out on a nice no she's saying no okay um get in the mood songs we're talking about like chade or something like really get you in the mood marvin gay really get like yeah

this is why people get you in the mood so yeah yeah with an acoustic guitar that sounds like you're singing with your tears that's why people shit uh i don't know buy a la labamba for you no she does love that labamba shut up that's not a get in the mood song some low town like some old school getting oh how about how about uh luther vandross uh never too much no that's a dance song oh my god that's a good song to get in the mood no it's not all right you didn't understand what mood we were talking about. The mood that hasn't happened yet. So why is it going to happen now? That mood?

We've got three kids. Oh, my God. It happened three times. Actually, five. What's your get in the mood song, babe? What's the Sade song that we like? Oh, I like that whole album, Lovers Rock. That's a great album.

I don't know that one. I gotta look it up and get back to you. Get a girlfriend. It's gonna work out. A boyfriend. I mean, that song will get you. She re-released it in a live version. It's a classic album. Wow. I gotta yeah. Wow.

I'm going to listen. I'm not up on the Sade. A lot of people like Sade, right? I'm more of an Enya man myself. I stopped listening to Sade after Swedish Taboo. But, you know, that album, that was 85 or so. All right. Can you play like Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas?

That kind of stuff works with everybody. To get you in the mood? Not to get you in the mood. No, it gets you in the mood. Every time I'm in a Target around Christmas time, I get a hard-on. It's great. Mariah Carey? Yeah.

All right. Well, okay. I'm going to listen to your podcast. I'll give it a shot. I'll listen to your podcast, too. Anita, before we go, did you want to once again voice your opinion about the excess of Jewish guests on the podcast? No, do I have to voice that?

You don't have to. I'm out of here. I'm out of here. See you, Ian. Thank you, guys. Love you all. Thanks for having me. It's always a pleasure.

I love hanging out with you guys. Be safe, Ian. Thanks for having me. It's always a pleasure. I love hanging out with you guys. Be safe Ian. Bye Ian. Merry Christmas. Hey, you as well. Bye. Okay. Dan, what is your problem? I said that to you in a private conversation. You're having private conversations with Dan?

Well, just recently. Well, because I had called her up for a bit for, for, for a business related, business related question. I have an actual really serious question for you guys. I just found out this second, and I'm shocked that with all the times that we talked about this, that nobody mentioned this. Jussie Smollett is half Jewish. You didn't know that?

Yeah, I knew that. We talked about it. Never. That's old news. Never. Old news. We never talked about it. I don't even know if it's that interesting.

Yeah, I remember the Jerusalem Post had the headline, half Jewish actor, you know, involved in, uh, look at him. He obviously looks mixed. I mean,

I had no idea. Yeah. Are you surprised that one of half of your people did that? I mean, it's just so shocking across the board. And I'm trying to think about like what it means that he's half Jewish now too. It doesn't mean anything. I know that it means anything and he's far from the worst example of Jewish

behavior. You know, I mean, there was that French guy, uh, you know, with the hotel room, with the sofa towel. Harvey Weinstein. Bernie Madoff. Dominique Strauss-Kahn. Yeah, DSK. Karl Marx.

DSK. Well, Marx wasn't so bad. He just, his philosophy was misused. I don't think Marx himself was a bad guy. I don't think anything of these are ethnically connected. People do bad things. They say bad things in all races. It's not...

I know, but it's really upsetting when Jews do that. Oh! It's upsetting to you, but it's not upsetting to Juanita. Let's talk about this Jew podcast, okay? Now let's talk about the Jew podcast. This is just ridiculous. You have a level of standard for Jews that you don't have for other people? That's ridiculous. Everyone should live level of standard for Jews that you don't have for other people? That's ridiculous.

Everyone should live up to the same standard. Okay? Justice Smollett, whether he's Jewish or not, should not have done what he did. Nobody, well, except black people who believe him, think that he did anything. Everyone thinks he's scum. Do people still believe him? I think some black people. No, I think at this point, nobody believes him.

