The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Gilbert Gottfried

Episode Date: June 28, 2019

Gilbert and Dara Gottfried

You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the table, on the podcast of the comedy cellar on Raw Dog 99 Sirius XM. And this is Dan Natterman. That was my announcer voice. Noam's not here, obviously, because that's why I did the announcing. Because Noam usually does it when he's here. And he's not here because I'm not sure why this time. But we know it's a low priority item for Noam, this show. Let's face it. But thankfully, I'm here.

And Periel is here. Hi. You know Periel. She's our new producer. I'm talking to the listeners. Am I still new? Am I still considered new? And yes, and you will be considered new for at least three more years.

And our guest today, who needs no introduction, but yet Perrielle wrote a long introduction, Gilbert Godfrey is here. He was an internationally renowned comic, according to the bio, an actor, and one of the most recognized voices in show business, and host of Gilbert Godfrey's amazing Colossal podcast, and tours regularly. Hello. And I'm talking in my announcer voice today. Okay.

But that sounds like your normal voice. Yeah. No, I sound a lot more like Walter Cronkite today. I'm not familiar. I just remember him announcing Kennedy was dead. Yes. Okay, Kennedy's dead. That's just the way it sounded.

Okay. Here, I'm turning's just the way it sounded. Okay. Here, I'm turning on a clip right now of Walter Cronkite announcing Kennedy's dead. Kennedy's dead. Yeah. Okay. That's just as chilling today as it was then. Oh, here, here. Here's another one. Space shuttle blew up. Was he still around then space shuttle yeah bronkite was he still around was he around i i don't think so i think he was alive but i'm not sure he was still working yeah um much like much like myself no i'm still working

uh by the way gilbert's not the only guest we have. No, he's not. We have an extra special guest. Now, everyone's used to hearing Gilbert solo, but we have his better half with us today. This is, I don't know if it's a scoop, but Dara Godfrey is here. Thank you, Dan.

That is a former music industry executive who manages, oh, I didn't know you managed Gilbert, and is married to Gilbert. I thought you were just his wife, but you manage him as well. And mother of their two children. And she's a co-producer, a creator and producer of the amazing, colossal podcast that I had alluded to. That's correct. In Gilbert's introduction.

Hello, Dara. Hello, Dan. Hello, Perrielle. Oh, listen closely. Abraham Lincoln was just shot. You know good and well that Walter Cronkite was not around for that. Yeah, but... And he would have had to

telegraph it anyway. It would have sounded like this. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Yeah. In fact, they didn't even have those machines. They would just sit around going do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. You're thinking of Lou Reed.

Yeah. Speaking of history. Yeah, go ahead. Well. You're talking about Anne Frank's 90th birthday? Yes. It's Anne Frank's 90th birthday the other day. Happy belated birthday to Anne Frank.

Happy birthday to Anne Frank. And we bring that up in particular because Gilbert just was in the Comedy Central roast of Anne Frank. Not Comedy Central. I'm sorry. Netflix roast of Anne Frank. Yes. And playing, of all people, playing Adolf Hitler. Yeah.

Because I feel it's time to be playing likable characters. Yeah. Well, you made him as likable as I think it could be. Yeah. I want to win people over more. If you didn't see it, it's on Netflix. They're doing a show called Historical Roast with Jeff Ross, the Roastmaster General himself. And they roast historical figures.

Right. Amongst which Abe Lincoln and I don't know who else they did, but they did Anne Frank. Martin Luther King Jr. There was a bunch of them. It was amazing. I enjoyed it, but did you get, but people are furious about it because, well, Anne Frank is, you know,

a beloved figure and it's a sensitive topic. Have you gotten any, you're no stranger to controversy, Gilbert. Have you gotten any blowback from your portrayal of Hitler roasting Anne Frank? Yeah, a lot of people think i was unfair to hitler they they think having gilbert gottfried as hitler was just a mean thing to do to the furor i it was funny you get both he's probably rolling around in his grave except his grave is i think he

was just burned and thrown into the river. Yeah. Was he burned and thrown? Well, I believe he ordered his people to burn him at the bunker, and then the Russians caught, found him, and I believe they, because he wasn't completely burned, I think they finished the job and threw him into, like, the Volga River or something like that. Oh. See, I didn't even know that part.

Yeah. Or he's still alive at 120 years old in Argentina. I'll sometimes write a joke about Hitler that I'll put up on Twitter and I'll get these like Nazi groups. They're like and they get real angry and they'll say you know you think hitler's gone but he is not and i'll think well okay i'll agree he might be still around but at 180 he must have slowed down a little and yet still still hates the jews even yeah you think he'd have mellowed out at this point that's something you never get over.

Go ahead. No, I did the Hitler roast, not the Hitler, the Anne Frank roast. And actually, I think in Israel, it got a good review. It actually was, if you watch it, it was fairly um respectful as much as a roast could be i absolutely agree yeah i do too that's what i was gonna say i thought it was incredibly well done and incredibly respectful of her and people are just looking people are looking for something to get bent out of shape about right and also i think if you don't like watch it your initial thought is oh man exactly do this but when you watch it

and you see how jeff opened up the show and how he crafted the i mean they really the writers worked so hard to make sure that it was like done right and uh and this is a room full of jews i might add exactly and everybody that was in the show was Jewish. Well, except Fred Willard. Oh, true. He played God. True, true, true. One of the head writers, he said he kept thanking me throughout the show. And I was thinking, you know, I had fun doing it. I don't think I did anything you know major great work and he he

kept thanking me and the reason he was thanking me he said is that his grandmother was a survivor of the concentration camps and he said he thought this was like, you know, a perfect a perfect fuck you to to the Third Reich. You know, it struck me, by the way, that you and Hitler have at least this in common. You're both shouters. Yes. There's only apparently there's one. There's only one recording of Hitler not shouting. Yeah.

There's this recording of Hitler on a train in Norway or something, and he's talking like a normal person. He's like, you know, whatever he's saying. But it's the only recorded video not shouting. Block Don't Train. Sometimes people would say, hey, Hitler, what should we do now? Bay-ploking track. That sounds Yiddish.

My German is not, wow, it's hot in here. It was cold down there. Perrielle, can we? I'd rather be hot. Anyway, okay. So I think that, I mean, Jeff opens up and he says, you know, I only roast the ones that I love. Exactly. I don't know much about Anne Frank, but I was reading like, because it's her 90th birthday,

so people were posting on Twitter memes and quotes. And wow. I mean, like she was like 14 years old and like prodigy in terms of her writing, which I never really knew because I never paid attention to Anne Frank. See, that's the thing. Now that he does a roast, you know know because he roasts the ones he loves now it's a way for people to remember you know this they should be praising they'll investigate and then they'll say oh this this chick was okay that's right and i i it was funny when there

were people tweeting oh this was so horrible it was so offensive. And one person tweeted, they said, Hitler killing people is not funny, but a Jewish man playing Hitler while three other Jews give him shit is funny. Yeah, I was wondering, by the way way how if the roast would have been more disturbing if they weren't all jews in those roles like say you know if i if rutger hauer was playing that might have been a little too weird although he was even more i mean hitler wasn't even that aryan but um you know or fan frank was played by by somebody by rachel feinstein played her and she's jew you know if it You know, if it would have been a little bit more sensitive

if it weren't a bunch of Jews in those roles. Yeah, probably, but I think that's part of why it was so well done. I mean, the writing really was phenomenal. And Hogan's Heroes,

all the Nazis were Jews too, by the way. In the series Hogan's Heroes, all the Nazis were played by Jews and a little half a people. And, yeah, it was, Werner Klemper was Klink.

