The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Ross Bennett, Ian Fidance, Jon Laster, and Jeff Leach

Episode Date: May 28, 2018

Ross Bennett, Jon Laster, and Ian Fidance are New York City-based standup comedians. Jeff Leach is a Los Angeles-based standup comedian.

You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the table, on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Good evening, everybody. Welcome to The Comedy Cellar show here on Sirius XM, Channel 99, back table of The Comedy Cellar. My name is Noam Dwarman. I'm the owner of The Comedy Cellar. I'm going to turn it over to my friend, Mr. Dan Natterman. Could you raise the volume on my headset, please?

You're just sitting here like doing nothing. You think maybe you could... I'm not technically oriented. Really? We have a jam-packed show, Norm. We have with us Ian Fidance.

That's right. Did I pronounce that right or is it Fidance? You got it, baby. Fidance. Fidance, like romance without Fidance. That's right.

You can't have romance without Fidance, baby. And he is here amongst us that's right uh he is risen that's right every day and uh and we'll be talking to him later he's a comic in new york that uh actually don't know very well but we'll get to know him all right john lasser regular at the comedy cellar and regular on our podcast is here and he's got some interesting episode that happened to him this weekend. We have Steven Calabria, who's our producer and he doesn't usually say a lot but we'd like to have him here.

Where's my wife? Ellie, where's Juanita? Go ahead, Dan. Sorry. First of all, Noam, I just briefly wanted to discuss, and maybe we'll talk about it more later, Vegas is back. Vegas is back, baby. Vegas was having problems. The room, the Comedy Cellar in Las Vegas was having problems.

Can you give us a brief overview of what happened and how it was resolved? Is that what you meant by talking about Vegas? Yes. Well, I said to you, can we talk in more detail about Vegas? If not, then we'll just leave it at that and say it is back. The problems were that we had some differences of opinion. With the Rio

casino people. Yeah. With the Rio casino people and but they were very nice so I think we worked it out. Okay, so you don't want to go into further detail. That's the truth. But Noam is being very upset. I would bore you with the actual details

of the issue. Well, I don't think it would be boring to me, but I know you think that anything that has nothing to do with Trump is boring. But...

Just in the... the divvying up of certain expenses and how things would be handled and trying to get us on an even footing so that

we have a chance to be successful there. And by success, I really just mean break even and put on some great comedy shows and have an excuse to go out to Vegas three or four times a year. Well, how are the reservations for tonight? Because I know you've been checking those resis every two seconds like an obsessive compulsive disorder.

They're so, so, so far, but they come in at the last minute and it's three hours behind. So the next three hours is when all the action is. But we're okay tonight. You're not quite at break-even yet for tonight. No, not yet. But also, I think there's tonight a hockey playoff in Vegas.

Oh, I don't know. That affects us, too. All right, so Vegas is back. So all of our listeners, if you're in Vegas, check out Comedy Cellar Vegas. Different shows every week. John Lassner has had a hell of a week. Oh, yeah.

I mean, not in Vegas, but in Atlantic City, which is the East Coast Vegas, sort of, kind of. Yes. I'm trying to make a smooth transition, but there's no room for it. Nailing it, Dan. Doing great. Doing great. Are you aware of what happened with John? I'm aware, but let him tell it. I'll tell it.

Go ahead, John. No, long week, man. I was let go from a casino in Atlantic City, man, from a week of shows. Over, you know, essentially telling a Trump joke. This is the Borgata? Or you would rather not elaborate? Yeah, I'd rather not. Right now.

I'll just say a casino in Atlantic City. Old TMZ Dan. TMZ Dan. I thought, is this the Bergata where you were playing last weekend or somewhere else? We don't want to elaborate. So what was the Trump joke? You told one Trump joke? The Trump, essentially, yeah, it was just a Trump joke.

It was a Trump bit that, yeah, that did the damn thing. I mean, keep in mind now, every night, first of all, this is a much older crowd. You know, I guess that's just the way it is at casinos. It was a much older crowd, man. But every night, there were probably around 25 to 30 people that were walking. Before I started the show, they told me that no matter who's there when the last guy goes on, some of these people have been there long enough, they're going to walk out. So we're not sure exactly how many of that 30 people or so, but the last night, so Saturday, you know, the crowd walks, whatever percentage walks,

Sunday, whatever percentage walks, Monday, whatever percentage walks. But Monday they come back in. Yes, after they walk, after they do their boo, when I say Trump. Oh, so you've been doing the Trump joke all weekend? Oh, yeah. And no problem.

Yeah, I was halfway through the gig. Oh, halfway through the gig. Yeah, I'm happy. And you've been doing that joke. Oh, of course, yeah. What's the joke? Exact same joke. Well, the joke is just way too long.

I mean, it's a seven, eight minute bit. I posted it on my Instagram, so you can watch the whole joke That he was funny I posted the whole thing so that way people don't wonder Was it some demonic You know what I mean? But I can tell you what the The gist of the joke is that

Trump supporters are hypocritical That only things that they wouldn't let other people get away with They let this guy get away with Okay, so that's the gist of the joke. Yes, that's the whole gist of the joke. Is that the one where you said, like, if Michelle Obama couldn't speak English? How to accent, right.

Like Melania, Republicans would be calling her un-American. That's the gist of the joke, the whole joke. Oh. So, yeah. Someone told me you were saying Trump voters were baby rapists. See, that's how rubbers get started. Exactly. So, yeah, I posted the joke.

I don't even like the joke he told so far. I'll get up and look at it myself. See you guys. Yeah, so I posted the whole thing, man, so that people would be able to make your own decision. You know what I mean? But so the group, though, they come back in, and then they wait after the show. And they're like, hey, he can't talk about the president. He can't talk about our president.

And they were heated up, man. Okay, well, can I tell you what's interesting about this whole situation? Maybe I'm not supposed to talk about it. This is what I gleaned from this situation. Okay, what did you glean? He's caught in the middle of a strange balance of power fight over there. Because the people who booked the Borgata, I believe, are the people who own Gotham. Yes.

But we don't know if it's a Borgata. Oh, whatever. And they are responsible to the people who hired them. So now Lasseter gets up there and starts saying that Trump supporters have an extra chromosome or whatever he says. And now some people walk out. So the people at the top, the Borgata people,

Gotham is worried about losing their gig. So what happens in that combustible situation is that probably the Gotham people overreact and drop the axe. I don't know. He can correct it and they drop the axe. Well, see, I don't know. He can crank it, and they drop the ax. Well, see, I don't know, because I was called Tuesday morning and said, hey, man, they're going to let you go for the rest of the week.

Who is they? The guys who book it, who do own Gotham. So they're the guys. And they called you, and they let you go? Yes. And did they tell you that the people above you told them that they had to let you go? Yes. Okay, so then I'm wrong.

So then the people that were got it. But I'm just saying, to your point, I'm saying that I'm just telling you the information that I got. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. No, that's probably true. But you've been telling that joke all week, and people have been mad at it. Yes. So what was this draw that brought the camels back?

I haven't a clue. Wait, so I'm the guy. Do you know what I mean? But it wasn't like I came in on Saturday, and they were like, that joke is so grotesque, we got to get this guy out of here. You were doing it all week. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Now, I'm John Lasseter, and they tell me this, and I'd be like, no, you don't need to fire me.

I just won't do the joke anymore. Did you say that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what did they say to that? They were just like, yo, man, they're not going to use you for the rest of the week. But did you get the same money? Did you get paid fully through the week? Yeah.

Then who cares? You know what, man? There's more than the week? Yeah. Then who cares? You know what, man? There's more than the money, Dan. I know, man. I mean, you know what? And if it's going to come to that, then you know what I mean? Like, what have we got left? Seriously.

He doesn't even mean that. Oh, the hell I didn't. I mean, if it comes to that, then what have we got left? So you said, I won't do the joke anymore. And they said, I'm sorry, you know, it's out of our hands or something like that. Is that right? Yeah. Well, my first response was, I mean, clearly we know it's about the Trump joke.

