The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Ryan Hamilton & Kat Timpf
Episode Date: September 1, 2017Ryan Hamilton is a prominent standup comedian who performs regularly at the Comedy Cellar. His new special, "Happy Face," is out on Netflix. Kat Timpf is an American television personality, reporter,... and comedian living in New York City. She appears regularly as a panelist on Fox News.
Transcript
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You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the table, on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com.
Good evening, everybody. Welcome to The Comedy Cellar show here on Sirius XM, Channel 99, The Comedy Cellar.
We're at the backstage, we're at the back table of the Comedy Cellar.
My name is Noam Dorman. I'm the owner of the Comedy Cellar.
I'm going to turn it over to my co-host,
my nemesis, Mr.
Dan Natterman, to make the introductions.
Go ahead, Dan. We have with us today
Noam, Ryan Hamilton.
He just
completed his Netflix Hour special,
or it just aired, I should say. Yeah, it just
was released. To rave reviews, at least according to my highly biased Facebook feed.
But remember, all my Facebook friends are comedians.
That's right.
They love Ryan Hamilton.
So they have nothing but good things to say.
I haven't seen it yet, but we'll talk about this.
Doesn't Netflix have a star thing?
Yeah, they have a star thing, I think.
I don't know.
Oh, go ahead.
Finish the introduction.
Well, we hope it gets five stars. Whatever the system is, I assume it's one to five. I took a peek. I don't know. Finish the introduction. Well, we hope it gets five stars.
Whatever the system is, I assume it's one to five.
I took a peek.
It's around four and five.
That's pretty good. We also have with us
Kat.
When I met her, she was Kat Tim.
But now she's become classy.
And now she thinks she's the queen of England.
And it's Catherine Tim.
Sometimes Catherine. But now I'm going back into Cat.
So I'm kind of figuring it out.
It's a bit of an identity crisis that I'm having right now.
Okay, well, I know her as Cat.
I'm going to call her Cat.
And if you're a fan of Fox News, you certainly recognize that husky voice of hers.
She is a regular on Fox News Specialists.
And prior to that, I believe she was on the Greg Gutfeld Show.
I still am on the Greg Gutfeld Show.
Okay.
So, yeah.
She's a self-described libertarian.
Yes.
I think that means you want government to get the hell out of your life as much as possible.
Yeah, absolutely.
Okay.
But also, like, anti-war and, like, you know, I think immigration's great.
I love immigrants, more immigrants.
Oh, you're for open borders.
Yeah, it's not like completely open, obviously, but it's people like Ted Cruz, I feel like hijack the libertarian label, but they're just like not libertarians.
They just don't want to be called Republicans.
I'm like pro-choice, like all that stuff.
It is a word I've been hearing a lot more these days than I used to, libertarian.
But I don't know if that's just because I see it on Facebook more often.
By the way, before we get to any of that, it's official.
Our regular viewers, our listeners, know that we've been talking about opening up a comedy cellar room in Vegas.
It was a possibility. then it was a probability. Well,
now it is a certainty, barring a nuclear holocaust or asteroid strike, there will be a comedy
cellar room in Las Vegas, Nevada at the Rio Hotel Casino that's off the strip, near the
strip. Noam, you have a weird look on your face.
I was trying to think if there's a word with an ility at the end of it that you could
have used.
I think that was supposed to be
a possibility, that was a probability.
And now it's certain.
There's a certain
certability.
There will be a room
in Vegas. I know it was trepidatious.
Not sure that's a word either.
Yes, that's a word.
It's too late now because the paperwork is
signed and we will all
sink or swim together, but obviously
Gnome has a lot more at stake
than we do. We're just going to go play there.
I'm so nervous about it.
And on top of that, I signed, I literally,
you know, you can docu-sign
documents now on your
It's scary, right?
It doesn't even feel like you're signing anything.
Yeah.
So I'm doing this while I'm being prepped for a vasectomy,
which is already an emotionally difficult thing.
It's too much at once.
And the human body is like this.
I remember one time I got 107 temperature when I was in high school.
Whoa.
And I was playing this Paul McCartney and Wings album during that time.
And after I recovered, I could never listen to that record again.
Yeah.
For whatever reason, it was associated.
So now this deal, on top of all the trepidation,
whatever, all the...
Trepidacity.
All the trepidacity that I had about it
is now associated with all the nervousness of this vasectomy.
Oh.
And I'm sure that's just compounding it.
Now every time you get a vasectomy...
Yeah.
So every time I think about the room in Vegas, I immediately think about the vasectomy.
Right.
Well, that'll be fun.
And the vasectomy is horrible.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
They say it's so simple, but it's.
Well, I mean, it is simple.
But it's not fun for sure.
Well, you don't feel it, but they don't put you to sleep.
Just the first one, they don't put you to sleep.
Yeah, that's weird.
But you don't feel it.
The recovery process is painful and upsetting.
My doctor was fantastic, but my doctor is an African-American.
I'm a black urologist.
I've had him for a while, but I never really got to know him.
But during this process, while he literally has his fingers literally inside your scrotum,
like they're really operating on you, he starts to talk about politics.
Wouldn't that help, though?
Wouldn't that help?
Well, except that—
They're trying to make you not think about that.
Yes.
But—
So he kind of asked me what I thought about
what was going on
in Charlottesville.
Oh, God.
And I'm such a jackass.
Like, I'll tell him,
you know,
I don't think
the Confederate flag,
and they should leave
these Robert E. Lee sets.
And he's like, yeah.
And then I smelled
the burning flesh
of cauterized,
you know,
vast deference.
So it was literally
a scene right out of
Curb Your Enthusiasm.
And I'm exaggerating
a little bit
because actually he was, I think we agreed on mostiasm. And I'm exaggerating a little bit because actually he was,
I think we agreed on most things.
And I didn't say anything.
But afterwards, I said, what the hell is the matter with me?
Like, don't you know when to shut up?
Right.
And then I tried to take pride in it.
Like, well, you know, I really don't see color.
Like, people say they don't see color.
Like, first of all, I had a black urologist,
so that's already not seeing color.
But then he's talking about politics while he's giving me a vasectomy.
And I'm talking.
It's a pretty good test.
Yeah.
You should have just called a friend.
Whenever I even get blood drawn or anything, I'll, like, call my friend.
Just called your friend while you're getting a vasectomy.
So you didn't have to deal with that.
Well, yeah, I should have.
Yeah.
But then, but, like, but sometimes maybe you should see color.
Like, maybe, maybe the proper. Maybe the liberals are right. Maybe you need to see color because that was really risky to talk about Charlottesville.
He's from South Carolina.
He was telling me stories about the Klan when he was a kid and stuff like that.
Anyway, that was my whole thing.
So it's all one big lump, Dan.
Yeah, that's a lot.
I don't know if, by the way, with regard to Vegas, I don't know what you're planning to pay.
There was a number that was thrown around. Let's get right to that. Are you Jewish? I don't know what you're planning to pay. There was a number that was thrown around.
Let's get right to that. Are you Jewish?
No. I know what you're thinking.
I can read non-Jewish
minds. Look at that face. That's no Jew.
Polish Catholic.
I really know what you're thinking.
Lapsed Catholic.
I don't know if you can get Ryan for the numbers that I
heard you, Bandy, about.
You were the one who gave me the numbers. I gave you a number, and then I heard another number that get Ryan for the numbers that I heard you, Bandy, about now that he's a... You were the one who gave me the numbers. No, I gave you a number
and then I heard another number
that was less than the number that I gave you.
What was the number that you...
I suggested $3,500 for the week.
You suggested $2,500. Yes.
I don't know that Ryan would go out there for $2,500
especially now that he's a Netflix
star. Well,
the other option... Now, you might want to pay
different people different amounts.
Yeah,
and we have to pay people different amounts
and have to keep it a secret
or...
That's going to be
tough to do.
Ryan will keep it a secret.
Ryan's one of the few.
Actually,
Ryan not only
would keep it a secret
but he would also
turn it down
because he wouldn't
think it was right.
But,
having said that,
we have the ability
to collapse
two spots.
Like,
I want to have
four comedians
and an MCcee.
But maybe for someone who has a draw, we could have three comedians and an emcee,
and then someone could have a double share.
They would do more time.
They would do more time, which I don't think the comedians care one way or another about doing more time,
but to warrant them traveling out there.
I imagine that for a comedian, it's all about how much money they would have made otherwise.
I don't know. Well, it's also how much money they would have made otherwise. I don't know.
It's also how much money we feel we can get out of Noam Dorman. But that's always
the case in a negotiation.
I'm willing to tie my
fee
to the
number of people in the audience so that you
would say, okay, well Dan, if there's
1,000 people paying customers that week
you get this. If there's 2,000 you get that 1,000 people paying customers that week, you get this.
If there's 2,000, you get that.
I'm willing to take that risk with you.
Okay.
No, I can't speak for everybody.
I don't know how we're going to do it.
I know that the other clubs in Vegas have horrible lineups, like people that, with rare exception, would never get on here, would never, ever, ever get on here. So that's scary because maybe that's what they feel
the only communities they think they can afford.
Yeah, I don't know.
If they could get better, they would, right?
There's a lot of unknowns, and we'll see.
And it's your money, thankfully, not mine.
But then again, you'll profit bigly if it works.
I'm really feeling like everything that took place that day, the Rio and the vasectomy,
are the two things I've done in my life I'm most likely to really regret.
And neither of them is necessarily reversible without a lot of...
One day.
Yeah, that's pretty interesting.
Well, I think you've had enough kids.
Now, can we talk about Charlott Charles Brown and Trump and Fox gossip?
I love Fox.
Before we do that, there is one thing that I really want to talk about this week.
I think Bill O'Reilly got a totally bum deal.
We'll get to Fox.
But I don't know if you've been paying attention, Ryan, to the Comedy Cellar Twitter account.
But apparently Noam Dorman got a hold of it.
Okay.
It's mine's Twitter account.
I thought that Liz was in charge of the Twitter.
Anyway, so the Comedy Cellar Twitter account's been around for what, four or five years?
I don't know.
Yeah.
Every tweet for the past five years has been related to comedy.
Well, we have a show this Friday.
Come see us.
Oh, no.
All comedy- related tweets.
