The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Ian Fidance and Michael Moynihan

Episode Date: May 18, 2020

Ian Fidance and Michael Moynihan

Oh, Sarah, we're ready? Yep. This is Live from the Table, the official podcast of New York's world-famous comedy seller coming to you on SiriusXM 99, Raw Dog, and on Ridecast Podcast Network. Dan Natterman speaking, co-host of Live from the Table with Noam Dwarman, the owner of the comedy seller and the other co-host, really the main host, let's face it. He does most of the talking typically. We also have Perry Alashinbrand, who is a producer and sometime on-air personality.

And with us is Comedy Cellar comedian Ian Fidance, comedian, actor. He co-stars in this season of The Last OG on TBS and was a regular at the Comedy Cellar in Greenwich Village before quarantine Michael Moynihan is with us he is a national correspondent for Vice News and co-host of the popular Fifth Column Podcast welcome one and all to our quarantine edition of Live from the Table Daddy I love you I love you too our quarantine edition of Live from the Table. Daddy, I love you.

I love you too. I don't know who that was. That was perfect. That was perfect. Was that a soundboard? Did you just press a button? I don't know. Dan, can you read out their bio?

My secret is safe with you guys, right? Did I read in Ian's bio that you had the number one record on itunes in yes it's true yeah how does something like that happen uh i don't even know luck of the draw i guess some some glitch in the algorithm i think but i think sometimes when a an album comes out it's number one and then it the the question is is how long does it stay number one well i didn't i didn't have any pre-sales usually it debuts on pre-sales you know it it came out and uh was a great cover art great cover art okay that's amazing go ahead go ahead sorry go ahead uh no it it came out and it hovered at like three, two, and then it stayed at one for a couple of days, which is nice. And then,

you know, the, the mainstays in the top 10 are always like two Mulaney albums, two Gaffigan albums, you know, Jeff Dunham was kind of near the top. And, and I was like, look, if I can't beat out Jeff Dunham, I, I at least got to use this money to get a rope and a chair, you know? Jeff Dunham is a ventriloquist, so his albums have to be video or it doesn't really, it's not particularly interesting.

Which is why if I didn't beat him, it was going to be lights out for all Ian, you know? You can still picture it. You can still picture it. Yeah, you just got to close your eyes and have an imagination. Well, I guess part of ventriloquism is the words that are being said. Are they funny? And the characters. And the other aspect of ventriloquism is the technical mastery of the ventriloquist craft. There's some ventriloquists that are incredible ventriloquists.

They can drink water and make, but they don't have anything interesting to say. And then some aren't very good at that part of it, but are funny. So I don't know. We're done. I don't watch the guy. I got to be honest. You have the perfect ventriloquist dummy voice. Get your hand out of my ass.

I'd love to shove my hand up your ass and just make you say things. Hey, I'm the dummy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I do all those dark lines. Don't ask me. I'm made of wood. So I just find out. So Ian, you and Michael Moynihan are friends?

Are we? Are we? I don't know. I don't know. They met. We met, right? We met once. We hung out at the table one night.

Yeah. Really vibed over some old punk rock stuff. Oh, that's right. We were talking about old punk rock stuff. Yeah. I didn't know I was talking to the guy that has the number one album on iTunes. Which, by the way, can I ask that? That means people buy it, right?

Because if it's on, so is it not on Spotify? It's on Spotify. Why do they buy it if it's on Spotify? Because there's a lot of Fidaniacs out there and you know, it's higher fidelity. It runs rabid, man. You know, and also it's gotten a lot of plays on Sirius. They spun it like, you know, like 15 times already, which is great. So you're making money i'm i'm making money in the choir baby i'm living like that trying to you know so okay so wait let me tell you so after the first time we had michael on yeah ian sat down and you guys had gallivanted off to do god knows what and the two of them

went on like this insane punk rock rampage that yeah so sort of like mind-blowing what were we i don't even remember who we were talking about obscure references do you guys remember this am i yes totally and it was funny because i was I was emceeing downstairs at the time. So you and I would be like, oh, my God, you know, when television debuted. Oh, yeah, yeah. Marquee Moon came out. 1979 and Marquee Moon came out. I couldn't believe what Richard Hell was.

I got to go. And then you disappeared. Yeah, I sat there by myself for a little bit drinking. Unfortunately, I don't know much about punk rock. I'm going to go bring out Tom Lee. And then you disappeared. I'll be right back. Sat there by myself for a little bit drinking. I know. Unfortunately, I don't know much about punk rock. I didn't think you would, Dan. It would be pretty incredible if you did. The Ramones, obviously, are punk rockers.

Are the Dead Milkmen, is that punk rock? The Dead Kennedys. The Dead Kennedys, for sure. Dead Milkmen. Who had the song Punk Rock Girl That was the Dead Milkman I believe her from Philadelphia Is Punk Rock Girl a punk rock song?

No it isn't It's an homage to punk rock But it's not a punk rock song I would argue in a way that it could be Because punk rock is really kind of Going against the grain and doing something that you want to do for you. So in a way it has like a punk rock feel, but by, it's not really like a punk rock genre song. I think that's a good way of describing it. Yeah.

The Dead Milk, I mean, sorry, Wikipedia describes the song as cow punk, pop punk, and comedy rock. Yes. It does reference Mojo Nixon and Skid Roper. So it is like kind of a cow punk. Yeah. There you go. I've never heard of comedy rock before. That's the genre of my album.

That's why I went to number one. I've always maintained that a song can even- It was number one in that sub-genre. Number one in comedy rock. There's a big asterisk next to the number one on itunes for me you know i've always maintained that a song can be funny or it can be a good song but it can never be both uh i disagree have you ever listened to the lonely island no that's uh what's his name andy samberg um jorma tucone they their their group actually put together like their their parody rap songs but they're so catchy and like produced so well

that i i feel like like i used to listen to them i was like this is funny and good but you're you're right it's very rare that the two mesh together well maybe there's exceptions. There was a guy named Jim Stafford in the 70s. He used to make like funny songs that were still kind of hits. It's a tough thing. Roger Miller had a few songs that were funny and also musically. Well, which song was that?

That was funny and musically interesting. Like, dang me, dang me, gonna take a dump and hang me. I'm in the highest tree. Ooh, badabada, juggler, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bada, bada, bada, you know, things like that. I really could have done that better, but- Maybe, I think as a general matter,

if you can write a great song, or if you're capable of writing a good song, why make it funny? Because that's going to, it's going to degrade the the impact of the song and if you can write November Rain why do you want yucks you've got everything you want because because you're not the video is pretty funny if you've ever seen the video oh which has which has Slash doing a guitar solo in front of the top of what I believe is a it's called a mesa it's like in the

middle of like Arizona and he's playing a guitar solo. And that's pretty good. He's playing a guitar solo. It's not even plugged into an amp. So he's basically playing air guitar in front of a church in the desert. In the desert. In the desert.

I thought it was alone. And that, by the way, it's a great monument to the forgotten relationship of Axl Rose and Stephanie Seymour, the once great supermodel who then married some socialite guy. Okay, so here's an example. Musical theater. No, by the way, why is your video, it's in black and white?

I don't have my usual bagger. Hold on. It looks like a Navy SEAL helmet cam. This is like, it's like bright, but black and white. Yeah. I find that black and white kind of hides the fact that I haven't been keeping up with my hygiene. I mean, Gnome's aesthetic right now totally matches how he feels.

So it's gray. It's not sharp. It's very scary. I'm going to nominate as the most musical, funny, basically funny song, funny lyrics in history. Two of them. I want to be in America from West Side Story

and Officer Krupke from West Side Story. So two West Side Story choices. Yeah, yeah. So in the context of musical theater, it makes sense to be funny and good music. And then, of course, whimsical is not funny, but like, you know, Maxwell Silverhammer or something, you know. Yeah, yeah.

So, but, you know. I watched that movie with my daughter recently, who just turned nine. And her first comment after 30 minutes was to turn to me. I sort of go, turn to me. And she's like, Papa, they're not Puerto Rican. And I'm like, no, I know. They're only Puerto Rican. And I'm like, no, I know.

And I was like, you know, it's a fair point. I was like, I don't know how to explain this. But yeah. Marina Moreno is Puerto Rican, right? Yeah. I think she's the sole Puerto Rican in that movie. So the reason I tuned out for a minute is I just ordered an antibody test. Yeah. And before I, but then you have to decide where you

want to take it. And before I, but then you have to decide where you want to take it. And so I was comparing zip codes to coronavirus numbers to see which, which, which place would be the safest place to go take it. So I'm going to go take it in Mount Kisco, New York. I'm scared. I mean, that would be just my luck to catch coronavirus going to take an antibody test after staying home for three months. But why are you taking an antibody test? You haven't left the house in like 90 days. I had a bad cough that was not like a cough I'd ever had before at the top of this. And after hearing all the stories about so many people who had symptoms similar to what I had, who had it and having one, what is it? What do we say? Two out of 10 or three out of 10, two and a half out of 10 New Yorkers having the antibodies. Two out of three ain't bad. Meatloaf.

That's a funny song. So I'm going to, I would like to take the test and just know. You have been poopooing the fact that I was like deathly ill on my couch for a month telling me that I probably didn't have coronavirus and you couch for a month telling me that I probably didn't have coronavirus and you had a little tickle in your throat no I had a bad cough it wasn't a little tickle I had a bad cough um but I just didn't you know kvetch about it like you and look for sympathy but now that I kept it to myself now now no as someone as brave as you I have to ask um didvery is my middle name. Did anyone in your house get sick because you had the cough around all of them?

