The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - David Rees

Episode Date: July 26, 2016

David Rees

You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the table, on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Good evening, everybody. Welcome to The Comedy Cellar Show. We're here at The Comedy Cellar with Dan Aderman and Kristen Montella. We have some guests coming. We had a big incident at The Comedy Cellar this week with a lady who was very upset about the alligator jokes. Oh, boy. But Dan was saying, Dan got his first check, was about to get his first check for this, of $1,333. From this

podcast. It's not a podcast, it's from our radio show. Yeah. But that's for three years. How does that feel, Dan? Like I was saying, now I can go to the bank because I have a $60 residual check from something I did for the Byron Allen that he does, one of those shows he does.

Years ago, I did it. But I don't like to go to the bank for only $60. You don't have Chase? What does Chase have to do with it? Because they have that, like, where you can take a picture of the check, and it deposits through your phone. I like to go to the bank and make a whole day about it. Now we're getting to the pathology. Well, I make kind of an afternoon out of it. I go to the bank.

I put my checks in. You could just take a picture of a check and send it. They'll deposit it? Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. I put my checks in. You could just take a picture of a check and send it and they'll deposit it? Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. Maybe you can do it. I work with the good people at Citibank

and maybe you can do it there too. Maybe they have it too. I don't know. It's not far from my house. I enjoy going and putting in a whole ritual for me. You know, I don't know if I can identify them all, but everything is moving forward, right? Everything is moving forward.

But from time to time, technology moves backwards. For instance, like Flash. Like Apple, when the iPhone came out, you just have these awesome websites with graphics and animation, and you set games on it. No more. Done. Like they just killed it. And there's new chip cards.

You used to be able to swipe a card, one, two, three, out. No, now it's like, yeah. It actually takes like two or three times as long to do a credit card transaction. That's not technology going backwards though. That's because the strips are more easily you can make fake ones. No, I understand. I understand

why you're right, but I'm just saying. The technology is not going backwards. The time it takes. Like with cell phones, the call is less clear, but it's a cell phone. So there's advantages and disadvantages. I know. I'm just saying from time to time, something gets worse and it surprises me. The best example.

Battery life. Battery life on a phone used to be good. Your phone couldn't do anything. I know, but every year you think, okay, when iPhone first came out, the batteries, well, they'll get that in a few years. No. Every new iPhone, it seems the battery lasts less. I don't know if it lasts less, but the best

example of what you're suggesting is technology going backwards. Really, the only example, I think, is the Concorde. I used to be able to get up at 8 in the morning. I'd be in London by lunchtime. Who would have thought in the 70s, by 2016, it'll take you three times

as long to get to London? Never. Well, there's also some technology that I'm surprised hasn't come around yet. This is one time where I can actually interject something from my regular job, which is really interesting. All right, just get to it. I work with a scientist who just invented software that filters out background noise. And you can use it for Siri And you can put it, he's going to, you can use it for Siri, you can put it on phones, it'll actually make

the receiver sound better, even if that person doesn't have it, as long as you have it on your phone. I need that for the comedy solo. Yeah, so it's up and coming. He developed it for cochlear implants. What do you mean? I need those too. What do you mean filters out background noise? Like right now. Like the sound

of the restaurant? Yeah. It has something to do with putting two things out of phase with each other, right? Yes. Cancellation? Yes. It's not the same as noise cancellation. Well, I've tried noise cancellation. That doesn't work nearly as well as you would think.

But noise cancellation is just a material. It's not... No, no, no. No, it sends like a wave that's supposed to cancel it. Oh, it does? Okay. But it doesn't work. It doesn't block the sound.

It attenuates. It diminishes. It's attenuation. Well, this is a software that can be written into different electrical things to function. Let me tell you.

That's not something for which I have an overwhelming need, but let me tell you. You might, though, using Siri in a restaurant? Yeah, yeah. You could talk to your... I never use Siri.

Okay, but you might if you could get... It's a big obstacle for voice recognition shit because you can't. Or answering your phone in a restaurant and trying to hear what the person is saying. I send text messages, but one could have been. Fine, Daniel, you're the one person who will have no use for it. Okay, here are the technologies that don't move forward in my estimation.

Prostate exam. If God had not made a human being's fingers able to fit in a man's ass, how would they examine your prostate? Science has no way to examine a man's prostate besides this dehumanizing, humiliating way. They have a machine and everything. Would it be less dehumanizing if they put a metal rod up there or something? Can't they see through it? Can't they put a fluoroscope type?

You still have to put something in your butt. And by the way, it would be less dehumanizing if they put a rod up there. Wouldn't it, Dan? I don't know. Well, as long as the rod didn't have like a head on it. A dildo. A man putting his finger. Get a female proctologist.

It's not a proctologist exam. Women don't generally... It is proctology. No, when you get a checkup, your general physician, he checks your... Right, but a proctologist also... A proctologist, that's his stock and trade. No, I think a proctologist is worried about your ass.

The urologist is worried about your prostate. I should know this, but... No? I don't know. Urologist is your other side. If you have hemorrhoids, don't you go to a proctologist? I've never been to a proctologist.

I don't know. All right, so that's the thing. Next thing is the condom. I thought by 2016 we would have spray-on condoms. Not by 2015. Not by... Spray-on, meaning no loss of feeling or sensitivity.

Just the thinnest little spray-on glue thing that would just keep you safe. A barrier. Like bug spray. Except it would work on sperm. And AIDS virus. That's it. Like a spray-off. No, it doesn't happen.

An aerosol condom that would just kill, kill, uh, bacteria viruses and sperm. I don't know. What do you think Dan? Well, I never thought of it. I mean, um, you know, it might come in handy for me, but I, I, I have a hard time. Men would start using condoms in that case. Yeah, if it was just a sperm. Men need, I mean, who wants to use a condom? And women don't even get it. They do not understand. Women do because it feels better without a condom for women too. But not the same.

Am I right, Kristen? Yeah. I don't even think it does. No, I think it does. I think it feels better because it's hotter because women, because men aren't faking

and pretending they're into it when they're not using a condom. And they sense that. That's what I think. I don't know. You can't feel anything.

You cannot feel anything. I cannot feel anything with a condom. Nothing. You could slam my dick in a piano cover. So what have you been doing all these years?

I got like a half dozen girls pregnant. Yeah, exactly. Lucky I didn't get AIDS. Lucky I didn't get AIDS. Men don't really get AIDS that often in heterosexual experiences. Typically not. And by the way,

and we talk about this, women don't ever ask you to wear a condom. It's all a myth. No, what are you talking about? Of course they do. From time to time, and they can be easily persuaded. I mean, it's such a...

