The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Ron Bennington, Jared Fried, and Allan Havey

Episode Date: July 8, 2018

Ron Bennington, Jared Fried, and Allan Havey are all New York City-based standup comedians. They may be seen performing regularly at the Comedy Cellar.

You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the table, on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Good evening, everybody. Welcome to The Comedy Cellar Show here on Sirius XM Channel 99. We're here at The Comedy Cellar, of course, with Dan Natterman, as always. We're very, very proud to have Mr. Ron Bennington of Sirius XM Radio. Are you on Channel 99? We're just moving. We were on Channel 99. Now we're going to be on Faction.

I think that's 106. Faction? Faction, yeah. It's the same place Jim Norton and Sam are. Oh, you're leaving us behind. And Mr. Jared Freed. Great to be here. Thank you for having me.

Totes preach. You have a Snapchat game show? I got a Snapchat game show, yeah. And he just came back from Vegas. Go ahead, Dan. Now, Jared, I want you to be brutally honest with Noam because you're not doing him any favors by lying. Tell him how you might improve the gig,

what was good about the gig, what was bad about the gig. The gig was fun. The crowds got bigger every night. I think the positives you heard were that it's a lot of locals and that's very hard to do in Vegas. Everyone

that walked out, the one thing they said, they couldn't believe how great the show was beginning to end. And I think that was a surprise for a lot of the people. Did you get that a lot? I didn't hear those precise words, but everybody seemed happy with the show, that's for sure.

I got a lot of that where people go, I usually go to shows in Vegas, and sometimes the shows, it's not good throughout. And I think they were excited that it was always, they were surprised at the level of talent that it was a good show throughout the show.

I think it's all... I think for the comics perspective, it'd be great to be with people that you knew or were friends with. Are you saying you weren't happy there with Natterman? I loved Natterman. I was the only one. Him and I at the pool.

Who else was there that week? We had a great crew, but I'm saying it matters. Doesn't sound like you had a great crew. It did. It was a great crew, but we said we would. Des Bishop, Ruth, not Ruth, Kathleen Dunbar. I'm thinking of the character. Ruth Bader Ginsburg. I'm thinking of Ruth Dunbar was a character

in Bosom Buddies, I think. So listen, Dan loves to talk about Vegas. I'm not sure why he loves this subject. Because this is, again, I have to explain it to you every time, but our regular listeners, this is like a drama. Oh, they're opening up a club in Vegas. How's it doing?

I don't know. What's going on? I don't think they care. You always question whether this is interesting, and yet you'll drone on about some arcane tax code change that Trump wants to institute, and you think that's just hunky-dory. Natty Light saying this is a personal thing.

And especially now... We could both be wrong. Now, you said nice things about the gig, but now really let Noam have it. There's nothing to have it about. I thought it was... The room is great. It sets up great. I had a great time. I think someone needs to be empowered

there to like direct traffic in the crowd. I think that's the one thing. Someone has to have the power to say to a group, hey, keep it down or there's got to be someone that's like the lead.

I know that's tough to do. It's, you know, like the lead. Yeah, we've had. And I know that's tough to do. Not a problem every night. Not every night. From time to time it's a problem here too. But in Vegas, Ronald Likas, because he's liberal, we have a big union problem. Yeah. And we are literally not allowed to say anything to the people.

To the waitstaff. And the waitresses are not allowed to be asked to tell a customer to keep it down. Well, there was one night that was like the one night that I'm thinking of. And there was a group, a big group. And I spoke to them while on stage. I made fun of them to get them to be quiet a little bit and then I got done

with my set and Natterman was on stage and I went to one of the security guys and I go you should really go say something and he was like

and he kind of shook his head and then just went back to his iPhone went back to not doing anything so it felt like he didn't even have the he needed the go aheadahead at some point.

And it wasn't going to be for me. This is... I'm probably not supposed to talk about it publicly, but this is a problem, and I don't know what to do about it. Yeah. Anyway, but yeah. But that's the one thing.

That was the one thing that I would like... But no one ever policed the room during Frank Sinatra's days? I find this hard to believe. That's when the mob ran. They ran. Things ran. When times were good. So I could go to a Tom Jones show and just start yelling shit out.

No. And nobody would be allowed to say anything. Well, the truth is, I don't think it's so blatant as somebody just yelling out. Because I think then they would descend on him. It's the kind of in-between where they're kind of talking too loud. I think it was all positive. It was like a positive loudness. Like they're enjoying themselves.

They were literally enjoying themselves. You need somebody to stop the laughter. Stop the laughter. It was too much laughter during my set, is really the issue.

We have that problem a lot here. Well, sometimes they can be enjoying themselves but still talking too loud. Yes, that was kind of, you know, it's like ambient noise

where they're discussing a bit. Yeah, well, there's two things. First of all, I haven't seen that problem and I've seen a lot of shows out there. But the room was designed to be very loud for laughs. Oh, it is.

And that may be a double-edged sword, as they say. So it also might make just like a... Because the laughs are really loud. They hit you. Really loud. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is noticeable there. So, but I don't know.

So anyway. Go ahead. I just had one other Comedy Cellar related point to make. I noticed last week and this week there's shows around the corner at the Village Underground at 6 p.m. Is that a new thing? This is a new thing, Dan. This seems like it was written down. For you people on the edge of your seat of the Comedy Cellar drama,

you're now going to know why we have added extra shows at Fridays and Saturday nights. Because when Jeff Ross and David Tell were doing their Netflix special last week, they wanted more time or whatever it was, and we didn't know how to fit it in. I said, well, let's just try a 6 o'clock show and if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Yeah. Because I wanted to make sure that Jeff and Dave had with it. And sure

enough, it sold out. Shit. And I said, shit, if we can do a 6 o'clock show, we can fit four shows in in the Underground now, Fridays and four shows Saturdays. So, we're going to try it. Of course, it's brought the light at that hour here in the summertime. So is brunch. And then also, the Village Underground,

especially, the vibe there is very nighttime, no matter when you're down there. Yeah, when you go into a basement, you forget. You go into a movie theater. Plus the music. It's a cool vibe. And 6 o'clock, that feels like I've done shows on the road at 6 o'clock where they've done that,

and they ended up being the best crowd of the weekend. To be honest, we need the money to help pay for the losses in Vegas. I'm not even kidding. One boat floats another. I literally thought to myself, you know. Well, we'll never, look, even if Noam's making money in Vegas, we're never going to know it. Because Noam, like business owners, yeah, but you'd say say it because you can't deny it here. It's so obvious. But you'll say, look, we do okay.

What is with Jews? He's got to count the money in your wallet. I'm not counting money. Well, I'm not counting money. Can you put Dan in touch with your accountant and just let him know? I don't lie about this stuff. I'm not counting money. I'm saying, you know, you seem to downplay the rivers of cash that are flowing into this place.

Estuaries. I don't say that. Natterman just wants to see the tax returns. Listen, I don't want to see anything. I'm happy for no. I'm going to tell you quite honestly, the seller, the comedy businesses, where we buy low, sell high, buy jokes low, sell them high. Buy low, sell high.

They're doing very, very well. Yeah. The olive tree is a money pit. Is it? It's a very, very well. Yeah. The Olive Tree is a money pit. Is it? It's a money pit. Now, well, Jared is skeptical. Look at,

I mean, it's a wonderful place, but we charge very little for the food and drink and whatever. And it is a lot of very high costs. And the Fat Butt Pussycat

does okay. But I wouldn't be able to like really live on it with my family, but it does it right. And Vegas is losing a lot of money. But as we expected. We had to pay back all the costs and everything.