My wife had a cough too, and my kids all had fevers, actually. But with kids, the symptoms are very weird. Now, at 7 o'clock, we clap for the nurses. At 8 o'clock, we should clap for Noam. I think. I've been doing that, actually. No one knows what I'm doing. You know, I didn't make fun of your number one on iTunes.

Okay, Ian. What kind of numbers you got to sell to be number one on iTunes comedy? All right. Let me tell you something. It's Photoshop, okay? I hired a guy. What are those numbers, though? Because when I worked in publishing, the bestseller,

the entire bestseller list used to be you had to sell like 60,000 books, and then it became like 10,000, like 8,000, when they were just in print. But like, if you have to sell on iTunes,

because you can buy individual tracks, too, can't you? Yeah. So does that all count towards the total or do you have to buy the full record i i think it's just total buys whether it's a track whether it's an album and you don't have to tell us how many buys you need to be number one on itunes but just tell us how many did your mother buy i mean she has so many accounts she lost track no all right so uh so we're going to get into some events of the day,

since we have an esteemed brainy guy on the show. What happened today? What particular events are you thinking of? Well, the hot events in my arguments have been the Arbery case, masks. What else? I've decided that this guy that we had, Alex Berenson, is kind of a charlatan, by the way. He's a bit of a crackpot.

Yeah. I would say he's more right than wrong, but his delivery on Twitter leaves a lot to be desired. Nothing he said when he was on our show seemed to be all that ridiculous. No, so let's just... Solex berenson is kind of this alex berenson is this covid skeptic who's been um gotten a big following on twitter um kind of like poking holes at at our breathless reaction to this and our overreaction to it and it was an article i don't know was it vanity fair or something like

that about him and um and yeah and he was very reasonable when I presented him with data on the show. I presented... What's that? He didn't seem like he was a skeptic when he was with us. Yeah, well, that's what he's known for. So he was very reasonable. I presented him with data about masks and charts. And I had done like a real deep dive on the mask thing.

And then he said, well, yeah, that's interesting data. Send it to me, blah, blah, blah. And I sent it to him and I never heard back from him. And then he went on Twitter. I just checked it today. Like just deriding the whole idea of wearing masks with no data whatsoever. He pretended he didn't see all the studies that I sent him, which are recent studies showing how strong an effect masks might have.

And so I just think he's just kind of a phony. I don't know. Well, you know, I think a lot of people have a particular brand on Twitter and elsewhere they're trying to protect. And if the evidence shows that they're wrong, they ignore it because it's not in keeping with their brand. They're going to lose fans. So then let's start with this because that reminds me of something. I've been kind of

defending, not defending Trump, but making the case for a long time now that the real dangerous decisions, the ones that have really cost a lot of lives were not Trump's they were Cuomo and de Blasio and there and there does seem to be a a consensus forming on the left and the right now I don't know if you saw this article on Michael about on ProPublica like just going through all the horrible decisions of de Blasio and Cuomo and yeah yeah I mean I've been I've been I did a piece that is airing on Sunday I think yes this Sunday I think on Showtime where the one one of the scientific experts I have on is Dr. David Katz who wrote the first piece in the New York Times that got him in a lot of trouble he's been far more right than wrong and he's very very reasonable very level-headed and said you

know people misunderstood what I said and called me Trumpian and the rest of it. But in the process of preparing for that interview, I went through everything that Cuomo and de Blasio, and the most amazing thing is the Cuomo thing, is these people swooning and like, oh, he's the best. I wish he was my president.

And I'm like, do you realize how many people are dying in New York, right? I mean, this has somehow been totally separated from him in like, you know, if Donald Trump is the mayor of New York, I think we probably have a rather different impression of it. Like everything that we've known about this, of course, it's an evolving situation. But I can give you chapter and verse on the health commissioner of New York City, the mayor of New York City, and the governor of New York saying up until fucking March that we should go out and make sure you're not being racist to Chinese people. You know, get one of those ducks hanging in the window, like everything's gonna be fine. De Blasio went on the train. He went on the train.

He was in the gym. He rides his car everywhere. He was in his car everywhere. He also still looks like shit. And he's always at the gym. And he's always getting in trouble at the gym. Why he's always droopy. I don't understand. It doesn't make sense. He's awful. And like, all these people have been wrong about this.

And it's totally understandable. We knew nothing about this as it was happening. I think overreaction was probably the most appropriate thing to do. At this point, it's now wrong, I think, in a lot of ways. Because one thing that people are not asking the question of, we're talking about numbers, let's get good data. Incredibly important to have a numerator without a denominator. We didn't have a denominator for long. No sense of how people were infected. So if you don't know how people are infected, you don't know what the death rate is, right? So that's important. But the one thing that we

can't figure out and no one is talking about is transmission and transmissibility. Like, how is this being transmitted? Because we have a number of studies coming from different countries that suggest that you can't get it from a door handle. And we have no evidence that that is actually ineffective. It exists on a door handle. And again, I'm not a scientist, so that being said, that the RNA that you can find on a door handle, it kind of, its strength dissipates pretty quickly. And it might be there, but it might not have an effect and infect you.

So we don't know. There's an incredible study, interesting one, about the one town in Germany that was hardest hit. And these guys from the University of Bonn went in there, two guys, really interesting guys. And they went in there and they did this long long study and it turned out all of the transmission was from one super spreader event was it was it the salt shaker it was it was it was some german uh party i don't know it was like it was like carnival or something when they're all like kissing each other and being

like anti-semitic so the so the article in pro, I'm going to send it to you as soon as we get off. It basically makes the point, and I had been making this point, you know, ad nauseum, that yes, at first, everybody, I mean, everybody is on record saying we don't have much to worry about here. Fauci. Yeah, that's right. But somewhere around the beginning of March, that was no longer plausible. And somewhere around the beginning of the, that was no longer plausible.

And somewhere around the beginning of March, the scientists and doctors within the city of New York were telling the mayor, uh-uh, we have a big problem here. And places like Ohio were shutting down. And the mayor of San Francisco, I was reading about this woman, London Breed, today. Yes, yes. Incredibly impressive biography. She grew up in a housing project. She's very interesting, yeah. All the brothers in prison and her younger sister was something else. And she went on to get a master's degree in political science from UC something. So, I mean, and she just had a

tremendous amount of good common sense, essentially, uh, plan for the worst and let the best take care of itself. But in New York, and this is an important point, I think, it's not just measuring from the calendar date that we were so much later than San Francisco was. We were also further into our curve than they were. So it's not, you can't just line up the dates, you have to line up the curves. They had 10 cases. We already had in the hundreds. And they just didn't do anything. And I was having arguments with my school board. But anyway, this article is pretty devastating. But you said that Dr. Katz gave an explanation. And I would like to know that because I'll read the email because I was furious when I read this email. And if it's

not fair to him, I would like to know that. It says, as Mayor Bill de Blasio, this is from the New York Times, as Mayor Bill de Blasio was resisting calls in March to cancel large gatherings and slow the spread of the coronavirus in New York City, he found behind-the-scenes support from a trusted voice, the head of his public hospital system, Dr. Mitchell Katz. Oh, that's a different Katz. Oh, it's a different Katz. Oh, it's a different Katz? Yeah, Mitchell Katz. David Katz is a guy from Yale and he's no longer at Yale, but he's an epidemiologist from Yale and he was the president of one of the hospitals.

And he wrote a piece for the New York Times, which he said was unfair in some sense because us writers don't write headlines ever and we always get blamed for them. But the headline was, is the cure worse than the disease? And of course, Trump starts saying this. David Katz is such a left, I went to his house, we shot with him in Connecticut. And he is such a lefty. You just wrote a book with Mark Bittman from the New York Times. And it was like, literally,

there were like posters of like Mao and he was like, I'm not like a Trumpian guy. but I was just like, I don't know why they put this headline on it. But he was the one saying, we're not, we're making very radical decisions based on very little data and doing it with some level of assurance. Like, no, no, this is what we should do. And it's like, how bad is this going to be? And what should we, like his idea, which I think was the right one. And he was early to this was that we have to isolate and protect the most vulnerable populations because we had data coming particularly from italy and i think in england i saw a number the other day

was it 72 percent of the deaths have happened in like old folks homes yeah elder care facilities almost three quarters of them i mean this is what you do the ring around and then you try to prevent that because children i mean talking about like we're starting to understand more and more which is a lot we don't forget about kids and like kids it's not clear at all that kids can actually spread it to parents we don't know that's what that's what uh alex berenson said that he's i think he might be right about that yeah he might be right about that. Yeah, he might be right about that. But it's like, you know, parents bring the kids and they're not, because the idea of kids as these little super spreaders hasn't really, like, borne any fruit. So we don't know. But the thing is, you know, Sweden, Denmark, I think Austria now, and I know that even France, they're opening schools up. And I have a sense now that we might not have schools open.

So I've been talking, I talked to my daughter about this, she's nine, that she's going to school, and she knows this, in September in Ireland, because her mom has an EU passport and grew up in Ireland.

And she's going to go to school there. Because I'm not fucking paying $16,000 to homeschool my children, which is my child, which is what I do. Why does your to go to school there because she's not going to, I'm not fucking paying $16,000 to homeschool my children, you know, which is my child, which is what I do. Why did you cost $16,000 to homeschool? It's a private school and they have these frigging zoom classes that you essentially have to do all the heavy lifting. It's like a morning meeting and that's it.

