The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Jaye McBride

Episode Date: July 14, 2023

Dan Naturman and Periel Aschenbrand sit down with Jaye McBride. McBride is funny, smart and proudly transgender. She is the first openly transgender comedian to perform at Madison Square Garden and is a regular at New York City’s “Comedy Cellar." In 2021, she was featured as one of the "New Faces" at the Just For Laugh's Comedy Festival.

🎵 This is Live from the Table, the official podcast of the world-famous comedy cellar coming at you on Sirius XM 99 Raw Dog and on wherever you get your podcasts. This is Dan Natterman and Noam Dorman, the owner of the world-famous comic strip. He's not here. I believe he's in Italy or coming back from Italy or doing something. La dolce vita. Well, in any case, Noam's absence, of course, means we'll probably be discussing things less political and more comedical.

Periel Ashenbrand. I don't know why I said Zoe. Periel Ashenbrand is here. She is. Yeah, and she is our producer, and we also have Jay McBride, who is a regular comedian here at the Comedy Cellar. Welcome, Jay.

Thank you. And she has to be out. Well, you'll have plenty of time. You have to host a show tonight here at the Comedy Cellar. Yes. Are there a lot of couples here? Clap it up. Where are all the couples?

Let's see. You're so enthusiastic. I do talk about dating a lot. I'm actually asexual. Predator. Sorry, I was supposed to say that at the beginning. I'm supposed to say, clap it up if you're under 18. Here's something interesting.

If you Google my name, this is true, by the way, my name comes up, but then about six or seven pages in, there is a registered sex offender in Michigan with the same name. I know, right? I'm looking at that and I'm thinking like, ew, a registered sex offender?

Meanwhile, he's in Michigan going, ew, a tranny comedian? So we're dating. It's perfect. I don't want kids. He's not allowed near kids. Before we talk to Jay in more depth, just briefly about my special that we've been discussing here.

Yes. As far as the name of it, we discussed last time that I had taped it and we discussed all that. But I come up with, you know, exaggerations was a name that I had thought of. And then I said, well, why not make it a little longer? I say, how about exaggerations and anecdotes? And so I submitted that to the I didn't realize I thought I got to choose it, you know, that I was going to make the final decision, but I got a call today saying they didn't like it, the producers. So I said, well, what about A Little Bit Bananas? And I'm waiting to hear about that. So chances are it will be called A Little Bit Bananas. Look, I didn't argue with them. They paid me to do the special. I'm not going to fucking argue. I would be tickled, pink, flattered.

It would be really... Okay. Well, that's just an added bonus. We've been talking about this for weeks. We usually donate, devote... What the hell's wrong with me today? Devote five to ten... You have an observatical station today.

We usually devote five to ten minutes to it. I also think that if those of you who tuned in also know that Jade Jordan was on the last show and I didn't dislike his suggestion either, which was sweet ass jokes. I thought that was cute. I thought that was cute for you. Yeah, that's actually pretty good.

But a little bit bananas. But look, I'm not convinced that the title of a special is of that great importance. Though I could be wrong about that. Couldn't disagree more. I don't know. Was it 800 Pound? No, no. This is just some

company in Jersey that did a bunch of specials. Oh, cool. I don't know company in Jersey that did a bunch of specials. Oh, cool. So I don't know. You know, when people talk about specials, do they even bring up the name? Sometimes they do. I didn't hear anybody talking about John Mulaney's special using the name of the special. Right. You see John Mulaney's special.

Right. I'm not here to say that the name of the special has no importance, but I'm not convinced it has great importance. Maybe it could. I don't know that it has great importance in so much as it influences anything other than I think it's important to have a great name for something. I think a great body of work deserves a great name. I guess.

I guess. So this doesn't deserve a great name. But I couldn't come up with a great name. So I came up with a great name. Okay. You came up with a name. I think it's a good name. It's a great name. So I came up with a great name. Okay. You came up with a name. I think it's a good name. It's a great name. What's your name? A little bit bananas.

That's your name? That's the name of this special, maybe, assuming it gets approved. Yeah, I'm not sure. It's an allusion to my banana joke. That sounds like a 1970s Steve Martin album. I'm not mad about that. Okay. All right.

You say it seems a little dated. It seems like, I don't know. It just seems like, oh, yeah, wasn't that an album by Steve Martin back in the King Tut days? Well, maybe. It was a what? That was actually something? I don't think it was, but that's what it sounds like to me.

You know? You know what? I'm not saying that's bad. If they don't like it, I'm going to say Sweet Ass Jokes. Okay. I don't know if they want sort of a pseudo-swear in the title. Anyway, Jay. Mine was Daddy's Girl.

It just came out in March. Now, see, that's a name, Daddy's Girl. That's a great name. Thank you. And where can we see Daddy's Girl? Well, it's only on YouTube. It's very exclusive. Don't say only.

Yes, yes, it's very exclusive. Like, you need an accountant on YouTube. You need it. You know, so it's, yeah, it's, yeah. It's worth every penny they paid me to do it. Well, how do you feel about hosting it? Because you're hosting the 7 o'clock show? 7.30, yes.

I kind of like it. I've been doing it a little over, about a year, I guess. Yeah, about a year here. And I kind of like it. I think it's making me a better comic. I think if I had, you know, all things being equal, I would probably rather do spots. And I kind of like it. I think it's making me a better comic. I think if I had all things being equal, I would probably rather do spots. But I think it's fun.

I think it sort of changes. Just briefly, although most of the listeners probably know, the host is the person that brings up each act. Yes. And they do a couple minutes. They usually do 10 minutes up front, and then however much time they would do in between. It seems like longer when I do it.

But I never liked it. I did it for a time here and I didn't like it because oftentimes, first of all, you lose momentum each time you go up. And the audience oftentimes will say, well, this is the time to go to the bathroom or this is break time. And sometimes they won't pay attention. Well, when you're first up there, I mean, you have 10 solid minutes. Yeah, no, the first, the beginning part is you can be productive and get work done. But honestly, I don't really,

I don't even do time in between comics usually. Like, between the, like, before the last two, they usually do last call, so I do a couple minutes then, just, but for the most part, I just bring them right on. Also, I didn't like that you had to be in charge of, you know, lighting the comedians when it was time for them to get off. Right. but for the most part I just bring him right on. Also, I didn't like that you had to be in charge of lighting the comedians when it was time for them to get off.

If you want to be a good host, you have to be a little bananas. A little bit bananas. Jay thinks, and maybe she's right, that little bit bananas seems a little 1970s-y. Well, you're a little bit 1970s. Well, I've been accused of being a little 1940s. It's a compliment. I mean, to me, I think that that's part of the charm.

I like that. Like, I think that there's irony. I think that it's a little bit ironic. Because the joke also that it alludes to is fucking completely pornographic. And also, you are, by all accounts a little bit bananas i'm not giving up on this title i think okay well it may well be it's probably going to be nicole anyway i'm still fighting for hard on an empty stomach but i know that's been at this point written off of the list actually it's a good it's a good title it's a good one hard on an empty stomach that's actually that's actually a good one. Hard on an Empty Stomach.

