The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Periel's Book with Judge Bernie Fabricant

Episode Date: May 22, 2020

Periel's Book with Judge Bernie Fabricant

You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the Table, the official podcast of New York's world-famous comedy cellar, coming at you on Sirius Raw Dog XM99 and on the Riotcast Podcast Network. Dan Natterman here, coming to you from my quarantine location on the Upper East Side with Noam Dorman, owner of the Comedy Cellar, the once and future greatest comedy club in America,

along with Perry Alashian Brand, the producer, and our guest today, Bernie Fabricant, not only an old, old, old friend of Noam's, a friend of Noam's going back to the 80s, I think. He is a administrative law judge in Massachusetts or something like that? That's correct. And he is one of the readers, I don't know how many there were, but of Periel's book, her memoir, On My Knees, A Young Girl's Sexual Awakening. That subtitle is mine.

It's not what it is about. Well, it's called On My Knees. And so I just assumed. It's worth noting that, I mean, you're just making that up, though. Yes, but I assume that it's about the sexuality involved. But we're going to discuss the book with Bernie because he actually read the book. First of all, Bernie, just to introduce you a little more fully, you're one of our super fans here at Live from the Table.

That's correct. I've been on board since day one. As a matter of fact, I was going through my computer the other day, and I found, I think, the first episode that had David Tell as a guest from 2014, I want to say. It was in the dark ages before Perrielle. That doesn't even count. I've been through all the iterations. I haven't missed one yet. As a matter of fact, I was honored by this.

When Noam first signed on with Sirius Radio, he asked me for an overview of all the shows thus far to pick out the best ones so he could put together his pitch for them as far as how he would approach the show on the radio interesting by the way before we get in more into peril's book i do want to address uh what happened on the last episode that i did with noam

i i abandoned the show about uh well i think it was almost done anyway but um i apologize but then we decided to talk about you for another 20 minutes. Well, at least I gave you something to talk about that I think was a little bit interesting. It just all hit me at once. The show was going on too long. I felt that every topic was unrelated to the previous topic. I thought that also I wasn't getting my thoughts in, and there is no God. So all that hit me at one time, but I apologize.

That was not appropriate behavior. So I can't say it won't happen again because you know me. Every now and again things happen, but we'll try to avoid future tantrums of the sort. Let us talk to Bernie about... Wait, but first also we're going to try to make sure that when Dan's trying to get a sentence out, that he can do so, right?

He was interrupting me. Here we go. Who interrupted who is not really the issue here. I think the show was dragging on too long and too incoherently. I think we should have cut it off at about an hour, an hour and 15 and leave the people wanting more. It just seemed like every

thing that was brought up had little to do with the previous thing that was brought up. So that was one of my frustrations. Anyway. I like that last background though. Yeah, I like that too. The guitar one? Yeah. It looks better when I'm in color. It'll actually look like I'm sitting there if I put the whole thing in color,

but I don't want to fuck with it now. So go ahead. You guys go. Well, Bernie, have you finished the book? Yeah, of course. It's a breezy read. I finished it in a couple of nights. As you can imagine, I read legal briefs all day very dense stuff

and i as a super fan of the show i keep hearing uh the plugs for the books at the end of the show and so after one show i thought i'll give that a spin because i i don't know much about periel i'm familiar with the show and i thought it would be interesting to see what makes her tick so i went on amazon the only one they had was on my knees. So I bought that and I started reading it. And I have to say, I'm clearly not the demographic for this thing. But I was fascinated, I couldn't put it down. By the way, Perrie, when was this published initially? Well, actually, it's funny, my book party for the launch of the book was almost seven years ago to the day. You all see that?

Yeah. Bold and sassy. And totally fucking cool. If truth and comedy is my mantra, then the goddess I pray to is Periel Ashenbrand, says Leslie Arfin. Arf, Arfin. Author of Dear Diary and senior writer for Girls, which I guess is a magazine. Girls was a show with Lena Dunham. Oh, okay.

Right, right. Yes. A little show. A little show. Cariel, I noticed that there's plastic on that couch. Is that part of the joke? So that was my grandmother's couch. When my grandmother died,

I began illegally squatting in her apartment because I had just broken up with my boyfriend. And that was really her couch. Although it came in handy, that plastic cover. This notion of memoirs. I know that. Was it was it was it. What was her name? The Prozac Nation?

Liz Elizabeth Wurtzel was it that book Prozac Nation that sort of spawned a generation of angst ridden young women and their memoirs? She popularized the memoir genre I think

she did although mine is not an angst riddenidden memoir for whatever reason. I was going to say that, yeah. This is more of a Catherine Bushnell, Candace Bushnell kind of a book. I was wondering as I was reading it, Perrielle, did you have an elevator pitch for this with your publisher? Because I have one for you if you don't.

Like now, it's already been published. Well, give it to me. I was going to say this is Sex and the City meets Yentl. Hmm. That's good. Yeah, see? And I still think you can use it, because if you haven't done so yet, I really do, honestly, and I'm not trying to blow smoke,

I really do think this is a good treatment for some sort of a rom-com, if you wanted to go that route and get this into a movie i actually sent that in the text to uh dan and noam about that well thank you i appreciate that that actually was always the plan was to um turn this into a tv series what i wasn't planning on was being nine months pregnant when it came out. So I looked like that on the cover, but then I would show up at these like interviews looking like I had eaten myself. You don't have to play you if it were going to be a TV series. No, but I mean, I, I couldn't function. Like I,

I absolutely wouldn't play me, but, um, you have to be able to, you know, be like a person. Bernie, I thought you said she wanted to play herself. Well, no, this is a... Well, you want to go through the top five? Because I had this... Let's go through. Bernie sent us a list of five talking points

with regard to the book, so why don't we go through them? Should I introduce them, Bernie, or you'll just introduce them yourself? Well, it would sort of be fun when you do it, Dan, because I've never done that. Okay, Bernie, in reading the book, he notes that all conventional literary structure is completely out the window. Bill, instead of saying, for example, Bill hesitated, but then said, the entire book is narrated as if you were sitting next to her at a salon,

so I was like, and then she was like, etc. uh not necessarily a bad thing from bernie's point of view but it was a very i guess just um no he found he found it disconcerting it was to me it was disconcerting because when i i'm used to reading books where they said and then bill turned around and looked me in the eye and said but throughout the she uses she uses, I was like, and he was like, and they were like. I imagine Tom Sawyer really disturbed you, Bernie. That, by the way, is called a quotative like. Yes. And non-native English speakers have some difficulty with it.

