The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Hasan Minhaj, Margaux Ewen, and Dave Juskow

Episode Date: September 8, 2017

Hasan Minhaj is a standup comedian and contributor to The Daily Show with Trevor Noah. He may be seen performing regularly at the Comedy Cellar. Margaux Ewen is the Advocacy and Communications Director for Reporters Without Borders US. Dave Juskow is a standup comedian whose live shows -- including the upcoming 'Grease is the Word' -- may be seen regularly at the Comedy Cellar.

Good evening everybody, welcome to the Comedy Cellar show here on Sirius XM Channel 99. We're here at the, actually it's not technically the usual table because we had to start a little bit late because one of our guests had to come late, but we're here at the Comedy Cellar with, of course, my co-host Mr. Dan Natterman. Thank you. Mr. Dave Juskow, a comedy of a motion picture and Broadway musical satire impresario. That's true.

Mr. Hassan Minhaj from The Daily Show. Most of you must know who he is already. Hello. And Margot Ewan. Yes. Is an advocacy and communications director for the North American Office of Reporters Without Borders.

That's kind of like Doctors Without Borders. It's like a right-wing organization. Yeah, I didn't think so. No, I just... The fighter shirt, you can tell it wasn't me. Border Patrol agents without borders. Yeah, conservatives love reporters. Yeah, we love our borders.

I'm amazed you guys couldn't just keep Borders Bookstore going off of just sheer will. You're right. We should have. Okay, go ahead. No, there's a big... Hashtag save borders. There's a big announcement to make in the world of New York stand-up comedy. Well, it's a rumor, but I'm pretty sure it's true. I heard just last night that Jerry Seinfeld

and Chris Mazzilli, the owner of the Gotham Comedy Club, are joining forces and opening up a comedy club on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. Has anybody else heard this rumor? Why would you break this to me on the air? Well, what better place to break it to you when I can get a real reaction?

I gotta say that's odd to bring it up right now. Well, what better place would one bring something like that? Why would I open a comedy club on the Upper West Side? Has anyone else heard this? You must have been gleeful when you heard this news. Why would I be gleeful to learn that a club that I would likely never work at because, number one, Chris Mazzoli doesn't really use me very often at his club, and number two, I have no relationship with Seinfeld.

So to be gleeful would be illogical. But it is interesting. I'm told that it will be a very large headliner club. And I don't know that Gotham will continue on its 23rd Street location or if they will be folded into this new...

I do not know. But this is what I heard. So thus ends stand-up New York's reign. That should effectively finish them off. I'm really upset right now. Can we talk about something else? Well, no. I would suggest to you that I don't think it's as grave as all that,

because it's going to be, as I was told anyway, a headliner club. That is to say, a headliner with an opening act, unlike the Comedy Cellar. The Comedy Cellar is the greatest comedy club in the world. You mean headliner with an opening act unlike the Comedy Cellar. The Comedy Cellar is the greatest comedy club in the world. You mean like a 1530-45 situation. That's correct. Yeah, that's not... It doesn't compete. It just comes... Like right before we did the show right now, Ray Romano's sitting over there

and he says, I can't imitate him. He says, can you come here for a second? He says, I don't want to speak out of turn, but this Vegas thing, I don't know if this is a good idea. And then he proceeded to give me 15 minutes on why Vegas is not a good idea. Oh, no. And I walked across the aisle.

You tell me why Jerry Seinfeld is opening a thing. It's all coming to an end. What's going on in Vegas? We're opening a club in Vegas. Called the Comedy Cellar? Called the Comedy Cellar. Oh, man. Have you lost your mind?

I know. This is historic. And it's going to be. I think that seemed like such a good idea. What's his reasoning? Can you tell us? His reasoning is... I mean, he said...

He had the same reasons that made me worry about the idea. Will the name translate in Las Vegas? Will the comedians all want to go out there? Will the numbers add up? This is the greatest comedy club in the world. It's a fact. It's been written about, so why wouldn't it translate? Listen, the failing New York Times wrote about this place.

Yeah. And it was incredible. It was an incredible piece, by the way. I thought it was awesome. We get a lot of New Yorker. A Night at the Cellar, right? Yes. And I loved how they featured the whole gamut.

That was what was cool. Jason Zineman's article, right? Yeah. Excellent article. It was really good. Have you been to Vegas? You think these people are reading the New York Times? I think they are.

I think they are. Now you're making me sad. The big issue is that it's hard to recreate exactly what we have here in New York because what we have here in New York is comics dropped by. We have celebrities that drop by. We also have comics of your stature, Hassan. This is the best club in the world to hang out at. That are willing to work here because you live in the area.

You stop down. But would you be willing to go to Vegas for an entire week? Who wouldn't want to go to Vegas for an entire week? No, no, no. Listen. I don't want to make you feel bad. You're talking to me? About going.

Hassan is not going to Vegas for a week. I'm telling you that right now. I can't. That's not happening. That's what I had said to you at the table with Ray. I work Monday through Friday. What if you're on vacation? It was a rhetorical question.

Obviously, Hassan's not going for the money that I would go for, unless you're willing to offer him more. He's so handsome. He can work wherever he wants. Listen, we might have to have two things. We might have to have regular headlining show, I mean, regular showcase shows, like Nick Griffin is doing Brad Garrett's next week.

And then from time to time, like Michael Che, I know, is still going around the country doing clubs. When he's off, yeah. So that would have to be a different deal. We would have to do a Michael Che, and he would have to be like a headlining Michael Che that week, or Hasan or whoever it is.

Yeah. And then the room is 250 people. So what do you do for someone like me, do a Michael Che, and he would have to be like a headlining Michael Che that week, or Hasan or whoever it is, and then the room is 250 people So what do you do for someone like me if I'm, because I do theaters, you just do, we do three shows or something like that? Yeah, whatever we can sell them, whatever, got it if the numbers can somehow add up, that make it worth your while

and I don't know the answer to that and you probably don't know the answer to that because, I don't, the answer to that. And you probably don't know the answer to that because I don't want favors from anybody. I want them to do it because they want to do it. Good business. The million dollar question obviously is does the name The Comedy Cellar, what kind of juice does it have, will it have in Las

Vegas? That's an unknown factor. How long has the Fat Black been open? 20 years. But as a comedy room? Oh, no, a year. That's one of my favorite rooms right now. Really? Yeah.

I've been workshopping my show there. It's the best. I just want to briefly outline to the listeners that the comedy cellar, they may not know, they may never have been here. There's three comedy rooms here. There's the original comedy cellar, or comedy cellar classic, as I call it. There's the comedy cellar at the Village Underground. It's like Coca-Cola classic.

No comedy cellar. Then upstairs at the bar that Noam owns upstairs, the Fat Black Pussycat's the name of the bar, and there's a lounge there, and we do comedy in that lounge. The difference being is it's a little more intimate, and there's couches and comfortable chairs. And for some reason,

and maybe Hassan doesn't find this, but the laughter never seems to be quite as vigorous in the Fat Black Pussycat room. But you can have a real, real conversation to work on that new stuff. That's the thing that Opium Den gives you.

Yes, it's a more relaxed atmosphere. Yes. I feel like, yeah, you can't ride the wave as much, like you can in the main room or the VU when it gets really hot, but if you're working on that new hour, it's a great place to be. But why do you think it is? A lot of people say it's- Well, let me tell you, it's also the acoustics of the room. It's carpeted, and the ceiling is very high. I'm even thinking about lowering the ceiling. Oh, that'd be cool. In order to make that.

That could be cool. Can we do that? Yeah, you can do it. I just assume lowering a ceiling. Then what about that area up? It'll have to angle up in some way. Oh, I see. But, I mean, in the underground, one of the improvements I made was to change the material of the ceiling to be a very hard, like, metallic material so that the lefts would bounce off the ceiling better.

Oh, wow. And it made a big difference. Wow. Do you have to clear that with the city? Isn't it, like, or is that? That's a good question. That's a good question, though. Yes.

This was just cosmetic. But, yeah, you have to clear everything. Is this an offline conversation? No. You know how at work they go, let's have this conversation offline? That's when you know shit's getting real. You can tile your ceiling.

Could this make landmark status, this club? What does that mean? You know, like it can't be torn down ever? That's interesting. Have you ever applied for that? They don't do that for businesses. The building is landmark. Let's talk about something that might be interesting to people.

First of all, though, this is fascinating. No, no, I don't mean that. I'm talking about the comedy store in general. You get this. No, we're... I just... A quick question with regard to the Fat Black Pussycat. Because the laughter tends to be less... Not as loud. Loud. Do you think that the customers are perceiving it as less of an experience? And are you

finding that with emails that you get? No, I don't find that with emails we get. No, the customers are having a great time there. It does look that way from only performing there a couple times. It looks like everybody's smiling and happy even though, like you said, sometimes the laughs are a little different. You can see the people's faces.

