The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Rachel Feinstein, Leonard Ouzts, and Gigi Engle

Episode Date: July 13, 2017

Rachel Feinstein is a prominent standup comedian who may frequently be seen performing at the Comedy Cellar. Leonard Ouzts is a prominent standup comedian and star of the new MTV show "Safeword." He may frequently be seen performing at the Comedy Cellar. Gigi Engle is a writer and sex educator. She writes for Teen Vogue, Marie Claire, Glamour, Bustle, and Ravishly. She is the author of the recent Teen Vogue article, "How to Masturbate If You Have a Vagina."  

You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the table on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Good evening, everybody. Welcome to The Comedy Cellar show here on Sirius XM Channel 99. We're here at the back table of The Comedy Cellar. My name is Noam Dwarman. I'm the owner of The Comedy Cellar. We have with us at the table right now Mr. Leonard Utz. What's going on? The fantastic, is it Ms. Rachel Feinstein? Feinstein, yes. Feinstein, yes.

And we have a guest sitting in with us. She's a writer for Teen Vogue magazine as well as Glamour, Marie Claire, Bustle, Ravish. I never heard of those. Gigi Engel is a writer and sex educator, and she wrote an article in Teen Vogue about how to masturbate if you have a vagina. Yes, I did. Okay, did you guys read the article? I skimmed through it on the train.

Nobody sent me the article. It was in the first email I sent you. Oh, sorry. But it sounds amazing. I mean, already it's a riveting subject. Masturbating. I'm ready to just kick off the jams right now. I'm ready to learn. I mean, Leonard skimmed it.

Yeah, that's why I showed up. I need a more in-depth teaching. Leonard, it's time to get nasty. You were done. So, Gigi, this is my first question. Sure. As a man,

it seems odd to every man, I'm sure Leonard will agree, Steven will probably agree, that masturbating is something that comes naturally to us. We don't need instructions. Why is it that girls need to be taught how to masturbate? Well, I actually wrote...

I mean, it's so easy. I wrote a guide on masturbating if you have a penis as well. What do you know about that? Right, right. Can you bring that up? I want to... I'm sure it's full. But go ahead, go ahead.

Let's talk about the vagina first. Okay, I mean, I wrote an article about masturbating for vagina owners because actually a lot of women don't understand how to masturbate because sex ed in school is such a nightmare that there's absolutely no focus on pleasure whatsoever. And the clitoris is almost never mentioned, which is the epicenter of female pleasure. And if you don't know what the clitoris is, you may not know how to touch it, especially if you're a young teenage girl who's learning about her body. Leonard, focus. Or a young teenage girl who's learning about her body. Leonard, focus. Or a young teenage guy. Yeah, that's part of it as well. If you don't know how to please yourself, you're not going to know how to tell a partner

how to do the same for you. Oh, well, you got very valid points. Look how scared Leonard is. I'm terrified. He got so frightened once the word vagina was even introduced. He was like, I'm sorry. I'm terrified. Leonard got so frightened once the word vagina was even introduced. He was like, I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. He's like, I skimmed it, and then I pecked out.

First of all, part of the trouble with having this is that we're talking about teenagers, so I feel like I can't even say anything because my heart is pounding. But listen, how long does it take to figure out? I mean, I don't have a vagina, but you touch around down there. I mean, can't you figure out the spot that feels best? I mean, you can, but you're going to have to. Isn't it better to have a guide that actually teaches you how to do it if you don't know how instead of just fumbling through the dark? Some civil servant teaching my daughter how to masturbate in school.

I don't want that. That's unfortunate for your daughter. You think that masturbation. Oh, shit. I don't want that. That's unfortunate for your daughter. You think that masturbation... Oh, shit. I mean, what? You're saying you would rather you or Juanita teach your daughter

how to masturbate? I'd rather learn on the street like a girl's mom. In order for your daughter to become a sexually aware, healthy adult, she should know how to masturbate.

And if having an instructional guide from a sex educator is going to help her do that and it would actually make her life better, then I don't understand how that would be upsetting to you. Hold that thought. You don't want some corner hobo teaching your daughter how to masturbate. That's all I learned.

That is not the answer. Can you read through that and find something ridiculous? Don't read it. Not on the mic. Okay. So, wait a second. No, in all seriousness. You have teachers.

Now, we have a big problem with teachers molesting students and whatever it is. But at the same time, we're going to train these teachers. Now, we have a big problem with teachers molesting students and whatever it is. But at the same time, we're going to train these teachers. Does it have to be a female teacher who teaches the girls? Can a male teacher start teaching girls how to masturbate? Actually, I've seen this done. It's very tasteful. The teacher just slowly

takes her clothes off and leaves. Spread eagle. Very gently and tastefully masturbates herself while purring ever so quietly. It's just about the most Christian thing you'll ever lay your eyes upon. It's like God bless. I'm asking serious questions. How do you start training? Is this part of a test before they get certified as a teacher?

How far are you going to take this? There's no emphasis on pleasure whatsoever when sex ed teachers are being taught the curriculum. It's all about pregnancy prevention, which obviously is very important, or abstinence, which doesn't work. And having no focus on desire whatsoever. The pregnancy prevention ain't working either. Well, a lot of people aren't getting very much of that either.

So that's actually really problematic in itself. But when there's no focus on pleasure whatsoever, which is the 99% of the sexual experiences you have are not going to be for reproductive reasons. No, not with my wife, but go ahead, go ahead. So being able to know that part that your desires and your sexuality and feelings of erotic emotion are normal and healthy and that expressing those through masturbation is a normal and healthy expression of those desires, that's a really helpful thing for young women and for young males

as well who have this idea that masturbation is something they should be embarrassed about, something that should be shrouded in the taboo and it shouldn't be at all. You're mixing two things together. Even when I was in school they would tell us it's okay to masturbate, it's healthy, It's normal. I'm very surprised that you had anybody tell you that.

