The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Rafi Bastos

Episode Date: July 29, 2022

Rafi Bastos is a Brazilian comedian, actor, journalist and television personality. He is one of the most well known and important comics in Latin America. 

This is Live from the Table, recorded at the world-famous Comedy Cellar in New York's Greenwich Village. Coming at you on SiriusXM 99, Raw Dog. You're melting. I'm melting? You're melting. What do you mean? Because I'm hot? Yeah, the sun. Well, let me finish my intro.

Okay, sorry. And coming at you on SiriusXM 99, Raw Dog. I think I said that. And the Laugh Button Podcast Network. This is Dan Natterman with me. Noam Dwarman, happy birthday, Noam. Noam just celebrated a big birthday. Thank you, Dan.

And we'll just leave it at that. And we had dinner. Noam is the owner of the world-famous comedy cellar. Perrielle Ashenbrand is here, as she always is. She is, how do you qualify or classify Perrie? She's been called a producer. Some say that that word isn't exactly accurate. She's the Iron Lady of the Comedy Cellar Podcast.

That's what she is. She is an on-air personality. She does the booking, some of the marketing. Anyway, with us today, very happy to have rafael bastos yeah that's me that's him he is from puerto alegre brazil yeah thanks for having me guys that's awesome thanks for having me well uh thank you for coming no more importantly i got nothing else to do rafi is rafi is a is a brazilian. He's also an actor, humorous. What's up, guys?

How are you? A lot of people from Brazil here today. That's good. Who's playing soccer today? OK, that's a joke from Brazil. How are you guys? How are you? My name is Rafinha Bastos.

I am from Brazil. And I know what you're thinking. Does this guy wax his vagina? And, uh... Yeah, I do. It's not because I want to. It's because I have to honor my country. Yeah. It's a law in Brazil, actually. It's a law. If you don't wax your vagina, the government kills you, so... You have to wax your vagina. Even if you don't X your vagina, the government kills you, so you have to X your vagina.

Even if you don't have one, so... It's the Brazilian wax. That's a very honorable way for a country to be known. Italy is known for its food. Japan, the technology. Brazil, bald pussies. I'm actually very proud of it. That's us.

People from Italy, all beautiful. People from Japan, all smart. People from Brazil, all pedophiles. That's good. It says here on Wikipedia, you're a businessman. Yeah, before the pandemic, I was. How so? I had a comedy club in Brazil.

Oh, you owned a comedy club? And it's over? Yeah, it's over. When the pandemic started, I shut down. Tell them how hard it is to run a business. It's difficult. It's the worst thing. It's the worst thing.

It's not good at all. It's not fun. It's not good at all. It's not good at all. It's not fun. It's not good at all. It's not fun. I think when you need that money, it becomes your thing, and then you dedicate yourself. But when you have a little bit that you can just have options, you're like, I don't want to go through that. That's right.

Well, Noam, you do have options. You could sell. You're not doing so. You could sell. Because at the end of the day, you enjoy. It's hard, but your lifeblood is here. I would sell actually.

Well, would you? But it would have to be a fairly... That's not a bad idea. But I don't think you really would. Would you? I mean, I guess it's some... Is there an amount of money that can replace the fact that you get to come down here, talk, and we have to listen to you and nod our heads?

I would include that in the purchase agreement. But, yeah, I've thought about the purchase agreement. I would have the right to come in. I'd have to be comped whenever I want. Not because I want to, but just like to. I would have the right to still be home here. But the main reason I don't pursue it is because it's quite a nice thing to have. And I think maybe if one of my kids should want to do that, I wouldn't want to foreclose the option for one of my kids to have fun owning a comedy club.

Which kids do you think at this point would be most likely to? I really don't. Any of the three. Any of the three. Any of the three. They all have. So they all have some of the qualities that you would need. I don't know if any of them has all the qualities that you would need, and that's scary.

But maybe the youngest one, Benny, he might. We don't know yet. He's a star. Do you ever have offers to buy? You probably did, right? I did have a serious offer. I didn't entertain it seriously, but I did have a serious offer right before the pandemic entertain it seriously, but I did have a serious offer

right before the pandemic to buy. And it was real money, Dan. Well, I'm sure it would have to be real money because this place is worth real money. Rafi is a part of a wave of comics from non-English-speaking countries that have decided to try their luck at comedy in English. We had Gad Elmala from France, who was here.

We haven't seen him in a couple of years. There is Daniel Simonson from Norway. There is Adrian Minkowitz from Argentina. It's just a few. And then there is Rafi Bastos from Argentina. It's just a few. And then there is Rafi Bastos from Brazil. Rafi, why did you decide to come here and make things difficult

for yourself? Yeah. Well, I think I... Dollars are a very good reason. Because, you know, your money is now worth five times more than mine. And that's if you conquer. If you conquer, but you got to conquer. Yeah, but that's not the main reason.

The thing is, I did everything that I wanted to do in Brazil. Everything. Movies. I read you loud and clear. You banged every model. No, no, no. I wish. I did movies. I did movies.

I did series. I had my own talk show for a while on TV. Wow. So for a while, I kind of, I'm not saying that everything was a huge success, but I had a few things that I wanted to do in Brazil, and I did pretty soon in my career. But I played basketball here in 1999, and I had to do in Brazil and I did pretty soon in my career but I played basketball here in 1999 and I had to go back to Brazil because I got injured so I never did my four years of

college here I never actually had a whole season I got a lot of injuries I had to go back to Brazil so I felt like this American run didn't happen for me. So when I had a chance to come here and try with comedy, something that I love, I really wanted to take advantage of it. And it was a chance for me to actually share the stage with people that I've been admiring, being inspired by for years. That's quite flattering to hear. My dream was to... To share the stage with Dan Aderman.

Well, if it wasn't your dream, but it should have been. It became my dream as soon as I saw you for the first time. But the thing is, when you play basketball, you want to play at the NBA. If you want to play soccer, you want to play Spain. So to be here doing comedy in New York in a place like the Cellar, this is the dream for every comedian everywhere in the world. You guys don't know that probably, but that's... Are we the NBA?

You are. You are. Playing... Being here in this club is much more meaningful than being on a late night set on a talk show and traveling all around the country and packing theaters. Why? Because this is a stamp of comedy that you are good. It doesn't mean success. It doesn't mean...

The Tonight Show is not? No. It used to be. It used to be. Probably. For a long time, it was. Being a regular in this club means so much more than just being on a TV show,

acting, or anything else. If that's what you're searching, because my thing is stand-up. I don't want to do the whole other circuit. For me, this is what I always, it was always my dream. Are you feeling, because I think we've discussed that, you know, you're not quite as easy in English as you are in Portuguese. You're sometimes, in terms of crowd work, it's a little bit more difficult.