And John Banner. John Banner, who played Schultz. John Banner's family, he and his family were actually in the camps. And I think at that point, the camps weren't as set up to kill people yet. They didn't have it quite figured out yet. It was like, just let's throw them and keep them there. And so they were lucky that way. You know who else I think was Jewish was Boss Hogg.

Yes, yes. A book, a sorrow book. And growing up, I never realized it. But in later years, I look back and I'm like, oh, yeah, yes. Book, sorrow book. And growing up, I never realized it. But in later years, I look back and I'm like, yeah, obviously. Yeah. And he was in the movie that I like, Bye Bye Braverman. Oh, I didn't see that one. Don't you know the theme song from that?

Oh, yeah. Have you seen Braverman dancing? He is the king of the ball. Whirling and twirling and prancing, doing the Braverman waltz. Yeah, that also had George Segal and Joseph Wiseman. Joseph Wiseman is one of the, I think there are two Jewish Bond villains. There's Joseph Wiseman, who played Dr. No. And there's, of all things, a black actor, Yafit Kodo.

Oh, he converted. He converted. Yeah. And he was in one. I want to switch gears a little bit because we have Dara with us. I just want to talk about Jews and bondage. I do want to get into. Wait, I just want to say one thing before you switch gears.

I saw something on Instagram or Twitter that was talking about the roast. Somebody made a comment. It was the most brilliant thing. They said, I did not see that coming. Oh, that's good. Well, brilliant is a strong word. Unless there's more to it. Okay. I did not

see that coming, and frankly, I really liked it. That sounds like the jokes that you write on Twitter. That's really good. That's good. I don't know if I'd use the word brilliant. I know, I get yelled at a lot. I might say brilliant for like, say, Isaac Newton.

For like the theory of general relativity. But not see it coming is good too. And frankly, I liked it. This is such a special thing that we have Dara. How often do you get an interview with Gilbert? Has you ever done an interview together? One time. Because America wants to know.

For the documentary. Yeah, for the documentary. Oh, for the doc, right. The documentary is called Gilbert. America wants to know. You know, when you think Gilbert Godfrey, you don't think home and hearth. You don't think domestic. True.

And Gilbert's probably going to clam up because I know he doesn't like to talk about his personal life. But Dara might be open to it. Well, she's here. We got her here. Well, how the hell did this happen? Gilbert was destined to live his life, as so many of us are alone i think everyone was shocked including you gilbert right uh yeah i still am yeah oh that's so sweet but i so so how did you how did it happen how did it happen oh hold your hold your oh i'm sorry there's a knob

over here gilbert where you could turn the volume all the way down so you don't have to hear any of this. There you go. Okay. Now I can still hear. I used to work in the music business. I can hear. So I was at a Grammy party at Tavern on the Green, February 26, 1997. Gilbert, by the way, you can't see it.

He's got his hands over his ears. He doesn't like to talk about this kind of thing. He gets very shy. He gets very shy. But basically, I was at this Grammy party, and Gilbert was there because his friend invited him because he likes to go to parties where there's free food. And we were standing at the food table, and I dropped something, and he picked it up and put it on his plate. And I thought that was very odd. As a joke?

No, no. And the rest is history. No. And he looked, he said that he was waiting for a friend, but his friend wasn't there yet. And I said, well, you're welcome to sit at our table. We have a table. And then he asked for my phone number.

Right, Gilbert? No, I had the sound off. Now you might be saying, if you had the sound off, how come when she said, right, Gilbert, you answered? I was wondering that. But anyhow. Didn't make a whole lot of sense. Anyway, we dated 10 years and then finally got married.

And now we have two kids. Wait, you dated for 10 years? 10 years before we got married. Did you want to get married sooner? Yeah. You did. Oh, God, yeah. Yeah, he kept saying that he couldn't even take care of himself.

How's he going to take care of a wife and kids? And the point is well taken. Yeah. But I said, you don't have to. You don't have to do anything. I said, I'll do it all. You don't have to do anything. Just be yourself and don't worry about it.

I'll take care of everything else. Were you a fan prior to? No, I didn't even know who he was. I didn't know anything. You'd never seen Beverly Hills Cop 2? No. You didn't know Sidney Bernstein? I never listened to Stern.

I didn't watch Beverly Hills Cop 2. I still haven't even seen. Or SNL, 1980, the best season of SNL. I never saw 1980 SNL. I didn't know anything. I knew Aladdin, but he was a bird in Aladdin. So I didn't recognize him because he wasn't, he didn't look like a bird. And this was long before Hitler and Frank Hitler rose, so you didn't know him from that.

No. And the thing that, if I may say. Periel, by the way, and Dara are old friends. Well, we've become good friends i was in all that was a horrible season of saturday you just interrupted okay so first of all they have this the like the most amazing relationship like they really do it's kind of incredible as somebody who thank you you know i've been married for probably 10 years. Like they, it's really, it's an amazing thing.

Periel's not easy. Periel, the sense that I get, and I may be wrong and you'll correct me if I am, is you're not, you're not thrilled in your marriage. Well, I don't think anybody's thrilled in their marriage except for these two. Well, I don't know if he is, but I am. I mean, I think that marriage isn't easy. I mean, being in any long-term anything, don't you have a really funny joke about this? Well, that's my joke about people not selling marriage as an institution.

And if you were going to buy a car and somebody said, this car is, well, it's not easy, you wouldn't buy it. But yet people get married every day despite the lack of enthusiasm being demonstrated. It's very easy being married to Gilbert for me. Okay. Which is incredible because you guys have been together for 20 years? 22 and a half years. He's so uncomfortable.

Yeah. We'll switch back to great jews in bondville yes one of my best girlfriends in in in a few minutes but one of my best girlfriends since we were in our early 20s is very old friends with dara right is that that's how we met and that was how we met so yes and. And we hit it off. Yes. It just so happened that she was married to Gilbert. Right.

Okay. Exactly. By the way, it is it's father's day tomorrow. I believe as we record this, it won't be when this airs, but it is father's day. So happy father,

Gilbert's a father. And I'm sure he doesn't want to talk about that, but wait, there's another song that, you know, uh, yeah, that was Groucho Marx's song.

What's that? Today, Father, it's Father's Day, and we're giving you a try. It's not much, you know, it is just a way of showing you we think you're a regular guy You say that it was nice of us to bother But it really was a pleasure to fuss How long is this song? Is it like... to first course. How long is this song?

Is it like I only know the first national anthem. You know, everybody knows his mind is unbelievable. His brain is incredible. He like that's another thing with songs

when you're watching a movie or a TV show and the characters go, you know what's that song you know do you know the way to san jose and they all start singing it together at like the dinner table or a party and you go in real life no one knows the words to songs. You know, it's like if it was, do you know the word to San Jose? Do you know the way to San Jose? Well, now you can just go on your phone and look up the lyrics.

Yeah. Whereas in the old days, you just had to make them up as best you could. Yeah. But it's like in movies. Everybody just, like, they've been rehearsing it all those years that so that song was the uh what was that song exactly that you were uh just doing before the father's that's a father's day oh that uh that was some song um i forget who maybe harry ruby wrote it or something like that.