Because that's the point of contention in every set. Then I move on. They didn't even make that clear that it was about the Trump joke? Oh, we all know what it was. Right, but did they say it? Yeah. Okay, okay, go ahead. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, we all know what it was. But, I mean, at that point, they were just like, yo, man, they took you off the show. You know what I mean? So there was really nothing I could do about it. I mean, the room started spinning. I was like, you can't be serious. Okay, so then you went on social media. And said, I go on the social media and I say, hey, man, I was down here last night.

I did a Saturday show, Sunday show. This is exactly what I said because it was only 60 seconds. That's how much time I had. Sunday, Saturday show went good. Sunday show. This is exactly what I said because it was only 60 seconds. That's how much time I had. Saturday show went good. Sunday show went good. Last night there were some people who booed, got up, left, came, waited for me after the show. So unfortunately, if you're

coming down here for the Tuesday show, the Wednesday show, the Thursday show, some of you are buying hotel rooms, I'm not going to be here. So please don't buy those tickets, unfortunately. I thanked the guys who booked me, and I said, thank you guys for all your support. I appreciate you. That's all the time I had.

But that was sarcastic. No, no. I was thanking people because I had already posted that I was a little upset about the people who were waiting for me the night before. So lots of people had already started chiming in, hey, John, sorry about what you're going through down there. All right, all right. So that was a whole one-minute thing. Hold up.

Okay, so you posted that, and then a shitstorm started to brew. What happened? Well, after I posted I was taken off the show, yes. Every comedian, you know, other than Dan Natterman, was upset. Dan heard you got paid. Yes, what do you got? Went back to Cat Mazers. Every other person that gives a rat's ass about comedy was like,

you can't let this happen because this could get ugly. Right, and then you get a call saying, hey, you got to lower the heat on us. Yes. That's the interesting part. Yes. Okay, come on, tell that part. So then after that, I got a call saying, hey, John, this could turn into like, which it could have, a media shitstorm. So in the interest of, first of all, I'm really, I'm friends with these guys, the guys that booked this joint.

I've been friends with these guys for a decade. Yeah, longer than you know us. Yeah, for a long time. You know what I mean? So I was like, hey, man, in the interest of, I care about you, no? You know what I mean? I wouldn't want something unnecessary. I was like, you know what? Let's just pull this shit down. You know, let it die out

and move on. Because they were worried about what? I think that they were worried about continuing the gig. They were worried about losing their gig, booking the workout. No, no, no. I think that they were worried about continuing the gig. They were worried about losing their gig, booking the workout. No, no, no, no. I think that they were worried about a media storm in terms of, you know, because first thing that's going to happen is people are going to be like hashtag,

you know, the hashtag boycott. You know what this environment is like. People are like off with their fucking heads. And I was like, first of all, I didn't feel like the people that I was working with at the casino, I know that they were enjoying me. So I don't know where this came from. Do you know what I mean? It could have been that somebody very high roller said, I want Laster gone or I'm never coming back to this casino again. Somebody that was in the audience said maybe a big high roller, maybe an Arab sheik or a Hong Kong businessman.

They love Trump. Very much could have been. I mean, you know what I mean? I'm not privy to that information. Right They love Trump. Very much could have been. I mean, you know what I mean? I'm not privy to that information. Right. But that's what it would have been. It's as last as it goes. We're not coming back to this casino.

Yeah. So go on. So they ask you to take the stuff off social media. And I was like, you know what? Let's put an end to it anyway. So I pulled the shit down. I also. They're afraid it's going to get to Hannibal.

And you know when Hannibal goes public on something, heads roll. Yes. Cosby's in jail. You know what's funny is Hannibal had already seen. Ah, there you go. Yeah, what was going on. So he texts me. You know, comedians are always joking around.

So I get a text from Hannibal the following morning that said, heard you got some open dates. So you lost this weekend. I lost a whole week. They took I lost a whole week. They took me off a whole week. Okay. Well, again, I say to you. I remember you telling me about that gig. You were excited.

Yo, it was relaxing as hell. Wait, so you took it down? Yes. And then why are you here talking about it now? Well, let me tell you why. I took it down, right? So the reason that I'm sitting here is because I go to a party of a guy who works here at the cellar, my buddy Sean Donnelly. And I walk in. There's 70, 80 comedians in this joint.

What was this? I didn't get invited to that. Do you know about that, Dan? Over at Patty's. No, it was Sean Donnelly's birthday. Sean Donnelly's birthday party. You probably got an invite. You probably did.

Via Facebook. Well, I don't pay attention to Facebook invites. I Donnelly's birthday party. You probably got an invite. You probably did. Via Facebook. Well, I don't pay attention to Facebook invites. I need a personal invite. Yeah, me too. Go ahead. And there's... Wait, wait. I really can't get over this, though.

Go ahead. Excuse me. There's 70, 80 comedians there, but I'm walking through the party and people are like... 70 or 80 comedians were gathered who I didn't even know about? Go ahead. Crazy. Crazy. You missed it, Noam.

Were you invited, Jeff? And people... Go ahead. Go ahead. Crazy. You missed it, Noam. Were you invited, Jeff? And people are in there saying that, hey, John, we heard that you cussed out the crowd. We heard that you threatened people. And I was like, no, someone said, which really hurt my feelings, oh, yeah, we heard that you were drunk and it was a shit show. And I was like, no, this was over a Trump joke. Do you know what I mean?

But it dawned on me like, oh my god, I took those posts down. And the flames, you know, the fires had started on a bunch of different places online. So these people are having these debates and I think that what happened was comedians were like, well, to be taken off a week of shows there had to be, he had to have done

something. Yeah. And can I say what you're sensitive about? Because you've had problems in the past. Do you want to talk about that or no? We can even cut that out. What do you mean? The drinking? Yeah. Oh, who cares? Because I think that it would be reasonable that you're afraid now that you're not drinking, that this could conjure up an impression of you being drinking again and being unreliable in some way. And then you could lose gigs in the future. Well, to that point, I think not only that, but I mean, I know people that were close to me that were worried about that.

Yeah. You know what I mean? So you have a very good reason to want to push back on this. Very much so. But I mean, in addition to that, imagine if my comrades, keep in mind, I'm at a birthday party with seven or 80 guys. You are a leftist. Go ahead.

No, I wasn't invited to. Yeah. With seven or 80 guys that know me invited to. With seven or eighty guys that know me. They know me too, by the way. But I'm saying guys that know me better than that, they were already starting that with swishing

in their head. Imagine the person that doesn't know me. Your agitation is very, very important. That's all I got. My assumption was simply that you told a Trump joke and pissed off somebody. I certainly didn't assume anything further.

If you had been invited to the party, you might have been privy to the real room. No. No. What would it take? Now you're booking

a week-long gig in Vegas or a Wednesday through Sunday gig in Vegas. Yeah. Do you imagine you might fire a comic from that gig and under what circumstances? What would it take

for you to fire a comic from a gig, a week circumstances? What would it take for you to fire a comic from a gig? A week-long gig? If I was ordered to fire it, if I had no choice, I would have no choice. If I did have a choice, because the casinos do have, in all their contracts, they have the final say. That's for sure. But I would

say, listen, okay, if it's about a Trump joke, I'll make sure he doesn't tell it again. That's it. And if that didn't work, then, you know. But would you go as far as saying, as censoring a comic that told a joke that somebody important didn't like? Not in the cellar, I wouldn't. But in Vegas, I could be contractually obligated to. Well, are you contractually obligated? Yeah, yeah.

In Vegas, they have the final say about things like that. Have you ever censored a comic here? No, I don't think I have. I've stopped booking them when they told Holocaust or anything about Jews, but otherwise. He was joking. No, I don't think I ever censored anybody here. I've asked Nick DiPaolo to go easy on cancer victims from time to time, you know, things like that. He doesn't have to do his bald jokes, but other than that, for the most part, no.

Have you had any other problems, John, with Trump jokes outside of New York City? Because in New York City, it's open season on Trump, pretty much in Manhattan. Whatever you say about Trump is okay. Here's the funny part about that. You know, after you do these shows, you're still bumping into these people in the casinos.