So for the first time that I've ever seen,
Noam decided to get political
with the comedy cell.
And what are the many, many topics that people are
discussing that you think that he
broached
for the first time
that he talked about something
other than pornography No, pornography.
Oh, really?
After all these years,
Noam doesn't have shit to say.
Is that a hot topic?
It is for Noam.
Noam has his bug up his ass.
No, no.
I'll let you finish.
Go ahead.
Apparently, Noam's like,
what is it, Verizon?
So you go to the channel guide, right?
Oh, I saw this on your Facebook.
Noam.
He also posts it on Facebook.
There's a channel guide,
and the channel guide has little blurbs summarizing the porn.
The plots of the porn, yeah.
And Noam is very upset about those summaries because he feels that those summaries normalize sex with underage girls.
Okay, listen.
Do you want to talk about this?
I certainly would.
This hit me in two ways.
But this is, of all the things going on, the race is.
Well, I'm not stupid enough.
I'm only going to pick on something that in no way could snap back
on some kind of Antifa backlash out there.
I'm not going to talk about race on my Twitter feed.
Not with my views on race.
But this porn thing,
it's a two-pronged thing.
And you might agree with some of this.
First of all, the hypocrisy.
That, like, Fox had to fire Bill O'Reilly
because he left a dirty message on somebody's thing.
But Verizon can make their money
on advertising the following.
Baby-faced teens with braces.
This is the blurb, the plot summary.
Yeah, I mean, that's obviously some gross shit.
Baby-faced, barely legal babes.
Man, they look for young, we have enough to...
Deep throat shaft and get plowed till they scream.
So, and I imagine myself like, what if by day,
by day we talk about
how horrible racism is and we boycott
and by night
the same company goes on and says pay per view
like awesome racist
it's so disgusting and so
hypocritical and say how can why is this
okay and then
so that's one part that's what
really the hypocrisy really disturbs
me like it's like just no rhyme or reason what issue is going to have traction,
what issue is not going to have traction.
You feel it normalizes sex with underage girls.
The other thing is that I know that these urges, I mean, urges can be natural
and fantasy is harmless, but culture exists, as I've said,
to kind of discourage the worst of our human instincts and encourage the best of them. That's
what culture does kind of. So there is something I think troubling where it becomes acceptable in
a culture in mainstream on the channel guide to be saying, listen, you probably want to see this,
don't you? Like this, this is probably awesome. Baby face girls plowing, you know, being plowed
by, uh, and one of them was like my big black shafts or whatever it is i'm like the dads that my daughter is gonna go uh you know the on play
dates too this is what they're watching and is it crazy to think that that might in some way make
them think that this is kind of okay like how bad could it be? So I just like, we should really
start retweeting this because I felt
like Verizon would immediately
shut down if anybody started
really to question it. How could they possibly defend it?
But this is the interesting thing.
Nobody cares.
Nobody cares.
The same people who are literally crying,
crying at the idea that Bill O'Reilly
left a dirty message on his gun, had no interest in baby
faced teens with braces
getting shafted by big black poles, whatever
it is. And the racial aspects
of it are also
disturbing, but that's, I guess
that's a fetish, so it's, you know,
that's between adults. I don't know
if anybody even watches porn on TV anymore.
I don't even know how big of an industry
that really is. Don't people watch it on the internet?
I don't know,
but they're selling it.
Well, first of all, you can block that, Noam.
You can block those blurbs.
As Verizon said to you,
I think Verizon tweeted back to you,
you can block those.
I can handle the blurbs.
The point was not me blocking the blurbs.
Two points, I'll tell you again.
Two points is the hypocrisy of a major corporation making their money on something that we all think is horrible.
Immoral and horrible.
And if you were to go through, I mean, and illegal.
And we call it rape and it's disgusting and all that.
Well, most Americans don't think fantasies are horrible.
Wow. And I know you said, well, we shouldn't encourage
that kind of a fantasy.
There is some research, I think,
to the effect that it can actually be
an outlet for people who have these
feelings and maybe make it less likely
that it'll act on them in real life. I'm not trying to make it illegal.
I just think,
on the contrary, I would never want to make
anything illegal. I'm a strong First Amendment guy
I just don't
then we should go the other way
and stop with these boycotts
these phony boycotts
trying to drive
and ruin careers
and drive people off the air
as if we can't
because they did something
that we don't like
Catherine Kat-Timp
where do you stand on these
on this issue
it's hard for her because...
She's a woman.
Yeah, but she's at Fox where everybody's being accused of sexual harassment,
and she doesn't want to step on a landmine here.
Go ahead.
I certainly don't want to step on a landmine,
and I'm not familiar with...
I never even met Bill O'Reilly, so I don't know anything about it at all.
Forget Bill O'Reilly.
What do you think about these pornography that emphasizes the youth of the young lady?
It's gross.
Like, I'm 28 years old, and I'm going to be 100 in two years when I turn 30.
I'm dead to the world.
But I don't know if that's going to be the same thing, whether the braces porn exists or not.
I really think that.
I don't know if it makes that big of a difference.
Is it gross?
Yeah.
But I don't know if it's going to make that big of a difference, really.
Right? I don't know. Getting rid of it, it gross? Yeah. But I don't think it's going to make that big of a difference. Really. Right? I don't know.
Getting rid of it, you mean? Yeah. If we got rid
of all the braces porn, people would just start
making it in their basements or whatever.
There's much worse stuff online.
Yeah, but Verizon is not
marketing it. They're marketing it.
Isn't this awesome? Baby-faced teens.
You want to buy it. It's like Coca-Cola or something.
It tastes great. It's delicious. Baby-faced
teens.
Is that a normal desire?
If it's a normal desire, then why do we have to?
Well, I'm going to quote the great Marc Maron, who once said,
of course I want to have sex with teenage girls.
Doesn't everybody?
That's why there's a law.
Now, I don't know if that's accurate or not,
but clearly this is a very common fetish because you have barely legal magazines, you know, and barely legal pornography.
And this is very widespread.
So let's encourage it.
So you're upset about the marketing of it, not necessarily that it's being created?
Yeah.
I mean, I'm not thrilled that it's being created.
Right.
But I'm not on a campaign here,
a crusade to stop porn or anything so stupid like that.
I'm saying that I don't like to see it on my channel guide,
and I don't see why it's okay for Verizon,
who's supposed to be...
Like, if I were to have a night...
It's in your home, that way, yeah.
Let's have a night on Indie Comedy Cellar.
People would be like,
what the hell is the matter with you?
You can't do that
Don't you care
About your reputation
Babyface team
Right
Well I
I have a family
Pussycat
Let's have a babyface team
With braces
And we'll show it
On the screen one night
It would be like
Getting a mailer
In your home
Or something
In the mail
Just like
Why am I getting this
Yeah
Can you imagine
If I showed it
Let me just put it
On the olive tree
Right
Well
You know
I don't know
If I agree or disagree With Noam on the issue.
I did find it interesting.
Would you buy?
He would never tell the truth.
Ask me the question.
Babe, do you do barely legal porn?
Do I do barely legal porn?
You know what I'm asking.
Barely legal, you mean by barely legal, I see a girl that's 25 and driving a rental car?
Yes. That would be barely legal, I see a girl that's 25 and driving a rental car. Yes.
That would be barely legal.
A 35-year-old woman taking the oath of office naked?
A girl that's...
If it's the Constitution, she's got to be 35 to be president.
A girl that, by looking at her, you can't tell whether she's a 14-year-old girl in braces or not.
And she's being, you know, whatever.
She's doing whatever.
Are you going to pay this?
It doesn't disturb you?
Even if it turns you on, wouldn't you say,
you know what, I shouldn't do that. I am only attracted to women
that the good people in the state legislature
in Albany have said
that I'm legally allowed to be attracted to.
Alright, alright, whatever.
I don't think you're wrong, Noam.
I just found it interesting that
of all the topics
to go to war about
on the Twitter account,
that's what he chose.
What was the response like? Was there any response?
People were probably just like,
what's happening over there?
Don't fuck with my porn,
Dwarven.
Very few people responded. A few people said, yes, this is awful.
And then Noam doubled
down. He tweeted, come on, guys.
He thought that it was
going to be a huge thing where we all march on Washington.
He thought
Verizon would respond, maybe.
They did respond.
They said, block it. If you want to
block it, you fag.
Whoa, whoa.
The perfect example. If you said fag. That's whoa. What? See, that, that, the perfect example.
If you say fag.
That's a joke.
No, I know.
But if you're like a Fox News guy and you said fag, they will literally come at you.
You might literally never work again if you say fag.
I quit doing stand-up pretty much.
I used to do stand-up and then I quit when I started working on the news because I was
like, if I make a joke and someone records it on their cell phone, it's like not in context
or this or that, I'll probably get fired.
It's terrifying.
So this is kind of like examine it.
If you say fag even as a joke,
there will be a movement to have your career ending.
But the same company that's doing that can market baby-faced porn with braces.
That's okay.
At least you didn't say fag.
As long as they don't say fag in that baby-faced scene with braces. That's okay. At least you didn't say fag. As long as they don't say fag
in that baby face
he's in with braces.
Maybe it's the difference
between an individual
with a face
who's a human
and this faceless
large corporation.
Yes, it is.
Well, why?
But my question is
more or less to do with
the merits of Noam's argument
and more to do with
why did you feel
that this is the issue
you're going to the mat for
on the Twitter account?
Because I actually thought it might catch on
A and B. I thought it was uncontroversial.
In other words, even if people didn't disagree
with me, it's not like
what I am on a warpath about
is like these statues
of Jefferson and all that stuff and judging
people within the time and place that they
were born. And I have a lot of
I've really been concentrating
on that. However,
I would never dare
take to Twitter about that
because I'll get tarred,
you know,
some sort of a racist
or something
or get a rock
through my window.
Well,
I just think going forward
the comedy seller
Twitter account
should concentrate
on things like
Ryan Hamilton's
new Netflix special
available.
Okay,
but this is what
you don't understand.
I don't distinguish in my't understand. I don't distinguish
in my life.
Everything in my life
is for me
and whatever makes me happy.
So if I have access,
I have a Twitter feed out of my comedy seller
and I want to tweet about something
political because I want to
for whatever problems I might have, but I
want to. I don't care if anybody, like, it's my thing.