Can I just... Did Groucho Marx perform that song? He used to do it on, like, you know, he'd go on Dick Cavett and stuff like that. Can I just ask, just as a father, and then we'll get back to showbiz-related stuff, but imagining Gilbert as a husband is one thing. Imagining him as a father is, I think, beyond the capacity of most people. It's hard to imagine him disciplining. He doesn't.

Is this a marijuana cigarette? You are not to go out of the house. It's like if I catch either one of them saying a dirty word, I can't with a straight face reprimand them on it yeah well that's your whole thing do you help them with their homework no 5x plus 3

equals 7 this is easy simply deduct the 3 from both sides of the equal sign and divide by five. And you have your solution. He was a horrible student. The quadratic equation is as follows.

Yeah, he was a horrible student. I help with the homework. He does the laundry, but he doesn't fold. He leaves it in a pile. But he does the laundry. And you're amazing with the kids. But I do most of the heavy lifting, I would say. But he is the fun.

All right. Well, maybe there's hope for me because I am 49 and I've never been married. I don't think there's hope for me, by the way. Why not? There's so much hope for you. Of course. You're the only one who doesn't think so. Well, no, there's hope for me, by the way. Why not? There's so much hope for you. You're the only one who doesn't think so. Well, no, there's hope for me in certain way.

There's hope for me that I may, you know, not blow my head off one day. Oh, I think you're going too far now. I'm rooting for you. That chill one day. In fact, next time, if you have me back on this show, bring your gun. Well, I don't think I'll do it anytime soon, but I've always thought to myself that I wouldn't rule out dying by my own hand. Is that too dark for the podcast?

Because, you know, I just see people there, you know, and I live on the Upper East Side. There's a lot of very, very elderly people, and they're in the wheelchair, and they don't know whether it whether it's date to daytime or nighttime or whatever i don't know if i want to be in that position but well i um i have a family member like a distant relative who's 99 wow and it's not cute and i said to my husband i was like if i ever get that way just put a pillow over my head.

Yeah. And he goes, oh, I don't have to wait that long. It is, you know, whenever I hear these things like when they'll talk about Belushi or Chris Farley and they'll say, oh, it's so tragic. And I think, well, I don't know. He was partying. He was with a hooker. He was and he went out in a blissful stone state. And it's like, so had he lived longer and gotten diabetes or had a stroke,

that would have been a much better way to go. Good point. I agree. Well, you know, I guess there's a happy medium between dying in 33 and having a stroke. You know, I mean, some people do manage to make it to 70 or 80 in robust health. That's right. And die in their sleep. When I think in terms of suicide, the one that I, there's no way of knowing this one, but I always think, like, I've seen about, I didn't witness it happen, but I've seen, like, bodies twice, I think, on the ground where someone had jumped.

Me too. I always think people who jump out of a building or off a bridge, there's got to be that split second where you jump and you go, oh, shit, what did I just do? People that have survived jumps, usually like survivors or bridge jumpers. A few people have survived jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. And I think they all say, as soon as they jump, they're like, oh, that was a bad idea. And now they're paralyzed.

Well, no. Some of them, no. I think most of the survivors are not paralyzed. When do you die? Just when you hit the ground? You might die when you... Did you talk about bridge jumping? This is really taking a fucking dark time. Like just when you hit the ground? You might die when you, would you talk about bridge jumping? Yeah, sure.

Well, you might die. This is really taking a fucking dark time. One, you could break your neck. Yeah, but I think a lot of them drown because when, we're talking about the water, first of all. Yeah, but when you hit the water from jumping that high, it's like hitting cement. Like you don't just enter in like a swan dive. Yeah, but you don't necessarily die, but you might drown because you're so injured that you can't swim afterward. I don't really know.

This is lovely. But they all said they did have that moment. Well, everyone didn't want to talk about family, so it's that or suicide. But they all said they did have that moment. Yeah, everybody that survived, I don't think anybody, yeah, pretty much everybody that survived said that they regretted it. So we can assume that the people that, everyone that survived that they regretted it so we can assume that the people that everyone survives that they regretted we can assume that the people that didn't survive

probably regretted it too and we'll never know here's another horrible thing there are people who shoot themselves in the head and live it's not it's not 100 guaranteed that it's going to be a clear boom and you're over with there are people like the bullet gets stuck halfway in or whatever and yeah so that's so yes i've i've heard that it's also very effective. So what's the most effective way? Bow and arrow. Self-inflicted bow and arrow wound. Probably the most effective way is hanging. I've never heard about a hanging survivor.

But let's, you know. And while you're hanging, you can jerk off. That's right. That's right. Auto-arado-specification. That's a lot That's right. Auto-erotic asphyxiation. That's a lot of people. Somebody really famous died like that by accident. Oh, a few people.

I think a few people did it. What was it? Michael Hutchins, I think they said. I don't know if that's the case. That feels like the best way to go. Right. Or you could just be jerking off and have a heart attack that could also be yeah you don't have to wrap but that's usually accidental yeah most people unless you know your heart is in very

bad shape and you figure i know i'll write a suicide you just had an electro electrocardiogram and you say well you know i'm not going to survive a jerk off. Goodbye, cruel world. Your doctor told you don't jerk off. And you said, oh, shit, I'm going to. But speaking of. Oh, I do stuff on Cameo, too. Oh, he's getting his plug soon. What's Cameo? It's called Cameo.com.

And they do. You could call up or set it up where I do a personalized video shout-out. People could book you. Yeah. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. I hate you. I love you.

Let's get married. Let's get a divorce. Anything you want to say. What about somebody that you don't like? Can I get you to do that? I think you can to do that one guy got in trouble that that what's his name brett brett brett farver bet farve he's a i'm not a sports person yeah he i am i'm not either the fact that i can't pronounce his name but it was some like you know white supremacist group that gave him like some secret messages and and to me i feel like if if if they pay i'll i'll do any the taliban

could offer me money and i'll go dead to the infidels well maybe you could also do like ransom you know oh yeah That would be good. You know, you got to pay. You dropped a million. Or your daughter. You'll never see her again. You know, that was, that, that, one of those, the things with kidnapping is that thing with, what's his name? The billionaire, who was that again?

Howard Hughes? No, no lindberg no no though well lindberg did have his kid kid now he wasn't robert durst no the guy from the um john john um oh god what was his name not that to find a predator guy What's the guy with a show that's like. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This guy, he's a famous multimillionaire. Okay. It's in the history books. It's a name everybody knows. It's in the history books. How do you know?

Yeah. Everybody knows the name, but I'm just having a mental block now. But what's the story history books said how do you know yeah everybody knows the name but i'm just having a mental story what's the story uh that they kidnapped this guy's son they even did a movie about it they they did a movie that was the movie where they originally had kevin spacey and they replaced him with Christopher Plummer. Oh, when he got in trouble. Yeah. Famous, famous.

On Paul Getty? Yes, yes, yes. Oh, finally. Good job, Harry. And they kidnapped his son. They didn't replace him with Christopher Knight? And to show they meant business, they cut off his ear. Oh, and mailed it.

And mailed it, yeah. The kid? Yeah. Wow. kid? Yeah. Wow. Oy, oy, oy. Yeah. Wow. Most people, though, are, I mean, statistics show that most people are kidnapped by someone they know.

Like, it's quite unusual. Oh, wow. Well, sometimes, like, an ex will kidnap the kid, you know? Like, if you and Gilbert split up, and he takes the kids across the border to Canada or Mexico. Oh, I see. Yeah, there's a lot of... I think the first persons they try to find out

is, like, relatives and people like that. Yeah, yeah. People close to the family. Another really uplifting subject. And about a case of someone who knew. They say the whole, all these stories you hear your whole life about Halloween, where they say like, oh, people are putting razors and needles in apples and candy. They say in real life that happened once.