We should talk about homeschooling too, because I'm homeschooling too. And I have a, I have a lot of thoughts about that. So, so then good. I'm happy. It's not the same cats. I don't want to let i'm happy i have to let them off the hook so about old people yeah so that puts in context that um governor cuomo refused to let nursing homes turn away people with covid thousands of people died and here's the email that was in the times um there was quote no proof this is the doctor tells tells de blasio no proof that closures will help stop the spread dr cass wrote an email to the uh to the mayor's closest aides he believed that banning large events would hurt the economy in sophia quote if it is not safe to go to a

conference why is it safe to go to the hospital ride the subway he wrote but then here's the key part this is what he said this is what they said behind the scenes. We have to accept that unless a vaccine is developed, large numbers of people will get infected, he wrote. The good thing is that greater than 99% will recover without harm. Once people recover, they will have immunity and immunity will protect the herd. So he was advocating for the full Sweden, essentially. Well, nobody told us that. Well, nobody told us exactly what you were saying, that, okay, we're going to go the full Sweden,

so you have to decide for yourself where you lay on this risk curve. And if you're old, if you have preexisting conditions, this is what you should do, because we're going to try to shunt this all to the young, robust people. And they didn't say that at all. They were telling us, no, you have nothing to worry about. And thousands died.

And then they followed that up with a series of, like, catastrophically stupid decisions and ones that made no sense. I mean, closing parks. A friend of mine was in New Jersey and saying they closed this park by his house, which is like an outdoor trail. It's like, I mean, are you kidding me? Literally no coronavirus is being spread in situations like this. If we knew, and by the way, this is, I mean, we have to disabuse people of these most basic things. Like you walk-

Ariel, that means convince them it's not true. Go ahead. Go ahead. You walk by, I see people walking by each other and like pulling masks up and walking to the side. It's like, that's not, that's not how it happens. And if that were how it happened, everybody would have coronavirus. If you could walk into a mist of coronavirus and come out the other end totally infected, is that what we've done now is gone the other direction of saying, like,

go to Chinatown. If you don't, you're an insane racist. But from doing that, of, like, lick the railings on Canal Street to this other end of, like, lick the railings on Canal Street, to this other end of like, don't go outside. You're going to die if you go outside. As far as we know, what is the most likely mode of transmission?

Well, I mean, there's, you know, again, I'm not a professional in this at all. The stuff that I've been reading about are these things like super spreader events and pretty closed. So there's an interesting study in South Korea of, it seems like talking a lot by the way, is what does it. Which is why we've had no massive outbreaks on planes because there's not a lot of talking on planes. It's very rare that this happens in solitary

activity. But there was an incredible thing, a study of half of an office in South Korea, you can see this visual, where one half was doing like call center stuff and it was completely, somebody had, was stuff and it was completely somebody had was infected and it was completely across the board they're on the other side nothing because they're you know like expectorating and they're yelling and it's coming out and it's just sort of swirling around and that kind of stuff seems to be like this german event where it seemed to be the real super spreader event it's like people are kissing each other they're like drinking on the same glasses and all this stuff whereas walking around is not is not getting people chronomized are there certain languages are there certain languages i wonder

that are more prone to probably high on the list very heavily hit in my neighborhood of south brooklyn not a coincidence but i know the Israelis have a low rate of this. Well, maybe. Secular. Because I have, I mean, certainly, I think certain, at the very least, certain sounds are more likely to release. I think that's probably true. Can I just say what I think the worst thing that Trump actually has done that makes me curious?

I thought we hit on something interesting and as yet undiscussed, but go ahead. No, no, this was what I wanted to get to when I first started this chain is that the one thing that I think is really unforgivable, like really makes me furious is that he is pretending to support the lockdown policies of Fauci and whatever it is. And then he goes on and tweets gasoline to encourage people to defy their government and their government's policies and their lockdowns. Encourage Michigan. This is fucking outrageous. If you're the president and you don't agree with the lockdowns, fine. You're the president. Tell us you don't agree with the lockdowns. You can make some calls.s fine you're the president tell us you don't agree with the lockdowns you know you can make some calls unfortunately you're the president but but to to um so this kind of um discord or or whatever the you know disobedience civil he's

sowing civil disobedience while he's pretending that he supports the policy is just beneath the office. That's despicable. Anybody disagree with that? Has he ever not been despicable? I mean, it's just- Sometimes, well, like when he said out loud, I wonder if you could use the bleach. And I'm like, you know what? I could see why he would off the top of his head say something and then it made so much of it.

And I was like, whatever. But Noam, you just said you know tweeting that out it's beneath the office is not disseminating false information and thinking off the top of his head beneath the office as well i think that's why so many people have a hard-on for cuomo even though he was so far behind and spread lies with de Blasio because he speaks in a paternal mode of the way he talks. I think that's absolutely right. Yeah, it's good bedside manner. It's a lot of speaking up for us and people need that. Trump has an opportunity now to bring the country together if he just exhibited an ounce of emotion and empathy and he's not doing that.

And it's driving the country. It's driving a massive divide in the country. That's why people love Cuomo because he's passionate. And he's saying, he's taking up for us when in reality, he's just covering his ass because he fucked up.

Well, I agree with you. And I said that people think Cuomo is Captain Kirk, but he's really William Shatner. I mean, he's getting, I mean, but yeah, I mean, yes, you can put that all in the same category with Trump. But what I'm saying is that quite often, I think people are overreacting to just kind of like, this everyday guy kind of having saying something off the top of his head and people react like the walls are going to come down. But this actually is

consequential. I mean, he is sowing civil disobedience and you don't know where that's going to lead. And it's just it's like, he's part of the government. Like how, it's only causing a rift where he can distance himself from the governing bodies. And I'll say something, to your point, and I'm sorry to interrupt you, it's tough on Zoom. To your point, I was just telling somebody earlier today, Trump was handed a huge opportunity here with this virus. I mean, this is the first time in my lifetime or anytime I know of where a leader

in a crisis didn't get a bump in the polls. If he had just appeared human and caring, nobody blames him for the virus. Nobody blames him for the deaths. I bet people on the left would go, yeah, you know what? He's doing a good job. Instead, they're trying to figure out how can we undermine Biden in order to win? You didn't need that now. You have the coronavirus. You could have ridden that right into a landslide just by being a mensch. But he always needs a foil.

He didn't need that in the beginning. I mean, it's an incredible thing about the Russia stuff is that, you know, for all the ridiculous overreaction, which became that he's a Kremlin plant, is that the most basic component of that is that you really don't need a special amount of, you know, sort of Russian Ukraine information to dislodge the candidacy of Joe Biden, which he's quite capable of doing by himself when he opens his mouth. So they do this incredibly stupid things all the time. And, you know, Ian said this absolutely right. There are people on the left that are desperate. And there used to be a joke about it in the first kind of

year of his presidency to say, okay, now he's becoming presidential. Like Van Jones famously said this on CNN. He's like, this is his presidential moment. I'm like, don't be so sure about it because somebody who's that schizophrenic might hit it once in a while. But most of the time it's just the needles going like this and he's too like the impulsiveness is kind of okay in you know an economy that has roaring and has sort of like lowest unemployment in a very long time who cares because the argument from trump people and it's not even trump people it's people that are like you know the guy's a buffoon but you know let, let's calm down. The argument is basically this.

We give too much kind of, we valorize the office too much. Like, oh, they're so presidential. But they do horrible things, right? They can be so presidential and say it so nice and then, you know, waterboard people in their basements. And like, yes, but he said it in this wonderful way. So who gives a shit how Trump says it as long as he's not making it worse.

There's no foreign wars. He lobs 75 cruise missiles, Tomahawk missiles into Syria. That's it. Says a couple of things about Afghanistan because someone showed him pictures, by the way, of like women in pants in the 1970s. He's very, very easily swayed by images. It's incredible.

So he was like, oh yeah, let's get back to the pants era. That was great. And let's send troops in but other than that it's just kind of trundling along he's making a complete asshole of himself all the time but it's inconsequential you know the larger kind of scheme of things but no one is right in this and like this when this happens and you are at the beginning it's like at first I'm like these guys are being unfair to him he didn't say it was a hoax he said the reaction that the media is saying that he did a hoax etc etc etc he didn't say it was fine but at the same time he is actually coming out and it's so crazy like maybe 200,000

people gonna die this is gonna I mean he is was his numbers were higher than the experts at the time he's going back and forth and back and forth. And, you know, at times he's kind of right. The UV light thing, when he was talking about drinking the bleach, there was a UV light thing. That's actually, there was actually someone doing something. He hears little snatches of conversation and he repeats them. He doesn't give a shit what comes out. But when it comes to this point in policy and the economy is crippled, I mean, this is unprecedented. And it

is something there is no economic response to. There's no economic policy that can fix this. 2008, there were structural problems within the economy, right? And you can do whatever, you can, you know, have all sorts of things, which the Obama administration does. And, you know, a lot of them I very much disagree with, but they do a bunch of policy responses, right? Because that's what you have to do. But this is no, the economy didn't do anything here. This is the government saying, it's a virus. So we have to solve the virus first.

And every minute he is fucking this up and making this longer and more difficult, the more pain Americans are feeling from the economy bottoming out. And I'm very, very annoyed with people in this final thing, these blue checkmark people on Twitter talking about, you know, they go outside and they're flouting the regulation stuff. It's like, you know what?

They don't fucking live in Manhattan and they're not still getting paid. Like I get paid. I mean, like I'm still getting a salary. I took a pay cut, but I'm getting a salary. And so I'm okay. I can actually ride this out. Friends of mine ride this out. But most people can't. And like, I met a woman shooting this piece who was like a cleaner.

