The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Mark "Coco" Cohen

Episode Date: September 23, 2022

Mark Cohen is an American comedian known for hosting Make Me Laugh on Comedy Central. His numerous television appearances include Louie and The Sarah Silverman Program. He is the house MC at Comedy Cellar Las Vegas. 

🎵 This is Live from the Table, recorded at the world-famous Comedy Cellar, coming at you on Sirius XM 99. Would you let me finish, Noam? Coming at you on Sirius XM 99. Raw Dog, and on the Laugh Button Podcast Network. Dan Natterman coming at you. With Noam Dorman, who's in a bit of a mood today.

The owner of the world-famous comedy cellar. We have Periel Ashenbrand here. Who is Periel Ashenbrand? Well, if you're a regular listener, you know she's our producer. If you're really paying attention, you know that we put those in quotes. She sure does. She's a major producer today, boy. Yeah.

She sure did. Because Noam has some issue as to whether what she does is truly production or simply... Oh, it was production. Okay. We also have... I feel like I'm at a family dinner.

We also have with us a very special guest to the Comedy Cellar family, Mr. Mark Cohen. Hi, everybody. Mark was one of the... Maybe the first MC when the Comedy Cellar opened back in the 80s. I don't want to...

Wrong. No. But he was certainly one of the early... I was probably fifth. Runfest. He was early on, and now he is currently and more relevant to today's discussion, I think. He is the house emcee

at Comedy Cellar Vegas at the Rio Hotel. That is correct, and Noam said I've is the house emcee at Comedy Cellar Vegas at the Rio Hotel. That is correct. And Noam said I've been the best emcee that they've ever had there. Well, they do sometimes use other emcees. Exactly. Once a week when you're on your day off on Tuesdays. For the first bit, I didn't take any days off. Well, I did have dinner with Brian, you know, our manager,

and he said... We talked about off the air, actually. Wait, really? No, he said that when you're not there, it's not the same. But that's kind of open-ended. You know what I mean? It's much worse.

Now, when you came to the show, what did you think of the crowd there? I thought the crowd was great. I was annoyed that the sound wasn't quite right, but did you think of the crowd there? I thought the crowd was great. I was annoyed that the sound wasn't quite right, but they fixed it. Did you fix that stuff that I spoke of? Yes, I did. Ugh, COVID.

Nice, Dan. Well, we don't have a cough button or a sneeze button. You keep coughing. Or a tissue. I did it into my shirt and using my hands, a double protective layer. You know, it's funny that you said, because I said, what did you think of the show? And you said, well, the sound was screwed up. It's so funny when you ask different people.

Like, I'll ask the bartender, hey, if I'm not there, I'll come the next day. I'll go, how was the show? And they go, oh, it was great. And I'll go to the comedians. How was the show? It wasn't that good. Because they're looking at different things. You know what I mean?

The bartender wants to sell a lot of drinks, and the comedians want to get laughs. No, I thought the show was great. I mean, I saw it was Nathan McIntosh destroyed. Yeah, that's what I mean? The bartender wants to sell a lot of drinks, and the comedians want to get laughs. I thought the show was great. I mean, I saw it. It was Nathan McIntosh, Destroy. Yeah, that's what I told him. I mean, that set was, I mean, they were a really good crowd that night, too, on top of it. And then apparently somebody got a standing ovation,

John Joseph? John Joseph, yeah, he gets a couple of them. Either that or I get them, but they're leaving. Hello! No, but it doesn't, you know, it's so funny because you see on Facebook or Twitter and the community, another standing ovation, you know, I mean, it doesn't happen though, really does it? Does it happen here? No.

It doesn't. I've never seen a standing ovation. I've seen standing ovations when people get on stage. If it's somebody that like, for example, Jon Stewart, who hadn't performed in years, and then he came here, and I think they stood up when he got on stage. Right. That I have seen, but I have not seen somebody whose performance was just so unbelievable that they gave them a standing ovation. But Jon Joseph was one of the few. It does happen, actually.

Like Marsha, I think Warfield's gotten it a few times. Really? That's great. All right, well, that's it. I'll see you guys tomorrow. I'm just saying it doesn't happen. By the way, I don't know that we've mentioned this before on the podcast. Maybe we have.

But I am somewhat responsible for Mark being the host MC. That's true. Would it have happened anyway? There's, I think, a fair chance that it would happen. He didn't think it would be right away, I don't think. But I was just chatting with Mark. I thought it was Ray Romano's idea. No, I was bothering Mark on Facebook

board. I said, hey, how you doing? On Facebook Messenger, he said, hey, what's up? I said, Noam's opening a club in Vegas. He said, do they need a house emcee? I said, let me inquire. I then said to you, Mark would be into being the house emcee in the Rio. Why did I think it was Ray Romano?

You thought I was Ray Romano. Well, because you're just determined not to give me credit for things large and small. No, I'd be happy to give you credit for that. Maybe you asked Ray if he thought I was a good fit. Maybe you then went to Ray and said, but it wasn't always me. Ray owes me, man. And like I said, it might have happened anyway because he was the obvious

choice. I mean, it's really a beautiful story. Mark was literally homeless in Los Angeles. I had a car, though. Make it dramatic. And he needed a job. His daughter lived in Vegas. That's right.

Yeah, it worked out good. Did it work out good for you? It worked out better for us than it did for you, I think. I don't know if we'd still be in the game without Mark. I can't say. Well, what does Mark bring to the table besides? He works cheap. I work cheap. you know what i'll

tell you one thing i do i do bring and i i noticed this from and it's nothing to do with being funny i bring a fresh i do the same jokes every night but it seems fresh and i'm being serious so it's true it's it's that's a big thing about comedy well also it's nice to have mark there because even if you don't know anybody else or you're not friends with anybody else, at least coming from my perspective, I know I have Mark. So oftentimes, Esty will book me with people that I don't know or don't know very well. I know I have Mark. Unfortunately, Mark and I were supposed to have breakfast, and he stood me up because he said there was traffic. I've never had anybody

say they couldn't hang out because of traffic. It's a 10 minute drive and I sat in traffic for half an hour and I was about to get off the exit and I go, I'm just going to go to the next exit. I'll beat this traffic. And I got to the next exit and it says it's closed and it brought me back. It started bringing me back to where I left

from and I called him up. I said, I can't do it. You're 16 miles on your battery was out? Yeah. He has a hybrid that gets 16 miles on a battery. But what I want... But it gets me back and forth to the real. But if it were Mike Babiglia, would you have tried for one more accident? Considering I don't know him, I'd probably...

Oh, shit. I forgot to send his email today. I know him, but... Fuck. I think he was... All right. We'll talk about it. Noam, one question I had as long as we're discussing vegas and i think it's a an interesting discussion is why do you you seem to rely very heavily on acts from las vegas now there's i know you're are trying to save money and i appreciate that. Actually, I think that's, it was never like that. And it was COVID, I think, forced the hand.

Yeah, it was COVID, yeah. And so these acts became, you know, stronger. I'm not sure why we're still doing it. I didn't give any orders. And we're not really. I don't think, when you were there, how many? When I was there, it was me and Jackie were the New York acts. And then every other act was Vegas.

One of them was Michael Yeo was probably there. Michael Yeo. And he lives in Vegas. Well, that's what I mean by local acts. Yeah, but he's an L. I mean, he happened to move there. Well, but nobody's from Vegas. They all move there.

Mark's saying that he plays all over the country. I'm not saying these aren't good acts. No, no, I know you're not. I'm not saying they're not. I'm just saying if the idea is to recreate on some level the New York experience, and maybe that's not even a worthy objective. No, I think it just happened to be.

