The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Giulia Rozzi & Seaton Smith

Episode Date: December 15, 2016

Giulia Rozzi: Standup comic, host of the Brooklyn-based live standup show "First Set" Seaton Smith: Standup comic, frequent Comedy Cellar performer and host

You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the table, on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Good evening, everybody. Welcome to The Comedy Cellar Show here on SiriusXM Channel 99. We're here at the back table at the world's famous Comedy Cellar. My name is Noam Dwarman. I'm the owner of the Comedy Cellar. It's my court, that's why they let me play. And I'm here with Dan Natterman, one of the world's greatest comedians, and my former manager, Krista Montella, who's very funny in her own right. Why are we getting these good intros today? I don't know. We usually start out where Dan Natterman kind of runs down this week in Dan.

So without further ado, this week in Dan. Go ahead. Well, I'm feeling an odd sense of calm that I can't quite explain. New meds? No, no, no. Meet the new meds, same as the old meds. No, nothing. I noticed, by the way, that Mr. Stephen Calabria is seated next to us. He's just listening. Is he just listening? Yeah.

Well, I'd like to formally welcome him back, if we didn't do it last week, into the... After you fired him? I didn't fire him. Well, you created a hostile work environment. Well, that's a subjective call. Suffice it to say, he tendered his resignation. Thank God we pay him off the books, otherwise he might have legal action. Kidding, we don't pay him off the books.

Go ahead. No, we don't pay him. But in any case, he's back booking the show. And I know he's got some great guest ideas coming. How are we doing, by the way, on the Adam Goldberg? I know you mentioned. Well, first of all, it's great to be back. Is he the guy who does those illustrations of the gadgets and everything?

Adam Goldberg, he played Mellish in Saving Private Ryan. He was also in Entourage. I think of Rube Goldberg. Go ahead. Anyway, great to be back. Thank you, Dan. And he lives in L.A., but I'm talking to his people about when he's going to be out here next.

He's also, by the way, Dove Davidoff's ex-girlfriend. Roxanne. Roxanne. The hottest Jewish woman on the planet, Roxanne. Well, one might make a case for Bar Raphael or Natalie Portman, but she's an attractive woman. That's Adam Goldberg's baby's mama. Ciceres.

That's Adam. Oh, she had a baby with Adam Goldberg. Yeah, that's correct. Whether or not Dove would like to participate in the interview, I guess probably would not. That would be awesome. I don't care if Dove

wants to or not. I want him to. But in any case, last night was the debate. Actually, I think I've been told that the best radio is having a guy

on for an interview next to a guy who used to bang his wife. Oh, God. Like, that's a great... That's the Maury concept. That's right. That's great drama.

Go ahead. Sorry. No, last night was a debate. Do we want to get into that now or wait until we have the rest of our guests on? I'm so... Did you watch it, Dan? I did watch it, yeah.

My new television set. Oh, nice. What's made in America? KVC. Oh, no. Japan. Okay. So what did you think?

Well, you know, I couldn't really make a decision until I fact-checked some stuff. I mean, but once having fact-checked, you know, it would seem that... I don't think I learned anything new. It's just Trump saying the same shit he's been saying and Hillary saying the same shit

she's been saying. I'm not sure that these debates shed any new light on anything. I have to agree. Well, I'm literally sick of this whole thing. I don't know. I get these reactions sometimes. I just think it's the

way it's just gotten out of control. I'm voting for Hillary, by the way, but the way the whole media has decided it's their cause to stop Trump, so everything is aimed at him. They fact-check everything he says. They don't fact-check anything she says. But the most glaring thing about the debate to me was that they asked direct questions, I think three times, on very vulnerable things that Trump is being scrutinized for. The birther thing, the...

What were the other things? The war in Iraq. The war in Iraq. And they're asking him questions about him. So immediately that sets up the dynamic where it's the moderator plus Hillary against him. And it takes up a lot of time. I don't believe that questions like that are appropriate for debate. I think every question should be something that there are two sides to,

that the nation is concerned about, whatever the issue is, and that if either side wants to bring these things up or thinks they're appropriate, by all means. If the moderator says, you know, why did you keep with the birther issue? So that disturbed me. And then it was zero to Hillary.

Having said that, he totally had chances there to knock these things out of the park. What was the one I told you today, Stephen, where I thought his answer should be? You had a bunch of them. Oh, about the racial discrimination at his complex now think about this in 1973

43 years ago he was accused among a whole series of not renting to black people and in a country where we believe in innocent until proven guilty it was settled and with no

guilt. This is being brought up against him 43 years later, asking him to defend himself against something which he wasn't even convicted of. This is crazy talk. But he totally missed an opportunity. What I would have said was, listen, it was 43 years ago and they were accusing everybody of this stuff. Since then, I've had countless apartments, countless buildings, renting all over the world. There's not been one single accusation since then that I discriminate against anybody.

If I was that type of guy, don't you think in all these years you would have heard about it since 1973? So that would have been like Judo. He would have actually come out looking great. So every one of these questions that was asked of him was actually an opportunity for him to do better than if he hadn't been asked. And the fact that he wasn't able to, with all the preparation, all the time, convert any of these opportunities says something about Trump. Nevertheless, I don't think that what the moderators were doing was professional. That's my take on the debate. Well, okay.

Why don't we want to bring over our – no, I don't know. That's a pretty good answer. He said, can I talk about it? He doesn't want to talk about it. That was an excellent answer, but we could go all day on the debate. I thought that was an excellent answer. Certainly a lot more thought out than anything I have to say. Maybe we can bring it up later with our guests.

But we have Seton Smith, who is a regular here at the Comedy Cellar. He was on the John Mulaney show about a year ago. Yeah, about. The show didn't last very long, but Seton was universally hailed as having done a nice job on that show. Oh, thank you, Don. I think. And then we have, and ever since then, he's been tearing it up. I know you've got other shit going on.

I don't know if there's anything you want to talk about, anything that's in the works in terms of TV shows. Oh, yeah, I think I can talk about it, yeah. We've got a development deal. We're going to do a Comedy Central. Yeah. All right. What kind of show is that?

It's going to be part sketch sitcom kind of thing. It's going to be like a narrative thing. I, for one, can't wait. Sketch comedy and sitcom? No, like sketch narrative. You know, like it's going to be a show about a sketch show.

But we're going to produce sketches and all. A show about a sketch show? Yeah. Oh, that's clever. Like 30 Rock. Yeah, like 30 Rock but not like that.

Yeah, but yeah, not like with the cute lemon. Like the Dick Van Dyke show. Yeah, more like Dick Van Dyke show. Thank you. Thank you, man. But I actually know, I'm actually curious what I'm supposed to announce. I, more like Dick Van Dyke Show. Thank you. Thank you, Mel. But I actually know,

I'm actually curious what I'm supposed to announce. I actually have no idea how these things work. Well, it's too late. It's too late. All I know is Comedy Central won't let me within

10 miles of their building. Wow, what year did you mess up? I didn't mess up anything. I've just been, I'm just not one of their faves. But that's neither here nor there. If you don't believe that about yourself, then you'll never get away.

I probably will never. No, you got to love yourself. You're like, they fucking need me. All right? And then you get shit. Well, I don't know if it's that simple. There is something to that. There actually is something to that.

You think Trump's looking in the mirror going, oh, they don't like me. There is something to that. That may be a necessary but not entirely sufficient, you know, criteria for... Not sufficient, no. But it is necessary. A positive, what do they say?

Actualization or envisioning yourself in that situation. I actually believe in that. Well, that might be... Tony Robbins stuff. Tony Robbins. Bill Clinton believes that stuff. The secret stuff. I mean, most successful people believe it.

Every man that's been successful had a vision first. They didn't just stumble out of shit. Like Matt Damon, Matt Damon always says that thing, like, oh, yeah, I'm very blessed. What the fuck is lucky about him? He always says, I'm really lucky to be successful. What is lucky about Matt Damon? A lot of things are lucky.

