The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Jeffrey Gurian & Neko White

Episode Date: April 30, 2020

Jeffrey Gurian & Neko White

You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the Table, the official podcast of New York's world-famous comedy seller on SiriusXM, Roddick99. Here coming at you from lockdown in New York City, Noam Dorman is here. Noam, how are you? Oh, yeah, you know. All right, great.

You're really enthused. We have Nico White, who is a comedian, a comic. Yes, sir. Yes, indeed. And Nico, well, he gave me an introduction. He's a New York City-based comedian. Alvin Marcellus, is that it? That's it.

My album, Marcellus, M-A-R-S-C-E-L-L-U-S, will be out everywhere next Friday, May 8th. That's an interesting name. I guess we'll get to that in a bit. And we have with us Jeff Gurian, who's been on the show before. How do you do, Jeff? Hey, I'm doing good, Dan. I'm grateful to be here. How are you? I'm fine, thank you, and great to have you with us. Jeff Gurian is a comedian radio personality comedy writer wrote for Roddy Dangerfield John Rivers George Wallace and numerous others author of six books including healing your heart by changing your mind and he is a corona virus

survivor he went to hell and came back to tell the tale. And we're anxious to hear his story. And Perrielle, of course, is with us as usual. And Perrielle also had corona, she believes, although it hadn't been formally diagnosed. She didn't get tested. Bro, I was on one of these with her, and she was saying that she had it.

And I'm sitting there the whole time like, how are you doing this and you have it? You're one of the strongest people I know, yo. No. She had a more mild form of it, like Chris Cuomo, who was able to continue doing his CNN show while he was battling coronavirus.

But there's different degrees and intensities. There's different strains of it, and there seems to be a lot of different symptoms. And now they came up with this blood clotting thing that you can get blood clots in your legs from this, which is why that guy, Nick Cordero, had to lose his right leg, you know, the Broadway actor. You can get all kinds of different symptoms. Some people have a mild case. Some people have a very severe case. Is Nick Cordero, is he home or is he still in the ICU?

I think he's still in the hospital. I'm not sure, but I know he had to have his right leg amputated. Oh, they took the whole shit. And because of Corona, because of the Corona. Now they're just,

you see him a little distracted. Excuse me. Who me? No, no, I'm dorm and no, I'm hello. No,

I was just thinking about having my leg, my leg. Right, man. This virus, this virus is a beast. No matter what you read about it, it's worse.

It's worse than you could ever imagine. It's seven weeks for me. And I'm just close to feeling back to myself, but I still feel like there's something inside of me that's hanging on, that's trying to make me sick again. I'm really scared. Jeffrey, is it possible for you to move closer to the computer? Yes. Is this better?

Yeah, the closer, and you sound better, too. So, the thing about Jeffrey, Jeffrey's had terrible luck because three, four years ago he was on his death bed another time when he almost dropped dead of a heart attack in midtown Manhattan, right? Something like that. Yeah, exactly. But flipping that switch, it's actually that I have great luck because I had a widow maker heart attack, which is a very serious heart attack. And I came through it. And now I got this Corona thing

and I was lucky enough to come through that also. Well, I appreciate your half full mentality, but I would say I wouldn't want your good luck. I have no choice. It could have gone either way, you know? It could have gone either way, but... Very quickly,

just look at it. I just said this. So you were walking down Manhattan and you died and the cops saw an ailing, wealthy white man

in front of them and they didn't want to help you, right? Yeah. I didn't die. What happened was I was getting pains in my chest and i had a chiropractor and it was pouring rain and i don't like to go out in the rain sounds stupid but i

like to go out in the rain because of my hair sounds really dumb but i decided i was going to go anyway right yeah and i had to take the subway and And as I was going, this pain in my chest was getting worse. And I kept rubbing it. And for some reason, when I rubbed it, it felt better. And I thought to myself, you can't rub away a heart attack. So maybe it's not that. Maybe it's something muscular. But as I was on the subway, it was getting worse and worse and worse. And I got out of the subway on 49th near Sirius. And I had to walk a few blocks. And for some reason, I don't know what made me do it, I turned down 50th Street, and the pain was getting very intense. So there was a police van there with four cops in the van.

So I knock on the window, and I said to the cop, I'm sorry to bother you. Oh, and it's pouring rain, so I have to bother you, but I think I'm having a heart attack. And the cop says to me, well, I think you should go to the hospital. And I was like, well, that's why I'm telling you. I'm not just telling everyone. Is it possible because you didn't want to get your hair wet? He thought you were black. A lot of people think I'm black because it's just the lighting. Yeah, that's definitely what it is. It's the lighting, bro. I can't tell you how many people confuse me with Dave Chappelle.

It's unbelievable. Yeah. I thought they were going to say jump in and they put the siren on and take me to the hospital, but that's not what happened. The guy says to me, we're stuck in traffic. It'll probably be faster if you walk. So I said, well, where's the nearest hospital? And he didn't know. None of the cops, four cops, no one knows where the hospital is.

That's what you're paying your tax dollars for, man. So listen, he takes out his phone and he starts looking for hospitals and he says to me, do you have Google Maps? And you got a picture of him standing in the rain, pouring rain. And he's asking me if I have Google Maps. So I said, no.

He said, well, you should probably download Google Maps. This cop is the greatest. That's when I walked away. I literally walked away. I'm like, this is too bizarre. It's a fucking Woody Allen movie. I tell the guy I'm having a heart attack. He tells me to download Google Maps. But I could only get another half a block because the pain got really intense. So there's a second cop. And he's on a walkie talkie and he's directing traffic. And I do the same thing to him. But for some reason, I'm very

calm. And I think maybe this is why nobody panicked. And I said to him the same, I'm sorry to bother you. I think I'm having a heart attack. And he said to me, well, stand on the side here. So I stand on the side and a couple of minutes go by. And I said to him, are they coming? And he said, Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't call them yet. And I'm like, what's the story? Nobody really is upset that I'm having a heart attack. So he finally calls them. Had they seen your act, Jeffrey? Maybe that was it. Maybe that was it. But for some reason, I was really calm. So a fire engine pulls up because very often they come to the scene first because they're all empty. So four or five firemen get off the truck. I walk over. The guy says to me, who's the patient? And I said, me. He said, well, climb up on the truck.

I said, really? He's like, nah, we're just fucking with you. Like that. Even these guys are a joke. How long did it take for the heart attack to hit? It was already in the midst. I was having the heart attack, but nobody knew.

They even took me to the ambulance. Finally, an ambulance comes, and they take me in, and they take off my shirt, and they hook up an IV because they've got to do that right away. And they sit there asking me stupid questions. They're taking my medical history. Instead of driving me to the hospital and asking me the questions while they're going, they insist on doing it while they're there. And I said, I know that you can take a medical history while we're going, they insist on doing it while they're there. And I said, I know that you can take a medical history while we're going.

And I'm arguing with the guy. He's actually nasty. It's like starting an argument with me. No, we have to do it now. And he's asking me stupid questions like, did you have an uncle that felt nauseous? I'm like, that's ridiculous. So they finally start driving me to the hospital and they don't put the siren on and I'm like why aren't you using the siren and they're like you don't you don't fall

within the parameters of a siren we have certain protocol we're not sure you're having a heart attack it turns out that the kind of heart attack I had doesn't show on an EKG. They're driving very slow. They're stopping at all the lights. Oh, my God. Meanwhile, you just sit in the back dying. Right, and they try to convince me that it's safer for me. They said if we put on a siren, we have to go through the lights, and it's raining really hard, and we could get into an accident.

So it's better for you that we drive slowly. Then I feel something squirt on my cheek, right? I agree with Noam. I wouldn't want your luck, man. I feel something squirt on my cheek. So I said, what was that? And the guy's like, nitroglycerin. I'm like, it's supposed to go under your tongue, not on your face. And the guy's like, well, that's close enough. So they finally get me to the hospital. They finally get me to the hospital, and they wheel me out into the pouring rain and the doors that are supposed to fly open won't open. They can't get the doors open in the emergency room. And I'm like, this is insane.

This is really like a Woody Allen movie. It's ridiculous. That's God. God wanted you that day, bro. The guy had to climb up on the door and open the door manually in order to get me in there. And then I laid in the emergency room for nine hours having a heart attack. What saved me was some genius emergency room doctor started me on a blood thinner. And that must have saved me because they didn't have a room for me until midnight.

