The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Ryan Cassata & Gary Vider

Episode Date: January 12, 2018

Ryan Cassata is a 24-year-old Los Angeles-based singer and songwriter and transgender activist. He has appeared on TV often to speak about being transgender. He has also been the subject of a documentary titled, "Songs For Alexis," and starred in a movie titled "Collective Unconscious" that premiered on South By Southwest. His latest full-length album is called "Shine," and is available on iTunes and Spotify. Gary Vider is a New York City-based standup comedian. He may be regularly seen performing at the Comedy Cellar. 

You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the table, on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Good evening, everybody. Welcome to The Comedy Cellar show here on Sirius XM, Channel 99. My name is Noam Dwarman. I'm the owner of The Comedy Cellar and the host of your show. I'm here with Dan Natterman. We're at the back table of the Comedy Cellar. We have one of my favorite comedians, Mr. Gary Veeder. Oh, thanks, man. Izzy, I've never heard you say that before. Oh, absolutely.

Right now, he just said it. I took personal interest in Gary Veeder in getting him into the Comedy Cellar. Oh, okay. Actually, I saw him first. He was on the same show with Pete Davidson. Yeah, at Caroline's. Yeah.

And I liked both of them, but Gary in particular. Pete was just young, and he had almost no material, but he was just, he was like, what, 18, 19? Oh, yeah. And he had a lot of star quality. But Gary's material struck me. Okay, and we're joined by Ryan Quesada, who is a 24-year-old Los Angeles-based singer-songwriter

and transgender activist. And is transgender, correct? Correct, yeah. You might have put that in. Okay. That's sort of implied if you're a transgender activist. Generally speaking. I can't be an activist for the NAACP?

You could be. It would be an unusual thing. Go ahead. He's appeared on TV often to speak about being transgender. My apologies. He's also been the subject of a documentary titled Songs for Alexis and starred in a movie titled Collective Unconscious that premiered on South by Southwest.

That's a network, South by Southwest? It's a film festival. Boy, are you uncool. Do you do that? It's South by Southwest. It's a festival every year in Texas. It's like the biggest one in the world. They call it South by.

Take it easy, Ryan. He's an old man. Give me a break. And his latest full-length album is called Shine and is available on iTunes and Spotify. And he came to our attention because he wrote an article. This is our producer, Steven, and he just does not make it easy for me. Well, he's more of a guest booker than a producer.

What's the article's name? What's the article that you wrote? I don't remember the name of the article because they changed it. Well, the point of the article was that as opposed to many people who are very easily insulted these days across all sorts of aspects, you don't get all bent out of shape if somebody uses

the wrong pronoun or somebody has trouble remembering whatever it is, correct? Yeah, it's like why do I need to correct a stranger if they get the wrong pronouns, you know? Let's establish that you were born a biological female. Yeah. And you identify as a male.

Yeah. Okay, just so we're established. Because his voice is very feminine. And that's one of the reasons. Stereotypically. And Ryan's mom is here. And I know this much. Ryan does not take testosterone shots because he doesn't want to change the quality of his singing voice.

Yeah. So that's why he maintains a kind of a tenor. Hey, you know that chick Sharice? She's a transgender female to male, right? You know Sharice? No. Sharice Parabanko or something like that? Filipino chick?

She sang with Celine Dion? No, never mind then. Okay, so now can I ask you a few questions about the transgender experience? Because it is fascinating and it's something that I think people are interested in. They're literally afraid to ask. So at the earliest age, you always felt that you were of a different sex than what people told you. Is that right? Yeah, I mean, I always was like one of the boys,

especially with my brothers and friends and everything. And my dad always called us his three sons as like a joke before I came out. Who's a friend of Fred McMurray? No, he doesn't. I don't know. Too young for that. But, so, as soon as I hit puberty is when I, like, realized, you know, that things were different. Because, you know, things were developing and stuff. So, it's, like, sort of, like, obvious, you know, that this feels wrong.

So, yeah. It's just, you know, I think trying to describe the transgender experience to a non-transgender or cisgender, as they say, it's kind of like trying to tell a guy who's been blind from birth what red looks, the color red looks like. I mean, it would be almost impossible, I think, to really to transmit exactly what it feels like. You say you felt like one of the boys. I can understand what that would mean. You like masculine things. You like to play with guns. You say you felt like one of the boys. I can understand what that would mean. You like masculine things. You like to play with guns.

You like to wrestle, you know, get in the mud, etc. The question is, but what is it like? So I can very easily understand what it's like to feel, to like masculine shit. But the question then becomes is, well, why not just like masculine shit in a female body? Because what it comes down to is being uncomfortable in my body. So, like, I was, I mean, I was really depressed until I got my top surgery.

So that was something, like, that I had to change about myself so that I would be able to walk through society. What is top surgery? Basically, it's like reconstruction of the female chest so it's flat. Before that, I was wearing a chest binder that made my chest flat, and that

is very painful to do. I think it's just very, very... We'll never really be able to understand what it's like to not be comfortable in your body. Oh, I understand what that's like. But I actually took it as more, and I don't want to dwell on this, but I always took it as not so much wanting to do masculine things, but masculine identification in a sense like my son Manny,

if he picks a superhero, he wants to be Batman. But I imagine you probably wanted to be Batman. You don't want to be Batgirl when you're playing games. You saw yourself more as the male superhero. Is that right? Yeah, I mean, I think it doesn't really have much to do with masculine and feminine as it has to do

with a sense of who you are and what your gender is and how you want to be referred to in life. I'm way more empathetic than Dan is. I can feel other people. You can't feel it because it's impossible. You can want

to be Batman and still not mind having a female body. You know, there's very masculine women that are perfectly happy with a vagina and with breasts, but they like male shit. They identify with male things. That's my point.

It's about being uncomfortable in your body. To really understand what it's like to look at your female body and say, this ain't right, I would think is probably just plain impossible to understand. And probably the reason for which there is so much prejudice that still exists is because it's very hard to... Because it sounds like to somebody that has an experience, it sounds like, well, just get over it.

Just be a dude and keep your breasts. I don't agree with anything Dan is saying. I mean, it's hard to understand because you could also just be gay, too. So that, you know, so I don't... You know, to me, it's like you do have... There's an option, but it's just... That part is confusing. So your sexual orientation is... Straight. That is to say, you identify as a man, but what do you

say to attract women? I mostly lean towards men, but sexuality and gender identity don't make each other one way or else, like, if being trans meant that i automatically liked women and that's how like my gender determined my sex then there would be no gay people on the planet like everyone would just like transition you know so like your gender identity has no i'm so confused i know i understand exactly what he's saying he identifies as a male but he likes women yeah is that or you identify as a male, but you like men. Yeah, mostly, yeah.

You like men. Yeah. You identify as a man, and you like men. Yeah. Oh, so that makes you gay. Yeah, I guess. I just say I'm queer. In a sense.

In a sense. So then the other thing that fascinates me is that you seem to be very, very lucky, unless it hasn't always been this way, that you have parents who made it easy for you. Is that right? Yeah, I mean, it hasn't always been this way, but it is parents who made it easy for you. Is that right? Yeah, I mean, it hasn't always been this way, but it is now. What was it like, Mom? Was it hard for you? Well, at first it was a little confusing.

