The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Judah Friedlander, Ronny Chieng, Alan Dershowitz, and Nimesh Patel

Episode Date: April 6, 2018

Judah Friedlander is a New York City-based standup comedian, author of the book, "If the Raindrops United," and star of the standup comedy film, "America is the Greatest Country in the United States." He may be seen performing regularly at the Comedy Cellar. Ronnie Chieng is a New York City-based standup comedian and correspondent for "The Daily Show with Trevor Noah." He may be seen performing regularly at the Comedy Cellar. Alan Dershowitz is a legendary American lawyer and is currently the Felix Frankfurter Professor of Law, Emeritus, at Harvard University. He was the youngest professor in the history of Harvard Law School -- having assumed the position at the age of 28 -- and later served as the appellate adviser for the defense in the O.J. Simpson murder trial. Nimesh Patel is a New York City-based standup comedian and writer for Saturday Night Live. He may be seen performing regularly at the Comedy Cellar.  

You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the table, on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Live from the table, The Comedy Cellar Show. I'm not even sure what the name of the show is. Is it The Comedy Cellar Show or Live from the Table? Noam is out of town. This is Dan Natterman. And we are coming at you on Sirius Raw Dog, Channel 99. And Noam, as I just mentioned, is out of town. He's in Las Vegas, tending to the Las Vegas room because, as you know, Nimesh. This is Nimesh Patel.

We have Ronnie Chang with us from The Daily Show. Nimesh Patel is a writer for Saturday Night Live. I am, I am. And Ian Gelfand is a showrunner for the Comedy Cellar show that is on Comedy Central, or we're waiting to hear whether or not it gets picked up, but a pilot was made, and we've discussed that previously on the show. Okay. And now it's been submitted to Comedy Central, and we're waiting for the Comedy Central powers

that be to give it a thumbs up or a thumbs down. But anyway, I just wanted to briefly mention, because Noam's in Vegas, that the Vegas room is opening... April 5th. April 5th. At the Rio Casino. This will probably air on April 5th on Sirius, so it'll be tonight. And as I understand it, it was trending on Twitter, because a lot of people have been tweeting about it.

Yeah. It's a good way to harness everyone's social media. It's the most successful social media campaign, grassroots social media I've ever witnessed. Everyone just posting about it.

Well, I added my five followers to the mix, but I know that Ronnie has a significant, has six figure, I think in the six figures. Oh, please. I got nothing on Nemesh.

I got nothing on anyone here. My social media is like... Well, he's big in Australia, ladies and gentlemen. I know exactly how many followers I have, which means I don't have Nimesh. I got nothing on anyone here. My social media is like... Well, he's big in Australia, ladies and gentlemen. I know exactly how many followers I have, which means I don't have that many followers. Also, Nimesh... Sorry, I don't want to go on a tangent,

but Nimesh is one of the few who quit Facebook and didn't make a big deal about it. So we didn't even know that he quit. I deactivate from time to time. Oh, so you keep it there. I'll go on because I once was doing a club, and the people at the club were concerned I wasn't going to be able to promote or anything. I guess that makes sense.

I was like, okay, I'll go back on to say, oh, I'm doing this show. And then once that weekend is done, I'll go back off. Okay. I like Facebook because I like sometimes I connect with people I haven't seen in a while. I also like to debate on Facebook, and I usually get in trouble for it. You're one of those. But Instagram is not a debating platform, and Twitter too you can debate. But I like to use Facebook for debating.

Instagram I see no use for, but I do it anyway. It's such a lawyer-y thing to argue on a written medium as opposed to in person. I like it because I tend to get carried away and lose control. I've seen it. This way I can take a step back, deep breath, and I won't wind up taking a swing at somebody. Got it. I only... Ian Gelfand, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you. I only go on Facebook so I can find out who I must vote for. Well, you know, most people don't even do that. They just go with their gut, wrong gut feeling. You think Zuckerberg's plan to run for president got foiled by his uncovering of the fact that they were swaying elections? Probably, yeah. I feel like he was probably going to run. Nemesh, you're treading into territory that, unfortunately,

I'm very ill-informed about, which is this whole Russian or the Facebook influence thing. So I don't want to go too far down that road, because I have to confess ignorance on that matter. And a fine one. Nimesh is a writer for SNL, you know. He's one of our more successful alumni. Ah, come on.

Nimesh, by the way, my first, and I mentioned this to you, I think, and we'll get to you, Ian, in just a second. We have a lot going on here. It's not, it's hard to, it's like a three-ring circus. I feel like, you know, Barnum and Bailey. But my, I think I mentioned this to you a few months back. I shouted to Avi Soti, my first cousin twice removed, my first Indian blood relative.

Congratulations. Thank you very much. Someone had a baby. My cousin's daughter had a baby, and the husband, the father of the child, is Indian. I don't know if he's in the same cast as you are, but he is Indian. And we welcome him to the family. We don't have any prejudices in our family.

Good to know. And I bought him a little rabbit thing that he could suck on, whatever. You know, you go into the store, and it says, you know, age is zero to six months. Anyway, Judah Friedler just sat down. Judah Friedler just sat down. Judah Friedler. I'm just tabulating all the questionable racial statements you're making. Well, you'll let us know when I make one. It's at four right now. My pen just ran out of ink.

Judah, do you know Mr. Ian Gelfand? I know Ian Gelfand from years ago. This is Judah Friedler, I think I mentioned. From decades ago. He's a showrunner, apparently. That's what I've heard. He's a success. It's a term that nobody uses outside of show business, but I think it just means producer.

Yeah, basically, yes. Basically, I watch other people work. And you are involved, the comedy seller, Judah, as I assume you know, there's a pilot that has been made. We're still waiting to hear. I did a set that night on that. Yeah. Yes, Judah did

a set. Did he make it into the pilot? He did a great, great job. I will abstain from saying who's in and who's out. What they did for the folks at home, we recorded a bunch of comedians talking about the week's events because the show is called This Week at the Comedy Cellar.

In which comedian... Think Best Week Ever with comedians. Is that a fair way to pitch it? But Dan, Best Week Ever was with comedians. Exactly. This is Best Week Ever basically but with comedians doing stand-up. It's stand-up, Clay.

I would say, did you ever see this show on Comedy Central years ago, Stand Up, Stand Up? Yes, I think I was on it. Yes, as was I, actually. It was filmed in 1975. And back then, it's the same idea except topical, where it's just every comic each week joking about what's going on. And then we showed that. So for the pilot, we all went on stage and we did a few jokes about what's going on. And they cut out, they kept what they wanted to keep and they cut out what they wanted to cut out.

And I don't know if I made it into the pilot. I don't think I did. Well, what we tried to do is take the topical jokes that worked for what we were doing and not destroy people's sets that they go on the road and use all the time. I just want to say for the record, it's totally cool whoever's in it or not in it. No pressure. You want to put me in it? Fine. Well, I think it's already been... What I'm saying is, to me...

Have you seen Judah's special on Netflix? I love Judah Freelander. He is one of the best comics ever. Great point. He's also running for president in 2020. I have my special on my queue. I haven't watched it yet. It was recommended to you.

Yeah, I saw it getting made, I think. You did probably see some of it getting made at some point. Ian, if this show gets picked up and our fingers are all crossed, I assume I can speak for everybody here that we're all rooting for the success of this show. Of course. What is your role going to be going forward? In fact, what was your role going backward? Because I didn't see you doing anything.