This was three in the afternoon until midnight. I laid in the emergency room. The next day was the first time a cardiologist ever came to see me and that's when they told me how serious it was they said I was 95% blocked in the major artery to my heart and it was an emergency he's supposed to do it within 90 minutes if you know that but they didn't stay and some genius went into my heart through my arm and put in a stent and saved me. And five days later, I was back on stage. Can you believe that? How bad did it hurt when the stent went in and they opened it up? I've read that can be very painful. Because I remember I was on the table. They give you some kind of anesthesia, but you're still awake. It's like a twilight sleep.

And I remember I was joking with the guy on the table. I said to him, I felt what they were doing. They moved this thing in and out of your heart to unblock it. And I said to the guy, I feel you in my heart. Not in a romantic way, but I feel you in my heart. And I remember saying that to him and he said i'll give you more anesthetic and after that i don't remember anything but put your ass to sleep around five o'clock in the afternoon he came to my room and he hugged me and he said i want you

to know you're a miracle and i was like you're the miracle you're the one who saved me. You went the full Bernie Sanders. You had a heart attack five years later. You're back on stage. Exactly. That's it. I've been pre-disaster, like in GARP. I'm done. I'm good now. It's hard to get spots.

Then coronavirus comes, and you line up right first. You're first one. How do you think you got this thing? Where'd you get it and what happened? Tell us the coronavirus story. The coronavirus story is insane. I was trying to carry on my usual thing. Like I got sick on March 11th.

So on March 7th, I did my podcast with Ron Bennington from Sirius XM. And then the next day I went to see Seinfeld at the 92nd Street Y and the auditorium was packed. And they were already warning people about going out and getting into groups, but they weren't doing social distancing yet. I was already a little nervous, but I went anyway because I had these tickets

that were sent to me and I went. And then on Tuesday- Nico, I know what you're thinking, but it's not because he's Jewish. He just loves sign. He read my mind, bro. I know I did. I saw it. Go ahead.

On Tuesday, we went out shooting video interviews with different people for a project. And then I went to a National Lampoon show. That was the last thing I did. And at that night, I was really nervous already, but I went. People were already not shaking hands. They were fist bumping. And I went out and I bought a lot of food that night. It was a lucky thing I did. There was a Trader Joe's nearby and I went out and stocked up on food then the very next day I got sick and I thought it was a cold at first I

was just sneezing and coughing on the third day which was Friday the 13th Oh God I started feeling it in my throat and when I get a cold I always get a sore throat I keep Z-Pak in the. I started myself on Z-Pak and I really believe that that's what saved my life because I took two full courses of it. I stayed on it for 10 days, not knowing that that's what they're using in the hospitals. They're using Plaquenil and Z-Pak and zinc. So I stayed on it for 10 days thinking I'd get better. But I was getting sicker every day. And I had unbelievable symptoms. The only symptom I didn't have was losing my breathing. And I really think that that's what the Z-Pak did. I had a fever of 102.4. I had nausea 24-7

from morning to night. It never left, no matter what I took. And nausea to me from morning to night it never left no matter what i took and nausea to me is so horrible yeah i'm with you i'm a real emetophobe oh for the love of god i wish you guys had to fucking be pregnant for five minutes well that's what i used to think of i thought of that because i was i was so nauseous and i usually takeramamine and that helps. It didn't help at all. And usually when you're nauseous, you can throw up and it goes away. But with this virus, I couldn't throw up. It didn't let me throw up. It just kept me nauseous.

The fever, I had- Have an abortion. Have an abortion. I didn't think of it. I didn't think of it at the time. I had night sweats. And usually after night sweats, the fever breaks. But not with this virus. You got night sweats, the fever breaks. But not with this virus.

You got night sweats and the fever comes back. I had full body pain. I had such chills. I couldn't hold the glass. My whole body was shaking. When I got to the hospital, they had to put four blankets over me to try and get my, so I would feel warm. I don't check people into the hospital even if you're pretty sick. What was the symptom that warranted you an ICU bed?

And it's good that you asked that because when I finally called 911, I lasted for 14 days and then I couldn't take it anymore. And I'll say this not to be dramatic, but I literally felt suicidal after the 14th day. I was praying for God to take my life. And I would never say something like that. It was horrible. I was so sick and so weak. I couldn't, I was dragging myself from room to room. And there was no relief. Sometimes if you're sick, you could find a cool spot on the bed where you're comfortable for a few minutes. This was nonstop pain.

Come back here and have some other concert tickets you would have paid for. And I could have gone to. I had a will to get a reason to live. So I knew the next day I'd have to dial 911. So I got up that morning. I don't know how I made it through that night. And I realized I couldn't even get dressed. And they were open at'm like, pardon me?

911's open at night. You could have called them at night as well. It's so scary to go to hospital at all. I don't know if you ever had the experience, but I didn't want to go to the hospital in the middle of the night. Yeah. Even scarier. Plus, you don't know who's on duty in the middle of the night.

It's usually not physicians with a lot of experience. So I wanted to wait till the morning and so i took a shower and what do you wear to go to the hospital i so i realized i had to wear stuff that would come off easily yeah like perry l's great like perry all getting ready for a date stuff that comes off easily right so i put on track pants and I put on a t-shirt and a sport jacket so I could put my wallet someplace. A sport jacket.

I couldn't think straight. I actually put on cologne. I was so confused. I didn't know what to do. And then I realized I had to pack a bag. What do you take to go to the hospital?

I was really confused. So I googled, what do you take to go to the hospital, right? So I packed the bag. I called 911, and they said, what are your symptoms? When I told them my symptoms and that I had a history of a heart condition, and then by that point, I was bleeding from my nose.

What? When did that start? It started that morning. I blow my nose, just red blood flowing out of my nose. What the fuck? They said, we're coming for you. And as I recall, they came pretty quickly. And I said, I'm leaving my door open.

And they were very impressed that I was able to get on the stretcher by myself. They said most people were not able to do that. These two guys came that were so nice. And this guy, he took my hand and he said to me, don't worry, you not able to do that. These two guys came that were so nice. And this guy, he took my hand and he said to me, don't worry, you're going to be okay. And that meant so much because when you're that sick and someone says something even so simple, it really makes a big difference. And they strapped me in and they put like two masks over me with a big shield. And they got me in the freight elevator and they wheeled me into the ambulance. And I said, can you take me to Lenox Hill? Because that's where my cardiologist

is. And they're like, no, it's too far. We're taking you to NYU Langone, which worked out so perfectly because I used to teach at NYU and they were using Plaquenil in a study. A lot of hospitals didn't even have that drug. So they took me to the emergency room, and I laid there for hours. And they put me in a cubicle, and right next to me was a woman who was screaming with every single breath that she took. Literally, no exaggeration, every breath was a scream. And I had to flip that thought because it was driving me insane. I had to realize how scared she must have been. So I laid there for a long time. My blood pressure had dropped to 42. You know how they usually say

120 over 80? My 80 was 42. So my pressure was so low that it was hard for them to find a vein to do an IV on me. They finally had it in my hand. I know, it's horrible. And then after a few hours, they came in, they did a chest x-ray and an ultrasound of my lungs. And a pulmonary specialist came to see me. And he said, you have double pneumonia. You have COVID double pneumonia. And that kind of freaked me because I knew I had the virus. But pneumonia is a scary word. Yeah. They put me on oxygen, which they kept me on for another day or two. And they were debating whether to send me home or not. And I literally begged them. I said, please don't send me home. I can't do it anymore. I live alone. And I just can't do it. And so after they got the pneumonia

diagnosis, they agreed to keep me. And they found a room and they wheeled me upstairs to this amazing room. It was such a beautiful room, but I was too sick to appreciate it was a room that they use for cancer patients. And they took all the cancer patients and move them somewhere else. And they created a COVID wing. And I was in an isolation room. No one was allowed in except one member at a time, like one nurse or one doctor. They couldn't allow more than one person in at a time. And they covered me with ice packs on my head, under my arms, on my legs, to try to bring my fever down.

And they really took care of me. They nursed me back to health. It was like an amazing room with a view of the East River and a TV. I never saw a TV this big. It was the size of the whole wall. And you could order food. You could watch TV.

You could control the lights and the drapes or whatever. And I stayed there for two and a half days until they told me that they had to move me. And when they moved me, I didn't want to go because I was still really sick. But they said, we need the room for sicker people. So they moved me to a room that I had to share with three other very sick men.