I said, I believe what you're saying is true, but because I'm a woman who really enjoys being a woman, I can't really feel what you're feeling. I believe that it's true, but I just can't feel what you're feeling. Maybe 13 or 14. But even to come to your mother and say that at that age, I think, requires a particular confidence in the relationship. And I really didn't know any transgender people, so I didn't really understand much of anything at all. So I said, you know, maybe you should just put it on the back burner for now because there's really nothing you can do about it.

I was wrong because now Ryan is like one of the greatest activists that there are. Good for him. Did you feel, did you rack your brains? I'm going to say this. I don't mean this in a bad way, but I can imagine the parents are like, where did we go wrong? What did we do? No, I never thought that because—

Did we cause this in some way? I always thought... I knew as a small child, Ryan was not a straight, you know, cis person. I just knew that, you know? I just knew that. You didn't know. The word cis obviously was not in your mind. No, I didn't know that.

But I said, oh, this kid, yeah. My daughter's definitely a lesbian. And that's what I always thought and it didn't really bother me at all. You know, what difference does that make? Well, you couldn't have been more wrong because he likes dudes. Right. And now look how confusing life has gotten. Lesbians hate dudes.

Look how confusing it is for me. Well, Ryan, let me ask you this question. If you were forced because the technology just wasn't there to give you a more masculine form, forced to live in a feminine body, just how untenant would you be able to do that? Or would it be almost impossible, if not impossible, psychologically? I think it would be completely impossible.

I think if I didn't get my top surgery as young as I did, I would not be here. What do you mean, not be here? I was so suicidal. You mean would kill yourself? Yeah. Wow. It didn't mean not be here.

It has to be painful for a mother to hear. And is that like a common theme that you like talking to other transgender people, they feel the same exact way? Yeah. I mean, the suicide rate is about 50% attempt suicide. In your article, you said something that I thought was very, very... How old are you? I'm 24 now.

Which I thought was very, very profound and maybe wise above exceeding your years. You wrote that the only way to change is to educate people. You can correct the way... Prior, I'll read the two paragraphs. I have transgender friends that get so mad to the point they would yell at a waiter for calling them the wrong pronouns. I happen to believe that it's not the waiter's fault.

It's something that has been taught by society, a social construct. It's not hateful. It's not hateful. It's just ignorant. The only way to change is to educate people. You can correct the waiter nicely, and maybe he won't be so quick to judge someone's gender

upon meeting them. Or maybe next time he'll ask what someone would like to be called or you can educate in other ways. I like to go into high school and colleges and talk about being transgender. If they know we exist, they're less likely to assume strangers assume gender. I think that is so absolutely correct and I

think it doesn't just apply to transgender. It applies to so many social issues. Totally. Including the stuff that went on in Charlottesville about taking down the Confederate flag. I had the same thought. Because I know a lot of Southerners, and they really, many of them, don't believe the Confederate. They don't think they're racist, and they don't believe the Confederate flag means that they're racist. But they identify with it because it's been there their whole lives.

Like, you know, what's the show? Dukes of Hazzard. Dukes of Hazzard, you know? He's too young for? Dukes of Hazzard, you know? So, you go to them and say, you need to take down that flag and if you don't, you're a racist. And their first reaction is, fuck you, I'm not a racist and if by taking down the flag

means I have to admit to being a racist, I'm not taking down the fucking flag. Or you can come to them nicely, a la Ryan, and say, listen, I'm not saying you're racist. I get it. You've grown up around with it. But you have to understand how I'm black and how this was the flag of the people who enslaved us. And maybe you can see it from my point of view.

And then say, oh, okay, yeah, maybe I should take it down because I want to be nice. I'm not saying I'm a racist. I'm not a racist. But you explained it to me nicely. And I think you get way more results that way in general. Your approach definitely matters. In fact, Ryan has a Confederate flag tattoo. On his chest.

And then you can talk to people, and then things tend to work out a lot better. Did you always have that? Is that just your personality, your easygoing, or did you always have that attitude about things? I mean, I really think it's so important. Yeah, well, I've been out for a long time. I've been out in the queer community for over 10 years,

and I've seen this community change so much. When I first came out as transgender and I've seen this community change so much I've when when I first came out as transgender and I told someone hey I'm transgender they would say what the hell is that like they had never heard of it before and now I could like tell a complete stranger I'm trans not even transgender and they know what I'm talking about so So, like, things have changed so much. And, like, part of that is because people went out and educated, you know? Like, I spent my entire high school time educating my school so that when I left that school, I knew that that school would be a better place than when I was in it.

I was actually early to this. My grandmother, God bless my grandmother, I can remember when I was like 14 years old, wanting me to read, was it Christine Jorgensen? Was that her name? His name? Her name?

Her name. She went from male to female. Was she a tennis player or something? No, that was. That's when you think of Renee Richards. Who was Christine Jorgensen? She was the first trans woman to get surgery,

I think. Yeah, that was a movie, the Dutch girl or something. She did something. Anyway, the Danish lady. I don't remember. I didn't read the book, but I just remember my grandmother trying to get me to I think. Yeah, that was a movie. The Dutch Girl or something? She did something. Anyway, the point is my grandmother... The Danish lady? I don't remember.

I didn't read the book, but I just remember my grandmother trying to get me to read the book because my grandmother was so taken with this story. Yeah. And she felt, for whatever reason, I mean, this is someone

who was born in, like, 1899. She felt very strongly about this issue and had enormous sympathy for this issue. This is in the early 70s, and it always stayed with me. And then growing up in the village, I guess, and I was always pretty open to it. So I'm very happy to see that this is...

And the country's turning around pretty quickly on this, right? I would say so. People think we haven't gotten anywhere, but just like that little thing I just told you before about saying I'm transgender and people understand it now, that means that things have progressed a lot. Well, I just read in the paper today, or the paper on the internet, and I don't actually agree with this, that Stanford, Connecticut has now stricken all pronouns from- Wait a minute, I'm from Stanford, Connecticut. Yeah, they just struck-

I was just in Stanford, Connecticut. They just struck all pronouns from their official documents. You can't say he or she anymore. Which, you know, life will go on without he or she. My mother didn't mention that at lunch yesterday. But it seems a bit much. I mean, you use he or she when you talk, right? Yeah, or they. You were talking about me. You went home and said you would describe me as he.

Yeah. But if I didn't know someone's gender, I would just say they. Well, you're saying that in your mind, and But if I didn't know someone's gender, I would just say they. If you didn't know. So you're saying that in your mind, and I don't think I agree with this necessarily, but say I met somebody, and I met Noam, and I just started saying I didn't know him,

and I met him tonight, and I said, yeah, he owns the club. You would say that that would be rude because I didn't ask him? No. No, are you saying, Ryan, that it would be rude for me, in your mind, to simply assume that Noam is a he? Well, we know.

