The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Jimmy Carr and Bobby Kelly

Episode Date: March 3, 2016

Jimmy Carr and Bobby Kelly

All right, are you going to put down your phone, Robert? Are you setting me up to attack me? Because I'm not doing this if that's what you're doing. Because that's what you do. You attack the people that you love. Okay? Attack Jimmy. Because you don't know him.

Attack him. You love me. We're friends. Be nice to me. Good evening, everybody. I haven't seen you in days. Good evening. This is like an old time.

I'm sorry. Go ahead. That's me. Good evening, everybody. Welcome to the Comedy Cellar Show here on Sirius XM Channel 99. And we're here, of course, with Krista Montella. Dan Natterman is... Where is Dan?

I'm right here. I don't know where he is. I'm here in spirit. Hey, Jimmy Carr. He's one of my favorites. Robert Kelly, the founder of the Riotcast Podcast Network and one of the most important stand-up comedians in the country. Sorry, self-important. One of the most self--up comedians in the country. One of the most self-important.

Thank you, Jimmy, for clarifying. I was going to say something, but I didn't want to be rude. And we have the fantastic Mr. Jimmy Carr who is, and this is not the first time that we've been in a situation where we've interviewed someone who's like a megastar in another country.

Are you still talking about me? No. And we don't quite know. If you're listening in that other country, obviously I've lied to them. Yes. It's true. We dealt with that with Trevor Noah before he was a megastar here. And then recently, who else did we interview that we talked about?

The guy from France. Oh, Gad Alamed. I don't remember his last name. He's not famous here. It sounds like he made a great impression. You know who he is, right? Yeah, I know the guy. He's wonderful.

The setup here, obviously the listeners won't appreciate, but it looks as if we're listing into East Berlin. The vibe I'm getting here is there's a lot of wires. There's some strange looking boxes. It really feels, this feels like, I feel like I'm in the movie The Lives of Others. And if you get that reference, why are you listening to this? You're clearly, you're better than this. It's the conversation, the Coppola movie, the conversation.

But anyway, so let me just introduce Jimmy Carr. And I'm just going to read the first paragraph of your Wikipedia. He's an English stand-up comedian, television host, and actor known for his signature laugh, deadpan delivery, dark humor, and use of edgy one-liners. He's also a writer, actor, and presenter of radio and television. And that's, I guess, the... Well, that'll have to do. And quiz shows, talk shows, and all of it.

I also often turn down podcasts. So it's, yeah. Dude, well, Esty, you know, I was pretty embarrassed about that because Esty made it awkward. I like it. It's kind of fun. Nice to come in early. Why did you make it awkward? Because I, listen, Esty has, we've had tremendous success as a club because of this quality of Esty's, but I don't like putting people in a situation where it's awkward for them

to say no. Oh, I see. It was very difficult for him to say no in that situation. And my God, I tried. What about me? What about me? Where else are you going to be? Listen to me.

First of all, good point. Second of all. What's happening in Westchester? Listen, you make a valid point. But listen... However, nonetheless. However, nonetheless. Thank you, Kristen, for saying nonetheless.

Well, I think I'm on your show a lot. I owe you. Everything. No, actually the reason is because when we were at my house eating dinner the other night, he was telling me what a huge... This is true, it sounds stupid, but how much he admired Jimmy Carr. Well, we get on very well. I mean, it's a weird thing, actually,

you know, kind of doing... Wait a minute, get on in America is different than in London. We get along very well. Get on here is me, we sleep together. Oh. Wow, that's a stinker. Sorry, Jimmy.

Get it on, get it on. Yeah, we get it on together. It's an odd thing, isn't it, when you kind of, you know, coming into the club, especially this club, and having that, you just kind of bump into people and kind of you realize how similar your job is. It's very different kind of styles of comedians. I do one-liners.

I feel like an old-timey comedian here because I do one-liners. No one does jokes here. People talk about their lives, which strikes me as incredibly arrogant. Why would anyone be concerned about your life or what's been going on? Do you understand? When I knew about Jimmy Carr before I met him and we were on a show together,

actually, what are you doing? Go ahead, go ahead. Stripping down. One second I'm talking to you, the next second you're shirtless. Go ahead, Robert, go ahead. You're on a show together. And I really thought I wasn't going to like you, dude.

I was really getting ready to not like you as a human being. Right. Because I was like, this guy is going to suck. And he not only was the funniest guy on a killer lineup, we're talking everybody.

They had a midget getting standing ovations. He would go out after him and just level the place. He was the sweetest guy in the world. Just the nicest guy ever. It feels like we need to, okay, what's the point of the podcast? What do we do? No.

Is this it? This is it. Just chatting. We're doing it. Oh, I love it. Now, Robert is the kind of comedian who really does talk about his life. Sure. And there is this whole, and I actually reject it, but there's this whole elitist, or I don't know what exactly the right word is,

but the comedians today feel like if you're not being honest and talking about your real life experience, they don't value, for the most part, your comedy. It is an odd thing. I'm often asked to defend a joke. Like I'll tell a joke and it will have some offensive words in it or it will be ostensibly about rape or paedophilia or something dreadful in society. And it's merely a piece of wordplay for me.

Whereas if anyone else were to talk about it and to go in from that angle of saying, this is truth and honesty and my real opinion and I'm a soothsayer and I'm trying to tell you something, when you go away from the show, it'll change your perspective. I'm just an entertainer. I'm just trying to make people laugh. It's a terrible defense, but it's true. It's just, no, no, just trying to make you laugh. If you didn't find it funny, don't listen. It's not a terrible defense at all. As a matter of fact, I think they

need to realize, sorry, that they're just entertainers also. But I think you're, can I say something? It doesn't matter. You're entertainers. You may care very much. Can I speak as the comedians that you talk? Not me, because I love Jimmy, but I think you're wrong.

We, comics, number one, talent isn't afraid of talent. Talent knows talent. Number two, if you're funny, you're funny. It doesn't matter if you have a puppet, if you go up and fucking... No, it really doesn't.

I mean... You say that, but... Look, man, the comics I know, It doesn't matter if you have a puppet, if you go up and fucking. No, it really doesn't. I mean, so. You say that, but. But Jimmy, look, man, the comics I know, know Jimmy and, you know, his style or truth telling or what Louis does or what Chris does. If it's funny, it's fucking funny. And Jimmy is funny. He's hilarious. I dare you to watch Jimmy Carr and not even if you don't like that style of comedy, he's the best

at it and all of a sudden you'll just start cracking up and dying and then he gets you into your thing. I saw you one night. This is a true story. The little guy, midget guy, goes out, gets a standing ovation, dry humps, does all the stuff. You know, Brad, he's crazy. He just does crazy stuff and he gets a standing ovation, dry humps, does all this stuff. Brad, he's crazy.