I think it is the acoustics. Because their faces, they are engaged. I, as a comedian, don't have the confidence to talk to girls after the show with a fat black pussy cat. Because I feel like I haven't. You could have just said that I don't have the confidence to talk to girls after the show with a fat black pussy cat. Because I feel like I haven't. You could have just said that. I don't have the confidence to talk to girls after the show. You didn't have to add in just the place.

Chappelle's come a few times there. Kevin Hart. A bunch of people come in for New Joke Night is the best. God bless Will Silvins. That was all his idea. Really? Is that right? Yeah.

Oh, that's great. It's my favorite show. Monday and Thursday. God bless Will for just taking that video of that girl in Philadelphia. Oh, I know. That was the greatest. Will came in and pitched the idea to Esty as he's like, nah. A new joke night. Yeah, Esty didn't like the idea at all.

But anyway, it worked out. Alright, so what are we talking about today? Well, I think Dave... DACA? Well, Dave had a... Can we do that in debt ceiling? Can someone explain the debt ceiling to me, please? Well, you have to lower it. I don't know anything about it. What does it even mean?

That's what journalists are for. I'm trying to... Yeah, I need to know what it... The debt ceiling, I presume that there is a certain amount of money which the Congress is allowed to spend. Right. And in order to go above that ceiling... But don't we keep arbitrarily raising it?

Congress has to raise it. But it's continued to raise since... Yeah, since forever. Forever, right? Yeah. Only recently they started using it as a threat to him. There's really no ceiling then. They continue to...

To me it sounds like something like, say you're on a diet and you go, I get one cheap meal per week. And then just all of a sudden you're at two. Or that meal lasts... And you go, fuck it, now we're going to go three in Congress. You guys just have to make sudden you're at two. Or that meal lasts. And you go, fuck it, now we're going to go three in Congress,

you guys just have to make it work. Well, that is what it is. Or that meal lasts for like a week. So are we just morbidly obese now? What's going on? Yes. That's exactly what we are.

We have a bloated... The deficit is. Yeah, well, everything. So America's the nutty professor right now? I've been having this argument with him about like, you know,

Trump hasn't been staffing. Trump's not staffing. Trump's not staffing. Trump's not staffing. And I keep saying to myself, you know, in my experience, whenever I've been understaffed, we did a better job. They just keep bloating and bloating and spending other people's money and adding. And every agency, when they get to the end of the year, they can't say, oh, no, we had enough money. They always have to ask for more. They always have to hire more.

And I'm not convinced that they can't do perfectly well with half the staffing that they have. Now, the hurricane was a big test because FEMA was one of the things that... And it turned out, from what I've read, I haven't been following that closely, that the understaffing has not been an issue. And if it hasn't been an issue in hurricane relief,

where would we really expect to see this horrible issue of the understaffing? But if it is understaffed, I'm all for staffing it. I'm not, you know. The State Department is really affected by that because you don't have any high-level positions that have been appointed carrying over from the prior administration. This is Margot Ewan, was it? Reporters Without Borders. Tell us just briefly, if you would, what that is for our

listeners who may not be familiar with your organization. Sure. We're an international organization founded 32 years ago to defend access to information around the world. So we work to get journalists out of prison. We work to reform laws so that they can do their job more easily. And we also work with families of American journalists held hostage abroad. Wow. I thought it was a comedy magazine, so this is much different than what I was...

Wow. What were we talking about? So the State Department, I brought it up. Yeah, they haven't filled the State Department positions. But what exactly hasn't gotten done? A lot of things, actually. Like what? Something I should care about.

Just tell me one thing that I should really care about that has not gotten done because of lot of things, actually. Like what? So basically... Just tell me one thing that I should really care about that has not gotten done because of the understaffing. So... Convince me in one... The deputy to the secretary of state who is solely focused on human rights

has not been named. Okay. So you don't have human rights policy being kind of spearheaded in the new administration right now. And what did human rights policy ever accomplish in the past? I'm being totally serious.

What's actually affected by this? It helps to release Americans who are prisoners abroad. Remember Jason Rezaian? He was released after so much pressure from John Kerry and Tom Malinowski, who was the human rights guy at the State Department before. So you're saying that there's somebody held hostage somewhere who might not get released because we haven't staffed the State Department. Yeah, I think there are many Americans held hostage.

Well, there is a journalist, the last American journalist detained in Syria right now is Austin Tice. And he's been detained for five years. If that's true, then listen, I want them out. I was actually annoyed with Obama that it seemed like he wasn't getting them out in Iran when he signed that Iran deal. But in the end, they actually did have a side deal. But I'm not convinced at all. I used to write for Maxim magazine, and I got arrested once, and nobody cared. I'm just saying.

This is the problem, and Hassan might even agree with me. Everybody hates Trump so much. What? On a small scale, in my restaurant, when we have an employee that everybody hates, he can never get a fair break. I cannot tell you how many times. I've had this conversation where I had to remind somebody, like, don't you remember? He didn't start the fight. The other guy started the fight with him.

Like, when somebody is hated. Yeah, he's in the whole negative 40. You know what I mean? Like, he's starting the game. It's not 0-0. So, I'm not defending him. I'm saying that when I know somebody is reviled, I become skeptical of everything that they say about him

because I know there's a big effort to look at anything that happened. How did Trump fuck this up? And then they create these things. So I know that he's about half the staffing. Obama wasn't fully staffed by this point either, but Trump is behind that rate. But, you know, you would think that the fact that the hurricane thing. No, can I pick?

Hey, one more thing. Go ahead. This is interesting to me. If the hurricane had been a kind of a Katrina disaster, we would certainly be blaming Trump, right? Are we giving him credit when it's not a disaster? No. So this is the fact, and that's the proof that nobody's being fair. Like, if you wanted to rake him

over the coals, it was all for it. But then if you know you would have done that, then a fair mind person says, you know what? I gotta give him credit. But it's Trump. I can't give him credit for anything. Anything the man does has to be wrong, right? He can't possibly do anything right, because I hate him. That's what makes me skeptical.

Go ahead, sir. I've been trying to pitch a thing on the show called Here's What Trump Got Right. And I really sometimes have to scratch my head. Can you give me some examples that he meant to get right. You know how when he called CNN fake news and then you have to read but you know how like with the kid you have to be like what he was trying to say is this and this and this

and that's technically right. I'm talking about when he says 2 plus 2 equals 4 and he gets it 100% right. You don't have to Do you get what I'm saying? I get you. No, I don't know if I get it there's not much but I think it's a unique take for a show like ours

when he said and this is the Daily Show would not be on board with this I don't think but when he said that there were bad there was violence on both sides

of Charlottesville oh Jesus I'm not getting into this fine people actually a lot of journalists were assaulted a lot of journalists were assaulted. A lot of journalists were assaulted while covering those rallies.

There was violence on the left. I met a wonderful Nazi a couple years ago. Maybe in that circumstance, he could have been... Dan, that was a layup. You condemn Nazis and keep it moving. Somebody's got to bring up violence on the left. Maybe it wasn't well-timed. Somebody's got to do it violence on the left maybe it wasn't well timed

but somebody's got to do it can I add to Dan I think Dan is wrong but I don't go as far as you the second part you said is exactly right when there's Nazis and somebody gets killed although I'm not sure he knew the first statement that somebody had been killed

but leaving that aside you don't say anything that sounds like you're mitigating or show any reluctance to condemn Nazis. Condemn, condemn, condemn. You're saying condemn. No, that you're reluctant to condemn. Oh, reluctant to condemn. Yeah, correct.

Especially, this was important, especially in the context of having previously seemed to have been reluctant to condemn David Duke during the campaign, where he kind of said, I don't know who David Duke is. So that was the context. Like, if he had been, like, really bashing David Duke all during the campaign, we might have given this a pass, because you know where he stood.

And not retweeted white supremacists. Yeah, and not retweeted white, all that. So there's data points. There's clear data points. I agree with all that. So having said that, if he had been able to do that, he would have certainly been right to talk about Antifa because Peter Boehner had written a whole article about it a week prior talking about how it was fueling right-wing violence. We've seen articles since then. It is a real issue. Actually, I was telling him, like the Nazis to me, these are a bunch of, what did my friend call it?

The defeated, no, the idiot remnants of a defeated evil. This is what my friend Richard brought up. Oh, that's good. You know, and it's like there were a hundred of them. They're losers. They're never showing up at my door. They're much more effective because of the charisma of what the Nazis did in the 40s than they are about anything they do today. And it's so because they're not real Nazis,

because Nazis were physically fit and gorgeous. Hold on, hold on. But Antifa, when we do our debate series here, do you know that quite a number of debates have like, no, we can't do that. Why can't we do it? We're afraid of left-wing violence at the club. So in real life...

