The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - In Ozempic We Trust with The Free Press's Suzy Weiss

Episode Date: August 6, 2025

Suzy Weiss is a co-founder of The Free Press. Before that, she worked as a features reporter at the New York Post. There, she covered the internet, culture, dating, dieting, technology, and Gen Z. Her work has also appeared in Tablet, the New York Daily News, and The Wall Street Journal among others.

This is live from the table, the official podcast of the world famous comedy seller, available wherever you get podcasts, available on YouTube, which I think is the best way to consume our product, because you get to see the video as well as audio. And we do look good. This is Dan Naderben, of course, as always, and we have Noam Dorman. He's the owner of the comedy seller. Yes. The Ever Expanding with locations in New York City and Las Vegas, Nevada.

We have Periel Ashen brand here. she's a comedian she's our producer she's an on-air she's an author she's all kinds of things you know we also have with us susie wise hello susie thanks for having susie is a journalist she works at the free press prior to that the new york post i used to work at the new york post i used to read you in the post i was a cub reporter at the post a what reporter a cub reporter oh okay cut my teeth there oh cub meaning you were just starting out you weren't reporting on the chicago cubs which would be i'd be very bad at that so listen i i want to tell you suzy before that's on a dance. So Dan says, could we get Susie Wyson? Yeah. And I don't know if I wrote this to Dan, I said, you know what, I don't ever like to ask my friends to come on the podcast. And my

traditional answer is I quote Louis C.K., who in his apology letter said, I realize now that when I ask someone if I can show them my dick, it's not a question. It's a predicament. I don't think he phrased it. Yes, yes. He didn't say, would show him my dick. I think that. In In the apology. Yes. I'm pretty sure. Because I wouldn't want to come on the show. No, because when you ask a friend to do something, it's not like asking a stranger.

So I, you know, I don't ever like to ask friends to come on the show. Like I, before I knew Barry, I invited her on the show. I don't ask Barry to come on the show now. Can I say two things? So, but Dan says, how about this broad Susie Weiss? I didn't say broad. I hope he's up this chick. I'm so, I'm so happy to be here.

It's an honor to be asked to be on the show. I love this show. First of all, I love you. I want to say two things. First of all, nobody's taking out their dicks. And second of all, as I've said so many times, nobody's coming on a show to do a favor. Well, I've done it many times. I do it all the time.

I do it all the time. I pretty much every podcast I do. I don't want to be. And believe me, my wife is on favor. She didn't want to also. The reason I wanted Susie on, and I'm sure Noam, I don't know how much Noem even wants to talk about this. It's not Ukraine and it's not Israel. But she wrote an article saying, I don't need Ozambic, but I want it.

Much more important than Ukraine and Israel. Well, I think it's a big deal because everybody, more or less everybody, has issues with their weight, certainly at a certain age. And indeed, if this drug is what it promises, it could be quite revolutionary. So I wanted to talk about it. And I've recently, I know I look good, but... You hitting the O? What's that? No, I'm not hitting the O.

that you're supposed to have a waistline that's half your height, which seems posthous for a man. I don't know if it's for one. And my height is 5.7, which would be 67 inches. My waist is at its widest point. About 38 inches. So I don't think it's even feasible for me to get down to 34, but because I read that it could lead to,

because I'm a hypochondriac, even before anything's happening. Oh, so you'd be afraid to take the head. afraid to get, I want to get down to what I'm supposed to be according to what I've read. But I don't want to take Ozambic because side effects. So let's, but you say you don't have any side effect. Well, it's funny. I took it last night for this podcast. So I remember the sweet, sweet hit of the O. I, I stabbed myself last night. And every single time I do it, it's, don't do this, don't do this, this is a horrible idea. You're going to get kids. Like, it's psychologically, you're like, this is not good. I'm doing something bad. Is like the immediate feeling.

you get when you're about to do it. Why? As opposed to even a pill. This seems more drastic. Yeah, you're shooting yourself up in the stomach. You're a big needle or a little? It's tiny. It's tiny, but you can kind of hear it and you can kind of feel it go in. Isn't it quick? Like, there's clicking. There's like a, like the sound of it, like sort of entering your stomach. I mean, it's grotesque. It's a lot like the substance is sort of like about OZempec, that movie. But yeah, I mean, people should be really aware of the side effects. They're not a joke. For me, they've included being incredibly hot, pretty, confident, constantly being hit on, sexy, my clothes fit better. And you really should consult your doctor before undergoing any of these.

Have you lost weight? Yeah, I think I lost about like 10 pounds between 10 and 8. And how long have you been on it? I take it. I like microdose it. So I don't take it every week. You're supposed to take it every week. You're supposed to take it every week. I take it probably every month.

And it just kind of like brings me back down. I can eat a lot, and then I eventually kind of hit a point where I just decide to take it again. Wait, is it, it appetite, it suppresses the appetite. It doesn't actually change your metabolism or anything. It works by suppressing appetite. It does something to do with the way you take in sugar, I think, processed sugar, I thought. I thought, I think it's about like, it's a, it changes the hormone and your body thinks you're full even when you're not. For what it's meant for me, it's just that food doesn't even occur to you. So it's like never in the past probably 15 years, have I not been thinking about, okay, what am I going to eat next?

Okay, I ate dessert last night, so I shouldn't eat dessert tonight. Okay, I'm going out to this big dinner, so maybe I'll, you know, not going to sandwich for lunch, whatever. And then it's just gone. And that is like the miracle of it. But you are, of course, missing out on the fun of eating. You eat occasionally. I think it's more you're missing out on the terror of, like, food and fighting your own body more than you're missing out on the fun of eating. I would still, I could still take a bite of something and enjoy it.

It's just not that thing of like, oh my God, there cannot be an extra french fry on the table. You know what I mean? It's like it gives you control over it more. But you still do eat. I had, what did I eat today? I had two quarters of a sandwich because there's someone else probably on Ozempic at the office. They're cutting the sandwiches into quarters. So I had their two extra quarters.

And then I had a bag of pretzel sticks. You know, I've read about an Olympic face where, can I just tell you? Please. Because I first heard about Ozempic a couple years ago when a friend of mine who's diabetic was taking it. And he said, a side effect. is this appetite and loss of weight. And he knew, because he's a doctor, he knew that this was coming.