It's difficult, yeah. But I was never... A few things helped me doing this, coming here. The fact that I speak slow, even in Portuguese. I'm a slow talker. On stage, I'm even slower. So that helps when you're not doing it in your language. I was never the guy who was, like, with the audience even in portuguese so it's not something that changed that much so what i found that is a little different is that when i am memorized to come

uh to to do stand up in english that's when I can play a little more. I can play with the silence. I'm comfortable with the things that I am saying. If I'm not memorized, it looks like I'm searching for something. So it looks like I am memorized. It's kind of crazy. Because when you're doing your language

and you're too memorized, it looks like you're stiff. If you're not memorized in English, that's when you look stiff. That's when a non-native might look stiff. Yeah, because you're searching for words and verbs. Because it is the hard, like, you know, I mean, listening to you speaking English, it sounds to us like you speak English quite, quite well. Do you memorize everything you just said? No.

Yeah, I was rehearsing since January. Well, because jokes have to be so precise. The words have to be so exact. And they have to be delivered fluidly. And the word has to be chosen properly. Yes. So it's just another level of precision. But the technique that I use doing in English is the same that I was doing in Portuguese. Yes. So it's just another level of precision.

But the technique that I use doing in English is the same that I was doing in Portuguese. Nothing changed. And those things helped me. Well, it's your jokes that you translated from Portuguese. I didn't translate that many things. Because the exciting thing is living here and seeing the American reality. And the things that you guys think are normal for me, they're not. A few things that you see that I see that sometimes you guys... Can you give us an example of something that we think is normal

and that you do not think is normal? Yesterday I was watching... This is not a joke and I'm not doing material, but yesterday I was watching those medication commercials and people are having a blast with the worst diseases ever. Do you have HPV? There's a girl dancing on a jet ski.

It's those things that I can see that you're like, oh, and at the end of every medication commercial, it's like one minute of side effects. You can die taking a pill. So I didn't write anything.

But those are the things that I watch and I'm like, I don't know if they see this as weird. I think actually those commercials are relatively new. I think maybe, I mean, 20 years. It's not that new, but I didn't grow up with them. And I think there was some law that you couldn't have them. I think it was one of the things that wasn't allowed to be advertised. Perrielle has a whole bit

about her experience with hemorrhoids or something. Of course, I'm sure you chose the words very precisely, right? How do you know? How do you know that? Because there's a whole bit about putting her ass up to the camera. But how do you know? You've never seen... Yeah, I saw it one night on your...

What was the name of that pandemic show you guys had? Oh, with Jessica, Kirsten and Rachel. What was it called? We're Not Okay. We're Not Okay, the first show we watched. But when Dan says, you know, jokes have to be... The words have to be precise and told in the exact right. I'm wondering if that was your experience in your

story about your hemorrhoids. It is. It actually... It always is, I think. Whether or not you like the joke. It's a fantastic, I don't know if it's a joke, it's a true story. Or a story. But it's a fantastic story. It still has to be said, you know, in the right way. It's a horrible visual image.

I don't love it. By the way, and we must congratulate Rafi. I found out just before the show, Rafi today found out that he is getting his green card. So congratulations to Rafi. Congratulations. Just got the news. So that means you have it or it's coming in the mail?

It's going to take at least like five months for me to get my green card. But the problem now is taxes. Texas? Yeah, I know Texas. They don't allow abortions there. No, no, no. Oh, you mean taxes. Taxes.

I have to pay. I don't know. This is what I want to find out. It means that I have to pay all taxes of the money I'm getting in Brazil. What were you doing with the money you were earning before your green card? I didn't have to pay taxes from the money I was getting in Brazil here. But I think with the green card, that's what I'm... I still have to do a little research about it. So you're just starting your work

at the comedy cellar. No, no. The thing is... What's going on here? No, no. All the money that I get is still in Brazil. In Brazil.

I'm still doing a podcast. I'm still doing my things in Brazil. I see, I see. I have a career here, but the money that pay my rent and everything, that's from Brazil. He goes to Brazil every two months

to see his son. Or two months? One month? Yeah. Two months, yeah. I don't think, Noam, you couldn't last two months between visits with your kids, probably. I don't mean to... Not based on my last two months between visits with your kids, probably. I don't mean to. Not based on my current lifestyle. You know, if I had to go earn a living, I mean, you know, you do what you have to do, I guess. Yeah, you have to.

You have to. Yeah, he doesn't like the idea that I... He always tells me, you're not even famous there, so what are you doing? How old is he? Hilarious. He's 11. 11 11 my daughter's 10 you're not even 10 so yeah can you imagine yourself like moving from moving to australia now no i can't imagine it it's difficult yeah but you know that i'm 45 already. This is not something that I was, I can start at 55 years old.

I'm at my limit. Now or never. Now or never, yeah. If I want to have another kid now with my new wife, things are going to get a little difficult for me to go back and forth. When I have a kid here

and then I have a kid in Brazil, life's going to be a little difficult. So I go back and forth. When I have a kid here and then I have a kid in Brazil, life's going to be a little difficult. So I want to take advantage of everything that I can do it right. I want to move here permanently. That's why I got a green card. But I'm always like, if something happens in Brazil, like my father is sick now, those things, you have to run. It's not that easy.

This is the point that I made on stage. I have a new joke about it. But, you know, people are... Americans are constantly complaining about America being an awful place. And we certainly are not without our problems. But people still want to come here. And people that aren't destitute and desperate, but people like Rafi, who has a nice life, I assume, in Brazil.

Yet he still sees America as this great place. It is, my friend. It is. It is a wonderful place. You know how many opportunities my kid would have here. Not only talking about violence. I live on 39th and 2nd. When I do my SAT at the Comedy Cellar, I walk home.

You don't know how special you are having the possibility of walking home. You're 6'7". I'm 6'7". I mean, I couldn't walk home late at night. I see a lot of women like you walking at like 3 o'clock in the morning. You can't compare it to Brazil. So I'll tell you a story. Well, there was something else I wanted to say.

What were we talking about right before the – oh, I think America, you know, it's like we're like an anorexic nation in the sense that we look in the mirror and we see this fat, ugly person. We don't – and we're just not that person. We don't understand how fantastic America is. We don't understand how minor our problems are comparatively as a nation. I mean, like this is a fantastic place to live. The worst among us are living. I don't mean people who are drug addicted or people who have problems that are not actually caused by the country. But in terms of like, as a nation, comparatively to the history of planet Earth over,

this is an unbelievably fantastic place. But anyway, I was in Brazil, and I can't tell the whole story because it might get back to my wife, and I'm not sure she knows the whole story, but I was in Brazil with Steve. You know Steve, Outside Steve? Yeah.

And through a series of unfortunate events that ended with Steve grabbing the wheel of a car that he was a passenger in, kind of like Donald Trump was claimed to, you know, supposedly grab the seat. He grabbed the wheel of the car, took the car keys out, threw them out the window of a car. And we were in trouble. And we found ourselves walking home

down a long hill through one of these, was it favelas? Favelas, yeah. Was it real? Yeah, in real. One of these super dangerous favelas in the middle of the night in real. Oh, yeah.

And we're walking down the hill, and we come upon a gang of like, I don't say gang, but like seven or eight guys just out on the street in the middle of Brazil at night. And I said to Steve, I'll take the four on the left. You take the four on the right. This is what I said. It was such an absurd situation.