So I bumped into tons of people that were like, hey, bro, I was at the show last night. I'm a Trump supporter, but that was funny as hell. Do you know what I mean? Right, right. So even people that in the beginning cringe were like, but it was funny as hell. Well, you don't say anything that outrageous about it. You just say, look, if Obama talked like Barack a good man, then Republicans would be all over it. Right.

No, but he is doing something which I think is a risky business, which is that it's not really a Trump joke. It's a Trump supporter joke. And that's a little bit different because you're not making fun of Trump. You're making fun of the people in the audience who support him. Not true. Both things are mostly making fun of Trump and at the tail end of it, the supporters.

Right, but that's... They didn't even wait for that. They didn't even make it to that part. When I've been in a position where somebody's making fun of whatever politics I agreed with, it does strike me as different. They make fun of, you know, like I was a huge Bernie Sanders supporter. So if they make fun of, you know, like I was

a huge Bernie Sanders supporter. So if they make fun of Bernie Sanders, it doesn't really bother me. But they make fun of how stupid the people who believe in socialism are. You know, it's like, go fuck yourself, you know? Right. So because all of a sudden you feel that you're being made fun of. Yo, even the people, and I can say this. I do believe that if that last group had done the same thing as the other groups,

got up and walked out and kept walking, I'm not sure that we're sitting here. But they waited and they were, like, adamant that I didn't have the right to talk about the president. Yeah. You know, which was disheartening. But I didn't think that it would end up in, oh, well, you know, a week of gigs is now down the tooth. And my greatest fear, to be perfectly honest with you, was the way that it felt at the end of this, especially when I was walking around that party. And then I'm starting to hear the rumor mill cooking was, OK, well, why don't we just next time put in the contract no political humor? Because it was someone, that was one of the things that someone said in the party. Well, we heard that it was kind of like that they asked you in the contract,

it said in the contract no political humor, and you did it anyway. That wasn't true. Not at all. Who else was on the bill? Not at all. Nick Griffin and Megan Hanley. So why didn't you scream about race? Why didn't you say, you're firing me because I'm black?

Believe me, they back right down when you do that. I was thinking the same thing. They will shut the fuck up and they'll bend over and take it. You just have to make it. I'm going public. You want Mr. White, Nick Griffin, and you don't want me? You know what's so funny, man? And I could have played that card.

Free John Lasseter. But you know what's so funny? You know what's so funny? No, I'm not that guy. Be that guy. You've got a career to worry about, John. Well, I hardly think this is a career stumbling block. No, he could have made a name for himself. He'd be famous all over

the world if he did that. The Borgata? But he did get some publicity out of this. He'd have a residency at the Borgata if he played his cards right. You know what's so funny? As fast as they walked out, I was thinking to myself, they really just want those people back in the casino anyway. They should have gave me a

residency. This guy will get him the hell out of here. He'll run him back on the floor. Are you sure it wasn't because you're black? It's not too late, John. You're still black. Now that you mention it,

Norm, I think you got a point there. I am black. Nick Griffin is really mighty white. And Megan. Oh, my goodness. Who's Megan?

I don't know Megan. Very white. Sounds mighty white. Well, I Oh, my goodness. Who's Megan? I don't know Megan. Very white. Sounds mighty white. Well, I would have just enjoyed the week off, but I am maybe in the minority here. Dan, have you ever

lost a gig because of jokes you were telling? I was never fired from a gig. I was demoted. That was a good one, guys. I didn't hear him.

Just when people didn't laugh. I was demoted because of that. Yes, because early in my career, I said I could do a half hour of Common, and I could not. That was here, by the way, that you lost. No.

That was Esty. Esty stopped using you one time. She stopped using me a couple times. I was in and out of here for a while. But I was demoted from the middle, the feature act, which does a half hour for our listeners that aren't familiar with comedy terms like that. And I was demoted to emcee. I was never fired from a gig.

Never fired from a gig. I was never fired from a gig. I feel demoted. I emcee quite a bit here. Well, on the road, you know that the emcee outside of the city is the lowest position. They do the least amount of time and get the least amount of money. And I was demoted, therefore, from the feature spot to the MC spot. But you said you didn't have the chop, so that's not really the same thing.

No, I was early on. They said, can you do a half hour? I said, can I do a half hour? No. No, I said, yeah, of course. And I think we all bite off more than we can chew at the beginning because we don't realize just how long a fucking half hour is when you ain't got it. Yeah. I can tell you I felt lonely as shit when that happened to me.

I did. The room started spinning. I really, really felt like I was on an island, sitting there in that room by myself with a week of nothingdom. Well, I like what, as for me As for me, this is where we differ. We're obviously different people. A week of nothing, this sounds good to me. Nobody likes to be fired. Come on now. I know nobody likes to be

fired. Especially for something that you say under the guise of being able to say whatever you want because it's through humor. I understand nobody likes to be fired. But what John is saying, in addition to being fired, is he had a week of nothingness. And I'm saying that a week of nothingness

is fine with me. A week of nothingness is fine with me if I choose it. But I mean, after having been fired, I mean, there's something about... Take a staycation.

There's something about it, though, that kind of felt like someone saying, you don't know how to do your job. I hear what you're saying. But they weren't saying that. They were saying, you do your job so well

that you're ruffling feathers. And if looked at that way, you know, let's face it. Well, I wasn't, but hear me out. I wasn't, I had, I was totally fine with the ruffling feathers part, the people booing and walking out. That was the ruffling feathers part. I'm cool with that.

And I kept going. There's a thousand people in here. 30 or 40 walked out. What is that, 2.5%, 3%? You know what I mean? The other 900-something people sat there and were like, this guy's funny as hell. The manager said that he was like, this is the funniest guy I may have seen here. Called his wife and asked her to come the next night.

Invited his family out. Was he black? No, white guy. So you know. Both of them. So you don't take. So it wasn't like. And keep in mind.

I got to find a racial. It's there. It's an angle. It's an angle. Those nights, people had walked out. So I was already doing the feather ruffling. But I'm saying. Did it make you want to do it more?

But to be careful of that. Did it make you want to go in deeper? No, but you know what? The funny part was I was actually not going to do the joke anymore. Why? So that was the last night of the joke. And I'll tell you why. I used to do Rikers Island, right? As a new comedian. He was open for Johnny Cash.

And we would go in there between Thanksgiving and the New Year. But we would do shows during the day, but it was just to uplift their spirits. I go in there, do my set. At the end of the set, correction officers talking loud. I say something to them. The guys go crazy.

Second night, I go in there. Most of my set, start talking about the correction guys. Guys go crazy. The third night, I was like, fuck it. Why don't I just do this for them? But I was in that same mindset in Atlantic City where I was just going to say, hey, man, fuck it. Let's let these old people have a good time. You know what I mean?

So I was not going to do. That was the very last night that joke was going to be told anyway. It just happened to blow up that night. Well, very funny you compared old people in prison and casino to Rutgers Island. It's a novelty gig. You know what I mean? It's not regular comedy connoisseurs. So let's just serve them up what they want here.

You know what I mean? That's the way I felt about it. That was the last night that that joke was going to be told anyway. Yeah, for some reason, pleasing an audience is very low on the list of what comedians worry about. Dummies.

It kind of matters. It started moving up the charts. When any of us buy tickets to see some entertainment, we would like the performer to care about whether or not we're pleased by it. So stupid. Anyway. You're only into it if you're caring about it. So, listen, I think it's terrible.

But we've been talking about this for a long time. And I was kind of early to the table on this. We are heading as a society down a terrible path where everybody wants to pass yay or nay on whatever comes out of somebody else's mouth. And they feel tremendously entitled to any reaction they want, you know, and it's spreading and growing as opposed to kind of a cultural more or commitment to the idea. Okay, you know, it's good to have a kind of a thick skin. Let people say what they want. Right, right. Which used to be the case.