I mean, there's a level of conspiracy that everybody has. Yeah, well, who called it from day one? You did, B. I did. You did. I was like, let's read all the facts. Let's find out. It was so obviously untrue.

Yeah. And Perry was like, you's read all the facts. Let's find out. It was so obviously untrue. Yeah. And Perry was like, you see, the Trump supporters, they attacked a black man in Chicago. They're everywhere. I don't know that I took that position. And I think that if we scroll back some. I think that Perry is a Trump hater. It doesn't matter.

She just hates Trump. I overheard a conversation with her my mom today in the office and I swear I burst out laughing why because mom was like they were talking about about that two thousand dollar stimulus that Trump was like I'm not gonna sign unless you give everybody two thousand dollars and Perry and my mother were hating on Trump Perry was like oh that's such a lie he's just saying saying that. And I burst out laughing. I was like, the two of them,

my mom and Perry, I hate Trump. No matter what he does. Yeah. It's $600. Not enough. Trump wants to, Trump doesn't want to sign with the 2000.

He's so full of shit. I was like, this is hilarious. To be fair to Trump, he always wanted more. He always said it should be more. He said he's not signing. I don't know if he's right or to Trump, he always wanted more. He always said it should be more. He said he's not signing unless everyone gets it. I don't know if he's right or wrong, but he always said it. Unless everyone gets $2,000.

Perrie-O and my mom was like, instead of saying, yeah, we back that, because neither one of them are getting the stimulus. They were like, fuck him! He's full of shit! I just laughed out loud. I was like, this is hilarious. Okay, can we wrap it up wrapping it up uh once again we probably should have said this at the beginning but podcast at

comedyseller.com for questions comments suggestions do you want more juanita uh interruptions or less i personally think i want more but let us know i didn't mean to interrupt i had a lot of wine no i like i like juanita because it I had a lot of wine today. I like Juanita because it gives it a feel of real shit happening. You should have gone more than that. Maybe you need a different song. I think it's good. Howard always had his mother calling up

going, Howard, that's not true. I never did that. So, you know. So, podcast at comedyseller.com. You want to hear more Perry Allen No one bickering Less Perry Allen No one bickering

They're like a married couple It's hilarious What My son Manny's here He wants to say hello to America Come here You want more Manny My son Manny has not been behaving

The last few weeks Come here Why don't you watch TV Why should you Look at the camera Why should you be able to watch We're having a dance off Why should you be able to watch TV if you're not

behaving? I'm not behaving. You haven't been behaving? I'm behaving today. Really? Yeah. How many times did you get sent to your room today? One. All right. But what was the infraction? Come here. He did something very good today. I'll tell you. He played for the second time. So he played jingle bells for the class in show and tell. And then today, he and I did a recital for the class. We played Jingle Bells together for the class. So he's a little hot at the start of that. But I don't know. Like, every time he plays catch, he's complaining and crying.

Because you keep kidding me. Getting mad and whatever. It's really a headache. Honey, who cares if you get hit with a bug? Can I stop it? All right, go upstairs. Go watch TV. What?

Can't you see him, Manny? Don't listen to the broom? Can I stop? Go upstairs. All right, go upstairs. Go watch TV. Go. What? See you, Manny. Don't listen to the old man. He's grouchy. Whoa. Oh. Don't do it. Don't be done.

He doesn't like it if you talk about it. I'm not going to be done. I'm going to be done. I'm going to be done. I'm going to be done. I'm going to be done. Yes. I was about to say, he does not like

when you say something bad about his dad. I'm sorry. Go upstairs. Go, go. OK, bye, everybody. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. You hear Manny? He's walking upstairs going, he was mean to my dad. All right, sorry, bye everybody. Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

You hear Manny? He's walking upstairs going, he was mean to my dad. All right, sorry Manny.