It's my ball.
I get to play.
I can use it for whatever I want.
And by the way, people with that kind of access, they abuse this all the time.
I mean, I did one thing in all these years, but every dumb movie star, you know, gets
on one campaign or another.
We expect that from them.
The comedy seller has never gone outside of their narrow range of tweeting about,
you know, guess Mo Amir will be here at the
12.30 show, or whatever you guys
tweet, or there's a brunch show this Sunday, don't miss it.
People might find it a little bit interesting.
Then all of a sudden you got baby-faced teens.
And it took a few of us
a little bit, you know, by surprise.
Anyhow, I think
we've discussed that enough.
I still don't understand why I'm the only one upset about this.
But anyway.
Well, I'm not thrilled about it.
Ryan's not thrilled, but he's not outraged either.
I don't like to get involved.
I think we've accepted that a lot of people consider that a fetish.
There's many fetishes, and that is a fetish.
And people aren't overwhelmingly outraged about it.
What about a fetish where it was a plantation fetish?
That's a fetish, too.
And what if the movie was the white guy and has the black guys all dressed up as slaves and he has sex with the slaves?
No, that would not be okay because race, but teens in braces?
That's perfectly okay.
Cat Timp, any thoughts before we move on?
I'm just saying, 18-year-olds, they're legal.
So, you know, they're technically legal.
And I'm sure that the slave porn thing exists somewhere.
Right, but Verizon would never, ever get away with it.
That's only my point.
It's not making it illegal.
Everything exists, and that's none of my business.
I'm saying that it's the hypocrisy that somehow race, any hint of racism,
is considered like the mark of the Scarlet Letter or whatever it is, the mark of pain.
But teen wanting to have sex with girls in braces is perfectly fine.
It's perfectly fine.
It's hypocritical.
I think that the teen fetish is a lot more offensive than the plantation fetish.
I mean, that's just, or even the concentration camp fetish.
I don't care.
It's all adult.
And whatever adults want, it doesn't, you know,
but there's something coarsening to the culture
where teens
and children grow up and they see that
the fact that they're
in braces and they're young
is something awesome for older people to be
fantasizing and beating off to
I don't like that
I don't want my daughter processing all that
I'm sure there are a lot of people who feel that way
but it's labeled as porn or something so people don't know how daughter processing all that. I'm sure there are a lot of people who feel that way, but it's labeled as porn or something,
so people don't know how to control it any further.
Catherine Timp, any last thoughts about teenage girls with braces?
I'm good on that.
Okay.
So we can move on now.
Now, just by coincidence, I read about you today.
Okay.
That you were one of the people who were totally outraged and said so about Trump's Charlottesville comments in real time.
Yeah, I was.
I think it was just because, you know, like the both sides thing.
I think you should focus on like the person who actually killed someone in that moment.
And like if someone that I love got killed and people were like oh yeah all murderers are
awful all murderers suck I would think that that was inappropriate so I said that I was you know
very reasoned in my response also because you know I'm I said I was shocked that he didn't as
soon as he heard that like a car was driven and that he didn't like say it was like an Islamic
terrorist because that's normally what he does he's been wrong more than once because he just
can't help himself like terror attack he did the Times Square on once because he just can't help himself. Like, Terror Attack, he did it, the Times Square on Terror Attack, he did it with the one in Manila.
Same thing.
So I just pointed that out.
And then, you know, people went apeshit on me, of course.
You know, I'm a commie, I'm this and that.
Like, I'm a cold-hearted capitalist.
I'm certainly not a commie.
So it's just the vitriol that you get.
Like, people, lots of emails about people want to shove things violently in my ass, all that kind of stuff.
If I make any sort of comment like that.
Well, the thing about Kat Timp is
being an attractive woman,
you've got that double anger.
Number one, they're angry at you
because you have the wrong views.
Number two, they're angry at you
because they can't tap that.
It's bullshit. I have to spend
two hours in hair and makeup every single
day. My hair is actually
this short. I wear clip-in extensions
for work. Tons and tons of makeup.
I actually
look much less attractive
on the weekends because I feel like I've spent so much
of my life getting made up
into naughty librarian Barbie that on the weekends
I'm just going to look like shit.
Naughty librarian,
that's what that is.
Yeah, it is.
There's a lot of sexual anger
going on,
being directed your way.
A lot of it.
The worst was when I did that,
made that Star Wars,
I made a joke about Star Wars.
People were like telling me
they were going to come to my house
and like rape me
and all this,
and kill me
and all this other stuff.
And you can see that
on the Verizon.
That's exactly,
I was like,
you've thought about this.
So what did you, so okay, Charlottesville, his remarks were bad.
Have you crossed paths with Laura Ingraham?
Yes.
Because she, you saw that thing between her and Krauthammer where she was kind of defending Trump and all that.
Did you debate her at all?
No.
I mean, I debated a lot of people on the network.
I've debated her before on various
things. For me, it's just comparing it to
the way he treats every other act
that's ever happened.
Like, every other time. It was a very
marked difference. He literally ran on, like,
you have to name the enemy.
You have to say radical Islamic terror.
You have to say radical Islamic terror.
And he wouldn't say that about this guy.
And the fact that David Duke and Richard Spencer
were like, this is dope. He did a great job
with his statement.
You kind of got to say, eh, maybe
it's not the best thing.
And no one named the enemy, and the enemy is
teenage porn.
And it was stupid for him on
another level that if he had simply said, listen,
the KKK and the Nazis, you know, these are disgusting organizations.
He could have gone on to discuss Antifa and the fact that there's reprehensible behavior on both.
He could have said anything he wanted to if he had simply made it very clear at the top that, you know, where he was coming from. And also, he should have been mindful that this was
also occurring in the context of his
previous kind of hedging on David Duke
during the campaign, where, I don't know who David
Duke is, so this was the second strike
also, so you weren't even ready to give him the benefit
of the doubt on this, because he should have
known better. Yeah, and he waited like
two days to even say anything about KKK
or white supremacy. He's never like,
and then he walked never like, and then, and then he walked back.
Then like,
then he walked it back.
And then like,
you know,
he attacks the media right away.
Like,
Oh,
this wasn't good enough.
He's never waited two days to attack anyone that he's pissed off about.
Can't we just grade this dude on a curve?
We,
I mean,
at this point we know who he is.
We know we got in that.
I thought that that speech,
but given it was that it was Donald Trump that speech, given that it was Donald Trump,
was pretty good, considering
it's Donald Trump. He did
say, I don't like the KKK and these people are
bad. I mean, that shouldn't be hard
though. That shouldn't be something you take
two days. This is who the guy is.
I mean, if we're going to be outraged
every week, it just seems like,
yeah, when your dog pisses on the
rug, okay, that's what dogs do. He pisses on the rug. Okay, that's what dogs do.
He pisses on the rug and we'll take it from there.
Now, if Donald Trump were my son, these are the questions I'd be asked, you know,
because I just want to know that he clearly,
did he know at the time he made that remark about both sides that these people,
whoever, that woman was killed by that car attack?
Did he actually know that at that time?
Well, because he came out and said it again on the Tuesday.
So yeah, he did.
No, no.
The second one.
But the first speech,
when the first one,
that's where it all started.
I was never clear
and I didn't spend the time
to look it up.
It didn't seem to me
when I heard it
that he realized
what had happened.
Right, but he never waits
for the facts on anything,
which was kind of my point.
Right, but just to put it in context,
then the second one
he clearly knew
and that was the one where, as Crowd Armor said, it was like a my point. Right, but just to put it in context, and then the second one he clearly knew,
and that was the one where, as Crowd Armor said,
it was like a hostage video.
He just read exactly what he was supposed to say,
and he said the right thing.
And then the third one, you know,
he just can't stand the fact that he was tarred with this, and he's so thin-skinned, he just lashes back.
And in his clumsiness, he does touch on some issues that I think we probably
do agree with, which is
this rewriting of history and
do we really want to take down
Jefferson and Antifa?
I mean, Peter Bainert had written a huge
article in The Atlantic just a few days before about
Antifa and how
they were fueling right-wing hate.
So he's not
out to lunch on some of these issues he wants to discuss.
He's really just out to lunch that he couldn't, that it seemed like he was hesitant to criticize the KKK and the Nazis.
That's really what it is, right?
He seemed like he didn't want to do that.
Yeah.
And that's really the problem.
Not the stuff he said.
It's that.
He didn't want to.
And why?
Well, maybe either he thinks they're a large part of his base,
or he doesn't think they're that big a problem.
He's not thinking day and night that America is about to be taken over by Nazis.
It's not like in his head that any second now there's going to be another Third Reich in America.
So he kind of maybe treats them with the lack of seriousness he feels they're doing.
I do have a theory.
I think he has been somewhat radicalized
online. Do you remember during the campaign he was
retweeting some... The president? Yeah.
Retweeting some bogus statistics
from white supremacist
websites and stuff like that. Oh yeah.
And he was like, how did that get to him?
Nobody really thought it might have got to him
because he might have actually been on the white
supremacy websites.
So during that whole Charlottesville, I began
to listen,
sending to these guys. They wouldn't even bother.
I was like, why don't you guys take the time to actually learn about
what it is you're screaming about. So I began
to read some Richard Spencer and that
Kessler guy and listen to some speeches.
And the fact is that a whole
lot of what they say
reverberates. I could chop it out. A lot of it. Maybe 80% of what they say reverberates.
Like, I could chop it out, a lot of it.
Like, maybe 80% of what they say, I could chop it out and show it to the average white moderate.
And they'd be like, yeah, that's right.
You know, if you just take out the part where we want it only for white people and whatever it is. not wanting to abandon our European roots and not have to
think about Europe
with cultural relativism
and the fact that we're embarrassed to say that European
values are good and that we're cautious about
not wanting to adopt values of other cultures
and the part about social fabric
and wanting people to love America's traditions
and all that stuff, which is
all kind of politically
incorrect stuff, which is the kind of politically incorrect stuff,
which is the problem, so that we've ceded that ground, even though it reverberates with a lot
of people, only the white supremacists can talk about it. And then they also say, and by the way,
we don't want anybody of color here and we think we're genetically superior. But I think that Trump and Bannon,
they're filled with a lot of these ideas
and Trump didn't want to bash
them because I think he didn't understand
he's seeing two sides to it.
