The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Emma Willman, Wil Sylvince, and Michael Che

Episode Date: August 13, 2016

Emma Willman, Wil Sylvince, and Michael Che

You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the table, on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Good evening, everybody. Welcome to The Comedy Cellar show here on Sirius XM Channel 99, The Comedy Channel. Recently reinstated table in the back of the Altree Cafe above The Comedy Cellar, the most famous... Well, it is the most famous table in comedy. The most famous geographical location for comedy in the world. Yes. And we're here with one of the great comedians in the world, Mr. Dan Natterman and Krista Montella.

And you're chewing gum. I'm taking the gum out. Yeah, you might want to do that. Can I have a napkin, please, Ben? Apparently we double-booked the show, so we have to do two shows tonight. Well, I thought that might be interesting. Listen, I'm so

fed up with this booking on this show that I can't take it anymore. You don't even pay attention to it. No, because I tried, and Dan throws a tantrum, a temper tantrum. All I ask for, very simply, is that we once a week speak. You know, I'm very accommodating. I send emails.

I say, here's the guest I want. Anybody have any objections? No one inevitably does not respond. So if nobody has objections, I say, okay, let's book. I've never objected to any guest. I believe, unlike you, that any guest can be interesting. Any guest. Well, really?

Because that means every show ever created is wasting an awful lot of money with bookers. And do you think Howard Stern just lets anybody waltz in the door? He puts great pains into who he books. In the old days, he could only get strippers, so he took strippers. Now he doesn't need to do that anymore. I've never heard Howard's first of all... Because he picks his guests with great care. I'm not advocating booking a deaf, dumb mute, but I'm saying that any person with any kind of resume that we find interesting

that would be pitched here. You just created an exception that you could drive a truck through. I think I can make almost anybody interesting. Oh, do you think that, do you? Yeah. But we can always bring up topics that are interesting that everyone can discuss. But, yes, and what I'm saying is you if you think someone might be a good guest, I'm like, well, if Dan finds this person interesting enough, I'm sure we can make it interesting. If you have interest in the person, if it's somebody you have no interest in, then maybe it'd be boring.

But I think no matter what, I don't think Howard Stern has ever not been good. No matter he might have. He picks his guests with great care. Yeah. But even when the guests are kind of a dud... Then he throws them out, or he hangs up on them. He still makes them interesting. He has a power that we never use,

which is the power to tell somebody to get the hell out of here. But since we don't have that power, we have to choose our guests with great care. I know how it's... Just like a New York City apartment cannot let anybody rent, because if they don't pay their rent, it's hard to get them out. Listen, sir...

Well, it's very hard to get our guests out because no one refuses to say beat it. I listened to Howard Stern. I knew Howard Stern. And you are no Howard Stern, okay? Go ahead. Well, now we have a calendar that we can check. And it's just, I think it's more just the scramble. So finally, I said, Calabria, like, all right, listen.

I said, you know what? You book the guests. But whatever you do. But we didn't know that. Hold on. Well, if I'm no Howard Stern, then maybe we should be even more careful who we bring on. Because apparently I'm not capable of making anybody interesting that's not already very, very interesting. And I said to Calabria, I said, listen, you can book the guests on one simple condition.

You want to bring Calabria up here? He's here. I said, you have to clear it with Dan because I'm tired of him. All right, bring Calabria over here. Calabria. Because I'm tired of Dan threatening to quit everyria over here. Calabria. Because I'm tired of Dan threatening to quit every week.

It's like a kabuki dance. Why do we need Calabria? We had a fine system. We text and we exchange ideas. Who are we getting now? People were interesting to me.

We're getting a Huffington Post political reporter. Oh, for Christ's sake. No, I thought you were going to have your own political show on Sirius to get it out of your system. Well, I need my own

political show on Sirius. Yeah, I thought we were going to do your own political show on Sirius to get it out of your system. Well, I need my own political show on Sirius. Yeah, I thought we were going to do that. Funny, all the other people in the comedy world book politicians and stuff on their shows. Stephen Colbert does. Letterman did. Bill Maher. Politics seems to be a perfectly acceptable part of comedy. Except for Dan fucking Natterman.

If Obama wants to come or somebody interesting, but somebody that wrote a book that I could logically come up with much of the same arguments that he comes up with that's not very good on Mike. No. If Obama wants to come on, I'm all for it. What are you talking about? We have Tyler Kincaid coming on.

Who's Tyler Kincaid? The Tyler Kincaid. He is a senior editor reporter. Now, this is important. He is a senior editor reporter. Now, this is important. He is a senior editor reporter of the Huffington Post. Let me tell you what the Huffington Post... Plus, there's 80 billion podcasts. I thought last week would inspire you.

We had a great show after The Godfather. I thought you'd be inspired. I thought you'd be inspired by the other show that we did with Sam Morrill talking about the alligator controversy. We don't have any alligator controversy this week. Okay.

Well, then we have Will Silvans coming in to talk about his new joke show. Will Silvans' huge dick, really. No, we're not. No, not his dick. That's the only thing about Will I find interesting. No, it's not. It's the most interesting. Anyway, go ahead. Stephen Calabria, also a Huffington

Post reporter, is our booker. And all I told Stephen was, you need to clear all guests with Natterman because he throws hissy fits. Isn't that what I said? You're right. And did you clear the guests with Natterman? I did not. Okay. Now, should we pause?

So now we have two reporters that will have to do two shows with them. And I may or may not phone in that show, but we'll see. I mean, you know. I don't know who these two reporters are. I'm sure we could do one show, half an hour with our guests and half an hour with the reporters. Right. And that would be a tight show. No, I think it would be a little too tight.

But if we need them toward the end, we feel we're running on fumes, perhaps we can bring them in. But I would rather have that flexibility. All right, let's see how it goes. So anyway, you want to make fun of Steven? I don't want to make fun of Steven? I don't want to make fun of Steven, but I would say to you, you know the kind of guests

I want. You know the kind of guests I don't like. What kind of guests do you want? Go ahead. Tell them. Obviously,

people that are famous are fine. People that have done interesting things, not necessarily written about interesting things, but done interesting things take precedence over people

that have written about interesting things unless those people are famous, like Ann Coulter, for example. So, you know, and things that are directly related to the comedy cellar are always good, because I'm trying to create a reality show environment. We have fascinating characters right here at the comedy cellar. We have, you know, we have, well, for example, all kinds of crazy shit is happening here.

Not an example. So if either one of these people had had a relationship with the comedy seller. Who are these people that you booked for today that I was not aware of until about 10 minutes ago? Tyler Kincaid. Well, he'll tell us about the Partridge family and how he and Oliver Darcy for crowd's sake

who is the the editor the senior editor of Business Insider's politics section the Business Insider's politics the exact

the exact type of creature that the they're coming on together yes and we're going to have a little talk about Trump would either of them have been more acceptable

if they had had a relationship with the comedy seller? Yes, of course. It's always a plus. He's setting you up. I can feel it. Go ahead.

I know Kolobri. Oliver Darcy was the Business Insider reporter who covered our last Ann Coulter debate at the comedy seller. And he's basically put us on the map media-wise. That's great. Okay. Okay. Take that, Dan. And what else? Well, that's pretty much great. Okay. Take that, Dan, and what else? Well, that's pretty much it. Okay. Thank you,

Stephen Calabria. So should we bring our guests over? Or are you not done with Stephen? No, I'm done with Stephen. You're dismissed. Okay. And we thank you for your efforts. Should we invite Will and Emma over? We can. I just have a couple things I wanted to talk about. Go ahead. First of all,

the new menu is coming, everybody. The new menu is coming. Now, just to recap, the Comedy Cellar about... When was it? 19... When did you start with the new renovation? It feels like forever. Around five months ago. Around the turn of the century. Yes.

About five months ago, they decided to renovate the kitchen. So we've been without food. We have to go to the local neighborhood establishments to eat. We don't have in-house food. But I'm told that within two weeks that kitchen is going to be reopened for business and we're going to have a menu that I looked at it the other day and it'll knock your socks

off. And we certainly look forward to that. I do, I wonder, Norman, I want to ask you if any of the credit for you revamping the menu lies with me because of my complaining over the years about the food. Just say yes, Noam.

Let's not. And you know... Even if it's not true. And I'm the only one who gives it to you straight, Noam. Because everybody else, they eat a... I don't remember you complaining about the food except for the burger when we did that burger versus Nevada Burger thing. Yes, the burger credit I give to you.

