The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Mike Lawrence & Sasheer Zamata

Episode Date: September 22, 2016

Mike Lawrence & Sasheer Zamata

You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the table, on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Welcome to The Comedy Cellar show here on Sirius XM Channel 99, The Comedy Channel. We're here with the, uh... Erstwhile Kristen. The inimitable, uh, Miss Kristen Montella, and the exasperating Mr. Dan Natterman. We also have sitting at the table, uh, for those of you who follow the show every week, the guy, Stephen Calabria, who Dan canned as our booker.

Well, that's a mischaracter. Excuse me. So, and if we get to it, we'll get to that. Otherwise, you just sit here and stew in it, okay? Go ahead, Dan. You were telling us before we had a... Well, I was saying that, if you remember from last week,

I had a new favorite snack. What was the snack again? It was cornbread crisps. Yeah, cornbread crisps. Unfortunately... They're no longer crisps. Unfortunately, the bloom is off the rose. Why is that?

I just didn't stand the test of time. The first few bags were great, and then all of a sudden, I just did it all. I see a larger conversation. Before my wife walks in, I think that's her actually now, I just want to say, sometimes novelty doesn't work I've noticed this

in my life with relationships with foods with songs some things bear repeated whatever cheese-its

cheese-its are still good after all these years that is true cheese-its that's right they stand Cheetos

Gilligan's Island, some things for whatever reason. No, I'm serious. Some things don't stand a test of time. No, the other night, of course there was a recent bombing in Chelsea. Everybody's buzzing about that. The other night, here at the comedy club, when the bombing happened.

Stephen was the first to say it was not an act of terrorism. I did not say that. We'll get to that. So there was a group of people that were talking. I guess their phones were on, which they shouldn't have been. But they were talking about the Chelsea bombing. Phones were on where? Downstairs in the showroom.

During the show, they started saying, hell, my God, there's a bomb in Chelsea. Holy shit. And they started chatting, and they were thrown out. And there was a bit of a... Brujaha. There was a brujaha. Who threw them out?

I believe it was Mert. What is with them throwing people out here? It's like, are they lost? Why did they throw them out? Well, because they were making a lot of noise. Did they refuse to be quiet?

And then after they were told to be quiet, they continued. Oh, okay. I believe that's how it went. Okay. But the question is... They weren't of any protected race or ethnicity that might get us in trouble, were they? I don't believe so, no. Okay, then it went. Okay. But the question is... They weren't of any protected race or ethnicity

that might get us in trouble, were they? I don't believe so, no. Okay, then it's all right. As long as they were white, you could throw them right out. Go ahead. But it brought up an interesting... No legal thing to worry about. It brought up an interesting question in my mind

with regard to, of course, recently we've had the 9-11 anniversary. What if a 9-11 level event took place during the comedy show? Would you stop the show immediately? Would you...

At what point of severity of an attack do you come downstairs and make an announcement, or do you just let David Tell continue to talk about his midget friend? This is what I would do. If I found out

there was a 9-11 attack upstairs. Or that level. Yeah. I would go downstairs and tell the managers very quietly tell the waitress

to go collect the checks. And I would say some sort of computer glitch. Then once all the checks are collected. Oh, God. You would run for every other people running out the door. Then I would the checks are collected, then I would consider

how to break the news to the audience that I've already taken their money. No, I'm kidding. I don't know. I'd have to play it by ear. I mean, you can't keep it a secret. It would, clearly somebody would get it on their phone. I don't think I would go down and make an announcement.

Well, you know, the phones, they do a pretty good job of keeping everybody's phones off. No, they don't keep them off. They just keep them not taking pictures, you know. People do text their babysitters and stuff like that. I thought the rule was if we see a phone on, you're out. I mean, that is the stated rule downstairs, I believe. I don't know if that's the rule, but it's certainly not the way we enforce it.

We only take serious action when somebody is trying to record or photograph an act. I mean, at this stage, we'd probably get one of those, you know, they're sending alerts for everything now, so everyone in that room

would probably get one of those, like, shrill, Amber Alert-type sounds, and it would just be very obvious. I actually have a question. Are you allowed to speak? Dan? Can he speak? Dan has veto power over your speaking. You're taking this too far. Now you see how you're going to throw a hissy fit now. Sit right there. Good. Sit down there and

take it. Go ahead. Go ahead, Dan. He may speak. Oh, he may speak. Go ahead. He said you could speak. I have a question. Yes. Do you have the same reaction to anyone who records anything in the cellar? So, for example, if someone wants to record Paul Mercurio, are they going to receive the same punishment as somebody who wants to record David Tell?

We'd probably send them for a psych evaluation. Listen, Paul Mercurio is a good friend of mine, actually. No, of course not. And now you're... No, I mean... Well, first of all, Nome is not down there enforcing this. So it's not really Nome's call. Listen, the truth is...

Nome sets a general tone, and then the people down there enforce it as they will, as they see fit to do. But Noam is not really hands-on with that. I think it's enforced pretty unilateral. When Louis is about to go on, no one's allowed to take orders. Everybody's supposed to stand in their section.

It's a full court press, as it were, when Louis is on. Worry about people taping. Because a Louis bit which comes out prematurely is a huge, first of all, it's going to go viral. Louis may not be happy. It's a serious matter. A Stephen Calabria bit, nobody cares as much about that, including Stephen Calabria. If anything, it's probably...

Stephen Calabria is not panicking that some bit of... If anything, he might be happy for the exposure. That being said... I don't know where a Natterman bit falls on that continuum, but it's on the spectrum. Go ahead, Dan. On the spectrum, as I'm often accused of being. That's why I said it. That being said, Noam, the stated rule is no phones out or you're out.

And I believe that's fairly rigorously enforced. Yes. I don't like to throw people out. I don't like to throw people out. Well, then you might want to discuss that with the throw people out people. There's a classic story. I've told my staff this a million times of the guy, Kristen and I know him, Patrick, the skinny black guy,

the bartender at the grill. Very, very great guy. There's a bartender at this restaurant a few blocks away who had a customer thrown out for good reason. The customer waited outside and shot him.

And these stories are not that uncommon. There are other, some of the most serious club fires have been started by customers who came back and set the place on fire. So every time you publicly humiliate someone or anger someone, whatever it is, there is a risk that you are taking. I don't know if it's a smaller risk than the fact

that I still have my Samsung 7 Note 24 out of a million, but it's a risk that you are taking. I don't know if it's a smaller risk than the fact that I still have my Samsung 7 Note 24 out of a million. But it's a risk that you have to be aware of, and you have to decide whether it's worth taking. I think it's always better, and also disrupts the show. I think it's always better to try to find a way to let the people stay. Unfortunately, it always becomes a matter of ego between the person who told the customer whatever it was and the customer who didn't want to listen to it. And it's very difficult to back down.

And as a matter of fact, you get some insight into the cops sometimes. When I see my security guys just totally, just like, just let it go. Like, they go crazy. Now they're good. I mean, I've had this experience where like some guy takes out a cigarette. You know, not allowed to smoke in a bar. They smoke a cigarette and so they're trying. I've had this experience where some guy takes out a cigarette.

You're not allowed to smoke in a bar. They smoke a cigarette, and so they're trying to throw him out. He doesn't want to go out. And he's, what's the matter? Throwing him out. And it gets physical. They're throwing this guy out for smoking a cigarette, and he turns into a fight.

I'm like, why are you throwing him out? He's smoking a cigarette. I said, okay. If he wouldn't leave just by telling him to leave, it'll be okay. And if the cops show up, we can say, listen, he wouldn't leave. We don't need to take that risk of a physical interaction over a cigarette. It's not really

a threat to anybody. But for the comedy show, it's a bigger... It's a disruption. Yeah, right. It's a different situation. What's a disruption? A cigarette? No, no. If somebody's really talking over... I mean, at a certain point, it's ruining the show different situation. A cigarette? No, no. If somebody's really talking, I mean, at a certain point, it's ruining the show for everyone. There is a time you have to ask somebody to leave.

