The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Jackie Martling, Danny Cohen, and Joyelle Johnson

Episode Date: March 16, 2018

Jackie Martling is a legendary standup comedian who formerly was a regular on the Howard Stern Show. He has been a standup comedian for going on forty years and continues to sell out shows around the country. Danny Cohen is a New York City-based standup comedian. He may be seen performing regularly at the Comedy Cellar. Joyelle Johnson is a New York City-based standup comedian who recently appeared on Late Night with Seth Meyers. She may be seen performing regularly at the Comedy Cellar.

You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the table, on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Good evening, everybody. Welcome to The Comedy Cellar show here on Sirius XM Channel 99. My name is Noam Dwarman. I'm the owner of The Comedy Cellar. We're at the back table at The Comedy Cellar. I'm here, as always with the my very, very Well, you can categorize me as you will. Lately, you've been saying you're one of your best friends. I think you are one of my best friends. Shouldn't you know that right off?

Well, it took a while. People say he might be on the spectrum or whatever it is, but it's not easy to get warm to Dan, but I think we have some warmth, anyway Mr. Dan Natterman speaking of warmth, it's a little

hot in here and we have Mr. Danny Cohen is here, who's a relatively new member of the Comedy Cellar line up here Jessica Curson brought you in? No, Lenny Marcus, but Jessica tried many years ago, but I wasn't ready.

I wasn't interested years ago. I wanted to hang out. And a legend, Mr. Jackie Martling is here. It's in the description, a legendary stand-up comedian who formerly was a regular on the Howard Stern Show. He's in the Howard Stern movie, as I recall. Yeah.

He has been a stand-up comedian for going on 40 years and continues to sell out shows around the country. And I'm very happy to have you here. I'm a big fan. I'm thrilled to be here. And I think I should tell you the secret to selling out is working very

small rooms. It does help. We're opening in Vegas in April and it's a big room. and it's scaring the... Well, it's 300 seats. Is that considered a big room in your... You know what? I actually sold out a 300-seater a week and a half ago, and I'm still scratching my head

why it happened, but I think 300's a perfect size. I think so, too. I like 300. 300, 500, you know. Well, 300's a perfect size, I think, for a comedy show because you got the intimacy right well 300 this was at a theater

you know like and 300 people in the theater the theater's teeny because the people are so close right 300 people in a nightclub is you know

that's a problem I think it's better when they're close together much much better yeah that's one of the issues we're facing because

I don't want to go into it but do you play Vegas at all a little bit but not you know I used to headline at the one of the issues we're facing because, I don't want to go into it, but do you play Vegas at all? A little bit, but not, you know, I used to headline at the top of the RIV and, you know, sell some tickets, like, you know, 2,000 tickets in a weekend, you know, and it was spectacular, you know, because when you're hot, they treat you, you know, who used to book me there was Steve Scharippa, who became... Yeah, Sopranos. Sopranos. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bobby Bagadona. Yeah, yeah. Greatos. Sopranos. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bobby Bagadona. Yeah, yeah. Great character.

Great guy, great guy. So, and you stopped working on a clip? No, well, you know, I go when they call. You know, I actually did a show about a year or two ago where there was like eight or nine of us at the Orleans in one of those huge, huge rooms. And that was spectacular. I made a lot of money and had a lot of fun.

I was like, wow, this is like the old days, you know, but I don't go every week. Okay, listen, I got questions for each of you and they may both be radioactive questions, but listen, you used to work for Stern,

so he always asked whatever he wanted. This is a question I've always wanted to ask you. Eight inches. Second question. You left the Stern Show. Yes, sir. Was it a mistake? No.

If you had it to do over again. No, you know, somebody just... It was over money, correct? Yeah, well, yes. And I'm 70, and I tell people, they're shocked, but I say I would not change one second of my life, and I screwed up plenty and did a lot of wrong things and fun things. But it's just been a terrific ride.

Now, I have a beautiful house on the water. I can't even imagine what that would look like if I was still making $600,000 or $700,000 or $800,000 a year. I mean, you know, I just bought it. And then I pulled the rug out from underneath myself. But it was a necessary move for... There's never one reason. You know, I just bought it. And then I pulled the rug out from underneath myself. But it was a necessary move for, there's never one reason. You know, I had to get divorced. I had to quit drinking. You know, it's a whole long story.

You were drinking while you were doing the Stern Show? Yeah. Well, not during it. I mean, but. Yes, yes, yes. And the Stern Show probably saved my life because I had to be up at 435 days a week or else God knows what would have happened, you know. But, you know, there's always a million different reasons.

And I tell people, you know, it wasn't a mistake, but the truth of it is a couple months after I left, I called up and said, look, I'll take the deal if it's still on the table. And it wasn't. Why do you think it wasn't? Because you were a big part of his success. Well, it depends on who you talk to. But he seemed to feel that way. It's so funny.

There's a lot of money, and there was all kinds of stuff. You're going to miss out on the fame and blah, blah, blah. But after a while, I realized how unnatural it is to sit in a room with four or five people and laugh your balls off for four or five hours, five days a week. And get paid for it. You take that. Forget money. Forget fame.

You forget. You're so used to that. Never dawn on me. That's what you miss. Not the paycheck. Not anything. I mean, we'd sit there. You know, at the end of every day, it was like, you know,

the last day I was there, 15 years after I started, or 18 years after I started, it was as much fun as the first day. What made you go back and say, oh, you know, is the deal still on the table? Because I realized how much I missed the whole thing. Who advised you? Did you have an agent? And I knew

damn well there's a real good chance that it was like going back to your girlfriend after you break up with her or something. After she caught you cheating. Because he was pissed at you, right? He was pissed. Or he resented. Who knows? You know,

you never get a straight story but it's so funny because people ask me about leaving and I tell them the story and they'll go like, well, that's what you said

15 years ago. And I say, well, that's what happened. That's what happened. I don't have a, because he tells a different story every time.

No, I mean, I get the feeling and I've been through this on a very small scale, that you build something, and then the people who are with you along for the ride, now you don't know who's accurate here, begin to think that they are, they were more responsible for where you got than you might think they were. And the truth lies, I don't know.

Absolutely. It's a gray area, man. And then when they begin, at some point, they throw that weight around and it causes resentment. Now, that resentment could be warranted. That resentment could be insecurity on your own part. Say, no, I did this. I don't want to feel that he was responsible for whatever it is. But I got the feeling, and I don't think about it, that

he resented the stand that you took in that negotiation, and that's why... And he's allowed, but I tell people, what I did as an American is apple pie. I had a job. I asked for more money. They said no, and I went home.

If you're a New York Yankee and you don't get your contract, you know, you stop playing at some point and stay the hell home. So, you know, who knows? I can't believe the people have spent almost, you know, 20 years, well, it's 18 years of people. It's like it happened yesterday. Hey, Jackie, miss you, man. Miss me.

I haven't been there in 20 years. It's like when Trapper John left MASH. I mean, it's like the show went on without you, man. Miss me? I haven't been there in 20 years. It's like when Trapper John left MASH. I mean, it's like the show went on without you, but it never actually, you are an integral part of that show. And it's the old thing. There's no question. Depending on who you talk to, you know, you get emails every day, oh, the show never was the same without you.

