The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Live from the Table: Bonus Episode Dan Naturman and Periel Aschenbrand Get Personal

Episode Date: September 27, 2024

With Noam away, Dan Naturman and Periel Aschenbrand discuss stand up, Diddy, women and a variety of medical and personal matters.

🎵 This is Live from the Table, the official podcast of the world-famous comedy cellar coming at you on SiriusXM 99 Rock Comedy, as well as available as a podcast wherever you get your podcasts and available on YouTube for a more multimedia experience. By the way, did I mention that Sirius rejected all of my tracks?

I sent those tracks for the recording. We've been over this. They said that, well, my contact at Sirius said that they felt that the audience wasn't sufficiently enthusiastic. So I don't know if that's the reason, but that's what I heard was the reason from my contact at Sirius, who may or may not know the real reason

that they would not accept any of my tracks for, you know, to be played on. We've had this conversation numerous times, and the solution is very simple. What was the solution again? It's just to re-record. But my question is, is it really the audience or they really don't like the joke? But why don't you try?

I could try. It's just a pain in the ass. It's not that much of a pain in the ass because you don't. I'd have to get a good audience this time to eliminate that possible factor. And then once that's done, it remains to be seen whether that really was the reason but we also discussed that you don't have to do like a 40 minute set you could actually just cut joke by joke right right i'll have to discuss with noam how to do that in terms of getting the audio from but you already have that i mean you you can do that just when you go up and do a 15-minute set. Right, but I don't know if the audio is the same audio or they have to tweak it or I don't know.

Because, first of all, the audience needs to—you need to hear the audience. So I don't know if the audience is properly mic'd or that has to be done, you know. Well, what did you do last time? Was the audience mic'd? Hi, I'm Perrielle. Welcome to the show. Perrielle is here, everybody. I'm sorry, I didn't mention that this is Dan Natterman.

Noam's away. Noam is away, yes. Noam is away. He's in Italy. That's correct. He was in Japan. This is like his Axis tour. He was in Japan and Italy,

and I guess Germany will be next. But yes, we don't think of the Italians that way because they're such nice people and their food is so good, and they seem so inoffensive, and yet they were part of that axis with Hitler. But in any case... But now the Italians seem to be a big fan of the Jews. Are they?

Yeah, I think so. The Italians in Italy or the ones in Staten Island? The ones in Staten Island and the Bronx. Okay. Well, we'll get to politics later. Okay. You know, Noam's not here, and it's just me and Perrielle. We'll see how that does for us but um

so we probably won't get you know we're not going to get deep in it last week we had uh stephen banal aka destiny yes i was managing that from paris it was very stressful i have to say and it got a lot of a lot of views yeah on youtube and a lot of listeners but that's because destiny you know has so many fans and a lot of the comments were just like, you know, rah-rah Destiny and Noam's an idiot. A lot of the comments that I read. Is that true? Yeah, I mean, not all of them,

and many were very, you know, pro-Noam or just thought the discussion was good. Oh, okay. It was not a love fest, as you so typically will see on a podcast, two people that agree with each other and sort of, you know, wash each other's balls. This was a real debate and there was real difference of opinion, which I think is good. And I don't know how common that is.

Yeah, especially nowadays. Right. I mean, I think that Noam's generally lauded for having people on that he doesn't agree with. Well, he's lauded by by those who laud him and and castigated by by those who, you know, who disagree. But but I do think it's admirable that he has those kinds of discussions. But anyway, do you think that we're going to have that kind of discussion? No, I don't think so. Well, we do, but we tend to disagree. Like we disagree on my career and what I should do.

And we, you know, the, but the disagreements are of less, they're, they're, they're not quite as important on a, on a world. The stakes aren't so high. They are for me, but not for the world. But you've actually have said that some of my ideas are correct and then you don't do it. Well, that's true. Yeah. I often will concede that your ideas are not bad and often I won't do them. Do you think, wait a second, slow down. Do you think that's because it's difficult to make changes? Because I'm a broken man. And, you know, it's hard for me to get things done.

I did something, we can get back to this, but I did something this week that I'm deeply ashamed of and almost don't want to talk about it because it's so shameful and stupid, really. Okay.

I bought a pair of shoes online. What? Okay. And they don't fit? And they don't fit right. So return them. The point is, is I shouldn't have bought shoes online. That's ridiculous. Of course you should have. You should have bought, not only should you have bought shoes online, you should have bought two or three pairs of the same shoe. Why not go to a place and try them on and make sure it fits? Because I ordered a seven and a half, which is my size. First of all, I just like to say that it seems like it's not so easy to make a dress shoe that's comfortable.

Because every time I wear dress shoes, I'm hobbling by the end of the evening. Why did you need dress shoes? Because sometimes I do shows that require dress shoes. Okay. the evening why did you eat dress shoes let's because because sometimes i do shows that require okay okay for example tomorrow i'm doing a show in maryland for a uh organization that you know it's it's it's the kind of thing where you you'd want to dress up for okay night last week i did something in delaware for this theater and if it was a theater i'm going to dress up a little bit more than i would i love that okay but Okay. But did you have, okay. What brand?

I Googled like comfortable and dress shoes and Amberjack pops up and says, this is the most comfortable dress shoe that you can imagine. So I ordered it and the size is right, but it's narrow. Yeah. And it just, my, my, it just,

I figured, well, maybe I'm, I'm lying to myself saying, well, maybe it'll stretch. No, no, no, you know, and no, no, well, maybe I'm lying to myself saying, well, maybe it'll stretch. No, no, no. You know, and... No, no, no, no. Return them immediately.

You're supposed to call me... I'm not fucking order shoes again online. It's fine if you order it from like Zappos and you order two or three sizes and it's very easy to return. I mean, it is by design. You take it to like your local... I don't like going to the returning shop. You want to go to the store? I want, it is by design. You take it to your local... I don't like going to the

returning shoe. You want to go to the store? I want to go to the store. I'll take you. You don't have to take me. I know how to fucking find a pair of shoes. I know how to try on shoes. I made the mistake of ordering shoes online. You also made the mistake of listening to a fucking Yelp review. No, but then I read the reviews

and they all say, it's a comfortable shoe. Where were the reviews? It was like Yelp or Amazon. Yeah, I know. Who cares about that? No. No, no. Anyway, it just seems like. How much were they?

Like 180. Oh, yeah. That should be comfortable. That's like a decent price point. Well, it just seems like a comfortable dress shoe is, I guess it's possible, but I haven't, I've yet to encounter it. I don't like that. I mean, I think you want like a more tried and true brand, like a made in Italy.

Like where's that shoe made? This, I don't, Amberjack is the brand. I don't know where it's made. Max, can you look up where it's made? You want like a good, like Italian, European, like people who know how to make shoes. Yeah, I think it wouldn't be that hard to make a deal. They're made in Portugal. That sounds like a...

Well, I mean, are the Portuguese really known for their fine leather? I don't know what they're known for except for port wine. Well, there you go. And soccer, I guess. Anyway, okay, well, I'll deal deal with that but i have no dress shoes for tomorrow's show in maryland well it's not too late i'm not gonna buy dress shoes today do you have a nice pair of sneakers not really i'll wear it i'll suffer that's what i'll that's what i'll do you're not gonna wear these pieces of garbage I'll wear that or some other piece of garbage. And I'll end the night, as I usually do, handicapped.