That's exactly... I did. I saw you directing cameras. Oh, there he goes. All right. No, I wasn't really there. I'm being facetious. You're hardly here.

I was being facetious. But what is your role? No, I know you're a big part of it. You're a big part of getting it to this point. But going forward, what will you be you were a big part of getting it to this point, but going forward, what will you be doing if the show gets picked up? You know, it's,

I make sure that the, that the show retains the vision that the network had, that Noam had, that I had, that it stays

in a very docu-feel way, that you're just a fly on the wall at the comedy cellar talking about the issues of the day and having great comedy come from those issues. So that's really my role, making sure that we keep the bar set high in each edit each week. I have a question, Ian. As a Jew producing a TV show, do you feel like you're helping control the media? Well, I would say that I want to give that Halle Berry speech about how I'm doing this for the other Jews that don't get to work in television.

All three of them? Yeah. So, all right. Talking about racism. Well, I'm here at a table with an Asian man, Mr. Ronnie Chang, and an Indian man, Mr. Mesh Patel, both doing very well. Great segue.

Very well. I'm just saying that, you know, I do believe that show... Speaking of racism. I believe, no, because I believe that show business is, might be the least racist business. Oh, no, you're crazy.

I see so... Wait, hold on. I just got a new pen to write down. Hollywood's a very racist business now. Yeah, but it's the only business you know. But have you seen the oil and gas industry recently? Are they racist? I don't know.

They look like they would. And in coal, they're all wearing blackface. I'm just seeing a lot of diversity. Let's let that great joke live a little bit here. Come on. You're right. I didn't even know Ian was Jewish until Judah... Said his name?

Yeah, like wrote his name down on a list. Well, you know, Mr. Chang, Ronnie is from Australia, and maybe they're not as familiar with Jews there. Well, in Malaysia, we don't really have... And in Malaysia, they don't have any. We don't really have any Jews, to the point where the Malaysian passport actually says not allowed to go to Israel.

Oh, I didn't know. Oh, is that true? I didn't know that. That's why Malaysia has no media. It's a Muslim country? It's a Muslim country? It's a majority Muslim country but secular. I didn't know that about Malaysia. Yeah, man.

Are you serious? If you misbehave, do you get caned? Is that the place? Singapore is Malaysia, right? No, it's two different countries. Both places you'll get caned. So you can't go to Israel? In my passport, I can't go to Israel? Yeah, in my passport I can't go to Israel.

My passport will not allow me to go. I don't think Israel has a problem with me going. Malaysia has a problem with me going to Israel. Well, Israel certainly doesn't. I'm sure they'd love to have you. They're a big comedy country, but you can get another passport if you really want to go.

What do you think about what's going on over there right now? It's not easy to get a passport. I've got to tell you. I thought you don't have an Australian passport. No, I don't have an Australian passport. Malaysians do. Let's talk about how well Ronnie and Nimesh are doing.

Well... Nimesh, I don't know. Is there anything else going on? I know you're writing on SNL. Can I just say something. Nimesh came from Jersey. First of all, that's very difficult to make a show. Making it out of there, man. Look at Rich Voss. A lot of people struggling for years

trying to come from Jersey to the United States to do comedy. Rich Voss reference. He came straight from New Jersey. Wasn't allowed in Manhattan. Went right to Brooklyn. All true. All true. He started a very successful comedy room. He started his own show in the most disgusting bar in all of Brooklyn.

Turned it into a hit. Turned it into a hit show. Such a hit that even me in Australia, I heard of it. That's how big a hit it was. The work got all the way back to Australia. That's amazing. Went to Australia. Yes. That's how big a hit it was. It got all the way back to Australia. That's amazing. That's why you moved to America.

I moved to America. I heard about how this kid from Jersey can make it. I can come. I already moved from Malaysia to Australia. I can come from Australia. I have no excuses if this guy from Jersey can make it. Did your passport let you go to his club in Brooklyn? No. Malaysia also says no.

No Brooklyn. No Jersey. Yeah. No Jersey. No Israel. no Brooklyn bars. But I want to mention this. By the way, I came to New York as a civilian in 2012. I came here in 2011 to do the New York bar exam.

The New York bar exam. Yes, because I thought that was my only way To move to America Would be to You went to law school To become a bartender And I came Yeah And so I I came to New York in 2011 And I After the bar exam

I went to do some Open mic stand up rooms Because the legend of You know New York City Stamped comedy I went to one The third room I went to

I met Nimesh In 2011 Comedy corner Comedy corner Right down the street, you weren't doing comedy even in Australia then? I was. I was doing comedy in Australia. But you were also in law school or you had just graduated law school? I graduated from law school then. I did comedy

my last year of law school and I was doing comedy immediately after. I couldn't get a job. He was voted funniest lawyer in Malaysia. At Stand Up Malaysia. At Stand Up Malaysia Comedy Club. That's Malaysian I was by the way they do canings there just so you know

if you don't do well they cane you afterwards you have a very similar trajectory as me I also started comedy during law school my second year yeah

did you graduate law school I did graduate and I passed the bar or bar as Mr. Chang said yeah he's got that accent get your pen out

that's racism right there again it's not racism he has an accent many people as Mr. Chang says. He's got that accent. Get your pen out. That's racism right there again. It's not racism. He has an accent. Many fine white people have accents. Absolutely. And when you make fun of them, it's not racism. Many fine white people have accents.

I've got to write that one down, too. I'm just trying to get Namesh's goat. I don't think you know you're from 1955. That's also racist. Namesh has a goat now? What's going on? Yeah, you do a Briani, yeah. What is happening?

But you went to law school. I think Natterman's frozen right now. I went to law school and I graduated and I never wanted to be a lawyer. So I pursued comedy and did part-time law stuff, mostly just of a paralegal nature. Law school was a bad idea.

What was the first comedy club you got passed at? Passed at? I think it was Pips in Brooklyn. I mean, that was in Sheepshead Bay. I used to go with Louis Shaver twice a week. What Manhattan club? The first one I passed was the Strip, I believe. Strip, cool. And what about, where was this Comedy Corner?

Where was that? Right down the street. I can't remember. I have a photo of it, though. Remember, it turned into CB's, I think. Right, okay, before that it was Sal's. Before that it was Comedy Corner. I never knew Sal's.

When I started... PJ ran that for a while.. I never knew Sal's. But when I started. PJ ran that for a while. I wish I knew whose name. Big redhead guy. I only went on like, I think the first open, one of the first open mics I did in New York, maybe number five was at Comedy Corner.

Gotcha. And that night I'd met like. On McDougal between Bleeker and Houston. Yes, exactly. And now it's an Italian restaurant or something like that. In the basement. I met Che there. I met DiStefano there. I met Ronnie there.

That was a good little place. How long have you been doing stand-up precisely? Since 2009. Same. That's nine years. Now, just, you know, the public maybe doesn't understand how the timeline in comedy typically works. But, you know, it takes about 10 years, generally speaking, on average, to start really, you know, generally cooking, I think it's fair to say.

Natterman, he's better than average. That's what I'm getting at. He beat the curve. He went from zero to SNL in eight, nine years. I guess you started when you were eight years in. Well, zero is kind of harsh, but sure. Well, zero. I mean, he's, you know, he's got all the skill set.

I appreciate you defending me, Ronnie. My attorney will handle the rest of the questions for me. He went from being a horrible human being to SNL in nine years. Well, I don't know about a horrible human being, but probably. You didn't go to law school. I went to business school. I went to undergrad business school. Did you graduate? Across the street business school. Did you graduate?