The show's better now without you, you know, and everything in between. The show's good without you as well, but it's not the same as it was with you. The show's better now without you. You know, and everything in between. The show's good without you as well, but it's not the same as it was with you. Right. It would be a good show if he was just standing in an elevator with a microphone, but... He is that gifted, right? Yeah. But I wasn't claiming

that I was responsible for half of it. It was like, alright, if we... If Howard is 98% of it, and we're 2% of it. Give me 2%. Pay us. Yeah, pay us. You probably didn't even ask for 2%.

No. Because he makes it. And that was the whole bone of the contention because you never, ever know how much money was being made. Because they were printing money. They must have had a press in the basement. I mean, it was scary, you know. I'm telling you, the guy, like, his books are great. His movie was great. He had telling you, the guy, like, his books are great. His movie was

great. He had very few missteps. You know, I admire him no end. And I was there from very close to the onset. And it was a spectacular ride. I mean, we went to Pluto. Were you there in Washington when he

started in Washington? I wasn't in Washington. I love this. I never get sick of the story. I was working there was a place called Garvin's in Washington, D.C. Garvin's laughing. And it was this guy, Harry Montecruzos and Jeff Penn, great guys.

And the New York comics, we'd go down there and it was funny the first time I went down to audition it was me and Rob Bartlett and Eddie Murphy and Richie Minovini and they basically said get in the car and go home you know because we all suck but um whenever I was working there in like August of 1982 and the owner said hey there's this nut that used to do broadcast in his underwear on Friday mornings from the club, and he just got fired.

He's moving to NBC in New York. You should look him up. And I, of course, never heard of him. I never listened to radio. You know, I was a drunk that played music, you know. And so I sent my three albums blind. You know, at that point, I had three homemade comedy LPs that I produced, you know. And we'd send them to everybody. If I met you on the street, Danny, I'd say, hey, let me send produced, you know. And we'd send them to everybody.

If I met you on the street, Danny, I'd say, hey, let me send you, you know. And so I just, a set of three albums and three cassettes and all the crap, and just Howard Stern care, NBC, WNBC AM. And then a couple months later, you know, the woman who's going to be my wife, she called up and said, hey, that guy Howard Stern called. They called up. You got right on the phone. You want to come in, Hang out on the air? And it worked out. Walked in

and sat down with Howard and Robin and Fred. And at the end of the day, they said, you're a lot of fun. Come back next week. And then... That's kind of like how I got on this podcast. I didn't mean to go on and on. I know. It's less

obviously historical, but it's similar in that I wasn't originally part of this podcast, and then I was invited in as a guest, and Noam was so impressed. Well, Dan, I gave you, you know, there's a check for a cool $1,500 coming your way this week. Did you know that? No, I didn't. Yeah, yeah, for the last three years of services. No, we got another check from Sirius. Oh, okay.

And you're also working your way up to being one of his friends. Yeah, well, I think I've already... He's been to my house. I have been. Howard doesn't socialize, right? Howard doesn't socialize. You know, not really. So this is a book you're, I guess you're promoting, this is a book? Yeah, The Joke Man by Otter Stern.

These are my little ads. I met a guy 25 years ago who made me a bunch of these because he was a big fan. He's been making them for free for 25 years. Is this a new book or it's coming out? No, it's out. It's been out since October 24th, and it's selling into the dozens, and I'm very proud. It tells the whole Stern story, so the fans are going nuts.

They love it. It's called Bow to Stern. Obviously, we know where Stern comes from. Is Bow a play on words? Bow to Stern. I live on the water. I've. Is bow a play on words, or are you just... Bow to Stern. I live on the water. I've been a nautical guy my whole life, beginning to end, front to back, you know. I like this, and the

card is their guitar pick. I have one other question, but this isn't really, this is just few, but it occurs to me about Howard Stern that he's been very lucky and very adept at avoiding any of the resentment and ire of the Me Too movement. Because...

Well, maybe he didn't do anything. Well, no, I'm not talking about just... I think he got out of Dodge just in time. His personal behavior, I'm not... No accusation whatsoever. But things like getting women with issues to humiliate themselves with vibrators in front of, you know, and everybody laughing about it, whatever. This could be taken by the women's movement as being disrespectful to women or exploitative of women. Well, you know, it was crazy exploitative, except they would line up. They would do anything.

They wanted to be there. It wasn't like anybody got tied up and dragged in. Yeah, right. They came in and did anything. That was mine and Fred's job. We would come up with things that they wouldn't do. Do you remember Magic Johnson had a talk show? Yeah.

And it was horrible. Yeah, awful. And Howard used to play his monologue, and we'd laugh at it for an hour or two every day. And one day, they called up and said, Magic wants you to come on the show, Howard. And he said to me and Fred, you got to come up with an idea that they won't let us do, because I don't want to just say no to Magic Johnson. So we came up with the wild idea that we're going to...

We had a band called The Losers, with Howard on the organ and me on guitar and Fred on bass, whatever, Scott on the drums. And we said, we want to come on the show and play Wipeout. And instead of the drum breaks, we want people to fart. And they called back and they said, okay. And we went on the Magic Johnson show and we played Wipeout. When we stopped, there was a girl and a guy bent over and they farted on ABC TV. That's got to be on YouTube available or something like that. It's got to be.

I've never looked. That's a great story. I mean, you know, there was a bunch of, you know, Los Angeles comics in front. Like Drew Carey, they had to see it to believe it, you know. Yeah, I don't know how I feel about that. I feel respectful for women, and it's true, you know, they're adults and they want to do it. Yeah. But at some point, you say, well, they're an adult, but they wouldn't agree to this if they were healthy, you know.

Well, listen. And at that point, it becomes a little exploitative. If you want to start drawing a line, and I can't say anything because this is as much my fault as anybody's, but we had midget little people. To me, little people sounds more insulting than midget. I agree. But we had midgets and slow people. That's another one, the slow people.

To me, if you're a girl and you want to get your face on TV and you want to come show your boobs, you're sound mind and body. You know, that guy Beetlejuice, they point at the corner and say, walk over there. You know, and sometimes he can do it. And there was the late Kenneth Keith Callen back. I don't know what problems he had, but I imagine they were not insubstantial. I will never know. You know, I just know the first time he blew smoke out of his eyeballs, I'm still laughing.

Is that possible? No, that's why it was funny, because he couldn't do it and he threw up. No, no, but he actually did do it a couple times. That's got to be on YouTube. You know. But, you know, it was such taking advantage of everything, you know.

Also, you guys, he was young, and when you're young, you don't see things with the wisdom of age. You know, you're young and you're trying to build, for lack of a better word, a business for yourself. Add-on blinders. Yeah. You know, boom. He wouldn't have gotten where he got if he stopped.

Things he said and things he did. I don't know if it would fly today. No, there's no way it would. No, not with me. A lot of girls. All the family wouldn't fly today. Nothing flies today. You know, it's hard to imagine anything. You know, not with me. A lot of girls. All the family wouldn't fly today. Nothing flies today. You know,

it's hard to imagine anything. You know, you take anything. Well, you know, they do, like if you watch Family Guy and The Simpsons and maybe because

it's a cartoon they have more latitude but the shit they do, you know, you're shocked that they're able to get away with it. because it's a cartoon

somehow people... Somehow that, you know, that flies, you know, like, you know, clowns and cartoons and, you know. Ventriloquist dummies.

