The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Jake Flores, Chloe Hilliard, and Wil Sylvince

Episode Date: June 29, 2018

Jake Flores is a Brooklyn based touring comedian and host of progressive podcast "Pod Damn America." He's a former columnist at The New York Observer and works via a large following online and in the political left. He recently received an unexpected visit from Homeland Security for a tweet he composed about ICE.   Chloe Hilliard is a native New Yorker, comedian, and former journalist. She penned 7 cover stories while a staff writer at the Village Voice and now hosts her own podcast titled, "Social Misfit." Her debut book, "Fuck Your Diet," comes out fall 2019.   Wil Sylvince is a New York City-based standup comedian. He may be seen performing regularly at the Comedy Cellar.

You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the table, on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Good evening, everybody. Welcome to The Comedy Cellar Show here on Sirius XM Channel 99. I'm here, of course, of course, just back from Vegas with Mr. Dan Natterman. Hello. Hello, Dan. How do you do? And we have two guests with us today. Now, Stephen, our producer, is late.

Yes. And usually he helps me with this. But anyway, Chloe Hilliard. How long have you been performing at the Cellar now? Oh, I just got past this May. This past May? May. So two months.

How many spots have you done? About seven. Seven spots. Yeah. Is a native New Yorker, comedian, and former journalist. Journalist for whom? Yeah, I used to be a staff writer

for the Village Voice. I was a writer and editor at Hearst Magazines. At which magazine? Hearst, the magazine, Hearst Company. Oh.

But the magazine was defunct now. I used to use the Village, the Village Voice was free. Yeah. And I used to use it, can you up my, Yeah, me as well. That doesn't sound, the Village Voice, free. Yeah. And I used to use it. Can you up my... Yeah, me as well. That doesn't sound...

The Village Voice was a free paper in New York City, and I used to use it to hide porno because I would buy porno, and then I'd take a free Village Voice so that I could walk home. Yeah. This was going back many, many years before internet pornography.

I'm dating myself. Yeah. And I enjoyed many of the articles in the Village Voice. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy the paper. I'm dating myself. And I enjoyed many of the articles in The Village Voice. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy the paper. I'm saying it had a dual purpose. And The Village Voice had personal columns too before Craigslist. Yes, The Village Voice was also the place you went to find escorts.

Yes, the back pages. Yes, you did, prior to the internet. That's kind of why it's no longer at its height because they had to cut out all of those sleazy ads in the back. So that was a lot of money. They started charging. Yeah.

Okay. Oh, I see. You did say it. Staff writer at The Village Voice now hosts her own podcast titled Social Misfit. This can't be right. Her debut book, Fuck Your Diet? Correct. Oh, it comes out fall 2019.

That's right. How are they going to sell that on Amazon? They'll just put an asterisk. You know, people love curse words. All right. And Jake Flores is a Brooklyn-based touring comedian and host of progressive podcast Pod Damn America. Oh, great. A progressive.

When all these new Supreme Court decisions came out, you must be chomping at the bit. Yeah, I mean, the Supreme Court thing today was pretty disappointing. But I'm pretty jazzed about this politician, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Is she the one who doesn't believe in private property and opened the borders? She's an open socialist and is running on abolishing ICE. Do you believe in private property? Because Natalie needs a place to stay. In that case, yeah.

In other cases, maybe not. It's a complicated question. Well, we'll get to it. Complicated question whether you believe in private property? Yeah. In other cases, maybe not. It's a complicated question. Complicated question whether you believe in private property? Yeah. That's a fastball over the plate. We'll certainly get to that. What would be an easy question?

How am I doing? I'm doing great, guys. It's a pleasure to be here. So it says he's a former columnist at New York Observer. And is that another defunct paper? No, that's that orange. Is that Cushner's paper? Yeah, it's Cushner's paper. Is that Cushunct paper? No, that's that orange... Is that... That was Kushner's paper. That was Kushner's paper, yeah.

Is that Kushner's paper? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not gone. I just don't work there anymore. He also doesn't either, though. He had to quit. Joe Connison used to work there, right? Maybe.

Oh, man. I was a freelancer. I mean, I was a columnist, but I never actually really went into work. He recently received an unexpected visit from Homeland Security for a tweet he composed about ICE. Yes.

Should we start with that? I just want to, we should mention the email address for people to send commentary. Podcasts at ComedySeller.com. And also, I did just get back from our Vegas room. I was a fill-in for Emma Willman. Oh, you were a fill-in? Well, I was a fill-in, yes.

I wasn't originally booked. Emma could not do it for some reason or another, so I filled in. Pride week, I think. Go ahead. I don't know if you want to... Well, it was pride week, I believe. I don't know if that's why she couldn't make it.

Sorry. I don't know if you'd like to hear my thoughts about the gig. Of course. Well, first... No, of course. I don't know, of course. Go ahead. Well, sometimes I start talking about Vegas,

and you're like... I don't trust you, Dan. And you give that snore sound? Because you have no filter, but go ahead. Well, first of all, Jake, I don't know if you know this, a comedy seller has a new room out in Vegas. I think I heard, yeah. Yeah, so I just did it.

Anyway, the shows were very, very good. The audiences were good. They laughed heartily. Well, a couple of shows were a little undisciplined, particularly the second show on Sunday. Obviously, here they policed the crowd very attentively. Meticulously, yeah, we do. And assiduously.

But in Vegas, they haven't yet, I guess, figured that out. So there was some heckling and some noise. Heckling? Did they heckle you? Well, there was just a lot of noise. But that's not usual. Usually, it's pretty well-policed there. Actually, my concern is usually that the bouncers be gentle enough

because there's union guys. Go ahead. Okay. And there was some talk about the Rio Hotel not being exactly the Vegas' nicest hotel. It's all right, though. Is that the comedy condo you got put up in? No, no.

No, no. It's the Rio Hotel. The Rio Hotel. It's a little off the strip. It's not like the five-star Caesars Palace. You go up on the roof, and you look at the wind and the encore, and you say to yourself, it's kind of like being in coach and walking through first class. Right, but you fly coach.

I don't like diet. I don't like it. People come to the comedy so they can or cannot stay at the reel. I stay at the reel. Third point, talking to comedians about the gig, of course, one of the... It's not a big money gig, if I may

say so. Do you have anything positive to say about this? The positive stuff you don't need to hear because you're not going to... That's the stuff that's working. I'm trying to give you constructive criticism. A minute ago you were talking about how you were homeless. I'm not homeless. Too good for this hotel? Not literally homeless.

I don't know what no one meant by that. So go ahead. Number two. The reason comics will do this gig for less money than they might ordinarily make on the road, well, there's two reasons. A, they got nothing booked that particular weekend, so what the hell? Why not go out there? It's an easy, relatively easy gig.

And also, it's more fun because you're there with your friends. So has Esty, like I talked to Gary Goleman, and Gary Goleman would happily do the gig, but he wants to do it with certain people, and I know you're a big fan of Gary's. Have you told Esty? I'm a huge Gullman fan. How do you coordinate that? In other words, if Esty wants to book Gullman, how does she make sure that she books him with the people he wants to be with? I don't know if I should say this on the air or not,

but you're actually putting your finger on something that is a problem. Not a problem. It's a thing about debating because I agree with you that people want to go out there with their friends. I mean, I can't bear to go out there without my friends. But sometimes comedians of a feather flock together. Yes, I know. That's true. You don't get the variety you might otherwise get. Yeah, so it's like, why don't you come to Jew Week at the Vegas Comedy Cellar for all your Jew entertainment needs?

So you do want to mix it up a little bit. So I don't know what the right answer is. Well, I'll give you all of the non-Jews that I can stomach. Okay. And all the Jews that I cannot stomach. And so that you can make sure that you have a show with variety and at the same time with people that I like. Yeah, I'm with you. I'm with you. Also, one other point, because comics sometimes look at their schedule,

and Chloe and Jake, don't worry, we'll be talking to you very shortly. I just wanted to talk about Vegas. Because oftentimes comics will look at their schedule and say, well, I've got nothing this weekend, fuck it, I'll go to Vegas. I mean, they'd probably rather make more money, but if they have. Fuck it. I'll go to Vegas. They'd probably rather make more money, but if they have an empty weekend, they'll go to Vegas. In other words, in order to accommodate those people, it'd be

helpful to book it. Instead of booking it three months out, you book it a month out. So comics are like, okay, let me look at my August. Well, I think that's a really good idea. I've got nothing. Can you see if Liz is around? I think you're right, Dan. I think three months is too far. Comics might not want to commit, but fuck it. If they have

a free weekend and either they're making even less money in the city, they might say, okay, I'll go to Vegas. It's an easy enough gig and I can have some fun in Vegas. For those people that enjoy Vegas. I'm flying to LA soon. I got a four-hour layover

in Vegas. You think I could do it? Why do you have a four-hour layover. I'm flying to LA soon. I got a four-hour layover in Vegas. You think I could do it? Why do you have a four-hour layover? I'm flying Spirit Airlines. Why would you do that to yourself? How much do you save with that? It's pretty cheap. You can't really take anything with you. You've got to treat it like a bus.