But no, what kills me about that. Maybe that wasn't used. Maybe that didn't used to be the case. I don't think it ever was the case. What kills me about that point that you're making is that was the argument that was being made by the right. So for those same people to then say, yeah, we're tired of this political correctness. People should be able to say more of what they want and then say, but when this guy talks about the leader of that, throw him out. No, but I'm saying I wish.

Yeah, you're right. Of course, it's hypocrisy. And that's what the joke is about. At least basically the right makes the argument of free speech these days and the left actually doesn't even believe in it. Go see the joke and tell me what you think, and he was funny. We got Ian Fidance we brought in.

I don't know Ian, but how do you... It's Fidance, you mentioned that. Ian Fidance. Is Jeff on the show? No, he's just here. Ross, you want to come sit down in the meantime? Go ahead, Ian. Why is Ian here? Because Stephen booked him. He's an interesting fellow.

And Stephen felt he was an interesting guy. He looks like I take a look at Ian, I look at Ian, I'm thinking don't eat the brown acid. He didn't even warrant a text message with an intro for him that I usually get. What's his, what's a comedian? He looks like Come on, Steve. He looks like a Woodstock guy. Alright, thank you. He's got a mustache, curly hair Steve. He looks like a Woodstock guy. He's got a

mustache, curly hair. He looks... Am I right? He looks like a substitute teacher on Room 222 from the 70s. The TV sitcom. I used to be a teacher in the city. Oh, there you go. But anyway... He looked like my teacher, Mr. Temple, when I went to PS75. We also have Ross Bennett. He just sat down. Ross, how do you do?

We're talking to Ian Fidance. But what's interesting about Ian, according to Mr. Stephen Calabria, is that his thing, sexually speaking, is transgendered females. Is that correct? Why don't you tell me? That's a good angle. Yeah.

Thank God it's not awkward. Why not? It ain't awkward. We're talking about women who are transitioning to men? No, tonight. Women who are transitioning to men? No, no. Men that were born men in transition. XY.

Male to female transgender. Now what's so good about that? I just like it. I don't know what it is. I'm bi, so I like dudes as well, but I like my hierarchy goes women, trans women, men. I don't know what it is. I think it's maybe the taboo of it, but I've always been attracted to kind of.

Well, if you're bi, it makes perfect sense, obviously. It's right in the middle. It's like having a buffet. Oh, it really is. With just one person. If you get the trans. All you can eat. The trans woman home in bed,

and you don't know yet whether she's had the operation or not, because you're not allowed to ask her, you're saying, come on. Oh, I'm rolling the dice. And if they had the operation, she's kicking rocks. Get out. Oh, you like it. So you want the dick.

I want the dick. Yeah. If I'm driving a trans man, it's got to be stick shift. Would you ever just ask a regular gay guy to put on a dress for you? No. What's the difference? If I can't find too many trans gals, then maybe. He likes men and women, so I'm assuming that if he has a penis, great.

If he has a vagina, that's fine, too. Well, if a trans woman is going to get the surgery and get a vagina, I'm just going to go with a woman. I want the penis this is really interesting that's just the way the way i was born i i tried to figure it out you know when i was in like third grade i there was this kid he and i would fool around i just drew a picture of a woman with a penis and put it on his desk it was like hey you like that what do you think huh i don't know where it came from it It just existed. Well, you're not alone.

There's a lot of men that are heterosexual or identify as heterosexual. I talk about it on stage and dudes come up to me like, hey man, that was great. Can I talk to you over here? I'm like, yeah. They're like, hey man, I've been with trans and if you tell anyone, I'll kill you. How much did you have to pay in therapy to get to the point where you're this comfortable talking about this? I've been in therapy a long time.

Oh, man. Yeah. Long time. You've gotten your money's worth. But if you're comfortable being gay or bi, there's no additional it wouldn't be any worse or weirder. In my home, there would be. I'm fully prepared for one of my children being gay or bi.

If they're not, you're a failure as a parent. You're saying you're a potential failure as a parent. My kid saying, you're saying, you're a potential failure as a parent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're saying, my kid better be trans or else.

You're saying, Nolan, that you'd be more, it would be more odd for you, for your kid to like, for your son to like men than for your son

to like trans women. That would be weirder for you. The irony is, I'd like to say some things about how I actually feel, knowing full well

that they could be, I could be a victim of my own prejudices I'm only human but I don't think I'm going to get the Joy Reid treatment afterwards if I say the wrong thing that I'll just be able to say like I don't really think I said it and everybody will just forgive me but I will say that

something inside me and I think it comes down to personal experience that I've always known gay guys my whole life and I always saw they were basically just the same as anybody else although a little flamboyant sometimes whatever it is but the trans people

I've known or I've worked with they were different they were not just the same as you and me he's making the universal sign for crazy with his fingers. Why would you do that?

So I've all, and I know that we're supposed to assume that because we know or pretty much know that gay people are congenitally gay, whether it's something in the womb or genetics, whatever it is, that we're supposed to now,

it's kind of like a protective coating against bigotry to assume that trans people must be born that way too. But I've always wondered, do we know that trans people are born that way? Could trans not be the result of some sort of trauma or something? But no. What does that have to do with... There's a phrase called trans-trender. In case you didn't follow where I'm going.

So if my children were to go in that direction, I... I'm not saying your children are trans. They just like trans women. But the whole trans thing, I would somehow worry, is this just normal as it were, or did I go wrong somewhere? Or did something happen to them? Or did something happen that I don't know about? Or could it be raising them in Greenwich Village?

Could that have anything to do with it? Or did something happen in school that I don't know about? You know, like, I don't... Right. Or could it be raising them in Greenwich Village? Could that have anything to do with it? Or would something happen at a school that I don't know about? Right, right, right. Like a butterfly effect that turns them trans. They're being raised in the suburbs, actually. Oh, my God. I'm not saying that's the case. I'm not thinking about this at all.

But that's a healthy fear, and it doesn't make you wrong or bad to think those things. Let me tell you what I think about black people. It makes you better. Go ahead, go ahead. But again, Ian is not trans. He just likes trans. Right. And I have to confess to enjoying...

Drum roll, please. To enjoying the videos in which trans women have sex with women. Yeah, it's hot. That I do enjoy. How? With their penis. Oh, the's hot. That I do enjoy. How? With their penis. The seed has been planted, my friend.

That is a trans woman having intercourse with a woman. Not with a man, but with a woman. To me, it's quite hot. Why wouldn't it be, after all? I enjoy watching a man have sex with a woman. Why not a trans woman having sex with a woman? The reason is obvious.

The reason is not obvious. The reason is not. Then why not have a dog with women? Come on. Jesus Christ. First of all, some of these trans women look... I'll tell you why, because usually what you watch is a reflection of the sex that you're interested in. I'm not comparing trans

to dogs. I'm saying once you start watching that... You watch men having sex with women. You enjoy that. So why would it be weird to enjoy watching trans women having sex with women? Because it's a trans woman. It's not my thing. So in some way. Well, men are not your thing either, but you enjoy watching them have sex.

I think check and mate. No, I enjoy seeing the act of what it is that I would like to be involved in. Right, but if you take a step back and you're looking at a man fuck a woman, but you got double the tits, where can you go wrong? Listen, people who are into interracial porn,

we presume they're attracted to interracial stuff. People who are into old people porn, sex with old ladies, you figure they're probably attracted to old ladies. You can't control what your dick is into and not into. It doesn't make you bad. Let Ross in because he's got a point of experience. I think what you're... your dick is into or not into. It doesn't make you bad. Let Ross in because he's the boys of experience. You're assuming that

everything involved in watching porn and masturbating to porn, because I don't know anybody who actually watches it. As a connoisseur. That's very interesting. That's fascinating. I've got to go. But you're assuming it's all about sexual feelings.

And there's other feelings that go on. Some people are heavily into the shame that goes along with it. And all of a sudden you get that icky shame stuff that's going around the sex thing. Norton told me that. Sometimes it's not about the sex. It's about the shame. I was never really into porn, actually. To be honest with you, I was never a porn guy.