Oh, God, no, please. Let's not have this conversation. All right, listen, I am a little bit older. I mean, I was sexually active, you know, when women had diaphragms. Like, women used to go into the... Have a diaphragm in their... Did you ever have a diaphragm? No.

It's the dumbest thing. Like, your things are really hot, and then a girl gets up and go into the, have a diaphragm in their, did you ever have a diaphragm? No. It's the dumbest thing. And then like your things are really hot and then a girl gets up and goes into the bathroom and puts in her diaphragm. I can't even see how that. Yeah, I never, I never. Because until like 19, whenever, when did AIDS come? The early 80s. Yeah.

STDs were not the big worry because they were curable. Herpes was there, but nobody was really aware of it. Even herpes is not, I mean, it's not good, but it's not fatal. No, but nobody wanted to get herpes. But like gonorrhea and syphilis,

that's what we all talked about when I was a kid. A clap. And you would take a pill, so you weren't going to wear a condom just to avoid having to take an antibiotic. She would use a diaphragm. Also, they would take a pill. So you weren't going to wear a condom just to avoid having to take an antibiotic. You know, she would use a diaphragm. Also, they're quite symptomatic.

It just always reminds me, it's like you're sticking one of those things. You know those things you used to flip over and put them on the table and they go. When I was a little kid, my mother used to take birth control pills. And she explained to me that if she didn't take them, she would get pregnant. Right. But I didn't understand intercourse. So I thought that a woman just had to take this every day and if she didn't, that's how you get pregnant.

Like the absence of birth control pill meant. And so I hid her birth control pills. Because you wanted a sibling. Because I wanted a brother or sister. And I can remember, no, did you really hide my birth control pill? And I kept it. We couldn't find them. That's funny. And I got, it's one of the only times

I got beaten. Well, it's interesting that you and your mother had the kind of relationship where she could talk to you about them at that age. No, I think I saw them and I said, what are these? Oh, my mother would have never told me they were birth control. She would have said they were vitamins. I probably would have ended up taking them. She would have said, oh, they just make you, you know. They get man boobs.

But she never would have said these are, oh, these are so your daddy. And, you know, I never had really any discussion of sex with my parents except before I went off to college. And I made a joke about it because my father, before I went off to college, he said to me, Dan, can I buy you some, you know, you're going to be living. He was very awkward and stuttery. And he said, Dan, you're going to be, you know, on your own and a lot of and a lot of girls and men and women living together in close proximity, and so do you need me to go get you something from the drugstore? And I just said, don't worry about it, because I hadn't even kissed a girl at that point.

I think I said to him, I haven't even, you know. In my head, I'm thinking, are you out of your fucking mind? I'm so far away from having sex with a chick. I'm picturing Eugene Levy in American Pie when Dan tells this story. But I made the joke I made about it. The joke I made about it was where my father said, Hey, you're going to be going off to college living with a bunch of women in close proximity. I got you something from the drugstore.

And I say to him, Oh, don't worry, Dad. I have condoms already. He's like, No, no, antidepressants. That is funny. And that joke works about half the time. I don't really use it because it's not a reliable 100%er. Because a lot of people just aren't in tune with the whole antidepressant thing. You get outside of New York and people, they're not as in tune with it.

You know, Dan, I got to tell you, I'm sure you agree with this. But I want to just validate it for you if you do feel this way. Some jokes are really, really good and deserve to stay in the act even if they don't get a big laugh. It's the same thing with music. Some things, they're just not designed. It doesn't mean people don't think they're funny.

For whatever reason, they don't scratch whatever it is that needs to be scratched to get that involuntary reflex of the laugh but they still stay with you and remember them and they're good

and well that's interesting that you say that because but you can't have too many of those because you as much as anybody

when you see your comedians on stage downstairs you want to hear thunderous laughter yes of course but I am also able to look

go into a room and sense they're into this guy. You know, for instance, some comedians will go a long period without a laugh. And if you walked in during one of those periods, you would still sense he has the audience. You see the body language. You just feel it. There's a certain vibe in the air when you have the audience. And laughs are one way to take a temperature on that vibe,

but it's not the only way. I'm surprised it doesn't... I thought you were going to say like Jurgens and Kleenex or something. So the antidepressants is unexpected. It came out, you didn't even see it. Yeah, so I don't know why that... I don't know, that would make me laugh just because I didn't see it. Getting to Noam's point, I think most comics want to hear those big laughs,

even though what you're saying is true. Because big laughs are the only objective evidence we have that what we're saying is interesting. Right. You know, if they're enjoying it, but they're not laughing, we really don't know. And I, for one, I'm particularly insecure about it, and I want to hear it. I'm thinking if they're not laughing, they're not hitting me. And if they're laughing, they can't hit me. I think that's where it comes from.

I was like, you know, on some deep level. Like being bullied? I feel like they won't... I don't know, you know, I still feel... I have a fear of the audience on some level, you know, that they're like the enemy and I have to tame them. I'm with you on that, but that's why so much of, I mean, this is why charisma can't be measured

and self-confidence and how it plays because they're, you know, the audience can smell fear and the audience does want to be entertained and they want to be laughing. On the other hand, somehow they also will follow you along if you're confident. So you just, I mean, well, you know as well as I do, it's impossible to quantify it. But I don't think you have to have laughs all the time. Louis, as he became more and more famous and more and more popular, I think he has fewer laughs. I think when you become famous like that, the need for laughs necessarily decreases

because it's compensated by the fact that you're going to work anyway. I mean, you know, he doesn't have to worry about, if I don't get laughs, they're not going to book me. No, but I actually think they're enjoying him as much or more as they ever did, and they don't require the laughs. Right, yes.

But he also doesn't need to get the laughs because he's not looking to, you know, a club owner wants to hear those last. Before we bring our guest, what about your trip? Dan had one week with Ray Allen in Aruba. No, Robert Kelly wasn't there. Who was there? Well, Pete Lee and his girlfriend Emily Tarver from Orange is the New Black.

He's in the fourth season, I guess. They were down there for a few days. Then he left, and then Brian Scott McFadden came down. Oh, nice. Now, do you know Brian? He should be working here. He's a really strong actor. I tell him to come down here.