We were so surely going to get robbed or murdered. Oh, robbed is the least. And I really did make that gallows humor joke because we just walked by and we walked safely out. And I think that it was so ridiculous to see these two slight white people walking. They probably figured, don't fuck with them. They probably figured that. If they're here, they know something that we don't know with them yeah like they probably figured if they're here

they know something that we don't know yeah this is not possible like but I mean that was probably the most dangerous situation I've ever been in my life

anyway I don't know if that story was a good story or not I think you left out probably the most compelling part well just the ending like you know

one of those movies where it starts in the scene like just start the scene with Steve grabbing the wheel taking the keys out of the car, throwing them out the window. That ought to give you some idea that this was a hairy situation while the car was going. Do you know where you guys were? Somewhere in Rio.

I don't know. Because there are favelas that if you're there, something would happen. There are a few favelas that are not that dangerous. Maybe it's just scary, but it's not that dangerous. But I'm telling you like... I'll tell you one other little hint, a little aspect of the story. We were on our way

to the top of some place, I think, where there was supposed to be some hang gliding involved. Of course, because some girl that Steve was somehow, you know, was involved in this and we just found ourselves. And I had been not with the conversation when this happened. And I said, what the fuck did you agree to? You know, and it's an unbelievably surreal series of events that happened. Anyway, I think it was dangerous.

I think it was. Did you go hand gliding? No, because while we were in the car... You can't just go hang gliding. You have to have training to go hang gliding. But we didn't end up getting to the hang gliding. So while we were in the car driving someplace, the guy turns up a road. He's like all coked up.

And he turns up a side road. Is he a taxi driver? And he turns off the headlights and he drives as fast as he can up the... No, as we were driving somewhere, I was getting a bad feeling. I said, listen, I just want to get out. I'm like, I stopped the car and just let me out right here. Just a cab driver. No, not a cab driver.

It was somebody that we met in a hotel. I said, I just want to get out right now. And then some people in the car said, let him out, let him out. And the guy then turns off the headlights, turns up a road, and goes as fast as he can. Like, he's not going to let me out. And turns as fast as he can up a hill in pitch black and that's what Steve and scream in the car who's in the car just you and Steve I can't tell you that and Steve grabs

the wheel and opens and said that throws it and we're in the middle of fucking nowhere this was unbelievable anyway how did you get her back to where you needed to be pretty easy because you just walk down you get back to where you needed to be? We walked. We walked down the hill. We were able to find a way. It's pretty easy because you just walk down. You get to the road. You just leave the favela. Oh, my God. That sounds so terrifying. Ask Stevie to tell the whole story.

And also, I feel like for you to have that kind of an extreme reaction, it must have been so, because you're not like a hysterical person. No, it's like, you guys go. Just let me out right here. We weren't too far. I just want to get out. I don't like the feel of this thing.

I'm not going up there. And that's when I was obviously correct. Right, right, right. Because that's when the guy freaked out. Like, I have those instincts just when I'm in

a regular yellow taxi sometimes. When I leave, just when I leave. She's like, oh my God, I'm getting kidnapped. Oh, what a story that was. Anyway, go ahead.

No, what I'm saying is that they don't choose. You know, in Brazil, I'm getting kidnapped. Oh, what a story that was. Anyway, go ahead. No, what I'm saying is that they don't choose. You know, in Brazil, they don't choose. I got robbed at gunpoint like five times in my life in Brazil. So, and that's what I'm seeing. Do people know who you are in Brazil when you walk down the street at this point? Yeah, yeah. I mean, how well do they know who you are? You know, how much attention do you get when you're walking down the street at this point yeah yeah i mean how how how well do they know who you are you know how much uh attention do you get when you're walking down the street there uh there's a huge tv station

brazil called global the big stars in south america they do soap operas like the day of our lives you know those hacky and kitschy things that they have here? We have that there. I never did that thing. But I have my talk show. I did this show. It was a mix between the Daily Show and The View. And it was really, really famous that I was one of the

hosts. So people know who I am. Yeah, they do. A lot. By the way, Periel gave some... Good for Rafi to disabuse you. You gave me a weird look when I said how great America is. Well, I was just thinking, yeah, it's great unless you want to get an abortion. Do you realize, well, you had this view prior to that. No, but I mean, that's like a real thing.

Do you realize that we had a pandemic and the average American came out wealthier? Like, you know what a pandemic has normally meant in most countries? Yeah, I do know that. But also we had like a top Harvard economist on. And you, like our last show, who both said that that was a terrible idea. And it like basically ruined the economy. No, it caused, no. The last program where they spent money on a million other things,

he said that people needed money, caused inflation. But even with the inflation, it's not like the sky is falling. I mean, inflation is bad. They have to get rid of it. But we're just so – we're very fortunate. Listen, there are things – In the history of humankind, we're very fortunate. Look at you.

Look what you got. You're wearing jewelry and whatever. Go ahead. In the air conditioning humankind, we're very fortunate. Look at you. Look what you got. You're wearing jewelry and whatever. Go ahead. In the air conditioning. Air conditioning. I'm wholly aware of the fact that I was fortunate enough to be born in this particular time in history. And there are great things about America. But there are also some really, maybe because we have the ability to be so great it's even more tragic

that there are so many horrible things here and i don't okay this is what i don't get this is the only i now move on to more things just like so my father lived in the you know 40s and 50s right when things were much worse by every measure you can imagine. And yet the average person alive in the 40s and 50s was much more appreciative of the country, of his ilk. You know, the average like cab driver or white person like my father was, was much more appreciative and even adoring of the country than his counterpart today, despite the fact that they're infinitely better off today. Somewhere in that disconnect is very interesting. You know, anyway, go ahead. So what do you attribute that to? That is interesting.

What I attribute it to is a total lack of perspective. It's just a total lack. My father, okay, so what was my father's perspective? His parents had fled Russia. There was a Holocaust. Israel. The Arabs were attacking. He understood very well what the rest of the world was. Do you think my

kids understand what the rest of the world is? No, I don't. Also, the rest of the world is not as bad as it was then. The rest of the world is still pretty bad. When you compare this to Europe and Australia and Canada, they stack up fairly well.

Yeah, the Western world. That's not the world. I live in a place where the whole continent, not the whole continent, but the whole South America, it's made by third world countries. It's like everybody around me suffered something, some kind of violence one day in their lives. You're talking about abortion.

I completely understand that this is very concerning. We cannot have abortions in Brazil as well unless you're raped. Well, here you can't even have abortions if you're raped. Okay, okay, okay. First of all, let's stop for a second. There are some states which have these extreme abortion laws. It's probably a small percentage of the population at large either these are small deep south states this is this is concerning

it's a crisis it's not concerned okay it's a crisis nevertheless there are it's just to put in perspective as much as a crisis i'm a dad i would i would see as a crisis we are also free to travel to the neighboring states and we are also free to purchase on the Internet labor-inducing drugs. Yes, it's very serious. I'm 100% against it. Do not use that to indict America because the indictment of America did not begin three weeks ago when the Dobbs decision was handed down. That's very, very, that's just too convenient. So go ahead. By the way, did you know, Noam,

another thing I found out just before the show, Brazil is larger than the continental United States. You thought I was 6'4". Well, I only... Sizes are not that thin. But in my defense... Measurement. In my defense, you are always sitting down.