Because everybody else is like, yeah, boy, this is a good burger. And I'm the only one who tells it to you straight and says this burger is not what it could be. If the chicken is burnt, I tell you this chicken is burnt. All your other psycho fans run around talking, oh, this is a good chicken. That's less about the menu

than the person cooking it because certain people burn it more. The burger credit, as a matter of fact, when you complained about the burgers, I went out and took pictures of a bunch of burgers. We had the Minetta Burger taste test, remember? On air. And I sent them to Liz under the caption,

Natterman may be right. Gosh. So I agree about the burgers. Well, those words, Natterman may be right, should be something, words you should get used to. Because that, you'll find, It's pretty equivocating. Because that you'll find that

that comes up a lot in life. Natalie may be right. There is a chance that Natalie may be right. I did also want to mention briefly last week, which I thought was a fabulous show, I think I mentioned that. We did talk briefly about Jon Stewart and

I got a little heated. Because Noam, you weren't here, Chris. But, Noam, once again, you know, this is the same old song that we've heard over and over again, like an old melody. How great Jon Stewart is.

Like an old standard. Well, not just how great he is, how his success was inevitable. Maybe Will wants to speak. Will, you can... Will? Will, if you want to sit down and Emma...

Emperor Natterman is ready for your... for you. Your input. Just recapping, you weren't here last week, Emma. Welcome,atterman is ready for your for you. Just recapping, you weren't here last week Emma. Welcome Emma, you're making your debut on our Comedy Cellar show. I haven't met you actually yet but I saw her perform last week

and I just got back from Maine. Emma by the way is very very funny. Thank you Will. Alright, well we'll get to all that. I just want to recap last week, Noam said, and he said it many, many times, and I always explode when he says it because it's so absurd, and because it implies certain things about the rest of us, that

Jon Stewart's success was inevitable. You couldn't deny him. He was just that brilliant and that talented. You react to Jon Stewart like Juanita reacts to Fran, like when I mention Fran. It's totally predictable, and I can use it whenever I want. Well, yes, you can. Does this mean you should? But I think that... And the show gets a little boring, and I can use it whenever I want. Well, yes, you can. Does it mean you should?

But I think that... And the show gets a little boring, and I want Natterman to have an outburst. I just mentioned Jon Stewart. But you did say, you mentioned last week, and I didn't have a good response to it at the time, because you caught me by surprise, but you said, well, if Jon Stewart wasn't so brilliantly, inevitably, explosively, unbelievably, undeniably talented, how come he's so hard to replace on The Daily Show?

You mentioned that. And my response to you is, first of all, I mean, that he got The Daily Show was in a way lucky because that particular type of show was on the air at the time and Kilbourne, I guess, did he quit or wasn't doing the job? Whatever it was, there was an opening. But I would add to that that, yes, they did find a show that he was perfect for

in the same way that it would be impossible to replace Damone from Fast Times in Ridgemont High. You would agree? This is the argument that took you a week to cook up Damone? I don't even remember Damone from Fast Times in Ridgemont High. Suffice it to say, there's no movie without Damone. Is he the one who sold tickets?

What about Cliff Clavin? Replace him as the mailman on Cheers? Probably would have been difficult to do. Doesn't mean Cliff Clavin is the inevitable talent. They found a venue. You could replace Cliff Clavin. The point is they found a venue where Jon Stewart shone or shined. You probably could find a venue where I would shine, and then everybody would say, oh, my God, where's he been all our lives?

Is there a back story with this where you don't like Jon Stewart? I have no problem with Jon Stewart. In fact, somebody tweeted today, oh, Dan Natterman, because apparently Artie Lange mentioned I don't like Jon Stewart? I have no problem with Jon Stewart. In fact, somebody tweeted today, oh, Dan Natterman, because apparently Artie Lange mentioned I don't like Jon Stewart on his podcast. I never said I don't like Jon Stewart. I said Jon Stewart... You think he's overrated? I simply said his success was not inevitable.

His talent was not undeniable. So you don't think he would have found another thing to plug himself into? He was, you know, he had done some stuff, in large measure, because he was sort of a darling of the industry at that time. Sure. It didn't, you know, nothing worked incredibly well and he was at that time sort

of in a low moment in his career and The Daily Show came along and it could have easily not come along. I want to say something. This may seem overwrought but I swear to God I think about this all the time with reference to Donald Trump. You hear all these people who know Donald Trump or who knew him or worked with him and they come out and say

well you know he said this when we were younger or he wrote when we were writing a book and they always sound so terrible and I always say to myself you know I've heard my own friends a half an hour after I've uttered something spin tell somebody what I said and spin

it to something I never said and never meant. How can I trust something that somebody with a grudge against Trump says that he said 20 years ago? I never said

Jon Stewart was inevitable. I never said... You said everybody knew. Go listen to last week's show. It's all on tape. There is some grain of truth to what he's saying. You said everybody knew

that he was going to make it, which implies inevitability. You know what he's saying. He said everybody knew that he was going to make it, which implies inevitability. You know what? Just say what I said. Don't say what it implies to you as if that's what I said, okay? Because that's what people always do. He said everybody knew. Does that to anybody not imply?

In the plain language of those words, everybody knew. Could anybody not be any more inevitable, though? Is there someone that could have been more inevitable than him? Probably. Because it's got to be plugged into the right opportunity, and then they need to shine. Yes. But Louis Black, nobody looked at him until he was fucking 50 years old on death's door. And then all of a sudden he exploded. You know?

Let me tell you what I remember. If it's so inevitable, it wouldn't take forever. Let me tell you what I remember. But that's an inevitable. It inevitably happened. It's not inevitably within an hour. But I don't believe that it is inevitable. I believe it's a lot of, you know, if Jon Stewart, for example, getting back to Louis Black, had not put Louis Black on The Daily Show at that time.

Are we going to talk about Louis Black now? No, but Louis Black's another. No, we're not. What I remember was that somebody at the table said that these talents are only recognizable in retrospect. I believe you said that. No. That looking back. No, no.

Russ Meneves said that everybody works backwards. And when somebody succeeds, they say, oh, well, it's clear why he succeeded. Right. And when somebody fails, they say, well, I know why they failed. And what I said was that's true with some people. However, there have been a few people in my recollection who were, who everybody expected

were going to hit it big. That they just had this thing about them that everybody It factor. They had the it factor, exactly. And one of them actually didn't actually hit. I was going to ask, have you seen people where you were convinced and then it didn't pop off? I don't want to say that there was one guy who everybody was convinced,

and he did have some close calls with it, but he didn't actually hit it big. He was still around? He was handsome. He was beautiful. And let me tell you, nobody knows the Godfather. But Jon Stewart, from the first day that he walked in, when he was busboy at Panchito's, I remember Bill Grundfest said, this guy is going to be famous.

Bill Grundfest may have said that about other people, too. I didn't know Bill Grundfest. And then, to bolster my point about how this was, people kept giving him chances, even after he flopped at this and flopped at that. Maybe that's why he succeeded, because the industry tends to give people chances again and again. But they might believe in him for a reason.

Well, sometimes they believe in him just because they believe in him. I never said he was inevitable, because I actually had said there was one guy who we thought was going to, who didn't make it. What I'm saying was that it's not as it's not just like you could take anybody and make them a star.

There are at any given time working on something. But many, many people. And the work though. You've got to do the work. If you asked me to pick the top 10 most likely people working here today that are going to be famous, I could pick 10 for you. And let's say seven of them will hit it big.

Let's say 70% of them will hit it big. Of the ones I don't pick, 10% might hit it big. The ones very, very seldom, there are exceptions, the ones who hit it big were like, oh, my God, we never saw that coming. They usually were noteworthy. Oftentimes, it's because they were getting – as you mentioned, they kept giving Jon Stewart shit. Even if it didn't work, they'd give him something else. Oftentimes, that's what happens. They just invest in somebody.

Then once they convince themselves that this – they don't want to admit they were wrong, and then they keep pushing the person. And oftentimes, eventually, they will explode. Let me tell you, John was handsome. John was very, very quick-witted. John was self-assured. John was killing as a stand-up comic. He was different. And he has like a clean kind

of vibe. Was he easy to work with? You said they kept giving John Stewart stuff? What other stuff he had? Well, he was MTV Channel 9, so he had done some movies. I mean, I could go look at his M&M. He was a morning anchor

on that comedy channel. But that's the thing with comics. They keep giving you stuff until you find your niche. Like, you keep getting... But you're supporting what I'm saying.