He just does crazy stuff, and he gets a standing ovation. Bridget goes out. You know Bridget. She just annihilates. She kills. The lady goes, hey, we'll have somebody come up and do some time. He goes, no. Why?

He goes, I'm a comedian. You're mistaking me for somebody who gives a shit and he just goes out no fucking time they just murdered and he brought the house to a fucking another level I feel slightly shy

I find it here Amy Schumer went up the other night and the audience obviously lost their mind there's no one hotter right now. I was in the audience. They went, you lost your mind. I mean, you've regained some composure now. Well done. But they lost their mind. And then whoever goes up next is

just the audience aren't thinking, they're not thinking anything other than, we've already had a great night. They live in the moment. That thing of the next comic up is, they're in a place where they want to laugh. Following someone isn't tricky, I think. It's more difficult to follow someone that's had a nightmare. I think Noam said it the other day to me.

It's in your head. It's all in your head. It's in your head. I've seen so many comedians get psyched out by who they're following. The audience doesn't care. They just want to see another good act. But no, I want to say this. To be a professional, he had a transition joke,

which you wrote about Lincoln or something. He just had a joke in his head that he wrote. He's like a super fan. No, but for that situation. He was like, something like, this is like following you know, this is like going up after Lincoln got shot. Some terrible joke he said

that literally made the audience go click. Oh, we love this guy. Immediately. And he just turned them with a joke. So I'm not saying that you could just go up and follow anybody. I mean, if Chris Rock went in an hour at Madison Square Garden, I'm sure I could not go up and follow him and do well. Like, do great, right?

Well, I don't know. But, I mean, it depends what the bill is. I mean, I think that thing, if they've paid to see that person, I never take a support act on tour because I always think, well, you're just throwing someone to the lions every night. If they've paid to see you, that's what they want to see and nothing else.

You know, I always think that's a very tough thing when someone's gone, all right, we want to see that comedian and then it doesn't matter who else goes up. If it's his audience, then it's a little different scenario. Who supported the Rolling Stones the other day? You wouldn't see the Stones, right? There was nobody. Yeah, why would they?

Why would they bother? You know what Jimmy does too, though? I find it's a time killer. If I'm wrong, because I am a fucking super fan of you, but what you do is you tour England every year. You go to the same theaters. Your fans know that you're coming back next year with a new hour. Yeah.

So you, I mean, I know it's a job to all of us, but to you, you're writing jokes for a new hour to go on tour next year to these theaters. Yeah. And they know you're coming. This job is like a joke-eating monster. It just will, it's ravenous. It will not stop.

Well, especially for you, too, because you're going through three a minute. You're going fast. Yeah, it's fun. Can I ask you a question? I saw that Woody Allen American Masters thing a couple years ago, and something he said reminded me, actually, of you at the time. He said, well, you know, writing jokes, he says, I could always do that. Like, even as a, I could always do that.

And I'm, because writing one-liners, as you do, seems to me a much rarer talent than being able to go up there and, like, talk about my wife. Like, I could go up and tell a really funny story about a stuff that goes on

with me and Juanita. And if I had a charisma like he does, I think I could do it. But I don't, you could give me, you could give me, but you can give me unlimited time. And I don't, I don't think I could come up. Don't ever take that joke away from us again. I don't think I could do it. But I don't, you could give me, you could give me, but you get any kind of

You could give me unlimited time and I don't think I could come up Don't ever take that joke away from us again. I don't think I could come up with one one-liner.

It's an odd thing. It's a very odd, arcane skill, writing one-liners. It's a bit like doing a crossword puzzle. If you like, I think that's probably

the best analogy I've got. If you like working things out, it's working something out. You hear a phrase or you hear a turn of speech that you just think things out, it's working something out. You hear a phrase or you hear a turn of speech that you just think, oh, that's nice. And then you work,

you write the punchline first and then work backwards to the joke. Were you always able to do it? At what age were you able to do it? No, I started when I was about 26. And I was a huge comedy fan. I used to go to lots of comedy.

And I thought, well, maybe I could give this a go. I don't think you get to choose your style of comedy. I think it chooses you. You're right. I think you get to choose your style of comedy. I think it chooses you. I think you get up on stage, and that's, I think, you know, people talk about truth and being themselves on stage.

That's who I am in front of a thousand people. It's me on stage. And I might seem a bit, you know, uptight and trying to get to the point and trying to get to the laugh every second, but that's who I am in front of that many people. So you've always done that style? Yeah, I could never do anything else.

I'd be really interested, actually, to try, like, I feel like I've got better as a comedian. The other thing, you kind of grow up in public as a comic. You sort of start off on, you know, I got on TV fairly quickly and I've done lots of TV shows. So you look back at the stuff you've done, you go, well, I'm much better than I was 12 years ago, but maybe in another 12 years, I'll be better again. It'd be interesting to try and change styles, to try and do an observational comedy show. Because occasionally I'll write an observational bit, but then what I'll do is I'll just pare it back

and pare it back and pare it back until it appears as a one-liner. Do you have to be English to do that? I feel like it helps. But first of all, your one-liners actually are really, really shorthand observational bits sometimes. There's a lot of,

there's a lot of, I was going to say, there's like something very not, not hacky about the way you do. I don't know. Like it's very, you do think, it makes you think in a very short,

you know, the punchline isn't even obvious even though you're just saying the punchline. Well, it's a weird thing where you only have to be one beat ahead of the audience with one-liners. Yeah. It's that thing of the audience often thinking,

oh, I knew he was going to say that. No, you didn't, but you thought you did. Right. I feel I should warn you before I get started. In my act, there is some bad language. I'm not talking about split infinitives. There will be some swearing. And there is some material of a sexual nature so if

you are offended by rude material or cursing for heaven's sake don't be a douchebag about it no matter how much you give a homeless person for a cup of tea you never get that tea My father used to say Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger Until the accident I was filling in a questionnaire It said who would you most like to sleep with Anyone living or dead

I put anyone living or dead? I put anyone living. When people say they hear voices in their heads, as opposed to where exactly? Hearing voices in your legs. That's properly crazy if we're all God's children what's so special about Jesus? I was doing a gig a couple of weeks ago and I got talking to one of the girls in the front row I asked her her name. She said, my name's Pataka. I said, that's an unusual name, you don't hear that every day.

To which she replied, actually, I do. In the pursuit of scientific answers, animals have been tortured for the past 100 years. They're still not talking. I'm starting to think they don't know anything. I was out last week collecting for a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I was able to afford a taxi. Now I live quite near a remedial school there's a sign outside it says slow children

I thought well that can't do much for their self esteem but look on the positive side of course they can't read it ladies ladies if you get a burning sensation when you pee But look on the positive side, of course, they can't read it. Ladies, ladies, if you get a burning sensation when you pee... I can tell I'm not going to win any new friends on this, but am I? Ladies, if you get a burning sensation when you pee, it could be one of three things. It could be a urinary tract infection.