Ventriloquist dummies can say anything. That's, you know, Otto was a very good friend of mine, because way back in... Otto Peterson. 1979, yeah, Otto Peterson and his dummy George, you know, because we were two guys that were so dirty we couldn't get booked, you know, and

he was such a hoot, but he had a talk show for a little while. And he's doing a talk show with a dummy. And it was great, but not if you were on the show. Because if you're talking to the dummy, so you can't talk to Otto, but if you talk to the dummy, you're talking to a dummy. Oh, I'm used to it.

So it's a no-one situation, you know. Okay, now, having said all that, Oh, I'm used to it. So it's a no one situation, you know. Okay. Now, having said all that, Danny, your question is. Yeah. I heard that you did gay conversion therapy. Oh, yeah. Which way? It worked.

It seems to have worked. What? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was in the program for like two and a half years, I guess. You went with the Mormons, you told me. You got to start from the very, very beginning of this. Yeah. The program? Yeah, it's a program.

I would think it would be like going away to camp for a couple weeks. No, it wasn't camp. It's a program. It's a weekly, it was a bi-weekly program. You're how old? I was 40. 39, 40. So you're a 39-year-old man who's obviously extremely troubled by the fact that you're

a homosexual and you can't... No, not at all. Oh, okay. I was totally gay. I was living a gay lifestyle. I had boyfriends. And then what happened was I became an Orthodox Jew at 39. So you did Jew conversion therapy first.

It was gay conversion therapy via Jewish conversion. Wow. Hold on. Let us wrap up. Whatever it was, I just started becoming an observant Jew. Normal stuff. Nothing crazy. Wearing a yarmulke.

Yeah. I started praying, and I found God, so to speak, whatever. How did you find God? I don't know, it just happened You woke up one morning, you were searching, you were depressed Yeah, it just happened very gradually And then all of a sudden You gradually found God?

Yeah, like at 38 I'm interested in this Yeah, at 38 years old, I started becoming religious It wasn't anything serious, I was just like dabbling No, that's serious, to find God No, it was a gradual thing. It wasn't so heavy and so severe at once. You went from eating not kosher to keeping kosher.

Yeah, slowly. Okay, but I'm saying these are big changes. Yes, these are big. Temple every morning. By the time it was changed, it was a very big change. You changed a lot of the things you were going to eat. Yeah, but not like in one minute. It didn't take one minute. Somebody had to say, I got it.

It took like, you know, like I would say, okay, now I'm not going to eat pig, and now I'm not going to eat, I'll still eat cheeseburger. It was a gradual thing, and then like little by little, and then I stopped eating, and then I started eating, because it was a gradual thing. This reminds me of, I mean, you'll get it, you'll understand this. It reminds me of like when you're decorating, you know, like when you change one little thing, and all of a sudden now the drapes

need to be changed, and now all of a sudden, everything has to follow suit. Sort of like that. I didn't Yeah. You know, like when you change one little thing and all of a sudden now the drapes need to be changed and now all of a sudden everything has to follow sort of like that. You change your, I didn't do a rehaul, right, emotionally. You became Orthodox Jewish

like, oh shit, now I'm a fag. What am I going to do? Wait, wait, wait. Now I've got to change that. Right, so that was the last, that's exactly, well, you're perfect.

I know, I know. So then my, so then I'm talking to my brother and my mom and that was the biggest mistake was in, because I come, they're all Orthodox,

ultra Orthodox. So you grew up in an orthodox home? I grew up in an orthodox home. So you at one time went away from it? Yes, I grew up orthodox and I went to an old boy's yeshiva for high school and then after that, by the time I was

26, 27, I was not orthodox at all. But wait, when you started, you said something about Mormon? No, he said... Oh, so you were just making a guess. No, no, no. He did go to some Mormon conversion therapy program.

The people who ran Jonah, which is the organization that I was... the conversion program that I was part of, was run by Mormons. And this one Jewish guy, Arthur Goldberg. But I guess he ran the whole thing. The Mormons were the, what?

He was the umbrella, right. And the Mormons ran it. I got to know a lot of Mormons. I feel like Alan Funtz is going to walk in and say, we were just kidding. So you're in the chair with your eyeballs kept open. So let me go back a little bit to answer your question. So then I'm telling my family, you know,

I'm becoming religious and da-da-da, which was a very big mistake because I really shouldn't have involved anybody in this personal journey of mine. And they're like, oh, so you're thinking of getting married. I'm like, because I'm 39. It's very normal to get married by the time you're 23. You should be married. If you're 25 and you're not married in the Jewish Orthodox world,

you're very old and there's a problem. So here I am, 39 years old, and I'm like, well, that's a problem. I'm telling my brother, who's a rabbi at Shepel Yeshiva in Jerusalem. I'm like, it's a problem because I'm gay. He's like, okay, I'll call you back. So he calls me back two days later with a website for Jonah, which is a conversion therapy organization. He's like, get in contact with them.

So I call them and blah, blah, blah, and the rest is. So tell us about what's the therapy like? Do you know how fascinating this is? Are you kidding me? Did you want to do it? Yeah. I mean, I didn't not want to do it. I didn't want to do it.

I was like, let's give it a shot. Is this to make your parents happy? Let's see what this is all about. They're saying it works. I'm like, all right, I'll... You know, I'm easy breezy. I'm not, you know, I'm very open-minded. So I figured, let me see what this is all about.

I'm interested. I always thought this was the kind of thing that your parents or the people. Well, let me tell you. You're right, you're right, Jackie. No, Jackie is right, because there were two groups. Now, at the time I was 40, there was a 17, 18, 19-year-old group. They're like, you're single. Do you want to be with the 18-year-old?

I'm like, are you kidding me? No way. Bang all the 18-year-olds. They shouldn't be here. I'm like, people like me could be here if they wanted. But an 18-year-old, let him go dance and have a boyfriend. 18 years old, you don't know anything. The parents are throwing them there.

I felt bad for them. And there was a group of like eight of them in the other room. But you knew that to be religious, you had to be straight. Correct. That's the only reason why I was there, because I was observing Jewish law. Which doesn't allow gay, whatever, gay sexuality. Male-gay relations. Frolicking.

Right. Okay, so you get there day one. Is there a book list, like textbooks, a syllabus? No, so you show up, and it's like therapy. It's like group therapy. Everyone starts talking. It's once a week, every day? It was once a week, and then I took privates once a week also.

And it's very much like therapy. And the teacher that, or whatever, the therapist that you met privately with, he represented that he had once been gay and he was- Alan Downing, yes. He was also once gay and he was married and he became, and he was,

and he's straight. But this, so this is in a live-in situation. You didn't go to Utah or anything. No, no, no. It wasn't live-in, but I did go on weekends called Journey Into Manhood.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I did that like twice. This is a documentary. Yeah, it was amazing. Oh, well, yeah. So now, like twice. This is a documentary. Yeah, it was amazing. Oh, well, yeah. So now, give us a little bit, now what?