That's true. When I see you, you're always sitting down, eating something here at the Olive Tree. You're right. And with regard to Brazil, you know, somehow it's just South America, all the countries are tiny there, most of them. Yeah, Brazil is the one that is big. But let me just go back to that thing real quick.

The sense of freedom that you have here i'm not only talking about politics and and you can express your opinion everywhere i'm not only saying that the democracy that you guys have it's amazing i don't i don't worry when my wife goes to the supermarket. Those little things that are very, when you're, you have some kind of, you're a middle class in a third world country, those things concern you a lot. My kid cannot go to, his school is like two blocks from my home. I need to hire someone, they have those vans that take take kids to school i need to pay for that there are the only thing that we have that i think we are proud of is our health care system that if you we have some good doctors in the public system but everybody around me, they don't feel safe.

And that kind of drains you. It makes you tired. You're worried about who's walking, where you are. Sometimes I'm walking here 3 o'clock or maybe 4 o'clock going out and I see two girls chit-chatting with their phones.

And I'm like, that's... I need to rob her just to teach her a lesson. This is how Honduras work. Now, of course, somebody from Japan might say, you know, I go to America, I don't feel as safe as I do in Japan. Yeah, probably. We could do better, certainly,

especially when it comes to crime. It's disturbing that we seem to be moving backwards in some way, backward in some way. Do you know it's not backwards? It's backward. Did you know that? I've always made that mistake, but I realize it's… Well, I'm a big believer in if people use the language in a certain way, then that's what it is. Well, there was an argument about Ebonics.

Is that bad English or is it just another form of English it's not bad English it's informal English but when you're writing formal English you want to know the I have no problem with Ebonics whatsoever but I wouldn't want a law review paper written in Ebonics

I think that you become accustomed to the kind of violence that you grew up around you do I have family members in Israel who have been through become accustomed to the kind of violence that you grew up around. You do? I have family members in Israel who have been through multiple wars and I've been there during wars. It's part of their lives.

It's terrifying except they're past the humus and there are bombs flying but they're scared to take the subway here. That's why you don't have that perspective when you are in a third world country, like how unsafe you are. So when I came here and I spent a little bit of time, that's when I felt I'm breathing. I feel like I'm, I feel free.

Of course, there's a lot of things that are different. It's very difficult to have human connections here. It's not easy to have friends. People think about themselves a lot. It's not easy to have friends. People think about themselves a lot. It's not easy at all. But at the same time, you feel like you can just walk around, go to a restaurant from restaurant. What I say is violence in my country and here is different. Like we are poor and you are crazy. So the crazy, crazy is unexpected. You know? Anything can happen at any time, like school shootings. That doesn't happen there that much.

Like people just flip and something happens. Like someone pushes you on the subway. Those things don't happen. They steal your money. They maybe stab you, but I'm not going to push you. But if they stab you, it's for the money. It's for the money. They have a purpose.

By the way, I should acknowledge this because I remember, so two weeks ago we talked about this 10-year-old who wanted an abortion. At the time in the news, in the Washington Post, it was a fact check which made it seem like that wasn't true, but I think it actually did turn out to be true, so I just want to correct the record. I was only repeating what I read. I had no stake in it.

Anyway, I mean, all roads lead back to abortion with Perrielle. But you know, Perrielle, just to say... As well they should. And by the way, and I didn't want... Wait, I just want to respond to what you said before. You... It might very soon become illegal to go to other states to get abortions. The doctors are at risk of

being jailed. How could they be illegal? Because... What do you mean? You can't go to another state to get an abortion because the doctors are not going to be legally allowed to perform them. Didn't Dobbs say that there was no right of transit? I think there are some states that might try to make that illegal. I don't think that would be constitutional. So you can't have an abortion in a few states.

In other ones, you can't. That's it. Well, some of them are six weeks. I mean, it's reverting to state by state. And some of the states will revise. Brazil has states too, by the way. But we don't have state laws. You don't have state laws.

The states are just geographical. There's only one thing I want to say about that. But I really believe. I am not. I have a 10-year-old. The idea that she could, God forbid, get raped and then be forced to have a child, this is unthinkable. So don't

get me wrong. On the other hand, I also have to say that having a son who was born in 35 weeks, to know that in New Jersey a mom can go in and get an abortion at 36 weeks without question is every bit as atrocious to me. And that side of the coin somehow doesn't make us way, but to people who do care about the idea that viable babies are killed in this country at some number, probably similar to the number of 10-year-old abortions, they would say that that's you take an issue like abortion, where both sides of the coin, I would say are people who in their hearts are trying to do what they think is right. I have trouble considering that evidence that the country is bad, no matter how unhappy you are with the democratic process on that. You have the people on one side who believe they're saving lives,

and people who don't believe on the other side that it's saving lives, and they believe that it's a horrible imposition on the rights of women, whatever it is. This is not akin to me to slavery or something like that, where the moral issue is clear and where there's an evil side and a righteous side. I don't think there's an evil side in the abortion debate, in the context of the fact that the people that you think are evil actually believe that, and actually often, to a certain extent, they certainly are, in my opinion, saving some lives, and they're probably also saving some fetuses that we would probably all agree are too young to be considered

alive. But it's just a very, very complex issue. That's all I want to say about it. Okay, but I just want to tell you that you can't say without question because that's not true. You can't say what without question? You can't gallivant into a clinic and get an abortion at 36 weeks without question.

Yeah, New Jersey is one of the states that has abortion on demand. Can you read this piece in Bloomberg.com? No, not if it's going to say something different than what I said. I'm pretty sure there's stage words. I mean, I think in New York you can go right up to... No, New York has some strings. I mean, very few strings.

But I read... I could have read it wrong. I mean, I could have read it... How many girls have you read? I read that Jersey and a couple of the states actually have no fault, no strings attached right up until delivery. It's not true. You guys talk.

How many abortions do you think you guys are responsible for? I know precisely how many. Zero as far as I know. As far as I know, and I'm pretty sure I'm correct. But I don't have a robust sex life. You don't? No. No, you never did.

I never did. You never did. Not even when you had someone with you that wanted? When did I have someone with me? Okay. Have you ever had a girlfriend that wanted and you didn't? Did I ever have a girlfriend that what? That wanted to have sex and you're like, no, I don't feel like it.

It's happened. Okay. It's happened. Okay. It's happened, yeah. Yeah, that's sad. It's happened. Okay. That's pretty sad. You think, yeah, okay.

And you think you have it rough living in a third world hellhole. No, I think a lot of guys, like many guys have had sex when they don't 100% want to. Norm, could you back me up on this? A lot of guys guys, have had sex when they don't 100% want to. Norm, could you back me up on this? A lot of guys what? Have had sex when they don't. Oh, when they don't want to? When they don't want to. Oh, all the time.

Oh, really? Yeah. You don't want to. Listen, it's very hurtful to tell a woman that you don't want to have sex with her. This is true. I'm really going to hurt you. I shouldn't have said that. Nicole, you want to cut that out?

I'm telling you the God's honest truth that I can remember one time being with a woman who was, you know, heavy. Okay, but that was just one time. No, I remember one time specifically and I didn't really want to have sex with her and I was so not wanting to make her feel bad

about herself that like, all I'm saying is if she's super hot and you turn her down, it's just not the same pressure. I mean, this really, of all the horrible things you've ever said. Obviously, I'm the autistic one. Why did I say that was wrong? This really might be worse than the abortion, worse than the trip. I'm just kidding around.