We haven't stopped. I never told Esty not to book the from New York, L.A. And I also believe that some of the comedians from New York might not want to. You still are leery of. Well, they've heard your jokes. Well, look, there's a couple. No, I'm checking. There's a couple of categories of comedians. Well, basically, there's

comedians that are too, shall we say... Established. Established to work for that money. It's decent money. But it's just not good enough. It's not enough to get Birbiglia out there, obviously. It's not enough to get... I don't there, obviously. It's not enough to get...

I don't even know if Ryan Hamilton will go out there for that. He was. He's been out a couple of times. Has he been out recently? He just doesn't like to say no. He's too nice. He's too nice. But I don't know what the minimum level of comic is

that's willing to go to Vegas for the money. And it's not bad money. But I'm trying to decide... What do you get? I'm not going to discuss money. I'm kidding. But Noam, what do you think of the fact

that the Vegas club does not mimic the New York club and would it be worth maybe spending a little bit more from time to time to bring out some acts that might not otherwise go? Okay, I'm going to say it again.

I think I answered it three times already, which is that during COVID, because we were traveling and stuff, Esty hooked in with some local acts and we're not, she's not under orders now to limit. I think she's using Michael Biel because he's the best act around for the week. Sometimes she puts five acts on instead of four. So it's not a money.

Yeah. Like this week during Skank Fest, it's like, Olkerson is out. A lot of people are out there this week. Next month? Next week. Next month, yeah. They did it yesterday at the Underground. You know what's funny about COVID, too?

These acts that you're talking about that went up a level, a lot of them went up a level during COVID, because they were online and doing all that stuff, covid because they were you know they were busy online and doing all that stuff so when they started covid they were club acts and then by the time they were done they were theater acts or whatever do you know what i mean they were selling yes some people fit into that category no i'm texting something i don't know if it's to do with i'm gonna check i'm gonna check the lineup no no i'm not like you dan who just like tunes out when he's

not interested. Wait. Yeah, Dan does that? I just got a text. It's like a power play. Just got a text from no one. Well, it's the only power I have. But, yeah, I don't think it's true anymore. But it could be that some of the people that you know or whatever don't want to fly. People that are good acts here in New York,ork too are making a good living here just by

staying here i would well no nobody nobody makes a good living just in new york really i don't think so i mean because i used to do it when there was no nothing yeah but that was a different era really i don't think comics make a living in new york anymore with the exception of comics that do a lot of mc work, and they're not making great money. They're making a living. But it's quantity of money. I mean, you're staying home.

I mean, it's really good money for people that aren't in comedy, too, by the way. You know what I mean? If people knew what an MC was making, they'd be going, holy shit, I'm going to do that. You know what I mean? So it's... Well... No? I don't know about that.

Really? Well, you know, I don't know what MCs make. Oh, but how can you say that? And also, if they're emceeing every single show during the weekend at the Cellar, which would be pretty... Good money, I would imagine. Yeah, but nobody's doing that.

I don't know. I couldn't tell you that. It looks like to me they're using the same MCs in a good way because they're good emcees. Keith Robinson used to do that. He used to emcee like every almost every show. John Laster, right?

Is that how they're called? Yeah, he emcees a few. Anyway, so the point you're trying to make is that it's not worth it for them to go to Las Vegas necessarily. Yeah. But some people want to go because they're doing 14 shows of 20 minutes and they get to work on their act. Do you...

I just emailed Essie that Natterman's complaining about the act. I hope you really didn't. I really did. No, did you really? I really did. No, what did you say? We said it on the air for the whole... Yeah, but Essie doesn't listen to this show. And also... I wasn't complaining. I was just saying, asking you

a question. Is it an objective of yours to mimic the New York experience? I just had a... She'll discuss it with you. I don't want to discuss it with me. I hope you really didn't do that. I did. Well, what did you say? You said you complained.

Natalie wants to know why we're using the same local acts so often when the locals in Vegas won't come. And ironically, I had lunch today with Esty, who's the greatest. No, but she's told me she's sending all kinds of new... So there is a new group, you know,

new comics coming that are working here that are, you know... That are going to go to Vegas. So you're not coming back. She asked me to tell you. I don't know that I'm... The irony is rich because Dan's not afraid of saying things on the air that might harm my business, right?

Why do you have to say tired acts every week in Vegas? I didn't say that. You didn't tell us I said so, did you? I didn't say they were tired acts.. You didn't tell us. I said so, didn't you? I didn't say they were tired, Axe. I say you're relying heavily on local Axe. He thinks that because it's New York, get me right, and you're trying to recreate it. Well, if they're trying to recreate it, but maybe they're not trying to recreate it. Before corporate, we were sending out four Axe a week.

Yeah. And there might have always been one local Axe. No, there wasn't. There wasn't always one. No, never. There wasn't. And the local Axe, by the way. And the local Axe are doing the job. Mars one. And the local acts, by the way.

Marsha Warfield, Michael Yo. People that have been doing it for, you know. No, to the extent that the local acts, and I hope this is what's been going on, the local acts deserve to be in the mix. That's fine, right? And not only that, once, I believe, and I could be wrong, it was once they, if they hadn't been to the New York club, but they're in our club, they're kind of

forwarded on in their past and come here and work, and they do well. Rocky Dale Davis was doing a lot. My mom's great. Me and my mom, we have a weird relationship, though. My mom almost died giving birth to me when I was born, but we both almost died. Because at birth, I was 10 pounds, 8 ounces. So, yeah, been tearing the pussy up ever since. You know, So, hey.

What happened with Rocky Dale Davis? I haven't seen him in a while. He was at the club a lot in Vegas. I haven't seen him. Why, what happened? Dan complained about him to Esty. He said, why is Rocky Dale Davis here every week? I was the first Jew he ever met, too, Rocky Dale Davis.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. That's our first impression. Are they all as nice as you? Mark. So, Noam, why do you use all the vocal acts? Can I ask you? And why do you use the local acts in New York?

Why don't you bring people from Vegas to New York? That's a good idea. Can you write Esty? Well, they do go on when they come here. Yes. When we get to the politics. Yeah, let's do it. What do you think happened today there?

Well, hold on. Something happened? What? Nobody knows even. Well, I think there's something that happened with Trump today. But, you know, we have a very special guest, Mark Cohen, and we should discuss. I know your question is, why do they use local? I know.

I, you know, it's funny because I booked a local axe, but I tell them they make $50 less than they do. So when I make you scan, I scan the money off the top. Mark took me to the pinball hall the pinball hall of fame you were in Vegas the week before what now why

it was so awesome and a machine you did like it right yeah I loved it I said you know I want to go I used to love this machine the Black Lagoon

and we looked to the left there's the Black Lagoon machine that I used to play with my friend Wig it was really sentimental to see all those old pinball machines but as soon as he said

he goes I used to play with Wig and we looked to the left and it was sitting right and the ghost of Wig, it was really sentimental to see all those old pinball machines. But as soon as he said it, he goes, I used to play with Wig. And we looked to the left and it was sitting right there. And the ghost of Wig was playing at the machine. Now, why did you go to Vegas the week before I was in Vegas rather than the week that I was there? I think you've answered that. Should I take it personally? No, I couldn't go the following week.

I forget why at this point, but I wanted to. I couldn't. I had to go that week. It would have been worse if you were there that week and you still didn't see. Was it this week? School started. There was some reason I couldn't go. The following week was not good for me.

Okay. Because it is a somewhat lonely experience for me in Las Vegas. I can't rely on Mark. I was sick, too, a couple days that week or something, or I didn't come a couple days that week. Well, you had come to New York. Oh, that's what it was. How unlonely is your regular life experience?