Unfortunately, it's not always considered dispassionately. Unfortunately, ego very often, and anger, and reaction. Sometimes, this is the ultimate example, happened not long ago. There was a big argument about a customer

who didn't want to pay his check it was bullshit he said he didn't know the coverage the guy was totally full of shit and they were waiting for the cops to come and the security guys

were kind of standing in front of him and then he says I'm leaving and he tried to push past him and all of a sudden the security guy pushes back

and the fight I said whoa whoa just let him go but he didn't pay his check it's okay you know his check was 40 bucks just let him go.

We're not going to have a fight here and the cops here and all this at risk for a $40 check. I don't give... And they know. I always tell them. I've told them a million times. Let them go. I don't give a shit about collecting the check. I've said this a thousand times.

Are you announcing now publicly? Yeah, right. Yes, I'm announcing now right now. I've told people, if it's going to get physical, just let them go. So why don't they just let them go? Because they don't like to see the customer get over on them. It has nothing to do with collecting the money for the boss. It's all about the human ego, and that's too often involved.

But I think there is something, especially for our security guys. They've been there a really long time, most of them. They're great. We have the best security guys. They've been there a really long time, most of them. They're great. We have the best security guys. Other places are ten times worse. I'm saying that there is a sense of kind of pride that they have in the place. And I don't think it's all ego. Ego definitely feeds in.

But I think they feel like it's somebody taking from them. Listen. Like they feel like it's. We're talking about it. And because the topic was throwing people out instead of how great the security guys are, I'm saying something negative about things we deal with with security. But the truth is, everybody knows it. Our security guys are fantastic.

Well, I don't know. Who's everybody that knows this? I'm not saying they're not. Anyone who comes here. You make it sound like that's all anyone talks about is how great the security guys are. I was at a wedding the other day. They said, you work at the cellar? My God, they have the security guys are. Well. I was at a wedding the other day. They said, you work at the cellar? My God,

they have good security. Shut up. Hi. I mean, you know, I'm not saying they're bad. I'm just saying it's hardly the talk of the town.

No, but we do get a lot of, like, reviews and stuff where people mention that the security guys are nice. I've read, yeah,

but I've never seen such a review, but I haven't seen it. And when we get bad reviews about the security guys, the security guys are 99 times out of 100 in the right. Some guy who was drunk and was behaving like a jackass.

You know, I say this, and I'll introduce the guest. Never once has somebody said to a customer, listen, sir, you're too drunk. We can't let you in. And the customer says, you know something? You're right. Thank you. I bet you I could comb those Yelp reviews

from here to the second coming, and no one will mention how great the security guy is. How many will mention how great Dan Aderman is? Maybe none, but that's not the discussion. All right, but that doesn't make it less true. No one just said. No, you're not right. We do get.

No one just said, everybody knows we've got the best security. Oh, God, why are you doing this? Because that's a ridiculous statement. It's something that happened in his childhood. No, it's not that it happened. I'll tell you why I'm doing it, because number one, when I get angry, the quality of the show goes up. That's number one. That's true.

You nerd. And then number two, everybody knows we have the greatest. We're kind of ridiculous. Anyway, Mike Lawrence. How's it going? How do you do, Michael? Good. Mike Lawrence is here.

Best security in this club. Great security. You know that's all anybody talks about. No, the security is like a thankless thing. You only notice it if it's not good. That's right. It's like makeup and hair. It's a good comparison.

Welcome. This is your first time, your debut here on our humble program. We do thank you for coming. Thanks, man. And you wrote for the Amy Schumer Show, which is no longer in production. Nope. But you certainly were involved with that. But more interestingly, I think, is you're also a comedy...

Well, the show is over. It's still interesting. We're good. Well, but something that's a little more relevant in terms of what's in the news is you were writing for the recent roast on Comedy Central. Yes, yes, the Rob Lowe roast. The Rob Lowe roast. The Ann Coulter with Rob Lowe roast. And of course.

How do you, oh, sorry, Dan, go ahead. Well, now, didn't you write some of the jokes for Ann or you tried to introduce her? How did that work? I personally worked with Ann Coulter and haven't killed myself. Uh, so I'm a hero. But yeah, I, yeah, it was, it was, that was the toughest part of the job, but also amazing in the sense, like, we're in this era now when if you do like a shitty gig or any type of thing, you're like, well, this will make a fun podcast story. You really can't lose. I'll be able to talk about this sometime.

Did she use your jokes? Did she use some of them? She used a couple of them, and it's funny. At first I was more upset that she rejected a lot of them, and then watching her try to tell jokes was like, the best way I could describe it is there was an episode of the show at midnight where they had three Vine stars on.

And I was talking to someone about it, and one of the writers, and they're like, it's not only that we had to tell them which jokes to use, but we had to try to teach them how to do comedy in two hours. And it's like, Anne doesn't have that part of her brain or whatever. So she was literally just reading the prompter with no sense of humor. Can you tell us what jokes that she used that you wrote? There was one that it was about Jimmy Carr. Jimmy Carr is here thanks to Obama's lax immigration policies.

That was good. Is that the joke? She told one joke which you saw everybody laughed at despite themselves, because they were really. I think that was it, yeah. We know Ann Coulter here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's well-liked.

Yeah. It doesn't matter politics. She's well-liked as a human being. Sociopaths usually are. Well, oh, boy, you're a tough cookie. Well, you also have to remember Mike Lawrence. I mean, if you look at Mike Lawrence,

he lives in Brooklyn, number one, right? I look like Brooklyn. If Brooklyn was a person, yeah. He is the epitome of... I'm the spirit animal of people who use the phrase spirit animal. Perfectly said. I will not add to that.

So meta. To add to that would only detract. So that's what we're dealing with, Noam, a very, very left-wing individual. Can you not recognize as someone who you vehemently disagree with is nice and polite and treats people well? Oh, yeah. And she was on the surface, but then it was like, there were parts where it was just like, all right, you clearly don't want to be doing this.

It's very obvious. Even the basic not laughing at other people's jokes, which is like roast 101. Even if you don't find them funny, it's like... Except no one has ever been subjected to something like that. It was so mean what they did to her. So mean. Yeah, but the thing is...

Even Kurt Metzger was annoyed about it. If she had been self-aware about it, she could have had the set of the night. I truly believe that. You're right, but she's not experienced enough to... Yeah. Now, Noam, did she call you and ask for recommendations for writers? I think you had mentioned that.

Or she had called looking for somebody specific. She emailed me to get the name of a comic that she wasn't sure the name of, and I thought it was Jeff Ross, so I referred her to Jeff Ross. And then I also referred her to Sam Morrell. And now why did you refer her to Sam Morrell? Because I thought he might be...

I was trying to think of who might be good to help her write some good roasts. He does a lot of roast stuff. I must confess to having been slightly annoyed because if you recall the night Anne was here last time and saw the show, she loved me. Oh, God. In fact, well, by her own statement, I was her favorite of the night.

And she went on and on and on and on. Did you happen to be sitting at the table when she did this? The truth is I think she came over to me and said, Oh, my God, you are our favorite. I think she meant Kevin, though. Actually, in retrospect, I think she meant Kevin Brennan. No, no, in retrospect, she did not. She knows you.

So it might have been nice to say, Well, maybe Dan could help you. You know, you're absolutely right, and I apologize. I'm surprised she didn't bring me up, which, of course, is another issue that I'll have to take up with her when I see her. I bring you up for every single gig. I ask Judd Apatow, everybody.