Yeah, Aloysius Jangle, our health teacher in Arnsley High School. Anybody out there listening? Best name in all the land. That was his name, Aloysius Jangle. Aloysius. He was black. No, he was not black. What?

No, he was not black. He was a white guy with blonde hair. And he used to tell us that it's okay to masturbate. However, he never taught us how to masturbate. He never simulated masturbation on a model of a vagina. That's insane to me. Is that what you're suggesting? I'm not suggesting that anybody simulate masturbation on a vagina.

Or describe it. I think describing it is perfectly valid. Describing how your body works. Just for the sake of argument, can you describe it to me? Jesus. Let's see if I don't flip this table over. I don't think I need to describe masturbation to you. But how would you, I'm actually quite serious,

how would you describe it to a 12-year-old or a 13-year-old? Well, if you read the article, then you know that I was explaining how to find your clitoris, which is the first thing you have to do is actually show children and a diagram. The boys are out of the room by this point. No, they are also in the room. Can you imagine the snickering and jokes and the ridiculousness that would go on? If you stopped making, if you had conversations with your children as parents and stopped making sex so scary and so naughty and bad, then people wouldn't feel that way. Do you have children?

No, I do not have children. You might revise these opinions once you actually have children. I can say with complete certainty that will never happen. That you'll never have children? That I will not revise these feelings when I have children. No, but I'm saying I think that children find these things kind of funny no matter whether you've discussed them with them or not. Honestly, let them snicker all they want. They'll be better for it once they have that information.

I do think that's kind of true. Like, I think they will laugh aggressively the entire time, but then it may as well be that something in there sticks that's, you know what I mean? And also, I think it's pretty presumptuous to say that there is no way you will ever change your mind when you have children because as we have right here, a parent, you know, your feelings evolve and your feelings change as you get older. But she actually, just for the record, you really did duck my logistical questions.

The devil's in the details. Are you going to train teachers to do this? Are men going to be able to do this? How do you really foresee teaching masturbation as a required subject in public schools? I'm not suggesting that we have a masturbation 101 class but when you're in sex ed you should

understand that pleasure and desire are part of sexuality and explain that the clitoris is the epicenter of female pleasure. It has 8,000 nerves in it. 8,000? 8,000. She's got more than that, no?

The clitoris has 8,000 nerves in it. The penis has 4,000. Whoa. I think mine got a little less than that. That is very interesting. Yours has fewer than 4,000. Mine got like six. And if sex education isn't going to be comprehensive,

then it isn't going to be useful for young adults. So explaining pleasure and explaining desire and that masturbation is a normal thing. If you don't want to teach them exactly how to masturbate, that's fine. But if you don't teach them that it's a thing and that it's okay and that desire is normal. Seems healthy. Yeah, I was taught that 30 years ago. And you're really, really lucky because that's not the norm. So you got a really good teacher.

I just remember that my teacher put on a maxi pad with a belt on it and then we wouldn't And you're really, really lucky because that's not the norm. So you got a really good teacher. I just remember that my teacher put on a maxi pad with a belt on it, and then we wouldn't stop laughing the entire hour because her maxi pad had a belt, and it was just the most preposterous thing we'd ever seen in our dumb lives. So all we talked about was the maxi pad, and we were complete assholes. But I think it is good to remind girls, especially girls, because I don't think they're told that enough, that they're not rancid for having a sexual thought. I agree.

I don't want my daughter told that, but I want my daughter to... Listen, I shouldn't even say. She's better off learning that it's healthy and okay than learning from the rancid peasants that she meets on the corner. Like from Sherrod. Exactly. Definitely not Sherrod. It will be Sherrod. All right, I suppose.

I have trouble with it. I don't know. I guess I'm old-fashioned. But I think that you have trouble with an imaginary construct, which is that they're in school jerking off and having everyone take their dicks out like a sing-along, which is very problematic to think about. But I don't think she's saying that.

I think she's just saying to tell them that it's pleasurable, right? Yeah, that sex is pleasure. But also that masturbation is okay. So maybe if they masturbate, also they won't have sex as soon, which is your concern as a father. You know how many times I've masturbated and then didn't have sex? Because I was like, I'm done. I'm good. I think that it's really important to teach young vagina owners and young

penis owners about their bodies and how they work. My mom just put, not that anybody asked, but... You know, I'm curious how you... My mom came into my room, almost like we were in the middle of a fight, and she was like, sex is natural! But it was very hostile sounding, you know?

And then she put this book on my bed called All About My Body Book for Girls. And that was it. That was my whole sex talk. And then there was a chart in the book which had stages of breasts, like stage one, stage two, stage three, stage four. Oh, you're stage three.

I never had that one. All I did was look at the tit chart. I ignored the rest of the book. And then every night I put on this tube top and I'd try to squeeze my non-cleavage. I'd try to create cleavage and just see where I was on the tit chart. I just became completely obsessed with that tit chart. That's hilarious. And then I asked my mom, I'm like, how come you're still at stage one?

And she got very upset. I didn't understand that that was really insulting. I'm like, but you never got anywhere on this thing. Your mom is small-breasted. Yes. And then I didn't know that that was a mean thing to say. I was just practically trying to understand. And then I saw that movie.