And that was a nightmare. That was so horrible to share a room with. Everyone around you is so sick that the man next to me was an elderly Chinese man who didn't speak English and he was choking on his own saliva so bad that I was calling the nurse on his behalf because he couldn't speak.

I thought he was dying and he was coughing into the air and he's right next to me. And I'm so sick, I'm concerned for him, and I'm worried that I'm going to breathe in these germs. It was just, it was worse than anything that I could even express. It's hard to explain. But when they told me that they were going to let me go the next day, I didn't feel well enough to go home,

but I didn't feel like I could stay there any longer because they were so overwhelmed. There were people in the hallways that didn't have rooms. And sometimes it took more than two hours just to get Tylenol because they were just so overworked and so overwhelmed. And you couldn't lose your patience because you had to be grateful for the fact that you were there and that people were taking care of you. And so on that Sunday, they told me they wanted to discharge me before noon. And by two o'clock, no one had come yet. Finally at 3.30, an ambulance crew came for me. They wrapped me like a mummy. They tied my arms down. I don't know why they did

that. They wrapped me up. They actually covered my face. And I said, please uncover my face. If you wheel me into my building, it'll look like I passed away, you know. They put these like elaborate masks on me. And they took me home. And they were so so nice and they wheeled me into my apartment and then when they saw all the pictures of the the comedians they wound up hanging out for about 20 minutes asking me asking me stories about all the comics that they love you know yeah and and after i got home you just backtracked to the part where you were wrapped up like a mummy and couldn't move your arms yeah they wouldn't let me and i like i couldn't touch my face i i was sneezing i couldn't move i i was literally down and i don't know why they did that did you what did

did you ever ask i i didn't ask anything you know i i was. Pardon me? They took you home in an ambulance wrapped up like that? Yeah, yeah. And then they wheeled you into your apartment wrapped up like that? Yeah, uh-huh. I can understand having your face covered. That makes sense. They opened up the thing over my face, and I just had this, like, two masks on. You don't start being nice. I'm going to do that don't start being nice I'm gonna do that to you

know him very now he's liable to enjoy it you never know right got back home and and then uh you suffered again in uh in solitude for a few days oh for a long time. I developed something called pleurisy, which is an infection of the lungs. I had to go back on Z-Pak again about a week after I was home. They sent me home because they needed the bed, not because I was perfect. Right. They get you to a point where they think you can function on your own. They took out my oxygen to see how I would do on my own, and my oxygen was 95% to 96%, which they said was amazing, considering what I had. They had me walk back and forth to see if my oxygen level dropped.

One guy in my room, this Orthodox Jewish man, they had to rush him to a ventilator. His oxygen dropped suddenly from 93 to 80. And that's what that virus does. It hits you really quick. All of a sudden, you're breathing fine. And the next thing, you can't breathe at all. So they took me off the oxygen.

And as I said, about a week later, I developed pleurisy. So every time I took a breath, I had a sharp pain in my back and my shoulder. So I went back on the Z-Pak. And after a few days, that went away. But the tiredness, I think, first of all, I think I have PTSD from everything that I went through. April is like a blur. I don't remember any days in between. I've been just

trying to stay up late so that I can sleep for the whole night. I have to sleep with my legs elevated because I have swelling and I think it's from this too. I bought a special pillow to keep my legs higher when I sleep. How old are you, Jeffrey?

Nobody knows. I knew we wasn't going to get that. I don't own an age. Once you own an age, you're responsible for that age. So nobody knows how old I am. But I'm old enough that I'm in a high risk. I know how old you are, but what year were you born? Nobody knows that either.

Around 1810. Believe me. How old were you born? Nobody knows that either. Around 1810. Believe me. How old were you when you watched The Beatles on The Ed Sullivan Show? The Ed Sullivan Show. I was a kid, but I remember that night very well. All right. Okay. You remember that night.

Okay. If you're really curious, Wikipedia has an age for Jeffrey. It may or may not be accurate. It's not accurate, but you know what? It's even in my book. Age is just, it depends on when your parents had sex. And I don't, I just don't own an age because once you do that, really, then people expect a certain thing from you.

You fall into a category. Everybody wants to put people in categories and I'm so much against that. You're doing it right so far. You survived a heart attack and COVID so far, dog. I'm doing what I'm doing. That's my true feeling. I don't say that as a joke.

I really believe that. You don't categorize yourself that way. I'm just who I am. I would be shocked if you didn't have a PTSD. But considering it's a mental illness. Yeah. It's amazingly stressful.

But I also wanted to thank you all for your messages of support. You were all kind enough. Nico, you were in that video. And Dan sent me a message. I know him. You sent me such nice messages of Perrielle. And I got to tell you that that really helps. When you're that sick, and you know that people are thinking about you, I believe very strongly in the power of prayer and the power of thought. I really do. When that many people are focusing their energy on you, I really think it helps because it helped me a lot.

As sick as I was, I couldn't answer most of them for quite a while. I couldn't until I got home maybe like a week or two later. I couldn't even sit at the computer. That's how drained I was. The point I was making this point just the other day, I was talking with Noam and some people. I don't know if it was the podcast or, yeah, I think it was the episode we did with all the intellectuals, the last episode we did with Coleman and Tyler and Yasha.

But I said that even, I said that the virus, even if it doesn't kill me or if it doesn't kill you, it can put you through hell. Yeah, man. So it's not just focusing on the death rate, which they say is whatever it is, and now they say maybe it's 1% or 2%. They really don't know, but rather, I'm sorry, 0.1%.

They say it might be that low. But the death rate is only one element of this. You also have to look at the people that, A, might have permanent damage, B, might have gone through a terrible experience that could leave them, in your case, with psychological issues, you know, with PTSD. Who the hell wants to be that sick for two weeks, even if you survive? So those are considered... I'm actually afraid to leave the house. I really

am. I can't picture going out into the street. That's how it affected me. Because no one knows whether you can be infected or not. The hospital called me to see how I was doing.

I asked them... Excuse me, Perry, I was talking to her computer or something, or her husband. Oh, sorry. The hospital phone. I'd like you to familiarize yourself with the keyboard shortcuts for muting the microphone. The mute button. Go ahead. I asked the hospital if it's possible to be reinfected or if I have immunity,

and they said, to tell you the truth, we don't know. It's too soon. Nobody really knows. And that was not really reassuring. So as I said, I still feel, I don't feel great. I feel like there's something inside of me that's still hanging on. And from what I've, from what I gather from people who've had pneumonia before, that there's a long recovery

process. It doesn't go away quick like a cold, that it lingers. There's fluid in your lungs and there's germs in there. When I was so sick, I would close my eyes. I'd see black spots all over the place. And I don't know if that had anything to do with it, but I never had that before and I don't have it now. But every I would close my eyes I'd see these they look like corona spots to me floating all over the place just really weird and just by the way Vic Henley died of a pulmonary embolism that oh man related I'm wondering because you had mentioned blood clots Jeff if uh if it might have been. It might have been for sure because they weren't even talking about it. Now that people are talking about it, they're coming up with statistics of how it could have been happening in the past couple of months

and nobody knew. So it's very possible that that was related to that and that nobody checked. And again, I don't know what the big thing is about testing. If you go to get tested and they tell you you're positive, what are you supposed to do? There's still no treatment for it. That's some weird feedback. There's still no treatment for it. I don't understand this big thing where they want everybody to be tested. Well, because I think if they test people,

first of all, that'll give you information as to the death rate, and it'll also allow you to quarantine those who are asymptomatic but infected. I think that everyone should just assume that they've been exposed to it and just stay by yourself for a while. You can't take a chance. Not all those tests are effective, by the way. You know, there are people who have had this virus who still tested positive afterwards. Not everyone tests negative once it's over with. So because it's such a new thing, I think it's better to just assume that you have been exposed and just protect yourself. Don't feel like you're immune.

Exactly the opposite of some other viruses, like HP, where you assume everybody's been and just protect yourself. Don't feel like you're immune. Exactly the opposite of some other viruses, like HP, where you're severely exposed, don't take any care at all. Yeah, fat. But there are people that say it's time to reopen, and if we do that, we will need to test to make sure that we can quarantine those who are contagious and symptomatic or asymptomatic but contagious.