He doesn't understand that
Hitler might have been right
about the Treaty of Versailles
and how horrible it was and how horrible it was for
Germany, but you can't start saying, well, but you know
Hitler's right about this and wrong about this.
Because you just cannot say anything about Hitler was okay.
Well, that's why I think the other bad thing that he said during that speech
was that there was good people that were marching with the Nazis.
He didn't say that, but yeah, he said good people.
Yeah, both sides.
But I mean, like, this was an explicitly Nazi rally.
Well, the night before was explicitly Nazi.
The march was explicitly...
But the daytime one wasn't...
Kessler, the guy, was not a Nazi.
It was organized by all of these white supremacist groups.
But they're not all Nazis, right.
They're all white supremacists.
And even...
I mean, I'm just...
I want to compose a new introduction to the show
where we say essentially that the views expressed by the host of the show are not necessarily the views of the host of the show.
Because I really want to set up a situation where we can really play devil's advocate without somebody stuffing that opinion down my throat.
Because otherwise it's boring.
Yeah, I agree.
Okay, next time.
Yeah, I agree.
Next topic.
But they don't consider themselves Nazis or white supremacists.
So we call them that, all of them, for whatever that's worth.
I know that they probably are not Nazis.
They share the Nazi belief in white superiority
I guess
but there's probably
a lot of things
about Nazis
they find just
you know
unacceptable
they don't want it
for example
they don't think
that the Sudetenland
is necessary
for the expansion
of Germany
or whatever
but in any case
but it's like
if they believe
one thing
doesn't it knock
them out
for you
yes
absolutely
I'm just when you're on one side of something But it's like if they believe one thing, doesn't it knock them out for you? Yes, yes, absolutely.
I'm just, when you're on one side of something, you tend to start choosing adjectives or whatever it is,
which kind of like bolster your opinion about something.
It's a human thing.
Like that quote where Trump said there's good people on many sides.
Most people recast it as both sides.
And I thought to myself, well, many sides is not actually the same thing as both sides.
So even though I think, I'm not defending Trump in any way.
I would be careful to say that he said there's good people on many sides or whatever the exact quote was.
Because both sides is not what he said and both sides is worse.
Many sides could be, he's very, anyway. He said both sides on one of the days.
On one of the days he said something both sides.
But the bad quote, he used many sides.
The one that was really bad, he used.
It's just his support, people who support him, like it's hard,
they're not going anywhere no matter what he does.
So I don't know if he'd be worried about that.
Like it's not like all of a sudden the Nazis are going to be like Democrats.
No, there were a hundred Nazis at that rally.
See, I'm a Jew.
I'm not worried about the Nazis.
I'm way more worried about Antifa.
I shouldn't say his name.
But my friend on Facebook, this is the world we live in.
I can't even, I'm afraid he might get in trouble for having said that he viewed the Nazis as the idiot remnants of a defeated evil.
And that's kind of the way I feel.
Like 100 Nazis, that's fewer people than we draw on an early show at brunch or something.
100 people is not, and I'm not worried about, I don't think
anybody's really worried about the Nazi movement.
They shouldn't be, I don't think.
But the Antifa movement, this left
wing anarchist movement,
this is a real threat. I worry
about it here. Yeah, no, I've talked to them
when I've done like man on the street reporting
and these people will just straight up be like, yeah
like this rally sucks because we're not
destroying any property you know
they'll just beat the shit out of people
that's obviously bad but it doesn't
hurt to talk
about it with the fine gradations because
it's interesting in a way and I believe
this is a good segue because I believe Ryan
talks about this in his hour special
yeah there's a lot of that
the racial differences and how we can't live together.
Yeah, I enjoy that.
Can we focus a bit
on Ryan's hour special
since we brought him in here?
I want to get some
Fox News gossip,
but go ahead.
I know it's not going to happen.
I mean, I have a special out.
What else is there?
You can talk to Kat
after the show.
Kat, we do invite our guests
to have dinner and drinks
after the show.
I'm going to drink.
I wish I had a drink right now.
Have a drink now.
What do you want? I don't know. Whiskey show. I'm going to drink. I wish I had a drink right now. Have a drink now. What do you want?
I don't know.
Whiskey soda.
Whiskey soda, quick.
Mike, what kind of whiskey do you like?
I really don't give a shit.
I like Bullet maybe, Jameson.
I don't care.
What do you like?
Bullet.
And I don't give a shit in tonic.
My Bullet is soda quick because you're going to loosen her up.
Go ahead, Ryan.
I don't know.
I'm going to chug it too.
Okay.
Ryan Hamilton, one of the few selected by Netflix.
It's not famous.
I mean, they're giving out big deals to famous people.
But he's not famous.
I mean, it's true.
Unless you have information I don't have.
Because last time I checked, when he walked out the door, nobody screamed.
Yeah.
I don't deny that I have a large amount of fame.
He can walk the streets with perfect not being molested.
Yeah, pretty easy.
I saw Jon Stewart walking down McDougal Street with his son just three days ago.
That's because he doesn't look like Jon Stewart anymore.
Are you making a case that Jon and I are the same amount of famous?
The equals be in the equals be in.
The people, Robbie Pry, I guess, the guy at Netflix, right?
He's the head dude there at the comedy department.
Yeah.
Long-time fan of Ryan.
Loves Ryan.
Always has.
He used to be at the Montreal Comedy Festival.
Who doesn't?
We all do.
And Kat is starting to.
She just met him.
Yeah, he's just a very nice face.
He's like resting smile face.
It's wonderful.
I don't have that.
I have like a mean looking face.
Oh, that's nice.
Well, thanks.
Well, the name of my special is Happy Face.
Really?
It's like you set me up for the plug.
Oh, there you go.
And it talks about
in his act. He has an hour
special. My initial reaction was
like, well, where's my hour special?
But because I'm a comedian and that's how I
think. But Ryan is so deserving
that it was hard for me to really be
angry. Oh, that's very sweet. And he's such a lovely
man and it's very hard to resent.
I've given it the
old college try, but it just won't take.
Do people ask you
for stuff all the time, though, if they need
directions or
you know? I guess so.
I don't know. I wouldn't know if it happens more to me
than other people because I've just lived like this
my whole life. My line on Ryan is like the
Red Cross. It's like people are, even
in a bar fight,
people are throwing chairs and punches. Ryan could walk right through and nobody would touch him. He's like people are, even in a bar fight, where people are throwing chairs and punches,
Ryan could walk right through and
nobody would touch him. He's like
the Red Cross in wartime. You don't shoot the Red Cross.
He's like that, you know?
I've never heard anybody say a bad word about
Ryan. And you won't.
And you won't.
But anyway, so you got
this hour special, and
this could be it for you, right?
I mean, like Ali Wong, she goes on Netflix, and the next thing you know, she's selling out theaters.
And I do think that's the exception, though.
Not everybody who gets a Netflix special has the Ali Wong effect attached to it.
She's great and deserving of it.
I'm just saying, you know, who knows?
Well, what is it in your estimation with Ali Wong?
Why did she become the one to blow up after all these Netflix specials,
and it's Ali Wong that blew up?
Well, did you watch the special?
I don't watch comedy.
Oh, yeah.
Well, it's great.
It's very well delivered, very well written.
It's accessible, and she's in a very interesting place in her life in the special.
She's pregnant, and that was interesting. And it's also
good. So it had an interesting
vibe and it's great. And she's going to,
she's pregnant again. I just opened for her.
She's got another special coming out.
She's a comedy seller comedian.
First of all, she's hilarious.
Second of all, she's hot.
Third of all, she's Asian, which is, you know,
which is charismatic.
You know, it cuts a totally different impression from another white guy, whatever it is.
And she's dirty, which is kind of also outside the expectation.
And I didn't see the special, but she was destroying when she was performing in the club.
We all destroy.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
We all destroy.
No, no, no, no, no. You all destroy. We all destroy. No, no, no, no, no, no. We all destroy, Noah.
No, no, no, no, no. We all destroy.
You go any night where one person's destroying,
everybody's destroying.
Very seldom.
No, Ryan, back me the hell up on this.
We all do.
Yes.
Everybody's destroying, Noah.
I'm sure Ali's destroying.
Well, let me put it to you this way.
Everyone's destroying.
Okay, let's examine this.
We're all destroying. In the same way put it to you this way. Everyone's destroying. Okay, let's examine this. We're all destroying.
In the same way we distinguish between the Nazis and the KKK and the white supremacists and the white nationalists.
Greer is destroying.
I'm destroying.
Hamilton's destroying.
Everybody's destroying.
Okay, if you stop filibustering, just let me talk.
That's what I do.
Imagine during a show at the end of Underground, I actually gave out like a survey and asked people to rate their most, the comedian they liked best.
Are you saying
that it would probably split
20%, 20%, 20%, 20%?
I don't know how it would split,
but I can almost guarantee it.
Because I do know
how it would split.
Oh, how do you know that?
Because I send out surveys
to the customers.
Because she does this.
But I also know
because when you're in the room,
although you may all
technically meet the level
of Natterman calls destroying,
there is still some people who, you know,
are destroying a little bit more.
Yeah.
And she was in that destroying a little bit more.
Well, I have to take a night for a while.
There were certain nights
when I didn't want to follow Allie.
I'll say that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, Noam is the master of working backwards,
so I'll have to...
He is. Once somebody becomes famous, so I'll have to... He is.
Once somebody becomes famous, he then retroactively makes them geniuses.
I didn't even know she was famous until this moment.
She's getting famous, but I'll have to look at Ali's act next time she's in town and see if indeed...
And I don't work backwards.
I thought Ali Wong was fantastic.
I always did.
Yeah, but now you're saying she was killing more than everybody else.
I thought that at the time.
You really hurt his feelings, I think. I find that unlikely,
but I will,
not because Ali is bad, but because I
watch the shows all the time, and I
generally speaking, you know who
I hear? I'll tell you who I hear when I listen
to customers. TJ Miller.
I hear Lenny Marcus.
I hear Lenny Marcus. When I listen to customers
talking about who their favorite was,
to tell you the truth,
I do hear Lenny.
