The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Kyle Dunnigan

Episode Date: September 29, 2023

Kyle Dunnigan is an Emmy, Peabody and Writer’s Guild Award winning comedy writer.  He stars in the Jerry Seinfeld movie "Unfrosted" along with a new cartoon series starring Adam Carolla. Kyle can also be heard regularly on the Howard Stern Show and the Adam Carolla Podcast, doing various impressions. Kyle has a significant online presence with over 1.3 million followers and was featured in The New York Times Best Comedy of 2018.

This is Live from the Table, the official podcast of the world-famous comedy seller coming at you on SiriusXM 99. Rod Dogg! And wherever podcasts are available. This is Dan Natterman. I'm here with Noam Dorman, the owner, the proprietor of the comedy seller, the comedy seller empire, really, at this point. We're here with Perrielle Ashenbrand, who is a producer,

and she does also on-air stuff. And we are blessed to have Mr. Kyle Dunnigan. Hello. Comedian. Yes, yes, yes. Instagram star. Instagram star. Instagram star.

And future New Yorker, I think. You were in L.A. for many, many years. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Is that William Buckley? No, that's Jeff Goldblum. I'll? Yes. No, that's Jeff Goldblum. I'll be doing characters. That is not Jeff Goldblum. That's Jeff Goldblum.

I am selling my house in Los Angeles if anyone wants to buy it. And I've been looking in the area because I really like this area, but it's the most expensive area. Greenwich Village? Yeah. It's quite expensive.

But it feels safer and there's great walking, and then the cellar's right here, and I'd love to live here. So why are you making the move from Los Angeles, the land of dreams, the tip of town? Well, that's a good point. You go there to make it in Hollywood, right? But then I got there, and Hollywood said, no thanks. No, I did actually get by year to year, and I was fine.

But then the internet is mainly what I do, and so I'm like, I don't really need to be here. Even auditions now, they're on tape. And my family's here. Dan's here. That's me. Dan Natterman's in the... Yeah.

Noam's here. So I thought I would... I don't know what I'm doing. Honestly, I might go back. If my house doesn't sell, I'll just go back and live there. This isn't a good story, sorry. No, I think it's a bad story.

We can cut it out. Just start over. I'll start. I think it's a fine story. People want to know, like, the show business has changed. It's been upended. Hollywood is no longer the focus.

Yeah, you don't need to be there. You can do things anywhere. You can be on the internet and Kyle's main, if you don't know Kyle's work, he does a lot of sketches, a lot of impressions. I'd like to get out of this business, though, that I started. What business? Well, I'm doing everything myself.

I was just this weekend at my mom's house, and I got a wig on, and I'm asking my mom for a skirt. And then I got to go to CVS to get some hair dye. I'm doing like wardrobe and hair and makeup and lighting. For your sketch. Editing. And I'd like to do what normal people do. And they get a show.

And then they have help. That's what I'd like to do. What program do you use for editing? Premiere. Premiere. Yeah. I mean, I think mostly what I do is editing. I would say if you logged my

hours in my life you'd see an editor you know yeah rarely do i actually perform or do something you know i was editing our scott adams podcast yesterday and my computer had a major computer crash i was so upset that's the thing that got me during the pandemic it was like my only hope was like to make stuff made me sane to like make content because i literally had no one i didn't see anybody you know i wasn't living there and i got this computer it was like three weeks away because the pandemic was all delayed you know and it got there and it looked like someone threw it down the rocky steps it was just just like a bat was taken to it. I had a nervous breakdown because I knew it was going to be another month

before I could start using a computer again and make stuff. Speaking of content, I have a question for Noam. Noam, what is the procedure? Now, the Comedy Cellar Instagram account is pretty good too. It's got about 200,000 followers, I think.

Yeah. And they post clips of comedians, of course, from time to time. My last clip, I think it's up to 100,000 views. I'm not sure that's necessarily high for the comedy. But anyway, the question is... Pat Bircher had 9 million. What? Did she really?

He did, yeah. Oh, he did? Wow. I don't know Mr. Bircher. 9 million, wow. What is the criteria nine million by well you don't know that in advance what's the criteria by which you pick clips to post why did uh what i'm seeing when i look at the comedy stars you you seem to want to include everybody i'm not seeing favorites necessarily happens I don't, but that's what happens, yeah. I'm saying everybody kind of getting an equal shot. What is the criteria

for posting the clips of the... I'm not really sure. Somehow, if you have a moment where you think this was great, I'd like to make a clip out of it and post it, just email Liz and CC me. Say, you know,

September 11th, whatever show was the bit. And we have a full-time guy making clips now. We'll turn it into a clip. Okay. I didn't know that that was a possibility. Yeah. I thought that... Because, you know, like, Liz...

Well, the problem is that you only ask me questions on the air. So we don't get to discuss... Well, I think it's because I think... The question... I think it's an interesting thing, you know, as to what criteria you use because I say to myself,

Jesus, I got some killer shit. Yeah, I would appreciate that actually because some of the clips are, some of them are not that good. Well, yeah, it takes a comedian to kind of like pick them sometimes, especially you care more

probably about your clip that goes out than the person editing. But one thing I have- He does a good job, though. Yeah, they look good to me, but if you have, you probably know like the best clip. But I also, I know what I think is the best joke, but I've learned the hard way

that going viral has really not necessarily a direct correspondence to the best joke. If you talk about a specific issue, talk about Trump maybe, and then everybody gets on board because it's controversial what you're saying about Trump

and everybody, the people are arguing, and that can generate virality more than a well-structured joke. You know, Noam, are you in accord with that? I have to be, otherwise it'd be like saying your jokes aren't good. Well, you can say no. That's topical, definitely. I'm sufficiently confident that my jokes are good that you can give your honest opinion.

I think that a lot of reality has to do with, we talk about this, where, I mean, a really killer joke can go viral, but usually people like to send jokes that somehow communicate a message to their friend. That's right. It could be about women, it could be about politics, whatever it is, but something that's like, listen to this. But the joke that Pat Berger did

that had nine million hits, first of all, it was a little bit longer bit, but it was just a really clever thing about the economy. And when I saw it, I'm like, that's really good. And I started sending it to people. Before I even knew it was going to go viral, I actually sent it to friends before we even posted it. So there is clearly something there about that clip and I reacted the way America did. So I'm not sure what it was.

