The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Keith Robinson and Danny Cohen

Episode Date: June 30, 2020

Keith Robinson and Danny Cohen

You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the table on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Good evening, everybody. Welcome to the... Let's show us... Live from the table. Live from the table. Here on SiriusXM and on the internet. We're here with, of course, Dan Natterman, the great Dan Natterman.

But he doesn't seem to quite understand the lighting. You can't backlight a... There we go. Anyway. Move a little. Danny Cohen, who he has a small butternut cracker sign. I have a big one.

Do you see that, Danny? Can you see that? And I know what Keith is thinking when he sees crackers. Absolutely. Right now, yes. Keith Robinson and Periel Ashenbrand, our producer. Keith, I just want to start by saying, well, before we started,

we were just saying everybody's kind of scared of Keith. I don't know why. I'm not scared of Keith. Keith, tomorrow is – this is the call. Tomorrow is my 10th year – hold on just one second. Tomorrow is my 10th year. Hold on just one second. Tomorrow is my 10th year wedding anniversary, Keith. And Keith was a part of the officiating team. Oh my God. Was it 10 years ago? Wow, that's not all in time.

Yeah, Will Silvins was there, I remember. Papa did the, Tom Papa was the officiant. So just give me five minutes. Let Keith get it all off his chest Why don't we reconvene in five minutes If it's only going to take five minutes I want to know who was that important Well it's good to see you Keith By the way

How you doing man Everybody still good I think I saw you at Rachel Feinstein's zoom baby shower were you there yeah i was there for a minute yeah so i saw you had something else to do had another zoom to go to well zoom baby shower is unworkable really i mean you can't have zoom where it's just a bunch of people getting together because you can't have conversation. You know, when people get together, you break off into groups.

You can't do that on Zoom. So it becomes a big mess. Yeah, it was good. It was kind of fun. We got the fact that Rachel is not a good mother. We got that out. And that felt good. Everyone should know that.

Wasn't it too soon to tell? No, you can tell. I assume, by the way, that Noam invited you on to discuss Black Lives Matter and police brutality. Why? Well, isn't that why we usually invite you on to discuss the police?

A black eye on you, man. You have a particular history with the police department. Yeah, absolutely. You have firsthand knowledge of... Firsthand knowledge of the bullshit that goes on. Anybody else here been arrested before? Danny, have you ever been arrested? I've never been arrested, no. I've been arrested before? Danny, have you ever been arrested? I've never been arrested, no.

I've been arrested. But I was civilly sued for murder. But not arrested. Are you serious? I was in court for nine years because apparently I attempted to murder someone.

So, crazy. I put somebody in a coma. He was in a coma. Then I put him in a coma. And he never got out of the coma. Then he died in the coma. And it was my fault. It was the whole thing.

Whatever. Was this on investigation, discovery? And they were all white. It was all Jewish people involved. So it was nothing. It was an Jewish people involved. So it was nothing with an all-Jew situation. So, Rachel. I'm back.

Okay, all right, let's get it. Okay, we just did some background talking about nothing of great import. Now, go ahead, Noam, take it away. I don't know what the subject is. Listen, I'm not getting canceled. Normally, Keith and I would be arguing, but I'm not arguing with Keith.

Keith, whatever you say, you were right all along. It's not, well, we'll talk about that, but Danny was charged with murder. Yeah, but it was a very, it was a very, I was 26 years, and then I got into comedy after that whole thing. It's a long story. Did you kill somebody?

He died. He's dead, and it wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault. He's dead. What did you do? What did you do? Dang, did he die of ecstasy? There was some, there was, there was, yeah, there was some drugs involved, but it wasn't,

it wasn't, no. I owned a restaurant on 56, between 5th and 6th Avenues when I was 25 years old. And this guy comes in, we were closed. It was a very big restaurant. So we were closed for a couple of hours. He comes in. He wants to eat. I'm like, I'm so sorry, but we're closed.

He's like, I want to eat. I want to eat. He was smoking a cigar. I'm like, I'm sorry, but no cigar smoking here. And if you come back and you can have a seat at the bar if you like, but you have to put your cigar out and you can have,

we have a light affair at the bar. You can have a drink. And he said- A light what was at the bar? No, fair. Like a light... Fair. I didn't...

Like, you know, a couple of salads and sandwich. That's what we offered at the time when the restaurant was closed. But we had no waiters. It was a very big restaurant. It was like

two basketball courts. It was huge. It was like, did you ever go to... Whatever. That's his deli kind of a thing? Huh? Sounds like Katz's Deli, roughly. It was like, did you ever go to whatever? Cats' Deli kind of a thing? Sounds like Cats' Deli, roughly. It was like, yeah, it was the size of Cats' Deli.

Yeah, but instead of such a high ceiling, it was a high ceiling, and it had a wraparound balcony, so there were two floors to it with a beautiful staircase. It was an upscale place. Anyway, so he wanted to eat, and we couldn't eat, and he got very aggressive with me, and he tried to put the cigar in my face So I knocked the cigar out of his hand And he came at me

And I palmed him in the face And to my waiter's table right there And this was happening at the front desk And we had a foyer, like a foyer Like a little cubicle with two glass doors They took him and they very nicely They took him by arms and they put him into the foyer And they closed and they locked the door they took him by arms and they put him into the way and they closed and they

locked the door. He's in there banging on the glass. I want to eat I'm going crazy turning red. He was about 65 years old. I was 25 years old. But he was he was like, just like a tough guy. And he banging banging turning red turning red cursing us out after about 10 minutes of him screaming at the top of this young kid comes in waves at us sort of consoles him and then takes him out get we got a call a few minutes later i'm still sorry um i'm his nephew uh my uncle was across the street having drinks he's on harm medication he shouldn't be on medication and drinking uh he was turning red he was he

looked crazy i'm so sorry to be disruptive. I'm like, no, it's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. And then I said, okay, sorry, but that was it. He'll come back another time. No problem. And it was a kosher restaurant. So we catered to a very specific clientele.

So, yeah. Very specific. Wait, wait, wait. the guy you hold on hold on hold on hold on the guy you killed

what was his what was his what was his demographic profile oh yeah he was an older Jew oh okay okay

calm down Keith okay now you can go ahead go ahead I said he had nobody man go ahead go ahead so how did he end up dead two and out two hours later we get a call from his son what my my father is in a coma he had a heart attack there are bruises on his neck he has black and blue marks all over his back his

arms you beat him up you put him in a coma he had a heart attack because of you. I'm gonna sue you these people the owner of Jimmy's which is a very big exclusive Clothing store. They had a couple of in Long Island, Brooklyn. They were millionaires they had a lot of money and they had a lot of clout in this community in the truth in the Syrian Jewish community and and They went after us and we had to close the restaurant and they sued up they sued me for uh for punching him and beating him up and putting him into a coma and uh and so i was

in court for like seven years eight years until we settled but and while i was doing my first eight years of comedy i'll be doing comedy and then i'll be in court a lot. That was what I, but I never talked about it. Some people just seem to have weird shit that happens to them, and Danny seems to be one of those people. Just in life, there's just been some crazy-ass shit. Yeah. I'm going to say this right now. I think Danny is a murderer.

I thought it before you told me. Any of us. Really, any of us can be murderers. How did you come to own a huge restaurant at the age of 25? Because I wanted to go into show business, and my mother didn't want to hear of it, so she bought me a restaurant. Jesus Christ.

Oh, Danny, you have to say that in front of Keith. Jesus Christ. Sorry, Keith. I want to do this. All right, I have a restaurant. What the fuck? Yeah. But she got a lot of money from a settlement, right?

Your mother, is that how she got her money? Yeah, she was a good business person. She made a lot of money. It was her and her brother. Danny, you should write a book. You know, Danny also went for those, as we've talked about other podcasts, Danny went to gay conversion therapy.