Across the street at NYU. Did you graduate? Yeah, undergrad at Stern at NYU. And you graduated? Yes, sir. Wow. Yeah. I started comedy a year after I graduated. Well, Jude is also a...

Most of us are college graduates in the comedy field. I think if you polled musicians, you might get a lower number of... I don't know this for sure, but... Racism again. Well, I'm an anti-musician. I think, generally speaking, comics have more of an educational background. Is it Noam a musician? Noam's a musician,

but he's not a professional musician. He's a pseudo-professional. He's not a full-time musician. Speaking of college, Nova vs versus Michigan. Is that the final? Yeah, tonight. Nova's in the final?

Villanova versus Michigan. Oh, I thought you meant Nova Southeastern in Florida. No, no, no. I didn't know that's a school. This is a basketball. I'm like, that's a real Cinderella story. This is a basketball. Zero to the final four in under a year.

This is basketball and the mesh? Yeah, college basketball. I'm not a college basketball fan at all. Just playoff stuff gets me amped because people get excited. I'm like, oh, this shit is cool. And it's a very limited time investment to watch the March games. And tonight's game is supposed to be insane, and it's about eight minutes. So you came on a professional comedy podcast.

Right, to talk sports. And you decided, I want to talk about amateur athletics. Which, by the way, this podcast... Apparently that's the secret to making it. Apparently we're talking amateur comedy. We're talking about open mics. Let's talk some amateur basketball. I need to ask Ronnie for some advice here.

Now, as some people know, I've been homeless for seven months. I have not had an apartment for seven months. Ronnie moves to America, gets a job on The Daily Show within five days of living here. Doesn't even have U.S. citizenship, I think, at this point. Manages to somehow buy an apartment, get approved by a co-op board. I've been trying to buy an apartment. You bought a place? Congratulations.

Thanks, man. Thank you. People don't understand. Buying a place anywhere is an incredible accomplishment. In New York, it's one of the more difficult things that can be done. I've yet to try. I've tried, but I've failed.

But Judah, you could get anywhere. You point at a place, they'll have you in there. I have the potential. I haven't succeeded yet in a victory. Wait, have you been turned down? No. No, but I've put in bids and then I've withdrawn them. Or I've been out there.

Or I've been, oh, I'm saying it's on me. It's definitely on me. I also have a lot of psychological problems. But have you gotten to the point where you have an interview with the co-op boy? No. Because I think you would do well at the interview. Really? Yeah, you crowd work with the co-op boy.

It would be great. Crowd work. You could do the next special. It's the co-op special. That would be a great idea. Yeah, the co-op special. Namesh is going off to do a new joke night. Is Alan coming in?

Okay, we've got... Bye, Nimesh. Bye, Nimesh. Give Nimesh any plugs here? I'll be at the Comedy Cellar tonight at 10.30. On April 1st? Are you scheduled for the Vegas room at any point? No, not yet.

I hope to be in Vegas at some point. Well, I'm sure if you want to go to Vegas, you will go to Vegas, but you're a busy guy. Would the summer be better for you because SNL's on hiatus? Yeah, I think once the season is done, I'll be freed up. Wait. Okay. We've got a... I told Stephen Calabria,

no more, please, no more like, you know, lawyers or political guests unless they're famous. I gave him strict instructions. I said... I have to get back. Okay. I'm going to say a quick plug for myself.

Yes. Las Vegas Comedy Cellar, Wednesday, April 18th. I'm doing two shows. And my special, America's the Greatest Country in the United States, on Netflix now. Okay. Thank you for joining us. Excellent job, everybody. Excellent time, everybody.

I think that this is not seeing you, Judah. Thank you. So, Stephen, you can sit down. Thank you for the book. Stephen, you can sit down, too, thank you for joining us. Excellent job, everybody. Thank you for the book. Stephen, you can sit down too if you want. I told Stephen... I gotta run, Stephen. How do you do, Mr. Dershowitz? Hi, how are you? You can put on your headset if you'd like. I can't hear you. Put on your headset. Okay.

This is our producer, Stephen Calabria. He mentioned some attorney coming. I said, for God's sakes, no more lawyers unless they're famous. That's what I told him. That was his marching orders. Well, unfortunately, you've got one who's not well-known at all, but I try my best. I do a few cases here and there. Probably the most famous lawyer in America, or one of them.

Absolutely. Mr. Alan Dershowitz. Should I call you Alan, Mr. Dershowitz? Alan, please. Just Alan. Okay, Alan. He's very famous. He could drop in at any courtroom, any time. Right. Mr. Alan Dershowitz. Should I call you Alan, Mr. Dershowitz? Alan, please. Okay, Alan. He's very favorite. He's going to drop in at any courtroom, anytime.

Right. Drop in. He's the headliner. Right. It's like a comedy show. Let me just do the interview. Hey, I once won an important case by telling a joke in court. So I have some standing as a stand-up comedian.

I was standing up, and I told a joke, and I won my case. I just saw you around the corner. The reason Alan is here is because the Comedy Cellar hosts debates, and they were debating around the corner. The debate was whether the Russia probe was a... Whether the Russia probe endangered the rule of law. Right. Now, we're not going to discuss that tonight

because it's very complex, and I'm just... I don't... I'd like to ask you some other constitutional questions, if I may. I hope you're open to anything. Anything. Because that's much less complex. I just had some scotch, so just be careful. Don't ask me too hard questions.

Now, my history with Mr. Dershowitz goes back quite a ways, unbeknownst to him. I first became aware of him. He's been around for a long time, obviously. He's a legend in the legal field. When I saw in college, I to see Reversal of Fortune now you weren't in that but it was based on your Van Buelow thing you want to hear the funniest thing?

10 feet away from here is the producer of the film Reversal of Fortune my son Elon who put the whole thing together I had written the book he brought it to Hollywood and he got the whole thing done with great actors and it won the whole thing done with great actors, and it won the Academy Award for Best Actor, Jeremy Irons.

Fine film, and also a great memory for me, because you don't know this, Alan, but my college years were very lonely. I've heard that from a lot of stand-up comedians. Well, mine was worse even than mine. Did you get laid at all in college, Ronnie? Did I get laid in college? Can I use that terminology? I don't want to be disrespectful.

I don't know what it means. I've never heard of it. I mean, I grew up in a very sheltered life. Four years, nothing, not a kiss. I object. Sorry, I just had to say that. Anyway, seeing your movie with my friends at the Ritz Theater in downtown Philly was a very nice moment for me. One of the rare ones.

I appreciate that. Thank you. Anyhow, let me do rare ones. I appreciate that. Thank you. Anyhow, let me do the introductions. This is Ian Gelfand. He's the showrunner on the new Comedy Central show that we're hoping to have called This Week at the Comedy Cellar. Fantastic. I was just on a Comedy Central show. I was on The Opposition with Jordan Klepper. Jordan Klepper.

And he was terrific. He's so smart. He's very fast. I'm not familiar with the show. It comes on after The Daily Show, and he is basically, it's Colbert 2.0. He's Colbert, yeah.

Colbert 2.0. So he's ironically saturizing the alt-right. Is he a conservative voice? Because we need a... Comedy Central's just saturated with liberalism, I feel. I felt The Daily Show could use a more, at least, moderate voice. Well, they have fake conservatives.