What? Give me something that's lucky. You think Good Will Hunting is lucky? You think he put that movie together by luck? Well, he had the connection with Rob. You know, we all have scripts on our computers. Some of them are good. Some of them stink.

But very few of us have. I think it was Rob Reiner. Somebody. Who was it? I don't know. William Goldman. Somebody was very much behind him and helped him with the script. I don't know.

He wrote the script, but he was given pointers, I guess, or ideas. Does that sound lucky? Does this sound like a lucky situation? Sounds lucky to be in striking. You are touching on the... You're touching on the third rail of conversation with Natterman.

Am I? Had he not had those contacts that, you know, the initial script they didn't like, he... Well, how did he get those contacts?

How do you get them? You just stand around? Contacts just jump on you? No. He got up and was like, There's a lot of luck to get contacts. Okay.

You know, he got a role. I mean, I don't know how he got those contacts, but I know that getting some people get contacts. You seem angry about this. Why are you so resistant to this idea?

What's going on? No, I... Tell him. I'll tell him. You don't tell him. I'm not. resistant to this idea? What's going on? Tell them. I'll tell them. You don't tell them. I'm not. I just feel like some people believe that it's all skill and talent

and hard work, and I don't believe that. I believe there's a lot of luck involved. That logic implies that if you don't make it, it's because you weren't good enough. I really want to interject, but I haven't been able to. But I don't want to go down this road because I don't want to be a mystery voice.

I'm just saying, I don't want to go down this trail of tears. It will only lead to me getting upset. But it's a good opportunity to introduce Giulia Rozzi. I don't know if that's the appropriate pronunciation. I like the way you said it. Thank you. Well, alright.

Julia is a comedian. I've known her for many years. Yes. I believe you were married when I met you. Yes, that's true. That's why I was here a lot, drinking. Okay. Yeah. And I know she doesn't work here,

and I don't know if she's ever auditioned. I haven't. Why are you looking at me? I don't know. But I appreciated that side eye. Thank you so much. Anyway. Why don't you try to audition?

Didn't you hear what he's been saying? You've got to picture yourself working at the comedy cell. You've got to walk in like you're somebody. I just went downstairs to use the bathroom. I haven't been here in years because, like I said, when I used to come here, I was drinking and sad. And I did get that visualization that you talked about. Yeah, no, it's beautiful. It is true. It's a little bit

of, it's hard to do, and I agree with you, because as much as I believe in visualizing what you want, then it's shitty, because it's like, if you do the secret, it's like, oh, what, I envision myself having cancer? You know what I mean? Like the bad stuff. Downside, right? Yeah, so, what? I envision myself having cancer. You know what I mean? Like the bad stuff. Yeah, so, I don't know. My

therapist says you co-create with God. So, it's half visualization and half doing the work. When he says God, he doesn't really mean God. He just means like the fate. Universe. Whatever you want to call it. And the energy. You co-create with the world. That's what she says. Well, it's odd that a therapist would

invoke that kind of mystical new agey stuff. That's what I was thinking Well, it's odd that a therapist would invoke that kind of mystical New Age-y stuff. That's what I was thinking, too. He just meant it. Is it she or he? It's a she. She just meant it. She's Italian. I'm Italian. She knows how I was raised. God's just easy. Can I tell you guys something? I don't want to change the subject,

but you don't know this. I had my kids converted to Judaism yesterday. What? Congratulations! Yesterday? Mazel tov. And I'll just tell you this. Mila got out. It's kind of like a baptism. And Mila said to Juanita, I went in the magic water. Now I'm really Jewish.

I thought that was cute. Does Juanita have to be Jewish for that? No. No, that's why they need to convert because she's not Jewish. So they're not Jewish by Jewish law. They have to convert. You're Jewish? to be Jewish for that? No. No, that's why they need to convert because she's not Jewish. So they're not Jewish by Jewish law. They have to convert. You're Jewish? I'm Jewish.

My son freaked out. He's like, I don't want to be Jewish. I hate being Jewish. They have to get dunked in the water. I thought I was Jewish for about a year. I went to a Jewish preschool in Palm Springs. And so I had to have a yarmulke and a dreidel. Is that true?

Yeah. After graduation, we had to put these yarmulkes on and sing some Hebrew songs. I had a lot of spades on this morning. I learned how to count on a dreidel. Oh, great. It happened to me. My mom sent me to Jewish camp by accident one year. By accident?

Yeah, like instead of the YMCA, she sent me to the YMH. YMCA. Oh. Yeah. I had a counselor named Rivka. Oh. Did you have that? I used to date a Jewish woman who told me there was a thing at the end where they reenact the Holocaust or the Inquisition.

Where they, in the middle of the night, they kind of take you. No. No, it's not like they don't kill you. They just kind of show you the things that have happened to Jews over time. That sounds horrible. Not at summer camp. Okay. I wasn't even talking about it.

But even that would be better than instruction to swim. Auschwitz Woods. If memory serves. It felt like a concentration camp. I'd much rather have that than being thrown in the unheated pool. Julia Rozzi, we brought them here because Julia Rossi is doing some show about, called Your First Time,

I think it's called. First Set, I want to have you on if you want to do it. So basically, a comedian performs like a regular stand-up show. You do like an eight-minute set

and then we watch footage, whatever your oldest comedy footage is. So it could be your, it's called First Set, but a lot of times people show things from like,

you know, first couple years of comedy and then I interview them while we watch the footage and it's really fun. That sounds great. That does sound like a great people show things from like, you know, first couple years of comedy. And then I interview them while we watch the footage. And it's really fun. That sounds great. That does sound like a great idea. Yeah, it's like, well, it's fun when people get embarrassed. It's also really fun because sometimes people will give me VHSs to transfer for them because I bought a VCR.

And so they don't even know what we're going to watch. Like, I found this tape under my bed. I'm like, great. And so I see it and they don't. So it's new to them. And the fun thing is a lot of times people are still kind of doing, not the same jokes, but you change, but you don't really change.

Your topics you like and your personality is still the same. You're just hopefully a stronger comic. Have you booked William Stevenson on that, Jo? No, but I'm open to booking whoever wants to do it. I don't know what tapes I have. Cut this out, Lou. I don't know what tapes I have. I don't think he types from 83.

Cut this out, Lou. I don't know what tapes I have. I used to have tapes, but I don't know if I have any old VHF. I'll look around. How could anyone? I kept all of them. That's why I started the show. I'm like, I have 40 sets to show. Oh, wow.

Yeah. I had one from like 97, I think, when I was 15. 15? Yeah, I did a talent show in Bomb in Newark, New Jersey. It was wonderful. I just got a fine at my mom's house. Oh, my God. That's awesome.

Yeah, you've done Julia's show, though. Yeah, I got a tape from about a contest I did like two and a half years in. Yeah. How many years in are you now? Oh, I'm sorry. 13. 13, okay.

You did comedy at 15? Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah. Well, he didn't say it was great. No, I wasn't great at all. It doesn't matter. Yeah, I did it at 17.

Where did you start, Dan? I started at 23. I do think that if I had advice to give to young folks that want to get into comedy other than don't get into comedy, no, I wouldn't say that. I would say start at about 18. I would say be

really good by the time you're 25 is helpful. Yeah, you'll be so rich by then. Well, I'm just saying it's better to be good young than it is to be good older. I mean, of all the things being equal. Might as well get a jump start. I read this great article, Mel Brooks' autobiography. He had this great line. Not autobiography, just a regular biography.

He said this great line. It was like, just a regular biography. He said this great line. It was like, you know, old never gets, I mean, funny never gets old. He said that's why because he made like

Spaceballs in the 65. You know, his career. No, no, you will get, look, old and funny have nothing to do

with each other. I agree with you 100%. However, I think there's more opportunities to be had. Absolutely. If you're younger, I think Comedy Central

or whomever, the powers that be are more likely to give you shit. It all comes back to Comedy Central. Well, whomever it is. You know, a network, whoever it is. Youth isn't a factor. Now, it's not the only factor.