That's actually a good one. Also totally pornographic. Right, right. Yeah. The problem I had with that, Nicole, is that it's a little bit too maybe dirty. More than sweet ass. I feel like hard on an empty stomach

when you have no idea what the joke is is a little bit more ambiguous than sweet ass. She's not wrong. I think you should name it to railing that puss 24-7. Maybe hard on an empty stomach isn't so bad. I don't know. What about two feet of

man meat? Now I'm torn, which is another word that can be interpreted pornographically. No two feet of man meat? Two feet what? Of man meat? Well, that's a little too obvious. That's gross. What about dick into the badge? Plus jokes.

Plus jokes. Let's talk about, perhaps, Mr. Jonah Hill. Yes. Who got into it. Yes. He's a little bit bananas. Well, apparently his girlfriend posted screenshots of his texts wherein he said, I don't want you posing on Instagram in bikinis or hanging out with people that are sketchy

and hanging out with guys and posting bikini pictures and so on. But give some background. He was dating a surf instructor. And they met by him approaching her on Instagram. Like he DM'd her on Instagram. My understanding is, I don't know this firsthand. I'm not friends with Jonah Hill or Sarah Brady. That he was like, you know, I think this is really hot. Like, I think you're hot and I like your surf pictures.

And then they began dating and she posted and have ever since broken up and she posted these text messages between the two of them, which I will go on record and say, I do not like that. I do not think that posting private text messages is a nice thing to do. I'm not judging her for doing it, but I think. Well, why wouldn't you judge her for doing it if you don't think it's a nice thing to do? I mean, because I think because I think that it's more complicated than that. I think that I do think that it's more complicated than that. I think that she said from what I read that she felt like every time somebody asked her about her relationship, she kind of had to say like nice things. And she was sick of pretending that like he wasn't this.

Well, how about this? You know, we're done. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. How about that? How about doing that? I mean, my take is, is that whether or not you found Jonah Hill to be reasonable or unreasonable, he said, these are my conditions for our relationship. No, that's not what he said. What he said in this- He said, he said, if you don't- These are my boundaries.

Yeah, okay. Well, what's the difference? The difference is, is that like actually trying to, those aren't boundaries. Those are like, you're really- Whatever they are. It's very controlling. You could just say, look, I'm not down with this. Well, but that's a fucked up thing to say to a woman.

Like, you don't... How about this? I'm not down with these conditions that you've laid out. You know, and so, you know, so we're not... We don't work together and, you know. Yeah, it's a little weird. He's a little... He may be weird.

It's like the two of them, it's like two 16-year-olds. He may well be weird. They're like two 16-year-olds. He may well be weird. They're like two 16-year-olds. It's like, I don't want you talking to other boys. Okay, but he may well be weird, but he has every right to express his concerns, and she has every right to say you're fucking crazy. Wait, but slow down.

She's saying that he was emotionally abusive, so don't roll your eyes. Well, that... For those of you just listening. I'm going by what was posted. Right. You can say, look, going into this relationship, here are some of the things I would like. And if this doesn't work, we should...

But not like after you're dating, like, hey, I can't... Why do you do this? It's a very controlling, manipulative... So then get out of the relationship. I mean, I understand it's more complicated. Okay, but why post this shit? Well, I think for the reason that I said, which is that she was sick of, like,

working under this guise that, like, he wasn't abusive, emotionally abusive. You can't say, like, oh, this is really hot. This is one of the reasons why I like you. And then after we get into a serious relationship. Then he's an asshole maybe. But okay, fine. So then break up with him.

But why advertise to the world? You've never been in an abusive relationship, have you? Been in what? You've never been in an abusive relationship. I've never been in any relationship. So maybe I'm a little too logical, you know, but I understand that in a relationship, feelings are hurt, that it's not so easy to just get out. Okay. My golden rule is. Like, okay, but you'd probably be a solid boyfriend.

You know, I don't know about that. I have a golden rule about things like this, and it's usually that they're both assholes. That's my thing. Like, he's probably a control freak. And, by the way, he's at best a four, and she's like a nine. So, I mean. Well, I think you're being generous with it. With four?

With four? Yeah, but I don't, you know, we're not here to talk about his physical appearance. But, yes, I would give. Four might be a little bit generous. Yeah, yeah. He's like, if he were a plumber, he would not be dating someone like her.

I mean, I'm shocked. You know, he's able to date at that level even given his movie status. Right, right. And I think he's just a creepy guy. And she's like a little bit vapid, I'm sure, a little bit. And she just wants the attention, 100%. They're both assholes. That's my rule.

Okay, but people are assholes. Yes. You know, but every time someone's an asshole to me, I don't go on the Internet and say, this person's an asshole, here's why, and here's evidence. Well, maybe you're not an asshole. No, but other people around me might be assholes. But that doesn't mean I go online and say, so-and-so mistreated me, and here's how. Exactly. Because you're not an asshole.

If you were an asshole, you'd post it. I'm saying she's an asshole, too. I'm saying they're both assholes. Right. Well, okay. I don't, I, first of all, again, it's foolish perhaps to think that these messages,

anything that you ever write is private, right? Yeah, but you would hope that somebody you're dating would at least have the decency. Agreed. Unless, which, I mean, I can imagine a case

if it's something like horrifically, like I'm going to murder you, you know. Yeah. And there's a crime involved you know then that's another story what if she just posted

saying like by the way I broke up with Jonah I found him to be very controlling and I wasn't comfortable and we broke up I would be okay with that myself now Peril is saying but other people would say well he's not controlling and you're making that up right I think that's, that people are like.

But you know what? I just, posting private shit, I mean, maybe in an extreme case or if there's a crime involved, you know. If I, like, if I had a daughter, you know, and she said her boyfriend was telling her that she couldn't, like, talk to other guys or post bikinis. It's insane. I'd be like, I would want to kill him. Yeah, I mean, that's psychotic. Why would you want to kill him? Just, I mean, that's psychotic. Why would you want to kill him? Just tell your daughter, look, leave this dude.

No, I'd say, I'm going to drive you across country and dump you in the Grand Canyon. No, no, no, that's an insane thing to say to somebody. It's weird. I would not be happy if I had a daughter who was dating someone like that. And to say, you should have known to take down all of these pictures because I don't have a beach body. I'm not saying that it's not nutty, but again, just to post these things for everybody to see is where I have an issue. Nicole Lyons, what say you? Well, I think the use of him also saying boundaries is kind of suspect.

I feel like it's kind of therapy speak speak to try and like make excuses for that some of this stuff is like crazy that he's asking for like I don't know all that again but what about her posting it I don't I don't think that's a good idea either I do get the sense that like maybe you need to validate like hey this is what happened to me well maybe you can validate that with your friends privately say look at what you look at jonah sent me but to do it publicly part of me wants to say that if he really was that big of an asshole and it really pains me to say this that like good for fucking her like he deserved it like if you're gonna act like that then that's what you get and it's very upsetting to me because I want to say I just started watching a documentary

that he made and I was really gung ho about this and thought that it was going to do wonders for all of our mental health. And it may well. What's this documentary about? I had a lot invested. But isn't that the whole point that Jonah is aware of his issues and he's trying to work through them? No, Dan.

