The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Ricky Velez, Liza Treyger, Sam Morrill, Anthony DeVito, and Keith Robinson

Episode Date: June 23, 2017

Ricky Velez, Liza Treyger, Sam Morrill, Anthony DeVito, and Keith Robinson are all prominent stand-up comedians who may be seen regularly performing at the Comedy Cellar.

You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the table, on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Good evening, everybody. Welcome to The Comedy Cellar show here on Sirius XM Channel 99. My name is Noam Dorman. I'm the owner of The Comedy Cellar here at the back table of The Comedy Cellar with Ricky Velez, Sam Morell, Lisa Trager, and... Anthony DeVito. Anthony DeVito. Anthony DeVito. And he's on your show, Sam? Do you not know Anthony?

We know him a little bit, but I don't really know him. I haven't seen his act yet. You're going to like his act. Oh, he's funny. I haven't seen him. He better be funny. I'm sure that he is funny if he's working here. He almost has too much of a me appearance for the show.

So it's like, you know, I have to shave to be on camera with him. Did they tell you that yet? No, they didn't tell me. I saw that. It's going to come up. You guys are a little bit Danny DeVito Schwarzenegger. Really? You're short, right?

I am short. Yeah, but that's way more compliment and insulting to him and compliment to DeVito. I don't know. A lot of people want Danny DeVito attractive. That's not even close. He's got a wife. What else have you been compared to that you like Danny DeVito? Well, I mean, you know, any hijacker.

Danny DeVito is a huge step up for me. I used to get Jason Biggs when I was younger and I never beard. Yeah, because I think the nose, the long nose. Oh, okay. He's a guy from American Pie. I don't see that at all. So today. American Pie holds up, by the way.

It does, yeah. It's a fun movie. I just found out my dog just got out of surgery. $6,000. Wow. Which surgery? Jesus. Her uterus burst.

But the thing is, the dog is 13 years old and I really went through like a moral, you know, accounting, like, cost-benefit,

like, do I put this dog down? Is there a 70% chance that she'll survive? Is it $6,000? It could be more. I said, what's the answer?

I mean, I don't know what to do. I actually had a, my dog had back surgery last year. He was three years old when it happened, and he needed back surgery. $5,000. He was down for three months. Had to keep him inside of a crate. The other night, he started showing symptoms again, and it got to a point I was like, I don't know if I can do this every year.

Every year and do this? Right. He ate pot. And that's why he wouldn't stand. He ate a bunch of pot and would not stand. And we brought him to the vet. We brought him to the neurosurgeon in the middle of the night. We're like, oh, my girlfriend was crying. She's like, we can't get a break, nothing.

And we bring him in and he's pissing. They finally get him to walk and he's pissing everywhere. And then they're like, yeah, this dog is stoned. So what are dog stoned symptoms? Are they the same? They just get wavy. They can get high from eating it, though, which we can unless it's cooked

in something. Why is that? Because they're smaller? Is that why? Yeah, I guess. I don't know. I don't know. You cannot, if you just eat a butt of weed, no, you cannot get high. But if you cook it. I never knew that.

You can put it in butter. Yeah, I've been drinking weed. Yeah, the THC has to be like pushed through the butter. So anyway, so I did go through with the surgery. Well, because your kids

probably and your wife. It's funny because I'm having thoughts. I'm like, the kids don't even fucking play with this dog. Oh, really? Like, what am I,

what is this? But it's a, it's a life. That'd be. I'm like, the kids don't even fucking play with this dog. Oh, really? Like, what am I, what is this? But it's a, it's a, that'd be great if you could just pay it for it by just getting rid of the early show host.

We just tag team it for a year. Well, listen, I was thinking like, well, maybe I will keep this brunch on Sundays because. Do you not like

the brunch? You're a purist. You don't love it. No, I'm not a purist at all. So why don't you love it I don't I don't like the brunch

because they have because the eggs benedict isn't right because I'm I'm just worried about the food being right okay and it's

it's humiliating to me that the the eggs benedict was lemony one week and then the next week the yolk was cooked through like a hard boiled egg

it's a poached egg you know and according to Liz and everybody I'm just having bad luck. Everyone else loves the food, blah, blah, blah. I had a good Benedict, but... Here? Yeah, yeah.

Really? You know it's Benedict? I had a smoked salmon one. They're my favorite. Ooh, that's my fave. And the potatoes were good. And then Jared had... My headphones are working.

Liz is a real Jew, which I like. She really likes the same foods. I mean, like capers, smoked salmon, keep a bunch fun. I mean, yeah, Noam, you're such a purist, because on the road, how bad is the food at every club? It's like chicken fingers, and that's all we can... And then you're like, you're

laboring over the Benedict. You're an amazing man. No, no, no. Esty and I had a fight. I gotta go. No, no, okay. Come back after your spot. Esty and I had a fight about it. She's like, it's a good income for you. I'm like, no, it's a good short-term income. However, if it's based on a bad product, it's actually a bad income because in the long run, it's going to damage us. Noam is a fucking drug dealer, dude.

Like, that's exactly what was him from American Gangster. He, like, pretty much said the same thing. Did he? Yeah, when his stuff was getting stepped on. Yeah, I don't remember that, but that was a good movie. It was fun. And he was a smart guy, that gangster. So this reminds me.

Frank Lucas. Frank Lucas, yeah. An all-girl weed delivery. So of course, me and my roommates were like, of course, we're going to go to them. So we started using the all-girl one. Then they raised their minimum to $200 and raised their bags to $60 a piece. Of course they did, because they're not selling to everybody. So we stopped.

And it's only women selling? Yeah, so we're like, fuck that. And they only sell to women. Yeah. Is there one degree of separation between everything in my life and weed with you guys? My dog loves to weed. I don't smoke. They went back down.

We got texts. They went back down to all their prices. I'm like, yeah, you fucking bitches. Like, why would you do that? That's an embarrassing text, too. Oh, remember, we're still around and it's cheaper. So we had a guest that canceled. I don't even know who it was.

It was an author. Calabria didn't tell me because he wants his check. But he gave me a list of topics to talk about that are important. But let me jump to this. Eliza Schlesinger, is that her name? Sure, sure. Oh, wow. We have Lisa Trager herself, the shitster. important. But let me jump to this. Eliza Schlesinger, is that her name? Sure. Oh, wow. We have Liza Trager herself, the shitster. Now, I don't really

know this story. Who wants to run it down? Can I say one thing before Liza gets started? I was going through my... It wasn't even like someone broke the news. I got a text, did you hear about Liza? I'm just casually going through my Twitter timeline, and I see Liza start the shit, and I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Where will this go? It was exciting. No, no. I just want to say one thing before you tell the story. When you say her side of it, I just want you to try to describe what she said

and what her point of view was in a way which she would feel was fair to her side. I want you to do her side, though, in an unearned applause break and just make it relatable. No, it's funny because her side is she doubled down on it and she's just so wrong. And I could tell you exactly what she said and it'd be fine.

What's her side? Tell the whole story. So we know nothing. You guys know nothing. So Thursday, I got all four of my wisdom teeth out. I wake up from sedation. I'm on some pain pills. My friend Annie, she's a shit stirrer, too.

She picks me up from the surgeon and goes, look what Eliza said. And I went, well, and then I started tweeting. And what did she say? So in an interview, she was just saying there's a problem because women shouldn't be dirty on stage. They shouldn't talk about

sex that she sees a trend. At all? At all. All women, just they go dirty and it's a huge problem. And she goes, I'm the only woman that's doing jokes about World War II. That's the funniest quote I've ever heard.

Like, there's nothing more hacky than Holocaust jokes. I love them. We all love them. But like, what are you, you're the only woman.

Also, don't fucking tell women what to say. That's insane. I just think that's an insane point of view to have. And also,

get away from us. You're not funny. So then the interview keeps going. While you're doing it, I'm going to look it up so I can actually read it. Oh, yeah, yeah. Go ahead. And I don't know the order of all this stuff, but she then was like, after the fight got started,

she basically went, I've been proving women are funny night after night in clubs around the country with a handful of other women. So I'm like, oh, you think there's only a handful of funny ones. You think you're the most funny. And then you think that you're better than everyone and that we shouldn't be dirty. And it's like, that's annoying to me. So I just wrote, I talk about fucking and I say pussy and I'm funnier than you'll ever be. You're a hack.