Have you guys gotten real threats? No, but we know better. We know better. Oh, wow. And so that this is, as opposed to the Nazis that are just... This is really affecting free speech, free exchange of ideas.

I'm nobody's white supremacist or racist, but I would like to debate touchy issues because they're interesting to me. Yeah. And I want the empirical. You can't. Can't do it anymore. Not only that, I know a lot of journalists now. Every single one of them to a man says to me, listen, I could never say this publicly.

Don't tell anybody I said this, but this is what I think. This is the way everybody is today. Everybody is saying, do you know, everybody says, listen, don't tell anybody, because everybody is afraid of getting shut down. And this is coming from the left,

and it's serious. I don't want to rock through my, like Charles Murray. I would love to have Charles Murray debate against the best expert on the other side about whatever Charles Murray's writing about. Why not? He's a scientist.

Why can't I do that? Are you crazy? You think I could have that debate? Never. It would end my career. And who's doing that? The Nazis? Please. The Nazis couldn't care less. Antifa has the youthful energy. How big are they? Antifa? Oh, they're big.

No, give me real numbers. I don't know the real numbers, but they are effective at a wide geographical swath. And you read about the work that FIRE is doing. I mean, you have Berkeley, the mayor of Berkeley. How big do you think it is? I don't know if it's as big as this white supremacist movement, but I have no data on that, honestly. Because I'm open.

It's effective. I'm saying, he's saying the hundred that showed up in Charlottesville is in. And you're saying that it's less than that. No, we need real, I mean, honestly, we don't know real numbers. I'm all for facts. Yeah. We should all be for facts. But no, to go back to what you're saying,

I feel like something that this is massively problematic, and I'm saying this as a Muslim, is we need to learn how to criticize ideology without demonizing the people who follow it. And that goes for both sides of the aisle. Yeah, of course we should do that. But that doesn't happen. Yeah, but that's a different issue.

No, what you're talking about is having a debate at your club, but if that were to happen, people would be like, no, no, no, you're condoning X, Y, and Z. You're saying... Oh, I misunderstood. Do you get what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. People should be able to say whatever they want to say.

You know, part of the reason I think this whole Charlottesville thing is backfiring in a certain way in the South is because... Let's say I'm a Southerner and I have a Confederate flag. And we know that, you know, and I never thought, I was like a Dukes of Hazzard fan and I never thought of, I'm not a racist, but I'm a southerner and I've grown up

around this confederate flag my whole life. I said, you got to take it down. It's racist. Okay. Now if I take it down, it's like I'm admitting I'm a racist. Fuck you. I'm not a racist. I'm not taking it down.

You know, instead of just saying, can you take it down? It offends, can you imagine how it makes me feel because, you know, it stood for, oh, yeah. You're insulted by that. Of course, I'd be happy to take it down. No, you need to take it down because you're a racist. Go fuck yourself. I'm not taking it down. Not only that, we talked about this.

Most people are not ready to bash themselves. The Germans are a big exception. The Germans, for whatever reason, because they're self-confident and because of the singularity of the enormity of what they did and because they're deep thinkers. I don't know what the hell goes on in Germany. In Japan, they still have 15 memorials to war criminals there. It is against,

it is not easy for any human group to say, yeah, we suck. We were horrible. We have to, you know, 200 years, we have to admit. So there's. We have to, you know, 200 years. We have to admit. So there's a, there's a lot of psychological hurdles there. Can't you try? I mean, even in South Africa, they had the truth and reconciliation. Yes, you should try. I'm saying, I think this is part of the resistance. I'm saying part of the resistance is that people

don't want to be, have their nose rubbed in it. I know, I know. Shame. Shame. Yeah. Yeah. Adults don't want to be shamed. You're right. We're horrible. Oh, I should take all this down. Yeah, I'm a racist. So there's something in the way that is being put to them, I think,

which is actually counterproductive. That's just like a psychological thing. I'm not defending them or not, you know? Yeah. The General Lee is still my favorite model car. I think that's an interesting point. I try to make a joke about it. It never worked.

If somebody told me my brother who I loved and grew up with were a serial killer, I'd probably say, that's fake news. Show me the evidence. And then they'd show me pictures and I'd be like,

that's liberal propaganda. That's funny. It didn't work this time. I tried it. But I just think that Southerners, you're telling them that their history, that these are people that they love and they grew up admiring General Lee as a great hero of theirs and these other generals and the Southern cause.

And I just think it would be very tough for them to admit that these were bad people. And so I can understand. It's like a lot of what this is just echoing what Noam said. I think that's an interesting point. I haven't heard anybody talk about it. And there's this great Jefferson quote that I read about. He was clearly talking about himself. I'll send it to you later.

I'm not going to read it. Where he essentially says, growing up in slavery, it just becomes programmed in your mind. And he says, and it takes a prodigy to be able to see past it, which is ironic because Jefferson was this hypocrite slave owner. But nevertheless, I think the point is right, that it's just like, how do you judge people outside their time and place? It's very, very hard.

You know, if you were a Muslim, if you had told me that you could convince a human being to stone their own children to death for being raped, I would tell you that's ridiculous. It's anti-evolutionary. It can't be done. But we know it can be done, and not with that much difficulty. Such is the power of the marination of culture

in your time and place. So you're saying context is important? It's hugely important. But now that we're in 2017, should we hold people to that standard a little bit? What do you mean? So what I'm saying is, to go back to your Confederate flag example, we know that those people were de facto against the nation that we love. So why is that still being honored? And in fact, the majority, we're having this big statues debate. The statues debate and the Confederate flag debate.

Those things spiked during key civil rights eras. A lot of them were put up for spike. Exactly. 1909, 1960, whatever. Right? To be like, hey, remember the way things were? That's fucked up. That means you know better and you're doing it to be like, I don't want

to evolve. Well, it means they knew better. I'm sure the people today living in the South were just surprised to find out that genealogy is your war. You guys are really smart. Seriously, I'm listening to both of you and I was like, wait, Noam's got an amazing point.

But then I was like, damn, that's a really good point too. Of course. I'm getting confused. I'm here to both sides. They're not contradictory. You're lost in Hassan's eyes. I think that's what...

And his hair. It's amazing. He's Muslim. Your mother won't approve. He's probably... I don't know. Like you said, his eyes are amazing.

But I am Indian, so people really do like Indians. He's the best looking... Certainly the best looking Indian we have here, but... Am I the only... I think I'm the only one.

No, it's me and Nimesh, right? Nimesh and Alingan. Oh, okay. We got a few. We got a few. Aziz pops in, too. He's handsome. Those guys are not in your league.

He's also probably one of the best looking in general. Maybe Des Bishop is up there. I think we should take the flags down. I'm happy, especially over state capitals. But I have to tell you, without judgment, I've spoken to enough Southerners, including, like, I've read Jim Webb, who's a senator,

who say and tell me about something that I don't know anything about that, no, you don't understand. It also means something to us in terms of Southern identity. Yeah. And they really believe that. But then wear a Falcons jersey.

I don't understand. I'm not from the South. I can't empathize. That's right. People say that, and they're not racist people, jersey. I don't understand. I'm not from the South. I can't empathize. That's right. You're not from the South. People say that and they're not racist people, but they also don't care how it makes other people feel.

Which is why I think the stronger argument is to explain to them, listen, this is how it makes this person feel. No matter what you think of what it is,

put yourself in the position of a black person for a second. And I think that will say, you know what? I get it. But when you say, you need to take that because you're bad.

They say, fuck you, I'm not. I never have been. I'm not going to admit to it. A lot of them won't say, what, I get it. But when you say you need to take that, because you're bad. They say, fuck you, I'm not. I never have been. I'm not going to admit to it. A lot of them won't say, yeah, I get it. A lot of them will say, yeah, y'all don't like it. Y'all can fuck off. Some of them might say, yeah, I get it. Some of them won't, but some of them would.

There was just a poll done about what they, in the South, what people, and it was, whatever. Well, there's also a poll done that said that most Republican voters think that the media is a bigger threat to America than white supremacy. It is. So there's also that. I don't think white supremacy is a threat to America. But I mean.

The idea, if it's spread, is a huge threat. But like how many people even know? I learned this in Vox. So Vox is for left-wing, so I'm presuming it's true. How many people really knew there were only 100 Nazis? What? I mean, that was being thrown around. Wait, wait.

Are you talking about... 100 Nazis would be a mediocre comedy show. No, but it's 100 people that had the guts to go mask off. Exactly. That's the thing. It's only 100 people. Post-Tiki. There's pre-Tiki and post-Tiki.

Post-Tiki, the fact that 100 people were willing to show up without hoods in 2017, you got to grade that on a curve. Just like we go with Babe Ruth. Babe Ruth hit all those home runs, but he was fat and everybody was slow and there's no black players. You've got to do racism now. It's inverse. Why would he hit fewer home runs if there were black people?