And that was like a guy who was getting revenge against his wife by hurting their kid. Wow. Is that true? Because I remember growing up. They used to say, yeah, you could get a razor blade in your apple. Right. But the worst thing that ever happened to me is

that somebody gave me an apple for Halloween. Yes, that was horrible. Or raisins. Raisins? I remember. You got those boxes of sun-made raisins and you're like, are you kidding me? Gilbert, do you remember when we first had Lily and

she was only a couple months old so she was born in June and October, so she was a couple months old and we realized or you realized that we could now go trick-or-treating because we had a kid. Yes, so I had a reason to collect candy. She couldn't even eat yet

so you were able to go trick-or-treating and he was able to get all the free candy because we had a kid. Did comedy... Sorry, I keep saying comedy. Did Netflix let you keep your Hitler costume from the roast? Yeah, I use it for special occasions.

Well, because Halloween, you know, you might... Sometimes they let you keep a wardrobe from new shows. We do have a lot of that. I do have some clothes from a show, Crashing, that you did also. I kept some of the clothes. Oh, see? They had me wear my own clothes.

Fuck them. That's funny. Yeah, I got a shirt and I think a couple pairs of... Nothing great. Yeah. Had I known, I would have had them on me. I should have just taken it but I asked

the wardrobe guy can I take it and that was that was my mistake one time because one time he said yes and then the next time he said no just leave it there

but other people told me just take it you've gotten a lot of great clothes from shows most of what you have that looks good is from shows

because usually they have like the wardrobe person put it together for you. Like that. Remember that that commercial you did with Snoop Dogg? Oh, yeah. I still love that outfit that you have. Yeah.

Well, I want to know about this commercial you did with Snoop Dogg. Yeah. We were like, I think pretty much like roommates in the commercial. It was awesome. It was awesome. I went out to L. to la with you for that that was a fun one to do and it's like the hotel we were staying at that's right if you walk down the hallway within 10 feet of his room uh you'd get a contact tie it was really a whole hallway i never met snoop dogg i have met fitty uh because i was

doing conan and and and and at the time i was doing a podcast out of my house and i did conan and i brought my recorder with me like at the time it was like an ipod yeah with a little attachment and i figured i can get an interview with Fitty before the show, you know, and put it into my podcast. Yeah. And so I walked into the room and there was a bunch of black guys there. And I didn't know which one Fitty was. Oh, that's funny.

Because I'm not a rap fan. So I said, I didn't know. And, you know, I forgot how I figured out who Fitty was. I think I just waited for him to say to me, hey, how you doing? And then I interviewed him. But that's the only rap story. They weren't like, why did this Jew just walk in here?

Somebody went in first, maybe. This was like 10 years ago. And I also tried to ask Jennifer Aniston for an interview, and that didn't go nearly as well. No? Her PR agent leapt like i said oh hi jennifer i'm dan i'm the comic on the show and she said oh wonderful and i said yeah i was wondering if i could like maybe interview and the pr person said uh no and leapt and and and went and

leapt like in front of jennifer and put her arms out and said no wow but yeah she was right who the fuck am i to just waltz in there she's's, she's, I, we have, I have some friends that were friends with her and she's supposed to be very, very nice. I agree with the PR agent in this case. Really? Yeah. Who the fuck am I to go backstage and bother Jennifer Aniston? You're not bothering her.

Jesus Christ. I mean, what is she like saving like starving children? Plus the fact that I'm, I'm using my being on Conan show to get like interviews. Right. Isn't that the point? Isn't that like half the point of being on Conan? Yeah, but not to do it right there. Well, I thought it was a little bold of me.

It puts them in an awkward position. Yeah. What if she doesn't write it? She's in an awkward position. She's not obligated. She's preparing for an interview. Oh, for the love of God. I mean, really?

It's like. And she's a woman i think there's an extra layer of i don't know you know like finney what does he care all right you know yeah but but a woman has a certain guard guardedness i think with regard to men that she doesn't that she doesn't know approaching her i don't know but i i don't think. I don't think so. Gilbert, what do you say? I think Gilbert agrees. Yeah, it does put you in an... It would be like even going to a party and going, hey, since we're at the party

together, I have my microphone. Yeah, yeah. I think so. Look, I did what I felt I had to do to get an interview. So, you know um because uh i mean listen i book i book gilbert's podcast and we've had almost 300 guests on the show and sometimes you have to you just have to ask you know yeah you have i don't plan myself you can't be embarrassed you have to just ask and if they want to say no they say no if they want to

do it they do it but i right i don't think i was afraid to ask you have to ask i think opportunities present themselves i'm sure you weren't an asshole about it i'm sure you were very nice uh probably i don't recall my guess is yes my guess is yes too no i'm very shy i was probably very timid about it but but um it's like you're not like interrupting some like god knows what she's about to be interviewed by conan also you know, a woman like Jennifer Aniston is just very with any interview she does. She has to vet who is this interview with? Where is it going? What are the questions that are going to be asked?

Finney don't care. Why not? Why? Because he's Finney. What's the difference between Jennifer Aniston? He's already like, you know, a gangster. Right? I think. No, I don't think so i don't know you know he's like a musician as well as i think a water magnate but i i don't know i'm not familiar with his music i don't i don't love rap music uh and people think you know that were you in a rap

weren't you in a rap video once a A couple. Oh, my God. What was it? It was Third Bass? Yeah, Third Bass. Yeah. Is that the name of the group? Yeah, it was in a rap video called Gas Face. And then you were also, what was the Ramones?

You were like the fifth Ramone. Well, that was on an episode. That was on night of Up All Night. Oh, Jesus, that's going back a long time. I didn't know that's where it was. Are any of the Ramones around now? I don't know. I mean, Joey's gone, right?

I think they're all gone or mostly so. Dara, you brought up the podcast. You're the producer of the podcast, Dara? Yeah, so Frank Sandopadre. Yeah, I know. He's the co-host. Is the co-host and also produces produces it with me he's my partner and uh yeah i started for gilbert i think that was your idea to do a podcast my idea yeah but it was because as you could see gilbert's very

comfortable with talking about old hollywood and his can't get enough he can't get enough his brain is like he's like a savant. It's unbelievable. The amount of- I've got the idiot part, certainly. Well, it's just, it's, I find it incredibly fascinating. The amount of knowledge and how, I use brilliant. I think you are like an Einstein.

I mean, you are. But to me- He's the Einstein of Hollywood. It's unbelievable. Basically, we would go out to dinner and he wouldn't talk to any of my friends, but then if I brought up that Six Degrees of Separation game,

hey, Gilbert, can you connect this Hollywood actor to this actor, then he would start talking and if you talked about old movies, if you talked about, if I use that game as a, as a segue, he would be able to talk. And I'm like, you know what? Let's start a podcast where you have an excuse to talk to your heroes.

And I didn't think anybody was going to listen or care because it's so obscure. A lot of our guests, like no one's ever heard of. And lo and behold, it's it's like you know it's unbelievable there's like an odd a huge audience now who have you had recently of note oh my god colossal podcast oh my god gilbert how like all right do we had over the years there which has been how many years i think five years now five years we've had dick van dyke norman Lear, Carl Reiner. And he went under 90. Yeah, no.