But if you're looking to get into stand-up comedy, there's no sense in waiting forever. I think 15 might be too young. Are you saying that the Beatles at 40 years old saying I want to hold your hand would not have taken over the world? I'm not talking about music, Doug. No, I'm actually, I'm making your point. I mean,

youth is part of it. Yeah, okay. 40-year-old Beatles doing exactly the same thing would not have succeeded the way it did. Stand-up isn't a valid, that isn't a valid parallel. Because stand-up,

people like to listen to dudes in their 30s and 40s more than they want to listen to them in their 20s. Dudes. Like, people don't want to hear. I'm starting just specifically. No, but I'm agreeing with you.

I'm saying. And then if you're a woman doing it later, that's even. I think it's better. I don't know. I'm a big Phyllis Diller fan. I like it, but I don't know that it's. Well, look, you're going to be old anyway. That's going to happen.

So you might as well start when you're young. You hope it's going to happen. I know what you're saying. Louis C.K. is close to my age and he's at the peak of his career. Everybody wants to listen to that person, but old and young. But Eddie Murphy was not going to make it like he made it in his 40s.

Eddie Murphy, the youth... Louis is the exception to the rule. Louis is not the exception. Louis proves the rule because one of the reasons He's, Louis is not the exception. Louis proves the rule because one of the reasons He's kind of being a philosopher now. One of the reasons he was able to be where he is is because

he was in the door as a young person having the contacts, and we talk about contacts, he had to get in the door at these places, and he was already really, really good to get the contacts. And, you know, by the time he hit his 40s.

You know, he also had his vision, because he was trying to make that Louis probably like 20 years ago. He just didn't have it right. You also can't control when it happens. Like, I have beat myself up plenty of times for not making it at like 25 when I had the tools and the opportunities but like life happened and I wasn't ready I'm single for the first time in a long time and I'm kind of nervous to date only because I hear a lot of horror stories one of which is my friend

told me a story her friend went on a blind date with this guy they made out she got a mouth rash do you know her yeah it's a fucked up story so she got she probably went out with her but she got a mouth rash and uh the doctor said that's formaldehyde poisoning do you work in a morgue she said i don't but the guy i went on a date with does a week later that guy got arrested for having sex with dead bodies that story is so gross it makes you want to kill yourself, right? You're like, oh. Don't kill yourself,

because then that guy will fuck you. So, stay alive. I like having sex with living humans, and I really like doggy style, which is lying around all day and only getting excited when food is around. I love to eat in bed. And this is what I don't understand.

Why is breakfast in bed romantic? But when I stay in bed all day and eat lunch, dinner, dessert, and boxed wine, everyone's worried. It's like, don't be so judgmental. I can spend my month the way I want to, you know? And some people have to kind of like grow. I feel like Louis was that people have to kind of grow. I feel like Louis was that 50-year-old man. He needed to be that personality.

This is who he's meant to be. This is the comic he's meant to be. He's meant to be a disgruntled, you know, whatever. Dad, divorce. Yeah, exactly. He's not meant to be a 20-year-old. Louis did start at about 17 or 18. Also, this is really important. Also, some people aren't supposed to be famous in their 20s.

It is a horrible thing to put on a 20-year-old. That's what I just said. Oh, did you say that? Well, because you and I talked about that on first set. Not famous, not famous, but just starting to get in the door a little bit, starting to crack the door open for later fame. Look, most people ain't meant to be famous ever and ain't going to be famous. Ever.

But in terms of trying to get all the odds on your side as much as possible, obviously it couldn't hurt to start younger. Well, but Seton and I, remember when I interviewed you on my show, we both share a similar, like, it's not a regret, but we both

had really great opportunities in our first, I had them in my first few months, which was not good because I didn't know what to do with them. What were the opportunities you had in your first few months? I was, uh, I got passed to the comedy store as a paid regular, like my first month doing comedy.

That's in LA, right? Yeah. In LA. And, uh, I didn't understand why all the door guys hated me. I was like,

what, what's the problem? Um, and they were like, why are you getting spots in the main room? Like, I don't know. I'm funny.

Like, but I, and I, I was, you know, I mean, I had, obviously there was something seen in me, but I was so green. Like, I was a regular comic there two months in. Like, I had no commitment to it. I didn't know what I was doing. But, you know, I don't know. For me, I looked at my acting, like, back then, and I was like,

oh, I was probably good enough to probably move to New York three years in as opposed to seven years in. That's it. I just was like, oh. And you regret it. I regret it. I should have moved earlier. That's Dan's point. Yeah.

No, Dan's right. I regret moving to L.A. when I first started. But also, what does that do? The regret? Nothing. No, it just makes me sad. No, I'm not promoting regret. Dan lives on that regret.

What are you talking about? I'm not promoting regret. Dan lives on that regret. What are you talking about? I'm not promoting regret. I'm trying to avoid regret by telling people, if you really want to do this insane thing that we do, you know, there's no time like the present. Would you rather your child come to you and say, I want to be a comedian or be a musician? Good question.

That's a good question. I don't know. I mean, if he was enormously talented in music, you know. Let's say you thought they were equally talented in both. I'd say musician is, I would prefer musician. I'd say musician because you could be funny in between songs and make the best shows. I think.

The musicians I know are happier than the comedians in general. Well, maybe it's that happy people go into music rather than music makes you happy. You could be right. Well, also, I mean, I think I know why I get jealous of musicians is because they're not like begging for your attention.

Like you can talk during a set, you know, of music, but like a comedian you have to be like, listen. Also, there's the the woman issue.

Like musicians, for a guy, like musicians get a lot of women. And some comedians do but it's different like it's just so that's another reason

to go into music well so women why not listen getting women is a big motivator in this world

for a lot of people and a lot of careers I agree I really grossly miscalculated the pussy count in comedy I really did

I really thought there was going to be like a more of a pile than there is. It's more of a... I think... The most important thing in a man is that he can make me laugh. Yeah.

Unless he's a stand-up comic. No. In which case, no. In fact, I disagree. I think for those who are sufficiently motivated, there is plenty of pussy to be had. I agree. Could be that Seton doesn't have the eye of the tiger.

My best friends are musicians and his stories don't require the eye of the tiger. There was one time he did a gig and he left the gig. This woman was like, you're not leaving, are you? He's like, no, I'm just putting my stuff in the car. They immediately started making out. They go to her house, which happens to be a farm, and in the morning

she starts getting weird and asking to play music while her parents have eggs. But I never have stories like that. I don't have people just dripping. I just have people very earnestly interested in my life. Dude, I have stories that nobody to this day will believe. Like, you just can't believe what

comes your way as a musician. Did you used to be a musician? Yeah, yeah. Still is a musician. But I used to be on stage every night playing music. It was ridiculous. I know comics. They do have incredible stories. I'm not one of them. For whatever reason, leave it to your...

Then how did Dove see your pee-pee? Dove saw your pee-pee, yo. Yeah. Well, because, yeah, every now and again, you know, I get some... When Dove's around, he gets lucky. I didn't say I never get laid. I said that I'm not one of the ones that are inundated with it. That's you too, Dan, because I've seen you turn it away.

Partially it is because of me, because I'm not that big a dog or that sexually voracious. And part of it is because I'm not that guy that's cool and hip. I guarantee you, when Jeff Dye gets off stage, yeah, there's probably 20 women he could fuck with minimal effort. And I mean minimal. I did a show with Jeff Dye. That's absolutely true. I just want to support you on that.

Even if he were a FedEx delivery guy, he might have the same opportunities. I mean, because he's really good-looking. And a lot of musicians are good-looking, too. Meanwhile, I had, like a month ago, I did a comedy festival, and I had the creepiest person in the audience. And when I got on stage, I was like, oh, this guy's creepy looking. And he was very big, and he had a tiny, tiny cowboy hat

that looked like a child's hat, but he was wearing it as a hat. And then I did my set, and it was a sex-themed storytelling show, and I was like, great. And then he followed me out and was like, I really enjoyed your story. And I was like, you're sweating on me. And I was like, thanks. And then he followed me out and was like, I really enjoyed your story. And I was like, you're sweating on me. And I was like, thanks. And then he was like, what are you doing tonight?