Are you kidding me? He's hitting the ball goes over the wall. Why would there be fewer of those if he was playing? Because there'd be better athletes, better pitchers. There might be other people hitting more home runs. What I'm saying is that his career would have been stunted. Suffice it to say, that's the tip of an iceberg, how deep the iceberg goes with regards to...

It's inversely, right? We don't really know. Yeah, well, it's all those people that don't condemn it that are not in the movement. There's various levels. There's full-on Nazi. Then there's, I know why. There's various levels. There's various levels. There's full-on Nazi. Yeah. Then there's,

I don't like them and their colors and they're Jews, you know, but they're not like crazy about it. You're not mobilized. You're almost at me.

Keep going. That's the next step. And then there's the people who are like, well, you know, I don't have anything against, this country is,

has been majority Caucasian for many, many years. I'd like it to stay that way. But it's not. 2042, it's a wrap. I'm going to tell you the biggest problem. The problem with the white supremacists is that... I told...

I might have said this already. If you... I could take a lot of quotes from Richard Spencer and show them to most moderate to conservative white people and they'd be like, yeah, that makes sense. But nobody else... Because of political correctness, nobody else is allowed to talk about this stuff

but white supremacists. So that this woman, this University of Pennsylvania professor, Amy Wax, wrote an editorial in the Philadelphia Inquirer, I think, talking about that we should take pride in Western values and not be afraid to say that Western values have been successful and superior to the values in the rest of the world. Something like that. I'm really paraphrasing that. And she was called a white supremacist. And they want her removed from her position. So, and this is kind of the same thing.

Richard Spencer would say the same thing. So now a professor of law, and she's a molecular biologist, went to Harvard. She's not some hick. You're not allowed to talk this way anymore. And she's very credible because she's not attractive. Yeah, she's not.

She's going to do the show quiet. The people who are attractive are not credible. The only... I know what he's saying. So you're just basically saying everything Hassan has said is not attractive. Yeah, she's not attractive. She's going to do the show quiet. The people who are attractive are not credible. I know what he's saying. So you're just basically saying everything Hassan has said is not credible. Is credible. No, no. What I'm saying is I don't care what Hassan says. You know what?

She's got you. So the only people who can talk about this stuff. I just want to break some of that off. The only people who can talk about this stuff become white supremacists. And that means they start reverberating with a lot of people who are not white supremacists, who don't buy the whole inherent genetics or

whatever it is. They're catching a lot of other people in their net. But they do believe we were a European nation. That's what got us here. Our values are good. What about Latin America and the Native Americans? No, no. And if people want to come to this... Nikki Haley actually said this speech. She says, we want people to come to America,

but they have to want to become one of us. We don't have to say that it's supremacy on our part to not want to change. We liked our values. Listen, rule of law, civil rights, civil liberties.

The subtext of what you're saying is hey you people that don't look like us you can't come here with this savage culture that you have that's not the subtext at all how is it not? when people say to minorities that is like the least

tethered thing I've ever heard you say what do you mean? Because I'll say it, and I'm not saying that at all. Okay, okay. I'm saying that, I was about to say, civil liberties, rule of law, all these concepts. Are those pictures? But those are president. Is that common in South America?

Is that common in Africa? Is that common? You know where it is common? It's common in Asia where we imposed it on them. Is that common in You know where it is common? It's common in Asia where we imposed it on them. Is that common in the Middle East? Is there a transfer of peoples in the world wanting to go from countries with civil liberties to countries that have non-Western values? Just explain it to me. Because I think everything about the way the world works kind of comes to the conclusion that the whole world regards Western values as superior, but you can't say it. I mean, if you say it like that, it makes sense because

you're advocating for positive ideals. But then if you're talking about the white supremacist movement, they don't care about civil liberties for a certain part of the population. But that's my point. Is that, but you, but don't say my point that what I said, the only person who can say what I just said in said in 2017 is a white supremacist. So that someone who's not coming out, someone who just loves, who cherishes the ideals that we believe, that even allowed us to correct ourselves. We corrected ourselves with the civil rights movement and are trying to correct ourselves because, was it hypocrisy is the tribute that vice pays to virtue? Because we saw

the hypocrisy in the way we were living compared to what we claim are our own ideals. In the Muslim, much, much of the Muslim, they throw homosexuals off rooftops and they're not violating any of their ideals. So we can't say that our, our ideals are superior or that our values are superior. Not every, I mean every value. No. But you know what? Let's say I say it. And let's say Hassan disagrees. Fine.

Let's talk about it. Let's debate it. Maybe I'm missing something. No, you can't say it. You have to come to the conversation already on the right side of the issue. And if you come to the conversation, even in total good faith, with the wrong opinion, you're shut down. You're called a racist. They'll march at your door and they will ruin you.

They'll ruin you. But who's coming to this country saying, I don't want civil liberties? Nobody is. Everyone's coming because they think they can have a better life. But there are a lot of people that aren't even let in. Of course they come wanting civil liberties. Even the people of Jersey feel that way. They shouldn't have a problem saying, yes, you guys,

I think Western values are better too. Why can't they say that? Why can't it be a universal principle about there are some things that are just universally right and universally wrong? Why does it have to be a Western idea? Because it is Western. It may come from that. That's right. It doesn't mean that we've practiced it throughout our history. No, it doesn't mean.

We didn't practice it throughout our history. Not for non-white people. But it is a Western. And not only that, it's not the values of other cultures. I mean, I don't have enough background to know, like, which current country has the perfect balance. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Michael Moore did that documentary. It was like, Denmark is doing better in this. That's Western. Switzerland is doing better in this. So-and-so is doing better than this. Europe is Western. Indonesia is doing great in this. I can't speak to, I don't know this thing well enough.

So that's right. So that's fine. You don't need to. Yeah, I'm willing to say that. I'm not even trying to debate the merits. What I'm saying is I think it ought to be okay to debate it. This professor who wrote a scholarly thing about it should not be fighting for her life and she's being stigmatized.

Are you saying that it was taken out of context, what she said and what she said doesn't actually reverberate with the white supremacist movement? They don't have an answer to her editorial. That's why usually when somebody shouts somebody down or attacks them personally,

it's because they don't have a good answer to the arguments. That doesn't mean there isn't a good answer to the arguments. It means maybe they haven't found it or thought about it or done the research't have a good answer to the arguments. That doesn't mean there isn't a good answer to the arguments. It means maybe they haven't found it or thought about it or done the research to have the good answer to the arguments. But when the first thing they do, no, shut up. You can't.

Shout him down. Shout him down. We can't let him say it. Why do they do that? Because they're afraid of what he's going to say. And this is the world we're living in. And that's a real threat. Yeah, of course it is.

Listen, I'm Jewish. The KKK does not love Jews. But I'm telling you, honestly, I'm not worried about the KKK at all. I am worried about these fucking left-wing... I mean, I'm in a comedy club.

Kevin Brennan made a joke a couple days ago. And I'm in a full-blown worried about getting sued now. Well, you should always think about that when Kevin Brennan's around. I'm serious. Does that surprise you in 2017

that somebody might say, oh, I didn't get a trigger warning, and you offended me. It would surprise me if it wasn't Kevin Brennan. It would definitely surprise me. This is what we've created. Definitely Kevin Brennan is... A jackass.

He's out of here. Can be a handful. What exactly? He's a bit much, but can be. But what did he say precisely on stage? I don't want to talk about it. But he's been doing that for years. I mean, ever since he started.

My lawyer says I can't talk about it. Kevin Brennan was the first person to use the C word to a girl in 1992. It was very impressive. That's true. Yeah, I know. And then a guy like Hassan. He doesn't care. That's an interesting statistic.

You can get up there and you can get up and say, white people are so this, white people. And nobody cares. I mean, I'm saying you do, but believe me. Well, he's allowed to. No one's going to be suing me no matter what you say about white people. You can say any, it must feel great.

You can say anything you want. But there are people that would get mad at him for saying that. I disagree. I disagree. There are a lot of white people who would say, oh, he's racist for saying that. Hassan, quick question. What's up? Would your life be better as an ugly white man?

This goes back to Chris Groxall saying... That's an outstanding question. Oh, man. Ugly white man. I mean, I've seen a lot of mediocre white guys go far. It's a pretty nice advantage. Mediocre straight white dudes? I mean, I've seen a lot of mediocre white guys go far. It's a pretty nice advantage. Mediocre straight white dudes? With a different name, a white-sounding name.

Let me ask you this as a woman. Would you want to be a mediocre white dude? Definitely not. Are you serious? As hard as it is to be a woman, I'm so glad that I'm a woman and not a man. Part of it is because you're a woman. I mean, it is hard to imagine oneself as something totally different. I have incredible empathy.

I'm like, oh, my God, the stuff that just. Yeah, but I'm also a white woman, so I don't even have it like half as bad as women of color. Right, right, right. Or a gay woman. Hasan. You're a full-blown white woman? Yeah. I'm seeing some ethnicity, though, there.