I'm just kidding around. I'm just playing a character. I'm just kidding around. I'm just kidding around. I'm just playing a character. I'm just kidding. So, Dan, do you want to? Why did that bother you so much? Rafi doesn't understand this because he is from Brazil, which is about passion. And he's 6'6". 7.

No, but also Brazil is all about passion. Yeah. You know, the idea of a Brazilian not wanting to have sex. It's kind of crazy. That would be like a Frenchman turning down a glass of wine. Yeah. I would have said that. That's a good comparison.

That's a good comparison. Well, that's our stereotype of Brazil. We only have one stereotype of Brazil. That's the only one we got. New Jersey allows a right to abortion, which allows it for any reason up until birth. New Jersey allows abortion. This is from Wikipedia. Wikipedia.

For any reason up until birth. What does allows abortion. This is from Wikipedia. Wikipedia. For any reason up until birth. What does New Jersey say about having sex with overweight people? Listen, overweight, sometimes I say things purposely to be a little outrageous, and I think that the listeners might take it seriously. But, I mean, I'm kidding. I was purposely being outrageous. But there is that dynamic, and I'm not kidding about that. And I'm sure women feel that dynamic, too.

The pity fuck. Yeah, maybe pity fuck pity handjobs whatever it is where where you know because men are never supposed to turn down sex it can be very hurtful when a man turns down sex feel like Jesus Christ what's the matter with me you know and when the woman when you feel that the woman already might have confidence issues a sensitive sensitive man, like myself, will do the right thing and try to build her confidence. Now, Rafi, Rafi, we were discussing this recently. I don't know if you want to get into this,

and you can plead the Fifth Amendment. I don't know if you know what the Fifth Amendment is. That I don't want to talk about it? That you don't want to talk about it. We were having a discussion yesterday. If you have sex as a man with a transgender woman who looks like a woman, with the minor exception that she has a penis, does that make you gay? I don't think so.

Doesn't it make you gay? I don't think so. I don't think so. I would say, and I would go a step further. I would say if you don't want to have sex with a beautiful woman just because she has a penis what kind of homo are you? I don't

I don't look at the expression if you have sex with that woman and her dick is part of the equation maybe it's a little different. But the only fact that she has a dick,

it doesn't mean that you're gay. Okay, hold on. If you're feeling horny and her dick is making you, you know, that's a little homoerotic. But if she has a dick and you're having sex with her without caring about the dick,

to me, just having sex... Guys, I know that I'm like the troglodyte who says that. But sex to me means that you put your dick in her vagina. How are you having sex with her when there's a blockage there? What do you mean? You've never had anal sex with a... You never had a sexual encounter that you just had sex with her an with a you never had a sexual uh sexual encounter that you just had sex with her anus you never had that that's that's still sex or oral sex or oral sex that's still sex i mean you're sucking her dick that's a little bit that's a little bit what are you talking about that's the only thing that makes you a little...

I don't want to talk about my brush with anal sex because when you're afflicted as I am, women generally don't want to have anal sex with you, but... You mean to tell me that you have a... that you're well endowed? That's what I was implying, but I was just kind of half kidding.

Half kidding! But I haven't had a lot of anal sex. But the point is that when you take a woman home and you undress her, normally anal sex is not the first thing. I don't know about Brazil. In America, normally anal sex is not the first kind of sex you have with a woman. Normally the first kind of sex you have with a woman is. Not if you're an Orthodox Jew.

That's exactly what we do in Brazil. We go to the annals before we go to the virgin. Is that true? Yeah. Why is that? That's like a Catholic thing or something? No, no. Because you're supposed to say a virgin.

No, it's because that's the way we do it. And also, I think he's kidding, but I'm not sure. No, he's not kidding. I'm not. Did you ever, if you go search for porn in the websites and see Brazil, what are you going to see? Anal sex. This is hands down my favorite episode we? Anal sex. This is hands down

my favorite episode we've ever taken. This is anal sex. Carol's like, I need to move to Brazil. I'm going to fish out of water. What have I been doing all these years?

That was a research. That was a research that is much more... I'm going to Google anal sex in Brazil and see what comes up. It's much more common for people to just have sex uh anal sex

than having just vaginal sex can i say something in all seriousness it's probably because it's so hard to get abortions no no well i think you're not running away from the law. That's why I'm fucking your anus. This is Quora.com. Why is anal sex so prevalent in Brazil? This is a whole thread on... Alfredo Perroso says it isn't. There is not any evidence to suggest that we are any more likely or less likely. It's just you, Rafi.

Alfredo Perroso, look at the face of this guy. Do you think he's having sex with people with anus? Oh, now you sound like me. And also, look at this. This is Hebrew. No, it's Arabic. Arabic. Same thing. Do you think this guy's having sex in Brazil? No, he's not.

Okay, so I have a little experience with this, not from Brazil, but I do know that in some Asian countries, because women are supposed to stay virgins, they will have anal sex. That can happen, but it's very specific. To keep the man. Brazil, we really like butts. Well, you have nice butts in Brazil.

And also waxing vaginas. Yeah. Well, we do that here. That's something that we export to the world which is something that we we don't do that much we don't call Brazilian wax

we just call it vaginas I'm sorry, just another thing, connecttovana.com I don't know what that is, but it says some countries have higher rates a variety of research suggests Brazil might be the anal sex capital of the world so you know Rafi, at least according to that. And also, we have so much anal sex in Brazil that if we, I was telling about playing with the woman's dick.

That's a little gay if you touch it. But if she fucks you in the ass, it doesn't mean that you're gay. Because we, as people, we know the pleasure that we can have through the butt. As men. As men. Oh, interesting. You know? So if a woman fucks you in the ass, it's not gay. Yeah, no, it is not gay.

It doesn't mean that you're gay. Because there's something, I don't know how to say this in English. I don't know how to say this in English. I don't know how to say this in English. You can't say it in English. But if you get fucked in the ass, there's a special pleasure that you have as a man. The prostate. Yeah, yeah, the prostate, of course.

Prostata in Portuguese. I don't know how to say it in English. Yeah, prostate, yes. If you massage the prostate. Yeah, yeah, of course. And that happens when you're a man and someone fucks you in the ass. So it doesn't mean that you're gay unless it's a dude doing it.

If your woman is putting like a bottle or I don't know what, it doesn't mean that you're gay. As long as it's not attached to a man. But if it's a trans, it's okay. Yeah, if it's a trans girl. If it's you fucking my ass, that's a little gay. Yeah, I know. But if a trans woman fucks you in the ass, then that's not gay. That doesn't mean that you're gay.

I put this into Google Translate. I just want to see how accurate it is. You know what? Some people are married to a woman who is trans in Brazil. They don't fuck her. The guy just gets fucked by her. He's not gay. Rafi, if Perel had had the nerve to say what you're

saying now, I would have abused her for weeks. But if you're saying it, I believe you. Nicole, are we going too far? Are we going too far, Nicole? No, this is all extremely intriguing. It's like a topic you've touched on before, but you're really stretching it. We've touched on stretching it.