You should save your money. And then the thing is, everyone hates her, so then it became the most fun thing. And everyone was doing World War II pussy jokes and then writing things that mean stuff she's done to them. But for me, it's like, bitch. Oh, and then they asked for her favorite female stand-up comic, and she said Tina Fey, who's not a stand-up.

You can't even think of a woman stand-up that you like. You think you're better than everyone, and you're not funny, and you're hot. Is she not funny? No. She's not my taste. She doesn't have punchlines. She has voices. She brings her dog on stage. She generalizes. She has a joke

about how women only talk about weather, and men talk about sports. Well, when you say it, Lisa. I mean, it's about sports, you know? Well, when you say it, Lisa. I mean, it was definitely entertaining. I like the World Wrestling Federation aspects of stand-up comedy. So when someone gets called up, it is fun.

She wrote, when you're a woman in comedy and you get a break, people get so excited about it. But while we have to work hard to get that attention, I do think many women think, oh, if I just act like a guy or I go for that low-hanging fruit

everything's about sex or how weird I am it all just kind of runs together I could walk into the improv close my eyes and I can't tell one girl's act apart from another that's not saying that 30-something white guys don't all sound the same but I'm banging my head against wall because women want to be treated as equals and we want feminism to be a thing but it's really difficult when every woman makes the same point about her vagina over and over. I think the only woman out there that has a joke... I'm the only woman out there who has a joke

about World War II in my set. I think shock value works well for women, but beyond that, there's no substance. I want to see what else there is with such complex, smart creatures. She's entitled to her opinion, but as Lisa said, when you're not particularly popular in the comedy group

you've got a target on your back when you say something like that. But why does your opinion always have to be public? I have a lot of thoughts. It was an interview, right? I think it was an interview. Why is that your opinion? And that's the thing. You can go through our Twitter back and forth. Her ideas are just so crazy. There is no problem.

She's saying that she sees a problem but there is no problem. Why can't we she sees a problem But there is no problem Why can't we talk about our pussies? It's crazy A crazy point to make I don't think that makes you like a man either No one's trying to be a man I think it's got her 100% the attention she wanted

Out of posting this That's what I think I think it was a strategic move No one talked about her She was shocked because then she went and deleted the tweets and then did a statement being like, what I said was awesome,

but it's like you deleted them. You were embarrassing. She went into a tailspin. Yeah. Then she posted a selfie in a bikini and went, how are you going to act when a woman's not ashamed

of her body? I'm like, no one's hating on you. You hate it on everyone else. Is there nothing to what she's saying? Absolutely not. Let me ask you this question. We're stand-up comics. We can talk about what we want.

It would be different if she was nice. If she was nice and people had nice shit to say about her. It's always the case. But if she would have said that and she would have been... Let's say it's another female comic. Who could have said that? Here's my thing. I agree with Rikki,

but I think there's a lack of awareness with her where it's like to post those photos, to be that person, and it makes her disliked. And then when you're going to have the act she has, an act like this truth teller who's like some barrier breaker in interviews, it's ridiculous.

I want you to watch her special, and to make feminism a thing, it's a thing. It's been a thing. That's what's making people angry is that there's a disconnect. She doesn't seem to see that she's doing kind of like a poor man's D thing. It's been a thing. That's what's making people angry is that there's a disconnect. She doesn't seem to see that she's doing kind of like a poor man's

Dane Cook on stage, I think. And then for her to be this like Patrice in interviews, like I'm the only person pushing the envelope. It makes her even less likable. And the last thing I'll say also is that she doesn't seem to be the type of comic that has a lot of comic friends that's helping comics.

If someone like Amy were to say this, Amy's been on record as helping a shitload of comedians. Someone like, you know, Colin Quinn has helped a lot of comics, I think. So there's a difference there, where you seem like I'm fighting for you. For her, it's almost, it's not like I want to do this for the good of comedy. I want to do this to raise myself above. Yeah, exactly. Well, you know.

She thinks she's the number one comedian. Because immediately after I made the points, because she goes, you're competing. I go, all my female friends that are comics are funnier than you, and I compete with none of them. I want the best for them. No one is competing, but you obviously made it clear that you see comedy as a competition.

And it's the thing of like, she immediately went to like, you're jealous, you're this, you're that. And it's like, it's none of those things. You just went and insulted a group of people. But this is what, first of all, there's something, you know,

dangerous about the way you guys are analyzing this because you're mixing the opinion with how you feel about her. I've never met her. Which is, you know,

like sometimes they'll take a speech that some politician says and they'll poll people on it and people think it's fine they'll actually agree with it until they find out it was Donald Trump who said it or something If it came off somebody else's lips we might have never heard about it. If I wasn't on drugs I probably wouldn't have even gone on Twitter

Is it is what she said bullshit or is it bullshit because of who said it? The thing is I fought with everyone. Why are the two separated? Because if somebody does a math theorem and proves it, it doesn't matter who said it.

I don't think something was proven. I think she's being judged by the hypocrisy based on who said it. This is hypocrisy. It's hypocrisy to be naked on your cover and no one cares and then to say women shouldn't talk about fucking in our bodies on stage. Okay.

It's crazy. You and a lot of girls talk about your pussies and you talk about it, but what if you had to get into this business in 1975 and that was not an option for you? What would you do then?

But why is that even a thing? Because it was a thing. Because Joan Rivers couldn't say stuff and she still went on and did an abortion joke on television. An abortion joke on television. An abortion joke.

But it's the limits made by men in society. Like, why would I listen? I don't know. No, this is not a man's problem. This is Eliza Cheslin. Yeah, but even her reason of why she thinks Tina Fey, she went Tina Fey because she makes men laugh. She is the thing that she's claiming other women are doing. I'm not talking about my pussy to get men to try to fuck me or to impress men or for men to think I'm funny.

I'm doing it because this is what I want to say. So that's the implication, too, that I'm just sitting here being like, well, what jokes can I do that's going to be shocking and men will like it? Like you're doing that and then you're putting it on us. I'm talking about fucking because that's how I'm in my real life. Like that's what I do. So why would I change? Well, we all do. Yeah. So that's how I'm in my real life. Like, that's what I do. So why would I change? Well, we all do. Yeah, so,

that's what, honestly, there was one night, Do you want to say something, Keith? Why fucking is more relatable than World War II? Wait,

I want to say one thing before Keith, so I was around the corner at the BU and I went up and then Big J was on stage and a man came up to me and goes,

you were funny but what's the deal with female comics and cheap sex jokes? And I go, my jokes aren't cheap. And he goes, well, I don't know, you know what I mean. I go, my jokes aren't cheap. And he goes, well, I know, you know what I mean? I go, I don't know. Why don't you go watch Big J? Like,

Big J is one of the most filthy comedians out there. How dare you fucking talk to me and try to tell me what I should and shouldn't say? And then I came over here and Louis was sitting here and I told him, I was like, I'm so annoyed this dude said that. And even Louis was like, all I do is talk about fucking. We all think about fucking. It's like, it's vulnerable. We all want it. It's a fun thing. It's a good thing. It's embarrassing. It's fucking. It's like, it's vulnerable. We all want it. It's a fun thing. It's a good thing. It's embarrassing. It's hot. It's like, it's so many emotions.

Why wouldn't we talk about a thing that everyone is thinking about and what I think about all the time? Why wouldn't I do it? Well, talking about it is one thing. The question is, what percentage of your act relies on it? But why? What do you mean rely? I'm funny.

They're funny jokes. All right. I have been, I mean, don't get mad, but I have over the years watched female comedians, or even, not just female comedians, black comedians or any comedian who, any subset of comedians who rely constantly

on their DNA. It's not relying. On their DNA, as it were, for their humor, as opposed to... It's how you live your life, though. As opposed to talking about a million other things under the sun like Louis does.