And I'm sure there's only one reason. It's a share with friends is a good indicator. If you feel like sending this to somebody, that's the biggest. But what types of things do you find the urge to share with friends um i don't share anything i have no i have no friends let's just start with that um

if you have yeah i guess i mean i really i share a lot of like like um fat people falling down but i don't think i'm normal i was was sharing your Andrew Cuomo stuff for a while. Andrew Cuomo. My penis. I will. Apropos of Andrew Cuomo, you know, when I went to law school with his brother Chris, and he talked like that at the time.

He did talk like this. Not quite as extreme. Did he show charts? No, he did not. But he talked like this. Why? He always asks himself the question. Why do we do this?

Quick story. My grandfather... Don't stop. I don't know. But Chris obviously made an effort to lose... Circus for adults. He had a trick. No, go ahead.

Saying Chris made an effort clearly to talk with that, you know, accentless voice. The rain in Spain. But I remember that he had... It wasn't quite as extreme as we thought. So you're calling him a fraud, then? No, I'm saying he... He went to the Maya Angelou School of changing the way you grew up speaking?

Well, you know, people change their names. People change... There was a viral clip of her recently speaking the way she spoke as a young person. No, she was really rude to a young black girl. Oh, isn't that the one that called her Maya yes she called her Maya and she goes

Miss Angelou I'm Miss Angelou and really gave her a brow yeah kept coming at her but I read all the shit online was defending Maya this girl should know better

most of it was defending Maya. This girl should know better. Most of it was defending Maya. Some of it was like, hey, she's a little girl. She made a mistake. Just say, I prefer to be called Miss Angela. One of my favorite moments on this, right when she died, and I didn't really know much about her,

I started reading her poetry. I'm like, I don't, you know, I'm not a poet guy. No. So I looked up some websites of her greatest things. So I decided to read them to whoever was on the show that day. I think Dan was there. And I read one. Then I read another one.

And I'm like, oh, that's good. I'm like, that's Robert Frost. That's a fun game. Maya Angelou or Dan Natterman. Who wrote those? But it was so funny that the one thing that they said, that's good. It wasn't fair. I had chosen something or Dan Natterman. Who wrote this? But it was so funny that the one thing that they said, that's good.

It wasn't fair. I had chosen something from Robert Frost that actually I thought, well, this is actually good. And everybody reacted and it was like a perfect laboratory experiment.

She's hype. She was hype. Well, maybe. Listen, it's not that I'm afraid to say she's hype. I don't understand poetry. Didn't speak to you.

Her poetry doesn't speak to you. Well, most poetry doesn't speak poetry. Didn't speak to you. Her poetry doesn't speak to you. Well, most poetry... I'm not her target. Doesn't speak to me. When I hear, like, oh, Captain... Not one mention of the Holocaust. Oh. Like, oh, Captain, my Captain.

I'm just thinking back. Most of the poetry I know comes from Dead Poets Society. But, you know, that poem hits you like a fucking baseball bat. Isn't hers just like, the leaf fell from the tree, tree, tree, fly. It's more along those lines, I think. If you can keep your head, when all those around you are losing theirs

and blaming you, then you'll be a man, my son. Something like that. Was that Maya? Rudyard Kipling. If you can keep your head. That's a great one. Nicole, are you able to get that Maya clip?

I can definitely try and find it. We thought you were already on the show. Yeah, I'm scrolling through the Instagram. No, just Google it. Just Maya berating young girl. Oh, sorry. I thought you were talking about your podcast clip. No, no, no.

You'll never find that. What about I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings? I know why the caged bird. Does my sassiness upset you? Does my sassiness upset you? Anyway. I just always thought she was a comical figure because she has that accent

and she was like South Carolina or something like that. It's obvious that nobody at her Thanksgiving dinner when she goes home, I always thought that'd be a great SNL sketch. Oh, that's a good idea.

Go back to Maya Angelou's house for Thanksgiving and all her like, you know, you can imagine the things they would say. Like, what the fuck?

Pass me. Some N-word pleases, you know, like, you know you don't talk that way. Pass. That would be a good sketch. Let's send that sketch into SNL. Kyle, you auditioned for SNL many

years ago. I did. It was a real disaster. I don't feel bad about it, though, because, look, I never was a guy who planned my life or had a vision for what to do and it and i paid

the price now i look back and i go oh you should on this or that well what should you have done in the early before the internet you really couldn't do much you could audition for snl but there was also like i had a lot of fear in me and they and you go how do you make money and then i'm like doing sketch improv like that doesn't there's no money in that. So I started doing standup. And then my managers, I had a couple, but they all kind of were like, don't do the guitar. Don't do impressions. They're like, Seinfeld and, you know, Tim Allen and these guys, you talk about your family

and then you can make money. So I was like, okay. But that's like the wrong thing to do to me. And I didn't have the, like, the internal fortitude to be like, no no i don't do that this is what i do this other thing that's why i just um i naturally was younger i would make sketches and i would do impressions and characters and stuff and then my professional life if you look at it i was like i tried to fit into that mold so i didn't work on that stuff so when snl

came i had no material for them. I just sent in a tape. I did a few impressions. But if I were to go back, I would say to my younger self, do what you do well and do that and practice your SNL audition. You'll get an audition one day. But I never thought to do that. But SNL is such a crapshoot, though. I mean, even if you did everything perfectly,

they might be like, well, this year we want to go. We need a woman this year. But if you go in there and you blow the doors off, they'll keep you around and see you the next, until you're ready. I mean, that's not what your, your impression.

That's what happened with Pete Davidson. Oh yeah. Uh, that's what I heard. He blew the doors off. Yeah. Apparently Lorne Michaels, um,

didn't even know how he was going to use them. Yeah. But he felt I got to hold onto this guy. Yeah. But, but, but where's the blow the doors off part of that story? Well, he made, I don't know, he made a huge impact, but. He saw a stop.

Yeah, but, I mean, yeah, maybe, I mean, he did make an impact. It's hard to say. I mean, maybe he just had a, you know. Yeah, maybe I just had like something he liked. I don't know. Well, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. That's a good Davidson. Okay.

You know, SNL is just such a crapshoot. It's hard to rely on. Ooh, I was so scared, though, because it was like my dream, but I never prepared for it. And then I just sent in like a tape of like five impressions, and then they were flying me out. But I'm sure they were great impressions. Your impressions are always good. Thanks, Dan. And now another episode of Bill Maher reading to children.

Okay, this is Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss. I do not like green eggs and ham. Oh, really? He doesn't like rotten food? What a shocker. New rule. If you crack open an egg and green shit comes out, don't put it in your mouth.

Put it in the fucking garbage. Okay. I do not like them on a boat. I do not like them on a goat. What the? Who the fuck would eat food off a dirty farm animal? And just FYI, if you don't like your rotten eggs in one location, you're not going to like them in any. Okay?