You don't say. Even if you were to watch porn, it's likely, Dan, that he wasn't watching for the man involved. He was watching for the woman involved. You would be just as turned on by a man and a woman as you would be with two women. I will confess that I do find the huge dicks fascinating. I do say, oh, my God.

I find them intimidating. Ian Fidance. Put it in some panties. Put a g-string on it. Just to explore a little bit more. I think it's interesting when a penis is large enough that you can actually use it to hang a woman's clothes on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Winter coat. Let me take that off. Where am I going to hang your blouse? Oh, right here. I did that with an ex-girlfriend. We were dating like a couple weeks. I came out, I go, look, a towel rack. She was like, I can't do this anymore.

And you mean an ex-ex or a trans girl? Regular gal. I came out to my mom. You're not supposed to say that. I could say whatever I want. We could say whatever we want. That's all you're not supposed to say. Ian is a member of the LGBT community.

He can say these things. You can too. I don't even say. Ian is a member of the LGBT community. He can say these things. You can too. I don't even think of myself as a member of that because I was in the closet for so long. Freak. I got news for you. You can think whatever you want. Ian. Ian.

You're Rachel Dolezal over here. The trans women that you're attracted to tend to be, you want a trans woman that looks exactly like a woman, except with a penis, or a masculine persona. I like them passable. Passable. If I could find a trans Rihanna, or like a trans Cardi B. That looks just like a Rihanna, but with a penis. Like an interracial trans guy. I've never been with a white man or trans woman.

You like like 3% of transgenders. Yeah. Real, real niche market for me. The more passable, the better. Is that fair to say? Or a little masculine is okay. So what I'm hearing is that when Backpage shut down, it really ruined your life. Oh, I was in a state of mourning.

I mean, let me tell you. Backpage shut down. I was all right. I went to Craigslist Casual casual encounters, and it didn't work. I went into a spiral. I was Googling replacement casual encounters. Yeah, because please help. When you're into a fine niche of humanity that way, how are you going to find?

There's no bar for that. You need to go to Backpage. No, you need to go online. I'm sure you get on Tinder. No, but that's what he was talking about. Oh, I see. Tinder all the time. I see trans people. Yeah, but that's what he was talking about. Oh, I see. On Tinder all the time I see trans people.

Yeah, but it's hard because then you got so many people swiping and then guys don't know that they're trans and then they find out, they get a bad experience. I'm not going to say my life's tough. I love dating women too. I love women. I mean, it's hard to find.

What's it like when you tell a woman about your proclivities? How does that work? How much up front are you? When are you up front? I gotta be up front. And it's funny because you tell these things and you get a reaction. You can't tell if it's homophobia or germophobia.

Because people can say all they want, like, yes, queen, lgbt rights whatever but then you're like yeah i've i have sex with men i i want to have sex with you and they're like let's take a step back you're like oh okay is this homophobia are you homophobic are you germaphobe where is the intersection are there those who have no problem with it whatsoever oh completely yeah i mean i'm safe all the time i I'm not a monster. Like, I get tested every couple months. I always wear protection.

Why do you get tested every few months? You don't always wear protection. Nobody gets tested every few months when they always wear protection. I'm a huge germaphobe. Look at me. I'm very, very neurotic about germs, and I have a huge fear of STDs, which makes hookup culture very difficult, because a lot of it's not

protection. Now, do you talk about this in your comedy act explicitly? Yeah. Maybe you could sub for Lester. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. Okay, so I have a question. Are your parents living?

My dad is not. My mom is. And this is not what killed your dad, right? Well, how much time do we have? I couldn't get that quick enough out. I really don't understand Noam's... We talk to gay people all the time, and Noam somehow thinks this is weird somehow.

Well, it's different. If it's not weird, then why are we having him on the show for this? Because it's... We don't usually have people on who... He's on because he likes spaghetti. Obviously, there's something notable about it. That's why he got booked because of this. I thought he was a straight guy that likes trans women.

Whatever it is, it's interesting. It's interesting, but it's not your joke about the father dying because of the son. Because many fathers would have a father. If your son is already sucking cock, what the hell is the difference whether it's a guy or a bi? Are you asking for a friend? I'm a guy or a trans? Can you tell us about your father? Go ahead. What about him? Did he know about your sexual... No, he died

when I was eight. Okay, so your mom... My mom knows. And when I told her, I mean, my mom... How specifically did you tell her? I mean, dude, I didn't come out about this shit until two years ago, a year and a half ago. I'm 33 now.

I held it in for a long time. I thought I was going to die with all this shit inside me. And so therapy helped out a lot, you know, because it was a ton of shame. I grew up in a very Catholic Italian household. You know, a lot of shame, a lot of guilt, a lot of self-hatred and everything. It came out, and ever since then, my relationship with everyone in my life has been elevated a million times. My mom and I are closer came out and ever since then, my relationship with everyone in my life has been elevated a million times. My mom and I are closer

now more than ever. They say mothers usually have a feeling about their son's sexuality. She didn't know what I was, but she knew I had a sadness and a pain that she just couldn't put her finger on. It's so funny because now I'll tell my mom, I'll be like, Mom, I'm going on a date and she goes, Oh, that's nice. Is it a

born girl or one of your friends? I think... And that's so sweet. It's so sweet. It's so adorable. I think that what's interesting... You're lucky. I'm very lucky. To answer your question, what's interesting not so much that he's into... Once he established that he was bisexual, I think

being into trans women is basically... An extension? A given. I think that the fact that you're bi is interesting because I don't meet a lot of bi men. You meet, obviously, bi women, especially here in the village, and women seem to be more. There's a huge pushback. You meet them, but you don't know that they are.

Well, that could be it, too. But I don't meet a lot of men that say that they're bi. There's a huge, huge pushback in the straight community, gay community, with bi men. Like women, it's totally like, yeah, whatever. But then guys, it's like, nah, man, you're fucking gay. Just say you're gay. I confess, I kind of believe that. Oh, for sure.

Yeah. So many people think that. When you masturbate without any porn, what are you thinking about? A man? A man in a dress? A woman? Listen, I got ADD, everything. It is just a fucking... Can I ask you,

what was the straw that broke the camel's back for you to finally be open about it? Or was there a particular event? I had a nervous breakdown. You had a nervous breakdown? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is a nervous breakdown? Jeff, you want to join us?

What exactly is a nervous breakdown? I had a total break rip with reality. I didn't know what was real, what wasn't. Because I had come out in therapy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So describe what it's like to be... I mean, it's scary. What do you see that's not real? come out in therapy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So describe what it's like to be... I mean, it's scary.

What do you see that's not real that you believe... Explain it. This is very interesting to me. I mean, I... When I... I was in therapy for a while when I started to tell people my personal life about everything

and then they, like, accepted me with, like, love and understanding. I never thought that was possible. I thought people... I thought I was going to tell people and they'd go, all right, fuck you.

Get out of my life. You're fucking gay. Get out of here, you know? And so when people loved me, I thought I was going to tell people and they go, all right, fuck you. Get out of my life. You're fucking gay. Get out of here. You know? And so when people loved me, I had like a snap in my head because I never knew I could be like truly myself and happy. And I thought I was involved in a prank show. I truly thought that everyone in my life was a producer and the big prank was it.

Ah, see, you thought you could be happy and you're not. So you were so sure you couldn't be happy that when you actually were happy, you thought it was true. And I was truly my authentic self. It caused a nervous breakdown. I had a nervous breakdown. Isn't the human mind just remarkable? Well, you know...

It was insane. And it was the greatest... I'm going to go with... It was the greatest thing that ever happened, man. Ever since then, it's elevated every aspect of my life. And how did you come back from the nervous breakdown? After a few days, I mean, I thought people were sending me signals. I thought a guy after a show was a producer for the show.

And he's like, you know, we need to meet up. And I was like, yeah, whenever you want, man. Here, take my email. He emails me right away. I'm like, oh, cool. We're going to talk about this project, about this reality show we're on. He was just a gay man. Just sending you an inbox full of dick pics.