I was just talking to Essie about him the other day. I do know him, and I saw him at Aruba, and he gets big ovations, and he should be working here. So what about Ray Allen? What do you got to say about your—do you have any Aruba stories? Do you have anything you want to talk about before we bring our guest up? Once again, this is the third time that when I had an Aruba booked, I got an offer to do TV. Right. One time was Amy Schumer offered me a sketch. One time

Louis C.K. offered me a small role in his thing. And both times I turned them down because I was in Aruba. Oh, damn. This time I didn't. I came back early. I was going to come back yesterday. I came back Sunday and I did Judd Apatow's crashing with Pete Holmes. I did that yesterday.

I'm glad I did Judd Apatow's, you know, The Crashing with Pete Holmes. I did that yesterday. I mean, I'm glad I did that. You know, it was an easy decision because the reason that I did it and the reason that I didn't do those other ones and I did do this one is because, first of all, it's the second time Judd has asked me to be, and I was in the pilot as well. So, you know, he's... That's a good guy to keep, you know, maintaining a relationship. And I see Judd all the time here at the comedy set.

And you're comfortable with Judd? Yeah. And also, it was a slightly bigger role. It was a slightly meatier role. Like, the Louis C.K. role, anybody, it was just like me going like, hey, you know, I forgot what it was, but it was like something anybody could have done it. The Amy role, anybody could have done it.

This was slightly written with me in mind. I think the Amy role was written with you in mind, too. That's not my recollection, but it could be. This role was slightly more written with me in mind. I thought it was a little bit longer, and I was able to ad-lib a few extra lines in. Assuming they don't get cut, it'll be like five or six lines. I'm going to talk to Judd this weekend,

and I'm going to make sure Dan's... Well, you have that influence. I'm going to tell Judd it's going to be Dan's lines or his brain on that piece of paper I'm going to make him

an offer he can't refuse Yeah I heard that story Ain't no band leader Actually Judd was not directing that episode this other guy Ryan who Ryan something

I don't know him but Judd stopped by at the end Well you know it was me and Artie Lang and David Tell and Pete Holmes

and Rachel Feinstein in that scene. It was fun, you know. Are you a good actor then? I think I'm certainly good. You know, I think this notion of good actor is overblown. I think most comics

can do a reasonable job if the role is right. Yeah, I think so. Would you do a nude scene? I doubt it, but, you know, if it was like... Is there a price?

Yeah, I think there's a price. What's the price for full frontal nudity? Natterty. If I could walk out of there with a million clean. Million clean. That means after taxes? After taxes, I think I would do it, yeah. So you need two million.

1.9 million or something? Whatever I would need, you know. And if it was an otherwise funny role, or even an unfunny role, if it's a million bucks. What if it's a nude scene with Jennifer Lopez? Is that up the price or cheap in the price?

Or the female? You've got to say like Marion. What if of all people you'd pick Jennifer? That's an odd person. Of all people you'd pick a Puerto Rican.

What if he would pick Jennifer? For him you've got to pick like Marion Cotillard. I mean Jennifer Lopez. Okay, Tina Fey. I mean if you ask 10 people to name the hottest womenard I mean Jennifer Lopez Okay Tina Fey I mean if you ask ten people to name the hottest

women in Hollywood would Jennifer Lopez come up even once? Well ten years ago she might have I think ten years ago but you're still pretty hot

What about Joan Van Ark? Who's that? She's from the 70s She was hot in the 70s Whatever It was Barbara Eden Yes I would Barbara Eden

Yeah Thoughts were going old school Somebody Marion whatever Whatever. It was Barbara Eden, yes. Barbara Eden, yeah. We're going old school. Somebody. Marion, whatever. Marion Cotillard. I love Marion Cotillard, and she's French, so it would be fun to practice my French. Oh, I like her.

She's the one in Inception. I don't know. She was in La Vie en Rose. I didn't see that. She was in one of the Bonds, I think. Yeah, yeah. She's hot. She's hotter.

She's a little nutty, I think, in terms of some of her political views. Anyway, would that make you charge more or less? I guess less. I'm probably less than the price. What's your price with her, with the French broad? You know, it's very hard because this is a situation that will never come up, but I would say a few hundred thousand. It should be easier if it's never really going to come up.

Okay, should we bring up Stephen? Okay. Should we invite Mr. Reese? Our dear friend Stephen Calabria found this gentleman. Yeah, please. Stephen's a good friend of the clubs, and he's become like Noam's kind of, I don't know how to describe your relationship with Steve Calabria.

He's my good friend. He's my Calabria collaborator. He is your good friend, but there seems to be like a daddy-son-you-never-had, even though you do have a son, relationship between you two. First of all, you're making me feel old. I don't regard him as younger than me, except when he says stupid things about politics. But other than that, I mean, do you regard me as like an old man?

No. Am I your daddy? No. Oh, God. I hope not. Okay. Well, anyway, so he found this individual. This is David Reese.

He's a former cartoonist of Get Your War On, current contributor to the magazine, The Baffler, and co-host of the podcast Election Profit Makers. But you're well-known because you did that Rolling Stone comic strip making fun of George W. Bush all those years, correct? That's why I'm so incredibly well-known.

How many Twitter followers do you have? That's as good a benchmark as any in terms of well-known-itude. Probably not as many as you. I feel like a relatively obscure person. Is it possible to be very famous? And who's got the highest fame to no Twitter follower ratio? Who actually has a Twitter account?

Yeah, who has a Twitter account. Yeah, exactly. That's a good... That was pretty good. That's an interesting question. That's an interesting question. That's an interesting question. Can I ask you my Twitter-related parlor game question? Sure.

Go ahead. Would you agree to never look at Twitter again for a one-time payout of $1 per follower? So take the number of followers you have, you get $1 per follower, and then you must never look at Twitter again. I mean, I would, and I have like 30 followers. I don't give a shit

about Twitter. So it wouldn't be worth it for you. I don't care. I would never look at Twitter again. No, I have 7,000 followers, and I mean, I don't love Twitter. Twitter's not my go-to. You know, I'm more, I prefer Facebook. You're a Facebook guy. I'm a Facebook guy. I don't really do much with Twitter, but $7,000 is not enough. If you said $100,000,

yeah, I would take that. What if it was $50,000? That still wouldn't be enough to just never look at Twitter again and poison your mind with all that stuff? Really? It has to be $100,000? You like Twitter. I have to think about it.