Yeah. But the Vegas audience, are you happy with the growth so far? The business is actually better than we thought it would be. Because a lot of the people, the feedback they get is that this doesn't happen. A lot of people were very excited to see how many locals. That was a big deal to them. And also, what you don't even realize is how big a deal paying for parking is in Vegas. I know.

And the fact that they have free parking at the Rio helps to get people there. Can I tell you a Ron Bennington story? Sure. So, this is a huge relief to me So I was doing the lineups with Esty Yeah For Vegas No

For New York And I saw Ron Bennington Was like I don't know Three, four spots or something I said Ron is doing stand-up And he's like

Yeah And I said Listen Has anybody ever seen Ron Bennington I was like Has anybody ever seen Ron Bennington I was like has anybody ever seen him do stand up before

and they're like you said you love him I said yes I've heard him on the radio I think he's but I never saw him do stand up but I mean

I know various people who are really good like we know some people are really really funny but they die on stage so I frantically go to YouTube

to try to find a Ron Bennington stand-up set. Nothing. There's some stuff with him. Elusive. Well, there's some stuff with him doing conversations with what I know that he's awesome at. I said, oh, shit, Esty. What the fuck have you gotten me into here?

Because if he doesn't do well, then we have a major diplomatic issue on our hands. Like, major. But, he killed. I saw him on brunch. Killed there, too. I told Dan that. I go, what could be easier than walking up and doing stand-up? Remember we talked about that the other day. Did you? Yeah. It was at the

brunch show, and I go, you just walk up there, you think of funny things, and you say it. That's right. What's so hard? It's so simple. What is so hard about that? I don't know why comedians whine like, oh, I you say it. That's right. It's so simple. What is so hard about that? You're absolutely right. I don't know why comedians whine like, oh, I don't know. Just go up, think of something funny, and everybody will laugh. That's it.

Simple. It's pretty simple. When you put it that way. You just walk up, and you're like, oh, I just thought of this. Isn't this funny? Sure. And then everybody starts laughing and clapping. Yeah.

It seemed to work pretty well at brunch. Yeah. There's nothing about that story that you find insulting or anything, right? No. But I mean, I was really worried of what am I going to do, but killing, killing. Murdering. It's true. So my question is, why haven't you been doing stand-up?

Why haven't you been performing here in the last 10 years? I stayed away from nightclubs for a long time because of my addictive personality. And now I'm at the point like, yeah. Well, people ask me to come back and do stuff, so I did that. But yeah, when I used to, I had my own club in Florida. And it was not the best for me at the time. But even then, you just walk up, and Dan knows this, it's the easiest thing in the world. You walk up, you say funny things,

and everybody starts laughing and clapping. Yeah, anyone can do it. Anybody. One of the reasons I got out of the music club in the underground, and I don't have an addictive personality. For our listeners, by the way, Ron is kidding. No. No. Are you not kidding? No. And I don't have an addictive personality. For our listeners, by the way, Ron is kidding. No, no. Are you not kidding? No.

And I don't have an addictive personality. Yeah. Nevertheless, the routine of going, having drinks, whatever it is, I knew this was, as I'm getting older, I said, well, you know, this is not going to be good for me in my 50s, you know? And it was one of the reasons I decided to get away from it. I was like, I just needed a couple of drinks to get through the night. You get into the schedule of it.

You just get in that routine. It's insidious. It's the same way people get hooked on. Pain killers or whatever it is. So I know what you're saying. Literally after I wanted to get... When I got sober, it was a little too difficult

for me. I'm too easy to go, you know what? Maybe you're right. So you're worried about it now that you're back? No, I don't think that I am right now. But I do stay conscious of it all the time I think about it. But also, comedians do not do the kind of drugs that they used to do. You know what I mean?

Comedians used to party really hard every night. And there's a whole younger generation that just focuses on their career, which was not the reason to get into comedy years ago. So I've had this situation before where somebody I knew was on the wagon or whatever it is, or they're cutting down

and they're kind of holding it together for a while, and all of a sudden I see them with a drink. They're back. So what do you do? What do I do? Well, Ron, write your living will, if you will, or power of attorney, or what is

Noam authorized to do to stop you from drinking? No, I you know, I'm a person who thinks it's up to each person to do whatever they do. I mean, you know, you're not going to slap chocolate cake away from somebody because they have diabetes or something. Well, I would if they asked me to. Really? Well, if they said to me, Dan, I really would appreciate it every time you sing with chocolate cake away from somebody because they have diabetes or something. Well, I would if they asked me to.

Really? Well, if they said to me, Dan, I really would appreciate it every time you're seen with chocolate cake. Like that episode of the Flintstones where Fred went to that group where they said, if we see you with food, we're going to take it out of your mouth.

Yeah, but that was the Flintstones. I mean, do you have a friend like that? I'm with Ron. I let the werewolf right out of the closet at midnight. He asked me to let him out. I let him out. But you promised. No like that? I'm with Ron. I let the werewolf right out of the closet at midnight. He asked me to let him out. I let him out. But you promised. No, that's okay.

Ron, if you want me to. This happened to me, actually. I went back to Penn State with a bunch of old college buddies. One of the guys came back. He was like, I'm not drinking. We're like, good for you. We're happy for you. And then he started drinking non-Alks.

He got through six of them. And then we're at the bar later that night and I bought a bunch of shots and then all of a sudden he's taking one of the shots and people are like, what the fuck are you doing, man? And I was like, that's not my responsibility. He's an adult. He made the decision. This is... What I'm saying, if he says to you in no uncertain terms

If you see me with one... If you see me with a drink, you are authorized to use all necessary force. That's a person that's not ready to be back in the surroundings to me. Like, that's a person that shouldn't... That's not your responsibility. You're not their parent. No, but you're a concern.

Of course. I would offer Ron that service if he wants it. I don't think that you would be able to keep drugs and alcohol away from me. I think I'd be able to say, Dan, stop it. And I went through this kind of thing with a musician one time who was drinking and drinking

and I loved him. He was drinking like a whole bottle or more of Jameson a night and finally and alcohol was free for them. So then I said, no more free. You're going to have to pay for your alcohol. And I was making a fortune off this guy. But he didn't cut back. He finally said, I'm not giving you any more alcohol. I think I felt like a drug dealer. So he brought a flask. Okay. And I was making a fortune off this guy. But he didn't cut back. He finally said, I'm not giving you any more alcohol. I think I felt

like a drug dealer. So he brought a flask. Yeah. That's kind of what you're saying. You tell a friend to hit it at your hand, you're just displacing the blame. You know that you're not going to be able to do it. If you have to say that to a friend,

you're a bad friend because you're making them partly responsible for your problem. Now back in your frat days, you tell me you never said to your friend, you're a bad friend because you're making them partly responsible for your problem. Jared Freed, now back in your frat days, you tell me you never said to your friend, dude, do not let me fuck this chick. Yeah, then he shook his head and he said, yeah, I got you, buddy. And then all of a sudden, I'm knee deep in a fat chick. I don't think Jared Freed has ever said those words. I'm going to fuck this chick. That's always my motto.

So I was on my feed today. Just just before I think, I saw two headlines. I said, what is going on here? The first headline is, Sarah Huckabee Sanders continues her white tears tour despite being Satan's mouthpiece. Whoa. It's a harsh one. Michelle, my next thing on my feed, and this is Jezebel. Jezebel's. That's a feminist rag. Michelle, my next thing on my feed, and this is Jezebel. This is a pretty major. Jezebel's.