I'm talking about a real one. Are there any funny, real conservatives? That's the question. Well, there are funny... Donald Trump is funny. I consider myself funny, and I'm a moderate. I would say I'm more to the center, but I don't talk about it on... A lot of comedians are more conservative-leaning,

but they don't talk about it on stage. So there are funny people that are conservative-leaning, but are there funny people that are... Can I say... Go ahead, Mr. Chang. Because I started comedy in Melbourne, Australia. This is Ronnie Chang from The Daily Show. I was just in Melbourne.

Oh, you were just in Melbourne, Australia? I lived there for 10 years Daily Show. I was just in Melbourne. Oh, you were just in Melbourne, Australia? I lived there for 10 years. I went to law school in Australia. Melbourne. University of Melbourne. That's a great school. Yeah. Thank you.

Melbourne is a very... I don't know if you got the vibe of this while you were there, Mr. Dershowitz, but it's a very... You call him Alan, he said. No, my culture treats older people with respect. But you just insulted the man. He looks fantastic. And I don't know if you got the sense while you were there, but Melbourne's a very progressive, extremely left-wing.

It's a great city. Yeah, great city, very progressive. But because of that, the comedy that comes out of there can also be very left-wing, very progressive. And I know you're going to say that's comedy everywhere, but coming to New York two years ago when I moved to New York City, I found a lot of comics in New York, especially New York City, very fearless with their points of view.

And I guess I'm countering your point that there are no conservative comics because I found that there's a lot of comics in New York who will make the point and make it in a very hilarious way, but they're much more fearless in saying things in New York. Look, I grew up with Lenny Bruce. There you go. And he was the paragon of saying whatever he thought. But he got to a point where he stopped being funny because he was so political.

He would read from the transcript of his trials and they might have been funny for him, but it wasn't funny for the rest of us. But in his prime, he was a fantastic comedian and i guess the sorry yeah you know i grew up with uh comedians i had buddy hackett around the corner from me uh you're from brooklyn was that from borough park in brooklyn uh elliot gould was around the corner from me i'm a close friend of larry david good friend of um uh you know a whole bunch of really, really smart comedians. So I love stand-up comedy. By the way, Alan, you fancy yourself sort of a stand-up comic of sorts. I actually also, in addition to Ronnie having a law degree,

I also have a law degree from Fordham. Great. Couldn't get into NYU or Harvard, unfortunately. Well, Fordham's a great school, a great law school. It's a fine school, but it's no Harvard. You know it and I know it. You don't have to be nice. Very, very good school. Everybody knows it.

My favorite comedian ever, though, was Harold Ramis, who was a dear, dear friend who made some of the greatest, funniest movies ever made in America. We used to spend summers together on Martha's Vineyard and sit on the porch at the Joe Marks store just telling jokes to each other. And there was nobody like Harold. Did he pass away? He died about five years ago, tragically. Gelfand, where have you been, for God's sakes?

I do have a couple of constitutional questions for you. How often do you get one of the foremost constitutional scholars? In a comedy club. Sitting right here next to you. Now, I've always thought that the Constitution was really, let's face it, it doesn't, it's very, you can almost, there's no right or wrong answer to much of it. Well, there's some right answers. If you're 34 years old, you can't run for president.

Good one, that's true. No matter how qualified you are, you have to wait until you're 35. And I had a joke about, you know the magazine Barely Legal? Remember that magazine? No. It was a magazine with very young girls. It was a porno magazine with very young girls. No.

It was called Barely Legal. Is that constitutional? And I had a joke where I said, you know, I was reading an issue of Barely Legal. It was a 35-year-old taking the oath of office. And didn't get huge laughs. Mr. Durswich, can you confirm this for me? I'm tired of your politeness. You're in America now.

Well, the guy's a Harvard professor. I used to be. I'm now an ordinary guy from Brooklyn. Once a Harvard professor, always a professor. The U.S. Constitution only applies to the citizen's relationship to the government, right? That's the only time it comes into play. Pretty much. Is that right?

So any complaint you have about the Constitution, if it's not because the government, if it's not an action between you and the government, it doesn't really come into play. That's pretty much right. That's pretty much right. Okay. So my point in saying all this is that sometimes,

I think in America, we, I don't say we, I'm not American, but I find that people bring the U.S. Constitution into play a lot, especially on Facebook, on social media, very casually they throw that in there. When people are kids, I have a right. Mom, dad, I have a right. Teacher, I have a right. Everybody talks about rights because the American Constitution

is based on rights. But the Bill of Rights starts, Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech. That's a restriction Rights starts, Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech. That's my point. It's a restriction on government, basically. That's my point. That a lot of people

bringing in the Constitution to civil matters or like you versus a company. And it's just, for example, under the Constitution, you have no right of free speech in the sense that your company can fire you.

Exactly. You can be held accountable, but if the government intrudes, then your rights kick in. Let me, Alan, as I call him Alan, because we're close like that, there was a question recently where they were talking about who we would let into this country, and there was the question of whether or not if we said, if hypothetically we had a into this country, and there was the question of whether or not if we said, we're only going to let, if hypothetically we had a ban on Muslims,

whether that's morally correct or not. We said only non-Muslims can come into the country, and people were saying that would be a violation of the Constitution or the Establishment Clause. And the question came up is, do we owe, do people that don't even live here, that aren't even citizens, or that don't even, they're not even here yet, do we have to treat them equally? That was a conversation between Jefferson and Adams.

I was talking about it just the other day. Dan, I'm sitting right here. An exchange of letters, Jefferson and Adams. They both hated Catholics. And they both said it would be a better country if Jesuits were never allowed on our shores. But they both agree that it would be unconstitutional to keep Catholics out. It's not that any particular Catholic would have a right to come to the United States. It's that a law prohibiting Catholics as a group from coming

would establish Protestantism essentially as the national religion. So that's what would make it unconstitutional. Okay, but what... Now you convert that to Islam 200 years later. Okay, interesting point. But, but, did the founding fathers, I mean, obviously, if you had said to Jefferson, what about Muslims?

He would have said, well, yeah, duh. You know, they're not coming in. Well, you know, he fought a war. Jefferson fought a war against Muslims, the Barbary Pilots. We all know the song from the shores of Tripoli. That was about fighting Muslim pirates

who were kidnapping Americans and holding them for hostage. So Jefferson had quite a bit of experience with Muslims, but he never expressed, as far as I know, any strong opposition to the religion as such. He was much more concerned about Catholics. Okay.

Because Catholics had dominated Europe for so many years and had repressed freedom, various freedoms. I mean, you can call him a bigot, but he had very generalized views about Catholics, not so much about Muslims. Now, what about the definition of religion? Because can anybody say, hey, we're a religion? I mean, theoretically, the Nazis could have said,

yes, we're a religion. God told us to invade Russia and to kill people, so you've got to let us in. Communists could say that they're a religion. What's a religion and what's not a religion? Well, look, the people who won't bake a cake for gays saying it's based on their religion, but those same people will bake a cake for a

divorced couple, and yet the same religion that allegedly prohibits gay marriage also prohibits remarriage of divorced people. So people pick and choose what they define as a religious obligation. You know, you pick and choose. At my Seder just the other night, somebody gave us a cartoon, and we put it up there, and it has a guy walking into a restaurant saying, I'll have a ham and cheese,

but hold the bun because it's Passover. Okay. Now, this is hysterical if you are Jewish. Otherwise, you probably don't get it. If you are not... Are they paleo? What is it? They don't eat carbs. During Passover, you can't eat bread. If you are not. Are they paleo? What is it? They don't eat cobs.