What's this documentary? The point is, is that like he totally missed No, Dan. What's his documentary? The point is that he totally missed the fucking ball. It's called Stutz. It's about him and his therapist? Yeah, he has this psychiatrist who apparently is this quite well-known and kind of renowned and amazing psychiatrist

who has this very particular way of psychiatrusting. And he interviewed him and made a documentary aboutusting. And he interviewed him and made a documentary about it. And I started watching it, and like I said, I had a lot invested in, also

in my own mental health. Well, my own Jonah Hill experience, I only had one. Years ago, I did Conan O'Brien. Conan O'Brien had The Tonight Show, and I think it was 2008 or something like that? For about six months. Nine months, yeah. They gave him The Tonight Show for about six, however long it was 2008 or something like that, for about six months. Nine months. They gave him The Tonight Show for about six, however long. And Jay Leno, Unretired.

Yeah. Which is, by the way, another asshole move. Okay. But anyway, I did the show. And the other guest on the show was Mr. Jonah Hill. Okay. And I did my set. I thought it was a pretty good set.

I did, what joke set? I don't remember. But anyway... They were a little bit bananas. That was long before the banana joke was written. I did a joke about being 39 and I'm at halftime in life. Halftime, it's like the second half, you're going to lose.

I had a joke about that. I made an analogy with life and a football game and in the second half, life is putting in its best players. Like, you know, Alzheimer's, get in there. Suit up. Anyway. I like it. Yeah.

So anyway, so here's what I took from that experience. I sat down next to Joni Hill after my set. He had just done the movie with Aziz. What's the name of that movie? The stand-up movie. I've never seen any movie. He did a movie about it. Oh, the Jud of that movie? the stand-up movie I've never seen any movie he did a movie about oh the Judd Apatow

yeah the Judd Apatow oh that pineapple thing? no no it was about stand-up it was about stand-up so it was like the comedians or the stand-ups or something yeah it was like

well maybe Nicole can get us the name of that movie but anyway he was there just after that movie he had just done a movie about stand-up I had just done stand-up had a good set

and he didn't say anything to me and I I have to say that that stuck with me. He didn't say, good job. He didn't say, like, you're stuck. He said nothing at all. Now, is he obligated? No. Does he know me?

No. Did I say anything to him? No. But I just felt that him as the senior, in terms of the show business hierarchy, person on the show, and me as, although older than him, a upstart, comparatively speaking, that he should have given me some nice words. Yeah, that would have been nice,

but he's clearly insecure, and he's clearly an asshole. So I took from that, I may be crazy, but I got from that that I don't like this guy. Now, it's a very small thing. Maybe I'm nutty for reading into the fact that he's not obligated. Again, he's not obligated.

I can't imagine me not saying something to somebody like, hey, that was great. How hard is it to offer that to somebody? Great job. Wouldn't that be great? First TV appearance. Great job. Well, it wasn't my first TV appearance. Well, it doesn't matter.

Whatever it is. It was a TV appearance. All right. But anyway, that's what I took from that. And it's many years ago TV appearance. Well, it doesn't matter. Whatever it is. It was a TV appearance. All right. All right. But anyway, that's what I took from that. And it's many years ago, and I still remember it. So I guess it had some significance. And Nicole, were you able to...

Maybe you have me. By the way, the one thing we can all... I'm sorry. Funny people. Thank you. Funny people. The one thing we can all agree on is Jonah Hill should not be posting bathing suit pics. Well, has he done so?

Everyone should agree. Those are my boundaries. I don't ever want to see a picture of Jonah Hill in a bathing suit. I do wonder who else was on that show. The shoulder hair alone would Those are my boundaries. I don't ever want to see a picture of Jonah Hill in a bathing suit. I do wonder who else was on that show. The shoulder hair alone would be a turn off. I don't know. I feel like I'm okay with it. Really?

Yeah. All right. I think it's really disappointing. You're a little bit bananas. It really is. It's really disappointing. I don't really know that much about Jonah Hill. I haven't really seen any of his movies.

But in the glimpses through which he's passed through my... By the way, just briefly, thanks to the miracle of the internet, I was able to find the show Jonah Hill, Cheryl Hines, Dan Natterman. Episode July 21st, 2009. Wow.

Can we watch that? I doubt it. This is just IMDb what popped up when I entered it. Wow. Almost 14 years to the date. You know, you're right. Holy shit, that's it. we watch that? I doubt it. This is just IMDb what popped up when I entered it. Wow. Almost 14 years to the date. You know, you're right. Holy shit, that's it. How about that? Wow. And she's good at math. Look at that. I know. I can subtract. The world was a very different place in 2009.

That'll be my next one. The world was a different place in 2009. I think Facebook was around, but we all had hope. We all had hope. Young Barack Obama was just taking his first steps into greatness. Yes, into the Oval Office. There was no... I don't think there was a Twitter.

I think there was. There was Twitter, but I don't think it was... Was MySpace still a thing? Anyway, that's my... 2009. Very, very... I was only 16. Oh, so you weren't even... So a 16-year-old Jay McBride... Sure, let's go with that. Was doing what?

No, actually, yeah. Actually, I just started stand-up in 2009. Okay, so you weren't... October of 2009, I just started stand-up. How about that? Well, you're a relative newbie in stand-up. I know. 2009, so you've been doing it.

Now, there's a discussion i had recently with somebody i said you know um i've been doing comedy 30 years but but they had been doing it for about 15 this person i was discussing this with and i said you know that that used to be a long time in comedy 15 years yeah um because nobody had been doing comedy for that very few people because there just weren't as many people that had been doing comedy for that. Very few people. Because there just weren't as many people that had been doing it. You know, when I started, Seinfeld started in 1976. So when I started comedy... Seinfeld started... In 76, I believe.

Oh, wow. So when I started comedy in 93, Seinfeld was about 17 years in. That makes me feel better about my life. I also wonder if, I think a lot of, like, I think there used to be, people used to be able to use stand-up as a platform to go into other things, and then they would stop doing stand-up. Yes, I think I think a lot of like I think there used to be people used to be able to stand up as a platform. Yes. Other things. People used to stop doing. Yes.

I think that happened a lot so that people you just didn't have people that had been doing it that long. As many people that have been doing it that long. Right. So like Romano and Kevin James. Yeah. Romano. Great. And now he's obviously he comes in and he still does it some more.

But for the most part, he was dumbest. He was about 10 years. Romano was probably about 10 years in when he got his sitcom. Maybe not even that long. Yeah. And I look at, like, Michael Keaton. I was watching the Comedy Store documentary. His stand-up was brilliant.

He was so good. But then he just blew up. He did what I long to do, which is get the hell out of stand-up. Yes. The more I'm in stand-up, the more I want to get out of it. It's pretty sad. Now, why is that? I don't know.

I feel like it's just so much now. It's so much with social media. It's so much, especially just the shit I get online now for being trans alone. It's just like there are places now that won't book me. By the way, I didn't bring up trans. I know, I know, and I appreciate that. There are places for sure that I know they'll be like, way, I didn't bring up trans. I know, I know, and I appreciate that. There are places for sure that I know they'll be like,

no, we don't want a trans comedian in our, regardless, sight unseen, they'll just say that. I imagine you would have anticipated that, though. Well, yeah,

but it's still, that doesn't mean it's, yeah, it's just like, I'm setting my boundaries. I like that Dan, it was like he was cross-examining. No, no, she opened the door for that.