It never occurred to me that you would want to write roast Jules Fran and Culker. So you're the guy who you're like, you watch and you're like, I could have saved this. Are you like the sea captain who was like, you know, if I was steering the Titanic, I would have seen the iceberg. No. I would have known. I know how to steer a Zeppelin. The Hindenburg would not have... No, but it would be nice to get in with the White Star Line.

What's the White Star Line mean? That's the Titanic people. I'm saying it'd be nice to have some contacts over at a big shipping company. Or Comedy Central, in this case. I don't think I could have said that. Well, you know, Dan, they're always looking for up-and-coming young talent,

so you just wait long enough and... Well, now, somebody... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Somebody just set off not a conventional but a nuclear weapon. What? He just was making fun of my age. That's a joke. Yeah, but, dude, that's going too far.

Okay. That's going fucking too far. I'm sorry. Well, at least he didn't call you a hatchet-faced bitch like they called Ann Coulter. I mean, I don't know. It works in a British accent. We don't know. I don't know.

We don't really know each other well enough to get to that level. Oh, was that Jimmy? Then I take it back. I love Jimmy. Of ball busting. I didn't realize age was such a... You don't make fun of an older comic when you're a younger comic. You're not old.

Compared to Mike Lawrence, I'm old, number one. Number two, he's got a job at Comedy Central. I don't. He's like, well, we're always looking for young people. You don't realize the extreme degree of that statement? This is not a roast battle. I know you won roast battle and we're all happy for you, but here we're nice. Okay. Alright. You started

out by saying, when you get mad, the show is better, which is basically waving a red cape in front of a bull for everybody to try to make you angry. Make you mad. And based on how I eat, I will never live to your age. Well, now he's being self-deprecating and taking a swipe at me at the same time. At least he's got the self-deprecating thing in there.

By the way, I don't want to ignore her. She's been here sitting amongst us now for about five minutes very politely. Sashir Zamata. Zamata. You say Zamata. Dan, how many? You say Zamata.

I'm sure that I'm not the first person to make that error. It's still funny. And Will Silvins is hovering. He's going to be a creep right now. Will, actually, I have to leave soon. You want to take my spot when I leave? Oh, God. What time are you hosting? I'm going to creep right now. Will, actually, I have to leave soon. You want to take my spot when I leave? Oh, God. I got a host. What time are you hosting?

7.30. Okay, I'm going to see you. I'm going to the Adele concert. By the way, I had a dream the other night. I had a dream the other night that Adele made a surprise. On Friday night, we do music here at the club. Yeah. And I had a dream that Adele stopped by to sing,

and she sang Don't Stop Believing, and she cleared the room. She stunk the place up. That was my dream. You guys know that she's going on a hiatus? Adele? Again? She said she's going for a 10-year break to raise a kid.

Good for her. You better enjoy tonight's concert. A lot of good musicians out of work now. No, two or three musicians I work with are... Oh, yeah, so she employs a lot of people that come here. She employs a lot of musicians that used to be in our band, yeah. Way to just come over and usurp the mic from our esteemed guest. Well, thank you.

Making a breaking announcement about Adele. I don't know how this works. I was like, should I just interrupt? I'll tell you how this traditionally works. I give a long, drawn-out introduction. Adding details that are of no real value. So let me commence. Our guest today

is the rising star of Saturday Night Live. She's in her third season. She comes to us from... What part of the... Brooklyn? Brooklyn is in the house. More Brooklyn, yeah. And she's as lovely in person as she is on television. More. I would say more. More beautiful in person. I More Brooklyn, yeah. And she's as lovely in person as she is on

television. More. I would say more. More beautiful in person. Oh, that's nice. And her name is not Shashir Zamata, as it is spelled, but Shashir Zamata. As it's spelled. Yes.

As it is also spelled. It's a common mistake, though. Yeah. Welcome to our program. What did you think of the exchange that I... Did you think Mike Lawrence was out of line and calling me old? I honestly didn't, like,

hear the insult the way you heard it, so I... But if you heard it as an insult, then, you know, you are... Well, I... You have rights to feel the way you feel. I don't want to... I don't want to take away from that. I don't want to make it weird between me and Mike.

Mike, you know I love you. I just had to school you. Dan, let it go, Dan. Let it go. It's done. I'm just saying. Tap out on this one. It's done.

It's not done. Oh, God. I will never tell a joke on a comedy podcast again. No, no, no. You can certainly not. Holding grudges is a sign of age, too. You're welcome to tell a joke, but I felt that, you know, there is a certain, you know, I feel, limit. But Shashir doesn't get it because she's so young and fresh and delightful.

She doesn't understand what it is to be an older gentleman. Baby idiot. No, you're not a baby idiot, but you're, well, the young will never realize what it is to be young. Oh, I guess, yeah, until you get older. Until you get older, you don't know. To you, well, the young will never realize what it is to be young. Oh, I guess, yeah. Until you get older. Until you get older. You don't know. To you, this is what life is.

It's just one big. Did I say something? Oh, well. Yeah, but you have to use a mic to do so. First of all, two things. Why comics are so sensitive. Number two, everybody's afraid of Mike because of the damage he did on a comedy roast. Dan's not afraid of Mike.

Mike is dangerous. Mike is lawless. Lawless, that's a good description. I'm not afraid of Mike. I'm just not of the roasting genre. I'm not either. Dan, we have a member of the... And Mike and'm not either. You know. Dan, we have a member of... And Mike and I,

you know, you only roast the ones you love. That's the old Friars roast motto. And Mike and I don't really know each other that well. Dan, you have a member

of the Saturday Night Live cast and... No, we should talk about this argument a little bit more. The Englishman thing. If you guys don't know this show, we have famous people

come on here and they say what they think of Dan. This is really... There is that element, but that's only one of the things that we do on this program. We shared a car ride to and from New Jersey. We're close.

Well, when was that? I don't recall. That was a couple years ago. This guy was trying to film a comedy pilot. Oh, that thing. yeah. And it was great because he told us to be clean and then he was bombing and he was like, fuck it! And then just started doing pussy fart jokes. Oh, God.

Yeah, it was amazing. So, I thought we were close because of that. Well, there's no hard feelings. Jeffrey Gurian was there. Oh, God. Yeah. So, yes, there was press, you know. I'm still mad at Jeffrey Gurian was there. Oh, God. Yeah. So, yes, there was press, you know. I'm still mad at Jeffrey Gurian. Look, we all have sensitive points, I think.

Very few of us don't have any sensitive points. Sasheer, do you have any Achilles heels that we might avoid lest we provoke your anger? I'm pretty chill, honestly. It takes a lot to make me angry. It takes a lot to get to that. How did you get discovered to go on Cyanide Live? One of the producers saw me at UCB doing improv in like 2011 or something. One of the AD at the time suggested that someone come see our group.

What's AD? The artistic director. Artistic director. Yeah. And my group is composed of three black ladies, and that was a thing that the show didn't have at the time. So he was like, let's get them all together. Was that during that controversy?

No, that was before. I mean, it was like within the seven years when they didn't have a black female actress. When Kenan was playing every black female. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they didn't see a problem with it. I won't put you on the spot and ask you what you think about that whole seven-year period.

Thank you. But at some't put you on the spot and ask you what you think about that whole seven-year period. Thank you. But at some point when you delete the show, I'd like you to come back on and tell us what you thought about it. Okay. Dan was very offended by it at the time. Personally? No, he's making that up. I wasn't terribly offended. You loved it.

I was neither here nor there. I do miss Ellen Cleghorn. She was one of my favorites over the years. She was great. I don't know what ever became of her. I haven'tleghorn. She was one of my favorites over the years. She's great. I don't know whatever became of her. I haven't seen her. She was on a couple shows.

Don't know. Perhaps you could tell us what you think about the fact that Woody Allen doesn't use many black characters in his movies. I'm not. You're not even going to do that?

I'm not concerned with that. Oh, you're not concerned with that? I'd find it weirder if he did in some ways. Like, if he tried to write inauthentic black characters.