It could be a bushfire. infection. Could be a bushfire. Or it could be someone's talking about your vagina. It's that lovely thing of how all jokes work in the same way. Observational comedy can be analysed in the same way, but it can't be written in the same way. It's that thing, all jokes are two stories, and the first story makes you make an assumption that turns out to be erroneous in the punchline. It's the sudden revelation of a previously concealed fact.

Am I being sort of... No, wow. You have to explain some stuff to Robert, maybe. No, no, Robert's recording. That just made me... I mean, that was just... I mean, one of the most elegant ways I've ever heard anybody explain stand-up comedy. Elegant. Don't do it. Did I say elegant? What did I say? of the most elegant ways I've ever heard anybody explain stand-up comedy elegant but elegant and eloquent together with a very Bush George Bush like an elegant

listen as far as I'm aware it's an animal with a huge can we start over Elegant. I like it. The inherent irony. The inherent irony of Shane. Can I say something? The reason why I got nervous is because you both went like this. You were both looking like everybody. I was like, is he going to say it? Everybody was so like, go ahead, Robert. We're with you.

And I was like, Charlie Brown. You're so good with words. I really stink. I was going to ask a couple more questions, and I'm going to let you guys talk whatever you want, because I'm very intrigued with talent. Are you leaving? No, I'm just saying,

because I know this probably interests me more than other people, but I really am intrigued with this. So prior to age 26, did you feel compelled to be funny, a comedian? Did you think you had a talent for it? No, it's a strange thing. I got quite well known for, not so much here, but back at home I'm known for dealing with hecklers.

There's a real tradition in stand-up comedy. And I noticed here, you know, Comedy Underground or The Cellar, you're playing here, if someone so much as gets out a phone, the staff are on them and shushing them. And I had friends in last night, and they were shushed, and rightly so,

chatting away. And it's, like friends in last night, and they were shushed, and rightly so, chatting away. And in the UK, people heckle. People shout shit out during shows. And I got quite well known for putting them down. And that's really how I got into comedy, I think. Because my group of friends, it was all about being mean to each other. And it wasn't like I was better at it than they were.

That's what friendship was at college and school. It was about that kind of slightly barbed comment and kind of winning. You didn't think you were better at it than they were? No, everyone was funny. Growing up, everyone had a great sense of humor. Maybe I was better at kind of, yeah, no, I was better at it, yeah.

You were better. I don't want to be a dick about it, but yeah. Because comparing it to music, like Paul McCartney was like always writing songs like at 14 he apparently wrote but Keith Richards

in his autobiography I talked about this one time oh no yeah I read it it's an incredible piece where he just goes the manager locked him in a room and went

you can't just do covers you two write a song in a kitchen he didn't here's this guy walking around who has the ability to be one of the greatest songwriters at least rock songwriters ever and he has no idea of it.

It's not coming out of him. He doesn't feel compelled to do it. It's not like it's overflowing in him. He only did it because somebody said, hey, go do it. Well, I slightly feel that about stand-up, the idea that doing a new show every year and touring every year.

I think, how many jokes wouldn't I have written if it was every three years? Because you only, you know, it's that kind of Parkinson's principle of like, the task expands to fill the time you give it. Right. So if I said, oh, it's a new hour of comedy, and it's got to be ready in two years' time,

I'd have an hour in two years. If I said it's six months, I'd get it done. Do you wake up and go to your office and write jokes? No. What do you do? I edit. So the editing is the writing process, really. For me, I write down everything I think of.

And I try... That Disney thing, I think, is really inspirational. So Disney used to have three rooms. I mean, three actual spaces. So he used to have a room where he would be creative. And all he would do is be creative. He wouldn't edit it. He wouldn't say, that's never going to work.

He wouldn't say, that's a bad idea. He would just write everything down. And then he would have another room where he would decide what was a good idea and what was a bad idea and be critical. And then he'd have another room thinking about the practicalities of how to get it done. What if I only have like a three-bedroom ranch? You're in all kinds of trouble. Oh, shit. But the analogy for kind of going, you write everything down because you don't know.

I never know until I try it in front of an audience. I think that Lenny Bruce thing really rings true for me. The idea that an audience is a genius. The audience get... So you can think, I've been writing jokes for years, and you can get on stage and say something, and the audience just go, no, no, that's just a sentence. That's nothing.

That's not it. And then you think, well, that's definitely going to work. No. It's so universal. It's like in a room of 100 people or 3,000. It doesn't matter. Do you ever get mad at the audience? No, I think, I mean, they're just infinitely wise.

They know what they're doing. What's the point in saying something if it's not funny? Well, we see comedians, we know them, they will stick with a joke over and over, and it will not work, and they will not go off, and they resent the audience for not laughing. I never understood that. Well, sometimes, look,

I've done jokes where it didn't work, and then I kept with it, and all of a sudden it works. Well, you didn't keep at it in the form that you first tried it. You keep tinkering with it until you get it to work. Well, I mean, it was literally one sentence that I was saying wrong, and instead of saying them, I said me, and then all of a sudden they accepted it. Well, it's a weird thing that isn't it when you're, when you're, I think with

some of your bits as well, where it's the, the thing that I enjoy about watching it kind of multiple times is the, it's the performance. It's the way that you're hitting those beats. It feels very lugubrious. It feels like when you're on stage, especially kind of when you lean into the back wall here, it feels like it's just a guy. He's one of us. He's just having to get up. But then the, the, the discipline, feels like it's just a guy he's one of us he's just having to get up and but then the the discipline i look very disciplined on stage because it's one liner after one liner but you're doing exactly this you're hitting the same marks right in a in a like a 20 line story it's exactly the same every time right and those and it's the magic of those pauses and the oh that's exactly you're dropping that line exactly the right time

right and it yeah it's like i used used to have that joke about walking through the Black Lives Matter rally. And I would say, the lady said, if you think Black Lives Matter, raise your hand. I raised my hand and I'd say, if you think Black Lives Matter, say Black Lives Matter 11 times. And I did the joke where I went, I went 11. No, people went, ooh. I changed it to, I went, I went, 11? People went, ooh. I changed it to, I heard a black guy go,

11? Everybody loves it. Like, it's not, like, it was just, it was just a simple. And that's really a message for America. Say the black guy did it. Right. There you go.

That's what I tried to do. We do. We do. Listen, but it is just, it's psychological sometimes for them to laugh. You have to just change. You have to say, okay, I get it. Let's change it.