She opened the door to, as far as I'm concerned, Jay is just the common. Yes, every other podcast, like, so you're trans, tell us about that. Well, we've discussed that on the podcast. We don't need to go into that and down that road. Right, and no one wants to hear it. Everyone's sick of it. Wait a second. There are places that will not book you?

Yeah, and it's Yeah. In like Alabama? Well, I mean, I'm not going to call out people, but no, there are clubs that won't book me. There are clubs that will, which, look, I don't want to sound like a pity party, but it's just like when I talk about getting out of stand-up, it's just like the business aspect. It's just brutal. And I'm like, you know what? I still have fun every time I do a set, every time I hang out with comics, it's still like the highlight of my day.

Like I was depressed all day today. I guarantee I'm going to leave feeling great about myself. Oh, you should. But, no, it's just, but I mean the business, like I really would love to go into something else. Something related to show business or, you know, maybe plastics or, you know. Right. I would like to continue my math degree and uh

build a submarine did you did you have a math degree yes yes well that's very impressive degree and it's like that's why i can subtract uh 2023 where did you get your math degree uh suny albany i know it was a fine school it's all right a... Look, a math degree at any school is impressive. First of all, as somebody who is math challenged, I really picked up on that, like, very quickly. The fact that I said that her next special should be called Good at Math is really very impressive. I think I'll read the title. Yeah, look, math, I've said it before, I'll say it again.

We can all fucking read a book. We can all memorize dates. You know. I don't like where this is going. You know, we can all, what other subjects can we take? Do your goddamn taxes. What other subjects can we take? We can all learn a second language if we put in the effort.

No, no. If we put in the effort. If we put in the effort. I feel like everything I can do, you're like diminishing. I'm not saying we can all write a good book. I'm not saying we can all write a good book. I didn't say we can all write. Look, we don't get on Conan O'Brien. I'm not saying we can all write a good book. I'm not saying we can all write a good book. I didn't say we can all write a book. I didn't say we can all write a book. I said we can all

read a book, which is what you do in school. You read a book and regurgitate. I'll tell you what we can all do is stare differential equation in the face and say, fuck you. That's right. That we cannot all do. No. That separates the, I don't want to say the men from the boys. That separates the men from the whatever you are.

That is the expression. Whatever this thing is that we're talking to. Don't blame me. That's the expression that the English language has. Actually, there's a book called Enumeracy, which is basically the math equivalent to illiteracy. Talking about how so many people just have no idea what's going on, even basic things with math.

That's fucking hard. Yeah. Well, there's this, like the first anecdote in the book, he was talking about this weatherman was saying like, well, there's this, like the first anecdote in the book, he was talking about this weatherman was saying like, well, there's a 50% chance to rain on Saturday and a 50% chance to rain on Sunday. So it looks like there's 100% chance

for rain this weekend, which is not how math works. But the fact that no one caught it and no one said anything to him, they're like, That's amazing. Yeah, everyone's just like, yeah, people are just bad at math.

And the reason they're bad at math is because math is hard as fuck. Yeah, as long as some people are good at it, we're fine. It's when everyone's bad at it, that's when we're in trouble. What was the most advanced thing you took in math? I don't want to make it. I took level 400, 500 courses. So it's that.

Well, one of the ones, this branch called topology. Topology. Yeah, which is like this weird, like that's like the basis of when you think, like. That shapes. Relativity and stuff like that. Like it talks about, all right. No,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

I'm really blown away by this. Like, like if you like, all right. It's hard to, hard to explain, but basically like when you, you wouldn't understand.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, like I'll talk with Dan. Okay. Let's just, you sit this one out. Okay.

Uh, we don't want to have a whole math podcast, but suffice to say that it's a very advanced area of mathematics. It talks about things called manifolds and different shapes and how different fields of different... how math can still work in various shapes and how our universe

might not be a flat plane, but it could be. So it's got a little bit of physics in it. It's a lot, yeah. I mean, basically this is just the building point for a lot of that physics, like quantum physics, like some of those manifolds. Some people are riveted. This is interesting to you guys. Yes? What's interesting to me is that a comedian has a math degree.

Yes. That's a very unusual thing. Now, I have a law degree. I'm a lawyer, you see. Which is more impressive, I think. Which is far less impressive. Oh, I don't know. I think it's more impressive.

Because, as I said, anybody can fucking just memorize some laws and statutes. And there's some logic. You need logic to be a lawyer. You have to apply the laws and the statutes to a particular case. Well, that's what someone said to me, actually. But I just think math is a whole other thing in terms of requiring just raw intelligence. I don't think there's anything more difficult. I agree, 100%.

You are going to leave here feeling great. Well, so with a math degree, you go to Wall Street and become like a, what's that, a quant, they call it? Yeah, they're actuaries. Oh, actuaries. I mean, it's not the most exciting job in the world, but it pays well. No, but yeah, a lot of hedge funds will use that and a lot of insurance companies. It's real seedy kind of work, but everyone who does it apparently is happy.

Or you can go in and go further and either get a master's and teach or get a PhD and teach. So you don't have a master's, you just have a bachelor's. No, I just have a bachelor's. I feel like if you're good at math, naturally, it's not hard, right? Like, you can go and do stuff...

Do you perceive it as hard is the question, I think. Do I think... No. Because those of us who are not... You know, I was okay at math until I wasn't, but it seemed very, very hard to me. But to you, it seemed... Yeah, I mean, it was pretty... I wouldn't say it was like... You can make me sound like I'm Rain Man

or something like that, but I mean, it was okay. I enjoyed it. It was still there for things that I had to work at. It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. That was the worst, least funny 15 minutes this podcast has ever done. Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, no, it's not. By the way, is Jocelyn still telling, do we know if she's still telling the joke about the Malaysian Airways? I think so. I think so. Probably.

I think she says it and it leads into, like, what's happened since then. Speaking of jokes about tragedy, have you, did you do any submarine jokes?

I think I posted a tweet or something like that, but I don't even remember what it was. But stuff like that are on Facebook, but I don't even remember what it was. Stuff like that are on Facebook, but I don't really tell any jokes about that. I mean, there's nothing wrong with it. I can't even remember, but I tweeted a joke.

And of course, some people are like, you shouldn't make fun of dead people. And I'm like, you know, alright. It's five rich guys, alright. Well, it's not that they were... I think one of them was like a daughter, though, wasn't it? Yeah, I don't think it matters that they're rich or not. I think just...

The only thing that mitigates it a bit for me in terms of whether the appropriateness of making fun of such a thing is that I think they were aware of the risks. As far as I... From what I've read. They were aware that this was a very risky thing to be doing. That's like saying, like, oh, you got hit by a car crossing the street.

You were aware that that was... Well, I don't know about that. I wasn't even making fun of the fact that they died. I think I was just making some weird play on words about submarines. But I don't even remember what it was. That's how... I'm sure it killed. I just think it's an insane thing.