During Passover, you can't eat bread. But if you're Jewish, you can never eat ham. This joke requires a heavy knowledge. You just let him sit down. What's this guy's name? David Korn. Oh, my goodness. Is this David Korn?

He's very smart. Okay. He's got a lot of credentials here. He was my student. I didn't go to law school. Alan taught everybody. Ben Franklin. Ask him about Ben Franklin.

One of your best students, right? B-plus. B-plus. B-plus. Benjamin Franklin. What was the founding of America like? So, yeah, are you going to introduce? Yeah, the guy is David Corny.

He's a Washington journalist and political commentator. I can't go through the whole thing. Are you, sir? He went to Harvard, so he's probably... No and political commentator. I can't go through the whole thing. Oh, you're sorry. He went to Harvard, so he's probably... No, no, no. I didn't go to Harvard. And he criticized me for interrupting everybody. I wasn't a student.

He's lying. Because that's what I do, right? Oh, you were not his student. I was not his student. No, we're joking. He's lying. Okay. He calls it joking.

I call it lying. I am claiming him because he's so smart. I wish he were my student. Ian Gelfand. How are you enjoying this conversation? I'm enjoying it, actually. It's not the tip of... student. Ian Gelfand, how are you enjoying this conversation? I'm enjoying it, actually. It's not the typical, but this is Ian Gelfand.

He is the show, we do a, we did a pilot with the Comedy Cellar where every week comedians talk about the week's events. Doesn't John Oliver already do that? Forget John Oliver. John Oliver's history. John Oliver's really good.

I like John Oliver. This is through the eyes of the stand-up. This is in a stand-up setting. John's sitting down. That's true. McDonald's is good. There's still room for Wendy's. You understand?

Okay, okay, okay. Are you McDonald's or Wendy's? It doesn't matter. They may be In-N-Out Burger for all we know. You're not the only constitutional lawyer around. In-N-Out is better than McDonald's. I don't know why they're in there. We are the In-N-Out Burger of the we know. You're not the only constitutional lawyer around. In-N-Out is better than McDonald's. I don't know why. We are the In-N-Out Burger of the weekly show.

You'll take that. Yes, I'll take In-N-Out Burger. Can I have one more quick question? I have to go watch the NCAA championship. Okay. This Second Amendment thing. There was this character last week named, a couple weeks ago on the show, who told me, I said, well, it says,

shall not be infringed. And that seems, you know, that one could argue that that means shall not be infringed. And he told me I was an ignoramus. No, you're not an ignoramus. There are multiple interpretations of the Second Amendment. It starts out by saying, you know, the need for having a militia. Well-regulated militia. Well-regulated.

And I think it means that if you're going to have guns, they have to be well-regulated. But I'm not in favor of amending the Bill of Rights to take out the Second Amendment. I disagree with the great Justice Stevens on that, because if you started amending the Second Amendment, people will start tinkering with the First Amendment and the Fifth Amendment and the Fourth Amendment. I think we have to

leave the Bill of Rights intact. And prohibition, we already took. We got rid of that, but it wasn't in the Bill of Rights. Mr. Dostowicz, do you feel that... Should have been. The guy has to watch basketball. Yeah. Like you said, how many times can you have

one of the greatest constitutional minds of your generation? You're not getting it. He's had enough. Do you feel like the Constitution is a complicated document to understand for lay people, citizens of America? Do you feel that is something that... It is, but we have to explain it so that every citizen knows what his or her rights are. We can't keep it esoteric.

Absolutely. Do you think it's possible for ordinary citizens of America to obtain a certain amount of proficiency in what the Constitution means? Sure. Is that possible? It takes work, though. It does? Okay. You have to read the Constitution. It's very short. But about half of it is subject to multiple interpretations. About half of it is not.

You have to be 35 to be president. That's not subject to any interpretation. It's not the Chinese 35. What about dog years? Where you're given one year where you start. Thank you for showing how multicultural you are. I appreciate that. Great talking to you guys.

Take care. Well, look, obviously, if he were having an incredible time, he would forego the basketball. But I clearly will. My son's here. Well, a lot lesser

constitutional mindset. He can't be bothered really talking to his mother. But we thank you for the time you gave us. Thank you, Mr. And it was more than we expected.

Thank you. Mr. Kwon, where did you go to college? I went to Brown University in Providence, Rhode Island. Are there a lot of artists in Brown University? Well, actually, next door there are. It's RISD.

Very good. And a lot of people. Know who went to RISD? Very funny man, Martin Mould. Great comic, but he studied painting. Talking Heads went to RISD, but I don't know why I'm promoting RISD because I went to Brown. The guys who created Friends, I think, went to Brown. Now, Mr. Korn, can I call you Dr. Korn, Mr. Korn, David Korn, or DC?

You can call me David or anything else. Well, I'll call you David. It's your damn show. Our dear friend, Mr. Chang, will call you Mr. Korn because his culture respects old people, which is, to me, a backhanded compliment. Very backhanded. You know, but... How old do you have to be old to be respected in China? Well, let's just say it's like porn.

You know it when you see it. First of all, he's not just... That's what... I think that's what Justice Stevens said. This is two references to a Supreme Court justice in one comedy show. Probably a first for SiriusXM. Absolutely.

Dr. Corrin, he's not Chinese. I am Chinese. But he's Malaysian. Dan, every week I see you, you ask me where I'm from, every week I tell you I'm Chinese from Malaysia, and every week you get it wrong. Every week.

This is literally, I've known you for two years now, you've never gotten it right once. You know the details, but you can't put it together. No, but I see you as a Malaysian. It's a married couple. Yeah, because if I said to a black guy, I said, no, you're not American, you're African.

Yeah, but right now you're saying to me, you're not Chinese, you're Malaysian. Can we see your papers and clear this up? Wow. Let's just get right to it. This is Trump's America. If Donald Trump was here, yes. Chinese, Malaysian. Your papers, yes. Chinese, Malaysia. When you said that your culture, I thought you meant Malaysia, not Chinese.

Because that's where you grew up. Right, but I'm ethnically Chinese. No, I know you're ethnically Chinese. This is the thing in America. Can he claim two different cultures at once? No, this is the thing in America. In America, if you're not from America, you've got to be one thing. If you're more than one thing, it's too fucking complicated.

If I tell you I'm Chinese from Malaysia, it's like It blows my mind. It's too much. It blows my mind. Like, if I had a child, like Namesh, to me he might be of Indian ancestry. American is apple pie. Yeah. I don't consider him... Absolutely

because he is American. You know where they eat a lot of apple pie? No. Holland. And I tell you Why? Why do they do that? And how do you know that? Because my wife's from Holland. Well, who do we have here? You're inundating me with high-level people that I'm not equipped to talk to. Oh, my goodness. Now, this person, she was in the FBI, so be careful.

This is Asha Rangappa, I believe is this pronunciation. Now, are you famous? Do you want to like CNN? Dan, you can't ask that question. I'm so sorry. That's very rude. That's very rude of Dan. Are you like a CNN person?

I'm a CNN contributor. Talking head type folks? Yeah. She was also at the debate around the corner. Who cares if she's famous? She's a special agent in charge. You're an American woman. She went to Yale.

It doesn't... Oh, man. Ronnie Chang is a Chinese guy from Malaysia. From Malaysia. And I said... So David Korn said... He said his culture respects older people. That's why I respect David Korn.