Okay, so, the weekly group therapy was this, right, Dan? I am, but I wish you'd let Danny talk a little bit. Well, it was, you know,

so it was a therapy, you know, it's a group of like, there were 10 of us and it was like a priest, there were a couple of Hasidic guys, there was this French guy, I don't know what he was,

why he was there, I was there. Everyone was married in my group. No, except for three of us, and the priest wasn't married, I wasn't married, and there was another one or two people that weren't married. But all of them were married, and all of them had gotten married

not really in touch with their sexuality. They had kids and then they realized they were gay, which is very strange to me. I don't even understand how that happened. I don't believe it. I don't understand but I know people who got married and didn't realize they were gay. It's very strange. Kevin Meaney, who is a comic that used

to work here, that died about a year ago I guess it was, but he claims that he did not know that he was gay when he was married. And then everybody would tell him you're gay and he'd be like, what are you talking about? So I take him at his word. It seemed like everybody else knew. I don't take him at his word.

Why would he lie about that? Protect his wife from coming at him and saying, why did you put me through that when you knew? I don't know. People are so self-aware. Some people are not self-aware. Everybody masturbates, right? Yeah. When you masturbate.

I guess. I don't know. You picture someone. That's an assumption. I don't know if everybody masturbates. I presume Kevin Meaney masturbated. You picture somebody as the object of your attraction. Attraction.

I think that, who do you picture? That's a great point. You're making a very good argument. It's an interesting point. On the other hand, you know. I mean, yeah. I mean, if you're going to jerk off, who are you going to jerk off to? It's true. I didn't a very good argument. It's an interesting point. On the other hand, you know... I mean, yeah. I mean, if you're going to jerk off, who are you going to jerk off to? It's true. I didn't know I was gay.

That's why I've been picturing a guy all this time. I know. That's very strange. Stupid, stupid. You know, and I have some friends who... Well, you know, I don't... I mean, what Norm is saying makes sense. I wouldn't necessarily dismiss out of hand the notion that some people just don't know. I think it's a topic worth delving into. Yeah, it is. I always found it strange.

Anyway, so the therapy, then it turned into drama therapy. It was very, like, we'd go back to childhood wounds, and then we would go back to being children, and then talking about what it was. There was trauma involved. We'd hit, we'd hit,

we'd take bats, and we'd hit, like, we'd hit bags, punching bags. It was a whole drama therapy. That's pretty much what it broke down to. And you did it

for two and a half years. And I did that for two and a half years and I would do the weekend programs three times a year. And, um... Did you have sex

with women in those two and a half years? No. I never had sex with women ever in my life until today. Never. Until today. You didn't even give it a shot that wasn't part of the therapy? Like, half years? No. I never had sex with women ever in my life until today. Never.

Until today. You didn't even give it a shot that wasn't part of the therapy? Like, you know. No. No. Now that's the biggest shock of all. No.

You think they put your feet in the water. Yeah, my mother always wanted me We're going to teach you to swim for two and a half years but you're not getting in the water. My mother always wanted me to have sex with women.

She's like, you want me to get you a prostitute? And she's a religious woman. It's so funny. She's like, I'll get you a prostitute. We'll take you somewhere. Do it. And you're like, no, no, I never had it. I was never interested. Well, you want me to get you a prostitute? And she's a religious woman. It's so funny. She's like, I'll get you a prostitute. We'll take you somewhere. Do it.

And you're, no, no, I never had it. I was never interested. Well, you know, if you're not attracted to women, I don't know that having sex with a woman is going to change your mind at all. You know, you first need the attraction. Right, exactly. And I was there. And you didn't have it.

Right. And I was there to see if there was some sort of understanding, an idea of healing. They were like, it's a childhood wound. They said that you can heal this childhood wound that made you gay. They blame your mother for this? No, they don't blame anybody. They were trying to find out each person and what their wound was and where it comes from and what is holding them back from being the man that they need to be.

And by the way, you should know that these weekends, these journeys, there were a lot of straight men there who are pussy whipped. And they were there because they didn't have balls. And they just wanted to be men. They were straight. They really were. And they weren't gay at all. And they never said they were gay. But they they wanted to be men they were straight they really were and they were married and they weren't gay at all

and they never said they were gay but they just wanted to be men they wanted to find their masculinity and these programs these weekends

they're still going it had nothing to do with being gay but the gays were there too so you know we had a group we had our own corner but most of them

were straight really how big is this group? the weekends? Oh, they're like 300 people. 200, 300 people. Men. But the weekly classes. The weekly classes.

In my group, there were 10, and then the 18-year-old group, they were like, I don't know, six, seven, eight. I don't know. I would see them going in and out. They were scared. They were freaked out. They were chickens running in and out. I felt bad for them because they were so young.

That's a lot of money you spent. I spent a lot of money, right. Do you believe they were sincere in taking your money, or is it a scam? I don't know. I was sincere. I don't know if they were sincere. I'm hoping they were sincere.

Like Trump University? Yeah. I don't know. Do they offer that? Yeah. But do you feel, you know, that being gay is so much a part of who you are that if you became straight by some miracle,

then you would no longer be Danny Cohen? I don't know what that means. What do you mean? I know, because of the public. I'm just saying. Like a fat comic that doesn't want to lose weight because they think that happens. I'm not talking about that, but I'm just saying that's such a part of

who you are, being gay. Well, remember, I was becoming an Orthodox Jew, so I left a lot of what I was doing anyway, and I was living a different lifestyle also. So I figured, oh, okay, so let me just go. And then I realized, this is not

where I want to go. This is all wrong. It was all wrong. And it was so, you know, I just Well, it was all wrong because it wasn't working or because you don't want to be straight? Because it wasn't working. But if I could give you a pill I can't tell you. If I could give you a pill today

that would make you heterosexual, would you take it? Today? At 50? Because I'm 50. Today? No. Because now I don't want to 50? Because I'm 50. Today? No. Because now I don't want to have, now I'm 50. Maybe at 40 I would have taken the pill. Then I'd have kids.

Why not? I want to have a normal life. Yeah, I want to have a normal life. From the world I'm in, being gay isn't normal and it doesn't work. I have family members that would not accept me if I had a boyfriend. I mean, that's not why I don't have a boyfriend, but I couldn't have a relationship with anybody in accept me if I had a boyfriend. I mean, that's not why I don't have a boyfriend, but I couldn't have a relationship with anybody in my family if I had a boyfriend. Anyone.

Is this as fascinating as I think it is? To me, it is. I got 4,000 questions. Go ahead. At some point, was it like, hey, look at that babe over there? I mean, you know what I'm saying? The diagram. They pulled out the diagram. This tits. Well, it was interesting because some of the guys, they were like that.

And I'm like, oh, they used to be gay and now they're doing that. It's very strange to me. It's funny that we're talking about this because, you know, I haven't spoken about this in a long time. And I was on the subway today and I saw one of the guys from my program. He's a Hasidic Jewish guy that lives in my neighborhood that I never see. And he was on my program. He's a Hasidic Jewish guy that lives in my neighborhood that I never see, and he was on my subway. And he had a boyfriend and was very big

in the LGBT community in Chicago. He used to be a big, you know, he was being in the protest, and he was very active, very active in the gay community in Chicago. Suddenly, one day he said, I don't want to do this anymore. He became religious, and then

he got married a year and a half later without any program. He just decided to just, I'm going to get religious, and then he got married, and he has seven kids. Wow. And he was in my group. You were telling me... But he's on medication. He's on, like, depressant medication, so

there's something going on with his brain. From the seven kids. You were telling me, I think at the time. He's completely numb. Right. When we were talking about this, that you were thinking of finding a lesbian woman that just wanted to have an arrangement. Towards the end, I was like, I don't know what,

this isn't working. And I was like, maybe we can find a lesbian woman and then like who wants to be religious. Then I realized women are different than men. I have never met a Jewish orthodox... I've never met a woman who would hide.