For some reason, in New York, well, first of all, when I come here, it's more of an evening for me. Vegas, again, I'm not necessarily friends with the other people that are being booked on the show. The days seem longer for some reason. I mean, you're right. Here, I don't do much during the day either necessarily. But you're home.

But I'm home, and it's just very, very different than being in a hotel room. See, that's the other thing is if I had a chance to make whatever money in Vegas and made $500 by sleeping in my own bed, back in the day when I was on the road, I would have rather stayed in my own bed. Right. Just like because you wake up, you're not doing anything, but you're in your house. It does.

Some people enjoy it too, just being in hotels. I hate it. I also feel more anxiety uh i feel more at home here in terms of the shows and so there is that extra level of anxiety i feel in vegas because the audience is it's a vega i don't know if i feel this is like my house and when i'm performing here there's's almost no anxiety, which for me is rare. But in Vegas, when I'm performing, I just feel like, I don't know, this could go badly. It typically does not. You know what amazes me?

And I'm probably not wording it right, but the fear kind of of comics that haven't worked here that want to work here. And so they could be killing all week, and then somebody will come in to watch them to get here, and they they could be killing all week and then somebody will come in to watch them to get here and they tighten up you know yeah it's kind of funny you know i mean it's and and i've known you guys for so long but when i mentioned esty's name or somebody come here oh you know that you could see him get frightened or whatever yeah but you had one set it was like i don't know it's a long time ago already but when you hadn't performed in a while i remember

and you came in and we put you on in the cellar, and you were so fucking nervous, and you bombed. Did I really? Oh my God, you don't remember? But how's it been going this week? This week, I did good. Because you were nervous.

In Vegas, you're like, what am I going to do? But it is true. Now you're in practice again. But you know what? I'm not because it's a different bone that I'm smoking in Vegas. No, because I'm doing, I'm used, so I do eight to ten

minutes. So even I'm here when ten minutes was up, my clock went, oh, I'm done. Do you know what I mean? Even though I could have done thirteen minutes. Yeah, Liz told me you got off. It gets shorter every time she tells a story to me. But I thought he was giving me the light. You know, I thought

Che, anyways, but I was ready to get off anyway. And it was Michael Che was waiting to get off anyway by the way and it was michael chay was waiting he i saw him in the hallway so i saw him under the get off mark yeah yeah and i was doing well too i was like i'm gonna get up believe it or not it's kind of funny because me coming here is dangerous kind of do you know what i mean because i do a good job in vegas but i could come here and you know i've been here a long time and if i bomb you're not gonna get me but you know what i mean it's like yeah it's like I have a nice job I could have left it alone and not done anything but but how do people it's to me looking back here too in the New York club I'll bet it seems to me

that you don't have bad shows here do you know I'm I'm sure you do because it's comedy well do you have bad shows in Vegas I mean no no I mean that. This week there was one show that was kind of rowdy. They're rowdy. They're different drunken in Vegas. Rowdy here, rowdy in Vegas. No, in Vegas there was one show that was really particularly rowdy. Was it Friday night for a second show or something? A Saturday second show?

Do you know what it is? Because on the website you talked about, we have sometimes a party of 20 and then a party of 18 and then a bachelor party of 10. So it's hard. They're talking. And you just kind of have to go with it. Because people sometimes, can you swear on this?

Yeah, it's the internet. It's like you see people that don't know how to deal with it kind of. Where's the swear? Hey, fuck you. But that's what they'll do. They'll just say, hey, I'm going to do that. And all of a sudden, you just say, fuck you.

It's like, oh, Jesus. No, I mean, try a joke first or something. I'm impressed that you'd planned out what you were going to say that far in advance. There were three sentences before the swear. Hey, can I say the C word? Here in New York, this is something that's probably only done, I've never heard this being done anywhere ever in any context. The New York club will not allow groups of more than eight.

Is the number eight? But that's why I said I'd read that. I mean, that's a great. Any group more than eight, you cannot make a reservation for more than eight. Right. Now, say you're a group of 16 and want to all come together. You can try to make two groups of reservations for eight, and maybe you'll get away with it. No, we catch you.

We don't let you in. But how do you catch them? Well, they know each other. They give it away. Yeah, you see them. Okay, but... Or we'll make sure they're opposites. The point is large groups can be disruptive.

And at the same time... But in Vegas, they're allowed. And sometimes the large groups are great. I mean, so, you know, it's like.... In Vegas it's hard because they've already bought tickets. It's impossible. Also in Vegas you don't have the security that you have here in New York. Here in New York, Noam is on top

of it. It's his people that he hired that he gives the instructions how to police the room. In Vegas the Rio does everything and the Rio doesn't do it to your status. It's not a free-for-all either by the way. Don't come to the Rio and scream shit. But, you know, it's also, they get drunker in Vegas, I think, because people... Well, also, another thing that's crazy about the cellar is there's a three-drink maximum.

Right? Is that correct? Yes, yes, that's correct. So, another complete cellar innovation that doesn't exist anywhere else on planet Earth is a three-drink maximum, which I'm assuming doesn't exist in Vegas. If the person's drunk. I mean, cut them off. You're right. Vegas is just a poor imitation.

It's a different animal. People are passing out. Are you happy that you opened the Vegas room? No, it's a two-puke minimum. Here, you can only puke three times. Listen, I went out to Vegas last week, and I saw shows that I thought were almost identical to the comedy, so I thought it was great.

The shows are really great. And I say that to Esty. I'm the emcee. If it wasn't me, the show would still be great because the acts are great. No, no, no. Mark's a huge part of it. We don't have a big problem with people being drunk

in Vegas from time to time, but it's Vegas, you know? You gotta, no. Mark's a huge part of it. We don't have a big problem with people being drunk in Vegas from time to time, but it's Vegas, you know? You got to, yes. I mean, unless, and I call them, we never get bad hecklers. Like, you stink. It's always like, you know, people yelling because they're enjoying it. You know what I mean? But wasn't there a guy who came in and said something about your mother?

Of course. What did he say? He said, I fucked your mother. I fucked your mother. I said, shut up, Dad. Are you? I changed that, too. I fucked your sister. I said, shut up, Dad. Are you? I changed that, too. I fucked your sister.

Welcome to the Byron Allen Show. Getting back to my question, are you, in retrospect, glad, upset, or indifferent that you opened a comedy cellar? I'm happy I opened a comedy cellar in Vegas. I think, by the way, there's a few comedy clubs in Vegas. Our club, or your club, I should say. Our club. Our club.

Not Dan's. Our. It's a destination. As opposed to the other clubs. The other clubs are good. Blah, blah, blah. It's people walking by and go, I see a comedy club. I'm going to go in.

The Cellar, they're going there. That's why the audiences are better. But is that true? Because some of the other clubs do headlining shows, meaning there's one big name. So Brad Garrett will be at his club. Brad's at his club, but that's not the same thing as having a headliner come in. So my beef with Vegas is just that since COVID

and the Rio has been short-staffed, and that's what I went out to Vegas for, to meet with the suits and see if we can get... See, the Rio is a really cool place. It's getting older, but they just sold it. I think it would be so cool if your club stayed there and the Rio became... Well, that's what I was about to say. That it's sold to this company called Dreamscape, which is related to the Hyatt.

So I think the Hyatt's going to be taking over. And I expect to see a big improvement in the service aspects of the club. Not that they're terrible or anything. It's just by my standards, they're not good. I don't know if this is your doing, but the servers are the same now, and the security are the same, and both have...