Yeah, we talked about it. And it worked. He's gay now. Yeah, we talked about it. And it worked. He's gay now. Yeah, it didn't work. No, but I mean, he has a whole story about it. And he's got, I mean,

it's an amazing life. You should write a memoir. I gave it a really, I really gave it a good shot. I'm like, I'm going to try to get a, I'm really going to try to get straight.

And it didn't work. Yeah. Usually don't. If you could take a pill to be straight, you wouldn't take it at this point, would you? At this point? Does it make a work. Yeah. Usually don't. If you could take a pill to be straight, you wouldn't take it at this point, would you? At this point?

Does it make a difference? No. Not at this point. 10 years ago, I would have. And that's because society has changed so much for the better in those 10 years?

10 years ago, I would have been 42 and I would have been at a normal age to be a father. I don't want to be a father now. The only reason why I would want to get married

is to be straight and to get married't want to be a father now. The only reason why I would want to get married is to be straight and to get married and have kids. All right. Okay. So yesterday, I went down to the city. I saw the Olive Tree open

for the first time in how many months? Four months. If I could just mention, the Olive Tree is the restaurant above the Comedy Cellar that Noam owns also,

but claims it doesn't make any money. Yeah, my father bought it for me. So that's what Jewishish parents do i wanted to be a guitar player yeah it really won't make me want to call y'all names buy it for you he bought it for him and you inherited it's just like kidding i'm kidding i may i i went to law school okay i got a degree a degree. I worked hard. Then I, anyway. So listen. And it was pretty sentimental

to see the restaurant open again after so long. And I was happy to see all the comedians there. And I noticed that a lot of people have had this, which was actually encouraging in terms of whether or not I think New York is going to have another spike when we reopen, because it seems like a lot of people have had this and a lot of people have the antibodies. But I have to say

it's really true. I was most happy to see Keith. I don't know what the fuck this guy has and what his effect on me is. I mean, it's not like we're pals. We don't go to each other's house for dinner or whatever. We spend a lot of time together, I guess.

Through the years. Come on. Don't short our relationship short our relationship no i know but i'm saying it's like i i have people who i who i actually spend more one-on-one time with or i can't i don't know explain who wouldn't i don't know who maybe i'm less fond of than then than keith but for whatever reason i was really really happy to see you yesterday, Keith. Actually, that's really from my heart. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I don't know. Obviously, I'm not lying, but I mean, it's just coming out of me. I was really happy to see you, really. No, and when are you going to be down there again?

I'll go down. I don't know. I'm not one of the people. I'll tell you, Dan. I'll tell you. I'll let you know next time I'm going to come down I was there on June 24th and it was fun

but what I didn't get to talk to Keith about is all the politics and everything that's going on in the world but unfortunately I don't know if we can have that conversation in public because we talk more plainly to each other. And you're not worried about it, but I'm worried about it.

I don't know, but you can say what you want to say. Look, can I just say that I sent Noam a, I guess it was a video of probably the most disturbing of all of these episodes, a fellow named, what was his name? I'm sorry. He was, he looked like he was an autistic kid.

And, and the, and he did what autistic people would do when you try to arrest him. He went crazy. Yeah. And they put him in a chokehold and he died and they gave him some drug to calm him down. Of all the,

of all the episodes of all the uh these types of episodes this one to me was the most disturbing or disturbing and what happened to george floyd yes to me it was because this to me it was because this kid seemed like the sweetest kid or i don't know if he was a kid, he was about 23, and he was saying, I love you. Pardon? He weighed 140 pounds, but he had headphones on. So he couldn't really help me ask them, what are you doing? Why are you messing with me?

You know, you could see he was a kid, and they just didn't, the cops don't know how to de-escalate, it seems. They do not know how to de-escalate stuff and just bring it down. There's no reason for that to be. They could have just followed the kid home. That's all he had to do, follow him home. They're not trained properly. And then he lied.

They made up a whole bunch of stuff that the kid was doing. Oh, he was strong as a bull. No, he wasn't. You could see he wasn't strong as a bull. His whole thing was, no. And, you know, cops, well, when they go defunding police, like, people don't know what they mean when they go defund the cops. It's like, take some of that money away from different sections and put it to other things that count. Mental health, because cops shouldn't have to be in charge of people's mental health and all that. They should just do what they do. Deal with crime. And it's frustrating to watch these cops with all the stuff that's going it's just frustrating to watch

what's going on yeah i mean they somebody should go they got they fired the cops but that's not good enough they should be charged yeah so i want to confess that i saw this thing going around and i and i i'm developing this aversion to taking a deep dive into these tragic things that they're very hard to take. So I'm going to speak naively now because I don't really, even everybody's been trying to get me to look at this. I haven't, but I'd say that what stands out to me about the George Floyd thing, as opposed to what you're describing to me, listen, they're all just fucking tragic, let's be honest, when anybody innocent is killed. But what stands out to me is in the George Floyd thing,

this was a sadistic torture of a guy who was handcuffed. And what you're describing to me in some way is some sort of horrible inability of the cops to recognize that what they were dealing with was somebody who was mentally ill. But I haven't heard it described as purposeful. Where the George Floyd thing, I mean, you can't look at it any other way. They had their knee on his neck. And for what? Like, what were they doing other than- While he was handcuffed. While he was handcuffed. Yeah, like, what were they doing other than in some way enjoying the

humiliation of another human being as opposed to not understanding that a guy who's freaking out is autistic? And I'll say one other thing, just so you know, I won't say his name, but we, with somebody we all know, we had a situation at the um a lot of these things reverberate with me to various events i've had on a lower scale with security and stuff with the comedy seller so it's where with people with security guys didn't de-escalate um and i've always been like remember one time where a door guy almost got into a physical thing or did kind of with a guy who wouldn't put out a cigarette i said what the fuck's the matter with you just let him smoke smoke a cigarette, but it's against the law. And I'm like, so what? Nothing's going to happen. You know, if the cops come, we'll tell him he

wouldn't put out a cigarette. You don't need to like, just chill out. Let him finish his cigarette. Just ignore him. I bet you if you ignore him, he'll leave. You know, they can't process it. One time a guy showed up at the door and, you know, we don't let people in drunk. And he was really slurring his words. And a door guy says, you can't come in, you're drunk. And his friend called the door guy to side and said, listen, my friend has a speech impediment. He's not drunk. He literally, he has a disability.

And the guy who works for me says, oh, come on. You don't expect me to believe that nonsense. We're not letting him in. And they didn't let him in. They threw him out. And the guy calls the next day, you know. And I was horrified. And I made it up to them as best as I could.

But it really brings home to me how hard it is to train a power trip out of an individual. This is so deep. And by the way, this is somehow related to cancel culture. The people who are going around getting people fired, they're on a power trip too. You give somebody a badge and a certain number of them, they just, it's just disgusting. So I'm just kind of going off on a tangent. But Keith and I, the one thing that Keith and I have never disagreed about

is we've disagreed about police shootings, but I think we've always agreed that in the other stuff, we've always agreed about the cops because stuff, we've just, we've always agreed about the cops. Cause I, you know, just the way they, they are unnecessarily. And I've known so many stories.

Keith has stories himself. Although the interesting thing about Keith stories is that the cops told these outlandish things to the judge and they were all true. Here's the thing. And this is real. This is, he really was drunk driving the wrong way down a one way street. It took a swing at the cops. No, no, no. Cops, here's the thing. And this is real. This is serious. He really was drunk driving the wrong way down a one-way street into the swing of the cops.