Well, we know, but say I just met him tonight, and I look at him, and I believe there's nothing feminine about him, as you can see. Yeah. Not with my clothes on. But say that I just, as I typically would do, I met him, and he introduced himself as, no, I'm the owner of the club, or some gender-ambiguous name like Robin, no owner of the club. And I said, oh, yeah, that guy, he owns the club.

So you were saying in your mind that would be wrong to do that. No, I mean, unless you called him he and he said, that's not my pronoun, I prefer they or she, then it's not really wrong, I don't think. I think if you can't really tell someone's gender, it's better to ask them soon. Okay, so you're saying in an ambiguous case. Yeah. If somebody's clearly a dude, like I would say Noam is clearly a dude. What about Gary? And a straight dude.

Well, Gary's got a beard dude. And a straight dude. Well, Gary's got a beard, so I would say yes. I would say yes. I think it goes by your intentions. If your intentions are negative to go along with it, like if you're calling Noam a he, you know, when you... Just to be an asshole. Yeah, exactly. Then it's a problem.

And that goes with anything, you know? So when typically people see you and they don't know you, they assume what? They don't know. They just don't know. I get so, like, mixed responses of what I am. But even this, like, I'm, like, so afraid to use public bathrooms. So tonight I went in the women's room with my mom, and nobody looked at me. But if also, the same clothes and everything,

I bet you if I go to Penn Station right now and go in the men's room, no one's going to look at me either. Where would you prefer to go? I would prefer to go in the men's room, but I'd prefer not to get assaulted. Why do you prefer to go in the men's room? Because I identify as a man, so I feel like I should be in that bathroom. Because a lot of men would be happy to go into the ladies room. And also the line's much shorter.

But you haven't had bottom surgery. No. Now, I don't have to explain to you what bottom surgery is. I assume from the context would guess. Yeah, I get it. But that seems...

Is that something that's in your future? No. That is like such a? No. You don't want to do that? That is, like, such a painful surgery that people don't even, like, consider the pain sometimes before they get it. Well, what is it? Because, like, I can understand, you know, like, going the other way. You take the penis out and you, you know, I don't know what they do. But it seems like it would be easier than going toward the male side. Can I just say something?

You don't want to have this discussion? No, I don't know if I want to have it or not. I want to say that because I'm going to call it one thing. I don't want this to veer into some sort of, like, God forbid, that he thinks that we're treating this as, like, an oddity. And that we want to discuss that.

Now, if you don't mind discussing it, whatever you're interested in, it's certainly normal human to be curious about these things. That's not my main interest. And I'm much more interested in the psychology and almost the political aspects of where you're coming from. So if you don't want to answer those questions, don't answer them. If you don't mind answering them, I don't think that his intention is not bad, but I don't want you to feel... Well, because if the notion is that you're very uncomfortable with your own physicality, one would think that that would be an important thing.

Yeah, I mean, for some people, it is life or death. Same way the going on hormones is life or death. But for me, getting my top surgery was enough. So just so that you have the physical exterior manifestations

per se. Yeah. I mean, eventually, like, I mean, I've been out so long that I just got to a point where, like, I realized that genitalia doesn't determine somebody's gender. So I don't even know, like, what I'm expecting, you know? So I don't, like, assume anything, really. So I don't assume things about myself anymore. Very complicated, no?

No, it's fascinating, you know. It's also fascinating to me that for throughout as long as human beings have roamed the planet, there have been people suffering with this psychology, you know, and they had to live with it, you know. And maybe they did kill themselves and have this psychology, you know, and they had to live with it. Maybe they did kill themselves and have horrible things, you know. So I imagine, and this kind of would be an argument for people to be a little less angry, is to think how fortunate you are to be living in America in 2008 or in the Western world where, you know, you still may come across some

hateful or ridicule, whatever it is, but you can probably cocoon yourself into a pretty happy lifestyle now among the people that you surround yourself with. Depending on where you live. That's new. That's new to the world. There is evidence of civilizations in the

past, certain Native American civilizations that actually welcomed transgender is evidence of civilizations in the past, certain Native American civilizations that actually welcomed transgender peoples. But you've got to live in a teepee. Well, be that as it may, I don't know that it's... In the length and breadth of human history, I think there have been other

societies that were somewhat accepting of this. So I read. There definitely was. I doubt it. Anyway, there was a character in the movie Little Big Man with Dustin Hoffman,

that molester, Dustin Hoffman. By the way, do you have a take on the Me Too thing? This is interesting to me because you feel like a man, but I'm prejudiced

in this sense. I feel like without that raging testosterone coursing through your veins and your neurons, that you probably don't really understand what it means to be a sex-crazed man. Well, I don't think I'll ever understand what it means to be cis. I'll never have that experience.

So can you identify with men in terms of the way they act sexually? Do you have a take on it? Do you sympathize more? Are you able to? That's the wrong sentence. But how do you feel, the way they act sexually and, uh, do you have a, do you have a take on, do you, do you, do you sympathize more? Do you sympathize? Are you able to, that's the wrong sentence, but how do you feel about the me too thing? Yeah. Well, I think that I don't, I don't necessarily think it's just men that are sexually assaulting. I think it's also women too.

And for some reason that's not being spoken about. But I've been in instances where women have taken advantage of me. And I think like, everyone would think that's like stupid to talk about because, oh, a girl took advantage of a guy. What does that mean? Well, I've been there myself. So a girl knowing knowing your profile tried to get you into bed as a as a transgender man yeah or just you know it happens like i think it happens it even happens in people that married relationships like you know people get get mad if, their partner won't have sex with them or something for a couple days or whatever. But it's, like, I don't know. Like, I think that it's, like, a really sensitive issue right now.

And I think that people are very, like, affected by sex. I think mainly because, like, it's so, like, it's seen as such, like, a taboo thing. And, like, oh, we shouldn't have sex till marriage and we shouldn't be sexual beings but like humans are sexual beings but it's like not okay for someone to like do something without asking you know especially but I mean also like if I was in a if I was in a situation where someone was treating me in a way and I could get out of that situation then I would leave you know but if I can't get out of that situation, then I would leave, you know? But if I can't get out of the situation, which has happened,

like, then I don't think, like, you know, like, there's nothing that I could do, you know? We've got a lot of flack. What's your biggest audience on Instagram? You might find that the response is fascinating. Give it a chance now. My biggest audience currently is, it's, like like 65% female.

And you would think that it would be a lot of trans men. That is to say 65% cis female. Yeah, I would think. Or whatever they are. I heard the one song on YouTube, and I really, really like it. It's really, really happy and peppy, you know. Did we mention he was a singer? did we mention that earlier?

just to recap he is a singer and very commercial I can't wait to go home and play for my daughter I think she loves music like that and are you having good success with your music career? yeah I mean I've been all over the world

you play an instrument too? I play guitar, piano, and harmonica. I play guitar and piano, not harmonica. Cool. I thought we were going to play together or something. Why not? Well, if you have a guitar. Nobody brought a guitar.

Well, you're the one with the guitar. You're the producer. I don't carry my guitar around. All right. You can go upstairs. There's a guitar. No, no, let's do it. No, there's a guitar upstairs.