You need to return them. But, you know, fine. But that's been stated. Okay. Anyway. What else do we have? We have a list of topics. We do have a list of topics.

Well, you were just in France. I was just in Franceance i was just in there for vacation i went with my girlfriend my one of my best friends toted me along with her she goes on this trip and she was kind enough to invite me did you do any stand-up there i didn't i was unfortunately um unable to try no i mean i not not hard enough you know because there's tons of stand-up yeah i could have i could have tried harder but there's tons of rooms over there um for english speaking yeah i um i love paris so much is that your first time there no no i've been there many times i even speak a little french um what do you love what do you love about paris

i love everything about paris minus the anti-semitism i love the food i love the fashion i love the art i feel like everything there makes me you know really appalled at what a shithole america can be when it comes to like capitalism and consumption and the attention to detail, like even their like little sugar packets are beautiful. I didn't notice the sugar packets. The architecture is very nice because, first of all, this is something I learned relatively recently, like Paris was a dump until like the mid 1800s where I think it was Napoleon III or something decided, no, we're going to make this a beautiful city. We're going to make it a showcase.

And just sort of kind of like demolished everything and rebuilt it. And the major difference between Paris and New York is that the buildings go together. They're all similar architecturally. Whereas in New York, every building is different. Okay. So it's all sort of haphazard. So Paris has this style of architecture is like, it kind of goes together.

It's just so beautiful. And also the streets aren't, Manhattan has a grid, which is not going to be as beautiful, you know, because you just, you just, you can see right down the, you know, you just, you don't see like, I don't know, for some reason when it's a grid, it's just not as pleasing visually as, as the streets of Paris, which go in every different direction. I mean, I know that there are seedy parts of Paris. I lived there for a while when I was in my twenties, but you know, you go on the Metro, you walk around, you know, there's not garbage everywhere. It's just so well kept.

And it's just. It'd be nice if maybe you commented on my on what I said, which was that the architecture is cohesive and that it's not a grid pattern rather than just pulling a gnome dormant and completely ignoring it and going off in your own direction. I mean, I think. Just a thought. I think. Or you could say that's true. That's true. And also, give me a lead that that's true.

You know what I'm going to say? I'm going to say... Give me a lead, or at least a very... Interesting, interesting. That's actually a good point. I never thought of that. You could say that, too. And I also didn't know that about Napoleon.

I didn't know that... That's also very interesting. I believe it was Napoleon III, which is not to be confused with the original dude, the Waterloo that's what noam does i'll say something and he'll it's a fair i accept that completely ignore it because he doesn't give me uh credit for intellectual i don't think that's true at all i think that's there's a lot of truth to that but i don't i don't think that's true at all i think that you um feel that way but then you know you'll say oh well i didn't read that or that you know wasn't my thing and then you'll be annoyed that you're not participating well okay but but that's

a different conversation let's get back to paris well anyway so when i was in Paris recently, I came up with a joke that worked there. Yeah. And I'm wondering whether it worked last night. I did it at the comic strip. But that was because there was a French person in the audience. I don't know if it would just work in the abstract because it's OK. I'll tell you the joke that we can discuss why it may or may not work. The joke is about something I saw in the Paris metro.

OK. It might be too far. Like, in order for a joke to work, the audience has to feel somewhat connected to it. Okay. They don't have to necessarily have experienced it, but they have to feel some connection to it. So anyway, in Paris, if you go on the Metro,

there is a sign on the Metro that says that the seats closest to the doors, I don't know if you saw you were in the metro you mentioned or the subway as we call it the seats closest to the doors are reserved for and they list in order of priority who it's reserved for so i think it's pregnant women the handicapped the elderly and and and wounded war veterans and that's what it says on the on the side both in english and french and in german actually um so my joke was it says on the sign, both in English and French and in German, actually. So my joke was it says wounded war veterans.

It doesn't say which army. So, you know, some old German guy is going to go, yeah, that's in my seat. You know, I was wounded by these French assholes during whatever, you know. So anyway, so it worked in Paris. The question is, is would it work in New York or is it just too far removed? I'm talking about the Paris metro, something that's totally outside the experience realm of anybody in the audience. But you said that it worked in New York. It worked last night when there was a French person in the audience. I said, oh, you know, I was all you need.

I was just in Paris and I saw in the subway, I said, oh, you know, I was just in Paris and I saw in the subway, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And the joke, and everybody laughed when I did that joke. I don't know, because again, it's like something you saw in the subway in Paris. It doesn't have any resonance. Right. To New Yorkers.

But the fact that there was somebody from paris in the audience might have might have made the difference i think or maybe it wouldn't matter if there were there were not somebody you're gonna have to i mean you're gonna have to try it try it i mean yeah it's no tragedy either way i'm just wondering you know um max what's your sense i think it works i don't think you need to have been to france because it's we have we have signs Just wondering, you know, Max, what's your sense? I think it works. I don't think you need to have been to France because we have signs on the subways and buses here. I don't think the idea of reserved seating is that, you know, local to Paris.

I think it would work. I mean, that's the funny part, right? And everybody can understand reserved seating. Yes, yes. So, well, maybe it would. I think as long as you can understand the concept of reserved seating, it probably, it's a funny joke. Okay, okay. Well, I'll try it.

I saw another funny joke that you. That I posted on Instagram? Yeah, that you posted. Which one? About, like, what your screen name is. Oh, that one on Instagram? Yeah, that you posted it. Which one? About like what your screen name is. Oh, that one on Instagram. So I posted, well, that's interesting because I have something to say about that more.

So the joke is where I say that like, this guy was arguing about global warming on Twitter and his screen name was Angry White Man. But he didn't have a profile pic, so I don't know what he looks like. He might not even be white. Just because his Twitter handle is Angry White Man doesn't mean he's white. My Twitter handle is pussy smasher. So that's the joke. But anyway, I tried to boost it. You know, like,

yeah, I've gotten desperate. I'm playing the lottery. I don't like the way you frame that. But it's not desperate to play the lottery. No, to boost a post. It's like a tool. It's there for a reason. Well, I don't know any... I mean, I don't know anybody else that admits to doing it. Well, I mean... Maybe people do it. I don't know. Of course people do it. I don't know if they do or they don't. They're just... Well, I don't know people that have shit that goes viral. Shit goes viral.

None of my shit's ever gone viral. Like, maybe 100,000 views is the most I've had. Do you not think 100,000 views is a lot? I don't know how you define viral. Well, let's define it. I would define it as 1.1 million views. So more than a million views?

I'm just making up a number. Now, 1 million probably would be viral. To me, it seems virally just because that's a nice round number. I don't think 100,000 is viral. But I guess viral is a subject. The term is subject to discussion, but, but anyway, so yeah. So I tried to boost that on Instagram. I don't know.