This is a book of lies. Here's the truth for you kids. There's no God. And when you die, you just rot in the ground like every other species. And if you want to cry to mommy and daddy about it, be my guest. They're the two skeletons buried next to you. The end. But I went out there and they fly you out and they put you up at a hotel and I didn't have the car.

I was just like... It was for SNL? Yeah, and I just... SNL's in New York. Why are they flying you? Well, I was in LA. Oh, you were in LA. Yeah, and they put you up a hotel and i didn't have the con i was just for snl yeah and i just i was in new york why are they flying yeah well i was in l.a oh yeah and they flew them out but anyway i got there and they go i go just not first you know there's 30 of us like john mulaney was there and like um nicole and like a lot of good people and they're like first is kyle dunnigan and now i'm like even more now the fear terror. I'm feeling terror now. And then the producer came and I kind of had to close the door on her. And they mic you up.

And it's like, it felt too big. And I got out there. And the camera guy goes, I'm going to count you in. Three, two, one. You go right in your stuff. And I was like, oh, okay. Hanging on to that for life. You know when you're not ready ready you hang on to doing something

correctly which is not comedy wrong side of your brain so i walked out there i'm staring at the camera and like lauren and barrett over the left and nothing's happening i'm just staring and then lauren goes hello like hello we're right here and i go oh hi hi and i go back to camera dead silence dead silence nothing's happening and then he goes are you okay? I haven't even started, it's over I just crumbled inside and I go yeah, yeah

Reb and I just started telling him he goes 3, 2, 1, turn the light on and now I'm like dead silence and then the light's on so then I start going and I can't even retrieve my abilities to do any impressions like i just was like next to myself going oh that doesn't sound like him you know what i mean like i was out of my mind who did you do i know i did bill maher i did um chris hansen sax

and i did um i think dr phil and a few others and then I played the piano and I couldn't play. Like I had no, I don't know if you ever got so terrified. You couldn't get to any of your abilities or intelligence. I was like a zombie. So then I went back and I was just like white. And the producer goes up to everyone else and goes, Hey guys, when you go out there,

say hi to Lauren. And so after me, everyone was like, hi. And I was like this weird guy in the beginning. But anyway. But do you know who got it? That's an incredible story.

Bobby Moynihan. I wonder what the story of the worst SNL audition would sound like. I don't think it was the worst. I got by. But your impressions were probably good, even if you didn't perceive them that way. I think they were okay. You can do Mar in your sleep. Okay, people.

New rule. Don't screw up your SNL audition. So that was that, and then I just went home, and it was a long flight back. Oh, Kyle, that's so sad. You know, poor me. People have much harder hearts.

You got Maya Angelou? Okay. What show is this? Is this Sally Jessie? I loved her. Is that the one you're show is this? Is this Sally Jessie? I loved her. Is that the one you're talking about? That's not Sally Jessie. I wanted to ask Maya her views on interracial relationships.

Oh, thank you. And first, I'm Miss Angelou. Miss Angelou. Yes, ma'am. She keeps going. I'm not Maya. I'm 62 years old. I have lived so long and tried so hard that a young woman like you or any other has no,

you have no license to come up to me and call me by my first name. Bitch. That's first. No, boo. That's first. She ain't done yet. She ain't done. Because at the same time, I am your mother. I'm your auntie. I'm your

teacher. I'm your professor. You see? Listen, you little bitch. Yeah, I mean dress her down as poor as she was. Is that the end of the video? That is so bothersome. Yeah. But I think the next person from the audience made a comment on it, too,

I think, in the video, if I remember correctly. So what I'm seeing there is not just the way she behaves, but the fact that the audience clapped. Which you see this all the time. It reminds me of the way the audience all clapped for Will Smith after they couldn't decide for themselves. Wait a second. He just did one of the worst things. They had to be told.

And you could just imagine some less, you know, it's Maya Angelou. So, of course, we have to clap when she's a bitch right but like if if donald trump or somebody said boo you see what an asshole he was on twitter why would she speak to this poor girl like i know this and she probably idolized her this this young black i think there's more to that video see See if there's more on the call. No, you have no license. You have no license to talk to me. Also, we tend to call celebrities, you know, by their first names. I mean, it's kind of like, right? I mean, when you refer to a celebrity, you don't refer to them as Mr. typically.

First of all, the thing I really find— I caught Al Franken came here last night. I said, hey, Al, I didn't think to say— Should I have said Mr. Franken or Senator? Senator Franken. Should I have? Was that wrong? I do, but you know.

You call him Senator Franken? He said, and Al said. He's a fucking senator. And Al said, you have no license. Yeah, that's the worst. You have no license to speak to me. Al was very, very nice, by the way, to me. But yeah, normally, somebody says, by the way, to me. But yeah, normally

somebody says, it's okay, call me Maya. It's obviously she didn't mean it right. And then the other thing that bothers me is that she says, I'm 62 years old. I'm almost 62 years old. What the fuck do you think you are? What the fuck is that? Well, nobody calls me Mr. Natterman.

I don't think I've been called Mr. Natterman more than three times in my whole life. I'm going to start calling you Mr. Natterman. I don't think I've been called Mr. Natterman more than three times in my whole life. I'm going to start calling you Mr. Natterman. And if they do, I get very upset. The only time is like after last comment. No, what was it? America's Got Talent. There were a lot of little kids in the audience, and some of them came,

Mr. Natterman, can we have a picture with you? But, I mean, I never become called Mr. Natterman. I'm really bothered by that clip. I think there's more to that clip, too, from my memory.'t bitch in that clip i don't know a girl maybe she had maybe she had a bad day still you take it out on a child who clearly idolizes you you're right the attitude of the child was something that's a response of someone who's trying to get to you and calls you maya to like degrade you but that girl was just like, I love you, Maya. And she just dressed her down. And then you're right, the audience clapping.

I wish someone was like, boo. Well, the idea that it's important to a person, I mean, it's such an insight into a person. What is going on behind your, between your eyes, behind your eyes, that the fact that somebody nicely, admiringly called you by your first name, that this bothers you. Is this an inferiority complex? What is going on there? You have no right.