No, that's not it. That's when I would never, anything that I did wrong, I had that one coming. But the whole scenario is like this. The one cop that stopped me, me and Kevin Hart, and they stopped me and Kev, and they stopped me and Kevin, and Kevin didn't have his license and registration, and they said, well, we're going to arrest

you. So I said, it's my car. I have my license and registration. That's what it is. You're not going to tow my car. They said, get out of the car. As soon as I got out of the car, they attacked me. Now, they didn't get what they got with George Floyd.

They got something a little special, a little something extra, because I was tossing them around like they were little kids. But the reason they said they were going to arrest me is the fact that I got out of the car. They wrote in the police report that the reason we arrested him, he got out of the car with a brush wrapped in a newspaper. Why the fuck would I get out of the car with a brush wrapped in a newspaper? What am I going to do? But they were lying just in case lies.

And I see the guy, as I was in the cell, I see the guy pacing back and forth. And as he was thinking something, he'd go like this. Whoa, I got it. And then write it down. So cops, they can't help but lie. They got to stop the lying. And other cops got to know that they're lying.

And step in. You remember Ron Long, the bass player who used to work with me in the WA? Yeah. So it's the only time in my whole life I've used my law license. He was – I mean, when you hear the story, whatever, he was walking down the street and some cops were arresting somebody, and they had to go into the police car and they locked,

they had locked their own keys in the police car. They couldn't get into the car. So Ron goes up to them and he goes, ah, ah, ah, a cop trying to steal his own police car. That's where he left. Now, you know, that's not, you know, probably wise, but anyway, the cops turned around and they kicked the shit out of him.

I mean, he was really, had welts, injured, arrested him. I mean, it was horrible. And I got a call and I, you know, I told him I was his lawyer and I was able to go into the, down into those caverns there and help him as best I could at the time he got arrested. And, you know, I've seen people beaten up. I've seen every musician, not everyone, but so many of the musicians I work with have a story about being pulled over. And, like, I got pulled over one time, and I had expired insurance, expired insurance, and they let me go home, you know, and now Eric Adams,

the drummer, you know, he wound up spending the night in jail. Now the truth is I've known why people have also been locked up for that, but you know, just in terms of probabilities, they don't, they don't give the guy a break. And, and I mean, I've seen that that's like a minor story. I've just seen, I've seen this so much. And maybe one of the, I think that maybe finally people are getting, being awoken to the day-to-day shit that the cops do.

And that's the best thing of all. What is the solution now? Well, the solution is, I think, first and foremost, and nothing, Keith, you know, 10 years ago, I think I said every cop should have, no interaction between a cop and the public should exist without being recorded. You know, I was criticizing Obama at the time

when he was going on and on about police. I'm like, why don't you do something constructive and make a federal law that every single policeman in the country has to wear a body camera all the time? So I always felt that way, and I think that people should have access to the video of their arrests within a reasonable amount of time.

They turn it off. Yeah, well- A lot of times they're like, please turn it off. Right, but you know what? Turning it off ought to be, and it will be presumed to be, a sign that the cops can't be trusted. You know, juries will hopefully nip that out.

That's just not... Well, no. Listen, I'm talking about what can you do. This is definitely ways to improve. And I think... The records are public now, also. What's that? The police records are public now also. What's that? The police records are public now,

which is- Well, there's a privacy issue there. I mean, I don't know if I want my police records public if I'm arrested, but it should be my option, right? As the guy who's arrested. But the police unions,

just like the teachers unions, they need to be busted. You can't have somebody with 17 complaints on them and nobody has the right to look it up. And this has got to stop. And then, I don't know what else. What do you think they should do, Keith?

Well, you can't keep hiding these police officers. I think once a police officer is guilty of some stuff, get rid of them. You got to get rid of these cops. And you train new ones up that it would be better. I just don't, I just believe that because they don't, they have been facing no charges or nothing's happened to them through the years, they're emboldened to do more stuff.

They don't give a damn what they do. Yeah. What I worry about with all this, first of all, I always feel guilty when I talk this way because I know so many cops who have saved my ass, saved the asses of the very same group of people

who have been harassed by other cops. Black guys I know. You know, it's like, there's definitely good cops. I don't know, you know, it's like, there's definitely good cops. I don't know, you know. But I worry that the fact that we're focusing so much on the shootings of unarmed people, by and large, when that really is statistically up in the air, is may come back to bite us on the ass because when next year they show that almost

nobody was shot on almost no unarmed black people shot by the cops then people will say okay problem solved but that's not the problem with the right right that's my point that's what i worry about because we're measuring it we measure it in terms of guys being killed. And that's not the problem, I think. Go ahead. No, no, the problem is, well, it's a big problem. The whole criminal system is built on making money by getting arrests. And people have an interaction with the police and getting tickets and getting stopped. It's a bad system. It's not broken. It's working bad system. It's not broken.

It's working the way it's supposed to work because you're supposed to arrest people. They want to get people in trouble and they want that money to keep coming in. That's my belief, Mr. Norman. I know you believe that. And I'm not there with you quite on that. But I do think that there are unspoken quotas

for police and that does lead to them looking to catch your turn signal on, whatever it is. And a certain number of those incidents develop into conflicts where abuses

occur. So I don't totally disagree with you. So if you don't totally disagree, you can't disagree because they had a thing in New York, right? They had a thing in New York where the cops was talking. The Latin cops and the black cops said,

well, our job was to hunt. They call us hunters. See, we got to go out and hunt. We need some arrests. And you go to the worst neighborhoods to get the arrests. Well, the reason I don't, what I don't agree with you about is I don't think there's any politician from Governor Cuomo to Mayor de Blasio to anybody on the city council who is weighing police reforms and says to himself, no, no, no, we need the money.

I don't think it's that cynical in terms of what's going on in our leadership. But I do think that within the precincts, cops, how do we know? I can see the other side. I'm the police chief. How do I know my officers are not just loafing around text messaging and playing Candy Crush? If I don't see any arrests, if I don't see any tickets, what the fuck are you doing out there? So there's a pressure to come back with proof that you did something. But the problem is, that can lead to a lot of fucked up shit happening. Do you really think this happened

when people giving out tickets, right? Even parking tickets. They gotta give out a certain amount of parking tickets. That's facts. Yeah, yeah. Parking tickets, yeah. Yeah, but that... What I'm saying is I think there's an unspoken quota

even for pulling people over and arresting them. Is that unspoken or is it very spoken? Because I saw some Baltimore cop that was saying, yeah, we had to get a certain number of arrests

so we went to this neighborhood where we knew we could get some arrests. I read somewhere recently, I think it was about New York, where they said they felt it wasn't... Maybe it wasn't explicit, but it was a pressure. I read somewhere recently, I think it was about New York, where they said they felt it wasn't explicit, but it was

kind of understood. In other places, it might be explicit. And that should not be that. If you haven't been caught up in the justice system, which I have several times, you would know that it absolutely is something behind that.

My wife is here, by the way, Keith. Hi. Hello. Whenever I talk about racial issues, I like to show my wife of color. Juanita's a criminal. That's why. I call her my get out of jail free card. Listen, I know about the system.

Juanita is what percentage black, if any? Six percent. I don't know. You're holding on to my DNA like sometimes. I'll show her right now. I don't even know what it looks like. Listen, I give you my DNA. You should be able to...

Go ahead. I took a little bit of your DNA. Now you're holding my DNA hostage. I don't understand that. What are you trying to tell everybody, sweetheart? I'm not trying to tell anybody. There is a corruption within the system. I know, well, I don't want to talk about my family, but so many of them have been in and out of the system,

and I know exactly what goes on. The system is built to make money. That's what the private penitentiaries is for. That's all built to make money. That's what the private penitentiaries is for. That's all built to make money, collect money. They build, you know, that's documentaries on that and everything. What are you looking at now?