And she's like, I have no work now. I can't, nothing to clean. All the offices are closed. What did she do? $1,200 check. Yeah, great. And then you have these jerk-offs on Twitter telling her, you know, don't say that you wanna go out and work again.

It's like, look, the woman knows her risk profile and says, yeah, I kinda wanna get back to work because it is death for me in a different way if I don't. And so I just think it's like, at this point, we're having a fake conversation that has become increasingly stupid and partisan. And I have no idea why being sort of, let's open the economy a bit more

is considered like a right wing thing. And let's never open the economy is considered a left wing thing. I don't understand it. It's totally insane. And to your point of, you know, these blue check marks saying you can't leave your house. It's like insane that the left has championed pro-choice for so long. And then now they're like, all lives matter. No one can die.

Nobody can die. This isn't going away. It's never going to go away. So we have to, you know, do that kind of actuarial table and see it sucks, but that's what you do. I mean, you have to look at who's, who's, I mean, the left has turned into the right and the amount, the lack of empathy for someone like a cleaner that has to go to work, $1,200 pays half the rent in New York City. They have to feed their kids. Also, my heart breaks for people who have five kids. They were in a miserable marriage. They're stuck with their kids. They have to homeschool. Work was an escape for them. Driving to work was the alone time that they needed to reset their mind, to deal with the family that

they resent. And now they're with their family all the time. And it's a complete fucking nightmare. Starting to figure out how we can open this economy, which is not a conversation, it's a public conversation. Does anybody know what phase one, phase two, phase three looks like in New York City? It's not a conversation we're having. But that conversation is a left-wing conversation. Because who is hurt by this most? The working class. That's it. I mean, it's not, I mean, this would be something,

like look, Bernie Sanders in the past, he changed his mind on this because he was trying to become president in a particularly woke progressive time. But he was really, really anti-immigration before because he was like, hey, you know, I like immigrants, fine. But you know, immigrants depress working, fine, but, you know, immigrants depress working class wages. And so therefore, because they take jobs away from the working class, et cetera, it was a pretty common argument that was made. And like, so it strikes

me, this is one of those other things that strikes me that people on the left should be very, very active in making this argument saying like, not, we shouldn't just open things up and people die, but it's like, we insulted the governor of Georgia and the governor of Florida, Kemp and DeSantis, saying this is gonna be a bloodbath. Didn't happen. I mean, can we get an apology or try to figure out why it didn't happen? Or are we so wrapped up in politics

that we're like, you know what, well, fine. Let's figure, let's, okay, but what about, it's like the whataboutism. It's like, let's just change the subject to something else. I mean, Sweden, people make these charts. Sweden's up here, Norway's down here, Finland's. Yes, but Sweden is considerably fewer deaths than the UK, Belgium, France, Italy, and Spain, right? In the Netherlands, I think too. So what is going on? Can we have an honest conversation about this

without getting mired in politics? Now, when do we ever have an honest conversation about anything in this country without being political? You want an honest conversation, don't go to relationship counseling. So listen, I disagree with one, I sort of disagree with one thing you said, although you probably won't disagree with me.

It's not clear to me that the working class is the hardest hit here unless those jobs never come back because they're getting $1,100 a week. The entrepreneurial class, which I'm a member of, we're getting, although I'm not crying poverty, but I can put myself in a situation I was 10 years ago when I basically one snowstorm was threatening to my existence. We have fixed costs that are not going away. I mean, my costs are, I don't know, $30,000, $40,000 a month per business. And that is not, and that's without, no payroll, it's just rent, insurance, utilities, all this stuff that doesn't really go away.

And business owners are getting destroyed. Destroyed. My pops, destroyed. Yeah. Worse than the working class, I think. Worse than the working class. Well, I mean, a sheer dollar number, I would say that that's absolutely right. And it's not to in any way take away from the fact

that, you know, I talked to a guy in the East Village who was opening... I mean, existentially. Existentially. Oh, yeah, no, no, of course. Yeah, yeah. No, that you might not exist or you're going to exist in a radically different way. Particularly, you know, comedy seller, that room at McDool is not a big room, you know? I mean, it's like,

how do you do that? And that's, of course, in all these other opening up scenarios, the last thing that you open up, right? That's the absolute last. And so, yeah, no, no, in no way do I, you know, underplay or undercount that. It's just in sheer numbers, it is people, you know, working class people that, yeah, no, we're giving them unemployment benefits.

We're giving them stimulus money. Well, whatever you want to call it, bailout money. It's not stimulus money. But what does that do to the economy? This is not something in economics that you discover the next day. No. I mean, you keep printing money. And what is the inflationary effect of that?

I mean, it seems to me if, as long as all the essential things are being done, things that we can't live without, food is being produced, heating oil is being delivered, and this and that, and anything we can't live without is being taken care of,

then it's just a matter of distributing everything in a way that nobody is you know, is... Well, we haven't had any breakdowns in that, which has been really surprising and pretty actually interesting that how robust those networks are of getting food. Like, yeah, you know, your grocery store doesn't have a lot of stuff on the shelf, but that's not because of these distribution networks falling down. It just because of panic buying by the way we should

say that the people who really get hit the hardest even worse is are the essential workers i mean yes that's absolutely true i mean but there was a there was something i saw the other day and i don't want to quote this without a huge caveat but i think it was it was either doctors or nurses in new york city had a lower rate by a pretty significant amount of the disease because of things like, you know, the PPP that they wear. And they're pretty close involved with people. But, you know, it's actually been okay. I mean, the one thing that no one's going back and talking about the things like, you know, the USS Comfort, comfort javits center setting up triage places in park you know what what about i mean the ventilators all this stuff i'm happy that we overplayed this

because i'm happy that we had that capacity but i think that it's creating an incredible amount of skepticism with people that i know are like why did they never talk about this ever again it just kind of pushed it away. Do you find that? Would you find it? Well, I was just going to ask, was not the point of the lockdown and putting a pause on everything to take the stress off the hospital system

so that they could deal with the amount of skyrocketing cases? Now that the healthcare system has leveled out and we're at a place where we can breathe, why are we not taking massive precautionary steps to now integrate us back into society? Why is everything being shut and extended when the hospital system is very much at a place they can take care of any situation that comes its way? Well, yeah, it's a good question. I mean, the paranoia is the hardest thing now. Well, okay, this is what I think.

First of all, Noam has addressed this several times. While everybody's getting, if everybody wasn't getting their $1,100 a week, you would see even three times the pressure. What is this $1,100 a week you speak of? Well, people, maybe you don't get it because you're an independent contractor,

but like everyone who, all salaried employees are getting approximately eleven hundred dollars a week yeah i'm not i i mean i'm getting a good amount but it it ain't eleven hundred it's you're you're in a different spot and that's why you're maybe more eager but listen this is what i think when you have no choice um the option the choice is easy to me, I still haven't heard anything other than what I'm about to say. The only thing we can do is ask every single person to wear a mask, go back to work, and then we can wait a week or two and see how it plays out. And if it plays out, then we have to, there is nothing else. There's no therapies, those didn't pan out. There's no,

there is nothing. There's masks and responsible behavior. and that's the way it's going to be a month from now two months from now so they i think they should just and i know that people it's ridiculous outside but for the reason of keeping it easy to police because we don't want is the cops saying uh you guys uh you're you're fewer than six feet apart okay sorry officer we get right and then the cop walks away and then they get right back together again. And the cop's pulling out tape measures and all that. I think everybody, everybody

should be wearing a mask for a few weeks. Let's see how it works. If that's workable, start letting out, reducing, maybe reducing it outside, whatever it is. Trial and error until we find what works. Because what else is there? What are we waiting for here? And look, you're going to have little, you know, explosions of cases.

It's going to happen. Exactly. You cannot shut down and say, oh my God, South Korea, they did such a good job and they opened up and they're having, it's like, yeah, yeah, no, that's going to happen. Exactly. What matters is how many people are hospitalized and how many people are dying and things like that. Yes.

They've seen so many science fiction movies where they come up with the high-tech solution right at the end. I really think that's part of it. Like, we thought Dr. McCoy is going to get the vaccine. And it's not coming. And, you know, this contact tracing is not going to be the be-all, end-all. Nothing is going to solve it. Except there's one thing. It's kind of a low-tech issue.

And the low-tech issue is that we need... You still there, Michael? He's dancing around his apartment. I think he's doing a TikTok video. He ran off somewhere, but you can continue. No, because I want him to hear. I think he's still got his headsets on. He can hear you. I think he had to turn lights on. Your eyes anyway. I was he had to turn lights on. Your eyes anyway. I was burning something in the oven too. I was going to say that. Cauliflower's like literally on fire.

No, put on a tighter shirt. When you take your mind off all the tech stuff, we have a low tech, as a friend of mine called, analog problem, which is we need a barrier between your droplets and me and we can do that by having a certain number of feet between us or by some kind of barrier that we already know about and by refining that through clever people again trial and error maybe optimizing masks in some way which we have yet to do but it's it's a low-tech solution i don't know

how do you do that in the comedy club, which is not only packed together, but people are laughing, guffawing. That's just like the worst possible book. Ian. Book the most expendable comedians first. No, we don't get many guffawing. People, people, people chuckle when Ian's on, but we don't. Yeah, I know.