I'm sure it killed. I'm sorry. I didn't mean... I'm sure it killed I'm sure it killed I'm sure it killed I'm sorry I didn't mean I'm sure it got millions of likes oh I thought the pun was that I'm sure it killed I thought that was the joke it seems like such a crazy thing to want

to do with your time let alone your money forget that it's like my worst nightmare to get inside of a thing like that and do that. Are you claustrophobic? Yeah. Isn't like anybody reasonable? Like, you know, that's one thing. That's one. That's one thing I don't have is claustrophobia in terms of, you know, fears and anxieties. Really? Would you have gotten into that submarine? No, of course not.

Why not? Because the risk was too high. Yeah, they go past a certain depth that they call hole-crush depth. I mean, at that point, you're like, all right, maybe there's a good chance the hole could crush once we hit hole-crush depth. Hole-crush depth? Yeah, like a lot of submarines. Sounds like a Hebrew word.

Yeah. That's good. Yeah, it's a type of bread. It's good with pastrami. Dan is teaching himself Hebrew. Well, I have been. I have been, but... I'm teaching myself French.

Well, I've already done that. Oh, well, there you go. Not that I've mastered it, but... Well, I did it because Dan said literally anyone can. Duolingo? Well, yeah, but Duolingo, that's not the technique I used. I used the Natterman technique. Nice.

What is that, you ask? Yes, yes, please. Well, first what I do is I get all the grammar down. Okay. I get all the grammar down. I get a book. I got a book about just all the grammar, all the tenses, the adjectives, the nouns, the gender of downs and all that. I get all that down and along the way you're going to pick up some basic

vocabulary. And then after that, I just start reading. I just start reading. Well, when I started, there was not much going on online so I got Paris Match at the newsstand and would read an article and then if I didn't know a word I would write it down and then I would look up the definition and I would memorize the list. It's completely insane. It's a lot of memorization. It's completely insane

that you were able to teach yourself French like that. I don't think it's insane at all. I'm telling you. I think it's a gift. Every cab driver in New York speaks two telling you. I think it's a gift. I don't know. Every cab driver in New York speaks two languages. I mean, it's not crazy to speak a second language.

It's not crazy to speak a second language. It's crazy to be able to teach yourself a second language without being immersed in that. What's crazy? Well, first of all, you don't know how... If you moved to France and you learned French, that would be less impressive. First of all, you don't really know how good my French is. I just tell you and I could be full of shit.

Let's hear it. No, I've heard you speak. I studied French from 6th grade until 12th grade. I lived in France. I have seen you. You were Le Pamplemousse. Oui, J'aime Pamplemousse. Pamplemousse est très bien.

And you perform in French, which is all I need to know to know that it's got to be a... Well, to be fair, one could perform in a foreign language just memorizing, you know, because I only did 10 to 15 minutes. I'm just playing devil's advocate, but against myself. But so that in and of itself is not necessarily an indication. And the law degree. He's playing devil's advocate. Yes. But in any case,

are you really a duolinguing friend? Yes, yes. I'm at like 200-something days in a row. It's my streak. And this is just for fun, or do you have an intention? I mean, yeah. If Trump wins, I'm going to Canada. Well, most of Canada is English-speaking. It's on fire. No, I know. It's also on fire.

Yeah. I thought to emigrate there, though, you needed to learn French. No, I don't believe so. In Quebec, I suppose you do. But I don't think Toronto or anywhere else. Is that true? That's why you started learning French? Part of it. That's insane.

Yes. I don't believe that you need to know French outside of Quebec. I don't know that you need to, but I think it would probably help. She's going to move to Canada and become a math professor. That's right. That's right. Well, you know, and I have a joke about this. Like get mauled by a polar bear.

I mean, one of my jokes is that, you know, all these people are saying they're going to move to Canada. Trump wins and Trump won and nobody moved to Canada. Right. It's not even a joke. It's just a statement, but it gets last because it's very true. And I put the word fuck in there, which amplifies it a bit. I remember my submarine joke, by the way. It was not even a joke. It's just a statement, but it gets last because it's very true. And I put the word fuck in there, which amplifies it a bit. I remember my submarine joke, by the way. It wasn't that great. It wasn't worth it.

I said, it's never the millionaires you want to die in a submarine or something like that. That's good. Well, there were billionaires, I think, some of them. Yeah. But in any case, but it's true, nobody moved to Canada after Trump. No. Somebody did. I can't say nobody.

Right. But literally nobody. I think everyone's like, you know what, it's not that bad. Very few, because they probably didn't think Trump would actually win. Right. Yeah, but now, I mean, there are politicians literally saying that they want to eradicate trans people. I mean, that's literally... Well, who's saying that?

Who's saying that? It was at CPAC. Someone literally used the phrase eradicate trans people. Okay, well, that's obviously a far-reaching statement. Yeah, that's like a major... I mean, did he mean by that... DeSantis spoke there. Kill trans people or simply disallow them to transition?

Either way, I don't think that... Either way, that's not good. Either way, it doesn't bode well. Either way, that's not good. That's so sick. It's like, all right, I guess, you know, and I don't know. It's just a lot. It's awful.

Yeah, it just wears on you, all the hate online. But yet, we've never been, as a society, it's never been a better time to be trans. I mean, obviously, it's a lot better than 70s and 80s and 90s. And I guess even the first decade of the 2Ks. There's been a real change. There has been. Almost overnight. In New York.

Yeah, in New York it's a lot better. But it's worse than it was five years ago. In New York? Well, in the country, it's worse. You know, so, you know, again, we probably don't want to talk about this shit. No, why? We can talk about it. Yeah.

You guys talk amongst yourselves. We do. We talk about it all the time, actually. Well, yes. But anyway, that's why I started learning French. I thought, why not? Plus, I think everyone should learn a second language. We're like the only country where people don't speak two languages. We're also the only country that went to the moon.

So, I don't know. Supposedly. I don't know about that. And we did invent GPS. I know. Thanks to math. I thought Israel... GPS is an American invention. Don't look at me like that. It's an American invention.

Oh, Waze was Israeli. Yeah, Waze, which is an application that uses GPS. But GPS is an American invention. You know, a lot of amazingly brilliant people, in addition to the not-so-amazingly brilliant people, live in America, and we've done some great things. We don't learn a second language because we don't need to. Right, right.

You know, it just does us no good when you speak English and people all over the world speak English as a second language. We're not, you know, forced to. So it speak English as a second language. We're not forced to. So it doesn't mean we're dumb. I'm not saying that. I'm saying that. I think that a lot of Americans are. I mean, most Americans don't have passports.

Like 90-something percent of Americans do not have a passport. Well, they don't need those either, I guess. We're a big country. We've got everything you need. We've got the Grand Canyon. We've got skiing. We've got tennis, fishing, hiking, great comedy. Yeah, there's a whole world out there.

I understand. But because we're so huge, I mean, if you live in Sweden, you make a wrong turn and there's a border, you know, you're in Norway, then, yeah, you're going to need a passport. So, I mean, part of it is that, yeah, Americans tend to be insular. Don't you want to see the world? Don't you want to, like... I've never been to Europe, actually.

Well... Canada's the only other country I've been to. I think that... But however... I'm the reason why the fire's... However, I did... Sorry. I apologize.