I'm like, I'm going back to my hotel. And he was like, do you want a ride? And I was like, no. He's like, I'll give you a ride. I promise. With my miniature pony. I know.

He's like, I promise I won't kidnap you. I was like, ah, that's even scarier. Can't make promises you can't keep. You know, female comedians get dick too. You know, it's just not. They do get dick. Nobody got more pussy than Dave Attell.

Well, first of all, my guess is that's a gross exaggeration. Women would line up for Dave Attell. I'm telling you I remember. And I'm telling you. So don't blame it on Jeff Dye's good looks. Anyway, you mentioned kidnapping, which might be a nice segue to the story that you were going to tell us about your experience with the police. Well, we ran on Facebook, and I don't think we— of course, we brought you here to talk about your first time show.

First time. But I noticed on Facebook you said something which is really in the l'air du temps, as they say in French. What does that mean? What's going on in the world. It's exactly what's happening now. Racial profiling is a huge issue, and I noticed you had a personal story about it. Do you know about this, Seton?

I know about the story. I think we were being ambushed when we got pulled over in Cleveland. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So it happened like a month ago. I don't really like to post long things, and I don't know. I hesitate because it's also like a race thing.

I don't want to make it about me. I don't know. It's weird. But then a lot of people that I told the story to especially black people were like no please share it because there's something to a white person sharing a witnessing of discrimination that I think opens up the eyes of other white people do does that make sense yes yeah so anyways uh when I drove to this same comedy festival, my boyfriend, who's black, was in the front

seat, and our other friend was in the back seat, also black. I was speeding. I was going with traffic. I've never gotten a speeding ticket. Fine, get pulled over. But the cop followed us for five, seven solid minutes before pulling us over. It wasn't

an unsafe area to pull over. And then, so Clark, who's in the backseat, black, keeps turning around to see what's happening, which maybe looked, I don't know what, but we get pulled over and the cop doesn't come to my window. He goes to the back window, taps on the glass, tells Clark to roll down the window and says, put your hands on your lap where I can see them. And he says it like five times.

When was this? About a month ago. And doesn't say anything to me, and then goes to the front and tells Wills in the passenger seat to do the same thing. Meanwhile, I have my right hand on the wheel and my left hand by my side, so you can't see my left hand.

He doesn't say anything about what to do with my hands. And then he finally says, like, you know, like, where are you guys going? And then he asks me to get out of the car to have a private conversation with me to be like, do you know these guys? Like, what's your story here? He's asking if you're in trouble in some way.

I guess, and as somebody who does like to give people the benefit of the doubt because I do think most people are good, the tapping on the glass to talk to Clark first seemed completely bizarre as far as protocol. And also I'm going to go off of how they felt. They both

felt completely discriminated against. So it was just, I'd never witnessed anything like that that close to me by the cops. Noam, I know you're chomping at the bit. I'm not chomping at the bit. I will tell you this, that's why I asked when it was, because, you know, I live in Ardsley, which is in Westchester, and my wife and I have both been pulled over at least three, four times each over the last two years by cops

and never had a cop treat us badly. They let us go. My wife is, look, she's a person of color, as they say. She's dark. She's Indian. But anyway, but the other night, the other day, like, what is it, last week? She put it on Facebook.

She got pulled over. First of all, she's not Indian. She looks, she's half Indian, half Puerto Rican, but her looks are Indian. She's Hispanic. No, she looks Indian. Her mother's half Indian, half Puerto Rican, but her looks are Indian. She looks Hispanic. No, she looks Indian. Her mother's white, European, Puerto Rican. And all that is Indian. What did the cop you think would make her look?

Yeah, she doesn't look Indian to a cop. Most... When I go somewhere with her where there are Indians, they just assume that she's Indian. I'll tell you that. Now, maybe the cop... Whatever. I mean, how well can a cop even see somebody? But... Good question, cops. They could see the color of her skin not being white. But anyway, the point is this.

We've never, ever had a problem. But last week when she got pulled over, both cops approached her on both sides of the car holding their hands on their tasers. And she was really upset about it. which makes me think, especially about a month ago where the cops had just been shot, that the cops right now are using extra, extra caution when they approach vehicles. And I say that because in almost 10 things between us in the last five, the cops have never been anything like that. And all of a sudden now they are. And then what you're describing, they put your hands in your lap.

But he didn't say it to me. Well, you're a woman also. No, no, no. He approached the backseat first. But, yeah. Well, whatever. But I'm just saying that there... I'm not trying to defend cops. I'm just saying, because of what I've seen in my own town and how I see the behavior towards my wife is different now

than it ever has been before, and considering we have a zero crime rate in our town, it seems to me that, and then some cops have been shot around the country just being cops and things are so tense right now. If I were a cop,

I would be more nervous than I've ever been before. Maybe a year ago they would have done the same thing. I mean, it's a bad time all around. Yeah, I don't question

whether the cops are scared. Every video, those cops look dramatically scared. That's the problem. They're just retardedly scared. But the thing is, I mean,

I understand if they're scared, but the scary thing is they go from scared to can't, like, there's some steps in between scared and murder.

This is what I want to ask you about your situation. Were they nice? Yeah, and that's the thing. At first, he was a little stern, and I understand. And I felt defensive of the people in my car, but I made sure to not say anything out of line because I don't know who's going to get... The, who's going to get, uh, who's going to run of it. Yeah. The brunt of it, you know? And, um,

but I understood in that moment why sometimes people don't comply because you're like, this isn't fair. Like there's that, that, you know, that thing in you that gets mad. Um, especially when you're, especially when they're arrogant with you or they're commanding or they're talking down to you, which cops do all the time. He was not, he was nice at the end and Will and Clark, who I was in the car with, were actually, that was one of the

nicer experiences we had. And I was like, okay. And I felt bad and guilty and all that stuff. And then I was like, well, what, do I do anything? So I ended up calling the sheriff of the town just to have a conversation with him. I didn't think it was going to do much, but I told him what happened.

And he was like, well, you know, we have a huge sex trafficking problem. So are you really young? And I was like, no. And he was like, okay. He goes, well, what this, and he said exactly what you said. He goes, well, with the way things are right now, you know, everyone is a little scared. I'm like, I know, including the two people I had in the car with me, like they were just as scared. I'm like, I know, including the two people I had in the car with me. Like, they were just as scared. So, it's, you know,

it's just, it was just a shitty situation. I mean, I don't know what I wanted to have happen by calling, but I just wanted to call and say that it sucked. I will say that I would be flattered myself if a cop told me to put my

hands where they could see them. Normally what they say is, ma'am, you're being hysterical. Listen, with all the complaints I've heard, and I've experienced myself, from black friends who had bad experiences with the cops, the one thread that goes through it is the fucking attitude

and arrogance with which they talk to people. And to the extent that anybody, it's not just cops, anybody handles a situation and you sense a niceness and not, then they're probably coming from a decent place, in my opinion,

even if you disagree with what they're doing, as opposed to coming from the place of harassment, which is often the place where they are coming from. But you can smell that immediately. I believe you,

I mean, see, you must have had these experiences. Yeah, I've had a bunch and the one I've always learned is like, if you talk shit to people, they mean, Satan, you must have had these experiences. Yeah, I've had a bunch, and the one I've always learned is if you talk shit to people, they're going to talk shit back or fight you back.

I've always just turned into Jell-O. There was that old Richard Pryor joke where you say, I'm reaching for the glove compartment. I never took that as a joke. I do it every time. I put my hands on the steering wheel, and they come, and I go, I'm reaching for this. But he should have come to my window first.

Once you start worrying about should and could, you're going to get shot. You know, but I'm just saying, like, I'm the one. I've had guns to my face. I was in trouble. I've had guns to my face from robbers and cops. And once you start saying, like, I should, you'll get shot. I'm sorry. No, I don't agree with what you're saying at all.