He was just a gay man trying to get me back to his apartment. Yeah. There's a project. We're working on a project. Jeff Leach joined us. I forgot that we texted. I forgot that you were in town. You like guys that look like they're transitioning, so they brought me on.

Yeah, what's up? Shave that beard and we can talk, pal. Now, Ross Bennett is here. I haven't seen Ross in a while. You have a new comedy CD? Yeah. Tell us. Yeah.

So, go ahead. Tell us about it. Well, it's called Not If You Were the Last Man on Earth. And you know what? I don't know if you know about the Acme Comedy Club. Would you ever say? Go ahead. The Acme Comedy Club in Minneapolis.

Yeah. Great club. And every year they do a thing called Crash and Burn, where they get four headliners, and you make a commitment to not do any material. You spend the whole week developing a new act. So all four comics have 20 minutes of fresh material they've never done, and by the end of the week, you know, you got a pretty good new 20 minutes.

You got a tight two. Yeah. So I did that, and I came out with 20 minutes, and that was the heart of the new CD. And then within a year, I took a bunch of other stuff that came up, and I created it. Oh, that's killer. And it's old school in terms of, it's not like one theme throughout the whole thing. You know, that just happens to be one punchline in my thing. I had a funny picture of myself looking unattractive.

I know. Where would he find a picture of himself looking unattractive? You're looking good these days. Thank you very much. And that's what it is. It's got a lot of, you know, I'm proud of it. It's my second CD. We share something, by the way. Minnesota and New York State, we both border Canada. It's a, you know, and I feel I'm a better person for it. I love Canadians. They're good natured.

They're guileless. My only problem with Canada is their coins. We seem to have fairly decent border control with Canada for people, but their coins,

it's like a sieve. They just come and go at will. And I don't know about you folks, if I get a Canadian quarter in my change, my day is shot. Because for the rest of the day, it's like I'm a kid, I'm playing tag, and I'm it, because I'm playing tag, and I'm it,

because I'm trying to give it to somebody else. You like that? Now, sometimes, sometimes I get a Canadian quarter, I don't even know I got it. It goes in my pocket. I won't see it all day. I mean, do you hear what I'm saying? I've been it all day. I mean, do you hear what I'm saying? I've been it all day. Then I'm going to buy a newspaper and you reach in your pocket for a regular quarter and you get this other thing and they're deceptive. Same size, same weight, but a different picture.

And your mind will try and justify it. Oh my gosh, I just noticed apparently George Washington was a transvestite. Compared to the CD you made, was this more fun to make? Since it was dealing with so much of that stuff that was kind of in the moment and everything, rather than specific material you were planning

out? I have no idea what you're saying. What was that? He's picturing you in a dress. He's having trouble. I'm saying because you said that you took half this material and it was just made up over a week, and then you built it around that. Were you more excited about this than actually planning out another?

I mean, the CD. Yeah. Well, I teach a class now. You don't know I teach a class, but I teach a class. A comedy class, I'm assuming. Yeah. Thank you very much. All right.

Just to be sure. It's second year law. It's not English. It's second year law. Torts. Business. Retorts. But at the heart of it is the difference between writing a joke and developing material.

You know, you write a joke, you develop material. And that's what that week's about. It's about developing. But you only got a week to actually spend to develop it. After a year, it went to a whole other place. And so I love the process of creating new stuff. A lot of the other stuff on it is stuff I created here, like when I was working here a lot. Awkward moment.

Huh? Not awkward moment. No, not in the least. Not as you said that, Dan. Awkward moment. Huh? Not awkward moment. No, not in the least. Not until you said that, Dan. Not in the least. Oh, my bad. You know, and I tell every comic, like yourself, who's like 10, 15, 20 years younger than I am,

the day will come when you phase out of one place into someplace else. Every place you work eventually will stop working with you, and that's not a bad thing. Let me say about that. Some comics like Greer Barnes, they just always

they never seem to have any decay in what they do. But other comics, especially the ones who try to venture out of their comfort zone and are into the process, they have their ups and downs in terms of how they're doing in front of the audience. They know it themselves. They don't need me to tell them.

And, you know, one of the things that I'm sad or that I'm disappointed about this success of the Comedy Cellar now is that we don't really have that luxury of having that stage time for people who want to try new stuff or want to venture and do stuff like that.

So people sometimes, Esty will stop booking somebody for a while because they're not doing so well. They're trying some things out. But I would not want to discourage anybody who that happens to from saying, hey, I want to come back. It's not like a permanent stamp.

We had this thing with Sean Patton, who's a very, very, very apparently doing great these days. He's one of my favorites. I think he's really one of the real gifted people I've seen. Like gifted, you know? And he has ups and downs here because he can't be harnessed. You know, he does what he wants, and sometimes he's working, sometimes he's not. And he's been in and out, and, you know. Whenever I worked here, I always felt the pressure to do my A material.

Yeah, that's not a great pressure. Always go out there with a baseball bat, beat the shit out of the people, and I was okay with that. Don't literally beat the shit out of them, because then you won't get booked for three months. That's what happened to Jeff, yeah. But you brought a baseball bat? No, beat the shit out of bat? He had an altercation.

An altercation, yeah, with an angry audience member. With the English accent, it sounds fancy, but it was... It was a pool hug. Donny Brook. We drooled at dawns. You know, one thing about the comedy cellar is I don't see ageism here. No. I don't see ageism here.

It's all about... Eddieism, really. You have the luxury of being able to choose from the very greatest talent every week that's available within 50 miles of where we are. And I used to be... I would get knocked at work for a week or something. And I'd look at the schedule and I'd say to myself, who do I think I should replace on this schedule?

Besides Natterman. Amy Schumer I'm going to replace. Todd do I think I should replace on this schedule? Besides Natterman. Amy Schumer I'm going to replace. Todd Berry I'm going to. These people are geniuses. It would be nice if you could. And by the way. He's never happy. And there's always a certain number of spots that are accounted for that are not on the lineup that nobody knows about.

Yeah, yeah. So, I mean, I never had. I knew people had, like, really big issues. You know, they feel rejected or whatever. By the time I got here, I've been rejected so fucking much that it didn't make any difference. I was just glad for what I had. As I'm looking at you, we know each other.

Of course, I want everybody to have happiness in their life. I feel bad if anybody wants work and doesn't work. But for my own selfish reason, I'm always worried. I'm saying, you know what? If this dude is killing and we're not using him, we're fucking up here at the cellar. So, you know, I always want to encourage everybody to stay within the orbit of the place

and not just say, okay, I'm done with the cellar. Not to be nice to you. Not to be nice to you. It's because I'm a smart businessman. I've never felt I was done with anything, but I'm like really okay. I always tell comics that when something goes away like that, that's as much part of the business. You guys know I'm at the Borgata, right? Yeah.

I worked there every year for 15 years, and they changed the booker, and now I don't work there now. But for 15 years, I made great money at a great gig, and I was really pleased for it. And it's okay to move on. Well, you have a great attitude. With the aid of therapy also? I don't want to be that guy, and we know those guys. My heart goes out to them who's bitter in their 60s

because they can't get what they used to have. What about if you're that bitter in their 60s because they can't get what they used to have. What about if you're that bitter in your 30s? Is that all right? Obviously, you're from the UK. There you go. It's okay. It goes with the accent. Are you living here now, Jeffrey,

or are you visiting us? Always living here, Dan. He doesn't understand English. You don't know that? What's that? He said it very slow and careful. He said it slow. Do you like it here in America?

No, I thought you had gone back to England. No, man. I live in Los Angeles now. I've been out there for three months. Oh, so you are not living in New York. I'm not living in New York. So you are visiting us. I'm visiting you, yes.

You're visiting us. Now, Jeff, are you in therapy, too? No, I should be. Jeff has said many times on Zoom. I self-apply therapy. Have you ever been in therapy? No. I should, though. But, Jeff, don't you say... I'm aware that I should be. Jeff has said many times on Zoom. I self-apply therapy. Have you ever been in therapy? No. I should, though.