Change it to this. Oh, yeah, I get it. It's the same fucking joke. Yeah, it's sort of the same joke, but yeah. But I did laugh the second time. Yeah, because it is a lot of times. That's the whole joke. It's way too many times to say Black Lives Matter

in a rally. Two is good. You know what I mean? It's also funny to hear you imitate a black guy saying 11 times. That's quite on its own. It just feels very specific as well. If it was 10, that would not be bad. 10 is reasonable. It feels decimal. Yeah, it feels like if you

say it 11 times And then say it really quietly Once 11 Yeah Black Lives Matter That's how you end Black Lives Matter

Black Lives Matter Good night Good night Well Colin used to tell I remember When I used to When I first started here It was all energy

I mean You Just energy Oh my god Robert used to have a bit About imitating a female orgasm Which was the Single funniest thing I've ever seen anybody do

I'd love to see that I've never heard one He won't do it anymore Yeah right I mean it would drain him afterwards Well it was just a terrible Hacky bit Why was it hacky? For me I can this exactly the same way. Why was it hacky? For me,

I can't defend the bit because I don't remember it totally. There are some bits that I can defend that were I think not juvenile, but just easy. Yeah, just easier at the beginning, you know what I mean?

For me, I remember Colin Quinn used to tell me, you want to perform right, have it all, try to do it all, you know what I mean, for a guy like me. So it's like, okay, I can perform and have charisma, but okay, where is a punchline going to go? And I kind of had to hide my punchlines inside of these stories because he has punchlines too, like you were saying before. But my punchline, you know, is kind of hidden in the guy, the character, whoever I'm fucking doing.

And it looks like it just occurred to you. Right. Remember that bit about finding food in your house? She hides food. And it's in the, we live in the two bed. You really think I'm not going to find it. Right. Oh, it's behind the cereal.

Oh. Yeah. But the word is that. The Hershey's Kiss one. Where I go, now I'm eating a whole bag. It's going to look like somebody blew the Tin Man in the kitchen the next day. Isn't it flattering to know that he remembers your jokes so well? That makes you feel good, right? Admit it.

It does make me feel great, but I'll tell you what, Jimmy does... And he punched it up for you. A guy like Jimmy, a guy like Jimmy, though, you know, he, look, he's from England. One of the best fucking joke writers ever. He's a fucking, he's actually has a billion dollars. Did you know he's a billionaire? He has the great political theorist, Jim Norton, by the way.

Jim Norton, yeah. But he's, you know, the billionaire. Jimmy, what's up? Hi, man. How are you? He was just quoting your political theory to me about voting for Trump. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He has a lot of respect for your political acumen.

You're 100% right. No, Jimmy did. I have no idea. Bobby, really? You thought Bobby made that comment? Yeah, I just fucked up the word eloquent. I said eloquent. I thought you said someone yelled at you as you walked by.

Hey, eloquent. Jim Norton, everyone. Nailed it. Nailed it. So go ahead, Robert. I'm sorry. You were saying. Hey, you know what? Go fuck yourself, Gnome. Go ahead, Robert. Finish after that good one. I'm not fucking finished. Go fuck yourself.

We move on. That's called a transition, dum-dum. I'm afraid that you define hacky as, in real sense, as what you think your peers won't respect. No, no, no, no, no. You can't define hacky of what you think other people will like

or not. Who the fuck knows? I said respect. Whatever. Respect or like, but there's things that I did back in the day that I didn't like. Because it all depends on who you admire as comedy. Because I would watch Patrice and Burr and Norton. I watched them become better comedians. And I was like, oh, my God.

They actually said something that made me listen. Like, as a comedian. I was like, I remember the first time when I worked with Patrice and we were co-headlining and I realized, oh my God, I was just on Patrice's show. This wasn't my show. He went up after, I killed,

but he went up after me and did something else. Something better than what I did. It was something, I was just watching like, fuck. Well, he had a philosopher aspect to him. But he was,. I was just watching like, fuck. He had a philosopher aspect to him. He became that. He wasn't that. Patrice was doing weird

shit for a little while. Fucking college hacky jokes and doing weird shit. Then he... Something happened with him. He would go through dress phases too. He never knew what he wanted to be when he grew up. He would wear all the baseball... What was it? The hockey uniforms dress phases, too. He never knew what he wanted to be when he grew up. He would wear all the baseball, what was it, the hockey uniforms? Yeah, rings.

The rings. He dressed like he had a barbecue sauce once. Yeah, just weird hats. When he passed away, we all got a hat. Yeah, I still have it. I have mine. Yeah, mine's up in the studio. We all got Patrice hats because he was changing all the time.

All the fucking time. But I think, like for me too, I mean, Norton has changed a bunch too. He's not the same comic he was 10 years ago. You can see that he can take whatever and literally take a

topic and throw it in his thing and then it comes out. That's a Jim Norton joke. Yeah, you take any idea, you mix it with AIDS and you spit it out to 40 paid customers. Then you put Hi Daddy at the end. It's interesting the thing you say about performance, though, because I quite like the idea of jokes being almost magic. It's almost like you're a drug dealer.

The audience already has the drugs on them, and they're releasing endorphins, and all you're saying is this perfect little spell. And the idea, if you could write a joke good enough that anyone could say those words in that order, you would have to bring nothing to the party. You could have Stephen Hawking, you could type it into his machine, boom, it's a great joke.

Great joke. You have friends with Stephen, huh? Yeah. You're like good friends, right? Yeah, we know each other, yeah. Now, you know a lot of famous people, right? Yeah. You're like good friends, right? Yeah, we know each other, yeah. Now, you know a lot of famous people, right? Yeah. Yeah, that seems fair.

Yeah. I was very nonchalant about it. If I knew Steven, I'd be like, I'd show you pictures of him. I'd have a shirt with me and him on it. Well, you know Neil deGrasse Tyson. No, I don't. I actually don't. He does.

He called him, what did you call him? Neil Michael. No. I have no what did you call him? Neil Michael. No. I have no idea who you're talking about. Okay. He's a famous black physicist or astronomer. Astronomer, physicist, yeah. He's like one of the smartest guys walking.

He runs the Hayden Planetarium in New York. So he was on Opie. He does Cosmos, right? Cosmos is the host. Carl Sagan's also. He was on Jim's show, the radio show with Opie and whatever, and Anthony at the time. And it was very serious science talk and space talk.

And I just went, can you show him a picture? You bring him a picture? Yeah. I went, so just to break it up, I read, so how does it feel to be, you know, how was it being on the love boat? Oh, Robert. I mean, come on. It is funny. I mean, Isaac.

Oh, my God. And nobody laughed. Because it's disrespectful. Oh, fuck. We're on a comedy show. It isn't NPR. You're the guy. It was funny.

It was funny. But the reason I didn't laugh, I wasn't offended by it. I just did. All I wanted to do was listen to Neil Tyson. But there was no bad reason. It was a funny line. It was a funny line in hindsight.

