The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Mike Fine & Gregg Rogell

Episode Date: August 6, 2017

Mike Fine is an American stand-up comedian, writer, producer, ordained minister, and star of the hit TV show PARKYA-CAR-KUS aired on JetStreamTV; a reality based show featuring the absurdities of finding a parking spot in NYC. Mike (also known as the CuddleStar) holds the world record for having cuddled over 10,000 women.   Gregg Rogell is a prominent standup comedian and a regular performer at the Comedy Cellar.     

You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the table, on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Good evening, everybody. Welcome to The Comedy Cellar show here on Sirius XM Channel 99, The Comedy Channel. My name is Noam Dwarman. I'm the owner of The Comedy Cellar. That's true. And we're sitting at the back table of The Comedy Cellar, and I have my co-host, Mr. Dan Natterman, who is going to make the introductions for the day. Go ahead, Dan. Well, thank you, Noam.

First of all, we have with us Mike Fine, comedian, Republican, and one of the few comedians. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's that? Republican? Yes. Really? One of the few comedians.

Noam's eyes just lit up. No, because Greg Rogel is combustible. Go ahead. He's one of the few comedians. Noam's eyes just lit up. No, because Greg Rogel is combustible. Well, he's one of the few comedians that will cop to supporting our current commander-in-chief, and we'll get to that. I don't want to get into that now. Greg Rogel, most certainly not a Republican. He's also with us, and I hope that things don't get violent. But, Stephen Colabro, are you with us officially, or are you just sitting here?

I guess a little bit of both. Stephen Colabro is our producer, and he's seated at the table. I didn't know if he was seated in his capacity as guest or capacity as producer. No, whatever. Or his capacity as he's about to order. I'll chime in when things get really slow between Mike and Greg. Order a falafel ball. But did I just hear a snore?

It sounded to me. No, that was me snickering. Oh, okay. But I did want to ask, Noam, last week was at the Montreal Comedy Festival and I just wanted to briefly address that which is why I think we didn't have a show last week.

We didn't record a show last week because Noam was out of town. Every year for the non-comedy fans in the audience there's a comedy festival in the great city of Montreal and all the comics go there.

I actually didn't have a good time at the comedy festival and I came home a day early. Oh, did you? Yeah. Really? Yeah, I felt kind of very much an outsider, and there was this weird dynamic.

All kinds of things went wrong for me at the Comedy Festival, between me and Liz and Esty, and there was a dinner that I ended up not having a place at the table for myself, and I felt bad about things, and I just went home. Well, that's odd. But couldn't you just enjoy the city of Montreal for what it was? I did. I went to the amusement park with my kids, and then I went to the pirate ship with my kids.

I spent a lot of time with the kids. You didn't feel accepted by the comedy world at large. Is that what I'm hearing? No, I didn't even reach out to the comedy world at large. We just couldn't get our act together as a group of people there together. I probably shouldn't talk about it on the air, but there was some weird stuff. Are you kidding? This is gold. People not introducing each other to the other people that they knew.

It was just weird and a little competitive somehow. What does that have to do with you? Not introducing each other? Because I wasn't introduced and then To whom? Actually our boss at Sirius Radio and then there was

just a few stupid things that went on. Then there was this dinner that Phil Hanley invited me and Juanita to, and then Juanita couldn't go. But I knew that, but I didn't. And I had told whatever. So then that day I texted, but George was my partner in the underground, was there, and I texted Phil.

I said, listen, Juanita can't go, but George is here, so I'm going to bring George. Not that would be okay or not okay, he says, well, no, no, somebody already invited Michael Che. And I'm like, well, why would somebody... Why would that rule out George? No, because the reservation couldn't be more than six. So it was some restaurant with a special chef. So I was some restaurant with a special chef. So I was like, well, why would somebody not speak to me before? I was thinking, I didn't say this to Phil Hanley.

I said, okay, no problem. So that happened internally. And then, so I just didn't go to, I couldn't go to the dinner because I wasn't going to tell George, well, sorry, you can't go. So I said, fuck it, I'm not going. So then I said, fuck it, I'm going home. Well, the Montreal Comedy Festival can be difficult for those of us left behind because everybody posts shit about it on Instagram and Facebook.

If it makes you feel any better, I didn't even get invited. That doesn't make him feel better. No, it does. What else is bad for you? Well, there's actually Big Sky Festival, Nantucket Comedy Festival. I didn't get invited to the Boston Comedy Festival, the one up in Jamestown, the Johnny Carson one in Nebraska I didn't get invited to. You're not missing anything on the Johnny Carson one. I didn't get invited to the Montreal Comedy Festival.

Listen, I'll tell you this. What was gratifying, you'd think somebody, maybe I'm becoming one of the comedians with all the mental issues of depression. That's interesting. Because, first of all, it was like a comedy cellar comedy festival. I mean, like some of the shows was just bam, bam, bam. All comedy cellar comedians. I don't like to say our comedians. It bothers me as he says that sometimes.

But shows which could have been at the comedy cellar. I mean, people work at other places, too. And Godfrey came out wearing a Comedy Cellar T-shirt. And it was really, and a few people made references to the Comedy Cellar on the stage. And it was clear that the Comedy Cellar had reached its kind of high watermark of prestige in the industry. And then that same time, that New York Times article came out. Did you see it? Yes, the New York Times article. With Zinnemann, right? With Zinnemann. Front page

of the Sunday art section. It talked about the comedy seller being a juggernaut. And it said some nice things about me. And, you know, I mean, years ago, if we had a full page spread in the New York Times, that would have made, like, we would be

riding off that for weeks of happiness, you know? And now it's, that would have made, like, we would be riding off that for weeks of happiness, you know? And now it's, you know, whatever. Now, I can't get over this part about you not being introduced. Now, I'm going to go on a limb and I don't give a shit if I get banned from the festival. God knows I'll never be invited there. But what type of fucked up festival doesn't even

have name tags? Shouldn't everyone be walking around with name tags? People aren't going to wear name tags. They don't want to wear name tags. So you avoid that walking around with name tags? People aren't going to wear name tags. They don't want to wear name tags. So you avoid that awkwardness, that problem. No, they do. They are lanyards. People have lanyards around their necks

with their names on it. They should have. But Noam was not an officially invited guest of the festival, so he wouldn't have had it anyway. So you didn't get a name tag. No, I had industry tag.

Oh, did you? No, it was all personal stuff between me and my friends that turned me on. The festival was an amazing, like it's grown and grown and grown. This was a masterful presentation. Now, was there anyone there that you wanted to be introduced and you failed to get introduced? Because I have a Rolodex, I know people.

The irony is I don't like to be introduced to anybody. It was just like, it reminds me of kind of like when you find out, when a guy gets jealous that someone's coming on to his girlfriend. Yeah. And then you find out, and it feels like some guy's coming on to his girlfriend, it's like disrespectful to him, and the guy gets mad, right? And then you find out years later that the guy who got mad was actually gay. And you're like, well, why did he get mad? He got mad not because he really wanted the girlfriend. He got mad because, well, this guy must think that I'm like, well, why did he get mad? He got mad not because he really wanted the girlfriend.

He got mad because, well, this guy must think that I'm nothing, you know? So that's why he was coming onto my girlfriend whether you're gay or straight. So that's kind of the way I felt. It's not that I really wanted

to be introduced. I just felt that I wasn't... Treated respectfully. Yeah, that guy was like, I was just not considered. Right. I think you should completely clean house

of all the comedians that went up to the festival and start from scratch. Bill wasn't a comedian. So anyway. Well, you did mention one in particular, Mr. Hanley. No, no. He's an angel in this story. He's a wonderful human being.