And he invested. No, no. Not everybody's Jewish dancer. But I just double-checked with Chad GPT. Yes, weight loss is a known side effect of a Zempic, smagletoid, but it was not the original purpose of the drug. The original tended use was approved to type two diabetes treatment. What was Viagra for was for the heart or something, right?

Viagra was also And monoxidil. Oh, yeah. So the idea is is that like you just don't think about food. Like that's what I've heard. It's like, yeah, your appetite is gone.

You just, or reduced. Right. It's like it, what I say in the piece, it unhooks your like skinniness from willpower. So it's like you lose weight, but it's not like this negotiation

and this fighting against yourself. It's just that, and I think women have very different, I always said like, you know how men lose 50 pounds. They eat three less tortillas. They don't even have to eat no tortilla chips. Like, they just eat a little bit less.

I've seen men lose so much weight this way. That's not my experience. After 50... After 50, you might hit the wall. After 50, it seems you have three choices. Hunger, fat, or ozempic. And that's what women face at, like, 15, I would say, 15 or 16. And by the way, I've read that...

I've read about this Ozempic face where you're... I don't see it with you. You've got a full face. It's a bit butt, too, about this. Yeah, yeah. I mean, the face also had edits. I have a Jennifer Aniston, 2005, in the middle. First of all, Susie, you have always been quite attractive.

Thank you. Never, like, a million years have never put you in the cat or describing to anybody as even, like, kind of chunky or Zoftic, like, always been like. Zoff, Zafth. I love that. I love Zoftic. Never a weight. Do you want to explain that to the audience? Pleasantly curved cremations.

Like every Yiddish word, it describes itself. Rubenez. I never, like, like, for you to think that you had a weight issue, goes to a deep. societal problem, which is that women think they're overweight when they're not. I don't think I had a weight issue. I had a real estate issue. Real estate in my brain was being taken up by something that I felt was kind of below me to worry about, just like with my nose. I didn't have a deviated septum. I had a nose I didn't like. I had shirts that were kind of too tight around my arms and you get that feeling, oh, I don't like this. And then it just, there was a button I could

press to make it all go away. Right. But so I pressed the button. You lost 10 pounds, which probably made you happy. It made me happy, but it also, like, that's the beautiful thing about Ozmpic. It's, I lost the 10 pounds without trying that hard. Right. What Nome is saying is maybe you could have also learned to love your body as it was. That might have another solution. That would have been another solution. It would have taken a long time. It would have, and it would have never fucking happened. I mean, it's like how many Weight Watchers points have been counted in my lifetime? How many imperfections blurred and you're, I mean, how many times have I seen my mother go like this in the mirror with her with like her neck and her it's just like this is part of being a woman whether

we like it or not and you know kate moss famously said nothing tastes as good as skinny feels there's a lot wrong with that you know it equates your worthiness with being skinny it gives permission for young girls not to eat but no one's saying it doesn't feel good to be skinny or look good of course it looks yeah and be confident also the definition in the culture that we live in it no no true don't do that that's why somebody like susy who is by all accounts like perfect wants to lose 10 pounds like we are fed these images as young girls non-stop ask your daughter oh i know you fed the images and there's this this hyper weight loss at the cape moss thing which i don't think is is considered even attractive by men and the camera ads right blah blah blah but but i i do think that in general

um you know being thin is also part of looking fit and it's a number. No, no, no, wait a second. Kate Moss was the pinnacle of gorgeous, my entire... Among women. Yeah, she was beautiful among women. But women dressed for women. She found the cover of every single fashion magazine. Men, the opposite sex, which is, you know, or the whatever this, you know, whatever sex it is that you try to appeal to, this is also part of the normal equation of what is attractive, well, attractive to who? To the, most people are concerned about looking attractive to a mate.

Okay. And how many heavy set girlfriends have you had in when before? That they started that way? Heavy set or just pervation. However you want to define it. I mean, fat, heavy, chubby, Rubeness, Zodic. No, no, no, I'm asking you.

But now you're doing what Omar Barco? No, I'm going to answer you. I don't do that. How many heavy girlfriends? Girlfriends, I haven't had that many girlfriends. Wait, well, not heavy, but Juanita is got All the curves and all the right play? All the right junk, you know, where it needs to be. Leaisons.

I want to tell you something about weight. Now, this is going to be hard to hear it. I don't ever heard anybody talk about this. Like if you, I can tell you two things, actually. But the first thing is that if you grab a fat ass, they're not all the same. Some fat asses are pretty substantial feeling. And others, you feel like you just. Like smushy?

Like a garbage bag of cottage cheese? Others, you feel like you just put your, your hand into a plastic bag of water and that's different you know like like I bit with some girls but they were overweight or but but there was still they felt good and that and then then that's just a different thing it's a different category so they were there's more things to worry about than just I'll by the way there's a texture thing that no I'm picking up on that I'll wager by the way that you I would have probably preferred you with your old nose I've never seen you with the old nose yeah when did you I'm, 10 years ago.

I'm almost, in almost every case, when a woman gets a nose job, I preferred it the old way, because I think that's another issue. But the new tits are awesome. Yeah, yeah, exactly. We can go top to bottom. I mean, I think what Noah might be saying is that if given the choice between a woman 10 pounds overweight and a woman 10 pounds underweight, you would choose 10 pounds overweight. Yeah.

I mean, he can say that, but again, the answer to the question I have not received. What's the question is? How many heavy women? He said you didn't have that many girlfriends, had sex with, whatever you want. Quite a few. Enough to judge it.

I think men are repulsed by extreme skinny. Have you seen his wife's curves? Listen, Juanita is imperfect. I mean, Juanita is gorgeous and perfect. Clearly, you've noticed my wife. That's not an example. I'm talking about like chubby, Ruben-esque, Zoftic, whatever these words.

Those definitions can be, can be can be interpreted in a different way. Right. And the message that we get is that we're fat. That's what I'm saying. That when you have a body like that, the message that women and young girls receive is that they're fat. I think they probably receive mixed messages.