What is a round trip on Spirit to Los Angeles? Like under $200. It's crazy. I guess that is a big saving. JetBlue used to be that cheap when they first opened up. Now they're like super cheap. Now JetBlue is like a normal airline. JetBlue got cocky.

Jake, you're a left-wing radical who doesn't believe in private property. What did you say that made Homeland Security, or was it ICE? Who showed up? Okay, so I made a joke about ICE, which ICE is a sub-department of Homeland Security. So Homeland Security. ICE stands for Immigration? Immigration Customs Enforcement.

Okay. ICE is about 15 years old. I'd never heard of them until Trump. Well, they've been around since Bush. Which Bush? Bush W. Bush. Okay. Tea partiers basically had this anti-immigrant resentment,

and they sort of came up with this idea. But a lot of people don't know. Now everyone's talking about Trump. Trump makes everyone crazy. But, I mean, they were dreamed up during Bush, Homeland Security, Patriot Act, all that stuff. Obama used them to deport more people than all three predecessors before him. Barack Obama? Barack Obama, yeah. than all three predecessors before him. Barack Obama? Barack Obama, yeah.

People don't know about this stuff. He was saying they call him the deporter-in-chief of Barack Obama. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he was sly. This stuff, he talked out one side of his mouth to us. He talked out the other end of his mouth to Republicans. Easy, easy. Sorry, Cole.

They're all our enemies. No, I mean, I'm very aware of most of the things that Obama has done, but the difference between Obama and Trump is that he understands how to do things covertly without disrupting everything. He was the one that used a lot of drones. There was a lot of drones killing that killed a lot of innocent people of Obama. He's a president. He's not like a saint.

He's a president. And presidents do what they feel they have to do at that moment to protect their country. Hold on. Hold on. Liz, come here one second. This is Liz, our general manager. She's in charge of anything that I want to not have fingerprints on and claim I had nothing to do with. And Dan, one quick point, then we'll get on to it.

He thinks we were booking Vegas too far out in advance because if we booked it a month in advance, a lot of people who were kind of like afraid to commit would say, oh, yeah, I got nothing that week. We're booking it about a month in advance. Okay, thanks, Liz. Oh, all right. Didn't know that. Yeah. Okay.

So the point is made. Oh, he votes that we should only send people out there with their friends. Well, not only, but also, but that's a big selling point. I agree. It's a better time. I told him that we should only send people out there with their friends well I did not only but also but that's a big selling point it's a better time I told him that we're having that issue but no one's afraid

that you'll get all of one kind of person well I mean there are people that are friends with you know diverse people some people do have

diverse friends yes they do yeah but usually like the wordy clever comics flock together and the you know know, whatever. I'm kidding. Well, no, no.

There's validity. You're friends with Ray Allen. Your comedy is totally different. Correct? You are correct. Yeah, it's like between a live and... That is correct. Although we are both ethnically similar.

So to the extent that you want to get ethnic diversity out there... No, no. It's not the ethnic diversity that worries me. It's the humor, the brand of humor. Noam was one of the last holdouts against ethnic diversity. I hate ethnic diversity. I fight it wherever I can. And yet you've never heard of ICE.

I've heard of ICE. I wasn't sure what it stood for. I know what ICE is. Go ahead, you're the one. No, I'm saying I hadn't heard of them until I wasn't sure what it stood for. I know what ICE is. Go ahead. You're the one. Yeah, he's the one who wrote it. I'm saying I hadn't heard of them until relatively recently. Okay. Well, so you tweeted out.

Yeah. To get back to this story, because we could argue about neoliberalism, Obama, all that stuff all day. It probably wouldn't be very funny. But to tell you kind of where I'm coming from, the reason I know about ICE and have for a long time is because I'm from Texas. And I'm mixed. Like, my dad's Mexican. My mom's white. Right? So and my dad's Mexican, my mom's white. So half my family's Mexican.

So this stuff is a reality if you're living on the border. I used to go to stand-up in border towns all the time to see these guys just walking around in these green uniforms. You'd also see weird old Republicans wearing tri-corner hats, sitting, staring at the border with binoculars, just vigilante border patrol people. It's a thing that's been around for a long time. So for me, it's a little funny that suddenly now everyone's aware of ICE, but that's the silver lining of Trump right now. Suddenly all this stuff that normally people wouldn't really be paying attention to is

being attributed to him when really a lot of it's just, he's the end result of a lot of the stuff in my opinion. Anyway, Cinco de Mayo, right? I am online. I'm online a lot. I'm an idiot,

millennial online person. And I was thinking about... Are you an anchor baby, by the way? Go ahead, go ahead. No, no, no. I was born here. Born in the USA.

I can't be deported anywhere back except for Texas. Although they do deport people who were born here, so who knows. No, the anchor babies are the ones that are born here. Yeah, born here to keep their parents here. Born in the USA. I can't be deported anywhere back except for Texas. Although they do deport people who were born here, so who knows. No, the anchor babies are the ones that are born here. Yeah, born here to keep their parents here. Right, right. Sorry.

I misread the riff. But I'm not. No. Third generation. So my dad was an anchor baby. I don't know. We're all anchors. So I was online.

I was reading one of these stories about cultural appropriation, which is a very liberal concept. It's a very cultural idea. It means that George Gershwin should have never written Porgy and Bess. We'd be better off without Summertime. Go ahead. When you put it like that. Can you imagine George Gershwin writing Porgy and Bess today? Yeah.

So, I mean, in entertainment, Jewish people would be the number one offenders of cultural appropriation because they were the ones that wrote all the musicals and did all that stuff. Yeah, so I mean, in entertainment, Jewish people would be the number one offenders of cultural appropriation because they were the ones that wrote all the musicals and did all that stuff. Unbelievable. Go ahead. I kind of think it's a silly thing to be arguing about because there's like... Although Duke Ellington did write some classical pieces. We should strike those from the record too. Go ahead. Cultural appropriation is how you get amazing food.

It's how culture kind of works, in my opinion. There is an extent to which it could be annoying, but I think it's kind of a bougie concept in my opinion. Is he allowed to say bougie? I think that's cultural appropriation. Well, we appropriate it from the French because it's bourgeoisie for sure. Because we don't have the accent. You made it your own, but go ahead.

So Cinco de Mayo, every year in Cinco de Mayo... It means the 5th of May, Chloe. So you are all learning from each other. It's good. But every year in Cinco de Mayo. It means the 5th of May, Chloe. So you are all learning from each other. It's good. But every year in Cinco de Mayo, people share these articles online. Oh, my God, look, this is cultural appropriation. This white person is at a music festival wearing a sombrero.

Yada, yada, yada. And I think it's kind of a bit of a deceptive bullshit journalism. It's for clicks. It's trying to get you outraged, right? So I was thinking about it, and the joke the joke essentially was like hey why are we talking about this while ice exists this is really weird that you're wasting all this energy because there's this american gestapo running around so my take on it was uh hey you know what you should do is we should just allow people to culturally appropriate if they kill ICE agents. Right? So, like,

if you fucking murder an ICE agent, then you get to wear the sombrero, and no one can really get mad at you for cultural appropriation, because you did something completely anti-racist to throw that off, right? And did you include

ICE's Twitter handle in this to make sure that they saw it? I'm just curious. Does Ice have a Twitter account? I'm sure they do. They have a Snapchat. They have a Twitter account, and it's hilarious because they're a shitty fucking organization that's, you know, who's working for that organization? Look it up. They tweet out their own

in-house graphics sometimes, and they're just like MS Paint drawings of themselves wearing sunglasses and holding batons and shit. Men in black. Yeah. So go ahead. They showed up at your door? Yeah. Whoa. That's so cool. So I go to Mayo. I put this

online, right? And it was a big long thing. I was writing a stand-up bit, which I then took on on tour. I've done it now. I was just using the internet as a scratch pad. The bit was kind of like it goes on and on and on. It's, oh, let's say you kill like a bunch of these people. The more kills you get, the more racist you're allowed to be, et cetera.