Right. But again, so with that sort of, uh, with that structure in mind, I was thinking, well, if you've made a movie out of this, the movie treatment that Dan would write of this book would have you opening up the book.

You'd be sitting in a salon talking to your girlfriends about something that happened and you'd start and it would get all hazy. You say, well, we got to go back to this. And then you'd start the narrative. And then you would say things like, you know, it would be punctuated by your narration where you'd say, well, we gotta go back to this and then you'd start the narrative and then you would say things like it would be punctuated by your narration where you would say, oh, I was like

and then he was like and then that kind of thing. Well, it's meant to be conversational. So, you know, it's very, I think, informal in tone. Yeah, no, and I think I mentioned in the thing here that

it fit the genre. It wasn't shocking that way. Can we get to the dirty stuff? Okay, so let's get to the content of the book. What were some of the things? First of all, you say Periel, in reading the book, is convinced that everyone wants to hook up

with her, according to Steve's interpretation of the book. Every minute of the day. Everyone she meets. Everyone wants to hook up with her according to Steve's interpretation of the book? Every minute of the day. Everyone she meets. Everyone wants to hook up with you. Is that true, Perrielle? Who's Steve? No, you meant Bernie. You meant Bernie, I'm sorry.

Oh, my God, that's funny. Right, right, right. Bernie's a bit older. I don't... I think... I'm trying to think because I haven't read it. I don't know. I think it's more, I mean, maybe that's a little bit of a literal read. I think that there is something, I mean, I'm 44 now and the book came out seven years ago and so when i was writing it you know i was in my

early 30s um and i would say did i do that math right now did i get that well you're a jewish girl that was perfect go ahead well you i don't know when you started writing it or how long it took i'm telling you when i started writing and i started writing it when I was 37. 31. I started writing it when I was 31. A long time. Well, yeah. It takes a while to write it and then your agent has to sell it. And then once they sell it, it takes about a year to fucking publish

it at HarperCollins. Change the subject. Do you think everybody wants to No, I'm not changing the subject. I'm saying that, yeah, I mean, I think that it's not that everybody wants to, wanted to hook up with me. I think that when you're navigating, Noam's going to, his head's going to fall off now. But I think that when you're navigating your life as a young, attractive,

you know, 30 something year old. Yeah, but you, we're talking about you, Perry. Yes, obviously I'm talking about me. I think that that's something that you have, that I had to contend with that was, you know, it's sort of, first of all, it's sort of tedious. I mean, at first, it is. Don't make that face. It's true. You have no idea what that's like.

That sounds awful. It is awful. It probably is awful when you think that somebody is trying to wants to work with you or thinks that you're talented and wants to do

a stick it in. I would imagine that could be, you know, annoying. It's totally tedious. You're walking into a meeting. You've been busting your ass.

You wrote a book or a screenplay or whatever and then, you know, some fucking jerk off guys like wow I didn't know they made hot writers like imagine

Bernie walking into a courtroom and being like wow I didn't know they made hot judges it's hard to get used to but it happens all the time I will accept that that yeah you're not taken seriously for whatever reason in life you feel like people are not taking you seriously. That can be upsetting.

But on the whole, the people who've gone through life hot and attractive that everybody wanted to hook up with would not trade places with the people who nobody wants, who were not in that situation. No matter what. That's fine. No matter what, I think. That wasn't the question. The question was,

did you feel like everybody was trying to hook up with you? And it's not that everybody was trying to hook up with me, although a lot of people were. And to be fair, I hooked up with a lot of them. That's my next thing on the list, actually.

What would cause you not to hook up with somebody back in those days? I mean, probably if I wasn't attracted to them. Yeah. Go ahead, Dan. We had Ophira Eisenberg did our podcast a few years ago. She wrote a book called Fuck Everyone. And it was a book called Fuck Everyone. And it was a book about her being promiscuous,

or if you don't want to use that, whatever, most of it was sex positive, however you want to qualify it. And I said, she didn't specify the number of men she'd had sex with in the book, but I said, well, how many men have you had sex with? And she said 40. And I thought to myself, well, that's certainly a nice number. But if you're going to call your book Fuck Everyone, 40 seems a little bit unimpressive. 40 is a lot.

Well, but 40 is a lot for your average person. But you're going to write a book called Fuck Everyone. If I wrote a book called Confessions of a Champion Boxer and I was a decent amateur. I don't know if it merits a book. And I think that 40 is an impressive number, but I don't think it merits a book. Well, Chamberlain claims to have slept with 20,000 women.

That's insane. And his book was about basketball. Now, the title was Boy, Am I Tired. Marielle, is 40 a number that you surpassed? I don't think so.

But, I mean, I don't think that I ever really thought of myself as particularly promiscuous. Your book's not about that. That's a separate question. I was just not about that. That's a separate question. I was just talking about... My parents might watch this. Here's the thing. I learned

when I was like 19 or 18 years old with the second guy I ever had sex with that there was nothing more in it for him except for just fucking. And so I realized at a very young age that, you know, that's all it is.

And so, and that's all it has to be. And I think that girls generally don't learn that. For you guys, take it for granted. Like you fuck somebody, you get up you leave but for us we have this like emotional attachment that you go ahead burnworth i was gonna say that might be dan's life uh i don't recall ever getting an easy glide path on that one but um i'm gonna let you off the hook a little bit barry up because you don't have to let you off the hook a little bit, Perry, because... You don't have to let me off the hook, but I'm saying I took that with me,

and I think that that was a really valuable thing. Well, if you could do it, I don't think everybody's built that way emotionally to be able to have sex without any feeling attached to it. When I say to let you off the hook what i my observation was there's more to it than just you thinking everybody wants to have sex with you my it it comes packaged with this confidence that you have throughout the book you have a certain moxie right and it comes from the it comes from the confidence of knowing you know that you're attractive in the world that you but you have these other gifts obviously that you think you can share with the world you're a writer you don't want to be just taken at face value but you know you have attractive in the world, but you have these other gifts, obviously, that you think you can share with the world.

You're a writer. You don't want to be just taken at face value, but you know you have that in your arsenal of things. Right. But the flip side of that is you talk about it an awful lot in the book. Very, very sexual. I got that vibe pretty much straight away when I met her. That's kind of interesting.

You know, she's sex positive, whatever the word you want to use. Is that, you know, a lot of Jewish girls seem to be like that. You say that all the time. Is that true? Is that like a thing? All I know is every time there's a book about sexuality or sexual awakening, it's a Jewish woman that wrote it. Now, maybe that's just because Jews like to write books. But it does seem to be something that, you know, Dr. Ruth is Jewish.