The security's really nice there. They both increased in quality, too, because people come in different every day. They don't know how to... It's hard to tell somebody to shut up. Yeah. Kind of in an audience. Not for my wife.

My favorite is a couple of nights, a couple of weeks ago, I came out and go, hey everybody, how you doing? And they're, boring. And then like,

that's the only thing I said, boring, I didn't even say anything. And it was you. That was when you were there. But you, I mean, I think you thought it was going to be Vegas

and I'm going to go to Vegas, right? No, personally, I thought I would enjoy going to Vegas more. That has been. But that's also traveling has been tough, too. No, even before COVID. I burnt out on going to Vegas very quickly. When you did the zip line. Yeah.

I just thought I'm going to have fun. I'm going to go to Vegas, strip clubs, blah, blah, blah. Strip clubs? I don't know. I'm just like, it's the first thing that came to my mind. Well, you're not a gambler. I'm giving a no on my lap dance right now. You can't see it.

I'm not a gambler. You didn't gamble at all any time you've been there? I have not gambled a single time. Except on the club. Except on the club, yeah. Do you frequent strip clubs? No, I haven't been. I thought it would be fun, you know. Really? I would imagine you don't like strip clubs? No, I haven't, but I thought it'd be fun, you know.

Really? I would imagine you don't like strip clubs, do you? I don't like them. I'm not against them, but ultimately it's... I went to a strip club with Dan one time. Oh, really? First of all, they come at you to get lap dances, and if you're not prepared to...

And they sit on your lap. Yeah, that's literally the job. That's called a lap dance. But before they give're not prepared to and they sit on your lap yeah that's like literally the job but before they give you a lap dance they sit on your lap because they're like trying to like get you to get a lap dance and then you can't like be yeah but hold on a second then now i'm in an awkward situation because they jump on my lap hey how you doing and i'm like yeah you know i really i'm sorry i don't want a lap dance they're like what did i ask if you wanted a lap dance what do you think I'm ugly? Yeah, well, I never heard that. But if you tell them you're not really interested,

they just get all like, oh, well, I didn't ask you. They get pissy, and it's awkward. Because they wasted time with you. But that's why I try to tell them. On the one hand, I want to be nice. On the other hand, I don't want to waste their time. So the right move is as soon as they get on my lap to say, look, I'm not spending money. But then they cop an attitude there, I don't want to waste their time. So the right move is as soon as they get on my lap to say, look, I'm not spending

money. But then they cop an attitude there too. But why are you going to strip clubs if you don't want lap dance? I was at it with Noam. So why are you at strip clubs if you don't want lap dance? I didn't say I didn't want a lap dance. He wants to know why they're local strippers.

I just wish they'd leave me alone. I don't mind having a drink, talking with friends, and watching the woman on the main stage, as they call it, but I don't like when they come at you. Right.

You want to watch and not be physically. Have you ever heard, besides Dan, have you ever heard of anybody going to a strip club and having a fight with a stripper? I'm not having a fight. My friend once made a... I'm not having a fight. My friend once made it. I'm not having a fight. They get pissy. They do get pissy. Yeah, I've never seen a pissy stripper.

I've never seen anybody drive a stripper to the point of pissiness. That's amazing. Well, because I don't waste their time. I tell them up front, hey, you're wasting, you know, but they don't like that. So you probably get suckered into a lap dance. So... How much is a lap dance?

I don't know, $30? Do you not like lap dances? They don't do you much good. Well, they can. Let me finish. One time, well, I didn't finish. One time at a strip club early on

in my comedy career, I was in Vegas, and the woman said to me, do you want to come to the champagne room? You won't regret it. I said, well, what goes on there? She goes, trust me. I thought it was some code word for, you know, a handjob, whatever. $300 later,

three lame lap dances later, thank you. And what am I going to do? Complain? I have no legal leg to stand on. She said you wouldn't regret it. If you regretted it. I suppose. I don't know if that's legally binding.

But you said you had so many things to say. Well, I mean, I'm looking at you, Dan. I'm just going to let it all go. I would just say the following. I went to a strip club with Dan, and he was extremely uncomfortable. And he started playing air guitar. Well, his music was playing, I play air guitar. He was like, this is the table.

And then, the strip club, you can jog my memory. The strip club was, we were like the only ones there. Well, I don't remember that. And it's like everybody was coming over to us, and Dan was really awkward. Oh, because there was all the girls. Yeah, yeah. It was in Vegas?

I thought it was in New York. Wherever it was. It was really weird. And Dan was, the air guitar is what I really remember, and Stuart was looking like, what the fuck? You sure he was playing air guitar? I was expecting a better story than air guitar. Do you not enjoy it?

I don't want to insult you. Do you not enjoy it because you're not getting off or because you don't want to spend the money or because you don't actually enjoy the life? I don't want to spend. $30 a pop can add up very quickly. I thought it was $10. It's $20.

They raise it for $30. $20? What do you need $5 for? You know, that could... For a dance, it doesn't really get you anywhere, if I may. Well, a few of them might get you somewhere. I mean, depending on where you're trying to get.

Yeah, somewhere. You're trying to have a happy ending, it sounds like. You know, look, no, lap dance. Okay, Nicole's put something up on the screen there. Average price of lap dance is $20. In New York? That's in New York.

That's probably cheaper. Yeah, I guess so. Well, that is from 2015, though. That's a good price, too, 2015. Nice, Nicole. That's a good price, too, 2015. Nice, Nicole. There you go. Oh, and private lessons. Oh, group classes.

Now, I wonder if it's the quality of the place, too. I mean, maybe at a nicer... You're holding back. Was there something else I was doing that you found to be worth mentioning? I'm just wondering about what's real. Like the whole picture, Dan, the saying things. I was at dinner with some friends yesterday with somebody else. And these are famous people.

And they said to... He's not famous. The issue came out of what it means to be on the spectrum and I began to research I've done this before like what what the what the checklist

is of being on the spectrum and I would say that Dan is not actually he's not a prime candidate for being on the spectrum okay I mean was that the supposition were people saying that I was on the spectrum quite Okay, I mean, I... Was that the supposition of what people were saying that I was on the spectrum? Quite a bit. Yeah, they do say that, but...

You're really pissed about what he said about the Rio, huh? But the things that would put you on the spectrum are... Yeah, what... Well, okay. Are they broad strokes? Strokes? Yeah.

People that don't like lap dances are on the spectrum. I don't think most people like lap dances. It's a waste of money. Some people like... I guess people get them, so I guess they must like them. It doesn't seem like an overwhelmingly

prudent use of $20 to me. This is mild. Social awkwardness. They may not understand the back and forth nature of conversations. Unintentionally talking too much about themselves and not interested in talking about other people. I don't know.

That's no. That could be a yes. You're a little socially awkward. By talking about myself as opposed to others. You'll lose it. You'll start looking at your phone with someone else. But having said that, you say, oh shit, this is going to be looking good. But then the next one is difficulty understanding jokes or sarcasm. Well, that's clearly not the case, right?

Challenges making or keeping friends. You have a good job keeping friends, right? You don't have trouble keeping friends, do you? No, I do not. I don't think you do. No, I do not. But I wasn't aware that I was being like we're discussing No, I do not. But I wasn't aware that I was being, like we're discussing, is Dan on the spectrum?

But I wasn't aware that I, that people considered that I was on the spectrum. Like you're making an argument. Well, I'm trying not to think you're a dick. So I'm looking for some excuse. What did I say that was dickish? Other than your constant insults of me, what have I said to you that was dickish? No.