Are you looking up stuff? I'm looking up his DNA. I'm looking up his DNA. Oh my God. But there is, it's a rainbow, guys. It really is. Besides the money thing, there is, it's a rainbow, guys. It really is. But besides the money thing, there is a systemic injustice going on within the criminal system.

And it really bugs me. I can't, I can't even go there. It's just, it's my everyday. My wife is 5.2% Sub-Saharan African and 5.3% North African. Well, North African. Well, North African doesn't count for black. You tell that

to the North Africans. Whatever it is. So she's more, she's way more African than Elizabeth Warren was ever Native American on her best day, on her best day

writing powwow chow cookbooks, all right? But I'm Native American too her best day, on her best day writing powwow chow cookbooks. All right. But I'm Native American too. My wife is, no. Yes, I am.

It says it right there. I know. I'm saying like, I don't, I don't, she's seven, 7.0% Native American. That's right,

because my grandma was Native American. Jesus, you know what? I didn't know this stuff. And I got Japanese, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, Bengali. And I got Chinese, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese,

Bengali. And 0.6% Ashkenazi Jewish. And I got a little Jew. All right. So what else? What else? Probably from the Spanish part of her, I would imagine.

Or it could just be an error. It is true that the privatization of the prison system really should be done away with. I mean, it is by definition so corrupt and evil. You sound... I'm going to look at my DNA. Go ahead, Peril.

No, no, no. Your DNA. You're a Jew. Well, I'm well 99.7 no this this says i'm well it's very approximate i it says it says i'm 90 more than 90 jewish now they can pinpoint that finer but you had to pay extra for that so i jumping back to the olive tree now you're just authorized to be open for outdoor seating i gather when when is that going here's the news first of all 99.2 ashtonazi jewish i did pay extra um uh it looks like we may be able to daniel likes my joke it

looks like we may be able to open with comedy on July 6th. Wow. Because a restaurant is allowed to have entertainment. So we may be able to open with entertainment with a comedian. I don't know what all the rules and regulations are. So we'll open in the Olive Tree. We'll open maybe in the bar area of the Pussycat with comedy because

psychologically the ceilings are higher. There's windows, whatever. People feel a little bit more safe. And then if any of that goes, we can open up downstairs in the rooms too. Who knows? No, it can't do it. What do you think, Keith? I like it.

But I think it's got to be slow. A slow process. Would you perform? Absolutely. But you're high risk a little bit. I'm not high risk. Take it back. You saw him yesterday.

No, no. I mean, to be honest, I would worry about you. You've had a stroke. That's one of the things that's one of the risk factors. And I walked away like a man. Yeah, you did. Huh? I've been all over the place. I know. I think I already

had it already. Well, you should get tested. No. I'm never getting tested. When I pass out, that's how I know I did. I got a ventilator in my house. What do you think, Danny? Were you performing?

Are you ready? Yeah, I performed short. Danny already had it too, though. Yeah, you know, but I did antibody tests and it was negative. Oh, yeah, that's right. But some people have had it and had test negative for the antibodies. Possibly. Well, how do they know they had it?

He definitely had it. He was, he, you had, remember how sick you were? I had symptoms. Yeah, I had weird, I had a whole thing going on, but I don't know. Who knows? I don't know. I mean, I don't know. This is typical Perrielle, where she diagnoses you. Telemedicine Perrielle. You got a fucking day of medical school behind her. She's like, no, no, no. You definitely had it, Danny.

You definitely had it. Perrielle, I don't even know what you're talking about. Why are you making up stories? We talked about it. I did. I did. But then I got the test, and then I was like, oh, so if the antibodies are negative, maybe I didn't get it. And then I got like sort of a 50-50, so I don't know.

It says I'm not pregnant. No, no, you were definitely pregnant. You don't need to have antibodies to have had it. There are plenty of people. And the tests are fucked up, by the way, still. Keith. That may be, but you can't say it. She's on your side.

I would answer your question about what I perform, even though you didn't ask me, but I guess you were getting to it. I think I would wait a couple of weeks to see how it shook out. Really? Wow. I wouldn't be

on the first show. Now, maybe you wouldn't book me on the first show. I don't know. But I'm just trying to preempt your easy Natterman slam. Dan, why wouldn't you do the first show? Because I want to see how it shakes out. If everybody that does the show gets COVID, then I'll have better information.

So you've got to wait for two weeks. You have to wait for like a month. I'll wait a couple weeks and then I'll be there. I want everybody wearing a mask there I want everybody wearing a mask I want everybody wearing a mask everybody in the audience or the comedian also

both I'm not performing with no mask or face shield a face shield they can wear you guys can wear a face shield

you guys should wear a face shield does that protect how does that protect you a face shield when because there's a big gap that Kobe can get under the face

Shield and go up protects it doesn't you're protected by the people in the audience wearing a mask and the face shield protects them from the moisture that might come because the truth is when you would tell jokes you're speaking loudly and there's a lot of We have big Chinese store plexiglass things right in front of us? Oh, that's smart. Like a big, you know,

and then we use staking seals. Well, that way you don't have to worry about no mask or nothing. You can still speak and there's a spittle or whatever goes right against them. That's like all the comics are the boy in the plastic bubble totally you put them in like a fish cage like a comedy aquarium exactly

amazing that's good comedy aquarium i don't know but i i don't you mean the kind i don't know where keith came up with this chinese thing you mean mean like the old Times Square where you put a quarter in and the girl... Is that what you mean? Yeah, more like that, yeah. He's referring to like the bodega where they have the plexiglass because they don't... Plexiglass, yeah, where we have the big thing. How many quarters we got to put in for your comedy, Keith? And the thing lowers down.

I don't know. Yeah, that has been suggested, but do you think it would be weird to perform behind a plexiglass? No! All right. If you're a president or something, you know, you gotta, you know, you don't want to come, so have their protect it and we're protected one at a time then

the next person comes on boom next person comes on easy easy breezy okay okay we're gonna try to tell Tony to try that July Yeah, the people, they still see a ton. What are you saying? July 6th, you're allowed to have indoor dining? Is that what you're saying? July 6th, we're allowed to have indoor dining. I don't think New York is going to spike. I mean, I don't know how you define spike. I think it'll edge up at some point.

Maybe it's going to go up again. I think that we are, I think, I mean, it's terrible, but it already ravaged the old age homes. It's already been through all the nursing homes. Half the people who died were in nursing homes. I don't think there's a law of diminishing returns. It's not going to go kill another half of them. So that's those deaths.

And a lot of young people have had it, especially among the people who are going to be going out. So that dilutes it. That adds extra feet. Antibodies are the best masks. So I think we may be okay in New York. But if everybody keeps to their social distancing, the mask on and all, it'll be okay. Because in Arizona and Florida, it's spiked up really good right now. Well, what's interesting about Florida is that they, I was just looking at it before we went on the air.

So on a similar day when we had 9,000 cases, we had between four and 600 deaths on that day. Wait, say that again? On a day in our cycle when we had around 9,000 new cases, on a typical day like that, we had between 400 to 600 deaths on the same day. Florida had around 9,000 new cases today. They had 39 deaths. The average age in Florida is like 15 years younger than it was in New York. And you could imagine like 1,080-year-olds getting it is more dangerous than 30,000 30-year-olds getting it. So it's really difficult to compare. And it's a lot of politics that goes into it unless you also know it's like

comparing the effect of sugar if you don't distinguish between people with diabetes and people without it people who are old and high risk they're like diabetics but where they get sugar covid to the young generation some people will die but very very few but where are the young people going to they're going to go to the young people going to? They're going to go to the cop. They're going around their family members. So, you know, you still got to wait to see the effects of it. And the hospital beds are starting to fill up. You know, it's going to go back up somewhat. But the challenge is going to be for every family to figure out how to protect their loved ones who might be higher risk. But as I said, a lot of people have died already.