That's a feminist rag. Very, very. But it's not Screw Magazine. Anyway, Michelle Wolf compares Ivanka Trump to herpes, which is rude to herpes. Oh, my. What has come of, what are we living in now? Well, this is Jezebel. What do you think about this whole? Are those both Jezebel?

No, one is Jezebel and the other one is The Root. But they're on my feed. They're great. They're a good band. It's ubiquitous. It's a serious distribution here. I don't have any boutique feed. I think Michelle Wolfe is joking.

She's telling a joke. And the other one was what? Sarah Sanders? But Michelle Wolfe's joke is then taken and made into something about herpes. No, I think you're not but to say... That's the headline, yeah. Michelle's a comedian. She says whatever she wants. And Jezebel said

it's actually rude to herpes. It's so fucking mean, right? And Sarah Huckabee Sanders. First of all, the entitlement to say anything about anybody white, right, is obviously troubling to anybody who wants to think about anything with any kind of rigorous logic. Sarah Huckabee Sanders continues her white tears despite being Satan's maledict.

And I'm just thinking that we really are in a new time and place. I think there is something to this whole civility thing. I think we got to pull it back civility thing. I think we gotta pull it back a little bit. Where do you think it started? It didn't start with Trump, although he certainly...

Trump is a shit star every single day. You can't get around the fact that he works like a shock jock. He looks for a fight every day. Okay, but the earliest I can remember this was George Bush when they had the commercials of him with the lynching, and then there was demonstrations in here where they had pictures of him

with Hitler mustaches and swastikas. Actually, even before that, they were talking about Bill Clinton killing Vince Foster. Right. The Internet. You're going back as far as the internet where everybody said it, but people have said it back since the beginning of this country. And they were horrible to Obama.

Yeah. But if you're saying that a tit then justifies a tat, I don't buy that. Just because Trump is a jackass, I don't see why that turns a person with class into a classless person to say that.

I mean, did Ivanka Trump say something like that? Did Sarah Sanders? I mean, I don't know. We got to put the genie back in the bottle. It's not good for the country. I mean, I don't, Trump, if they said it just about Trump, I'd be like, well, listen. But and he's the president. I don't know.

It feels like anyone who writes these things Are too emotional To have the conversation to fix anything Like on both sides It's too much emotion There's no math to it And to be clear Trump made fun of the guy with the disability And he made fun of John McCain

He totally lied about Obama and the birther thing It's a horrible resume of things But see that's the thing. It's like if you, like I say, he's like a shock jock. You know what I mean? So that's going to take that level where you are every day. You know what I mean? You just, even if you agree with everything that he's doing,

you know that he starts shit every day. That's just his thing. I just wonder, maybe this is ridiculous, I had a thought that there's a lot of people who have a lot of bitter angriness inside them. Yeah. And if you give them a pretext

where they can kind of dress it up as virtue, they really fucking show the nastiness inside them. And whatever it is that Trump said that was uncivil, I think there is something about those people who are coming back with such vileness, which has something about what they're carrying around inside them.

I mean, I've never had that urge to... Well, look at the woman who called the police on the girl with the water bottles, selling the water bottles. Like, that woman stinks. I don't know that story. Tell the story. Woman called the police on a little girl, nine-year-old.

She was selling waters outside for two bucks a water. A little expensive. But she called the police on her and then got caught in video calling the police on a little kid because she didn't have permits. And everyone was like, this woman is obviously an annoying pain in the ass. Factless cunt. Yeah, factless cunt. My old phrase I always used. But, you know, she's obviously someone that's not someone you would ever want to be talking to or whatever.

The internet got a hold of this video and they ruined this person's life is done. Like, everyone went on. That happens every day now. Every day somebody is on the wrong side of something. But all you had to do was go to any news story and read the comment section. No matter what the news story is. People are not terrific. You know what I mean?

They are ugly. Horrible. Most of the time, yeah. It doesn't, it isn't even political things that this stuff always comes up with. As a matter of fact, I remember remember I'm pretty sure before Trump won, Amy Schumer had something on the internet, I remember it was, and I remember the comments were just horrible about it.

Hers get comments that are like depressing. Like you can't believe that someone has this type of hate for anyone. And then the founder of Vox.com refers to Ben Shapiro, who is an intellectual and high road guy. He doesn't say anything insulting to anybody.

He makes reasoned arguments. He's conservative. He's allowed to be conservative. They compared him to the Jew that brought the other Jews onto the train. And this is a guy that works for Vox.com. He's a serious editor. You can't blame that on Trump. Well, yeah. I mean,

the fact is, you're saying that it doesn't. I mean, at some point we would expect the president to take charge of that and try to bring people together. But he is certainly a divider. He certainly says the other side. When he's the president of the United States, he refers to half the country as the other side. And I think a lot that what he did with. Well, Hillary called half the country deplorables. Yeah, but she wasn't the president as the other side. And I think a lot that what he did with... Well, Hillary called half the country deplorables. Yeah, but she wasn't the president of the United States at that point.

But don't downplay that, because that's serious too. No, but when you get to be the president of the United States, and you saw an Obama, and quite frankly, I think you saw it in George Bush, where he was saying, I want to bring everybody together. Whether they mean it or not You know what I mean the most that we're talking about in manners is the way you speak in public not the way you Personally, I don't want I'm not trying to argue because I could actually agree with you. Yeah, I totally agree with you

but what I don't want to do is I I will not I Can't concede that that in my mind is really relevant I think people are using that as an excuse that's what I'm saying they're using that as a full excuse to just say whatever the fuck they want about anybody and I think it's horrible the way the internet works is also to blame for it

because you don't get retweets for meh comments. Only extremes get retweets. That's the only way you get heard on the internet. So what you read, those titles, make sense to me because if you're for that article, you're clicking it. If you're against that article, you're clicking it. If you're in the middle, you don't,

but a lot of people aren't in the middle. I think you're on to something. I mean, that's what's going on. The business model of... The clicks. I mean, that's what's going on. I think it is the business model of... The clicks. I'm making the air quotes of journalism today, which is that you've got to get people to click. Well, you know, I think...

You can only love and hate on Twitter. You cannot be in the middle. You can't be, oh, that movie was okay, doesn't get a retweet. There is no money unless you can get people to click on it. That movie fucking sucks gets retweets. And I just know it because I've worked with a bunch of companies, like web places, that they go, okay, what's the title for this?

And I'll be like, it's called this. They're like, that won't play. We need a better title. We need a better title. And then you figure out, oh, I can keep. I learned over the course of years writing on these dude bro sites. I knew exactly what title. It wouldn't even be what the article.

I once wrote an article called Top 10 Ways to Guarantee You'll Fuck Tonight. And then the whole thing was about how stupid the person was who clicked that article. You actually think I know how to guarantee you a way to fuck? So it was just a trick playing on these whole, like the clickbait thing that's going on. I do think there's a place for reason discourse. I mean, no one brought up Ben Shapiro, who's, I mean, I wouldn't say he's in the center,

but he's fairly well-reasoned, and sometimes he sides with Trump, and sometimes he doesn't side with Trump. I think radio podcasts is really where the best conversations are had, because you can hear people weighing over things. You can hear us thinking about things. Ben Shapiro was a child genius.