Yeah, she has a right. You may not like it, but she has a right to call you by your first name. Is this a longer clip? Yeah, I think there might be more in this one. I recall them being more, but I could be. The question is, what do I feel about interracial relationships? It is very hard let's hear let's hear not what it is love and it's more difficult i want to hear what she said

about interracial relationships is well it is very if you fall in love with the fellow who lives next door who whose parents are friends with your parents and the same race and the same culture and you've gone to the same church all your lives, and so it is very hard for those two people to maintain an honorable relationship. I mean, two people from the same race and culture throughout the 40, 50 years of a marriage. It is more difficult if you come from separate,

from other cultures, it's more difficult if you come from separate, from other cultures. It's more difficult. But love is love. People fall in love. There is nothing one can do about falling in love. You may fall in love with a person whose family is in feuding with your family. This is classic. One sees that in Romeo and Juliet.

You see, when the Catholics, when these two families were warring. One sees that when Asian men fall in love with white women, when white men fall in love with Mexican women. It's taking a long time to say this sentence. Well, you don't like interracial relationships. She's making the sentences so long. She loves to hear herself talk.

I got to explain it to my people. I got to explain it to their people. I got to explain it to people in the street. I'm going to have to take care of all the children. People don't set out to do that. But when they fall in love, I have to feed them. No, I think the next person addresses the Maya thing, if I remember correctly. I'm so happy that you went back there.

Thank you. Because it is a peaceful place. I've been out here in California about eight years. Is this the first person? There is no respect. Well, alright, sister. I agree. I only think that the children know only what we teach them. If there is something wrong in the generations

which last two generations which did not carry on the tradition. And I think this is true not just in the black community, this is true in the white community. Aw, poor girl. In all the communities. We have not taken the children to our knees and told them the truth. Darling, here's the way it is. You live in direct relation to the poets, the heroes, and the sheroes you have.

Always honor the elders. She put herself in there. Honor women. You honor yourself. Honor men. You honor yourselves. Watch your mouth. Watch what you say to another human being.

Don't be so ready to be rude. You have to teach the children that. People don't jump up out of cribs, baby cribs and know that. So somebody has not done the right thing. That's all I'm saying. Poor girl.

It's good that you slapped him. It's good that you slapped him It's good that you slapped him Speaking of Speaking of online shit I posted a picture, I didn't expect it to go viral But I certainly didn't expect The lack of Approbation, I posted a picture of

Robert Oppenheimer's Daughter Tony And I said that she looked Exactly like a comic that we know, that we all know. And I, well, I'll have you be the judge. Nicole, could you please call up my Facebook page? No, how do you feel about that?

If you wouldn't mind. He's promoting his Facebook page in a very indirect way. No, I... Clearly using the podcast. Because this is a very specific picture, and if you just Google Tony Oppenheimer, you might... Okay, so could you blow that up maybe a little bit?

Okay. Who does that look exactly like? A comedian that we all know. I saw, I know. Okay. I don't want to say. Why not? Because I could be wrong.

So what? So if you're wrong, you're wrong. But the question is, I think it's so obvious. Greer Barnes? No. I think it's so obvious, and I didn? No. I think it's so obvious. And I didn't get the kind of people on Facebook were like, I don't see it. Take a real guess.

I'm not going to do it. Why? Because unlike you people, if I get something wrong and it gets back to that person, they're going to be like, you know, you insulted me on a national podcast. Isn't she pretty? I think she's really pretty. Not ugly. Yeah, she's pretty.

Okay, so why would- To me, it's so obvious who she looks like. And people on Facebook are like, I don't see it. I think she looks like this person. Who is it, Dan? Well, I want Kyle to tell me who it is. I saw your post. Oh, you saw my post.

Yeah, but I would know even if you didn't say it. Periel, did you- I saw your post. Everybody saw my post. Who is it? That is a dark-haired Amy Schumer. As sure as I'm fucking sitting here. She doesn't hear you say that.

Why not? I'm kidding. Yeah, I would say this is not an insult. It's really not an insult. It looks exactly like her. I thought it might be Amy, but the dark hair threw me off. Nicole, are you in accord? No, I don't think this looks like her at all.

Oh, you don't? I'll bring up a picture of Amy. In the eyes, I see something. No, the nose. The same damn nose. Amy has a daintier nose and is prettier than that. Amy's a gorgeous woman. We love Amy.

That's been said. This girl's beautiful. This is a... I don't know who she is, but she's... Oppenheimer's daughter. That's Tony Oppenheimer's. Tony Oppenheimer. Okay. You're trying Oppenheimer's... Tony Oppenheimer. Okay, that's...

Don't you... You're trying to get him on the show, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a similarity here. There is a similarity, I believe. It's the same nose, number one. No, Amy's nose is thinner. No, come on.

Also, it's a different pose. Anyhow. Well, type in your response. Type in Amy cocked to the left. Now, you expected virality? No, of course not. Of course I didn't expect virality. I expected some agreement.

Well, what do you think that means? It means either I'm crazy or everybody else is crazy. And the more logical explanation is everybody else is crazy. Well, maybe they're scared to say. Why would you be scared to say? Maybe they're afraid to say.

Not a lot of people are on Facebook these days. Well, I also posted it on Instagram stories. I don't look at the stories. And I said, am I crazy? Apparently I am.

Or does this look like Amy Schumer? I mean, you can't say that it looks like Whitney Cummings. I mean, what? Anyhow, Tony Oppenheimer, for your edification apparel. I'm reading Oppenheimer, by the way.

Haven't seen the movie yet. Unfortunately, she died. The communist party? She died? Tony died, yeah. How'd she die? Suicide. Really?

Yeah. Oh. But that was Oppenheimer's daughter. Oh, that's... Mrs. Oppenheimer to you. Tony, I don't know if that was short for it. I lived 62 years. Do you recommend Oppenheimer, by the way?

No. I mean, I would see it. You saw it? I saw it twice. And the second time I left... I was with someone who had not seen it before and they wanted to leave. I was like, okay.

But it's very, in my opinion, it's very long. It's a tough topic to make a movie about because it's very much in the head. It's like math and physics. And the bomb thing is cool, but then the trial, it's a little dry. The last half is like the trial. His crime and his...

I liked it. I saw it with my 10-year-old son. He liked it. But I do have a criticism of it. I saw it with my 10-year-old son. He liked it. But I do have a criticism of it. Please do. Tony's not here. And then I was reading in Strunk and White after this, and it put it perfectly.

So it talked about devices in writing. You know Strunk and White, Peril? Oh, so cute. It is getting a little old. The device in writing. And it says use devices sparingly writing devices because it quickly becomes

kind of tiresome and becomes a mannerism rather than some other word a mannerism in Oppenheimer I'm going to forget what they were there were two different devices that he used to show the passage of time. One was the marbles in the thing.