I mean, a lot of people have died. And that, unfortunately, they say trees don't grow to the sky. As more and more people die, fewer and fewer more people are going to die after that, I think. I think one out of four people already, one out of four or one out of five people in New York have the antibodies, something like that. That's a lot. Noam, how are you getting the waitresses to come when they could just stay home

and get unemployment right now? They're coming in one day a week each. And they can- Everybody wants to be out. Yeah, they can keep their benefits if they don't earn too much money. So that's what we're doing. But that may be a challenge when we open more.

I don't know what we're going to do about that. When do the benefits run out? Are they running out soon? The end of July. But I imagine they're going to have to re-up them if people can't work. Yeah. I don't know. Or you can pay them more money, I guess.

Shut up, Dan. The fuck is the matter with you? I'm just thinking about that. There's no money coming in. No, you're right. We might have to pay more money in some way. But the truth is, they're going to make pretty good money when they come in because everybody's tipping them, I'm sure, very generously right now. They're making decent money.

I hope so. But it's not even that bad. If you're making $1,100 to stay home, you know, and you can be perfectly safe, how much money do you need to make? You can smoke weed and just hang out and eat chips. Nobody wants to just sit and hang out. Or you can go outside and take a bike. Everybody gets bored. Nobody wants to just sit and hang out. Or you can go outside and take a bike. It's nice out. But, you know, yeah, you go outside and take a bike ride,

which is what I've been doing. Cross that bridge when we get to it, I guess. So anyway, so Keith, what else do you think about? What else? Well, I'm going to tell you what else. What about Howard Stern? What about Howard Stern? I don't give a damn about Howard Stern.

Tear all those fucking statues down. Tear them down. Lincoln? Tear them down. Fuck Lincoln. Tear them down. Tear them all down. Roosevelt Franklin? Tear them down. You know who Roosevelt Franklin was?

No. Yes. I want them all to... Tear them down. Tear them! Tear them the fuck down! How about that gold statue at Rockefeller Center ice skating rink? What about that guy? He's gotta go! Gold guy also!

He's a gold guy! What about on the right? I want to show you a picture of Roosevelt Franklin, because Keith ought to remember this, but he doesn't. Maybe because he... Isn't that from the Snoopy cartoon? Roosevelt Franklin was the black Muppet on Sesame Street.

But he doesn't look black to me. His hair is... Yeah, yeah, yeah. He talked black. And they named him Roosevelt Franklin. This was like the most left-wing, tolerant,

Sesame Street kumbaya. And he's like, his buddy has... I saw an episode of Happy Days, an excerpt. Somebody posted an excerpt

from an episode of Happy Days with this black guy. He comes into Arnold's and they offered a set and Richie says, let me set you up with a girl.

Richie invites him to a party at his house and he says, I'll set you up with a girl Richie invites him to a party at his house and he says I'll set you up with a girl and then Fonzie says who do you what girls do you know that are African American I mean basically Fonzie is saying you can only this guy can only date an African American

which is right no but that ended but that ended with a with a pot I think I remember that episode it ended with like a moralizing thing like it shouldn't matter What color someone is I didn't see the end But I just remember That's how it turned out Somebody posted that

Where Fonky's like You don't know any black girls No no That was That ended the opposite way See Dan's a part Of cancel culture He gets to see that one thing

And say oh my god Look at it In the 70s That's how TV I don't think in this Well you did have The Jeffersons with the... You know, the Willises were a mixed couple,

but there wasn't too much of that in them days. But you can't really mean to tear down the statue of the man who fought the war to free the slaves. He fought the war to save the Union, Noah. When you dig deep into his background, you find out a lot more stuff about him. What about Martin Luther King?

Have you dug into his background? Should we take his statue down? No. No. He didn't rape women. He was just there cheering it on. That's the accusation. Hold on. I don't care what Martin Luther King is. I love Martin Luther King, but that is the accusation that came out

that he was there cheering on a rape, right? We've heard this. Yo, Rogan of his day. I've never heard that. Am I remembering it wrong? Yeah, you remember it wrong. You got Dr. King cheering on a rape? Yeah, he knew about it. He was caught

on tape. Get him. Get him, Walt. Sealed FBI audio tapes allege Martin Luther King Jr. had affairs with 40 women and watched while a friend raped a woman. This is the Business Insider. This is a liberal

website. It was all over. So I don't know whether it's true or not. You can't verify that. Get out of there. They had them on tape. No, they don't have them on tape. I don't think they have them on tape doing that.

Don't you think they would put that out? They actually had them on tape. This is the thing. This is the thing. You can't, everybody, everybody, if you or I were born in that shack of, was it Kentucky? Where was Lincoln born? Kentucky? Anyway.

I believe so. Illinois? Whatever. If we were born in that shack, first of all, most likely the world would never even have heard of us because we were average. But one thing is for sure, neither of us would have been born with the sense to know that everything around us in the world was wrong and not quite morally in tune. The greatest people of any age, in my opinion, are the ones who can see a few inches above the heads of the people around them. That's greatness. Okay, so who in our age is seeing a few inches above the heads of the people around them. That's greatness.

Okay, so who in our age is seeing a few inches? And Lincoln, Lincoln certainly, if Lincoln wasn't a great man, then there were no great men. And that can't be right. We're going to have to accept that Muhammad had slaves, that Lincoln said certain things, that everybody, everybody is born in a particular time. Then that was, I don't care what the time was. You know, a lot of people have slaves. Lincoln didn't have slaves. They raped their women and they raped the black women. They did all sorts of horrific stuff.

I'm not forgiving that. Lincoln didn't do that stuff. Yes, he did. Lincoln didn't have slaves. Yes, he did. Abraham Lincoln did have slaves. Yes, he did. Abraham Lincoln did not have slaves. Look it up. You just got finished looking.

Abraham Lincoln did not. Dan, did Abraham Lincoln have slaves? Yes. No, look it up. Dan, I want to know what you think in 100 years will be so obvious to them that's not obvious to us right now that's a moral wrong. You're asking me? I want to see if you're able to see a couple inches

of meat. Like eating meat. Maybe in a hundred years they'll look back and be like how did they even eat cows? I don't think so by the way because we kind of evolved to eat meat. It's hard to imagine.

I eat meat. By the way, for you fans of performance art, Keith is just doing an impression of somebody. We all know, he knows that Lincoln didn't have slaves. Lincoln had slaves! Look it up! I did look it up. I don't know why I looked it up

because I know he didn't have slaves. Lincoln was born in Kentucky So maybe he grew up with slaves Lincoln did not have slaves Grant Grant had one slave And he gave it up What do we think I think we're going to go

In the opposite direction Why did they ever treat the Jews so nicely? What were they thinking? I don't know, Dan. Maybe we've reached the end of the moral road, and now we're completely enlightened, and we have no work left to do. I think that

all these statues or whatever belongs in a museum. Period. Put them in a museum. That's what I want. You know, you want to remember what? Except Martin Luther King. Huh? Except Martin Luther King.

All black statues stay. Keith Robinson. Question for Keith Robinson. Should Washington, D.C. be renamed? Absolutely. What would you name it? Blackville. Chocolate City.

There must be a good name in a Parliament Funkadelic song we could use. Bootsilla, baby. They're going to rename Yale Atomic Dog University. What do you think about that argument? Detroit is Chocolate City, right? That's Motown. No, Washington, D.C. is Chocolate City. Washington, D.C. is Chocolate City.

Come on. Don't you have anything against the statues going in the museum? I will tell you this, Keith, something very interesting. No, some of the statues should just be torn down. Some maybe belong in museums, and some, I think, are by truly great people,

and I think that it would do more damage to the social fabric to tear down certain people than it would... It's not tearing them down. Take it to the museum. No, no. But I just want to say where I'm not so far off you.