Listen to the number one album on iTunes, and you will hear an incredible response. Now, look, maybe comedy clubs don't open, or every other table, and only young people come. I'm really not speaking for my own interests here. If they let everybody open but me, I would say the same thing, which is that for most situations here, I don't know what they're waiting

for. It's nothing's going to change a month from now, but, and we don't know that masks will work, but if you see that article about Flushing Queens, which is right next to Corona Queens, and Flushing Queens has almost no cases and Corona is just teaming with it. It's a pretty strong indication that masks and responsible behavior are the answer. So do you genetically superior, you know, bring back the guardian angels. Cops aren't meant to keep people away. I want Curtis Sliwa to be going around, you know, enforcing health policy. And everybody rightfully derides Trump for making his speeches without wearing a mask.

But then Cuomo does the same thing and nobody says boo about it. What is that? But no, do you imagine something with the seller? Like, I mean, the great thing that you did after all of these fucking annoying people when Louis comes on, they're like, I didn't know.

It was like being mugged. And you're like, okay, I'll pay for your drinks. You can leave. It's now it's on the ticket. Are you going to have to do something like that that says, okay, come in, sign the thing and say, I'm going to take the risk because it's a small space and blah, blah, blah. I mean, is that something that will get you towards opening again? Yeah. Well, we have a certain advantage there because we have um uh some underutilized spaces above the olive tree restaurant above the comedy cellar it really just exists as a hangout it's not a money-making thing so we could actually do shows there too and i already actually

have that in the works so if we only had half capacity downstairs and the other half is upstairs if people want to come then we could get we could approach full capacity and the other half is upstairs. If people want to come, then we could get, we could approach full capacity and the same thing around the corner of the village underground location. We have a main bar area there, which is hang out at, and we could do shows there. And, and, and both, those can be credible shows with real lighting. You know, we can set the, they're good rooms, but my question is, will people come? No, not right now.

Stuffing a release under their nose saying, if I get Corona, you know, that doesn't create a great environment or atmosphere for a comedy show. And I also think that if everybody's wearing a mask inside the comedy club, I think that might incline people to say, you know, we'll just wait a few more weeks

and see the show again. But I'm thinking everybody needs to wear masks if they want public right now everybody's got to wear them i'm just do it but no yeah but you're saying at a comedy club i don't know that that would create an environment that would be conducive how do you eat chicken wings with a mask how do you drink your drink with a mask at a comedy show and what about the biohazard just all the waste of people throwing out gloves and masks everywhere. That in and of itself is going to be a complete nightmare. Well, how do you eat?

Maybe we can't serve food. Drinks, I suppose you could put a straw under your thing, but maybe there's no drinks. I don't know. I don't know. My perfect world here is that people understand the risks and they understand if they don't know. I don't know. My perfect world here is that people understand the risks and they understand if they don't have any pre-existing conditions that are comorbidities and they're young, just fucking go out and just build the herd immunity if you have to. We don't know if that confers immunity, if you actually get it.

Other viruses, obviously. That's a big problem though, isn't it? Big problem. We don't know. That's a huge, huge caveat to this whole thing. We don't know if you can get it again. The likelihood, I think, according to the research is you cannot, at least for some period of time, it confers some immunity, at least according to what I've read. And that story of secondary cases in South Korea turned out to be wrong. Yeah, I said that.

Also, it seems that certain blood types produce antibodies and certain blood types do not produce antibodies. So you could have had it and not have any and test negative for antibodies. And it also it hates men, too. This virus is very misandrist, I think. And low T. Low T. Men with low T are at risk. Low T cell count, you mean? Yeah, low testosterone. No testosterone. I've also read, they think- No, man, you got to stay inside for like five more months. I've also read that maybe smokers might actually be protected.

Yeah, that's right. Woody Allen was right. They found that in France, yes. I'm going out. I'm living my best life. No mask life for me, baby. Let's do it. Now, by the way,

my employees will not want to come back to work if they're making $1,100 at home, and I't blame them absolutely right we've seen that already are you gonna have to cut comics pay well we talked yeah we've talked about that he'll try not to well i said that yeah road road gigs you gotta you're gonna map out is if i'm gonna lose money on the flight and then if they're paying cut my in half, how are you going to get a bonus if they cut the 300 seats place to a 100? I mean, you guys are totally right about young people going out. You wear a mask, but you take the risk, and you look at the fact that statistically, there are some cases that are, you die and that really sucks. But I think a slow integration is the way to go, but you don't go out without a mask and,

you know, just eat the first ass that you see. I think you're not going out and you're having random hookups. Is that an expression? Yeah, it's more of a mantra i live by but i think uh i think the answer it's it's a but here's the thing i could get crucified for saying that right now of course yes don't say that on twitter that's insane to me yeah because it's a thing of like we can say whatever we want but the own citizens shame you to a fact where you can't say certain things publicly. It's crazy. Well, I think if you say, if you're, if I don't think anyone's going to crucify you for saying, maybe we should consider opening up in a safe way with masks and with people

that have no comorbidity. I see it. I see it already. You know, I ride my bike everywhere and I see these coffee shops, restaurants, bars, they all have a table at the door. You wait in line. You go up, you order. People are drinking outside of bars.

They walk together in groups. People are getting takeout. I think that's the slow open that's happening. It's happening anyway. It's happening anyway, whether or not people are saying to do it or not. Well, I think people just have to look at the numbers. Like you said, Michael, blips are going to happen, but look at the amount of hospitalizations and deaths among those numbers. Yeah. I mean, the thing that a listener to the

podcast, the fifth column, they sent an email because I was talking about the number of people that have yelled at me and I've seen yelling at other people. And he coined the term social distance warriors. The people that, like, if you're, like, I was in the park, and I was with some people, and my daughter and one of her friends from school, and this woman, and we were talking, masks on, we're all talking. This woman was like, this is amazing. And she's, like, muttering to her friend and walks by. And I'm like, how the fuck do you know that we haven't all had an antibody test?

We haven't all had it. We don't all live together in some like Mormon madness. And people are doing this all the time. What it has done, and this is the, I guess the thing that I can't say because people get mad at me, is that this is given, and I hate to be political, but this is given self-righteous, like Brooklyn liberals,

something else to be self-righteous about. And it's so frustrating, because I'm like, stop shaming random people for not doing what you, and they're always wrong. They don't, they have no sense of the epidemiology of this, but they're like, oh my God, you are standing too close to that person. I'm like, they're not, that's not how it transmits.

So stop. You better preach, Michael Moynihan. Stop virtue signaling for everyone in your fucking neighborhood and saying like, and this is everywhere. I don't know if they're necessarily virtue signaling. Some of them are scared. I mean, it could be,

virtually signaling is a factor, but it's also a factor when I see some, somebody without a mask getting close to me i feel like also true yeah there are people that do that too yeah we're running out of time so fast can we get out can we go talk about homeschooling oh god briefly so yeah so this has been my observation on home so you are homeschooling your daughter now correct um well you know i'm homeschooling her with the assistance of the school that i pay for but i get to hear the morning zoom call and then some interaction Zoom calls.

And I'm like, wait, I'm paying for this? And there's one, and I shouldn't say this publicly, but one that happened the other day when they were talking about a book that she was reading, she's nine years old, and said like, you know, what were the genders of the people? And my daughter was like, I was like a man and a woman, a boy and a girl. He's like, yes, they both identified as a man and a woman. I'm like, dude,

she's nine. She's like, what? Can you just keep going? In some sense, the homeschooling, I'm like, oh, maybe I can straighten her out again. Here's my feeling about homeschooling. If it's only going to be another few months who cares what are they going to learn something so incredible in those few months i can't live

without it uh how much do you learn do you use anyway what you learn in school it's not about what they learn it's about how much of a pain in the ass it is when you're trying to like do anything because your whole day is now with your kids. This is my observation of homeschooling. I always felt this way, but I've really seen it firsthand. I think that every educational innovation probably since 1945 has been a detriment to the kids. time in these fancy software presentations that it takes my kid to be um to be drilled on like 10 multiplication problems i could give him 10 flash cards in 60 seconds and it takes him this all rigmarole to do the same 10 problems 30 minutes in the way in the way they presented and everything they do is they're so enamored with technology everything they do makes it worse if i just spent 20 minutes with my kid 20 minutes reading 20 minutes doing math facts and i don't know the 20 minutes of

practice writing right that's it an hour a day I'm convinced he would be fully ahead of everybody in his class based on the way they're homeschooling. You know, we're going through the same, the way they're the curriculum that they're asking us to follow from home. That's not a, a commentary on homeschooling. It's a commentary on education in general. But I'm saying it really brought home to me now that, now that I see what they do all day, again, it feels like what a waste of time.

No wonder Abraham Lincoln and everybody in his generation to go to one room schoolhouse and and write and do math better than anybody today because they didn't they didn't have the the um misfortune of whiteboards and all this stuff that everybody had to find a way to use you're also talking about extraordinary people like abraham lincoln rather than the many people of his generation our grandparents generation my grandfather couldn't do math to save his asshole our grandparents generation were wrote spelled did math everything better than any most of them were most of them didn't write anything you know do math well dan you have no faith in your own grandparents do you my grandparents your grandparents were pro-slavery.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. His grandparents were just illiterate hicks and he just applies that to everyone else. The problem is I never really talked to my grandfather. We had a distant relationship, but I didn't get a very mathematical vibe from the guy. You know a better way to learn your multiplication tables and flashcards written on a piece of paper?

I mean, I think it's repetition, but also at the same time, look at, look at the numbers they've crunched on people working in an office eight hours a day. And then they find they only do how many hours of actual work. And you're just doing this busy time. That's the same thing with education. Kids get burnout. You only have a small window where they can learn. Everything else is a burden and it's taken away creativity. It's taken away play. It's taken away what it means to actually be an organism in this world that we're living in. And it's totally a detriment to kids' imagination and their ability to feel value because if they don't get these things right in the time span, they have this inner monologue of like, Oh, I'm wrong. Oh, I didn't get it right. Oh, this is bad. And it's not good.