That's kind of the structure of it. It's a big accordion bit, right? Now I've got the whole story about the ice thing around it, and it's 15 minutes of my act. It's insane how this worked out. But that, so I put that online and the next day, the next morning, someone banged on my door. I opened it.

It was four Homeland Security agents. Whoa. Yeah. Guns drawn, not drawn? No. Where were you? You were in Texas? No, this is here in Brooklyn.

I am brother. And I live in a weird loft that's not like really on the books entirely. It's not really like an apartment. Seamless has a hard time finding my apartment. There's not a number on the door. There's just graffiti everywhere. So it's really spooky because you've got to ask yourself,

well, how do they track you down? Well, they found it anyway. Of course. Big brother. Yeah. So the thing is I got home with security agents, not ICE agents. So ICE agents are cops, and cops are jocks, right? Cops are big hot dog-necked fucking idiots, right?

But ICE, like Homeland Security, that's the nerds. We are, generally speaking, we support the police on this show as a general matter, acknowledging, of course, that there's bad apples. We like the hot dog neck. Go ahead. Yeah, who doesn't like hot dogs, right? July 4th is coming up, guys. Shake hands with the cops. Cinco de... Cuatro dog neck. Go ahead. Who doesn't like hot dogs, right? July 4th is coming up, guys. Shake hands with the cops.

Cuatro de July. Go ahead. So I got the nerds, though. I got Homeland Security agents, which are the guys with the cameras and the badges and the tucked-in shirts and the lanyards and stuff. I had gone out the night before. It was Cinco de Mayo. And incidentally,

people don't actually celebrate Cinco de Mayo. It's kind of a marketed holiday. I didn't go out and get drunk for Cinco de Mayo. And incidentally, people don't actually celebrate Cinco de Mayo. It's kind of a marketed holiday. I didn't go out and get drunk for Cinco de Mayo. I went to a concert in front of my dad, had a party at a bar. All right, all right, come on. So I'm hungover is my point here. I'm delirious, like still drunk. Because they woke me up at 9 in the morning.

I'm a comedian. I don't get up at 9 in the morning. So they bang on my door. Normally, I wouldn't answer the door because, you know, I don't know. It's 9 in the morning. Yeah, and I don't know who the hell is banging on my door at any given time. I live in a weird place, you know, but I had been waiting for this repair guy to come and fix my pipes. So I wake up.

I think it's a repair guy. Open the door. Four agents, right? And I put it together pretty quick what was going on, and I can't really remember exactly how it went down, but basically they just came into my apartment. I didn't fight them, though, because, you know, when something like that's happening,

it's going to happen. Why would you fight them? You didn't do anything wrong. Let them ask you their questions. Well, you know, you try to do that fake protest, like, do you have a warrant? You're not allowed.

Who has my rights? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's libertarian shit. A lot of people will tell you, and you'll notice, all these people are always old white men. A lot of people will tell you and you'll notice all these people are always old white men. A lot of people will tell you if you're pulled over by the police, you can just hold the constitution up and say like, am I being detained? All that

stuff. That's old white guy shit. That's the only people that actually works. But you tweeted out something. They had the authority. You tweeted something out. They don't have the authority to enter your home just because you tweeted something. But if you let them in, then they're allowed to do it. I wonder. Go ahead. I mean, the thing is, it doesn in, then they're allowed to do it. I wonder. Go ahead. I mean, the thing is, it doesn't matter

because they're going to do it anyway. Legally, this stuff is complicated. I've talked to lawyers about it, but the thing is, I've been arrested a bunch of times. I'm not the type of person to be like, well, technically you're not allowed to come in because they'll just come in and do whatever they're going to do anyway.

All that stuff's for court later, right? But I let them come in, and I'm kind of delirious and kind of hungover, i go ah you're here about that thing right and they you know they start talking to me and they start going through the questions and i put it together pretty quick that like um well you obviously looked me up you know i'm a comedian you know this is a joke you know why are you here and they say well we're here because we need to make sure you're you know we need to look into this in case you're a terrorist. And I'm like, well, I'm not. I'm a comedian.

And it's a joke. And they said, well, the thing is it can be insightful. And the thing is jokes always get thrown under the bus every single time. Politicians on any side of any issue are always the first people to throw a joke under the bus because all you have to do to throw a joke under the bus is treat it like it's a literal statement. But jokes are subtext. It's what you're not saying. And also, it doesn't read the same when you're reading it versus when you're hearing it.

But this was a tweet, so people were reading it. No, I'm saying if he was performing that on stage, people would be like, oh, we hear the satire in it. And you'd be surprised. A lot of people in this day and age don't understand context and they don't understand satire because all we do is read things. So they take things literally all the time. Well, also, people get mad on purpose online. So a lot of people willfully misunderstand this stuff in order to get a point.

But you're exactly right. This is what happens. Wasn't there a prize of a sombrero at the end of this? I mean, that's so absurd. How little could you take? But what you're talking about with context and with reading it, that's what happened to Lenny Bruce, you know? He got busted by the feds for all the crazy things he was saying

back in the black and white days, which back then it was looking at a woman's ankle. Oh, my God, this is scandalous. He was using minor curse words and getting taken out. But the thing that happened to him was that the judge would read his jokes off a transcript in court. And he would get really mad and go, you're not doing the joke right. You're butchering my material, right? So that's kind of what happened in my case.

So in the end, that was it? They dropped it? No. So I talked to them a little bit. I said, a joke is a work of fiction. You wouldn't do this if I wrote a book. They said, well, you could be insightful. This could incite other people, right?

And I told them, like, well, you know what? Why don't you go bust down Alex Jones's door if you're worried about people being insightful? Because, like, I work at a pizza restaurant. We get Pizzagate death threats every day. That's a real thing. Alex Jones and Roseanne Barr are out there propagating that stuff on purpose. The thing is, all these cops listen to... Well, look, anything could

potentially incite a lunatic. Yeah, so how do you... I don't know where the line between incitement is and it begins and where it ends because, as I said, potentially somebody could have read that and been incited. But you could say that about anything. Yes, you could. So that's why I'm saying I don't know where the link is.

I think the line is you're following in your network. If they looked you up and they saw you only have 300 friends or followers, then that makes it seem like, yeah, there's no way possible that in that small network you're getting people riled up by the one person. That's why I told them to go kick down Alex Jones' door, because millions of listeners are not doing anything about him. But if you talk to cops, they all listen to Alex Jones. They all like that stuff.

So they don't care. And the thing about the law is that everyone breaks the law all the time. But it's selectively enforced. And that's what's happening here. That's why you have to defend yourself. It's only enforced when they feel like enforcing it. So they're only going to pop comics. Kind of like the border laws, yeah.

I will say this. I don't believe it to be incitement. I think it's incitement. I don't believe it to be incitement. I don't believe you broke any laws. I will say that I've been watching comedy for over 20 years. And some of the edgiest and the best and the most risk-taking comics. And calling for out-and-out murder of government officials is something

I do not hear ever. So I'm just saying to you that you went much, much further than anybody goes. Now, you could say that's to your credit. You could say whatever you want. I'm just saying this is not what comics generally do, which may be to your credit or maybe not. Were you arrested? So, I was not arrested. But, they told me... So the system works.

They're going to keep watching. There's a file on me. They're going to keep watching me. I'm actually going through the process of obtaining, through the Freedom of Information Act, my file. Because one thing that happened is they took a lot of pictures of my apartment, right? And I live in this big, weird spooky loft. I have this roommate who's this goth artist. so she left all these

weird, like, mannequin parts and shit all over the walls. Oh my gosh. This CSI episode waiting to happen. So they took all these pictures of her crazy goth, like, corn, nine-inch nails video shit she put all over the walls and put them in my file, so it's part of... Sorry. Go ahead, go ahead.

If somebody made a joke about killing Muslims, how would that grab you? And would you defend them with the same vigor that you defend yourself? Okay, so jokes are about subtext, right? When you talk about killing Muslims, it's much different than killing ICE agents. You choose to work for the Gestapo. Well, I think it's also you're able to make fun of the majority. And that's when you say, you know, comics say, I hate rich people.