The whole thing with comedy. Including fucking, you know. The whole thing with comedy, though, is like, and writing, I forgot who said this, but it's like you need to be an outsider to be able to comment on the inside. And so if you're an outsider

and you're living in this outside life or you feel that way, that's where you're coming from and your perspective. And that's what you're going to talk about. And that's why I think white dudes have to go talk about like news topics because they're on the inside. If you're insular in what like the power of society is, you're not going to be able to talk about this outside experience. But like, I don't think it's relying. It's I'm talking about my pussy in the way I want to And I'm making people laugh And when I'm on stage And the audience has seen four dudes in a row

And then I come up There's a look that I get from women That are like excited They're laughing, they're clapping I'm getting high fives You're very funny, nobody's doubting that No, so I'm saying it's like Why can't I talk about it

If the women No, I agree, I agree Will that be the subject matter five years from now? But no, to your point earlier Well, now I'm fucking a woman, so it's all new fucking jokes. I know, but is that what is always going to be

for you is fucking jokes? I don't know. We'll see what happens. Yeah, there's no way to predict that. I'm not going to have kids. Are you mad that everyone with kids talks about kids?

That's annoying. I think that's hack. Stop talking about your kids. Why is that? First of all, no subject. No subject is hack. No, I know. It's the jokes that are hack.

No, but as you said, it's the way she said it and who said it. That's really what it comes down to, is if she made that point in a different way, I don't think she would have been as attacked, but she has had a target on her back for such a long time, you know? I mean, you have to be...

If you're going to go after comics with that reputation, you're going to have to be careful or you're going to have to deal with the fallback, I think. And it wasn't just me. I mean, Chelsea Peretti, Laurie Kilmartin, all women in comedy were not. No one defended her. That's a great point. Did Amy comment on it? No.

No. I'm just saying not one person defended her online except Patrick, who books the stand. Not one person defended her. Doesn't he know to stay out of it? Not one person stood behind her and went, actually, she's a good person. Actually, a thread started about shitty things she's done to people.

Now that I know that Patrick defended her, I'm totally on your side. I'm totally team with you. Also, Patrick's got a brunch show and I hear it's pretty good now. They have a brunch show? Yeah. I'm just saying, it shows what kind of character she is and how good of a

comic that not one comic defended her. Okay, do you think, and Keith, do you want to say anything on this? Do you have anything you want to say

about this or do you just want to listen? I'm just listening. I'm listening. She's angry as hell on that one. Let me give you

an analogy. Yeah. There's a famous story in music where Henry Mancini was writing the music for Breakfast at Tiffany's and what's her name?

Catherine Hepburn. The other one. Audrey Hepburn. Had to sing, but she had a very limited range. It was mostly pussy songs? Mostly pussy songs. So her range was, she had a nine note range. So he took, Henry Mancini

had to write a song with this kind of imposed limitation, and he wrote Moon River. And because he had that limitation, he wrote one of the greatest songs he ever wrote. And so I always thought if some of these comics had to work at a time where they couldn't talk about their pussies, you are falling back on it in a certain way,

and you never get forced to write Moon River. You never get forced to say, okay, I can't do that. But what am I missing out on? Like Gary Gould, let me try to make the state capitals funny. Let me try to make a million things. Yeah, because maybe their life isn't fun enough. I have a fun life, and I talk about it. I don't have to talk about capitals.

I don't know. I do have to say something. It's like everybody has their own personal journey. Everybody has a personal journey. But it's no need to shit on anybody's journey. What she feels is what she feels. But what I don't like

what you feel is that no, it's like you always bring up men, Dord. Or men say, like, Jay is filthy. And it's like, Jay is funny.

Leave it at that. Yes, of course. But why am I standing there after I had a good set and a man telling me that I'm dirty as Jay is living it up? Because they don't get it.

Because that guy doesn't get it. You're also talking about a crowd member. It wasn't a manager or a waitress. I think the people who get it get it. Of course,

Jay's been my favorite one at a time. One at a time. I was not shitting on Jay. But what we don't realize, though, what a lot of times women don't realize, men get told that all the time. You're too dirty.

Why can't you be this? Why can't... We don't go, well, women are dirty, too. You know, just go with what your journey is and leave it at that. You're a funny girl. That's it. Stand on that.

But this started Because someone In an interview Like a female comic Said that women are You heard all of it Right So that's where it all came from Right but

It don't matter But why say it But it's never in a discussion It's never a discussion That's where I'm at with it Really What do you care It should

Because I was on pain pills And having a great time And I loved having my internet fight Oh okay Well that's your answer It was a great time. I loved having my internet fight. Oh, okay. That's your answer. It was a great time. You became a lesbian? I think I'm bi,

but yeah, I'm dating a girl. I think I'm going to marry her. So you think you're bi? That's so puzzling that you wouldn't know what your sexual purpose is. Because you're not sure if you ever want to go back to dick. I don't know if I want to see anyone but her, honestly, but her, honestly. But the reason it's weird is because I've lived...

It's not like I've been hating fucking dudes. I always thought identity politics was so annoying and stupid. But now when people are like, you're a lesbian, I'm like, I don't think so, but I guess. I don't know. I feel like I'm the same person. It's weird to relabel myself. I'm working on a joke about it. Did something emotional...

There's one narrative about lesbians or any homosexual. They're born that way. And I've known about it since I was born. I always knew I felt this way. That's clearly not you. Or you make enough money, I think. Wait, what? I have a belief that if people make enough money

and they're so bored, that's why all those actors and the rest of that become gay and start messing around with everything. No, it's true. It's true. They're just so bored because they fucked everything. The second movie show got picked up. Scissor City. So I'm wondering this.

So you wake up one day and all of a sudden now you're becoming lesbian. Is that a reaction to having bad emotional experiences with men? No, I went to Australia. I actually, so I went to Australia to do this comedy festival. Because prior to this, a lot of your act was talking about how

fucked up men are, how they treat you bad, how they only use you to come inside. And I remember, can I be honest? Like six months ago I heard you spewing all this anti-men stuff and I turned to a waitress in the underground and I said she's going to go lesbian. Yeah, you called it.

Because I heard just that you were fucking fed up with men. And I do also, I just want to comment on Keith. That's the whole thing. It is everyone's journey and that's why it's annoying to comment on what people should and shouldn't say. And then the thing, I just want to finish this

with saying like, what would you have done 40 years ago when I couldn't say it? It's like, people have been telling me my whole life, like people don't like

my personality, like people don't like anything I've said and people have told me to change forever and I haven't and I'm where I wanted to always be

because of it. And you opened for Louis C.K., right? Louis took it? I haven't, no. I thought... No, it's okay. I opened for Dave Attell. I mean, but... That's great. I got to always be because of it. And you opened for Louis C.K., right? Louis took it? I haven't, no. I didn't, I thought. No, it's okay. I opened for Dave Attell.

I mean, but. That's great. I got to be in a show. She was on Louis' show. I was on Louis' show. That's what it was. But it's not even the thing. I'm here every night.

Like, it's a thing of, like, I'm where I am because I didn't listen to people telling me what to do. And that's why it's, like, also off-putting to tell a comic what to do because the reason we're doing it is because we want to say what we want. The advice I've always gotten as a comic has always been the worst advice. When people are like, do this or do that, whenever it's against your instincts as a comic, I think it's

the people that tell you to do a certain thing are usually pretty out of touch. Because the whole thing was getting on a late night set and I never worried about it and I got to do a late night set. I got to do a holocaust joke. I didn't swear. It was about fucking and I got to do a thing that was a goal got to do a holocaust joke. I didn't swear. It was about fucking. And I got to do a thing that was a goal while not listening to

everyone that told me to not. I remember a guy lectured me once when I was starting out in comedy. He was like, you don't hold the microphone the right way. And I was like, if that's what's going to break it for me, that's ridiculous. He embarrassed me in front of ten other comics.