Like, if his stories are about, like, all these, like, New York Jews and then forced it in. Because, I mean, I'm all for diversity, but sometimes

some of the attempts are just fucking embarrassing. Yeah. Yeah. He writes what he knows and if he doesn't know diverse people, then don't do it. He could just write knows and if he doesn't know diverse people, then don't do it.

He could just write a black person but using the Woody affectation. Like, you know, I was at a Jay-Z concert. Just like when they forced a human torch

to be black. Oh, you didn't like that? Hell no. Really? No, I did not like that at all. If that was your problem with the movie,

you didn't see the movie. Even racists were like, well, he was okay. No, no, no. That was not. I mean, I had a lot of problems with that movie. But, I mean, just keep it on the subject. What about a black James Bond? Well, if it's Idris, I'm all up for it.

Yeah. The only requirement should be someone who is sexy. Yeah, exactly. And British. well if it's Idris I'm all up for it totally yeah the only requirement should be someone who is sexy yeah and swagger and British yeah

and British British it has to be but black well you heard Trevor Noah's joke about it no

whereas James Bond he's supposed to be like you know in Scotland and he hides very easily he runs into a crowd and they can't find him

if he's black they're like there there he goes. I've never seen someone take over a comedy podcast with other people's material. And Mike. My joke about it was that the same people who were dead set against the black James Bond seemed to be quite happy with a white Jesus.

But anyway, I thought that... That's not more of a joke. That's more of an observation. Yeah, that's true. Wait, but can I spin the question that you just asked? How did you feel about going on to SNL at the time that you did? Was there somewhat of a, okay, they need somebody? Or were you happy, like, oh, I get to be the person

that really shows them what they've been missing? Well, I'm happy to be on the show period right and i i was already auditioning it was like before all the blogs were posting all this stuff about like the lack of diversity i was already auditioning so it was already a goal of mine and then it happened to be the year where i was ready was the year that everyone was like, find one immediately. Did you feel pressure? Did there feel like extra pressure? I guess.

But I don't know. I just kind of like keep my eyes on my own paper and just do my job. How about a white shaft? Will is getting ready to spring like a cheetah. I don't like the black Jane spot, I have to be honest. Here he goes again.

Before SNL, what was your big goal? Was it to get on SNL or was it another goal? Number one, I just want to say that's a good question. You could have written it on a piece of paper and handed it to me. Will, you got to go on, Will. Bye. Yeah, SNL's definitely a goal. I never said Will doesn't have good questions.

You know never not enough credit was Debra Wilson on MADtv. She's my fave, for sure. She's the best. She's like a big... She should have been a major star. She was on that show like eight seasons. She could sing, she could act.

She can do everything. She was fucking funny. Did you answer the question about your goals prior to SNL? No, because you interrupted her. But then Mike Lawrence interrupted, too. All right, go ahead. What was the question about your goals prior to SNL? No, because you interrupted her. But then Mike Lawrence interrupted too. All right, go ahead. What was the question? Don't shake your head

like a grandmother. Was SNL a goal of mine, I guess? Or was that the goal? Yeah, did you have another goal before that? I mean, yeah, I want to do everything.

I want to be a producer. I want to be a mogul. I want to have my own production company make TV shows. I want to write movies and be in them. Yeah, I want to do a lot.

Wow. How long have you been doing comedy? Seven years. You do stand-up. I a lot. Wow. How long have you been doing comedy? Seven years. You do stand-up? I do stand-up. How come you don't work here? Does she work here?

I haven't. I haven't. She's never put in here. Do you want to work here? I do, yeah. I would love to. It's not hard. Okay.

All right. Don't say that. That's not true. Well, if you're on the cast of SNL. Well, yeah, right. If you're funny, it's not hard. We usually make allowances for the cast of SNL. Well, yeah, right. If you're funny, it's not hard. We usually make allowances for the cast of SNL to perform here anytime they want.

At a minimum, you'll get an audition and probably start working here. And we do offer 50% off on food here. Now, unfortunately, the kitchen is closed for renovation. I hope you get a phone call from Melanie Hutzel after this. Former SNL people are like, is there anyone from SNL? Who's the one,

the blonde who's become like an arch conservative and found Jesus? That's Victoria Jackson. Victoria Jackson, yeah. That's a sad story, right? There is a, there is, well,

I liked her. I did like her a great deal. I thought she was funny. There's a big cast, the cast is getting so big on it. How many people in this year's? I think there's 16.

It's like a Cecil B. DeMille production. It loses something by having such a big cast. Like Ben-Hur. Very big, yeah. No, but you need that. You need that to cover different topics. You need diversity. You need different people, different talking people.

But there was something to seeing a small cast doing numerous skits in one night. It was just a different experience. That's just me. seeing a small cast doing numerous skits in one night, which was, it was just different experience. Yeah. That's just me. It's the show that everyone always liked better when, you know, that is true.

Well, I'm not one of these guys. I did like it better. Like Carol Burnett had a small, like a small thing. It was kind of fun. That's those same few people doing it. You know what? A heartbreaking moment for me last night,

I was on the plane and I was watching, like, I was sitting next to this, like, girl who must have been like eight or nine and she was watching New Simpsons and laughing. And then I had to admit, like, it does exist for a new generation. It's just not for me anymore. But, like, because I hate the new episodes, but I'm like, well, it's making these people happy.

And there's kids now who grow up on SNL and they think it's the best thing ever, and that's how shit goes. My wife's sitting here. She gets furious because all I watch is Columbo reruns and Star Trek original series. I never understand. But I love it.

I can't help it. And Mary Talamore. My favorite SNL group was the Hartman, Carvey, Myers, Lovitz era. I'm not one of these guys that's all about the original cast. I never loved them. When I came in, I was the 17th cast member. That was the biggest cast that we've ever had. And it felt big.

It feels big, right? It feels big, yeah. And you're struggling to get on, too, right? Yeah. It's a lot of fighting for airtime and fighting for writers and fighting, just fighting. It must make Lauren's job a lot harder. Yeah, I imagine. I don't know. Maybe it doesn't. I don't know what

the thought process is with bringing more people in, but maybe he just loves everybody so much that he has to have them on. When's this current season start? It hasn't started yet. October 1st is our premiere. Do you have anything in the works in terms of characters you're working on?

Yeah. You do? She can't tell you that. She can't tell you. I'm hoping that it airs. Who's hosting the first week? I don't think I'm allowed to say. They don't have to announce.

Is it somebody really, really good? Yeah, yeah. It'll be a good one. I'm excited. Is it Hillary Clinton? No. Oh, that would be awesome. No.

And Kate won the Emmy. Yes, Kate won the Emmy. That's pretty. That's awesome. She's been nominated four times, I guess. Really? Essentially as long as she's been on the show, which is amazing. Who won the Emmy?

Kate McKinnon. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, for Supporting Actress. Yeah. Which she well deserves. She's so great. No, just a heads up. When do you have until?

Well, old man, I need to go. I'm going to the Adele show. Now, you said you have to go. Is it you have to because you want to or you have to because you have to? You have to. I kind of have to. Once you're done, he has to go. I have to because I have to.

I sort of want to see Adele. But as you know, I have friends who are in the band. And I have to go and support them. He puts on a great show. I heard, actually. I'm sorry you had to see the greatest singer in the world. Yeah, right. I mean, her banter, she makes a whole stadium feel like a small club room.

I got to fucking eat filet mignon. Let me ask you this question, Noam. I don't want to go see anybody. I don't know. Go ahead. I have a quick question for you with regard to Mike's comment about her being the best singer in the world. I can't speak to. But you mentioned the other night there's a friend of yours, and you said, well, I can't figure out why he didn't make it.