I did read... Just camping and, you know, smoking. Oh, that was you? That was me. Sorry. I did read that learning a second language is very good for your brain.

Whether or not, you know, it has any practical value, we can discuss, but it apparently establishes neuronal connections in the brain and delays the onset of Alzheimer's disease by perhaps five years. Really? Nah, that doesn't sound like that much to me. Yeah, I mean, that sounds like a lot of work for very little.

Well, it's a lot of work if you don't enjoy the work. Well, my biggest fear. But if you enjoy it, then it's an added bonus. Here's my biggest fear. If I do Duolingo for like five years, say, and I still sound like, you know, like a third grader. Well, because I don't think Duolingo, with due respect to the good people at Duolingo, who I guess are not going to sponsor the show after this, but I just don't think that's the way a serious person

who wants to really learn a language is going to learn a language. I think the Natterman technique is far superior. What's it called? The Natterman technique. And just to review it, first you get to buy a book, or maybe there's some free resources online, get all the grammar down. Or move to Paris.

And then start reading. See what happens. I think it's a little premature for that, but that's a goal. But you can go online and go to Paris Match for free. Paris Match. What else? You have to actually speak. That's part of it.

But first things first. First things first. We get the reading comprehension down. Then we move on to listening and speaking. This is the Natterman technique. You may disagree. I think it should be all at once. People disagree with the string theory too,

but this is my thing. String theory is, yeah. Well, I don't understand it, but I know that people disagree with it and other people agree with it. I bought a book about the universe. Not Stephen Hawking, Brief History of Time, which I also bought,

but another book which is similar. Mishio Kaku? No, it's not him. It's some other guy that purports to explain the universe and the workings of the universe in a way that anyone can understand. And no, there's no explaining this shit in a way that anyone can understand. And, no, there's no explaining this shit in a way that anyone

can understand. I tried to read A Brief History of Time years ago and I couldn't make heads or tails out of it. And that's supposed to be for, like, the layman. Yeah. I'm actually listening. I bought a book on tape about strength theory. And it's fascinating, but it's also, like, part of it's like, wait a second. You know, you're like,

hold on. This is all just theoretical. But anyway. Well, if you can at least understand the theory, then you're... What's the theory? No, we're not going to get into string theory, because first of all, I don't understand. Maybe Jay can explain it. No, I can't. I mean, you know, I think it would be interesting.

I would love to see a lecture about it. Suffice it to say that the Natterman Method is for serious language learners only. Or you could go to the country. But even if you say that the Natterman Method is for serious language learners only. Or you could go to the country. But even if you go to the country, you've got to make sure. I know people that have lived in France for 10 years, and their French is not very good because they hang out with Americans. Right.

Well, that's obviously not the way that you learn a language. But unfortunately, if you hang out with French people or Spanish people or whatever language you're trying to learn, and you don't already speak it at a good level, they don't want anything to do with you. Why do they want you around? You get a French lover. Bumbling along. I have a French lover come into my apartment,

and he puts clothespins all over me and doesn't take them off unless I start pronouncing things right. And then it works. Sometimes I'll feel saucy, and I'll intentionally mispronounce words. But we get there. But you need to have a level that's sufficient such that the person talking to you is going to tolerate you. Because otherwise it's just like hanging out with a baby that can't talk very well, like a three-year-old.

Ugh, gross. Look. Now, we tolerate a three-year-old because it's your child. You tolerate it. But you're not going to tolerate a grown person that can't string together a sentence. Hanging out with young kids. That's why the Natterman Method is the recommended. Listen, okay.

I think I am going to maintain that moving to a country and doing everything that you're saying but being immersed in it. But you can easily live in a country and not be immersed. So you have to be careful. You can live in a country and hang out with people that speak perfect English or very good English.

Okay, next. And again, if you're trying to hang out with people and speak to them in a language that you haven't really mastered well, then they're not, I mean, they're going to probably talk to you

back in English if they can. If they can. So. What else? So what else? So. I did something recently that made me think of you, Mr. Natterman. All right.

Which is that I flew in. You were in the bathtub. Yeah. I flew in a tiny plane. Okay. Now, why did that make you think of me? What? Why did that make you think of me? What? Why did that make you think of me?

Why would that make me think of you? Can you guess why flying in a... Because I have a pilot's license? Yes, very good. Really? Look at you. Look at that, connecting the dots. I was... It was crazy.

My dad had a pilot's license. Really? I don't like the word had in there. Well, I mean, you know, he's dead. No, but he didn't die of the... He didn't, no. Well, remember 9-11? No.

He was on one of the... No. Oh, my God, that would be awful. Could you imagine? My dad was a pilot on 9-11 and flew into the... Yeah. Well, he was just a private pilot with a smaller craft. Yes, yes.

You could just tell people that nobody's going to actually fact check it. Actually, it's interesting. Towards the end, when he had cancer, he really started going through his bucket list. That was one of the things. It was a pilot's license. Because he had his voice box removed and he needed one of those electronic things,

he almost didn't get his license because they had to be able to understand you. But they just figured, we'll give it to you anyway. i think they're like oh wait he's he's about to die yeah whatever here you go you know like it came in the mail i think after he was buried but um wow i wonder if that was intentional i i doubt it i don't know yeah boy that one all right that went fucking dark. Let's go back to Seth Rogen. Or no, Jonah Hill. Although we could talk about Seth Rogen.

I haven't heard from him in a while. So here's the thing. I was in a small plane because I was near a bunch of islands and one of the islands that I was near was... Was shaped like a penis. Well, you're not wrong. Was Jeffrey Epstein's island. island oh my dad was there too no not really i'm

kidding i wanted to go on a tour of that island i thought i thought they could turn that into like like some like fucked up version of like a house yeah no that's that's. That's just too creepy. Is it? I mean, they have like... What, they hear children screaming? No, no, no. I don't know. Is it really so different than these documentaries they make? Why not go...

All these tours of these... I guess. I don't know. Isn't there a tour in L.A. where you can tour where everybody died? Or it's Alcatraz or something like that. The problem is that this island is difficult to access, I guess. Yeah, but I mean, so is the fucking Titanic. That didn't seem to happen.

Yes, and nobody goes there except for a very few people ill-advisedly. Jay McBride, what projects have you coming up, if any? Not much. Nothing really. Hopefully I'll be on a tour. Well, other than getting the fuck out of stand-up and maybe becoming an actuary, if you had to stay in stand-up, what are you looking toward?

Well, no, I do, like, I'm not gonna, like, stand-up will always be there, you know, and I'll always do it, but I would love it if I could do things like, I actually wrote about 80 pages of a graphic novel. I started doing a comic strip last year, which was kind of fun. I would love to do either could do things like, like I, I, um, I actually wrote about 80 pages of a graphic novel. I started doing a comic strip last year, which was kind of fun. I would love to do either of those things, but I would also like to get back into acting a little more when the writer's strike is over, but we'll see. We'll see. Oh, you, you brought up my book before the show. Yes. Yes. Um,

which there's no news. Generally. I wrote a book of, you know, which is a big before and during the pandemic. Um, but I did get an email from somebody. I guess I sent out all these emails when I was trying to get a publisher. I ended up self-publishing. But when I was trying to get a publisher, I sent out a bunch of emails to potential... or to agents.