Can I say something about another aspect of this, which is like, you know, you're doing a crossword puzzle and you're not supposed to look at the answers in the back and somehow that kind of legitimate, like don't cheat, is being, played out here like, I should lose weight the old-fashioned weight. Like, even if there's a totally harmless drug that I could take every day, make my life much easier, it's not the same.

I'm cheating. I'm looking at the answer is, I think, I think that's wrong. Yeah. I think you live in 2025. Now, you know, I'm always like skeptical, like, do they really know if you take something every day, you know, you try not to take these things because you, you know, have some sense. Maybe there's something we don't know.

I mean, they're still going back and forth in a. You saw that now? There's a new study out, and I was like, oh, yeah. These are great for you. They said it might even lower your cholesterol. Come on. The good cholesterol, the bad cholesterol.

So you don't really know. But leaving that aside, if you're not worried about that, just take the fucking shots. But also, how many medical interventions have I done that I've never really seen a benefit from? Like the COVID vaccine didn't really know what that was going to do to me.

Two, not three. That's my motto. I mean, just a million things. And I'm grateful for all of it. But none of them offered a really tangible, hey, you're going to, like, unlock a part of your brain from this. It's like, why do I have to feel bad about that one? Well, how concerned are you about long, because I would be very concerned, but that's me.

That's, you know, how concerned are you about long-term side effects that maybe we, I know they used it for diabetes, I guess, for a while, so. Not more concerned that I am about GMOs and microchemicals and, but a million things. It's like, if something's going to get me, something's going to get me, I might as well go out skinny. You know what I mean? Wait, Tiana, what do you think? Tiana's our, she's our sound person.

Oh, this is something I discussed with my therapist, probably every few weeks of, you know, my body image and how I feel versus how I look, what I think I look like versus what I actually look like. It's constant. It's like up there with how am I going to make money? It's just constantly swirling around in my mind. That's nice. So are you having listened to?

By the way, you look great. If this was not in 1979, I would tell you a super hot time. You're like, hang the toll of like, you look good, you don't need it, but what are you thinking? But are you saying to yourself listening to Susie that this is an avenue you want to explore? I am like you. I'm fearful of the side effects. And secretly deep down, I would love to be skinny on my own and be like, ha ha, I'm skinny on my own.

Yeah. But I think about it. It's everywhere. it's all over the train, it's every single ad that pops up on my social media, on my streaming platforms. People are saying that it would benefit from some of the stuff that I suffer from, and it's just like, it's annoying. Let me make both of you feel better. I've never heard a man say, I don't want to take Viagra. That's cheating. That's what I was thinking on the way here. It's like, do it the old fashion way, be humiliated and suffer. And this is your age and you need to accept it.

Now, there's a whole panoply, is that the word? There's several of these drugs. They're in a class of drugs called, what are they called? Semi-glutons. D-L-P-1. Yeah, that's right. A comic that I'm not going to mention his name, but he took Manjaro, or which sounds, that doesn't sound like a drug.

OZemik sounds like a drug. Mangero is the final boss, by the way. That's the really hardcore ones. Well, so what are the differences between these? And why did you go with Ozempic? I just got, it's the one I got online for cheap. Actually, I think I'm on Wagovi. So Wagovi, so there's...

Oh, so you're just saying, OZemik, like, hand me a Kleenex, even if it's another... Yeah, yeah, it's like zero. No, no, no, one second. I just had a meeting with my doctor today, and she explained this to me and sent me an article about it. Oh, God, everyone was talking about it. Ozempic is for diabetes, and Wagovi is for weight loss.

But it's the same thing. And then there's Manjaro and the other one that are also... There are only two drugs, but once they figured out that each of those drugs, Ozempic and the other one was all so good for weight loss, they created a second one. And in an Ozempic's case, it's Wagovi, and in I think it's Manjaro's case, I don't know what that other one is called. But those are the only two things that exist. Well, soon there will be a pill. Yes. In late this year, and once that happens, I mean, the horses have left the stable, but, you know, I used to date a guy who was a bartender

at a jazz bar around here and there was a bouncer and he was huge and I just walked by and I think now people I think there's few people who don't know someone in their life who has lost an incredible amount of weight at this point yeah and I walked by and I saw this bouncer and he's he's slim like I used to see this guy put down milkshakes burger like you wouldn't believe and he's just sort of sitting there he looks 20 years younger wait that was the guy you dated no that was the bouncer at the I dated the bartender well would you date an overweight guy like that I'm not like as tied to looks. You're not shallow as I thought.

Yeah, exactly, exactly. Shall about other things. As long as he's tall, he's standing on his wallet. You're harder on yourself, obviously, than you are on others, which is not rare. Yeah, probably not rare. And I assume you don't judge women, other women, as harshly as you judge yourself, I would imagine. Or maybe you do. I don't know if it's about judgment.

I think it's a gift I gave myself. That's really how I think about it. Do you think, I mean, you know, where this really could be revolutionary is the health implications. You were not at a weight, I'm assuming, where this is an issue. You weren't doing this for, this is purely for aesthetic purpose. Yeah, what I'm talking about is essentially vanity and cosmetics, but when I think about people who can't chase their children up the stairs or can't go on a walk or they have hypertension, they have to take 15 Tylenol pills a day, and now I see it on. credit, because I like to read about these things, they don't know what to do with all the time. They're thinking of taking up gardening. It's like the dignity, I think, not for people like me,

but for people who have really suffered with their weight their whole lives, I think is immeasurable. Well, if this can do what it promises to do, which is to offer people, allow people to be at a healthy weight without terrible side. Without terrible side effects or long-term horror. The side effects pass is one of these things. But also, you don't, you stop gambling, you stop drinking. There's all the, Tim and Dylan has a great joke. It's turning everyone into a Norwegian. It's like, before I go. Yeah. Let me see if, if, um, are you going to come down afterwards and yeah, yeah, I'll hang out. The mystery guest, um, you know, I'm so, I'm so, uh, worried about missing a text from this person I was talking about. I wish you were like that when I said.