There's this movie, Top Secret, where all the women lay in the sand in the opening sequence. This is a very old movie. And they all pop up one by one. And then there are these holes in the sand in the opening sequence. This is a very old movie. And they all pop up one by one and then there are these holes in the sand where their tits were. These tit holes. And I just was very focused on wanting to make those tit holes

in the sand. So whenever we went to the beach I would sort of try to grind my non-tits in the sand. And then I'd pick them up. I was hoping there was those perfect holes in the sand like those women. And that was really my main goal as I wanted to grow up and make tit holes in the sand. But there. And that was really my main goal as I wanted to grow up. But you would just have a dirty chest? And make tit holes in the sand. But there was just sad, uneven dents.

What did you say? So you just got it with dirty chest? Yes, with dirty sand. And my family didn't really notice what I was doing. I tried to hide it, but I would just grind my non-tittage in the sand. How old were you? Maybe like 11 or something. Very young.

And when did they really come in? Until late. Maybe like 15. I got my period after everybody else. It was cool to get your period when you were... We all wanted... I think I lied about it and I said I got it because everybody was getting it. Is that true?

Do girls compete over who got their period first? It's cool, right? I remember, at least in my school, it was cool if you got it. Yeah, for sure. You're like, oh, yeah, I have mine. Then you're like, oh, I'm more mature than you. Which is interesting because there was this shame around some parts of it. But getting your period was definitely like the truth.

Like that was considered the shit. Yeah. So you were a slightly late bloomer. Yes. And once they came in, did you ever get to make the tit holes? Or you just. I kind of gave up. You've given up on it.

I should go do that. Maybe you should revisit it. And accomplish all my childhood dreams. Now with Instagram, you can really. But I remember I got really bad grades, and I was failing every subject. And my parents were so worried about me that I was going to be stupid or something. And I remember they took me on. I got those special brain scan, and I had to put suction cups all over my head.

And we were on the way to. Really? Yeah, because they didn't. Like Linda Blair in The Exorcist? Yeah, they didn't understand what was wrong with me. And I remember hearing my parents talk about it. My mom was like, she's not normal. And then I went for the brain scan.

And they were very concerned. Because these, like, over-educated Jews always got good grades. And on the way to the brain scan, my mom asked me, what are you thinking about right now? Because she was a psychologist. And she was trying to get me to open up. And I was like, I'm thinking about making these tit holes in the sand that I split. So you finally came clean. Is this true?

She was so sad. She was so upset because she's like, I'm raising this moron that only wants to make tit holes in the sand. Have you told that story before? That's a great story. Not on stage. Maybe I should. Oh my god, what a great story. She was so disgusted by that. She's like, that's it. She is a moron.

It's a wrap. Let me just get back to the, did you find something in the penis thing? This is the thing. I'm a dad and I old-fashioned, I guess, I would just like my children to go to school and learn reading, writing,

arithmetic, academic things. Then are you going to give them sex ed yourself? If I choose to. Well, then where do you think they're going to get it? No, I'm saying when I say if I choose to, yes, I will have my wife teach me about sex. But what I'm saying is that I'm uncomfortable about forcing parents who may have different attitudes about this thing to send, who may have

different attitudes about this thing, to send their kids to public school. They have no choice. They're required to send their kids to school. And we say, well, we're going to tell them about stuff that you may not want them to know about yet. Well, they have the internet. They're going to find out about it anyway. They're going to learn about it from porn

and it's not going to be a realistic depiction of sex and then they're really going to be screwed but what I'm saying is that I think certain things should be parents still should get to raise their children for better or worse I absolutely agree, I think that parents should be having these conversations kids are exposed to pornographic material as young as 6 years old now

so you need to be teaching and having these conversations with your children so they actually understand that pornography is not real depictions of sex. I'm sure, well, I don't know. Your porn is. Well, very. Such a funny new argument we're suddenly having.

Hilarious. Your porn is deadly real. I mean, I don't know. It's absolutely real. I don't know about you, but I had the most, like, I had really traumatic sexual experiences growing up, like having sex with boys who thought that they just needed to, like like wildly hump my body furiously and that was going to be what I wanted because all they had seen is pornography and that's obviously not how it works. What do you mean?

I'm trying to put, I'm trying to like put a timeline. When did the internet come out? When did the porn, what, like what? I was like 15. So that's how long ago? 11 years. So, so this is, this is 11 years ago? Yeah.

2006? I guess. Okay, so porn was fully mature on the internet by this time. Yes. Okay, I'm just trying to put it in my head. But also, it's not just that. It's also the fact that when you don't understand what a clitoris is, and you don't understand that two out of three women need clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm,

and all you've seen is wild humping. The guys don't care. They know about it. They don't care. We don't. Not really. No. They do not care.

They know. None of you guys care? I feel really bad for the people you have sex with, if that's the case. I mean, men in general don't care, but I think men— We take care of it, but we don't care. What? I think that men, on the whole, don't care about the woman

they care about, absolutely. Or the woman they care about. No, I'm just saying, when you get older, you care. When I was 16, I don't know. I mean, I knew about the clitoris. I knew about it at 16, but I'm just wondering, these guys who are furiously humping you, I don't...

You'd think that's because they were watching porn, but I'm just saying, these guys who are furiously humping you, you'd think that's because they were watching porn. But I'm just saying, nobody has sex well at 16, guys. It would be better if they knew what they were doing because they had proper education. How far do you want to take that? Do you want to show them videos of good sex? I'm serious. It would probably be better than them just watching porn off a red tube. So that's a yes? But that's a parenting choice. It would probably be better than them just watching porn off a red tube. So that's a yes?

But that's a parenting choice. It's a parenting choice. I mean, I never watched porn growing up, and I didn't get even passable at sex until I was in my mid-20s. I do think that's true, that they're probably going to stink either way. It's not just porn's fault. It's education combined with porn. Plus, you need experience, obviously. I mean, is it not like stand-up comedy where you have to do it enough times in order to get even decent at it?