How much would it be for Facebook? A million dollars? Facebook would be a lot, I like Facebook I got off Facebook Cold turkey, no problem And I've gotten laid with Facebook The sex You use it for Among everybody else in the western world

Yes, I use it for that purpose Just before You came out, we were putting a price on what he just did, a Judd Apatow movie or TV show. We're asking his price for full frontal nudity. It was a million dollars. To look at Judd Apatow? Full frontal nudity.

No, for Dan to do it. For me to do it. A nude scene. So listen, Stephen may be dear to me, but as I'm reading, and I'm ashamed to be doing it now, reading his Wikipedia page, there's some awesome things here that you never even mentioned to me, but as I'm reading, and I'm ashamed to be doing it now, reading his Wikipedia page, there's some awesome things here that you never even mentioned to me. First of all, he was a fact checker for Martha Stewart Wedding Magazine. I was doing that when I started Get Your War On. Yeah, I was a fact checker at Martha

Stewart Weddings Magazine and Maxim Magazine. Maxim was like that men's magazine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What kind of facts do you have to check there? Well, you have to check all the fashion, all the photo credits, all the stores where all the belt buckles are available. They have feature articles. You've got to check the engine make on the new Mustang. Wow.

They have reported stories. Did you deal with Martha Stewart at all? I saw her once in the hall hall and we did the kind of like what's up head nod and I felt like I had this rush of energy go through my body.

It was like I am like rubbing shoulders with the Illuminati. That was so intense. I had to go lie down. She's one of those people I don't know why

I feel like I'd be like that if I met her. And I don't love her and I'm not like I don't follow her. We played a party for her when I was in a band. Were you working there when she got arrested?

This was post. She was out and she was free when I was working for her. So was there any buzz about that? Or were you not permitted to talk about that? I really kind of kept my head down and just checked the prices of the wedding dresses and fact-checked the details about the lovely island weddings and stuff. And then it says here,

from there you went to artisanal pencil sharpening. Right. So I was a political cartoonist until Bush left office. I said I was going to quit when George W. Bush did. And then I ran out of money. I didn't really know what to do with my life. So my friend said, you should go get a job for the census.

It was 2010 by this point. So I got a job as a door knocker for the census. And we did everything in pencil at the census, like for the Scantron sheets. Yeah. And so I was sharpening a lot of pencils. And I thought, I wonder if I can get paid to sharpen pencils. And so I started this website,isanal one artisanal pencil sharpening.com and the original price was $15 per pencil and and then it things kind of got out of

hand and I got a book deal I wrote a book called how to sharpen pencils and what does that entail artisanal this is the kind of guy you should have married by the way go ahead go ahead um an artisanal pencil shop. Are you Jewish? No, I'm Episcopalian. Okay, go ahead. Non-believing, though. Okay. What does that have to do with marrying Kristen?

Are you guys all Jewish? No, I'm not Jewish. No, I am, obviously, but she's not. I used to bake challah bread because in college I used to eat in a kosher co-op. So I know how to keep a kosher kitchen. Oh, my God. You should have married him. So was this just a con?

Like somebody just sending you? No, it's like he's got a timer in his head. If he doesn't say the word Jew every 25 minutes, it's gone by. Because the stereotype is Jews making a business out of anything. And here, like to be resourceful enough to figure out how to sharpen pencils for $500. Leo Frank was in the pencil business, I believe. So was it just like taking people's money, or were you really offering a service? No, I did it.

No, I really did it. What does that mean, artisanal? It means I sharpened the pencils really, really well, and then I bagged the shavings and sent them back. To prove that you... It's like the pet rock of services. It's like a gag. And you got a...

The pencil was shipped in a shatterproof display tube with a little ID label with all the information about the sharpener that I used. And then you got a little certificate. People bought them as retirement gifts for teachers. Or parents would buy a lucky pencil for their kid before they took the SAT. Sometimes they were given as engagement gifts

or wedding gifts. And the price got up to $500? Yeah, but I jacked up the price to $500 just to essentially end the business. The highest it ever went where I was doing a lot of business was $40 per pencil. You don't find that amazing? Yeah, the stupidity of the American public is quite amazing. First of all, he walked away from the business. For $40, you get a fun, limited edition keepsake.

You know, it's a conversation piece. All right. Yeah, no, it's interesting. Why did you stop doing it? You must have been making good money with that. Not a lot of overhead. I made decent money, but honestly, I was hosting a TV show, and we would be out shooting, and in the back of my mind,

I would be like, oh, when I get home, I have all these pencils backed up. I got to apologize. I could never. It was always hanging over me in a way. I know I would be like, oh, when I get home I have all these pencils backed up. I could never It was always hanging over me in a way. I know, the stress of sharpening pencils. I'm that way with my unanswered email, my text message. Right, exactly. People start to, people send messages,

hey, I ordered my pencil, where is it? It's been six weeks. How long does it take to sharpen a pencil? I'm sorry, I've been away shooting and now we're in edit. I promise I'll send you the pencil, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What TV show were you doing? I hosted a TV show called Going Deep with David Reese. And it was a how-to show. The first season was on Nat Geo

and the second season was on the Esquire channel. And it was kind of based on the pencil project or the pencil book. I wrote a book, How to Sharpen Pencils. And then we made a how-to show about things that seem really, really simple. So like, how to tie your shoes, how to open the door, how to shake hands. And we would go and find experts and scientists

and anthropologists and figure out all the science. That sounds awesome. That's the kind of show I would watch. You should have watched it. Maybe we could make more of it, but it got canceled. Speaking of going deep, we were talking about prostate exams. Yeah. I was just wondering what you thought about that.

I think men should get it checked out, yeah. I was saying that I didn't understand why there's, with all the advancement of modern science, they haven't replaced a finger in the butt as a prostate. What would we do if God hadn't made the finger that fits in the butt? How would we just not be able to check the prostate? There's no other way it can be done? It probably can be done, but

the finger is probably, you know, your sense of touch is so... Yeah, exactly. You know, it's much better. That's why we have finger... That's why we have fingerprints. The fingerprints are basically... You get so many more skin cells in the same square inch of body part.

They're like cilia for fingers. Yeah, exactly. It's like cilia. Your fingertip can sense something that's so much more subtle. Very good, my fellow. We never did that. You've rendered ridiculous his whole argument. Let's get to the political cartooning.

Mammograms are also the fingers too, right? No. Maybe yours. That's your mother's doctor. I'm going to let them ask whatever they want. I'm going to work backwards for a second. This is what I'm curious about. Before we get to Bush, could you, do you think, write a political cartoon

We went from ass to Bush. Even about a candidate or about a president who, I'm presuming that you like Barack Obama, maybe you don't. Or do you have to really dislike the guy that you're making fun of? Or could you find a way to to make fun of Bush in my cartoons than it would have been to make fun of Obama. But in the end, because these cartoons were pretty dark and profane and kind of panicked and anxious, because I started like a month after 9-11.