Right. Well, I guess that there is a kind of power that comes with that knowledge, right? Which knowledge are we talking about now that people want to fuck you yeah okay although i will say and i actually do i have like a joke about this that i do you know usually pretty early on in the beginning of um my when i'm performing is that you know i never took advantage of that i never had sex with somebody called your book with great power comes great responsibility well you guys use that power in a different way, right? Like you get to become wealthy and old and then get beautiful young women to sleep with you. No, we're all married.

I'm married 31 years, Perrielle. Well, I mean, you know, the exception doesn't negate the rule. No, it's true. But anyway, I said I never had sex with him. You don't have second wives by now. First of all, Juanita is much younger than you and gorgeous, and she always was younger than you and gorgeous, right? No, she wasn't always younger than me, but she was always gorgeous.

Certainly always more gorgeous than him. Juanita is 10 years younger than me, so is that much younger than me? I don't know. 11 years. I mean, it's not nothing. Not nothing, no. According to a Jewish girl's math. But what I was going to say is I never had sex with anyone who could have advanced my career.

I never took advantage of that. And I had a lot of opportunities to. And I always say, you know, when I look at my life now, I can't tell you how much I regret that. Absolutely. Okay. So that characteristic brings us to the Philip Roth story, which no one brought up on a prior show and you didn't want to elaborate on. It's funny.

It's funny to walk through that with the understanding that you thought you could pretty much anybody was attainable to you right so this i don't you want to tell what happens no go ahead read the excerpt so uh i don't have an excerpt this time philip roth was an older guy i mean you know clearly well he died a couple years later right so it wasn't, I mean, he wasn't around for very much longer. But anyway, Ariel, Ariel went to a publisher's party with her then boyfriend, who was a big muckety muck in the publishing world. And Philip Roth was one of the guests there. And she, of course, she writes that she got very excited knowing this as a writer and to meet someone like Philip Roth, of course,

is a big deal. And she sort of has this, I don't remember the movie Tom Jones, but she sort of has this Tom Jones moment with him at the table, where he sits down and he meets her and he apparently is very taken with her looks and engages her in conversation. And he's eating a big bowl of cherries. And he starts sharing these cherries with Perrielle at the table. Am I getting this right so far, Periel? I mean, you know, a little bit. Okay. We're all in touch.

Is he in his 70s by this time? Yes, well into his 70s. We've totally lost Noam here. Now you don't have to feel bad for leaving last Noam. Go ahead. Go ahead. So while this is going on, Periel is telling the reader she's having this thought that I could absolutely sleep with this guy

anytime I want. I can make this happen. And so the thing with the cherries is going on. And then at some point in the evening, they part company. And he, I think, I'm not sure if they trade information or if you get it after the fact,

you find out where he lives after the fact or whatever. He wrote down his address for me. Right. And you couldn't wait to tell your mother this is the other part you couldn't wait to tell your mother that you almost screwed Philip Roth right and your mother is in complete disbelief and he's not really my he was there I could have done it so then what you do is you went out and you research where the best cherries in the country are and you put in an order I can't remember it was like Iowa or something and you sent him a where the best cherries in the country are and you put in an order, I can't remember if it was like Iowa or something, and you sent him a basket full of cherries from

this revered cherry place. Yeah. Thinking all the while that he will see this grand gesture and he will make haste to get in touch with you. Right. And then it's all hearts and flowers from then on. Right, and then he's going to write the intro to my next book.

That was the plan. Is that what you were after here? You were after a conquest, or you were after a connection in the publishing world? I mean, I think I was after a conquest, but it wasn't lost on me that having, you know, endorsement by, you know, arguably one of the most important writers,

American writers of, you know of the 20th century, wouldn't hurt my career as an author. Do you think that's a fair characterization of his status? I mean, it's not my characterization of his status. Yeah. Philip Roth, he's an American treasure, was an American treasure. Yeah, for sure. I'm not sure I'm understanding this book. The book is called On My Knees, and it's got a picture of Perrielle.

Lingerie. A lingerie on the cover. And I'm hearing a bunch of near misses. I mean, come on. What? I want to hear what happens in this book. You know what would be super helpful, Noam? And then I almost, I could have,

well, I could have banged full of broth, but I didn't. Oh, that's a page turner. You never hooked up with full of broth. I want to know who she hooked up with, what it was like, what she was thinking, the whole thing. I want to hear what's in this book.

You know how you could really remedy that? No. You could fucking read it. I mean, you could just remedy that? No. We're doing a show here. You could fucking read it. I mean, you could just fucking read it on the toilet. On My Knees is an unmistakable blowjob reference. Let's get to it. Either that or it's about protesting the Star Trek.

It's a double entendre, first of all. It's not just a blowjob reference. But anyway. Let's just take the first part of that double entendre, first of all. It's not just a blowjob reference. But anyway, so... Let's just take the first part of that double entendre. So, yeah, so I find out... So, first of all, he was incredibly flirtatious. I mean, he was really, like, over the top. And I figured out, like you said, Bernie, where I could get you know the best

cherries in America and I found this farm and I sent them to him and he wrote down his address for me which I actually was just in my apartment in the city the other day and I took a picture of it because I knew that no one would be like he didn't really write his address down for you. You know me so well. That really was the part of the story that I was really going to focus on. Anyway, so I sent him this huge basket of cherries, and I never heard back from him.

But even had you bedded him, how impressive is it really for almost any young girl to bed a man in their 70s? I think it depends who that man is. How about the Pope? How about Mick Jagger? I don't know that Jagger would be

that impressive. I think Jagger may not call you back the next day. Is there any actual sex in his book or not? Well, she talks about having sex all the time. And she also has a foil named Hannah,

her best friend. Yeah. Who she also puts some weird sexual proclivities on. But here's the thing. So, the focus is on really

three great loves in her life. Right? Noam. Who's the other one? And Guy. Noam Dorman, another man named Noam life. Right? Noam. Who's the other one? And Guy. Noam Dorman, another man named Noam. Another man named Noam.

Yeah. I can't remember the name of the publisher guy. Nico. Nico and Guy. Yeah. Right? Yeah. And you married Guy.

Yeah. Okay. So it's a lot of that. And you talked about her butthole a lot yes and she's very fastidious with her anus this is this is something that i've never seen in print before not even port noise complaint talks about this kind of thing if i don't hear about some sex soon no it's not a book all about sex i mean all about a little about, is there any sex in this book? Yes.

Does it talk about what you were thinking while you're having sex? I don't, I actually don't remember. It's been a minute. Does it talk about what position you were in? Does it say anything? Does it tell you whether you had an orgasm or not? Something about sex.