So I got some criticism on the phone from somebody. We talk a lot about the Me Too things with Louis and all that stuff. And I've been pretty vocal about, and by the way, the world is coming around about feeling that procedurally that men are getting taken down left to right without any kind of consistency and without any right, procedurally uh... that battle that men are getting taken down left to right without any kind of uh... consistency without any right no way to defend themselves and and it just

it it made me very very uncomfortable and somebody on the phone somebody iris back said that we ought to have a guest who who um... who from the feminist point of your for from a woman's point of view, explaining... Where did Steven go? He's getting a guitar.

I told him not to. All right. Explaining so that we could show that we are actually sympathetic to women on this show and the position that women are in. That's why I'm here. Yeah, that's why Gary's here. Steven, we're not getting the guitar.

Forget about the guitar. You didn't get us a woman to talk about the Me Too thing like we asked. They wouldn't come on. You couldn't find a single woman. This is the hottest issue in the country. And you couldn't find one woman who could come on and take the Me Too side. They didn't really want to come on. Who's they?

The people that I asked. Yeah. Well, we got plenty of other stuff to talk about. So we really want to have somebody in the future. Because we are extremely sympathetic to women being... Do you want to say something, Steven? Well, we have someone booked for like a few weeks from now, but we just couldn't get them on short notice. All right.

So you're leaving me hanging here. In any event, so I was kind of hoping that you could say something about it to cover me but i don't know guy what's your take on the whole the me too thing i mean as far as uh you know basically like lynch mobs going after people i think that people kind of jump on you know the bandwagon it's like a lot of some of the some cases obviously are are you know legitimate but then there are cases that you where I mean, I'm not in any of those situations. So you can't say what happens behind closed doors. But a lot of the times where it seems like, you know, a situation with like a Ben Affleck where he's accused of grabbing someone's ass like 10 years ago.

To me, that doesn't seem like that serious. Meanwhile, he was a guy who initially was trying to like, you know, stand up to it and, and, uh, and, you know, be against people like, you know, for say like Harvey Weinstein or, or whatnot, but, uh, but he's going, you know, somebody makes a comment, then they immediately like try and dig up dirt on that person and then go after, go after him. And, you know, it's easy to attack somebody who, who's famous because you could have a million people respond on Twitter and those people just, you know, it's easy to attack somebody who's famous because you could have a million people respond on Twitter. And those people just, you know, keep on responding. And it's easy to, you know, if everyone's saying negative things, to just jump on that bandwagon. Well, look, you have like three categories.

The first category is, and I'm very, very intolerant of this, and I've always been, where somebody is in a power position such that any little request is difficult for them to turn down. Like I had years ago, I don't know if I mentioned this on the air, but I think it just occurred to me recently. I used to have a no back rub policy in my staff. Because I'd see the male waiters giving back rubs to the female waiters. And I always felt that there's just something wrong with this.

That there's a little leverage here in the workplace where they don't want to make waves. It's like, don't fucking touch anybody. When you get off work, do what you want. I don't want to see anybody touching each other. I always tell my door guys And when they get off work, touch each other. They do!

I don't want my door guys putting their hands on anybody. Just like, keep your hands off. I didn't like the kiss goodbye. I was always very careful about complimenting a waitress or anything. And I married a waitress. It wasn't like I was hands off, but I was always very aware. And that's the classic sexual harassment, where somebody doesn't want to to resist even something which isn't like a back rub. Because they don't want to suffer any consequences at work.

Right. And I'm actually very, very, very extremely sympathetic to that. But to eradicate that, you're going to need, first of all, bosses to have policies like I'm talking about. And in some ways, you're also going to need to have women, it's usually women, coming forward and not being afraid to say that they feel this is inappropriate or that they're feeling pressured. And it's hard to get them to do that. And that's really, I think, I predict that that will be the bottleneck five years from now.

It's just they haven't figured out how to get women to put away the embarrassment and be willing to come forward. And I don't think it's because they're worried about retribution, although that might be sometimes. I think there's something deep within people. They just don't want to tattletale. They just don't want to come forward. And I don't think it's because they're worried about retribution, although that might be sometimes. I think there's something deep within people. They just don't want to tattletale. They just don't want to come forward. So that's one aspect.

The other aspect is the clear criminal behavior, like Harvey Weinstein, where people are doing something which, if you could catch them, they'd be doing time. Right. And then you have, and this is why I'm asking, then you have the Louis category, which they tried to shape it as that he was in a power position,

but I think that we know he wasn't in a power position back in 2003 or whatever. He was just like the hotel room. He's hanging out with some other comics. They're hanging out all night. They're drinking a smoking pot. They go up to a hotel room. You're in a hotel room at 2 in the morning with a dude. What a shock.

He's looking to do something sexual. And he crosses the morning with a dude. You know, what a shock. He's looking to, you know, do something sexual. And he crosses the line of some kind of appropriate behavior. And appropriate is defined by what you can get away with. Like, you know, if they had been into it, nobody would have said anything he asked was inappropriate. But they weren't into it, so it's inappropriate. And I'll agree that it's inappropriate. But that, to me, is the weakest scenario for taking somebody down publicly. He wasn't using his power.

He wasn't trying to force cement anything. He wasn't committing a crime or doing something like that. He was just a dude who crossed over a line. Now maybe it's because he's drunk or he's high or because he felt he got signals. Or maybe that's just his uncontrollable urge. But it doesn't seem morally comparable, even to the lesser thing of the guy, of the manager giving the waitress a back row where she has the heebie-jeebies because she can't stop him.

She's got to fucking put up with the back row because it's her manager. You know? I don't know. That's my take on it, but it's clearly misunderstood a lot of the time. What do you think about it? I think, I mean, I don't know. I feel like if I was in the situation

with Louis C.K., I'd be like, hey, I'm just gonna go back to my hotel and sleep right now. I'm really tired, you know, and I would get out of the situation if I didn't like it. But like, I don't know. I used to live in San Francisco and I'll be honest, like, I would go to the Castro Theater,

go see a movie. Do you know how many gay men would touch my butt? And honestly, I don't care. It didn't bother me. They were attractive. I don't care. But if someone did that and I said, do not do that, and they did it again, then I would be like, that is messed up.

You should... That is not cool. You know? What's the Castro Theater? Oh, the Castro is, like, the gayest neighborhood in San Francisco. And these movies are gay content movies? No, not even. No, it's just a regular movie.

No, just any movie. Family movies, E.T., whatever. You know, it's like the Magic Johnson Theater is not all black movies. I'm just asking. No, it's just, like, a very famous theater. It shows every, like, any type of movie, any classic movie that people would love to see, you know, it would be there.

I'll tell you what I was thinking. Like, imagine if it's a sexually charged thing. No, it's not a sexual theater. A touch on the butt would be more common than going to see Star Wars, you know? No, but, I mean, I don't know. It's just like San Francisco culture, you know? But, like, if it was, like, I've never been in a situation I don't know. It's just like San Francisco culture.