At first, you've got to get an agent generally. I guess maybe if you had a real good connection to the publishing house. You need an agent. But generally, you need an agent. So I just got an email back today. Hey, literally like two years later. Yeah. Saying, oh, hey, we'd like to take a look.

Sorry, we got swamped. Great. But it's like two years ago. But I'm not going to mention the name, but did you turn me on to these people? Is this a name that looks familiar to you? I don't know who. I think it was Nareed Kapel. No, this isn't me.

I think it was Nareed Kapel that No, this isn't me. I think it was Nareed Kapel that steered me in that direction. That's great. Yeah, you know, the fact that I self-published it, I think is going to be an issue for anybody that... Wrong. Fifty Shades of Grey was self-published.

Okay, well, maybe I'm wrong. Anyway, look... He's so negative. Well, I'm not... You call it negativity. It's part of the Natterman method. I call it... It's part of the Natterman method. Well, I'm not... You call it negativity. It's part of the Natterman method. I call it... It's part of the Natterman method.

It's part of the Natterman method. It is amazing. Well, in everything I do, there's a bit of negativity. But it is... You call it negativity. I call it realism. No, but it's like... It's very hard to get a novel published.

Okay, but you already published one, and it's fucking... No, I didn't publish it. I self-published it. Right. It's hard to get somebody to pay you money to publish it. It's also hard to get

on The Tonight Show. Yeah, I'd be surprised. Oh, for the love of God. I'm just saying it's not so hard. The book is beyond excellent. Oh, well, thank you.

Everybody who's read it You know, I'm reading a book now... Look, he can't even let me finish. No, you made thank you. Everybody who's ready. You know, I'm reading a book now. Look, he can't even let me finish. No, you made your point. You're too nice. One of the... It's almost like you have to do the opposite of a compliment sandwich.

You have to say something negative. Right. And then a compliment. And then something negative. Sneak in the compliment. Jay, the book is about a stand-up comic. Yes. Named Iris Spiro.

Hence the title, Iris Spiro Before COVID is the name of the book. But one agent told me, well, nobody cares about stand-up comics. I don't know if that's true or not. But I am reading a book that was a bestseller in France called The Possibility of an Island by Michelle Welbeck, who's a well-known... Great, great... Did you read that book? Michelle Welbeck. I did not read...

You didn't need to pronounce it that way. Well, I actually pronounced it that way intentionally. Is that the French pronunciation? no that's the pronunciation because Michel Houellebecq is French right but do you call it Paris or Paris? it depends well

no I say Paris just because it would be pretentious oh it would be pretentious as a mother but the name is different we've been through this before on this show with author's names Oh, it would be pretentious as a mother. Yeah, it's a role you are. But the name is different. We've been through this before on this show with authors' names, haven't we? It's almost like when, remember a Hurricane Henri? And like so many people were like, I'm not saying Henri. Wait, did we have a Hurricane Henri?

And so like Hurricane Henry, I don't pronounce it, like Fox News would never say Henri because that would make them gay apparently if they said it. So they're like Hurricane Henry. I don't pronounce it. Like Fox News would never say Henri because that would make them gay, apparently, if they said it. So they're like, Hurricane Henry. I don't say Henri. Well, I'll say Henri, but I won't put too much effort into getting the accent right.

Right. Why? One could say Henri without a French accent. Right. You're perfectly within your rights. Why is it pretentious to pronounce something the proper way in the language?

If it's not natural, then just say Michelle Huelbeck. Michelle Huelbeck. Huelbeck. If it doesn't come naturally to you, then, you know,

you don't need to do it. Anyway, what about it? You said you've read it. She's fantastic. She's fantastic. Say it again? She's fantastic. I love Michelle Huelbeck. No, no. lire. Je livre.

Je livre, Michel Welbeck? No, no. I mean, the word livre is book. Tu... J'ai lu. J'ai lu. I read is I lu. J'ai lu.

Isn't it lire? Lire is the infinitive form. J'ai lu un livre. Right. De Michel Welbeck. Ah, de Michel Welbeck. Oui, j'ai lu un livre de Michel Houellebecq. Oui, j'ai mangé un croissant. That's so dumb. I've read a few books by him.

I mean, he's in large part. So he's a huge, huge, huge author. And this book, which I didn't know. I just figured, well, he's a popular author and this book got a lot of acclaim. The main character

is a stand-up comic, a French stand-up comic. Et voila! And, uh... Oh, la, la. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean that... C'est impossible.

Now, you know, maybe the French, you know, for them it's more... I don't know. But anyway, so his character, he has, like,

jokes and sketches that he kind of injects in his book. But he's not a comic, so they're not funny. Right. I mean, the book is good. This plot is good. You know, I mean, I'm enjoying it. But when he like tries to, you know, do funny shit with the main character, to me anyway, it doesn't work very well. Listen. Because he's not a real comic.

Nothing would give me more pleasure. See, what I did in my main character does jokes that I've tested here at the cellar, so I know they work. Nice. Have you read his book? Not yet. You have to. She doesn't have to, number one.

No, I want to. Okay, I can say you have to. I just don't want to pay money for it. You could also read The Possibility of an Island by Michiel. And you can try to read it in French, but it's probably a little complex for you. Actually, the book I got in French is a book about Sergio Aragones' cartoons. Oh, yeah, well, that's your thing. You like the graphic cartoons.

The graphic cartoons. Drawing out dramas, is that what they call them in Mad Magazine? He was a Mad Magazine guy, right? Yeah, he would do all the... Spy versus spy or whatever? No, that wasn't spy, but he would do called him in Mad Magazine? He was a Mad Magazine guy, right? Yeah, he would do all the... Spy versus spy or whatever. No, that wasn't spy, but he would do the things in the margins. Those little tiny things in the margins. Really fascinating guy.

Didn't Al Jaffe just die? I think so. I think recently. He was at 100. Aragones, he came here, he couldn't speak a word of English, and just got a job at MAD. He was an interesting guy. I read it by Al Jaffe.

Al Jaffe was 102. He was a MAD guy. Yeah, he made it. He doesn't get any refunds. Oh, for the insurance? For his life. He got a full service. There is a 100-year-old.

Elementary Particles. Yeah, okay. That was one of the books. And whatever. Those are two very- I read the Elementary Particles years ago. Those are both- Like I said, I'm in the middle of the possibility of an island.

Those are two... There is a woman in my building... Walbrook. There's a woman in my building that just turned 100 years old. Oh, wow. But she doesn't leave the apartment, so I don't think I've ever seen her. I mean, I've been in the building a while, so I might have seen her. I've got to guess it smells like cats.

Well, I don't know. I was in her apartment. Really? Why? Because on her 100th birthday, there was a sign in the lobby. I got a joke. I got a joke. I mean, do porn movies even have that music in it?

No. I know that's like the stereotypical. They haven't had that since like the. That's like the stereotypical porn music, but I've never heard it. They don't even have music? Yeah. I mean, in the old days when a porn movie was an actual movie. There's a story.