Everything was still kind of raw and pretty crazy in New York. And were you immediately skeptical of Bush even in the days after 9-11. Everything was still kind of raw and pretty crazy in New York. And were you immediately skeptical of Bush, even in the days after 9-11? I was skeptical of him bombing Afghanistan in Operation Enduring Freedom and declaring a never-ending war on terror. I thought that was a really dumb idea. Okay.

So I was pretty skeptical pretty early on. But also I was just freaked out. The cartoon wasn't essentially when it started it wasn't really like anti-Bush it was just like this is a crazy situation like I can't sleep you know it was more just like a cathartic emotional thing I think it's what people responded to

as the years dragged on and I realized like oh wow like this is our new reality I think it became more traditionally just kind of like bashing on politicians. Do you know what I mean? I know exactly what you mean. Did you ever find yourself wishing, even if you didn't like the fact

you found yourself wishing for things to happen that wouldn't be in America's best interest because it would make your material and your comics better? No, the thing, one of the things I really did not like about doing it and having a deadline, and I think it's incredible for anybody who does political satire on a deadline, if they're doing a good job and are really willing to be truthful and dark about stuff, is like, I remember when like the Abu Ghraib pictures came out and my first impulse.

That was the prison camp that where they were. Abusing prisoners. Abusing prisoners. Abusing prisoners. And I remember my first instinct was like, oh, okay, I got to make jokes about this. What can I do? What can I do? Like, where's the angle?

Blah, blah, blah. When's my deadline? How much time do I have? I really didn't like that feeling. I think satire is really important and valuable. But one thing about it that I think is a little, I don't want to say dehumanizing, but kind of puts up this weird scrim between you

and the world where you take in news and as you're taking it in you're trying to figure out what's my angle and people do this on Twitter it's a scrimmage it's a photography like a little meniscus like a filter a filter yeah exactly

it's just like a you're looking at reality, you're looking at the state of the world, but at the same time, you have this distance because you're also thinking about like, okay, what's my take on this? What's the joke I'm going to make about this horrible situation? What's the...

Was it more about not making a joke that was easy or someone else would have made or more about making one that was palatable? Well, that's a good distinction. I mean, I kind of feel like as I went on and the years dragged on and I got less and less excited about political cartooning, I felt like I did get kind of lazier

and the cartoons suffered. But yeah, I mean, obviously you're super self-aware. You don't want to do it. You don't want to do something. You don't want to be a hack because political cartooning, especially like traditional political cartooning, there's a lot of

really really hacky stuff out there somebody die a celebrity dies and the next day everybody has them showing up at the pearly gates in heaven getting a pat on oh it's nice to see you miles davis the band is ready for you or something like that you know what i mean like uh so you want to avoid that stuff wait that's hack i'm sorry I'm sorry, go ahead. That's good. It's kind of clever, right? It's like, oh, yeah, he died, and now he's in hell. All right, that's good to know. Maybe Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin could play with him.

Yeah, exactly. That'd be a good angle. Yeah, right. And then you want to make something that also just feels funny to you because that's an amazing feeling. If you can really express, if you can unburden yourself and make something that feels true and then people respond to it,

that's an amazing feeling. It doesn't have to be a political cartoon. It could be Miles Davis playing a wonderful trumpet solo. Dan, these sound like the same kind of considerations that a lot of comics go through. We're going to talk to Sam later. He just made fun of the kid

who got killed by the crocodile. That's kind of like, I'm sure he's watching the news every day trying to figure out how he can make this funny. And then we have a comedian coming in later. I don't do a lot of jokes about the news. You don't. In my particular case, it's not, you know. Well, it doesn't make sense for a lot of comics

because a comic has to have a set they can take out for like a year, right? And it has to be somewhat evergreen, I would imagine. But for a cartoonist, your client just needs the comic that day. Like, no one buys collections of political cartoons. I know that. I published three of them. Except Doonesbury, I think. Doonesbury, yeah. But Doonesbury, because Doonesbury is like South Park.

It's character-based. That's what's very smart about it. My cartoon was the opposite of that. It was just two bland, completely characterless pieces of clip art holding phones up. There was no backstory, there was no characters, there was no context. It was essentially just like writing stand-up bits and dumping it into this template. Do you regret doing it that way? No, I thought it was fun. I thought it was interesting. And for the first couple

years it was like really, really exciting and creatively and emotionally fulfilling. Did you ever have any situations where you were aware that your comic strips got back to President Bush? No, but I did do an event in D.C. and a guy came and he was, I think, a Pentagon speechwriter. And he said that every day they bundled cartoons for, it wasn't Rumsfeld. It was one of, maybe it was the chairman of the Joint Chiefs or someone. And he said that, and the speechwriter said that he was a fan of mine, and so he always slipped some of my cartoons in. Did you want to get into that recent scandal with the congressman Steve King?

Oh, we can ask him his view on that. I want to ask him if Trump doesn't... That's like a red cape in front of a bullfighter, in front of a bull for a political cartoonist. It must be such an urge to do cartoons about Trump. The stuff that I'm writing now for The Baffler,

which is... They asked if I would do cartoons, and I said I'll only do the cartoons if all I have to do is describe the cartoon, like take it to the next level of do the cartoons if all I have to do is describe the cartoon, like take it to the next level of abstraction and not drawing. I'm just going to describe a cartoon in words.

That's awesome. Yeah. So that's my new, that's my new gig. Because then the cartoon can get super, super baroque and super complicated.

Well, then people are going to start doing the cartoons and sending them to you too. Right, right. Yeah, we had that happen. Yeah, it was really flattering. This man has just used

two words that have probably never been used at this table. Baroque and squirm. Baroque and squirm. Baroque might have been used, but not in that context. It means detailed and ornate. I understand that. My point is, to use Baroque in that way has probably never been done at this table. Really?