And your sister, an email. I have, her, Susie's sister is Barry Weiss, by the way. Barry Weiss is my sister. automatically get a text message whenever I get an email from. Anyway, listen. Because he doesn't send me 20 emails a day. Listen, I want to say something about the White Sisters that I'm fortunate to know somewhat. You guys are very, very unusual people in the scheme of things in my experience in life for the following reason. you're not the only really warm friendly people I've met

and you're not the only fierce political warriors I've met but the combination of the two is very very unusual you guys are like fucking you know animals but you're always smiling and warm and have good vibes with everybody I'm assuming this is just something you guys are born with. That's, thank you for saying that. That's very nice.

I think Barry was born with, like, I've always known Barry was sort of this powerful, but now other people are sort of noticing it. We have two more sisters, and we're all sort of like this. That's what I was going to ask you. Who are they? What are there? My middle sisters, they live in Pittsburgh with my parents, and they're very smartly not in the media business.

Matchmaker. Wow. My aunt little women, it's crazy. Wait, so Barry's the oldest. and you're the youngest, and then you have two in the middle? That's incredible. It's little women.

That's so cute. What would that make me, Beth? Oh, I'm not familiar with it. I think Luce Mae Alcott wrote Little Woman in the book, in the building right across the street. Really? Yeah, yeah, in the red building across the street. Okay, I just want to say that my doctor sent me this today. If GLP1 drugs are good for everything, should we all be on them?

We're done talking about the white sisters? No, no, we can. It's so nice. Well, I have more to say. about weight loss and also about um about dating as it relates to okay go ahead go ahead i wanted to get that well i was going i was saying that um if this if weight is responsible and more and more because i've been looking researching it because of my own struggles with being imperceptibly overweight right but but but but overweight nonetheless by like a pound but but because i'm not overweight your

I'm so neurotic that if it tells me, well, now you're at higher risk for dementia one day, and you're at higher risk for diabetes, and you're at higher risk for cardiac shit, and even mood disorders. Well, it's too late for that. But that could improve that as well. If this can do everything it says it can do, we're talking about a revolution. Yes. It's, it's, it's, it's, I wanted to call the piece shooting myself with a silver bullet. because it really is, like, it almost feels like... Sounds like a whisper. It's like a horror movie in that you sort of feel like it's like, it can cure your Alzheimer's and your dementia and you're this and your gut. But they say that, right? I know, but it's like in six months,

we're either all going to be on and we're all going to be dead on the ground. It's like it's too good. It's like, there's something like almost biblical about it. Sure, Alzheimer's or... Well, Alzheimer's, they think one of the risk factors is being overweight. Studies show that the obesity and diabetes medication also reduces heart attacks, cancerous migraines and memory loss. That's the piece that my doctor sent me today.

And she also said that it didn't be used for 20 years. So like the side effect... Right. For diabetes. So we kind of know already. Has it been using the same dose of juice? God damn people with diabetes have been hiding it for 20 years. Is that why Mary Talamore was so skinny?

Mary Talibur? She had type 1 which we're not talking about as it relates to obesity, I don't think. I think type 1 is a whole different kettle of fish. But diabetics are skinny. type 1 diabetics tend to be very skinny i don't i don't know about type 2 diabetics but um but but if this adds two years to the average lifespan are you comfortable being a forever patient that's a monumental well yes quite comfortable if we're talking about a substantial increase in health not just lifespan but health span right um but i can but i'm i'm i'm so blessed to to not be

to have, you know, to be able to do it because it's not a big deal for me. Right. I could just eat, I could just cut down the carbs, which, by the way, is, is, is, is not easy. No. But it's doable. Now, you know, it doesn't work on a certain number of people. Cutting down carbs or ozemplic? Exemptic, that's right.

I know something like 10% or 12% of the population is. They just got that dog in them. Yeah, it just doesn't work. And they take it and take it and they don't lose weight. Wow. Yeah. And there's some people with thyroid issue. If you've had thyroid cancer, I mean, what do I know?

but there's certain things that are incompatible with it. Does the free press have a health column? No, we should have a health column. We're sort of, it's interesting, like half of the office is Maha and we'll never touch OZempic, like, make America healthy again. Like the RFK, like, you know, no Tupperware, that stuff. And the other half is like mainlining OZempic and Diet Coke. I don't know what we meet in the metal.

Diet Coke is not good, but... We weren't, it's an anti- Diet Coke podcast. I love Diet Coke, but it's not good for you. Well, I don't think those are. artificial sweeteners are particularly good for you, but... Maybe if you take those with OZempic, they're okay. Maybe they're not so bad. Maybe they're not so bad.

Well, we, I mean, here in the comedy world, we've lost so many people to obesity. No, to obesity. Oh, do you think being fat makes people funny? I think suffering. I think being fat can make you funny if you have jokes about being fat. I don't have, I don't have jokes about being fat. No. She's saying like the psychology of growing up that way.

suffering. It's like how gay guys are funny. A lot of gay guys are funny. Yeah, I think suffering of any kind can make you funny. I think most fat people aren't funny, but, you know, just like most neurotic people aren't funny. But I think it can add to it. And then you then you ask the question, well, does being funny coexist with certain mental processes that encourage fatness? you know, we have addictive personality. Compulsive and addictive personality.

So that there's a disproportionate number of alcoholics, I would guess, in stand-up comedy. I haven't done the numbers. I guess we could ask Chet, GPT. But there might also be a disproportionate number of people. Are we sure that being overweight is because of an addictive personality? I don't think it is. In some people.

Well, what do you think it is? Just biological? Yeah, I think that. I mean, why do you get heavier after 50? Well, that's clearly biological. Right, right. But there's obviously a spectrum there of a metabolism that some people at 20 might have a metabolism,

which resemble the fuel. That might be, you know. I mean, some kids are, some kids are fat. But they might just, their parents might be fat. And they encourage, we didn't have any good snacks in the house, you know? So that was helpful to me. The snacks are, it's like bringing a knife to a gunfight, really, if you're not on Ozempic because of the environmental factors.