Yes, well, nice choice of words. Rafi, she always sounds that way. She always sounds very monotone. It doesn't sound like she's excited, but that's how she is. She's from Binghamton. That's awesome. That's how they are up there. If you're not excited about this conversation,

I don't think the other ones about politics are going to excite her. Now, Perry, I was trying to get it. Have you ever, as it were, brought a man to completion simply to get him out of your hair or because you felt sorry for him or just to end the. Oh, I'm sure. Okay. And did you ever, did you ever worry about, you know, hurting his feelings? Probably. I mean, I feel like I'm, I mean, I'm not an asshole. Okay. I mean, I have kicked guys out of bed for not being

as endowed as I thought they were. You've kicked them out? Small dick, having a small dick. You've kicked a guy out of bed for having a small dick? What did you say to him? What did you say exactly? Well, he was overweight, so... Is this a joke? Because the only other girl Exactly. Well, he was overweight, so.

Is this a joke? Because the only other woman I know who's done that is Rosalind, our friend Rosalind. Has kicked the guy out for having a small dick. Said, boy, you need to get out of here with that thing. This is true. You can ask her. That's amazing. Yeah, so you and Rosalind are actually kindred spirits.

Would you really? That's terrible. Why would you do that to a man? How cruel are you? What is a small dick in America? Probably the same thing as it would be in South Africa. No, I've never really done that. Don't lie now, Perrielle.

No, I haven't. I think small would be anything. Four inches, I think, would be pushing it. And under four would be, I think, would be pushing it. And under four would be... I think it's also the width. The girth is really the... It would be very hard to imagine Rafi has anything less than

seven inches. If I have... I mean, a man is six feet, seven inches tall. If my dick is a medium size, for you, it's already huge. Think about it. My medium dick, for you, it's already huge. Think about it. My medium dick, on you, it's like an arm. Think about it.

I'm thinking about it. I'm thinking about it, and I'm oddly enough around. If I have a small dick, it's medium for the whole population. I'm thinking about it, but I'm thinking about it on a trans woman, so I'm not gay. I'm thinking about it on a trans woman in my ass. That way, it's purely heterosexual. I must say that in my informal polling, in my informal polling,

odd choice of words perhaps, but in my informal polling of men, I find a lot of men, heterosexual men, men that lead heterosexual lives. Just at Nome, I had a birthday dinner. It was a very special birthday. I won't give numbers,ome, had a birthday dinner. It was a very, very special birthday. I won't give numbers,

but it was a big one. 60. I turned 60 years old. By the way, why was I the only comic you invited to the birthday dinner? You asked me this

at the dinner. I know, but I think it's interesting. Because we do a podcast together. That's why. It was a limited number of seats. I have a particular relationship with you, which is

not actually the same relationship with the other comedians. If I started inviting the comedians, diplomatically, it would have been very difficult. But diplomatically, when you got married to Juanita, you invited some comics, but not every comic. You know how to draw a line. But this was a 30-person dinner. My wedding had like 200 people at it.

It was much easier. I had comedians at the wedding who I was barely friends with. But I was able to really basically invite all the comedians that I knew had known like five years or more at the wedding. It was pretty easy to manage at the wedding. Okay. But am I the comic to whom you are the closest? I mean, forget about the podcast. Oh, is that what this is about, you, Dan?

No, I'm just wondering. Because I feel like there's comics that you feel closer to than with me. That might not be the case. Well, apparently not, Dan. No, I'm probably more friendly with you than any other comic. Oh, okay. Yeah, I think... That's interesting.

No, no, you know who was invited but couldn't come is Robert Kelly. Okay. But that's, again, not because he's a comedian, but because he's my neighbor, our kids play together. Robert and I have a friendship outside of his being a comedian at the Comedy Cellar. You and I have a friendship and a relationship that exists outside you working working by the way noam had about 30 people or so at his birthday party he gave a speech in which he said something about each and every person at that party was quite a long speech but but a very moving speech thank you i i think

the person that got the most if i didn't know better the most love with mr coleman hughes in your speech i i don't remember the speech it was it was all it was all extemporaneous is that I didn't know better. The most love with Mr. Coleman Hughes. In your speech. I don't remember the speech. It was all extemporaneous. Is that the word? It was all off the top of my head. I taped the entire thing.

I didn't watch it, but it was like a 20-minute video. Yeah, my arm felt like it was going to fall off. It was much longer than I realized. It made me cry. It also made me realize what a full life Noam has had, and hopefully for many, many decades to come. Is this a podcast where you kiss Noam's ass for me? No, I'll believe you. No, never.

This is the nicest he's ever been to me. No, I give Noam credit when he deserves credit. He deserves credit for being a good musician, as far as I know. He is a good musician. I'm not a musician, but it seems like he's good to me. He gets credit. I think he comes up with some very insightful things. But can he be a horse's ass?

Can he be insufferable? Sure. He has a good taste in books, you would say, probably. Well, because I like my book. Does he make the podcast more political than I would like? Yeah, there's a lot wrong with Noam. But I do give him credit where credit is due. Believe me, I can kiss his ass.

That's not going to help. Esty is really in charge of who works here. I know. Noam is very loathe to... Is Noam saying otherwise? Noam is loathe to interfere with Esty's booking strategy. But I do. He could because he's the boss.

I do. But he doesn't want to because that will piss off Esty. And Esty is too valuable to piss off. No, that's... I mean, there's no one reason. I don't want... Esty and I see is too valuable to piss off. There's no one reason. I don't want... Esty and I see eye to eye on most things. It's pretty obvious who the

best comics are. Can I tell you something? I'm not changing the subject, Dan, off of something that Rafi said earlier. Are we finished with my full life? No, no, no. He's got a full life and he's really... There's a lot... It's a very full life? No, no, no. It's part of it. Yeah, I'm saying he's got a full life and he's really, yeah, there's a lot,

I mean, I'll only say this. He's built a very full life. I will say, just at the risk of upsetting Rafi, that I was surprised after, I didn't plan on

what I was going to do. I just found, I wanted to give a toast and I just found myself acknowledging everybody and apparently, this came out very well and even the waitress at the restaurant came to me to tell me how uh moved she was by the speech and uh and

more than one person has said basically along the lines of dan that they were it made them realize what a uh full life i had been leading and also, people mentioned that usually people who give speeches, they focus on themselves, and that actually people found it very nice that rather than talk about myself, I spoke about everyone else. But really, it was just, you know, just trying to be a nice host, I guess.

I do agree that Coleman got a lot of love. Coleman got a lot, I mean, for the amount of, do you know Coleman? You ever met him? He's a short black guy. A huge intellect, but a short of stature. Hung like a horse. Not on a black scale, but. And his friendship with Noam is relatively new, but Noam has sort of taken him, I mean, I'm not going to go as far as to say like a son, but he's like 23 years, 25.