What kind of slobs are you interviewing here at the comedy salon? We get a lot. Basically, what I'm doing is covering up my insecurity by throwing around a bunch of $2 words. So if the word gets anywhere close to the target, people are going to be like,

ooh, bro, look at you. Well, Dan's impressed by it. Well, I think that was rather Elizabethan of you to say so. Oh, here we go. Yeah, so these new cartoons are just descriptions of cartoons. And obviously,

I've talked about Trump. You must hate Trump. I think he is... I've really been thinking about this a lot, honestly. I think he is... maybe the most disgusting public figure of my lifetime. I think there is no... He's like all those guys in the Central Asian Republics, like

Islam Karamov, the guy who runs Uzbekistan and used to boil protesters in oil. Or Turkmenbashi, the guy who ran Turkmenistan and changed the names of the months in the calendar to name them after his children and built a gigantic golden statue of himself that rotates

to always be facing the sun the type of leader where we in the west used to think look at those crazy maniacs thank god there's some fundamental quality to american decency we'll never have one of those but i think trump is close could be one of those Is that rather a roaring 20s attitude? Roaring 20s? I'm just trying to... It's a Joyce-y intake on things. Yeah, it's a Joyce-y intake on things. Is that the name of this podcast? No, he's using time, Perry.

I just decided to use a time period. Dan has a problem letting go. First of all, you should do stand-up comedy. I'm going to keep hitting. I've done stand-up before. You have done stand-up? He could be a good stand-up comedian. I keep flailing it.

I'm not good at it. You're not good at it? Well, you have to keep working at it, but I think you have what it takes. I took two weeks, man. How long have you... Come on. If you don't have it in two weeks, you're not going to get it.

I might agree with you, actually, but they say it takes at least a couple years. I know. I always hear that on all these podcasts where people are like, when did you find your voice? Well, you know, four years out on the road, and then I finally figured out what I wanted to say. I don't know. The reason I say you'd be good at it is because, first of all, because I'm finding you funny. And second of all, because your take on things is you're not a hack. And it's interesting.

And like what you just said now, the audience would find that. I think the audience would be entertained by that. You might need to find a punchline. You might need to go deep. You look kind of skeptical. Well, I don't know. Because he can't stand to hear me compliment anybody. No, no, not at all.

I just don't know. You know, he's very intellectual. It might not... But I'm not actually that intellectual. I just grew up in a somewhat academic household. I know how to pass. Do you know what I mean? Or they talk about Turkmenistan guys who...

Well, that was... I only know that because I used to be a political cartoonist, so I subscribe to like 15 policy journals and political magazines. But you read them. If he was 25... It was a nightmare. That's why I don't do it anymore. If he was 25, I would encourage it.

No, I'm... Unfortunately, he's... I'm way too old. He's... You know, in terms of... I mean, if he wants to do it because he thinks it would be fun, great. If he wants to do it to make it, quote-unquote make it, unfortunately, nowadays, youth is, or maybe

it always was this way, youth is paramount. Paramount? Paramount. Yeah, paramount. Shout out to paramount. You know, and that's the thing about comedy is we're talking about how long does it take. The problem with comedy is it takes longer. It takes so long that you kind of age out of it.

Dan, your prevarications are metastasizing. Oh! Oh, God. Dan, your prevarications are metastasizing. Oh, God help me. No, he didn't. A twofer. No, let me ask you, what about Hillary? You can't possibly be fond of Hillary. No, I'll vote for her, but I'm not. I mean, you know what?

I go back and forth on that too, actually, I have to say. And people make this point a lot. I voted for Bernie in the primary primary and a lot of people are like look you put their policy positions on paper they agree on like 97% of this stuff right right and I always do check myself to be like don't we hate her because I'm a misogynist is it really that I don't think it is like I think there's stuff about her that's just really unseemly I think I think the email thing is just another example of what world do you two think you live on?

Just follow the fucking rules. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Follow the fucking rules. You know what I mean? So, anyway. But I'll totally vote for her. I'm going to vote for Hillary Hillary although I don't detest Trump to the extent that you do

but I don't think he should be president. No, let's talk about the something that just occurred. Senator Stephen King. So what did he say? Can you read it to us? Oh, I know what he said. You're talking about what he said the other night on MSNBC? Was it MSNBC? Yeah, it was MSNBC.

Somebody said, the interviewer said that the Republican Party is all, the days of, you know, old, something like the Republican Party is all old, angry white people, something like that, and their days are numbered. Can you read what he said? I can certainly do that. Please stand by. I might have it memorized, actually.

You try those. You can talk about it. Well, here's what I remember him saying. You look it up while he's saying it. He was basically like, white people have done more than anyone else. He said, name one other subgroup of humans that have ever contributed anything as much as we have. And everyone on the panel was like, oh, what is happening? I think Charles Pierce from Esquire was sitting there looking like he just found a turd in his beer.

But Steve King is famously famously xenophobic, racist asshole, you know? I mean, this is the good thing about the Trump campaign. At least there's no more dog whistling and subtext. Like, just say what your followers are thinking. We can have an honest conversation about it. You'd be like, you're like,

yeah. I'm torn by that stuff because a lot of things Trump says resonate with me. Well, let's stick to the Steve King. Not the racial stuff, but the kind of, I told a story last time, but the very quick story. I was like, I know a guy in my town who was a contractor, like an upper middle class contractor, and he basically had businesses going under because he just can't compete with the Mexican guys who are doing things for half the price. Right, right.

And those guys are angry, and their anger is righteous, and they're going to vote for Trump, you know, and then we compound it by calling them racist because he's not a racist at all. He says, I used to have a house and a thing, and now I can't. No, I agree with that somewhat, and I feel like I'm actually a little more conservative on immigration than most hardcore lefties. I don't find this argument compelling when

people say, well, we're all immigrants, so why should I? I mean, I understand there's only so much land, there's only so many jobs. Now, is the business class completely exploiting this fear of immigrants for their own ends? Of course. No, the business class wants the immigrants. Right, that's what I'm saying. They're exploiting the fear of it, though. Like, let everyone get, this is what Trump has done

that most politicians haven't done before, is, you know, he actually kind of, like, turned around and went against some of the corporate interests of the people who run the Republican Party. At least, he makes a big spectacle of saying that. I mean, who knows? No, he did. Yeah, so actually we kind of do agree.

I understand why people support Donald Trump. Can I read the precise quote? Yes. Mr. King responded. Make it a stemwinder. This whole old white people business does get a little tired, Charlie. I'd ask you to go back through history and figure out what are these contributions that have been made by these other categories of people that you are talking about. Where did any other subgroup of people contribute more to civilization?

Subgroup. I was going to say the subgroup is like the most. Well, subgroup because it's got the word sub and you think subhuman. But, you know, I don't think that's what he was saying. But where did any other subgroup of people contribute more to civilization? So you're the quote. Well, you know, I don't think that's what he was saying, but where did any other subgroup of people contribute more to civilization? So you, the quotes... Well, you know, there's math. I'm not asking you for your answer.