Yeah, we saw him. Jeff Ross, David Tell, Judd Apatow. You guys just had Larry Charles on. Larry Charles. That was amazing. I sat in on that one. It was incredible. That was incredible. And we just recently had, of course, Jeff Ross and Dave Attell.

That's what we just did. And also... The Impractical Jokers were on. Yeah. In terms of, like, if we're thinking younger, Josh Groban. Ira Glass. Artie Lange. Artie Lange.

Norm MacDonald. No, we haven't had Norm yet. We didn't have No he said he would do it but he Oh I was on his You were on his I know Dara you had mentioned that you wanted Cindy Lauper Have you made any attempts to get her

No I really want Cindy Lauper I just spoke to them I just tried to get Cindy Lauper Did they say no I feel like they sent me back a really nice email. They said no to me. Any email other than yes

sounds like it's a no. That's not true. Two members of the Monkees we had on. Mickey Dolenz and Mike Nesmith. Mickey died recently? No. Peter Tork died. We had Mickey on twice. Nesmith was the died recently? No. Peter Tork. Oh, Peter Tork died.

Okay. Yeah, we had Mickey on twice. Nesmith was the guy who was the heir to the Whiteout fortune. Oh, yeah, that was Mike Nesmith. And he admitted something on our podcast, which he had never admitted before. Yeah, he said it's listed on cable, every magazine article, any way you look it up, they'll say to you that during those years the monkeys

way outsold the Beatles. And he said that was never true. Mike Nesmith said he was bored doing interviews so he made up a story. Just to test them. It sounds absurd, the notion of them. It doesn't sound absurd.

The notion of it. Yeah. No, but he made he said he was sitting on a rooftop pool area, whatever, being interviewed. And he thought he would fuck with them, basically. And he said, I'm curious if they're going to fact check. I'm going to make this up. And no one ever fact checked. And it became like, yeah yeah now you look it up on

on the internet or any place it's gonna say that the monkeys outsold the he was fantastic well i think you're dirty joe because it's all outsold the bible yes yeah exactly didn't you guys have chevy chase on we had chevy oh yeah which was another funny story because we went out to dinner with them after the show the chases oh my god you have to tell this we went out to dinner with them after the show. The chases? Oh, my God. You have to tell this. We went out to dinner with Chevy and his wife after the show. And he was wearing a T-shirt that said, do not resuscitate. And what happened, Gilbert?

Then all of a sudden he's eating and he stops eating and his eyes get really wide and and the uh water or whatever he was drinking or the food is is pouring out of his mouth and he's just there's faces turning so he was like uh choking something uh and choked on the steak yeah he was choking when he was wearing a t-shirt that says do not resuscitate yes so you probably thought it was a gag. No, I knew it was real. He was freaking, it was so scary. And by coincidence, he was wearing a do not resuscitate. By coincidence, he was wearing that. So Gilbert. I would have figured it's a gag.

Do not resuscitate him. Derek screamed, someone call 911. And I finally, after sitting for a while, thought, maybe I'll stand up. It'll make it look like I'm doing something. I don't know what to do in a case like this, but I'll stand up. So I stood up and looked concerned. And did somebody give him the Heimlich maneuver? I wouldn't be able to.

He's a big guy. I'd be scared he'd fall over. Luckily, by the time... Obviously, he survived. Luckily, he got it out, so it was okay. That is so crazy. I got up, and Janie, his wife, got up, and I started screaming.

Someone called 911. I mean, it was really scary. A lot of people, I'm told, when they die, they go to the bathroom because they're embarrassed, and then they die in the bathroom. Oh, this is... Oh, my God. The kid's turning a little... Because they're embarrassed and then they die in the bathroom. Oh, this is. Oh, my God.

Turning a little. Because like they're just embarrassed to be choking. It's like because you look kind of. It was very scary. It's hard to look cool while you're choking. Well, someone I know recently, they were out in the street and they started having chest pains. And luckily there was a cop walking down the street and he went over to the cop and he said you know i i think i think something's wrong i'm having chest

pains and i'm having and they called an ambulance and he was rushed to surgery and and he said had he been home what most people do if they don't feel well is lie down and so a lot of people would just be having the heart attack and figure well i need to lie down and then you'd lie down and just die well a lot of people are there they're um they're in denial too yes yeah um and they don't want to admit that they're having a heart attack. No, no. To themselves, so. This is making me laugh. In fact, there was a commercial that I thought was such a horrible commercial,

and I thought they should have sued them or whatever, or forced them to offer an apology to the public. It was some kind of like uh stomach medication like for heartburn and and in these commercials it would be somebody would be going uh oh god i i have uh my my chest is hurting me i think i'm having a heart attack. And the person sitting next to him would go, no, try this pill. And they try the pill and they go, oh. It was just heartburn.

Yeah. And it's just heartburn. And then the other person who takes the pill said, but maybe I should go to, maybe I should see a doctor. And the person who gave him the pill says, you just did. So meaning you just sat next to it. So it was such a bullshit commercial. You're lying. That's saying this guy's a doctor who's obviously an actor in a bit.

And you're telling people if you have, if your chest is hurting uh which a lot of people they say people having heart attacks have have done that they say no it's probably heartburn but that's a you're saying but you shouldn't assume it's heartburn no no because it might be a heart attack yeah, well that advice is brought to you by Gilbert Godfrey. Yes. You are like what Wilford Brimley is to diabetes. Yes. You are to heart disease.

I was trying to working on a joke about, you know, these cars that they're trying to invent, cars that drive themselves. Oh, yes. And I was trying to work on a joke about how, like, if you die of a heart attack, you'll still get to your destination. And I was trying to work out, like, how if you die of a heart attack, you'll still get to your destination and I was trying to work out like, you know so your family won't be deprived of the Chinese food

you're bringing home, I tried to find different angles to it but it never really killed but anyway, I think it's a funny idea and there's somewhere you have a heart attack and the car still takes you home and your mother's like oh your father's home, you kids are going to get it never mind that's like, oh, your father's home. You kids are going to get it. Never mind.

That's good. I don't know. That's good. Anyhow, who are the dream? I'm working on it. You see, this is the artistic process. I love it. There's something there.

I love it. I don't know if this is helpful or not, but there's a story about 9-11 that this guy walked to Long Island and walked in on his family sitting Shiva for him. So maybe that'll help your joke. Yeah, but I heard that Richard Gere got a gerbil up his ass. It's probably one of those stories, you know, an urban legend.

No, no, no. I think this is actually a real story. Well, that actually is true because I called Richard Gere at the time and he said, can't talk now. I have a gerbil in my ass. Well, how could he not? How does a gerbil

It's not in his mouth. I mean He meant he's busy. Yeah, but it's like that one. Is that a real story? That's a real urban legend. And before the internet we just believed it. But then you had Snopes.

Snopes is like the urban legend website. And I went on Snopes, and there was like a whole series of college urban legends that you hear when you're in college, that everybody hears. And I had heard all of them, and they're all bullshit. Yeah. Like, I heard if your roommate kills themselves, get an a that's not true i heard that if uh they didn't have sororities at my college sorority houses because it was legally a brothel if five single women lived on in the same building i heard that one that wasn't true and but every every every college had the same urban legend. Every urban legend you hear is it's like, well, I know it's true because either my uncle or my best friend is the head doctor at the emergency ward or was the investigating police officer.