He's much younger than Noam, and Noam is in love with the kid. If he were trans. So, you know, when I'm not doing this, I cheat on you with Modi and Leo, right? I produce the and co-host the podcast with the comedian Modi. And we had Matteo Lane on today and they were talking about you and the comedy seller. And they said sort of similar to something that Rafi was saying, that the thing about you and the reason why everybody loves it

and knows that it's really that stamp is because it's really fair. You know you're funny if you work here. There's no politics involved. It's fair. That is a big credit to Esty. I would say that, look, if you're famous and you're not killing on...

You will get more leeway. I mean, I... Right? Of course, you're famous. You're famous. Or if you're Brian Kaplan, apparently. I don't know who Brian Kaplan is. Oh, was he the guest

when I was... He's good. He's fair. Talk into the mic. I'm sorry. What Noam was saying about the power that Esty has, my first spot at the Cellar, Noam got me. Yeah.

My first and second. He used to come to watch the band sometimes, right? Didn't you used to come on Monday? No, because I was living in LA. But when I first met you, didn't you come on a Monday night when we were playing in the Olive Tree? That's when you gave me. I came here for the first time when you gave me a spot.

Right, but when did I first meet you? Through text. Kevin Nealon sent me. Ah, right, that's how I met you. Yes, yes, yes, I got you. Yes, yes, yes, yes. He got me a spot, and then I just sent him a message to thank him

because I was going back to LA. And he said, I heard that you did pretty well. Yeah. You want to come back tonight, which was the next day. And I was like, of course. Right, right. So like two months later, I moved to New York because it's closer to Brazil.

The comedy scene is much better. It's fair. I felt like it was fair because I was watching a lot of people that I didn't met or I didn't know who they were, and they were very good, which is LA. It's like you know who they are, but they suck. It's different sometimes. So I was like, I'm not here to do movies or anything else.

I really want to do stand-up, so New York is the place. And when I sent Noah a message, he answered me, now you have to talk to Esty. I can't help you. So that's, in my experience... Well, he can help you, but he is loathe to do so. Maybe he didn't want to help you. Because his relationship with Esty...

Because he knew I was getting dicks in my ass. Yes. But he also knew you'd probably impress Esty anyway, and you didn't need him. Well, I knew that Esty would treat him... I don't worry that Esty's not going to treat the comics fairly. If I was worried about it, that would be a serious problem. Have you ever gone to the mat for a comic over Esty's objections?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I have. You're still working here, aren't you? That was too easy, but I still got to laugh somehow. And Esty was very fair to me from day one, too. It's like she is being very fair to me since we started, since I started here.

And things changed when I started to perform here because I can watch people that I admire. I learn a lot. That's what I wanted to come here. It was not to pack theaters all over the country or anything else, it was just to be good at stand up

and watch people that I can learn from, that's what if I could make you snap my fingers and you wouldn't have an accent, you'd have a native level English ability, but you'd speak no more Portuguese, but would you take that?

No. No. Yeah, that's a stupid question. I thought you were going to ask a different question. I thought you were going to say that if you could perform exactly the same comedy, but it would come out in a Native American accent rather than your Brazilian accent, would you prefer that? Or do you think that the accent gives you a little advantage?

Yeah, that's maybe a better question. I don't have to tell the audience that I'm a foreigner. And I don't have to tell the audience where I'm from if I don't want it. Because my accent already talks. But it gives you a little je ne sais quoi, right? Yeah, totally. It does. It does.

It does give a little. How about this question? I got a better question. I'm sorry. I thought about it and I got a better question. Better question. Okay. I'm going to take away.

Here's the question. Okay. You can go back to Brazil. You never get. You got two choices. Perfect. You live in Brazil and you have your nice life in Brazil. And I assume you make a very nice living in Brazil.

But you never get to work here. Or you get to work here, and I'm taking 90% of your net worth, and you make whatever money you can make in America. No, again, again. It's a lot of English for me. Please, again. Slower, Dan, slower.

Slower. Okay. Two choices. Okay, two choices. Dos os chois. You can live in Brazil, and have a nice life, and make all the money that you make in Brazil

But you can't come here Or you can live here But you can't go to Brazil And I'm taking 90% of the money that you have No, I'm never going to give you my money What? I'm also my Huxman

Yes, Huxman You know, I come from a Jewish family I would never do that He's half Jewish I would never do that My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my hates New York. My kid, he hates the fact that I'm coming here, but I just got my green card. So I'm fighting against everybody, actually. My wife lives here with me, and she couldn't hate more. Everybody's

rude. People don't care about her. She doesn't have any friends. It's difficult. It's not easy for a Latin... Where does she live? We live in Murray Hill. I was going to say if you live near me, make friends with my wife. But what's the rules of the green card? You have to live 183

days a year? Yeah, more than six months a year. She grew up in Ecuador, your wife? She grew up in Ecuador, but now she... But she moved... She lived in LA since she was 18 years old. What if she gives you an ultimatum? Ultimatano. And says, we're going back to Brazil. I'm going back to Brazil.

You're coming or fuck you. I have the means to come back and forward. So I would never not come here. That's not a choice. But you prefer to live here. I prefer to live here. But if you have to, here I prefer to live here but if you have to because of your family

my dream is to bring my ex-wife my kid her boyfriend here and we don't talk about Brazil I would like produce content to Brazil

because I have my audience there I have millions and millions of followers and everything and I like to have my my people of course but I wouldn't go, but I wouldn't go to Brazil. I wouldn't go.

But if you lived here, wouldn't your people at some point say, this guy doesn't love us anymore? Everybody wants to come here. But all your fans in Brazil might say, Celine Dion,

make sure that every other album she does is in French because she doesn't want to piss off her French Quebec fans. I don't think my comedy is the same as Celine Dion's content. I think we have a different type of content.

But I'm saying, are you risking, to some extent, you're pissing off your Brazil fans by saying, I'm going to be in America and I prefer America? They know. The thing is, if you are a musician and you have a hit in America, you have a worldwide hit. You guys is sport culture to everywhere in the world. Everybody knows who Kate Perry is. Even in the middle of the desert, they know.

The way to conquer the world is conquer America. It's very difficult for a Brazilian person speaking Portuguese, which is a language that we speak in Portugal, Brazil, Angola, and Mozambique. We're not going to conquer the world. By the way, nevertheless, Brazilian music has conquered the world. It does. I wouldn't go that far. Conquered the world?

Grow from Ipanema, just to take an example. I know, there's one song. There's one. No, but there's many of them. There are 35 that the average American would know. I mean, I know Que Tana de Lodo. You know, like, Bossa Nova. It's a style, and that conquered the world.

And Lambada, remember Lambada, the Forbidden Dance? You guys did movies about it. That's Brazilian? Yeah, it's Brazilian, but this is the style. People want to consume Brazil, but not artists in specific. You know, like... Okay, I don't know if I can name five songs

off the top of my head. I probably... But I don't want to sound stupid. You're a musician. But the... Okay. Every jazz musician knows Brazilian standards. In the 40s, Carmen Miranda, Brazil.

You know, there has been constant, everybody knows a Bossa Nova when they hear it, everybody knows a Samba when they hear it. Throughout the world. They're not filling up stadiums in a way that Katy Perry could go overseas and fill up a stadium. No, no, no. But the music itself, artistically, has had a

tremendous impact on world culture. But, it gets big when the world is interested in Brazil. Yeah. You know, so Carmen Miranda, people wanted to know more about Brazil and the tropical country and the vibe. That wasn't a specific time.