Yes, I was going to say, the reason that you have to test is because you need people's morale to go up in some type of way. People need peace of mind again. So when they hear those numbers, they feel a little better. Because so far, it's been kind of good news. People are definitely traumatized nobody who is alive now has experienced this kind of stress in a crazy way it's bringing the whole world together because everybody is fighting this thing in every country in the world which is a really weird way to bring people together there's a fracture now

it brought the whole world together. First, it did bring the world together, but now there's a fracture between those who say, open things up. Elon Musk just tweeted today. I don't have it in front of me, but he just tweeted about,

you know, it's time to liberate the country or something like that. I wonder why they would even say that when it's still so soon. You're right in the midst of it. I don't know what evidence they're using to say that. And who is he? He's certainly not a medical expert.

I would certainly defer to medical experts before I would listen to a business guy. It doesn't make sense. If you, God forbid, you went through what I went through, you wouldn't be in a hurry to mix with a group of people. It's going to take a while.

My personal feeling is that it's going to take a while. It's not disappearing right away. And, you know, as hard as it is to quarantine, at least people are doing things like this, you know, so you don't feel totally alone. It's very hard to be alone for such a long time. How much TV can you watch? When I was, you know, you tend to get bored when you're well.

When you're sick, it's a whole other story. Just day passes into night, passes into the next day. It's like Groundhog Day almost. You don't even know where you are. It's the same thing over and over and over again. The scary part. Go ahead. No, just saying, it's a nightmare. People can't picture it. And anybody who thinks it's a hoax or there's stupid people who are not taking protective measures, they're really taking a very big chance. It's a very, very dangerous virus. It's like nothing I've ever experienced.

To be sick is now seven weeks, and I'm not back to myself. See, I'm in Harlem. I was saying, I'm in Harlem. The mood about it up here is kind of different. People have been staying inside for the most part, but I just went to 125th yesterday and you can see it in some people's eyes.

They're kind of sick of being scared of this thing and they're tired of being at home. So it's not like it, it's not like it would be normally, but you can definitely see people starting to come out.

Some of the old people that were super scared and not moving at all. They're like, okay, I deserve a walk. You're seeing more people out and I'm afraid it might get nicer and people straight up might stop giving a fuck about social distancing. Well, it's very hard because the statistics show

that it's hit the black and Latino communities harder. Oh, you don't got to tell me. You don't got to tell me. I know. That's my new sign now. So that's, you know, I think people need to be made aware of that, not to take offense. You know, it's, I think people need to be made aware of that. Not to take offense. You know, it's better to be bored than to be sick.

Perrielle's experience was a bit... Yeah, I was talking about just people. To say the least, Perrielle, your experience wasn't quite that extreme. You know, you had some... You couldn't smell. And you had some fever. I actually didn't have fever, although I would like to say that I sent Noam,

and I think you, Dan, an email earlier this week that nobody responded to, that the Wall Street Journal just came out with six new symptoms, which were all the symptoms that I had. Right? So I didn't have a fever, but I did lose my sense of taste and smell.

I had horrible headaches. I was extremely weak and achy and fatigued. Those aren't new. I read about those a month and a half ago. No, this is an article that came out last week. The article might have come out this week, but those particular symptoms I read about

quite some time ago, and I never doubted that you had COVID. What I said was you weren't... I did. I still do, but go ahead. She was never formally diagnosed with a test. She was diagnosed based on her symptoms, so it's not 100% certain.

But in any case... Well, I felt very vindicated by that article. I have a question I want to ask all of you. Do all of you have a good thermometer? Yes. I ordered a thermometer along with a

pulse oximeter to test my oxygen about two weeks ago on Amazon when I was at the height of my fear. Yeah. And it still has not arrived yet. I'm assuming Amazon is so busy delivering shit that they didn't have time. What is two weeks later? I tried to order something on Amazon and they said it arrived there June 8th. And I'm like, forget it.

What good is it going to do you in June 8th? But the reason I ask is because I felt so stupid. I didn't have a working thermometer. I had a thermometer from the Middle Ages. It must have been my great-grandmother would have used it in Russia. One of those glass thermometers with mercury in it that you had to shake. Those are the most accurate. I couldn't read it.

It was horrible. You couldn't read it. You stick one of those in your ass, believe me, you know your temperature to the tenth of a percent. Those are the most accurate thermometers. That's still a scary thing for me. What was your worst symptom, the most

uncomfortable or difficult symptom for you, Jeffrey? For me, I think it was the constant nausea and pain in my head. It just didn't let up. It didn't stop because when I first got to the emergency room, that's what I was begging them for. I said, please just do something to take away the nausea. And they gave me a pill. It takes a long time, by the way. When you're in a hospital and you ask for something, they have to requisition it. They don't just reach for a pill and give it to you. They have to get permission from a doctor. And that can take anywhere from an hour to two hours from the time that you ask. So they gave me something called Zofran, which worked for a very short time. But they wound up using Reglan on me, which they give to cancer patients

because cancer patients are very often nauseous from all the stuff that they get. They gave that to me, IV, and that seemed to work better. My worst symptom, I'd have have to say was probably the nausea and the headache, the pain in my head. It just wouldn't stop. And did you take Tylenol and that didn't work for you? I took extra strength Tylenol around the clock. It did nothing by itself. I'm with you. I have mortal fear of nausea and that's the... It's such a horrible feeling when you can't get rid of it

you guys i tried so many times but they gave me a thermometer in the emergency room and i carry it with i carried it with me wherever i went because a lot of times they wanted to take my temperature and the nurse didn't have one and i said here you can use mine it was amazing i got a digital thermometer i'm in the 21st century. Did they make you have to tell other people in your building that you had it or anything like that or no? No, my doormen know. They know I haven't left the apartment. They've been leaving stuff for me in front of my door.

I have a neighbor who's been such an angel. She shops for me every couple of days and leaves, you know, she just asked me what I need and shops and she leaves bags of food in front of my door, which is so great, man. People have been so kind. My own super, the super of my building went out to get me stuff, Dramamine and Gatorade before I went to the hospital. He gave me his cell phone. He said, if you ever need anything, let me know.

And I didn't want to bother him, but I had no choice. Now, I'm assuming, Jeffrey, this year at Christmastime, the tips to your doormen are going to be augmented. Substantial. Astronomical, yeah. They've been so kind. They drop off everything right in front of my door. They know I can't see people yet.

Not only have they been kind, but now they're in the danger zone because they're coming to your door they could be on your doorknob uh i live in a very big building they're all wearing masks in the lobby where the concierge sits it's roped off with caution tape about five feet from where they sit. So no one can even approach it. I was shocked when I saw that. I didn't hear the joke. I didn't hear what you said. Oh, that ain't no joke. I say you got some paper if you got a concierge down in your building, man.

Yeah, yeah. I ain't know what that's like. But Jeffrey has done well over the years. He was in the medical field himself. Nico, you were in my apartment, I believe. Yeah. Yeah. It was crazy. Crazy. So they, they've just been very supportive and that's, but the comedy community, I got to thank the comedy community.

They've been so supportive. It's really amazing to realize that you're part of something that means so much. I really can't express it. I can't put it into words. But there were times that it literally brought me to tears while I was in the hospital. You guys made a video for me, and I got so many messages. Ron Bennington announced my situation on his show on Sirius. And I got hundreds and hundreds of messages from people.

And I can't emphasize enough how much that means when you're sick. Corinne Fisher, who was a guest on our show one time, she, Corinne Fisher, she co-hosts Guys We Fucked podcast. Right. And she's also a good friend of Jeff Gurian.

I don't know if you're one of the aforementioned guys that she's fucked or not. She was my assistant for a year and we're very, very close. She and Harrison Greenbaum organized that video. Sweetheart. Both of them. Corinne and Harrison on Facebook said,

if you have, Corinne said, send a video, a well wishes for Jeff and send them to this email address. And then they put together a video from all the well wishes. And so that, you know, I don't know how many you got, but. A lot.

And it was really amazing. Well wishes. Pardon me? Any famous well wishes? Yeah, I got well wishes from Nick kroll and john mulaney and bill burr and jim norton and uh burt kreischer and colin quinn they all posted like beautiful really beautiful things that i'm telling you a lot of it brought tears to my eyes it really did i'm not embarrassed to say that it was very touching and very moving well you know you got to a lot of it brought tears to my eyes. It really did. I'm not embarrassed to say that. It was very touching and very moving.