I think you're looking for, go to like, um, XX, whatever, and.com. I mean, it's not pornography,

but it's called On My Knees. It's got to have at least one sexual chapter. Godfather has a great sex scene and that's about gangsters. It's got some... Why don't you read the fucking book and get back to me? Okay, easy, easy.

Yeah, but we accept that the show is going on now. And Noam apparently, you know, insists on hearing a sexual anecdote from the book. Okay, forget about it. I'm not really, I don't know if I'm going to read that. You know, Periel, on the last episode I did with Dove, the bonus episode, Periel told a very disturbing story about her anus

that I didn't need to hear. Quite honestly, I don't know that Dove, I haven't spoken to him about it, but what his reaction was, he was polite about it, I don't know that he wasn't equally as troubled as me, but it was he, she, apparently Perrielle had a doctor's appointment for a hemorrhoid and she had to, but it via um the internet like it was a tele telemedicine so she had to put her butt again uh you know facing the camera i found the whole story very disturbing that kind of thing is in the book she talks about how she's bent over in half in front of a mirror with a flashlight and uh and a pair of tweezers and just trying to,

I quite frankly am not sure still what you were trying to do down there. But then after she does it, then she has a little discussion about it with her boyfriend and then, you know, it goes back to that. There's a lot of stuff about the anus that is a little bit much for me.

My daughter did that to me when she was like five or had something on her you know vagina that was i don't know what it was and she couldn't see it so she comes back she gives me she hands me my phone she says daddy take a picture of it for me because she wants me to take her so she can see it she wants the picture i'm like no i'm not taking a picture like you go to your mother go to your mother right now i'm not taking a picture. You go to your mother. Go to your mother right now.

I'm not taking your picture. Leave me. So sweet and naive. Take a picture, Daddy. I can't see it. Anyway. But she was in 34. You're not in your 30s in the book.

You're in your 20s in the book, no? I had the impression you were younger. No, I was in my early 30s late late 20s i don't i mean i don't think that we should be embarrassed to talk about these things like i don't you know it's like it's fine theoretically it's not a big deal like it's okay maybe maybe it's i'm sure all three of you have had hemorrhoids. There's no reason why... Maybe it's the... Maybe I'm a little old-fashioned. Maybe you'd even regard it as misogynistic,

but I feel that a lady should be a lady. Yeah, that would be the definition. I'm not talking about... That's not the definition of misogynistic. You don't hate men if you think they should be masculine. Look. You know, like, for you think they should be masculine. Look. You know, like, for example, we had Lindsay Jennings on

a couple of episodes ago. Lovely girl. Beautiful girl. But she started talking about farting and she lost me. You know, there's certain topics that when women talk about it, I kind of just, I get a little bit... I didn't even find it believable when she said she farts.

Well, no. She said that a man, one of his fetishes was farting and that he wanted her to fart or something like that. This is the suicide girl? This is the suicide girl. First of all, I'm not buying it. First of all, you say we should be able to talk about it.

We should. It's not that big of a deal. Yeah, but the reason, okay, but there's an inherent contradiction in what you're saying because you get mileage out of talking about it because you know

that it's a forbidden subject. Like, if it was just like a mundane topic like washing your car, which is kind of what you're pretending it ought to be

or clipping your nails, you wouldn't even talk about it. It's like not interesting. But you know it's interesting because you're not supposed to talk about it like we should just talk about this but then you use that for real people you're you're right that's true but i mean that's not like disingenuous like okay yeah i mean i think it is interesting i also think but it shouldn't be embarrassing that's's what you're saying. What I'm saying is it's neither interesting and it is embarrassing. At least that's how I react to it.

Here's the thing. I think that as... How do you get a hemorrhoid? Well, one of the ways that you can get a hemorrhoid is from having anal sex. Oh, I've never had that. I mean, not a way that...

Well, Ariel perhaps has. Pregnancy is another one. A lot of pregnant women get hemorrhoids. Pregnant from being pregnant? Why would you think we had hemorrhoids? This book took place before your pregnancy, so if we're going to do process of elimination... Is there any anal sex in the book, Bernie?

There's a lot of discussion about it, yes. She doesn't describe it blow by blow, but you know, it's implied. Look, no, I'm so disappointed. And you can just get it from going to the bathroom.

Straining, I believe is the, is what the, what the proctologist will tell you. Here's the thing. There are certain things. I mean, what Dan's saying is very true.

And maybe it goes back to what Bernie's original point was. It it's like there are certain ways that you are expected to behave when you look like I did when I was you know in my 20s and 30s and I never subscribed to any of those things and I don't like that and I felt like really um like it's really offensive to be expected to be a certain way and act a certain way, and you're not supposed to say certain things, and you're not supposed to act a certain way, and it's all manufactured, and it's all bullshit. And so, Noam, you're right. I mean, I am interested in those things, but not gratuitously. I mean, not just for shock value, but because I genuinely think that um it's bullshit isn't there something inherent in humans which finds these certain things kind of embarrassing

it doesn't every culture in some way well as these things every culture has probably but i think perry i was getting at is the is the difference between how we perceive when men talk about like if dav David Tell talked about it, you know, it'd be a lot, we'd find it a lot less disagreeable, I think. For sure. At least I would. You know, that is, we expect

women to be, not to talk about these things. And so, you know, you're supposed to be, like, prim and proper and look hot and, like, be sexy and, like, all that stuff is fucking bullshit. Well, you're supposed to be like prim and proper and look hot and like be sexy. And like all that stuff is fucking bullshit. Well, you still want to be sexy. Have you seen the cover of your book?

I think you can be sexy if you want to be sexy, but that doesn't mean that you can't be those other things also. All right. You can be sexy and have hemorrhoids that you can't be those other things also. All right. You can be sexy and have hemorrhoids. I agree with you, actually. Maybe not at the same time. Well, you can, but just keep it on the DL. But why? Or don't keep it on the DL.

But, you know, people like me, backwards thinking perhaps, people like me will have a visceral reaction that is, you know. But not if David Tell said it. Yeah, if David Tell said it, it'd be funnier, perhaps. People like me will have a visceral reaction that is, you know... But not if David Tell said it. Yeah, if David Tell said it, it'd be funny. Okay, so Periel has a very high review rating on Amazon here.