And David Korn said, assume that by culture he meant Chinese, but I assumed that he meant Malaysia because he's from Malaysia. It was very complicated. It is complicated. David Korn, I have a question for you. Do you think Alan Dershowitz was having a bad time?

Now, you know him better than I do. With you guys? Yes. That was the happy Alan Dershowitz was having a bad time? Now you know him better than I do With you guys? Yes That was the happy Alan Dershowitz that you saw Because he left to go see a basketball game I find that inconceivable I find that inconceivable You could have the dream team here and I would still be talking to you guys

That's a high compliment But Dan you gotta understand when you are old You don't have a lot of time left. Oh, for God's sake. You don't give a fuck anymore. You're like, I'm not going to sit here and talk to you. I'm going to go watch basketball. What you're saying is there are only so many basketball games left.

Exactly. Exactly. How many Final Fours? Maybe I should go then. This is how you respect old people? By telling them that they're going to be dropped dead? Yeah. Well, he calls them mister, though.

That's what they do in Malaysia. I guess yeah You're gonna drop dead soon. So I sure and got but what's in counterintelligence? That's intense Oh you it says don't mess with her. Are you another Harvard person? No, she's Yale Don't worry he's dying on his own For I did it for three years. Three years? Yes. Ask her the best spies she caught on the most important spot. I don't want to.

I'm scared to ask her anything. Who's the best spy you caught? David. I should be the best. It's just the radio. It's just us. It's just the radio. You can tell us.

You can just tell us. Just us girls. Have you ever caught a spy? I did catch spies. Physically catch a spy or there he is, go get him. So, yeah, you identify them

and I actually got some to work for us, for the U.S. government. So that's kind of the holy grail. But after they're caught, you got them to work for you? So they're caught, you go into a room and you're like, hey, you want to join? Well, it's not like all happening at like one time. Sure.

It's like a process. Do you watch the Americans? I don't, sorry. Are any of these spies working undercover as Daily Show correspondents? I can neither confirm nor deny that. Do you recognize this man, Ronnie Chang? Did you catch me once? I have never seen him before. Do you recognize this man, Ronnie Chang? Did you catch me once? I have never seen him before.

Do you watch The Daily Show? I do. He's a Daily Show correspondent. I got a question for Aisha. Yeah. How is there a job you can leave? Like, is there a huge, like, for example, even right now you have to be very careful what you say.

Yeah. So how can you, you know, how is there a job that you can leave and re-enter the, not just re-enter the private world, but you're on CNN talking every day about issues, you know? You can't let stuff slip? Is this just a matter of being very careful? Yeah, you can't talk about actual cases. But a lot of what I comment on

are general principles or kind of the way that the FBI conducts investigations which are generally public. I mean, these are you know, transparent rules and stuff that the FBI follows. But when you leave do they give you a talk? Like, hey, don't Oh, yeah., these are, you know, transparent rules and stuff that the FBI follows. But when you leave, do they give you a talk? Like, hey, don't... Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, you go. Tell them about the chip that they put in your brain. You're not getting the full picture here. Right, exactly. No, I'm sure I'm not. You know, I beep when I go past... You're a Black Mirror fan, apparently. But can I have a question?

Yeah. Is it true you can catch more spies with honey than vinegar? That is true. And that's what they teach you. So waterboarding doesn't actually get you a lot of information. But offering them things that they want gives you a lot. I was told. I read somewhere that porno is a big something that they offer.

It keeps coming back to porn with you, Dan. When was the last time I mentioned porno? Well, Barely Legal. And I think I told a joke in front of Mr. Dershowitz, or Alan, as I call him, that I don't think that might have been the reason he left. I said that I said that I... You've got to tell the joke again now.

I said that I bought a... Should we leave? Are you familiar with Barely Legal magazine? Barely Legal... I can imagine... So I said I got a familiar with Barely Legal magazine? Barely Legal? I can imagine. So I said, I got a copy of Barely Legal. It was pictures of 35-year-olds taking the oath of office for president. It's a real...

I think I got it, girl. No, no, Barely Legal. Are you illegal? Put that in the pilot, yeah. And he didn't quite roll with it as well as you did. And I think that that might have been what made him decide that tonight was the night he's going to become a basketball fan. Well, wasn't Reese Witherspoon in that movie, Bailey Legal? No, that's legally blonde.

I think this guy's funny, this Korn fella. His last name is not Korn for nothing. I've never heard that one before. All right. Well, I want to ask. Oh, sorry. This is how you turned a spot. Like how you, is it just offering?

How you flip them? Is it just offering them what they want? No, you first have to figure out what makes them tick. So the idea is that everybody has a price, right? And sometimes it could be very, you know, venal things like money or... What do you mean by venal? Like vain. Okay, okay.

It's one of those words I hear, but I never quite knew what it meant. Right, but sometimes it could be about their kids. Like it could be about getting them better opportunities or, you know or being able to live in the States or getting medical treatment. I mean, things that the United States is in a very good position to be able to offer. And we're very fortunate to be a country that can offer those things, unlike, say, Russia. Like HBO. Right, HBO.

Free cable. Maybe they want free cable. Unless they're Muslim, then we can't offer them anything these days. What do you mean? I'm just making a joke of the Muslim man. Sorry. Never mind. Dr. Korn, do you think that...

Is it Dr. Korn? It is now. Reverend Korn? It is now. Do you think that Donald... Wait, what's the exact... You're an attorney? Did you call your dad popcorn? Oh my goodness Can I write that down? Yeah, sure, go ahead

He's dead You wrote a book You're an anti-Trump guy Is that correct? You could say that, yeah Do you think that he got peed on in Russia? Because I know you had mentioned that around the corner Well, you know

This is where I can plug the new book I've written with Michael Isikoff Called Russian Roulette Okay I was the first guy to see This is where I can plug the new book I've written with Michael Isikoff called Russian Roulette. I was the first guy to see the Steele memos in which that was alleged, and I wrote about it before the election. And in our book, we quote Christopher David Steele, the British spy who wrote those memos, saying that he now believes on that story maybe it's 50-50. So I can't do better than that. That's what he believes.

I think it might not be so likely, but I will tell you this. If you want to get into details, Donald Trump went to Russia multiple times. We know people have talked about him bragging about escapades in Russia. If he did anything there at any time, it's on tape somewhere. The Russians had it. You can't be a prominent person and go there and fool around and not be noticed.

Maybe you guys can, but a prominent person really can't get away with that. And so it could well be that there's other material in the vaults that, God, I hope my eyes never see. Well, you know, there was an airplane full of gold bars in Russia that the cargo door opened accidentally, and all these gold bars fell out.

Did you hear about that? It's true, it's true. There was a full of gold bars being transported out of Russia, and the cargo door opened in flight, and all these gold bars fell out. So I wrote a joke saying, they asked Trump, what do you think about the shower of gold in Russia? And he said, we've been through that. That's a lot of setup.

It is a lot of setup. I wrote that as one of my, I recently submitted it to be a monologue writer for Fallon. That's a joke they would probably never use because it involves golden showers. But I thought it was a funny joke. Did that actually happen? Yes, it's a real thing. It's not common knowledge. No, that's why the host would come out and say,

hey, did you hear about this in Russia? A cargo door opened and a bunch of gold bars fell out. And all over the place. And when Trump was asked about this, right, that's an appropriate monologue joke. If when Trump was asked about this, right? That's an appropriate monologue joke. If you set it up that way, that's how I set it up.

Sure, I'm just, I don't know what's happening with the bars. The bars fell out of the plane. Yeah, but what? I have so many questions about what plane, where did it fall out?