Can you boost on, on TikTok? Probably. I don't know. I'm not on TikTok. So I said, well, let me try to boost this. So I click boost and I, they say, well, you know, you can like for 10 bucks a day it's like sponsoring a child uh it's like for the price of a cup of coffee so for 10 bucks a day you can get like you know 3 000 whoever whatever the thing is so i so i said

okay i'll i'll boost it for 10 bucks a day for six days over 60 bucks yeah then apple takes like 25 apple pays like 25 bucks like on top of that for some reason which seems scandalous but that's another story but anyway so they said okay your your your your your post is under review yeah so i don't know who's sitting around looking at this is fucking mark zuckerberg watching um who's reviewing this is like people in a room i mean they're probably scanning it for but it's like actual humans in a room going all right well um just sitting around a table i doubt it i mean maybe who knows they just scan it for keyword anyway they rejected it i guess because

i said pussy yeah you know i guess that but i don't know what else would it would be well of course that's why and and they rejected another post that I did. With a curse? No, it was an old joke of mine that I made into a cartoon. A friend of mine does cartoons. Yeah. So I made it into a cartoon. It's an old joke that always works where I say, you know, I was talking to a girl at a bar.

And I usually say the girls like trashing Obama. Yeah. And I say, well well why are you trashing obama she said well i don't like black people to be honest with you and i i was disgusted but i was also horny so i played along and pretend to agree with her finally i talked to her into coming home with me of course i had to call up my roommate darnell and tell him to get the hell out of there it's like no time to explain just go and and in the joke i say take that poster of martin luther king with you but in the cartoon i just say take that poster of martin luther king with you but

in the cartoon i just say take that poster with you and then we see obama yes we can yeah okay i think that's a little a little funnier when you don't actually say it yeah you kind of cut to the obama but anyway they rejected that one i guess because it's racial yeah Yeah, of course. So why don't you try posting boosting the banana joke? I could try boosting the banana joke, but they might not like that. Yeah, they might not. Yeah. I can't get hard on an empty stomach. I mean, if it's if it's just an like a bot looking for keywords, the word hard.

Yeah, that's probably might not pop up. Yeah. If you were hard, might not pop up yeah yeah if you will my word hard might not pop up accidental but a um max you know if it's a happy accident if you will um i think it probably is i think it's all just it's hard to believe that like you have a committee that's sitting there have you tried putting these clips and they're like well we're not so sure we better talk to zuckerberg about this one have you tried yeah zook the guy says he can't get hard on an empty stomach what are you saying max i was saying have you tried putting these on youtube as like a

a youtube reel or youtube short yeah yeah yeah um i did uh but i haven't tried i didn't boost on youtube i don't know if you probably can boost on YouTube too. Yeah, I'm sure there's a way. But I did boost one video, another cartoon. I mean, the ratio, I probably got like, for each dollar spent, I probably for each $3 spent one new follower, which is not a good enough ratio. Like, not that I won't try again,

but that ratio is not great. You know that. If I could get 10 followers per dollar, then now you're talking about something. You think that, like, you do this once, and then it's like it either works or it doesn't work. No, it's not that it works or it doesn't, but you see a trend. One time is not a trend. You have to do it 10 times, do it 20 times, and then you actually have like some information that you can. I'm just saying this is where we're at so far.

The other thing is. Is a pair of uncomfortable shoes. And a poor boost ring. But listen to me. You know that a lot of times people bleep out the word. So instead of saying pussy, they'll bleep out pussy. I think that actually is sort of a bummer for that joke, to be honest. But that's what everybody does for that reason.

But would it be in the subtitle? So they would put P by asterisk. I've even seen people put other words like plum, right? In the subtitle. Yes. I think you want to put other words because I think the algorithm also catches the asterisk now. So they also know that you're still saying something bad.

So that's I think it's becoming more common for people to just put any any word. But, you know, I mean, they allow the video on Instagram. They just don't allow it to be boosted. So I don't know what that's all about. But they might allow the video on Instagram, but they might shadow ban it a little bit. Yeah, that's true. That's possible. Yeah, that could be.

It could be. And there's something weird with those cartoons because they're getting so... The number of likes is so inferior to the actual when I do jokes at a club that something weird is going on, I think. There's something about the algorithm in a cartoon versus stand-up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think that that's a known thing that a cartoon is going to get less than a person's face, by the way. But why would... It seems to me that Instagram is probably pushing it out less. Yes, that's what I'm...

Because they think that it's just not as... Yes. Okay. I would challenge you to really do like 15, 20 of these. Cartoons? Whatever. Probably not cartoons. I mean, frankly.

Well, because cartoons is... Number one, it adds to the joke. Because like I said, you can do stuff with a cartoon that you can't do with a joke. Like I say, and get rid of that poster. And then it cuts to the poster. It's a lot more, to me, funnier and effective. And get rid of that poster, you know, of Obama or of Martin Luther King. I just think it's a lot funnier.

There's stuff I can do, you know, like my Twitter, my Tinder in the subway joke, you know, you don't want, I was going to elaborate as to why that's funnier as a cartoon, but nevermind. The point is, is there's things you can do with a cartoon you can't do. But it's so much more labor intensive. But it's also so much more, not everybody's doing it. Yeah, but so what? Who cares? I mean, there's not like, like it's a finite number of viewers.

You perform stand-up probably almost seven nights a week, and you can cut those 15 minutes. Well, if I hit the lottery, it's going to be zero nights a week. Put that seven down to maybe once. But you could cut those 15 minutes and put them on endlessly. And it's so much easier for you to do. And the payoff is... Right. I'm seeing that the payoff with these cartoons is really bad.

Now, maybe if I get a big following and then I can hit them with a cartoon and see if they like it. Yeah, maybe. I mean, I think the cartoons are fun. You know, we made a cartoon. It was fun. I love doing it. But the amount of time and money and effort it takes to make a cartoon is really significant. Right.

Yeah. Well, you may be right. And I, you know, I may try another one. But I'm leaning toward what you're saying because I'm not seeing, it's not bearing fruit. Right. Yeah. Not bearing fruit. Listen, I love the cartoons.

You know that. But again, I just feel like it's like I don't want to do things that everybody and their uncle are doing. And everybody and their uncle are not doing cartoons, but if they're not working, they're not working. Okay, but wait. But you're not because you're different than everybody else. Like your jokes are different,

and you as a comic are different than everybody else. So you're so unique. Your jokes, your style, everything. So why not lean into that? I have everything but good shoes. Well, maybe. And soon you'll have good shoes. Hopefully, God willing. So anyway, yeah.

So I wonder how impressed on a scale of 1 to 10 you'd be with my French probably very unimpressed even for like well I mean it's not good it's not good but I can

hold my own like I can converse enough to you know if I'm with a bunch of Americans, like, I'm the one who's speaking French. Okay, okay. But you're not even that impressed with my Hebrew. I can't ascertain your Hebrew because I don't speak it. But people have vowed. All I know is when I ask you, like, how do you say screwdriver, you look at me like I got three heads. I don't know how to say screwdriver.

Well, this is a word that any 10-year-old in Israel would know. Why would I need to use the word screwdriver? Maybe it's a bollig. But it's like, I mean, do you know how to say screwdriver in French? Tournevis. And if you want to say Phillips screwdriver, tournevis cruciform. Wow.

That's impressive. That's very impressive. I learned that before the show because I was hitting it with a screwdriver. But I did happen to know that. I don't know all the tools, but I know many tools. Do you know how to say a hammer? Patiche. Okay, what about nail? Not the nail on your hand, the nail with a hammer. Can't think of it.