Look at how surprised he is. But I rated... I have these filtered one star only. So let's read the one star reviews okay it says uh says uh sampling a verified purchaser oh where do i begin nothing feels authentic somehow it reads like amateur fiction and i think the reason is that it lacks depth none of the characters really come to life i could also have done without the imagery of her anal region none of the characters really come to life i could also have done without the imagery of her anal region none of the pictures that read well actually i wrote that to shock people her first book is

quite a disappointment number there's only three one stars was that a man or a woman writing that no mom mom too i don't know that's a good question probably a woman this seems like a book that pretty much women bought my guess that's actually not true okay i'm wrong not if not if you but judge it was why it, cover men bought that. Elisa wrote, gross, this girl does not, I couldn't get through this book because the writer thinks so highly of herself.

It's such a disgusting bitch. Save your money and read How to Murder Your Life by Kat Marnell. Okay, and finally. Oh my God, that's amazing. I was Kat Marnell that wrote that review. Okay, and the last book is Time Wasted by Amazon Cosmere.

Probably one of the most ridiculous books I've ever slogged through. Amazon should pay me. Okay, so having said that, I should probably read the five-star reviews because there's way, way, way. How many reviews are there for this book? 40-something reviews. Okay, so here's the thing. mean that's not a you know there are like there are like reviews by like actual um people who are you know do that for a living that i take a little bit more

seriously than um you know i mean every book has bad reviews i mean even i have listen i would not be doing my job properly if i wasn't getting bad reviews um I mean, even- I have, listen, I would not be doing my job properly if I wasn't getting bad reviews. That second one that you read is amazing. I wish I'd known that because I would have put it on my press kit. So, okay. Hilarious and unapologetic,

Perrielle's self-analysis is scrupulous and bluntly honest. It is a delight to hear the grim reality of one's life be told in such a loud and eloquent voice. The author's sharp tongue annihilates all taboos with disarming truthlessness. She's so fucking refreshing, really. Rarely do you see such self-awareness be put to so much good use in one's life.

Perio rises from the dead back to her fearless self as she sheds many layers of trauma. Okay, make a note, trauma. And ultimately, let's go with the sofa's plastic cover. Pariel's wit and charm brilliantly withstand much floundering. Her character is loving and full of positive energy. Eventually, love has the best of her because she is worthy of it. Well, I'll tell you, whoever wrote that review is a pretty good writer.

Bernie Fabricant. Bernie Fabricant. That's amazing. I've never read any of these. That is so nice. But, you know, this is a nice one. Perrielle Ashenbrand makes me feel a little less pathetic, and I love her for that. Oh, that's really nice.

Yeah. How many copies did you sell, Perrielle? Do you know? I don't know. They don't tell you how many. I mean, actually, they do tell you. I don't know. I think they printed like

40,000 copies, if I'm not mistaken. Maybe 30,000 copies, which is, you know, respectable for some girl who grew up in Queens, but, you know, it's not Stephen King. Some girl grows up and saves herself and still gets the prints.

Cariel is a very good and funny raconteur. What does raconteur mean? Storyteller? Storyteller, yeah. Well, just here are some people that grew up in Queens. Paul Simon, 50 Cent, Andy Warhol, Cyndi Lauper, Madonna, Kobe Bryant. I don't know that the fact

that you're from Queens is any more impressive. Queens is a pretty... I just meant I wasn't groomed. I wasn't a celebrity who had some huge platform is all I'm saying. Madonna's from Queens? Madonna's from Detroit.

Well, that's what I said here on Wikipedia, people from Queens, but I guess that could be wrong. But rest assured, I'm sure a lot of people from Queens have done really well. Isn't Donald Trump from Queens? Yes, he went to my high school. Wow. It's not true.

It's not just for women. I actually love it when esteemed gentlemen like Mr. His Honor Fabricant, enjoy the book because... But nonetheless, I think mostly... Imagine the audience is mostly women. I don't think so. It's not chick lit. I got the impression when I was reading it

that it was kind of a part of a chick lit thing. And again, that's why I came up with... That's why I thought... Now, that's why I thought, now don't get me wrong, I watched the whole Sex and the City series too, so I could enjoy that. But I honestly thought kind of Sex and the City meets Yentl, that was my thought.

And I thought you were all three of the lead characters in Sex and the City in this book. Bernie, do you have a particular part, anecdote from the book that you enjoyed the most, the story that you want to talk about? To be quite honest, after I finished it, I liked the whole arc. And again,

reflecting on it, I thought that I would like to see this as a rom-com film. Well, is there like, at the end, does Perrielle grow? Does she realize something about it? Yeah, she does. She rides off into the sunset with her current husband. She's still married, right? I don't know. After this

quarantine, I'll get back to you. Has he realized? My husband? No. Apparently, she goes through a series of these guys who were sort of, you know, her first two major loves are seriously flawed in some way, and she makes the point that she she loves them

but there are things about them that are irredeemable is there a scene at the end where like she's at the airport and philip broth is running that would make a good ending you know and and and and it says i have to get and the planes pull pulls away from the jetway but philip broth says i have to i'm in love with the girl on the plane and and the gating says you're in love hold on a second and calls the pilot and he comes back well go ahead i was gonna say i was gonna say the the the denouement of the book is where she meets she finally meets guy who she describes as this really tall dark handsome sabra strong silent you know, that kind of thing. He's not tall.

That's how he's described. He's this very confident guy. He walks into a room, all the heads turn, you know, that kind of thing. He's pretty good looking. I will give him that. The only matter was I don't remember him being tall. Is he tall? He's like 5'11". He's not super tall.

I will say this. I was shocked that Philip Roth blew me off. If I'm being really honest with you guys, I was really shocked. There's an old episode of The Tonight Show where this hot young actress talks about wanting to hook up with Philip Roth. What the hell was her name? Was it Adrienne Barbe barbeau maybe i think it was adrian barbeau it was i'm pretty

sure it was adrian barbeau and she was on the talking to johnny carson about uh philip broth he had a nice rack hold on go ahead yeah it was no i mean it was and there were like several um he dated a man that claimed to be Philip Roth. That's funny. Although, I don't know if she ever verified. In those days, you couldn't just go online. It wasn't so... You could pretend to be somebody in those days.

But Avian Barber was hot. So, you know, Philip Roth, I guess... I can't remember who I told it to. But I told that Philip Roth story to somebody. And the person, the guy I told said something to the effect of, well, now she was acting like a guy. Yeah. Because guys do that.

Yeah. They'll do this thing and they expect, and the woman just will blow them off and they'll be completely got smacked by it, right? Yeah. Just to clarify, Adrian Barbbosa she dated a man that claimed to be philip roth but then she saw a picture of roth on a book

jacket and realized she was not dating philip roth that's something that could only happen in the pre-internet era that you could actually get away with that for any length of time that's incredible um we could actually lie to people in those days.