He didn't do anything wrong. He didn't invite you to... He invited Michael Che over you to dinner. No, no. That's why I don't want to tell this story. Let me put it this way. The names I'm not saying are the names that I'm... The names I say out loud are innocent.

I'm talking around it because I don't want to get myself in... Oh, my God. I'm really going to get myself in trouble. You need to shut up. I actually have a question. I need to shut up, I mean. About the Montreal Festival, sort of. Why doesn't New York have a big comedy festival?

There is a New York comedy festival. Nobody knows about it. Well, yeah. It's not big. Nobody cares. It's a big city like New York have a big comedy festival? There is a New York comedy festival. There is a New York festival. Nobody knows about it. Well, yeah, it's not big. Nobody cares. a big city like New York? It's run by Carolines. It's called the New York Comedy Festival,

but it's actually Carolines Comedy Festival. And I will not, I tried it once or twice, and I will not be involved in it. Is it a bringer? Do you have to bring people

to be in the festival? No, no. They actually have some, like, I think Jon Stewart's done it. They have one or two big Carnegie Hall concerts. Right, and the rest is just a sign that says New York Comedy Festival on the stage of a comedy club. Now, why will you not participate? Did they not give you, like, you do? They actually insulted us one time, and I never got over it.

You want to hear how they insulted us? Go ahead. Son of a bitch. They asked Esty if she would judge a comedy panel or something of up-and-coming comics. And the preliminaries would be at the Comedy Cellar. And then the finals would then be at Caroline's. Okay. Oh, there you go.

When was this? This was a couple years ago. More than a couple years, like five years ago. Was it at a time when the Comedy Cellar was less, I mean, even five years ago, the Comedy Cellar was dominant.

No, we were already. It was always dominant. We were always dominant. The only other thing I can think of is Caroline's is a bigger room. It holds more people, so the finals would be more people. Yeah, yeah.

But no matter how you sliced it, whether or not they... Listen, sometimes people insult other people not because they have bad intentions, but because they're just not able to put themselves

in another person's shoes and they don't see it. But from my point of view, immediately I was like, oh, so you get to perform at the Comedy Cellar and the grand prize is to perform at Caroline's.

And I said, no fucking way. There was a time when I started comedy. Even if it's true. But I'm just saying, there was a time when I started, but we're going back two decades. Yeah, we're talking vaudeville. If you ask somebody who would the best comedy club in the city is, the answer, Caroline's, might come up. Yes, yes. Actually, before Caroline's on Broadway,

where was it? Before the Seaport. Before on 10th Avenue. That room, I never went to that room, but I remember people used to talk about that room like it was something unbelievably special. The very first Caroline's room. And maybe as recently as, say, 10 years ago, it was sort of anybody's race.

There were a few clubs that might conceivably be considered great clubs, but now it's just become the common... Now, Cellar's owned it since 2000. Well, Cellar's in a league of its own. But that doesn't go back forever. It goes back however far it goes back. There was a time when you...

Oh, there was a few clubs that are considered great clubs. Well, I only do theaters and arenas now, but if I was still doing clubs, this would be a good place to play. It's cute. It has its waiters, waitstaff. To answer your question about why New York doesn't have a comedy festival, New York's got so much of everything. It's like the same reason maybe New York doesn't have the Olympics. We already got plenty of shit.

We don't need it. We have the film festival, Tribeca. Yeah, but like Montreal, they only... We already got plenty of shit. You know, we don't need it. We have the film festival, Tribeca. Yeah, but like Montreal, they only... I'm sorry, do you want to rehash the Phil Hanley dinner on the air? No. No, she doesn't want to. And she's gone. How come?

I'm okay. Come on, come on, Liz. No, no, no. Yeah. I'm going to say something to him. No, it's not him. It's a film. I'm going to mention something.

I'm not going to mention names. And anything like in New York would be hard. Like Montreal, there's not as much going on, so the comedy festival sort of takes on, I think, a bigger,

you know, it becomes a huge event up there. Well, what else does Montreal have? Nothing in New York would be a huge event because it gets swallowed up by the fact that we're in New York. What else does Montreal have other than the festival?

They have a jazz festival. And it's a great city, but it's just not New York in terms of all the shit that's going on. I think Montreal is just set up in a way, that big area there with the plaza, it's set up in a way that's conducive to having these kind of festivals in a way that's actually superior to anything in New York. I wouldn't even know where they could do something like that in New York. L.A. doesn't work either. They tried it in Las Vegas.

They're competing with gambling. A comedy festival in Vegas? It sounds awful. The Las Vegas Comedy Festival they had. Montreal is just beautiful. They have that area downtown where it's very kind of open, and the streets are, I guess, close to traffic, and it is good for that.

Actually, I have another question. From both the point of view of comics and from the point of view of a comedy club owner, what other clubs in the city, are there any that can remotely compete with the Cellar right now? Who's snapping at the Cellar's heels? Can I just say something? the city. Are there any that can remotely compete with the Cellar right now? Who's snapping at the Cellar's heels? I'm tired of this Cellar, Cellar, Cellar stuff on this radio

show. It's great that we're doing well, but I don't know if that's interesting to people. I don't want the show to be blowing our own horn about stuff like that. Someone else wants to talk about it. Come sit down for a second, Liz.

Just come sit down for a second. Well, we could also talk about which other clubs are shit. You know, if you don't want to blow your own horn, we could talk about which clubs are not. It's not really... So Liz is like really afraid to talk about this comedy festival thing.

Just sit down and blow his horn. But that's either because she strongly... It's either because, and I suspect it's the former, that she strongly disagrees with me, so therefore she doesn't want to have to try to argue with me. So she's like, I don't want to talk about this. Or she feels terribly guilty about what happened,

which I don't think is her style. Well, if she doesn't want to talk about it, she doesn't want to talk about it. So is she coming on or not? But listen, it's me and you here, so you can throw Esty under the bus. I don't want to throw anyone under the bus. I once had beef with Phil Hanley also.

I have no beef with Phil Hanley. It was... First you're like, you know, I really shouldn't be talking about this. And now you're like bringing in guest hosts. No, because Liz, if Liz wants to talk about it, then I can talk about it. But I don't want to talk about it without her here to... Well, if she's going to talk about it, I suggest she use Mr. Calabria's microphone. She doesn't want to talk about it.

But whatever happened, happened. The point is that it just wasn't that much fun, that's all. Especially for George. Okay, well. George is like, I don't want to go where I'm not wanted. Aw. George. He actually said that.

One of the main reasons I invited Mr. Fine here is because, as I had mentioned earlier, first of all, he's a weird cat, and you've already sort of figured that out. He's a professional hugger. I mean that in the best possible way. His sexuality is questionable, obviously, but that's... Why? Well, he likes to cuddle. Yeah.

But not have sex. Yeah. Or so he says. Well, I set the bar right over over there and I reach it every time. You know, I nail it. You know, if you set an end goal to sleep with the woman, odds are 10 out of 10 times it's not going to happen. But if you bring, you go down a few notches and just say you're just going to cuddle with her, there you go. You hit it every time. You tell a girl, you're just going to cuddle with her. There you go. You hit it every time.

You tell a girl, all you want to do is cuddle with her. She'll think there's something wrong with her. And then she'll wind up wanting more down the road. Liz, is that how you would react? This is a really creepy act. I think it sounds creepy, Mike. First of all, Liz doesn't cuddle. All right?

Let me tell you that right now. Any guy that says, I just want to cuddle with you, I think would be seen by most women as scary. Especially in that voice. No, but like, I just want to cuddle with you, I think would be seen by most women as scary. Especially in that voice. No, but like, I just want to cuddle. But to have to make love to a woman, it's like going to a dentist. It is awful. You don't want to do it, but you have to do it like once, twice a year. You know, get a checkup, make sure everything's...