He's a singer. Yeah. And this question I come up against all the time in my own head, and I don't know what the answer is. Is just being able to sing really, really, really well, is that enough? Is there such a thing as being such a good singer that stardom is inevitable or nearly inevitable? What I said was, Dan always says

that you have to have a lot of luck to make it. I said he's... Well, I was referring to the comedic concept. I said he's so good, he was unlucky not to make it. Okay. That's the way I put it. Right. He is a guy, We had all these,

we had Adele's background singers. We had all these great singers here that night. And everybody's fantastic. And then Mike Davis, who's this guy we're talking about, is just sitting down and he's gained a lot of weight.

And he just started singing and the olive tree went quiet. Like, I mean, just the charisma and the quality of what he was doing, it was like, it was unbelievable the change tree went quiet. Like, I mean, just the charisma and the quality of what he was doing, it was like, it was unbelievable, the change in the room. And everybody from, including the comedian table,

just sat and watched. He sang a pretty long song and then went crazy when he finished. People had never heard this guy sing before and he was barely even trying. And that, when you see something like that, yeah, usually people like that will get noticed, you know? And normally, if

they can do that in this room, they can do it in a bigger room, and they can do it to America. Well, who in your estimation is he as good as that is a big star? He's as good as anybody. Well, but who's like, who in your estimation is somebody that's as good as R. Well, but who's like, who in your estimation is somebody that's seen... He's as good as R. Kelly or Marvin Gaye

or any... He's not a writer like Prince is. But did Marvin Gaye write music as well? Yeah, Marvin Gaye wrote, yeah. Well, maybe that's the answer. No, but he's as good

as Teddy Pendergrass, for sure. And he can write, too. He's just not... He's as good as anybody. And everybody who knows him knows that he's as good as anybody. He's known knows him knows that he's as good as anybody. He's known by famous people all over the country.

And Adele was kind of like a throwback to that because you look at the 90s and you had... Remember women writing and singing their own songs was a fad? And there was a festival for it for three years. Yeah, exactly.

And then Britney killed that. That died with Britney and then Christina and these overproduced songs. for it for three years. Yeah, it was fair. Yeah, exactly. And then Britney killed that. Like, that died with Britney and then Christina and these overproduced songs. And then Kelly Clarkson was kind of a blend of that. And then Adele is the I'm just going to sing.

Like, you're going to go see this show tonight. It's going to be two hours. She's not going to dance or anything. And she's going to be hurt. And sometimes that should be enough. I hate the dancing

during these shows. Like, I've seen a lot of Prince concerts. The worst ones, by far, is when he had all those dancers and all that stuff. The best ones were you just saw Prince playing the guitar and bass and singing. It wasn't just my reaction. You could tell the reaction of the audience.

Although, watching Beyonce sing and dance for two hours is amazing. Beyonce is a different thing altogether. She's in her own category. I've never been able to get into her as much as I want to. I like the newest album the best, but I don't know why I resent the way she got famous. The way? The dad.

Pushing her in spite of these other girls. That happens a lot, though. That's a lot of people's stories. Yeah, but there's something about it. Is know. That's one of people's stories. Yeah, but it just, oh, there's something about it. Like, is it creepy?

It just feels like a product, like, there was that Simpson episode where Lisa was in the beauty pageant and there was the girl Amber Dempsey who had like

the fake eyelashes and that was like her move. Beyonce feels like that. There's like an artificial ness to her. She was produced. Yeah, overproduced.

She's fantastic. Yeah. If she were one of the greatest She's an amazing entertainer. Yeah, overproduced. She's fantastic. Yeah. If she were one of the greatest guitar players. She's an amazing entertainer. Yeah. If she were one of the greatest guitar players

in the world, then you would probably prefer to see her play the guitar. But she's not. But she's an amazing performer. The new Lemonade was the first album

where I genuinely like really thought she was an artist. No, I think because she also, this is like the first album where she really put her heart into it.

You saw her raw. More emotion than she's ever been able to show us. And it seems like she had full and total control. Are you going to be yelling out any song names? You don't seem like the type. No, I'm not going to yell out song names. You think Juanita's going to let him stand and embarrass her?

You don't put cigarette lighters up in the air anymore, do you? Your phone. Your phone flashlight. The phone? Yeah. The flashlight on your phone. And you don't put cigarette lighters up in the air anymore, do you? No, no. Your phone. Your phone flashlight. Your phone? Yeah. The flashlight on your phone.

They found a way to do it without a fire hazard. I know. It was never a fire hazard. Careful. Well, hopefully, are you going to get to meet Adele at the end? I don't think so. All right. Well.

I had to come back here anyway. Have fun. And I'll be honest with you. I don't think I can carry the show without you. All right, here we are. Tashir Zomata is with us, and we also have Mike Lawrence. Zomata. He doesn't want to say it right. He's just like he can't.

He just doesn't want to. He's locked into Zomata. I mean, I get it. You Zomata'd in show business, and he still won't acknowledge how to pronounce your name. Oh, gosh. I'm sorry, Zomata. Zomata, is that an African name? I actually don't know. It's my grandma pronounce your name. I'm sorry, Zameda. Is that an African name?

I actually don't know. It's my grandma's middle name. It's my middle name, but we don't really know where it's from. Someone on Facebook messaged me years ago. It was like, I'm also Zameda, but it's a white lady. So I didn't know. I didn't respond. Well, that reminds me of David Tell once.

He had somebody, another a tell come down, like called him up or something and said, my name's a tell too. But it was like some cowboy from Texas. Oh, wow. Like somebody that didn't seem like there's any way in hell that he's related to a tell. This is the thing about social media

that really just boggles me, that it for some reason makes people think that they can just like... Reach out to you? Reach out to you. This was years ago before the social media. No, but I'm just saying

like she said on Facebook, I wouldn't in a million years ever do that. There's not many fun ways for a black person to find out they're related to a white person. I know.

Oh, cool. Your people took over my people. That's great. Great. Well, you could look at it that way or you could look at it the other way. Is that, you know... Like, I often hear black people saying...

Oh, you know, my... I often hear black people that are light-skinned say, well, yeah, because my ancestors got raped. But the other side of that coin is your ancestors raped. Is that controversial? What? In other words, if you're half white and half black, or part white...

Oh, this is true, yeah. Part of your ancestors raped. Part of your ancestors on the other side of that. I mean, it's not a good thing. It's not a positive thing. Yeah, it's weird that they would side with the victim part and not the I'm an asshole part of their heritage. I would just say, how about you say, well, this is, you know,

I'm sort of a mixture of whatever. I always thought, like, Ancestry.com should offer a service where they could just wipe out your family history. Is there any people would pay for that? Affleck would have. You'd be like the spotless mine option. What Affleck did is so ballsy. Literally, it was Henry Louis Gates asked a black person,

can you not mention my slave-owning family's past? Oh, my God. Remember that? No, I don't remember that. That was, he did that show, Discovering Your Roots. Yeah. Oh, that's right. He found out, yeah, so he found out that, like, you know, there's been some shitty afflux,

and he asked him not to mention that or talk about it. He asked a black person. I mean, I could see why you wouldn't. Yeah, so we want to identify with that. You go back enough generations, and there's going to be some creeps in there. And Geely is still the worst thing that family's done. I just got my Ancestry.com results back. Oh, you did it?

Yeah. And? And I'm like, a lot of percentage of me, I don't remember the actual number, is Nigerian, which I had no idea. That's awesome. And then some from the Ivory Coast, Ghana. And that's like about it. But I thought I had

some Indian in me, because that's what my family always said. Zero. It was like 0%. Are you an American Indian or from another continent? What's that? Native American. Yeah. Any Haitian in you? No. Don't say it well. I know. What did you always identify yourself as? Native American. Yeah. Any Haitian in you? No. Don't say it. Well, I know. Where did you always identify yourself as?