You know, you got to, a lot of people say that they'd like to, you know, if only they could go to their own funeral, they would know how beloved they are. And you didn't actually have to die to get that kind of information. You just had to die. So it was something very special.

I think you'll get more out of Bill Burr sick than dead. I was shocked at the nice message that he sent me. I'm kidding. It is a warm community. You're right. It is. It is a warm community and you find out more when you need it

because a lot of times it's guys just joking about each other, know busting each other's balls you know and but down deep there's a real caring and it's a real community and it's a it's a horrible way to have to find out but it's a very it's a very heartwarming thing to find out we were talking about that with the gofundmesMes and how generous people were with some of the GoFundMe campaigns for comics and for comedy club staff. Yeah. Jeffrey, I don't know if you are aware of the comedy seller GoFundMe, but that raised over $100,000 for the comedy seller waitstaff and bar staff. I wasn't aware, but that's wonderful. That's amazing. And a lot of the people that you just mentioned were also

gave to that. Well, I'm not surprised. The Comedy Cellar is in a class of its own. It always has been. It always will be. That's very nice of you to say that. Don't say it always will be. No, it's the truth. I've been in the game for decades and it's the truth. You've transformed that whole area. Everything down there is Comedy Cellar and it's fantastic. And it's the greatest honor to sit at the table, you know, to be in the presence of those people.

It's just a fantastic thing. So I'm not surprised that it got the support that it got. It deserves it. And Norma, and I thank you again personally for the nice message that you sent me. I can't wait to be back at the Olive Tree. I mean, the truth is, I was very moved. You know, Nico thought I was going to have like a jam.

No, I really, my heart went out to you after what you had gone through prior and how you always maintain this sunny disposition. I, and I really admire that. Our friend Hatem, who was in the hospital also with COVID who, you know,

he got it right a week after he had a heart transplant that he'd been waiting for over two years. In the transplant wing of the hospital. And now he's diagnosed with coronavirus. And it's similar to you. He's just, you can't, you just can't get a bad word out of him. He's just, you know, I mean, I would just be, I would collapse. I know I would. And, you know, I mean, and he's like, he's writing me emails about new shows he wants to do. And it's like, it just in a good mood. And I mean, and he seems to be recovering. You know, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not mean, I don't mean it like he's gonna die or something. He's recovering nicely. But when he first got diagnosed, I mean, with all the, with all the stuff you hear about who's high risk,

I mean, who could be higher risk than someone who just got a heart transplant? Got a heart transplant. Well, you know what? No, I'm glad you said that because it's very important to stay positive. That's something that I've always believed in for many years. I've tried to train myself that way. I have trouble doing that when things are going great. That's the Jewish part of us.

Do you know that while I was laying in the hospital, I was thinking of the Holocaust? And I'll tell you why I thought of it. I was so sick, and I started thinking that there were people in the Holocaust who were probably as sick as I was, and they made them work in slave labor, or they killed them.

Tell me about it, fam. And I said to myself, I was that sick. I would have been killed. There was no way that I could do any work. Feeling that sick. Jeffrey, look at me. Does this cheer you up? Yeah.

It always cheers me up to see pictures of him. I think it's the mustache. I really thought of that to try to give myself strength. I'm like, don't feel sorry. There were people, well, I survived. Through the grace of God, I survived. But I thought of things like that when I was laying there so sick. I said, there are people who have been just as sick, and they made it. And I have to stay positive. I can't allow myself to go into a negative thought. Are you talking about Hatem Gabber? Yes.

Hatem Gabber. Yes. Okay. Another Hatem? That's great. Yeah, there's not a lot of Hatems around. But that's a wonderful story. And I truly believe that, that if you can train yourself to stay positive you can get through almost anything I

have to do out there's a there's a ding that's going off every every few minutes of being and I don't know who that is or where it's coming from but if I met you it's very L anybody has any really before it's not me I turn away so before we before I run out of time I mean and has a list of us i'll tell you i i i have trouble saying this but you know bernie fabricant is a friend of this uh show outside steve's brother he's been reading perriel's book on my knees and he tells me he can't put it down that he that, that he just can't believe what a good book this is. And he demands that I read it so I can ask you questions. I will read it, but he says there's one part there

where you almost fuck Philip Roth. Is that true? Portnoy's complaint? Wasn't he like 90 years old? I have several things to say. First of all, the fact that you have still not read this book No I don't have that book Actually I did buy it

I just bought it on Kindle But I bought the other one Whatever the fucking case may be I mean it's just shameful Okay You want to know the answer You can read the book And he was not 90

No He was probably well into his late 70s by the time that I met him. And did you try? What happened? Did I try? What happened? I mean, I know any, what Jewish writer, young girl wouldn't fuck Philip Roth? I mean, come on.

What happened? What went wrong? You have to read the book. Yo, get out of the way. He's like the ultimate, uh, uh,

Jewish writer. You're a writer. Uh, I, I'm, I'm assuming a lot of our audience don't know who he is. Uh, he's,

I don't know. He's from the 70s. I barely know who he is. Go ahead. He's a well-known writer in the 70s and I guess early 80s. And his books included Portnoy's Complaint, Goodbye Columbus, The Plot Against America, and some other books. But who the hell reads novels anymore anyway?

Anymore. That's a dead art. I mean, he's sort of like, I mean, you could say like the um literary lion of american he was a big figure in literary circles uh you know at that time i really you know i didn't think we're getting more conversation about philip roth i wanted to talk about perriel but he's not telling us about philip and i just want to make it clear to the audience who philip r is, that might actually lend to the story because not everybody is an old Jew. No, no offense. And I would like to say one other thing is that if any of you motherfuckers ever had

to be pregnant, you want to talk about being nauseous for months and months on end. But it's supposed to be a sign of a healthy pregnancy. Right. It's a nightmare. At least you get a baby when you're pregnant. You're bringing in life. Jeffrey thought he was going to die, bro. Psychologically, it's a little bit easier to take when you know your life is not in danger.

But yes, I'm sure it's horrifying. I would not have the baby. And if I would find a back alley place. I'm not fucking being nauseous for nine months. That's it. No way. Nausea is one of the worst feelings, man.

I get it in cars all the time. It's so horrible. Worst thing ever. It's the car fresheners. That pine thing kills me. Nico, we haven't seen you in a while. I don't like that either. Yeah, in the taxis?

Yeah, in the taxis. It's horrible. I'll get out. What were you saying, Dan? I'm sorry. I'm saying, A, I haven't seen you in a while, so it's good to see you. Likewise. I was just about to say that, Nico, that it's so good to see you.

I know Nico since he started in comedy. When me and Jordan Rock used to host the Late Show at the Strip and you used to combine as a teenager with Amina Imani. We used to hang out in the back. Yeah, man. You met me I was what, four years in?

Because I was 18 when we met, as a matter of fact. Yeah, and so great. You guys are doing so well, man. Amazing. I appreciate you, four years in? Because I was 18 when we met, as a matter of fact. Yeah, and so great. You're doing so well, man. Amazing. I appreciate you, brother. You're funny from the get-go. Thank you. Nico, you know, he's pretty new to the comedy cellar.

And his existence actually worried me because I went to the New York Comedy Club. That's where it was, Nico, right? New York Comedy Club. That's where it was, Nico, right? That's where it was. I went to the comedy club and I saw why the fuck is this guy not working at the cellar? I didn't even know about him. You never, for whatever reason, not that you have to, but you never

really made yourself known to us in any way that I knew about. You know what's funny? I've been coming around there for years, man. Well, I mean, okay, but I mean, you came around doesn't mean I would know about you.

People are intimidated. Perry Ellis tells me I should show the picture of your album. Let me do it. I always wonder who else is out there that I don't know about, you know? Oh man. Few people,

bro. Few people. What am I looking at? Did it freeze? No, no, no. We're.

Oh, okay. Can't you do it? Okay. Hold on. I mean, for the love of God, no,

I'm what, what I, okay, but I mean, okay, I'm okay. Okay. Okay.

Just hold on a second. Like while I'm talking, okay. Talking points and bio, okay. And here is the picture. And now I am sharing the screen. Share advanced portion of screen. Okay, and I'm putting the portion right there. There it is.