I mean, I have some Jew in me. They're so good at getting right to the fact of it. Can I ask Hasan a question? What's up? What's up? Do you think Now my wife is Indian So I have some day to day She's Indian?

Yeah I thought she was Latino Well she's half Latino Half Indian, half Latino She looks Indian So I have some day to day experience With how an Indian is treated in the store But anyway

But do you think that Whatever the hardships that you've faced as an Indian person in America, how do you think they compare to the anti-Semitism that my father probably faced in the 30s, 40s, and 50s? Oh my, it's

getting better. It's like that Martin Luther King Jr. quote of the, what is it? The arc of justice is slow but it bends in the right direction. So I'm standing on the shoulders of giants. I admit that. So why do you think it is that this is a central issue to brown people? That's the word they use now, brown people.

Whereas my father never gave it a second thought. He loved this country. He said, yeah, there's anti-Semites out there, whatever. My father's like that too. My father believes in the American Dream Tax. You're going to go through racism. If it doesn't kill you, you lucked out. Seriously.

So who was right? The brown people? I swing back and forth. I think my father was right, by the way. Because seeing yourself as a victim is a narcotic. You've got to have both, though, man. So you got to have the fuck it, let's go. You can call me whatever you want.

I'm going to become a doctor, and I'll get a house in the burbs and laugh later. But then you also, for real, that's the way my dad thinks about it. Microaggressions. I dealt with full-on aggression back in India. So unless someone's punched me in the face, I have no problem with you. I'll laugh on my way to the bank while I'm depositing my check. There's that, and I think that's great. But I think what ends up happening is you also need to have a little bit of the person from my generation being like,

hey, if something's fucked up, I'm going to say something because I want to continue to move the ball forward. Yes, but when does the cure become worse than the disease such that you have the... I'm saying you have the youth of America... It shouldn't be one or the... Why does it have to be one or the other? Well, I don't know why. It seems like it does. Like, I don't know why it has to be that way.

But it shouldn't. Because people are not good... That's what bothers me. People are not good at seeing nuance. I'll tell you this. So the youth of America now is like, resents this country. They think this country is horrible. My father said, yeah, it's anti-Semitism.

What, did you expect anything to be perfect? America's awesome. That was his attitude. And if something was fucked up, he'd complain about it. And the kids are saying America could be better. No, that's not what they're saying. They're saying America's bad. It's history is bad.

It's founders were bad. That's what I was saying. In interesting scenarios, they don't like to talk about history, like facts. And this is a strange scenario, but I was telling these kids that work in my office, they're like 22, 23, that when we were in college, you know, the worst thing that could happen this time of the year is that you found out you got a black roommate. Now, I know that sounds horribly racist, but it is a fact. Let me finish. But now, people don't care. It's not the same way. So the arc of justice

is bending. I'm just saying this is the way it was, and they can't understand. They think I'm being racist. Yes, it was racist, but it is a fact that that's what it was like. Because you didn't have Facebook, you didn't know. You would call them on the phone and... I'm roughly your age, and I

had a black roommate freshman year, and no, we didn't feel that this was a horrible thing. You guys aren't from Jersey. Why is Charlottesville happening now and it didn't happen in 2015? Do you get what I'm saying? The disappointing thing for me is I feel like...

Are we taking a few steps back? That's my issue. It's like, look, I try to be an angry optimist. I see America like an athlete, right? And this year, coming into training camp, America's a little bloated, a little heavy, a little husky. I'm saying, why are you taking two steps back? We're getting in better

and better shape. Why the fuck are you eating in and out and coming in bloated? I think... That's what I feel when I see America just letting shit slide. Do you get what I'm saying? Can I continue with that? I want it to live up to its potential. I just want to continue with that athlete analogy. We are getting stronger, but every athlete will hit a plateau eventually.

I say we're there. I've always said America is about as colorblind as we're going to get. We ain't getting any better. This is it. I believe that this is about it. It's kind of bleak. I don't agree. I think it's so much better. It's better, but I don't think we're going to get that much better.

I don't believe that. I have an answer for you. I think we're hitting up against the natural human tribal instinct. I think you're just thinking that because you can't foresee. I mean, I think it's so much different than what we grew up. In fact, it feels like it's sliding backwards. Well, we may have to get to a low point before people are revitalized to fight for what they thought they ignored that they had before.

I mean, that could be where we're going next. I mean, we're definitely at a low point with this issue and with a lot of other issues. Hassan may laugh all the way to the bank when he becomes a doctor in the suburbs. Let me tell you something. I'm leaving this comedy thing. I'm going straight to cardiology. Well, you're doing well in comedy. But let me tell you this.

Give me all the money in the world, I'll still be upset that I don't have a beautiful, gentile nose. You can get one, though. I got one. Wait, but no, Dan. You don't. You're a nose job. Dan, this is some weird self-hate. I don't know what's going on right now. You're exactly right. Can I answer a question? I don't know what No, you don't. You're nose job. Dan, this is some weird self-hate. I don't know what's going on right now.

You're exactly right. I don't know what's going on right now. You're exactly right. I want to fit in. And there's always going to be a little bit of like. That's why I got mine done. Yeah, but your nose job, God bless you. It looks like a nose job.

No, it doesn't. I think so. I think it's a pretty good job. Dan, what else? Guy out in Jersey. He should be proud. He should be proud. This is going off the rails right now.

He always does. This is becoming a therapy session at this point. I thought, do you think you can tell my nose is done? Oh, yeah, yeah. I think it's a pretty good job. No, what's going on here? Talk to me. Can I answer your question?

Yes, please. And I think in this situation, I am a full Michael Moore-ite, which where he predicted Trump would win. Yes. There is a backlash now because white people who have a lot of economic anxiety are getting tired of being bashed and looked past and being looked down upon. And they're beginning to resent that a lot. And it's coming to the, it's bubbling up. Now, I am reluctant

to say that this white supremacy thing are those same people because we've had the Skokie things when I was in college, the Nazis wanting to protest. But I think there is something to that. There's just such a bashing going on now

of good, hardworking white people. The people who were here all along, who were told, don't worry, nothing we're doing with the immigration, nothing's going to change. They would have never, and now they're saying, listen, nobody cares about you. You know all Michael Moore's analysis of what,

this is all true. And all their jobs are leaving and globalism is the way. And if there's any help, it's not for them. And the future is bleak and robots and's any help it's not for them and the future is bleak and robots and automation and whatever it is. And maybe they don't have access to good independent information. So what does it have to do with the wall? Do you get what I'm saying? This is

misplaced anger. What's wrong with the wall? Or if you're I know what it has to do with the wall. One thing that I feel liberals we've lost is that and this is why Republicans control the House and the Senate. And this is going to bring us to DACA, by the way. Go ahead.

Yeah. Is that we're obsessed with being right, not winning. And the GOP wins. They may not necessarily be right. But you guys aren't right either. But anyway, you're obsessed with being right. But Democrats think the moral high ground will win. That's enough.

Yeah. You know, when they go low, we go high. Like, it's better to just, no, no, no. When they go low, we lose high. Like, it's better to just, no, no, no. When they go low, we lose. So you got to, yeah. So I agree with what you're saying, but I think it's misplaced anger, though, man. I'm going to tell you what it has to do with the wall. In the Reagan administration, they did an immigration reform,

and they gave amnesty, and they promised it would never happen. We're going to control everything now. 30 years later, there's, I don't know, how many? 30 million new immigrants and the border, and I know that they say now the immigration is actually going the other way and all this stuff, but leaving that aside for a second, we have a

porous border and people say, well, we've had 30 years of telling us you're going to control the border. It seems to work in other parts of the world. Let's build a wall. Which, on the face of it, I never understood the opposition to it. Because, first of all, if liberals are concerned with winning, they should agree to the wall. Because once they agree to the wall, like, can we pause there for a second?

DACA. There's two kinds of Trump things. There's the barstool eruptions, where he says something and does something off the top of his head. Transgender's out of the military. Nobody in the administration even knows that it's coming, right? The Friday News dump. And there's a lot of these things he does off the top of his head that are absurd. This DACA thing is not that.

This was obviously considered all through the administration. There is a strategy here. Kelly's involved in it. Sessions is involved in it. So you say, what is their thinking here? I suspect that part of it, it's true what they say. There's all these court cases coming up. They probably wouldn't withstand judicial scrutiny.

But this is a way to get the wall, I think, because a natural compromise would be, okay, let's legalize all the dreamers. Let's blah, blah, blah, blah. That's what we will do. And you guys, let us build the wall. Two points, Noam. Compromise is not a bad word. What will the wall really do?

Whatever. We want it. You want it. No, that's not a good reason. Whatever we want it? That sounds like a four-year-old. No, I'm saying that when you compromise, you go into it assuming that you're against...