Listen, the last guy that I went on record about... They kept giving him stuff. The last guy I went on record about and went crazy was Michael Che. I saw Michael Che the first few times I saw him, I said, this guy's going to be a star. The last guy that I went on record about, and went crazy, was Michael Che. I saw Michael Che the first few times I saw him,

I said, this guy's going to be a star. I didn't go crazy. No, you didn't like it one bit. Well, he was probably already being pursued by certain people. Well, he might have been, but I wasn't aware of that. I saw this guy, I said, listen, I said, this guy looks like a juggernaut. Now, that's not inevitable,

but I'm saying, look at him. He's handsome. He's got, like you say, his juggernaut. Now, that's not inevitable, but I'm saying, look at him. He's handsome. He's got, like you say, his it. His material was really, really funny and not derivative of anybody else. I will say that people— Hold on. What did you say? Not threatening.

No, I didn't say—I find him threatening. Can I say— I wouldn't want to run into him late at night. We'll have something to say, and then— I'm talking. I wouldn't want to run into him late at night. We'll have something to say. I'm talking. I wouldn't want to run into Michael Che late at night with that Knicks jersey he wears. It's a good thing we waited for that comment.

The reason why they keep giving Jon Stewart or people like him stuff is because he is really good or smart. Maybe. They're trying to figure out. Because when someone's really good it's like okay what can we do?

Can you let him talk then? Do you resent him? Sorry. Okay try this this is not it okay this so you keep trying because obviously

the person is intelligent they are comedic genius and not all comedic geniuses everything is for them you know some people sitcom some people

talk shows he needed a forum you're saying yeah so they have to figure out what it is geniuses, everything is for them. Some people sit comedy. Some people it's a talk show. You need a forum, you're saying. Yeah, so they have to figure out what it is that we could do because they believe in him. Because if you listen to his comedy, it's unquestionable that he's a genius. And then you just have to figure out what is it. I would say that it's not unquestionable.

And there is luck in that. There is luck in that and people seeing you. I would like to move on if I could unless anybody has more to say about this. Is that okay? Of course it's okay. Well, because we could do this all hour. And because I'm getting agitated.

Well, because I want to do this same conversation in like five years after you're famous. Yeah. You better hope I don't become famous. Because the whole conversation will be totally different. It's inevitable. No, no. If I ever became famous, it's very doubtful at this point. First of all, you won't do the podcast. At this age, I will

blow the lid off the whole fucking edifice of show business. I will come on and I will say, look, this is all BS. And that's it. And you're all suckers. That could be the name of your special. If we can move on. You're all suckers. Welcome, Emma Willman. You're making your debut here on our humble podcast.

It's a radio show. And radio show. Well, it's both. Crazy show. And we're going to get also obviously to Will later. We're going to discuss. He's got some stuff cooking. Go ahead.

I know that Emma has to leave us. You got something coming up tonight? I was supposed to do an 8.15 at Stand Up New York, but it would have squished in too much with something that 8.40. So you're with us the whole hour?

Sure. If you want to be. Whatever works. I wasn't trying to do that but I don't have something Well, if you want to be, okay. Because originally I know you were scheduled

until 8.40. If you cancel Stand Up New York you're welcome. Emma is from Maine as you noted. And I don't, Emma's from Maine. She doesn't talk

like the Pepperidge Farm guy. Thank you. But I guess that's that stereotype that is not accurate. People do think I have an Thank you. But I guess that's a stereotype. It is not accurate. People do think I have an accent, though. Whenever I go on a commercial audition, they always say, oh, are you from a small town? You sound like Michelle Wolfe.

I was going to say that. Yeah. Michelle. Really? With a squeaky voice? No. Oh, she sure does. Really?

Huh. I don't know how that happened. Michelle Wolfe has a little more squeak. Is your town a chocolate town as well? Maybe that's it. No. She's from Hershey, Pennsylvania. No, this is like rural Maine.

Blue Hill up near Burr Harbor. Where were you, Norm? We were in... No, I'm not Norm. We were in Kennebunk. It's okay. Kennebunk is beautiful. Yeah.

But also I spent time in Waterville and Franklin. Waterville's nice. Beautiful. I never go back. I was in Maine once. I was bombing at Bates College. Oh, my I was bombing at, I think it was Bates College. Oh, my God. Bates, yeah.

Was it Bates? Is that in Lewisboro or something? Yes, Lewiston. I did a show at Bates. And then one of the worst shows of my entire life was at University of Maine, Orono. They had me come down and another comic from New York. University of Maine or no? I would say yes.

Orono, yes. University of Maine, Orono. And they forgot it was a comedy night. They're like, no, this is flamenco dancing. And they ended up having me and the comic just do a show in a rec room with no microphone, no heat. Brutal. My family came out because it was right near where we live.

And speaking of coming out, that's a rough transition. Are you about to make an announcement? No. I'm about to make an announcement. The announcement being that Emma Willman is a proud gay American well is that still noteworthy in this day and age do we really have to talk

correction yeah what's correction Will was about to say correction lesbian I do have some questions about the whole lesbian thing yeah you can ask me anything but I also recently I mean I don't know if I I don't know what's been going on recently, but I've been feeling so uncomfortable with that L word

because it's so, like, gendered. And then in relationships recently, like, I've had a hard time connecting with lesbians because I almost like to, like, express myself sexually as a guy. It's gotten to be a mess. Oh, this is interesting. What do you mean by that? Like, I think, I don't know if I'm having gender identity issues,

but I can't, every time I've been trying to have a relationship with a lesbian that wants me to see me as a woman, I can't get into it. So now it's like I only can be with people that, it started where I was with people that I could role play me being a guy,

but then now it's like almost I have to do it all the time. Do you know that no means no, though? No, fuck. Because guys have trouble with that. That's the only way you can really be a guy. You can't be a guy

unless you know you don't understand it. Rule number one. No means maybe. No means maybe, yeah. So you're saying you identify... Now, I'm a little confused. Well, I identify as a woman,

but I hate saying that I'm a lesbian because I don't connect well with lesbians because it just doesn't... I don't know, man. It's a mess. Well, who do you connect well with? You know, I connect well with straight guys. Most of my friends are straight guys.

But not sexually. Not sexually, no. All right, well, there goes that. No, I am gay. Yeah. Ew. I don't know what's going on. Straight guys. Go ahead. No, I love straight guys. Like, when I watch porn, I watch straight porn, and I want the, well, there goes that. No, I am gay. Yeah. Ew. I don't know what's going on. Straight guys.

Go ahead. No, I love straight guys. Like, when I watch porn, I watch straight porn, and I want the guy to be in the porn. Interesting. And you see yourself as the guy. Yeah. I feel like if I were gay, that's how I'd be. You think?

I think that's how you are straight. Yeah. I really do. Maybe that's why. It's so complicated. My mom sent me an email the other day, and the subject of the email was email. I'm like, thanks, Mom. She thinks I'm an idiot.

I was like, I see where you're going with this. I texted her, LOL. She wrote back, Land O'Lakes. I'm like, whatever. Whatever. She is very liberal. Have you guys ever met those people that are, like, so liberal it makes you want to be more conservative?

Like, it just, like, recyclecycle, recycle. Healthcare for kittens. How can we get an avocado into Congress? She's just blaming things on Republicans you can't blame on human beings. It is freezing out. Fucking Reagan, I swear to God.

I hate Reagan. She hates Reagan. Loves Obama. Oh, my God. She's obsessed. Have you heard about the change we can believe in? He's here. Ay-yi-yi. She picked my name.

So my name's Emma Willman, and that's fine. But if I say it too fast, it sounds like I've said, I'm a woman. I don't know if you guys caught that. I'm a woman, sounds like I'm a woman. Fine, except for because of how I look, I'm meeting people and they're like, yeah, it's cool, I was pretty sure. That's good.

What are the chances of that? And then probably my favorite thing after shows is when people tell me they love Ellen. Yeah, that's great. Like, hey, I love Ellen. I'm like, cool, me fucking too. Who doesn't love Ellen? People will even ask, though.

They'll be like, so you must hate Ellen. I'm like, of course I don't hate Ellen. I'm not a sociopath. Like, if someone hates Ellen, that's a big red flag, right? But also, I'm not looking like this because I love Ellen. This isn't like my big tribute to Ellen. It's not like, you know what I mean? It's not like, oh, before I got into comedy, yeah, I was a small black man.

So, yeah. This is just my big shebang. When I first started, I did this interview. And the girl goes, I was doing comedy about a year. We were, the interview took place at a Denny's. And I say this for a reason. Because she looks at me and it just place at a Denny's. And I say this for a reason. Because she looks at me and it just stinks like Denny's. And she goes, how are you and Ellen different?