I hate this. I hate that. You're able, as a comic, I believe most comics have the ability to make fun of the person who is theoretically in control. What about killing Nazis? We've got all these great movies about killing Nazis. An ice agent is a stone's throw from a fucking Nazi. I think Dan dealt you a body blow, I have to say. Well, thank you, no.

That's weird because my body feels fine. You can say what you want, but the point is that it's a joke about killing somebody innocent. That's where we disagree. He doesn't believe ICE to be innocent. Or killing somebody guilty. But, of course, it's innocent. It's innocent of a crime. No, they're Or killing somebody guilty. But of course it's innocent. It's innocent of a crime. No, they're committing crimes against humanity.

When I say it's innocent. Just because they're part of the government doesn't mean what they're doing isn't unethical. If somebody shot an ICE officer down in the street, murdered him, would you not think they should go to jail for that? Not really. No, I wouldn't shed a tear. I didn't ask you to shed a tear. Like a guy. He's earning a living. He's an ICE

agent. But that's the thing. No, no, no. See, this is the thing. You're humanizing these people. And I'm not saying these people. You're humanizing the ICE agent. But when you're looking at the larger factor of the ICE agency, we're not seeing the face.

When we hear ICE doing shit, we're not saying, well, this one guy is just working for his family. But I ask him a question. If somebody shot down an ICE agent just because they knew he was an ICE agent, wouldn't you think that person should go to jail? Absolutely not. I don't care. I mean, the U.S. government kills people for far less all

the time. It's just because he's in America. That's an argument that it's okay? He's an ICE agent. They're a terrorist organization. Why are they terrorists? They kill people? What do they do? They round people up, separate them from their children, deport them on the basis of they committed a misdemeanor against the American government.

Prior to the separation of the children, which happened last month. Oh, absolutely. Let's start the argument where it starts. You shouldn't be deported for committing what's less than a misdemeanor. But that's the law. Yeah, the law is the problem. You don't believe that our border has any validity. Not only does it not have any

validity, but he thinks that somebody who gets hired to defend the law passed by Congress, it's okay if they're murdered in cold blood. What the fuck is that? I don't care. The law being on your side doesn't mean the law is right. Nazis were defending the law. No, but I think you're subtly dodging.

You don't care. I get it. There's a lot. If somebody commits tax... Well, I also have the government listening to me right now, so I have to be careful how I phrase these things. You don't seem like you're being careful. If somebody commits tax evasion, I don't care.

But do I recognize that they ought to be arrested? Yeah, of course. I can't say that they shouldn't be arrested because I don't care about that particular crime. I mean, but I am struck by the level of hatred from you

that you would be okay with anybody being shot and... Right, so this is what happens when these things are a factor after a loss. Do you believe in the death penalty? Not really, no. You don't believe in the death penalty? Not really, no. You don't believe in the death penalty, but you think it's okay for an ICE agent to be shot in his, you know, just because he's an ICE agent.

But that's not, like, someone being. I mean, that's an interesting point. I see what you made there. But we're talking about political action versus, like, the government. He feels an ICE agent is of such a diabolical nature. It's fine. So is it okay? Are there any other terrorist organizations you can identify in the world?

The Taliban, ISIS. What do you mean? So is it okay to kill an ISIS person you see on the street? Just kill them? Who is the most popular comedian in America? Is it Jeff Dunham? He's got a puppet of a dead terrorist. Everyone is fine with that.

Like Israel, a lot of people were killed in Gaza a couple weeks ago were identified as members of Hamas. No, they weren't. That's misinformation. No, no.

Many were. I'm not saying they all were. It's not misinformation. Many were. Self, I mean, Hamas announced that many of them were Hamas.

And my question, is that a terrorist organization? Hamas? Yeah. Hamas is complicated because you're being fed a lot of lies about Hamas. Hamas is, is that a terrorist organization? Hamas? Yeah. Hamas is complicated because you're being fed a lot of lies about Hamas. Hamas is, I mean. Well, I don't want to get too far afield.

All right. This is a comedy show. So we're getting too far afield. So let's talk about the travel ban. But my guess is, so is it fair to say you believe our border is not valid, that anybody should be able to come in? Reconquista. So, I mean, that's complicated because, like, yes, but, you know, if you're like, well, how does it work?

Obviously, we have to reshape the government and figure out a way to make that into a feasible, like, non-border thing. I don't really think so. I mean, if you look at the history of this country, a stolen land, we're living on stolen land, so there's no reason for the borders to be that sacred to begin with.

Also, we outsource all this labor to Mexico. Oh, my goodness. Well, I will say this about the border. I do believe that there should be some parameters in place to process people so that they're not coming in here illegally. However, I do think that the attention that's being put upon the Mexican border and brown people coming in this country should also apply to people who are flying in from Europe,

doing the same thing and staying here at extended times. It shouldn't be illegal to come to this country. It's probably like 2%- No, it's more. It's actually, there are more illegal immigrants who fly into this country from Europe than that come across the southern border. The population of immigrants- Not just Europe, but-

The population of immigrants in the last 15 years is overwhelmingly from Latin America. No. Start the argument where it starts. When you look at Latin America. No, no, no. Let me finish this. I'm not saying for better or for worse. Let's not pretend the French are all coming in here.

But it's Chinese. It's Indian. It's Muslim countries. Well, we're not having the Chinese either, are we? They're trying to make sure not too many Chinese go to Harvard. Yeah, but what I'm saying is they're not separating them at the gate when they fly into JFK. I feel like if you're going to put this rule of law down and you're going to separate families and bills. When do Mexicans become brown?

Well, they're brown people. They're people of color. Also, Mexico, the immigration has. Chinese are not people of color? I'm just. Yeah, I guess they are. Yeah. So then you got to start over with your point then.

No, I'm just saying brown people. So when Mexico actually has decreased the number of immigrants that have come here. That's very convenient. I hear Chinese, you know, people, Chinese are always described as people of color. Now you're distinguishing people of color from brown people. Now we're setting them off. No, no, no. I'm saying when you look at how this country as it stands right now is attacking the immigrant problem,

it is focusing on people of color, brown and black people. The travel ban is targeting countries where people are of darker skin. Travel ban is not an immigration issue. I mean, it's related, but that's not really... But I'm saying those countries that are targeted

are African and Middle Eastern countries. But there are people immigrating here from Latin America, and the thing is, you have to start the argument where it starts. They should be allowed to immigrate here because largely these people are fleeing problems started by the U.S. government in these countries. Dude, there's 4 billion people in the world?

If we were to open the border, what percentage of the world do you think would show up here in the next year? Did you, I mean... I'm asking you a serious question. Maybe a billion? You think maybe a billion people might come? No, no, no, I'm asking you a serious question. Maybe a billion? I'm not saying that we should have it so everybody, once you step foot

on this country, you get to stay here. I do believe that, you know, there should be some equal parameters across all races. Yeah, I don't believe that. I don't believe in nationalism. If you stop outsourcing labor, if you end the neoliberal sort of occupation of these countries,

then there won't be a reason to have to leave Mexico. What you need to do is fix the reasons that people are fleeing these countries to begin with. Well, that's one thing I do agree with you with, is that we'd be better off trying to figure out how to improve their lives where they are, so that they don't have to come here. But you need to look further into that because the reason people's lives in Mexico are terrible are directly because of

the U.S. government. I don't know that to be the case. I do. I've read more books than you guys. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You've not read more books than we have. We have real education. Also, the thing that we have to make clear when you make this statement,

the issue of who is coming into this country right now, we like to just generalize and say Mexico, but it's actually lower, like countries below Mexico in Central America. Yeah, that's the new stuff, yeah. Yeah, so I think that's a part of the problem is like, well, Mexicans, you know, rapists and this and this and that and Mexicans, and it's not MS-13. The people who are being separated right now at the border are not

overwhelmingly Mexico. They're coming from Guatemala. They're coming from Honduras. What would you do? In 2012, illegal immigrants, 52% were from Mexico, 15% from Central America, 12% from Asia,

5% from South America, 5% from the Caribbean, and 5% from Europe and Canada. That's in 2012. So it's overwhelmingly left. Yeah, I mean, start the argument where it starts. No, but since then, those numbers have gone down because of what Obama's put in place. But prior to that, they were even bigger. Yeah.