I don't know anyone... I don't know any women that hide. What do you mean hide? They're all honest. They're about their sexuality. Like closeted women. She wouldn't pretend to be straight. Right.

It's not that she would pretend to be straight, but because part of the mandate in religious... There are a lot more closeted men than closeted women, I think. Okay, but because of the mandate to have children in a religious home, you might find a lesbian woman that's willing to have children with you and have a Jewish home, not because she's hiding, but because that is what you're supposed to do. Because that's what you need. All those Jewish women that would want to be, they would find another Jewish home, not because she's hiding, but because that is what you're supposed to do. Because that's what you need.

All those Jewish women that would want to be, they would find another Jewish woman because according to Jewish law, you can be a lesbian. You can? What? Yeah. There's no, you 100%, there's no Jewish, the Jewish law, you're allowed to be a lesbian. That's awesome. I didn't know that.

You can live a lesbian lifestyle. It's not recommended. But it's not the ideal lifestyle. It's not the ideal lifestyle, but they can by Jewish law. And you can't know that. But you can live a lesbian lifestyle. It's not recommended. But it's not the ideal lifestyle. It's not the ideal lifestyle, but they can by Jewish law. And you can't have kids. They can argue with the rabbi and the rabbi can't win. There's no winning to that argument. That's a big block in this whole thing. Well, because the Bible said, I mean, the one passage that everybody points to is,

a man shall not lay with a man as with a woman. Right. And that's the long and the short. They don't talk about women. They don't mention women. And is that the only thing that the Bible says with regard to homosexuality? No, no. The Talmud goes into it a little more.

But the Talmud is, just Joyelle, everybody who has something to. She's going to come sit down, Joyelle. I don't know if you know this, but Danny had gay conversion therapy for two and a half years. Hi. Did it work? No. This is Joyelle. This is Jackie Marling. I'm giving my best shot.

That's a hell of a thing to spring on somebody that's just sitting down at a podcast. The worst has happened at any table. I was almost molested by my rabbi when I was a little boy, by the way. That happens in the Jewish community, too? It happens everywhere, Joel. And I was getting ready to be bar mitzvahed. I hadn't gone to Hebrew school. So my father hired the rabbi from the Dobbs Ferry Temple to tutor me.

And he and my mother went out to the movies. And I was home alone with the rabbi. And he says, well, do you know what it means to be Jewish? And I'm like, yeah. And I said, whatever it was. And he says, well, what else? And I'm like, I don't know. He goes, well, Jews are circumcised.

I said, oh, yeah, I knew that. He goes, well, do you know what that is? And I had never seen an uncircumcised penis. I really didn't know. I think that's common. Like, we didn't know. I saw a friend of mine once, and I was like, I thought he had been injured. Right, right.

So I didn't know where whatever it is. So I said, I don't really know where it is or whatever it is. So he says, where's your room? I said, upstairs. So he takes me out to my room. No! He lays me down on the bed. That's all I remember.

No, he lays me down on the bed, and he starts to unbuckle my belt. Wow. And for some reason, I stopped him. And I'm telling you, it wasn't because I, we were not, we weren't taught about molestation. It was never on my radar. I was just shy. You had no idea what he was doing. I had no idea that he was doing anything wrong.

I just didn't like the idea of a stranger, you know, looking at my peepee, you know? So I stopped him, and he didn't force the issue. Did stranger, you know, looking at my peepee, you know? So I stopped him and he didn't force the issue. Did you say you had a headache? No, no. Well, it's funny because when my father got home, I told him the story. Now it clicked immediately to him. You know what my father said? He says, next time

you hit him with your purse. Ah! This is what my father said to me So you didn't go all that way for that joke No, it's just true So help me God Next time you hit him with your purse

He didn't call the rabbi and say what the fuck were you doing I think he did But I think in my father's wisdom He knew enough that I wasn't traumatized by And rather than freak me out about it He made it off with a joke And then he called the... Is this the rabbi that bar mitzvahed you?

Or whatever he did. It was the junior rabbi. The senior rabbi did end up bar mitzvahing me. But I never saw the junior one again. Your father was like, please, that happened to me too. But looking back on it now, you'd think a father would get a baseball bat, right? Of course. I mean, I had no...

Well, maybe he took care of it, and you didn't know anything, you know, about it. No, because... We talk about it every year. You never saw the guy again? No. He never became senior rabbi. He never became senior rabbi.

Well, but it's just... It's an interesting story. So, yeah, I was... So, yeah, I was almost molested by the rabbi. So... You know, it's funny, because I... I don't know if molested.

I was at Boy Scout camp, and I was telling dirty jokes when I was in fifth and sixth grade. And we're all telling jokes in the counselor's tent and they all leave. And then the guy offered me a dollar a minute to blow him. And I was like, no. But I didn't take it like some crazy. I was like, no, it just didn't sound like a good idea. Someone older than you? He must have been like, you know, he might have been 20 or 22.

But, you know, I didn't hit him in a club or anything. I was a real little kid. But I'm thinking, I had a strong personality. I said, no. I bet you if he took 10 shots at the goal, he hit half of the time he hit a home run. You offer young Jewish Danny Cohen a dollar a minute to blow you. I mean, I'm giving you a lot of money. Line him up.

So what's your molestation story, Jermaine? Luckily, I do not have one. When we were kids, I was born in 62, this was not on our radar. We didn't perceive these things. Even if a high school teacher was going out with a girl in the class or whatever it was, we didn't see that.

Well, that never happened in my high school. Oh, it happened in my high school. There was this guy, Chester the Molester. I think it was an urban legend. But people used to remember. Did you ever talk about that on Long Island? Chester the Molester? We had a guy in a white Ford Fairlane that used to call you over to his window and point at his dick. You know, but that, as far as we know, he was like the town drunk

or the local guy that carries the basketballs for St. Dominic's. You know, it's like it was just part of the, you know, we knew it was crazy, but it was part of the. Part of Mayberry. There was an older fellow on our block that used to invite all the kids over for hot chocolate and to play games, but he was a perfect gentleman. All we did was have hot chocolate and play games. But I do wonder, and I used to tell my father,

yeah, Mr. Blank, I'm going over to his house. I just wonder today if a parent would, an alarm bell would go off. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, and if the parent might say, oh, what exactly are you doing over there? I mean, did he ever sneak any of you guys out of the room? Well, maybe he did, and I just wasn't invited. Ten go in, nine go out.

You were the wingman? You were the wingman. It could be that I just didn't tickle his fancy, but I don't think he was doing it with anybody. In today's day and age, I think a kid might be told, don't go to an old dude's house and have hot chocolate. Well, yeah, imagine a kid walking in and telling his parents, yeah, I was over at Mr. Smith's house And have hot chocolate Imagine a kid walking in Telling his parents

I was over at Mr. Smith's house And he's 90 and we're all 12 And he gave us cookies I wouldn't let my kid go to some guy's house No But in those days What does an older guy have anything to do with my kids My mother used to let me take

Acting classes in Hell's Kitchen when I was 13 years old. Oh, you're a city girl. Yeah, she would let... No, but I'm a Jersey girl, so I would take the bus into Port Authority at night to take acting classes in Hell's Kitchen. And it was not... This was, like, 90s Hell's Kitchen, so...