It was a cargo plane transporting gold bars. How many people died? Nobody died. You're making fun of a tragedy. Nobody died. Nobody died? Was it over the ocean? No, it You're making fun of a tragedy. Nobody died. Nobody died? Maybe, maybe. Was it over the ocean? No, it was over land,

but nobody was in the area. It was in Siberia. Anyway, my point is, because it's not a popular news story, it feels like you're just making up a story to have a joke at the end of it. Yes, but monologue jokes often do that. They'll say, hey, did you hear about this? This is a good ethical question for those of us who are not in your profession.

When a host comes out and says, hey, did you hear about this? Does it have to be true? No, it absolutely does not have to be. Well, it's always. Oh, my goodness. No, it's always true. This is world changing for me. So you can't believe these guys.

No, no, it's always true when they say it. I mean, does it have to be that legally you can't sue them? But it's always going to be. Don't show us back in your asking. Yeah, let's get Alan back. I mean, because it's an all-trust thing with the audience. That was one of three pages worth of jokes I wrote. Obviously,

Golden Shower is probably not something Jimmy Fallon would talk about anyway, but I stuck it in there because why not? At least not on the show. This happened like two weeks ago, which is when I wrote the joke. Nice. Have you heard back? I have not.

Not at all. But I wrote numerous jokes that were more Jimmy Fallon-esque. But since we're talking about being peed on. No, no, I get it. I get it. I thought that I would interject that. What if you found out that was the joke that made them decide, you know what, we liked everything else, but that one just went too far? I don't think they would do that.

Because I think they would say, look, we like what you do. In future, try not to talk about golden showers. Because we're not going to use those kinds of jokes. My suspicion is that Fallon wouldn't want to use a golden shower joke. But it struck me as so funny. And Dr. Korn seemed to like it, unless he's just humoring me. He's not a doctor. Are you a doctor? Not at all. He's not a doctor.

Notice he is not running off to see the NCAA tournament. But I am going to say goodbye, and I hope you hear from Fallon tomorrow. Is there a curling match going on? What's your excuse? It's the golden shower joke. I TBR'd all the curling and I haven't caught up yet. Alright, so David

Korn, everybody. Thank you so much. Buy his new book from Russia With Love, I think it was called. Russian Roulette. I hope, did you have a good time, David Korn? Can I call you David? Because Alan said I could call him Alan. How long have we been doing this? Yeah, go ahead, Ronnie.

No, I feel like we had two, three great experts in their profession. We completely squandered the opportunity to ask them relevant questions. I hear what you're saying, Ronnie. I'm sorry, Ian. Ian is still here.

I only approved one of those guests. That was Mr. Dershowitz. I do think we got a lot of good information out of him. We didn't get shit. I think we got a lot of good information, but I'm trying didn't get shit. We didn't get shit. I think we got a lot of good information, but I'm trying to strike a balance between not getting too into detail about the Constitution. You're doing a bad job. You straight up went for the Constitution immediately.

The whole time you're telling me about you don't want to get too deep into it, and you bring up, the Constitution, that's like your first question. But then you say I squandered an opportunity when talking with... Yeah, because then you asked him quite a bit, and you didn't let him answer. I want to hear more from Ash. I didn't hear anything from the counter intelligence. Well, actually, I have I squandered an opportunity when talking with... Yeah, because then you asked him questions but then you didn't let him answer. I want to hear more from Ash. I didn't hear anything

from the counterintelligence. Well, actually, I have to be honest with you. I didn't approve Ash as a guest. And so it was a power move on your part. It wasn't a power move

but I'm trying to run the show. I've got a million different angles going on here and I'm doing the best I can. You know? And, you know... That's fascinating. We had a counterintelligence professional. I know. Wasn know that's fascinating we had a counter intelligence

I know wasn't that amazing I'm sure she's fascinating it wasn't fascinating to me and I have to be interested in the subject really

because I'm the host of the show since Noam is not here I'm the host but why are you not interested in counter intelligence that's so fascinating I don't know enough about it

I just don't I just to get into it it doesn't interest you I mean I would like to know what's so fascinating. I don't know enough about it. I just don't. It doesn't interest you? I mean, I would like to know what she thinks. And also, I don't know who she is. I don't know what her level is in that business. I haven't researched it. In other words, it was sprung on me at the last second. This girl, Asha Ranjapa.

I'm looking at her. I'm looking at her bio right now. And now I would have to read her bio and then figure out what kind of work she does and what her qualifications are. And then on the fly, kind of ask the best questions we can get because she's only here for a limited time

and I, you know. You stretched yourself out because you didn't ask her anything. I wasn't. So, I don't know. Did I not ask her anything, Ian? I don't think you did. Ian, where are we at?

How long have we been? Oh, we've got another 10 minutes. So, where are we at with the Comedy Central show? They're deciding now whether or not to go forward with it. What does your spider sense tell you? Do they have to send it to focus groups? So they send the pilot.

They've sent it to focus groups, and it scored very, very well. It scored very well. Very well. So they're not going to... Well, there were five pilots they sent out, and we heard back that it scored the highest of those five pilots. Now, I don't know what the scoring system is

in focus groups. Did it get into Harvard? Did the pilot get into Harvard? Maybe Brown. I'll take Brown. If it goes forward, will... Do you have any sense of how many episodes they typically would buy? Eight to ten for the first round, and then see how it does.

But let me ask you two a question. Good, good, good. Ronnie happens to be in the pilot. Oh, I am? Yes. And let me ask you, would you be excited to be in this show weekly?

If we had this show, you'd come up, you'd do a couple of... No. Sorry, I don't interrupt you. A couple of topical jokes each week. Yeah.

And you make it into the show. Would that be exciting? Oh, absolutely. I mean, here's the one thing as a stand-up comic per se I can give you is that being associated with a comedy seller is obviously in and of itself

already a tremendous accolade. And then being on television doing stand-up is great, right? And you put us through here, it's great. The only downside is whether or not you can keep up the pace

and have material that you think is ready which is the beauty of the show, right? The challenge of a show is having funny stuff of things that happened that week without having a chance to work on it, right? Essentially, because it happened that week. So that's the challenge, and that's where the art form comes in. I'm not saying yes or no either way. That's what it's about.

But the fact that you're a correspondent for The Daily Show, what if any conflicts might there be? Would The Daily Show tell you you can't be on it or you can't tell certain jokes? It's Comedy Central. It's a Comedy Central show, so I doubt there'll be that. And I don't think there'll be any conflicts with... I mean, look, this is one of those things I feel like

you cross that bridge if it happens, but my sense of it is that it wouldn't overlap with anything on The Daily Show. I mean, look, this is one of those things I feel like you cross that bridge if it happens. But my sense of it is that it wouldn't overlap with anything on The Daily Show. I mean, that's my, you know. The Daily Show is actually very good with letting its people do projects, you know. And very rarely they pull you back. What I would say, Ian, is if you're also asking me, I assume you are. My feeling is this. Sometimes, you know, I would want to,

obviously would want to be on TV. Obviously, you know, being on TV is a good thing. You get more fans and so on, more exposure. But I would want to do the best job that I could. And in order to do that, it would require to work these jokes out. I mean, a joke that you just wrote and do for the first time may not be perfect. It may not be in its final form. It might take an entire week to work through the joke.