But so it really was humiliating to get blown off by him. And then what happened was is that I got an invitation to this very fancy literary party that I think like that they had called me and said that like he had invited

me to or something like that. That's Adrienne Barbeau back in her... That's when she was Adrienne Barbeau. And then this is her now. Well, I think she still looks pretty good now. She does look good. She looks great. She played Rodney Dangerfield's wife in...

Oh, was that her? Okay. Back to School, I think, was the movie. All right, now you have to come back to me. She played Rodney Dangerfield's wife Oh was that her? Okay Back to School I think was the movie Alright now you have to come back to me Don't make that snide remark This is a woman in her mid 70's Like what do you think she's going to look like? She looks great

Does she look great? Okay maybe you're right I've seen women in their Like Sophia Loren There's women in their 70's Sophia Loren. I mean, there's women in their 70s who, she has that, this is the thing. She doesn't look great to me because she has that typical look of a woman who couldn't bear

to let herself quite grow old naturally. So she has work done. Does she have work done? Looks to me. And they add, you know, like a little bit at a time, they add work done. And at some point, imperceptibly, it crosses some kind of threshold where it just looks kind of like a Madame.

Madame Tussauds. Wax Museum version of themselves, you know. Like, you ever seen Jackie Mason today? Like, he just, it doesn't, nobody really looks like that. Pull up Jackie Mason. Jackie, I don't know the Jackie's. What does Jackie Mason have work done to look like? Yeah, i don't know the jackies what does jackie mason have work done to look like yeah i don't know he wasn't preserving hold on but adrian barbara i mean she's an actress she's got to keep up i mean there are things you got to do right i mean with this

kind of scrutiny look at the sun unfortunately look there are you ever read like star magazine or some of these magazines will have a whole section called stars without makeup yeah and they and and the whole point is to try to catch attractive women well he's he's 89 or 90 years old is that okay but but here's a perfect example so to dan we we could we talk every day with Bernie's dad, right? Yes. Bernie's dad is 86. Oh, yeah, that's true. He looks great. I have a picture of Bernie's dad. I don't have one, unfortunately.

He looks like a good-looking 86. He doesn't look anything weird like that. That's all I'm saying. He looks great. But to Perrielle's point, the pressure on stars to stay good-looking when you have Star Magazine that's all i'm saying that looks great but but to perry ell's point is like you know this the pressure on stars to stay good looking when you have star magazine or people or whoever

saying here's a you know pictures of stars without makeup trying to embarrass attractive women that have aged and uh it's just it is scrutiny and the and people make fun of aging women, especially, but men too. People like know I'm pulling up pictures of them on the internet. And I've caught myself doing it too, seeing a picture of an aging actress and being like, oh, God. And I stop myself and say, well, you know, it's just kind of a horrible thing to think like that. But then again. Look at that. 65 years old.

She's 65 years old. Sophia Loren is super hot. Wow. So is Lauren Hutton. Have you seen Lauren Hutton? That's Sophia Loren now. Okay. I mean, I don't think she's been.

I mean, she might have had some surgery done as well. I don't know. I mean, these pictures are so airbrushed. Whatever. In any case. In any event, the point that I was making is that I got an invitation to this very fancy literary party that Philip Roth had invited me to that I thought I was finally being vindicated and I was so excited to go and I was picking up my outfit and I was like,

I'm finally going to be able to fuck this guy. And then I got, and then I got an email like three hours later telling me that they invited me by accident. Oh, I forgot about that part. Yes. I didn't even know you.

I mean, that's horrible. Why did they just let it slide? It was so humiliating. They just let you come? And you wouldn't have ruined the party that badly. Yeah, but it was like one of the... Okay, but pull up a picture of him when he was like in his...

You know, yes, that's what he looked like when I was... And you'd have gone through with it nonetheless. I mean, I don't know. You know, it's easy to say what you would have or... That's what he looked like. That's all right. He looks all right. Okay, this is the unpleasant truth,

is that the things that traditionally make a woman attractive don't last as well as the things that make a man attractive. So unfortunately, men in their 70s have a higher average retention of their looks than women do. There's exceptions all around. But the things that make it a feminine beauty, whatever that is, they wilt earlier than – a man can be rustic and – Yeah.

Look at Clint Eastwood. He's like 90. He's still – women still want to bang him. But this is the patriarchy that I try to explain. I don't think it's the patriarchy. I think it's just how we are geared,

how we are, first of all, women, I mean, if you're looking for evolution, what does a man want? A man wants a woman that's fertile,

fertile, myrtle. And that, and a man can blow a load up into his 70s. We have a judge here. Maybe we shouldn't talk about this stuff.

I know. Do you wear clothes under that robe? I don't believe that feminine beauty has much to do with patriarchy or society. I think a lot of it's ingrained. They've done studies at certain facial proportions. Okay. I mean, they're universally pleasing?

Certain body, hip to waist ratio are considered universally... They're all cultural. These are all created... Why do you think culture developed? Well, I recall reading and learning that makeup, women's makeup was to emulate secondary sexual characteristics. That's correct. Which would mean that's more of a biological response rather than a cultural response, right?

Yes. Ariel, one thing is for sure, Dan hit it, that if you believe in evolution, which I presume you do, and you understand the whole basis of evolution is passing on your genes, right? Like people even say that we are the genes way of continuing themselves. We are actually what's being used. And obviously, there's no reason to be attracted to a woman past her fertility age evolution evolutionarily evolutionarily if a man were to have no preference between having sex with the girl who was fertile and the sex with the girl who wasn't fertile if he found them equally attractive he would have a much less chance of passing on his

genes right perfect sense makes perfect sense that a woman would no longer be attractive around the age of menopause as opposed to a man since men can impregnate a woman basically until they die. Yeah. There's really no reason, or not much,

not much reason that a woman wouldn't continually be attracted to a man. So that's just, you know, I'm not saying that's true, but it's certainly plausible theory. I think it is true. I think it's unfortunate. I think it's, look,

I didn't make the rules. If I created this universe, it wouldn't be, it would be a lot more accurate. Everybody would get laid. Everybody would look good. We're going to have a number one day. I didn't invent this,

this hell that we're living in called life and the rules that we have to obey. Okay, but when you look- Women losing their looks and men too. But- Perrielle, I want to tell you something. Don't feel bad about Philip Roth because obviously you're still carrying the scars of being turned down by Philip Roth. But I want to tell you this. How old was he at the time?