No, no, I do think it's good to have the information out there of how to properly arouse a woman and all that. I do think the odds are also that guys will still stink for a pretty long time. I try to be a little more optimistic. I didn't have internet until I got to college. You didn't have internet? Yeah, right. Where did you grow up? Germany. Oh. Really? No, but it was like a conscious choice of

my dad's to not get internet in the house because he didn't want us watching porn. And doing crazy shit we otherwise shouldn't have been doing. I was never bad at sex. I will say that. No, I'm serious.

You can't declare that about yourself. I'm telling you, I was always pretty, from day one, I was pretty good at sex. But you just said you didn't care about a woman's pleasure, but did you? I was just saying that for effect. Right, right, right. No, I can't say that girls were having orgasms. Let me tell you

something. While we're on the subject of female orgasms, I've seen a lot of good sex go awry by over-focusing on the woman's orgasm where she begins to feel self-conscious

about the fact that she hasn't had an orgasm and then she feels she has to fake it just to get the guy to stop. That's because what he's doing doesn't feel good. No, no. Not every woman, you know, women... And not every time you have sex, you're going to have an orgasm.

That doesn't mean sex isn't good. Right, but the time that... That's my point. So when the woman is not having an orgasm, if the man just keeps at it, keeps at it, keeps at it, until he, you know, until he rings that bell, she's like, fuck it, I'll fake this. Well, what women need is confidence to say, you know,

it's not going to happen this time and it's really a show and to say what would work, you know? So this is the way I do it. I just have sex and I wait for the signals from her. And if you read those signals well, then you kind of know whether she wants to get on that elevator or she's like, this is not going to happen tonight, whatever it is. Because when you talk about it, it kind of takes the whole romance out of it.

Yeah, but that takes emotional intelligence as well. I always had that. I agree. I don't think you want to talk about it every time. But sometimes there's like you could show in little ways and sometimes talk about it, you know. So women don't orgasm every time? No. Oh, God.

It's natural not to? I mean, I don't. No So women don't orgasm every time? No. Oh, God. It's natural not to? I mean, I don't. No, you don't orgasm. We don't orgasm every time. What percentage? I can't give an exact statistic on that. I mean, aren't all women different? Yeah, every, yeah.

Everything we read about Marilyn Monroe says she barely ever orgasms. Every vagina, every vulva, every clitoris. So why still have sex if you're not going to orgasm? Because it can still feel good. It can still feel good. It's complicated, but you want to have an orgasm. Obviously, that's the goal, but it doesn't always happen every time. I think a lot of people, it takes a while to get

comfortable with a new partner. Do black women know this? No, black women come every time. I think this is different. I don't know. And just for penetration, by the way. The female anatomy and the male anatomy are really, really different. The best way I ever heard it described was that male anatomy is a lot like the New York electrical system. It's on a grid.

It's all very straightforward. Whereas the female sex organs are more like San Paolo in Mardi Gras. Well, I'm just saying, because black women get mad a little. Let's take that in for a second. San Paolo in Mardi Gras. Just like crazy... San Paolo is a city in Brazil, by the way, in case anybody... Sorry, yes.

And just crazy confusing, and not everything makes sense all the time. Yeah, I mean, that's true. If you do something to a guy and he says it feels really good, the chances are it'll feel really good to the next guy and the next guy and the next guy.

Yeah, that's not always true, but that's definitely more likely. If you do something to a woman and she says... You might as well just forget it because you're actually going to get yourself in more trouble. So who taught you that? Phil was telling me, the great Phil Hanley who works here at the Cellar, he told me he felt like he has to start over every time he has a new partner.

You know what I mean? He's like, you can't take your tricks with you to the next girl. That's right. Yeah. So he's like, you got to start all the way over. I did read your article. Did you discuss the G-spot as well, that mythological? The G-spot is not mythological.

It's actually a part of the clitoris, which is the internal portion of the clitoris. Are you sure about this? I'm 100% sure of that. Okay. It's the internal portion of the clitoris. The clitoris is actually more like an iceberg. That bump on the top is one inch. The full clitoris is about three and a half centimeters. Three and a half inches long. Oh!

Yeah. There's wing-like... wing-like extensions on either side and two bulbs underneath that are beneath the surface. All orgasms that women have are clitorally based. The G-spot is not its own thing. It's a part of the clitoris. It's actually the apex of the internal clitoris. So the clitoris look like this right here.

Yes, but then... With some balls at the bottom. I was going to put like two little balls. It's not helpful for the listeners at home. It looks a little bit like... Okay, the clitoris with the... This is how I describe it. The clitoris with the glands,

which is the exposed part, and the wings kind of look like an eagle in descent of a prey. They look like the little Bluetooths that people wear around their neck. Just like that. It looks a little bit like a wishbone. And this is all internal?

Not the glands, the bump on the outside, but the bulbs and the wings are internal. The vagina got a mouth guard. Honestly, it actually looks a lot like a mouth guard. Y'all can laugh. That was funny. I don't know about y'all. That was creative.

I thought that was fun. I'm working hard over here. It is funny. I may not have read the article, but I'm hilarious. Like a little mouth guard. Did you know that, Steven? I did not was fun. I'm working hard over here. It is funny. I may not have read the article, but I'm hilarious. Like a little mouth guard. Did you know that, Stephen? I did not know that, no. That the clitoris goes all the way through to the other side?

Not until I read the article, no. It's actually okay because not that many people knew. We actually didn't know the full structure of the clitoris until 1998. Oh, my God. And it was 2006 when a sonogram of the full internal clitoris was done for the first time and the full structure was actually revealed. What? That's amazing.