Wait, let me guess the other one. I don't know. Go ahead. And the other one was the sole construction of the bomb piece by piece. Remember? A little bit more of the casing or whatever it was. Oh, yeah, okay. And just as a film, it struck me.

I said, I wouldn't have done that. One is enough. One of these Hollywood kind of things that are overarching to show the passage of time is enough. Two was like a mannerism. So that's neither here nor there, but I don't know if Judd Apatow is listening to this. But did it bother you? Well, this is what I think. Whenever I'm watching a movie, two was like a mannerism. So that's neither here nor there, but if any, like I don't know if Judd Apatow's listening to this or whatever.

But did it bother you or only? Well, this is what I think. Whenever I'm watching a movie and I felt this way at Schindler's List when he has that scene which is lauded about where the one child

has the red dress. It's the only color scene in Schindler's List. It's the girl with the red dress. The girl with the red dress. Whenever something, and his analogy is to music or two, whenever something takes me out of the moment

and all of a sudden I'm thinking about the filmmaking, I feel like that's a fail. Because I should be lost in the movie. And that's what I felt in both those moments. And I remember them very clearly. I said, oh, now I'm thinking about why did he do that? It's like I was into the story. It's a black and white movie. Now there's a red

dress and I'm thinking about, oh, there's a new technology and how do they do that? And, you know, and... That was your lived experience, if you will. As they say nowadays. I'm a sophisticated listener. I didn't have that experience. It was a devastating device when it came to fruition,

that red dress. So I found out since then, I want you to continue on that, but I found out since then that this is something that was carried over from the book. In the book, he apparently, or I guess Schindler didn't write the book, whoever wrote the book, they describe this child in the red dress having an impact on whoever it was. It was that German guy who saw it. So this, I guess, now in retrospect, I understand was Spielberg's way of

bringing that to the screen. But I didn't receive it that way. I just received it as a clumsy thing. I mean, we're going back 30 years now, but I recall, yeah, being a little bit confused why they were doing it, but the effect was utterly. Now, he had seen the girl

at a different time, at a different scene. It's coming back to me now. No, at the end, you see her. She's dead. And you know it because she's like in a pile of bodies and you see that red dress. Spoiler.

Utterly devastating. So that's the second time you've seen her. Well, spoiler, it's a 30-year-old movie. If you haven't seen it, you're probably not going to. Well, Benny went to Oppenheimer. I don't know this about Oppenheimer, but the bomb, and it was very ambitious of him but they they did a practical bomb explosion but it didn't match up of course

to a nuclear bomb so they they i you just see them kind of doing tricks to try to make you think this was a big explosion and once you see that it's like like super close and then it just didn't have i think they should use the actual footage in my opinion of the bomb going off maybe it takes you out because it's not shot in widescreen or whatever but

maybe you're so smart maybe you should have brought that to bear on your SNL audition I did do an impression of Oppenheimer but there was something there was something else

that bothered me but I might just have missed it there's a lot of talk in the movie about Helning having enough plutonium and uranium to make one bomb each. And then they set off a practice explosion.

Wait, that was not with the bomb, though, in it. Oh, that. Like, where did they get the third bomb from? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. All of a sudden, there's a third bomb. They had enough for it. They didn't mention the third bomb.

Yeah, I didn't think of that. Where are those marbles? Where are those marbles? Oh, we finally got it. Now let didn't mention the third bomb. Yeah, I didn't think of that. Yeah. Where are those marbles? Where are those marbles? Oh, we finally got it. Now bring out the other bomb. Wait, you have another bomb? We have extra.

Yeah. That was a real gamble. Because we dropped that and it didn't go off. And they have this whole map on how to make a nuclear bomb or atomic bomb. All I know is the man said, I am become death, destroyer of worlds, and backed it up. You know what's funny?

I thought that, too, it seems such an arrogant thing in the way he says it, I've become death. But that's like the one moment where actually he did back it up. Yeah. It's hard to back that kind of a fucking statement up.

I've become death. You know, and it was arrogant, but the man did invent the nuclear bomb. I'm sorry. You can do it was arrogant but the man did invent the nuclear I'm sorry you can do it next let's see who does it better

ready I haven't seen the movie just this line oh I've become death I am become death you're gonna kill him just kill him

I mean it just it's unbelievable but that's important it's unbelievable it is unbelievable it's unbelievable is that Martin Short I don't know

if it sounded like him yes I am become death destroyer of worlds Is that Martin Short? I don't know. If it sounded like him, yes. I am become death, destroyer of worlds. Okay, Dan. Well, I'm not an impressionist. I just do an impression of your impression. I am become death.

You have no license. What was that red dress girl that was devastating? Utterly. Utterly devastating. But it's i am become death which makes it all the more powerful a line for some reason why i don't know why i can't explain it's wrong well it's it's it's it's archaic it's archaic i think people used to it was from sanscript that was from sanscript that well yeah but also I think people used to use that type of formulation

like he is I'll give you another example he is risen he rose he has risen he is risen to become death

to become so that's an archaic formulation by the way there's like three movies all summer

there was Barbie, Oppenheimer and Mission Impossible it's usually it's a block all summer. There was Barbie, Oppenheimer, and Mission Impossible. It's a blockbuster summer. And it was like, those were all blockbusters. But then you go,

well, would it have been if we got the normal amount of movies? That's a good question. Yeah. I mean, I saw Oppenheimer twice. I used to go to movies like all the time to go to the movie theater. Yeah.

All the time. Mostly because I was trying to avoid my roommate at the time. And when I moved into my own place, I didn't need the movies anymore. Oh, that's sad. Do you ever have a roommate that you're like, perfectly nice guy, but I just couldn't. I had a roommate who was a stutterer one time. Are you supposed to say stutterer? Yeah, I think so.

I think consonant challenge and he was a good guy I should look him up but a good guy he may have been but it was

I don't want to talk about it because I had a roommate who him and his girlfriend were there in tiny rooms and someone's there

with their girlfriend and they got the they turned the heat off because they're warm in a bed. And he's like, me and Becky just took triple-dip acid and stared at the sun. That's what he told me one day. And I come back one day, I open the door, and it went like three inches and hit the refrigerator. And he's like, we removed the room around

so it's got more space. I'm like, yeah, but you can't get, like, he didn't even, he was so high. Yeah, he put the fridge in front of the door thinking he made some nice feng shui. Anyway, go ahead, Dan. I used to... Back in the days when there was bookstores everywhere,

I'd go to the bookstore for a couple hours and go to the movies. Yeah, there's less of that stuff to do to get out of your house. The mall is kind of empty. I'd just take out the hell out of my house. Or I'd go to the record store when they used to have listening stations. Tower Records. Tower Records or Virgin Records Store my house. Or I go to the record store when they used to have listening stations. Tower Records. Tower Records or Virgin Records Store.