Dan, please back me up. No, no, no. Hasan, you're missing my point. I'm listening. When you compromise with somebody, generally you don't agree with what the other person wants. So if I say the wall was stopped by immigration, whatever...

You name it. Whatever they think in their head the wall will do, let's stipulate you don't agree with it. But you do want the dreamers, and you do want other people to be legalized. So how are you going to get the other side to give you that? Give them their wall. Everybody's happy. The wall is not hurting anybody.

It may be a waste of money. But the idea of controlling the border is not anything anybody should be offended by. I mean, you can't just waltz into other countries. Do other countries have walls? Other countries, Israel has a wall. It works. You may not approve of it, but it works. Maybe that's not a good example.

But other countries, you cannot go live in Japan very easily. They will boot you right out. You cannot just go into other countries. I don't know how you get there. If you overstay your visa, you can't go there. America's very porous. You can debate whether it's good for the country or bad for the country. I'm not getting into any of that. I'm just saying I have a feeling that it's like, listen, we're going to stop

this program. Congress, you've got six months to take care of it. And I think the end game here is some sort of grand compromise because they saw that wall going up in smoke. And now there is a real incentive to give in on the wall, which is save the dreamers.

Two points if I may. Number one, Porous Border sounds like the author of an old folk tale. Does it? Like an author. By Porous Border. Putting that aside. It seems like we don't have the stomach to deport people for various reasons.

Number one, because they've been here a long time. We don't want to deport children that have been here since their infancy. Yeah, I don't want to deport infants. We don't want to deport the adults that have children that have been here since infancy, but we also don't want everybody to come here. So since we don't have the stomach,

and rightly so, to deport them, the best solution is to keep them from coming here in the first place. Right. And would a wall be effective in that regard? Can't hurt. I ask you, the young lady, Margo. Margo. Margo Ewan.

Ewan. I honestly feel that already it's difficult for people to come into the country as is. Without the wall existing. Did you just hear just in the news last week that 12 had 12 people that wound up dead, were sneaking in over the border. People that are coming in trying to get asylum and trying to seek it legally by turning themselves in at the border, for example, they're being detained for months at a time, and they're treated like criminals when they have done nothing wrong. Asylum is something else, but anyway, go ahead. Yeah, but we're talking about immigration and that aspect of it.

Asylum is a fraction of the people who come in here. You have to make a specific case for asylum. I'm just saying. I always ask people who are against the wall. But it is already very difficult to get in the U.S. already. Are you against the wall because you think it will work or because you think it won't work? I think it won't work. So if it won't work, what's the harm?

It's a waste of money, man. It also sends a really bad signal. This is what you're worried about. In the end, this is all about saving money. So hang on. I'm asking seriously. There's multiple layers to the cake.

It's a huge, ginormous waste of money. Okay, let's say Mexico was going to pay for it. Let's say. Would you be okay with it then? No, you wouldn't. So it's not the money.

Because of the second thing, which I think is more important. So it's not the money. Yeah, I think it's the principle and the F-U that it's sending to the rest of the world. So you think it will work or it won't work?

It will not work and it's incredibly offensive. But if you built... What country is giving an F-U by controlling its border? Why would anybody say there's an F-U? With a giant wall?

With a giant wall that you could project back to the future on in a couple of days would be so awesome. Whatever. It negates the Statue of Liberty. I mean, it's a total

opposition to that principle that is American. What if there was a new technology which was invisible? Like an invisible wall. An invisible wall.

Like for dogs. But you couldn't, but you couldn't. We have Border Patrol screening intelligence agencies. And Sears. We've had different

versions of. So in other words, so border. Like an invisible dog fence? So people with guns lining up along the border is not a big FU, but a structure is a big FU. And this is worth going to battle. So basically your argument is that it's kind of

already an FU. We can just step it up a notch. My argument is I don't see I believe the wall may not work also, but I think alright, but if it doesn't work, let's The underlying thing of what you're saying is, hey, symbolic things shouldn't offend you. So that goes

with the statues and it should go with the wall, right? Same logic. It's a fucking statue. It's a piece of bronze. It's a piece of bronze. Keep walking past it. Symbolic things should offend you, but this is not a symbol of anything that I think is offensive, which is a symbol of saying... It's a symbol of staunch

nationalism. This is a border. No, it's not staunch nationalism. Oh, it totally is. No, staunch nationalism would be... When Trump was talking about cutting back legal immigration, that to me upset me. That's staunch nationalism. That's something I think to be offended about. But the idea of saying, listen, we had

30 million people come in here illegally. I think we need to take some measures. Come on. Come on. Maybe that's where the staffing issue is a problem. Huh? Maybe that's where the staffing issue is a problem. And frankly, I find it a lot more off-putting to see.

Can I ask a bigger question? And I've never gotten the answer on this. To be soldiers with guns on the border, I find that a lot more difficult-putting to see. Can I ask a bigger question? And I've never gotten the answer on this. To be soldiers with guns on the border. I find that a lot more difficult. Is the illegal alien thing, is it a real big problem? I lived in L.A. for years. It depresses wages. That's where I grew up, and I don't think it's a problem.

That's what I'm like. Everybody I knew that may have not been documented, they worked so hard. It's like driving into Beverly Hills and scrubbing. Doing jobs that other people don't want to. Like I'm really trying to understand this. First of all, Steve Bannon, of all people, said something interesting that I agree with. He said the left, the right wants it because they want the cheap labor and the left wants it because they want the cheap votes.

And I think he hit that exactly right. But I'll tell you this. When I was a kid, the short order cooks, the taxi drivers, these were all young white people. Nobody does those jobs anymore. And we've been able, and the rate has been able to stay, the rate, very, very low because of immigrants, legal and illegal, willing to do the job very cheaply. So cheaply that the white people won't even bother with it anymore.

As a matter of fact, I'll tell you a racist story of mine. I came into, remember Michael, the old manager? I came into the remember Michael, the old manager? I don't know if you saw him. I came into the underground one day and I saw a new white guy in the kitchen as a short order cook. Like just a regular white guy.

And I lost my mind. I said, Michael, what the fuck is the matter with you? You hired a regular white guy? He's like, yeah, well,

I said, he's going to be an ex-con. There's going to be something wrong with this guy. Why would a normal white guy come in here and work for 12 bucks an hour? It's like, it, well, I said, he's going to be an ex-con. There's going to be something wrong with this guy. Why would a normal white guy come in here and work for $12 an hour? It doesn't make any sense. Sure enough, within 24 hours, the guy was gone. And I won't tell you these details, but I was 100% right. Because in this day and age, no white person will do that job anymore.

So on that side of the ledger, I think immigration, legally, low-skilled immigration, it drives wages down. On the other hand, they are also extremely entrepreneurial, and they create, they are a boost to the economy. Totally. So then the question is, and this is a question that applies to Trump voters and everything, is that what happens when you aggregate it? You take 45 against 55, it's a 5% plus. That's what I'm saying. It's a net positive. It's a net positive,

but a net positive doesn't mean... Listen, stop and frisk is a net positive. If you don't want... No, no, no, no. I'll tell you why. Listen, but you're missing my point. The DOJ reports state otherwise,

but continue. Well, Mayor Bloomberg, who's a pretty fucking smart guy and not a racist, is convinced it's a net positive. And he's a technocrat and he's an empirical guy. If you go looking for something in a certain area, you'll find it. I'm surprised you guys don't see where I'm going with this.

But the problem with stop and frisk is that it will save lives. However, there's a huge social cost to it. And the social cost doesn't show up in that statistic. The social cost of driving down wages for the 45% in order to achieve a net positive for the 55% is unconsidered. That social cost is huge. You can't have almost half the population having their work gutted and their rate of pay gutted, even if it's a net positive. That tears apart the social fabric. In my town, I told a story on the radio.

I did some work on some renovations on my home. The first guy came as an estimate was this Italian guy. His company is like when I was a kid, his kid and my kid would have been all like middle class. We were going to the same high school. You know, it was like a contractor making like, you know, what would be like $150,000 a year now. He came and gave us an estimate of $18,000.

Then Jose came, literally his name is Jose, and gave us an estimate for $7,000. So I went with Jose. Terrific for me, net positive. What about the Italian guy, the white guy, who used to have a contracting business, and it's going up in smoke now? But I thought conservatives loved free market capitalism. Don't deflect now. Don't deflect. I thought they loved. It's not free market. I mean thought conservatives loved free market capitalism. Don't deflect now. Don't deflect. I thought they loved...