There was one I heard freshman year of college about the girl in biology class. And the professor was saying a semen has a high sodium content. And the girl said, just shout it out. Is that why it tastes so salty? And then ran out of the classroom realizing what she had said. But that was another one that was on Snopes that never happened. Okay. First of all, who is running Snopes?

And why does everybody take Snopes to be like the end-all be-all of like dispelling these myths? Who's running Snopes? I think Snopes is, when you read it and you read their explanations, it seems like they really did their homework. I'm not saying I don't believe it. I'm just curious, like who's sitting there doing it? I don't know, but they're researchers. And if you go on Snopes, they cite sources and they cite their reasons for saying whether the urban legend is true or not true. And also, how did that Richard Gere thing become such?

Well, I don't know. That's how urban legends are. They just kind of pop up, but you don't know how. That was before the internet. Yeah, it was such a weird thing to be like. Well, also that dead Rod Stewart drank too much semen yeah and wound up in the er and and the one with what's his name the other the rolling stone ron wood uh no the guy's still alive but uh keith richards uh allegedly they uh had to empty out all of his blood and give him new, fresh, clean blood.

That I believe. Yeah, that was one of those. That might be true. That could be true. And, oh, there's so many urban legends. But with the internet, the urban legend isn't what it used to be because you can go online and dispel it quickly enough. Well, it's like for years, everybody thought Mama Cash choked on a ham sandwich. Right, a ham sandwich, right.

And they say, I think there may have been a ham sandwich in the room, but she had died of a heart attack. Yeah, I heard that, that she had died of a heart attack, not the ham sandwich. By the way, what guests are you gunning for for the Colossal podcast? They're all dead.

Mel Brooks. You haven't had him yet? He's high on the list. Who else, Gilbert, have we not had that we really want? So many have died right after agreeing to do it. But before actually doing it. Yes, yes. Jack Carter was going to do it.

Jack Carter, we were like. When you ask people in their 90s, that can happen. Yeah, yeah. And you do some of them, people video in too. They're all done by Skype. Yeah, no, no, no. Half of our guests are live and half are. Like we have, are like we have.

What do we have coming up? Neil Sadaka is coming up next week. Yes. That'll be great. We just had Charlie Fox, who was great, who played. We brought a keyboard in. Yeah. Charlie Fox is one of those people who's just.

Who is Charlie Fox? He's a composer he did well among songs like uh killing me softly he wrote that yeah he wrote that oh wow and love boat theme yeah he wrote the love boat theme wonder woman theme i think happy days yeah happy he's he's one of those that you know you go oh is there anything he this guy didn't write you were never on the love boat gilbert i guess that was a little bit before no but you know the funny thing about it is same way i grew up watching hollywood squares and thinking i enjoy it it's fun but boy this is bottom level of hollywood this. You're pathetic if you're on. And then when I started doing it with the newer Hollywood Squares,

I thought. I think I was a little hipper, though, the new Hollywood Squares. Yeah. Whoopi was on it. They had some bigger people on it. And I liked it. It was fun. You loved it.

I thought. I loved that show. Yeah, you had the best one. If they had a successful love boat or successful Fantasy Island... You should bring it back. They tried both. They both bombed. But if they had it, I would, in a second, go over there. Well, Charo would come back.

Yeah, yeah. She'd play my wife. She was like a talented musician. I just was on YouTube the other day for some reason. Yes. I was thinking about Charo would come back. Yeah, yeah. She'd play my wife. She was like a talented musician. I just was on YouTube the other day for some reason. I was thinking about Charo. And she was like a very talented singer and guitarist. And she's one of those people who, the longer she stays in this country, the stronger her Spanish accent gets. We just had Gavin McLeod on.

Yeah. And Bernie Coppell called in. Wow. Do you do it every week? Coppell must beod on and Bernie Coppell called in do you do it every week? Coppell must be about 90 Bernie Coppell yeah I think I asked you this on another podcast or not

was it all your fame and everything the cartoons and the commercials and the TV did it all come from Sidney Bernstein? Because that's when, you know, from Beverly Hills cop to that five minute scene.

That's when I think everybody started to know who you were. That certainly did a lot. I mean, where the first time I got good exposure was when I, I was at, uh, catcherizing star like i was every night and there and the improv and a million other places that open and close and uh they there were just happened to be you know a handful of people from mtv and they saw some people on stage and they said could you come in tomorrow uh we're having auditions and i came in just started improvising stuff and they filmed it

and chopped it up and next thing i know they were showing it on mtv and announcing me as their general manager and they show these and what year was that? Oh, God. 80-something. It was... Was that before or after Sydney? Oh, before. But after SNL. Yeah. So probably like 82 or something like that. So that was the first time

people started watching me and this time say, oh, he's funny as opposed to Saturday Night Live and Thick of the Night. The Sidney Bird scene, did Eddie just call you up and say, do it? No, no, that's another thing. Murphy himself said to me that he didn't even know I was playing the part until he looked at the call sheet that day.

Because they had me come in and audition a couple of times. Oh, you auditioned for that? Yeah. But they were on SNL together, actually. Yeah, you overlapped a year with Eddie Murphy on SNL. Oh, yeah. And then you just ad-libbed that scene? Yeah, every time we did it, we did it differently.

Because that was the first time I had ever seen Gilbert, was in that scene where he's like, there's something in this hand and I don't know what's in this hand. People love that scene. Yeah. They love that. Yeah, that was fun. So the Colossal podcast, what are you doing these days?

You're doing live comedy, I guess. I guess so, yeah. You know, you're doing clubs and what have you. Yeah, a lot of live stuff. A lot of live casinos, theaters, clubs. And do you enjoy it? I enjoyed it at the end of the night when they hand me a check. Yeah, because we've had this discussion.

I think you're a lot like me. I know a lot of comics, they love it. They're addicted to being on stage. I'm addicted to getting off stage. That sensation of, thank you everybody, good night, and I'm done. Yes. And if it went well, especially, and I can have a drink or have something to eat. Did you always feel that way?

Believe it or not, kind of. I was hoping that this would somehow get me into like you know tv and film okay okay but it ended up just getting me into more of this okay i i my my thing is whenever i'm waiting backstage at a club or theater i'm always thinking my fantasy is that the owner will come back and say we had a fire or a flood. Here's your check. You can get a plane out right now. There's a car outside. I read an interview with Mike Birbiglia.

He said they pay me. I would do the show for free. What they're paying me for is the travel. Oh, he hates to travel. But I don't like to travel, but I'm not doing that show for free. No. Well, Gilbert has a date book like me, paper date book, and he's got

a certain code. Certain things are written in pen and certain things are written in pencil, depending on, or different colors, right, Gilbert? Yeah. Depending on what it is. Like, it used to be. What's the color code? It used to be like i'd have a better pen

you know a clear pen that i'd write down if i was doing a tv show or a movie and then just scribble it with a club that would be just anything that is at the desk i'd scribble the other one i'd write very neatly just is that symbolically or because you thought you might cancel the club i'd no no because i i would think i i'm this one i definitely want extra you know okay so if i handed you 10 million dollars right now would you ever do stand-up again 20 million whatever the sum would be i i always think that i i think you would still do it yeah i don't know i think if if god came down and said uh okay this is the amount of money you would have gotten yeah as a stand i don't i think you would still do it because i don't think that you

even really i mean as cheap as you are i don't think you would still do it because I don't think that you even really, I mean, as cheap as you are, I don't think you really think about money. Yeah. She thinks about shampoo. I do. Oh, and they're getting rid of those. What? They announced more and more hotels are going to be getting rid of those little shampoos and conditioners and skin lotions that are

in your room. And they're just putting the big ones. So they're putting the ones on the wall where you push the button and it comes out. Yes. So you know what you have to do? You have to order wholesale from China. And but that costs money. That what's the fun of that?