He gets up there and he debates with serious intellects in the country. He went to Harvard Law School. He was not pro-Trump. He's softened a little bit on Trump because Trump, I think, governed more conservatively than anybody expected him to. But there's no... To compare him to a Nazi, more than a Nazi, but like a Jew traitor

in the Nazis. And this is by some... There's something gone wrong. The point I was making about Ben Shapiro is that his discourse is fairly reasonable and he's not one side or the other and he has a large, large following. The point being is that there is a market for

non-extreme discourse. Yeah, but that guy calling him a Nazi sympathizer, all that does is take his, make anything that's nuanced of his, it makes him a Nazi. That takes you out of the conversation. It's an unfair fight method. To the people that

listen to that. Ron wants to say something. But it's the reason why we're talking about Ben Shapiro now. You're not saying, hey, I've read Ben Shapiro. He's got some ideas I want to share with you. You know what I mean? You're not going to do that. It just doesn't happen on any conversation. What has to happen is he either has to be attacked

or is he attacking somebody before we talk about it. And then here's an irony. Is that a guy, what was the name of the guy who got fired from the Atlantic conservative writer? Because he had written something pro-abortion, pro-life like 15 years earlier. He actually gets fired. Like making a logical argument that's pro-life, that's over the line. Even if you did it 15 years ago. But saying these horrible things is not.

Well, you better hope the posse's not coming for you. That's the thing. Like, right now, there's people walking around with pitchforks and, you know, lit flames, and they're looking for people on the Internet to take down. You can't get too successful. I think Jared, lucky for you and I, our comedy acts don't necessarily delve in to the controversial stuff.

You're more about the chicks, I think, right? And banging. Love banging. Love chicks. Yeah. Penis, farts, all the heady stuff. By design, I avoid. I have some interesting ideas, I think I think about certain topics but I wouldn't

say them on stage because I'm trying to keep it you had a bit in Vegas that worked differently there than I've seen it here the bit you have about not my president but that bit but that became politicized based on how the audience received it

that works for any audience well the bit is for the listeners. It doesn't get a lot of laughs. When I say that you go online and people tweet about Trump, they tweet, not my president. And I say, but here's the thing, though. Yeah, he is.

And then I said, saying not my president is not going to change anything. If it actually worked every month, I'd say not my visa bill. Or if I go to the doctor, I'd say not my blood test results. But do you agree that got a different reaction there?

Well, I agree that some people think that it's a pro-Trump joke. Sure. When I say, here's the thing, though. Yeah, he is. He is the president. And people that are pro-Trump might say, you're damn right he's the president. Yeah, he's one. Two cowboy hats went thrown into the air.

It was crazy. Guy got on his horse and giddy up. All I'm really saying is we're making a very uncontroversial proposition that Donald Trump is the elected president of the United States. I'm saying nothing more than that. But you sound like a Nazi sympathizer to me. It just seems like you're walking Jewish children to the gas chamber. Yeah.

Like Jerry Lewis did in the day the clowns cried. But that joke is purposely designed not to take any side. You know. I think it's a little bit pro-Trump in that joke. Yeah. It's only pro-Trump because the standards of being pro-Trump nowadays are so low. All you have to do is not, every time you mention the word Trump, spit. And you're pro-Trump.

That's how low the standard is for being pro-Trump. If you can say Trump's name without barfing, you're considered a pro-Trump zealot. It's pro-Trump in my mind because you are taking issue with the anti-Trump people who are saying, it's not my president, and you're pointing out that that's ridiculous. You anti-Trumpers are saying something ridiculous. He is your president, so that's why I see it. You anti-Trumpers are saying something ridiculous. He is your president, so that's why I see it as slightly pro-Trump. Or slightly

anti-anti-Trumpers. Maybe. Very, very light. I mean, basically what I'm saying is he's president. But who's the brunt of that joke? It's the anti-Trumpers. They happen to be the brunt because they're saying something that is false.

Although I know they don't mean it literally. They mean it figuratively when they say not my president. But in any case, basically I'm using it as a stepping stone to get to the part where I say not my blood test results. Hashtag never herpes. You know, that's. So Ron, what is it? How does it feel to be

back on stage doing stand-up? Yeah, it's fun. He's back folks. That's it? It's fun. Well, how long have you on stage doing stand-up? It's fun He's back, folks That's it? It's fun Well, how long have you not been doing stand-up? Oh, it's been like since the late 90s when I got sober And then I went back, I did some sets at the stand It was Big J and Christine that were pulling me into shows And it was like more and more fun

And then a couple weeks ago they asked me if I wanted to come here I had no idea that you were so negative about it though, Noam And a couple weeks ago, they asked me if I wanted to come here. I had no idea that you were so negative about it, though, Noam. I would have felt a lot more pressure when I came in. But it's because there's a lot of guys on the wagon, as Noam pointed out. And they come here. They come. They continue to do comedy.

Sobriety is different for everybody. You know what I mean? And like I said, I was in Florida. I had a big radio show. and it wasn't just alcohol, it was drugs and alcohol and, you know, I needed some time to, you know.

And then once I got away from it, I'm like, I'm doing radio, this is fun. You know what I mean? Like my whole life has always, you know, just been fooling around

like this. It all clicks me now because I can't tell you, when I first saw you, I was like, I said, Ron Bennington is fantastic. I remember like, and I didn't understand remember like I said why is he not famous?

So I said you were just kind of you were not being ambitious. Well I've never really been ambitious anyway. You know what I mean? I've always done my own thing and I've always had a show for a long time. So you know I've had a way to express myself.

And what do I want to do? Go to Akron and do the weekend? You know what I mean? Like, that's never been all that interesting to me. If you had one drink, one... Would you be off to the races? Are you saying you cannot have one drink? Well, you know, yes. But I actually, when my appendix burst, I wouldn't take any morphine.

And the doctors were trying to talk me into it. And I'm like, dude, I'm fucking telling you right now, I'm not going to do morphine. And they're like, you don't have to worry about it because we'll only give you enough for a couple days. I go, I'm going to be a fucking different person in three days. He goes, well, I won't subscribe. I don't need to get morphine from you. I know where to fucking get morphine. So people don't, you know,

each thing you just have to say in your life, do I want, you know, what kind of life do I want to live? And I've already said to myself, I don't want to go back and get high anymore. How did you deal with the pain with appendix? It was fucking horrible. I passed out a couple

times. It was really, really difficult. And I've talked to people that are in the program. They're like, dude, you can't do that. Sometimes that even leads you. But it was a burst appendix and it happened right away. I didn't have time to call anybody and say, you know, coach me through this. I still don't know whether

I... Here's what happened. At a certain point, I said to my wife, I go, I can't, you know, stand this pain anymore. I'm like four or five hours in. And I go, I'm going to take the morphine. And she says, okay. And then I said, right away, I go, where's my, you know, my iPad? Because when the morphine, this is a swear to God a true story, when the morphine drips, I'm going to hit it as sweet nothing from the Velvet Underground

comes on. So I'll time it exactly. And then I thought what kind of fucking sane person would do that? That's an insane thought, right? You're in pain, but right away you're thinking, oh, isn't it going to feel great when this is fucking falling backwards? So I stopped myself again.

Just didn't do it because I'm thinking like a fucking addict right away. Unbelievable. How old were you when you first got into this stuff? Drugs? 14. 14. Is it in your family? Well, yeah. I mean, it's not only in my family, but it was in my neighborhood.

It was everybody that I ever knew. You know what I mean? Everybody partied, and I started doing drugs and drinking at a very early age. And when I look back on it now, I'm like, oh, right away, you drank like an alcoholic. You did drugs like a drug addict. Because quite often there's like a biochemical or genetic factor to this.