When Ali is not on the lineup, Lenny Marcus might
actually be the man.
Lenny has been
killing lately.
That's what I hear.
But that's a very
unscientific kind of fly-on-the-wall overhearing.
So that's not scientific.
Let's leave out the competition among the nerdy white guys
to make it a little bit more palatable.
I came in the other day, and Godfrey was on stage.
And literally, it was like an earthquake.
I had seldom seen the room so...
And yet Godfrey's not becoming famous.
So the question I ask again is, why Ali Wong?
But do you want to be famous, Dan?
Because I feel like that would be the worst thing for you.
I don't think that you could handle being in public and having people know who you are,
come up to you.
I think you would flip shit regularly.
Well, you may be right, but that's not the point.
I'm not here to say...
I'm just saying.
But everybody's got it in their head that Dan Aderman
is jealous or Dan Aderman is resentful.
Dan Aderman is neither of the two.
Well, he is, but... He totally is.
But that's not the discussion we're having.
The discussion is, why do some people pop
and others don't? And I don't think it's as simple
as they're killing harder. That's my point.
Well, I told you... Whether I ever make it
or not, or I die alone... What do you think the reason is?
You're certainly someone who's obsessed with this and thinks
about it all day and night. You might have a theory.
I think it's complex.
I think it's to do with
fitting a niche.
You know,
it could be that she's Asian
and she fits a certain niche. Ray Allen
is sending, I don't know if he has
something to say on this. Ray Allen, he says
the following.
I publicly predicted his special,
Ryan's predicted will be the highest rated ever by a non-celebrity.
Allie is clean, family friendly.
Ryan is clean and family friendly.
Ryan, Allie fits a slot, female, Asian.
Which is, that's actually, you know what, that's almost racist, Ray.
How is that racist?
Because there's very few female Asian guys.
Ray, Ray, don't yell.
If you want to talk, we have one extra mic, because Paul Mercurio is not coming tonight.
Don't take Kat's mic.
Get your fucking hands off Kat's mic.
Get your fucking hands off Kat's mic.
There's very few female.
There's a mic over here.
Get your fucking hands off Kat's mic.
Take the mic over here.
You don't take our guest's mic.
You have a mic over here. Go over here. Take the mic over here. You don't take our guest's mic. You have a mic over here.
Go over here.
Have a mic over here.
It's here.
Ray, you can't talk.
They don't talk.
Get off the microphone.
I want you on the show.
If you don't want to be, that's fine.
But we have a mic, especially for Ray Allen.
Kat's wondering whether we had...
I know Paul Mercurio from Red Eye and all that stuff.
You know that scene in...
Was it something about Mary where Ben Stiller touches the guy's ears
and he freaks out and starts punching him.
That's how Dan gets it.
Somebody touches the microphone.
It's like a weird mentally challenged reaction.
We have a beautiful mic.
It's working condition.
And Ray is entitled to it.
But I don't
like when
Kat is a guest and I don't want her mic taken from her.
This is what I think.
I think what you actually said, like if I were Ali, I might actually be offended by what you said.
I'm only getting on the mic now so I can defend why it's not racist what I said.
And Ray, I apologize if I offended you, but I do have a thing about the mics.
And you know that from Paul's episode.
Well, I only wanted to get on that mic because it was timely
to follow up
with Noam's comment.
Well, you can get
on the mic now.
It's not racist
because there's very few
female Asian comedians,
and she's very funny.
Oh, you didn't say that.
And she's a female
Asian comic.
We're assuming
that there's a lot
of funny people.
That's the basic assumption.
Right, but she's not
another white man.
She's a female Asian comic,
which there's almost none.
There's Helena.
Louis was another white man when he became the biggest of them all. He's almost none. There's Helen Hong. Well, Louis was another white man
when he became the biggest of them all.
He'd been around for 30 years now.
Yeah, but so what?
Nobody heard of him for the first time.
That's not true.
People had heard of Louis.
No, they hadn't.
He had a fan base before he had his first sitcom.
Everybody makes it for different reasons.
We can discuss why Louis made it in another episode.
Ray is positing a hypothesis
as to why Ali blew up
on Netflix. She's very funny, and
she's a female comic
who's Asian. I can't,
besides Helen Hong, Margaret Cho,
and Ali, who else is there? I can't
think of any. Kat, you're a female former comic.
Do you have any thoughts on this? Well, I am
a former comic. He's also a former Asian. I'm thinking
about branding in general.
I went on Fox News once
and I was like, never asked on again.
And then I put,
these glasses are fake. I don't need them
to see at all. And I've been wearing them every
single day for three years. And as soon as
I put these on my face,
I was getting asked back all the time.
People were like, oh, she's like the cute,
skinny, nerdy one. And so it was
just like a distinguished type of thing. And it was, I mean, like, so me she's the cute, skinny, nerdy one. It was just a distinguished type of thing.
Me with glasses is essentially diversity, I guess.
That's very interesting, actually.
I wear them every single day.
I was thinking about how stupid it was this weekend.
It was kind of humid.
It was sweaty.
I was like, I can't take these off because now I feel naked and I feel not myself.
I'm viewing my entire life through glasses that I don't need to see.
I see way worse when I'm wearing them.
Wow.
That's hilarious.
Now, what's interesting to me is that you're actually divulging this information on the air.
I thought you wanted to continue to this charade that you're perpetrating on the American public.
Isn't it okay, though?
I'm wearing fake hair.
I'm wearing fake eyelashes.
Like, why can't I accessorize my face with some fake glasses?
That makes you a very real person to admit all the fakery.
Yeah.
I hear this.
I wake up looking like, you know, like Jeff Daniels in Dumb and Dumber with the hair,
like a very short hair.
It's all full of hairspray.
I look terrible.
So.
It's not that abnormal.
I hear from women that wear glasses that they don't need.
I started it though.
I've been doing this since 2013.
Since 2013, I'm wearing glasses that I don't need to see.
And I forgot them at home when I was home visiting my parents once in
Detroit.
And I made my father overnight them to me.
And he was like,
this is ridiculous.
And I was like,
but no,
it isn't.
That's interesting.
I actually do need glasses. I don't wear them. No, I mean, I mean, I don't need them that badly, this is ridiculous. And I was like, but no, it isn't. That's interesting. I actually do need glasses.
I don't wear them.
No, I mean.
I mean, I don't need them that badly.
Excuse me.
But, you know, if I'm driving at night.
Anyway, whatever.
I wear them alone in my apartment.
I just, like, don't even have, you know.
Now, Kat, were you traumatized?
We were talking earlier.
Kat has been just the victim of excessive trolling on the Internet.
Well, of course, we're living in the age of trolls.
Yes, yes.
Anyway, Kat, and especially being a woman, and especially being an attractive woman,
you're going to get a lot of nasty shit.
Yeah.
So how are you dealing with that?
I had no idea how many things were wrong with my face.
This little mole that I have in between my eyes.
Yeah, I can't look at it.
This little tiny one right here.
It has its own Twitter account.
It's at Kat Timps Mole.
And it tweets at me and my father on Twitter.
That's hilarious.
Sometimes it talks shit about me.
Sometimes it talks shit about me.
You're saying your mole is trolling you.
My snaggle teeth.
I never had braces.
So they have a Twitter account.
Because my teeth are a little fucking.
They're the bottom teeth.
How do you even look at that?
Wow.
You know, like, I have no tits, but I already knew that, so, like, that doesn't really bother
me.
And, you know, eat a sandwich, you're too skinny, like, my arms are too skinny.
And then sometimes people just tell me they're, like, coming to my work to rip my entrails
out.
So, you know, but that's just, like, every day of my life. I get stuff like that every single day.
Is this traumatizing for you?
Are you dealing with it with your usual diploma?
Yeah.
It's fine. I just deal with it like it's
whatever. It doesn't scare you at all?
No, it doesn't scare me. It can be annoying.
The mole, I had a really
hard time with in the sixth grade.
I thought the mole between my
eyes was a big deal. I got over it and I'm like thought the mole between my eyes is a big deal. Got over
it and I'm like, oh yeah, people are making a big deal
about this mole. That's easy enough, by the way, to, if you
wanted to, and I don't think you should,
it's easy enough to get rid of.
I got it removed and it grew back.
It's my destiny. It won't escape.
It's got supernatural powers.
I seriously got it cut off and I had to
work from home and wear a band-aid between my
eyes for three weeks,
and it grew back like two months later.
Like Schwarzenegger in The Terminator.
So I can't.
And it's like a little bigger now.
So if I do it again, like who knows what will happen.
I was so unattractive when I was a kid that now nothing could— What do you mean when?
I mean when.
You know what I mean.
Nothing would bother me.
No one could say anything about me that would bother me at this point.
Yeah, I was like a really weird younger person.
Well, you know, women, it's just brutal what women have to deal with
in terms of being judged by their looks, obviously.
Oh, this thing in my neck, my vein, people tell me to get it removed.
It's a wart.
It's like it's my fucking vein, and I'll die if I get it removed.
I don't even know where it is.
There's some sort of thing that sticks out sometimes over here.
Yeah, my vein.
Oh, the vein. It's like, yeah, it's called sort of thing that sticks out sometimes over here. Yeah, my vein.
It's called my circulation that's keeping me breathing and shit.
The upside to that is I found plenty
of people commenting on a recent YouTube video
of you I watched in preparation for
this podcast that are big fans
of yours, at least
in terms of your physical beauty.
There's a lot of videos of me crossing
and uncrossing my legs. Compilations of me crossing and uncrossing my legs.
Compilations of me crossing and uncrossing my legs.
With alarming amounts of views.
Just too many views.
There's a lot of Julie Banderas videos like that, too.
She's dope. I love Julie Banderas.
Our families are friends.
Really?
She's a very good friend of mine.
Oh, yeah?
Right, didn't you have sex with Julie Banderas?
No.
Oh, come on. Do not talk about Julie.
No, I thought I heard something.
She was great during the Charlottesville.
She was great.
She used to live up here.
She used to live in this building.
Yeah.
Her and Andy,
when they were between apartments,
something happened
with their apartment
and they took an apartment
in this building
for like six months.
Do you remember?
She's one of my favorite people
in the building.