Sure. Such that when it was game time, the joke would be in its final product. Well, that's the challenge of the show for sure. So would you be like, how would it work? Would you be taping once a week so that the whole week we might go on and practice and try to get the jokes right, and then on tape day we go on and we do it? Yeah, I think I would tape two to three nights a week,

and therefore you could try it maybe more than once, as well as you could try it before the taping, as we led up to the taping, and then you could try it then. And don't forget, it's also, it's a weekly show. So if you're not on the first week, you may be on the next eight weeks, and you might not be, you know,

whoever is bringing the material and doing a great job is going to, of course, you know, get on more. And some people, it takes them more time and whatever. I'll tell you what my thoughts are going to be. This is going to be psychologically could be very difficult for me because I anticipate being very competitive and saying to myself, well, shit, why is that joke on? My joke was better than that. I got more laughs than that. I see this as it's going to be a week-to-week stomach churn for me.

This is not your concern. I'm saying for me. But you know what? There's something about it that, which is interesting you say that, because you were in and out of the pilot many times because your joke. I could sense. I felt a disturbance in the force whilst you were in and out of the pilot many times because i could sense i felt the disturbance in the force whilst you were editing this thing but it's less about your particular

jokes and it's more about the buckets we had to fill like we're talking about this with trump or we're talking about that with the me too movement or we're talking and then where your jokes fit in and how they fit into the flow of the whole thing. So even if you had a great joke, sometimes it doesn't fit exactly right. So it's not all about like, oh, I had a better joke or I worked on this

harder. It's also about where it fits, what the buckets are, how it fits into that bucket and whatever. I got a question. Are you a New York guy? Yes. And you work in television.

I guess my question is, like, does the television industry in America, like, they seem to, I guess, hold the comedy seller to the same esteem as stand-ups in New York does, I guess? I mean, does it hold? I'm asking a question. Does the TV industry in America also have the same opinion,

high opinion of the comedy seller as, you know, the comics here? Oh, well, so the TV industry as a whole, that's it.

I mean, Comedy Central has that opinion of the comedy seller. Right. That's who you want to have. If ABC or NBC, it doesn't matter. Oh, no,

I'm asking the question, though. As in, do you feel that the TV... Anyone, I'll say this, anyone who knows comedy will know that the Comedy Cellars is, I would say, arguably the best club in the country. The only other one that you could maybe make an argument for is the Comedy Store in LA. I'm not saying it is, is but still that would be the discussion

the brand name with anybody who knows comedy maybe the improv might fall in there okay you know but those would be the three names that maybe speak about but anyone really knows comedy they'll be like all the best comics and dan aderman perform at the comedy cellar. Very good. Do you feel like some of the beauty of the comedy cellar is in its that kind of almost inaccessible way. You can only come here in New York.

You can only watch it here. Or Vegas now. Or now Vegas now, yeah. But do you feel like putting it on television can kind of suck some know, suck some of the magic away? No, I think it would make some of the magic be like, I have to go to New York to this club where I can see Dan and Ronnie and Nimesh and Judah. David Korn.

And David Korn every once in a while. But, you know know what's interesting? I mean, Ronnie, the thing about... John, do you want to have a seat? John Laster? John Laster! No one can hear you. John, do you want... Oh, for goodness sakes. Do you want to have a seat, Johnny? John. Well, I'll tell you

what we're talking about. And we're a little over time, but they can always edit it, and too much is better than too little. Anybody can leave when they want, but put your headset on if you would. This is John Laster, one of our regular MCs. I think one of the finest MCs we have here. Thank you, brother. He's very good. I love

his joke about, do you think we're not going to get our money? But you'll have to come here to hear the rest of the joke. This is Ian Gelfand. John, do you know Ian? Me and Ian go way back. Ian is the showrunner for the Comedy Central show. You're familiar with what we're doing. I sure am.

The Comedy Central show that we've been discussing. Awesome. Awesome idea. So Ronnie just asked the question, does he think a show on TV, should the show go on TV? We don't know yet if it's been picked up. Still waiting to hear from Comedy Central. The question being is if it gets picked up and it becomes successful, Ronnie was wondering if that'll suck some of the magic,

make the Comedy Cellar less special because it's so accessible. Now you turn on your TV, you can see the Comedy Cellar. It's not this place that you have to go to New York to see. I think that's with Ronnie what you were getting at. So Ian doesn't see it that way. I don't know if you have any particular thoughts about that. No, I think it adds value. I think we all agree it's going to make Gnome even richer, but...

Without question. Well, let me put it to you this way, Ronnie. Like, when you see... Have you ever been somewhere and they're like, oh, that's where they shop for a scope, or whatever the thing is like. Or the diner on Seinfeld. Right, the diner.

Look how many people, people like it creates more magic when it's on TV where people are just like, oh, I want to take a picture in front of it. I want to go in. I want to see those comics. Or Louis' show. Like, come on. Well, I think Ronnie would agree that it's definitely going to make the seller more famous and probably more lucrative,

but will it lose something just in terms of an intangible quality that when you go there, you're someplace that is... Ronnie, am I... No, no, no. In fact, I was playing... Am I echoing your thoughts? Yeah, yeah. I'm just asking the question. In fact, I'm playing devil's advocate because, you know, first of all, it's not up to us anyway whether the thing goes ahead or not.

But I was just saying, like, it's not just about showing the seller. It's also showing what's happening at the seller and whether or not that kind of takes the magic away a little bit. In social network when they make Facebook and they're talking about putting ads. Anyway, I'm just playing devil's advocate. I'll also say this. So when you watch stand-up on TV, it's never as good as when you see it in person. I agree. So what happens is, if someone watches

on TV, they come to the show and they go, oh my, like, oh my God, being there was such a better experience. Yeah, absolutely. It just, the whole thing is a cycle that'll just help that magical feeling.

I hope so, and I mean, I agree. I was just playing devil's advocate. That's okay. What's good about this also is that because it's all topical, I don't generally do topical jokes in my act because they don't last long. It's effort that I have to expend to

write a joke that I can only use for two weeks. This is where I do. This means that any joke I do is not something that's going to that I'm not going to use Anywhere else It's not going to make my act Like oh we've heard that already

Because I'm not going to do these jokes anywhere else And for being on the show You get paid So you're getting paid to write that joke Oh we forgot about that I love what John John and I Yeah it's a challenge. But I feel like, we've spoken about this.

It's like, if you're at this level, it's a creative challenge. Step up to the challenge. Step up to it. You're at this level, step up to the challenge. Yeah, it's the job. And you didn't get here by not meeting challenges. You're not at this club because you don't meet challenges. Exactly.

Let's hit the stage, Ronnie. I got to go on stage. Ronnie and Johnny are both going on stage. All right, Ronnie. Thank you, Ron. Thanks, guys. All right, I guess...

Ian, I guess we'll wrap it up since everybody's leaving us. Thank you for coming in and we anxiously await... Well, you know, I can't speak for no one, but I'd love to have you back on when and if the show gets picked up.

I feel optimistic given that you said we scored a 1600 on our focus group. Assuming it's graded like the SATs. Yes, I will say this. I would love to come back when this gets

picked up and discuss the future of it. And then after the first season, I would love to discuss how this is. We'll have you back for negotiations because we're going to all want pay raises. There you go. Once this show becomes. Me too. Me too. Okay.

Well, you'll have to take that up with Comedy Central. But, hey, it was a pleasure. Thanks for having me on. Thank you, Ian Gelfand. You are always funny. Thank you, Ian. And you happen to be spot on in that analysis. We'll see you next time on The Comedy Cellar Show.