Yeah, fun facts. Who did that? Helen O'Connell was a urologist who was operating on cadavers and she was the first person who discovered the full structure when she was operating on these cadavers, sort of like dissecting them and checking it out. Then she released her work, The Anatomy of the Clitoris, in 1998. And then Mal Harrison, who was the resident sexologist at the Museum of Sex,

also known as Miss M, had her clitoris sonogrammed and broke the story, basically, on the internal clitoris. She should have a plaque. She should. She's brilliant. For the Americans at home, I don't know why I said it that way, but

is there something on YouTube that you recommend that somebody could watch to just dip their foot in this clitoris land? I actually wrote an article called The Internal Clitoris for Glamour Magazine. You can read it.

You can also read Mal Harrison's work. So you're like the clitoral expert for most of the most important fashion magazines in the country.

That's the highest compliment I think I've ever gotten. Thank you. I will take that. Is there a video as well that you recommend? Like something that somebody can look at? If you go to the centeroferoticintelligence.org

Mal Harrison has moving images of the sonograms of her clitoris that you can see. No, I'm talking about Joe's. You ain't got no video, no link to one? No, I'm just joking. Jesus. I want to see the mouth guard. Noam is Googling right now pictures of the

clitoris for our listeners. This is nothing I've ever seen in bed before. What the hell is this thing? The only thing you can see is that top glans part. Everything is internal. You can't see it. It looked like a worm on top. Everybody at home, go Google a diagram of the clitoris.

Yeah, check it out. It's really trending right now, you guys. This is really on trend. Yes. This is amazing. All right. So now she also wrote, now this is even more ridiculous. She wrote an article teaching men how to masturbate.

Don't call it ridiculous. Yeah, I was going to ask. Why do you assume right off the bat that it is ridiculous? I just thought there were some things that just guys needed to know, like lube is really important because actually not using lube when you masturbate can cause desensitization. What? So that's a – I don't think a lot –

Stupid, stupid. I don't think a lot of young guys know that, like, they can actually enjoy prostate stimulation. A lot of young guys don't know about perineum stimulation. I don't think we need to put that out there. It's the male G-spot. If you're missing out on prostate orgasms, you're missing out big time. Really?

I had it. How do I give myself a prostate orgasm? Well, it's actually easier with a partner because obviously reaching your anus is not exactly the easiest. It's really easy with a really small butt plug. So no. It's just inside. It's just inside the anus. So you just have to have something in your butt while you have a regular orgasm,

and that will stimulate the prostate orgasm? Yes. There's a new vibrator called the B-Vibe, which actually vibrates, which can really help stimulate the prostate. If you want, you can move the butt plug in and out. It's all just what you're into called the B-Vibe, which actually vibrates, which can really help stimulate the prostate. If you want, you can move the butt plug in and out. You know, it's all just what you're into trying. B-Vibe? Can you contact B-Vibe and ask if they're going to represent it?

First, you've got to run this by Juanita. If she finds this, you haven't told her about it. I'll just send you guys their PR information, and you can get back to me and let me know how those prostate orgasms are. Robert Kelly will be getting a free one on his podcast. I've got a question. So when you have a prostate orgasm, do you come seaming? Yes. Wait, wait, wait.

Chocolate milk. Is it? The prostate itself does not ejaculate. Right. Your penis ejaculates, but it's prostate stimulation during the actual ejaculation. So is it extra ejaculation? It's just like extra stimulation, and it feels like, as my brother says, there's nothing in the world like a prostate orgasm.

My brother, who's a gay man. I was just about to say. Don't say it. You're not allowed to say it. I'm so happy you said it. You're not allowed to say gay? Not supposed to be allowed to ask. I mean, I've given plenty of prostate orgasms to straight cis guys I'm so happy you said it. You're not allowed to say gay? Not allowed to ask. No, but I don't. I mean.

I mean, I've given plenty of prostate orgasms to straight cis guys as well. Right. I'm not disputing that. But you ain't out here giving them out like, it ain't a lot. You can't be giving out a lot. He's going to say like Skittles. Is that how you're going to finish it? I feel like I don't understand what you mean. He's saying that you're not giving out prostate orgasms like Skittles. Is that how you're going to finish it? I feel like I don't understand what you mean. He's saying that you're not giving out prostate orgasms like Skittles.

And I can't follow. Well, not anymore. I'm in a relationship. Right. But you know what I'm saying. Like, for instance. It was a very important point. Do you give them out or do you give them out like Skittles?

Am I like, come and get them. Here I am, prostate orgasms. No, what I'm trying to say is it can't be that many guys that like. I'm not saying there's not a lot of guys that don't like that. But that's willing to let it be known that they want something in their butt. Well, that's a very fine point, Leonard. There's deeply ingrained homophobia. Where guys think if you get anywhere near your butthole, like, you must be gay.

Like, you must be into. If your butt's stuffed, you're not a real man. It's like, hell no. That's what I'm saying. In the hood, right? In the hood, that's the way. I'm not from the hood, thank you. I'm actually from a nice home. But in the hood, that's the way it is.

Any woke guy, any woke girl, they're going to be into that cross-dressing. So if you're not into it, that means you're not woke, is what you're saying. You don't have to necessarily like it. You have to be like, you know... But if you accept it and you're like, that's a cool thing. Well, you don't have to necessarily like it. So if I don't like it. But you have to be like, you know. But if you accept it and you're like, that's a cool thing. Like, that's fine.

It's kind of like BDSM. It's like you don't have to be super into BDSM. But if you're like, you know, I respect it. What's BDSM? What's BDSM? Bondage Discipline Sadomasochism. We have a friend who's super into that. She's like a super genius at this.

That's what I'm saying. Now, did you ever have to talk a guy into letting you give him a prostate orgasm? Not personally, no. I've definitely had friends and readers who have. I do a sex advice column, and I've definitely had women write in who are like, I really want to try this. Like, how do I have that conversation?