It has been an incredible experiment, a social experiment. Our, and I know Noam loves him. Our friend John McWhorter tweeted the other day, something I thought was true. Somebody said, Oh, you know, you must be getting like writing and doing all this. And he's like, I have never had a less productive three months in my life than the last three months. Because when you strip everything away

and you remove the environment entirely, all the kind of motivations and all those triggers during the day that tell you what to do, you're just sitting there and you're like, I don't, what do I do now? And like, oh, I have all this time. I should have written a novel by now.

I'm trying. I just finally called, emailed my barber, Richie, and I was like, can you come give me a haircut? I was like, that's the most I've accomplished. Michael, if you're not in a good psychological frame of mind, you're probably not going to write that novel. No, I'm also mentally ill. So there's a lot of factors.

Hey, Michael, high five. Michael, I'll ask you a question. Confinement is certainly not going to help your mental health. No, it's not doing it very well. Some people actually have derived a benefit from it. Yeah, yeah, no, that's true. That's true, yeah. It's not a cross.

Let me ask you a question. Oh, that was one of the things that this Mayor Katz said, Dr. Katz, is that if the mentally ill people are going to feel lost, that's the thing we should worry about most. I want to ask you a question. These articles about people getting so used to working from home that they won't want to go to work anymore. It sounds like you're skeptical of that based on the observations you just made.

It's absolute nonsense. I saw that, what's that dickhead from Twitter, Jack? What's his name, Jack? Jack guy said like, if you work at Twitter, you can work from home forever. You don't ever have to come back into the office. And I think that there's like, you know, people are like, ah, it's amazing.

But depending on a number of factors, like how many kids you have, where you live, how big your apartment is, it's kind of stultifying and kind of oppressive to like and i went out to long island today and um i was like holy wow this open is green and it was so amazing because i've been sitting in this apartment for and i actually am beating everybody because i um wasn't going to the office for like a month and a half before this broke out and and just for other. And so I'm on like five months now and I just, I can't take it anymore. I mean, you need, particularly when you're doing,

when you're like pitching stories and I know it's obviously very different with a comedy, but when you're pitching stories, like I can come up with the best idea for a story, for a premise for a piece I'm going to do. If I'm sitting with five people in a room and you're like oh well what about that and it just keeps going and building and building and you have these incredible you know it's like a writer's room and at the end of this like i don't have that coming up with something by sitting down like okay let's come up with an idea that doesn't really work it can happen you can get that thunderbolt that hits you but it's not great i

mean it's much much better if you sit down with a bunch of people that you work with and bounce ideas off each other. And when you lose that, Zoom doesn't work. I agree with you. Let's be honest. Husbands can't wait to get the fuck out of the house to go to work.

And wives too. There's no wives. Yeah, yeah, wives too. Yeah, yeah, wives too. Most of our social life. You have a lot of need on the Zoom. Let's see what she says I know really I'd love to hear her

alright calm down most of our social life most of our social lives revolves around work if you just stay home all day and then afterwards you're still home and then you don't you're not making you're not physically making friends

and hanging out I mean you would just i can't imagine it working i mean it's at a certain age all of your friends come from work and you you like the the ones from earlier just drift off and they move and have kids yeah but you always have that core ones you work with and when you don't have an office that's especially especially as comics when you're going out at night and you're around all these people and you're pitching jokes you're just hanging out having a good time and even the fact of to i i feel to be a good comic you have to live a life you have to go someplace you have to go somewhere to observe you have to take things in and you're sitting at home i was talking to somebody and they were like yeah i have 20 new minutes it's like of what and also when you distill it down, it's probably like five, not even.

So what are we doing? You know, three decent minutes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I will say, I'm sorry. I mean, it's all true. Just going to say, go, go into the train, riding the train, riding in a car.

These are things that are very important to people to function normally as a human, to get out of your space of being a century person, just sitting there. You know, I thank God I have my bicycle because I ride all over the city. It's very meditative for me. And now every Tom, Dick and Harry in the books riding a city bike, and it drives me fucking insane. I've been riding a city bike for several years, so I prefer. I do want to say... Or Michael. Ian, I'll say one thing quickly. That is good.

What you're having is good. Because the one kind of thing that motivates you as a person that you cannot get when you're sitting at home alone is hatred. And I always choose my friends and people that I'm with as these unified hates. We hate the same things. Liking the same things is boring. Hating the same things is important.

When you sit home by yourself and you don't hate anything, it's like no one's annoying you. No one's like, I go outside, now I'm going out a lot more. And I'm like, oh my, like everyone's fucking horrible. And now my life is more complete.

Michael, that is a great observation about friendship. I really like that. I'm gonna repeat that. I do wanna say that there is one thing I hope stays. I don't ever want to have to go to any accountant or lawyer's office ever again. Dread, midtown, all that mess. There is no reason they can't Zoom with me.

No reason whatsoever. But other than that, I don't see anything about staying home. Well, I bought a car because i was going crazy and i gotta get out and i bought it online didn't and it's being delivered and those things are great hopefully that more of that i don't have to deal with like you know was that sight unseen sight unseen i get seven days to return it. Is it Tesla? No, Carvana. Oh, Tesla. Which is this app. Tesla does a lot of online sales.

Yeah, they do. They do. But Elon Musk is destroying his own company's, the equity of everybody by tweeting. Is he mentally ill? Probably. There's something wrong with him. Yeah, for sure.

But I kind of appreciate him in a way. Yeah. I like the fact that he exists. Yeah, it's awesome. Yeah, he's like you know what i'm gonna do i'm gonna sell all my houses like awesome i mean you're proving what now and he just sell he's he's put like eight houses on the market i i feel like at a certain point when you get to a level of like fame or something you can't detach your brain from

realizing that at at one public thought the world could massively hate you and it really fucks with your head to a level that I don't think we could understand. And especially with the amount of wealth and power he has, that just must be compounded on him so much. I read a piece about him that his ex-wife wrote about their divorce. He's a real piece of shit. Wow.

His ex-wife wrote a piece about him? An ex-wife said her ex-husband was a piece of shit wow he's a piece about it an ex-wife said her husband her ex-husband was a piece of shit yeah but i know like you don't usually get paid by the word for it you just say it and people wow yeah i mean it's it's a juicy piece of hot goss maybe it's a hot goss you know i gotta see that i think he might be bipolar actually actually bipolar did you see him on rogan even before he smoked weed because he's famously now that actually bipolar. Did you see him on Rogan? No. Even before he smoked weed? Because he's famously, now that's like become a meme of him,

like, you know, blowing a huge cloud because Rogan smoked weed with him. But he was clearly a little off in the whole interview. I mean, he's clearly incredibly bright. But I think at the end of this, the person to really watch is Bezos, because who could become the world's first trillionaire and is doing incredibly well off of this is that unless he takes half of that money and just gives it away then he is going to be the absolute winner and loser of this he is going to be the hate figure of all hate figures because who do you hate the the guy the rich guy who do

you really hate the richest guy in the world now who do you fucking really really hate the guy who became the richest guy in the world because Now, who do you fucking really, really hate? The guy who became the richest guy in the world because everybody else was suffering. So at the end of this, Bezos, I mean, he better start opening schools for invalids and the blind as fast as he can. Yeah. So Bloomberg, just to remind me of it.

So I read that Bloomberg offered to donate $10 million for contact tracing. Did you see that? Yeah. He spent almost a billion dollars. $980 million in a shitty quixotic campaign. Nice one. Yeah, that's right.

You can't spend $10 million for anything anymore, dude. You're a fucking loser. You got to offer $30, $40 million. Otherwise, you don't offer anything. Nobody's expecting it. But $10 million. The best thing, but I have to say the best thing

that ever happened from that Bloomberg thing was now I don't have to hear people anymore say you can just buy an election. It's like, no, no, you can spend a bit. But if you're shitty, you're not going to buy it. Like, if I started taking steroids,

I'm not going to play in the major leagues. And I'm not going to hit, because I suck. I'm not going to hit home runs because I'm just taking steroids. I have to be good at it and Mike Bloomberg was so monumentally shitty at it that he spent a billion dollars in one American Samoa I never understood why Citizens United was such a controversial decision or why most people didn't realize it was obviously correct. I never got that because if you thought it was wrong, you thought that somebody should have been prosecuted for doing a documentary about Hillary Clinton during an election season.

How could that possibly be the right answer to if you have any friends that say hear that and say gnome come on you're becoming a right-wing troglodyte send them to uh chris novoselic who was the bass player for nirvana wrote an incredible piece that he wrote this long piece about from like a progressive green party perspective and why citizens united was the right decision for people on the left too and. And particularly, you know, it helps labor unions. And labor unions spend tons of money on elections. And they kind of quiet about it because it was very beneficial to them in the end, too. Yeah, I mean, it literally would have allowed you to criminalize political speech.

Yes. And the fear, the bugaboo was that you could buy elections, which you can't buy. As we know now, but we knew it all along the money michael huffington was the first example that ariana's uh gay husband who who uh spent the most ever in a congressional seat and lost like by a huge march and spent like an insane amount of money the money pours into the candidate that people think is going to win they do not the money is not what makes them when biden was broke to never dime until he started winning and then he then then they started donating because they want the favors from the

winner that's why they don't i think that if you if you're reasonably capable and you have the money then you have a it helps it's not that it doesn't help it helps but it can't alone but look at bernie look at all the money he raised it didn't help shit. There's a law of diminishing returns like in anything. You need a certain amount of money. And then above that, the other dollars don't get you much. That money versus the incredible power of the DNC doesn't actually, the DNC is more powerful than money. Yeah.