I mean, listen, when I was a kid— No, it doesn't matter. It only matters in the sense that if we're going to discuss something, we want to state it accurately. Yeah, I believe that. Too often the fact that you want to get the facts accurately is taken as your point of view on something. If you're against it, you should be ready to just spin it any way you want. Get it right.

I just feel like the opportunity should be across the board, where people can come into this country and be treated like human beings and not like animals and not caged. If you show up at the border illegally. No, no, no. There are bridges where people can legally enter the country, but they have closed them down and tell them that it's closed and they can't come in. I'm asking you, if somebody shows up illegally or gets in illegally and we catch them,

what do we do? So that argument is already a problem. It's not an argument. It's a question. Somebody's got to make that decision. But that point of view starts off with this. The point of view, I'm asking, what would you do? Let me finish, though.

You're starting off with this assumption that there's this massive illegal immigration. Let's say there's one person. I'm just asking you, what do you do if you're the emperor and you have a border? What do you do when somebody shows up illegally? If I'm the emperor and I have a border, what do you do when somebody shows up illegally? If I'm the emperor and I have a border, I kill myself and I end the border. What are you talking about?

Because you're not seeing the whole problem. You have to look at the whole problem. I am trying to look at the whole problem. I think that you should give the person due process. I think you should give them the opportunity to... So you wouldn't just release them into the nation? No. If I come across somebody who's been in this country, say, for six months.

They came here six months. They've already got a place to live. They're staying with friends and family. They're trying to get a job. I would say, okay, now I'm putting you on the books. Let me make sure you're not a criminal. But what about the people who fill out an application or waiting patiently for... No, no.

They will enter the process is what I feel like they should enter the process. But they're here in the meantime. See, I don't think... Listen, I'm far from anti-immigrant. My whole life has been immigrant and hiring immigrants and dealing, and I've been involved in shady, you know, stretching of the truth to get papers and knowing about marriages for immigration. None of these things bother me. Be careful because the government's listening to this.

No, no. But I do understand that if you're going to have rules, you have to be man enough, forgive the old-time expression, to say what you're going to do if somebody breaks the rules. And what I'm hearing is a bunch of mush-mouthed avoidance, but I cannot get any left-wing person to tell me what they would fucking do with a family that shows up illegally. Well, because you're asking me to describe something I wouldn't, like, I wouldn't have that be a rule to begin with. And the thing is.

But it is a rule. But it shouldn't be. We live in a democracy. You can change these rules. Dude, a guy who thinks it's okay to shoot people in cold blood, you know, you don't have much credibility on rules. It was a joke. No, you were not joking. I feel like this.

Apparently not. rules. It was a joke. No, you were not joking. I feel like this. I feel like whatever the rule is, it should be applied across the board. Absolutely. That's what we believe in as Americans. I believe that people who are coming in from South America and from other countries that are more melanated... Chloe, I agree

with you, but you're still not answering the question. What do you mean? Let's just say it's unanswerable. I think that the answer is they have to incarcerate them together, and we have to do it humanely. Detain them, incarcerate them, whatever it is. Until such time, we can either let them stay, or they can send back. Or if they want to send their kids back, fine. If they want to send their kids to stay with family, that's fine, too. I do not think we can have a system which says if you can show up here, we're going to let you say, you know, good luck to you. Have fun in America.

Can I say something about that? I think that we will bankrupt this country if we detain families. It costs more to keep a family together incarcerated than it is to process somebody. Then you're cutting off your nose and spine. First of all, these people...

Listen, we're not going to bankrupt the country. That's ridiculous. Number one. Number two. We're bankrupting the country with the military. That's right. Number one, number two, we're making up in the country with the military. That's right. He's right about that. We're not, but now they're setting up bases for these people on military bases. We can afford it. The point is that either we're going to have open borders and I've said before on the radio,

and that's true. I've heard some good libertarian arguments for open borders, which I, I have an open mind to, you know, they say, you know, kind of convincing.

I don't think good libertarian You know, kind of convincing. I think good libertarian argument is an oxymoron. All right. Well, I've heard good arguments for open borders. But if we're not going to have open borders, A, or B, we just respect the laws

of the United States of America and we don't have an emperor. The president is not supposed to get to decide. We do say the Congress is going to decide if we're going to have a border or not. And as of now say the Congress is going to decide if we're going to have a border or not. And as of now, the Congress

has said, yes, we're going to have a border. And if we're going to say that, then we have to have some procedure to handle people who try to come over. And it's got to be enforced. Have you ever smoked weed in public? No. What's that got to do with anything? Have you ever broken the law?

Yeah, of course. I say this when it comes to the law, and I think this is my solution to the whole illegal immigration thing. One is, like, for all of the people that you're putting in place for ICE and these camps and internment and all this stuff, then put that money in places to have actual logistics where people can come in and be entered into the system versus, like, you can't have one break.

I want to bring your mentor, Keith, you can't have one bridge. Let me talk about something else. I want to bring your mentor, Keith Robinson, over here for a second. Oh, wait, I just want to say this. You can't have a bridge which you have closed because you don't want people to come in, and then they come in illegally, and then you arrest them. Then open a bridge and process them. Yeah, you can.

No, you can do that. No, I'm just saying. You're not processing them. You don't get to come. If you show up, you don't get to come in. No, that doesn't make any sense. If you show up, you at least get to be processed and then turned away. You can't just like...

Turned away? No, because Mexico won't... If they show up from like El Salvador, Mexico won't take them back. How do you turn them away? Once they're here, Mexico says no. It's ironic that Mexico... But Mexico said no fucking way. You're not staying here.

Listen. Am I wrong about that? These are all moot points. Am I wrong about that? These are all moot here. Am I wrong about that? Am I wrong about that? Am I wrong about that? What did you even say? If we get an illegal immigrant that comes across the Mexican border, we can't just send them back if they're not Mexican because Mexico won't take them.

We didn't send them back to their country. Often their own country won't take them. Is it ironic that Mexico won't take them? I don't know. I don't care, man. The thing about this argument, can I just get one thing in here? Yeah, and then I want to change the subject. All right, the entirety of this argument is moot because what we're talking about is this theoretical immigration crisis.

Oh, if we opened the borders, all these people would come in, right? And the reason that that's a tension that people have, the reason that's a fear that people have, is because you're being sold this idea that they would then throw off the labor, right? They would do cheaper labor, and then they would sort of fuck up the minimum wage and all that stuff. All of that is the hallmark of white nationalism. That's how they alienated Jews in Germany.

That's how they made Brexit happen. They always tell you there's this threat against your job, and the threat isn't an immigrant taking your job. It's the capitalist that owns the whole system. That's a good transition. Did you guys all see that in Harvard? No, I'm serious. That in Harvard this week they finally blew up. You saw

this, Dan. Something I've been saying for years. Of course I saw it because I saw you post it on Facebook. Years that they have had a quota to limit Asians. I thought you were going to bring Keith in, by the way. Keith, you want to come? Keith, your mentor needs you. I mean, your protege. Yeah, yeah. To 20. Keith, you want to come? Keith, your mentor needs you.

I mean, your protege. I don't need him. Oh, she don't? I see that hand. They will not. They've been limiting Asians at Harvard to 20% of the student body. And the way they've done this is by, after the fact, it's not even the people doing the interviews. The admissions officers, apparently in the interviews, they're rating them just as highly as anybody.

Let me backtrack. They're number one in GPA, number one in test scores, number one in extracurriculars. They go for interviews, and the people that interview them rate them perfectly fine. Afterwards, the admissions officers were changing them to saying their personality wasn't very appealing, they weren't very likable, whatever.

And through this, they lowered their scores enough that they could keep Asians down to 20%, even though their population has doubled since they first hit 20%. Now, and this is exactly what they did to Jews in the 20s and 30s. As a matter of fact, the whole interview process was invented to

keep Jews out of the good schools. And here they are, you know, 100 years later, 80, 90 years later, doing exactly the same thing only to Asians. Except this time, it's not done by the vicious anti-Semites. It's done by the people, your ilk, who believe they're doing social justice. Yeah. Oh, no, I am not a social justice warrior. I think college should be abolished.