Why don't you want to do it? Yeah, you sure you're not going to? Because there's so much involved with it. First, you have to pick your place or her place. And then on top of that, you have to get the mood right. You have to talk. They want to talk to you. This is the most Jewish conversation I've ever heard.

There's so much work involved with it. And the payoff is not there. Sometimes it's the only time they're not talking. What? Sometimes it's the only way to get them to stop talking. Well, you know, that's an impossible feat. These women women once they get their talk on it forget about it I once was having a mother-in-law well

it's I was engaged once you know so I sort of to a girl yes yes but she would didn't work out that well just cuddling the entire time well it's you know what I was actually looking for parking half the time between alternate side of the street parking and, you know, like the cuddling stuff. That was our entire relationship. Mikey, by the way, is a gun owner, a proud NRA

card member, a caring member of the NRA. Yes. And one of the only comments, and we talk about this a lot. Yeah, but with the guns, you gotta get the bullets, then you gotta load the guns, then you gotta find parking. But yet, he, uh... You can never have enough bullets. You can never have enough ammo. He's also one of

the few comedians that's willing to admit that he voted for President Donald Trump. Is that correct? That's correct. If I lived in, uh, Chicago, I would have voted for him four times. Oh, God. But, uh, you know, that's, uh, it's unfortunate. You know, yeah. You don't talk four times. Oh, God. But, you know, that's unfortunate. And, you know, yeah.

You don't talk about that on stage, though. No, no. Well, it's actually interesting you mention that because when you get political on stage, you run the risk of losing half the audience. So I figure I stick with my act and I could lose 100% of them. And that's usually more predictable. I mean, in New York. In New York. Stick this guy. Yeah, he's very sticky. He's very sticky. with my act and I could lose 100% of them and that's usually more predictable. In New York, stick this guy.

He's very sticky, but you know. I actually, I recently purchased a fog machine because I figured there's not much I could talk about with the politics, with the Trump, with the this, the girlfriends, the computers. So I bring a fog machine on stage now. It has a remote control.

So instead of working on new material, I just shower them with fog. And, like, the crowd goes nuts. And no one can follow me. It's like Jackie Mason with Down syndrome. It's phenomenal. I'm telling you, I'm doing big theaters now. So it's, you know, it's when they see the fog filling up, you know, it's nice. He has a Louis Shaver quality to him, too.

So what do you like about Trump? What's there not to like? I love everything about Trump. But you're still on board, even now. More than ever, I'm doubling down right now. I can't get enough of him. I can't wait for 2020 when he runs again so I can vote for him again. What about the transgender in the military?

That's one thing I'm a little... It's a gray area. I think actually there should only be transgender in the military. I don't think there should be any heterosexuals there. I like putting all the transgenders over there, letting them do their thing. I love them. It's great. And let them go fight.

They want to fight? Let them fight. But all that heterosexual testosterone, look at the policy up to now. We have heterosexuals over there, and how is that working? Well, transgender people can still be heterosexual. It's their gender that is fluid. Yeah, well, it's without getting dirty, because we have female listeners.

I think we should send all the transgenders over there, let them do their thing, and, you know. What do you think, Dan? I would like to hear Mike's real opinion instead of the schtick. You're talking to a guy. This is a no schtick zone. You can do schtick, but within reason. I'm not talking about schtick. I'm thinking outside the box.

You don't really believe in an all-transgender army. 100%. Why not? Because there's not enough of them to field an army. That's where I'm going with this. You want to conscript them. That's a great point. I'm glad you asked that question. So it turns out if we send 15,000, 20,000,

that's all we need, instead of having hundreds of thousands of troops over there. I figure, if we're fighting this Islam, they'd probably scatter like elephants when they see mice. We could send Caitlyn Jenner over there in a car and run them all over. They don't like their transgenders in the Muslim world.

These ISIS people aren't really that tough. The transgenders could take them. They're not that tough. What's interesting is that Greg normally gets furious when somebody supports Trump, but since Mike is so out there... Well, what do you think about transgender in the military, Greg? I have no opinion. If they want to fight, they can fight.

I just think it's kind of ironic that Trump, who... What do you have, five deferments? Dude, have you ever had a bone spur? It's very painful. Oh, he's so foolish. He couldn't have had a real bone spur? No, he probably brags about being a fucking tremendous athlete. I'm a tremendous athlete.

I was the greatest baseball player in New York. Well, what about Vietnam? My feet hurt. So fuck you. Fuck you. You're a dickless coward trying to ban transgender. That's the president of the United States of America you're talking about. Number 45.

He has a point about the bone spurs, doesn't he? Yeah, bone spurs are very painful. I used to have Osgood Schlotters when I was in high school. Usually if you have something that you suffer from, people have some knowledge of that suffering throughout your life. He suffered from cold feet. That's what he suffered from. Greg and I have bad backs. I don't have a bad back anymore.

I read John Sarno, buddy. But if anybody heard that we deferred the military for a bad back, they'd be like, oh, yeah, he always did complain about his back. Was your back hurting a little in Montreal? No. Yeah. Well. I thought I was going to prove a point there.

I would never have admitted it anyway. You're not going to prove a point when I can just lie. Tom Potter read the book. You heard his back. I don't think it's that big of a deal. Transgenders, whether or not they're in the military, not in the military. We're not in the military. Does it affect us?

How does that affect us? It's not, you know. Well, we don't want to be in the military. There you go. It's also a signal. It's a signal that they're not welcome, and it could promote prejudice. First of all, I think this past two weeks, he's pretty much going after transgenders, gays, Mexicans. Now it's the immigrants.

To me, I just think he's just scapegoating right now out of desperation because he's fucked up so much at home right now that he's just trying to bring his base in and he's appealing to their ignorance to try to get support because he needs all the support he can get right now. But if he's going after the transgender and the gays and the Mexicans, who does he not have time to go after? He's trying to protect them. He's helping them.

The Jews. He has no time for the Jews. He's protecting them, Mr. Natterman. How could you not voice out? Well, that's really true, though, because Stephen Miller was up on TV today. He's an embarrassment to the entire Jewish community. So, in a way... Did he sing the Joker?

Huh? Did he sing the Joker? Who was Stephen Miller? Oh, is he that guy who looks like George Clooney? Kind of what he's talking about? No, he's a Jewish white nationalist prick. Oh, I know. He's the guy who did the travel ban.

He did the first draft of the travel ban. Very articulate. very well informed. He's a festering piece of shit. We need to find him a nice girl. The stick is very interesting and all that, but why did you really support Trump? Why did I support him? I don't want to hear about the

transgenders. We should send them all overseas. What do you like about him? What qualities does he have? I'm going to tell you, but we could promote my CD I don't want to hear about the transgenders. We should send them all overseas. What do you like about it? What do you like about Donald Trump? What qualities does he have? I'm going to tell you, but we could promote my CD afterwards, yes. Okay, so it turns out I like about him his message, his message about wanting to make America first, bringing back the stature of this country that once was a great country.