I mean, who even watches any kind of commercial anymore? Ever. When was the last time you sat through a commercial? I wait for the five second thing on YouTube so I can skip it what does this money actually get the candidates i mean i don't understand they need they need a staff i mean they don't stuff envelopes anymore they don't send mail they don't they don't nobody watches their ads if they do have a good ad it gets picked up by free media what exactly do they spend their money on? I mean, who? Have you ever changed the volume of a dollar that was spent? Yeah, well, that's why Bloomberg put all that money

into social media stuff. And like, you know, getting all these like, quote unquote, influencers on Instagram to like post things about. And I love that Josh, the fat Jew, was like, you know what? I'm not gonna do this. It's like beneath me.

What was the fact? That fucking scumbag. Like all the jokes that you write yeah yeah yeah you fucking scum sucker yeah but he wouldn't take he wouldn't take the money from bloomberg but he will take your joke if you're not looking yeah biden returned louis money unbelievable unbelievable yeah that's an embarrassment that that is so fucking ridiculous that he would do that i mean if it's it's these things of like if you just let it happen you don't go out of your way to try to make it go away or whatever the the story is not going to get picked up

you know but it's it's incredible with with um with biden who he says and i think there's actually a point to be made is being falsely accused of sexual assault by somebody. It's a woman saying that he forcibly penetrated her in some way versus a guy who everybody agrees jerked off consensually. But, oh, it was a power dynamic. But he's returning the money because he doesn't want to be associated with that because it's an accusation.

And then there's an accusation against him, which is a thousand times worse. you know believe women i mean should maybe louis should try to take something away from him i mean his vote i hope but it's it's incredible i mean it's really really amazing the the hypocrisy on the left is insane that they weaponized believe women and you know uh with a whole entire kavanaugh thing. And then now that these allegations against Biden come up, they're like, well, you know, it's a gray area on both sides. Well, they said the right thing now. The right thing is, like, listen to women.

That's the first you should do. Believe them. That's insane. Just listen to people who have, and adjudicate them and take them to the courts or, you know, I mean, it's just, it's common sense. Do you believe Tara Reid? I don't, no. i don't know you don't why not no um there are two pieces recently john chait right run um and i don't believe john shape but go ahead yeah i know i know i know but that politico piece about about her ever-shifting story um is strikes me as and look i mean I mean, you also... Like Woody Allen said this

about the allegations against him. You tend to have a lot of them. You tend to have more than one, more than just this isolated thing. And by the way, Woody Allen's memoir, which almost wasn't published, is very good. And if someone recommends it,

listen to the audio book, which he reads. It's very funny. It's a great history of the, you know, 60s and 70s comedy. And like, you know, he makes the case in a very sort of long and involved way about why he was screwed. And like, look, I never, no one ever accused me of this before. And that's the same thing with Biden strikes me that too. But her claims have shifted a lot. But do you agree with the following that for that, for her,

for it not to be true, she's, she's been making this up for, she made it up 25 years ago. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which is what I mean. It's changed a lot. And I don't, you can also not believe her by thinking that something awkward did happen. And it got swollen to something rather different over time um because the the you know the story has changed right i mean so we know that the thing is it didn't come out during his vice presidency did it no no the thing is that you have you have their husband who describes something traumatic you have her mother who

called up larry king and you have two friends who say they heard this story verbatim back then. Look, it makes it more credible than a lot of the Kavanaugh stuff, to be honest. I'm just not sure that, yeah. Unless it's a conspiracy theory. Unless it's a conspiracy theory, which I'm not going to buy a conspiracy theory.

That to me says that she told this story back then. What happened to Dan? You railroaded him. He's so offended by my apologizing for rape. Did he get mad at me? I was in the middle of a sentence. He was trying to talk and he kept going. I think he laughed.

He doesn't care about the defense of rape. He cares that you wouldn't let him speak. All right. Well, that's a good way to end yeah maybe that's a good way on the way out look i don't know enough about it i've read a bit of it and some of it made me skeptical but i'll i'll read more about no i don't know that there's a there's an election going on it doesn't feel like there's one i feel like she could have been making it up 25 years ago. I think that's totally plausible. What I don't think is plausible is that this was something about, I mean, it's just too much evidence that she told this story back then to say this because of Bernie Sanders or Putin or any of that stuff.

But I've, I've had false claims within my organization. And why, if you made a false claim, why wouldn't you stick to it? You know? So it's certainly plausible that she, that it's a false claim. Yeah. I mean, i i know people who have been on the other end of that

too and it's not just an assumption it's i know literally for a fact um that they're false so you know i mean it's it's incredibly destructive and the burden of proof is the sort of ordinary burden of proof you'd had in a in a criminal proceeding but like some of the witness stuff of like this one in politico that she lived with these people a couple years ago very progressive people and i don't think they're i don't think they're like biden supporters or or biden haters or whatever but it just seemed like she was she was not very stable yeah i think we also have to come to terms with something that I really think is true, which is high profile claims are more likely to be false than the everyday claims because

there's extra, for someone who's not quite sane, there is the extra motivation that you can get a whole lot of attention this way. It's totally different if 10 women accuse you know somebody at the comedy cellar um who's not famous versus 10 women accusing brett kavanaugh who is like the focus of every amount of media attention in the united states and is going to be on the supreme court they're like oh well you know it's 10 it's like yeah no i get, and you should look into all of those, but is 10 the same, afforded the same weight when you are

Donald Trump versus, like, if my mailman had 10 people, I'd be like, that guy's guilty. Right. Versus if a guy who's really famous and is like, you can get some attention, you can go on Larry King, you can do it. Larry King's not even still alive, is he? He's still alive, but he's not doing it. He's but he's not alive he was doing a show for rt for a little bit by the way yeah that's pretty good um so yeah i mean i think it's different depending on depending on

who it is i mean context matters but when you flatten all this stuff and say believe women do this do that it's like i don't don't give me instructions just give me the evidence and we'll look at it and it's true it's not true i. I feel like that's how people feel about wearing masks. They're like, don't tell me what to do. I'll do the evidence. I'll whatever. But if it's not a law, I'm not fucking doing it. But the difference in there is that if you and I disagree on Brett Kavanaugh,

I don't infect you. I can infect you with my ideas. I mean, that's the thing about the mask. You can infect me with annoyance and tweet at me and, you know, annoy me online, which is worse, you know? I'm feeling bad about Dan. We got to wrap it up. We didn't get to talk about Arbery, but.

Oh, what a shame. Thank God. Yeah. No, but it's an amazing it's an amazing case and every day the the new revelations are like Hollywood Hollywood level no I mean it's it is and as I I said to a friend of mine I said you know it's best as we saw with Covington as we saw every case that it becomes a flashpoint just hold off wait till the evidence comes in because what it seems that day from the video you see could be a million things and i don't know i mean what i see is horrifying um and i don't know

what has changed but oh you didn't hear about what happened today oh is there something today no i was yeah or that um it turned out that the police asked mcmichael to to keep an eye on things for them oh well and. And that the property owner had been texting the police numerous times, including with footage going back to October. Oh, when he said the guy next door is a cop, give it to him? Yeah.

He said, here's his number. He can help you if you need it. And they were playing cat and mouse with this guy. And so much of it is inexplicable because he didn't ever take anything apparently. Maybe he was just like autistic and just like loved buildings or something. Well, no, somebody made him,

maybe he's getting a drink of water when he's running. I mean, that's, you know, who knows? But they were playing cat and mouse with this guy, but the police had engaged Mccmichael and put him into this situation and suggested that you know he'd be contacted if there's a problem yeah and and it was another thing that i don't know if it's true but it was so horrible the daughter said that she hasn't dated a black she hasn't dated a white guy in something like 10 years. And her father has treated every one of her boyfriends like a son. Now, of course, that could be total bullshit, but it might not be bullshit.

That's the hardest time. The hardest thing is to prove the motivation. Because you can still say that that is the most outrageous thing of like, you know what? A guy's in a building site. He's not doing that. When I was a kid, we used to hang out in building sites of like, places that were like, we just hang out and smoke cigarettes. So what, you know, guy didn't take anything, come out with a gun. The problem with the cops that is often obscured by the singular focus on identity. And you know, sometimes that's totally necessary. Obviously,

I'm not to discount that in any way. but is the fact that sometimes people are power hungry and power amount. I mean, you see a lot of this with cops in the inner city, like, you know, New York is a, you know, majority minority police force and cops can be dicks.

I mean, there was a thing that guy was thrown on the ground for not wearing a mask. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, I don't think that cop was white. And I mean, there's just a thing like, I was so happy that God wasn't white. I was, Oh, yeah. Yeah, and it's like, I don't think that cop was white. And, I mean, it's just a thing.

I was so happy the cop wasn't white. I was, oh, my God. I put banners up in my apartment. I had a party. I was so excited. It's like, it's just police brutality in its own generic way. Oh, my God. But, no, who knows?

I mean, it's hard to determine what's with my wife. Power hungry. Power hungry. Power hungry. And for the police to say, hey, buddy, you're in charge. Well, I used to be a cop. I'm back at it. Let's get it. Get the gun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think that the- Who knows? It's hard to say. It's hard to say. I think that the Georgia, the state of Georgia should get hit with a nice fat lawsuit here. Yep.