But at the moment, I'm just like, the genius is talking. It's a funny line, but a funnier story. I thought it was going to kill. Isn't that the wonderful thing, though, about being a comedian? You can have an awkward, horrible situation like that, and you go, that'll be funny later. Just add some time. Put that in the bank. That's going to be fine. Don't worry about it.

I think having a funny story about a tragic situation sometimes can be better than actually it being funny. I remember one time we were doing a gig with Norton and I had been killing at this college. I mean, I went there three times and just annihilated.

SUNY Delhi. I go with Jim. I think I'm going to kill. I go out and say one wrong thing to the wrong black girl in the front row. It was a doozy, though. What did you say? What did you say? One little itsy bitsy wrong thing.

One tiny thing. One little continent loaded word. Do you remember what he said? I was't know this switch. One little continent-loaded word. No, no, no. Do you remember what he said? No, I was implying one. I was just joking. I know, but do you remember?

No. Go ahead. I forget what I said. I just said, I called her a sister. I go, you sisters. I was just trying to assimilate because I was nervous and it wasn't going well out of the gate, so I thought I'd do a little crowd work,

and they weren't having it. And I literally tank so I thought I'd do a little crowd work, and they weren't having it. And I literally tanked. And I went upstairs, and I was like, oh, at least Jim's going to tank too, because this crowd stinks. And I always tanked there, because I was at an urban school, always tanked. Buddy, he went out and annihilated.

Like, he killed, killed every single joke. I was just up there I was still sweating And breathing heavy So should I I should write this down Don't say something racist To a girl in the front row

That's a good note It wasn't racist now Let's not get carried away No it was It was that you had bombed And so like Well sometimes if somebody bombs Whoever is not that person

The crowd will give the benefit Of the doubt to Just because they didn't like him So they like me Just being humble No no but if he had done well, I would have died. Here's the best part, though. As we're going home, I'm like,

you know, I'm really sad and I'm hungry. I just want something to eat because we didn't eat. And he's like, no, I gotta go home. We gotta go. It's raining. I gotta get home. I gotta get home. I'm like, dude, can we just now? All of a sudden, we see a dope bookstore. Eat! Goes over the highway. The fucking highway where the cops go to pull into the

adult bookstore to go jerk off in a peep booth. I figured I could do that. Go ahead. No, go ahead. Some people don't have timing. No. Are you fucking? You're the worst.

You're the worst at it. I'm sorry. I know. I know. I tried. I don't have to. I know. She was at the Oscars.

I know. I was trying to do it off mic. I'm sorry. I know. I know. Go ahead. I don't have to. I know. She was at the Oscars. I know. I was trying to do it off mic. I'm sorry. I know. I know. Go ahead. It's okay. Usually when people are looking, we get two guys looking at you telling you a story and

you go, Michelle. I played guilty. I saw Michelle there. I mean, when it's you though. I was nervous about her. What's that? I'm sorry, Michelle. When it's you, it's easy to drift.

Hi. What'd you say? I said when it's you, it's easy to drift. We heard you. Shut up. We get it. You're on a plane to the Oscars You stupid Instagram

Sometimes life can really get you I said life was awesome You piece of shit I know Now you're back here Sometimes having sensitivity Is a handicap Robert But we'd invited Michelle

To come on the show And I was real I don't know how long She'd been sitting there Oh just like five minutes And I was concerned That oh we invited her And she's sitting there

And it's rude. No, it was a joke again. It was a joke about timing. Move the fuck on. Michelle Wolfe has joined us and she was a writer for the Oscars. Yeah. And I think the Oscars were quite well received. Am I correct?

I think so. I think immediately after it was well received and then after like the next day or two, some think pieces came out. What did they say? Which were always dumb. I think we can't write a full piece about this being good, so we have to write a piece about not liking it. Yeah. I mean, they've got to fill 3,000 words.

They can't say this was great. Yeah. What didn't they like? What were their objections? Well, some of them said that he didn't do enough for diversity. Oh, Jesus Christ. And then some people, there was a, we did a joke about accountants being Asian. Oh, yeah.

And people didn't like that. It's just pathetic. Like the idea that you can't say anything right. Yeah. It's so, like, if, first of all, we're all wearing or using something that was made by a small Asian child right now. Yeah. So the idea that you get mad that you call an Asian kid good at math is so dumb. I wish people were like, oh, you know, women, they're so good at math.

You know, like, I'd love that stereotype. Well, and the joke about the fact that small Asian children made it is actually a social commentary in a way. Exactly. You're smart, you understand. It's a criticism of that. Yeah. I don't think you have to justify it.

I think as soon as you get into explaining a joke, you're in all kinds of trouble. Just, yeah, we thought it was funny. Good luck. You didn't like it. You were offended. Oh, well, never mind. Just a fancy way of saying my feelings were hurt.

I agree that if I were in your shoes, I could see that explaining yourself is a no-win situation. Yeah, you can't. But not having to explain it, but just observing it. Sometimes somebody is actually twisting the meaning of what you said and using it against you, and it's because they're too stupid to realize what you really meant in a case about the Asian

kids making electronics. That's not a joke at the expense of Asians. It's a joke at the expense of Western culture. Using Asians as the example. That's the way I take it.

Exactly. It's also people, their feelings weren't hurt. They just want to complain. Yeah, it's a fun thing to do. Everyone's opinion now matters. Yeah. which means no one's opinion matters. Jim wrote a whole column on that for Time Magazine about the delicious

feeling of self-righteousness. Trevor Noah, I think. When Trevor got in trouble, that really annoyed me. It makes them feel... It's a feeling you get of control, I think. What was the earpiece thing? What was that all about? The what? He had an earpiece and it fell out. Why did he have an earpiece?

I don't know why he did. I don't know if it was so he could hear himself. Were they feeding him jokes? No, I don't know if it was so he could hear himself or what it was. It might have been you got a rapper or who knows, there might have been something. There was a time, Stretch, you know, on live TV. So that, what? Like he can't, because there's no monitors

or anything on stage? Yeah, I don't know if he could hear. How terrifying would that be if it was someone in his ear going, could you just stretch? Brad Pitt is not ready yet. Could you just do another five? There definitely wasn't someone talking to him in the earpiece. Did you notice he had a thing in his ear the whole time? Then it fell out and he fucking caught it.

I did see that, yeah. And then he threw it, right? Yeah. He just threw it on the ground. Oh, that made me happy. I was just trying to add a little. That was the earpiece. I didn't watch the Oscars.

It was like a Tom Papa show. Nothing? Yeah, it was weird. You could see it just sticking out of his head, too. It was like you could not look at it the whole time. I didn't notice it until it fell out. I'm guessing it might have been,

like you said, a monitor. Or if he got stuck, if somebody could have fed him one. You know, did they have a monitor going for him? They had a monitor with bullet points. Oh, they did? Yeah.