100%, yeah. I think it is. I can't, I mean, I have two drinks and I'm already nauseous and, you know, I can't. Like my wife, who, you know,

she doesn't really drink, but I know like if she and I both have two drinks, I'm like, oh, I'm great, sweetheart. And she's like just getting started. Like it like lights up in her that she, and she said to me the old day, I'm like, oh, I'm great, sweetheart. And she's like, just getting started.

Like, it like lights up in her that she, and she said to me the old day, she's like, I said, well,

when do you feel like you've had enough? She goes, I don't. Like, just, she always just wants another one,

you know, so she stays away from it. Literally, I get nervous if I see somebody nursing a drink. I'm just like. And I have to believe

that's just, you know, the way all sorts of drugs affect people differently. Yeah. Alcohol affects people differently. Well, people, I mean, some people call it a disease, but I do think it's like an allergy. I think it's the same way.

Like, if somebody says, I can't eat shrimp, you're not just going to go, well, just have a little bit of shrimp. You know what I mean? And I don't know what it's like to start breaking out after I've eaten cherries or something or peanuts, but it happens to people. Ironically, I used to be allergic to shrimp, and I just ate a little, and I'm not allergic anymore.

It actually went away. You know, my lactose intolerance, I think, is gone. I had ice cream the other night. No problem. Didn't have to run home. You know what? You guys are right. I can start getting high. I really can get high. Thank you so much for this conversation.

I'm not saying that you're going to get over your addiction. I got over my lactose intolerance. But in any case, yeah, I had some ice cream. Good for you, Dan. No duty. In any case. Go ahead, Dan. What do you want to say I thought maybe you had another topic

I'm very very happy And I hope you're going to stay here permanently now At the Cellar And I want to see Now that I know the whole back story I think this is terrific What about Vegas We need good people out in Vegas

I'll go to Vegas What I'll this is terrific. What about Vegas? We need good people out in Vegas. I'll go to Vegas. What I'll do is book a big interview out there so that Sirius will send me off first class. Anytime you want. So I always have to just book something wherever I want to go. Or else I have to sit in the back like cattle. So you can do your show anywhere. Yeah, you can do your show anywhere.

But the only way I want to fly now is on their money. I don't want to... Well, Noam would normally pay for your flight if you did the club out there. He's not going to put me in first class. No. I might if you can keep quiet about it. Well, I asked Noam because what I was going to... Last week we were talking about how you should book the

Vegas room, not last minute, but maybe two weeks in advance, because comics might just happen. David Tell might just say, oh, I happen to have a free weekend. Normally I wouldn't, but it so happens. And I don't think, I mean, looking at the schedule, it seems like it's booked out quite a ways.

I don't know. Liz and Esty are taking care of a lot of that stuff. And they're going out to L.A. to see those people too, right? Yeah. Yeah, that should be cool. But have you thought about making an offer to, say, Dave Attell, for example? Say, Dave, if you ever want to go to Vegas last minute. I think Attell's going to do Vegas.

He wants to come do Vegas. Okay. But like. Michael Che is doing it next week. Make it known to people that are the people that draw, if you want. Hey, even if it's a week before, let us know, and we'll send you, if you'd be willing to do that. Absolutely, I'd be willing to do that.

Even if you had to have an extra person on the show, it would cost you more money, but that might be the only way to get big names, is if it's last minute. I'm fine with that. And as a showcase club, a headliner club couldn't do that, because if David Tell were to do a headlining club,

they'd want to know months in advance to promote. But a club using a showcase format. Well, Atel and Jeff Ross already dropped in. You could have last minute shit. You know. So it's a lot more flexible in that regard. Anyway, what else? What else, Ron?

What's on your mind these days? I'm happy with life. I'm going to tell you the truth. He's going to be a grandpapa soon, right? Oh, yeah. I'm going to be a grandfather by the end of this month. How old are you? I'm 37. I'm very beat up and beat down 37, but

I stay with it. How old are your kids? He's had a late life. Six, five, and one. And I'm 55. Well, here's the thing. You'll never make it to be a grandfather. I know.

Thanks. No, I think he will. He's going to eat with me for... But, you know, it'll be the kind of thing of, like, let's go see grandpa at the fucking home. Yeah, he won't be coherent. Yeah, there's a little baby. I'm not going to enjoy my grandkids.

I mean, I... But Manny will knock up a waitress at some point. Yeah, that's true. And I have this, you know, I hope that there's going to be some major breakthrough in medical science. Really? I know it's not likely, but it's not ridiculous. And that will somehow change the prognosis for what it's like to be 80 or 85. I want to be uploaded onto the cloud like in Black Mirror.

And then you can talk to your grandkids like you'd be on the computer screen as an uploaded file. My father's 91, and it's difficult. It's a tough thing. It's a tough existence. And he and my mom still have their house. They're still living there. But every day, it's a tough thing to make it through the day. But you would love him because he watches Fox News the way Belichick watches Game Day.

And he'll call me all the time. And what I'll do is I'll do that thing like if you ever had an old dog where you just put your wrist up and let him bite it for a while. I'll come up with a bad point that he could just beat me up on it Notice Ron had no interest in telling you how old he was That's alright Just so you know my take on Fox News

I'm 59 I think Fox News and I've watched Fox News for years I find it unwatchable All the news is unwatchable and yet incredibly, like, I'll go back and forth and watch them both just to see them both acting crazy. I used to feel Fox basically got a bum rap, and now I think they absolutely deserve it. And I'm pretty sure I know the reason. And actually, I spoke to somebody at Fox who was quite anti-Trump, who actually told me I was right about this.

Is that when Roger Ailes died, they lost the balance. Roger Ailes was a conservative, but apparently he did value an honest debate. He was not a fraud. And now it seems to be run by hacks. Well, he was the guy who brought in the news team that they have, the actual journalists. Because most of these networks, I don't think I would say anyone at MSNBC is a journalist. I don't know about CNN. But I can't think of his name, the guy in the daytime.

Shepard Smith. Yeah. He's a real journalist. Yeah. And he moves away from the rest of them he doesn't walk lock step

even O'Reilly's show now O'Reilly was a blowhard and he did all those things but I believe that to a guy

who likes to see an honest debate O'Reilly's show was interesting he wasn't like Hannity where you couldn't believe anything out of his mouth

and there were no stories and Laura Ingraham I mean they're untethered they're just advocates with an agenda He wasn't like Hannity where you couldn't believe anything out of his mouth. Right. And there were no stores. And Laura Ingraham. I mean, they're untethered. They're just advocates with an agenda. O'Reilly, if he had an opinion on one thing, he'd say, get me the smartest person who disagrees with me. I want to have it out. Right.

So I like that. There's nothing like that on Fox now. Well, with O'Reilly, it was everything but the rapes. You have to go back to the rapes. I get that. Now, on MSNBC, I listen to, most of the time I listen to my car on Sirius. Brian Williams' show is quite good. I don't know if you heard it. Yeah, I mean, he's on late at night.

He's on like 11.30 at night. I don't like how flowery he gets about stuff. I think he's a big fan of Brian Williams and likes to think of himself as this person who's being historical instead of delivering the news. But that's all he'll do is have somebody else come on. It's not like any of these guys

chase stories or have any idea what they're talking about. They're literally... And then of course I love Joy Reid. You do? No, I'm kidding. Ron Bennington, what are your thoughts on that Hispanic woman that's causing quite a stir? What's her name?