You're just turning the whole world out. Article by article. I am trying over here. Your parents must be so proud of you. Actually, my parents love it. They're obsessed with my work. I shouldn't have said that. It was a dumb joke. Can you read? Okay, so proud of you. Actually, my parents love it. They're obsessed with my work. I should have said that. It was a dumb joke.

Can you read? Okay, so, all right. If I was coming at this as, well, okay, never mind. It doesn't matter. Take your time. Regardless of what you've seen on popular television shows and in movies, masturbation doesn't need to be super fast, shameful thing you do in the dark corners of your bedroom. It doesn't need to be a race to finish if you don't want it to be super fast, shameful thing you do in the dark corners of your bedroom. It doesn't need to be

a race to finish if you don't want it to be. Sure, locking the door adds privacy, but what you're doing isn't shameful or bad. Set some time to actually enjoy masturbating. Don't rush it. Listen to your body and see what feels good for you. I do think that's not a problem for any of the male comics at the cellar. They

set plenty of time to masturbate, especially when they're on the road. I feel like that's all they do. I appreciate that about y'all. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I think one of the male comics at the cellar. They set plenty of time to masturbate, especially when they're on the road. I feel like that's all they do. I appreciate that about y'all. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I think one of the reasons I wrote about that in the article

is that we have, we obviously put really, really bad implications on women to like, I don't know where I was going with this. My point,

I was going to switch it over to men, was that we put a lot of pressure on men as well to perform and to, like, last a long time. But there's barely any emphasis on a male actually, like, enjoying the pleasure. Like, they're like, oh, think about cancer. Think about death so that you don't cum so you can last forever. And it's like, why can't men also enjoy masturbation

and enjoy the process and not just have to perform as well? That's why I really love masturbation sleeves, fleshlights. I think all of those things that give a man. Wait, what's a masturbation sleeve? Have you ever seen a fleshlight? No. Okay, a fleshlight are not my favorite because I kind of find them grotesque. But it looks like a vagina, but it's made of cyberskin, and you can masturbate with it.

Oh, yeah, yeah. But there's more tasteful ones that I prefer that are like, they're made of elastomer which is like a semi-porous material that sort of feels like jelly. And it's literally just a sleeve and you like lube it up and you put it on and you just use it to masturbate. They gave us that Montreal

a fleshlight. When we went to Montreal they gave everybody a fleshlight. God bless. 2015? I was wearing mine out. It didn't even last two days. I ain't had no lube. I just had some water.

Yeah, they really don't last that long, unfortunately, because of the material. Did you use that, Leonard, with a cup of water? Yeah, I used warm water. That's a choice. You used warm water instead of lube? I ain't had no lube. I was in Canada. Alright, let's not start lashing out. Goddamn Canadians.

Right, I just wanted to get a little juicy. Yeah, you're actually not supposed to wash the cyber skin that much with soap or water because it damages the integrity of the material. I know now. I was like, and you know, you learned. Don't damage the integrity, Leonard. And you were also a sex expert or just masturbation? I mean, yes, I'm a sex expert.

So how long, what's the target length for a guy to be able to last having sex? Well, I think the average, I can't put my finger on the exact time, but I think it's four and a half, five minutes is the average time. Really? Yeah. Oh, I'm not off then. Not for firemen. For regular guys.

Well, I'm talking about like all guys. Obviously, there's like, I think it might be a little bit, might be 12 minutes now that I'm thinking about it. So it's either three minutes or 12 minutes. Why don't you Google it? I can't remember. Why don't I Google it? But the average woman will not have an orgasm in four minutes or 12 minutes. Why don't you Google it? I can't remember. Why don't I Google it? But the average woman will not have an orgasm in four and a half minutes. Usually I suggest having cunnilingus before you have the actual main event.

Seriously? Did you just go? I'm kidding. What's a cunnilingus? What's that? Going down on a woman. Oh, yeah. Y'all don't do that.

Of course we do it. Oh, all right. It actually can't nod. They have to hear you. Yes, absolutely. I don't want to? Of course we do it. Oh, all right. It actually can't nod. They have to hear you. Yes, absolutely. I don't want to do it. Not every time. You don't have to do it every time, but it's good to do it.

It's good to do it when you can. Do women have... Women don't have prostates, do they? Women do not have prostates. Okay, all right. Jim Norton's women. But they can have anal... Women can actually have anal orgasms, though.

I was just about to ask. You can actually have anal orgasms, though. I was just about to ask. You can reach the internal clitoris through the anus as well. Not all female-bodied people will have that experience, but for women who like anal sex and are really for it, that's usually why. Well, no, I don't want to do that, but I done licked some butt, and I'm telling you, it's different. It gets juicier.

It's definitely different. It gets juicier. Did I just share too much at the table? No, no. No such thing, darling. Do you believe in God? I do not. You don't believe in God? I am spiritual, and I believe in the universe,

but I am not like the powers of the universe, and I don't think energy ever dies, but no, I'm not particularly religious. I was really raised Catholic, sort of. My dad's an atheist, though. The reason I ask is because you believe in God, Leonard. Yeah. And that's what he feels when he licks a woman's butt.

I see Jesus. He feels God and Jesus. Because if you believe in God, then this is all God's plan to have, you know, anal orgasms and prostate orgasms. Yeah, sure. It's an interesting thing that God, you know,

put so much thought into it, so much attention to all the various, I don't know. I mean, yeah, I guess. Do you believe in God, Noam? No, no, not at all. I'm actually like the most vehement atheist there is. I don't have any doubt. I'm 100% sure there is no God.