Okay, that's what I'm saying. I'm saying there's a lot of vocabulary that you seem to be lacking. But you're like, how often am I asking for like a nail and a hammer in Hebrew? Look, I don't know, but this is a word that any elementary school Israeli would know. Yeah, that's probably true.

All right, I'll give you one more. I'll give you one more. Persevere. Persevere. That's to continue to do. To continue to try. Okay. Which is to persevere.

I don't know that there is a word for persevere. There probably is, but but your but your translation is satisfactory okay uh moving on moving on what's next well i i did finally get a joke to work that i've been working on for for a couple of months and it was satisfying okay i mean for a day or two and then it's like back to my old grouchy self but um because you know i was i i in my apartment building it's probably the case in every apartment building that you can kind of. Can you hear your neighbors when you're in the hallway? Like I can hear them like like they're right next to me.

Well, they are right next. No, but like if I'm in the hallway, I can hear my neighbors on the phone or having a conversation. I some. Yeah, a little bit. OK. So so that's so I said, well, there's got to be a joke in there somewhere. So I tried different permutations, you know, I said, well, what if I like, oh, you know, I, I like the woman, what one, one, one idea that I had that didn't really work was like, I, I, you know, I heard the woman across me talking to her doctor and I said, hey, you know, you gotta, you know, uh, you know, about your blood pressure problems, you should probably try real vanilla extract. And she said to me, well, about your porno problem,

you should probably try real women. Because, like, the implication being she heard me watching, but that never worked. So then I said, well, so another permutation is I heard the woman across from me talking on the phone, and I said, oh, my God, if I can hear her talking on the phone, she could probably hear me watching porno. You know, because I can hear every word she's saying and not only that but

she's saying the dude across from me is constantly watching porno that's the second version and that worked but only half the time so the final version I got is I said to a woman I heard a woman complaining in her apartment it's like a joke starts off you know everybody can hear everybody I heard the woman complaining she was single. She wants to meet a nice guy with a good sense of humor and educated. So I said, oh, that's me. You know, so I saw her in the lobby and I said, hey, I asked her on a date and she said, not interested. I said, what do you mean not interested?

I heard you on the phone complaining you couldn't get a man. She said, okay, but I heard you on the phone complaining you couldn't get an erection. I didn't hear Max laughing at that one. But the other version is, I heard you on the phone complaining you ain't got no man. She said, I heard you on the phone complaining you ain't got no money. So those are the two versions. The money version is cleaner.

I think the erection version is funnier. The erection version is funnier. The second version is funny too. The first version I think doesn't work because real vanilla isn't really a solution to that. Yeah, no, I mean, I've looked that up. Real vanilla extract is a treatment for hypertension. Nobody knows that.

I know, but it sounds like something that could be a treatment. I think. Anyway, I slaved over this joke for months trying to figure out a way to work. And this is the Dan Aderman touch. Because other comics, now, it's not getting me anywhere, but other comics, you know, I mean, maybe some, but I'm not seeing other comics doing jokes at that level. Yeah.

I'm just not. Okay. I'm not saying it's genius, but this is stand-up comedy. This is not the realm of genius. Okay. Okay, this is not for geniuses here But among the idiots that do stand-up comedy I think I stand out In terms of the jokes

But Well I think that everybody probably agrees That that's true I think that Dan Natterman Is largely considered To me a great joke A great comic A good comic is a comic that consistently makes an audience laugh

Okay You know not every time Maybe but consistently A great comic is a comic that makes the audience laugh But when you hear his jokes You say to yourself I cannot imagine any other comic doing those jokes That's my beef with Jimmy Carr

And I Because he's a public figure and usually famous, normally I wouldn't trash a comic. I'm not trashing him. But I saw him on, what was it? Fallon, I guess it was.

Okay. He was on Fallon. He was doing jokes that were funny. Funny jokes. But I said to myself, yeah, these are funny, but you know,

I could imagine Hedberg maybe doing something similar or Dimitri Martin or Anthony Jeselnik. know i could imagine hedberg maybe doing something similar dimitri martin or or uh anthony jeslin i mean i got many comics i could say you've picked some like pretty great comics though okay but but i'm saying like i could see them doing this joke okay this is a joke that if they did it i would say okay that yeah so'm not, so what are you bringing to the table that I haven't seen or that nobody else is doing

or that somebody, or in a style that nobody else is doing? And I couldn't come up with anything. And so I said to my, because he's like a joke like, oh, you know, one in 10 men is gay or something like that. One in 10 men is gay. With 10 men in one, that's really gay. I said, oh, that's funny. Funny.

I got no beef with that joke. Beef, okay. Double funny funny i i got no beef with that joke beef okay double entendre i got no beef with that joke it's a funny joke but can i say to myself i but i could i could really i could just any number of other comics i could imagine coming up with that um he had other jokes too and they were all good the guy's a good guy he's a b comic a b plus even i can't give him an A. Because it's not unique. It's not sufficiently unique. It's not sufficiently unique in my estimation.

And so that's why, you know, that's how I see it. Well, I think it's a fair... And I normally wouldn't... Again, I criticize another comic, except that he's a huge star. And so I feel like he's in the public... He's out there for public critique. And I've met him.

He's a nice guy. I hope he doesn't hear this. Well, he might. Well, he might. But that's how I feel about it. But there are comics who you do think are... Wholly unique, yes. David Tell is at the top of that list.

Yeah. There are comics who can be unique in various ways. You can be unique. Sebastian Maniscalco. I'm not familiar really with his work, to be honest with you. So I'm not going to say one way or the other. I've heard a little bit of it. He certainly has a unique style.

Yeah. The way he speaks is unique. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very unique. So you can be unique by the jokes, by the subject matter. And by the subject matter, Keith Robinson is doing jokes about having two strokes. That's wholly unique because of the subject matter.

Tina Frimmel, who does jokes about it and has cerebral palsy. What's her name? Hannah Gadsby. Hannah Gadsby. Okay. She has some, I guess, some unique stuff. I don't know if it's entirely unique, but it's pretty unique. You can have a unique style.

But it has to be unique and it has to be funny to get an A and be an A plus, right? That's right. Get an A plus, yes. But you can squeeze by with a gentleman C with just, you know, unique, but not that funny. Goleman. Goleman is, nobody's doing jokes about, he's the unique, but not that funny. Goleman. Uh-huh. Goleman is, nobody's doing jokes about, he's the 10 minutes about the postal code. Yeah.

Just no one's doing that. Yeah. And no one's doing, and the way he's just, I mean, I'm not going to get into it, but just the rhythm and the style, nobody's doing it. Jim Norton, you know, in particular his stuff about trans because his wife is trans, that is unique in terms of subject matter. You know, you can also be unique just in terms of style, like Sam Kinison. You know, Sam Kinison made fun of the Ethiopians. This is going way back when there was a famine in Ethiopia. We're going back to the 80s. And he said, well, why don't you go where the food is? And I think a few comics probably made that joke.

So it wasn't unique in the joke. What was unique is the screaming. I don't know if you're familiar with that. Yeah, of course. Dice was, his style was. Gilbert Godfrey. Gilbert Godfrey, obviously, was unique both in style and in jokes. Some of those jokes were just, were really just nutty.