This is not the first time on the podcast you've said things that might put me in a bad light. Edit it out! Edit it out! We either get gold or you edit it out. You know, it's so funny because you're probably sensitive to it now. Or he wasn't that

clear and i kind of understood what he was saying thank you mark but at the same time i could understand why he thought you were an asshole what was i saying i thought you were saying it's like if you're recreating i said new york capital i why wouldn't you use i'm saying i'm trying to understand you use a lot of local people they do a a great job. And it's more cost-effective. We've had countless incidents like this. And it's more cost-effective. But look at this too, there. On the other hand, it seems to be that there's a lot of... Back and forth conversation.

Back and forth conversation. It seems to be there's a lot of people that work here that don't work Vegas. Is it because they don't want to? Is it because... I don't want to be your friend anymore. Do you have sensitivity to bright lights? Bright humor. Strong smells? Could you put your phone down?

Avoidance of eye contact? So let's discuss... Now we're getting into something that could be interesting. You feel that I said something to you that... that was insulting and or potentially prejudicial to your business.

And I would say to you, edit it out, or it could be interesting. Yes, it could be interesting. But you said, okay, there was one time. No, I don't want to tell the story. Oh, you're fucking Taz again? That was fucking 30 years ago. This is my favorite podcast ever.

That was fucking 30 fucking years ago. There's a better story. Sorry, Dan. I don't want to put you into like full paul mccurio mode remember when we had that fight yeah what's a better story but just just give me the broad strokes and i'll tell you if you have permission i was sitting with i think it was dana perino the the bush's former press secretary dana perino and uh i was she was eating oh i don't and you came upstairs from the bathroom and you said something

to me. What did I say? About what? About the guy, the employee in the bathroom you saw. That he didn't do something? He said something in front of this woman. I'm with Dana Perino. He walks right up to me and he says, no, I'm in the

bathroom. The employees need to wash their hands. Or stop making the soup in there. She was a press secretary, not a health to me and he says, no, I'm going to send the bathroom. The employees need to wash their hands. Or stop making the soup in there. She's a press secretary, not a health inspector. She's eating! Call me aside! Whoa! Holy shit. But it was the dishwasher. It wasn't anybody preparing the food.

But it's still not okay. I was like, whatever. That was the ultimate example. That was something you would think you would keep just between us. Okay, I'm taking it. You can understand. I'm taking it and I'm processing it. It was an infraction.

I don't think a grave infraction. And then the Taz stories. Well, forget the Taz stories. I want to know the Taz stories. Forget the Taz stories. The Taz story is so old. Let's cut out. I apologize. You know, there's got to be a point in which.

It's funny. You brought it up. Yeah, because I knew you were about to bring it up. Let's cut out. I knew you were about to bring it up, but there's got to be a point where a man serves his time. Okay, but listen. Let's cut out the insults about the Rio and tell me the Taz story. All we have.

Put it in. How many times have I said something really ridiculous happened to me that was unpleasant? But at least I have the story. The stories are a big mitigating thing for various things that happen to you in life. A good story is something that you... I'll tell the Taz story

because I feel if I tell it, I'm taking it back. I'm reclaiming it. Okay. Don't mess it up. Noam was with a very attractive young girl. Do you want to see a picture of her? Fake news.

She was a young girl. This is before my wife. This is like, you know. Five minutes. A young girl, much younger than he was, of generous proportions. A caramel-colored goddess, if you will. And we were just talking, and this is Taz, and Noam at some point said,

we're dating, or at some point it became clear that they were dating, and I said, I don't know what got into me. Oh, boy. I said, does she now,

in front of both Taz and Noam, I said, Let me finish. I said, does she know how old you are in front of them both? You did it wrong I want to see the picture

that's not fair he's going to become a hero in the story that's what happened I can only say that I don't know what got into me I don't recognize the person that said that I said does she know how old you are that's what it was

what am I missing? Let me throw it. The thing is, in these pictures, she looks like a model, right? But actually, when she was a regular customer on the wall at the time, and she actually, you know. Maybe I thought it was funny. There was a big age difference. She actually didn't present like any of these people.

She actually presented like a wholesome. I say the following things in my defense. But let me say the following things in my defense. Let me tell the story. I probably thought it was funny, and I figured she must know how old you are, so it's just a goofy thing. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Of course I did. I know you don't lie about your age.

This is what happened. But that's what happened. What I said what happened is what happened. Okay, I was probably 39, 40 at the time, I'm guessing. So this happened 40 years ago? And she had to be, I don't know how old she was. The question is, I don't know how old she was was but she was old enough to be a customer of the wall and um

she was really that much younger than you 20 years maybe 15 15ish could have been 15 20 years anyway so I didn't know

and I didn't and she wouldn't tell me right um and we didn't but anyway we were sitting at the table and um

so Dan walks over and sits down and this is what she was like dressed up but he'd never seen her dressed like that. So how did it go? He looked at me. And he looked at her.

And then he went, and he looked at me. And he goes, does she know how old you are? Oh, that's so much different than the story I told. It was the double take. That was so much different. It was like, does she know how old you are? The double take. Was that the first time?

And it was really worth a five-minute detour for that additional detail, does she know how, the double take. Was that the first time? And it was really worth a five minute detour for that additional detail. Does she know how old you are? Now, for that additional detail, it needed five minutes of you going,

telling a story. I'm not a professional like you, but he was not a joke. It was actually, it was an ex, he wasn't trying to hurt you. Well, first of all, you don't know what I was trying to do.

He ejaculated it, as I was saying. He's like, does she know all your... I assume that she did. No one doesn't lie about his age. Did you break up? Was that it? We never dated. They went on, continued to whatever they were doing before. You took her, Viagra, and went to bed. No, after what Dan said, the whole thing fizzled out.

No, it didn't. I did not... I mean, I guess intentions are more important than outcome, but it did not damage the nature of a relationship. It didn't matter. Now, you might say

that that doesn't exculpitate me, whatever the word is. No, it doesn't exculpitate. Because I don't recognize the person that... You ever do something and you don't even... Nicole.

Yes? You ever, like, you look back at your youth and you say to yourself, I don't recognize that girl. Yes? You ever, like, you look back at your youth and you say to yourself, I don't recognize that girl that I once... Well, how did I... Right? You've done that.

Yeah, of course. Thank you. Okay. Well, that's what I would say. And no one brings this up every time. I didn't bring it up. You brought it up. No, you were about to bring it up.

I wasn't. I was going to bring it up. Of course you were. You said, Dan's done some things. I wanted to bring it up. And I know that that's your favorite story. Have you guys ever thought of splitting this into two podcasts?

I wanted to bring up the... So anyway... You wanted to bring up the hand washing thing. Do you remember any of the other instances where Dan says stuff on the air?

No, maybe Nicole does. We ask questions on the air. He's like, Dan, why would you ask that on the air? I'm trying to be provocative. It's for the good of the podcast. But if you don't like it, edit it out.

That is true. I think he does try to. Edit it out. Listen, Nicole, you take out the part about Tess. Do you edit this? No. We have to. If needs be, we edit it.

From time to time. If needs be. Yes, we do. All right. We try not to. We try not to. Anyway, Mark Cohen is in New York. What brings you to town, Mark Cohen?

Well, I did a couple sets at the comedy show, but my daughter is a, she likes Broadway musicals and writes musicals, so she went to a couple musicals, and we went to a presentation of a new Broadway show that they're looking for investors. Well, maybe no one would like to invest in a Broadway show. Would you ever invest in a Broadway show?