It's not free market. I mean, it is free market, but... Hey, why can't they pick themselves up by their bootstraps? It's not free market. Why can't they use a little bit of elbow grease? You're clearly deflecting. I'm giving you a scenario as to why the aggregate may

obscure the real social cause. I will answer your question if you want, which is A, illegal immigrants are not part of the free market, and B, the free market is supply and demand. And when you drastically increase the supply of labor, you decrease the price of labor. Okay, I understand. I understand. But I think more importantly, I think you're deflecting,

which is... So I'm of two minds on this. I have immigrant, I mean, this woman, Amy Wax, all talked about the fact, and this is something you also have to talk about, the quality of the immigrant labor is probably 10 times as good as the quality of the American labor. There is no, like, if I had to pay double the wage to get Americans to do the jobs, it would still be a disaster. But what I don't understand is... They're fantastic. But I'm a business owner.

I like the labor. But I'm also saying, and this is another layer I would like to add to what you're saying, that benefits the next generation. Their kids then go on to move to Silicon Valley. Do you know what I'm saying? Yes. They add to this idea of American exceptionalism, which the GOP never will admit. That's what bothers me.

Yeah, I agree. You know, we only want the good ones. I'm telling you a sweeping majority are good. To be fair, George Bush tried to have a big immigration bill and Bernie Sanders filibustered it. So let's be honest. The left is very, very new to the game on wanting this immigration. And people like the Wall Street Journal and

big segments of the Republican Party have been trying to get, have been very pro-immigration. The Republican Party is quite split on this. And as I said, until very recently, the left was very anti-immigration. It's only when they smelled the votes that they began to change their tune. And you can look that up. Bernie Sanders, he didn't just oppose it. He filibustered the immigration bill because he thought it was going to lower wages. All these things are complicated. There's good people.

The left does this more than the right. They cast the opposition as evil, heartless. It's always ad hominem. It's always a tax. It's never just, you know, let's just deal with the arguments. Let's consider all the things. It's so simple, right? It's always ad hominem. It's always a tax. It's never just, let's just deal with the arguments. Let's consider all the things. It's so simple, right?

It's so simple to everybody to answer these questions. Of course, don't you know? It's not that simple. It's not that simple. Nothing is simple. Right, but the president tries to make it simple when he says that, you know, Mexicans are coming in and bringing their worst people, but then there are people that listen to that.

Yes, I'm not defending Trump. And that's used to fuel the movement of what he wants to accomplish with immigration. As a whole, what I'm really always defending is let's air the arguments out. And let's really know what we're talking about. What are the long-term effects on this DACA thing? Well, I mean, I'm praying. I'm praying that they're not going to deport,

because that would be humanitarian. It would also cost a lot of money to do that. You know, they throw that around as un-American. That would really be, to me, just disgustingly anti-American to start deporting some people who were here their whole lives and were innocent, you know?

I don't think that's going to happen. You blame the parents that didn't do the paperwork. Yeah, yeah. It just seems inhuman. Yeah. But we'll see. But the truth is there is a video that I saw today on YouTube

somebody posted it on Facebook where Obama said no less than 20 times the legislative process has to be allowed to address immigration. I cannot by presidential fiat just come in and change things. So he basically said

And the Supreme Court overruled him while he was in office on his immigration thing. On DACA? No, on the other part of it, but it's the same argument. On his unilateral immigration thing. The case that DACA is completely unconstitutional is at least a valid argument. But the thing that's troublesome, Noam,

is that when he takes these big swings, even if he gets 65% of them, that's the problem. So the first two Muslim bans, yes, were overturned. But then he does get, you know what I mean? Not the word overturned. The second one was upheld. So, right, are they still doing the seven countries, right? They are.

Yeah. Right? So it's not... There's exceptions now. Okay, but this is where I would... But you understand what I'm saying, right? I do understand what you're saying, but this is the problem that I... That is a negotiation tactic. This is where I would impl But you understand what I'm saying, right? I do understand what you're saying, but this is the problem.

That is a negotiation tactic. This is where I would implore you to take a breath. That second travel ban wasn't upheld, but they stayed it, which usually almost always indicates that it's going to be upheld, at least the certain parts of it. It was a nine-to-nothing decision. Including Sotomayor, everybody on that court ruled the same way ought to bring out to anybody and you

that there was a big difference between all the rhetoric about the legality of this thing and what was actually legal and illegal in it because these uh... obama and clinton supporters uh... appointees actually legal and illegal in it because these Obama and Clinton supporters appointees, they saw the law the same way. It was a unanimous decision.

So that travel ban, as much as you might hate it, was for the subset of people who have no constitutional rights. It was legal. By the way... And the heated rhetoric making it illegal, it was not helpful. It wasn, has she... And the heated rhetoric making it illegal, it was not helpful.

It wasn't helpful at all because most of these dumb kids that I speak to, they don't even know that the Supreme Court was unanimous. So they really think this is some, like, KKK shit, not knowing that the most liberal justices in the country also felt, yeah, you know, there's something here, we can't uphold this. What do you think about the Daily Show?

There's nobody with gnomes views on the Daily Show, right? Yeah, we have writers with Gnome's views. Do you really? Yeah. But I'm not really hearing those views expressed on the Daily Show. I mean, look. The Daily Show is that type of show. But my point is, now, obviously Gnome can't do it.

He's not young and hip enough. I can do it. I'm young and hip enough. Gnome's auditioning to be a correspondent. But maybe the Danny show could use a wild card with these kinds of views. I mean, that's Klepper's

character a little bit on the opposition. Jordan Klepper. But is he, are they making fun of him? Does he believe that? I mean, yes, he is making fun of Alex Jones

and all that stuff. I'm Alex Jones all of a sudden? No, no, no, no, no. You're not full calorie Jones. You're not full calorie. But sometimes you give me like 15 calories and I'm like, oh, here we go. So it's like with Colbert. No, no, no. Andrew're not full-calorie Jones. You're not full-calorie. But sometimes you give me like 15 calories, and I'm like, oh, here we go.

So it's like with Coburn. Andrew Schultz would be good. No, no, no. But to Noam's credit, he actually is open to debate. I love the debate. No, but the left isn't always open to debate. So I hear, I think we need a little bit more of like, hey, let's hear it out a little bit. Without being like, if we give

them a place to speak, the slippery slope, everything's going to go burning to hell. I'm saying this as an immigrant. I respect the marketplace of ideas. I'm so grateful. And I think it's awesome that I live in a country where I got to publicly roast the president and there was no repercussions. I couldn't do that to Modi in India. You fucking kidding me? Are you joking? Definitely not. To get up on a national broadcast and to just make fun of Prime Minister Modi.

You sound like a white supremacist. Shut down. No, no, no. But I just think that we need to plug and push the best of American ideals. But sometimes the white supremacists bring in this other shit that's cultural superiority and all this other horse shit that I think is wrong. I'm about

American exceptionalism, but I'm saying my brown skin also is adding to that. You know in a microscope, you look through a microscope, it's like, it's a two, and then you see it, and then whatever it is, and then you put it to four, and you see things you never saw, and you keep going, and you see more is, and then you put it to four, and you see things you've never saw. And you keep going, and you see more and more.

This is kind of what liberalism does to me. Like, they never attack a problem and then say, okay, well, you know, we basically pretty much accomplished this. As soon as things seem to be clearing away for whatever they're trying to fight, they turn it from two to four. Now they say, oh, look at this. And now we're like at 32 on a lot of the problems that we're dealing with in this country. But in the microscope, it looks just as bad as, and you lose sight of the fact, wait, you're at 32 magnification. You have zoomed in on certain, like, do you remember that it used to be segregation, like the stuff that was really going on in this country? Now the things that we've zoomed in on, even the ones I agree with, we are reacting to them as if they

were just as serious as Jim Crow. And they're not. And it's bad for the country. I think it's just causing people to really not understand what a great country it is. As an immigrant, so uniquely situated for the most part to realize a lot of things that Americans no longer understand.

When did he come here? I don't know how long he's been working on this microscope analogy, but I like it. for the most part to realize a lot of things that Americans no longer understand. About how great this country is. I don't know how long he's been working on this microscope analogy, but I like it. You like it? When did you move here? I was born here. Oh, you were born here. But my dad immigrated in 1981.

I'm a first generation immigrant. We still understand that. I am also a first generation immigrant. From Canada. When did your dad immigrate? Well, my parents immigrated. What year did you immigrate? Well, my parents are immigrants. My 1930-year-old father came here from where? From Israel.

Oh, he came from Israel. Occupied Palestine, as Hassan calls it. Speaking of white... Oh, shit. Speaking of white... Shit is getting real today. Shit's getting real. This is a good segue, because speaking of white culture, Greece is the word.

Yeah. David Jaskkow. And there was no whiter movie than Grease. Was there even one black character in Grease? I don't believe there was. Not even a coach for the football team. It was the 1950s. But David Juskow.

Because I think we're running out of time. We are actually. I prefer to spend this time talking about Dan's freshman black roommate. Jeffrey Cousins. Now, that is interesting. Jeffrey Cousins. He ended up joining a black fraternity.