And, you know, like he had that joke about going waking up and everybody had three names you know and jennifer love hewitt was there and anthony michael hall was there anyway anybody under 40 doesn't know who those people are but um so so that yeah so that's a good gilbert impression okay but i give a lot of credit for uniqueness. And Dave Attell is at the top, very high on the list of unique comedians. And one of the reasons he's so well, not the most famous comic in the world. I mean, there's a lot of comics that work here

that are a lot more famous than he is now. But he's utterly unique. His style is completely unique. And what about Ricky Gervais? I'm not familiar with his work. How are you not? I'm not familiar with his work. All right.

Yeah, not familiar. I'm not necessarily a student of comedy that I know everybody, but the people I know. You're not not a student of comedy? No, I'm not not, but I don't know everybody. Richard Pryor?

I hate to say it, but I'm not familiar with his work. I've heard some of it, and, you know. I think that it would qualify. Okay. Jessica Kirsten? Yeah, yeah, Jessica Kirsten's pretty unique. But Jimmy Carr, I just didn't. Yamanika Saunders?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you know, maybe not wholly unique, but one of very few. Yeah, I think she's pretty unique. Her style, I mean, I've never seen any, and she's so funny. I think I'm putting her on the list. Okay, okay.

And, well, you may be right, you know. A lot of these people I only see, like, in passing because, like, if they're on before me, I'll see two on the list. Okay, okay. And, well, you may be right, you know. A lot of these people I only see, like, in passing because, like, if they're on before me, I'll see two minutes of them. So I don't know necessarily. So, you know, that's... So, anyway. So...

Okay, so you're pleased with the joke. I'm pleased it's been working. Very few of my jokes work all the time. And this joke works about 80%. It always gets laughs. The question is, does it get a robust laugh or does it get a medium laugh? And I would say 20% of the time it gets a medium laugh and 80% of the time it gets a robust laugh, which for me is a good percentage.

Yeah. Because very few of my jokes get, if any, get robust laughs all the time. Very few. I don't even know if any of them do. Maybe the one I do about meeting the woman at the gym and creeping her out because I said, oh, you got here a bit later than normal. That typically gets a big laugh in any context, like no matter who. But, you know, I've done that joke for like, I had a synagogue and they,

because maybe cause they don't date and it's, you know, like, like what do you mean they don't date? Well, this is like, well, they're all married usually at those venues at those, in those shows. And like the idea of me being a creep at the gym doesn't seem to resonate. Yeah. Yeah. You know, as it might with a younger audience. Right, right. Yeah, just, you know, the Jewish audience is, they don't, they like,

generally they like meat and potatoes comedy. They don't like quirky, you know, stuff. They kind of like meat, like, you know, just meat and potatoes. Just like, the Gentiles do this and the Jews do this. You know. I opened for Elon Gold just on Sunday

at a theater in Newark. Oh yeah? How was that? That was good. It was good. But they responded mostly to the Jewish oriented material. Yeah. But in any case, I don't know if i did the um i think i did do the the gym joke there and they didn't love it anyway what's that any anything uh on the list here i i think this is a good episode i do but very very different than the noam episodes noam got so deep

in the weeds with destiny like yeah they were talking about january 6th and like stuff like i know the basics of january 6th but like they got into it so deep and with you know i just they just lost me completely but um and destiny even knew shit that even noam didn't know oh yeah you know and um like what i don't remember just shit that even Gnome didn't know. Oh, yeah? You know, and... Like what? I don't remember. Just shit that Gnome didn't know. So, you know, I sat there basically like a bump on a log. Was it interesting?

I mean, much of it was. Some of it, to me, I can only judge it for me. Some of it kind of my eyes glazed over. You know, can we just talk about more of the... I like to talk about the big, the big philosophical questions. Not about, you know, this Supreme Court decision and this, what this guy did and that. Right, right, right.

So to me, but it got, like I said, it got 100,000. Well, last time I checked, it was probably more now. That's a lot. That's an awful lot, you know, for this podcast. How come you think That's an awful lot for this podcast. How come you think it's an awful lot for this podcast but when it's your joke you don't consider it an awful lot? Like you said...

I just said it's not viral. No, but you didn't even frame it the same way. You weren't like, oh, this video I did got an awful lot. Fair point. Interesting. I'll have to think about that. I'll to think about that but um i just think to watch a youtube video is is is a bigger deal i don't know if like when it says it got a hundred thousand views does that mean they saw the whole thing or does it if you just click for two seconds it counts as a view

i don't know how that works i don't know because to watch a whole video is a big deal whereas to watch a 20 second clip which is what my clips are 30 seconds well but you don't know how that works. Because to watch a whole video is a big deal, whereas to watch a 20-second clip, which is what my clips are, 30 seconds. Well, but you don't know. I mean, that question is the same for both of those. Like, you could click on the YouTube video for two seconds, and it... Yeah, so I don't know.

By the way, I have a semi-hard out at... No, we're not even close. At 3.30-ish, because i have to as a friend of mine's my sister's friend's daughter's wants to be a comic and wants to i have to wanted to have talk to me and get some advice i thought you were gonna say you had a semi hard on no no which is me hard out um what what are you gonna tell her well she's a student at a very prestigious school okay i'm tempted to tell her what the fuck are you thinking yeah um no i i i don't know what i'll tell depends what her questions are but i

would say she's a she goes to duke which is a you know a damn good school you know i i would say i would say to her i would say to any young person i think um look if you're from if you're a dummy i would say yeah try stand-up comedy. You've got nothing else. You might as well. You might make a fortune. You won't be the first. But if it's somebody with some brains, I would say, look, your place is, try to be a writer. Try to be a writer. If you want to be in, I would not discourage you from being in the comedy world, but try to write for SNL or write for TV or write for this and that and then you could do stand-up too and and the writing will enhance the stand-up you know just like rosebud beggar writes for snl

and that helps her you know gives her gives her credibility and prestige when she does stand-up so that's that's what i would say to a young person from a good school or with... I think that's terrible advice. Why is that terrible advice? Because... I'm not saying don't do stand-up. I'm saying stand-up is fine, but... Also do...

But writing is something where you can make really good money and long-term and I think flex your creative muscle. I think that the standup is, I think that the standup is the thing that can get you to the writing. It can. More than the writing can get you to the standup.

I think both work in synergistically and, and I, yeah, but, but I would say put effort into both okay as a stand-up look stand-up it's like if you're not if you're not thinking about stand-up is you don't have to any any any iq point above 115 is extraneous so you know listen to me if you're too smart you're gonna lose the audience you gotta be a man of the people i mean you just gave so many examples

of comics who are so smart and just not true what you're saying i mean i'm not saying that there aren't dumb comedians but i think that the great comics are all very very smart the great comics are smart i don't think they're very very smart. I don't think they're very, very smart. I don't think they're... I don't think it takes that much intellectual or creative firepower to make the audience laugh. I think that

short term, you might be right, but long term it takes an extraordinary amount of hustle and where we hustle hustle and commitment and hustle uh hard work you know quantity counts i think quantity maybe even more than quality nowadays just flood the social that's what i'll tell her i'll say flood the social media flood it just put i don't care if it's funny just put it out there uh try to get followers and hustle and having a

and just connecting in a way that's i don't know that you can uh necessarily quantify it or quality you know i i it's just some comedians that connect. And, you know, I don't know that a Duke University student is going to connect. Yeah, I mean, but that's why you have to get on stage, right? Like, I just don't think that unless you are very lucky or, you know, very talented and very lucky that somebody is going to hire you to be a writer. If they see you being very fun, but you have, but you should,

um, have that writing skill ready to go. Yeah. So that when you get the opportunity to say, well, you got some, what have you written? You got some sketches.