I love Julie.
And her husband is great too.
Is she Latina?
Half, I think.
And by the way, can I just go on record? Go ahead, no. I love Julie. And her husband is great, too. Is she Latina? Half, I think.
And by the way,
can I just go on record?
Go ahead, no.
I'm reading about this white supremacy
versus white nationalism
versus blah, blah, blah.
And apparently in MSNBC,
there's some experts,
there's a video
describing the factions.
I feel like just by
bringing out the fact
that they consider
that there's a difference
between them,
that I'm going to
somehow get tarred that I have any time for difference between them, that I'm going to somehow get tired that I have
any time for any of them.
So I'm going to say something ridiculous.
I despise all the
white nationalists and the white supremacists,
okay, just so everybody knows.
If I had to choose my favorite among them,
it would be the Nazis.
Why did you have to add that?
However...
Do you think that's why Trump does this, though?
I think it's just kind of fun for him sometimes.
Like, I think it's fun.
Like, I'll be in a social situation where I'll think of something real weird to say,
and then I'll be like, I wonder what'll happen, you know,
and then you just, like, say it and try it out.
But, like, there's not all these, like, television cameras watching.
I've just become a fanatic about choosing
about like
when I criticize somebody that I make
sure that I'm doing it in a way
that they
couldn't catch me on a technicality.
Just choose the right
accurate words. That's all. It doesn't mean
you like them or you hate them. I mean they do it to Jews
and Zionists, whatever. It's like whenever somebody doesn't like you
they'll just paint you with a broad brush, and it'll always be the
worst possible brush. And you may deserve the
worst possible brush, but it's just very healthy
for everybody to really choose your words
carefully so they can't say, well, I'm not a white
supremacist. Like, okay, yeah, you're a
white nationalist. You think there's a difference, or these
are the differences between you. I'll use
the proper terminology. It doesn't mean
that you don't hate them. That's all.
Well, I do think it's important to define people.
I don't think
it's a bad thing
to get into
what their beliefs are.
Yeah.
There might be
some subtleties
and it's worth knowing.
Well, it was interesting
like Richard Spencer
was distancing himself
from one of the other groups.
They were having
a little feud between them.
I can't keep track of it.
But Kat is the opposite of a white nationalist.
I believe because she
believes in open borders.
Not to brag.
Not totally open borders.
I'm a capitalist first and immigrants
actually do great things for the economy.
They lower wages for bosses like me.
The thing is
there's a lot of open jobs in this country that are extremely low-wage that can't be filled.
So cutting the level of legal immigrants makes no sense to me.
No, legal immigrants makes no sense.
Which is one of the things in the immigration plan that Trump wants to do.
One thing about Noam, I will say, he employs a lot of people.
You give a lot of people jobs.
I was thinking about that.
I was sitting here one day having lunch.
And I don't pay anybody minimum wage, by the way.
And there's tons of people who work here that comics never see.
You know, there's day workers.
I want to clarify.
You employ a lot of people.
I employ a lot of people, and I don't pay anybody minimum wage.
However, the truth is that if all the immigrants were to disappear, the unskilled immigrants, wages would come up.
I'm sure of that.
On the same side, a lot of jobs would disappear because a lot of immigrants, unskilled immigrants even, come here.
They're very entrepreneurial, and in a very short time, they create their own businesses.
Construction and landscaping.
And they start employing a lot of people.
So I think that both happen at the same time.
The unskilled immigrants both lower wages for one segment at the same time create jobs for another segment.
And I think the problem that we make, the mistake that we make all the time,
in more than this context, is that we aggregate things and say,
well, actually, there's a 5% benefit of these immigrants,
and that becomes the end of the story.
When that might be true, however, it camouflages and hides the fact
that there might be 45% of the people who are actually hurt by this.
And when you have 45% hurt by something, that's very, very serious
and it's a social cost to that
that doesn't get figured into the thing.
And this is kind of the story of the Trump voters.
The economy's booming, the economy's booming,
everything's great.
Oh, but wait a second.
And in the aggregate it is,
but there's this underbelly of 35%,
this white working class that are getting murdered.
And if we just want to take the aggregate statistic
of the country, well, no, we don't ever see it.
And I think it's kind of the same mistake with this immigration thing.
I think it's a lot more complex.
I think there are huge segments that are hurt by it
and huge segments that are helped by it.
I don't know what the best policy is, but that's it.
That's my take on it.
So, Kat, you don't believe in completely open,
but you feel there should be some limitation
as to the number of immigrants that
come in every year.
Or just as many as the economy can absorb.
I mean...
Yeah, there we go.
YouTube says, Kat Timpf looks hot
while complaining about Trump press conference.
That's going to make you feel good, though.
Oh, I look hot? Yeah, sure.
I mean, there's weirder shit.
I mean, people do slideshow videos about my, like, they'll do, like, slides about my life.
And it's, like, me, like, vaping or doing something, like, real sad.
And, you know, it kind of sucks.
But, yeah, I mean, I just think that now it's, like, in terms of also, like, violence.
Like, I don't think that immigrants are, like, the reason for violence.
Like, I know that there's Kate Steinle and that's really sad,
but they're using that to put a face on a lot of things.
I think a lot of it could be solved if we ended the drug war
and legalized all the drugs.
Can I add to that?
Yeah.
That the Kate Steinle case could be solved with measures
a lot shorter than stopping immigration.
They had so much, like, just don't let this person come in and out six times.
Like, get a little serious about keeping someone like that out.
You don't have to stop all immigration in order to keep somebody like that.
I mean, they, what do you think about these sanctuary cities?
Well, I'm like a strict constitutionalist,
so actually the federal government can't force the state law enforcement to do their job for them,
and immigration is supposed to be the federal government's job.
So there's a couple of them that are you know completely making it illegal to cooperate which that's one thing but you can't force them to do your job for you
um i also when you talk about in terms of crime i think that uh i'm like all like i said i'm
literally i'm all about legalizing all the drugs that's where a lot of the crime comes from even
heroin absolutely and i've said this on
Fox News before, and so people call me crazy.
Like, I do heroin. But I don't do heroin.
And the reason I don't do heroin,
not to brag, but the reason
I don't do it is not because it's illegal.
You know what I mean?
My father used to say the same thing.
I think that all the drugs should be legal.
Right. Now, Ryan Hamilton, I am assuming you don't do heroin either.
No. Not anymore, not yet.
Not anymore.
You don't think that legalizing all those drugs would make a quality of life problem in New York City?
I think there's one guy who smokes pot in my building on a regular basis, and it stinks up the entire building.
It sucks.
It's not about being a Jew.
What are you talking about?
Everybody in the fucking building hates it.
Why do you have to become a self-hating Jew?
I should have said that,
but the only other person I've ever heard that make that argument was Lenny Marcus.
He's like, I'm complaining about Sherrod smoking pot.
The majority Gentile building will agree with me.
They're the ones who complain more than I do.
I mean, but it sucks.
Well, obviously, I think libertarians...
You live in a house in the suburbs.
Amongst no Jews.
So what are you talking about?
I don't think libertarians
believe that there should be laws
which prevent you from encroaching on your
neighbor's quiet enjoyment of his
property.
You shouldn't be able to have a loud party or have fumes.
It doesn't have to be pot.
It could be, you know.
Sure.
Heroin fumes.
Heroin fumes or, you know, whatever you people eat, you know, that you cook in the chicken
soup fumes or whatever it is.
But when people cook, they open the window.
You think when someone smokes weed, they would open the window.
And I have no problem with smoking pot.
But you wouldn't want it below you going up into your house.
That is not the reason to keep pot illegal, I don't think.
In Manhattan?
What about smoking cigarettes?
People shouldn't be able to smoke cigarettes in their houses.
A lot of buildings are smoke-free buildings.
But it's not a law. You can have a smoke-free building for pot.
It would be great. And I have no problem
with smoking weed, but in your building, it sucks.
Now, can I ask you a libertarian question?
Sure. You think prostitution should be legal?
Absolutely. Okay. You think
polygamy should be legal?
Absolutely. You and Ryan have something in common.
You think that...
Sorry, sorry, sorry. It's not true.
Are you Mormon as well, Kat?
No, I'm just like, no judges.
It's just like, I don't think the government should be getting in.
Kat is not religious in any way.
No, I'm not religious at all. I remember you were kind of a fag hag when I met you.
Still am.
Still am.
Yeah, very much so.
What do you mean, hey, hey, hey, hey?
You're not supposed to say that word anymore.
No, there's no other word for fag hag but fag hag.
You know the Jews, but don't joke about it.
Explain to me why.
There's no politically correct word for fag hag.
Is there?
No, there is not.
I don't know that there is.
Say more stuff about the Jews.
No.
Explain.
I can say it.
I mean, I went to seven gay bars this weekend.
Wow.
You know.
Me too.
It was someone's birthday.
So, you know.
Explain to me why it is that the libertarian position on abortion is clearly pro-choice.
It's pro-choice because you can be personally pro-life, but it shouldn't be up to the government to decide that if it's not clear.
There are some libertarians who are pro-life.
I don't know that, but I would think so
because if you happen to believe that life begins whatever,
at the conception or even at the second month or third month,
then it's not libertarian to think that you should be able to kill it.
Right, because life, liberty, pursuit of happiness.
Right. For me, I don't know. that you should be able to kill it. Right, because life, liberty, pursuit of happiness. Right.
For me, I'm just, I don't know.
I don't know the science of it.
So I'm just like, I don't want the government to be involved in it.
What about libertarians who only eat liver?
Good one.
In any case, well, we're not going to top that joke.
We might as well end the podcast.
Hey, one question for you.
Would you rather take all the shit you put up with the trolling and all that,
would you rather take that with the good stuff that you get
or throw all of it away and have nothing or just deal with the good and the bad?
She's made her decisions.
She's still on TV.
Yeah, I would take it how it is.
And, you know, it can be rough for a lot of reasons, but it's...
That's why she goes on TV and speaks her mind.
I think it's harder for women than men, I'm sure.
It is. Of course it is.
I've seen your show
a few times.
I've seen your show
a few times,
and you are the best thing
on that show by far.
Now, you can just be silent
or you can actually
go like this and I'll stop.
I never cared for Eric Bolling.