If you're presuming you are in trouble, the first thing you go is the guy in the back. But why would he think I was in trouble? the first thing you go is the guy in the back. But why would he think I was in trouble? No, that's the question. But if he, or presuming, whatever it is, I mean,

I'm no expert on police procedure, but I don't know if the order with which he approaches people. But I'm just saying if it was two white guys in the car,

I doubt he would have thought that I was in trouble. You don't know that. I don't know that. And I'll tell you this because this has been like a defining experience in my life.

I, two times, I've gotten really badly treated by cops up against the wall. And one time, I was treated very roughly by cops, to the point where I felt like I was this close to getting the shit kicked out of me. And I'm about at least a threatening white guy walking around late at night as anybody you could find. But I was up against Mineta Garage, and the guy says, shut up! And he has

two hands on my thing, and I was telling him that I own the bar right next door, and the Olive Tree Cafe with the casa, and it scared the shit out of me, you know? And if I had been black, there would be no way to my dying day you could convince me it wasn't because I was black.

No fucking way. Just not possible. So, and then it was another another time I was just walking across Minetta Lane and I found myself up against the wall. This time the cop was easier with me, but I was still up against the wall and he accused me of peeing on the street. But I couldn't have been peeing on the street. It was obvious I wasn't.

So, you know, you give somebody a badge and that kind of power over people and it makes bad guys out of a lot of people, you know. And then race just is a whole other factor. I'm not, I am not downplaying or trying to say that they don't do it because of people's color. I'm saying that they also do it to people who aren't of color. I know that. And in any particular instance, you can't be sure, you know?

Well, I mean, and again, my reason for sharing it, because I waited a month to really be like, is this even important, was because people I spoke to were like, yeah. More so just to be like, hey, when someone tells you a story, hear the story so you can at least know how it, like the feeling that they had in it. You know what I mean? And I think by me sharing it, because if Will or Clark had posted it, someone could be like,

oh, another black person complaint, you know? And so I just wanted to share it as a witness just to be like, yeah, it felt weird. It felt wrong. I don't know what was going on. I mean, you know, I can't prove anything. But I just wanted to share it to be like, this is what I saw. Now, the important question, how many likes did that post get? But that wasn't even...

And then I got uncomfortable. And I know people mean well, and I'm overthinking it. But then some people were writing like, I'm so sorry that happened to you. You're so brave. I'm like, I'm not... No, I'm not looking for... Nothing happened. Like, I'm fine. Like, I'm just looking for nothing happened. Like, I'm fine.

Like, I'm just letting you know what I saw. See something, say something. I think it's good that you posted it. And I think it would be like Keith the Cop, you know, you know, Keith the Cop. Keith Maresca. Keith Maresca. I think it would be even a civic service to have a cop respond to it so that if the cops weren't doing anything wrong, if there's a good reason for what the cops did, it would be very helpful for society

to understand it so that if it happens to them, they don't judge it that way. Like if somebody said, well, you don't understand because this is a common way that people get shot. They don't check the backseat. You know, they don't know what happens in real life. And if somebody explained that to you, I'm not saying that's the case, then you'd be like, oh, now I understand. When I called the sheriff's department, he was

trying to explain to me the whole sex trafficking thing. But then when he went into the way the world is, and then he started saying all that, I was like, I think it's more about being scared of... He goes, well, with racial tensions right now, that's what he said. And the people who are being

sex trafficked they're like in the trunk they're not driving yeah so I mean and again I just

I'm just saying that doesn't seem like a real way to run a covert sex trafficking ring like having some girl drive around

you're not gonna put a valuable commodity in the trunk no you're not thank you so much for calling me a valuable commodity I was trunk. No, you're not. Thank you so much for calling me a valuable commodity. I was talking about sex.

Oh, oh, oh. But yes, yes, you're quite valuable. But, whoops, but I... And I think that maybe you're not 22, but you're certainly worth trafficking,

in my opinion. Oh, okay. Oh, damn. Oh, my God. See, and you said comedians, female comedians don't get anything.

But, I mean, anyways, I didn't really, I wouldn't post it. I didn't want to, like, engage with anyone in any heated debates or whatever. I just felt like it's a way to start a conversation. I also hate starting conversations online. Like, I don't even think that's the best way to do it. I just, I don't know. I had this information, and I wanted to share it, and that's it.

What about Charlotte? You think they planted the gun on him? I don't know. Remember that other... My wife is sure they planted the gun on him. Did you...

I wouldn't say that until I remember the last... Remember the last Charlotte shooting where he shot that dude eight times in the back and he was running away? Was that in Charlotte? That was North Charlotte.

Remember that shit? I remember it. Shit, that was North Charleston. Was it North Charleston or was it North Charlotte? It was Charleston, wasn't it? I don't know. The older guy that was like running... Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the worst case. Was it North Charleston or was it North Charlotte? It was Charleston, wasn't it? I don't know. The older guy?

That was like running for... Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the worst case of all of them. That was the worst one. It was murder. I mean, it was murder. Pure and simple.

He wasn't even running fast. Was that the recent one? Oh, no. That was last year. And no one got in trouble, right? No, I think he's in trouble. Is he in trouble? Because it seemed darker

than just race, too, because remember he had a partner in the car, and him and the other partner just kind of got out leisurely hanging out, and the other dude was just bolting like it was, and it just seemed mad sub-strategic. But anyways, I don't know, just because of that, I don't want to say it. I don't want to say it on tape. They were playing at it, but shit, man.

What I don't understand is with all the video cameras and all the videos, why is there never a fucking clear video of anything? Never. There's always, like the one that just, his wife was filming it, you can't see anything. If my husband is like,

I mean, I don't know how she was, where she was standing, but like you can't see anything. You have body cams, there's still nothing. I think that, who, you want to say something?

I was going to say, remember the clear video when the woman was on Facebook Live? Oh, wow. Yeah, that was clear. That was clear, and that still did nothing. No, no, but that video began after the shooting. Oh, I see. Yeah, okay.

Everybody talks about that video. That video tells us nothing. The video just only begins after it's already happened. Everything we need to know is before that. Well, it tells us the state of mind of the cop. He was like, I told him not to reach for the glove compartment. Yeah. If anything, it's right. Remember there was an Ohio one. There was an Ohio one. He was like, I told him not to reach for the glove compartment. Yeah. What about if anything is agitated?

Remember there was an Ohio one and there was an Ohio one where it was a campus policeman. Remember that one? And he, that video camera

actually was, his vest cam was like he sent in but that was completely wrong. He had his gun out before he even went to the window

and then he just, and the dude just didn't even know what was going on. He was too confused even though it was going on and he shot him. But why don't they use like

Taser? There's so many other things you can do. With a Taser? Yeah, just. There's another one in Oklahoma. God. I want to say two things about that.

First of all, I faulted Obama, sorry, for the fact that he didn't use any of these opportunities to really push federally for body cameras on every single policeman. Because, not that that would solve 100% of the time but there should be, to the extent that it's possible, there should be no

interactions between law enforcement and civilians that is not documented on videotape. We have the technology in this day and age and it's cheap. Of course they can shut it off maybe, but then the presumption should be if they shut it off to defend,

to explain why and the very fact that they shut it off or that it goes off right at the time something's happening is going to look very bad for them when they have

to go to trial. It seemed to have gone off every time now. Have you noticed that? No, it didn't go off in Charlotte. We see the whole thing. Yeah, but that was

because they were far distant. I'm talking about the other ones. This is the first time it actually hasn't gone off. It's a problem. Even the Charlotte one, there's no evidence of what was because they were far distant. I'm talking about the other ones. This is the first time it actually hasn't gone off. It surprised me. But even the Charlotte one, there's no evidence of what was in the person's hand. I can't see anything.

Because only one cop had a body camera. New Orleans got turned off. Minnesota got turned off. I'm sorry. I don't think you're right getting turned off. But anyway, that should be because in the end, you're not going to change people. You're not going to end racism. The biggest deterrence to murdering cops is going to be that they don't want to spend their life in jail. Cops that murder.

Cops that are murdering. No, no. The biggest deterrent right now to the situation is just convicting cops to shoot people wrongly. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. The biggest deterrent to them is if they can get convicted. But in order to convict them. And the best way to convict them is to have it on videotape. Because otherwise, a jury, without clear evidence, like I said, I thought it was ridiculous that they convicted Mike Tyson.