Bossa Nova, the same thing. Tom Jobim and all those guys, they were, people wanted to know about Rio... What about Caetano Veloso? Caetano is also... Of course, a lot of people know him from... Sergio Mendes, Brazil 66, was a big thing. But also, music is different. Because music, it's just the vibe, the way it makes you feel.

Comedy, it's what I'm saying. When you listen to a Brazilian song, you like the vibe, the feeling, but you don't know exactly what they're saying oh i have no idea what this so in comedy i have to say something that the whole world will understand we because they are going to listen to what i'm saying when i'm competing with when i'm going up on the cellar i'm going next to, I don't know, Chappelle or Louis C.K. or the great Dan Adlerman. So I... Obrigado, obrigado.

Everybody's going to listen to what I have to say. I don't have... People are not going to go to listen to me just because of my accent or the way I sound. I have to say something. So it's the same thing as you conquering the world with a Brazilian song, but also people are understanding what you're... Music, you don't have to understand the lyrics.

Comedy, you have to understand what's being said. That being said, Americans generally are not as open to songs in foreign languages as other countries, I think. Every now and again, a song will become a hit in America in a foreign language like 99 Red Balloons, Back in the... But it's very rare that that happens. Think about it. What I'm doing here, I am a guy who speaks a language that very people in the world speaks. And I am sharing the stage with the best comedians in the world.

Can you see the size of this? This is huge for a guy like me i was born in porto alegre a little city in the south of a country that is in the south of south america and now i'm here i didn't have any until 2005 or 6 when youtube appeared the only reference that we have of stand-up in brazil it was the beginning of seinfeld the opening of seinfeld he had like wow there have of stand-up in Brazil, it was the beginning of Seinfeld. The opening of Seinfeld, he had like... Wow. There was no stand-up, but now there is stand-up in Brazil.

Yeah, now, yeah. Is it like a big thing? Yeah, now it is. You all started with me and four guys. Wow. So now... So in a way, you had the advantage of less competition. Yeah, but also there was no...

We created the business. We created the business. That's so interesting. It's crazy because we didn't have stand-up. At the beginning of every show, the emcee would explain to people what stand-up was because we were used to different types of comedy, like characters and impersonators.

The same comedy that you guys see on Televisa, those like over the top, like that's the comedy that we used to have. So me and a few guys, we started this thing where we have to explain to them, I'm not a character. This is me. My name is Rafael. I'm not playing

a guy or a Jewish guy. I gotta go downstairs. You or a Jewish. No, no. I got to go downstairs. You guys can continue without me. But I want to ask Rob one question on my behalf before we go. We're finished, Rob. And then I just want to. Just tell us a little bit. Brazil is quite mixed racially.

You're totally white. And then there's every shade from you to, you know. Not quite as white as Gisele Bundchen, but white enough. To, you know, dark brown or black. Is there significant racism in Brazil? Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of racism in Brazil. I would be crazy to say that it's not.

I think we live in a little bit more harmony than we live here. In the past, I think it was better. It felt better, but probably it wasn't because people couldn't feel the racism that was already installed in the country. Because of the segregation. Yes, and also, yeah, it's the same story. Slaves and everything.

So, yeah, of course we have... Slavery in Brazil ended, I think, in like 1888 or something. 1888. It ended later. It was the last country, I think, that... In fact, there are Americans that left the South to go to Brazil after the Civil War in order to continue having slaves,

and they founded a city in Brazil called Americana. Yes. Yes, Americana. It's close to my, it's close to Sao Paulo, yeah. Wow. But we took, it took, the thing is, it's very difficult to say in Brazil who is black and who is not black.

So it's like... Because there's so much mixing. Yeah, and there's a lot of mixing for, for like years and years and years and years. So it's not like here. It's so much mixing. Yeah, and there's a lot of mixing for years and years and years and years. So it's not like here. It's not like here. But clearly you and Giselle are white, and then there are people that are very, very dark.

But there's a lot of gray. But there's a lot in between. That's happening more and more here. Rafi Bastos, I use Google Translate to be able to thank you in your own language. Okay. Obrigado, Rafi, por vir y discutir comedia. No Brasil es sexo enal. El transopinis.

That's exactly what he said. You stepped on my front. I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. That's exactly what he said. Good again. Take two. Go ahead, Dan. Obrigado, Rafi, por vir y discutir comedia.

No Brasil es sexo anal. Oh, you were going to say along the same lines. Sexual anal. Yes, but you stepped out. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I stepped on your... You said thanks for coming here to discuss comedy and also anal sex. Correct.

Correcto, mundo. And also for... It was my pleasure. Sorry, Dan. I don't usually do that. And thanks, Perel, for bringing me here. Yeah, of course. I'm so happy it worked out. But also, I'm so happy that you've perhaps expanded Noam's very narrow view of sex and gender.

I thought you were going to say of having comedians on the podcast. If a real man with tattoos who's six feet seven is willing to take it in the ass from a trans woman, maybe it's good enough for Noam Dorman as well. We have to end with that. Well, I would say that, as I said, I don't like to have comedians on the show so much, but if every comedian were as interesting as Rafi, I'd have them on all the time. Thank you very much, my friend. Thank you very much. I mean, he's got politics, takes it in the ass.

He's got a perspective on international relations. This is an interesting man. But usually our comedian episodes are not as interesting. Right, Nicole? I wish I could speak better English. No, it's perfect. Oh, your English is amazing. I'm so much smart

in Portuguese. Oh, I feel stuck sometimes. There's so many things that I wanted to tell you guys and I was like, but you know. Well, you can come back and tell us. It's training. It's all about training. Next time you go to Brazil, I'll go with you, and we have some training.

And we will get you fucked in the ass. Yes. By a girl. By a girl. By a girl. Don't worry about it. Now my question. I did hang out all night one time with this.

See, we are getting there. Yeah, yeah. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. With this guy and I mean he didn't come out as trans, but it was clear to me

he was trans. So it was a woman? No. Well, he was not living as a woman. Okay. He was interacting as a man because of the culture that we were in. But it's clear from the behavior, I have no doubt that if he were in America,

he would have been trans. And I could see how after a while, you just... He's so feminine, so womanly, that you could just forget that this is actually a man. But I just imagine that once the clothes came off and you saw the penis, it was just like, no, wait a second, this is actually a man. But I just imagine that once the clothes came off and you saw the penis, it was just like, no,

wait a second, this is not, you know, I would... You'd be surprised, though. That's a very narrow view. Don't care about the penis, my friend. Don't focus so much. It's part of the body. It's okay. It's just like an elbow. If you think the penis as an elbow, you're not going to care about the penis. Yeah.

I'm missing the Twilight Zone right now. not going to care about the penis. Yeah. I'm missing the twilight zone I'm going to think about. We thank Raffi, Raffi Bastos-Hoxman, better known as Raffi Bastos. My pleasure. And to Perriel, thank you as well.

Noam. And of course, I go downstairs, I have a meeting. Our wonderful sound engineer, Nicole Lyons. Thank you, everybody. See you next time

on Live from the Table. Bye-bye.