Well, I bet it's that thing for, you know, if something goes wrong, if someone gets shot or something terrible happens, they want to be able to communicate with him. They don't want to... What was the Miss World

recently where the guy announced the wrong winner? Yeah. That guy should have had an A-piece. Steve Hardy. Well, he would have still announced the wrong winner. But they would have told him to me. He would have corrected it immediately or something. Obviously, in this day and age, as a producer, if you can have the ability

to whisper in the ear of your performers without the audience knowing, why wouldn't you want that ability? As a comedian, though, if you're doing your act and you don't have a monitor, Chris is definitely used to having a monitor, hearing himself, hearing how loud he is, hearing when beats are. If you don't have that, it could fuck you up, especially delivering the way he delivers it. He probably needs to hear. He must have heard it in the hall as well. Yeah, but sometimes... You do a shitty club and there's no monitor,

you don't hear yourself, it can fuck up your timing. Also, that room is just... I mean, the reason this club works is it's the low ceiling. It's the perfect atmosphere for comedy. That room is just airspace. It's like playing a symphony hall.

So the audience could be having a great time and you could be fairly unaware of it on stage because it's such a big space. The laugh just dissipates. And there's a time delay even from the back of the room so the i thought it was great what it must be an amazing thing to be kind of to see the joke you got two or three in there right and it's a couple yeah but like to see that go out to you know and they always quote can you not say what you did i mean i think i. I don't know. Go ahead. What joke did you do? The Asian kids? The Asian kids was mine.

It was mine. Yeah, that's good. Was I right about it was a joke about Western culture? Yeah, it was 100% a joke about it. Okay. And the whole idea that people get mad about that kind of stuff is just like- First of all, it probably wasn't one Asian person that complained. No, no, they did.

They did. Really? Jeremy Lin complained. It was Ted Alexandro. It was a perfect tag as well. What was the tag again? The tag was, if you're mad about this,

tweet about it on the phone that these kids also made. Yeah. Right. It's like a perfect tag because I can't tweet about it now. What else did you write? I had the sorority racist.

That's the most, that was the, that's the joke that she was most lauded. Yeah, it was the, you're a piece of shit. That was a piece of shit. That was a wonderful, that Yeah, it was... You're a piece of shit. That was a piece of shit. That was a wonderful joke.

I'm the piece of shit. Yeah, thank you. No, really. When I read that, I went, well, that's really good. Which joke was that? I saw the Oscars. It's the fact that Hollywood is racist, but they're not like... Oh, like a sorority.

Yeah, they're sorority racist. Tell the whole joke. It was really perfect. It's like they're not like burning cross perfect. They're not burning cross racist. They're sorority racist. It's like, we like you, Rhonda, but you're not a kappa. Would you really hit the nail on the head?

Thanks. I thought the joke was great, too. It's weird, though. You must feel like a million dollars. That is the one line which has been repeated the most. I was, that's the joke. That is the one line which has gotten the most, been repeated the most. I was, I'm really... And gotten the most respect.

I'm really happy with, the whole experience was great. I mean, like, literally, like, I... How come you flew back that night? Because if I was invited to the Oscars... I had to work tomorrow. I had to work yesterday.

You had to work yesterday? Yeah, I work at Seth Meyers and I had to work. So they wouldn't give you a day off? I didn't, I had a whole week off before. I had a week off during the Oscars.

And anytime Seth's done any award show, like Golden Globes or anything like that, he always flies back on a red-eye that night, and he's in work in the morning. So if he does it, I didn't feel like I could be like, but can I have a date, a party? So you had to leave right after the Oscars. I went to the Governor's Ball for about a half hour, and then I had all my stuff packed. It was in the hotel, so I just grabbed my stuff and went to the airport.

Did you get a gift basket? No, they don't do them anymore. I am so proud of you. Thank you. I don't know if that sounds kind of, but I mean, like, those two lines are the two key lines of the night. Oh, thank you. I mean, like, I really like those those two lines are the are the two key lines in the night. Oh, thank you. I was I mean, I'm very happy.

I was I mean, in general, it was great to be a part of it. But I also I had really wanted to I selfishly really wanted to get something on. And I was very happy that I did. I feel a little bit. I'm a you know what? I'm a little bit disappointed in just the in the work ethic. I think it's a very strong work ethic and we were doing a podcast about accountancy or uh the legal business i think that would be that

would be fine but the idea that you came back to work just feels like it's not in the spirit of what we do oh you know i think have you considered a drug problem i just think you've got all this you've got all this talent and youth and i just feel like if you don't distract yourself a little bit, what are you going to do? Well, you know, I'm unable to love, so. Yes, you mentioned you're a stand-up comedian. We got that. Actually, funny, because you said, it had to be you, who said to me one time that if you had one question to ask a girl at the bar that would tell you everything you needed to know about that girl. What's your relationship with your father like?

Yeah, if you have one question, if you want to pick someone up in a bar, that's the only question you need to ask. How do you get on with your father? Do you agree with that? I mean, I don't know. I've never picked up a girl at the bar. Sorry, I don't know why that came up.

Because she said she didn't have the love. Oh, okay. Did you like the Oscars? I didn't watch it, but I liked it. I was not hitting on her. Oh, okay. Well, that's... Did you like the Oscars? I didn't watch it, but I liked it. I actually shut it off for the first time ever. I stopped watching it. Because I thought, up front, funny, great. I loved it.

But then it was like, all right, fucking I get it. That's the way it usually is. You know, but it was like... No, it was very... Like the whole there's not enough black people thing. I was like, you guys did it. You got it. It was funny.

Now I feel like I'm watching CNN. I feel like I'm watching. Now it's like, what the fuck? Sasha Baron Cohen's line was very good. What did he say? He said, you know, he came on as Ali G and basically said he did his Ali G bit and then went, what about that great black guy in Star Wars? Darth Vader.

Yeah. Really funny line. I think Louie's bit was really good. Louie's probably my favorite. I think it was the funniest thing. I agree. I think it was the funniest thing all night. I love Louie's thing.

I agree, but I also think it's a lot easier to come in, do a short bit, and leave. Right. No, absolutely. I mean, that's the same. I feel like that happens all the time at award shows. We just stop it and just appreciate the guy wearing an ascot.

Okay, go ahead. When we did the Emmys with Seth, Jimmy Kimmel came on and did a really funny thing and then laughed and everyone was like, that was the funniest part. It's like, yeah, because it's so much easier to be funny for two minutes. I'm not comparing.

I'm not saying that. I think Chris was great. I think it was great, but I think it was just. But Louie's thing was very pertinent to the show. What did Louie do? Louie came out and basically had to introduce the shortest doc. And he goes, look, this is very important. It was not the shortest doc.

Best short documentary. Short documentary. Short important. It was not the shortest. The best short documentary. Short documentary. Short documentary. It was two seconds long. Three seconds. This one was even shorter. He did an elegant presentation of the shortest doc. It was documentary short, right?