I mean, just like the cursory reading about, things like hyper palatibility, like they engineer food molecules to have the right sodium and fat and sugar. You're overwhelmed. You just want to eat more and more. And it's like you're in a environment that's like force feeding you almost. It's like the chemicals are already at play here. So you might as well bring your own. You know what I mean? But yeah, I don't, I don't. You're talking about like the American food. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's engineered to create more want and to, you know, for you to, for it to release. chemicals of happiness when you eat something like a Big Mac. So I think there's a I do think there's

an aspect of willpower to it, but I think there's a lot of other things too. Yeah, I think that a lot of morbidly obese and very heavy people, like that's just their genetic makeup. Like you maybe could have grown up in a house that had all the snacks in the world and you still would not have been terribly overweight. Have you always been thin now on? Yeah. When I was, now I can gain weight now. What I was, Up until 40 years old, it did not matter how much I ate. I would eat and eat to make myself sick because I was trying to gain weight. I weighed like 112 or 113 pounds when I was 30 years old.

That's unbelievable. I could not gain weight. And then as I got older, began to be able to get weight. I can gain weight now, yeah. I don't think I become morbidly obese, but I can get pretty. I was real skinny until I was like 35. Really? Yeah.

Oh, come on. I was. I was. It's been well documented, too. I mean I could eat whatever I wanted and nothing won't happen no yeah I was like that too you know I would pine a hog and that's with cookies crushed in and uh because I'm here to tell you you can come back you could join me jump on in the water's great but but we wouldn't have the joy of eating yourself you're substituting the joy of eating with the joy of thinn it because you're not

eating to a certain extent so so you're not getting that pleasure but if you don't eat all day you could still put down like a big burger or something. You know what I mean? It's just like the grazing stops. But also you don't miss it, it sounds like that's the thing that Susie. Well, some people might miss it. I think, oh, Zembech turns off that part of your brain. Isn't that what you're saying?

Well, it would be like not having a libido. I mean, you would be very helpful in many respects, but you wouldn't have the joy of sex. No, but you get joy from one slice of pizza. You get self-hatred from sex. Okay. You know what I mean? So it brings you back to the, I think, the better joy. but I don't find joy in, like, binging.

Yeah. You can still have sex. You're just knowing her sex addict. Okay. But if your libido was sufficiently dullened, you'd be losing a lot. You'd be gaining, you know, I guess more focus and less distraction. Or every time you got laid, it would be amazing. Well, I don't know that that's, are you, I don't know that she's saying that when she does eat,

it's that much greater or not. You still taste it. But it's not heightened. It's not emotional. It's not as emotional. You can't be eating that much less. You're eating, as you said, like, okay, the first, when I first started to gain weight in, like, my 40s,

I said, I, you know what, I'm not going to drink any more Coca-Cola. I used to drink, like, four or five coax a day. Yeah. And I immediately lost weight. Right. It was like nothing. The difference between over a long period of time, because we're talking, with somebody who's morbidly obese,

you're talking about a drastic difference in food intake. But somebody like Susie, you're talking about 400 fewer calories a day. Probably. It's like a couple cupcakes or something because you're not, otherwise you'd waste away. That's the idea. Which side effects? One day, baby. You said your only side effects are being hot and having men.

That was a big joke in my family. It's like, you look so good. I'm going to call mom. Like, you look so good. I think you need impatient. Like, that was like the highest compliment. Let me see if. What side effects would you?

tolerate for how you feel now about yourself and how you look. You know, you don't have me. Like what Faustian bargain would I be willing? Would you be willing to say once a week, once a week, let me make it once a month, you're going to be throwing up like as if you had food poison? I don't know if I can handle it. Once a month? Once a month.

An hour? No, I didn't say an hour. How long? I said once a month. Oh, yeah. Like I think I said, do I say once a month or one day? day a month. I guess I've got to clarify. For an eight-hour period, as if you had food poison. That's horrible, Dan. I would do it. You'd do it for that. No way. For eight hours?

Eight hours? There's so many more hours. I mean, it's like, what would I do for another five inches? Probably kill you. I'd probably kill you for five inches of height. Where would the five inches be? Well, what about two days a month? Two eight-hour periods a month. You get to choose the eight hours, by the way. So if you have a meeting, whatever, you can choose the eight hour. It's horrible. I don't know. Listen, we do that when we get pregnant, right? And people, that's true. Well, I don't understand how anybody can deal with that. I would abort that

baby so fast. Well, that's like Amy Schumer had vapor emissus. You know, I don't tolerate. And was throwing up the entire time. I would get rid of the baby. Oh. If I were in that position, I don't tolerate nausea. Those that know me, no, I'm in a metaphor. A metaphobic. I'm a metaphor. People always

say it's like getting canceled is like C-sic. everyone else thinks it's hilarious and you think you're going to die. It's like being nauseous. It's like everyone else is like, what's up, but you think you're caught. Yeah, I mean, nausea's no, you know, everybody laughs at you, but that's exactly right. It is, it is excruciated. Horrified. No, no, no, no. As somebody who had terrible, like, throw up sickness for months when I was pregnant. Yeah, yeah, it was awful. I was like walking down the street throwing up into garbage can after garbage can. It's horrific. Isn't it? Was it worth it? How humans are?

Other, yes. So many things in the rest of the animal kingdom, just go more smoothly. I know. Like, I've had pets were pregnant. They said, they're not throwing that. I knew, I knew that this was going in that direction. Well, they might be nauseous, but you would never know because they can't communicate. You get a sniffle.

That's why they don't act like this. That's, you get a sniffle and the entire, oh, my God, you're sick. You're, like, blowing off, like, getting, like, nauseous and throwing up when you're pregnant as though, like. I was not blowing it off. saying it's interesting to me that humans have so many things. Complains, right. I don't know what poibals.

It goes on in the animal kingdom regarding. How do you know if like a lion is complaining about having morning sickness? I do think that humans, because of our large skulls, what's his name, Yavall Harari was talking about this, and sapiens, that childbirth is like Russian roulette for humans. And I don't know that that's the case for other species necessarily. Well, I mean, I think. But because of our large brain, it's hard to get through the birth canal. Well, now we have reverse kind of evolution because, you know, there's so much medical technology that intervenes to save the lives of women.