Lectured me, he's like, you don't hold the microphone right. And now I... Who was it? Some fucking cokehead named Tom Sobel, who books the fucking... Oh, yeah! That guy's a fucking... Hilarious. Where is he now? Probably dead in his own vomit. Now with a show on MSG. So this is what happens. So I went to Australia

for this festival, and we have a mutual best friend, me and this girl. She's a comic in London. And so I knew I was going to hang out with her. This is how you became a lesbian. But I've hooked up with girls before and I've had group sex and stuff. Group sex, one-on-one?

That's insane. You understand you've been a lesbian. You've been a lesbian. I've had some gay moments. Like, now, would, okay, no, it's been brought up numerous times. That's the only reason I'm bringing it. But Mike Lawrence, he's done things in the past.

Would you consider him a gay man? I don't know. This makes me think that labels are stupid. I don't know. It's just like everyone should just be gay. It depends on the person, though, because I'm definitely straight. I made out with a boy once when I was in second grade. You're gay.

Well, look, I sucked his dick. Second grade, that's fucking weird, dude. Yeah, it was a weird moment for sure. And I remember I told my mom, I was like, I think I'm gay. She was like, you're not gay. You told your mom in second grade I think I'm gay? Yeah, yeah. That's awesome.

And she was like, you're definitely not gay. I was like, I can tell. She's like, I know. And then she sent me to a conversion class, and I've been good ever since. I had an experience where one of my best friends in high school, we used to sleep in this. I had a big, like a double bed growing up. And when you sleep well, we always slept in the same bed as little kids. And at one point, he was sleeping over again, and we were a little bit older.

And I went to get a sleeping bag. He's like, well, we can't sleep in your bed anymore. I'm like, yeah, I don't care. So we're sleeping in our bed, and I wake up in the middle of the night, and he's jacking me off. In the middle of the night. And I realized what was happening, and I immediately rolled over to the other side

of the bed. That's how I know I'm not gay. It was totally instinct. But you did hire him. No, no, it was another friend. I rolled over to the other side of the bed, and we never spoke about it again. We woke up in the morning. We pretended it didn't happen. We remained friends.

How old was he? 16. Oh, okay. I was in Boy Scouts. We know the story's going to be the worst. No, no, no. So I used to be in the Boy Scouts in the original neighborhood I grew up in, in Queens Village, which kind of hood.

So we had a hoodish Boy Scout group. And then my parents moved me over to the white group, into another neighborhood. Because that group, we were fist fighting a lot. It wasn't Boy Scouts. It was more of a gang. It was a very weird group of people put together. And then the first time I went on a trip, I was in a tent with four other dudes, and two of them were dry humping each other the whole time.

And I was like, I'm not in Boy Scouts anymore. I was like, I can't do it. And I quit. I couldn't deal with it. It was insane. So you're not gay? No, no, I'm not. You're in Australia.

Go ahead. Hold on. Did you feel violated? Were you guys friends forever, like forever after that? Yeah, I didn't feel. You don't seem like a judgmental guy like in that way.

Me? I was just wondering if you felt like. Oh no, I wasn't judgmental. Like, ugh, did you feel violated or not? No, you know,

I grew up because my father had a nightclub in the village and stuff. I was very aware of homosexuality and my father was very ahead of his time. He always believed

it was something you were born with. He always thought that Freudian psychology was bullshit and it was like a religion. And I just felt that my friend was gay. And I just, I don't know, I just never mentioned it to him again. Did you guys ever talk that out? The jerking off? Never.

It's like it never happened. You wish he kind of maybe asked before doing it, but past that, there's not much he could do. I wasn't even mad. It's like a surprise party I'm getting. Like, hey, wake up! I don't know why I wasn't mad. Someone else could have been mad. I really wasn't mad.

It just happened to me. Yeah, because it's uncomfortable. That's why. Because it's like, what are you going to do? Because you were learning something more than you were being molested. Also, it happens in this kind of like dreamlike half-sleep state. And that kind of makes it less traumatic, too. Like, I was in an earthquake one time in L.A. in that same state, and I wasn't scared.

And you guys still hung out a lot? Yeah. And he became somebody pretty prominent. I don't want to say it on the air. Did he come out ever? Anthony Weiner. No, he didn't come out, he's not married to my knowledge. And then after that he did work in the

Olive Tree and I heard that he had some gay things in the Olive Tree. But I don't know that he's ever come out. Maybe he's bi. I don't know. So you were in Australia. I knew I was going to hang

out with her because we had a mutual friend and we're in a foreign country and we're all, so, and the other Americans weren't really partiers. And so we just started hanging out. And then she told me to fuck this dude. And she was trying to fuck a dude while we were there too. And I fucked that guy. And I was like, whatever. But then we kept hanging out.

And then we were at an art museum like the third or fourth day. And I was like, oh, we kept hanging out and then we were at an art museum like the third or fourth day and I was like oh I'm like in love with her and then we just kept hanging out and I was like I this is like my person and then my friend flew in

from Dubai to hang out and I was like you need to leave us alone like I'm in love and I need to confess and so we just hung out and then the last night we made out

and then I confessed how much I liked her how did the make out start? we went to go dance to the Backstreet Boys everybody oh nice cause we both like the Backstreet Boys, everybody. Because we both like the Backstreet Boys. And it was my last night. I had to confess

like all my... Is she hot? She's so hot. Yeah, she's like, she looks like everyone I had crushes on as a teen. But growing up, like she kind of looks like Leonardo DiCaprio and like a boy band member with the body of Miley Cyrus. Like she's everything I want. Harry Styles? Yeah, she's like a little boy band blondie.

But, yeah, so cute. And then I kept, like, trying to tell her. And afterwards, she's like, I liked you too, but I put you in the brain of straight people. You only talked about fucking dudes. And so... Maybe Eliza was right. Yeah. And so, the Backstreet Boys came on.

I was like... You had to go around the the backstories came on. I was like. You had to go around the corner? What the fuck? Okay, go ahead. I was like, do you, we should dance. And then we went and danced. And then the song after it was like boring. So I was like, do you want to make out?

And she's like, yeah, we made out. And she's like, we should get out of here. And then in the car, I was like, I've liked you this whole time. And then we fucked. What does that mean? What does we fucked mean? This is my favorite thing. We had sex.

I don't know. Does it mean mutual oral sex? No. Because that's not fucking. She travels with something. There was a strap-on. Which she traveled with. She traveled.

The girl traveled. Yeah, she also told me about the strap-on like the first or second day we hung out. So I was like, I knew you liked me. I was like,

why did you sneak in that you had a strap-on? Have you ever been fucked with a strap-on before I was like, I knew you liked me. I was like, why did you sneak in that you had a strap on? Have you ever been fucked with a strap on before this? No, I've been fucked with people holding things, but not someone wearing a strap on. Did you put on the strap on too?

I didn't, no. Have you? No. Will you? Yeah. So you're still, I don't want to say she's the boy, but you're still kind of living the straight part.

Yeah. And I'm also less experienced. I think you can, I think you can figure out the strap on. Yeah. But, but then, it's a belt.

She stayed in Australia and I went to a different city and like, then it was hard. And then Memorial Day weekend, she was in Toronto writing for a TV show. So I met her there for the weekend for like four days

and then I'm going to London to visit her in July but the strap on thing fascinates me because of course I understand

getting another person off your fingers whatever it is oh dude I don't get it but when you're strapping on a dick as a woman

I believe it's more there's more to that than just trying to get the other person off there's something about the masculinity of wearing the dick. Yeah, she likes to fuck people for sure.

And she said something. Now, if you guys were together and she cheated on you with a strap on, does that count as cheating? I don't know. Dude, it's not a real question. It's not a real dick. The witness will answer the question. I don't know.

I mean, we've talked about it since we live so far. What we're going to do is make sure we stay together longer. I don't know. I mean, we've talked about it since we lived so far. Like, what we're going to do is, you know, to make sure we stay together longer. I would rather her fuck a dude. Like, if she's fucking people, I'd rather... You'd rather her get fucked? I'd rather her fuck a dude.