Because this country has been a joke since he's been elected. It was a joke under the last president. He was a weak and ineffective president. So weak, going back to Jimmy Carter. That weak of a president he was. The military,

he stripped... He was dealing with obstructionists for eight years. I don't want there to be bloodshed tonight. No, I'm not... I'm not a cage match, but no,

I liked his message. I liked how he wanted to bring jobs, create jobs, enforce the border laws. You see, it's interesting. Everybody says about his immigration policies are racist. Those are laws that are on the books. He just wants to enforce the laws that are on the books. What's wrong with wanting to enforce the laws that are on the books. What's wrong with wanting to enforce the laws? Same thing about what you were saying about Stephen Miller today,

about giving his speech about, it's called the RAISE Act, about wanting people to speak English if you want to become an immigrant. Those laws, in order to become a naturalized citizen, you actually do have to speak English. When my grandparents came to Ellis Island, you had to learn a language. They

vet you for a disease. My grandparents didn't speak English when they got here. My grandparents didn't speak English when they came to America. My grandmother, to the day she died, barely spoke English.

Oh, yeah. If she had to learn English, she would have been killed a long time ago by either the Russians or the Nazis. What if they started killing Jews here?

It could happen. And then you want to go to Israel to get away from it, and Israel said, well, you don't speak fluent Hebrew, so you can't come here. How would you feel about that? Well, Israel has the right of return, so as long as you're... I'm asking you if they changed that right and said, well, you have to know Hebrew, or you can't come here. You would still agree with that? You would accept that and

die here? If somebody's in danger of losing their life, that's another category of immigrant. That's a... That is somebody that's looking for asylum, and that's another law in another category. I'm so tired of this Trump stuff, but I'll tell you this.

We're all tired of it. I do agree with you in a certain way, that yes, these are the laws on the books, number one. Number two, there are quotes about the perils of illegal immigration and wanting to enforce it. But from every leading Democrat still around, from Bill Clinton to Hillary Clinton, this is all a recent thing. the recent uh... thing and i believe that and even paul krugman is written about how low wage uh... low-skilled immigrants will will lower wages and i think that in the end the irony is that really this is and and bernie sanders at filibustered the immigration bill not

that long ago because he was a so this is all they found this religion now mostly i think because they know that this is a pot of gold for new Democratic voters. And the irony is that the Republicans are the real beneficiaries. Yeah, they should be immigration legal and no cheap labor. Yeah, exactly. And it is Republicans who have gardeners and nannies and all these things. Hotel chains. Yeah, so I don't really understand how that all plays out because if they do start tightening up borders, legal or illegal, the first people to start complaining, it's not going to be black America,

who all of a sudden is going to, you know, wages. They say that low income, low wage doesn't necessarily lower wages. I think it does both. You mean immigration doesn't necessarily? Low skilled immigration. Of course, some low-skilled immigrants come here and are entrepreneurial and create

businesses, and that actually adds to the economy. On the other hand, other of them take jobs at low wages. Low-skilled American workers. And I don't have to be a genius to know that if I didn't have people who were willing to do a job at $12, well, I'd have to raise it to $13 until some American would do it.

So clearly it can do both simultaneously. But I think that the idea that a nation is suspect for wanting to enforce its borders, I agree with you. Of course you should be able to enforce your borders. You don't have a country if you don't have borders. And you don't have tradition. You don't have a culture. You don't have a language. But on the other hand, we need And you don't have tradition. You don't have a culture. You don't have a language. But on the other hand, we need the immigrants.

Let's not kid ourselves. We need them. Of course. Every country needs immigrants. It's a melting pot. But where do you draw the line? Do you let in 100,000, 200,000, a million, two million? Do you let in people that you can vet?

Do you let people in from countries that, you know, how could you verify they say who they are? And when they get here, who's going to be picking up the tip for their health insurance, for their education, for, you know, housing? Who's going to be stuck picking up the tip for that? When you have actual Americans that are living here, you have veterans coming back where they have horrible medical service at the VA. I like the shtick better. So do I. Get back to the shtick. Well, you

wanted to, you see you have a new CD out. Yes. Well, it's not mine. I sell Lenny Marcus. I'm not promoting Lenny Marcus' CD. No, it's a great CD. It's his last CD. He came out with a new one. Oh, not even his new one? Yeah, so I sell it. Did you buy them up cheap? Are you trying to get rid of them now? No, no, no.

We have an arrangement. I carry around a receipt pad with me. And Lenny cuddles with him. And he pays him in cuddles. It's one for $15 or two for $20, but I don't make a thing. So I have a receipt pad. If any of you want, he gets the carbon copy and I keep the original.

Well, let me get this straight. You come on the show to promote another person's CD. Well, I don't have CDs yet. I have the fog machine. Well, you need a DVD to get the full effect of the fog machine. I have a DVD, but I sell my Lenny CDs. Liz, who's our general manager, the mighty Liz.

Do you want to talk about the New York Times article, Liz? Yeah, come sit down, Liz. Alright, you can take Mr. Calabria's microphone. There was a New York Times article, Liz? Yeah, come sit down, Liz. All right, you can take Mr. Calabria's microphone. There was a New York Times article recently about the Comedy Cellar. Comedy Cellar's been getting a lot of ink lately. Or it's always getting a lot of ink, I guess. Yes, it has. Was there anything, what did you think of the veracity of that article?

It was pretty good, right? It was good. It was a good article. It was a nice play-by-play of a crazy weekend here. But what was crazy about the weekend? We had a lot of drop-ins that weekend. Who was a nice play-by-play of a crazy weekend here. What was crazy about the weekend? We had a lot of drop-ins that weekend. Who was here? Mike Fine? Amy Schumer.

Leslie Jones. This was the best part. I didn't even see it. Is that Dave Chappelle FaceTimed in? He FaceTimed Mo and then asked, you know, what's going on? What are y'all doing? And we said, it tells on stage. He said, I want to do time. Let me go down and do five minutes.

So we brought him downstairs via FaceTime, and he FaceTimed and had some banter with Atel. Wait, wait, he FaceTimed? Like, it was projected? What do you mean he FaceTimed? You know how the FaceTime works? I know, but so you held it up to the audience so the audience could see the FaceTime?

Okay, but Liz, this is a great idea. Yeah. Can't we do this in a more professional way? Can we get a screen that comes down and a camera? Oh, that's good. And just have it available. Like if anybody wants to just FaceTime, whatever it is, they can just FaceTime it. We probably can.

There's probably a better way to do it. Oh, my God. How awesome. Because you know people would be FaceTiming. You know, Wilson would be FaceTiming everybody. That's a good idea. That's a great idea. Yeah, the delay is a little difficult.

It doesn't matter. We've got to get a hinge, some sort of TV. I'm sure they have a TV that will lower down. It's got to look right. Or maybe there's a way to cut into the ceiling. Maybe they could do like a hologram. Oh, shut up. Oh, my God.

I can't. This is yours? Like Obi-Wan Kenobi? This is... And then we need a camera for the... Yeah, a camera would have to face... I don't think it should face the audience. I don't know. Like a crane shot. Perhaps a router downstairs might help.

We have a router downstairs. Yeah. My favorite part of the article was Lenny Marcus' picture was on the... Lenny Marcus was mentioned in the article. I'm excited about this FaceTiming in. It was fun. This could really be fun. It was weird, but it was fun.

So you held the phone up to the audience? Yeah, you hold the phone so Dave could see a tell, and you put the microphone, the speaker. Okay, and so the audience could hear through the phone? And every time we delivered a punchline, they had to press a cigarette against the screen. They had to bang the mic on his thigh. I didn't remember reading that. Was that mentioned in the New York Times? Yes, if you read the whole article,

I'm a bad reader. I probably fell asleep. It was a long article. It was this Zinnemann character? I like that guy, Zinnemann. Well, of course you like him. He blows smoke up your ass day and night. Listen, what he did, it was really like a play-by-play.

It was very factual. I mean, he's a very comedy-seller-positive journalist. He's a comedy fan. He picks some good quotes of mine, and he captured the flavor,

and he's written other good articles, and I think he's a good... And he's a good journalist. And he's kind of... I fully expect him to write something negative about us next.