No way, right? First of all, I don't like everybody thinks I have that kind of money Broadway show. Would you ever invest in a Broadway show? No way, right? First of all, I don't like everybody thinks I have that kind of money. Oh, so you want to do two Broadway shows? I would never invest in a Broadway show. Well, not every investor is going to put in $5 million. $100,000! It costs a lot of money. Well, how much is the least you can invest?

Can you get in for $100,000? I have this much. $70,000? No, I have no idea. But it depends how many people invest, I imagine. If there's one guy giving $5 million, then they only need two people giving half a million or whatever. No, I'm going to swing a half, Meg.

I'm not investing in a stupid Broadway show. It's not a stupid Broadway show. It's called The Fiddler on the Sidewalk. It's a lower rent version. Mark is a great father from what I can see. It's a Jewish show. It's a lower rent version. Mark is a great father from what I can see. It's a Jewish show. It's called Rent. And one thing I've noticed is comedians.

Mark Cohen is the lead in Rent, did you know? That's the lead character's name. Oh, really? Yeah. Comedians. I got the greatest stories, don't I? Comedians, even the nutty ones, with one exception whose name I won't mention, their children always seem to be very well

adjusted and well behaved and respectful and... So hilarious. I think I know who you were talking about. Who's not well adjusted? I'm saying there's one kid, comedian kid, that I don't... I've had bad interactions with. Provocative. That you won't say?

Of course I won't say. But because... I don't you be provocative? Of course I won't say. But I don't want to go after a child. Wait, that sounded worse. But I've found comedians seem to do a pretty good job raising kids, it seems to me, in my... Are you showing the... Oh, I know who it was. Let me see what's... Was that right?

That's correct. And Mark's child is no exception. My kid is great. You know, it's funny because... She's woke. She's woke. She's very... She's the opposite of me. You know, I can't...

You can't say anything. She doesn't smoke weed. She doesn't drink. I mean, what the hell? No. But it is funny. I think kids kind of are the opposite of what their parents do. My parents didn't party or weren't funny or anything.

Your parents were not funny? My father was funny, kind of, but not really, no. Like you. I think you, you know, there is. No, he had jokes. Well, I think there are some kids that want to follow in their parents' footsteps, and there are some kids that want to rebel and are disgusted by what their parents are doing. I imagine you're similar to your parents, though, without me.

No, I think I had a reaction. Like, the house was not full of laughter and levity, and it was too full of seriousness, and I think I reacted. It wasn't a light and airy place, and I think that that was how I reacted against it in my case. But I think there are cases, there are many comedians who have kids that want to do comedy. And, you know, that happens a lot.

We'll see what happens as to whether Noam's kids want to be musicians. But so far they seem to be. Did that start at a young age for you? Did you notice that there was not a lot of lightness and laughter and levity? Were you always funny? I don't know if I noticed, but I always tried to. Was I always funny? My teachers would

certainly tell you I was not. What would your classmates tell you? They would say I was funny. I imagine in high school you were quiet. No, I wouldn't have been quiet at all. I got a call from my kid's teacher today. He's saying bad words. He's saying, like, what the? See, I imagine in high school you would apply it. No, I would have not applied it at all. I got a call from my kid's teacher today. My Juanita did. He's saying bad words.

He's saying like, what the? What the? What the F? What the F? But he doesn't say the full F. He says, what the F? And then he said, there's some women dancing together. He said something about, are there going to be lesbians?

So he is like you. Yeah. So did you have a discussion with him? Juanita did. I mean, I don't know. So when he says that, is he just asking a question? He wants attention. He's nine.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I wanted attention. Perhaps I wasn't getting the kind of attention at home also. So I reacted in that way. But some kids who have a different home life might want to imitate their parents. And your daughter

is imitating you insofar as she's going into and her mother in that you're both performers and she is a performer or wants to be or is. So in that way she's emulating you. Yeah, she writes musicals. It's pretty amazing, actually.

And what do you write? I wrote The Sheck of Bavakasha. He wrote The Elvis Premature Ejaculation Joke. People love that. Quail's an Idiot is mine. Can we hear The Elvis? I mean, I don't want to put you on the spot. I'm a fae mean, I don't want to put you on the... I'm a fae waiter. I don't want to put you on the spot.

Can you do the Elvis premature ejaculation joke? Well, it's a one. Oh, Jesus. Look at that all over my blue suede shoes. Priscilla. And Mark is a musician, too, by the way. Mark's a great musician. I have four. Do you know I have four CDs out of music? Yeah, you have to the way. Mark's a great musician. I have four. Do you know I have four CDs out of music?

Yeah, you have to edit them together to make a great. That's what I told you. So we were at the, I met Mark in Vegas and I'm like, I have edibles. I'm like, Mark, you want an edible? How many milligrams? He's like, I said, it's 10. He goes, I won't even feel that.

I said, I'll have to eat five of them. I won't even feel that. I need 50. I literally need 50 in order to get high. I'm like, all right. Well, he says, I'll have to eat five of them. I wouldn't even feel that. I need 50. I literally need 50 in order to get high. I'm like, alright. Well, he says, I'll take one. Apparently, he was so fucked up. I felt it. The other comedians had to give him a support system

just to get through the show. Sometimes I play it up. But I did feel it. Well, you might not know what milligrams mean because you're not used to smoking in terms of milligrams. You're used to just smoking in terms of the amount of hits of a bowl. Different companies, too, I think affect you differently, how they're made. Is there anything to the indica-sativa dichotomy?

I've read that that was just mostly mythology. No, I think it's real. You know, there was a couple weeks ago, I'd smoke, and I would feel my body racing. I called up my dealer. I go, because I always smoke indica and i go what was it because i was sativa and i was like and so i switched back and it didn't it stopped doing it so there is something to it obviously and people don't like most comedians i find don't like sativa because they get too wired you know and nicole are you are you what was yours was that a sativa

or indica maybe it was sativa and that indica? Maybe it was a sativa, and that's why I felt it more, too, maybe. I think it was the one that people like more. Indica? Yeah, I think so. Is there one that's like, supposedly isn't one that's supposed to be the giggly-er one, and the other's supposed to be a mellow-er?

One is a body, supposedly. Indica's like a couch lock, they call it, where you just sit on the couch and do nothing, and a sativa is supposed to be you can clean the house and blah, blah, blah. I cannot function when I smoke. I can't get through a paragraph i can't remember what i said i can't function when i don't smoke so weird but you know the truth is i have been smoking so long i don't feel it kind of you know what i mean so my father was like that yeah so so why do you

smoke it if there's no effect because i'm a it's an it's an addiction i would's an addiction, I would imagine. It's an addiction. So, I mean, you just feel a craving. I just do it, you know. I've actually tried to get up and go to the bathroom a little bit and I'm like, oh, take a hit of weed while I'm up for the bathroom. It's just stupid. You realize.

Well, after my father died, for probably a few years, I was finding stashes of weed around his house. Really? Here, there, in the closet, in his vest, you know, jacket pocket. We used to have to, remember, we'd have to smoke, like, in the kitchen, you know, during, you know, back in the, I mean, you couldn't smoke anywhere. Now, it's amazing, though, when you walk down the street here, just reeks of weed. It's crazy, kind, when you walk down the street here, just reeks of weed. It's crazy, kind of.

Now, people's lives were just totally forfeited because they got caught smoking weed, and now it's nothing. Yeah, and some of them are still in... I think most of them probably left out. Well, the people that got arrested were the people selling it. Not that that's any less unjust.

When I first moved to Vegas 20 years ago, too, I was doing a show called The Rat Pack is Back, and I lived in the Sahara, and I would get high all the time in my room. I was there two years, and I finally got a knock on the door. It was a security hotel, and I said, they go, are you smoking pot in here?