Ocasio-Cortez. No. Rick Ocasio. That was unbelievable. I can't believe it took this many years. Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez. I don't know much about her other than this upset just happened right away,

and a lot of young people like her. But it seems like we always get that kind of Bobby Kennedy person who pops up for a little while and then goes away. Well, she's on the abolish ICE. And abolish private property. Well, I don't know that she's gone quite that far. Well, she calls herself a democratic socialist, whatever that means. What does that mean? Well, she wants free education. Housing is a right,

which I guess means free housing, if you can't afford it. But we have a lot of those things already. I mean, we've always... I mean, we have free schooling with elementary... Oh, she wants free higher education. Right. But, I mean, if you're talking about...

Which I'm completely against. When I was a kid, the fucking... It wasn't... You didn't go in debt to go to college. You. But I mean, if you're talking about... Which I'm completely against. When I was a kid, the fucking... It wasn't... You didn't go in debt to go to college. You know what I mean? Something happened in the last 30, 40 years where suddenly it's expensive and difficult to get into college. But a lot of people didn't go to college back. Right.

Now it's expected that everybody goes to college so they can study something that they will, in 90% of the cases, never use. Now, that's interesting that people would say that colleges are liberal when that is a weird thing to do with kids, to get them in debt. Like, I think it makes more young people conservative because it has to work for them. They're $70,000, $80,000 in debt.

I got a producer $100,000 in debt right now. Let me tell you, I actually quite agree with you. My father went to Columbia, even though he dropped out, on the GI Bill. Right. That's the way my dad went to school. And a lot of people got a free education on the GI Bill. Nobody looks back at that as some sort of socialist handout. Right.

And a lot of people used to go to City College in New York, which was free for a long time. The GI Bill is not... They earned it. That was part of their pay for being in the Army. Not at the time. That happened after World War II. What are we going to do with all these guys? We got all these guys came back.

What are we going to do with them? What I'm saying is the notion of a nation paying for the higher education of its citizens, it can be quite cost-effective I think for the nation. Yeah, assuming they're not studying art history and stuff that nobody...

Fair enough. Most people go to college, whatever they're learning, they're not going to be using in later life. I mean, I think that's fair to say. A comedian is an extreme case of not using what you learned in school. The other part of it, I suspect, the reason it's become so expensive is because

there's so much money available. I mean, basic economics, if you start loaning millions of it, I suspect, and the reason it's become so expensive is because there's so much money available. I mean, basic economics, if you start loaning millions of dollars, they raise the tuition. Exactly right. So nobody's sure. I don't know what the answer to that is, but if there were no more student loans, which I'm not advocating, you would see tuition just go into a free fall. No, I would agree with that. And I don't think it should be as expensive. And I agree with you that at least

the first couple years should be community college. I don't know why a freshman needs to go across the country and live there. State colleges were pretty cheap when I was a kid. I think there's still... I think the SUNY system is still

reasonable. The SUNY system is still reasonable. The SUNY system is still, in New York, I think it's still like $18,000, $20,000 a year. Something along those lines, I think. Maybe a little less. Well, that kind of debt. I mean, I know waitresses who have $30,000, $40,000 in credit card debt. So, yeah, we agree about that stuff, but...

What about abolishing ICE? That's ridiculous. The whole thing is ridiculous. I've, so we agree about that stuff, but... What about abolishing ICE? That's ridiculous. The whole thing is ridiculous. I've had so many arguments. Listen, I compared on my Facebook page the, you know, there was that thing that went around where they actually you could hear the screams of the children in Texas, and I compared the Republicans who... What's the matter?

I compared the Republicans to subjects in a Milgram experiment. You know the Milgram experiment where, for those who don't know, where they would, you were like administering the shock, the subjects were administering the shock to somebody behind a wall and they would hear the screams and a guy in a lab coat would say, it's okay, another one, another one, until they actually thought they were killing them and a tremendous number of people would do it. And that's what I felt the Republicans were kind of like, they're hearing the screams and they're still supporting the president. So I'm not soft on this at all.

However, when I talk about this with people constantly, I ask people a very basic question and they refuse to answer, which is, what would you do at the border when somebody arrives illegally with a child? Yeah, well, first of all, how long have we even had ICE? I don't ever remember even hearing about it. I think 2003, but what it did is it took, like the INS doesn't exist anymore.

ICE doesn't even do the stuff at the border. I think it's all bullshit. I think ICE goes after the people that are illegal aliens that have already come here and that commit crimes whilst they're here, I think ICE goes after them and deports them. They also save lives.

I've heard they've saved lives. Whatever. I mean, we are a nation just with totally uninformed people just pontificating about what should happen. Well, these are difficult things, right? These are difficult things that we expect a really quick answer with. Do you think anybody who's calling for the end of ICE could tell you what ICE does?

They don't know. Why doesn't it show up on the news? Why do we have these shows that aren't really trying to educate people? Why wouldn't you say, tonight there's a documentary on for an hour. Nobody would watch. Nobody would watch. Nobody would watch.

And even if... We're joined by Alan Havey, by the way. And why the call to abolish ICE as opposed to... If ICE is doing certain things that we don't like, wouldn't the call be to reform ICE? Or wouldn't that be... Why the immediate jump to abolish ICE

as opposed to let's fix ICE if, in fact, it needs fixing. And, you know, I don't know much about what they do. I'm one of the ignorant masses. You know, with all this stuff, I find myself thinking... Well, we had a guy here last week

who said, claimed he was joking, that it would be justified to kill... to shoot ICE agents because they're a terrorist organization. I think much of this comes down to the fact that we have huge generations of people now born into very very privileged, even the poor among us, very very privileged time in history where they've never really seen anything bad happen and they, and it's all in history books and they,

and they, and it leads them to a certain complacency about things that somebody, my father's generation or even my generation who kind of still was in the ripple of that generation who had seen World War II and death and Soviet Union, they were much more hard-nosed about the world. For instance, the idea in 1960, whenever it was, that

it was okay for a nuclear missile to be in Cuba pointing at America, the most left-wing in the country said, well, of course, that's not acceptable. And John F. Kennedy, a good liberal, was ready to bring the world almost to the brink of nuclear disaster because this was just unacceptable.

Yet today, North Korea can hit Los Angeles, and I bet you an overwhelming majority of the Democratic Party would be like, well, we can live with that. And what's the difference? Same threat. But the president went over and hugged the guy and said he's a good guy. He just looked into his eyes. I mean, we don't have to worry about it.

I don't think any liberal would say, no, that's okay. Yeah, they do. They do? Why do you have to go? I'm doing a show at your club. Oh, no. So we have a less informed guest now. No, no.

Can I just say one thing? I want to say one thing to Ron. I don't think you cared about what I said before. I think you understood exactly what I was coming for. I am so happy that you've become part of the family of The Place. I'm such a huge fan of yours. Thank you very much. I can't wait to see you stand up.

Yeah. And I mean, I couldn't be a happier outcome for us. Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it. It's fun. I'm sure Ron was not insulted by your initial skepticism. That's only normal. You hadn't seen him perform before.

It wasn't skepticism. I just never seen him. You'd want to see somebody that you're putting on at your club. That's only natural. While he's still listening, Ron, I don't think Dan's quite getting it. It was that it didn't work out. It would be a very uncomfortable situation, and that's why, whatever. Well, that out, it would be a very uncomfortable situation. And that's why, whatever.

Well, that's also understandable. But it worked out great. But like most things with Noam, they tend to work out. Yes, yes. Noam has been lucky so far. Well, hopefully that will continue. Because he was raised a privileged child. He never saw any ugliness.

I was raised privileged. Alan was there. Yes. That was part of the upbringing. Well, I met Noam. He was already an adult. Yes. I knew him when he was a young, young man. Alan met me when I was still in college.