When it's just two people, by definition, since we say you're guilty until proven innocent, when it's one person's word against the other, and one person is a cop and the other person has a criminal record, jury's not going to put them in jail for 30 years on that. They need videotape. And I forget my second point. The problem is like... Obama, the conversation. No, but the problem is

so many layers and I also sometimes feel like, not that I'm, who am I? I'm a citizen so I can talk about this stuff but like, I've never been a cop and I've never been a black. So I can talk about this stuff, but like, I've never been a cop. I've never been a black person. So I feel like some, I don't know if you guys knew that, but I,

but like, so some, sometimes I hesitate to say too much because I want to have empathy for everyone involved. Cause like, I, I think it's hard to be a cop too. Like I,

I, my heart goes out to cops as well, but it's just the, the, the scary part is the drastic. It's like, why is nothing happening between pulled over, murder? Like, that's what fucking blows my mind. Where it does make me feel an apprehension and an assumption that cops are bad.

When there's nothing in between. The other thing I wanted to say about the people, why don't they shoot them in the leg? Why don't they tase them? From what I've heard and what I've tried to read about this, that is too risky. You're only supposed to shoot somebody

if your life is in danger. Yeah. Period. And if your life is in danger, neither shooting in the leg nor tasing is sufficient to be sure to bring you out of danger. The only thing you have to shoot

to the body where you can't miss, because if you miss, or even if you hit somebody in the leg, their shot right after that is in your head. People tase. We talk about Rodney King was tased like four times. He didn't go down. You tase the wrong person, they will shoot you. So

that's why they don't do that. I ain't going to lie. I ain't going to depend on the Rodney King reports. We saw it on video that he got tased. Oh, yeah, good point. I just don't believe those words of guys. They probably still work. If you're tased, whatever it is, you can still pull the trigger.

And the law and morality, I mean, it says, like, the question really is, were you really in danger of your life? That's where it comes out. I think most people, at the point where they say to themselves, look, if I were the cop, I would have felt like I was, that I might get killed. I think people are ready to understand that, you know. But a lot of times we say, well, were they really in danger of their life? Like, why couldn't they just stand back and just let the thing play out? Like, you know, and I've seen that out. And I've seen that sometimes. And I've experienced that as a bar owner sometimes

on a small scale. I think I told this story. I don't want my security guys getting in fights with anybody. It leads to liability. It leads to cops. People get hurt. My security guys can get hurt. There are plenty of stories of guys having bad experiences

with security guys and then coming back and shooting the security guys, setting the place on fire. So I'm always trying to get them to not do it, even to the point of telling them if somebody doesn't want to pay the check, just let them go. Don't get physical. One night we had an issue with security because somebody was smoking in the bar and they got physical, turned into a big thing. I said, why did you get physical with him? He's smoking in the bar. It's illegal. I'm like, alright, but, you know, if he finishes a cigarette

and just left on his own, it's not the end of the world. Like, it's not, we're not, we're not going to get shut down by the health department comes. We can say, listen, he won't put it out. Like, just let it go. It's not worth it. And sometimes you wonder why the cops don't just stand

back and just let it play out as long as it takes, why they force the issue, and then someone ends up getting shot. But at the point where somebody does look like they might shoot somebody, I can't blame the cops for shooting them. I'm not gonna.

That smoking story is on Noam's playlist. He likes it very much. It's a fun way and hear the story. I understand that, but it is one of your favorite stories. I do have a question for Julia, first of all. Fuck you, Dan Natterman. It's on your playlist. I get to say it twice. You say the same fucking jokes every night.

What do you want from me? This is my show. It's not real. I'm not criticizing him. Today's a different show than it was two weeks ago. When did I ever say I didn't enjoy your playlist? Fair enough. I take it back. I'm just saying that is, you know, on your, you know, you got a few, you got sounds of the 70s.

You know, stories for the podcast. Seeing you do dance playlists. I've seen your dance. I was passed over. Julia, first of all, with regard to you never having been black, I will say you could pass for Iranian. Absolutely. She reminds me of Shoshanna. Or even somebody that has some black ancestry that nobody in your family talks about. I can see that happening as well.

Italians are kind of. That certainly could be when I look at it. True romance. True romance. But I have a question for you. So your boyfriend, was his name Clark? No, Clark was a guy in Nevada. No, Will's my boyfriend.

They're both comics. They're both comics because that's what goes on. Comics, hanging out together and oftentimes it gets romantic. I mean, an attractive female comic is like honey to a bee. Well,

there's no shortage of them. That's for sure. My question is, do you guys, now that was as you as a white woman, although I use the word white, you know, with quotes. Oh, thank you so much for the quotes. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. I think you've earned those quotes.

Did you talk to your, was it awkward afterwards? Like, were you with your boyfriend? Were you like, oh, that was kind of weird. Sorry about that. No, him and Clark were making tons of jokes. And I was like, oh, this is actually really funny right now. They're like, well, yeah, like we didn't get shot. Like we're pretty thrilled right now. Like they were so, and to them it happens all the time. So all they can do is make jokes about it. But to me,

looking over at them and just seeing them with their hands on their lap, staring straight and not move, like neither of them moved. And even when I went to go talk to the cop outside the car, which was weird, the cop called me out. When I came back, they were in the same position. And that's what I think broke my heart more than the cop interaction, was that they've been trained to obey without question. That's the part that, like, and I was like, fuck, I want to start yelling right now. Well, that is certainly a sad experience. I don't know if it's quite as bad as the panic attack I had in Cleveland

before a show. Or the time you had to go to the bathroom in the fire department in the firehouse? Yeah, yeah. Also on the playlist. He wouldn't let me in, you know. And because you were Jewish. No, it wasn't because I was Jewish. You thought it was because you were Jewish. No, no, no, you're not listening to me. People think I'm Jewish, too. It wasn't because I thought it was

because he didn't feel a kinship with me. But I feel if it was Robert Kelly, then he would have been like, ah, he's one of us. Let's let him have his shit. He went into the fire department. He had a real...

I had to use the toilet. And they wouldn't let him. And I don't know if that's standard practice, but I would think if Artie Lang walked up and was like, dude... Because they would have been like,

Artie! Well, that's because he's famous. That's different. I like this theme of you, Dan, where you think everybody is holding you back. No, no, no. I love this as a character.

Except him. He's not holding himself back. That's what his playlist is called. If you were more self-aware, this would be an amazing TV show. If you just... It's really amazing, actually. Well, if I...

You are more than what you think you are. It's fucking awesome. Well, I don't understand it. Black people can, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, you're more than what you think you are. It's fucking awesome. If, if, if, if, if, if,

if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if,

if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if,

if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if,

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if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if,

if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if,

if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if,

if, She looks like the woman we had on here who did the catcalling video. Yeah, she's Shoshana something or other. Is that a compliment? Yeah, a lovely woman. People of color liked her in the video. You saw that catcalling. Oh, I don't remember what she looked like. The one that Michael Che got in trouble for.

Michael Che's gotten in trouble with women a few times this year. It's been actually one of the best reads. I wish he would publish that shit. I'm sorry that he's off Facebook. Yeah. I feel like he got cowed. I'm sorry that he's off Facebook. Yeah. I feel like he got cowed. I don't like that. Yeah, he left.

I mean, I think of leaving, too. I'm like, what am I doing here? Yeah, it's a party that you're sticking around a little too long for. I mean, your grandparents are making real comments. It's gross now. Yeah. Instagram's great. How is Facebook not a monopoly that needs to be broken up?

Yeah, I can't believe it's still around. It's not a monopoly. Well, it sort of is. People can't. Yeah, I can't believe it's still around. It's not a monopoly. Well, it sort of is. People can't quit it. People can't quit it. It's like the only, it's become like, it's almost become like your telephone or your, you know, it's like all there is.