Sit in and drink. If you drank that, I would fucking love you forever. Can we get her another coffee, please? Can we get Michelle another coffee? I stuck my fingers in her coffee. He said that this is the most important Oscar of the night because you guys get them, you're all millionaires.

You get to go home and be millionaires. This guy who wins this, so this woman, drives home in a Honda Civic. This is like really, he makes no money. He has to worry about having this Oscar in a Honda Civic. This is like really, he makes no money. He has to worry about having this Oscar in his shitty apartment. Like this is the best Oscar.

He's really gonna. And it was like also the idea that these are actually movies that can make a difference because people will watch something for 15 minutes about a serious subject like Ebola or whatever. So the most important movies go home in a Honda Civic. It was very funny but he did did it in Louis' way.

I thought it was hilarious. It was fantastic. But isn't that a weird thing about award ceremonies where no matter who's presenting, it's not about you. I present awards occasionally back home, and that thing of it's never about you, it's about the winners that night. So it's kind of, you do your opening monologue,

and then it's kind of, there's two hours of just kind of, it's the rest of the awards, and it's their night, and it's Leo's night, and it's about the winners that night so it's kind of you do your opening monologue and then it's kind of there's two hours of just kind of it's the rest of the awards and it's their night and it's leo's night and it's it's everything well that first 15 minutes is always the best bit and then well i also i think hosting an award show in general is a thankless job like i think it's just something that's like at best people are going to say it was fine you know like there there's always going to be tons of criticism. It's also just over afterward. And I also think it's just he signed up to do this before all of this stuff happened. So it wasn't like he didn't want to be in this position. He just was in it.

He's lucky he was, I believe. I mean. I don't know if I would say it's like I think he was a good person to do it. It was a great. Well, otherwise you would have been, you know, it's revenant jokes for an hour. Yeah. And also with some of the movies that are nominated, it's like you're making jokes about a film that a lot of people at home won't have seen. Yeah.

Like people in the room have seen it and then you're trying to do some Carol material and people are going, oh, good luck. Were you given, were you given, like, were you given, like, we need jokes about this? Or did you just say, fuck it, I'm writing these jokes about race? Yeah, I mean, I think he gave us some direction about stuff he wanted to do. You know, like, and I had seen him here a bunch. He came here to work stuff out all the time. So that was. I want to say two things.

First of all, I think he was lucky to have that situation in the same way like you can only be a great president if you're president at a difficult time. He had a very difficult situation, and because he knocked it out of the park, he accomplished something he would have never been able to accomplish. Well, I thought the last time he presented the Oscars, when he did the Jude Law bit, was the edgiest and funniest.

I remember watching that at home and just thinking, this is unbelievable. What was the bit? It was a whole bit about wait for a star. If you can't get a star for your movie, wait. You've got to wait. Don't put Jude Law in another movie. It was very honest and a real skewering kind of...

I know that was the bit that springs to mind, but there was like four or five bits in it. He's amazingly funny at doing that. I'm amazed they had him back. Don't you think that these... I shut it off last night because I'm like, look, if you're not going to take it serious, I'm not. Like, the Oscars used to be this grand thing, and then it became this thing where we kind of made fun of it a little bit,

and we made fun of the stars, but they still did their actor thing where you kind of were like, you know, and it was like now it's like, all they do is just say these fucking idiots and their money and their fucking Oscars and this shit don't matter and fuck it and fuck it and, you know, and it's like, it's lost all

of its sparkle. I just want to say my other point to tell what you guys think. What I've always, what I've objected to for a long time is that the function of a host has changed. And I don't think for the better. The host used to come out and do some kind of monologue. Yes. And then basically the rest of the night was either song and dance, like Billy Crystal,

or reacting in the moment to what was going on. Canned material now becomes almost the entire show. And it just becomes more talking and canned material on top of a layer of the award winners canned material and the award presenters canned material where Johnny Carson would come out and do his monologue and then the rest of the night

he would wing it and he would make jokes about everything that was going on and that felt good and I don't think stand up comedy is the best qualification for hosting. Being an MC is not the same function. Well, I think like when Billy Crystal did it, it was more of a show.

He would come out and sing and dance. But I think that... And respond in the moment. That is gone. Hugh Jackman did that a couple of years ago. He comes on, he does a song about all the movies, and there's a big song and dance man thing. I think, for my money, I'm not particularly interested in watching that. Chris going out there and doing jokes, and it's quotable, and there's a big song and dance man thing I think I mean for my money I'm not particularly

interested in watching that Chris going out there and doing jokes and it's quotable and it feels like the next day they've kind of nailed the issue

that's the first 15 minutes but what about an hour or two you remember when Bill Kristol made fun of Jack Palance doing push ups

or you know is the Oscars the place to fucking make a political statement? He had no choice. I know Chris didn't. He had to do what he had to do. Everyone was making their own statement.

It's become a fucking platform now to the environment. Indians, Spanish, Black. Back in the day, it was a show. It was a time to take all this shit, sit down on a Sunday night, and watch people sing and dance and make a little fun. And now it's, you know, everybody's fucking Marlon Brando.

Who do you think? I agree with you. Who do you think would be the ideal Oscar host? Ooh, that's a good question. I think Louis C.K. Louis would be great. I think Louis would be fucking tremendous because he would probably do something like a song or a dance.

He would do something out of the box and learn how to do it and then do stand-up and talk about... Amy would be perfect, no? I think Amy would be great too, yeah. That would be amazing, yeah. I think Michelle would be good. Because Amy would be... No, Michelle Obama.

It is an interesting thing, though, of like, you know, who's kind of the best. I wonder what they're thinking for next year. I bet they've already signed someone up. I guarantee. I bet they will not sign someone up until... I bet no one will agree to do it until after the nominations come out. Oh, my God. That's true.

Because I don't think someone wants to be in this position that this was this year. Maybe they could get one of the blue collar guys to do it if it's the same again. Get her down. Get your Emily. Get her down. Oh, my God. Get her down. Who's that cable guy?

Yeah, Larry. Let's get him involved. Yeah. I also think like the. I think Louis would be great. Louis would be fantastic. I think because he has a way of saying fucked up shit. And I don't know, people just don't.

He kind of gets it in there and it's honest, it's real, but it's kind of funny. But I really take that point as well about the turning up and doing a little bit within it. It's a lovely thing to give people a bit more space in that award show to go, look, you need four or five of those people just to come on, get Louis to present an award. He's super funny. But tying the whole evening together, obviously if they get Jimmy Fallon, there's more song and dance going on there

and the whole show and the whole thing, and you can perform with someone. I like the show and dance though, but I'm gay. But I think there is... What Robert said though, there is something sometimes to like, if those jokes were sprinkled, I think it might have been more powerful. Like at a certain point, you're just you hit like maximum saturation with the concept.