It's not free. The whole point is that he gets it for free. I know. It's like OCD routine. I know, but if you fill up a giant empty bottle, you're still getting it for free. Dara, feel free to take some of those Poland Spring bottles for Gilbert.

You could bring one of these and empty one of these and fill it up. More and more supermarkets and stores are doing away with plastic shopping bags. And I like those too. But why do you like plastic shopping bags? They're much better than paper bags. Not for the environment.

What? Not for the environment. Fuck the environment. You can't tie a knot in a paper bag. And a paper bag, if you throw garbage in, the garbage is wet. I say you just get used to it. I'm used to it now. That's a good title for one of your specials,

Fuck the Environment. Neither of those things bothers me nearly as much as this war against plastic straws. And maybe it has merit, and I'm all for saving sea creatures, but as far as I'm concerned, paper straws suck dick.

I cannot stand the feeling I use them because they suck dick. I can't stand the sensation of the paper in my mouth. Yeah. A dick in your mouth on the other hand you go hey. Well that's more of a psychological thing. Whereas the paper it physically

feels weird. And the metal isn't good either. Although I just read something that like this whole war against plastic straws is absurd. Like the amount of damage that like this actually causes compared to, you know, I don't know, like air travel or what have you is like infinitesimal. Well, I don't know. That could be but i do know that paper straw is just for the sensation is just it's it's not pleasurable i i remember one time they tried to use the environment as a way to sell a product dara has to go to the

bathroom thank you for announcing that they don't they don't hear a voice they might wonder what happened there was uh you know, oh, Ron Popeil. He, you know, he was the king of all the infomercials. You know, the spray on hair and all those products. And one of the things he had was a thing you could take a bottle and put it in. It was basically a bottle cutter. And it'll cut the bottle in half and they said how you could you could make it uh turn it into a uh you know a vase and you could give it out as gifts and

it's good for the environment rather than and i'm thinking how many fucking bottles would you have to cut? To make a dent. Yeah. That you'd be giving away, what, to a billion people? That was a Popeil. He also had the, did he have the Bedazzler? Was that him? Oh, yes, yeah.

And the Schudini, which you did a commercial i did the shoe dini i don't know if that was him or not that that was that wasn't his but the shoe dini was something where you had it was a shoe horn attached to a stick so you didn't have to bend down to put your shoe on a retractable shoe horn and they used to show in the commercials old people struggling with their shoes and then falling to their death yeah i love those commercials where like somebody is struggling with something it really isn't that big a struggle yes i know and they say this has ever happened to you and then they have the solution are you um so when you do your clubs now how much are you getting uh a lot of people coming because of the podcast?

Oh, yeah. The podcast is increasing your draw. Like I get more and more people like we sell these pins on the podcast. I more and more people that will have these pins. One, there's a pin of my face, but then there's another pin of an orange wedge. And that's because a few billion times on this show, I've mentioned this story, that Cesar Romero,

who's best known to most people as the Joker in the Batman TV series. He used to like to have young boys throw orange wedges at his ass. Well, this is another urban legend, it sounds like. No, no, because my best friend worked the emergency. And who used to perform surgery to pull the oranges out of his ass? So they threw him at his ass and their accuracy was so good. Yes.

And the force was so strong that it went in the ass. And they'd say, may the force be with you. Some say it could have been tangerines. Yeah. And some say he... A clementine. A very strange one is some say they believe he he may have been standing there ankle deep in warm water what that would do i don't understand

well i never heard that uh that particular rumor but but you have and that's the reason that you have a pin with an orange wedge yes so these are they do you have a you have a name? Some people have names for their fans, you know? I mean, I guess it all started with the Deadheads, but I know a lot of people, their fans. You should come up with one. Their fans have like names. Like the Beliebers? Yeah, like the Beliebers.

Can we come up with a name, Gilbert? Oh, now there's something that gets us back to an earlier topic. Justin Bieber got in trouble on the internet because he visited the ant that's right oh yes yes and he said that she would have been a believer yeah he said it yeah that's right that she would have been a great believer yeah had had she not died in the camps right yeah she would have been uh to think a loss that happened Have you been to the Anne Frank House ever? No.

I have. Gilbert has not? I have. I have. That sounds, is it interesting? I thought it was very interesting, yeah. I don't know if that's Gilbert, if you have any interest, if you're interested in historical. Yeah, we visited Dachau.

Yeah, that was heavy. Yeah. Who, just you and Dara? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That was real scary stuff. Yeah. I've never, I just feel weird about, that's in Germany.

Yeah. I feel weird about going, I've been to Holland, which is right next door. Uh-huh. I just would feel, I would go to Germany, but I would just, something would feel weird about it. Oh, yeah, of course. Just being in that country would feel odd would go to germany but i would just it would something would feel weird about it oh yeah of course just being in that country would feel odd yeah you know when you're in your i was in i've been to france and and even there it felt like you know there were monuments to world war two and the holocaust in france because there were events that happened there too and it just was

like wow it's weird like i'm in the place where this crazy ass shit happened. Yes. Not that long ago. And it was just, it was just very odd, but I had, I was in Amsterdam. I didn't go to the Anne Frank house. I was there doing standup at some, there's a comedy club, the comedy cafe, I think it's called. Was it, did you have a good time? It was okay.

I mean, um, they speak English well, so I couldn't blame the language barrier. I guess they just didn't like me. But they have a comedy club where some of the comics do their comedy in English. And then some of the comics will do their comedy in Dutch. And they can speak both languages pretty perfectly. I want to take the kids. In those countries, I feel like i would like to take a crash course in mime because i i can't imagine what i say working there i got so high

in amsterdam me too i got i had to lock myself in my hotel room and i go so paranoid you get so high there yeah i went in my in my 20, and I didn't know what I was doing, and I ate one of those brownies. Yeah, that's what happened to me, too. I, like, locked myself in. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man.

You can't move. Yes. Yes, I remember those days. I remember that. Well, it gets me paranoid, so I avoid it. No, I don't do it anymore. I can't. I get paranoid, too.

But, yeah. I mean, I did a line of coke once because. I've never tried that in my life. Because a young lady said hey you want to do some coke? And I thought that that that I would get laid if I did coke with her. Wow. But it doesn't work that way apparently unless it's your coke. I've never done it. So that you could say hey this is you want more you got to do what you got to do. But it was her coke. So I couldn't I couldn't I had no leverage. I couldn't this is, you want more, you got to do what you got to do. But it was her coke. So I couldn't, I couldn't, I had no leverage. I couldn't say, you want to do more coke? You got to suck my dick. Because she would have said, but it's my coke.

So I just, I did one line. I realized this wasn't going anywhere. And I went, I actually went to sleep. Wow. That's the effect. Sounds like it wasn't great coke. Might have been baby powder. I don't know what it was.

Yeah, probably wasn't top quality. Yeah. Gilbert doesn't, I mean, the first 10 years we were together, you didn't even have a glass of wine. You didn't drink. You didn't do anything. And then we went for our honeymoon. Well, he comes here all the time and he has a glass of wine.