Yes. You, you know, yeah, you've got shit ready to go. And then also, um, social,

you know, I would tell her I mean she probably knows it because she grew up in the social media generation she probably knows it better than I do that you would have to presence on social media is very important maybe she can help you with your maybe I don't know I don't know I don't know what she's

studying there if she's studying like communications or well you don't need to study anything to be able no you don't Max any thoughts? We've talked a lot about stand-up. Like the advice or just anything? Well, if you have any advice, because you're a young stand-up, a newer stand-up. Yeah, I think, I mean, it depends where they are,

but I think it's really just doing as many mics as possible, just getting up and starting it. Yeah, that can't hurt, obviously, yeah. I don't know what other advice there would be than that. I feel like that's kind of the main thing. I think a lot of people talk about wanting to do stand-up for a long time and then don't get up ever. I'll include that.

I'll include that in my advice package to this young lady. Okay. And are you charging for this package? No, no. This is a friend of the family, a friend of my sister's daughter. Okay. She's not getting charged. I don't charge.

I like to give advice. I enjoy, you know, proffering advice. I think it's very generous of spirit of you to do that. Well, I guess. I don't know. Not too big a time commitment.

Okay. Did he? Did he, yes. Did he do it? Somebody must have come up with that. Yes, he did. I haven't heard that. It's out there somewhere.

You Googled it. Did he do it? Something will pop up. That's the problem with the internet. You think you came up with something, and then you Google it. Did he do it? Something will pop up. That's the problem with the internet is like, you know, you think you came up with something and then you Google it. You're like, all right, well. What do you think of this whole fall for grace? Following it closely.

For the one, I'm glad he's not Jewish. That goes without saying. You know, I don't mind when a Jew gets arrested for things that you know like certain things don't bother me but things that conform to a stereotype do bother me a Jewish sexual predator is a long standing anti-Semitic it is? yeah

and Epstein didn't help or Weinstein and so many others so in particular, I didn't know that was, that was a long standing. It always is. Anytime an oppressed group is hated,

they, they, it's, it's, you know, it's thought that they are preying on like, you know, their sexual predators.

That's just always something that, that a, that a, that an outside group that's disliked is, is tagged with generally. That's sort of a, you know, it's always that. So, so yeah. So, okay. So he's not Jewish. Okay. That's good. It's good for me. I mean, you know, look, Chris Rock had a joke about that too, right?

Like about just the black way somebody commits a crime and he's like, I hope he's not black, whatever. So this is not unique to our people. But other than that, I don't know much about it. What's going on with Diddy? Is it Diddy now? Because it was Puff Daddy, right, years ago. It was Puffy. It was, you know, back in the 90s, it was Puff Daddy right years ago it was it was it was Puffy it was you know back in the 90s

it was Puffy that's where the last I really concerned myself with him because I loved that that remix or whatever you call it

of I'll Be Watching You you know the police song so he did that is that a remix or a redo or whatever that is yeah okay

he redid it yeah to be about Biggie Smalls uh huh and that was great I like it better than the police version okay but that was like 1998 whatever that is. Yeah, okay. He redid it to be about Biggie Smalls. Uh-huh. And that was great. I like it better than the police version. Okay.

But that was like 1998. And then you... And then I just stopped paying attention. Well, that was, you know, 25 years ago. Yeah, it was a long time ago. It was astoundingly long ago. It's sickening how fast it all goes, really. But, yeah, so I haven't really been paying attention since okay i mean the short version is is that you know it's like racketeering sex trafficking rape um that he's

being accused of having these like freak off parties um you know drugging women and they found a thousand bottles of baby oil um i mean a thousand bottles of baby oil. A thousand bottles of baby oil is certainly interesting, but not in and of itself evidence of a crime. The evidence of a lot of masturbation. Yeah, maybe, but I think he's being accused of far more sinister things than masturbation. And I think the thing that's most appalling about all of this is that

this is 25 years or 20-something years. He didn't just start doing this. And so how many people are involved in covering this up? And how many people... We've seen that before over and over again i mean weinstein was yeah for years epstein it's horrible you know cosby i mean it goes back it just it often does take a while i

guess because victims don't want to come forward uh their heads i don't i don't yeah i don't think that's what it is i think that people protect these well that too but we but but this is we see it a lot that it just takes sometimes decades it's horrible shit to come out because nobody wants to hold rich famous powerful people accountable i mean you can watch a video from like 25 years ago of courtney love we'd love to watch rich famous people go down you know i mean we live for that shit as as consumers of of news you know the oj trial was the biggest like what ratings bonanza you know but wait let me let me finish this but the people around him yeah but that's that's that's what i'm about. So if there's a video of Courtney Love,

like maybe 30 years ago on the red carpet, I think it like the MTV awards and they asked her, you know, what's the biggest secret in Hollywood? And she said, she looked around, she goes, I shouldn't be saying this,

but if Harvey Weinstein invites you back to his hotel room, don't go. Right. And now, of course, I mean, that should have been, I don you back to his hotel room, don't go. And now, of course. I mean, that should have been. I don't want to. I mean, I sound like I'm victim blaming, but. Seems obvious not to go back to dude's hotel room if you don't want to have sex with the dude. No, it doesn't seem obvious at all.

If somebody like Harvey Weinstein is calling a meeting in his hotel room. And you're the only two people there. Well, but by the time you get there, you don't know that. Okay, fair point, fair point. This is like he's saying, we're having a meeting me and my associates and you at the hotel room. He's not going to say, first of all, he's not going to say anything. Some girl who's working for him is liaising this whole thing.

OK, you know, the fact that you get like raped when you get there has. I concede the point. OK, I concede the point. What I'm saying is, is that it's really fucking appalling. It really is that, you know. Anyway, so he's apparently in a cell with that crypto guy. Oh, yeah, that guy who is Jewish. And it's also a stereotype.

It's Sam. Money related. Sam. Rodster related. Sam Bankman Freed or something like that. Is that his name? Yeah. And what did he do?

That was the FTX thing where they took all the money and spent it on other stuff and just basically stole money. It was like a Bernie... A Madoff. Yeah, a Madoff kind of situation, like billions of dollars. These names seem to go with what they do, like Bankman and Madoff. Oh my God. It's weird that the names sort of correspond to the crime. People call Diddley, like a diddler.

Diddly, yeah. Diddler, yeah. That's very good. So you don't have that much. Well, it's like that runner. You know, that runner is, who's that really fast runner with the name that sounds fast? Jackie Joyner. No, that really fast...

Usain Bolt? Yeah. Usain Bolt. Usain Bolt, yeah. I like that guy. When the name just fits. There's a good song about him. No, I'm not familiar with it.