Many years ago, or like 20, 25 years ago, when they first... My wife's going to get mad for a different reason. When they first decided that they wanted to put up the Holocaust Museum

in Washington, D.C., I objected to that and people thought I was crazy. I said, no, I don't think the government ought to be putting up a museum for the Jews. I said, the Jews can do that themselves. You know, like, we don't need that. So I do, there is something to what you're saying that in a country that gets so diverse

that there's other ways, the government doesn't need to be in the statue business, but I do think that certain events in our history, like freeing the slaves, the American Revolution, writing the Declaration of Independence. Museums. Well, they are museums in a sense. The statue is meant to honor somebody. It doesn't honor museums in a sense. The statue is meant to honor somebody. You know, it doesn't honor anybody in a museum.

Now, if the statue is in and of itself an interesting architecturally or historically, those are the things that we put in museums. Yeah, that's what all this is. It's historical stuff. Well, a statue that was relatively recently constructed is not historic. It represents history.

So a statue that was built yesterday of General Lee wouldn't be historic. General Lee definitely belongs in there. He's not historic. Let me ask you something, Dan. No, Dan, do you ever have bullies? Who's your bully, the guy that bullied you in school? You might find this hard to believe, but I was not bullied in school. No, you are find this hard to believe but i was not bullied in school no you are a complete nerd somebody bullied no one went to school in a in an area where people resembled

him so he didn't that's not why i used to go to school my i said steal 20 out of my father's pocket i would stop in the i would stop in the bodega on 95th Street, 96th Street and West End Avenue, and I would buy, like, candy and all kinds of shit, and I would give it out to the class. So stop from being bullied. Nobody bullied. Danny, you ever have a bully, Danny? No, I mean, here and there, but I would stop it immediately.

I never had ongoing bullying that's right you're a murder somebody so no no I knocked him out there were two bullies in my life and I knocked him out you killed one of them so so what I just turned around I slugged him what's your what's your point what's your Keith? I'm just saying, I got it more recent. You just take my fucking candy every day. I wouldn't want to see a statue erected of him that I've seen just walking around. So all these people that has done evil shit like Robert E. Lee and all that, fuck them. Robert E. Lee is different.

Robert E. Lee fought to end the union. But other people are more complex than that. Other people were. Yes, it's complex. What I'm saying is if, whether or not you tear him down is one question. I don't necessarily think a statue belongs in a museum unless the statue in and of itself has historical value or is interesting.

Is a statue in and of itself interesting other than its role of glorifying and symbolizing a particular person? Is there anything about a statue of Robert E. Lee that was erected in 1950 that is historically interesting? The statue itself, that is. So I don't know that it should be in a museum. Whether it should be in the public square is a separate question. But I don't know that building a museum is interesting either. I said the only reason we're thinking of it is

because we just thought, oh no, we can't do it. Yes, we can. Tear that damn Rocky statue down while you're at it. But not the Muhammad Ali statue. No. To answer Dan Dan it would be it would be called it would be the museum for torn down statues I like that

that's what it is misfit toys torn down statues that's of interest to people if you want to see torn down statues keep going to this museum and every statue that was torn down has its story. And you're like, oh, this was made in 1999. What's the story here?

Why they tear it down? That might be of some interest. I don't know. That would be my first stop on my museum. It's a museum. Let me ask you something. Juanita, this is for you. Because I see you have a little doubt

about tearing down the statues. I think some of them should. And there are some that shouldn't. Which ones? Gandhi. Gandhi stays. No, Gandhi at whatever. Gandhi was a pervert.

You know, like Gandhi now. People are turning on Gandhi now. Gandhi was a pervert. Listen, they're even talking about tearing down Statues like religious statues Because now people are like you know God is black So they're tearing down all the white It's just so ridiculous to me

It's like certain things must be left alone Elvis we leave Elvis Never meant shit to you but he matters to me Elvis Elvis goes to the museum he's in a rock and roll hall of fame

that's good why can't you if you want to see somebody that bad go to a museum go ahead Juanita I think Lincoln's

statues should stay but there are a lot of other statues and I'm just kind of like why it's just not if it's hurting people. Can I zoom out here for a second? I think this is

really what the whole thing about the statues. It's the following. Oh, Keith. So let me, just let me say this out. I've said this before. Let's imagine the Nazis. Let's imagine that instead of the world having

to show up on German shores to end nazism the german people rose up themselves and defeated hitler from all reasons uh hundreds of thousands have died hundreds of thousands of germans fought to end hitler on their own and then and then uh moved the country away from Nazism. We would have a certain complex view of Germany as being a, as a heroic country at the same time that they did evil things. So, so just now I want to tell now imagine America,

there's a straight line. America didn't start slavery. America inherited slavery. When we threw off the British slavery was there. So there was no way to start America without slavery. That was baked in. There was no possible scenario that we could have started without slavery. So America starts with slavery. And there's a straight line from the Declaration of Independence to the Emancipation Proclamation to Martin Luther King to every free person on the face of planet earth, including in

places of color where they fight for freedom, they will quote Thomas Jefferson's words. And when we tear down all the statues, the way it feels to somebody like me is that we've lost all perspective on our history. We are so focused on where we, by today's standards, fell short, no matter how unrealistic and impossible it could have ever been for us not to have fallen short, because every person on planet Earth fell short, without realizing that, yes, but we started started this we were the first ones to say all men are created equal even by a hypocrite and that spread and it spread to the world and yes and the union did send their sons and well they're not their daughters send their sons to go fight and killed by the hundreds of thousands to end slavery. We did that.

Nobody talked. We talk about it like, no, there was slavery, and nobody tried to end it. No, America rose up and ended slavery. And we can have a statue for that. And we can have a statue for their leader. And that will happen. Hold on.

We can't have a statue for the leader of the people who sent all their children to go die to end slavery. At that point, we've lost our minds. No, no. Perspective. Statues don't have nothing to do with that. Losing their mind. Put everything in perspective.

It doesn't have nothing. There's no reason to take it down. We have nothing to be ashamed of. Wait a minute. The black man has still never been truly free. Yes. It's systemic racism even until today. Keith, that's a different matter.

But we have nothing to be ashamed of. But it still continues. There's a civil rights movement. This is in the 60s and 70s. Keith, I'm not disagreeing with you, but there's one other thing to do with that. We have nothing to be ashamed of in Abraham Lincoln. Nothing.

He was one of the greatest men in the history of the world. We have every reason to be proud of him. And by the way, black people, I know he was a person of the time. I know he said he wouldn't want his son to marry a negress or however he put it in terms of size, but he led the war to the time. I know he said he wouldn't want his son to marry a Negress or however he put it. But he led the war to end slavery. Okay?

We're going to have to say that's okay to honor him. If it's not okay to honor him, there's nobody in the world to honor. No, see, but you can say that. You can't say that as a white man and tell me who I should honor. No, no.

I can't have a white man tell me I should honor Abraham Lincoln. No, you don't have to, but I'm saying that I don't think you make it. No, of course not, Keith. I'm not going yippee. You don't have to honor anybody you don't want to. What I'm saying is that when you make the leap from Robert E. Lee, Jefferson Davis, people to Abraham Lincoln,

you've... I'm saying that we don't need statues written all over the place to remember what certain persons did, what their contributions was. I don't need a statue.

I don't even remember statues. Only the gold guy at the Rockefeller Center. And the Statue of Liberty. What about Robert E. Lee's horse traveler? Should we leave him up and just take Robert E. Lee up? I don't like Keith's argument

because maybe you're right. You don't need the statue to remember somebody. Although I do think when I visited Washington D.Cc it was a teachable moment but but that's different than saying we should tear it down because this person has no business being honored maybe you don't want to build any statues going forward maybe unless it's you know uh somebody that you like but but um no i'm not saying i'm not saying How about the Barry Gordy statue? Can that one stay? Right next to Lincoln.