Exact Change. Yes. He had a group. He wanted a name. It got called Exact Change. Yeah, we had a duo. Me and Outside Steve's brother. We had a band. We had a little duo, like a Simon and Garfunkel-ish type thing, and we didn't have a name for ourselves. And Alan named us Exact Change, and we liked that name. Yeah, I was coming back from a gig in Jersey,

going through a toll booth. I saw the sign. It stuck. That's where I got it from. Do you think Ron was upset? What about Turnpike North? Do you think Ron was upset? No, not at all.

Okay, okay. Not at all. Why would he be upset? It was a perfectly, as I said, logical concern? Is he a liberal? No, this is what happened. No, that's not to do with that. Liberals are all upset.

You're a liberal. Yeah, I'm upset. Dan is actually quite conservative. Well, I'm more of, I think, in the middle. Maybe you'd characterize me as conservative. No, you're not in the middle. You're not in the middle, Dan. Well, I don't know.

I think the middle has moved. That's what my father always said. You know, so that, I mean... Is there a middle anymore? Well, there is a middle. Whether it's occupied or not is another story. It exists. I don't know if anybody's living there.

I think media's polarized us. I think I'm in the middle, which many liberals would consider me to be an arch-conservative, if that makes any sense. But I think they don't even know how far right it does go with some people. And I think I'm quite in the middle. Yeah. Well, we've seen how far right it goes. We have Nazi marches.

Yeah. You know. So that's pretty far right. Well, I bet even how far right it goes, even with... Among sane people. Yeah, I bet even how far right it goes, even with... Among sane people. Yeah, among sane people, you know. But I feel pretty much in the middle. Like, you know, I'm...

I live a pretty tolerant lifestyle and whatever it is, but I do believe in government staying out of my business and things like that, you know. But on the other hand, gun control poses no problem for you, generally speaking. I'm not a pro-. But on the other hand, gun control poses no problem for you, generally speaking.

I'm not a pro-gun guy. I'm skeptical that gun control would have any meaningful... I mean, it would save some lives, but it certainly wouldn't save the kind of lives that everybody's thinking it would save. I think it's people want them, they're going to get them. But yeah, I'm not like a Second Amendment guy

or anything like that. And do you abortion? You're down with abortion, generally speaking. I'm having trouble. Are you pro-choice? I've committed. Since you've had two children, do you have different feelings about that? I've been responsible for aborted children.

But the older I... Not solely. You didn't talk a woman into having an abortion did you? no, no, you know that's another part of that, unbelievably no woman ever whatever, I never

it was never a fight but I never had a woman never had a woman who like saw an opportunity to get money or anything like that I always treated very decently in those situations in any event and I never tried to woman who saw an opportunity to get money or anything like that. I always treated very decently in those situations. In any event. And I never tried to talk them into it. But as I get older, as I saw our last ultrasound of our three-month-old fetus sucking its thumb, it's troubling.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, listen, I believe it comes down to the choice of the woman having the baby. But you can't tell me that's not a life in there. Well, then why is it? If it's a life in there, why does she get to choose? I, you know, because it's her body. It's inside her body.

It's her choice whether she wants the baby. I don't know. I don't know. But I don't think they should overturn Roe versus Wade. But I would not be horrified if they were to force a woman to come to that decision as quickly as possible. How are they going to do that, though? I don't know. You're right. I mean, you don't want to have close anger abortions at any point.

But there is something troubling about the whole thing. And I think Roe v. Wade, I always thought this, even when I was a bleeding heart liberal, Roe versus Wade was wrongly decided because what the hell does Justice Blackmun know about when life begins? I mean, he doesn't know. I mean, science is the enemy of Roe versus Wade, right? Would you agree with that?

I mean, I would agree that it was not for the court to decide, but I am. You agree that science is the enemy of Roe versus Wade? What do you mean by that? Expand on that. If science is going to tell us anything, it's going to tell us that this is

alive and that it can't really be distinguished. In other words, a six-month-old fetus can either be in an incubator, in which case, if you kill it, you'll go to jail for the rest of your life, or in its mother's womb, in which case the woman has the right to extinguish it.

Science could not find the justification that the environment changes whether or not this is a human life or not. Science would tell you, no, it doesn't matter whether it's an incubator or in the womb, it's alive, right? Rovers Wade says first trimester, you can't restrict it. First trimester, you can't restrict it. Second trimester, you have reasonable restrictions. But we know that a lot of five-month, old and six-month-old babies are aborted.

And if we look to the end of life to try to decide when life begins, and I'm no expert on this, there is when your heart stops or when your brain no longer has brain waves, right? And if you were to want to use either of those definitions to say when life starts, it'd be very early in the development. Absolutely. So, you know.

Look, there's no right answer. We just have to do what's practical. Well, there might be a right answer that we just don't have the nerve to, we don't want to face it. Well, or we, look, it's like eating animals. You know, I can't, I mean, you can make a good case that that's evil. But they just taste too delicious and it's. Have you ever had a baby?

Have you ever had a newborn baby? Fried? To eat? Oh, my God. They are delicious. Yeah. So tasty. Well, they might be.

I've never had one. But I just think as a practical matter, you know, it just would be pandemonium and chaos if you couldn't have an abortion. You know, my father used to say always, my father used to say, listen, abortion is murder and it's a murder we're just going to have to allow. That was it. And you can't really argue with that. That was the way he was. He never had the, he could never pretend that it wasn't alive or anything like that. But he also felt like whatever, you know.

I think about your dad a lot these days. What do you think about? Well, I started this club at the very beginning. And I remember what your father wanted to happen to this club. And it has far exceeded even his wildest dreams. Which was? He wanted a place where comedians loved to come and hang out even if they weren't performing.

He wanted this to be a spot where comedians would gravitate to. And mission accomplished, and then some. Right. You have three rooms here. You have a new room in Las Vegas. You have comedians dying to get in here. There's so many good, young, and not so young comedians

who are getting into this club. I still say the older ones are better. Thank you. Thank you, Dan. Well, I'm thanking me. I mean, I'm commenting myself because I'm one of the older ones. I don't want to interrupt Alan, but I can tell you why they're better. Because the ones who weren't really great dropped out of the business.

The ones who stay in and are still older, they're fucking good. Is the same reason the Jews are smart? I don't know. Because they've been around a long time.

The dumb ones converted? Life calls the litter. No, if you're a comedian and you, like anything, if you work hard at it and you see what you're doing, change your game a little bit, see what's working, what isn't over years of performing, you become better.

Yeah. I think it goes with actors, too. Mostly. Depends on the material. There's some comedians. I don't want to say who they are, but I've seen them. No, we won't mention names. part of their appeal somehow was related to their youth, to their looks, to their kind of playing on what was trendy at the time.

Their point of view as a young person? Yeah, yeah, hooking into pop culture. And a lot of them all of a sudden just stopped becoming funny in a way when they hit 35 or whatever it was. And the other guys were just fucking funny. And then somebody like Alan, who's a little bit older than I am, it's the same Alan as it was at 25.

Yeah, but... Because you were funny. New material. Right, but I'm... Yeah, I don't want people to think that. Well, I find myself... But you know what I mean, right? I find myself extra motivated because

it's bad enough if they say I'm not funny it's even worse if they say I'm old and not funny and so I feel extra motivated so that these

younger people won't look at me like oh my god is he still doing this? I feel an extra motivation to continue to write so that they won't say

this old guy is just kind of giving up. You're just funny. Gilbert Gottfried. But I'm saying I still write because I don't want the younger comics looking that they won't say this old guy is just kind of giving up. You're just funny. Gilbert Gottfried. But I'm saying I still write because I don't want the younger comics looking at me like, oh, Christ, this joke again? All right, whatever it takes to get you. Now, granted, I have a lot of old fucking jokes, but I try to continue to write new jokes.