I just said black. Black? African American. But I just didn't know. What black? Yeah. We figured African, but I had no idea where we were from. Now that you know, would you go back to those countries and try to you know i

do want to see it yeah just to see like where we came from does it does it make a difference now as to like how you see yourself i don't know i don't think so i just found out really days ago so it's cool to just know because i it was such a question mark people would be like where are you from or like where is your family from and i would be like, where are you from? Or like, where is your family from? And I would be like, don't know. Truly have no idea. But now it's cool to have an answer. Because I know a friend of a friend who found out she was something and it just changed the way she sees things. I'm like, for real?

Really? Yeah, she's like 28 or like 30. And she's just like, I don't know. I guess it's an eye-opener. Why do people do that? Just curious about their history? Well, I'd be very, I guess it's an eye opener. Why do people do that? Just curious about their history? Well, I'd be very, very curious. I would be curious.

I don't, you know, if I could really do a family tree, but it's hard to do when your ancestors are from Eastern Europe and the records aren't very good. How much information did you actually have to put in? A lot. I put, yeah, like my birth information, my parents' birth information, like where they came from. But I only had up to a certain point,

and then they kind of did some more digging for records and stuff like that. There's a better one that they actually do with DNA testing. Yeah. Oh, I did that too. I did the spit thing. Yeah. So you did both of them? I did both of it, yeah.

I did all of that. Which one gave you more info? I think the DNA one did. Yeah. Because they broke down things in percentages and gave me a map and stuff. I did the same thing. Yeah. Where are you from?

Haiti. My family's from Haiti. But Haiti, like he said, the records are pretty bad. So they stopped at the waters of Haiti. Are you related to Toussaint Louverture? I don't think so. I don't remember that one. You don't know who that is?

I know. I do not know if I'm related to him. They didn't go that far. Like I said, the records in Haiti is not really good. I don't want to look at, like, I already have enough of my own shame. I don't want the shame of, like, dead people. For white people, it's literally just closing your eyes, sticking your hand in a bag.

It's like, I don't want to know. Wait, Mike, when did you find out you're mostly African? I don't think white people have a monopoly on shameful ancestors, but that is the Brooklyn way to say it. The Brooklyn way. Mike, I do want to shift a little bit back to show business. Yeah. Mike, the Amy Schumer show is no longer in production. No.

And the roast is, of course, over. Yeah. So where does that leave Mike Lawrence in terms of his career at this point? Things are good. I'm going on the road a lot, and winning roast battle was really good for my career, so doing a lot more writing. It's weird. Like I told my wife the other day, I'm going to be able to buy a house someday because I made a fat man cry on television. And I'm okay with that.

I felt weird about it at first. Did someone actually cry? Yeah. Ralphie May. He did? I'm pretty sure. Did you hear what I said earlier? No, I understand you, but it's roast battle.

I mean, you know, it's not like you get in there and you're somehow... He didn't expect me to... You're all right. And Ralphie May, he be ditching it out. He ditched out a lot of... I mean, you know what you're signing up for. Yeah, but some people... He didn't expect me to do three jokes about his divorce.

About his divorce. Well, I thought it was all about his weight, because I know he's sensitive about his weight. Oh, he is. But it was the divorce that got him. There were divorce jokes about him being fat. But also, he votes people constantly. Yeah, but on his own terms. He's not used to getting it back, I don't think.

Yeah, not everyone who can dish it can take it. But do you think that that should be allowed as a comment? What, crying? No, like being... I mean, what it is, you find... I'd say a regular person, an average Joe, is allowed to kind of be like that. But if you're a comic, can you really say,

I can't take it? I'll disagree. Yeah, you're a person. You're human. You're allowed to have all the emotions that other people have. No, but it's kind of like a surgeon saying, like, I don't do blood or something. No, that's like a surgeon saying, I don't want someone else to operate on me or something. Yeah, that's like a chiropractor saying, these chiropractors are quacks.

Yeah, but it's also because, like, you know, you look at Twitter and stuff and some of the awfuls. I mean, we can use Leslie Jones as an example, but anybody. I mean, she got the worst of anyone. But a lot of times when a non-comic is just busting your balls, there's no humor in it. It's like if I'm a comedian making fun of another comedian, there's thought and all that. We know each other, but it's literally, you're a dumb cunt. What, you can't handle it? And I'm like, no, I can't handle that.

There's no joke in it. Well, I'm not talking about abuse. That is like, and what happened to Leslie Dunn. But a lot of people don't know the difference. Yeah, that's true. Some people say things like, oh, this is a thing you signed up for. Like, oh, you wanted to be famous, so you just got to take it. People want to make fun of you in the public. That's on you. It's like, that's not what we signed up for. Like, oh, you wanted to be famous, so you just got to take it. People want to make fun of you in the public.

That's on you. And it's like, that's not what we signed up for. Yeah, that I don't agree with. We signed up to, like, work, but not to have, like, people abuse us just because you can see us all the time. No, I don't agree with the abuse part. I'm just saying, you know, Will, how many times you sit, I mean, at this very table, which is why we do the show at this table. Yeah. And it's just, I mean, you can get brutalized with guys going back and forth.

But the difference is among other comedians. But not everyone wants to, and you realize, like. It's among other comedians. But when you, strangers who are just, you know. I'm not talking about strangers. I'm talking about to be a person that's like, oh, I can't take it in that context. With another comedian coming at you. You know what happened is a lot of those comics, they don't sit, They move and they go sit somewhere else because they can't take the heat.

You know what I'm saying? That's all. You just get up and leave. I mean, on Twitter, you can't get up and leave. Yeah, no, Twitter. I mean, the thing with the actual roast battle, it's like, yeah, you should know what it is and you sign up for it. But there's always people get pissed. I mean, because they don't think you're going to go as far as you do sometimes.

Do they give you any guidelines? Do they have? I mean, obviously not. What I personally do, I always ask permission. So every person I battle, I'm like, is there anything off limits? And then I respect it. Oh, you waxed? Yeah, I did.

And he didn't say nothing. He was like, you can't hurt me more than TMZ. And I just went, we'll see and then just walked off. Mike, can I shake your hand? Then you freaking...

But I think that's what you should do. No comic has ever did, like, that's amazing that you at least asked him for permission. A lot of people do it. It's what should happen.

It should be enforced. Yeah, why was he... Especially on television because it's like, you know, like, if you do a joke just about like television because it's like you know like if you if you do a joke just about like how ugly someone's you know girlfriend is or like i've seen people do

jokes about like someone's kids on a personal i i don't want to do that i think that goes too far just like when politicians bring up their kids and like dude why you bring my kids up in this have you ever had a character that you had to play on SNL that you were kind of like, you know, because it's making fun of someone, that you were kind of like didn't feel? Thankfully, no. No. I've been very lucky that, well, not even lucky.

Like the environment at the show is one where people are open to hearing how you feel. Yeah. And so if there was anything where I felt uncomfortable, I could just tell somebody and then they're like, oh, we'll try to work around this or like, or just change it completely. Yeah.

What about the Trump episode? Does that feel weird? Did you, did you say hate of that episode? Or Zahara? I'm sorry. No, I mean,

uh, that's something we can, we can't do anything about that. It's a job. Yeah, it's a job. And I was hired to go do my job, so I had to go do the episode. But even then, I don't think there was anything I personally did in that episode that I felt like this is compromising everything I believe in.

I mean, I just didn't want to be there with him, but that's not on me. They don't ask us all personally, everybody in the room, are you okay with this person? Will, you had something? Oh, yeah. It was tag off your question towards Mike. Mike, when I first saw Mike, man, you was like probably one of the

funniest guys, like so funny, dude. Thanks, man. I freaking, anyway. I freaking know him. Anyway. I will say that Will does say that about a lot of people, but not him. Yeah, okay. That's not true. He's very generous.