You want her to be your man? And maybe that's what it is, but I feel more comfortable with her, like, having sex with a guy when we're apart than another girl. Okay.

And I don't really want to have sex with anyone, so I'm fine. Now, is part of the happiness of this relationship not that you've discovered that you like same-sex relationships,

but that you're getting intimacy and joy from this relationship which had been heretofore absent from your relationships with men? Yeah. That's true.

What is it? What do you mean? I was just attracted to her. I didn't think about it. She's loving to you and she cares about you. Yeah, she's just. What is it? What do you mean? I was just attracted to her. I didn't think about it. She's loving to you and she cares about you. Yeah, she's just like... She's not using you.

Yeah, I don't feel like people are using me. I don't know. Well, you say that in your act that you feel that they want you. They're using? No, the men just want to come. That's all.

They just use you to come. But it's not me. I think it's men in general and the way they treat women. I think it's like... I think that's unfair and I always say that's unfair. Of course it is. And I always say it to you. Of course it is. I always say it. And my material's not finished,

but I study... I like proving things. So it's like, I do have a theory, and I'm going to prove it, and I have arguments, and I'm going to get to a place where it's all fucking funny and right. But to a point, you're generalized. Of course I am. But that's what comedy is. You take a strong point of view.

And then that's the thing. Men generalize women all the time. It's just like, of course it's not all men. And because men, I think, are more sensitive than they lead on, I have to clarify to my act multiple times. I have to go backwards and be like, I know it's not all men. I feel body language change. I feel it.

And so I want to make sure everyone's having a good time. And it's difficult doing material that people might not like and figuring it out. And I want to figure it out. And I want men that are good guys to laugh. Or I want men to be like, oh yeah, this is or I haven't done this. Because one of my points is like, I went and I bought

pussy eating books immediately because I was like, I want to make her feel good. And like, I just don't know if that instinct is with men as teens are brought up in a sexual way. I know, such a thing as pussy eating books. Did you know that? I did not know about that. No, because, but for me, it's like, I want to make her come. I don't know if I'm going to be good at it. And I want to make sure I'm as good as I can be.

Instead of going and buying a book, we just continue to try to fuck you the best we can. Hopefully. I mean, my whole thing is like... Right? No? Is that what you go for? Yeah, because you're in a relationship. But I'm just saying, like, with...

I know dudes out there. My friends, I have been fucked well. Like, we have friends. I have friends that have been fucked well. But overall, so many of my girlfriends and so many of us, I don't just come up with things out of the blue. We have bad sex. It's, like, awful.

Like, we get treated poorly. And there's bad sex on both sides. For decades. Exactly. And so I'm just trying to figure out why is it that all of these women in my life that are successful, talented, hot, why are we all having such bad sex

and not speaking up about it? Because there's so many barriers. Of course. And so I'm trying to figure them out. You have no clue how bad one of your friend's pussy stinks. That's a real thing. Oh, God.

That's a real thing. That's true. Some of them really. There's ones that ruin like, ruin rooms. Have you ever been with the one where, like, you wash it off and the smell goes away and the next day it comes back? Like lobster. What the fuck is... Like lobster.

Like, it was gone. I know it was gone. Dude. It's back. It's unreal. It's unreal. That's a real thing. That's a real thing.

And I'll tell you right now, I have a lot of friends that do, like, they'll bang a chick that smells bad But they're gonna do it Very fast In and out Because of that Yeah but then don't Why?

Or say something Okay but that's what I'm saying But then it's I have two things I want to ask you The point of that is That you're there for For you to

It's not a mutual thing It's like sex is I mean overall I think sex is just taught weird And like I think there are problems with it I think Yeah

I have two things And one Ricky will have it The first thing is So I think I've suspected for a long time I think there are problems with it I think yeah, I've two things and one Ricky will have it the first thing is it so I think I've suspected for a long time that there's two kinds of lesbians and one kind of gay guy There's a because gay like a gay guy will not turn a man is a straight man is not gonna turn to other men because he's like really having shitty relationships with women and you just feel but but There are a lot of women like Lisa

and I've known them who were straight straight straight and all of a sudden they fuck this shit and they get something from a woman which is something

they've needed compassion yeah it's a connection yeah but a man will not start sucking dick for that connection

I mean I can't say no man has ever done it but it's not a big subset of men. You're making it sound like it's crap, like I'm doing this gross thing. That's a hell of a point. Here's my second thing. Me and Noam have never had the best conversation

where it was like, you know what? Me and him connect so well on this level that I'm going to start sucking him off. If we connect on that level, we'll go to a whorehouse. I've also never been so turned on in my life. I'm very attracted to her.

I'm into it. It's not love or whatever, but I also think it's something new. It's also what's it called that I've done is you don't live in the same That's huge. Because every time you see each other, it's a vacation.

It's a vacation. Then when you guys are fully around each other, which I've been for four years with my girl, that first year was just fights. Because you don't live. You're always on vacation together. But, you know, my best friend Sabrina and Shauna, they've been married for a while.

And watching them. Lesbians. Exactly. Whenever I talk to people about relationships and marriages, I, like, really looked up to. They were the ones I always talked about. And there is something there that is, like, an understanding. Now, I'm going to tell you the other thing.

Listen, I've never. But it wasn't, like, a conscious thing. I've never fucked somebody with a strap on. Yeah. But I've done the closest. Would you like to be. Would you want to be fucked with a strap on. Yeah. But I've done the closest... Would you like to be... Would you want to be fucked with her? No.

I've done the closest thing a straight guy can do to have that experience which is I've used condoms. Yeah. And I've noticed that the worst I've ever been in bed with a girl

has been when I'm wearing a condom because you don't feel a fucking thing. It's kind... So you just can't... It's not sensual in the same way a girl has been when I'm wearing a condom because you don't feel a fucking thing. It's not sensual in the same way because you can't feel. There's no feedback. It's kind of like wearing a strap on. When I was single, this was a big thing with me. I'd rather, if a girl would be like, want me to blow you or want to have sex? I'd be just like, blow me.

Because if I have to wear a condom, it's not going to be fun for anybody. Absolutely. So I'm wondering, how does a woman's, your girlfriend put on a strap-on, is it sensual? Because she can't feel anything. She can. She comes. She comes while wearing it?

Yeah. Stop it. You guys are just, no, stop it. It's a vibrating strap-on. Oh, it's vibrating. It's in her, too? No, but there's a double-ended dildo. I mean, yeah, we have fun. No, stop it. It's a vibrating strap-on, and it's vibrating. Oh, it's in her, too? No, but there's a double-ended dildo. I mean, yeah, we have fun.

No, no, no, no. She's wearing a strap-on that goes around your waist, puts it on, and she's... She comes from fucking me, but then other things happen to you. I think women choose when they want to come. I mean, I think it's a mental thing, too, for sure. More for women. I mean, because there's a comic who said something to me about how do you connect since it's not a real dick?

What are you connecting? I'm like, I know for a fact you cheat on who you're with all the time. You're connecting with every whore you fuck. Get out of here. You know what I mean? We're connecting in a lot of ways. It feels good. I think women can just connect more mentally. We're also just not coming at the same time.

I'm not doubting you're connecting. Yeah, but she comes from that. But she also said something. She goes, everyone should get the feeling of fucking someone. She's like, it's very powerful and cool. Like, the feeling of fucking someone. She said everyone should experience. It is pretty dope.

Oh, it's awesome. It's great. Yeah. So, okay. So I think she enjoys that. I mean, she's always thought she was just like a young boy. You know what I mean? Her thing is when she watched Titanic, it was confusing for her because she had a crush on him but also wanted to be him.

And that's her life and that's what she's become. Does she have a strong jaw? I don't know. This is probably not something I'm supposed to say on the air, but I've noticed a lot of lesbians have a very strong jawline. Have you noticed that? The ones that are the male predominant? I don't, I'm not touching it.