But, Jeff, don't you say... I'm aware that I should. You're one of the few people on stage that talks openly on stage about being a depressive. Yeah, yeah. Now, certainly several comics fit that category, but you're the only one I've seen that actively goes on stage and says, I am a mental case. Well, Brits are very comfortable with that. I'm breaking boundaries down.

I'm glad you're pointing it out. It's very sweet of you. But you haven't been in therapy, though. No. Well, whyits are very comfortable with that. I'm breaking boundaries, Dan. I'm glad you're pointing it out. But you haven't been in therapy, though. No. Well, why is that? Is it just you don't feel like paying for it? I haven't got the money. Do you know what I mean?

I've got no health insurance. How are you going to get therapy without health insurance? Well, you were in England a long time. They have it free there. Ah, just do some sobbing. That costs nothing. Just go home, rock in a little ball. But the English go to the pub, don't they? And they just drink their sorrows.

We go to the pub. That's true. Yeah, alcoholism is rife in our country. Well, you think about this. Americans. It's very acceptable. If you went to therapy our country. Well, you think about this American... If you went to therapy and the receptionist,

you have to fill out a form and the form says, give us the top three reasons, the top three things about yourself you would hope that this therapy would help you with. What would they be? More acceptance of myself, I think.

Being a bit more comfortable with who I am. So not to change yourself, just be comfortable with a bit more comfortable with who I am. So not to change yourself, just be comfortable with... Be more comfortable with who I am, yeah. Be a little bit happier in that. But that's true of every comic. That's like a comics process. Until they find their comic voice, they haven't become comfortable in themselves.

Do you know what I mean? I think that's why I'm probably drawn to this profession. Right, but it's not so much acceptance as it is allowance. No one's accepting in comedy. They love to shit on each other. Like, it's part of the banter. Accepting yourself and allowing yourself to be whomever you are. Yeah, yeah.

That's one. Go ahead. That's one. Second thing would be maybe forgiving my parents. Their part in maybe why I am and accepting how it's my own fault rather than not anyone else's. You see, all those answers are kind of ducking. Forgiving your parents for what they made you,

being accepting of yourself for what you are, but you're not actually saying what is the underlying thing that they made you or that you need to accept. What is that? Oh, deeply undeserving.

I think I'm, I think I'm worthless all the time. You seem to, you function very well where you are. Yeah, yeah. The therapy's about being, about, you can't, when you are. Yeah, yeah. Therapy's about being,

about, you can't, when you can't do that. Yeah. When you have a fucking nervous breakdown, when you're depressed all the time,

when you can't leave your, if you're, I don't know, if you're depressed and you're able to function in the world, God bless you. Come on,

you look at someone like Robin Williams, there's a man who coped and learned ways to deal for decades and then at some point, clearly he wasn't. Well, but he was also ill.

Yeah, well he wasn't at a right place. No, not mentally ill, he had the beginning of point, clearly he wasn't. He was also ill. He wasn't at a right place. Beginning of Parkinson's and he had issues. He was in serious trouble. But the point still stands that some people seem to be coping and depending on... Let me see what I see in you. There's an extrovertism, if there's such a word

to you, that I... It's not unique to you that I always find fascinating. You post a lot of pictures of your ass on Instagram well I'm glad that you've been looking and I said why is he posting pictures

of his ass it's a good ass are you signed up for his Instagram no you're gonna break the internet no no it's a good ass or a bad ass

it's not the point I mean it'd be more interesting that you posted a bad ass you had a bad ass but I'm just saying like what of all the things what what compels you

to say I want to show my ass on Instagram first of all it's interesting that that is the thing that most people within the

comedy world yourself included other comics etc notice those posts like oh Jeff's posting another picture of his ass which makes up

maybe one in a hundred of my posts on social media the rest would be clips from comedy shows funny little videos, short character

clips, etc, etc. But people don't comment on those. It's the arse picture. But the reason I do it is because I have a nice arse and because I have two opportunities to garner fans. One is through my comedic ability on stage and the other is being attractive enough maybe that some

people might just like who I am. That's a good answer social media is as a place It's a very shallow place to to garner, you know viewers and new audience members and some of them are just I want to find it gets more likes than any of my Little shot of dopamine feels good, right? Why you think you have a good ass you might want to Recreate that might have more to do with your comedy I'm actually still working at the comedy cellar, so I'm not offended I never it never occurred to me that that was the reason I that you went that you were attracting trying to attract an audience

Based on your physical appearance now you get mostly yeah, you get a lot of attention mostly from gay men or from women with those ass posts? Oh, both. Yeah, both. Yeah. Both. And you have no gay ink, or do you? No, no, no.

I'm not into men. No, he just sounds it. I'm not into men. He seems like he might be, but I wanted to verify. I'm comfortable around gay men because I kind of grew up with lots of friends in that world, or the music world, you know, a number of people around the table might know, is very synonymous

with gay culture and late night culture that has a lot of connotations. Whilst we have you here, this is fortuitous, because I would, if we could just talk briefly about the royal wedding. Oh, sure. We'll have to make it brief because I didn't watch it. I don't care

about it. I'm more interested to know how Noam didn't watch it. I don't care about it. I'm more interested to know how Gnome got on with Milo Yiannopoulos. Have you talked about that? You didn't do it in the end. He didn't do the show here with Milo. He did it elsewhere. But I wanted to know what you thought of that guy. Because when I saw your two names on the lineup, I thought, oh, this is going to be magical.

That Milo thing was such a bad experience from beginning to end. Really? Yeah. First of all, we were going to, we flirted with the idea of having him on. Now, I wanted to have him on because I'm into politics and he's famous and he's good for ratings and I like to talk to anybody, whether they're

a KKK member. I don't, I kind of prefer to talk to people. It's an interesting conversation to have, yeah. But he was very, very cruel to Leslie Jones. And Leslie Jones is a part of the family here. So I was going to do it, but only on the condition that somebody

close to Leslie was willing to do it as well and kind of represent her and take him to task for the way he treated her. And we couldn't find anybody to do that. So I said, well, I'm not going to have him here. But I know Sherrod Small has that Race Wars podcast. So I said, we'll put him in touch with Sherrod.

So then I went on that podcast. And it was this other guy there who I like, Tommy. And Tommy's been great on my podcast, but Tommy just started... Tommy's gay and Milo is gay, and they just got into it, and they would not stop bickering and yelling and screaming at each other, and it kind of ruined the whole thing.

It was a screaming match. Two gay men with opposing ideas and views. And Milo kept calling him Susan. All the things you should never, ever say out loud that you assume are the way gay people would act this is exactly the way they were acting right

was it you that snored when I brought up the royal family nom yeah because I would like because you do that on occasion I would just like

to respectfully request that you never do that again it wasn't about you it was about the royal wedding I find it so boring well you know you go on and on about some arcane

little issue with the Republican Party. I'm not criticizing you. I'm criticizing the wedding is a bore. Dan, are you a royalist? How long have you guys been married?

He's unbelievable. Dan Natlin looks like a French duke. You look like a French duke. No, I look like a French duke. Yeah, I imagine you're into the royals. You look like one

of those too as well. I like the royal family. I think, to me, they're a living museum. I think it's fascinating that these people, even though they have no current power really, but they are descended from people that made history. I'm descended from Abraham. Yes, well, you may be.

Alexander the Great in my heritage. William and Harry's great- We've all got a guy. What's that? I said we've all got a guy. We've all got a guy. No, go ahead. William and Harry's great- We've all got a guy. What's that? I said we've all got a guy. We've all got a guy. No, go ahead. William and Henry's great-great, however many great-grandfather,

was George III, from whom we declared independence and fought a war. I find that interesting. I find that it's a window into another world. And I find it, quite frankly, very interesting. The wedding itself. I want to hear about gay people being catty. Come on.

Did you? I mean, there was a lot of that at the royal wedding, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the wedding itself was not... You know, it's just... Which is what the subject was.

The wedding is also interesting because it's all that pomp and old school shit. There's only one thing interesting about that wedding. He married a black woman. I was going to say, this one was actually... Well, I was going to say, this one was actually

Well, I was getting to that. All right. Which to me is sexy. Well, she is sexy as shit. She is sexy. Did you see the side eye the queen was giving? Well, I saw that meme

where she was Yeah, but can't anyone get side eye if they're getting pictures taken of them every second of the day? You're absolutely right. They're all honest representations.