I was dirt poor when I met Will, and I literally had no money, and he gave me a couple bucks, and he was like, Chris Rock did this for me years ago, and I want to do this for you right now. And I'll never forget that. No, no. What happened was Cat Williams saw me in L.A. Oh, it was Cat Williams. And he was like, man, these guys ain't paying you.

He reached in his pocket and pulled out $800, $100 bills. And he put it in my hand and said, you deserve this, blah, blah, blah. And I kept $400 in my pocket. And I'm like, I'm just going to hold on to this. And when I saw Mike, I'm like, dude, this guy, I. And I kept $400 in my pocket. I'm like, I'm just going to hold on to this. And when I saw Mike, I'm like, dude, this guy, I got to pass this $400 on to Mike. But how did you know Mike was broke? I mean, Mike looks broke. I had no idea he was broke.

I just knew that he was a new comic. I knew a new comic. My socks were sticking out of my shoes. It was bad. I had, like, the cartoon stink lines. Like, it was really bad. But that's how much he moved me that I wanted to do something. All I had was just $400.

He could be like a Howard Hughes type where he's eccentric. But this is what I want to say. He doesn't bathe, but yet he's worth millions. But this is what I want to say, Mike. What is your ultimate goal? Is it movies or sitcom or talk show? What is it Mike Lawrence wants to do? I think creating my own show that my wife is a producer on.

I think that would be awesome to make something together. What kind of show? What do you see yourself as? I guess scripted, funny, dark, weird. Yeah. I mean, I've written a few that I would have liked to have sold. I wrote one about my seven and a half years at McDonald's. I co-wrote that.

I'd like to see that on the air. I don't know. I don't think that there's a really, truly funny, honest story about minimum wage people. Where are you headed now? He's hosting the show. Oh, he's hosting. Okay. He's going to NBC.

He's like, I've got to tell somebody about this show. I'm going to make this happen for you. Yeah. No, but yeah, I think the lower class aren't portrayed enough on television correctly, so I'd like to do a show about poor people. Are you a poor person from your upbringing? I think the lower class aren't portrayed enough on television correctly, so I'd like to do a show about poor people. Are you a poor person from your upbringing?

Oh, yeah. Where did you grow up? I said when Will gave me that money, I wouldn't have been able to pay my rent that month if it wasn't for that guy. Where did you grow up? Florida. Davie, which is like this redneck trailer part of town. That's where I lived when I worked at McDonald's. There are some parts of Florida that are...

If Trump wins, I'll know why. It's the worst. Not all Palm Springs, obviously. Half of Florida is like the South, really. The only time I got called the N-word was in Florida. Oh, lovely. And I probably know

the person that did it. What was the context of that? I was just driving down the street. Really? Passing me by, yeah. You know what a lot of it is, is that Florida has no sense of identity because no one lived there until like the 60s and 70s and shit. So everyone overcompensates.

Like in other parts of even like the South, they'll keep their fucking mouth shut even if they're feeling shitty things but florida they're like i've just gotta like do this it's like if the if the worst people read the secret and then followed through that's florida and then we gave them guns yeah also because it's that like trump race is like not the people that support but trump himself where it's like i don't even know if you believe this. You just like the attention you get from saying it. That's a lot of shitty Florida racism.

Will is back joining us. Will, who did you just bring on stage? Jim Norton. Jim Norton, okay. And DC just got out. DC was super funny. Do you do regular spots here? You don't just MC.

Yeah, I do regular spots, too. I mean, what do you prefer? It's a toss-up. When I host, it's like I could do more. Like, when you do a set, it's like you do a set, and it's like joke A, joke B, joke C, jokes, whereas when you're hosting, it's very dynamic. It's very loose.

You have a good time. You do bad, you have a time to redeem yourself. I don't like it. I told SD, and we've discussed this, but I told SD at some point a couple years back, no more emceeing for me. But I was doing it. I'm glad you had that type of power. White guys have all that power.

If I tell SD no more hosting, there'll be no more war at the commie cellar. The Haitian population of this club will be down 100%. I don't think that's true, Will. I think they like you well enough. But the problem is they love you so much. See, I wasn't a host that they absolutely were in love with as a host. So for them, it wasn't that big a kick in the pants When I said I don't want to host anymore But you're like a mainstay host

They love you I guess it's how you do it Mike, what do you like, hosting or doing spots? I mean, I like doing spots I feel the pressure in hosting If you don't set the table right And things like that And I'm just

I'm a naturally awkward person Like, are you guys ready to see comedy? Well, yeah, I mean, hosting Host hosts are generally expected to interact more with the audience and say things like, so, hey, y'all, you know, how's everybody tonight? No, sometimes I just go right into my act. I just start doing jokes. Yeah, well, you can do that, but most hosts are usually a little more interactive. I want to be like, I can host a show if I believe in it.

But, like, if I'm at a show if I believe in it, but like, like if I'm at a good club and I like all of the acts, you know, but like I'm such an honest, like autistic-y person that like, if I didn't, if I really like

didn't like the comic, it would show, guys, I'm sorry about this next person. You know, my hands are tied. We gotta put Will Silvins on. See, I can take it.

You can take it. I know. You prefer hosting? I think I prefer doing, well, I host my own show, but I actually ask the audience to ask me questions. I love talking about myself. I don't really care about the audience, so I don't want to really engage with them or talking about myself. I don't really care about the audience. I don't want to really engage with them or ask them anything.

I don't care where you're from. I just want you to ask me more about myself. But, yeah, I guess when I'm doing other people's shows, I like to do stuff. Here at the Comedy Cellar, we don't ask SNL cast members to host. Oh, yeah. So you wouldn't be hosting here. There is a certain... There is a certain... I did host a show the other night for a festival.

Pardon? I did show... You might, but here at the Comedy Cellar. We don't do that here. Unless you insisted on hosting, then they'd probably say okay. No, I would never insist. But hosting is generally not... Like, they're not going to say to Louis C.K.,

Louis, can you host the 9 o'clock show? It's just generally... Well, he's not an SNL comic. No, he's not, So maybe he should host. But he's generally hosting a scene as something lower on some level. My mom did it for a year.

My mom was a comic in the 80s and 90s. Are you serious? Oh, yeah, yeah. And Carrot Top and Larry the Cable Guy are the two mega famous people from when she started.

So the fact she hasn't killed herself is an amazing achievement. Well, what's your mother's name? Alice Colon. Alice Colon? Yeah. C-O-L-O-N. Yeah, name that through the asshole. She remarried.

Wait, how come you have a different last name? Remarried. I'm all remarried, yeah. That's a Spanish name? Like Colon? No, it's Colon. No, I don't know. Like as in inflamed. All right, okay.

And so she stopped doing stand-up? Yeah, she stopped like in the early 2000s, yeah. Which I didn't realize how long ago the early 2000s were, and then I heard my humps on the radio today, and I got nostalgic. Oh, yeah. That was a long time ago. It was. A lot of shit is that. and then I heard my humps on the radio today and I got nostalgic. Oh, yeah. You know? That was a long time ago.

It was. A lot of shit. When I think of 9-11, it seems like yesterday, but when I think of all the shit that's happened between now and then and how much the world has changed, you know, it was like nobody was, there was no social, there was no Facebook. You know, a lot of people didn't,

I don't even think I had the internet. I mean, a lot of people did, but you could not have the internet in 2001, and you were considered a complete freak. We were all on MySpace, and I have no idea how it works. I don't remember what we did on MySpace, but I know I was on it. There was no MySpace.

Not in 2001. And music when you go to my little theme page. Could you imagine if 9-11 was now? You get the alert, are you okay? Well, we were talking about... That's what I was saying. What happened? We were talking about that before you got here, Will,

because the other night we had the bombing the other day and a bunch of people in the audience started talking about it because they got alerts or whatever they got. Yeah, I got an alert on my phone. There was a flood warning. But they were thrown out because they were talking about it and they were told to be quiet and then they were thrown out. Oh, wow.