All of them? Definitely not all of them. But like, I know at least a half dozen. I was like, wow, like really a strong jawline, which I couldn't I don't know. You're not supposed to talk about these things. I don't know because that's just not true. That's the world we live in. Speaking of which. We're talking

about it, though. Somebody sent me a video today of a Larry Wilmore moment. Oh, boy. What'd I do? Where he was making fun of this tragic kid who came back from North Korea a vegetable and then died. Oh, that's right. Yeah, we were shitting on that kid.

I've been watching that thing. I've been watching what's going on, and we really took that kid apart. Wait, so what happened? I'm not going to say we because I wasn't a writer. I was a correspondent. I wanted to give you a chance to comment on it because it didn't look good. It didn't look good. Can you do a background?

It's going around. Can you do a background? Okay, so the kid that just passed away. Did you see that? He was hostage in North Korea for like a year. He was hostage in North Korea. He stole a propaganda sign from North Korea. Okay.

And he got caught and they put you away. I mean, that's what they do. Like, you're in North Korea. And that's what I think more of his angle was. Like, you're in this place that you probably shouldn't be taking a school trip to. Right? He was taking a school trip. Am I still correct there?

I think you're right. I was about to say, how did he get into North Korea? It was some tour. It was like a college or high school tour. When I was in high school, we took a tour to the Soviet Union when it was a Soviet Union. I went to the Big Apple Circus. All right. No, I mean, you can't blame, and he's too young to know.

You can't blame him for that. You can't blame him for stealing. Larry ripped him apart because he was just like, here's a rich kid being an asshole, which he was. I still agree with it, that he was being a dick. Why was he being a dick? He stole a sign from North Korea. The fucking people that just have no, like,

human... How old was he? I mean, yeah, once again, he was a young kid in North Korea. So,

two things. First of all, when I took that trip to the Soviet Union, I had some drinks, I was 16, and I changed some money on the black market.

Like, this guy just told me I changed some money. I committed a crime, you know? I didn't get caught. Imagine if I had gotten caught and I came home dead or a vegetable. Wait, so what happened?

And some people on TV say, well, you know, you shouldn't have changed money. I mean, like, it's like, but then, so this kid is on TV. He comes back to America in a full coma. And then he dies a few days later. We got him back after like 18 months. No, 18 months. So they put him in a coma?

Yeah, they did something. And they don't know, like they're studying the body now to try to figure it out. But listen, man. Wait, wait, so they had him on,

at first when he was first taken hostage, they had video of him like crying hysterical, please let me go, think of my family, I want, like, you know, it's like this kid

took a sign, he didn't even take anything valuable, it's a sign, if you think of it. Not like he stole jewelry, you know, it's a sign. Somebody draws sign. He didn't even take anything valuable. It's a sign, if you think of it. Not like he stole jewelry, you know. It's a sign. Somebody draws a sign.

Who even thinks that that's a crime? And Wilmore is just, like, making fun of him, saying, well, that's what you get for white privilege, blah, blah, blah. And it was horrible then. But now that you see what happened to him, and poor Rory and Ricky are stuck there like having to listen man first of all I've dealt with enough of that shit that I don't even read it anymore but like I mean and people stab at us all day but like it's just at the end of

the day like listen that's Wilmore's that's what he wanted to do like I mean the guy had a panel show like everybody couldn't sit around and say the same fucking thing or it wouldn't be a panel. We all sat there and were like, oh, North Korea's bad. Is that a show? Is that anything?

Is that anything? No, but he should have been making fun of a kid. Why? A compassionate person I think would put themselves in the shoes of that young... What was that kid going to do with that sign when he got back?

I don't know. He was going to make a fuss about pulling one over on North Korea. You were in a fucking danger zone, dude, and you acted like an idiot. I know, but taking hostage is not normally the... I'm sorry, I'm from a place where if you do something out of... Did you guys see Broke Down Palace? If you do something out of pocket and then something worse happens to you, that's on you, bro.

So Eric Garner gets killed selling loose cigarettes. You want to argue this? No, I'm saying he gets killed in Staten Island and people say, listen, he was just selling cigarettes and most people say, that's right. He was just selling cigarettes, which is even more illegal than stealing a protest sign.

Would anybody make fun of him? It wasn't a protest sign. It was a propaganda sign for Kim Jong-un. Whatever, just a sign. You're also in a place that has a king. I love drugs, right? But after seeing Broke Down Palace, I would never go to a fucking Asian country with drugs. I would never buy weed.

I would never fuck with it because I don't want to end up in a Taiwanese prison. You'd be in a drug. Because you have that sense. I would never fuck with it because I don't want to end up in a Taiwanese prison. You'd have to end up with drugs. Because you have that sense. But this is a young kid. We always have to remember this is a young kid. I've done some stupid fucking shit in my life. But if I'm going to North Korea, all... Dude, you're in North Korea.

I don't think a young kid understands that. How can you not understand it? Because you're a kid. You can't even comprehend that somebody would have you tortured and killed or whatever happened to them for taking a sign.

I can't even comprehend it. Blame the school for not warning them? Is it the first hostage North Korea has ever taken? No. One of the first. There were some other people that I think Bill Clinton got out.

I mean, it's really... Do you think the kid knows? It's really unfortunate, but if he came back, obviously it sucks being? It's really unfortunate, but if he came back, like, just in prison... Like, obviously, it sucks being in prison for so long, but if he came back not in a coma and not dead, no one would be talking about that Larry Wilmore thing. No, absolutely.

This kid was hysterical crying. I mean, he was scared out of his wits. His family... I mean, I have kids. I mean, I can just imagine my kid does something stupid, and now he's taken from me forever. And I don't still see how you make fun of that. Because, you know, well, we make fun of everything.

It's just not funny. Huh? No. Because we all make fun of everything. I disagree. I mean, I disagree. It's not funny. You can make anything funny, Norm.

Yeah, but he didn't make it. You watch comics and make jokes funny. I mean, it happens. Yes, yes. You can make anything abstract funny. You can make any subject funny. You can make any subject funny. You can make the Holocaust funny. It's harder to make a particular person's tragedy funny,

especially when the... 100%, but you got to remember when... But no one was upset until now. When Wilmar came out, the idea of the show, the original name of that show was the Minority Report. It's also...

It becomes harder to make fun of the victim. I mean, I think we, I got into numerous fights on that show. I fucking, I fought against that kid that showed up to the school with the clock in a suitcase. I fought against that. I sat there. You thought the kid should have come in with a bottle. I said, if I was a parent

and I came in at the end of the day and my kid was sitting there and there's another kid playing with a clock in a suitcase. And I go, no one questioned that all day? It's ticking. It would be a problem. Absolutely. And it went off three separate times in a classroom.

And they told him to stop, and they told him not to show it to anybody else. No, no, no. That was when he first got into class that day. I had to read all about it. We had that kid on the show and gave him an Apple Watch, okay? So there's numerous things on that show I didn't to read all about it. We had that kid on the show and gave him an Apple Watch, okay? So there's numerous things on that show I didn't agree with all the time.

We went after people that didn't need to be gone after. But at the same time, I'll stand with Larry on this one because this wasn't one that bothered me, dude. She knows that I hang out with some people. I have one friend that comes from one of these families. He comes from one of these families.

He comes from one of these families. What do you mean by these families? Just a family with money that you can send your kid to North Korea. I see. Okay. It's just like where your kid just gets to do things that other kids don't get to do. Yeah. And I was so underprivileged when I got to be able to do something. I was so ecstatic about doing it.

I did it how I was told to do it. This kid didn't. Let me tell you something. If young, underprivileged Sherrod Small had been sent to Korea when he was 20 years old, you know he would have done something stupid. Someone would have been pregnant. It was something. Stealing a sign would have been the mildest thing.

And would we want to, I mean, you just couldn't justify it. I have family that just went to Vietnamietnam they went to go see it the mom wanted to go see it uh that because she grew up during vietnam was a big protester during the whole thing and wanted to wanted to see it her son while they were there was asked for one of the wait waiters where he can score some pot he said he might as well have asked him like where can where can we go rape somebody? Because that's how they reacted. That's how, like, they had the manager

of the hotel come to him and everybody come to him. They searched his shit. But he's supposed to know. But he's supposed to know? Yeah.