Yeah, I can't believe I was never molested. Yeah. I wasn't molested. You were not molested. No. And these people who molest children, they're really cursed, right? I mean, like... I guess so.

Do you think that they're any less born with this desire than a gay man is born with his desire or a straight man is born with their desire? You're asking if it's social or if it's nurture or nature? Well, whether it's nurture or nature, either way, it's something they probably didn't ask for. I agree with Dan. Whether it's nurture or nature, some of them are nurtured and some of it is nature, but I think it's a mix of both. Now, they claim that's not curable, right? Well, I don't know.

Is anything else curable in the realm of sexuality? They can't cure poor Danny of his homosexual... Yeah, they couldn't cure me. They tried and failed with transgender people. And they said, well, the best solution we have for you is we can give you tits and a vagina, but we can't change your psychology. Right. So they don't seem to be able to change anybody's psychology. Well, the curse of time is taking my erection away.

Yes, time will eventually take your sex drive away and maybe your erection, but they don't seem to have any ability to change your basic sexual proclivities. Right. Well, the transgender is more than just a sexual proclivity, as we've learned on this show. It's just feeling like the sex that you are, even if you have no sex drive. That's true. My group, they were married men, so they were trying to figure out a way that they can live happy lives

with their wives and figure out a way where it can just work. Yeah, they're living a lie. They're living a lie and they don't want to live a lie. Right, but their wives knew at that point. Wives knew? Yeah, and they were trying to figure out

how they can keep their life together and keep it working. Aren't women just amazing? Like, a woman will be supportive of her gay man's conversion. Oh, they were great. They were all supportive. Huh? Or in denial.

Or in denial. But I'm thinking a man would just get out. Women are just so devoted in a way that men are not. I think so. They're just not capable of it. Yeah, you're right. I agree. These guys were there on their own volition or their wives sent them there?

No, they were there on their own volition. To make sent them there? No, they were there on their own volition. To make the wives happy. To make their lives happy. They had children. They had unhappy marriages. They felt bad for their wives. They felt bad that they were in a situation that they didn't want their family to fall apart. They're like, how do I make this work?

I know I'm halfway there, but I got to make it work. So they were there to try to make it work. And a lot of them were, them were, they would talk about it and they found happiness in the program. It worked for them. For me, I had a much longer way to go.

I wasn't about to plunge if it wasn't working. They already took the plunge. They got married. They were already there. You just had to figure out how to make it not a daily torture to be married. They were already married. They were already there. So for me, it was a lot. You just had to figure out how to make it not a daily torture to be married. Right. All right. So we got a couple of things to cover.

First of all, Joy was going on Seth Meyers. Yes, tomorrow. Congratulations. Thank you. How did that come about for you? I just got a new badass manager. She's awesome. Who's that, man?

Who's your manager? Tova Silberman. I know Tova. Yeah. That's your manager? She was on the show. No know Tova. Yeah. Oh, is she your manager? She was on the show. No, no, no. She was on the show, but she didn't talk.

She was here just auditing, if you will. She used to work at the Gersh Agency. Yes. And I'm with the Gersh Agency. Yes, yes. How come you're not on Seth Meyers? Because, A, she's no longer with the Gersh Agency. B, I do have an audition for Seth Meyers coming up.

You know, C, the Gersh the Gurish agency, God bless them. I don't hear from them that often. Are you nervous? Is this your first network? This is my first late night set. Yeah, congratulations. I'm super excited, so I'm going to go run some time downstairs. Joyelle, how many times have you seen Black Panther?

Twice. Oh, just twice? What did you think of it? That's a good question, Dan. What did you think of it? That's a good question, Dan. What did you think of it? I think it was a perfect movie. Perfect movie. You went there dressed in costume.

Yes, both times I did. First time dressed as a Black Panther, Angela Davis, and the second time dressed in a Zamunda African garb. Did you use Zamunda, you mean from the Eddie Murphy movie? Yes. Okay. Did you see it, Jackie? Yes.

And? I thoroughly enjoyed it, but it's straight. What I don't, I'm not a Marvel Comics guy. I drew the line Superman, Batman, and Archie, and those were my comics

in the 50s, and I never went to the Spider-Man and the whole thing, but I loved it. It was great. It was good. It was really good. What about Japanese hentai porn? That's good. I loved it. It's great. It was good. It was really good. What about Japanese hentai porn?

It's good. I loved it. It's great. I sort of bored you. Shut up. Everybody white is just jumping all over to express how much they love this movie. It's a good movie. I didn't dance out of there.

It doesn't warrant the... Well, it's an event. Culturally, it's important. Did you see it at the Magic Johnson event. I mean, where did you see it? Culturally, it's important. Did you see it, like, at the Magic Johnson's Theater? No, I did not. I went to Union Square, which felt like Magic Johnson, because everybody was screaming at the screen. And the second

time, I was at Brooklyn Academy of Music. What was the percentage composition of the audience? It was... Well, the second time, I went with the NAACP of Brooklyn, so it was all black. But the first time, it was probably, like, 70% black. Well, that's time I went with the NAACP of Brooklyn, so it was all black. But the first time, it was probably like 70% black. Y'all gave us the weekend. I appreciate that.

As a non-black man, that would probably be the best place for me to see it, to get the full experience. I don't want to see it in Darien, Connecticut. I think every person should see a black film at a black theater. It's opening weekend. Put that on your bucket list. It's very entertaining. Will you take me to the next black film opening? Oh, of course. I will go with you. Well, the problem is,

they'll probably never again be a black film quite like this, at least not for a while. This was the biggest, you know, there's not going to be a bigger one. I can't imagine that there would be. They put all the marbles into one bucket for this. Well, they're doing Infinity Wars is next. Look, it's pretty good.

It's great. But It had a few flaws. There were a lot of devices that were derivative of other movies. When he throws him over the waterfall, nobody thinks he's dead. That's like the dramatic... Why are you spoilering? Oh, come on. Everybody's seen it.

I haven't seen it. That's my point. It's not a spoil because nobody thinks when he goes over the waterfall that he's dead. You mean the train's not going to run over Batman? The train's not going to run over Batman. Yeah, that's the superhero trope. What is the takeaway from it? Is there a lesson to be learned from Black Panther?

What do we learn, if anything? What is the moral of the story? Is there a moral of the story? Community. Black people can be superheroes, too? I don't know. Oh, I walked away with community. Community.

Loyal community. There's so many lessons. Yeah, community. Community is very important in this world. Yeah. Having community. Sticking together. Not being divided.

Sticking together. You're stronger when you stick together. Yeah. Now, race was in the news this week as well because Farrakhan, this Women's March thing. You know about this? No. Oh, no, no, no. Never mind.

Help me, please. Do you want to talk about the school walkout, Noam? Huh? The school walkout. I thought you wanted to discuss it. What exactly was the school walkout? They were walking out of school. In protest of the Parkland gang.

In protest. 17-minute walkout. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. I mean Parkland gun. 17 minute walkout. Yeah, I guess. I thought it was going to be they were all going to stay home and not go to school until that was, I think, the original plan. No, they were planning to go to school and walk out on purpose.