No, I don't think he would do that. I don't think he would do that. Let's just call it. No, I don't think he would do that. Let's just call it fake news. I don't think he would write anything negative because... Because I'm not getting up on stage here, that's why. That's the one thing he doesn't like about the comedy show. You should get me booked at other clubs around the city. If I was still doing clubs, I'd do massive places.

You're not bringing your fucking fog machine down here, right? There's no outlet by the way it has a strobe light a built in strobe light it changes colors and it shoots out 3,000 cubic feet

per minute it makes you a prop act no it's not I'm not a prop act it's worse than a prop act it's material it's production value it's material

do you think anyone wants to get up on stage and see people or an audience member wants to see someone get up on stage and work out unpolished stuff? I will say this, like, you know, apropos of the fog machine.

Sometimes I'm around the corner at the Village Underground, and we have a band there on the weekends. There's Red on... Every night of the week. Whatever, okay. But the weekend is Red and Jerry. Anyway, so sometimes like Artie will be like, okay, let's everybody sing along

and so Red starts playing Don't Stop Believing. And the audience is singing Don't Stop... And everybody's having such a good time. Fuck the comedy. Why don't we just sing

Don't Stop Believing? I agree with that. It's funny. Everybody's so into singing Don't Stop Believing. I'm like, wait a minute. Now we're going to go back to our jokes. This might be a comedown.

Yeah, well, that's why. It's not a comedown. I don't know. I've been half, but I mean, half serious. It's like, it's hard to believe a good. Half serious, half shtick. Half serious, half shtick. It's hard to beat a good Don't Stop Believing sing-along.

It's like, the audience was having so much fun. American Pie comes close. I'm just wondering. American Pie. Sweet Caroline's good, too. I'm just wondering. American Pie. Sweet Caroline's good too. We will rock you. Sweet Caroline's good. I'm just wondering

whether or not they're actually like, you know, why don't we just let it ride with fucking Journey? Yeah, well, yeah. And so the fog machine, it's like, you know,

that might be in the same category. We have a fog machine in the underground. Yeah, but not like this. Actually, we don't have a fog machine. We took it down in 77. We have a hazer,

which is a more expensive, more professional. Oh, that's, it simmers on the ground. The other night, I was at this, the Village Underground, and I killed, everybody killed, we is more expensive. Oh, it simmers on the ground. The other night I was at the Village Underground, and I killed, everybody killed, we were all killing. How could you not? Well, you know, thank you.

So after the show, though, I told somebody that I went to law school. This family, you know, oh, it's a great fucking show, and oh my God, you were so funny. I'll be back down in 15 minutes. Have fun. Whatever they said. You know, you were great, oh my God, we were hysterical. Somehow'll be back down in 15 minutes. Have fun. Whatever they said. You were great. Oh my God, we were hysterical. Somehow it came up that I went to law school and they go,

Oh my God, you gave up the law to do this? Like, first they're saying how great I was, how funny it was. And then they're saying, you gave up the law to do this. So I'm wondering, do people perceive me as like the guy at the office that tells a really good joke? Yeah, it's hysterical and everybody's laughing. But it's not like it's prestigious. You know what I mean? That's a good point.

Like, if everybody's howling, like, you know, they're howling laughing, but do they internalize that as me being talented? Or no better than the guy at the office telling a joke? Sometimes I wonder about that. I think you're setting up the wrong, I don't think anybody thinks you're like someone at the office telling a joke. They just think, oh, you had a, were they Jewish the wrong, I don't think anybody thinks that you're like someone at the office telling a joke.

They just think, oh, you had a, were they Jewish? No, I don't believe so, no. All right, well, for Jews and some other people, they see a career, a lucrative career as a lawyer to risk that for,

Uncertainty. for a lottery ticket of a chance and struggle. But they've seen me on stage at the hottest club in town and you'd think that they would think that was really, really, that I made it on some level. club in town, and you'd think that they would think that was really, really, that I made it on some level.

That you've arrived. You would think that they would think that. No, they think that you're, they probably understand that it's a struggle, that you're performing at a club, but they're not seeing you in the movies or on TV, they're seeing you at a club. Well, you know that and I know that,

but if I was a non-comedy, when I was a non-comedy person, if I saw somebody at a club in New York City annihilating on a Friday night, I would think, wow, this guy's a star. You could be Jerry Seinfeld, be worth a billion dollars, and you could show up to go pick up a girl on a date, and a billion dollars, and parents will ask, so what else do you do? Is this all you do? People don't have respect for the business.

I remember when I was playing in the band. Some do, some don't. When I was playing in the band in the Wah, and I was the owner of the Wah. I was the owner of the club. The club was successful. When people find out that I gave up the law, they're like, you gave up the law? I understand that. Yeah, they just couldn't believe you'd give up. How do you understand?

Who goes to three years of law school and gives it up? Yeah, you've invested your time and money for... Parents' money. Your parents' money for a lifelong career that we're guessing that you'd be very good at and you'd go far and you'd move up. You'd become a judge. You'd become...

You're guessing wrong in terms of that I'd be good at. Physically type appropriate for well not to brag I graduated mechanics school Bosie's Wilson Tech certified C mechanic

and I'm doing this full time now I see with everything out of your mouth though I don't know if it's true or not 100% I mean I know

the fog machine is true because you brought the fog machine it's true so I see it right next to me I work with it it was a birthday present Mike also bought me

high high chew Korean gum. I love that. Can I have one? So Liz, banana flavored. We should get Estee on to talk about

the Montchal Comedy Festival. She left. She had the time of her life. She had a good time. Just quickly, apropos of the previous discussion, I think maybe just not everybody thinks about show business

the way I think. All my life was like, oh my God, there's nothing greater than show business. It's like the greatest thing., it was like, oh my God, there's nothing greater than show business. It's like the greatest thing. But it's a gamble, and everyone knows

it's a gamble, and you have to be very lucky, whereas in law, you have to be smart and diligent. But the point is, they've seen me in a context where I would think

that most people would assume that I've accomplished something. I don't think so. You think that performing on Friday night at the Comedy Cellar in Packed House

and everybody's howling, the average person does not perceive that as having made it? No, because they're used to seeing people in Madison Square Garden and the movies and on TV, and that's what they perceive as making it and on a red carpet. Look, I know that I haven't made it, and you know that I haven't made it, but I'm shocked that the audience is on to us. Dan, you're sitting here with Mike Fine at the Comedy Cellar, present company included. You made it. You've arrived, my friend. You're here. Thank you, Michael. And you're sitting here with Mike Fine at the Comedy Cellar, present company included. You made it.

You've arrived, my friend. You're here. Thank you, Michael. And you're here to stay. By the way, Michael, you still got that red Volvo? No, I got a Mustang, a Jeep, a motorcycle. By the way, you have made it, Dan. You have made it.

You just haven't made the money that you want to make. Well, that's what we're discussing. You're saying that, but these people didn't perceive it that way. They couldn't believe that I didn't pursue law. You have almost a genius capacity to find a slight among all the compliments that come to you. We all have that. I mean, that's one of the markings of a comic, I think, is to have that capacity. It's like the same thing where people, when I tell them I was engaged, they're like, you were engaged?

Like, they can't believe it. That is a slight. No, that's not comparable. But you made it then. Well, I'm not here to argue whether I've made it or not. I haven't made it. My point is I was surprised that the audience perceived it that way. I thought that coming to a packed house on a Friday night

would be impressive. This chai chiu is good. This is banana flavor chai chiu. It is impressive, Dan. I recently just finished rapping. I started, I had a one-person play. It was very successful. I was down in Boca performing. It was a one-man Civil War reenactment, and I acted out.