There's no fake news. Anyone have any reaction if you're just filming them all of the time? We had a total fake news incident this week at the Comedy Center. I spent the last 36 hours screaming at reporters. What happened? There was this thing that somebody walked out during Aziz's set. Did you see it? No.

It was in the Daily News. It never happened. What happened? Did he buy the wrong glass of wine or something? No, it just never happened. That was my friend. He wasn't in the show. He was going to the restroom.

He was eating up here. He went in and then came back out. Well, they say it was a woman. But anyway, it never happened. He was trans. Where was that? I didn't read that. Where was that?

In the Daily News. Then it got picked up by Fox News. What a fucking joke. But that's good publicity for the comedy cell. No, it's not. Why not? Because someone walks out of, you know. One person walked out, but everybody now knows that a disease comes here.

It's about the negativity of what's going on at the comedy cell. You know, you should co-host the show. You're very smart. Thank you. No, no. I'm kidding. It's because I don't. Come on.

I'm smart. Come on. I'm kidding. It's because... Come on! Come on! I'm smart, not like people say. But overall, I think overall it's a positive for the comedy side. Yes, but I don't want Aziz to... You're not welcome. I was unhappy about how it might make Aziz feel. I don't think Aziz cares.

But anyway, it's just striking how... It is great. Has Louis gone back up yet? no this is like my fifth or sixth experience with this where somebody's come down in the paper

and it's absolutely untrue demonstrably and they do not care yeah well there's no sensationalism in are we going wrong now there was oh yes I wanted

can we talk briefly that's your friend but there was a woman at foxnews.com I spoke to today Kathleen somebody and she did care. So I have to give her props for that. Shout out to Kathleen.

What's her name? You were friends with that guy at Caroline's. Yeah, Brendan Sagalow. Now, the story is, can I just briefly? You tell the story, and then I'll tell the truth. I'll tell the story as it appeared in the news. Go for it, Danny. And then we can wrap it up.

Let's hear it, Danny. This is fascinating. This gentleman, what's his name? Tagalog? Brendan Sagalow. Brendan Sagalow was on stage performing as a headliner at Caroline's, and his friends and family were in the audience, amongst others. And Amy, according to the story, came in and said,

I'm Amy Schumer. I want to go on. I'm hosting SNL. I need to practice my set for SNL. And then she screamed out to, what's his name again? Brendan. She said, can I go on for five minutes? And Brendan said, okay.

She went on, did her five minutes, got off. Then Brendan went back on and did his thing. But that was the story as I read it in the news, that she kind of went in and bullied her way on stage or whatever. She didn't really bully her way on stage. But what's the real version of events? She walked in and went to the back and asked who was on stage or whatever? She didn't really bully her way on stage. But what's the real version of events? She walked in and went to the back and asked who was on stage

and they said, Brendan Sagalow. And she goes, well, I'm going to try to get up for my... She had to do her 10 minutes for SNL. And they were like, well, his whole family's here. And she goes, well, you know, I have to do this real quick. And she goes, Brendan, it's Amy Schumer. Can I go up and do 10 minutes?

He goes, yeah, sure. And she did it. it and then he allowed it and then he ripped on her a bunch yeah she put him on the spot we're gonna say no yeah yeah yeah yeah put him on the spot and then he went up did his time afterwards he crushed really great whatever but then the papers played it out like she uh swung dick and like belittled everyone and then was like, I made me Schumer. You would have liked to see if she did swing dick, wouldn't you? I'd have been there in a heartbeat, pal. I don't know if the paper said it or somebody said that they were friends and had discussed this prior.

And that's not true. They're not friends. They didn't discuss it prior. Was that in the paper? That was in the paper. That's what they put in the paper. And then all these blogs and shit reach out to him. And to his credit, the whole time he was like, I don't care. What am I supposed to do, say no?

Yeah, right? And a bunch of people made it negative, like she was like a bitch about it. It's like, well, you know, no offense. And I told him this. We were sitting over there, and I told him, I was like, dude, you're doing your Breakout Horror series. It's like a glorified bringer at Caroline's. Your whole family's there, your friends are there, cool, but she's running her separate SNL. It's like a glorified bringer at Caroline's. Your whole family's there. Your friends are there. Cool. But she's running

her separate SNL. That's important. She's got to run it everywhere. It sucks that it happened, but hey, man, shit happens. She did it to you. Someone did it to her. You'll probably do it to someone else. Tuesday night at 7.30. Dan, was this good publicity for Caroline's? Yeah, I think so. No, because

Amy probably was pissed that it got out. But Caroline's is not responsible, and Amy knows that. Well, it seems to me they spoke to somebody at Caroline's. It seemed like it. There was a rat. Somebody in the audience did. See, I don't like these rats.

I don't like these people that just talk to the news and get these stories out. It's not like Trump. It's fucking awful. Yeah. Okay, Trump, do something bad that I disagree with. So far, he's doing a great job. All right, ladies and gentlemen.

Well, Jeff, do you have any... Jeff, you seem to feel that Amy might have overstepped her bounds. That was a joke. You're not going to... Can you...

Okay, go ahead. She loves Jeff already. Go ahead. That Amy might have put him in an awkward position. Once upon a time, she did. I don't think what she did was that bad.

I really don't think that it's that big of a deal. Here's my personal opinion on big name acts. I think any big name act doing a drop in spot and taking 10 minutes and that bumping everyone down by a couple of minutes is perfectly fine. You've earned the right to do that. If the venue wanted to let you do that, that's their decision as employers. It's when an act goes up and says, I want to do 10, which has happened on occasion with a big new man

and they end up doing 40-50 minutes and then people lose but he's the exception I think it's all ridiculous you all want to be that guy someday there's only one guy who bumps with utter humility and that's Ray Romano who practically just can't bear it

he has to make sure he's so nice. I don't know anybody other than that one guy who does it for their own ego. They're always here for some reason. Working on something. They're working on something, you know, and I figure that's what this is about.

And you have to do the work. I used to be naive. I didn't have a specific person in mind, but you know, I said it's someone in between. Oh, who did four hours? Listen, I don't know. You don't want to say it. Someone obviously did it.

First of all, I was just making a joke because we're talking about Chappelle. Chappelle does four hours, but he always goes on last. He never says he's going to do ten minutes. And he actually is working. He says twelve. He is working on it. He is because he'll record the whole thing and from those

four hour sessions, he'll glean a good three hours. There you go. Because he did like three hours on Netflix in two months. Yeah. Yeah, so that's how he does it. That's right. Listen, this was a pretty good show.

I thought so. I thought it was excellent. Yeah, it was great. Ross says not good, excellent. I was here. We have to go. Also, just one quick last plug for Ross Bennett. Please tell us where we can procure.

You can go on iTunes. And it's called? You can go on iTunes. Not if I was the last man on earth. If you just punch me in on iTunes, you get that album or you can get my other one. Ross Bennett. New York country. From Hornell, New York.

He's an upstater right now. I don't know if you knew that. And if you like nice asses or great asses. If you could listen to the Savage Snowflake podcast. It don't know if you knew that. And if you like nice asses or great asses. Can I, if you could listen to the Savage Snowflake podcast. That's a weekly podcast I'm doing. Oh yeah?

Or check out all the shows I've got here in New York over the next week at wonderful establishments like the Comedy Center. Savage Snowflake. That's good. There you go.

Savage Snowflake podcast. You have that domain name? Yeah, I've got all of that. And of course, Ian Fidance. Yeah, you can check out my dates. Check him out. Check me out on Grindr.

You can check out my dates, ianfidance.com. I'm opening for Nikki Glaser this weekend at Vermont Comedy Club. What's your screen name on Grindr? They don't have screen names, Dan. Okay. But mine says Dom Top for Sissy Bottoms. Good night, everybody.

I love that. Thanks for watching!