So that's how I used to just eat up, chew up time. And by the way, these were good date locations. Yeah, right. Take a girl, go to the record store, buy her a DVD, close a CD, close a deal. I had such a zane. Close the deal with a DVD? CD. Can I tell you guys an app date I had?

And she was so crazy on text, I canceled. And she's very pretty. And I, this girl. Are you on ride? You didn't call her by her first name? Oh, I can't show her face. No, don't show her face. Oh, she's gorgeous.

Okay. She attracted, but. She related to the Oppenheimers Oppenheimer? no Opens Oppenheimer? Oppenheimer? that's why I've always heard it can I see the picture?

what happened? we set up a date I just had so many crazy ones in a row and then that night we didn't set up a normal like I just had so many crazy ones in a row. And then that night, we didn't set up a normal, like, oh, okay, we'll get coffee and we're burp, burp, burp. And then that night, okay, it's 11 p.m., she writes me. Out of nowhere, I'm not even going to lie, right? She writes you, I'm not going to lie.

I don't know her. I go, lie about what? I'm fucked up. I never get out or do anything. This is what happens. No good deed goes unpunished. And I go, oh, no. I never get out or do anything. This is what happens. No good deed goes unpunished. And I go, oh no. I'm fine.

Next text. Just took a lot of mushrooms. Next text. Being transparent. Next text. We can cancel tomorrow. I get it. So I just wrote, I'm going to get a therapist for us and we're going to go over this text chain with her. Because I can ask mine for recommendations. Don't freak me out.

Is this boring? Maybe it goes crazy crazy. No, no, no. This is amazing. over this text chain with her because i can ask mine for recommendations don't freak me out is this boring maybe it goes crazy crazy no no this is going get to the crazy don't freak me out seriously and i feel like someone's behind you yeah my dad i'm not even kidding so there's like a dad issue i'm like this is good more good stuff for a therapist stop don't make this worse really good he's haha okay then she goes my cat is she asked me about music and a bunch of stuff then she goes my cat won't stop talking my neighbors hate me and i go your cat is talking this sounds like a mushroom thing then sent me a picture of her and her cat her kissing her cat like on the mouth and she goes i'm sorry delete my number i'm annoying um uh this goes on and on i won't

bore everybody But like Please go on Anyway sorry Introduce her to Dan She goes sorry I'm a freak I would play through that I'm sorry

I would too I'm a freak We don't need to meet up tomorrow They kept saying that You know She was saying that? Yeah and when someone says I'm a freak

You gotta like believe them Now does she know That you're a minor celebrity? I mean you gotta figure she probably doesn't. Don't have a huge following. You do have a huge following. I mean, I don't get, I'm able to go to Walmart without getting bothered. You know what I mean?

Yeah, but you have a huge following. Is that the standard? Would Matt Rife be able to go to Walmart? No way. Matt Rife could not go to Walmart. Your following is not a Walmart crowd. Yeah, that's true. Your following is much more sophisticated.

Do you know what I do get, which kind of sucks, is a lot of men, they're alone. So a lot of my crowd buys one ticket. Usually, you get a little extra friends. That's awful. Yeah. And there's a lot of Asperger's too. Yeah.

That Steve Martin movie, The Lonely Guy. I met Matt Rife. Was he here? So handsome. I know. He's very pretty. Did he come here? No, he's at Chappelle's.

Okay. Has he been on here? I guess not. No. We should, you want to try to get him on? We could probably get him on because I'm wanting to met his manager or something. Just, just to sum this up. Then she wrote, um,

the periods freak me out. Next text. Can't stand it. I wrote periods and I go, the periods at the end of my sentence just seems serious. Reminds me of my mom. Okay. How old is she? 36. Because my daughter, they hate periods. My daughter's like,? 36. Because my daughter told me. Yeah, they hate periods. My daughter's like,

my daughter's 11. Why do you punctuate like that, Ted? Isn't that weird? She criticizes my periods. Yeah. The next day she wrote, wowza, that's quite the journey last night. Apologies again. No periods? No, I stopped doing periods. But she doesn't use periods?

She doesn't use any. What about question marks? Also, another thing they do is that every thought goes like a whoop. Instead of going, I went to the store and I got an apple. It's a good thing. I went to the store, whoop, got an apple. What do you mean whoop? Yeah, yeah. I hate that.

Oh, they break it. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes I'm busy. Bring it up into bite-sized pieces. Anyway, boy, I sound like an old man today. I feel like you should commit to the periods. I bailed on them. I don't do them anymore because...

This is a mistake. Yeah. You shouldn't show fear. But I feel like I want to be young with the hip kids. I want to be all... That's fine. They don't use periods, young people? No.

The next girl you meet, enter the relationship without periods. But if a girl criticizes your periods and then you just give into it it's like though that I could push this guy well I that's right speaking of a well I canceled our date so she couldn't put on a period of aging oneself I remember going to a girl's apartment a few years back and and and she says you wanna watch TV and I said what's on which is you know that's something that

would somebody from that grew up in the 80s would add oh yeah there yeah, right. Because there's no such thing as what's on. Everything's on. Right. What's on? Everything that's ever been produced. That's what's on. Oh, yeah, yeah. But, like, in my head, like, I don't watch a lot of TV.

I'm more Reed now, so I guess I wasn't, I didn't, whatever. But I said, what's on? And did you strike out? No, I got a little titty, but. Oh, God, Dan. That's not what I meant. That's what I was hoping about. You got a little titty. But, God. That's not what I meant. That's what I was hoping about. You got a little titty.

But that was a faux pas. She was like, it's on. Anyway. I have to go. Okay. But this is a topic. I want to ask you something. Gnome's always saying that comedians amongst us, and I disagree with him, but Gnome's made the point many times that comedians look down on impressions.

They think impressions are silly or not real comedy. I don't, by the way, I don't hear that, but Noam claims to hear that. Well, I think it's because there's usually no content, or it's very hard to do an impression in a stand-up act unless you have a story where, like, you did something and, you know, whoever, like you did something and you know whoever like marlon brando or whatever was there and you're integrating into some funny story because

otherwise going like this is my impression of jack nicholson eating a salad it isn't good i kind of want to hear that's why i don't really do impressions of my act it's really hard to get them in and not be uh like hacky it's hard to do them. That's my answer. Do you enjoy an impression that's quote-unquote hacky? In other words, like, well, here's Al Pacino ordering a macadamia brittle. Ice cream. Sometimes I do.