I've never been in a situation where my boss has touched me inappropriately. So I don't know how it would feel. I think I would feel bad about it. Oh my god, I'm going to get fired so I can't say anything. There becomes that thing where they're trying to be more powerful and that's not cool. I don't know why i see like if if my i have a daughter yeah and believe me i love my daughter and if she came home and told me her boss gave her a back rope that she didn't want yeah it would make me way more angry than if she told me dude dad i went up to a hotel room with this guy at two in the morning and he asked if he could masturbate in front of me like i would get that

right i would say well sweetheart you know it's two in the morning and he asked if he could masturbate in front of me. Like, I would get that. I would say, well, sweetheart, you know, it's 2 in the morning, maybe you shouldn't be out drinking. You know, don't go up to a hotel room with a dude at 2 in the morning when you've been drinking because, you know, that's the kind of things that dudes do, you know? And even if she had to sit through the masturbation, it would not bother

me as much as the manager who gave her her back rub where she had to sit and take it because she was working for him. Yeah, because that's like a power trip, you know? He's like power tripping over her. By the way, no, I'm— Because she's a hostage in the first situation. Yeah, exactly.

In the same situation, she's experiencing one of the less desirable aspects of life, but that's fucking life. You're not going to change human beings. That's program. Men are going to be trying, or women too, and alcohol and drugs. I mean, you bring a woman up to a hotel room. I mean, even if it's like a business conversation and there's a bed in there,

you're thinking about sex. No matter what. That crosses your mind. Even in the most professional setting possible. Absolutely. That's just what happens. Even if you're just one-on-one with the woman, that crosses your mind I hate to do an abrupt gear change here but

Gary's got some interesting things going on he just did Colbert and he is also and he's also you know we talked last week I don't know if you're into comedy at all Ryan but the comedy seller has a pilot you know what a pilot is? in the showbiz context?

a pilot with Comedy Central to do a pilot. You know what a pilot is? Yeah. In the showbiz context? Yeah. A pilot with Comedy Central to do a show that every week the comics talk about what's going on. The comics on stage do jokes about what's going on that week. It's kind of like Best Week Ever, but with stand-up. So that we're in the midst right now of filming a pilot. And Gary is, tonight, is going to participate in the pilot pilot shooting of the pilot. That's right. Looking forward to it. It's going to be a little nervous,

but it should go well. Now, Gary, you were instructed, and just to let the audience know, they're taping all the comics tonight. I'm doing it tomorrow night, in fact. And you were instructed to talk about particular topics of the week, or just talk about what you want to talk about or a little bit of both. Tell us about the process.

Yeah, so you're basically given a list of topics, and they kind of outlined it where you try and develop some material towards these topics over the previous four days, which is when they sent that email. So some of the topics would just be like the Golden Globes, which just happened, or stuff about Trump and how he says that he has a bigger nuclear button than Kim Jong-un. Or some things about like one of my things that they gave me was about penis whitening that's going on in Bangkok, Thailand.

Penis whitening? I don't know. What do you think about that? I've never even heard of it. Okay. Yeah, but anyway, that's supposed to be, you know, that's like another story. What is penis whitening?

I guess just a bunch of guys in Bangkok, Thailand, like there's a clinic that offers penis whitening that they just whiten your penis because it's like a fad that's going on. It's like very popular, and apparently they think it's just a good... More prestigious to have a white penis. Yeah, I guess more prestigious.

You would think it actually would be better, obviously, to have a black penis. Well, stereotypes about penis size and race aside, in Asia, very oftentimes, the whiter, the better in their culture. I believe that Japanese women with white porcelain skin are highly prized. Okay. Well, maybe I just made that up. I don't know. I don't research it as much.

I've never heard of penis whiting. I've heard of asshole bleaching. Yeah. His mom is here. This is the second time you said her. Forgive me. They gave you all these topics. It's definitely hard because

you're supposed to incorporate it in your stand-up act, but you still have your act, so you want it to maintain basically your voice. You're not a monologue joke type guy. You talk about your foibles. Yeah, and I'm a joke teller.

And foibles you have. Yeah. I'm a joke teller. However, incorporating the current events where you could try and make it like incorporate yourself into these situations, it definitely makes it a little difficult. And plus, you're doing jokes that are fairly new. So, you know, some of these could bomb. I think what they should do, I'm going to put on my producer hat

if anybody's interested, in my opinion, is I think it might be productive to say have three nights where the audience is told this is the, this week at the Comedy Cellar show. And the comedians are going to do some new stuff

that they haven't done before. And it'll be a lot of topical stuff. And some of the comedians will talk about the same topic so the audience kind of knows what's going on. And the comedians are more at ease because they know the audience knows. And maybe give us each a couple of nights so that if a joke doesn't work perfectly on Thursday,

we could have it refined and ready to go by Friday or Saturday. So Noam as the executive, executive, top executive emperor of this show. I actually did think that we should give people a chance to do more than one set. But I can't say I was vetoed. I just, I went with the flow. But we do have an option for a pickup day to do another show if people want to reshoot something

if it doesn't go. Well, again, this is just a pilot. Now, what was your name again? The mother of Fran? I'm not sure if this is a show business term, a pilot. What that means is they're taping a show. I know what a pilot is.

They know what a fucking pilot is. Not everybody, all right, because not everybody knows what a pilot is. My mother would not know what a pilot is. Well, I know what a fucking pilot is. Not everybody, alright, because not everybody knows what a pilot is. My mother would not know what a pilot is. If I tell my mother

we were shooting a pilot, she would think it was an aviation related. By the way, I want to apologize for the he or she. You know, first of all,

you look just like somebody I know. Charles Wojcik. Somebody in my family who happens to be a lesbian. What happened? But maybe, maybe they have transgender leads. I don't know.

But anyway, it occurs to me, and we had an issue with someone who worked here one time, that the he or she, it's not something you think about. It comes, it registers somewhere like a switch in the brain. And it is not something somebody thinks about before it comes out of their mouth. Totally. And you can't you'd have to train them so whatever, you meet somebody

and it registers that's a he or that's a she. And I think to change that doesn't happen like that. It takes a little... I got it right away. I did not. Right away.

You did not. I called you she by mistake before the show one time. Didn't happen a second time. Right, but you're being careful. I'm good. But you could tell when someone's going out of their way to use their own pronoun to make you feel bad. You could tell.

Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. And they're using a lot of effort to do that. Like, certain people in my extended family still do that 10 years later. And I could tell, like, it's been 10 years. What do they do? What do they do? They say the wrong pronoun or they say my birth name, which I won't say right now.

But they... They do it on purpose. They do it so on purpose. I mean, they've been looking at me as Ryan, as Mel, for ten years. You could get it by now, you know? You've had enough time to look me in the face and hear everyone around you say he. You could get it by now. It's all about the intent.

Ray had something to say about the pilot, Fran. Is it all right if Ray grabs your... No, you can take it again. You can take Gary's mic. Ray just had it. Ray is... I apologize. Thank you. This is Ray Allen.