He's supposed to know. You're saying he's supposed to know. I'm saying that we do. So why is it that you don't go to North Korea and steal shit?

I think that most young kids know that buying drugs is a big crime and buying drugs in a dictatorship. And they've probably been warned. But they don't know that taking a sign basically as a souvenir is anything that can have your life ended. No, we shouldn't be dead. But we should have been made of honor. But that's North Korea.

You step into those. You step into. I don't understand people that go like. It's like not when I go to Atlanta to do shows. Yeah. And then I know somebody has a gun on them. And I'm testing them and I'm testing them and I'm, like, no, you don't. You let go on certain things. You let certain things go because you're not in your territory.

I just, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Well, if this kid had those thoughts and decided to do it anyway, then I would be more inclined to agree with you. I think the kid had no idea whatsoever that taking a sign

it was anything that could get him in that kind of way. Take it away from you or whatever but, you know. It was a sign off a hotel, right? I don't know. I believe it is. Literally not letting you go home. That's crazy. But I think we're making it sound more like a lawn sign that was

put out for Hillary. Like, no. This kid took a banner. Maybe you're right. And I mean, dude, it's Kim Jong-un. This man claims he doesn't shit. What I do agree with you 100% Is that it has to be judged Not knowing how the story turned out

It's not fair to judge Wilmore Now that we know the kid died As if he made fun of some kid he knew was going to die Wilmore didn't know the kid was going to die either Usually rich white kids are easily made fun of Fodder I don't think anyone assumed he would be Not to be rich, anybody white Anybody white or anybody Christian can be made fun of, fodder. I don't think anyone assumed he would be... You don't have to be rich. Anybody white.

Anybody white or anybody Christian can be made fun of in any way. Poor white gets beat it down. It's not a matter of poor or not. It's just a matter of the theory. I'm just saying it's easy. Whether it's right to make fun of somebody based on their skin color or not. I'm just saying it's easy. It's like the rich white bull... Can I make one of rich black people?

No, I'm just saying it's like an easy thing to make fun of you. I bet Larry and everyone assumed he'd be home in a month. You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't think anyone thought that this would happen. I mean, and at the end of the day, it's a it was a show that had to turn out new shit every day

and had to do it within a couple hours. What about Bill Maher? And the N-word? How do you feel about it? I feel like if I were Bill Maher's manager and my client had a charmed life, I think I said this, and it's like he's making a lot of money,

he has a show, the whole nation wants to hear what he says, I would have a sign in his dressing room that he had to look at every night before he goes out on the air. And the sign would say, don't say nigger. Because it's the only thing that this man can do to screw up his career. And I just, I'm so stupid of him. So in that sense, he's an idiot, number one. Number two, he's also had a big hand in creating and adding fuel to the fire of this culture, which jumps down everybody's throat at anybody that they can call racist and doesn't ever inquire into what's in a person's heart, but always wants to just snarkily hang them by some words that might have come out the wrong way.

So I enjoy that. But number three, I think he should be able to make the joke. They used to use that word on Star Trek. No, man. SNL used to use it. I'm saying if you don't want to watch it, don't watch it. But, bro, it just comes down to it. I don't like it.

I wouldn't use it. Yeah, but at the same time, no. He's the same reason why people think you have said it. People think you have said it. That's a good point. Because of a man like that. And that's why you should be against him right but

you're making a good point but to me saying it in a joke is not the same thing as using it with an intention that felt like if he got the opportunity at a dinner party he would have said it

well you know let me concede your point for the sake of argument. And let me ask you, well, maybe also there shouldn't be songs on the radio like, Ain't no nigga like the one I got. Because maybe all the entire culture that hears that, it seeps into them and they find themselves. But that's not who Bill Maher is. No, but I'm saying that. Yeah. I'm saying that ought to be questioned too.

Like, if you don't want this word to come up, to roll off the tongue, then let's not just introduce it into popular entertainment. But you can't tell... That's the thing, and it always goes back to, like, you can't tell anybody who is black or African-American to... I'm not. That's my point. No, but you can't tell them how to use the word.

So it's like, dude, at the end of the day, America has the biggest permanent bruise on it from slavery. It will forever, forever make things uneven between black and white people. It will.

And it's just, and when somebody like Bill Maher does it it just puts another high powered white man sane where I said no now I know you personally enough where I can say no I don't think you say it

when you're like I would never make that joke but somebody that doesn't know you it's like the owner of this this this, this, that, and third, they're going to go, oh, yeah, he a white man. He says it all the time. Yeah. And that where lies the problem because the people sticking up for him look like they say it.

Yeah. And it's because of guys like him that promote it. Not promote it, but guys like him that try to get in. He tried to get in doing that joke. He thought it was, do you think he thought it was going to pass? I don't know. You're a comedian. I don't know.

He had, you know, tenths of seconds to consider it. I don't know if he thought it through or not. I don't know. I just think. Apparently he uses the word behind the scenes in jokes with some frequency. Hey, listen. I sat at a table with Larry Wilmore. I sat at a...

Where certain writers would say it, some weren't. Some would finally... But nevertheless, John Lennon did have a song, Woman is the Nigga of the World, and it was performed on the Dick Cavett show. Yeah, things changed. Chevy Chase did use it on SNL. So at some point,

the rules did change. Yeah, but at the same time... And I guess I'm not really defending him because... Yeah, what year did Chevy Chase say it? Because it might have been when black and white people

couldn't even legally get married. You know what I mean? No, no, no. He said it in a bit with Richard Pryor. I'm just saying there's no clear rules. I'm not really defending him because I don't think he should have said it.

I guess what I'm defending is that I don't think his career should be jeopardized. I don't like this call to arms to boycott and end somebody every time somebody, as we all know, can happen to anybody, says something, even something they shouldn't have said. I can't. But at the same time, none of us sitting right here can even have really an opinion about it because I put it into this every day. My older brother, he's dark. My dad's a Puerto Rican. My older brother, he's a dark

guy. There's been numerous times in his life where he was called a spic and I watched this kid fight often. My brother would fight everybody that said it. If spic ever became a thing that me and my friends were saying back and forth, like I can't even relate to that. I can't even think of that being a thing. So the fact that that that word has even been turned into that

show, I don't know, man. It's just it's not for our lips. It really isn't. It's not for anybody's lips other than a black person. I'm sorry. Like, I can't find a place where it's okay. Even in jokes. I had a joke about it for a while. I did. I used to use the word, and I haven't done that joke probably in like four or five years. But it was just, it's not for us.

It's not for us to ever say, funny or not. Let me ask you this. I was, you tell me what you think about this. I was, shortly after my father died, you don't know my father, but he was a very important figure. Yes, I've... And he was in the hospital,

and Sherrod was banned from the club at some point. And about two weeks before my father died, he... When was this utopia? Keep going. About two weeks before my father died when was this utopia? keep going about two weeks before my father died he called up Sherrod and he lifted the band and he was crying he was like a little they made up

and then like a week after my father died Sherrod and I were in the pussycat drinking and he was talking I just loved your father so much. I loved your father so much. And, you know, his eyes were welling up with tears, and I said, Sharad, my father loved you so much.

Whatever happened, he really loved you. And now real tears. And I said, Sharad, you know, his last words were about you. And now Sharad's like, oh, really? He says, what did he say? I said, sure.

He could barely talk and it was the last day he really, he had brain cancer, he was having trouble making out, making, producing words.

And he, weak voice, he leaned over and he says, Nam, don't trust that nigger. And we all sit here and smile.

And Sharrod thought it was the funniest thing he had ever heard. Yeah, that's your friend. Now wait. Now, that was the only time I can say, that's the only time

I ever used the word in joke. But I knew going into it, I can remember the thought process, like, is this okay to do? Is it okay to do? And I was like, no, this will be okay. It's that funny.