Boom. There it is. Boom. The Kang. Yeah. Why is it called Marcellus? is that the name of the guy in pulp fiction marcella oh no no marcella is just my middle name and it's one of the i don't tell a lot of people you wouldn't know unless you were close to me the only people that know that's my

middle name are like my parents and my brother right so in a weird way this is my way of going if you know my middle name that means you're closer to me. And the only reason you would look this up is if you're a fan of mine or if you're you just so happen to hear it. You only ever look deep into it to find out who I am because you hopefully like me. So, you know, I'm a middle name. You're closer to me. That's the reason why I'm the title. Marcellus is an awesome name like that. That could be a great name in itself. That could be a single name. You could just be Marcellus is an awesome name. That could be a great name in itself. That could be a single name. You could just be Marcellus.

Exactly. Could be. Could be, but I'm used to Nico White now, man. I can't change it. There's no other Nico anyway. Yeah, no, it's just me and Nico Case, the folk singer. That's my competition. And the Japanese cat.

But outside of that, just us three bro that was i'm sorry dan what no no nico's go ahead nico no i'm just gonna say for like seven years it was me and the nico in japanese means cat so for years the japanese anime fetish was a lot more famous than i ever was so whenever you would look me, that would come up for like 25 pages before I would. Now I'm in the lead, but it's still there. It's still holding strong. And you know, it's funny. I was in Japan in October.

They're obsessed with cats. Every place they go, cats. They're selling cats all over the world. I was shocked. I didn't know that before I went. They sell headphones over there for like the company makes about 100 million dollars a year that has the necco um the cat ears on them they make a killing off of that stuff bro that little kitty giant over there

yeah it's crazy over there i i couldn't believe it well there's a big fetish scene i actually did a couple of shows over there and you know they have no comedy clubs over there? It's all bar shows. All bar shows. If you open a comedy cellar there, it would kill. They would do really well because there's no comedy clubs. It's only bar shows. There was one Tom Rhodes told me about a club.

That's very quick, shaky logic there. That's like saying, you know, there's no Jewish delis in Harlem. If you would open a Jewish deli in Harlem and make a killing, you'd be the only one. No, because the people there, it's not Japanese people. There's a lot of expats. And they go to the shows.

Yeah, the Japanese people, someone once smiled and thought better of it. It's not a big thing. Someone once smiled and thought better of it. It's not a big thing. Someone once smiled and thought better of it. What? But it was too late to take it back. Someone else saw it, and it was over. Well, you know, comedy is spreading around the world.

It wouldn't surprise me if it hit Japan one of these days. I mean, maybe it never will, but... Well, they have shows, but they don't have an actual club. They're all upstairs in bars. I'm saying if the Japanese people themselves start doing comedy in Japan, in Japanese, that might happen one day. I'm assuming that they don't have much of that now, but... No, but the ones that do come over here.

You know, Rome Kanda? Right. He was a Japanese comedian that hosted an American game show. There's a, there's a few Japanese comedians that came over, but in Japan, there's a lot of expats. The shows that I did,

people from Scotland and Ireland and England, a lot of them. And they come, but again, there's no comedy club. Good heavens was one that told me about, and it's really just the bar. But to the part of the secret to the Comedy Cellar

is the attention that Noam gives to it, which he could not give to a club. In Japan? Nor could Esty be involved, nor would it have the same atmosphere, nor would it have drop-ins. What about the Comedy Cellar in Las Vegas? That's not in Japan. I'm not trying to hit Japan. The Comedy Cellar in Las Vegas? That's not in Japan.

I'm not trying to hit Japan. The comedy cellar in Las Vegas is fine, but it's not at the same level as the comedy cellar in New York. It's a fine... Oh, nothing could be. Yeah, nothing could be. It would just be a franchise. It would be a name.

I wouldn't expect Noam to be going to Japan. It's a really long trip, by the way. 14 hours on a plane. You want to kill yourself by the time you go for it. You want to commit hara-kiri. That's why they bombed Pearl Harbor, you know, by the way, because it was only six hours

away. You're just going in with whatever you got left, huh? Don't you have sufficient means, Jeffrey, to fly business class at this point? I did fly. What's the thing? It was not economy, supreme economy.

I don't remember what they call it. It was a big ripoff. It was like two grand, and my seat didn't even work. Supreme economy. It was horrible. It was horrible. 14 hours in the air. There's no place that's worth going forth. I had a good time. It was horrible. 14 hours in the air. There's no place that's worth going forth.

I had a good time. It was interesting. Supreme economy is what I'm stuck on. Yeah, I think that's what they called it or something like that. Higher class peasantry. Noam. It was a very, very strange place. Listen, I'm one hour away from my Google alerts on Tara Reid and Joe Biden.

I'm losing my mind. No, I'm just quickly. Have you been speaking of Vegas? Have you been in touch with the people at the Rio Hotel? Because obviously, that's down there, too. So what's going on in Vegas? When did they want to open back up? Because it would be up to them, I think the Rio Hotel people more than you at this point, would it not? Well, it's all shut down. I haven't heard from them, so hopefully they'll give me a heads up. I don't know. I don't know.

That's a boring answer. Okay. That may be you. It's the truth. I'm very pessimistic about Comedy Cellar Vegas. I got to tell you, I don't know how that's going to get back off the stretcher. It wasn't on this. I mean, why are you more?

Well, I'm telling you, between like Noam, de Blasio, I don't know if I'm going to have a hairline left when this is over, dog. Why? Y'all, how you feel about it? Hey, man, look. I don't know. It might be all right. It might not be.

No, the thing is that the cellar in New York, we can cut back in many ways. God forbid we could pay less, have fewer comedians, lower the prices, all kinds of stuff we can do. In Vegas, we got to fly people out there. We got to pay for hotel rooms. We got to, I mean, we only to fly people out there. We got to pay for hotel rooms. We got to, you got to, I mean, we only have five people. And if nobody comes, we're fucked. Right.

And I don't know. I mean, hopefully it'll come back. The truth is, like, I don't care. Like, I hope it comes back. I'm just worried about New York. Yeah. I'm worried about, you York. I need to survive. I went into

Vegas knowing I could lose it just as a gamble. If it doesn't come back, it'll lick my wounds, but it's not going to... It'll roll off my back. If New York doesn't come back, what am I going to do? New York's coming back. New York's coming back.

Didn't you hear a word Jeffrey just said? Actually, I didn't. That's a lot of words. Me either. Of course I heard. What does that mean? He doesn't know it's coming back. Listen, I will say this. Everybody needs to wear masks. I've been doing a lot of research. I sent it

to Dan. There is research out there which indicates That if everybody wears masks We could bring the R-naught Which is the frequency with which It transmits The transmissible frequency Below one

Which would mean If you sustain it below one The virus becomes extinguished And it seems like I asked Tyler about this a week ago but since then i i think i was right that if we had been wearing masks since like february we have maybe one tenth the death the death that's yeah that is yeah and instead they're so and i feel like they're so enamored with these high-tech fancy solutions. It's like the doctors didn't think about gravity

and laying people on their stomachs. You know, when that came through, all the fancy machines lie people on their stomachs. And then all of a sudden, a lot of people survived because their heart wasn't on top of their lungs. And I think it's similar with masks.

Like we got so caught up in trying to find a drug and testing and contact tracing and all of a sudden I was like, wait a second, let's take full advantage of the technologies we already have. Masks. For months, they were telling us we didn't even need masks.

For months. For months, they were like, oh, no, that's too much. Masks are only for people that are sick. My mom was in here like, oh, yeah, we got to order masks. And I'm listening to news like, nah, they're saying that's only for sick people. Then, oh yeah, you now require everybody to have on a mask before you can come inside. How many people got sick

in the meantime? That's the thing, because nobody really knows for sure. What bothers me is that they're trying to put out this stuff about this drug Plaquenil or hydroxychloroquine. It works. It works. But it sounds dangerous though. But because they haven't done long-term studies,

they're afraid to say that it works. There are some hospitals that are using it on a regular basis and some hospitals don't have it at all. But you don't know that it works. I mean. Well, I can only talk from my own experience. It seemed to work on me and it seemed to work on a lot of people

that I've been reading stories about. Jeffrey, I don't want to, you know, I mean, but it seems to me, you're a man of science, that you understand that most people don't die from this, so whatever you happen to be taking, it could be blueberry juice, at the time that you get better, you will likely think, oh, blueberry juice, I got better. No, I understand what you're saying. It could be blueberry juice at the time that you get better you will likely think

oh i blueberry juice i got better but i understand what you're saying it could be coincidental but you were you were never likely to die even though it felt like no i didn't have any side effects from taking the drug yeah and they said that one of the potential side effects could be an irregular heartbeat yeah i didn't happen to experience that. And you know, I asked for a cardiologist and they wouldn't send one. They said that I didn't need it, that they felt that I should only deal with pulmonary specialists. I mean, I'm not saying it doesn't work. I'm not saying, and I hope-

Nobody knows for sure, but it would be nice. There are enough cases where people have gotten better using that combination of hydroxychloroquine, zinc, and Z-Pak. And I really believe that because I was on the Z-Pak for 10 days, they didn't give me more in the hospital. Well, there's a story today now that they're going to release the information about remdesivir, and that's going to be a positive trial that it worked. And I think, I read it quickly, I think they're only releasing the data about the people who were far along. So we don't even know, the suspicion is that these drugs have a better shot of working if they are administered early before the viral load

is basically so high that it overwhelms the drug, which is similar to antivirals and stuff. So, yeah, I mean, if they can get a therapy or two that really works, plus masks, maybe we can go back to work, you know? Yeah. I don't know. When this is all over, people are going to go crazy. There's going to be celebrations like the end of World War II. Oh, 100%.