I always thought
that he was a kind of a
O'Reilly wannabe
without the substance
or depth of thought, just kind of like a parrot who just parrot out without the substance or depth of thought.
Just kind of like a parrot who just parroted out whatever the right wing thing of the day was.
And I was shocked that Fox had as much faith in them as they did.
But you, and this is I think the key to all the people in anything where you really do want to watch them.
You're never really quite sure what their take is going to be on something.
So it's interesting and informative to listen to them,
even if you don't agree with them,
as opposed to Bowling or even Hannity.
It's like, I don't need to turn on Hannity
to know what Hannity thinks about anything.
And her snaggletooth, and that doesn't bother you,
and the mole between her eyes.
The mole doesn't bother you?
No, actually, I shouldn't say I watch her.
I listen to her on Sirius Radio.
Yeah, okay.
So it's not even
like an attractiveness thing,
although you're very attractive.
That's not what it is
that made me think
you're the best thing on the show.
I would just enjoy
listening to you talk.
But she also has a very...
And sometimes you say,
oh, I hadn't thought of that.
I don't know if I agree,
but yeah, that's interesting,
you know?
She has a cool voice as well.
I do.
I mean, I appreciate that.
We've been doing nothing
but hurricane coverage for like four days, which I don't really know how to do well. I do. I mean, I appreciate that. We've been doing nothing but hurricane coverage for like four days,
which I don't really know how to do well.
I don't know what to do about that, you know.
I'm not sure why they do that nonstop.
Is it ratings?
I mean, does it get higher ratings?
I mean, it's boring.
Not that the incident is not horrible.
Of course.
I don't think it warrants real-time coverage because it's playing out like,
couldn't they do 15 minutes an hour?
Like, is something changing every minute?
Yeah, exactly.
It's not really.
There's just more rain, and it's obviously devastating,
and I guess people are interested in it, but I don't know.
There's not like I have an opinion on the hurricane.
I think the hurricane's bad.
I'm against the hurricane.
I sit there, and I watch for a few minutes, and I say, okay, well,
I have to change this because there's nothing new going to happen.
I do. OK, I'm just going to say I know you can't answer, but I am so want to know all about all the sexual harassment at Fox.
That is just fascinating to me.
And especially that one story with Bill O'Reilly, which I read the court, where she followed him from job to job, then had
a meeting with him, then went up to his hotel room and watched the election, and then went
back down.
And then he was paying her.
She came back from CNN, but they couldn't match her salary, so he was paying her out
of his pocket.
And all this was okay.
And then at some point, it didn't work out, and she sued him for millions of dollars.
And in the end, it led to him losing his job.
And I think it was just unfair.
And it's opening the floodgates that people start losing their careers,
not on even anything that's proven, but on accusations and out-of-court settlements.
And out-of-court settlements are not supposed to be admissions of guilt.
It's a very bad treadmill that we're getting on.
I dated a woman who used to work at a hospital
and we broke up and after that she dated one of her
co-workers at the hospital
they dated for a year and a half, they broke up
she sued him in the hospital for sexual harassment
and she won
it's incredible, they were a couple
and let's say clearly
there is such a thing as sexual harassment
clearly
Ryan Hamilton's guilty of it every weekend. Second show.
I mean,
what can I say?
But the idea
that everybody
who gets accused
of something
and settles out of court
is now,
I mean,
that's,
I think that's
a really bad precedent.
Especially when Verizon
could have a race face.
Did they put a gag order
at everybody at Fox
about that?
I'm not talking...
If they know
it's good for them.
I'm not talking about that this stuff at all, obviously.
Yeah.
Of course you can't.
Can't.
I'm literally just saying it out loud and trying to read the bubble over your head.
Like I'm just looking deep in your eyes.
Fascinating, isn't it?
Through your non-prescription lenses.
And I'm trying to see what.
It's like playing poker.
I'm looking for your tell. Like I say, Eric Bolling. And I'm trying to see what it's like playing poker I'm looking for your tell
like I say
Eric Bolling
and I'm looking at her
you should have Tom Shalhoub
come on
we had Tom Shalhoub
we had Tom
he was a good guest
did he divulge anything
about that or no?
no
but somebody did
Schultz
but you know
the guy used to be on Red Eye
Bill Schultz
Bill Schultz
he spoke to me
a little candidly
about some of this stuff I used to love going on Shalhoub's show Red Eye? Bill Schultz. Bill Schultz. He spoke to me a little candidly about some of this stuff.
I used to love going on Shalhoub's show, Red Eye.
It was great.
Yeah, they shouldn't have canceled that.
No, it was a lot of fun.
You used to go on Red Eye.
Yeah, I started with Greg on Red Eye, and that's how I ended up on the Greg Gutfeld show,
who then I got on this other show.
That was the most fun show.
Red Eye was the most fun show.
I think he's a huge talent.
Yep.
And I did his podcast, and it was the best ever. He's so smart. He's so funny. I agree with him a huge talent. And I did his podcast and it was the best
ever. He's so smart. He's so funny.
I agree with him on almost everything, too.
Shalhoub or Gutfeld? Gutfeld.
Yeah, he's great. Shalhoub's a little bit
more
moralistic in a way.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyway, what else?
Do you have any opinions
on anything that you feel is kind of like an original take on something
that you kind of feel you should be known like?
Like you're seeing things differently than the conventional people.
I don't know.
I'll probably think of it right after this is over.
All right.
I don't know if you had something you're a cause right now.
I do recommend the... The specialist.
The chicken, the roasted chicken.
No, no, because we do offer our guests free food,
as I mentioned earlier, and drink.
Oh, and Harris Faulkner?
I don't know what the chicken has to do with Harris Faulkner.
She is fantastic also.
That's her name, right?
Harris Faulkner?
Yeah, she's amazing.
She's great with, like, breaking news.
She does Outnumbered?
Yep.
She's really, really good.
She's really good
and this is once again
we know him
and I'm trying to talk
about chicken
no one wants to talk
about Harris
it's kind of funny
to hear this
I want to talk about
Bumble and Tinder
Bumble and Tinder
what about them
nothing
I've never been on
either one
I've never been on
a dating site
you missed nothing
Ray how old are you
29
oh Ray
am I too old for Brian?
What is the youngest girl you would sleep with?
That's a ridiculous question.
It has to be legal.
Okay, so in Puerto Rico, 15?
No.
I'm asking you.
Youngest?
18.
18.
See, I told you.
It's everywhere.
Why is Noam acting shocked like he wouldn't do it?
What's everywhere?
No, no, no, but I'm not going on Verizon
cable to fantasize about it.
If I met someone who was cool,
who I actually enjoy talking to,
they could be 18 or 40,
they're legal, I would sleep with them.
I don't seek out 18-year-old girls.
I'm out of the game, but I remember...
I don't seek it out.
I remember when I hit my late 30s, like 39.
Yeah.
And I was playing in a band and all that.
Yeah.
I began to feel like, you know, I'm not comfortable with these young girls.
I feel a little creepy.
No, no, no.
It feels really weird.
But you asked me what's my cutoff.
So if I met somebody who's really cool and into me and we got along, sure, why not? But I don't,
that's not like my sweet spot.
Ooh, I love 18-year-old girls. Ryan hasn't
said anything, and I know exactly what he's thinking.
I was hoping the same for you.
Ryan is saying I'd marry four 18-year-olds.
Don't lash out at Ryan
to cover up for yourself. I love Ryan Hamilton.
You asked me what's the youngest
I would sleep with, not what do I
pursue. Okay, can I tell you what, either way, can I tell you, and I think Dale will agree with you. Early 30s is great. You me what's the youngest I would sleep with, not what do I pursue. Okay, can I tell you what?
I think Dale will agree with you.
Early 30s is great.
You know what's unfair in life?
What?
You're actually answering the question honestly.
Yeah.
Which you should be commended for.
Thank you.
Where most people would ask, they would give the question.
They'd say 31.
They would give the answer that they know is what they're supposed to say, and we'd move on.
So I don't want to make you feel bad.
There's no law against it. You're right. And, you know, thank you for being honest on. So I don't want to make you feel bad. There's no law against it.
You're right.
And, you know, thank you for being honest.
Sure.
I don't feel bad.
It's just not what I seek out.
You'll never get an invitation to my home again.
In 13 years, I am going to be at your home.
Noam is very, very concerned.
And, Kat, you're not a regular listener.
By the way, my headphones.
I turned them off.
It's okay.
Go ahead.
Go ahead. Noam is very, very headphones... I turn them to go. It's okay. Go ahead. Go ahead. Talk.
Noam is very, very concerned about his daughter's future sexuality.
I think... She's five.
I think... Jesus. I think
overly so. Yeah.
Noam is quite concerned that his
daughter does not
too sexually active
when the time comes. And I think
that he's overly concerned about it.
But that is a common theme that you might,
that our regular listeners...
I've picked up on it already.
Yeah, that's...
The truth is I'm not overly concerned about it.
Well, you do bring it up a fair amount.
And actually, Dan accused me of this teen thing,
teen porn thing, because I have a daughter.
It's really not the case.
It's really not the case.
The hypocrisy would always bother me.
And it would always have bothered me.
No, but you are
a little preoccupied
with making sure
your daughter doesn't become
No, I just think
it's interesting
for the radio show.
Did it bother you
20 years ago?
Yes, it would have
bothered me 20 years ago.
You made a very good point.
I was surprised to see it
on the seller account
but you made a good point.
What difference does it
make where it is?
It's just bizarre
when that's where it comes from.
If I was blasting
the racist in Charlottesville
on the seller account,
I'd be like,
oh, no, no.
That would be weird, too.
That would be weird, also.
When you go four or five years
of every tweet is,
come to our brunch show.
There'll be laughs aplenty.
I'm trying to break out of it.
And the next tweet is,
the next tweet is,
she's got to go.
Ryan Hamilton special.
Yeah, Ryan Hamilton special.
Which is unbelievable, by the way.
It is so fucking good, and I'm so happy for you.
It's great.
I believe it's so fucking good.
Whether or not Ray's really happy for Ryan is another issue.
I'm very happy for him.
I find that hard to believe.
I'm not like you. I'm happy for people.
No, you're not like me. You're not honest.
His success has nothing to do with my life.