Yeah, like I'll find you on Facebook when you need someone. Yeah, it's like all there is. It's like, yeah, it is a telephone book, good point. Yeah. You know, it's, I mean, now the value of it is precisely the fact that you can find everybody on it. So it wouldn't be valuable if it were broken up. But still, it seems kind of monopoly-ish to me.

Leaving Facebook just proves to you how lazy people are. That's all it shows. What is that? Like, as soon as I left Facebook, my social circle, like, shrunk exponentially. Are you gone? Are you off it? Yeah. How do you feel?

Well, I've been off Facebook for, like, a couple years. Was it a nice experience when you gone? Are you off it? Yeah. How do you feel? Well, I've been off Facebook for like a couple of years. Was it a nice experience when you left? I didn't really, I don't know. It wasn't good or bad. I just kind of noticed that. I just realized that I was keeping in touch with people that like I really probably wouldn't keep in touch with. And that's what happened. Exactly.

I mean, for comedy, it's good for like booking and whatever. But I'm also like, if you really want to book me, I guess, I don't know, my email address is available. I don't know how to interact with fans. I don't feel like that's fun. I don't want to be that. It's good to get laid, Facebook, that is, because it's less threatening just to say to a girl on Facebook, hey, what's, you know, rather than say, can I get your number? Yeah, let's be Facebook friends.

When's the last time you got laid off Facebook? I'm just asking. Although I got laid on Facebook? That's a good question. Because Instagram, I feel like DMing is usually now the new... Well, yeah,

but that's similar, yes. It is similar. The last time I got laid on Facebook, good question. But I don't get laid that much anyway. So you're talking

about a sample, you're not talking about a good sampling. I think somebody that knows how to use Facebook could do a very good job of getting laid on Facebook. The question was asked, Julia, I believe, asked if I get laid from this podcast.

The answer to that question is no. I think Facebook, the next level for them would be if they could somehow make it not completely all-inclusive. But that might not be good enough. What do you mean all-inclusive? Like you get buffet? No, like you have a fan section, your grandma's not on that section. You know what I mean? It's, like, weird that, like, family things are intertwined with, like, friends.

You can block people. It takes a lot of work. You have to, like, go in and be like, this post is only visible to these people. It's, like, a lot. Yeah, that's what I mean. It's, like, too inclusive. Like, nobody wants all of their worlds colliding like that on a daily basis. You can set your friends up into groups.

You can do this on Facebook and then make your default setting to be to this group. So then they only see certain things that you post? Yes. Or you know what Juanita does? She has one for her family and one for the world. This is what happened to MySpace. MySpace turned into a mess real quick. Remember that?

It was like, really? At first it was good. And then at first it was, what is all this shit? Why is there so much? It got so busy that mine kept crashing all the time. I don't know if that's what brought the,

why MySpace didn't succeed in the end. Because your page was crashing? No, like every time I went on somebody's page that had too much shit on it, you brought down MySpace. My computer crashed

every time I went on somebody's MySpace page where like you went on there and there was all this crazy shit and dancing. Yeah, because you could do like weird backgrounds. Oh yeah, you could have a song

on your page. MySpace was a mess. My computer would crash. So I don't know if that's the reason why Facebook ended up becoming what Facebook became. We had a guy a couple years ago that wrote a book on Facebook that I guess explained that to us.

There were a billion factors, but that might have been one of them. He wrote a book on Mark Zuckerberg? He wrote a book called The Facebook Revolution. And the more I think about it, the more it is a revolution. I mean, I think that because we talk about all these police incidents, without Facebook, would this controversy exist? Would Black Lives Matter even be a movement but the problem i think it's you know that face book is a is a textbook uh...

uh... example of confirmation bias like as it is a good i see a an incident on the on face book we know statistically and i'm not reasonably am not making any racial love thing here but we know statistically that in the last year, one-third of the people shot by cops were black

and two-thirds were not black. But if you look at Facebook and what goes around, you would literally think it's exclusively black. So that's confirmation bias. And the other thing is that we don't know, like I don't even have a feel for it, but how many interactions are there similar to these kind of things that we're seeing between cops and humans that end fine? So, like, when you see a guy being shot by the cops, is that one out of a hundred times?

Is that one out of a million times? Like, we just can't gauge it. If I knew that every day there's 100,000 interactions with cops and five times a year somebody gets shot, I'd say, okay. You put some perspective on it. You can't tell any of these things from Facebook. All you see is it's viral.

It happened again. You have no way to... That's not... It's unhealthy. If you look at it like this, it's a worst nightmare scenario that somebody you trust ends up shooting you. It's like, it's also the same equivalent of, like, putting your kids out. Like, nobody leaves their kids, like, a five-year-old unattended because, you know, one out of 100 or one out of 10,000 kids were kidnapped. And now every parent is freaking out about their kid being kidnapped.

You know what I mean? That's exactly the same thing. Now the kidnapping goes on Facebook. You see, my wife is afraid to let the kids out. I'm like, sweetheart, the kids are not going to get kidnapped. Every single time it happens, you see it all over Facebook. But your chances of getting kidnapped are way less than even winning the lottery. But she has no way

to gauge it. She doesn't know if this... But she also plays the lottery, doesn't she? She's Puerto Rican, of course she does. She's convinced every time she's going to win. We don't have enough facts for an intelligent person who wants to just gauge it. Not to say that... It's not saying that the examples that we see are not

what they appear to be. It's not saying this is not murder. But in terms of like when you're getting pulled over by the cops. Like my wife was like, she was like petrified. I felt like I was going to get killed. She has no way to gauge was she really in a risk of being killed? Or would it have been like a totally freak occurrence? I don't even know the answer to that.

Well, you know, there probably are things that people do post on Facebook. They don't go viral, you know. But there's studies, I'm sure, and statistics. Yeah. Well, I think two things. I think if your wife was scared, I also think there's just human intuition, and you know when you're in a dangerous situation, not dangerous, you know. And I think, too, you just have to be a responsible consumer.

So, like, if I see somebody tweet a fact before, and if I'm like, what? This is, fuck, Trump did that. What? And I'll, like, before I retweet it,

I try to do a little research. Trump doesn't do that. He just retweets. I know, I know. But I'm just saying, but, like, you can do a little research to make sure

that the rumors you're spreading aren't, you know, they're not rumors, they're facts. No, but I'm saying even when it's true, we don't know how to gauge it. we don't know how to gauge it. I don't know how to gauge it.

I can't measure, if I see, if pianos falling on people's heads start going viral all over the country, I'm like, all right, I don't know. Is this really a huge problem? Is it a small problem? It doesn't mean that the individual guy who was moving the piano that dropped it on somebody's head

didn't do something really bad. But do I have to be looking up all the time when I'm walking? I don't know. I forget where I read it. If I'm near a Steinway building. But there's been a lot out there about how our brains are not designed to

absorb this much information. So there's all this information and there's not enough sussing it out to know what's real and not real. So there's all this information and there's not enough sussing it out to know what's real and not real. So we're overloaded. We're just like walking around

spitting out things that we saw. Yeah, I think, I don't know, I've been reading a lot of Eckhart Tolle, so I might get kind of spacey right now,

but I think, yeah. What is it? Eckhart Tolle, New Earth, Empowered Now. Yes. He has this theory that a man right now, mankind's having

an overthinking problem. Like if you look at our bodies, he thinks the brain and the hand are the same thing. They're just tools for us to get through life. And our fallacy right now is we're thinking our brain is the reality. Our thoughts are actually real, and we're having troubles just associating from that. But there's a movement now people actually started to realize.

Like people who meditate and be in the moment, they're starting to learn. What's the name of this guy? Eckhart Tolle. You never heard of him? Never heard of him. That's odd for a man who's an educated reading kind of a guy. Howard now is heavy. Yeah, that's an Oprah thing. That was before she left. That was her last little

Maybe that's why. Sounds interesting. I want to pick it up. It changed my life. I didn't realize how much bullshit I was thinking was real. What's the rule? Your mind is a prison. You create your reality. If Dan is saying his reality is that a certain network hates him,

then that's true. It could well be that we all... That everyone's against us. It could be that. It could be that we all just appeared right now. Our whole life is just an implanted memory. Oh, well, you guys are all in my dream.