I'm not much of a snob. And about anything, I don't believe in these rules, but I know that comedians quite often will look down. Now, there's exceptions to all rules. In other contexts, I've said, like sometimes in music, there's rules of music, there's rules of harmony,

and then somebody will do something. You're not supposed to do that. There's a genius exception to anything. No matter what the rule of thumb is, somewhere there are people who just are so good at something or so clever or so unique about the way they do it that that will overwhelm the rule. In general, comedians, I think, don't like impressions. However, I think they all enjoy whatyle does because something about the way he does it is so not is a so atypical so quirky and unique to your kind of way the way you see these people and what you're

bringing out is often he does it in a sketch context but even when he does it not as it like he'll do paul mccartney but the mannerisms that he brings out of Paul McCartney are so different and so unique to him over what anyone else would probably bring out of Paul McCartney that this is a new pleasure to it all. Well, I think you're half right. I don't think you need to disagree with Noam at all. I think you're half right. Comics do enjoy Kyle, but I do not hear comics disparaging impressions in general. All right. But I do agree with Kyle that the best way to do an impression

would be to integrate it into a story or a joke rather than just saying, can you imagine if Al Pacino went to the ice cream parlor? Do you agree that they don't like guitar acts? No, I haven't heard that either. It's tough. It's another thing that's tough. Prop acts.

Because I did that. I haven't heard that either. I haven't heard any of those. Don't bring a guitar on stage. Well, it's like, yeah, any kind you bring a prop, it doesn't feel like pure stand-up. But I think it has merit if you're really making an audience laugh. Of course it has merit.

Mark Cohen won't bring his guitar and say, if anyone wants to kill him. Chris Turner does his freestyle rap. And, of course, I haven't heard anybody say, now you may say that's because that's so brilliant what he's doing, that that's part of the exception you were talking about. But I haven't heard any comic disparaging that. Have you seen Chris

Turner do this thing? It doesn't seem possible. What is it? He takes some suggestions of weird topics. Should we pull one out? No, no, no. From the audience. And then he does a freestyle rap. Incorporating it. Incorporating all five.

But it's so fucking clever. It's such a mental accomplishment. It'd take too long to do it. Just to remember, he asked the audience for like five topics. Just to remember the topics would be difficult.

Yeah. Because they're crazy topics. It's not like, oh, the topic is Canada. No, the topic is, you know, the ice cream festival in Hamilton, Ontario. Like that ridiculous.

The coffee that spilled the Chick-fil-A. And he asks for really weird topics. Yeah, he wants those. And so he gets five of them, which would be hard enough just to memorize. And he will integrate them. Wouldn't it be more interesting to watch this? No, because it takes forever. Parallel, you would be the worst producer.

You have to sit through He is the producer. You have to sit through and watch it, getting the suggestions and it's, no, it would be the worst thing

to watch it. What's his name? I'll watch him. Chris Turner. And when he's here, I think he's in town, you know. It's a remarkable feat.

They always put him on at the end because it's a showstopper. It's a showstopper. That's what I want. I want all showstoppers. I have to go. I'm going for him.

Okay. Noam, thank you for coming on my podcast, and you're welcome back anytime you want to come in. Thank you very much. You're welcome. Where's Kurt Metzger? We need Kurt Metzger on. He's in L.A.

He is the sidekick to Jimmy Dore, who I think we should have on if we can get him. Yeah, sure. We can get Jimmy Dore. Jimmy Dore keeps threatening to do a show with the Underground, but he never follows through. Jimmy Dore is one of these comics that kind of got a following by being political, really. Big following.

And he's a guy I like because he knows I don't agree with him on... Probably anything. Well, some things I do, but most of it's... But he's nice. Like, I don't... We get along, you know, we can disagree. He's pleasant. Yeah. I like him. Do you know him? Yeah, yeah. Is he a nice guy We get along. We can disagree. He's pleasant.

Yeah. I like him. Do you know him? Yeah, yeah. Is he a nice guy? Yeah. Yeah. I've only had nice interactions.

He's super smart. Yeah. Super smart guy. Well, I mean, judging by his tweets, he's out there. Let's just say that. He's more like the RFK Jr-ish, I believe, you know, Ivermectin. There's at least three or five aliens in the White House, according to my sources. That's fantastic.

I'm just asking questions. That's RFK Jr. Oh, is that? Okay. That's exactly RFK Jr. I thought that was Jimmy Dore. No, I've never heard RFK. You've never heard RFK Jr.?

I've never heard him talk. I just read about him. Oh, he talks very uniquely. He has something on it. He is the son of RFK, the guy that wasK How'd you know that? But RFK sounded like his brother He sounded like Let's go to Massachusetts

No he doesn't sound like He's got a medical condition He lost the ability to speak easily Speak like this That sounds like Catherine Hepburn Catherine Hepburn is more like this Alright Noam Oh, that sounds like Catherine Hepburn. Katie Hepburn. He has a little Katie Hepburn. Catherine Hepburn is more like this. All right, Noam.

See ya. See ya. Well, we'll just do a few more minutes. Pull up Chris Turner. Well, yeah, it's a great idea, by the way. What's a great idea? To pull up Chris Turner. Now, it does take, it would take a long time. It would take two seconds.

We sat through five minutes. Well, he's got to get all the suggestions. He's got all the suggestions. Maya Angelou's entire interview, that was fine. I didn't sign on. That was riveting. No, I didn't sign on for the entire interview. I wanted him to play, to skip ahead to the next woman from the audience talking.

Right, I understand that. I did not sign on to hear her talk about interracial relationships. But no, I enjoyed it. He probably wanted to leave. We could probably pull it up now. relationships. But no, I'm enjoyed it. You probably wanted to leave. We could probably pull it up now. I'm in favor. I think we should totally pull it up. You just have to watch the beginning. It's like

two minutes. Here, you know what? I'll find one. You guys talk. I'll find one. Okay, Dan. I hope you had a good experience on the podcast. I always do. I feel like when I come on here, you guys are both very politically literate. No, I'm not politically literate at all. In fact, that's a big bone of contention.

Not at all. I can talk about big issues like, do I think abortion should be legal? Do I think trans kids should get surgery? Do I think, you know, gun control? What do I think of guns? Big stuff. But Noam gets into like, well, actually the holding in the case of Meyerberg versus Hansen on the 3rd District Court of Appeals said this.