I just found out last week he was an executive producer on this fucking show. Unbelievable. I'm telling you. Well, there's some controversy if you listen to the last episode. I've been involved with this pilot since day one and kind of steered the ship. You were actually angry at me for mentioning it when we were at that meeting. Now, ladies, gentlemen, everybody, what's interesting is that there's lots of great ideas in the world, and often they go nowhere. So we should all be grateful and happy that this great idea is being made into a television pilot on the Premier Comedy Network.

And I have great feeling about this show. Terrific feeling. I'm going to walk around the corner now. We're going to go shoot day one. Is this the first great feeling you've had in your career? Can I tell you something? I want the list of other great feelings you've had. Every project I've done, and you probably don't know this,

everything has been a success. Latin Legends of Comedy that I self-produced and financed sold to 20th Century Fox. DailyComedy.com outlasted NBC, TBS, and Budweiser's comedy websites. I co-founded that. LateNet was a big hit with AOL. It did very well.

Every project I've been involved with Noam has been a success. All over America, people are saying, I feel for Noam right now. Noam's great idea is going to end up being picked up by Comedy Central, and he will not give me a smidgen of credit, and that's okay, because I know that my colleagues know how hard I worked on this.

Now, I'm going to go walk around the corner. I will give you credit. He does work hard on it. Thank you. He does. I'm going to go walk around the corner now. We're going to go shoot day one, and I'm very excited that Dan and Gary are going to be doing wonderful material. Well, I'm doing I'm a No-No tomorrow.

I'm on tomorrow. Gary's on tonight, and we certainly look forward to that. Yes, yes. And you have two, by the way, you have two terrific topics going on right now, back and forth. It's very interesting, and I'm sorry to interrupt you two. Lovely people. It's okay. We're going to cut it out.

No, it's fine. Anyway, that's it. I'll see you guys a little later. Well, let's try to bring the two together, if possible. This has never been tried before. We're going to try to bring together comedy and transgender in one show. Do you like Comedy Central? And will you be watching this week at the Comedy Cell or Riot?

Well, I'll watch it to support y'all. Awesome. But I don't... I don't know if it's... A lot of comedy, it has to be so funny for me to laugh. Oh, you won't like it. Like most comedy I hear at open mics, like they're not funny at all. Well, you're going open mics by definition.

We're not open mics. This is the comedy. This is where all the most famous comedians in the world before. It's funny here, but in my hometown, it's not funny. Well, forget about your hometown. What is your hometown? I'm from Bayshore. That's in Suffolk County.

No offense to all of them, but... I mean, Suffolk County, anything goes out that way. So, Michael Bigley introduced me to the concept of imposter syndrome this week. Do you guys know what imposter syndrome is? No idea. You know what it is, Steven? What happened to my phone? Imposter syndrome...

I never heard of it. Can you explain it easily? It's basically where no matter how successful someone is, they always feel like a fraud. Well, maybe that is what it is. Imposter syndrome is a concept describing individuals who are marked by an

inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud. So, I think I'm suffering now because I feel totally separated from all the great things that have been happening around here for a long time. And

I don't know what to do about that. Like this TV show. And that's also a comedian's mentality too. You know, you could have a great set and then you still feel like you did shit you know and I feel like

that also probably carries over to you because you're around it you've been around it so long that you know something

all this great stuff is happening but I still feel like you know I can tell like you know what Gary knows

I used to have The Wall you know and The Wall was like really like I'm a musician I was really in charge of that.

I rehearsed the band twice a week and I arranged all the music and I performed. And it went from empty to lines out the door, you know, five, six, seven nights a week sometimes. And I didn't feel like an imposter then. Like that was my, and I ran it for like 20 years. And then opened the other, the pussy. I had other accomplishments where I didn't feel that way. But the Comedy Cellar, despite all the growth

that it's had, and I made a lot of decisions that if I had made other decisions and people advocated other decisions, you know, the decisions go the other way,

I could see that we wouldn't have all the growth. In the end, the Comedy Cellar is about the comedians who write their material and they are the product. In the end, the Comedy Cellar is about the comedians who write their material and they are the product. And no matter what I do for a living, I always feel like, listen, I'm just putting the lights on and it's them, you know? And I think that separates me and that's why

I'm having trouble really enjoying all this success. It's pretty troubling. Well, you know, of course, there's great comedians at many, many clubs in the city, but this is a club that's obviously done the best. So you're doing something right.

I know, but I feel like what I'm doing, I feel like the other clubs are just, the stuff they do wrong is so, like, what are they thinking?

I know. I mean, I agree. I mean, you go into a club and you're like, why are you, like, I mean, I like, I mean, Caroline's is Caroline's, but like, you know, they have that name of like, oh, they're so prestigious. But you go in there and the lights are so bright when you're on stage there.

And you're like, you know, if you dim the lights, you'd have a better show. Just stuff like that. Or handing out a check while somebody's on stage. Exactly. Handing out a check. I mean, I mean, there are a million things,, there are a million little things that could be corrected. However, these people don't listen. And you're around it.

You see it. You kind of just understand what works. And I feel like as much as it is obviously the comics, it's just listening to other people and people being able to critique it and able to take criticism on top of that. Most people can't take criticism yeah like Dan so then

I had this idea about this show I also can't take compliments very well either I had this idea about this show which would be like a topical

and it was a good idea we tape all like you know 30 shows for the week and then we edit all week and take all the comedians material on topical stuff that's going on that week

because it's kind of like a Twitter kind of thing, and the comedians will be into it, and they make money. And it was a good idea. I mean, everybody jumped at it right away. And then Comedy Central gives us this big budget for a pilot and everything like that. So you would think I would have that pleasure. It really was my idea.

No, I'm like, whatever. I can't. I'm having a real—I didn't want to come to work today. What the fuck does it matter to me? Happiness is hard to come by, and it may be that your imposter syndrome, it may well be there's no cure for it. It might be like high blood pressure.

We can manage it as best we can, but you're just going to have to live with it with your imposter syndrome. I don't know. It's a big problem for me now. Anyway. But many, many, many great men, I assume, are of a similar mind. You think Donald Trump has imposter syndrome?

No, he's got the opposite. He's got the opposite of imposter syndrome. What's that? Well, he thinks that everything he did is genius. He is an imposter. We think he is an imposter. Or maybe that's not what he thinks to the public. Or it says to the public, but behind closed doors, he's like, you know, I got to do more.

How do I be more famous than I already am? So maybe he's still, you know, there's still like some type of... Yeah, but you could be suffering from clinical depression, though. No, I'm not depressed. Oh, okay. I'm not depressed. When I sit home with my kids, I'm happy as can be. I just don't want to leave.

Well, I think also after a certain age, the excitement. You know, you've got this young Ryan who's 24 years old. And he sees the world very differently than somebody in their 40s and 50s. It's all very exciting for him, his musical career. Can we play a little bit of your song on the show? Because the producer will cut in the song. But I just don't think after a certain age, you're not going to have the same excitement that you would have had at 30 or 40 when you owned the Wah.