You're not real. I'm the only one that's real. True. Well, no, I know that I'm real. But you don't know that. Right. So that's an interesting thing. Do you really believe any of this stuff?

Not really. Okay. But it could be. No, no. I don't. No, but it's possible. I don't know. But it's possible. That's metaphysics, right?

But we're getting into an area now. That book, Power Now, doesn't go that deep. It goes just more or less one notch below of just recognizing reality for what it is and responding appropriately as opposed to all that shit. We're about out of time.

This is about as good an insight into the kind of conversations that go on at the comedian table as I think we've ever had. I think it was a good show. Very good.

What about Julia auditioning? Do you feel you're ready to audition for The Comedy Cellar? Yeah, I do. If you feel you're ready. I forgot, I didn't mean to sign off

before Dan had the spot where he's supposed to make me really uncomfortable. Go ahead. Oh, do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. No, no, because what you'll do is

you'll give Esty a video and then she'll decide. It's really not Noam's. It is Noam's call technically because he's the owner. As far as anybody knows, it's not my decision. It's better than the video

isn't even the way to go. Well, no, a link, a link, a link. Not a DVD. I thought it was someone get recognized. Well, you got to show a video. I mean, if anybody recommends you, that's certainly... That's helpful.

I haven't actually seen you in a while. I'd love to see you. I would love you to work here just because I find you a... I haven't seen you. Actually, we haven't talked in a while, but I'm remembering. I like this chick. It's been years. Thank you.

You're a Nazi. Where else do you work? I work at Gotham and Caroline's. The truth is... What about the stand? Do you work at the stand? No. Okay, maybe she might be all right. The truth is... He's into it now.

Might work out. Well, the truth is, if you look at our schedule, there's not a lot of women on the schedule, and no one would like... I think I'm not speaking... I don't care whether they're women, black, gay, straight. I want funny people. Right.

But all else being equal, diversity cannot hurt and probably helps the show. All things being equal is a fallacy. All things are never equal. All things being, well, you know what I'm getting at. I know what you're getting at, but people always say this, but the fact is all things are never equal. If you're funny, we can use you. Period. Yes, but the fact that she's a woman will only make the show.

He's telling you no. Well, I'm telling him yes. I don't care what he's telling me. Obviously, you don't book shows with all your black comics with me. First of all, me and Lenny on the same show And Modi is bad enough I don't know whose idea that was but sometimes that happens But that's because

I have a point You want to mix up the brand of humor The brand of humor for God's sake I'll work here Stop begging If you feel you're ready I went through this When I was at I used to have the cafe water. It's an interesting thing where I started out with a all white band and one black female singer, Roslyn.

And then, and the crowd was very mixed. And then over the years, as a white guy in a band would leave, I would audition. And I'd end up hiring another black musician to play Sawaka because they were always just the better musicians. And at some point, the band became 90% black. If you had said,

the whites are always better musicians, we'd have had a fight on it. By the end, it was like the band was seven black guys and one white guy. And I always worried.

I said, is this going to create an impression where white people or any non-black people are like, no, this is probably a black club, you know? But I said, is this going to create an impression where white people or any non-black people are like, no, this is probably a black club, you know? But I noticed and I learned it didn't. The crowd never, Kristen knows, she doesn't work there. That's also the music they were playing, too. That's right.

So I learned and I feel like. If you play enough Yaz, you'll get some white motherfuckers. You could have, without any question, an all-black lineup, and it would not matter. Nobody would think, oh, this is a black club. It would still be, if you had six comics doing black humor that appeals to, like really targeted a black audience. No, no, no, I don't know. Yeah, he knows. That rule's getting a little bit more vague.

Why don't you explain that to us? I know what you mean, but that rule used to be a thing. I think in clubs it still may be, but Hannibal's show, for a few years, Knitting Factory, he notoriously was doing all black lineups for a while

and would get more and more white audiences. That's the first and only time I've ever seen that. But it's the, like, what's his name? It's like if you're doing the Kings of Comedy like that,

like Bernie Mac. I'm not sure. I'm not even sure if it exists, but what's his name? The older black comic. Which one? Older black tall? He's such a nice guy.

Anyway, and he does some jokes that concern real coming home from church and it always strikes me as, oh, like, this is really, like, Jewish humor. It's like certain jokes, like, Jewish people really get it, but it kind of goes over other people's head. And that's why I say, like, if I had five comics like that, I think the white people are like, well, this doesn't really seem like, or non-black people say, I think this is not, this is targeted to a different demographic. Anything that's too specific.

I'm just saying it's not the color of the skin of the person delivering the jokes. Right. It really doesn't matter. And so just to disabuse Dan, I don't think it matters if you have five black comics. It's the same way if you had six women of all different races but they all talked about their ex-boyfriends and nothing else.

Exactly. I'm assuming that because Julia's a woman, she's going to tell jokes that I don't tell. but they all talked about their ex-boyfriends and nothing else. Exactly. Or their period. Although that would be all right, too. I'm assuming that because Julia's a woman, she's going to tell jokes that I don't tell. I could be wrong. Maybe she does talk about not being able to get laid. But my guess is she has, because she's a woman,

she has a different perspective. Okay, so it's okay to have you and Jeff die on the same show, but not you and Lenny Marcus? It's okay, but I'd rather not go at least right after him. Because... Mainly I feel like the audience is thinking, for God's sakes, another one? People often think I'm Lenny after the show.

They go, you did great, even a show I wasn't on. And they go, oh, you were great. Because sitting down, Lenny's taller, but sitting down you can't. That's a perfect example, right? Because the two black guys on the show get confused for each other, first of all, they can get offended, and the person who confuses them will want to just hide, to be so embarrassed.

I get confused by bearded white guys all the time. Yeah. Oh, my God. All the time. Confused with who? Like, just white, like, I've gotten more confused between white guys lately than... Oh, you confused the bearded white guys.

I thought you meant that you got, somebody thought you were a bearded white guy. Oh, I could see that happening. Yeah, well, that... No, there's like an alt... Especially in the alt-white community, like the white,

Anglo-Saxon... Those, like, they have to introduce themselves five times because I just, I don't know. Yeah, I'm like, Josh?

Michael? Tom. I used to confuse Andrew Schultz and Sam Morrell the first week I met them. Oh, God. That's just silly. Now you're just being silly. I'm telling you the truth. I Sam Morrell the first week I met them. That's just silly. Now you're just being silly.

I'm telling you the truth. I believe it's the truth. I also believe you're out of your mind. Well, I did. I can see that. If you don't really look at them closely from a distance. I don't see that similarity, no. I think I have bad facial recognition.

Anyway, I think I do. Good thing Facebook does it for you I have trouble In movies sometimes Like Certain characters Are easy for me To distinguish Sometimes I'll

Say is that the same guy Who was You know I don't know Do you ever have that problem Yeah probably Probably I have it a lot

I'm pretty sure I never forget a face You never forget a face I don't forget a face I forget names But not faces I can only remember people by their jokes. Are you ready to say goodbye, Dan?

I think so. I think so. I think it was a good show, by the way. Send me a video. And in no small part, thanks to Giulio Razzi and Seaton Smith. Seaton. Seaton. Seaton.

Seaton. Yeah, and come do your first set if you find a tape. I got to go look. My parents might have a tape because they don't throw shit out in their house. I have a converter. Saw a converter. Is the stand moving or closing? I don't know. I don't go look. My parents might have a tape because they don't throw shit out in their house. I have a converter. Saw a converter. Is the stand moving or closing? I don't know.

I don't go there either. You haven't heard that rumor? Yeah. Didn't you used to be associated with those guys? I was, like, maybe for, like, three months. Oh. Have you heard that rumor? Three months, five years ago.

Damn, no. I might have heard it. I'm not sure. I'm bad with faces. I'm bad with names. But anybody associated with the stand. Never forget to stab in the back. No, I'm bad with faces I'm bad with names but anybody who says they were to the stand never forget to stab in the back

no no I'm just kidding okay bye everybody bye bye