Like, what's the main difference? I was like, well, I just did a show at a gas station in New Jersey. And now we're at a Denny's. So I guess mainstream success, you fucking cunt. Are you kidding me? Dan, you have any lesbian questions? Because I have a bunch. Well, if you do have any lesbian questions? Because I have a bunch.

Well, if you do ask some lesbian questions, try not to be the questions that are typically asked all the time. Like, you know, how do you decide who is the man or who is the woman? Try to be a little nuanced. I think she already answered that question. And also, the strap-on questions are hacky at this point. Oh, you can ask me anything about that, though. They're hacky. Why are they hacky?

I don't know. Hasn't that been beaten to death? Well, not to her. You can ask me anything. It's like saying intercourses to hacky. I mean, these are always titillating questions. All right. I would just suggest if you...

I had a straight friend who her boyfriend wanted her to use a strap-on on him, and then she would, like, fuck him in the ass. Does that mean he's a straight friend? With a gay boyfriend. Yeah. No, I she would, like, fuck him in the ass. Does that mean he's a boyfriend? Oh, you have a straight friend with a gay boyfriend. Yeah. No, I mean, he could just be a submissive. I don't think that necessarily makes you gay. He certainly could be, but he could also just be submissive.

They've been together for, like, seven, yeah, that's what I was thinking, too. Submissive and gay. Because it's all about who's doing it. So I don't know. I don't know. So here's my question. Anything, Norman.

All right, no, I'm done. So, in my experience, now, I don't want to offend you or start a lawsuit here, but I'm going to. You will. Go ahead. In my experience in the sexual world, I have noticed that some women appear to be lesbians and knowing them even in high school, it was clear they were lesbians. Where did you go to high school at?

In Arsley High School in New York. Nice. I just remember the girls, I see them on Facebook and they're lesbians. I'm like, oh yeah, of course. Of course, right. Went to Melissa Etheridge High. It was totally clear.

Right. And I'm sure they had no interest in guys even then. They were kind of dykey looking. That's right. Or even just, whatever. But then there's a huge number of women. They were straight. Right.

They were, they loved dick. Yeah. And, and. But see, I like girls that like still love that. Right. But my question is. They have to be queer. And then, and, but often they weren't very attractive.

Yeah. I don't like that. Often they had bad luck with men. Sure. They couldn't find love, whatever it is. And then they wake up one day and say, no, I'm a lesbian and I'm getting married. Yeah. See, I don't know. What is up with that? I don't know what's up with that. Often they had bad luck with men. They couldn't find love, whatever it is. And then they wake up one day and say, no, I'm a lesbian and I'm getting married. What is up with that? I don't know what's up with that. I don't really know how that works

because I feel like, you know, there's been times where I'm so frustrated. You know, you get so frustrated with people you date and you have these awful experiences. You're like, fuck this. I hate them. I want to switch over everything. But I don't know if you can just re-hardwire yourself like that. I don't know. I think that'd be so hard because, you know, like lust and physical stuff. I don't know why I'm looking at Dan so much

when I'm saying this. It's like... He's the most feminine one at the table. Sorry. She's sorry to me. I'm just trying to... I'm looking around at the table. He's assessing. And you might be onto something.

I do cross my legs. I will say, however, that I have a very physically pleasing physique. Sure. Certainly more so than most men of my vintage. I think that you being able to pick up on people's sexuality also ties in to be able

to pick up people who have it factor because I think there's something similar to that because it's like a kind of intuition. You know what I mean? So you don't reject my premise?

No, I have no idea how it works, though, because I really don't understand how you could re-hardwire. Because they're probably bisexual and... But with men, I have never seen a man, it works though because I really don't understand how you could re-hardware because they're probably bisexual but with men I have never

seen a man even a fat man even a guy who's a 40 year old virgin they never turn gay well I'll tell you

what it is you want the answer to the question is many women are bisexual anyway and if they have extra motivation to be with a woman

because they can't get a man then it's easy or it's a more comfortable environment for them well check this out. I think mostly in America, they make it okay for women to be on women, women on women.

Women always kiss each other. They greet each other. They see each other naked. They greet, they compliment each other's body parts. So it's the easiest transition when they want to walk that line. Right. And there's nothing being penetrated. So it's like...

Like, when they touch themselves, anybody could touch them. Oh, go ahead, girl, touch it. No, but they do a lot of penetrating. No, I'm talking about, like, lesbian, how women could easily wake up and be, hey, I'm a lesbian.

Yeah, but they penetrate, Will. Don't you know that? Hold on, hold on. Penetrating, all the penetrating. That's if they put something on. Yeah, but it's a lot of penetrating. Yeah, but I'm talking about sometimes y'all be rubbing your circles.

But don't you, people do that in straight sex? Can you point your, that phallus towards the mic, to your mouth a little bit? Yeah, yeah, thank you. No, no, I mean it. Oh, not sexually?

No, not sexually. Oh, I thought that was like part of the thing. I mean, it's, it's, it's, it's an added bonus, but you need to talk right into the mic. Go ahead. Yeah, so I think like, like you see it in TV, you see it in even commercials. Women, you know, always like, you know, hugging each other.

Women power. So it's an easy choice. So when women wake up gay, it was not that far fetched. But I think that it's about your... If a dude wake up gay, it's like, dude, what happened? I think it's about who you get nervous around. Like if you get nervous around someone, then that's's more of an indicator of how you feel for them. What do you mean nervous around?

I remember when I was in high school, I would have these boyfriends, but I would never be like, oh my God, what does Jake think of this? Or what is that? Or Tony? I would never get nervous. I had guy friends who I'm like, oh, I can't wait to see blah, blah, blah. And I would be excited, but I would never be like, oh, I hope they think I look good. Or I don't want to sound stupid in front of them I will get that for sure

if it's someone a guy who I really respect or whatever it is but it's not like a sexual nerves so then if it's a girl I'm like oh I wonder what she thinks

or I'll get nervous does that make sense like I'll get a crush absolutely yeah there's no men that you would ever want to have sex with

here's how I would have sex with a guy uh oh she would it'd have to be like this it'd have to be like they'd have's how I would have sex with a guy. Uh-oh. She loves her voice. It'd have to be like this. It'd have to be like, they'd have to be like really little.

Little what? Little guy. I'm little. Little, like little, little. I'm little, little. Very potential. Not me today. Go ahead, go ahead.

So they'd have to be real little, but I'd want them to like, they'd have to, then I would role play that I was a guy. Then they'd have to call me daddy or something. They'd have to be like really little and wear a skirt and they'd have to just get bent over in some kind

of contraption or just see their ass. I'm not going to say You want a gay dude. And then there would be there'd have to be videos of women orgasming all around and then I would just

I'm not going to say no out of hand. I have to think about it. Is that crazy? That is a little bit crazy. I have a fantasy I don't even think that's something I'd want.

I have a fantasy that's pretty weird and I think I've mentioned it. But it's not really a sexual fantasy that's how I could see it. Oh, that's what you could do. Maybe I'll fall in love with a guy. I have a fantasy that's pretty weird, and I think I've mentioned it. But it's not really a sexual fantasy. That's how I could see it. Oh, that's what you could do. Maybe I'll fall in love with a guy.

I have no idea. Now, of all the comics, you had to have sex with one of the men. I do have lots of guy friends where I'm like, I love that guy. If you had to have sex with one of the male comics you work with here at the Comedy Cellar. Oh, man. And then who would it be? You know who I love, but I could never ever, would never have sex? I mean, I love Dan Soder.

Did I? I knew you were going to say Dan S I mean I love Dan Soder I knew you were going to say Dan Soder I love Dan Soder because Antoinette Cataldi I think but I don't know if it's more like I'd want to be if I had to be one of the guys Dan Soder

because I love Dan Soder Antoinette Cataldi I think said she would have sex didn't she or am I telling have sex with Dan Soder but Dan Soder there's another lesbian Dan Soder's all man

that's not to defend Dan Soder's like a guy he's totally he's like a straightest straight you totally. He's a guy's guy. He's like a straightest straight. You know what I mean? Those are the gayest ones. So you had penis before?

I had sex with one guy in high school, but it wasn't for me. What do you mean? What? But it didn't feel right. It wasn't for her. It wasn't for me. The whole time I was like, this just doesn't feel right. I never wanted to hold his hand.

I didn't like it well. Well, if a guy's down there. So you wasn't wet? I was really drunk. Dry as a bone. Get me out of here. Dry as a bone. But even when I've been with women that I don't like...