I think it's natural. Maybe that's what it is. I don't know. I mean, I remember when I was 29 auditioning, oh boy, I'd go to CBS to go on an audition. And I don't know, Gary, you're a bit younger than me, but if you're still... When you go on an audition, my first time auditioning, it was like, oh my God, I'm

in show business. Oh, business. I'm auditioning at CBS and my agent, I'd call my sister, my agent, sent me on an audition. That's right. My agent. I'd be on that subway reading those lines. I was hoping everybody's looking at me like, ooh, there goes an actor.

But that's all gone now. Now that my agent calls me up, I'm like, what do you want? Yeah. But in any case, we got some guitars here. So I think it's a natural diminution of enthusiasm

with age. Do you know what song I might know? I don't know. Like a Beatles song? Honestly, this guitar is missing a string. Yeah, I know.

I hope Ryan is good or this could be awkward. You can't play a guitar missing a string. He's missing a string, for God's s awkward. He can't play guitar missing a string. He's missing a string, for God's sakes. No, give me your guitar. I want to play. If you don't know the song, I'll just give you the guitar. Do you know what song I might know?

Probably not. I don't know many cover songs. I have to remember all my own songs. You know The Wait. What? The Wait is a great song. Wait? You know, The Wait. I'm saying everything in a different key than everybody else. I'll play whatever key you want. So it's like wait, but the way that's a great song Wait, you know the other way

I'll put whatever key whatever key you want. Okay, I think see I'll do it with me or you want to play All right, here we go, baby. This is the night the way And you cut the sound. I won't be perfectly in tune. Rolled into Nazareth. Go ahead. You go. You start.

I'll give you a one, two, three. And one. You start. I need the key. Rolled into Nazareth. I was feeling about half past dead. Just need some place where I can lay my head Hey mister, can you tell me where a man might find a bed? Just grin, shook my hand, knows all he said

Take a load off Fanny Take a load for free Take a load off Fanny Yeah You put the load right on me Yay! Another verse? What's the next verse? Two, three, four I What's the next verse?

I don't know. I'll do the chorus one more time. Take a load off Annie. Take a load for free. Take a load off Annie. And you put the load right on me. Hey! That was pretty good.

Oh, you saved it, Calabria. You saved it. You saved it. That was pretty good. Well, can Ryan come? You know, every Friday night here. Where do you live now? I live in Los Angeles.

How long are you in town for? Until the 19th. Good singer. Yeah, very good. Well, you know, every Friday night, Noam and the musicians sing up here at the Olive Tree Cafe. I don't know if I'm talking to the Terran if he would stop by and sing a song. Yeah, of course he can come and sing a song.

Dan always does that. I've never heard him, like, pause and think about what to say. He's always like, just say it. I'm not saying the wrong thing, am I? No, no. I remember one time, I was here, I think it was Dana Perino, you know, President Bush's

ex-press secretary. And I'm sitting, I'm having dinner with her at the front of the restaurant there and Dan walks up to me and goes, he goes, no,

you got to tell these cooks to wash their hands when they use the bathroom. I'm not speaking out of turn, am I? That's perfect. I'm not being out of turn, am I? Well, that's perfect. That is actually true. I have a better one than that.

I invited a girl down, and we were hanging out. That is actually true. Get that fucking mic out of Calabria's hand. Because now it's going to become, let's all dump on Natterman. And we were hanging out, and I went to the bathroom, and Natterman walks up to the girl, and he goes, oh, so you're one of Calabria's girls, huh? No, no, wrong. Never happened. Never happened.

Never happened. Never happened. Never. Oh, she told you that happened? Yeah, well, she's wrong, because that never happened. I never did that. That's number one. Number two, this is not gang up on Natterman hour, because we could easily gang up on you, or, you know. Or Ryan. Or poor Ryan. Anyway. not gang up on Natterman Hour because we could easily gang up on you or

poor Ryan. Anyway. No, that's that's that's not accurate. I don't believe so. No, I never did that. Anyway, we're going to wrap it up. We're going to wrap it up.

We got time, my brother. It's only 7.50. We're at 55 minutes and we're going to cut in Ryan's song. Well, we want to maybe briefly touch upon Gary's recent... Do you watch the Colbert show? Ryan doesn't sound to me like he's plugged into the comedy. Honestly, it takes me about 10 minutes to turn my television on because I cannot figure out how to turn it on.

I had the guy come to come fix my TV. It was just unplugged. Good old Ryan. So, well, you know, that's a feminine stereotype. I didn't grow up with it. My brother was hogging it. Well, in any case, Guy was on Colbert Report. For whatever reason,

that's our dear friend Jessica Pilot books that I believe. I'll email you the link. Was it scary? It wasn't. The fact that it was in the Ed Sullivan studio, if you think about all that stuff, it could get a little frightening. The fact that it's not that

you do a TV appearance every day. It every day. So it's, uh, just the, the fact of going through that, but you know, I knew the material. So going in, I was just like, you know, go in and just do your thing. And, uh, that kind of TV, I didn't see the set yet, but I haven't seen the set. Um, yeah, you know, like I always felt, I, you know, I've had past experiences of doing it. So like that kind of carries over of just like, all right, I've done this before. And you just kind of just, you know, barrel through it. And, you know, you're going to say your jokes. Wait, did you do Letterman in that theater?

I didn't do Letterman, but AGT and Conan. In that theater? No, not in that theater. AGT was in Radio City musical. I know. Yeah, come to think of it, I did AGT. Yeah. But, you know, so the experience wasn't, you know, you're not, like, scared, but you wanted to go well. Of course.

You don't want it to be like, all right, this is the time I screwed it up. Who were the other guests? Because that, to me, whenever I do a late-night talk show, to me, it's like I'm more interested in the opportunity to meet somebody cool. So this time around, they actually did something different. They taped a few stand-ups and had a musical guest on top of that with Colbert going in the beginning. It wasn't like the

A-list guest that was there that day, and then they just edited you into an episode. Oh, that sucks. That was the first time that they did that for Colbert. I did that with Ferguson, but I knew ahead of time that they did that for Colbert. I did that with Ferguson, but I knew at the time that's what it was.

Where Ferguson leaves the room and then you come in and then they edit it in. It changes the experience for sure. You don't feel like you're part of the show. Yes, so you're not part of the show. However, and I found out about doing the show altogether two days, all together, like, two days right before. So, I was, you know, I'm like, oh, great. And then, you know, Jessica mentioned about, like, you know, that it's going to be a little bit different. I'm like, you know, whatever. You know, the main thing is, like, you want the credit.

You want to have the good set. So, that's the most important thing. The other stuff is just, like, kind of. I mean, that stuff matters. I mean, it does. It does matter. You also want to feel like you're part of the show, not like, alright, we'll let you in later because we don't really

consider you a real guest. Totally. I think that's more of like, you know, just something that they... I mean, they were able to get me on the first week of January, so I was the first late night guest that they had on. And while all the other shows were on like repeat, So it was nice to

have that done. Meanwhile, a lot of people get bumped, so I'm just happy for the experience. But however, yes, it would have been much cooler if I could have met 50 Cent, who was on the episode that I was on. I did a Conan episode. That's how he feels. I did an episode of Conan years ago.

It was about 10 years ago, where Mr. Cent was on the show with me. And so I wanted to meet Fitty and I go into a room and it's like a bunch of black people in the room and I'm like, which one's Fitty?