They'll be kissing nurses in the street. Well, before we go, quite as abruptly, I mean, World War II, they're like, okay, Japan surrenders. There was a moment in time that was precise. This is not likely to be quite as exact, like a date. There wasn't a date when they say it ended on May 15th. They're not going to be like a date. You all know this, right?

That the guy, that famous picture, World War II, with the guy holding the woman, making out in Times Square, you know that picture? Yeah, he's kissing a nurse. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. He was canceled, that guy. That was amazing. Was it?

Was it really? Yeah, because it turns out she reported that she didn't know the guy. Was it? Was it really? Yeah, because it turns out she reported that she didn't know the guy. He just grabbed her on the street. Yo. It became an iconic picture and it turned out she didn't know the guy.

I just want to meet the person who dug that deep. Oh, so funny. By the way and last thing is that so and um my my latest prediction is that joe biden is going to be pressured to release his um uh papers at the university of delaware wherever they are that he you know he won't release the senator senator papers because um and i think the argument is going to be that well if you want trump to release his tax returns and that's his private financial data, why can't who says a senator can seal his papers work product of when he was a public servant? Right. And because this woman who claims that he harassed her says that she filed a complaint and it would be in his papers.

No, no. The papers are sealed until two years after his retirement. Well, then unseal them. right? You're running for president. So that's going to be awesome. I can't wait. I think, I mean, he may not release them, but the hypocrisy has no bottom limit when it comes to politics. Just no bottom limit. Yeah. Do you think that Biden will be forced to abandon the race? Me? Like, I don't know. I don't know. That old man isn't fit to be president, though.

Just in looking at him, you can tell he's not healthy. His social media team is kicking ass, though. The promo that they put out against Trump at the start of the corona stuff, amazing. The actual debate, though, he's going to get killed every time. Because he can't put thoughts together.

I would say it's hard to believe. It's hard to predict that he will leave the race. But I do have this always feeling like, well, if it makes sense, whatever makes the most sense, that's what's most likely to happen, even though it's hard. And I think that given how bad he looks right now what a weak candidate he is they will and the far left will move put pressure on him to resign from the race the question is well who's next well that's the

thing because the demo the main most of the democratic party would like to skip over Sanders and bring in Cuomo or somebody under the age of 65 who has mainstream appeal. But the Sanders crew is going to freak the fuck out if they pass over Sanders for some other candidate. So I would say that if Sanders weren't around, I would say the chances would be't around, I would say the chances would be much higher that Biden will drop out. But I'd say it's 50-50 or maybe even 60-40 that he will be asked to leave because the female running mates who are all going to have these

quotes about how they were so upset about Kavanaugh and how you have to believe all women and blah, blah, blah. And you have this really strong case of this woman who told like five people 27 years ago that Biden did this to her, you know, or over 27 years. How are they going to explain that away? Like, I don't think that should be, I don't think it's fair to him, but they made their whole career the last two years about saying that you have to believe all women. Well, most... What did he supposedly do? I haven't read any accounts that were specific

about what he supposedly did. He says that in the office, he sent her to get his gym bag or something. She brought it back, and he digitally raped her, put his fingers inside her, you know what. Wow. I guess we will.

And he told her mother called Larry King and talked about how her daughter had a problem with the senator. Her neighbor says she remembers the story. 20 years ago, her brother says he remembers the story 20s in year he goes her brother says he remembers the story another friend remembers the story i mean and verified by the way that that woman who called larry king was indeed tara reed's mother well it's yes i would say it has been because she said my mom was on larry king about it they found this tape and he identifies her he says you know he says the town first he's like atlanta luna california go which is where her mother lived in the bispo i think and it was a small town i mean you're how could it not be her mother so and then there's another little known thing

a journalist named alexander cockburn wrote a story in the 90s. Yeah, he was a pretty famous journalist. And he wrote a story in the 90s where he said that multiple people within the Biden office had told him about Joe Biden sexually harassing him while his wife was sick or having a baby or something like that. His wife was in the hospital for some reason. I don't know. There's multiple people telling him that. So there's, and of course, there's so much footage of this guy sniffing hair and rubbing shoulders.

I mean, I mean, listen, let me tell you something, Perry L. That is sexual. Anytime a dude is sniffing your hair

or rubbing your shoulders, he's getting off on it. Don't let them fucking tell you otherwise. Me and all the guys on this panel, we've had dicks all our lives we're gonna tell you i'm not sniffing any girl sniffing hair yeah because i feel really friendly to her you know that's just a little ridiculous thing and they and they say this stuff and feminist women because they want to support the democratic party they're like oh yeah yeah he yeah, he's just being, you know, friendly.

Just a friendly old guy snipping hair. You know how old guys do. If they suspend their disbelief, he's a creep. He's a creep. Okay, but to be fair, you know. I am being fair. What you're about to say is not going to be fair, but go ahead. If there's a spectrum of sexual assaults

right yeah fair enough then i would say that sniffing hair you know is relatively innocuous no i'm going to tell you why i'm going to tell you why i mean it is it this is what bothers me about it i'll tell you why sniffing hair to a stranger which tell you tell you to go fuck yourself, that may be more innocuous or friend or whatever. Sniffing hair when you're a senator and you have a captive audience and you know they won't fucking do anything because they can't because you're in a position of power.

That fucking enrages me. I used to talk about this. Guys are fucking actually raping people with their penis. I said he's a creep i didn't compare it to rape all right so i'm saying hold on if i'm saying that if i if i sniff one of my waitresses hair and she's like totally skeeved out but she has to put up with it because she doesn't want to lose her job yeah yeah no that, no, that's not a minor thing, actually. I think she'd be more upset

if you fingered her against her will. Yeah, yeah. More upset, yes. But also, that's what the campaign is going to become. She's accused of that, too. So we'll see. Yeah. I guess my point I was making is that

this shouldn't be as hard to believe as some people are making it because he does have a pattern of really kind of creepy inexplicable behavior with women. It's not like you say, oh my God, he's never shown any signs of crossing lines with women. You know what? Donald Trump has actually raped people

though if I'm not mistaken. Oh, has he? Yeah. But see, this is what it's going to become. It's going to be people on one side gone, but yours is worse than ours. Yours is worse than ours. First of all, Donald Trump is no more guilty of rape than Biden is.

But second of all... Excuse me, have you read the excerpt from his ex-wife's book when he was tearing her hair out? She retracted that. She retracted that. My favorite part of this is seeing all of you guys after so long and knowing not a thing has changed part of this is seeing all of you guys after so long

and knowing not a thing has changed. But this is my point. Just to be very clear, I don't think it's fair to bring up these allegations against any, certainly not an ex-wife. Even Chris, you know, Chris Rock's talking about that. Ex-wives, that is the least reliable thing you're going to do. Well, if Chris Rock said it, then it must be true. Yes, I would say that. But anyway, I don't think it's fair to bring up these accusations 25, 27 years. I don't think it's

fair. Of hair skipping or rape? Anything. What I'm saying is that the liberal world for the last two years has been telling us, including Joe Biden, if a woman makes the allegation, you believe her. You are a monster if you don't. It doesn't matter that Blasey Ford had not a single piece of evidence against Kavanaugh, not a single piece, including ever, no one that you ever actually met him was in the same room with him.