I don't know. I was probably 30. No, how old was he at the time i don't know i was probably 30 how old was he how old was he i know i'm thinking i mean he was well into his late 70s i would guess so this is the thing you were too hot a man at that age cannot rely cannot count on sexually performing and the last thing he wants to do, the humiliated, Oh, that's an interesting one. by not being able to please a young, hot girl. You think he, you can't believe he turns you down.

I'm telling you, the way you had, you came on too strong. You intimidated him. He's, who knows if he could even get it up. That was pre-Viagra days, probably. That is certainly one possibility. Absolutely.

I 100% agree with Noam that that might have been the reason. Well, when I took his diaper off, he wasn't in his mind. I don't know what to tell you. Well, that is a very kind read, Noam. No, I'm totally serious. Listen, even when I was in my 40s, you know, if the girl was super hot, it's a little intimidating, you know?

Like, oh my God. So, but in your 70s, moving on 80, who knows what's working and what's not working? He was incredibly flirt... I mean, he was like over the top flirtatious. Yeah, he was having fun. Right, well... Was he single at the time? Does anybody know? Yeah, I think he was. He was over the top flirtatious. Yeah, he was having fun. Was he single at the time?

Does anybody know? Yeah, I think he was. He was? Don't you remember the joke about the frog? No. What's the joke about the frog? The guy's walking down, the old man's walking down the beach,

and the frog says, old man, if you give me a kiss, I'll turn into a beautiful woman. I'll give you the best blowjob you ever had. The old man keeps walking, and the frog says, old man, did you hear me? I said, if you give me a kiss, I'll turn into a beautiful woman. I'll give you the best blow job you ever had. The old man keeps walking. The frog says, oh man, did you hear me? I said, if you give me a kiss, I'll turn into a beautiful woman and give you the best blow job you ever had. So the old man picks up the frog and puts the frog in his pocket.

And the frog's screaming from the pocket. Oh man, didn't you hear what I said? You have to kiss me and I'll give you the best blow job you ever had. And the old man says, I know, but at my age, I think I'd rather have a talking frog. So you were his talking frog, Perrielle. Maybe. He was flirting with you.

He was having fun. He enjoyed you. He didn't want the blowjob. He wanted the talking frog. Right. You were the talking frog. Well. I love that joke. um did i tell it all right dan yeah it's fine it's a funny joke no it's hard to tell a joke you know all these jokes that people you know i mean sometimes i hear some of these street jokes and i wonder why why are comedians even in business there's so many good jokes that have been written you know and we don't even know who wrote them yeah I want to tell you guys they're a lot

better than a lot of jokes that you know comedians tell whatever you guys have a jaded thought of the talking frog bit um I want to tell you guys something because and this is really true I was a real tomboy growing up and I was never even aware of if I was cute or not. I never really paid attention to that stuff. I had a big mouth and I was funny and I had a lot of guy friends and I had a lot of girlfriends too. And when I sold my first book, On My Knees is my second book, I was 26 years old and my agent told me that they wanted to use a picture of me on the cover of the book. And I was, that Penguin wanted to use a picture of me.

Penguin published my first book. And I was so enraged and confused. And I was like, why do they? they and this was but there was no facebook then like there was nothing like that and i was like why do they care what i look like why like this book has nothing to do with anything like that why they just because they think i'm hot um whose choice was it to pose you nude it was mine it was mine um i mean i did not i designed and creative directed the covers of both of those books but i realized that you know 25 years old that like i was either gonna have to get on board and use this to my advantage or not um but it

really is it's a jarring thing um and you know you could argue with you know the sort of decisions that i've made um but can i ask you something about what you just said sure i'm a little confused so you seem to be angry that they wanted to put you on the cover obviously you thought to exploit your looks right yeah but it but it was your choice to pose in the nude for those who don't know perry ells first book has a picture of her in the nude yeah on the cover that's that was your choice right well i said well if i'm gonna do it i might as well fucking do it did anybody but nobody asked you that's my point is that nobody asked you to do it and that's certainly more salacious than but the name of the book is the only bush i trust is my own that's that's kind of you know

it's got it could have been an abraham theme to him talking to burning bush which actually would have been more interesting about not trusting god not trusting the bush but anyway but yeah you chose to go the obvious route and have your own Bush. Well, it was also a riff on George Bush. I know. But and my Bush or lack thereof. But in any event. Nobody has a Bush anymore.

That's sort of an anachronism, is it not? I think it came back a little bit. I don't know. I mean, you would know better than I do. Well, the last one I've seen, it was the last vagina I've seen, and please no jokes about pedophilia. We don't need that.

It was an adult woman. Yeah. And she was completely without hair. Completely. Yeah. So so I mean, and that was in 2019. So at least my experiences aren't really, they're limited. You might have to talk to another comic

to really get a better sense of what's going on out there. But I think the fully shaved is still in style. Noted. Well, on that note, we never got to Periel's anus, but I guess we can make

this a two-part episode if you want. We did talk about somewhat about it, but neither you nor I were that anxious to delve deeply into her anus, if you will, if you pardon the formulation. You guys are too much.

Can we have some law questions now? Well, if you have any, Bernie. If you have any. I deal with a very slim specialty. What's your specialty? It's workers' comp, workman's compensation. Yeah, there's not. Look, let's face it. I mean, there's a reason John Grisham never wrote' comp, workman's compensation. Yeah, there's not, look, let's face it. I mean, there's a reason John Grisham never wrote a book about workman's comp.

Although maybe there's something in there that could be made into a book, but generally it's, you know, not considered fodder for fiction. But how did you meet Noam? You met Noam through your younger brother, right? It was your younger brother right it was your younger brother no actually well this is kind of funny uh i don't even know if noam remembers this but i was his student advisor at tufts when he first came to tufts yep you were on my yep you were on my list of student advisees yeah i was a uh i was a junior when you came on board and

i know that there were two that never met you. I know that. There were two that never met me. You and Caroline Kennedy was also one of my... Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg? Yep. Went to Tufts? Yep. I would think that somebody with that family name would have gone to Harvard or something.

And not that Tufts is a bad school, but... No, no, no. When you go to a school like Tufts and you have that name, you're a shitty student. That's what I told you about Chris Cuomo going to Fordham Law School. Fordham Law School is a perfectly good law This is what I told you about Chris Cuomo going to Fordham Law School. Fordham Law School is a perfectly good law school, but you're Chris Cuomo and you're going to Fordham Law School.