I played the Union and Confederate. Did you play a slave? No, no, no, no. I played the Union and Confederate armies. If you played a slave, you might have gotten some press. Well, no. I didn't want to go to that area. What do you think about that HBO thing?

The Confederacy? Oh, was it? That's the show that they want to do? The Confederacy? Well, they ripped that off from the show that they want to do? The Confederacy? Well, they ripped that off from me, I think. You know, I don't know who's involved with that. Why can't you do a show about the Confederacy? You should.

Jews love a good Holocaust show. Well, no, here's the thing. You know, I had this argument on Facebook with somebody. I said, well, you know, it's alternative history, which is a common, you know, Quentin Tarantino did alternative history with both Django. Well, no, Django wasn't really Alternative History Inglourious Bastards that was Alternative History but he said to me what if Germany did

a show about if Germany won the war and the Holocaust was still going on and it came out of Germany Germany did the show because there is a show on Amazon Prime called The Man in the High Castle it was produced by I think it's produced in England.

And it is about what if Germany and Japan won the Second World War. But what if Germany did a show about what if Germany had won the Second World War? And that would be a bit sensitive. But what is this Amazon show? The Amazon show is The Man in the High Castle. What's the HBO show? I don't know if it's going through or not, but it's about what if the South had won

and they separated and now the Confederacy still exists? The South will rise again. That's what it is? What if the South had won? What if the South had won? Is there anything wrong with it? I don't know. It's very sensitive. Keith, did you hear about that HBO show trying to what if the South had won. And it's just, you know, is there anything wrong with it? I don't know. It's very sensitive. Keith, did you hear about that HBO show trying to

what if the South had won the war? Yeah. What do you think? Please speak into the, please sit down at the microphone if you wish to discuss it. Of course, you're not obligated to discuss it. Keith and I, by the way, just we filmed Crashing today. HBO's Crashing. Oh, by the way, I want to say something

for the record before that. I do take credit for you in Crashing today. HBO's Crashing. Oh, by the way, I want to say something for the record. I do take credit for you in Crashing, but Judd Apatow, I was kidding a couple weeks ago. Judd actually didn't tell me that he casted you because I said anything to him. I was joking about that.

I don't recall you saying that, but no, I never gave you credit, but I know that you're behind me in spirit. But somehow I feel like because I was there for you, that's why you

were cast in Crashing, and I think you owe me five grand. I put a number on it. Five grand. Go ahead. Alright, well, I'll have to think about that. I know what you're referring to. I think it's fantastic that Judd Apatow wrote a part specifically for you in his show.

I hate to minimize anything. And you know, there's nobody more grateful person, glass half full than me. Right. But he wrote parts for like, you know, Robinson over here, Big J, Dave Attella. But he wrote a part specifically for you. Yeah.

He didn't write a part like, this is a Keith part. That was an absolute Dan part. Yeah, I didn't get any part. I got no part. It was a Dan part. Right. He wrote it out of your character. Ah, I see the difference.

I see the difference. So it's a big deal, man. Okay, all right. He cast his eye on the whole universe of potential things he could have written about and said, Dan Natterman would be great. That's worth an episode. And he was. Dan was wonderful, man.

Was he? As much as I hate to admit it, he was good. It's hard to get a compliment out of Keith, so I do appreciate it. That's amazing. He must have really been good. Yeah, he was good. So this HBO show, they wanted to do a show, What If the South Had Won the War?

I didn't realize that's what it was, and black people are protesting it. Not just black people, black people are protesting. Yeah, they're complaining about it. Not protesting in the streets, but protestations. They have HBO. But that is a little creepy in a way. It is creepy.

What if they were like you wish it? No, no. It depends. The truth is the people that produced it also got hatred from white nationalists who said, you're going to portray the South in a negative way. So they got it on the other side as well. All we're worried about is ourselves. We ain't worried about what white nationalists think.

We could care less. I'm just saying that. We're looking at what they would have won, what they did. It's not... We think that white people... That's what they want anyway. Oh, that's some racial shit there. I think it's awesome that the left can get behind

literally having somebody kill Donald Trump. Literally Donald Trump. And they think that's art. And then if it turns out just like a thought experiment, what if history had gone the other way? I wouldn't even know even what the stories are going to be. I'm pretty much sure they're not going to be like anti-black stories, whatever it is.

That somehow has crossed a line. I mean, they really pick and choose their outrage. Yeah, well, I think everybody does, to be real. I don't think it's the left or right thing. It's everybody picks and choose what they want to like and don't like.

I don't have no problem with it. And a lot of people I know don't have a problem. If I saw the show, I conceivably might see the show and say, no, I think that's offensive.

But I don't think the very notion of, I mean, that is art. Like, let's, this was a big chapter in history. Let's imagine what if it got another way. And let me write about it. You know, that's art. Like, let's, this was a big chapter in history. Let's imagine what if it got another way.

Right. And let me write about it. You know, that's legitimate. We always have that. What if? Yeah. It's always been a what if. You know, things are so sensitive right now that rationality, Noam is taking a very rational

argument, and it's hard to argue with the logic of it, but things are so sensitive now in the United States that any portrayal of anything with slavery in it, you know. Look what happened with Mandy Patinkin. He had to drop out of the play because he was getting. What play? The one that Groban was just in because they replaced the guy who is the star from. What was that? The Hamilton was the star.

The ticket sales dropped. So they went to replace him with Mandy Patinkin. And they said it, you know, for racist, the producers are racist, that they're replacing him because they think he could draw more people. Why don't you use a bigger name? Draw more commercial. I know Keith's going to get mad if I say this. Maybe I shouldn't say it. I know Keith's going to get mad if I say this, but I think people need to think ten times when they start throwing this racism word around. It's so ubiquitous.

It loses its sting. Everything that concerns a cast of black people and white people in a story cannot be racist. Wait a minute now. If somebody tried to do something with the Holocaust. That's different. What the hell's the matter with you? No, no, I wouldn't object. You wouldn't, but there would be.

Hogan's heroes. There would be outrage. That wasn't the Holocaust. That was the Luftwaffe. All right, go ahead. Go ahead. You know, you would be, you would have something. No, I wouldn't.

Not unless I, listen, Mel Brooks, did you see Springtime for Hitler? I thought you were going to say Mel Gibson. But Mel Brooks is Jewish. Yeah. Mel Brooks is Jewish. Now talk about Mel Gibson. Talk about the other Mel. Listen, I actually defended Mel Gibson for a long time until I actually saw the movie.

And the movie was, he really. You're talking about time until I actually saw the movie. And the movie was... You're talking about the movie The Passion of the Christ. In the movie, he really depicted the Jews as sniveling, disgusting-looking, you know, big nose, ugly teeth. You know, it was hard to... It was hard to not see where he was coming from. I'll just say this.

Everybody in those days probably had ugly teeth. No, but nobody in the movie did except for the Jews. Except for the Jews, okay. But my point is that... Oh, there were dentists back then? You could show me an episode of a show, and I'd say, no, that's just disrespectful to black people. I'm not saying it can't be.

I'm just saying that they can't start calling it racist before they even see the show. It might be actually very sympathetic. Wouldn't that be... What about 12 Years a Slave? That won an Oscar, didn't it? Yeah. I couldn't stand 12 Years a Slave.

I couldn't get through it. It was too upsetting for me, but I never thought they should make the movie. and Holocaust movies. Whoa. I think we're right. You're really pushing buttons.

I said, slave movies and Holocaust. You know, enough. They need more emoji movies. That's where the market's going. Is there a Jewish emoji? There ought to be a Jew emoji. It's the dollar sign.