Math wasn't invented by white people. I'm not asking you for your answer. I'm simply quoting what he said. Well, I would have to say that on the... Listen, I just had a big conversation. Where's Steve, our other Steve King? We have a Steve King that works for us. Yeah, believe it or not,

we have a Steve King that works for us. He's a it or not, we have a Steve King that works for us. Big, huge black guy. He's not a racist. He's a xenophobe. And we're talking about Black Lives Matter. And I said, listen, I always took Black Lives Matter to be Black Lives Matter 2. And I understand why they're offended by the All Lives Matter. Nevertheless, when they want to make their points,

would it kill them to make it clear to us that they are unhappy about seeing innocent? There's something in the presentation which is off-putting, even though I agree with what many of you are saying. What would you have them do? Every major Black Lives Matter activist and every mother whose son had just been killed by a white officer came out and condemned the Dallas shooting. It's just like when people say, why don't Muslims condemn terrorism? They do it all goddamn day. It's just it never gets any media attention. It complicates the narrative.

We should talk about that another time, but about the Muslims, because we've talked about that a lot here. But I would disagree without going into it that there's something in the tone, as it strikes me, that doesn't seem to be the same tone that Obama takes when he wants to make the point. But anyway, so on this guy, obviously where he's coming from is probably a fucked up place.

Yeah, he's coming from Iowa. Well, he shows no sensitivity to hedging and being careful how he expresses himself when he's expressing something. But that's what Trump has done. He has given everyone permission to finally just say what they're thinking. And what's dangerous about it is, listen, it's fine if you just want to have a completely truthful, put it all on the table, honest argument about are white people better than black people? Let's talk about it, right? But the thing that Trump does that also, when he's opened the door and created this new kind of space, he's making it okay to call for banning entire religions. He's making it okay to be kind of racist and creepy.

It's just like he expanded the boundary in a way that just feels really dangerous. No, I'm saying what you're going to say. Can I be this guy's lawyer for a second? If I had to, every client deserves a lawyer or the best defense. White males are constantly bashed. Just the fact that you're a white male, people will assume things about you. If you're a white cop, they'll assume that you can't just a panic. You can't do that. They'll assume that's because you're black. He's, he's tired of white males

constantly being bashed. He said, listen, enough with the fucking bashing white males. Look around you. Look at the Empire State Building. Look at this. Look at Shakespeare. White males are responsible for everything that you see around here. What group of people has done more

than white males? Now, I would answer, listen, white males have oppressed people, so how much would you expect from the oppressed population? I mean, you could answer, listen, white males have oppressed people, so how much would you expect from the oppressed population? I mean, you could look at it, but I don't know where he's coming from. White men are so fucking emotional. And they make fun of women for getting on their periods and being emotional. Any white male who's older than the age of 40 years old

is like having seven periods simultaneously at all times now. And it makes sense because, yeah, their demographic is literally dying. But is that a good thing in your estimation? Is it a good thing the demographic is dying? Yes. It depends on how they handle themselves on the way out.

But why should being on the way out be something that should be celebrated? I'm not celebrating. I'm completely standing as a factor. And being on the way out is something that's self-inflicted. No, it's not self-inflicted. Yes, it is self-inflicted because...

Dan, don't argue with... Go ahead. It's demography. Yeah, but the demography is what Trump and his followers are talking about. Trump supporters are smart in two ways, okay? They're dumb enough to support this asshole,

but they're smart enough to know two things. One is the Republican Party has never given a shit about them. They've just had a completely transactional utilitarian relationship. They just wanted their votes. They do not give a shit about white working class people. They get them all riled up about flag burning laws or gay people in bathrooms or what have you. They don't give

a shit about the economic... You're not for that, are you? They don't care about that. And the other thing they're smart to know is, yeah, you're right. The country is changing. It's not going to be your country in a couple generations. But hold on a second. And I'm not judging. I'm just saying those are two

things. But we can do something about that if we want to. Who's we? The voters. I mean, if we want to. Who's we? The voters. I mean, if you want to decide that you're going to limit immigration so that the country will maintain the demography it already has, that step can be taken. We have to wrap it up. Can I just say? I think people are celebrating the decline of the white majority.

I don't say that it's a bad thing or a good thing. I think it... Don't celebrate it. Who's celebrating it? Well, I think people are celebrating it. And the fact that white men are now like, hey, everyone's making assumptions about us. It's like, welcome to the experience of every other population

who has ever been alive except for you guys. Right, but that doesn't make it right. It doesn't make it right, but at least maybe they should have some empathy. Or maybe they have the right to react just as angrily as the other populations have reacted to it. Yeah, the difference is there's still more of them and still a majority.

They still hold all the levers of power. Look at the portraits of every president who's ever lived except for the most recent one. This is where I think that you're making a case which actually can't be defended. And it's not that I disagree with you, but this aspect of it. You cannot attribute to anybody the sins or merits or anything of somebody who happened to share their DNA. I have a son.

Actually, he's mixed race. But just to presume for the sake of argument, he's white. And he grows up. You can't say to him, listen, now you know how it feels after what's been happening. He's like, what the fuck are you talking about? I'm only 18 years old. I have nothing to do with that. Don't tell me now I know how it feels.

Everybody's an individual. And that was supposed to be the lesson of the civil rights movement. And we constantly, all of us, we constantly revert into the concepts, not even realizing it, of born guilty or born innocent or attributing the fact that what white person did, what one cop who is white did in California now makes it easier to believe that this cop here did it because he's racist. Right. The Central Park Joggers. Right.

We convicted these black kids who were innocent. Right. Because a bunch of other black kids had done things like that in the past. It was very easy. The point is that we're all supposed to struggle, struggle, struggle to judge everybody as individuals. Let me tell you one other thing. So we have experience with this white male thing. Stephen was doing this.

We do these debates here sometimes. Yeah, he was telling me about them. And we had this one guy, a big shot, I don't want to say his name, who refused to debate unless he had a woman debating with him. Now, we're not talking about women's issues or anything. And he held us up. We have a lot more trouble getting people on the left in these debates than the right, for whatever reason. They want a lot of money or whatever.