You're Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg, or I guess at the time she was not a Schlossberg. No, she was Caroline Kennedy, and what was funny about that, of course I didn't know who Noam was. I just, I saw Noam Dwarman from New York, and I just assumed I kind of knew, you know, there were a dime a dozen of that,

but then Caroline Kennedy's name was on the list as well. And I told my grandmother who was over the moon, she retold that I was Caroline Kennedy's advisor, like to everybody that would listen. And I was embarrassed to tell her I never, she went to the grave not knowing that I never met Caroline Kennedy because Caroline Kennedy didn Caroline Kennedy, her feet didn't even touch the ground at Tufts.

She lived at an off-campus hotel or something and never showed up. She was like the football player in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. They didn't even know if he goes there. Right. It was that kind of thing. It's a good reference. And by then, Noam had met my brother and they became roommates and best of friends.

Steve? Not Steve, Don. I'm looking some old pictures. Caroline was very cute. Yep. She was a Kennedy. Yeah, I guess they're all good looking. You know, I mean,

they weren't ugly in that family. One of my best friends in my class went to Brown with john john uh and um he always said to me that uh john had a and just he just had an aura about him you know he uh there was just something about him you knew he had stature when he when he walked around he was apparently very nice but there was something about him why would you want to be a student advisor is that it was just one of those things you know that night you know people just to show them very nice, but there was something about him. Why would you want to be a student advisor? Is that... It was just one of those things, you know,

people just to show them around the campus and answer questions about... Why do priests want to... You know. And why didn't you ever meet me? I probably just didn't show up. You didn't show up. I met a bunch of people. I reached out to everybody on the list.

You never responded. I thought he could be Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg. Yeah. You and I did talk about this way, way back in the day after you had met Don. So, you know, everybody brings their kids up to college and all that stuff. I went to college by myself. I packed up my car. My father never visited me in college for four years.

I did everything myself. Very independent. I didn't, I didn't bother with orientation or I did the same thing in law school. I never even went to orientation. It's just so, so it's so tedious to sit in those things. I couldn't take it.

So anyway. A misanthrope even then, huh? I don't know if it's misanthrope. I just, I just, you know what? It's a little ADD maybe.

It's a little ADD.. It's a little ADD. I always do have trouble sitting still. You were friends with were you friends with Tracy Chapman was there when you were there? Yeah, I was friends with Tracy. I mean, I was a friend. They knew Tracy Chapman. We used to jam. We used to jam, Tracy. I don't know if you can get Tracy

on, not Perrielle. Can you or at least ask? Noam, can I have Tracy Chapman's email address? I haven't spoken to her since we left Tufts. I'm not even sure she'd remember me. There's a good chance she wouldn't remember me. Oh, you're so unforgettable.

Well, then she'd remember me. There's a story about you working at a convenience store and buying a big house and living in the suburbs. She wasn't an economics major at Tufts. Well, there's a story. Brian Kopelman is involved in that too, right? Brian Kopelman.

Yeah, he discovered Tracy. His dad, he discovered Tracy Chapman at Tufts and brought her to his dad who got her a record deal. Oh, wow. And there's also, isn't there a story about you and Don thinking you won the talent show until Tracy Chapman? Yeah, we were sure we were in the bag until the last act went on and sang, I'm sorry, it's all that you can say. And we just saw the gold, you know, the gold medal cup just evaporating as Tracy Chapman just was just unbelievable.

I mean, she was unbelievable. She was exactly the way she was four years later when she became a world star, she was completely developed. She had all those songs already written at Tufts. All those songs on that first album were basically all written. We'd heard them all already.

Most of them. And then, you know, Steve Perriell, right? Yes, I know. And I'm a big, right? Yes, I know. And I'm a big fan.

Steve was the best man at Noam's wedding. Just to be clear, there's Steve Fabricant's brother. Steve is known. He doesn't like, I'm not even going to say it because he always gets angry when I bring this up,

but he has a nickname that he doesn't love. Little Dick? No. Not that one? The other but he he he's a beloved member of the comedy seller family he works uh outside um and uh he's the one that when you come to the comedy seller back when the comedy seller was open and you had to he would have the list of reservations and he would and and and you would come over and say,

yes, my name, you know, whatever, Smith, and he would say, Smith, too, okay, and he would not look at you. He would smoke a cigarette, and he wouldn't even look at the customers. He gave you the Steve Rubell treatment, if you remember Steve Rubell from Studio 54. From Studio 54, sure.

Contempt for the audience, and that was part of his charm. Contempt for the customers, I should say. Well, Steve is the tallest and the best- looking of the Faber-Camp brothers. He is, as Dan always likes to say, ageless. Forever young. Forever young. Yeah. You've seen the picture of young Steve, right?

Go ahead, Perio. I mean, go ahead, Bernie. I'll bring it up when you're done. And everybody loves him. Everybody loves him and adores him. He's got millions of friends all over the place. But he was, but, but, but, but, but, but, in terms of his earning power,

he is not the star of the family in that regard. Well, I don't want to talk about earning power. There's more to life. There's more to life. Oh, okay. You have clearance for that piece of tape? Look at that 80s mullet he's got. That's not Steve.

That's Steve? That's Steve. Where? Oh, my God. That's insane. That is 1988, I'm guessing. No, no, later. 90s.

It's Don's wedding in the 90s. He was married in the 80s. He was married in the 80s. Oh, no. I was married in the 80s. Maybe 89. Yeah, maybe 89. I was married in 89. He was married in the 80s. He was married in the 80s. Maybe 89. Yeah, maybe 89. I was married in 89. He was married in 88. Okay, you would know.

He looks like a real 80s, the asshole in every 80s movie. Looks like Tom Cruise and Dennis Quaid had a baby. Really? He was always the well-liked guy. Anybody would do anything for him and anybody would do anything for him, and he would do anything for anybody.

Aw. For the love of God, Noam. He's still a beloved member of the Comedy Cellar family. I'm quite fond of him. And he's from the Fabricant Brothers when they played hockey. All right, we got to go. Okay. Thanks for having me on, Perriello.

It was very nice to meet you. Bernie, it was so nice to meet you. I just want to tell you guys that this was really nice um and especially with you guys and with the seller and um really the seven year anniversary of um the book so thank you for thank you for the anniversary hey thank you. Bye-bye. On my knees. Wherever fine books are sold. Where the books are sold, except for the table in front of the Village Underground where that guy sells books.

Looking forward to the sequel, Perrie. Thank you. I appreciate it. The sequel will be all my aching back. Podcast at ComedySeller.com for comments, suggestions, and well wishes. And we'll see you next time, everybody. Stay safe. Adios.

Bye-bye. And you can follow us on Instagram at livefromthetable.