And that's actually way better for the family than the guilty voter could ever be without a doubt but my thing is that we're focusing so much on arbery and not enough attention is being given to brianna taylor that the emt that the police plain coast cops knocked her door down and just murdered her because they were at the wrong house that is so atrocious and so disgusting. And the fact that that conversation is not going on nationally, we're affected with Arbery is like insane.

Maybe I'm guilty of that. The reason I'm focused on Arbery is because it seems like a lot of ambiguities there, which I find interesting to delve into. When I see a clear cut case, I'm like, that's horrible. And then maybe I should attempt to talk about it more. I mean, the one thing that seems unambiguous

is there's no case for self-defense. The guy wasn't armed. There's no, I mean, you're not deputized as an ex-cop to go chase somebody down. Yeah, I mean, you're going out to, you know, with a gun, somebody who was just in a building site, even if they were there habitually, that's insane. I mean, it's like

what are you doing? Grabbing a gun. Let the cops do that. Stop playing cop. If you want to be a cop, go back to being a cop. As an ex-cop, it doesn't mean anything. The problem is, and we did a deep dive into it, the problem is that Georgia actually has a law which allows persons to rest for misdemeanors.

Yeah. Georgia also believes that you can bring your gun with you anywhere you want, as long as you don't point it at somebody. And if he didn't know, it's, it's legal to have sex with animals. And I think nine States still, you can fuck an animal in Vermont. Doesn't mean that you should.

No, no. We're not arguing whether we should. Hey, I'm cat man it's part of the law the question no if you want to tell us what the conversation you want to have you want to say should he do that i think there's pretty clear nobody thinks is wise question is will they be convicted or should they be convicted would the law dictate that they be convicted it's a much tougher case than people realize yeah for sure because it doesn't look like he pointed the gun at them it looks like Arbery ran and grabbed the gun and you see and he moves backwards in the video so the question is up until that point

have they broken the law because if they haven't broken the law up until that point then they actually do have a good case for self-defense because i haven't broken the law and a guy grabbed my gun and i shot him and the gun because he was cornered and scared it was fight or flight you know so it's the law is crazy he was actually out of fear you know if i turned around and there was a guy with a gun running out who knows what i'd do yeah especially if, Noam, you showed us the other night at the Google Maps. He was just cornered and having cars coming at him every which way. Ian, this is the problem with all these conversations. That's not necessarily relevant to the law as far as I understand.

If you have a right to make a citizen's arrest, presumably there's many scenarios where you make a citizen's arrest where somebody might get scared. Georgia seems to have this ridiculous law that allows you to take your gun with you and make a citizen's arrest. And the problem may be with that ridiculous law, even if they convict him, it might be the kind of thing which a court might have to overturn on appeal if they can't show that he was actually breaking the law and so incredibly sad and disheartening and i wonder if that's why dipalo moved down to georgia i said dipalo already put a bid on that guy's house yeah yeah yeah it was dipalo's house hey check on the neighbor for me yeah what are you talking about? He's running around with a gun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you add

into it that the police actually invited this guy to become involved in it. It's psychotic. It's disgusting. Psychotic. If you don't trust the police because they're power-hungry assholes, you're going to trust random citizens with guns is probably

a disaster. disaster no he's citizens arrested who cares what like what is he doing you can't like farm out like police work like yeah he's not a subcontractor on the house he's he's going into he ain't a plumber no no but he has a right to i mean god forbid anybody forbid anybody thinks I'm defending this behavior. I'm not. He has a right. I know you're speaking to the law, but people aren't smart enough to sit back and go, well, the law, they've already chosen sides. This is what I would say. If these people get off, it's going to be such a racial fucking insane thing.

If these people get off, they have to say, fuck the law. They're guilty just to keep civil unrest. That's never okay, in my opinion. If I were the lawyer, I would say, listen, jury, this is horrible. And I know you don't think this should happen. What a great closing argument, Noam. No, I would. Listen, jury.

I don't expect you to think this is okay. But unfortunately, the Georgia legislature created this law and this mechanism, this structure, and my client had the right to avail himself of this legal structure. That's what it means to be a criminal. You have to break the law. And therefore, as angry as I must be, we need to change the law. therefore um as angry about the poor kid we need to change the law we're talking about self-defense for them what about this poor fucking guy that was doing self-defense for him at what point do you do you go okay well it's it's like a moot point whether or not legally it was okay to do this poor fucking kid died yeah got killed right got like surrounded and gunned down

i mean that's the difference in why you have police because when you turn around and there's a guy in a uniform with a badge and a cop car you're like okay put that shit down when some random guy in overalls with a with a shotgun running after you jesus grabbing the gun doesn't seem like the most irrational decision to make. I just saw a video today of these two hicks. One had a shotgun, one had a regular gun, and they got in an argument with a guy in the woods, and they murdered this guy.

He goes, you come within three feet of me, I'm in my legal right to shoot you. And the guy goes, the fuck you will, and boom, boom, boom, they murdered him. This is a video? Yeah, it was on Twitter. It fucking blew my mind it's insane you know like guns once you bring guns like like you said if you're an officer you go hey whatever but a random guy you're in fight or flight and you're in absolute self-defense mode you don't know if they're gonna rob you You don't know if they're going to rob you. You don't know if they're going to murder you, which they did.

It's inexcusable what they did. Well, I know we're finished and I pushed on this point, but I'm glad we did because that's some interesting stuff. I didn't know that I had to look up the stuff that happened today. Yeah, and if you look up the Georgia laws, I mean, it's just

stunning the structure that they've created there where this actually could be legal. Yeah. Yeah. Hopefully they'll change it. Fuck a goat. Cause it's legal there. What animals are you allowed to fuck? Any animals? Any animal, baby. You put on Trent Reznor.

I want to fuck you like an animal and just go to a farm and live your best life. Is that really true? There are nine states that you can fuck any animal you want? Yeah. Look it up, Noam. Do your little- Is that more horrifying than eating them? I'm literally going to have a steak after this, and it's a little different than fucking a llama. I think if you fuck it before you eat it, it's going to's a little different than like fucking a llama i think i think if you fuck it before you eat it it's gonna taste a little different yeah but david tell you to say if the horse didn't like it why'd she get so wet tell you to say all right i want to make one point too it's not an affirmative thing in the

sense that the nine states aren't like, you can fuck. It's just, there's no laws against it. So they're not like, it's not like in the charter of like New Hampshire, like live free or die. It's not on the tourism video. That's what it is.

Thank you for having me, Noam. Thank you. And thank you, Michael. I have one question. That's what it is. Thank you for having me, Noam. Thank you, Ian. Thank you, Michael. I have one question. Can you tell us about your cover art? Because it really is so amazing. We haven't got time for that now.

We have to go. Oh, hey, let's talk about Ahmaud Arbery for 20 more minutes. I know, really. Talk about your cover art. Go ahead. I'll put it up while you talk. Go ahead. It's by an artist. His name is Jeffrey Tice. He's a comedian and he's an artist look him up he does incredible art

for comics he's done tour posters for comics he really helps him out and if if you if you like the cover art go support him he's incredible artists and uh it was very kind of him to do that artwork so thank you for giving me the chance to to say that thank you yeah i mean the only reason he cut it off was because I said it, if any, not because it was your artwork. No, I feel like Michael's been here a long time, right? And I feel like I'm really upset about Dan and-

He's fine, I just spoke to Dan, he's fine. I mean, he was like annoyed that he felt like he couldn't get a word in and he's going to have a social distancing drink with somebody but maybe we should be more mindful about you know letting him talk and well i'm gonna go back and review the tape because as i recall i i brought up something and then i was trying to actually finish that i was trying to make you're just like reviewing a lot of tape in your house now i mean there's a lot of like, you grab the gun.

You are a football coach reviewing tape for a game. You're never going to win. I need you to send it to me, Perry. I got to cut. I got to cut one little room. Sorry, Dan.

Like, we're sorry. You got frustrated. Like that. Go back and look at the fucking tape. I do want you to send it to me. Cause I want, I want to,

I want to, I want to edit something i said send him an edible arrangement don't look at the tape i mean really i'm gonna go back you get into an argument with juanita you're like i'm gonna go back and look at the tape i mean no need to court stenographer just to have a friendship with someone okay this is i can tell you how far right you are because we had my wife and i had an argument in her office in our house, her office the other day. And we were, I didn't say, yes, you did.

I didn't say it. And I went to the kid monitor camera. No. And I boosted the audio all the way up and compressed it to try to hear what the conversation actually was. You're kidding me. No. And I was able to hear it. You are the Richard Nixon of West Coast.

It's like the fucking Zapruder film. But I didn't tell her that I was right. Yeah. So you did that and you didn't even tell her at the end? No, if I pointed out that I was right, that would have just made things worse. I just wanted to know. Does she know that you listened to the audio

on the kid's camera? Well, she will now because I'm going to send her this episode. That is so insane. Noam, you got to get out of the house, buddy. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to ride my bike to you. I'm going to go on a bike ride.

All right. All right, guys. Ian, where can we find your album? On iTunes. You can just search my name in iTunes. Look me up on Instagram at Ianan finance ianfinance.com and i'm grateful i got to be here michael i'm a huge fan of yours i love your work thanks man i love you michael i appreciate it and i love coming back and uh yeah i have something on showtime on

sunday so where where where when who it's on showtime on the vice show on showtime um and my buddy ben anderson has a far superior piece on the same episode from Burkina Faso which is really good but but yeah so that's that's that but it was it was lovely to see you guys and I really appreciate having me on again thank you Michael thank you Ian we love you guys where are you send me

send me those files when you finish okay yes I will for the love of God we love you bye bye and you can email us at podcast at comedy seller.com and at live from the table on instagram