There's a story. And it was like at least an hour long. There was a sign in my lobby. I got a joke out of this whole thing that said, happy 100th birthday to, I forgot her name, in whatever apartment it was in. It said, feel free to stop by and say hi. Right. And give her COVID and kill her? What kind of a, when was this?

Like, I don't know. No, it wasn't COVID. It was during the SARS epidemic. But anyway, I said, well, I don't think I've ever met this woman, but how many 100-year-olds do I encounter? So I bought a card. I don't think there were any

100-year-old cards. You go to Duane Reade to buy a birthday card, but there's no 100-year-old cards. There's like cards for 40, 50, and all that. And 10 and you just added a zero. I could have done that. But I think I just got one of those nice cards that doesn't say anything

specific and I wrote happy 100th birthday. Whatever. Anyway, so I went up hoping to meet her, but she was in her room and her nurse was there. And I just gave the card to the nurse. Okay. Then I took off my shirt. And then... They said, let's buy your book, but we don't have any money.

Is there something we could offer for it? As they say in porno scripts, and then seen. Or then, I don't know, and then... There's a word they use when they... I came to fix their dishwasher and they said, they don't have any money. Ariel, you want to query? It's just the most insane thing to think

that they would invite a bunch of strangers. We're not strangers. We live in the building. We're neighbors. We're strangers, but we're neighbors. You could be serial killers. It's just nuts. Would you let everybody

in your building, just like into and out of your apartment willy-nilly? If I were 100, yes. I'd be like, that's it. I can't take it anymore. Please grab a complimentary pillow and bring it in.

She's not a healthy 100, I don't think. Even more reason. Hey, can we practice you putting the pillow over my face? In the middle of a pandemic, Noah. It was a few months ago. After the worst. Are we still in the pandemic? I think it's pretty over. It depends on who you ask. I don't know. Are we? the middle of like a pandemic no it was at no it was about a few months ago after the worst i mean

are we still in the pandemic i think it's pretty depends on who you ask i don't know are we uh i think we're we're done with it you know you don't even know if there's anybody in there the nurse was in oh you mean i don't know if she was in there oh she probably was you know but um sponge bath god Well the day might come Where being 100 is not such a big deal Bob from like 14R Was giving her a sponge bath My friend's grandmother turned 103 today

You know her, my friend Emily Is she coherent? Yeah, totally She's rocking and rolling Shout out, what's her name? We're going to send you a happy birthday coherent? Can she just speak? Totally. She's rocking and rolling. Shout out. What's her name? We're going to send you a happy birthday. I'm going to tell you right now. One grandmother lived to 93, but my parents

both died young. One was 69, one was 44. So who knows? 44? Yeah, my dad, the pilot. Oh, that's so young. Yeah. He was flying JFK Jr. and then they disappeared. I remember as a kid.

Happy birthday to Grandma Lucille. Oh, that's awesome. Oh, yeah. Well, we wish Grandma Lucille, me and all the people here at the Live from the Table, wish a happy 103rd birthday to Grandma Lucille. You know Emily. Emily Kidding. Wow.

She looks amazing. She's amazing. For 103. Right. She looks pretty good. Well. Can we edit this in case she doesn't make it until next week? I remember as a kid

I was like 15 I think and our neighbor died in a car accident. He was 67. And I remember thinking, I said to my father well, it's sad but you know 67, I mean I can't ask for much better. He lived. Yeah, you think that's not that bad. My father looked at me with horror.

He's like, my father, who was in his 50s at the time, was like, what are you talking about? You know, as a kid, you perceive somebody in their 60s as having sufficiently lived. Yes. And, you know, and if they died, it's not a tragedy. But also, you can't really differentiate. I remember being a kid, and if they died, it's not a tragedy. But also, you can't really differentiate.

I remember being a kid and I couldn't really tell the difference between 20 and 40. Yeah, like I never thought in terms of how old is this adult. Correct.

You're an adult. That's right. You know, and there was three categories of people, kid, adult, and old. Yeah. I could make the distinction

if somebody was elderly. Yes. And, you know, or if somebody was a kid like me. I mean, the distinction if somebody was elderly. Yes. And, you know, or if somebody was a kid like me. I mean, I guess like somebody that was an older teen, I guess I kind of made that distinction between like a 40-year-old and a 20-year-old. I don't know if I saw that big a difference.

I see pictures of like my mom when she was my age, and I'm like, oh, my God. Like I thought she was so much older you know what i mean like when i was 18 my mom was 48 yeah my and you perceived her as an old woman well i don't know an old woman but certainly much much older than I think that people who are in their late 40s, early 50s are now, which is basically a lot of people who I know. Yeah, it's almost like the people that... J-Lo does not look like a 50-year-old.

You know, growing up. When I saw him, I thought he was 50. There was this... Who's that? Wilford Brimley. He was 53 in Cocoon. Yeah, there are people who are saying the Wilford Brimley thing. He was always old. Like so-and-so is as old

today as Wilford Brimley was filming Cocoon and you're always like, that's insane. Yeah, like Tom Cruise. Right, right, right. And that was like 10 years ago. Tom Cruise is older today than Wilford Brimley was in Cocoon. By like 10 years. Yeah, by a lot. By a lot. Brad Pitt is older. Yeah. And we don't see these people as elderly. I mean, they may not be at the peak of their sexiness.

Right. Which I think for a man peaks in early 40s, I would say. Maybe mid-30s, early 40s. Early 40s, I'm going to say. You think a man peaks? In terms of his sexiness. I think a man peaks around 19. And then it's all just like...

Well, his endurance peaks perhaps. Right before they can drink. That's it's all just like... Well, and his endurance peaks perhaps. Right before they can drink. That's it. Once they start drinking. It's all downhill. It's all downhill. But a good-looking 40-year-old is attractive to everybody.

I think men do age better, actually, though. I think someone like Bruce Willis, when he was 50, looked better than Bruce Willis in moonlighting. Like in moonlighting. Well, that may be a personal taste. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. You like Bruce Willis? No, no.

I always thought he was pretty hot. I mean, he's alright. I think I prefer... I mean, not now because, you know. Right. Oh, poor Bruce Willis. That's so sad. I wasn't even thinking that well. Weird that your mind went there. It turns like so...

Alright, weirdo. Poor Bruce. No, but some people, even Brad Pitt was like or Leo DiCaprio. As a kid, he was very young, but now as an adult, he's better looking. I never thought he was.

I didn't before, but now I think he's... A few weeks ago, I saw Meet Joe Black, which is not a good movie, in my opinion. But my God was Brad Pitt good looking. It's ridiculous. Yeah, he wasn't so much like him. It's absolutely absurd how good looking he was in that movie. Yeah, Legends of the Fall.

Legend of the Fall. He was too pretty for me. I'm sorry to say this because this is a very controversial um figure but at his peak i think that like johnny depp before he turned into like yeah now he's worse yeah now he looks no same with like insane yeah but like when he was like he looks like that cool aunt who will let you have a beer as long as you don't tell your mom that's what you know

it's awful I guess we'll wrap this up thank you Jay you need to go around the corner soon yeah it's what is it 7 now 6, 6.30 and everybody should watch her special Daddy's Girl on YouTube it's a very good title for a special

mine is not available yet but we'll keep you posted on that thank you for listening and we'll see you next time bye bye