Okay, but originally I heard that kids weren't going to go to school until they passed some gun laws or something like that. I don't know if that was ever on the agenda. But anyway, this was just a 17, 17 minutes? For 17. For 17. And in some schools, the teachers, you know, hailed it and walked out and cheered with them.

And other schools, the kids all got detention. Detention? Yeah. For 17 minutes? I would have went to Carvel. Did you walk out of your gay conversion therapy for 17 minutes? Anyway. No, what I'm saying is they literally got punished for taking part.

That must be in the red states. For sure. Yeah. Anyway, so just, I do, too bad you don't know about the Farrakhan thing. But I have something to talk to you. Dom is just dying to get it out. I have something racially to ask you. Please. I notice a lot of times situations that if I were black, I think I would feel resentment in the sense of times when people hold their fire.

Like, for instance, this voter suppression stuff. You know, of course I'm against voter suppression, right? But one of the laws they want to pass is picture IDs. And the whole pretext of this objection is that you can't expect black people to get a picture ID the way white people do. That's voter suppression. And I'm thinking, they go to the movies, they go to bars, everybody black I know drives a car. People live in America. Yeah, how dysfunctional are these white liberals ready to go on record as their opinion about black folk that they want to say that if you ask them to get picture IDs,

you are suppressing their vote? You know what I'm saying? And the same thing with this, like, when Farrakhan says, the Jews, the Jews, the Jews, like, you know, it's like, well, but you can't really expect them to stand up again. Of course you can. People live up to whatever you expect of them. And I don't think I'm being hard on black people.

I think that's being respectful of black people, no? It's reasonable. I can see that point, but I think it just perpetuates the fallacy that there is voter fraud. Voter fraud is not a thing. And so the part of— I agree with that. Yeah, so— Nevertheless.

Statistically, there is no need for someone to require a photo ID because in some areas, like maybe a senior citizen might not have a photo ID or an ex-convict might have a photo ID. But we require photo ID for everything. But the only point is they're just trying to chip away. They're chipping away. So that's part of them chipping away at making less accessible. I do reject the motivation.

I can't stress it. I mean, it's like contradictory thoughts, but they're both true. Yes, they should all be ashamed of themselves for any devious plot they're trying to come up with to suppress black votes. Nevertheless, I could also see black people saying, we don't give a shit if you want photo IDs. What do you think, we can't get a photo ID? Like, it's so cute that you think that's going to suppress our vote. saying, we don't give a shit if you want photo IDs. What, do you think we can't get a photo ID? Like, it's so cute that you think that's going to suppress our vote. Like, we can't get photo. Of course we can get photo IDs.

Go fuck yourself. Come with something better than that if you want to suppress our vote. That's my point. Like, that's just not going to do it, okay? Because we're just like you. But then white liberals, they obviously don't think black people are just like white people. They obviously don't think that black people can be asked to get photo IDs. It's nuts to me.

Like if I were a black leader, I'd be like, fuck yourself. Of course we can get photo IDs. I mean, essentially, we don't trust Democrats or Republicans, if you're smart enough. But we have to have somebody that's going to be repping for us. I'm always stunned by this photo ID thing and the Farrakhan thing. I'm stunned by most left the borough things. Yeah, I mean there's no point in it. They're doing it

just to chip away at our access to voting. That's all. But it won't work. It does work. I know black people and they can get photo IDs. I know a lot of black people. That should be the name of this episode. I've never seen anybody black that I met

who seemed to be incapable of getting a photo ID. I can take you to Brooklyn. As long as the office stayed open a little bit later than the hours that are posted. Valid point. What else, Dan? We never really hit Jackie's book too much. The Joke Man Bow to Stern might be a good way to end things, just to plug Mr. Martling's.

Jackie, by the way, is your first name Jackson or Jacob? Oh, it's John. I was John Jr., but I was Jackie from, you know, as long as I was from the time I was Is Jackie a typical nickname for John? Absolutely. I think Jackie Kennedy. Oh, no, that's, didn't they call him Jack? They called him Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy, yeah. It's a very typical nickname for John? Absolutely. Jackie Kennedy. Oh, no, that's the... Didn't they call him Jack?

They called him Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy, yeah. It's a very typical nickname for John. I didn't know that. But in any case, from Bow to Stern, so this is basically

focusing on the Stern years? It's... Well, let me just give the... It's jackiethejokeman.com. The URL comes up. Artie Lang did the forward and he also did the forward on the audio version.

And it's like 30 or 40% me and growing up and stuff, and then the rest is all Stern Show stories. And the whole story of how I wound up there and everything, and people that are big fans, it's like a chronological

thing. They'll know where they were. Oh, I know where I was when the movie came out. I know where I was during the Channel 9 show. I know where I was during the Channel 9 show. I know where I was when Jackie first came aboard. I remember where I was when the name Baba Booey became the nickname of Baba Booey.

I was driving on the Merritt Parkway doing on my way to a temp job. But in any case, that's my... Secretary? Like typing? No, like the temp. I was home from college and I was like, I believe if memory serves, like 1988 when Baba Booey was anointed Baba Booey.

Probably, yeah, it could have been 86. It could have been 88. It wasn't 86. The old studio. Because it was definitely, I was in college. So it wasn't 86. It might have been 88. I always suspected that at least once something happened between Howard and Robin.

Something. There seemed to be some sexual tension. Something. Neither I nor anybody else suspected that. People said Howard was with Jessica Hahn in the trailer during the movie. He's not that guy. He's not that guy. He doesn't do that.

I don't know how to explain that. You all knew people in school that weren't guys that hit on girls or went up to girls. He was 6'6", or 6'5", since he was in sixth grade. So he always had to act like an adult. He always stood out. That's why he's weird and crazy. But people say, oh, I know he banged you. No, he never went near anybody, and he really didn't.

And if he did, he fooled me, he fooled Fred, he fooled everybody. Well, that's just not his thing. That's not how he rolled. I just felt it was impossible. I get it. I believe it. His thing in life, I guess, was conquering the radio world. That was his kink.

That was his sex. That's all he wanted. Makes sense to me. Jackie, so Artie has done the foreword to the book. Are you guys buddies? Yeah. You know, that's another thing that people don't realize. I left that show in March of 2001.

He didn't come aboard until October. People said, oh, it's good to see you guys getting along again. We had nothing to do with each other. There was a huge gap of time between the time I left. They tried a whole bunch of people in my seat. Who flunked out of that seat? They tried everybody, I think. Yeah, I don't know if people... I didn't

listen, but I don't know whether they were trying people out or just plugging people in to see what happened. Do you think, and I always thought otherwise, I always thought Howard made a mistake going to Satellite Radio. I'll tell you the truth. I actually had a contract, I always thought Howard made a mistake going to satellite radio.

Well, I'll tell you the truth. I actually had a contract, an unsigned contract, to be the voice of Raw Dog. And it was for a lot of money, and I was very excited. And then my lawyer called me up and said they took the deal off the table. And I said, why? He said, because they think they're going to get Howard Stern to come to Sirius, or maybe it was X, I don't know, whatever it was at the time. And I said to myself,

why not just tell me, look, we changed our mind, we don't want you. Why lie to me? Because in my mind, there was no way he was ever going because that whole goddamn show was let me at him. You know, hold me back, hold me back. Right, right. People say, oh, you're going to come over to my house, don't curse in front of my parents. I'm like, hey, I was on the radio 18 years.