If that had been on TV, I'm saying, if that had been a sitcom, and exactly that thing, I would have to say, no, this will be okay. It's that funny. If that had been on TV, I'm saying, if that had been a sitcom and exactly that thing, I would have to say, no, that's okay. It's funny. It is funny. Now, maybe it's because I was putting the words in my father's mouth, kind of like the irony was that my father was

a racist. My joke was that somebody called me the N-word. And that's how I used to go about it. Well, that should be okay. I have an N-word joke, but it's a wet pussy joke at the end. Of course it is. We know everything goes back to your pussy.

But I don't know, man. I'm in a group chat with Gerard Carmichael, Little Rel, Jermaine Fowler, the Lucas Brothers, and the rest of them. They use it. They use the word a and the rest of them. They use it. They use the word a lot.

Among black people, they use it. I refuse to use it. I just don't think. Now, in that aspect, you have so much history with Sherrod. Too much history with Sherrod. And then you guys, you're sitting there talking about your dead dad. I mean, I think that... It was so funny. Yeah, but that was a moment

between two people, not you and the... and everybody that watches HBO. Like, I mean, that's a totally different thing. No, he really come down... Okay, he said it. He shouldn't have said it. What should the punishment be? I thought he should have lost the show, honestly. You thought he should have lost the show.

That's a terrible precedent for a comedian to do it. Did you guys watch the episode the next week? Because I didn't watch it, but my roommate... No, I didn't. Yeah, my roommate said it was one of the best things on television she's ever seen. And that it was just like three black people just telling Bill Maher to shut up and listen. And they said it was great TV, so something good came out of it. Maybe I should watch it.

I don't like the protection about like should he or shouldn't he. It's like it's the job of the bosses. Like having a TV show is not a right. It's like a privilege. Yeah, I believe so too. If a bunch of people are like, fuck you. Yeah, you lose it. Like am I on Kathy Griffin's side?

Yeah, of course. I don't think she should have had to apologize and do all that stuff. She's weak. That's why she did that. Yeah, I'm mad that she apologized. That was weak. I'm amazed. And I admire your principles.

I'm amazed that you think that Bill Maher should have been fired for a joke that came out. I just don't like the, like, oh, I'm a victim because, like, you said something and people can react. It's not your right. Well, no. That was one thing he did not do. He did not say I'm a victim. He owned up to it and he did it. But I think, I mean, what was the punishment?

What was the punishment for saying it? What was the punishment for saying it? Nothing. So the next... His reputation is tarnished. What do you know? It's not. Sure it is.

Stop it. That will be gone inished. What do you know? It's not. Sure it is. Stop it. That'll be gone in seconds. That will be good. No, you know how this works. You've seen it a thousand times. He's going to keep his show. It's going to keep going. It's going to be fine.

So that's not true. He's he's tarnished. I don't know. Michael. Michael Richards said it. I don't think he ever fully recovered from that. And he didn't. And you know what?

He didn't. He also didn't do it as a joke. Yeah. He was screaming it like a maniac. Like, I mean, those are totally too different. This guy made a joke on a good show.

The Michael Richards was way worse. I get that. But I'm saying for the people who were offended by Bill Maher saying it, I don't know that they're going to forget about it. I'm just disappointed in what he's became. He was one of my favorites growing up. I remember when he got fired from Politically Incorrect, I was like,

live it. I just remember watching that show and being so into him. I remember watching him live at the Chicago Theater Debate, Ann Coulter. I really looked up to him, and I just think he's an out-of-touch loser now. And it wasn't the N-word thing. It's been the past four or five years. But he lost me. It wasn't even good-word thing. It was like, it's been the past four or five years. But he lost me.

It wasn't even good just being like, I'm a house. Like, no, you're not. No, you're not. And it's like, yeah, and all those people got raped. And like, it sucks. Slaves got raped. But then, of course, Ice Cube had that song, Cave Bitch, which is all about

how he would never want to fuck a white girl flat, washboard ass, rather fucking albino. I'm always shocked at how much stuff he has. Well, I always say, rappers, rappers, those guys are, they have the best lives. They get away with anything

they want to say. 50 Cent came off stage and punched a woman in the chest. He literally got pulled off stage by his hands, came down and punched this chick in the chest, realized what he did, and he was like, oh, snap, why don't you come dance on stage? And she danced for four songs.

Like, that's like, that's what happens. Those guys get away with murder. Yeah, legit murder. Yeah, that too. But, I mean, like, they get away with everything. They can say whatever they want and if you are going to continue to compare yourself to rappers guys that sit there

and drink codeine and smoke weed all day then lower yourself to that that's how I feel about it it's just unbelievable to have a guy who wrote where is this give me a black goddess sister

I can't resist her no stringy hair blonde hair blue eyed pale skin buttermilk complexion, grafted, recessive, depressive, ironing board, backside, straight up and straight down, no frills, no thrilled, missed, 6 o'clock subject to have the itch, mutinoid, caucasoid, white cave bitch. Well, that is now my favorite 30 seconds I've ever listened to in my whole entire life. Oh, you like that? I'm not that educated in all this, but it's also like, I want to know how old he was and how long ago. Now don't think that I hate you because I won't date you.

Bitch, I got to stay true. You can be a fan, but don't expand and try to get my dick in your hand. You better run to the minute, man. Pale as soul, so act like you know. Because if I slap it, flip it, and rub it like that, yeah, I got to be black. Plus your ass too flat. I need a butt big enough that can clap. Rat-tat-tat.

You can't get mine, ho. I'd rather fuck an albino. The guy knows what he wants. Okay. These are great lyrics, actually. There's another rhyme. He rhymes I can't remember it out. Talk for a minute.

What's the point? Well, I mean, why compare yourself to a rapper if you're a guy that's... At least I know she's... To a point, political comedian. Hold on, the best line. The best line. At least I know she's coming from the Nubian and not the Ku Klux Klan that you be in. Come on.

But to have a guy, to feel that you can say anything you want. Rappers have the best careers. And that's real hate. Like, he's not making a joke there. And then you're going to lecture somebody on something that came out the wrong way, not based anymore. We live in a culture where words speak louder than actions. Words don't speak louder than words. No, we don't care what's in your heart anymore.

We only care the syllables that came out of your mouth. Bill Maher is not a racist. Bill Maher is offended by racism. He is not a racist. Right. Ice Cube, that sounds like racism. Yet, because Bill Maher said the N-word,

he should lose his show and Ice Cube can lecture him even with all that hate in his heart. That's what bothers me. His early 20s in the early 90s, so it's also like 30 years. I mean, he's in his 50s now. You're allowed to change your opinion.

I don't think he has changed his opinion. I haven't seen it. Cool, cool, cool. And then you being, all right, the show is over. Come on. That's a really good song. I want you to start rapping because I did not know you could carry a flow like that at all. Oh, was I flowing?

I didn't even see it. Oh, no, yeah. You did that very well. Oh, look at that. No, no, no, you did that very well. Oh, look at that. No, no, no, no, that was incredible. I've never... No, because coming on here,

I was leaving my house and I was like, oh, I hope we don't talk about politics. Noam knows all this political shit I don't read. And then... No, I knew that,

so that's why... Yeah, but then you do... Then you have rap lyrics too. It's like, what is going on? Anyway, I remember that song from when I was a kid. All right, well, listen,

this was a... You listened to rap? Some, some, you know... You were everywhere. You were in great rap. Listen,

my first, you know, I was in high school. I was a senior in high school when Rapper's Delight came out. Okay. And the first girl that I slept with,

she loved that song. Oh, I was hoping black. No, no. So, she was Italian. So I went home and I had my little nylon string guitar and I worked out the bass.

And I learned the entire rap to Rapper's Delight. And I went over to her house and I rapped it for her. And that's how I got laid. And that's why you fuck men. And it worked. She was charmed by that. And that's how I fuck men. And it worked. She was charmed by that. And that's how I got my first girl.

That's incredible. My girl plays the piano and guitar too. Okay. I want to meet her. She's great. She'll hopefully be here in the fall.

Cool. Ricky, Lisa, thank you very, very much. Thank you. Good night, everybody.