Look, look. I just think everything's very sensitive. People aren't thinking perfectly logically. And I believe America could well be doomed over this. Do you understand this? Over this racial issue. I think you're right. Part of, this is the way human beings are.

Part of the sensitive reaction is because people are constantly being told that this is something they need to be sensitive about. So it's a feedback loop, and they get more and more and more sensitive about it because it's more and more fed to them that you should be outraged. You think college kids would really, on their own, think they need trigger warnings? They're told they need trigger warnings, and now they have full-blown... What do they do in the 40s, for God's sake? They have safe spaces, for God's sake.

I just said something about Netanyahu, and you was offended. What the fuck is the matter with you? I'm just saying. I said something like, Netanyahu bugs me, and you got offended at that. I did not get offended. I'm just saying. I said something like Netanyahu bugs me and you got offended. I did not get offended. You got a little sensitive. Well, no one might have not

gotten offended. Absolutely not. Look, I have to say I have to say that Like Donald Trump. You know, if somebody that's not Jewish makes fun of, say, the Hasidim. Now, I make fun of the Hasidim day and night.

Lord knows they're an odd bunch. But if somebody that's not Jewish makes fun of the Hasidim, even if it's a perfectly rational, reasoned... Like, look at these people. They look ridiculous. I was at B&H today. They are good people.

They are good people. They are good people. Some are good, some are not good. But I would be, and it's not necessarily rational, but if you said, if Keith Robinson said, look at these, what the fuck are they dressed like that for? They probably smell in those clothes. None of that is necessarily wrong. I mean, if you're wearing those clothes in the summer,

you might well smell. But I would be upset by that. I mean, if you're wearing those clothes in the summer, you might well smell. But I would be upset by that. I would be somewhat... I would have to tell myself rashly, Dan, don't kick his ass. Lord knows you could. But he's not saying anything necessarily racist. But I would have to tell myself that

and talk myself down. You're actually making my point. I agree. We all have our visceral... But that's not because I was taught actually making my point. I agree. We all have our visceral... But that's not because I was taught that. It's just visceral. We all have our visceral reflexive reactions, and that's why I'm saying when people feel that urge,

they need to shut up because you cannot call everything racist. You can't call everything anti-Semitism. Why not? Because these things really do exist, and you can't cry wolf all the time. Yeah, but it's easier once you label stuff these things really do exist and when you can't cry wolf all the time. Yeah, but it's easier once you label

stuff so you're able to qualify it as, well, this is anti-Semitic, this is racist, this is... It's good to have a wide blanket so everyone stays safe. You want a blanket like a fog machine. Yeah, it's like...

If you're not Jewish, you shouldn't be talking about Jews and what stay safe. You want a blanket like a fog machine. Yeah. I try to bring back the fog machine. Like if you're not Jewish, you shouldn't be talking about Jews and what they look like and dress like. Well, then if that's the case, then if you're not Jewish, you should, if not black,

you shouldn't be making movies about the black struggle. Well, I'm not making movies about black. It was a one-man play I did. But Noam is saying that that's ridiculous, that any artist should be able to tell any story. But everybody is free to say what you're saying when it's not you that's being done. If it's not Jews being betrayed, you're easy to say.

I understand why some might feel sensitive even, you know, toward a show about the Confederacy. Even though I can't logically say why it's wrong or racist. What did I walk in on? We're talking about the show on HBO, the show in production, I believe, called Confederacy, about what if the South had won the war of Northern Aggression. I haven't heard of that, but they're actually stealing the idea from, I think it was called, there was a book called Fatherland, which they made a movie out of, which is what if the Nazis had won?

So it's Fatherland with a black twist. Well, it's alternative history. Ah, there you go. Alternative history, it's like, you know. It's like, what if Trump had won? It's not a rare genre. You know, Inglourious Basterds was alternative history. Yeah.

You know. I think we should wait to was alternative history. Yeah. You know. I think we should wait to see the movie. It's not a movie, it's a show. It's a show, and I think people should be able to...

Well, there may not be a show if there's too much controversy. People should be able to do whatever they want, and... Well, look at that series Roots. Remember that?

Look how that portrayed white people. Not in a positive light. That was... Well, that's kind of based on fact. Oh, well, okay. But it still didn't paint them in a...

Yeah, I was offended, by the way, at the fact that it portrayed white people. There's a new thing now which has seeped into our culture, which is shutting down something that's about a subject that you don't like. I don't know if it's new, but... It's called social media.

It's absolutely new. It's never happened before. And it starts with college campuses' speeches and whatever it is. It happens to Bill O'Reilly. It happens to whatever... And it's gaining steam. The right wing is really taking a beating lately.

No, no. The idea that when you don't like something, you should start looking around for the reasons to shut it down. Yeah, but it's... I don't like it. It's personal life, and it's very pick and choose. In other words, if you're a... Well, if it's hate speech, maybe there is a reason to shut it down. Yeah, if there's hate speech, maybe there is.

But none of these examples were hate speech. And I'm not even... Listen, I've said this before. When I was a kid, when you were a kid, we lived through the chapter where we prided ourselves, prided ourselves, that we allowed the Nazis

to march through Skokie. Remember that? And the Jews and the ACLU, they fought for the right for the Nazis to march and this is when we patted ourselves on the back. We respect the First Amendment. And that's what liberals took pride in in those days. It's exactly the opposite now. You think they would let some...

Tea party? They might let Nazis go, but they wouldn't let the KKK march. I don't think they should be allowed to march either. Of course they should be allowed to march. Fuck them. They preach hate. If you preach hate,

maybe you shouldn't have the right to march. The country... That is a direction for the country to go to start thinking that, listen, as soon as you get people. It's not that they're not permitted. It's just a lot of, who defines what's hate? That's right. As soon as you tell people, listen, there is a line,

and when that line is crossed, then you have these rights. Shut them down. People are going to find people crossing that line all the time. There's only one thing that works, which is say whatever you want, do whatever you want. But under the say whatever you want rubric. And if you don't like it, don't watch. Okay, but under the say whatever you want rubric is the right to go on social media and say, fuck these people, let's boycott them.

Right. And let's write letters saying they should be fired. You have the right. I think it's unwise. These boycotts are unwise. It's where that leads to. It's where all the hate speech leads to. That's the thing.

Like, if ISIS says what they want, but they're trying to recruit, so we let them say it. Can we have ISIS marches here in New York City? Can we allow that? Of course. I kind of disagree. You wouldn't do it. What? So, if people talk about the ISIS rhetoric, you wouldn't know it.

They should be able to say whatever they want. No, it's where it leads to. You think they should be able to go on the internet and recruit people? What I'm saying is I think... And preach an ideology that could cause mass damage? Yes. In China, now, they censor the entire internet because they've drawn their line at certain places. Have we learned nothing from history?

I mean, this is what made us a great country. We allowed communists during the time when we had real threats, like Obama and I didn't like they said ISIS not being an existential threat, but communism, the Cold War, this was real existential threats, and we didn't shut down communism.

We tried. McCarthyism, and that was a dark. We tried. I don't think we're saying. McCarthyism, and that was a dark chapter for us, the blacklisting and all that. I don't think we're saying the government should be doing it. We're saying that people have the right to boycott it. I was going to say, we're bringing back blacklisting now. That's right. This is exactly what McCarthy did. This is that we're looking for something about you that we can use to shut you down.