Dry as the turkey burger here at the Comedy Center. I was still more into the women than... Because that's just where it lines up. You know what I mean? Like, I bet a guy could go down on you and you could maybe get hard. Nope. So, same flip side of that. So you're saying if a guy is downtown...

It would just never happen. Down in Midtown, really. Never happen. And he's doing a fabulous job in terms of the mechanics of it. But a guy could be going down and you doing a fabulous job as a mechanic. I'm like, what the fuck is this guy doing down here? I understand that. I agree with you.

In my case, I'm asking in your case, a guy's down there. He's doing everything right technically. It wouldn't. Your eyes are closed. I'd be like, what are you doing? It's a gender energy thing, too. But that's for street women, too. I understand.

If I had a disgusting guy, I'd be like, look. What about a girl go down on you? She's doing a good job, turn the lights off, she's still going down on you, turn the lights on, it's a dude. They swap. If it was a male to female and she was smoking, smoking, smoking hot, maybe I'd flip her over and fuck her. What's smoking hot? Christian hot?

Like smoking hot. Like smoking. Like porn. What is your type, your ideal female type? Like smoking hot. Like smoking. Like porn. What is your type, your ideal female type? Like really like feminine. I saw you with a young lady the other day.

Was that, is that a love interest or just a friend? Who, where'd you see me? What's it like a dark haired girl? Here at the cellar. She was a dark haired girl.

Looked sort of Jewish looking but maybe she wasn't. I had my friend who was a, I had my ex, Daniela, came by to the Village Underground.

I think that was her, yeah. Jesus. We went to a village underground. I think that was her, yeah. Oh, Jesus. We went to a few places. Woo! We went by a few places. She was, did she look kind of Italian?

Maybe? Well, I thought Jewish, but Italian, sure. I don't think it was the Jewish one. Dan's just trying to figure out if he can make a move in the next part.

I dated Shatima from Laugh Launch for a while. Remember her? Shatima, yeah. That's a black girl, clearly. She can make a move in the next part of the season. I dated Shatima from The Laugh Launch for a while. Remember her? Shatima, yeah. That's a black girl, clearly. She looked like a black Barbie kind of.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's hot. For like six months. That's what I'm saying. So what comic that we all know that would be your ideal type for the woman,

on the woman's side? I couldn't. Just the act of doing stand-up is too masculine. You know, I think that too. Yeah, it's too much. That's interesting you say that because a lot of male comics

are of that mind that there's something very masculine about stand up comedy and therefore we've discussed this several times male stand up comics

don't seem to be as into female stand up comics as female stand up comics are into male stand up comics well first of all there are fewer right

was that crazy too what I said about the way I would have sex with a guy that's the only way I could process it first of all it's your right it's your right.

It's your right. But I don't even want that. It's your feeling. Yeah. You just said you... Could you guys... Is that how you would ever if you had to do that? A man?

Or if you, like, had to do it? If I was forced to do it? Where you, like, had to do it? First of all, doing it and taking it are two different things. Right. If I had to do it with a man, it would have to be a very feminine man. If I had no choice, I guess it would have to be A very feminine man If I had no choice I guess it would have to be

A young Jude Law If I had to It would have to be A very feminine man Yeah I love Jude Law He has to look like a girl Yes

Or maybe Sean Cassidy In the Do Run Run era I just I bring that up Because I just saw A YouTube video of him Singing the Do Run Run And boy was he gorgeous

I mean he was like a chick I'd go with like An alpha male black guy Really? You're so Fucking Such a liar If I had to That's amazing I couldn't I mean he was like a chick I'd go with like a alpha male black guy really? you're so fucking such a liar if I had to

that's amazing I couldn't you're like an Asian boy you just go for the go all the way different well sure for the prestige of it right if I'm gonna do it

I might as well get the full experience good for you I have my fantasy is I think I've addressed this on a previous show is I would love to experience being a gorgeous woman for

about a month. A month? Well, or two, six months, whatever it is. Wow. Like a super smoking hot. With an option to renew. A super smoking hot like Adriana Lima. Yeah, but you want to do that just so you can say no to that. No, no, no. You're not listening. You're not letting me finish. Like Adriana Lima level. And then what I would do

is I would just wreak havoc with every chick in town. Would you seduce Jon Stewart? No, I wouldn't seduce. Thank you for the callback. Apparently nobody's listening to me. I'm not going to fuck any dudes. I'm going to have sex with women as a woman and seduce women as a woman. You think you'd have better luck as a hot woman with women than you do as a man?

I certainly do. Hold on. I certainly do. Why on. I certainly do. Why don't you come back as Brad Pitt and have hot women? Yeah, exactly. Because I think it would be fun. That would be fun, but I think it would be fun to just tell, you know, to just go after women as a woman. I've never done that, and I think it would be fun

to just experience that, and I think it would be also fun to see if I can convert, how many women I can convert. How do you go after women now? How do you go after women now? Usually I How do you go after women now? I usually, I send emojis on Facebook and they either block me or they friend me

or they go out with me. But this also just proves like you have no concept of how women work. No, I, I, if I were a woman, it's easy as pie when you're a woman.

You just say, you're so beautiful, oh my God. Yeah, but you don't have to be beautiful to do, like that's what you're missing. It's going to help, it's going to help though. You're missing it. No, it's not. But I think to convert't have to be beautiful to do, like, that's what you're missing. It's going to help, though.

But I think to convert straight women, I think if you're smoking hot, it would be very helpful. But they might not like other who knows. Will, you probably do very well with women, right? Are you kidding? This guy hasn't had sex in six years. Really? I was about to say, I wish I was a smoking hot

dude for a month. What? To see what it's like. Well, that's fine, too. I wouldn't mind that either. But, you know, I would think it'd be more interesting to be a smoking hot one. Like a smoking hot dude. Really? He probably does.

Can you show her the picture? You have a giant penis? Show her the picture. Is that like an inconvenience? But good for you. And you're nice. And funny. Show her the picture.

Work out. I have a feeling he's not too nice when he's wielding that penis. Yeah. Well, you can't blame all the blood of that. And you used to be overweight, so I feel like that probably gives you a sensitivity to people. I was 220. Damn. Well, I don't ever remember you being overweight.

I'll show you the picture. Show the penis first. Is it a hard penis? No. It doesn't even matter. Really? It doesn't matter. So is that a problem with dating?

Like women can't take it? No. I have... Okay, can I tell you something? Show the picture first. Show the picture first. It always has to come down to Will's penis. Can we talk about Will's other stuff?

We can talk about anything. I haven't seen the picture in a while. I want to see it. Well, I don't find it okay. Let's be honest. He's showing it for me. He has to use two screens to show you the whole width. There's a...

Whoa. Holy shit. Oh, my God. That is crazy. Why is your penis so big? I don't know. That is insane. It's not that big.? I don't know. That is insane. It's not that big.

Doesn't it look like a photograph? That is huge. Look at his face, too. That is weird. Emma, can't you picture that as a photograph to raise money for an affliction? Like these poor penis, giant penis. That's his face in every picture. This poor giant penis tribe in Haiti.

They need money for an operation. Good for you. Yeah. The face is, that is huge. That is huge. Well, it's a fine penis. It's not about penis. You know, I don't, I.

That is huge. It's about how you treat a girl. Oh, God. It's about, can you cook? I could cook. Oh, can you? So why are you having a problem? I think you'd be good with women. I don't have a problem with women. Yeah. I thought you'd be great. It's a, can you cook? I could cook. Oh, can you? So why are you having a problem? I think you'd be good with women.

I don't have a problem with women. Yeah. I thought you'd be great. It's a self-imposed. Yeah. Well, it may be somewhat self-imposed. Well, the comedy schedule is hard. Oh, no.

No? No, I just wanted to have control over these things that control me. Like my eating when I was 220. Procrastination. Playing video games. Having random sex. I mean, sex with random women.

Random sex. Even when you were that big, you were still hooking up? Yeah. Because of that penis. No. Oh, this is what I was going to say. And the charm. This is what I was going to say.

I was a virgin until I was 24. Right? That's how I was 220. I was a virgin until I was 24. Right? That's how I was 22. I was a virgin until I was... Let me say it when you were fat.

Oh my God. Oh my God, that's so funny. Hey guys, go ahead. You were a virgin until 24. I was a virgin

until I was 24. So I used to lie on my penis all the time. So my friend Dwayne in college... Because your penis was so big it could reach out

way past your belly. Well, that's really... I've never seen that picture. You were really fat. I was big, yeah. He looks like William Stevenson. That's amazing.