I never got bleeped. People forget, we were radio clean, radio friendly. And going up against the rules was the whole show. And I'm like. The frustration. Yeah, if all of a sudden you're unserious and you can say and do anything, it's like playing football

with no lines. You don't know referee. Yeah, I agree. And then all of a sudden, boom, Howard Stern coming to say, well, at least they weren't lying to me.

That was one reason I thought that, I agree that I thought that the idea of being able to curse was probably more important in theory than it actually would turn out to be.

The frustration was funny and interesting. The frustration was funny and was inspiring for creativity, you know, different ways. But one thing, theory than it actually would turn out to be. The frustration was funny. The frustration was funny and was inspiring for creativity. You know, different ways. But one thing, I left and then they were at K-Rock for another five years and I guess

by all accounts, it got real, real bad. Like, they were curtailing them so bad. They were bleeping everything and it was killing the content. To me, the other reason I thought it was a mistake, because when you're on terrestrial radio, your audience is 300 million people.

A certain number watch. This day, I used to listen like once a month to Howard Stern, whatever it is. Now you have to get 100% of your listeners from this finite group of subscribers. And therefore, Howard Stern who was like the cultural zeitgeist

guy became a niche guy. Because people all they had to do was go click and there he was. You know the few times I was late, you know I'm riding down the expressway and people are yelling at me because he's saying I'm late and everybody's listening to the show. Get to work you jerk off you know like or what 9-11 they

were so on the regular radio right yes they were a perfect example so everybody worked started listening to Howard Stern on 9-11 right this is one of the most fascinating day of radio probably in history as far as the satellite no it wouldn't have had that impact on and I feel like yes he made millions and millions of dollars, but he had more money than his great-great-grandkids could ever spend anyway. Always. But that huge audience, it's similar in a weird way to the comedy star.

We have a dinky little basement here. But like Seinfeld and Rocket, they all come down here because they need the audience. It's a shot heard around the world. And with all their money, they can't get that. And with all his money, he can't buy the access to 300 million people that he used to have now that he's on satellite. And I think that diminished him in some way. Creatively, you think so? No, just his impact on the culture.

His impact on the culture. His impact on the culture, which has to matter to him. I mean, it was a huge thing for him to have that kind he was supposedly really really pissed off that more millions of people didn't follow him to Sirius I mean his movie opened to number one right

would his movie open to number one if he had been on Sirius no you know the whole thing with paying for radio I would go out to dinner and I'd sit there

and a waiter would come up and say oh are you Jackie Marling yeah and they'd go oh man I was such a big fan I really love the Sturgeon I said yeah I'm not there anymore a waiter would come up and say, oh, are you Jackie Marling? Yeah, and they'd go, oh, man, I was such a big fan. I really love the Sturgeon. I said, yeah, I'm not there anymore. And they'll say, yeah, you know, I can't pay for Sirius.

And this is a waiter. He's got better things to do with $10 a month, which sounds, it's kind of hard to accept. But seriously, you know, if you've got a billion things you've got to pay for, like, I'm not paying for radio. If you listen every day, like I drive, so I have it for sure. But some people, like I said, will listen to it from time to time. Listen to it for a couple weeks and then put it down for a few months.

And then you're not going to pay $10 a month. And then it's time for renewal. And they're like, ah. Yeah, yeah. A lot of people, you get six months free with your car when you rent it or buy it. That's right. Then they let it, you know. Too bad.

Despite what I'm saying, I'm a huge Howard Stern fan, so I say that only because I want kind of what's best for him in a weird way, even though I don't know it. That's what's crazy. People come and say,

I'm the biggest fan. I'm the biggest. I was a huge, huge fan. No, I don't get serious. I'm like, wait a minute. Where's your priorities? How big are you? No, seriously, listen.

Again, radio, again, radio, you can put on any radio in your house. You can put it on your friend's house. Seriously, you have to have that radio with that ID. If you don't have it with you, you can't put it on it. You have to be a real fan. If you are not a radio listener in your car, there's not

much to separate. And there's a little bit of a technical aspect to it. So many people, you know, you get in the car and go, click. There's not much to separate. And there's a little bit of a technical aspect to it. So many people, you know, you get in the car and go click. That's as technical as a lot of people

want to get, you know. Yeah. I wonder why he doesn't go back or whatever. Anyway, we're out of time. Well, Joyelle, I wish you well with your new

fabulous agent. She is a wonderful young lady, is she not? I love her so much. We all wish you well. Thank you. I love Joyelle.

Joyelle was one of the heroes. I'm talking about Tova Silverman, her agent. Joyelle is a wonderful young lady. Is she not? We all wish you well. Thank you. I love Joyelle. Joyelle was one of the heroes. I'm talking about Tova Silverman, her agent. Joyelle is also wonderful. She was one of the heroes of our Guy Branum podcast. I'll take it. I'll be thankful to her for that. And Danny Collin, give it another shot. Don't be a quitter.

And I want to announce I'm at the Studio Theater in Lindenhurst on Long Island, March 31st. And I tweet filthy, stupid jokes every day at International Marijuana Time 420 at Jackie Martling. Can I ask you one other question? You're 70 years old, you said? He looks good, by the way. I just turned 70 on Valentine's Day. Do you have trouble remembering all those jokes? What'd you ask?

No, you know, it's so funny. Because sometimes things slip through the crack. People come up and say, why the chicken crossed the road? And I go, I used to know that one. But no, not so far, no. And I'll tell you, you could say, oh, let's go to,

what's it called, a bar. You know, you can get stuck on words and crazy things and people's names from past TV shows or something like that. But I haven you can get stuck on words and crazy things and people's names from past TV shows or something like that, but I haven't gotten, knock on wood, to where I'm on stage and I'm like, what's next? I mean, we've all had that

45 minute one second pause where nothing is in there and then, you know, but that had those millions of years ago. I have trouble remembering names now and it's fucking driving me crazy. I mean, it's driving me nuts. You have a two-year-old? You're not old enough.

I think you reach a capacity where we meet so many people. Maybe we just keep all of that. Yeah, you're full. Yeah, I'm like... Well, I had a one-to-one. Once I ran to the bathroom, I met a girl that I know,

and I forgot her name, and I said, oh, I got to go to the bathroom. Ran to the bathroom, went to my Facebook, and started scrolling to find her picture. And then I found her picture, and I walked out of the bathroom,

and I'm like, oh, Lana, good to see you. But, um... You couldn't remember a comedian's name one time. Well, I couldn't remember a comedian's name, and I had to look on the sheet, the schedule, and I looked down, I looked through the schedule, and then when I saw the name, it triggered.

But, yeah, sometimes that happens. You wouldn't believe how many people that happens to. You talk about it, and somebody goes, oh, yeah, I do that too. You know, because once you have that mental block, it's like, oh. But the other night I tried to compensate

lack of knowing somebody's name with enthusiasm. You know, and I was like, my man! Hey girl! Which is a bulletin board,

you know. All right, we got to go. Jackie, great guest. Thank you so much for having me. I hope I didn't yak too much. No, not at all. Thank you, Jackie. Okay, good night everybody. Thank you guest Thank you so much for having me I hope I didn't yak too much

No, not at all Thank you, Jackie Okay, good night everybody Thank you Thank you