But this is the irony to me. It's the same people saying that we should be taking in more immigrants. And isn't there a huge conflict, a huge contradiction between saying, we should take in more immigrants, we need more, it doesn't matter where you go, and then saying, but, once you get into college, we don't want too many of these,

we don't want too many of that, we don't want too many of that. It would be if you were saying both of those things, but I agree with you on that. And I think that actually we need to slow immigration way down. You know, you have a lot of ingredients. You sometimes need to mix them, get them a chance. We have to slow it way down until such time as we are ready to look at each other as human beings and not as ethnic groups. Because we're dividing everything into ethnic groups, including, and we are pitting people against each other in this country.

That's white people shit, man. I don't see race. That's like race is real. I'm talking about Asians now. They have found out now that for years, because of the shape of their eyes, basically, This is getting interesting. they have not been allowed into a university, because there'd be too many of them. I mean, well, that's because we have this fantasy of diversity,

which is being enforced upon us because people naturally aren't willing to intermingle with people that don't look like them. So then you have to statistically come up with these numbers and say 20%, this, 10%. Like, you know, I'm black. I'm from America. I grew up in New York City.

I am a child of affirmative action. I know that I got into the schools that I got to as a result of affirmative action. And so I... That's how Keith got... That's how Keith got on Amy's podcast. Yeah, so that's like a part of it.

And I think now it's kind of like the reverse of people saying, well... Let me take you a step further. Even if you were to say that the experience of African-Americans in this country is so singularly horrifying that it requires a special dispensation. And we are going to cordon off, or whatever the word is, segregate 12% of Harvard to be for African Americans because they're 12% of the population. Even if you were going to say that, why should they be dividing Asians and white people up? What the fuck did Asians ever do?

They didn't own... Harvard is a dumb private organization. No, it's right. All universities. I was like, okay, we're going to treat black people special. I don't actually agree with that, but at least I understand.

It's just a leg up. Their history is special. We're going to treat black people special. I don't actually agree with that, but at least I understand. It's just a leg up. Their history is special. We're going to treat them special. But can we not look at everybody else as humans and indistinguishable? If Asians are 50% of Harvard, why do we have to see it as 50% Asian? Why can't it be 50%? Jake actually, I think, agrees with you on that point. Although he thinks Harvard is stupid anyway.

I think Harvard is dumb, and I think it's just a pipeline to get a comedy writing job, and for some reason it's considered the smartest school ever. But my point on this is that these are unanswerable fucking questions. Unanswerable? Representation in colleges and in entrepreneurship

and in high levels of society doesn't fix anything because justice doesn't trickle down. So until we have a system where there's a floor, it won't matter about glass. Glass ceilings won't matter. If there's not a guaranteed quality of life in this country, then it won't matter who gets represented. It sounds racist to me. I honestly think that the 20% Asian has less to do with diversity

and more to do with, in my opinion, legacy families trying to ensure that their kids get... No, it's not that. It's the admissions officers. No, no, no. We're rating them low. Yeah, but they get their money from these legacy families. No, the legacy is not affected by that. The legacy is a different pool. I think that there's a large portion of people...

You've got to read about it. It's all been discussed. They have a certain number of spots for legacy, and that's for legacy. And then they have a certain number of spots, I think, for minorities, and that's for minorities. And then they have the rest. And those rest of spots, I'm not sure they actually admit to having a certain number of spots for minorities. But in any case, those rest, it doesn't do it legacy. Asians were X amount of the population in 1980, let's say, and they were 20% of Harvard.

They've doubled in the population, and they're still exactly the same. And nobody cared. It is a systematic racism. And, you know, I will say this about both the ultra-left and the ultra-right. They're fucking hypocrites. Because do they object to racism or do they just object to anti-black racism? Do they object to people saying things they should be? Or they just wouldn't?

I mean, Joy Reid, she can say whatever she wants. Joy Reid's horrible. Yeah, but I'm saying, 10 years ago, she said some really, really anti-gay things. It was 10 years ago. Thomas Jefferson, 250 years ago. Oh, no. We can't give Thomas Jefferson any pass for his time and place. But Joy Reid, come on.

That was 10 years. That was before Obama came up. What did she say? I don't say Obama came up. What did she say? Don't say she said something. What did she say? She said something really homophobic. She wrote a couple articles on these small blogs

before she became who she is now. And then she lied about it recently. She said she got hacked by Russian robots. Brian Williams got fired for fibbing. What did she say? I want to know what she said. Steve is looking it up. And I'll deal with it.

I'll take up with Joy Reid. You're on it up. And I'll deal with it. So, Keith. I'll take up a joy reading. You're on Amy Schumer's new podcast? Yes, I am. And who's it? There are girls who want Keith. Hey, can you tell Amy Schumer to stop getting sex workers killed if you run into her? What?

Amy Schumer came out in support of a bill that got a bunch of sex workers killed recently. And I've been trying to get a hold of her about it. Oh, come on, dude. I'm serious. What was the bill? SESTA-FOSTA. Okay? So, the thing about SESTA-FOSTA is okay? So the thing about SESTA-FOSTA

is that it's a right-wing bill that got pushed by a bunch of Christian weirdo people that don't think Cosmo should be on shelves at checkout counters because they think it's corrupting women and stuff,

but it got sold as a liberal... Anti-sex trafficking. Like, we're rescuing these women from this, right? But actually, what it did is it ended Backpage.

It ended all these women's ability to communicate with each other and to vet clients and stuff like that. And it's totally pro-police. It was pushed by Kamala Harris. Jake, this is a comedy podcast. We're not blaming Amy Schumer for anybody being killed here. But Jake, I'll move over there for a second. I want to let Will sit down for one second.

You came because we talked because of our text messages, right? Oh, no? I thought you were going to be on the show. Oh, you mean the other text messages? Yeah. What was the subject you wanted to talk about? What, you can take Keith's seat? No, no.

No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. Just stay right there. Just come here, Will. Hold on. Wait up. Wait up. So Will Simmons.

Oh, he can't remember the subject either. Find out what Joy Reid said. Stephen is up, wait up. So, Wilson, he can't remember the subject either. Find out what Joy Reid said. Stephen is very, very slow. Well, I'm not talking about, I don't know anything about Amy Schumer. I do know about that law, though, which is fucking up the stakes. Amy, get, like, what? What? For the record.

I sent you an article on the cities that had the most cheating. Oh, men cheating, men cheating. Men cheat. Men cheat. Keith's been going around. I thought you never cheated, Keith. What? Women cheat, too? What the hell?

What's the big deal? Everybody cheats. Sound like you're guilty. I am guilty. I cheat, yes. I admit it. Keith's been going around the aisle, how many Me Too's you got?

How many Me Too's you got? Ask people. They get nervous. Everybody get nervous. They don't even know they have them coming. They don't know they have them coming. They don't know they have them coming. Dan, how many Me Too's you got? I don't, I'm just thinking, going through my memory, but I don't think I have any Me Too's.

One in a possible. That's a fat lie. Jesus Christ. You sound like a spades game. How many, how many you got? I'm 372 days, me too free. A lot of people got that. You know, whatever.

Who cheat more, men or women? Men. But the percentage is not that far off. Who's more successful at cheating, men or women? I would say women. I'd say women. I. Who's more successful at cheating, men or women? I would say women. I'd say women. Jake, if you catch your woman cheating, is it okay to shoot her in cold blood?

That's a moot point. There's no cheating happening there. In France, they just call it a crime of passion, and they keep it pushing. I think we should allow crimes of passion in this country. Jake believes it's okay to shoot an ICE agent. Can you shoot a cop in cold blood? Is that okay? I would not

give a shit if anyone shot a cop. Cops shoot people all the time. Just for putting on the uniform. Well, I mean, if you want to drop a hypothetical cop and say he's a great guy but he's wearing a cop uniform, yada, yada, yada. These are all individual stories. But if you work for a terrorist organization, I'm sorry.

The cops are a terrorist organization as well. Police in America right now? I'm just asking you. Sorry, sorry. I know it's a comedy podcast. But I mean, yeah. It reminds me of Kurt Metzger a little bit. The way he speaks, his rhythm, his voice. I don't know if you've heard that. If you're born in America, it seems normal that there are this

many police around. But you know we have like a quarter of the world's prison population in supposedly the freest country in the world, right? Cops are not, they serve no purpose. Well, Keith agrees with you. What? You and Keith. Cops do serve a purpose. I don't agree with that. Cops serve a purpose. No, about the criminal justice system. Oh, the criminal justice

system is crooked. It's definitely flawed, yes. It's crooked. It's extremely flawed. It should be reworked from the ground up. But you know, what if I shot one of the numerous cops that I see that are Asian, Hispanic, or black? How would you feel? Similarly apathetic and indifferent. I mean, come on.