They pass these narrow genes, narrow whatever it is, genes to the children. So there's more and more cesarean birth stuff like that. We just, we ran a piece today in the free press about babies in the UK, I believe, who were born and there's three parents. So the embryo had genetic material of one man's sperm, two women's eggs. And what we're really talking about when we talk about Ozempic or any of these things is transhumanism. What are we, like, what technological advancements are we willing to accept, are we wanting to try out in order to get around our biology? And I think with reproduction, we're about, abortion is going to feel like the least of these moral debates, I think, in the next few years. well i get the answer is uh pretty much whatever they can come up with how do you do you know

because our biology is trying to kill us quite literally no but how do you have three um it's like the there's like the egg and then there's like the mitochondria that is from a donor because if the original woman's egg has like a genetic defect in the mitochondria and then so that gets transplanted and then it's fertilized and then through IVF it's you know becomes a embryo and then a fetus and then a baby but that is yeah I know you wrote this article because you have personal experience with it but is this an interest of yours in general um you know the medic medical science and yeah I did a big story about surgacy like the surgacy boom because it's surrogacy surrogacy surrogacy well it's it's what you're saying no I'm of like more yes oh god that's

embarrassing. But it's like more and more women are having cesarean sections. Also, less and less women are going to become pregnant. There's crazy endometriosis and PCOS, people who are afraid of giving birth, people who are just like, I don't want to do that. I would like to, like me, press a button and have that go away, but still get the result I want. And with surgacy, and it's, you know, gay couples, queer couples, the whole thing. It's like this global business, basically. And you could pay a guy in Mexico who I was on the phone with. In America, it's very, you know, tightly controlled. You can only put one embryo up. You, it has, you know, in some states, it has to be altruistic. You can't get paid a lot. If you, if you pay enough

money, you could get triplets in Mexico. They'll just put more embryos up. And then it's this weird, horrible class thing where there's this upper class in the West, minor outsourcing the growing of their children to wombs in the developing world. And so that's one aspect. That's like something I covered, for example. How close are we? I don't know if you've done the research to. And then trans, of course. To a womb that's not a human, but I guess an incubator where you don't even need a human being. You just put this thing in the oven. Yeah, that's like a big thing with like these de-extinction projects.

Like they're de-extincting the dodo and the woolly mammoth and the dire wolf and all of these other animals that didn't exist before. And they're basically taking genetic material and putting them in an elephant to create a mammoth. It's crazy. It's like Jurassic Park. I said because it's something that's been, I might have talked about on this podcast. So I had a, I did. Well, are you talking about the class and people being able to afford? Yeah, should I skip over?

No, I mean, I want to know. Had the cancer thing? Yeah, so I took a grail test. You know what a grail test? No. It's like a blood test. It tests you for like 60 or 52 different cancers. Just like that, you know.

And it costs, what do it cost? A couple thousand dollars. $700, I think he said. And I asked my doctor, and I asked my other tests. like um why because i'm always fascinated by this like there's always this magic point in time you have a tumor and you it's like literally a moment in time where it crosses a threshold and it's too late and if like you can't it one day earlier you know it clearly there is all right i'm like why don't i get this test every month right it was a thousand dollars you know what that's like

the bide and prostate cancer stuff it's like you knew you're testing this all the time so and more and more things are like that. And he gave me answers which didn't really, well, there's false positives. None of it really added up. But it occurred to me that as we get more and more of these tests, that if we allow things to go as they would naturally go, you're going to have rich people just testing themselves with their morning breakfast, $1,000 a day for every disease catching it in the very, very earliest stages. Well, I mean, this is why Elizabeth Holmes wasn't wrong. You know what I mean? It's like she was on to something. And the insurance is not going to pay for it and Medicaid is not going to pay for it. And it's going to lead to a lot of

resentment, you know? You could even begin to see it with those Zempic like all the poor people are walking around fat asses and all the rich, you know what? This is a real issue. Oh, no question. This is like the ultimate divide. And it's like, Zempex a thousand a month or something. was able to like get it covered by insurance and there's different coupons and you can get it. You can get it. Now you can get it for like a couple hundred bucks. You can also go and get an off brand one. But even a couple hundred bucks is significant for some people. A compounding pharmacy. No question. But it should be covered by insurance for those who have if you have a real if you have a real if you're more than obese you have. But if you're just, you know, vain and

sure. No, my best friend's my best friend's a doctor in the Bronx and she's like, I wish I could get my patient, so they all need it, but they're not, they're just can't afford it. Yeah. And the insurance won't pay for it? Let's do a fundraiser. Yeah, yeah. Here at the comedy cell. Yeah, that'll look great.

Hey, hey, guys, I know you live in a food desert and you can't get fresh produce, but you might want to try this pill. I mean, it's pretty freighted, really. It's like not allowing people to get healthy on their own, so you're giving them a pharmaceutical, then you're either siding with big food or big pharma. It's not a great choice here. Do you know that I don't see any reason why. in 10 years or less from now, I can't have a home MRI machine.

Oh, my God. Run by AI, which I lie down every morning. And it tells me, oh, another day you're okay. Well, and then you'll have an AI. I mean, we're not going to trust humans to do surgery in 10 years. No. You know what I think? It's going to be like, you've got a human doctor?

That's humiliating. The problem is if they find something that they can't cure, and now you're just worried for nothing. But that's the other side of that coin. Yeah. Oh, that's sort of course. Like in a certain age, all men have prostate cancer. I have a friend.

Who do they tell you you have? Alzheimer's, we have no cure, but you'd rather not know. I have a friend who was diagnosed a good, I don't see him that much anymore, but he's a good friend, who was diagnosed in January with ALS. In March, they told him they made a mistake. You had a compressed vertebrae or something, and it was mimicked the symptoms of ALS. That's fucking horrible. How many months was he living with that horrible?

Two months. He was like, he left his wife. Luckily for him, he was already banging everything. Perfect. Well, you know, I guess you could, that's a lawsuit. I don't know what kind of mental language. It has to be negligible. Two months of mental language.

You're saying that that wouldn't happen with AI though, right? No, it might, I don't know, probably less, but I'm just making a point like, I think it would be, Dan was saying, well, the flip side is you might have to have a false positive and live with the anguish. You have a real positive, but they can't cure it. So now, like, you know you're at the very beginning stages of Alzheimer's, but it really won't manifest itself for another five years. Would you rather know now or find out in five years? No, if there's something that can't be done, I'd prefer not to know.