Well, so what happened was, well, yeah, we were, we were um he was playing san francisco and i was pregnant and and we went out for our honeymoon because we just attached it to a gig so we went to napa valley and wine country in sonoma because it was next to where your gig was and i wasn't drinking because i was pregnant and you didn't drink and then we sat there at a winery like, what are we supposed to do? Remember that? Yes. I figured, well, I might as well have a glass. And now it's like I don't even have a glass every night. But if I'm somewhere and of course, if they're paying, I'll have like one glass of red wine. Well, it's also supposedly good for the heart. I mean, I know there's some I think there's some debate about that, but I don't know if it's also supposedly good for the heart i mean i know there's some i think there's

some debate about that but i i don't know if it's completely settled scientifically but i think it's it's uh it may be good for the heart anyway they they recommend it yeah i think they've they've said that with red wine yeah if you could have like one glass but you only can have one if you have more than one then it's then the bad effects that way the good effects but yeah um i'm not i mean i i drink two is my limit if i have two yeah i i get i'll i'll be like the next day if if i were if i were to drink two wines now i would see if one wine i could feel it yeah uh if i were to have to have two wines, I think I'd be an embarrassing drunk. Back in the day when you were first starting out, well, not first, because you started when you were 15, but back in the day of Catch Rising Star, were you like the only one that wasn't doing crazy drugs and everything? I wasn't doing crazy drugs,

but I mean, I remember, you know, grass was popular and everybody would be passing around the joint. And so I would do it back then because everyone had it. Can't imagine you doing it. And what I noticed is I take a puff and feel incredibly happy. Next step is, wait a minute, what am I so happy about?

And then I'd be thinking everyone walking down the street is staring at me. And, oh, God, where do I live? And how could I get home? How do I get on a train and travel all the way back to my house? And yeah. Wait, did you start doing stand up when you were 15, 15 years old? Can you imagine in Brooklyn?

I should know was a place in Manhattan. I thought it was the bitter end. That's where I thought. But then I asked my sister and she said it was some other place so i should know what do you talk about as a 50 i mean i think stand-up is one of those things that you know you can you can sing when you're young you can write songs when you're young the lyrics might be silly but you can write a decent song perhaps but i don't know that you can do stand-up at 15 and and have anything to

say that's of any interest to anybody yeah no my well my stand up at that time was i was doing mainly imitations so i guess that you can do yeah you are you're kind of good impressionist yeah was your imitations of like weren't they like of really old people they were even old back then it was who would you do when you were 15 who would you do when you were 15 you know like of really old people? They were even old back then. It was dated back then. Who would you do when you were 15? You know, Humphrey Bogart, Boris Karloff, all these people I'd see in old movies on TV. And it was basically not that far from,

they used to be, now you don't see Impressionists except in Vegas. But it used to be every variety show, Frank Gorshin, Rich Little, Will Jordan, who was on our show, and Rich Little was on our podcast. It used to be, and if your waiter was James Cagney, it might go something like this. You know, Dice Clay did impressions. Yes.

The special that made him famous, the Dice Man Cometh, he did an impression of like Travolta and Eric Roberts. Okay. First time I met Andrew Dice Clay, he was whatever he was. He wasn't the Dice Man. I was doing this club in Sheepshead Bay. So I used to do Pips. I was friends with Seth, the owner, who later killed himself to bring it full circle yes and um i i was the main act and i had an opening act the opening act was dice and back then his act he'd go on stage with a white lab coat and uh little wire glasses and mess his hair up. And he'd do an imitation of Jerry Lewis as the nutty professor.

And, you know, go, you know, I'm going to drink this formula. And then he'd drink it and the lights would start flashing on and off. And then they'd play like, you know, the Grease theme or Saturday Night Fever. And then he'd muss up his hair and have on a leather jacket and he'd be imitating John Travolta. Yeah, and I don't know how he'd evolve from that. I mean, maybe we should have him on the show or something. He has not done your show, I'm assuming.

No. Do you have a personal beef with him? I remember you used we should have him on the show. He has not done your show, I'm assuming. No. Do you have a personal beef with him? I remember you used to on Howard all the time, you used to do So I don't know if he, is he mad at you for that? Yeah, I have no idea. I asked when we first started

he was one of the first people I asked and they said no and I don't know. He was here once or twice, Dice. Still dressed in that outfit that he used to wear. Really? The leather, the gloves with no fingers. Oh, yeah. Yeah, still looking that 80s look.

Interesting. Still looking in his 80s now with the 80s look. But other people have started young. I mean, I think Chappelle started at about 15, but generally speaking, and maybe Eddie Murphy was 15 or 16. It's hard to imagine. Like, we have, you know, our daughter's now 12. It's like, God, Gilbert, can you imagine in three years?

She should, maybe she should get into the business because sometimes, you know, like after the second generation, they know, you know, everything. Yeah. You see a lot of like the kids of people in show business, you know, they, there's no guarantee, but you kind of know the lay of the land, you know, how things work. Yeah. And if she's any good, she'll be that much further along. But there's a funny thing about both being the son of someone and the time we live in.

That one time, Richard Pryor's son is a comic. Richard Pryor Jr. Yeah, and he even, well, even having the name Richard Pryor Jr.'s bed, and he looks just like his father. And he was once up at some club, and of course they recorded it, someone with a phone, and he bombed in one bit, as everyone does.

But now it was the son of Richard Pryor bombs on stage. Yeah, I think if your father is that big, I think the best case scenario is your parents are in the business, but at a low level. Yes, yes. And so you're not overshadowed by them, but they can kind of,

you know how everything works. Yeah, like if your father was George Coppola. Yes. Who's that? He was on Hollywood Squares. He was one of the Hollywood Squares people. I never knew. I always thought these people became famous because of Hollywood Squares on Match Game.

I didn't know that they were famous to begin with. I didn't know that Richard Dawson, until later years, was in Hogan's Heroes. I just thought he was the guy from Match Game. But there were a lot of those people who would pop up on talk shows and stuff and you always knew you know they were come out on talk shows and get a big round of applause but you never said if you asked and said do they sing do they act what do they do actually well jaja wasn't she an actress first before i guess so because she was probably the best example of somebody that was just

somebody known for going on talk shows. Yeah. And I don't know if she did anything, but I know her sister was in Green Acres, I guess.

Yeah, that's about it. I don't know if Zsa Zsa herself ever did anything or not. I don't know. You're good, Dan. You know. Well, I'm okay. I can hold my own.

I hold my own every night. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. We're about out of time, but I guess Gilbert wants to plug his podcast. Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast. I'm on Cameo.com, where you can get a video shout-out personalized from me. Oh, my website, Gilbertilbertgodfrey.com. My Twitter, Real Gilbert. And Instagram.

And if you want to see Gilbert live, I assume the date's on the website. And that's all handled by you, Dara? Correct. You're the social media guru. I try. Well, thank you both for coming. Again, it's a rare treat to have both the Godfrey's here.

This was fun. Thank you, Ariel. Thank you. Thank you for making this happen. Thank you, Ariel, for making this happen. Well, maybe next time we'll have all four Godfrey's on. This was really fun. Oh, thank you.

It's like hanging out with my buddies. This is nice, you know? That's it. We'll see you next time at Live from the Table. Follow us on Instagram at Live from the Table. And what's the email?

It's, I always forget the email. Podcast at ComedyCellar.com. I believe so. Podcast at ComedyCellar.com and give us your feedback

and let us know what we're doing right and what we're doing wrong and what we're doing wrong and what we can do better or just say hello. And that is all. We'll see you next time.