That was beautiful. Wow. I was about to say,. I'm 100% sure there is no God. That was beautiful. Wow. I was about to say, yeah, way to bring the energy up. I mean, you have the Star of David in the window over there. Like, that got really dark really fast. Yes, because I don't want to have a dyke parade here. No, because, you know, they don't allow stars. No, you know, they have, they, they, they.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because they had the dyke march last week, and they wouldn't let anybody with the Star of David in the dyke march. You guys didn't hear about this? What? Why? What's the dyke march? week, and they wouldn't let anybody with the Star of David in the Dyke March. You guys didn't hear about this? What? Why? What's the Dyke March? Lesbian March.

It was a lesbian march on Gay Pride Day. I guess it was in Chicago. It was in Chicago, yeah. And there was some Jewish pride organization, you know, and in their insignia was the Star of David, which is the sign for Jews. And they were asked to leave the march because there's this doctrine of intersectionality that all causes have to support each other. And they felt that the Star of David was a threatening symbol because of the oppressed Palestinian people. So they asked all the Jews to leave the march.

Oh, yeah, it's called anti-Semitism. Yeah, that's messed up. Not into that, no. I the Jews to leave the march. That's crazy. Oh, yeah, it's called anti-Semitism. Yeah, that's messed up. Not into that, no. I'm still laughing at that march. So... Taking the word back. Empowering. But to answer Stephen's point, you don't have to believe in God to have a star of David.

Dummy. I mean, just if I had a... For anybody to be thrown out of anything because of a symbol that means whatever it means to them is horrific. That's actually the exact opposite. A swastika, I would understand, but they're treating it like a swastika. Right, right. That's pretty awful.

It's also like if you're being like, oh, you can't have the Star of David because it's oppressing the Palestinian people. It's like, well, now you're oppressing us because you're throwing us out of the parade for having a Star of David. Well, no, but if you had a crucifix in here, people would be led to believe that you believed in God, would they not? I don't know enough about the crucifix, but I'll tell you, the Star of David is a symbol of the Jewish people. It's not a religious symbol. The answer to your question was yes. I'm no Star of David Smith. If I walked in and saw a whole bunch of crosses, I would assume you're a Christian.

But who cares? Any religious symbol should be fine. Obviously not a symbol of hate like a swastika. Yeah, but any religious symbol should be fine. So is there anything else interesting that you've learned in your travels about sex? Because you've said some things I really was not aware of. That you can tell us kind of Snapplecap facts that will astound us about sex. Snapplecap facts. You knowound us about sex. Snapplecap facts. You know,

they have these like trivia facts. Usually the internal clitoris is like my party trick. That's usually closed on that one. Or prostate orgasm. I'm like,

prostate orgasm. They're like, what are you talking about? We even got the anal orgasm so you didn't came all the way out. Is there any like fun loving sex tip

you could share? Just like, hey, if you guys are having sex tonight, try this out, gang. I'm really sorry. I don't stand behind that sentence. Try this, y'all.

Well, I mean, I'm a big fan of scrotum play. So not every guy is going to be into it. I would have that discussion beforehand. What is it? You know, playing with your boyfriend's ball sack. Oh, right, right. So, you know, feels good. I would have that discussion beforehand. What is it? You know, playing with your boyfriend's ball sack. Oh, right, right. So, you know, feels good. I like that. Anything else? Can you give us one or two more? You like that? Really?

You don't like that? Not every guy does. And that's fine. How can you not like that? What do you mean by play, though? What do you mean by play? Actually, you guys should look this up because I did an entire article called How to Play with Your Boyfriend's Ball Sack. Oh, my God.

You're prolific. There are GIFs that I made. How to Play with Your Boyfriend's Ball Sack. Oh, okay. Yeah. And there's GIFs that I made. My Google search results are good. I took my beautiful art director from my old company and I took a pair of pantyhose and filled balls with oatmeal to give them realistic weight and dropped them in so it

looked like a ball sack and then I did all of the different ways. Is this a great country? I mean, you can make a living with this kind of... You're right. I don't hate my job. I don't hate it. If we did that, we would be stoned to death immediately. God bless America. This is an amazing

country that you can make a living telling jokes and you can make a living You can make a living Telling jokes And you can make a living You know Teaching people how to play With their ball sacks Oh my god It was actually One of my favorite pieces

I ever wrote It was like It was pure art It was beautiful The gentle jellyfish Can you give us another tip The gentle jellyfish I named them all

Wait look at the gifs They're so good They're so good Oh yeah I like that I do like Yeah everybody needs To check these out. Yeah.

They're amazing. Give the URL. Can you tell us another one? Another fun-loving tip? Fun-loving tip. I like the... I like... Well, actually...

Tick-corner. Here's a fun thing. So a lot of women don't like... Not... I mean, a lot of women, yes, do not like direct clitoral stimulation. So I have... Where did I learn all the different ways? I think it was...

Oh, God Yes, which you guys should put a link to in this episode because they have the best sex education website ever. What's that? Oh My God Yes. Oh My God Yes. Oh My God Yes. Oh My God Yes.

That's a good one. So there's all these different ways that you can touch a clitoris if your clitoris happens to be super sensitive and you don't like direct stimulation. I'd like to know about this. Go ahead. Okay, so there is grounding, which is where you use your palm,

and you actually ground the full... You can either do the labia majora over the labia minora, or you can actually just ground in, and that way you're palming and grounding the full clitoris, including the internal. I would probably advocate for the minora, but go ahead. Yeah, when you're doing a orbiting, which is where you kind of do like a figure eight. You do a figure eight with your tongue or your finger around the clitoris,

not actually touching it, but just sort of around. And you get the wings and you get the bulbs. That can be very pleasurable. Also layering, where you can layer either labia majora or the labia menorah over the clitoris and touch it so that there's a barrier between. So you put the lips over the clitoris and touch it so that there's a barrier between. So you put the lips over the clitoris and you touch it through the lips?