You know, Noam can get into that kind of minutia. But I can just talk about big philosophical points and enjoy that, but I'm not nearly as informed as he is. This is Chris Turner. Little chemicals that I can treat. 30 to 60. More if they're nifty. You see a nice pair like maybe I should nick these.

Air Force Ones to Air Force. You were there saying, Dad, yes, I adore in the Coast Guard. People swim and then they drown. Your brother's like, nah, I'll send them back down To a watery grave One between the eyes You were like, me or my, I would not advise Aiming for the skies in the Air Force

Coming down, now the guy, yeah, what does he care for? All of the runners, they run fast, thin And they think it's so fun Until they get the shin splints That's the difficulty you tear in your ACL or your calf muscle happens in the soccer game as well it often puts people on the bench injuries took your shirt off like I should mention you want to wear it sharing the clothes it's probably sweaty bro because I know you're signing up for the marathon You won't have a smile once you've styled through there

26 miles, 0.2, 0.4 It's all Greek to me Cause it's invented by the Greeks, literally But you were sat there Looking coy, looking prim I asked what you do, the guy with no chin And you whispered Yes, right inside there

You're like, I'm a financial advisor Oh, heaven sent more than 1%. If you've got a lot of money, don't know what to do with it, you can tell them. It's pretty easy, no? Just put it in stocks and watch it grow. Or a tracker fund. I'm not trying to lose you work.

I'm just saying in the past, yeah, you chose to shirk responsibilities. You're like, look what's on offer. I'll help humanity. I'll become a doctor. Someone walks up to shirk responsibilities. You're like, look what's on offer. I'll help humanity. I'll become a doctor. Someone walks up to you really sick. They're like, please diagnose me really quick. You're like, wait, what? I have to deal with people and flesh and blood and just feel and palpate?

And if the runner comes in, example, if this guy walks in with his shins all bleeding, he's like, I tripped on the road. What am I going to do? You, well, you'd know probably. You'd bandage it. You'd do a sprain. Fixing that. Oh, and it's such a bloody shame.

But don't worry. You're stacking cash, having such fun. And if you go for a run and the rumble in your tum, you get the runs in the marathon. Let it run free. That's a diarrhea pun that you get from me. And if you're doing this, tum you get the runs in the marathon let it run free that's a diarrhea pun that you get from me and if you're doing this if you produce the poo and it dribbles down your thigh and goes to your shoes what you're gonna do you're feeling so keen you're like i need to get

my running sneakers clean and so my guy when you've done your dirty business. Get his work and increase his business. That was really good. He's got a lot of, I mean. Yeah, so the topics were runs, running events. Scared doctor. Soccer player. Air force. Sneaker cleaning.

Financial advisor. Scared doctor. He's got to remember it all. Okay. It's wild. I mean, that takes some practice. Well, It also takes Being fully not nervous Yes Because it's hard to retrieve rhymes when you're nervous

I'm nervous I have jokes that I've been doing for years That are bulletproof and I'm scared shitless This guy's going up there And he doesn't know It's completely new each time So you gotta be so calm Yeah and it's i did improv and they'll do this singing improv thing and you'll get to the end of a line you go it ends in toad

and you're even as you're talking you say words you're thinking what rhymes with toad yeah but you're saying other things you know and if you're nervous yeah you're like nothing rhymes with toad i can't think of any words nothing rhymes with toad but I'll tell you what That's a good joke to do when you're on the road So yeah You should do it, do his exact thing Yeah I would fuck it up so royally I don't think you would I will admit that

And it is worth hearing the audience Throw out the ideas Like it makes it even better Oh yeah Anyway I hope you guys enjoyed Thank you for coming is. It makes it even better than just watching it. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed my company. Thank you for coming.

I do hope you move to New York. What percentage? Is it 90% you're moving here? Yeah, I bet it's around 90%. It's 90% that is moving here, and I hope it does, because that would give me cheer, because Kyle and I are friends

And we got into a fight But we made amends I think you could That's like without any practice If you practiced that for a few weeks You'd be like Rhymes would be like immediately The rhymes would be in my head

Because when you're on stage It's that or you're dead And let me tell you something My brother I'm like no other He's in trouble my head because when you're on stage it's that or you're dead and let me tell you something my brother i'm like he's in trouble he's in trouble yeah you know what you do also is you end with where there's a lot of arms like me you end up with an e you have a or because then you've got like all these words you can go to all these words e a e and a a word a lot of words. There's a lot of words. There's a lot of words that you can do

if you rhyme with something. Tell you one thing, you better not abuse because I'm straight up talking. I can do scat. I can do scat. That's not hard. Well, Dan's the man, and he likes to rap. I can do scat. Scat, you know. Scooby-dooby-doo. That's not hard, though.

It's not hard. Scooby-dooby-doo. Roop-a-doo-boo. You're actually bad at doing that. If you couldn't rhyme scat, then it would be pretty sad. What rhymes with scooby-doo-doo? Yeah, what nonsense rhymes with scooby-doo-doo? If I get a decent enough price in the house, but if it's really low.

I have really good interest rate. All right, let me try this. Kyle's going to sell his house in L.A. And he's going to come to New York way. But he needs a high price. Otherwise, it ain't so nice. Sounds pretty good. Yeah, it's okay.

Otherwise, no dice. No dice would have been better, yeah. All right, give me a topic and a beat. The topic is family-friendly porn. And here's the beat. I can't do beats. Well, when I go on the internet and I like to see all the porn, that looks good to me.

That was a really bad beatbox backup you gave me. Yeah, because I don't do a beat. All the porn. That looks good to me. Cha-cha-cha. That was a really bad beatbox backup you gave me. Yeah, because I don't do that. All right, guys, go to Dan's website. I don't have a website. But Kyle Dunnigan on Instagram, he's got almost a million followers. Let's get that up to a million. Oh, yeah. I want the M.

You want the M? Do they give you the M right away? You got to have like, like if you have 1,200,000, what will it say? It say 1.2 M? Yeah. You get the M. What if you got 1,000,001? You get the M.

No, but if you've got 1,000,001 followers, how does Instagram- It just says M. It just says M. And then when it gets to 1.1, you get 1.1 M. Okay. So it doesn't- You don't see the middle, guys. You don't see anything in between. Okay. It just says am. And then when it gets to 1.1, you get 1.1 am. Okay, so it doesn't... You don't see the middle. You don't see anything in between.

Okay, fair enough. Okay. Mine shows every digit. Every digit. When you're at that level. Thank you, Kyle Dunnigan. Podcast at ComedySally.com. And thank you, Nicole.

Thank you, Perrie. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.