No, I'm just saying My wife's talking. My wife is talking. Besides Lincoln, there are some statues that I think should be turned down. There's just some people that did some evil thing and just should not be honored. I mean, that makes some evil thing, you know, and just should not be honored. I mean, that makes no sense to me.

Lincoln, I don't understand why they want that torn down. I asked Danny, would you buy a season pass to the Museum of Torn Down Statues? Yes. If I had kids. That would be great. A lot of money. You got to keep the kids occupied all the time. People get so hooked up on this statue

stuff. I'm not hooked on anybody's statue. Because I know Lincoln did some evil shit. What did he do? I know he did. What did he do? I know Lincoln did. If Martin Luther King was fucking left and right, I know Lincoln

did some horrible shit. Hold on, Keith. If there was a statue to Keith Robinson, do you know the evil shit that people were coming out with? I mean. That's why there would be a statue. I would say before I died on my ventilator, my last words would tear it down. Okay, but let's say seriously.

Now, let's say it turned out that you ran into a burning building and saved a hundred people who were dying. You limped into that building and you saved a hundred people that were dying. You carried them out one at a time. You did something remarkable and they wanted to put a statue up for you. You saved them and say, no, no, no, he did this. He was, he, he, he sexually, he was too, like, they found something you did. I mean like

I don't you know what maybe I'd say maybe he did kill somebody but he ran into a building

and risked his life and saved a hundred people when he was when he was physically it was difficult for him and we're gonna

honor him and we're mature enough we're mature enough to hold both everything in our head at the same time the audience i mean the uh the argument's a little bit more nuanced than that because had the south not seceded lincoln probably would not have gone to war to free the slaves he would have said okay i don't like it but keep your slaves i mean we know he said as much he said, so let's not exaggerate.

And I don't think the average Union soldier, when they picked up that gun, thought to themselves, we're going to teach these people to treat black people nicely. I don't think the average Union soldier thought that. He thought, how dare they secede, and we're going to get them back in the Union. Lincoln was derided for being an abolitionist. He toured the country in the Lincoln-Douglas debates, making the anti-slavery case.

And that was extremely influential in America and in setting the stage for this. Things happen incrementally. That, I wish it weren't the case. You cannot expect things to happen more than a few inches at a time. And Lincoln, that's why I said, someone who can see a few inches above the heads of everyone else is a great man. Nobody, nobody,

and you guys expected Lincoln should have said, Lincoln should have said in 1860, 1860, there should be no slaves. The black man's the same as white man. As a matter of fact, and there should be gay marriage too. He should have known that. That's what we're, that's what we're saying. Why was slavery, I mean, you're holding him accountable for slavery. I'm not saying that. I'm just trying to. Hold on.

Why was he not, why is Lincoln not accountable for understanding gay marriage? Tell me that. No. Why not? He didn't have gay marriage back then. No, but why, people would say you're crazy. How come he wasn't able to understand that gay marriage was a human right? I mean, why is that different?

He couldn't understand it because he was born in 1830 or whatever it is. You know what? My guess is if that came up, he would have probably been sympathetic at a minimum. That's because he was a... There is. They say that Lincoln was gay. Some people say that. Every time I've ever said that Lincoln was gay,

the two of you have been like, he was not gay. You don't know what you're talking about. Never. I've never said that. I've always known that Lincoln might have been gay. No, no. I've always said he's gay. And you guys, that's what people did at the time.

They slept in bed with other men. I don't believe he was gay. He might have been gay. How do you know if he was gay or not? There are plenty of accounts. No, because he slept in the same bed with his... But people did that in those days. Oh, there's a diary.

What are you talking about? He slept in a bed with a slave. Was it a male slave? I would have jerked Lincoln off if I were around then and he wanted me to. He was six foot six. Danny! That's big. Danny, would you date Lincoln?

That's a handful. Mary Todd Lincoln, by the way. Apparently Mary Todd Lincoln was like a hot chick. She was considered a real hot babe when she was young. I know we see pictures of her when she's older, and she's not thought of that way, but she was actually a real piece of ass, apparently, like in the 1840s.

Don't talk that way about the opposite sex anymore, Dan. All right. Well, in any case, so Lincoln went after a hot chick. Is that what a gay man would do i don't know beard then they had beards back in those days very todd was the first beard lincoln was gay no i i we have to go but i do think my point is is correct that okay slavery was like what about gay marriage you you can't well i mean you all have to ask yourselves. I mean, I said many times, if I was born in a Hasidic house, I believe all the nonsense that they believe.

And like, we congratulate ourselves for the fact that we were not born in the South in the 1800s. Like, who do you think, it's the arrogance of it. I just know that if I had been born back, I would have known that this was wrong. No, you wouldn't have. No, you wouldn't have. No, you wouldn't know. No, if I was born then, I wouldn't know what's wrong because I'm black, no. Well, that's an interesting question. I don't even know. I don't even know that that's true.

I don't know. I don't even know that people who are subjugated and grow up in it know that it's wrong at first. I think if I'm getting lashed on my ass, I don't know it's wrong? Well, you would know that you hate, I have no idea. This is an interesting, I'd like to read about this, but it's totally possible that if I was born in a home of pedophilia and I was sexually abused and everybody told me that's what happens to kids, would I know that, no, this is, I would know how unpleasant it is. Would I know that that's not what they tell me is not the case. That is not the way of the world. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Juanita is shaking her head. It looks like a divorce is in the office. There's been other horrific moral wrongs, probably on par with slavery. There's been genocide. Watch your mouth.

Oh, what I'm saying is that, I mean, the Holocaust comes to mind, but I'm saying throughout history, nations have obliterated, just slaughtered other nations by the millions or by the hundreds of thousands,

whatever it is, including the Holocaust, but going back forever. Those nations don't not honor their past. In other words, slavery is one of the horrible things of mankind that we hopefully have left behind, but it's not the only horrible thing in mankind that we've left behind. We left a lot of stuff. Yeah. Yeah. So. Should statues be erected towards that?

No. No, not for slavery. No, no, no, no. Yeah. It's just like, no. That's what I'm saying. There's no need for it. You know, I was telling my eight-year-old niece about slavery, and she was telling her about it.

She was appalled. She couldn't even believe it. She was like, what are you talking about? She was in shock. So she knew innately that it was wrong. She knew by nature that she was so confused, and she's disgusted by the whole idea. She's so upset by it.

Did Cinderella know it was wrong? Yes. I mean, I'm not saying... What was wrong? When I remember when I first heard that George Washington owned... I remember when I first heard that George Washington owned slaves, and my initial reaction was, wait a minute, this guy, they never told a lie, everybody loves him, the father of our country.

It was roughly the same feeling I had when people told me that the chicken I ate was an actual chicken. That was an animal. It was that same, and I had to like learn how to just put it out of my mind and deal with it. The same thing when I learned Washington was a slave owner is like, at first it was kind of like, huh, what? That doesn't make any sense. And then over the years, I kind of learned, I integrated it into my, you know, I learned how to process it. But the initial reaction was, wait a minute, but he's supposed to be the good guy.

So even a little kid, even a little kid realizes that. I don't, you know. Yeah, when I heard that Thomas Jefferson had slaves and that he refused to, Lincoln freed his slaves. He freed his slaves that he never owned? No, that's, I mean, I'm sorry, Washington freed his slaves. Washington freed his slaves. Thank you for correcting me.