I'll play it for you later. Okay. If you ever have someone send you a song that says, oh, you're gonna love this song, and send you the song, and you don't want to tell them you don't like the song, somehow you feel like you're insulting them?

Yeah, I mean, I think that's probably... Like, you don't want to tell them your taste is ass, dude. You have a bad taste in music. Right. For some reason that feels like a real affront. Who sent bolt him faster than a bullet? Ya never thought

a Jamaican coulda do it. Well, who else would do it if not a Jamaican? Certainly not a... Certainly not Sam Bankman Freed. Certainly not him. Anyway,

like people, and I get insulted if i recommend a song but i i and then do you and then you're like i don't and they're like they don't say i'm like what do you mean you don't what do you mean you don't like it how do you not like that song you moron but people have tastes that are so wide ranging i had to i've had to accept that you know do you think that that extends to other things other than music like if you i think music is particularly rough if you don't like like to say that nah you know it feels particularly insulting to dismiss somebody's musical taste for some reason to me i think think that I've experienced that

if I've like shown somebody or sent somebody like a stand-up clip that I think is like hysterical and they're just like, hmm. I guess I've never sent anybody a stand-up clip that I think is hysterical. That's outside the realm of my experience. You've never seen a stand-up clip

that you thought was hysterical? I've seen some, but obviously over the years, after all this time, I'm not a little jaded, but there are very few comics that I will go down to watch. I'd like to watch Keith Robinson. I'd like to watch Jim

Norton and Atel. He's usually here very late. And Tracy Morgan I enjoy. And I enjoy... Wait, Tracy Morgan? That's interesting. Yeah, he's so out there. Yeah, like what?

He's just so nutty. I just find him funny. Uh-huh. And I also enjoy the audience reaction to big, big stars. Okay. I enjoy seeing the audience kind of erupt in applause, like they can't believe that, you know, this person or that person just showed up.

Okay, so you'll stay down and watch them? I might go down to see the audience reaction, just when they're brought up. Okay. You know. And then do you find that it matters if said star is really, really funny, or do you think that they're just enjoying the fact that they're both

i think they're enjoying the fact that they're seeing a big star and the start and usually they're funny you know i don't think i've can i mean now oftentimes they'll do new jokes so you know they might not kill as hard as the comics that went on before them because the comics that went on before them aren't doing all new material whereas a big star

comes here for one reason only and that's to work out new shit. That's why a big, you know, a big star would come down here to pop up for 10 minutes so they want to do new stuff. So they might not be,

they might not kill as hard for that reason. But do you think that they've granted more leeway? I think they've granted leeway some more leeway yes i don't know if it's a ton more leeway i think they still have to be funny i think it's not to be funny i do think they get some leeway and i do think the audience just really enjoys this is a celebrity you know and i think that's enjoyable and and also the celebrity talks about their life. You get an insight into the life of a celebrity, I think is interesting to people.

Ray Romano was talking about his son the other night. Just, you know, I think it's the idea of this huge star. You know, he's a father like any other. And the idea that he has sort of a lot of the same things that go on with his kids uh go on with other people and their kids um it's really no different and and so i think that's interesting in and of itself i i just know what i find interesting well you know what's his name um uh al al franken you know he was here and he was talking about being a senator you know yeah and that was interesting and i thought it was interesting was he funny how many he wasn't crushing like the other

comics were crushing you know um but nobody else was talking about being a but nobody else was talking about being a senator but me beating you know chuck grass what's the name chuck grassley is that the guy i have no idea grassley the senator. You know, and being in the Senate. I mean, that's just interesting. Well, but like you could have like, you know, a grocer come and talk about what it's like. All right. But I don't know. Being a grocer is as fascinating as being a senator or being a big celebrity in general.

Yeah. OK. That might not be like the best example, but a gynecologist. Well, I don't know how fascinating that is. Now, you were recently at the gynecologist. I might be how fascinating that is now you were recently at the gynecologist i was i don't know if that's why you brought that up well not not intentionally but probably it's on my mind um i think that's not your mind that the gynecologist was interested in no it wasn't my mind at all it was first of all she it was a new gynecologist and she was gorgeous and kind of like cool and it was just like really shocking to me how we've like normalized like walking into a

doctor's office and like you're supposed to be like just okay with just people like sticking their hands like inside your body i don't know that we we normalize that i i mean you go to that is what doctors do i mean you know well not all the time no it's not it's not what you go to the eye doctor. No, but, you know, how many comics have joked about the proctologist sticking a finger in their ass? Right. I decline that. I decline having her stick her finger. We don't need to hear about that.

But you asked me. I didn't ask you. I said that comics make jokes about that. No, you asked me. You said you opened the door that I was at the gynecologist. Yeah, but I don't need that. But what does that have to do with your butt? Well, they check everything. But that's a gynecologist. Yeah, but I don't need to, but what does that have to do with your butt? Well, they check everything.

Well, but that's a gynecologist who specializes in the vagina. But they also check your butt. Well, why would they do that if it's a gynecologist? I don't know, they do. Well, maybe a gynecologist needs to have his license suspended. Because I don't, that's not gynecology.

It's not. As I understand it. No, it's not. But she asked him. She got a dual degree. I'm pretty sure it's normal. But I just had a cold. I've never been to the gynecologist.

And why can you say that comics have made jokes about it, but then when I say it, you're like, we don't need to hear that. I don't know. We might have to investigate why. I just had a colonoscopy very recently, so I was within the window that I didn't need to. Okay. Yeah.

Have you had a colonoscopy? Yes, I have. Yes. And the doctor said I did a fantastic job with the prep. Me too. So that I was all clean. Yeah. And he praised me greatly for that.

I would like to say that I think it's really important to go do these checkups. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. We on this show are advocates of preventative medicine. Yes. So you went to the gynecologist who was an attractive woman.

Yeah. She was really like. How old was she? She was probably like in her early 50s. Oh. Right. Oh, right. Oh my God. I thought I was had a kind of a vision in my mind. I mean, it's not like a porn.

All right. Cause I was wondering, well, no, because I thought maybe you were, you were getting at was that you were turned on. No, I wasn't turned on. I was just taking note. Like she was like noticeably like very good looking. You made a face like women in their 50s can't be attractive. I did.

I did make that face. I did. I copped to it. I have no excuse. I, you know, not that they can't, you know, look, it can be done. It can be done. It's just, it can be done. It can be done. It's just, it's just tricky. That's all.

It's tricky. It was a woman. If she told me she was 33. Yeah. Then, you know, and you know, I have a whole other, it's a whole other level there. Well, like you had like a porn category in your head. No, you said she was attractive. So I, I'm thinking, okay.

Your idea of attractive. This might be going in a certain direction right that she was turning you on i don't i'm not saying i thought you guys they ended up making out but whatever but anyway you said attractive i had what i was thinking you had your idea of attractive you know in the 50 you know but it's it's a tough thing. Oh my. Look, for men too, men are... Not true. Not true. Well, I know.

Granted, I look great, but you know, a lot of men my age are really... I just want to tell you that if you saw her, you would be like, she's really good looking. Like, for sure. Like, I know you well enough to be able to. Okay.

Okay. Well, that's like, it can't be done, but it's outrageous that like, that's just like the, your whole body like recoiled it. Well,

um, it, I don't think my whole body recoiled, but you know, it was, it was, uh, yeah.