The fact that she said it, that meant you had to believe it. And if you didn't believe it, you couldn't even say it out loud. I was afraid to say anything skeptical out loud. So this is their standard. And it is certainly fair to hold somebody to their own standard. And that's why the Republicans, like, I mean, Woody Allen was actually cleared by law enforcement. Now, I happen to think he might have done it, but he was cleared by law enforcement, right? Major publishers dropped his book.

Amazon dropped him just on an accusation. An accusation that was investigated and the people investigated found it. No, we don't see evidence here. This is the standard. And the same people who dropped Woody Allen's book and won't publish, dropped his show and won't publish his book, they will be voting for Joe Biden.

And you're going to see them twist logic into a pretzel to explain why it's different. And it's no different. Everybody knows it's no different. Everybody knows. Some guy just lost his job on TV for asking a woman there, are you going out tonight? Because he

commented on the dress. She was wearing a nice dress and he said to her, are you going out tonight? And she was offended by that. Chris Matthews was forced to resign after all those years for saying to a girl, you look so pretty. Yes, exactly. Chris Matthews. That's who it was. And then he followed up by saying,

are you going out tonight? She was so offended by that. Those are the people who have to tell me why it's okay with Joe. The accusation goes, Joe Biden. Not the Trump supporters. It's those people. The ones who were calling for Chris Matthews' head. Can I be honest

why I get so upset about it? The fucking people were threatening my kids on Facebook. Threat kids, threatening violence against me and my family because we had the nerve to put Louis C.K. on stage. Louis, who only admitted to masturbating in front of, he said, I always ask permission. He never admitted to doing it without permission. But either way, those same people who are going to vote for Joe Biden, despite all this accusation, they were ready to come at me and threaten my life. But yeah, threatened to firebomb the club, threatened my kids. That's threatening our lives, Noam, because.

Fucking hypocrites. I mean, I can't tell you how much I hate them. Fucking hypocrites. How horrible. Perry, I was at a noise coming from your apartment. There's some noise in the background. Nico, were those your neighbors? I'm hearing neighbors or roommates or something.

Let me see. I put myself on mute. See if you don't hear me. No, it's not me. I'm alone here. You know how much hate mail I got? Like, how many nasty things from Jared? That is so horrible. Joe Biden? There are so many sick people in the world who use their anonymity on the internet to say the most vile things. The innermost workings of the world are so sick. It's unbelievable. See it on YouTube. I cancel

comments all the time. They're not all anonymous. I mean, Alyssa Milano was very outspoken about Me Too and has been far more silent with regard to Joe Biden. Hold on. I need something to calm me down. Hold on a second. I'm really upset. Yeah, don't you feel better now? Noam is a weird

obsession with Adolf Hitler. If you're only hearing the audio... Oh, Hitler's back? Noam is watching a video of Hitler in the... Ah! I'm still trying to figure out how a guy named Cockburn ever grew up. How the fuck...

Probably rough. Alexander Cockburn, if you remember him from the... Ah! ever grew up. By the way, is it probably rough? Alexander Cochran. If you remember him from the, ah, that's a tough name to get, to grow up with. That Trump. Sure.

Yeah. It was at the wailing wall. Um, wailing wall. Anyhow, no, is there any other business we need to discuss? No,

no, no. This kind of brings together. This is from, uh, uh kind of brings together, this is from this brings together a little of our Japanese talk and election. Correction in progress. Is that China?

Perfect. Perfect. There's a really funny site called, you can see there, it says backwards, English.com, and they collect all these funny, you know, bad translations. Yeah, yeah. So this one says

erection in progress and it's a construction site. No, it's like election. Election. Election. It was construction. That's what I got from that sign. No, it's supposed to be election in progress. No, repost that sign, please. Why would they spell?

Oh, you might be right. You might be right. You know what? I remember that old joke. What's a Japanese girl's favorite holiday? Erection day. But you're not supposed to say that joke. So I took it to be an erection, but yeah.

Probably a construction site, because that would be a weird translation of construction site. I just want to say, just repeating the joke that i used to hear i never approved of it even when i was young i i bothered me that they would joke like that that was the joke back in the day you know they would make those jokes did anybody see has anybody seen team america lately why is that joke offensive to you because japanese do have problems with that or chinese people with that uh pronouncing that letter because somebody got fired for making that you know that accent joke but team america i would go wild i saw it recently i mean they just go to town

on making fun of the asian accent with kim jong-il and if you put on the you got to put on the subtitles the closed captions when you watch it because it smells everything in english things like you don't even really hear it it is so funny if you're if you make fun of a german accent or uh you know uh a a french accent or english accent of course it's okay we why that is, because those are white people. Make of that what you will. I'm not defending or saying otherwise, but you can

make fun of an English accent until you're blue in the face. You recall Austin Powers, where Mike Myers, you know, he had those buck teeth and those bad teeth. And all those silly expressions. How's your father? Good roddering.

People love when you can imitate an accent, but Giannis Papas told me that he got death threats for doing a Greek accent when he does Mr. Panos. Mr. Panos? And he's Greek. Yeah. So how sick is that? That you're not even allowed to imitate your own ethnicity's accent.

It's just, it's insane. I gotta say that cheeseburger cheeseburger. Well yeah. And it was because- Russell Peters, Russell Peters imitates every accent in the world and people love him. It's the same hypocrisy. It's the same hypocrisy. They don't really care.

The same fucking hypocrisy. Nobody't really care the same fucking hypocrisy nobody wants to see anybody mean to somebody we all get that and there are certain things there's many kinds of jokes that would make us all uncomfortable but you know what do they want knock knock jokes you really think they want everybody to return to knock knock jokes you're supposed to use your intuition

people know if you're coming from a place of love or a place of hatred people can tell that. They know for sure. And they were so outraged until Chappelle came out with this special and that not one person had the nerve to say a peep among the people we know. The people who were blasting Louis, blasting everybody. Hello, Mr. Chappelle. Oh, yes, of course Michael Jackson's victims were all

full of shit. Of course they should be happy that Michael molested them. Of course, Mr. Chappelle. Right this way, Mr. Chappelle. I mean, what fucking hypocrite? You know, I'm not knocking Chappelle. I love this. They should have put up when Chappelle did it.

They should have when Biden does it. It changes when they like you. If they like you, then it's fine. I can forgive the transgressions of my allies. That's how it is. You know what I mean? If they feel like you're on their side, they're all with you. The second you're not on their side, though, it's scathing.

And they killed Shane Gillis. Poor guy. All right, I got to go. Okay, folks. All right. Thank you, Jeffrey, for joining us and sharing your harrowing tales. They killed Shane Gillis. Poor guy. All right, I got to go. Okay, folks. All right. Thank you, Jeffrey, for joining us and sharing your harrowing tales. And how are you?

It's great to see all you guys. Really, really great. Thank you. Where can everybody find you? It's great to see you. Me? Nassacommyserver.com. Also, Cariel's collecting,

she needs children's books. So send her some children's books for her son. How's he doing with those books? We've read already three or four of them. That was so nice of you. No one left me. You know, I left the city about a month ago, and I didn't bring anything with me.

And I started becoming very concerned that my son is going to be illiterate. I only have a half hour to eat before my intermittent fasting window is closed, so I would like to move this along. Where can we find your album, Nico? All right. You can find my album on everywhere where you can buy albums. iTunes, Spotify.

If you're streaming, you can go to my website, NicoWhite.com. It's N-E-K-O-W-H-I-T-E dot C-O-M. The-I-T-E.com. The album comes out May 8th, my birthday. Pick it up, say hi, let me know which parts you like.

Okay, thank you, everybody. I wish I could be that smooth. I didn't get a chance to get my site. I'm sorry. Get very in sight. Got it. ComedyMattersTV.com

and on YouTube, YouTube.com slash ComedyMattersTV. Lots of interviews with everybody you love in comedy. comedymatterstv.com and on YouTube, youtube.com slash comedymatterstv. Lots of interviews with everybody you love in comedy. Thank you so much for having me on.

God bless you, Jeffrey. We're happy you're back. Thank you so much, Norm. It means so much to me. Thank you, guys. All of the y'all. Good to see everybody, all right?

Be safe. Be safe. Thank you, Nico. Thank you, Periel. Lots of love. And you can email podcast at comedyseller.com and follow us on Instagram at livefromthetable. Bye, everyone.

Bye, see you soon. Bye.