I go, yeah, what are you talking about? I've been up here for two years. You know what I mean? And they said, well, we're going to call the police have to unless you give us the pot and you have to flush it down the toilet i said so i gave him i said i gave it i said eventually i gave him some pot and they said flush it down the toilet i said i'm not gonna flush it down the door if you want to flush it down the toilet flush it down the toilet but because back then you would go to jail in Vegas for a seed. That's crazy.

Nicole, are you more of an indica or sativa person? I don't really know. I kind of just take what I can get. But I think I prefer to be more, you know, my brain to be moving and active than be sucked into my couch and just eating. They have all these other things now that are in the pot, like mercine or whatever. All these, not additives, but the other thing. It used to just be how much THC is in it. But now it's like if it has myrcene, it makes you do this.

And if you have myrcene or whatever it is, I think it's kind of bullshit. I have friends who have teenage kids who have wound up in the hospital from smoking pot. Really? Yeah, because it has all of these chemicals. Well, no, what it is is, well, that may be, but what it is is, if you don't,

if you're not experienced, you don't know how much is your limit. I had a very bad time one time thinking the cops were coming. With edibles, though, probably. No, this was a smoke. I didn't know anything. I was just with some people.

They were like, I'd never smoked before. I kept smoking. It felt good. I kept smoking. It felt good. I figured I'll do a little more. And then it was at a very abrupt moment where it was almost like a short circuit.

And everything went black and white. And I'm like, no, now it's like the roller coaster went up and now it's coming down. And it was very, very, very upsetting. And I think that's calm. I didn't go to the ER, but many people do. These edibles are so candy-like. Say you did leave it around. Say there's a 12-year-old kid

and the parents leave it around and they eat it. Yeah, yeah. Would they feel it? Or sometimes, I don't know, if they didn't know what it was, they might not even feel it. I think they would very much. They would feel it.

Yeah. I think they would feel it. It could be very dangerous. I think it would be dangerous. Scare them, I guess. Well, depending how much it was, it could be quite dangerous. It could either be pleasant. Yeah. I think it would feel to be very, very dangerous. I think it'd be dangerous. I guess. Well, depending how much it was, it could be quite dangerous.

It could either be pleasant. Yeah. I'm worried. Like, like my friend had edibles with a minute. Like I, I got, I said,

listen, don't bring those in the house. I'm afraid they'll fall out of your pocket. Cause they look, it's, and they taste like, I'm surprised, but they look exactly like candy.

I mean, they're reproducing. But if you remember when we were kids, you know, or anyways, when I was a kid, they had fake cigarettes. So what's the difference? Actually, I guess

it didn't get you high. Fake cigarettes are fake cigarettes. It's the opposite. But it's the same. What about the dog? What about the dog? If my kids see a real cigarette and start chewing it, they can't blow bubbles. What about the doggy?

What if the doggy gets a hold of the edibles? Yeah, that's dangerous. No, no, it's dangerous, too. It's dangerous. The dogs? Yeah. I don't think it's dangerous for the dogs. They're just trying to get a close sleep,

but I don't think the dogs will eat the candy so much. Well, the dogs might get paranoid. No, no, no. I think the dog catcher is going to... It makes them sick. I just read something about a dog in Central Park that ate some weed and got really sick. Central Park.

Well, I think we're out of things to talk about. Well, you're never out of things to talk about with Mark Cohen. I just want to say what a great club the Rio is, Noam, and how you do a wonderful job booking it. Thank you, Mark. Do you have any plans for the Vegas club? We know that hopefully it'll be renovated because there's new owners. And I know you're going to look into bringing

new blood in there. Not necessarily me. Look, I go my once or twice a year. That's fine. But I was just wanted to discuss. And the logos are great. They do the job.

But there's so many great comics in New York that don't go. And I'm saying to myself, why aren't they going? It's not enough money, you know. I apologize. Or, you know, or whatever. Anyway. There are a lot of great strip clubs in Vegas. Do you have any plans for the Vegas

room other than what we've already discussed? No, you do not. Okay. Are you keeping the emcee for a little while? That's all I... As long as he'll stay. If the club breaks even, and I think the club is probably profitable. I'm not going to get into your business in terms of

dollars. That might be one of the things you would accuse me of stepping over the line. I don't know. But if the club just breaks even, would you keep it going? Yes. And why? Because I think it's good to have a national presence. It's good for the brand. Also, you don't want Mark back

in the streets. It's good for Mark, too. It is good for me. Well, we hope it goes long enough that Mark can safely and comfortably retire. And to be honest, there's a lot of pressure, not by you, but the club is so great here. And, you know, you wanted, I felt like I wanted, I mean, I really. Live up to it. Believe it or not, too, another thing, I'll pat myself on the back a little bit.

You know, I'm sure you have emces here that do way too much time, right? Or different situations. I'm really there for the show. So if the audience is good, I'll jump off. If they're not good, I'll do an extra two minutes. And I really want the show to be good as the whole, rather than walk away and go, oh, the MC was great. That's the opposite of being

on the spectrum. You're selfless. Well, I wouldn't say I'm selfless, but thank you very much. Mark doesn't seem to have any ego, but the fact of the matter is the audience loves him. Iless. Well, I wouldn't say I'm selfless, but thank you very much. Mark doesn't seem to have any ego, but the fact of the matter is the audience loves him. I do. And we'll probably be happy if you did more time. And I'm amazed how fast in Vegas I can get

the audience. And I don't know if it's because they're in Vegas and they're ready to party, but usually from the first joke, they're laughing. You don't have to go, hey, we're going to have a great time. they just do a joke. Mark has a great new, but I think it's new. I hope you don't mind if I, well, it's a joke about gagging.

Go ahead. I don't know what it is. The joke where Mark says, hey, you know, I, this guy was talking about gagging. I don't know exactly how he tells it, but if I may, if I have your permission. Sure, go ahead. This guy's talking about, hey, you know, I get shit was gagging on my cock. He's like, you can't really gag at shit with your cock, can you? And the audience is like, yeah.

And he goes, oh, oh. You know, like he can't with his. But he does. It's the girl before ends up, she does a, the act before me had done a impersonation of a blowjob. Oh, okay. And that's when you figure out. And then she goes, she starts gagging.

So I go back to her. You can't really make somebody gag, can you? And then he goes, of a blowjob. And that's when you figure out. And she goes, she starts gagging, so I go back to her. You can't really make somebody gag, can you? And then he goes, of course, yeah. And then you start kind of crying. It's very effective the way he does it. I don't do it justice, but is that a new thing? Well, I only do it when this girl happens. Who's that, Trace?

Nikki. Oh, Nikki Carr. It's a really funny bit she does. Nikki Carr's one of the locals who we love. It's so funny. They want to underline. You know, these locals, they say, but they're all national TVs. They've been on all the great shows, all the great comedy shows. So there's no locals anymore. Do you know what I mean?

Well, I'm using local in a purely geographical sense. I know, but I'm saying. They live in Las Vegas. Yeah, but they work all over the country, just like the people anywhere. Okay, okay. By the way, speaking of locals, our comedy seller alum, Harrison Greenbaum, is now living in Las Vegas,

and he stopped by in New York. The New York club is famous. One thing that differentiates the New York club from necessarily any other club is the drop. And New York clubs in general are the drop-ins. People drop in,

whether it be Louis C.K., Chris Rock, Ray Romano was here the other night. Last night, too. You know, they come in unannounced. Obviously in Vegas,

because you don't have all the comics living there, there's going to be less drop-ins. But we've had most of those people you said, though, have come on. Ray's been there many times. Amy Schumer.