Are we just going to keep putting me in this situation? I will say this in his defense. I feel like when you are a person in this country who falls into the category of being oppressed or marginalized or ostracized, you see entities as a block. You see the police as a block. You see

the government as a block. We don't see the human side that someone who may have some privilege sees because that's not our reality. So I think when you keep asking these hypothetical questions about the cops and this and that, we see the cops as a unified organism that encroaches on our day-to-day freedom.

There was that cop who shot that kid in the back three times as he was running away. Yes, in Pittsburgh. It took him a week to realize, okay, we're going to prosecute this cop. A whole week. Not only that particular cop. Most of these guys get away with it. The victim's name was Anton Rose, and he was 17 years old. Wait, no, real quick.

He was shot in the back. That white cop that shot him in the back had just got sworn in that day three hours before because he had lost a job previously for being racist and being brutal to people. I don't mean to have any disrespect for this topic. It's a very important topic. I just want to get back to Keith. Talk about the podcast?

Joy Reid said, people cringe at the sight of two men kissing. I admit I couldn't be convinced to watch Brokeback Mountain because I didn't want to watch two male characters having sex. Does that make me homophobic? Probably. Part of the intrinsic nature of straightness is that idea of homosexuality,

sex is gross. That's what Joy Reid said. Stuff like that. Here's the thing, though. You can evolve on that, but you can think that, too. She should have said that. She should have lied about it, pretend she didn't say it. Well, she got a little nervous.

But my question is, would a left-wing Joy Reid give Bill O'Reilly the right to evolve on that if she found out that he had said that? Hell no. Fuck no when you know it. We don't know that. Yeah, we know that. I agree with you on that. Yeah, we know that.

Well, I think Bill O'Reilly was the wrong person to bring up because he's done things. I mean, I think Bill O'Reilly is the wrong person to bring up because he's definitely done things. He's feeling queasy about watching two men kiss homophobic.

The answer is no, it isn't. Well, the answer is yes, maybe it's homophobic, but it's not immoral. It's not evil. It's just the natural way you feel. I agree with you, Dan. But she went on and on about it. I know, but she's not inciting

violence the way others have incited violence. Like this dude does. I think also what we're dealing with right now is people aren't sensitive to personal preference versus violence against somebody. What about if you see a gay ICE agent?

Now we're talking. Then you have ambivalence, right? No, he's still actively chose to be in a terrorist organization. What about a Mexican ICE agent? I'm sure they have them. There's plenty of them and they're bad. They shouldn't be doing that. They should be killed. What is it about ICE agents that are terrorists

in your estimation? If you get Dan to ask a political question, you must really ask. That an ICE agent, in other words, you feel that border enforcement is intrinsically a terrorist organization? Well, put it like this. Just on Twitter yesterday, there was an announcement that ICE was at 23rd Street asking people, are they citizens? So what is the intention of that? That is just to harass people on a day to day basis because they look like they may not be

I mean you're going to pose a situation where there was a good Nazi I have to be very honest I'm not happy when I say ISIS here rounding up aliens don't call them aliens just say migrants you can humanize us

alien is not dehumanizing. Yes, it is. It is dehumanizing. Kind of, but ridiculous. It is. No, it really is. It's a little gauche. The name of the organization is Alien and Naturalization.

It's a term. It was never, whatever. Was Columbus an alien? Listen. We're all aliens, baby. I do not want them. I don't want to see any immigrant. I have nothing against any immigrant, and I know a lot of them

and I certainly hope ICE doesn't go near them. However, I still am reasonable enough to say, look, those are the laws. I've had to live with them. We always worried about raids, whatever it is, and the Democratic Congress, and the Democrats in

Congress, as well as the moderate Republicans, they could clean this all up, because Trump is such a transaction and the Democrats in Congress, as well as the moderate Republicans, they could clean this all up because Trump is such a transactional, egotistical guy. They can literally say to him, and everybody knows this, listen, okay, we're going to give you your stupid wall, and this is what we want. We want DACA legalized, we want this, and they would make a deal,

and they would legalize, Trump has said as much, they would legalize the people who are here, but they will not make a deal and and and they would legalize the trump has said as much they would legalize the people who are here but they will not make a deal the democrats nor will the right ultra right-wing republicans make a deal as you said george w bush did want to make a deal and i find it all very very hypocritical because to have a standard and say listen we have all these laws which are duly passed by congress that we expect we're going to get offended if you enforce them, rather than

get offended that the Congress doesn't change them, is... I can't make that argument. I put my head down. I'm happy they don't enforce them, but I can't get mad that they do enforce them. They're the laws. You heard ISIS's new slogan?

You heard ISIS's new slogan? What's that? It's like taking titty from a baby. Oh, man. I was waiting for that to happen. And hearing these kids screaming is just unbelievable. You're talking about this hypothetical sacred nature of the law. I mean, it's

bootlicker shit. Our job as citizens is to edit the laws. Yes, that's my point. Don't get mad at the people for avoiding the law. But the system doesn't work, so we have to get mad. The thing is that the people, they keep changing the goalposts. They keep moving it back and adjusting it to their personal preference day to day. Immigration?

No, I'm saying policy right now as it stands has shifted on a day to day basis. They're shifting it back to where it was. No, no, no. I'm just saying from them saying we don't have a policy of separating families. So we do have a policy of separating families too. We're going to change the law that the Democrats put like every day

the narrative has shifted. I agree with you about that. But we're not talking about that right now. No, no, no. But what I'm saying is that that influences the American mindset about how to approach these quote-unquote laws when they're so foggy. What other laws don't you like that we should ignore and kill people that

enforce? I think that I... The laws of physics. I personally believe that I think all sex work should be legal in this country. It's illegal? Me too. I think sex work should be legal. I think marijuana should be legal. If you talk about sex work, they want to

decriminalize. I don't drink on smoke, but I definitely think marijuana is better for you than alcohol and they should legalize marijuana. That's coming. That's coming. But look at all the people who have been, you talk about our prison rate, look at all the people who are incarcerated as a result of selling

marijuana and now it's going to be legalized and people are going to be able to benefit and make millions of dollars but you have people who lost years of their lives in prison for a dime bag, for an ounce. You know, like when you talk about the discrepancy. Well, hold on. Also, back in the day, a white person

invested for the same amount of marijuana get no time. Yeah, or they talk about if a white guy has kilos of cocaine, it's a white-collar crime versus a guy who has crack and he gets more years. Well, I agree with that. I agree with that.

Based on my own experience of living through the crack epidemic in New York, I agree that crack was a much more serious problem. I mean, people I knew, black and white, were killed by crack addicts. Cocaine, I understand why you say, was basically a rich guy's drug. They do it in their apartment. But we didn't feel scared to walk down the street because of cocaine.

So although it's technically the same thing, I think to say that it's the same problem. Yeah. I mean, if it were reversed, if it were reversed and it was black people, white people saying, no, obviously this is different. You're too young to remember. It was scary and horrible.

But wait, meth is worse than crack and meth dealers are not getting nowhere near the time of crack dealers. I don't know about that. You could be right. I don't know. Well, I will say this though. I do think that

when it comes to... When it comes to race and racial preference and diversity in this country, a lot of things are subconsciously ingrained in us, and we don't even realize it. So the fact that you can say that crack was way worse means that you are not able to humanize a crack

addict for being an addict. No, not that I'm not humanizing. That makes a good point. There was deliberate propaganda to try to make you think that crack is worse and crack is weirder. It's the same drug once for black people and once for rich white people. That's the point. It's the same drug, but it was not the same problem. It's the same drug, but it's a souped-up version of it.

I've never done either. Hold on. What I'm saying is that we used to leave here from work and be scared of people we knew. Ava, you know, Ava got her head smashed into the pavement. She had a concussion. It was over and over and over and over

during the crack epidemic. Black kids were getting shot left and right in crack houses. It wasn't cocaine. There was no analogous cocaine situation. Oh, yeah, I understand what you're saying. And the black community itself at that time could not be faulted for thinking that crack

was a problem for them, and they didn't give a shit about some white dude doing cocaine in his dorm room. Two things. Crack was taking their kids. Two things, though, real quick. This is not dehumanizing anybody. Two things before Keith comes back.