Yeah. Why? I don't, what can I tell you? It's, it's, it's 33 yeah. What can I tell you? 53 is not 33. No, it's not. And whether for men or for women. I mean, men maybe skew older so that a man is at maximum hot probably 45, maybe. 40, you know.

I mean, you're pushing it for sure. You think? Yeah. Well, I think it's maybe, you're pushing it for sure. You think? Yeah. Well, I think it's maybe late 30s or something like that. Okay. You know, like Brad Pitt in, what was that movie? Meet Joe Black. I don't know how old he was there.

Okay, I didn't say that, but fine. But probably late 30s. I mean, he was off the charts. So you're saying men are maximum hot. Probably later than women. Yeah, okay. Okay. But it doesn't last forever for men either.

Okay, so women are maximum hot. I like 33-ish. Okay. I like 33. Yeah, I picked up on that. But one could make a case for 20. 23-ish. One could make a case if one were so inclined.

One could make that. But as I get older, my age has moved up some. So maybe when I'm 90, I'll say 50 is the hottest. Right, right, right. Sure. I don't know. I hope so. I hope so.

Because otherwise. So 23 is too young for you now. 23 looks to me like a child. He looks like a child. Really? Yeah. I mean. You wouldn't kick her out of bed.

Well, maybe not. But, you know, it's not optimal. Right, okay. So, you know. That's interesting. So 33 is like. How about that? 35 is over.

Yeah, 35 is okay. Okay. But over 40 is pushing. No, 40, even 40. But once we're getting into the 50s, it becomes difficult. It becomes tricky. So women your age are out. Women my, you know.

Yeah, you know, I mean, I don't know if they're out, but I haven't been dating anyway so it's because the question is moot but but like if you met i'd prefer i'd prefer yeah i'd prefer at least you know 10 years younger okay yeah it's disgraceful what can i tell you i don't make the rules that i didn't come up with this horror that we call the human race and the human condition? You think I came up with this shit? No, I just think- If it were up to me, everybody would be beautiful their whole lives. Well, maybe they are.

I mean, maybe- Max, what's the- Max is another generation. Let's get the Gen Z perspective. I'm like a millennial. I'm a young millennial. How old are you? I just turned 30.

Okay. Oh, wow. I didn't know that. Oh, happy 30-30. Yeah. Happy birthday. Thank you. So what age is the oldest woman that you would be really juiced for as a 30-year-old man?

Like the maximum age that, not that, oh, she's attractive. Yeah, I might have sex with her. No, I mean really like, holy shit. I mean, I usually also like girls younger than me, but I would go like mid-30s. Okay, mid-30s. Okay, so him and I are kind of on the same page. Similar page.

And when you were like in your 20s? Yeah, when I was in my 20s. Also mid-30s? No, no, I was probably more just my age. Just your age. Probably more my age. So you never had sex with, like, a much older woman when you were much younger? Or found somebody, like, attractive?

Yes, but it was for compensation. Well, that's okay. I mean, even more so, I think that's legit. Like, you picked her. Well, no, she just happened to be working that night at the massage parlor. Okay, but you could have, I mean, if...

I could have said no, but I wanted to lose my virginity. Okay. And so she was much older? My guess would be yes. I don't know how old she was. It's hard to tell, you know. The Asians, they age very well.

But I think she was probably, I was 21-ish, maybe 22. She might have been late 30s. Late 30s? Might have been. It's kind of lost in the haze of my memory. I mean, this is very interesting.

All I remember is she offered me a student discount. No. She said, student, I'm not going to do the accent because you're not allowed to do that anymore. But she said, I didn't have, like she said, you know, $100, whatever, $100, $200, whatever. I said, I only have $100. She says, okay, student discount. No way.

And I wasn't a student, but I didn't tell her. I didn't want to. I thought you were trying. I didn't want to, I didn't want trying. I didn't want to lose the deal. No, she didn't ask for student ID. That's how you lost your virginity? That's correct, yeah. That's how I lost it.

That's unbelievable. In New York? No, this was in Stamford, Connecticut. Wow. And did you know that you were going? I was told, my friend of mine from high school said, you go to this place and you get, you know, a hand job. Uh-huh.

I don't remember whether he said they give you extra or not. So I figured I'll just go for that, which I hadn't done either, by the way. Really? So that would have been a first. If that's all that happened, that would have been a first. So then she offered me, you know, a selection of options. So I took the full service. How did she, did she tell you?

Well, her English wasn't great. Well, you weren't there for a language lesson. She said to me, uh, we usually use the motions with her hands of, you know, $50 point to her mouth, $80, whatever, full service. She said full service, whatever price she gave me, which I didn't have. And then she said student discount. That's hysterical. And that should be the title of your next.

Yes. All right. A thousand percent. Yes. Well, that could be my more when I decide to quit with the shtick and get real. Yes. Which I've been talking about and haven't really done. Well, at the end of the day, I still like the clever.

But you can be, but why? It's not mutually exclusive. No, not mutually exclusive. I mean, this is like the greatest story I've ever... Well, the greatest story maybe is Moses parting the Red Sea. I don't know. You losing your virginity in a massage parlor to an Asian hooker in Connecticut is pretty fucking great.

I mean, I can't be the only one. I think it's a pretty unique story. Well, I think a lot of people lose their virginity that way. I mean, with a professional, but I don't know that. Okay, but how many people are also great comics who talk about it on stage? You're right, you're right. You're right.

That's a good place to end, me being right. Yeah, you're right. You often are right. You often are right. And I'm often recalcitrant. But that's, you know, that's how it goes. I don't deny, you know, I'm not going to know him you and just, well, no, no, no one gives you credit.

Yeah, he'll admit. What time is it? Oh, so it's at 3.30. Yeah. Okay, I have to call this young lady in a bit. I thought you were meeting her. No, no, I'm gives you credit. Yeah, he'll admit. What time is it? Oh, so it's at 3.36. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I have to call this young lady in a bit. Oh, I thought you were meeting her. No, no, I'm just calling her. I mean, if she comes to New York,

I'm happy to show her the Comedy Cellar. Maybe she can try to get an internship. She wants an internship over the summer. I don't know. I guess I could put in a... Why don't you let her intern for you? I don't have much work for her. Well, that's not true.

I mean, I guess... What are you talking about? She could be super useful. I guess. I don't think she wants to. I think she wants something a little more prestigious. That is prestigious for a college student to be able to intern. She wants

probably an intern like SNL. You are exhausting. Well, that's arguably part of my charm, but I guess arguably not. All right. Thank you for listening to this episode. You know, I don't know how many,

look, we don't have Destiny on, so we may not get 100,000 views, but thank you for listening. Podcast at ComedyCellar.com. And by the way, my book, Iris Spiro Before COVID, it's a fictionalized look at the world of stand-up comedy and television writing.

Iris Spiro Before COVID, available on Amazon. And Periel has two books. The only book I trust is my own. And On My Knees, both memoirs recounting her younger days in New York. Is that fair to say? Amongst other things. And that's also available on Amazon and I guess anywhere else.

So we thank you for listening. Thank you, Max, for helping us out with the sound. No problem. And bye-bye. Bye-bye.