There's a few more, but I can't think of them at this moment. Have you learned anything today, Rachel? Yes, I like this fun-loving sex tip. I like tip corner. I've been eating vagina wrong this whole time. You've been eating vagina wrong? I've been putting the whole thing in my mouth. Putting the whole vagina in my mouth.

I don't know. There's a time and place for that, too, isn't there? I feel like that sounds great. But I didn't know you were supposed to be like. Did you hear that? Look, you're on the right track. Take it in. Also, vagina is the most misused word in the entire English language.

Oh, so what are you supposed to say? Vulva. Vulva? Vagina only refers to the four to six inch gap canal leading up to the cervix. The vulva is the labia majora, labia minora, and the clitoris.

It's only four to six inches? Yeah. Isn't that kind of okay? As long as you learn all the right stuff, that sometimes we use words that aren't really what it is, but we just come to use that, you know? I think that it's okay to use it as a shorthand, in my personal opinion. I think that it's important for young women to know how to label their body parts.

Know everything about their own body. Of course. And if you know it's called the vulva and you, like, want to call it a vagina, like, whatever. I mean, if Leonard's about to put his whole woman's entire vagina in his mouth, as he does every morn. Wake up. He calls it the rise and shine. I say whatever word he wants to give it.

I say if he wants to start his morning with that and a bowl of oatmeal, then so be it. More power to you. We're almost out of time. Tell me, I have a five-year-old daughter. Yes. What should I be telling her now about sex? She has no idea. My wife was just pregnant, and she's like,

Mommy, how did the baby get inside your stomach? How does it get out of the stomach? I don't see any holes. I don't understand. Like, she had no idea. I mean, I think... We just kept changing the subject. Because you have a new baby, this actually might be a good time

to start talking to your kids. I think that you should start talking to your kids as early as six. But because you do now have a new baby, it wouldn't be a bad idea to talk not only about how babies are brought into the world, but also explain that pleasure is 99% of the reasons that people have sex as well. Because it's not just reproduction. When do I mention prostate orgasm? Whenever you feel like it, honey. because it's not just reproduction. When do I mention prostate orgasm to her? Whenever you feel like it, honey.

No, no. I'm really nervous about talking to my daughter about sex. It's understandable. The second that she looks at herself naked and sees her whatever it's called. I don't want to get it wrong. I don't want to say the wrong thing. And understands that she sees her brother naked and now she's like,

oh, that's supposed to... It's like a new chapter in her life. And I want to spare her from that. But also, she's not like entering puberty now. So you don't need to worry so much. You know, it'll just be her understanding.

If she doesn't... The thing about it is children as young as six get exposed to pornography just because they get on the internet. They heard a funny word at school. They're like, oh, I heard the word vagina. Then they get on Google and they write vagina. And the first thing that pops up is going to be a bunch of like vaginas and giant penises in vaginas.

My daughter's dyslexic, so. Well, okay. But she's legitimately going to be traumatized. So wouldn't it be better if she at least had sort of a base understanding? And yeah, she might freak out. She's like, wait, we're talking about you do that to mommy? Like, okay, yeah, but. Not anymore. Mommy and I are married. Go ahead, go ahead.

I used to do that to mommy. Mommy almost never did it to me, but I used to do it to mommy. But go ahead. It's important to have those conversations with kids young so that they don't feel uncomfortable in their bodies. Because when you see, when you have bad experience, when your first experience with understanding sexuality is negative, that's going to set you up to fail. And it can set the tone badly for the rest of your life.

I think I am a sexist because I really do feel like I want to spare my daughter and I don't care what my son knows. That is sexist. Yeah, it's a problem. It's just not healthy. Yeah, you could try to adjust that. Your daughter is a... Your wife could talk to her if she's more comfortable

with it. Both of your children are human beings and they deserve to know the same information. I'm 24 and my dad still ain't had to talk with me. Really? Yeah. I think that's a father thing. I think fathers are scared to have their talk. Understandable. Also, like, sorry to go here, but you came from a different generation where it's like your parents weren't giving you, like,

comprehensive sex education. So, of course, you feel uncomfortable with it. In the early 1900s, people never even discussed sex at all. They were too busy figuring, like. I had a very open house about sex growing up. But I didn't have a system. How did they do that when they were just getting so excited about the invention of the wheel? What did your mom and dad say to you?

That's hilarious. What the fuck? That's hilarious. What did your mom and dad say to you, Noam? Do you remember your sex talk? I think sex talks are interesting. Yes, they told me that. My father said that you put your penis inside the woman's vagina, and you move it around,

and you get this big tickle feeling, which feels really, really good, and that's how babies are born. And left out pleasure. Well, this tickle feeling that feels really, really good. He said the tickle feeling felt good, though. Which is as good as any explanation. Dan Savage actually had a good way of explaining it, because he's gay, but Dan Savage is a podcaster. He does Savage Love. had a good way of explaining it because he's gay but dan savage is a podcaster he does savage love um his his son asked his asked his dad where babies come from and he explained it and forgot

to leave out the pleasure stuff then the next day his son came to him and went daddy you and daddy can't have a baby together and he was like shit i forgot to mention pleasure and he's like actually 99 of the time that's not why people are having sex. So here's the rest of the information. And how old was the girl? I was his son. I believe he was like 10 or 11, but I can't say for sure. And although it is sexist,

I also believe that it's kind of an inborn attitude in humans. For whatever reason, I just think we're more protective of women on these things. I don't think it's, it wasn't taught to me. I think it's within us. All right, we got to wrap it up.

Thank you. We got to go. Good night, everybody. Good night. Good night.