First of all, I can't consider you an old comic somehow. No, I don't look at you as an old comic. I don't give a damn what young comedians think. I'm tired of listening to stuff, and I want to change. But I still love connecting with an audience. And I look out in the audience, and you do this too, Dan. Young people laugh at what's funny. It's not because they only don't laugh at older comedians.

They laugh at young comedians, but they laugh at anybody who is funny. That's right. I walked through. No, yeah, I agree with you there. I walked through just to go to the bathroom a little while ago. You were on stage. I don't know if you saw me. No.

And I didn't really hear the joke, but the waiter was, it was a waiter, like a 25-year-old waiter who was putting in the order, and I saw he couldn't contain his laughter, and he must have seen you a million times, you know? And I said,

I'm fucking Alan Havey, you know? Well, you always, you've got to throw in something new. I'm always open to, like to new things happening up there. He was probably laughing at something I was riffing with the audience with. Because that's where you get your biggest laughs. Something that they know is spontaneous. Because it surprises them.

So we're almost at a time. I saw Gilbert Gottfried did this Netflix thing with Mattel and Jeff Ross. The dueling mics or whatever. Yeah. Bumping mics. He was so funny. Well, he's one of my favorites. I mean, he is a gem, you know?

I mean, he is hit or miss because he's really a risk taker in a way. He's all in. But he was on, and my God, did I enjoy him. He was just so funny. And he's up in years, right? When I started in 81, he was the man. It was him and Rick Overton and a few other guys.

But Gilbert, since I've been in this business, has always been extremely funny. I mean, he's really funny. Yeah. But he never works here. Very seldom comes... I mean, he comes here and has wings or whatever, but he doesn't go on stage very often. He doesn't love stand-up.

Does he put in the veils? I don't think he does. He doesn't put in the veils. We'd put him on, of course, but he does like when Artie Lang does a show or Mattel does a show. He'll come down for special shows, but I don't think he's like a working comic anymore.

I don't know. No, he's on the road all the time. Is he on the road? Because he's trying to make money, but just to do a set to work shit out, I don't see him doing that. I didn't know he goes on the road. Yes, he's on the road. That he's trying to make money. But just to do a set to work shit out, I don't see him doing that. I didn't know he goes on the road. Yes, he's on the road.

That's how he makes his money. He does an hour, an hour and a half. Yeah. He's always doing clubs and shit. I didn't know that. Not in New York, right? No, but he's on the road. He's going around the country.

I try to stay off the road as much as possible. No cruise ships. I have a few road places I work. I come here at Hermosa. And then I, thank God, I've been getting acting work the last five, six years. You're in Billions? Is that right?

Yeah. So that's nice. See, that's what I wanted to do when I started in 81. I wanted to be an actor, and then I lived near the Improv in Hell's Kitchen. I go, these guys get up immediately. They don't have to audition. They don't have to worry about getting a part. They don't have to starve to getting up

and making people laugh. Such a small world, because I remember when the bar was here, you were telling me a story about your friend of yours had written this script for Rounders. It was the greatest script that you would ever see. I have a friend, Brian, and he and his partner, David.

Yeah, Brian Cobbleman. Yeah, I was going to use that word. You just fucked up the whole story, Dan. Didn't you say rounders already? Yeah. Well, he already gave it away. He said rounders. No, but I'm telling the story.

Go ahead. So my friend, Brian and David, they spent a year writing the script, and I've known Brian since he was 19. He sent it to me, and I sat down, and I'll tell you, I've read a lot of the script and I've known Brian since he was 19. He sent it to me and I sat down and I'm telling you, I've read a lot of scripts and I just went through this. It was just compelling, interesting. I called him and I go, you guys are going to sell this.

This is one of the best scripts I've ever read. Cold. And it was Rounders. It was Brian Koppelman, David Levine. They've done a lot of films, television and now they're the showrunners and creators of Billions on TV. So then the thing is that it turns out I actually went to college with him. At Tufts?

At Tufts. I didn't know him at Tufts. He discovered Tracy Chapman, who I knew at Tufts. And then we had the same girlfriend. Remember Ann Aikens? Yeah, that was Brian or David? Brian. Okay.

I dated her first. Uh-huh. Of course you did. So it's just like, you know, there's all these. It's funny how we don't mention comedians. Ann Aikens. You can say her whole name. I can say Ann Aikens.

Okay. Why can't she? No. I don't think she'd care. Okay. So anyway, so it's a small. I had a huge crush on Ann. Did you?

Yes. You went to Tux, too? No. No, no. She was a waitress here. I went to college here. In those days, if you had a huge crush on Anne, you would have had her. And, I mean, Alan, nobody could hold a candle to Alan.

No, no. I'm minding my own business. Well, maybe because you were, you know. Busy. You were showing forbearance. Yes. You could have had her. I didn't want to have her.

I wanted to have a relationship with her. Yeah, and I shouldn't say you could have had her because she wasn't an easy girl. But I'm just saying that Alan was quite a star and handsome and, you know, whatever. It's amazing. And now? Still handsome. Thank you. But it is weird when I think about the time that it's gone by.

You know, like how many years ago I met you and how long I've been in the business. A lot of these comedians saw me when they were in junior high, high school. Some of them grade school. Yeah. But I still feel green. You know, I still feel like desirable. I still want to improve myself as a comedian. That's why I'm going to Edinburgh in August.

I'm going to the French Fest. Well, then we got to end. But, you know, as I'm getting older, I think about this. And clearly, we all think about it, which is that not everybody ages the same way. And I have friends my age now who I already see them becoming old men. Yeah. You can just see it. How old are you?

I'm 55. Yeah. My father just see it. How old are you? I'm 55. Yeah. My father never got old. No. Like, if he had maintained his physical appearance, you would not be able to distinguish him from a 30-year-old. Nope. Even in his 70s. His energy was great because he was curious.

He liked what he did. Curious is a good word. Yes, and that's what Brian is. Brian Koppelman He's always been a curious guy And he's interested in all aspects of life Not just filmmaking Or music with Tracy Chapman

He's interested in everything And it keeps him young and occupied And you're always learning something And that keeps you young So, to end it I might have told you this story, but you know, the girl who sings to me sometimes in the Sasha Allen, she tours with the

Rolling Stones now and she sings Give Me Shelter with the Stones. It's a big deal. And I said, wow, the Stones. Do they still rehearse? Did I tell you this? She says, rehearse? They rehearse. Keith Richards records the rehearsals,

then listens to the recordings goes back to them gives them notes on what they you know and they're doing the same songs they've been playing for 30 so here's this guy

moving up on 80 I guess I mean he's in his 70s and is still taking satisfaction the song as serious as he took it in 1965 and that's why they're still fucking out there. That's why they can still do it. Any good comedian like Matteo Lane,

just talking to him the other day, after a show, he goes back, listens to the recording, takes notes. Not a lot of comedians are doing that. You know, the comedians that are successful like Jerry Seinfeld are working it. They're constantly working and writing new stuff and listening to the things going over.

So once you stop, you stagnate, and you can get by with it for a while. I'm sure a lot of rock bands could. Right. But they have a standard. Yeah, you become a hack. Yes. I think that's when you become a hack.

All right, thank you, Alan. Thank you, Ron Bennington. Thank you, Alan. Thank you, Ron Bennington. Thank you, Dan. Good night, everybody. Good night.