I was just like, I get it. What the fuck? I just want to enjoy. Can somebody can somebody sing a song that makes me cry? And Kelly Clarkson, please come out and sing a song. Ended with Fight the Power. Did you hear that? Yeah.

Lady Gaga. It's like, oh, fuck. We're almost out of time. Lady Gaga. Sorry. Lady Gaga. I like bringing awareness to sexual assault and things like that. But she did it with such a fucking self-importance that was like, look what I'm doing. I was just like, oh, this isn't about you.

Yeah. And Joe Biden coming out. But it's like, you have, but the Oscars became a place for people to fucking, you know, this is what I believe in.

It's like, what the fuck? People who bring attention to causes often do very, very important work. However, the psychology of people

who bring attention to cause I think is very complex. And very often it's quite a bit about themselves and wanting, for whatever reason,

and wanting to somehow be admired. But we're talking about fucking movies. We're talking about acting. We're talking about Lady Gaga. Yeah, but we're talking about pretending

at the highest level and it's like all of a sudden it's like everybody's pretending at the highest level. I think that would maybe take some of the take some of the pretense out of the awards if they called Pretending at the highest level. I think that would maybe take some of the pretence out of the awards if they called it Pretending at the Highest Level.

That would be a great name for a DVD or something. This guy is one of the best pretenders. This guy was not attacked by a bear. He pretended he was attacked by a bear and he's the best at pretending he was attacked by a bear. If you watched him in this thing, you would think he was attacked by a bear and then is. If you watched him in this thing, you would think he was attacked by a bear,

and then he made it. But he didn't. He's made up. No, absolutely. As soon as he got attacked by a bear, somebody ran over with a hot chocolate and some marshmallows and gave it to him. What you could not see was the four supermodels

standing just to the right. Yeah. Do you want to leave us with any commentary on American politics going on? I'm going to run as an independent, I think. have any, want to leave us with any commentary on American politics going on? Uh, I'm going to run as an independent, I think. I would like to, I don't want to give Donald Trump a hard time. I know a lot of comics are giving him a hard time. I'd like to see

a birth certificate. I want to see that he was born in this country. I know that he's been to Hawaii. There's photographic evidence of him being in Hawaii. And, well, I don't Hawaii. I don't know. I don't know where his father's from. As a Brit, do you look at America

and you saw all the insults going back and forth, right? How do you process that? Nothing like that happens in England, does it? Yeah, no, exactly. Prime Minister's Question Time, it's every week. Personal insults like that? Yeah, every week. That makes me feel better somehow. It seems like a healthy part of the debate.

You know what? If you're going to run the most kind of important country in the world, I think being able to take an insult here or there, probably not the worst training. It doesn't seem like when they go, it's not nice, he said a mean thing. Yeah, you're going to have to deal with Putin if you get the job. Yeah, exactly.

And Putin. All right, so I'm surprised at that take. The final thing I wanted to talk about, we're a little bit over time, is that Michelle had said some interesting things to me about this whole aspect of female comics and hiring more female comics. Here?

No. I'm sorry, did that come out? Did that come out? I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. No, I think because I think... No, go ahead. Wait, what was your. Well, if I recall that you resent even being classified as a female comic and that you don't think that female comics are overlooked because they're female. And stop looking so good.

We get emails. The most common email I get every week is complaints that there's not enough women on the lineup. Listen, what would be worse? Constantly. A bunch of women on the lineup that were shitty or just good comics. It's a weird thing. You can't have positive discrimination in comedy, can you? Because as soon as you put someone up on stage, if they don't get laughs, it's the worst thing you could have done.

Yeah, and the worst thing you can do for women is put an unfunny woman in the spotlight. Yes. Because then people just go, look, women aren't funny. Yeah. And the more time you spend complaining about it, the less time you're writing jokes. So just fucking put your head down, write a joke, and work. I don't know. Sorry, I'm also very cranky.

I haven't gotten all that sleep. So you don't feel any sexism in the business? For the most part, I have been helped so much by male comedians i have ones that recommend me for things all the time that's how i got to work on the oscars i have male comedians all the time that are just they're so supportive and so nice none of them hit on me you know like it's like it's like... Well, I'm not over. No, but I mean, it's like, it's not, there's, I never feel, I only ever feel supported and, you know, even this stupid guy. No, but you could call it comics are comics. Even, you know, if you're funny, you're funny.

It just goes down to that. If you're funny, you're funny. It doesn't matter what you are, what you do on stage. If you're funny, you're funny. That's it. And funny knows funny. It really does. It's, you know, Michelle's funny. Everybody at this table's funny. Everybody at this club is funny. And we know that, too, when we walk in. I mean, what she said about women comics, that was pretty, that was well said. There's not women comedians complaining to you about that.

Yeah, absolutely. Really? No, there are women comedians, but they're not funny women comedians. Oh, well, there you go. Oh, shit. No, you did. We'll be right back on Raw Talk. I think my father.

Women ain't funny. Pew, pew, pew. funny Next up Jimmy Carr That motherfucker And T-Simple from England Didn't my father and Laura Keitlinger Get into a big fight years ago And they started screaming at each other And my father says Because you're not funny

Do you remember this story? No I don't But I love your father's impression You make him a real Jew He's not funny What the fuck Your father didn't act like that He's impossible.

I'm not impossible. I do characters. Are we the first people you talked to today? No, no, no. Too many people. He is loquacious. I'm going to say loquacious again. I'm going to hit you with this fucking microphone.

I'm so tired right now. I was supposed to go home hours ago. When I go on your podcast, you're very tired and you're very loquacious. If I sense you want to talk, I shut up

because I know you're the host. I never talk over you. I never interrupt. I'm way funnier than you. And I want to thank you for doing the same thing on my radio show. I did, didn't I?

Didn't I? I didn't talk over you. I don't like it when mommy and daddy fight. No, no, look at? I didn't talk over you. I don't like it when Mommy and Daddy fight. I think... No, no, look at me. Did I talk over you? No.

He was pretty good. I think I have to go on stage now. We have to finish up. We have to finish up. Jimmy, I... What a pleasure. You don't have to do this. You can just take it off.

I hope you're okay with this show. I liked it. And I really, really appreciate you... Jimmy, Jimmy, man. The fucking amazing Jimmy Carr. I'm joining in. I'm all for me. I really appreciate you bending to Esty and coming on the show for us.

Thank you. I want to come to England and hang with you. Jimmy Carr is also one of the smartest. Do it. It'd be fun. You'd do very well, I feel. I love Jimmy. You may be the most well-informed guy I know.

You know, he knows something about everything. You know a lot of dumb people, though. That's it. That's it. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You have a good point. Sometimes you have to embrace who you is.

Thank you. Thank you very much, everybody. Good night.