Right. But we're, that's already the case. I mean, you could be diagnosed with, like, the beginnings of Alzheimer's. But he's saying if he, every day he's going to go into his home machine to get a fresh diagnosis. No tumors. Oh, my God. You can't go into an MRI machine every day. Doesn't it, like, give you like.

Then you'll get the radiation. Yeah. It's not radiation, it's magnetism. It's perfectly harmless, I think. I don't think so. Somebody just got sucked into an MRI machine. Did you read this by his NECRAs? Like an escalator?

I'm serious. Somebody, it was all over. Well, that's a freak accident. You know, the hat-tick can happen in an elevator and escalator. That's really scary. A stand-up MRI, like, like, there's no limit to where this is going. The world is fucking changing. Do you guys think Ozempics?

a net positive or net negative? Of course it would obviously be a net positive unless again there's some horrible side effects that we don't know about but that because it's been used for diabetes for so long that doesn't seem to be the case. According to... So how could it be a negative? According to my doctor

it is a very good thing and it's been well researched. It's only a negative if you're like a thin guy that now has more competition. I know you people, a lot of people are getting pregnant who had trouble conceiving. Yes. With those impic because it lowers your chance

of PCOS. Someone said it was like, well, you're just hot. More people want to have sex with you. But I think it's almost like the birth control pill in that it's like, it's this seismic change. And I think now it's sort of coming into sharper relief the downstream effects of the birth control pill. And I don't, I think a lot of people might say net negative on that one at this point. I would still say net positive. The birth control pill. The birth control pill. I think this is. How long have you been on the pill for? I got off the pill. that's the maha that's the maha now why is it the pill you know like there's other pills how did this become the pill

that's fine because it was the most important pill what's a more important pill are you on the pill I think it's because you weren't really allowed to talk about it it's like a euphemism oh yeah it's like are you on the pill that doctor's okay yeah yeah you're having sex with oh yeah are you on the pill yeah that's in the bottle you know I have a hard out I have to compliment myself on on request thing, Susie, to come on the show. I usually, well, I always pick, you know, I'm very good. Susie's. I guess

it wasn't that hard. It wasn't. No, no, but it's true. You do get that compliment. I have to go up to town to do a fundraiser, but continue the conversation. Do you want to talk about Israel? No, for the love of God, no. Please, no.

It's like, okay, now let's get into the discussion. Did you see Norm Finkelstein's tweet from eight days ago, the 16th tweet? Did he? Oh, my God. No, my god no but i just know like noam is really in the trenches in that way and that and he deserves credit for it but it's it's it's not easy it's not easy to to muddy muddy with all the people dying i know battlefield there's terrible um but as as almer bartas says without clarity there's complicity you are always looking for the truth and you are willing to amend your

and your opinion if somebody can give you a real answer that is based in fact you know this yeah I hope that's true everybody you know everybody I'm sure has their blind spots but there's another aspect to you always say that how you don't though I said my father always said you didn't but but there's another thing which is this methodology like I'm always like how did you get there show show me your steps how did you get past the fact that Hamas is booby-trapping the buildings. How did you get past the fact of the general? And it seems like he just skipped over at all. Like he didn't, he, I was sure he's going to have some answers. He was like, bye, nice teacher. I got to go. Oh, I didn't. Yes, I am a tenure brown professor, but I didn't expect

to be challenged. That's what he said. I will say one thing about that because it reminds me my knowledge of the free press. And one of the reasons it's to be, it's to be admired. relates to something Bartov said. Bartov said in his New York Times, or maybe it was in an interview somewhere, he alluded to it in the Times that there's a consensus now that Israel is committing genocide. And I thought, you know, what do you mean by consensus? It mean like a bunch of like double-blind, replicated experiments were done and people have decided, yes, Einstein was right, but we didn't think so. Like, you're talking about highly politicized institutions that don't even have a diverse group of people. And who, by the way, pissed away their credibility.

Well, that's right. We had a consensus. We had a consensus. This is all an analogy. We had a consensus that Biden was a good mental health. We had a consensus that lab leak was racist. We had a consensus that Trump was a spy. We know what these universities are like. Unless we forget, we used to have a consensus that if you put a ice pick up your nose, you could cure your depression. Like, even I don't subscribe to the, you know. We also had a consensus that like COVID came from a wet market in Wuhan, right? So it's like the science is changing, even if you're a person who believes the science, you know what I mean?

Right. But yeah, you said everything I've basically along the lines I'm saying, but what I wanted to say to him, I didn't get to say, is you say it's consensus. I'm saying there's a bubble. What you're describing is not consensus because it's not the product of six professors who see it, you know, who are generally pro-Israel and whatever that mix is. But the free press, that's what I was getting to, the free press is unique to all modern news gathering journalists organizations that I know. I believe it was more like this years ago in that they actually do have diverse opinions.

And they are actually friendly with each other, but having it out with each other. I'm sure it gets testy from time to time. So if a consensus is reached at the free press about an issue, that is something. worth respecting in some way. Oh, really? All those people, they've all kind of beat the shit out of each other. They finally all came to agreement on the fact that it was genocide. That would mean something to me. Right. I would know all the people whose minds had to change. All the people who could be relied upon to give very, very strong arguments, play devil's advocate, Steelman, as Barry likes to say. Right. His consensus is meaningless. Right. It's like me and

another guy up Brown. No, I told you that it was like Francesca Albanese or whatever. Albanese. I asked Chad GPT, deep research O3 engine, you know, say, uncut, chat, GPT, outcut, to go through all the genocide scholars that are, I, I've been how I worded it, like, that would be considered respected in serious academic circles, something like that, and what's their position on genocide? And it gave me like, and I said, and also tell me, what was there, what was there, what? what were they known for vis-a-vis the Arab-Israeli conflict or just their general right-left place on the spectrum prior to saying it was genocide? And it came out with like eight or nine that were pro-genit, supported that it was genocide and fewer, like six on the other end. Every single person who said it was genocide was either known to be pro-Palestinian or deeply progressive. Right.