So my friend Dwayne told me, hey, when a girl tells you you have a big penis, that's their way of saying that it's really small. Because they're trying to get stuff out of you. Women are always trying to get whether it's money or whatever.

But can't the guy know? I didn't know nothing about women. He said that if they tell you you got a small penis, that their logic is... You got a small penis. They got to go.

You'll overcompensate. You really have big penis because they feel like men always have big egos. They try to have sex a lot. I'm just telling you what he told me. I took his advice and so when women was like,

oh my God, he has a big penis. I was like, oh shit, here we go again. I got smoked. He had no idea yet. It was like Marilyn Munster.

She didn't know she was pretty. You had never seen another man's penis? No, not live. What? You're growing up? You're not in school in the locker room or nothing? No, not live. What? You're growing up? You're not in school in the locker room or nothing?

No, I was in public school. I never changed. Who never saw another man's penis? Me. That's weird. That is weird. Why is that weird? Didn't you have brothers and stuff?

Yeah, I saw their penis. They were all human. That is a huge penis. It's okay. You should be really proud of yourself. I wouldn't want it. You wouldn't? Why?

Because it's too big. It's huge. It's too big. It's a responsibility. I want a penis which is just the size that a woman wants. I don't think a woman wants that huge penis. I think she wants a little bit more anatomically manageable than that. For instance, if she's on top

of you, she can't go all the way down. Well, that stops them. Yeah. And they always flip over. You're going to hit bottom. So that's all right. Ideally, it would stop a millimeter before whatever it is, whatever that part of the body is.

What is it? Ovaries? Whatever it is. I get them doing this a lot. That's how long my penis I want to be. A millimeter before the lungs. I get them doing this a lot instead of this. But do they get addicted to it?

Are they like, oh, once they want that, then that's what they want all the time? I mean, it's normal. I would be so interested. Do you know what the ideal size penis women want is? Well, I would imagine it's different for every woman. I would imagine the size of Kristen's husband's penis. You're on the radio, dear.

Hello. Yes. Huge penis. No, that's it. So I wouldn't want that. And in terms of girth, I would want it, you know, just... But that's it. No wouldn't want that and in terms of girth I would want it you know just but that's it no more than that I want the reaction but then I don't

take it out take it out and I don't want I'm not ready I'm not ready I want it to be just make her feel like a woman that's it

doesn't need to be any bigger that's very sweet of you yeah yeah that's what it should be what size is that it's around probably like seven inches by seven inches is average that's what it should be. What size is that? It's around probably like seven inches by... Seven inches is average.

That's what I'm saying. That's why it's average. I'm not saying that's why it's average. That's, I think, the problem. Seven inches is average. Seven inches is slightly above average. Seven inches is average in Haiti, but seven inches is not average in Williamsburg.

I have to be honest. Size does not matter that much. Really? It doesn't. But when you get, it's like when you like operate in that heart rate where you're like very focused and then you get to the point where like you can't focus at all. It's like that. Like you do get to a point where like it's too big.

Well, there's also a psychological issue when you see something big. Whether it actually feels better or not, it looks like big tits don't actually do anything that small tits don't do. But they excite you. It's the nipple sensitivity that would excite me. Emma, I got a question. Anything. Do you have different sized dildos? Yeah, I was not sexually active for a while.

So then I just went and got a bunch of new ones. But I've been buying new sex toys with almost every partner because I was with this crazy psycho sex worker for a while. And then I felt like all her energy, she tried to break into my apartment, all this. She did successfully. Just nuts. Break into your apartment? Yeah, I was with strippers a lot for a while. Woo!

I would imagine when... But then I felt bad energy, and then I was with someone in finance, so then I would just always throw out all the sex workers. So you used different size dildos for different girls? Yes. And then I threw all those out, and then I just started seeing someone new,

and I got new stuff. You threw away all your dildos? Well, it's weird when you're using stuff from the last person? Yeah, I guess it is. Because also, it was such a bad energy. Were they glass or plastic? It's this company I like called Vixen. What about chandelier?

But I was not sexually active for a while. Like a year. Teak is good with the elements. Nice four micas. And sex isn't the most important thing. I used to think it was the most important thing. This sounds so fucking stupid, but it really is. I mean, this is, you know, you want to find someone you can talk to.

Okay, wait. I'm going to give you. I'm sorry. I had to say it. I had to say it. Talk about hack. I'm going to give you four things. You tell me what's the most important from one to four.

Ready? Yeah. One, sex. Sex could be from one to four. One, really good sex. Four, awful sex. Person doesn't care about you if you come or not. Two, sex. Sex could be from one to four. One, really good sex. Four, awful sex. Person doesn't care about you if you come or not. Two, respect.

When someone respects you, they won't cheat on you. They won't hate you. Oh, that's tough. They won't beat you. Long topic. Three, communication. When you communicate, you can talk about anything or you guys don't talk about nothing. And four, career.

They're passionate about career. So what's the most important? Where was it? Career, respect,'s the most important? Well, where was it? Career, I'd say communication and sex. Career, communication and what? Sex,

respect. Those kind of go under the communication umbrella, right? What? Which one? Because I feel like you can't have good sex without good communication.

I met people, I met people I could talk to about anything. And then no good sex. Sex, sex, sex, sex,

sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex,

sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex,

sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex,

sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex,

sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, Talk to her about anything. And then no good sex. Sex sucks. They didn't work. I mean, I think I can tell you for sure, sex is last and respect is first. I don't know what happens in the middle. I think you have to respect the cock, tame the cunt.

I do want to now. That's from Magnolia. Maybe that should be the name of your special. That's from Magnolia, which is a movie from, I think, 1998. Still Magnolia? No, Magnolia. Tom Cruise plays a sex guru. I think sex is the most important of those. I think sex is so important.

What's second? What's two? Wait, I'm going to tell you why. Can I just say why sex is not the most important? Sex is not the most important because if you have good communication, you can always have good sex. That's not true. That's not true.

Are you kidding me? That is true. I was with someone for a year where we had good communication, and then we didn't connect sexually. But maybe it's because the communication... Well, if you don't connect, that's one ginormous...

There's nothing that makes sex worse than communication. The last thing I want to hear is fucking what I'm doing wrong and how I can do it better. No, but if you think you're doing something right and you're not

and the person just goes, okay... But I'm saying, it's like... It would be good communication. I'm not saying during. Am I doing it better now, honey? Is that better? No, not during.

Just get me a new girl. That's all. This is my order. Respect, communication, career, and sex. Okay, noted.

See, let's go on sex. But when I was 20 years old that was not my order. He's right. We change as we get older. All right, let's talk about Will's new show coming up. Let's talk about it.

He's got a new show that he's producing. What's it called? Monday, New Joke Night. I thought it was called New Joke City. New Joke City, yes. Thank you, Dan Emerson. Well, I stole that from a show from the Metro Channel that Robert Klein hosted in the 90s. New Joke City, but you're welcome to use it.

I don't think they're using it anymore. Yeah, New Jokes. New Joke City, but you're welcome to use it. I don't think they're using it anymore. Yeah, New Joke City. Basically, as comedians, we have nowhere to really work out new stuff. We try sneaking in between the old jokes, but I wanted just a night dedicated to just work out new... The crowd is not paying a lot of money to come out and check out these comics.

And, you know, might be some gems, might be some blots, but that's the name of the game. You walk up there, you go bring your entire notebook. Might be some what? Blops.

Flops. Flops. Flops. So you're doing this around the corner at the Fat Black Pussycat? You're bombing and flopping at the same time. Bombing and flopping. A blops.

Oh, that's great. And is the idea that every joke you do is and flopping at the same time a bombing and flopping a blops a blops oh that's great and is the idea that every joke you do is a new joke and how new is new the first time you've ever done

it no no no it could be newish it could be oldish it could be an old joke

with a new tag old joke with a new tag it's up to the comic the crowd

has just known that hey look these comics are working on new stuff come check it out how do you get the crowd like how do people come to this? The crowd has just known that, hey, look, these comics are working on new stuff. Come check it out. How do you get the crowd? Like, how does someone come see this show? You're saying, why would somebody want to see this show?

No, no, how? How do they? They come to the Fatback Pussycat Comedy Cellar. Okay. Monday nights, August 15th, 8 o'clock at the Comedy Cellar. Go to ComedyCellar.com. I think people would love to see that. There's only five hours to get in, too.