We never saw him again. Isn't that interesting? But for one magical year, there was a... I did learn a lesson in college in the sense that I had a few black people on my floor, and they didn't want to social... Whatever. I'm just... There was no...

Like, we don't say, hey, let's go to... Yeah. There was incredible self-segregation, which is something I had never... and they didn't want to social, whatever, I'm just, there was no, like we don't say, hey, let's go to the, they, there was incredible self-segregation, which is something I had never seen, or even, I didn't understand that. Well,

I had a, me and Jeffrey Cousins went to IHOP freshman year, at the beginning of the year. They do love IHOP. After that, a relation soured. Why? We weren't enemies, but you know,

he was with his, he was pledging Alpha Phi Alpha, which was a black fraternity at the end. Is that where they brand themselves? Lambda Lambda Lambda. They're branding, and they have to,

they make paddles that they get hit with. I don't know, but it was a whole thing, and I think, like, he wasn't allowed to talk for, like, six weeks, whatever it was.

Obviously, he went in his direction, and I went in mine. I certainly wish him nothing but the best. I hope he's doing well if he happens to be listening. But obviously... This IHOP date that went sour really hurt you. It didn't go sour, Hasan.

But you know, at the beginning of the year in college... No, no, no. But I'm being honest. I remember when I first got to college and I realized there was more than one Indian on campus. I went crazy. You didn't want it. I was like, this is awesome. No, I wanted it.

I said, this is incredible. But you know what happened, Hasan? There's other people who look like me, like similar culture. A lot of people look like me at Penn, but nobody thought like me, understand? When you went there, were you at all nervous? You said there was one other Indian guy. Where'd you go to school?

No, I grew up in Davis. So at my high school I was one of only, I think, two. Two people with this level of melanin. Or Indian. My high school became all Indian.

We had three. You went to Edison? Yeah. How'd you know? You knew right away. That's the factory where they make us. We're manufactured in Edison.

Did the white girls view you as a curiosity? Was there an erotic undertone? It wasn't as chic and cool as it is now. You know what I mean? I hear you. Well, I didn't get laid in high school either. Don't admit that on the air, Toby.

Last question. I just wanted to defend the... No, no, no. But I wanted to defend his roommate who was like, why does he want to go hang out with other black people and all that stuff? I think a lot of times if you're a minority, you're like, oh, my God, there's other people who look like me. Oh, I got it. This is cool.

Well, he was from inner city Detroit, so he was used to. Yeah. I want to go hang out. Now, your question came up. Well, it didn't come up, but it might have come up. What about this IHOP day? Yeah. Jesus, man.

There's been these moments where you really. When you in college, as you know, the first couple weeks before you meet the people you really like, you have to just hang out with whoever's there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So whether it's your roommate, the people on the floor, and then eventually you meet your friends that you hang out with. Am I right, Margo? Yeah. So the chick...

I went to school in France. It's a little different. Oh, that's a little different. Oh, Sean Salise. You and your reporters without borders. There were no Indian kids in my high school, actually.

What? Not even one? Well, I was in a small private school. Was this a... And there were like a couple of black kids in my grade. And it was an all... But they were like Denzel's kid. You know what I mean?

Oh, my God. We are over time. Unbelievable. I did have one other question. What is that? I guess I can ask off the air. We'll just cut it out. Which is...

Okay, you're Indian. Yes. Presume for a okay, you're Indian. Yes. Presume for a second that you were Asian, meaning Asian like what we used to call Oriental, you know, descendants of East Asian. East Asian, descendants of China and Chinese culture. Okay. And your people were now getting, I think, 60% of the SAT scores in the top 3% of the country. And all, you know, yet Harvard was limiting your people to 10% of the, or 20% of the student body, whatever it is, even though you've doubled in population, meaning that to wit that you

have to get 300 points higher on your SATs to be, to have the same chance of getting in as someone who's not Asian. Explain to me how you wouldn't say this is un-American. So this is a common thing. This is a common thing. It also is in the Indian community. By the way, humble brag, we run the spelling bee. Yeah, I was wondering if it was Indian as well.

So we... My daughter's a horrible speller. We as immigrants benefited a ton from the civil rights movement without having to carry any of that major baggage. We're considered to be model minorities. So we're able to reap all the benefits without getting the criminal justice stuff, bullshit that happens to black people. A lot of stuff. The day-to-day job stuff.

They have to get higher scores than white people. What do you mean? The Asians have to get higher scores than white people. Right. I understand that, but I still think that there's... I can't believe you're saying this. I have an idea. How about... Because the technology allows for it now. Why not when you apply to college, you send

your scores and some saliva. I'm totally serious, because that's essentially what we're saying, and let them take your DNA, and then they'll decide whether you get in or not. What the fuck? In other words, we're not judging by people, the content of the character. We literally, let's get down to their chromosome,

let's figure out what percentage they are of everything, and we will just judge everybody. But they're also trying to have higher education give people from different communities a shot. My right-wing attitude is let Harvard be 80% Korean. They're all Americans, right? Who gives a shit what their DNA is?

Would I complain if Harvard was 80% Asian? No. I would say, isn't that wonderful? A wonderful symbol of America. That's what I would say. I would take pride in that. But liberals look at it and say, no. It's interesting. No, we have to.

My dad would love that. He'd be like, this is great. It's the only way. The other way is the other way. And then you want to know why. This is the classic me versus dad debate. No, but so you want to know why there's such resentment in the country, why there's people. You're treating everybody that the most defining factor and how they're little be treated. They're ranking privileges as well. We're not talking about being treated on minor things in life. Things that will affect the entire future

of your life, like going to Harvard based on something that means that we were, my generation, we're told, is what only evil people considered, which is your DNA. Now it's righteous to consider someone's DNA. And not even on the

edges, 300 points for you Mr. Wong because you benefited from the white civil rights come on, that's ridiculous we're all human beings you want to help somebody who's actually

not actually disadvantaged white, brown, whatever it is, help somebody who's actually disadvantaged. You want to say, listen, he went to a horrible school, and his mom was single, and they had no money. He was working three jobs. He scored a little bit lower, but if you look at it in a fair-minded way,

he actually should be good. What is the benefit of IHOP? That's how their affirmative action programs work. Based on somebody's individual life, yes, you should be able to consider that. That's why they take into account the essay. But I'm saying, they're not doing that. They're basing it on DNA.

Period. End of story. And my idea about sending the saliva in, it sounds ridiculous, it's exactly what they are doing only imperfectly. What they would really love to know is the result of that DNA test, because that means everything to them. It's fucking un-American. And this is where you say, well, I'm not

conservative. Liberalism is nuts. They've turned what's evil into righteousness, meaning that if you're on one side of it, you think it's awesome. If you're on the other side, you try to explain to somebody from China why their kid shouldn't, why the white kid doesn't have to get as high a score as his kid, or Chris Rock's kid doesn't have to get as high a score as your kid does. It's absurd.

You know how before you were talking about how a lot of people don't want to self-criticize for their past. So what's coming out of your argument is kind of like this refusal to be the target of this kind of policy. So what's coming out of your argument is kind of like this refusal to be the target of this kind of policy. So let's all admit

Martin Luther King was wrong. Let's just say we don't want to judge people by the content of their character. That is not our goal. Well, that's not

what I'm saying. But that seems to be the direction we're going in. Only a conservative in this day and age actually is serious about judging people as individuals.

That is not a liberal idea. It's all about your ethnicity. And now it's about your sexual preference and your gender identity. This is all that really matters. This guy got a 750 on his SAT, studied really hard, and got denied Harvard because of his race.

That would be big news if it was a black person. If it was an Asian, well, yeah, but he's Asian. So that's okay, right? Who cares? It's ridiculous. Anyway, I'm done. Dan, at that IHOP, did they have the stuffed French toast at that time? I don't remember.

You know, I haven't been to IHOP in many years. Did they quickly plug Grease? Plug Grease. Yeah, Grease, right here at the Comedy Cellar, September 12th, Tuesday, with Noam Dorman as the band leader. I will be playing Danny Zuko. Nice.

Nobody seems to care. I'm playing the guitar. I just said that. Oh, sorry. You were still on your rant. Also, buy the book, The Aunt Esther's Cookies by Porous Border. And obviously.

I'll take it from here. Margo from Reporters Without Borders. You can read some of her articles. I'm just flowing. You can. What's your Twitter? My Twitter is at Margo Ewan and our RSF Twitter. That's our abbreviation of our organization at RSF underscore EN.

You can follow all the latest on what's going on in the U.S. and around the world. And obviously, Hasan Minhaj can be seen on The Daily Show on Comedy Central Network. I believe that's Comedy Central. Yes. Thank you, Dan. And doing a fine job. What about you, Dan? And at the Pat White Place again.

And Dan Aderman? Dan Aderman is in crisis for various reasons but that has nothing to do with my credits I just but that hurricane affected you I have another podcast

to do I gotta go anyway we gotta go alright