Did you get in trouble? No, I didn't say that out loud but I didn't know which one Fitty was. Right. And then Fitty said, hey! And I said, hey.

You know, and then I met Fitty. But to be honest with you, I'm not a rap fan, obviously, so meeting Fitty wasn't the highlight of my life. But Jennifer Anderson was also on that show. And I met her briefly, and that was interesting. And it's fun, like, the first time I did Conan, I believe it was Reese Witherspoon and Ray Romano

were on that show and I got to go and sit on the couch next to Reese and you know after like she watched me she was on the couch watching as I performed and then I sat down and she said oh that was great you know and I just felt like oh I'm part of the show I'm

really in show business and then Conan talks to you and says, oh, thanks for coming, whatever. And you wave to the audience on the couch with Reese Witherspoon. He's just telling you what you missed. Oh, yeah. Well, no, you've done other talk shows. I did Conan, and that was the same thing. Who was on that one? I mean, Kate McKinnon.

Is that her name? McKinnon. From SNL, yeah. And then another, I forget the other guy's name, who was like the first guest, but he's not doing anything right now. He was in like Expendables. So Dan had better guests. Yeah, Dan had better guests. Well, I've done a lot of these shows.

Kate's big now, but I mean, it's just, you know. I've had some good ones. Rutger Hauer. Who? Rutger Hauer. No, that wasn't. Was it in the Expendables? I don't know.

Jean-Claude Van Damme? No, it was like a younger guy who, I don't know. I've had like Broadway people on and then you're really disappointed. Like, oh, some guy from some Broadway show you've never heard of. But being on the show with the guests, being like, all right, this is a show. There's something about that that obviously makes it more special. But at the end of the day, you just want the credit. You want to get on TV.

Then on to the next thing. But this way, when you go down to Aruba for Aruba Race Show, they can put on the flyer from the Colbert Show. We have to wrap it up. I want to tell Ryan that it's a pleasure to meet you. Thank you. He's a very nice young man. And I actually really believe in your message very strongly.

And I think it could change a lot of hearts and minds if you can get it out there. What about Jazz Jennings? Any thoughts? Yeah, I've met Jazz, and she's really nice and everything. I think, like, she was kind of, like, pushed into being famous too young, maybe, so that, like, that's all she knows. So I feel like, I don't know, it's the same thing, like, that happens to a lot of, like, young celebrities. Like, they don't know, it's the same thing that happens to a lot of young celebrities.

They don't really get to live a normal life. I don't think Noam knows who Jazz Jenny is because Noam's kind of old and out of it. But us young folks know who she is.

She is a transgender activist. She had a show on the Learning Channel, I believe it was, called I Am Jazz. And she's a transgender activist. So in any case, I guess that's it for the show.

Christine Jorgensen, by the way, I put the two together, the tennis player. What's her name? Renee Richards. Christine Jorgensen grew up in the Bronx and was admitted into the Army and was like the first famous. By the way, what do you think about... You have to go. What do you think about sports teams? Do you think that a born male who now identifies as a female should be able to compete against born females in track events

or weightlifting or whatever it is? I think they should test the hormones and see if they're at a similar level than all the other athletes. And if they are, I think it's fair. Does that science hold up? I don't know. That's interesting. So in other words, if it can be equalized, then you're okay with it.

Yeah, and I think that's what the Olympics does. They test the hormone levels. If we were without testosterone, would we be as weak as women? It's all about the hormones? It's not all about the hormones. I'm wondering. This guy's been living in LA a while because you hear it in his voice.

It's not about the hormones. He kind of has an LA rhythm to his voice, I find. I'm a really small guy. In my whole life, I always joke, I can beat any woman in an arm wrestle. You can if she works out a lot. Even if she works out. I doubt it.

I'm telling you, I have never lost. Now, I'm a pretty good arm wrestler. And I'm sure somewhere there is a woman who can beat me, of course. Judy Gold? No, but I don't know. Percentage-wise, you can win. But my point being that there's a tremendous natural advantage that the average man has over the average woman in terms of strength.

And I'm wondering if that's only to do with hormones or is actually there's something else to it. Is it something also chromosomally? I don't know. I don't know. Lou cut out the Judy Gold. No, no, you said it. Well, but, you know, have ass to be cut out too sometimes

But anyway, yeah, what else do we have to ask this young man? All right, back to L.A. with you, I guess I have a question, actually, for the comedians Mostly for you Sure What about me? I am curious Oh, okay, you too

Well, he's the guest Ask Gary, good, good Okay, I'm really curious to know how many hours a day or a week or a month you have to spend researching and watching tv and the news and to get all this knowledge because i mean i would not be able to be a comedian because I'm not like in touch with everything happening you know and you have to you need a lot of knowledge and awareness of what's happening in the world to be a comedian is that true and how often do you have to do this research well it's more so that uh you have to do like you have to get up on stage so like more times you get

up on stage and like you know you're gonna kind of find jokes on stage. More times you get up on stage and you're going to find jokes on stage sometimes. But obviously you're going to go on stage a little bit with topics. Dan could clarify this too, but you want to live life. A lot of my jokes are more about life and things that I might experience. Sometimes if you're taking things out of the news

another comic might actually have the same premise or the same twist as you and Punchline. So I kind of take things that I might have experienced myself and then just write about that and then take it to the stage. But as far as

hours go, you're kind of just the more times you get on stage, the better and more refined your jokes are going to be. Well, even though he didn't ask me, I will answer anyway. That I concur with Mr. Viter. At least to answer your question, zero

is the amount of time I spend researching my jokes. Because my jokes are about me. And I don't do a lot of research to know that, you know, I didn't get laid in high school. In any case, it's about my life, mostly. Or about things that are very... I don't do specific shit.

Now, this Comedy Central pilot... It's a different beast. ...is a different beast than we are doing because that's the nature of the beast. So they'll have to research. This is the book my grandmother had. That's the book. But it's not that much reason.

We're just doing... We're not doing... They're sending us topics. And we're not doing stuff that's very hard to, you know, it's stuff that everybody knows about, you know, like, big stuff that's in the news, like, for example, Prince Harry,

Prince Harry, everybody, is marrying a half-black woman. I don't know if you knew that. You didn't know that? No, I don't even know what Prince Harry looks like. Oh, for the love of God, man. I tell you, these young kids today, they have no respect for the monarchy. Okay, can we sign off?

All right, I guess we'll go on that. No, thank you. Well, I have to. There's a pilot going on. All right, all right. Our dear friend Ryan Casata and his mother Fran Casata. Or do you have another name? My last name is Love.

Love? Fran Love. I love that name, baby. It's 1967. Summer of Love. I love that name, baby. It's 1967. Summer of Love. Like Bernie Love. That's a wonderful name. So you're only half Italian, I guess.

Anyway. Yes, thank you for coming. Gary Vider. Peter. Whatever. Hey, it's a pronoun. No, I don't know. It's not that.

All right, everybody. Good night, everybody. Good night. alright everybody bye bye goodnight everybody goodnight