Do you think, Noam, as a club owner, that this is a winning idea? I have no idea. I think it's fun because people know the comics at the Cell are just such a special thing to see. I don't know if any other place could do it, but here it could do it. And that room is amazing. Even if you're working out new stuff,

there are going to be gems in there. Here's the question, Will. I basically like the idea a great deal because we do feel a lot of pressure when we're working out new stuff. There are going to be gems in there. But here's a question, Will. I wonder if, and I basically like the idea a great deal, because we do feel a lot of pressure when we're working here at the cellar to do our best shit and to kill. You should feel that everywhere you work, but go ahead. Well, we feel it everywhere.

Especially at the cellar. If we're at a club where the audience is light and we coming back is not the biggest priority, it will feel less pressure. Here we'll feel the most, because we want to work here so much. But I wonder if sometimes, if you're doing all new jokes and the audience is like,

you're not getting any momentum, I think sometimes working at a new joke requires a few old jokes that killed to get the momentum going. But this is the thing. Comics should know that. I'm telling comics, listen, do old stuff, mix new stuff. But we let the crowd. I agree. The comics should know that. I'm telling comics, listen, dude, do old stuff, mix the new stuff. But we let the crowd know that, hey, no pressure on, you're going to hear some flip-flops, but just be patient.

You're going to hear diamonds coming up. But the comics know, hey, look, you can go to the comics. You can go up there and do your entirely old jokes if you want. I'm not censoring the comics. It's up to you. It's up to you. But you got to work it out. You got to figure it out.

I always say, look, start with something old and then go into new stuff. Now, Emma, you brought up the point, I think you brought up this point, that this would be fun for the audience because they know us in our normal context, which is doing our old jokes. They can trust the brand. And so it might be interesting to see what goes on behind the scenes. Right. They can trust the brand,

and also they're in that room. It's such an intimate room. Are you concerned at all about audience kind of, like I feel like what could happen is they know that that's the premise. They know that you're working out stuff, and now you're going to get audience people going, you know what would

make that really funny? Oh yeah. Well, they're not allowed to talk. Same way they're not allowed to talk downstairs. Or like after the show. I feel like it'll just

be a constant. I hadn't thought of that. They do that anyway, but yeah, they come up to us all the time. But now you're giving them kind of a forum.

I'd even be open to that. Yeah? I think. A lot of comics wouldn't be. We're talking about after the show? Yeah, not during. I mean, you don't want to be heck that. Yeah? I think. A lot of comics wouldn't be. We're talking about after the show? Yeah, not during. I mean, you don't want to be heckling.

Yeah, after the show. But look, some comics stick around, some comics don't. And the ones that do stick around, they probably like me. They like to meet and greet the crowd. They like to get to know the people. But I guess my point is, do you want the feedback? Like, what's the purpose of the working out? I can't speak for every comic.

You just got to see what's going to happen. I don't mind. I could take all type of criticism. You could come up to me and tell me whatever. If you have a feedback, yes. I'll accept any type of feedback, yes. I can't speak. I can't say that and put that on all comics.

No. Sure. Especially if they're a fan. If they are into comedy, to want to come to a show where they know you're going to be working stuff out then they're more likely

to be a comedy character. Have you ever got a joke or tag from an audience member? No. No, and I wouldn't use it. You know, but I'm unusual in that regard, in many regards,

but in this regard in particular that I don't like to take tags from other people. I generally like, the pride of ownership for me is so much part of the joy of doing it. What about when the comic

off your tag? I mean, if it's super duper out of sight, I might. You know, if it's really, really like far out,

but you know, real groovy. But if it's, generally, I don't feel the same charge and the pride of ownership that I get when it's my joke

and I wrote it. If I kill with something somebody else came up with it, it doesn't provide me with the same joy. It's not that someone else came up with it, but you inspired them to come up with this tag. I understand that, but still, it's not the same thing for me.

I don't like to, if I can avoid it, if somebody comes up with a joke with me that's just really, really, you know. No, no, he's not coming on the show. He's just threatening. Michael Che is walking in. You ever got a tag or a joke from an audience member? You know what? Yes, actually.

Hey, Michael. Will you be doing our new joke show, Michael? This is Michael Che from the Saturday Night Live. You don't have to be on our show, but we're just talking about... I sat down on purpose. I don't want Michael to feel obligated. He sat down. I understand.

Let's just say, I just want to say, I was very honored to be invited to Michael Che's one-hour special at Greenpoint Brokerage. Great show, man. And he was just saying nice things about you. Oh, really? Yep. Oh, shit. And he was fantastic.

Awesome. It was really good. And I saw the first show, and he had some headwinds. Like, the sound was a little sketchy. Yeah, the sound was crazy. Well, what it is is it wasn't a venue. It was like, it's just a warehouse, a completely empty warehouse. Did you pick that out?

Yeah, I picked it out. And we just built the stage and everything. So sound was a little tricky, but the second show, it felt like it came together a little bit better. But can I just say something? And I saw in you something I've seen, and I've seen it in musicians as well, and it always, always

amazes me. I see musicians sometimes and the sound isn't good or the guitar's not sounding right, and they can just play every bit as well. It doesn't seem to phase them. I was watching them and I know you had to be aware of certain

things. It didn't phase you in the least. That show was perfect. That's a pro move. Thank you, man. I don't know how you can focus. Were you thinking at the time? Were you worried about it at the time? I think it's just... You guys know you're just

calibrating the whole time. You listen to the laughter. With a big warehouse like that, the laughs go straight up and then they just disappear. And so it feels like you're bombing because you're just like, ha! That's the laugh. There's no rolling. There's no momentum. It's not bouncing back at you. You wanted that.

I didn't want that, but I wanted the look and I compromised that. What I'm saying is when it goes in your head somewhere I feel like I'm bombing yeah how are you able to compartmentalize that

and not let it affect because I can see I'd see with other comics and you can tell they're off their game yeah it takes them down at that Robert De Niro shooting that we did

one of the comics it was almost unflappable he wasn't doing that well and you could see it was just fucking with him right but with you you could not see it. It was just fucking with him. Right. But with you, you could not see it.

Wow, thank you. I mean, I don't know. You just, I don't know. He's confident. Yeah, he's confident. Mike, can we put you down? He knows his stuff is really powerful, and he did it many times, and it kills 99.9% of the time. Oh, man, thank you. What the fuck?

I love this show. Mike, can we put you down for Will Silvins' New Joke City, which is starting next Wednesday? He's doing a show. I have no idea. Really? What is it? Will is producing a show where comics do new jokes.

It's a workshop of new jokes. You know what? I think I need that now. I think for a guy like you. That's important for me, yeah. I think the audience really, really appreciates when somebody well-known. I would totally do that. They're seeing them do new jokes.

That's even more fascinating, I think, for them. And where? Next door? Oh, yeah. Pussycat. Wait, wait. Within the crowd, though, is new jokes. So it was like, you could come up there with a pen and a pad.

No, no, Monday. Next Monday. And every Monday. August 15th. Every Monday. I could definitely do one this summer. Definitely.

One or two, yeah. Is New Joke City the best name for it? Is it a little... It's a working title. It's a working title. How about just workshop? Like what?

New Joke City. New Jack City. Who even remembers New Jack City? Millennials. Will. Will. Did you do any of the same stuff on your Comedy Central half hour on the special or was it all new material? I think there was two jokes that I did, but it was like longer, much longer versions of it.

You know, like just like to kind of tee into it. Sure. It was like, I think maybe two. But other than that, it was like. You know, I just. Because I wanted to kind of stay on topic with a lot of stuff. Getting back to New Joke City. Totally cutting you off at the knees.

No, because I was. I was asked, man. I felt like I kept bringing it up. I was just answering the question. Dan is just an amazing piece of work. Well, because I did have a theme. Who gives a shit? And I think it's interesting.

I think it's quite interesting. And it's something new that's going on at the cellar. I think it is interesting. Let it be organic. Let it go where it wants to go, Dan. Where are you going with that? What do you do? Well, first of all,

the point that I wanted to make was that New Joke, some comics who have tenure here, that is to say, they can't be thrown out because you would never,

for example, tell Aziz he can't work here. That's right. So Aziz does New Joke City anyway. A lot of these comics like Chris Rock and Aziz will go up there

with a notepad and they'll kind of do New Joke City anyway. Right. But this is a chance for people like us. Yes. But Michael Che is what we call a tweener. You know, he's not, right?

He's not Aziz, although not that he should be. Did you make that up? Do other people use that word? No. People use that word in all kinds of contexts. I call him a twigger, but go ahead. People use that word. People use the word tweener in all sorts of contexts. I call him a twigger, but go ahead. People use that word.