It's ridiculous. McCarthyism was the government doing that. No, it wasn't down. It's ridiculous. Was the government doing that? No, it wasn't the government. It wasn't just the government. It was the Hollywood consciousness. Blacklisting people were losing their jobs, whatever it is. I thought McCarthyism was when you're against vaccination. Believe me, if you are a right-wing person now in Hollywood,

you will lose your job just like a commie would. Well, I'd rather lose my job based upon my act as opposed to my political affiliations. It's going to happen. You have to get a job based on your act first before you can lose it. You can't lose a job just based on a fog machine. I like to think I lost it because of my political affiliations. I tell you this about Mike Fine, whatever you think about Mike Fine, and I'm a big fan. I don't know if we've made any converts here tonight, but I'm still behind you.

I think you'd be a wonderful character actor. Oh, thank you. Can I introduce you to Judd Apatow? Because you'd probably appreciate it. You'd probably appreciate that I... I do appreciate it. I could probably squeeze him in.

You just let me know when... Is that a cuddle reference? No, he does good thing he does to give Judd Apatow credit well when my friend dear friend Max Alexander passed away he stepped up big and his foundation wrote a beautiful check to help Max and all his little late but not to help his children and his family the medical bill that, no. For the medical bills and the family. Oh, that's wonderful. I didn't know that. I don't know if I was

supposed to announce it on there, but he really stepped up big and whatever he needed sent something for the memorial and a wonderful guy. Yeah, he's a good guy.

He's a good guy. So I'm happy to star in any one of his movies to pay him back. He's very, very anti-Trump. So I would advise you if you met him not to go down that road. No, very anti-Trump, so I would advise you, if you met him, not to go down that road.

No, definitely not. You know, just to keep your opinions to yourself and nod your head. Hold up. Let me hear it. You're for, you, what? He loves Trump. Love the Trump. Why? Can't get enough of the Trump. You're going to have to listen to the beginning of this podcast. That's, uh...

There's a whole... Well, fast forward. Keith doesn't know how to put a podcast on. Have you ever listened to a podcast? Have you ever listened to a podcast? No. I didn't think you... I'll just summarize it. I've actually never listened to one either.

Michael is in favor of enforcing immigration laws that are already on the books. And all laws. And keeping jobs in America. What's wrong with that? Now, whether or not Trump is the guy to actually affect that, I guess we all agree

that jobs should be brought back to America. I'm not sure Trump is the man to do it. Every politician would probably run on that platform. Why don't we start with Trump bringing them back in his own businesses? And what he does. He could start by bringing everything he has back. Okay, Rachel Maddow.

Listen. That's how you start? You want to make America new? Literally, and I'm about to interview Nate Silver on the next podcast, but something has switched inside me. I just have lost fucking interest in his politics for a while.

It's depressing. You know what it is? It's Trump. He lies every day. Yes, it is. It's depressing. You know what it is? It's Trump. It's not just... He lies every day. Yes, it is. It's at the point now that if North Korea launched a missile at America,

it would just put us out of our misery at this point. I am not at all trying not to lay some of the blame with Trump, but it's not just Trump that's bothering me.

It's the hysteria. It's the constant retraction. Hysteria. It's the constant retractions. It's the stories which turn out not to be true. The stories which are exaggerated. It's a saturated news. Like the greatest Boy Scout speech ever made. No, I'll give you an example. I'm a Boy Scout.

He called me. The Boy Scouts called me. And the President of Mexico called me. Both lies. I want to give you an example. It was the greatest speech ever in the history of Mexico called me. And the President of Mexico called me. Both lies. I want to give you an example. It was the greatest speech ever in the history of Boy Scout. The Trump travel ban. This is the kind of thing.

This is what's bothering me. So forget about the parts of the travel ban, which were obviously ridiculous. But there was a core part of the travel ban, which had to do with people who had never been to this country, had no relationship with the country, had no colorful constitutional rights of any kind, who just decided they wanted to come to America, and Trump said, the president says, you can't come right now. And, except for maybe one person, I remember,

legal expert, everybody was saying this is horrible, and it's going to get, it should be overturned by the courts, and the Ninth Circuit is right in Hawaii. I mean, it was like massive unify singular opinion on the matter how awful this travel ban went, how clearly unconstitutional it was, right?

Wait, wait, let me finish. And I said something is wrong here. It didn't make sense to me. Sure enough, the Supreme Court unanimously stays the decision, which usually when they do that, it means that they're going to uphold the travel ban. The second decision. No, the Supreme Court had one decision.

So my point is that that gulf between what the Supreme Court, you know, when they were just doing their jobs, knew was the law and the decision and all the fucking hysterical opinions to the left of that is the hysteria that's crept into our country.

Which is turning me on. There's no rational consideration. That was started by Donald Trump on the campaign trail when he said he was going to ban all Muslims. So he already made... People are already sensitive to that. When people are so enraged...

And he's been spending a lot of time... You're missing my point. I'm not missing the point. No, you are missing my point. When people are so enraged with hate that usually level-headed people lose all ability to think reasonably, rationally,

about an issue, it becomes depressing to even listen to people give their opinions anymore. The fact of the matter is Trump is so distasteful that even if he's making a correct decision,

a lot of people are just against it, because he shouldn't be the one making – Yes. He really doesn't have the right to be making these decisions. So I don't want to – Because he's proven to be such a corrupt and incompetent – He does have the right. He could come up with a cure for cancer and you'll have half the country that would still –

We're not going to take it. They want to lynch him. But he's probably not going to cure cancer. But the only way – It could happen. I discredit anybody like – The only not going to cure cancer. It could happen. I discredit anybody. The only way he can cure cancer is by shitting himself. If you don't see that Trump lies, you don't see all the stuff that's wrong with Trump,

then I can't give you any credit. I can't look at you right. He's a flawed man. He's not the best. He's a festering pile of dog shit. But, you know, there's no great... man. He's not the best. He's a festering pile of dog shit. There's no great candidate. We should only have another Barry Goldwater run for office,

but we don't. So it turns out he was the best of the candidates. No, he wasn't. Who? Hillary Clinton? Are you kidding me? I had to jump in to protect my dear friend Mike Fine. He can't jump in. He was the best candidate. I can throw a dart at this table and find friend Mike Fine. He was the best candidate. I can throw a dart at this table and find a better candidate.

He was the best candidate by far. That is the 45th president of the United States of America, and you will respect him. No, you won't. All right. Mike has proved his worth, as I knew he would. And that's why you should buy one of Lenny Marcus' CDs. Mike has proved his worth as I knew he would. Mike stood in that pocket. And that's why you should buy one of Lenny Marcus' CDs.

Mike is selling Lenny Marcus' CD because he doesn't have his own. And that's another thing. Why Lenny Marcus? Why not? Is he the best candidate? Is that like an anti-Semitic thing? I'm going to pretend like I didn't hear.

Why? Because he's a Jew? Among other reasons. It doesn't help. Please buy Lenny Marcus' CD. Hey, whatever pisses off Kevin Brennan, I'm fine with. And also watch my new TV show I have on now. So that's I hope maybe you guys come on. Well, give us a quick, where's the TV show?

It's called Park Your... I smell a stick coming. No, no, it's for real. It's called Park Your Carcass. It's on Jetstream TV. You know, it's the largest online social media live show streaming right now. Right now at 8.07. What is JetStream TV? It's an Instagram account with a couple hundred thousand, like 400,000 followers. We have a very large following that watch the show. They can follow you on Twitter,

I assume, to find out more about this show on Jetstream, on Gulfstream television. What's the... Jetstream TV, you can find on... At Twitter.

The Real Cuddle Star. Well, that's a lot. We gotta go. At the Real Cuddle Star. I got some Twitter verified people over there I gotta talk to. Okay, everybody. Thank you.

Bye, goodnight. Good night.