But Jefferson refused to free his slaves, right? Dan? I don't know if Jefferson did or he didn't. I guess not. I don't know. But I don't know but but i don't know like i i i hear horrible stories about um i mean the church didn't forgive the jews for killing christ until 1964 i think it was 1964 like i don't expect the church to you know like okay i mean so so i guess by that

standard i can say that every single catholic person that came before 1964 was in that organization, you know, is disqualified for antisemitism. I don't, you know, I guess that's one way to look at it, but I don't, for some reason, I, it's like, I still, I can process it all. But, but especially, particularly the people who were ahead of their time, who stood up for the Jews, but maybe still had anti-Semitic things. I think that Lincoln, I think it's, and the other thing I said also,

I think you have to, there also be a strategy to this in terms of a national positive or negative. The country will come apart if we take down Lincoln. I mean, the country, and I think that we have to, whether they're wrong or right, like, let me put it, like, I don't take the side of the Shiites or the Sunnis, but I know when you have Shiites and Sunnis who see the world that differently in one country, they can't have a country. If we turn into Sunnis and Shiites in this country, in terms

of the way we view Lincoln and stuff like that, we're going to come apart, and I'm scared. If you think that because we took Lincoln's dumbass and put him in a museum, the world will fall apart, then it should fall apart. It's not going to

stop just at its stature. Listen, one thing about this, nobody ever has a mission accomplished moment and say, okay, let's all go home. We're done. It moves and it moves and it moves and they attack and they attack and attack. And I think that the... I don't know what the end...

You might be different, but I'm afraid that the end is a new constitution. Maybe we need that. Well, there you go. What's wrong with that? Maybe we got to write some new shit. Like what? What do you want? Two drink

minimum? That would be great. What do you want, Keith? I'm just saying, it's like we, you know, everything was built really for who? All white men. Every law was made for all white guys.

That's what it was built for. When you say all white men like when my father came here in the 30s and there was all that systemic anti-Semitism in the 40s, 50s and 60s where he knew he couldn't get this job and couldn't join that club and couldn't live in that neighborhood. What about Bill Tanner?

Right, but was he one of the white guys it was built for? No. So who are you talking about white guys? Maybe we can agree on something. You conveniently consider yourself a white guy at different times, Dom, and I don't like it.

You want to be white when it suits you. I don't want to be white. You consider me white. You consider me white. You consider me. You just said to me exactly what you do. You consider me white when it suits you. When the comedians can't get a raise, I'm a fucking white guy. Actually, that's when I'm Jewish.

I don't consider myself a part of the white nation or something. Of course not. Are you a white guy? Yeah, I'm Caucasian, yeah. He's white. Wasn't Lincoln's statue paid for by slaves and put up by slaves? Why would you want to tear that down? It makes no sense to me.

I say tear down the museum. Thank you, Lincoln. All right. Here's the thing. First of all, the thing about Jews is that even though we are at the top of the people

who are hated, I mean, in terms of anti-Semitism, we can sneak up. Black people put us over the top because everybody hates us, plus the black people. Everybody hates the black people, minus the Jews. So you guys put us over the top as the most hated.

So we got to thank you for that. But go ahead, Perrielle. Go ahead. No, but the Jews can sneak by. Like, you can walk in around and not everybody immediately knows you're Jewish. Not you, Perrielle. Well, me, you know, I don't know. Not me, not Dan.

Not Dan. Maybe Scarlett Johansson, William Shatner. That's what makes us the most hated because you can see it. You see it on us. It's our identity there. Absolutely. When I went to Israel, when I went there, those Jews, those

Israelis, didn't want me to even come to the hotel. Keith, I agree. I agree with you basically about the thing you said about because you can identify you, because you can see you, but I would have to say that even in a very dark movie theater

i saw i was in the park i saw a guy wearing a t-shirt with a big yellow star that said jew and i said i like i like what you're doing he said thanks i said how long have you been doing that he said since the beginning of the protesting because Because, you see, you can't see it. You don't know. When you see a wife, and he was redheaded, you wouldn't think he was Jewish. And you look at somebody who's white, you can't tell if they're Jewish or not.

He's been wearing his yellow star of David for the past month because he wants to walk around, and he's like a Jew. Because a black person is a black person. But a Jew, only if you wear a star you know you're a Jew. So I think maybe us Jews

should be wearing yellow stars and walking around with yellow stars to see, that's a good experiment, to see what it's like. Wasn't that the experiment they did during the Holocaust? Yeah, just like they did during the Holocaust? Yeah. Just like they did during the Holocaust, right.

I have a good guy friend who's a black guy and he has a t-shirt that he wears that says Dear Police, I am a white woman. It's great I gotta get out of here I wanna say

I like this, this is a good podcast I'm very proud of being Jewish and all that stuff but I would give up the entire Jewish people for racial harmony like if you could really just bring it's so corny but like if you could really just bring... It's so corny, but, like,

if you could really bring the human race together as one, I would chuck it in a heartbeat. You are doing it. I don't know that you would. When I look at all... What are you chucking? What are you chucking? I would spray that Men in Black memory spray

What are you talking about? What did he say, Dan? I question that, Norman I see you at the All the Tree Cafe with Fred Kaplan and Yasha Munk and all these Jews these egghead Jews

I find it hard to believe that you could do without that milieu But they're egghead non-Jews in that group too Jews, I find it hard to believe that you could do without that milieu. There are egghead non-Jews in that group too. Who's the egghead non-Jew in that group? Well, there's Coleman Hughes. Coleman? Calabria is not a Jew.

But he's not an egghead either. Well, he hangs out with them. Now you're just putting him down. You're saying he's a wannabe? No, he's okay. Uh, there's got to, I can't, I can't,

Michael Moynihan comes down, right? He's, he's not, he's a, he's an, he's an, he's in that.

Anyway. All right. It's time. Um, but no, I, but the point is, I would still like to hang out with those smart people,

but I don't care about, it's just painful. Oh, that was arrogant as they come. No, he's just. Is that what he just said? Shut up, Keith. You misunderstood me, Keith, but it's okay.

Anyway, no, no, I'm just saying like, despite the things I dig in on, I just wish, it's so corny. I just wish, you know, we could all not have this terrible divisiveness between us. I think we do a nice job in our little world of being just, you know, with each other, you know. We do as good a job as can be done. Yeah, right. I think we do as good a job as can be done.

You know, it's certainly not perfect. I mean, certainly when you look at the Olive Tree Cafe, oftentimes that corner table, which is the comedian's table, sometimes will be all black. Sometimes, you know, will be all Jews. Sometimes will be all, you know, regular white

people. Did you hear what Danny said? I still see a certain segregation. What did you say, Danny? It's never all gay. Yes, it is. That's what you think.

It has been, but you don't know it. No, I don't think there's a segregation. Well, listen, sometimes the black comics will come in and sit with each other. But I don't, I never, sometimes I'll go sit with them. I don't think that you're not welcome there, Dan. I just think that you don't, you don't feel like you can contribute

to whatever they're talking about. But that's, that's, I think that's very minor. I don't, I don't notice that. What do you think, Keith?

I do notice something that Dan was talking about. Like sometimes other comedians who don't work at the cellar want to come and hang out with the comedians who work at the cellar and they all sit together. They're not comedians who don't work at the cellar want to come and hang out with the comedians who work at the cellar and they all sit together.

They're not, and they don't feel like they want to sit at the comedy cellar table because they're not comedy cellar comedians. So they'll sit in a group together. I've seen that. But I don't... Well, whenever I see Tom Papa... They're not comedy cellar comedians. They're just hanging out.

Whenever I see Tom Papa, They're not comedy seller comedians. They're just hanging out. When I was seeing Tom Papa, Robert Kelly, who else? Danny, uh, Mody. Mehran.

Mehran. I gotta get out of here. I have an 830. Bye Danny. Bye. Bye everybody. All right. All right.

I guess, I guess we should end, right? Okay. That's it bye everybody take care bye Keith you can email us at

podcast at comedy seller dot com and you can find us on Instagram at live from the table