And every single person who was a Zionist. So, oh, what a shock. Right. A lot of shock. And this speaks to what has been going on in academic institutions, and there's been a million examples of this for the past 20 years. It's just sort of coming to the four. But thank you for saying that about the free press.

I really, we pride ourselves on that. And we debate all these things a lot. Like, we're never going to endorse a candidate, for example, which is not how we roll, because it's sort of showing your hand a little bit. You know what I mean? It's like, well, how can I trust what the New York Times is reporting about Biden? They want Biden to when they told me that, you know what I mean? So you should do the case for this guy, the case for that guy.

Yeah, and we try and do that. We did, um, uh, there's like a few points that I can think of where, you know, about like the Jeffrey Epstein stuff recently. We ran six stories. It's a hoax. He killed himself. They're right to worry about it. They aren't right to worry about.

We really kind of got into, to every angle you could. And I think we, I think there's nothing there. Yeah. Of course he would kill himself. Oh. No, I know. I think he did kill himself. I think he did kill himself.

Yeah. He's not, he's not, he's not massage. Oh, no. Do you think Lee Harvey Oswald? act it alone? Yes, of course. No, no, no. He was killed. Come on, you guys. Listen, I can't explain the missing minutes. Wait, wait, we got a message from Anna Raskouette Paz. About McCrone? Yeah. Oh. She said that they're finally sick of Kansas Owens bullshit. You didn't see this? Oh, they're suing her. Yeah. Oh, good. Let's get that later. We have to go. What did you ask me

right before that. Jeffrey Epstein, the minutes, the two minutes. So this is what I think, because I have security cameras. And there is this thing where it starts a new file. You think, first of all, you can be sure that any security system at a prison is very, very old, not kept up to date. Like, for instance, when I do a New York State unemployment thing, I have to fax in like this like you can't even find so this is so you imagine technology is very very old and in those old systems file size was an issue because there was a time the windows couldn't even handle a big

file and so it divides it into individual files how that happens i don't know but that it happened so the the missing minutes are right at midnight which is when these files turn over so this is my theory often you have to set the parameters of when it records. And by the way, this used to be even in like calendar alerts. They kind of got over this like for like child locks. Anyway, and what you couldn't do is say, I want to record from 10 p.m. to 3 a.m. Because it's two different days.

It's like a Y2K issue. Right. So what you end up doing is, hey, from record on Monday from noon to 1159. And Tuesday from 12 a.m. It doesn't give you 11.59 and 59 seconds. Did he kill himself at midnight? No, well, no, that's where the missing minutes are. No, I don't think, I don't think that's where he killed himself.

I assume that would have come out. So you sometimes have this minute gap. Right. Now, we hear there's more than a minute gap, but that could be because something kept, what I did read is that the minute gap was, um, it was like an overlap. Right. There was some, I think it's nothing. I think it's nothing.

There's some detail that's not coming to my mind now, but. Periel, you think the Clintons did it. She believes whatever she's on Instagram. I think he was killed. You do? Yeah. It's just... Here's a more important question.

If he were not Jewish, would it be the issue that it is now? I thought you were going to say, would he be on Osempec if he were like it? It's so much... No, it's the last name. Also, it's like this idea that he committed the worst crimes that have ever been committed. He did disgusting things. Have worse things happened? Surely.

Have worse things happen in this country? Yeah. It's like, I think what, you know, P. Diddy did is, equally as horrendous. I mean, it's, it's horrible. Have you seen Michael Tracy's series of tweets where he's finding these videos of the Epstein's victim? I mean, it's even less credible that I assumed it was. One victim says, yes, I was, I was being assaulted by Jeffrey Epstein. And then he turned into a demon before my eye. Like, literally stuff like that on Alex Jones. Like, it's just like, you don't even know quite what's true. Right. And they call, of course,

there's some imprecision. They call him a pedophile, but really it's underage girl. It's a Feebophile. Yeah, a fever file, yeah. Which underage girls is... I was, I hoped we weren't going to get into this, but I do, I do, it's a real, it's a good point. He was not into children. That's right. That is, I mean, again, what he did is disgusting, but he was not...

What he's into, I believe, is, um, troubled girls. Barely legal type thing. Trouble... Well, barely illegal. Yeah, barely illegal is that porn, like softcore porn where they look like they're underage, but actually prompt, we trust us, we have overage. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But, yeah, it's a sickness. They're underage. They're troubled. You know, they, they, I'm a little skeptical of the idea that they had no idea when they're going to massage this dude because their friend brings it to like that they were all shocked. Right. He got like the other teenagers to recruit the teenagers. It's horrible. It's so sad.

But, but that's only because, but I'm not forgiving. I mean, I'm skeptical of that part of the story, but it doesn't matter because I think it all, it all comes down to the fact that they're troubled. abused, the kind of girls who would be prostituting and not believed. You know what I mean? A man took you to his mansion in West Palm. What are you talking about? You know what I mean? So he's definitely a threat to society. Definitely deserved to be in jail. And what about what's her name? Gislein? Nobody even knows how to say her name. Look, that's part of the story here is that she's sitting with her legs up in a minimum security prison, not apparently worried about anybody killing her, even though she knows everything that Epstein knew, right? Right. That's a little great. That point, that resonates with me more

than this tape in the... I've been safe for a while to say, you know, in every Hollywood movie where there's a blackmail scene, they always say it, if anything should happen to me, I have an envelope in my wife's safe for, like, no, Jeffrey Epstein, this brilliant genius he took no precaution. The only way you can stop the story is kill me,

and nothing I can do. I mean, if you kill me, it stops there. Unbelievable. I got to go. We're going down. Okay. Well, what do you mean you have to go? We're going. We're going. I'm so happy to work out that I'm so happy to be here. Thank you, guys. Thank you, Susie. Ozmpic apologist, Jeffrey Epstein

Apologist, no, I'm kidding. Israel Apoll. Yeah, we really had a hit them all. Should we hit gender affirming care for minors while we're at it? No, I thought I could talk about Bill Cosby a little bit. Yeah, no, of course. Okay, thank you everybody for listening. Thank you so much.

Podcasts at Comedy Cellar.com for questions, concerns, suggestions. It's perfectly fair for a... Do you think it's normal to sign off on a show? No, nobody's listening anymore. Thank you.