I'm trying to think of it. But, you know, all these people that come in, when they come in, they're... Michael Che. Michael Che, Attell. Okay. Not as frequent, but they do. Not as frequent.

But anyway, our dear friend Harrison Greenbaum dropped in during the week because he is performing at Mad Apple, which is a Cirque de Soleil show in Vegas. I think it's amazing, too, because he's doing, whatever, 14 shows a week or 10 shows. It's like his day off, he still comes by and does. He probably wants to work shit out for the Cirque de Soleil show.

I guess. But because the Cirque de Soleil show, I assume he's he doesn't want to do the same set of comedians for our own sanity. We don't like to do the same set. Comedians, for our own sanity, we don't like to do the same shit every night. Speak for yourself. So I assume he's trying to work new shit out for the Cirque du Soleil show. But the truth is...

Or maybe he's using Cirque du Soleil to work shit out for the Vegas room. They're not getting a repeat business like the seller gets. I mean, you go to see the circus, you're not going to go, I'm going to go to the circus. Right, they're not, but for your own sanity.

Yeah, no, I understand. But I'm sure he could work it out on stage, too. Yeah, but Cirque du Soleil, that's a big ticket item. I don't think you want to. The Comedy Cellar is a workout room to some extent. Not in Vegas. No, but more so than Cirque du Soleil, which is a big, grand, multi-gazillion dollar show, for which he is probably being paid quite a nice sum,

he probably is less comfortable working new stuff out there. And as a corollary, I'm less comfortable working stuff out. I was in Brooklyn last night at this room. This guy, Dean David, you know Dean? He's a young comic. He runs an open mic out there.

And I went out there, and it doesn't pay anything, and it's, you know, it's, you know, not his full room. But I'm able to work stuff out there with it doesn't pay anything and it's you know it's you know not a full room but I'm able to work stuff out there with complete ease whereas here I I'm scared to work any new jokes out here

one new joke I might slip in and if god forbid it doesn't work I'm like oh fuck and then I go right back but that's you I don't think that's the seller I think it is from the comics I talk to they don't love working new shit out here but that's self-imposed i don't know one's i mean maybe i'm wrong well it might be self-imposed but it's real in terms of how we feel i mean if you you've been here a long time if you had a bad set in your head or whatever it wouldn't yeah it wouldn't affect you

they're not going to go oh dan had a bad set he's not going to work here anymore not one no but i still feel nervous because i want to do well because i feel like it's a full room and they're not going to go, oh, Dan had a bad set. He's not going to work here anymore. Not one, no. I still feel nervous because I want to do well because I feel like it's a full room and it's the cellar and they were expecting a lot. As far as whether I'd ever be thrown out of here, you bet your ass I would be if I had enough bad sets. There's no tenure here at the cellar. Is that true?

I'm going to stay in Vegas. I'm never working here again. You don't have to work because you don't work in a shit house well it's so funny because it's funny we're talking about this when I knew I was coming back

to do a couple sets here I said I'm gonna look at my act because I haven't looked at the stuff I looked at the jokes I wrote I must have 200 300 jokes I looked at it

oh this is a good joke this is a good joke I don't do them I don't do them so when I go back I'm gonna go through again and work them in but it's like I wrote them once and they worked this is a good joke. This is a good joke. I don't do them. I don't do them. So when I go back, I'm going to go through again and work them in. But it's like I wrote them once and they worked and then I just never do them. By the way, in Vegas, you know that, I know we're running out of time, but speaking of that, there's a joke I did about 20 years ago

where I used the N-word. I very quickly found out I'm not authorized to do that. But that was a joke where I say, we're sending stuff into space. You know, they're sending on Voyager 1, they actually put like music in and like books in case alien civilizations run across it. And then imagine if they put gangster rap in there and then the aliens come to Earth

and they say, greetings, N-word. Okay, you know that joke. Yeah. I've said it. How's it go? I just did. Okay. So I just substituted the word

n words for the words greetings bitches and hoes and it worked quite well oh yeah you know i mean i i probably not as well as it like it's not as punchy but but it also avoids the and that's literally 20 plus year old joke that i just repack i don't know why i didn't think of that before so louis went on it worked louis saidie said that currently his favorite joke in the world is a Dan Natterman joke. Oh, yeah? What was the joke? The joke is as follows. And I did it every night in Vegas.

Where Mr. Morales, my high school ninth grade. Do you know this joke, Nicole? My high school ninth grade sex ed teacher? No. Okay. Well, he got fired. Because he was inappropriate. He came to class. He said, class, today I'm going to demonstrate how to put a condom on. That's why I have this banana with me

because I can't get hard on an empty stomach. And then the joke, and then there's a little more to it than that. There's some tags that go with it. Have you not heard that now? You heard that from Louie because Louie said it. I heard it from Louie from louis yeah yeah so i bumped into louis the other night and he said dan you know uh i love that joke i'm sorry maybe i should have asked you first if i could tell it because you know he's he's giving the joke away that i i said believe me it's more than worth it for you to tell that joke because the amount of yeah and i mean it wasn't millions of thousands but many many many new many new followers on social media like you know not a shit ton but new followers on social media and and it made me feel good to be acknowledged you know in a public fashion absolutely when the one one of the world's

greatest comedians endorses you as having this favorite joke it's like if you wrote i i have a joke that i don't do because it's a little risky. But I told one of the comedians the joke, you know, I do this joke. And apparently they came back and told everybody in New York that I do this joke. And it's a really good joke, but I can't do it. But I thought it was funny that people telling my joke

that I've never told on stage really. Why is it risky? It's about... Your daughter wouldn't like it. My daughter would hate it. my joke that I've never told on stage really. Why is it risky? It's about Your daughter wouldn't like it. My daughter would hate it. It's a I said the people are putting up

in my neighborhood they're putting up signs they're looking for a rapist and I said to myself well I could do that. So I've said it a couple times

but it's like you know. By the way we have to go but about your daughter. That was a bad segue. The fact, I mean, she can't be that woke. Like she must, obviously you have a good relationship with her.

So it has to. Marielle is woke, but you can also have a conversation with her and disagree with her and have a discussion. But part of what animates a lot of woke people is that they assume that the people who say certain things that offend them are horrible people. Right, and she knows I'm not being negative. And she knows that you're not a horrible person. So in some way, it must be obvious to her, well, okay, but just because people say those things doesn't make them bad. She knows I'm not bad, no, but she feels bad for the people.

If I call them, instead of them, if I call her hers. No, she's not hers. She's a them. You would do that? Sometimes I'd call her. You're a monster, and we're going to have to scrap this episode. It's different. She understands that people make mistakes.

She thinks in good faith. If she thinks I'm doing it on purpose, if I knew they were a they or a them, and I said, hey, how's she doing? Dad. Yeah, dad. All right, let's go. We've got to go. That rapist joke is hilarious.

Thank you. Thank you, Marco. I thought this was a good episode. Very good. And I thought it was good. I think the people will like it. I know Nicole likes it. I'm not going to ask her because I know the answer.

Can you hear people buying tickets to the Comedy Cellar Vegas as we speak? We have fantastic shows. Comedy Cellar Las Vegas. Go to ComedyCellar.com. Is that the website? Yes. And you can get tickets either for the New York room or the Vegas room, seven nights a week, 365 days a year.

Four drinks and bring nine people. And if you're in Vegas, stop by. If you can't get in the New York Cellar with eight people, you come to us. We'll pop them. Podcast at ComedyCellar.com for all your questions, comments, and suggestions. We thank you very much. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.