The right-wing people, for the most part, sure, I'll come debate. So finally, he had to settle on a woman. He just had to find someone to fill that chair. And she was terrible. And everybody was rolling their eyes. I really want to know these names. Will you tell me the names afterwards? Yeah, yeah, he'll tell you. But then the guy who had insisted

that he wouldn't debate unless we had a woman totally belittled her because she was terrible. So this was like a little microcosm of the whole affirmative action thing playing out. Well-intentioned white male, the other white males are not good enough.

The woman gets in there. She's over her head. Now she makes women look like they're not even as smart as they are because she shouldn't have been there to begin with. As if we were, and if we did have only white males, we had an Iran debate prior to that where we had only white males, and we were getting all kinds of hate mail about how can you only have white people?

It's like, well, don't we have the only people we had to debate? Yeah, yeah. So I'm not sure. That's not exactly on point, but I'm seeing this all the time. There's this hostility. If we had all women, nobody would have called to complain. Nobody would have written to complain. Right.

All white males, it's like they're not just commenting on it. They're furious. There is this anger towards white males. No, we had that when we were booking our show on Going Deep. We really wanted to have scientists and academics on camera who were not just a bunch of middle-aged white guys. And in some fields and in some locations and for whatever circumstances, sometimes that's hard to do.

And we would have an episode where we'd be like, there's a lot of straight white guys, or you know what I mean. Which is very close. And we would get an angry email. It's like, we're trying. Like, I'm a hippie. I understand this stuff is important. You can't do it every single time.

Should we have just not aired the show? And this is perfect because you understand that what you're saying right now is a very close cousin to what Steve King in his, you know, in a very bad way was saying. Like, listen, white males, we're the ones doing all the shit here. What other group, I mean, if another group could compete so

well, then how come you can't find more experts for your show? You know? Do we have time? I don't know. If you can make it quick, we have time. So the question is, why aren't there more non-white males in academic sciences? Racism. I think it's like, yeah, structural racism and inequality in school funding, because school funding is based on property taxes.

I agree with you a thousand percent. But he's not talking about going forward. He's talking about what is. Listen, I hope nobody misunderstands. It's clear from his tone that he's not coming from a good place. I'm pointing to Dan's phone, where Steve King. It's

clear to me. I get it. If I wanted to make the point he's making, I would never put it in that way. I understand, but Steve King, like a lot of guys, hashtag not all white males, they are feeling justifiably panicked. Oh, we used to run shit, and now we are being constantly diminished and devalued,

accused of racism. What about these great bridges and tunnels we built? What about these wonderful portraits that hang in all our museums? Do you want polio? Yeah, right. What about all the vaccines that we invented? I understand that. It's a completely normal, natural human reaction to feeling under threat, which is the central premise of Trump's campaign. Look at what happened in the debate last night.

Things are scary. You are under threat. Americans are scared. Daddy will keep you safe. All authoritarian politicians need to create discord and a fear. One asshole drives a

bus into a crowd of people. And ISIS takes credit for that. A fucking bus. I was talking to Steve about this. I'm old enough to remember that if you wanted to do a terror attack, you brought down two skyscrapers in one day, and they both fell all the way down. The two tallest buildings in America. That was a terror attack.

This guy driving a bus into a crowd? Come on. I think that's wishful thinking on your part. But, uh, because I know if we had every other month, a hundred people dying in New York City... But we don't, so why are we acting, why are our panties in a bunch like we're so scared like it's happening?

It's the same with the cop killing. Cop fatalities are down. They've never been lower than they are right now in the past 30 years under Obama. But they create this cycle of fear to whip everybody in a frenzy so they'll vote for this asshole. It's just stupid. You know, it's like, I want to talk about white men. Fucking man up. Learn about

statistics. Read crime statistics. Learn about foreign policy. Understand what's happening in the world. The world has never been safer. The reason would be because what's happening in France now seems impossible to stop here. And the people who are calling for it in France are also calling for it here. And the only way to really stop it will be to compromise our values and civil liberties. And it's a scary situation. I'm not defending overreaction.

Overreaction is not always clear, except in retrospect. But I also don't want to defend what seems like an underreaction based on a kind of ideology. This is a very dangerous situation. When you have an entire, the ability to radicalize an unlimited number of people online. They don't ever have to go to a meeting or go to any kind of organization. And you can send a call out into the ether,

go out and kill people. And if only a few hundred of those people take up the call, we have a very, very different change in our way of life here. It hasn't happened yet, but we're worried that it will. You know, that's not crazy, is it? To worry that it will? I don't know. There's other stuff I worry about.

I mean, I lived through 9-11. You have kids? No. I think that's part of it. Really? Yeah. When you have kids, I think you, at least it changed me, when you have kids, you worry about your kids. I don't know. That feels like an excuse to me. I'm going to the mall. God, I hope no crazy person runs up the mall. You worry about your kids. I don't know. That feels like an excuse to me. I'm going to the mall. God, I hope no crazy person drives up the mall.

A shooter. Yeah. You know, anyway. Well, listen, you know, I didn't know you and I didn't really know of you. That's okay.

But I'm so happy you came on this show because you're an awesome guy and I hope that... Do you live in New York? I'm moving. I'm in the process of moving to New York.

So this would be a great home for you. I think the comedians would love you. You probably like comedy, and we always like to shoot the shit here. I can tell you're that kind of guy. Thanks for having me. Are we friends, or are we mad at each other?

No. No. It's all for the show. It's all for the show. I have my arms crossed, because we live in a godless universe. Here we go. Getting into this Nietzsche right now.

Here we go. Staring into the abyss. You expect me to be happy about it? That'll be our two-man podcast, Staring into the Abyss. It has nothing to do with you. No, there's nobody here who would take anything personal. Yeah, no. But, you know, you do have some points that I would take issue with.

Yes. I just shook his hand. I don't know. You're the expert from your show. What you want to do is see this webbing in here. You want to connect with that I just shook his hand. I don't know. You're the expert from that part of the show. What you want to do is see this webbing in here. You want to connect with that first

and then do that. And then you're supposed to look each other in the eye. That's what Dan can't shake hands. It's the eye contact. True or false,

for the past 600 years, the white man is... No, no, no. We got to go. Do you want to say anything about... Do you want to plug anything that you're doing?

Well, you can look for my column on thebaffler.com. And today we just launched a new podcast called Election Profit Makers, which is going to run from now till the election where my friend and I are going to bet on political futures on predicted.org.

And we're going to see if we can make any money based on all our highfalutin political knowledge. Awesome. All right. Thank you very much. Good night, everybody. awesome cool alright thank you very much good night everybody thanks bye bye bye bye bye bye