Number one. Don't dehumanize the victims of the crack addicts. Oh, no, no, no. I'm not. No, we'll put. Wait, two things. Let me get this out. Two things before you.

Number one, they have more programs to help whites off of cocaine. Number two, the problems that cocaine caused, they didn't publicize them like they did crack. Will, I'm sorry. I don sorry. I don't... In the end, if you're going to tell me that the crack problem in New York had no difference in consequence to... No, we're not saying that. That's my only point.

People like to make the, I think, shallow argument that there's no reason they would treat crack any different than cocaine. And I'm telling you, there was a good fucking reason they treated crack different than cocaine. And it was black people who were suffering too. I'm saying that the people who were victims who became addicted to crack do not have the same

sympathy, policy, government money, funding way as people right now who are dealing with opiates. Let me distinguish between two categories. And it's because they're black. You, I would agree with you that the crack addict who was addicted but didn't hurt anybody, yes. To the extent that he went to jail rather than to a

rehab or whatever it is, I would be very sympathetic to it if it could show the work. But I'm talking about the people who are committing violent crimes because of crack. The more I'm talking about people who were living in neighborhoods, mostly in black neighborhoods, who felt terrorized by this new

culture that we had never seen before of the crack house and the crack gang and the crack deal. Can I add something to it? Cocaine had been around for a long time.

We had never seen that before and there was carnage, to use Trump's word. Black boys were getting killed. Yeah. Black people were having their lives induced to get addicted to this.

It was horrible. I had musicians, you know, they were lost to crack, never to return. No, I agree with everything you're saying. Not to cocaine. I never saw it to cocaine addicted to this. It was horrible. I had musicians, you know, just, they were lost to crack. Never to return. No, I agree with everything you're saying. Not to cocaine. I never saw it to cocaine.

Crack. I will say this though, but. With the pipes and they'd be homeless. But they were not, but what happened was all of those people that you just named were lumped into one pot. There was nothing that came in and said,

okay, we understand that people are falling victim to this drug and we understand people are being predators because of this drug. I'm just saying. Everybody got lumped up in and said, okay, we understand that people are falling victim to this drug, and we understand that people are being predators because of this drug. Everybody got lumped up together, and it was like, oh, the whole community is thrown away. I'm not going to defend it all or whatever it is, but I don't like when it's talked about as if it's just pure racism here. I knew two people who were close to me who wound up homeless when they started doing crack. Some police officers brought crack to some black neighborhoods. You must have heard of these stories.

That was the Jews, Will. Where do you think crack came from? Why do you think it was an epidemic of black neighborhoods? You guys keep changing the subject. Black people brought crack to the neighborhoods? That's not true. We were not in South America cutting up coke. People will bring... Are you trying to blame that on white people? brought crack to the neighborhoods? That's not true. We were not in South America cutting up coke. I didn't say that.

People will bring... Are you trying to blame that on white people? The government, man. Yeah, that's the government. There's a demand for it. Of course, who brings prostitution

to a neighborhood? I mean, the dudes want to prostitute. There's always going to be prostitutes show up. Come on, Keith. You want to say something? We're almost out of time.

I still agree sex work should be legal. One thing, first of all, crack wasn't just a black problem. There thing, first of all. Go ahead. De-criminalize. Crack wasn't just a black problem. There's a lot of white people on crack. Yes. I lived in South Philadelphia.

I lived in South Philadelphia. All the white folks are strung out, too. All the white folks are being bombed, too. No, I missed my point. My point is that black neighborhoods were suffering from crack in a way that they weren't suffering from crack in a way that they weren't suffering from cocaine. So they, at the time, not 30 years later, they wanted those crack houses shut down. They wanted the police to protect their kids at the time.

Now there's a lot of historical revisionism going. People don't remember what it was like. I'm not revising anything. I'm telling you, Spike Lee told... Remember Jungle Fever? Spike Lee told the black story, but nobody told the white story. Yeah.

Yeah, that's because they don't care about us. Oh, well, please. But black, because it fit the narrative that black people are doing it because that's who they put in jail. Yeah, you're probably right about that. On a disproportionate rate. Whether it's the victim, whether it's the kid, whether it's the drug dealer. So what is the solution to just try to unify all this? I want to hear about Will's a victim, whether it's the key, whether it's the drug dealer. Just try to unify all this. I want to hear about Will's sex life, too.

Well, we talk about that enough. No, not in years. What is the solution, then, to a law that you don't like, that you feel is unjust? This is a pretty good question. He's an anarchist, don't you know that? Jake's solution, apparently, is not only to violate the law, but to assassinate those who have... No, it was a joke. Well, I will say this.

How do you think America came to be? We didn't let me finish. We ignored the laws. We went to the street. We caused anarchy. As opposed to One Nation? No. One Nation has like a wonderful past.

No, what I'm saying is all great change is the result of anarchy. That's a fact. All great change. Okay, you know, we don't. The idea that the ballot box is this tool that's going to get anything done is a purely American thing. So what do you want? Call to arms? No, you organize.

To organize for voting. Eventually it's got to be ballot box. And voting, protests, stuff like that eventually. It's complicated. He hasn't thought that through. No, I have thought this through. It's a more complicated question. Well, how do you get a law changed?

Well, I mean. The ballot box or not? I mean, you're asking me to check off a simple answer to this question. And the ballot box is part of it, but it's part of a process, unfortunately. It's outraged. Of all the laws that I think are unjust, telling people they can't come to America is at the bottom of the list. Of course. This is our country.

We decide who comes and who doesn't come. Period. We? If you and I want to have a little... A bunch of comedians sitting at the fucking comedy cellar? If Chloe and I want to come to America? I'm saying of all the laws that I think are unjust, telling somebody they can't come

is not high on my list. Well, that's because it doesn't affect you. Okay, hold on. No, that's because borders, I believe in borders. Yeah, well, ask the Native Americans if they believe in borders. Can I ask Chloe a question? Chloe, if Chloe and I wanted to have like a little illicit affair and nobody was going to know about it, so we decided to go visit China and have a little thing.

And then you know what? We fell in love. I said, you know what? We're going to stay here. Let's just stay. They would tell us, no, get the fuck out of China. And we would not be like, how dare you tell us that we can't stay in China? We have every right to stay in China.

No. That's not why people come to America, though. If you go to another country, it doesn't matter why they came. It absolutely matters because they're fleeing our government. That's not the reason why people, they're not going to America because they love. We understand that every other country

would tell us to get the fuck out and we wouldn't think that was some sort of persecution. But you're imagining states as these equal sovereign things

and not America as the one thing that affects all other states. Not with you. Well, so no, the other thing is you got to think about it. This is the best

comedy podcast I've ever done. No, well, I say this. Listen, European countries right it. This is the best comedy podcast I've ever done. No, well, I say this. Listen, European countries right now are dealing with the same issue that we're dealing with. Do they have a right to have immigration laws? But let me tell you why they have to change the laws now. Because you look at France, a lot of these African migrants are coming here like, you were our parent company.

You were our parent government. Y'all fucked our country up, so we coming here now. And that's why they had to let them in because it's like, yeah, we kind of did fuck your country up. We gotta let you in. You're right. There's a lot of guilty consciences. Germans basically opened their country wide up to migrants because they're so nervous about

their past with the Holocaust that they want to make sure that nobody could ever accuse them of anything again. But now there's a real dissension in Germany. They're having an issue. Angela Merkel is probably going to have a tough time. Not only did we steal half of Mexico, we took half of the paved roads. That's an old joke.

We got to wind this up. This was a pretty good podcast. Jake is awesome, by the way. Thank you. I had a great time. I know I was yelling at you, but I was having a good time. Do you disavow the murder of

law enforcement officers that are enforcing laws you don't like? For legal purposes, if that protects me from anything I said on this podcast, then absolutely. The police are my friend. They're great. They don't have to be your friend. They're our brothers and sisters. They don't have to be your friend. You don't brothers and sisters. They don't have to be your friend.

You don't even have to like them. But I'm winking the entire time. No one can see this on the podcast. But do you disavow murdering them? Leave that alone. It's like birds of a feather flock together. You can't take a job with a criminal and then not be upset when you get tagged for being a criminal. You were elected to do that job.

You weren't born an ICE agent. He's talking about murdering them in cold blood. I was joking about it. Just keep it moving. No, just keep it moving. Okay, goodnight everybody.