Because they were trying to stop terrorism. They continued to talking about it and they were told to be quiet and then they were thrown out. Oh, wow. Because they were trying to stop terrorism. They continued to talk about it. But it was not a big thing that happened. Like 25 people got hit and they all were out the hospital that same night. Well, it does appear that the quality of terrorist attacks have gone down a great deal. Do you think ISIS members talk shit about it? 25 wounded, pussy. ISIS don't even want to claim it.

He wasn't even wearing the bomb. These terrorists ain't like they used to be. They're like, you know what? I need to do it. He just threw himself out somewhere. He was emotionally distant from his own work. He even was embarrassed by it. He's like, I'm not strapping this to my chest.

Not only that, he didn't make it good. Two guys pulled it out the bag and disabled it from pulling out the bag. You know that? The second one. Yeah, but then they had the one where the robot tried to deactivate it or whatever. If 9-11 was the Rolling Stones the other day and Chelsea was, the Bay City Rollers at best. Oh, God. On that note.

How long have you been waiting for this? Wrap us up, Dan. Well, it's a funny thing, Will. You bring that note. How long have you been waiting for this? Wrap us up, Dan. Well, it's a funny thing, Will. You bring that up. I did think about that before I got down here. Gnome is at a Bay City Rollers concert right now. Sometimes those prefabricated jokes work well. Sometimes not.

One, of course, you never know what the response will be at home from our listeners on Sirius and on podcasts. But y'all are familiar with the Bay City Rollers. That's not the problem. No, we are familiar. I don't know, but I'm sure... The Scottish Band did a song Saturday Night.

Well, they also did... There was one other song they had. Can you sing Saturday Night? S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y. Saturday Night. Why are you interrupting my Saturday Night? He wasn't. He was harmonizing. That wasn't harmony.

He was singing another verse. Uh-oh. I'm just saying. No, there's no way. Way to bring it to a grinding halt. Thank you so much. No, I didn't bring it to a grinding halt. You brought it to a grinding halt with Not at all. Thank you so much. No, I didn't bring it to a grinding halt. You brought it to a grinding halt with your exaggerated response.

Uh-oh. It was a lighthearted statement. What exaggerated response? Well, I lightheartedly said, why are you singing Saturday Night with a different verse? And you were like, oh, shit. Oh, damn. I love white on white crime. You exaggerated the intensity of it,

like De Niro in Goodfellas. Like, oh shit, you were to take that, motherfucker! I did nothing of the sort. I didn't say anything about it. You brought it up. Your face said everything that needs to be said. I didn't even notice what was happening. This is how much you read into things incorrectly.

This is a Saturday night. Come on, Mike, let's go. Let's do it. We can do it now. I'm so scared. I've given up. Let's go. Let's do it. We can do it now. I'm so scared. I've given up. We all have. This has been another episode of

You Asked Me To Do This. Do you know? But you invited me. Episode one. So, Shira, do you know the Bay City Rollers? When you started singing that song, I recognized that song. See, we're not so far apart as black and white. Oh, is that what brings us together?

That one song? It seems like the Bay City Rollers, there couldn't be a whiter band in history. I don't know if I'm a good litmus for that. Are you like, did you grow up in a white area? Yeah, very suburban areas. My dad was in the military, so we were on a lot of military bases. Moved around a lot. Yeah.

Okay. I was often one of a couple colored people. And how you got into comedy? I started doing improv in college. And then when I moved here, I started doing UCB and then sketch and stand-up. So you had a love for it. Yeah. Yeah, I was a fan.

Just a comedy fan when I was younger. Truly didn't know how to do it when I was younger because I grew up in Indianapolis and that was not a thing that was a plausible thing for people to do. But then when I moved to New York, I just kept doing it. It's not a plausible thing for anybody to do in most places.

That's true. If you don't grow up... Mike Lawrence had the benefit, I suppose, of growing up with a comedian mother. That made me not want to do it. Nothing your parents do is cool. Yeah, exactly. Watching my mom watch Chairman of the Board and going,

that could have been me, did not make me want to do it. I remember I watched Hook when I was like nine years old with Robin Williams. My mom walks in the room and she just goes, he's a fucking joke thief. Oh, God. She wrote it for you.

She was telling me stories about working with Dave Chappelle when I was watching the shit lock scene in The Nutty Professor. Can we Google your mother? Or did she quit too long ago? No, only my stepdad gets to Google. Usually the kids don't want to be what their parents are unless their mother's a hoe. That's not what I'm seeing in Hollywood where every actor's

kid wants to be an actor. You know, or many, many do in any case. It seems there might be, that rule might hold true generally, but it seems like in Hollywood there may be an exception to that yeah we'll see what happens with Shiloh Jolie-Pitt the newly, from a newly broken home

yeah and we didn't have time to talk about that but the breakup of Brangelina I don't know if that's, Will, if that's something that hits you personally the day Brad was able to admit he doesn't know any of the names of the adopted kids.

What are you? Well, I'm kind of, I feel like either, I thought either they was going to last forever, like Johnny Cash. Johnny Cash, he was married, but then he met his real wife, like all his soulmate while he was cheating, and he ended up being with her

until both of them died. So I thought the same thing with Brad when he left Jennifer. Okay, maybe he needs to be with her, but then again, then there's karma. I feel like Jennifer is like, oh yeah, it happened to me. It's funny how people do that. When Gene Wilder passed away and

everyone was like, he's in heaven with Gilda now. And there was this woman he was married to for 25 years that took care of him when he had Alzheimer's, which was probably the fucking worst. And she's like, no, he's waiting for me. Yeah, basically. Don't discredit

the person he spent the rest of his life with. Yeah. Maybe they have threesomes. All of them are finally together. You know better than that, though. You know that two super famous people being married has never worked in the history of the universe. Never? I don't think so. Joanne Woodward and maybe

Paul Newman were the closest, but I don't think Joanne Woodward was that big a name, other than the fact that she was married to Paul Newman. She was an actress. What about Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson? Yeah, but she's not a big name. She was just in a couple episodes of Bosom Buddies or something. What about Lucy and Vicky? They were divorced.

They split up. All right. Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman. Divorced. God fucking damn it. Oh, Jesus. America's couple? Yes.

They're divorced. Certainly not in Hollywood. Now, you can be famous maybe in other areas you know Madame Curie and her husband maybe stayed married everybody's leaving where you going Montella you gonna see Adele as well alright well we have to we're out of time but thank you to my guest

Mike Lawrence and Sashir Zemaita. Yes, you got it. I'm making sure we're capturing all of this gold. That's all. Alright, and well, thank you for that. You can see Sashir on the, what season? My god, it just

keeps going. I remember it was season 15. We're like enough already. And now we're at 42. 42. Yeah. The meaning of life, according to Douglas Adams. Twice the run of The Simpsons, I guess. It is not. Simpsons, I think, is on its 28th season. Oh, Jesus.

Wow. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Not bad for a Tracy Ullman spinoff. Mike Lawrence can be seen, I assume, at comedy clubs from coast to coast. Yeah. And you can probably check out his website. He probably has one. Yeah, MikeLawrenceCom coast to coast. Yeah. And you can probably check out his website.

He probably has one. Yeah, MikeLawrenceComedy.com. Yeah. And hopefully you can see them both at the Cellar. Yes. Well, you can see Mike at the Cellar. And so she told Norm that she was going to... I'll come.

I don't know that she will or she won't. I will come. Okay. Yeah. So people look for you. And you're a delightful young lady. Yes. Thanks.

Thank you. I appreciate it. Mike Lawrence, he's a handful, but we love him nonetheless. Thank you for listening, and we'll see you the next time on the Live from the Table. What is this show even called? Live from the Table. Live from the Table. I don't fucking know.

That was the old name. How many sellers do you have?