People use the word tweener in all sorts of context. Is that okay, Will? Is that okay? Okay, go ahead. I need to check with Will. It mainly means somebody who's not, whatever.

But anyway. You know, Mike is not, I don't know how famous Mike is because we're all so insulated here that, like, I didn't even know Aziz was famous until I saw him go on stage and everybody fucking went nuts.

You know what? That's honestly uh that makes a lot of sense with the z's too like i you never really know how famous i always remember aziz from just being around oh yeah and then like we would go somewhere and it'd be holy shit you know like it's crazy you know who else is like that too was Trevor. I didn't know Trevor was famous until I answered one of his tweets and I got like a thousand retweets like immediately. I'm like, what the fuck happened? This was before the Daily Show. He was famous internationally.

I had no idea he was famous though. When you're in a club, when you're playing clubs, you don't know. You just know them as... Is it fair to say that Aziz is bigger than you and if so, by how much? A hundred maybe? A hundred, maybe? A hundred times more? Okay, I wouldn't know that.

He played the garden. I will say... Wait, that's true, he did. I will say this about Mike. If I'm an alien from space and you put Mike and Aziz next to each other, which one's the famous one? I'm going with Mike.

Why? Mike just looks like... Mike looks like, you know... I don't know. just looks like you know, and Mike looks like more of a force. That's what I was trying to tell you. That's what I was telling you when we started the show. I know you said Mike didn't have great charm and charisma.

He's wearing the intimidating Knicks jersey that no one was referring to. Well, I think Sam Earl has a joke about that. So you don't do that notepad thing here at the Comedy Cell? I never, no. If you get famous like

Dave Chappelle famous, would you bring a notepad on stage? No. I don't like to bring notepads ever. Only time I bring up a notepad is if I'm doing an hour and I'm running the set and I need to get to everything. Just because I don't want to forget and it's just a waste of a show. At the hour special, I saw you had just like little headlines.

Yeah, because I didn't have a long time to tour this hour and really get it down pat. So I was like, well, give me that just because I wanted to make sure I got to everything. And I know a lot of TV tapings, you got to redo stuff and fucking clap for this. So I wanted it to be kind of as smooth as possible and feel as much like a regular show. How long did you have to prep for it? I mean, not prep for it,

but we did an update for two weeks for the conventions. And then my real prepping, I was here doing just new jokes and working out jokes and getting tags from people. And the one time I got to run it was in D.C. I did two shows a night, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Thursday, I took off, looked at the venue, and then Friday, I taped it.

So it was really nice. D.C., I got a lot of work done. He has an hour of DC, I got a lot of work done. He has an hour of the most solid material. I mean, that is a... Thank you, yes. I mean, it's a solid, solid, solid, solid hour

by standards of anything that I've ever seen. What's the title? Also, before you came, we saw Will's penis. I just thought... What? Before you came,

we also saw a picture of Will's penis. On purpose? I just felt like that we all were in on something you hadn't seen. I just felt like that we all were in on something you hadn't seen. I just felt like I wanted you to know what we saw. Alright. Well, I think he knows

just by the look of terror in our eyes. I just want to explain the mood. Alright, cool. Do you have a name for the show? I do. Will's penis. What is it? You don't want to say? You don't have to. It's called Michael Che Matters. Oh, that's good.

I like it. Is there a hashtag associated with that? No, it's just Michael Che Matters. That's good. That's great. But if you hear the material, it makes sense. You know. No, it's great.

It's a triple entendre. It's great. Well, it's in the air. Your opening, your first 15-minute opening, I think was amazing. I never heard none of those jokes. I can't wait. I'm a big fan of you. I see you.

Oh, yeah. No, Will, man, every time me and Will get together, we always go over jokes and talk about stuff. And a lot of that stuff was from D.C. I was like, oh, you know what? I'm going to put this in. Maybe I should add this just to fill it out. It's frustrating because you wish you could do that. I wish I could just take six months and write a fucking special,

but I just can't. But that's not how you work, though. You work from the stage up. Yeah. Not from the pad up. Yeah. But I wouldn't bring a pad up. I don't like the pad. You know what happens when you bring a pad up?

I'll bring a pad up for set, for joke list. Like, okay, I want to get to this joke. I want to make sure I remember to tell this joke. But I can't put jokes on the pad, like for like joke list, like, okay, I want to get to this joke. I want to make sure I remember to tell this joke. But I can't put jokes on the pad, like notes, because I need to, it's got to be organic. After a while, I start to memorize what it is as opposed to just performing it. Do you actually sit home and write jokes? I sit home and write the punchline, like the funniest part of it. And then I'll try to get to it in a conversation.

Like I try to shoehorn it. And then once I shoehorn it, that kind of gives me an idea of what the structure is. Like I try to just make the point. Was that always your writing process? Yeah, always. I would just think of the funniest thing, like just the funniest isolated sentence, and then try to figure out a way to get to it. Sort of make you think I'm doing this and then try to figure out a way to get to it. So to make you think I'm doing this and then get

to that point. I always look at your jokes and I always think, damn, Michael Shea must have really sat down and wrote the joke because they're so smart. Oh, thank you, man. We should bomb Epson. What is it? Epson? Epson.

Essence Magazine. We should bomb Essence Magazine. That's such a brilliantly written joke. Did you just create that on, like, there's some jokes you create on stage, or like, you just talk and shit, and it just come up? He must have tried to buy some printer ink one day and said, what the fuck? Yeah. No, I think that one, yeah, that one came from, like, just literally saying, I think

I was in a, as a matter of fact, I think it was on a radio. I think somebody was asking me, like, I was like, I don't care about oil. Like, is that the only thing, whatever? And it was like, I was like, there's stuff out there way more valuable than oil. And it was like, what? I was like, ink. Right. But it was just like that.

And then I was like, okay, well, how do you recreate that kind of, that's why I like podcasts and interviews and shit because especially if you're on a podcast with a bunch of comedians, even if you have a funny thought, they'll ask you a question that makes you think something else. And you're like, I would have never thought, I can't write alone because it's just too biased. Rob Markman But this is the thing about Monday Night Joke Night. It's not just, you can go up there-

Rob Markman That's a great idea. You can go up there by yourself. Hold on, you can go up there by yourself, but also, you know how we had that banter back and forth on the stage? Yes. There'll be a lot of that on the stage where comics are having a lot of banter back and forth with their lines or stories. Well, I'll tell you this plug for the Cellar. When I first heard about The Cellar was mostly from Tough Crowd and from Comedian, Darius Seinfeld movie.

And the vibe of it, I remember coming here just to watch. The vibe of it, listening to Godfrey and Artie and people like that yell from the stage. Those kinds of moments

and the outside, sitting outside in the back table. All that stuff is what's sexy about this club to me it's like I remember talking with you about that years ago yeah that's what that's what kind of makes you want to play here it and be a comedian yeah Eddie Murphy and guys like that made me want to be a comedian, like a famous comedian, but this club was the first time I was like, oh, I want to be the working comic.

I want to be... It was different. It wasn't a theater. It wasn't a shiny suit. It was like, this is in a club, dark, drinks clinking. That's the vibe. Rob Markman, All that banter with the comics at the comics table. Yeah. Rob Markman, So I found a way on how to you that's the vibe. Oh like that banter with the comics at the comics table.

So I found a way on how to take it to the stage like you know me and you do it Dave Attell Jay Oakerson we do a lot you know

C&C Smith like all these comics we do after I get them on stage I have a little banter quick but now on Monday nights I'm hoping to bring that

bring more of that. Yeah I'll yell shit at you. The Oakerson-Silvins banter is priceless It's pretty great. It's like Abbott and Costello Yeah, it's pretty Jay Oakerson and you when you guys back We have to say goodbye to everybody

but I just want to say one thing about this Monday night joke night The idea may or may not work but if it works, I'm going to tell you why. It's not because of the idea. It's because everybody loves Will Silvins. Honestly, that will be the reason that it works, because people who would normally not want to go to a bullshit night like that,

whatever it is, they will come. Are you talking about the comics or the audience? The comics, the comics, because Will will create the kind of vibe of warmth and respect kind of that will make people want to do that night. And that is the magic of Will Slythes. I really believe that. I'm saying it's a tricky thing to create a scene, a night. Like Hannibal was able to do that.

I never went there. Right, right. Sunday night, yeah. You have to have a certain presence to create something like that. And I think Will, if it succeeds, it'll be because we'll do that. We'll update our podcast listeners and radio listeners on that if it succeeds or fails. And we certainly hope for great success. All right.

Special thanks to Michael Che for joining us. Good night, everybody.