How old am I? I'll tell you right now. 47. I'm old enough to. No, you're not like me. You're not honest. His success has nothing to do I'm an open book. My life. How old am I?
I'll tell you right now.
47.
I'm old enough to date Kat Timp.
When did I lose my virginity?
Creepy, right?
Yeah, a little creepy.
How is that creepy?
I didn't say anything bad
about the mole.
It's cute because you don't know
when it's creepy,
but it is creepy.
How is that creepy?
You asked me,
it ties into what you asked me earlier
about when I date somebody who's 18.
It's hard to explain.
She's obviously older than 18.
Creepiness is really something that's hard to explain, but you know it when you see it. Yeah, I see it who's 18. It's hard to explain. She's obviously older than 18. Creepiness is really
something that's hard
to explain,
but you know
when you see it.
Yeah, I see it right now.
I'm looking at it.
You.
Could you think
you could explain it to him?
It's just like,
you know,
what does that even mean?
I'm 28 years old.
The oldest guy
I ever dated was 50.
Wow.
Well, who was that?
Was that a Fox news?
But he was very,
very, you know,
no, I can't say
who that is.
It was a famous person?
Yeah.
Was he in a rock and roll band?
No.
Disco?
I'm not going to say.
House music?
Holy shit, thank you.
Was he married?
No.
I was just asking.
I would never date a married guy. That's just too stressful.
I mean, like, why would you want to do that?
Well, I'm sure you have a lot of offers online, but I'm sure that probably most of them aren't very charmingly worded.
No, they're not. And they're all like, you know, they're profile pictures of like George Washington or some shit.
And I just.
Would you have dated that 50-year-old guy if he wasn't successful?
If you just met him and he was like, you know, some guy.
Good question.
Well, that's actually a very good question because my last, you know,
like I've dated a lot of guys who have not been at my level.
And like what does success even mean?
That doesn't bother me at all, except for occasionally I'll have guys who have not been at my level. What does success even mean? That doesn't bother me at all,
except for occasionally I'll
have guys who are insecure about it.
About what?
I'll get recognized on the street, or I'll make more
money than they do, and then literally
there'll be fights over that.
I don't want to...
That's really... It doesn't make a
difference to me. Some guys get weird about that.
I care less about how much money a woman makes.
100% I can tell you most.
It's like a problem.
Really?
I would have trouble with it.
Well, I'll tell you this.
As a guy, speaking as a guy, I want to have something that I do.
You know, I don't want the chick to kick my ass in every way.
I mean, if she makes more money than me, you know, at least I should be the funny one,
for example. Or the
more interesting one, the more
well-read, the more versed in Torah,
something that
distinguishes me from the young lady.
If she makes more money than me,
like, I'm a man. A man's got to be
the dominant one
on some level. It doesn't have to be financial.
But I'm like a dominant person.
You know,
but it's also like,
but I didn't have this issue
like when I was like,
you know,
I mean like I was like
homeless six years ago.
Like I was like couch homeless,
you know,
but like I had like
the best time of my life.
Now the guy who's 50,
let's say he had been
a school teacher.
Would you have dated him?
It just depends on how well
I get along with somebody.
I never
go younger. School teachers,
there's certain professions
that are just young by nature.
A 50-year-old Mick Jagger
is not the same thing as a 50-year-old
superintendent of schools.
No. So one has to be very
careful
when conflating.
Conflating is a word that everybody uses now.
I was just going to say that.
I've heard conflate like six times in the last ten days.
I grew up, Butterface didn't even exist as a word.
I talk about that in my act.
Conflating was a word, but nobody used it.
I hate that when words get, there's a lot of phrases.
First of all, there's something, these are the things I know this whole time.
People start answers with so.
Yes, that's a very common new.
And also, right.
That's a new thing that they didn't use to do when I was a kid.
So is very common as a starting word.
Conflating.
Let's unpack this as a new one that I'm hearing all the time.
I guess that's just the way language is.
And, of course, the ever popular really, which is starting to get on my nerves.
Irregardless?
No, that's not a word.
Ray Allen. I hear it all the time.
No, you don't. I talk to morons. What do you want?
Actually, I think it may
actually be a word. I think I heard reason that
actually people say it's not a word,
but it might actually be a word.
What was the word?
What about that moment
when, which is something you see on Facebook all the time.
That's a Facebook thing.
That moment when.
That feeling when.
It's TFW.
They just start with a face.
When you blah, blah, blah.
Just go when you.
That ass, though.
That face, though.
Those eyes, though.
That I see a lot.
Listen, but Kat, if you're ever in the mood for any kind of long form reading on Facebook
You might want to friend Ray Allen
Because Ray likes to write
You do that?
We are Facebook friends
Are we Facebook friends?
Ray Allen wrote a post
Where did I meet you?
I checked while we were sitting here, probably at Fox
It went to the evening sky one time
Ray Allen wrote a whole poem about it
I was in Aruba and I
took a night swim and I took a picture of the
sunset and I was moved
at the moment. You weren't moved. And I wrote something
and I really thought all my friends
are going to let me have it. And sure enough
all the comics really let me have it.
He literally blocked me from Facebook
because he knew what was going to happen.
He blocked me from Facebook.
I take back the honesty thing. He's like, oh, I thought you blocked me. No, that's not how blocking Facebook. I didn't block. And I take back the honesty thing.
He's like, oh, I thought you blocked me.
No, that's not how blocking goes.
You can't think that you blocked
or blocked when you blocked.
I think if you read that post,
I think you'll think,
oh, that sounds actually really nice.
It's you and Laura.
Drawn out description of the sky in Aruba
at 8.30 p.m. at night.
Cue the music.
And the colors were completely calm
with the exception of one bird
that effortlessly glided above me,
occasionally alighting in midair
as if to share the view.
Were you high?
As I sat slowly on my back,
gently rippling through the warm water,
I watched the moon glow a few feet to my left
with the sunset just over my shoulder to the right.
Look.
Don't judge it
until you read it.
We all know what you're talking about.
This is like not Walden Pond.
Sorry.
Just in case anyone
wants to know how it ends.
And then I sat
on the delicate sand
and breathed
the clear room air
and I rested
and I lived.
It sounds awful.
And I was perfect.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
That's still Shame on all of you. That's still on the internet.
Do you mean to tell me that that is still on the internet?
I'm still proud of it.
And shame on all of you.
How would a man who wrote that know he should shut up about sleeping with 18-year-olds?
You need a certain amount of self-awareness.
You know you watch a middle school talent show
and you're embarrassed for them.
That's how I feel about hearing that.
Listen, when you go home tonight
and you look at the picture and you read it,
you're going to say,
No, I'm not.
No one was wrong.
It was very thoughtful.
Now, can't you use the comedy seller Twitter account
to get rid of this?
I'm going to tell you something.
I do want to ask you one other thing.
I know you have to go, but this is actually interesting.
No, I'm good.
The Hillary Clinton audio tapes.
Yeah.
What's your take on that?
I have interest.
What do you mean?
Well, I don't want to put words in your mouth.
What's your impressions of what you heard and what she's saying?
For her book, or do you mean?
Well, the book and the audio excerpts that
we heard on the news of her book yeah okay yeah i mean i think that this is like the exact same
way she ran her whole campaign is like this guy is so mean to me and you know going on and on and
on and it's just like not how you win an election and i've talked about this on tv before like you
couldn't win a student council election that way like kids would bully you you know uh she needs
to she needs to like look at herself a little bit.
Well, now you actually hit on exactly why
Ray's poem jogged my memory about the Hillary Clinton.
I would love to know how that connection was made.
It was literally that.
It would all make sense.
I would have kept it to myself.
I went to Tulum for four days and posted nothing.
Tulum sucks.
You can't drink the water.
No, Tulum does not suck.
Let me tell you, it was really that.
Because in it, she says, first of all, you heard that tape where she's on the phone defending,
having defended the child rapist.
Yes.
She was like so fluid and relaxed.
She sounded great, right?
I mean, forget about what she's saying.
Right.
But in the other, she is so stiff.
And then, and she said, and I thought that I would win, but I just couldn't make it happen.
And then she goes, and I'll have to live with that for the rest of my life.
And I thought to myself, first of all, her delivery is unbelievably stiff and robotic.
It's bad. It was alarming.
And the prose, and I'll have to live with that for the rest of my life.
This is the most trite, cliche way of expressing.
It's like when Ray ends his thing.
That's not even a great picture.
No filter.
No filter.
Hey, you need prescription glasses.
No filter.
That should be the name of your piece.
I wish I did.
I wouldn't be as much of a douchebag.
Stunning.
So do you agree with me that like,
there should have been some attempt to,
okay, I get the message.
I get what you're trying to say.
You have to deal with this failure.
But can't you put it in a way
that's a little bit
original to you, shows a little bit of
who you are?
It was all trite cliches
and I was stunned by that.
And that is why she lost.
I've seen this picture
not only from you twice, but
before like 9,000 times.
No, you did not because I took it.
I know, but it's just like all the other pictures of Sunset. No, you did not because I took it. I know, but like that,
it's just like all the other
pictures of Sunset.
No, this is spectacular.
Well, I don't want to
think together.
Nobody wants to see a picture
unless there's somebody
they know in it, okay?
Or a person in it.
A lot of people liked it
and hearted it.
How many is a lot for you?
200.
Yeah.
That's a lot.
That's pretty good.
But you have like
tens of thousands
of Twitter followers
that are very suspect too.
No, this was on
Facebook 200.
Oh, you can't buy Facebook friends?
No.
I used to host an internet talk show called Late Met, and we had a really big guest.
Far bigger than us.
So no one gives me shit about that.
Anyway, Kat, you were an awesome guest.
And I'm really excited that you came on the show Because I'm such a huge Fox fan
That's great
And I hope you'll maybe come on again
Or come down and drink with us
Yeah, I like drinking, I'm a drinker
Do you live, you shouldn't say where you live
Yeah, I can't
He lives in the New York metropolitan area
I do
Let's leave it at that
Ryan Hamilton, despite Dan's resentment.
There's no resentment.
Dan's happy.
He's resent-proof.
Ryan's resent-proof.
Plus, I know that what's good for Ryan is good for Dan and Adam.
When Ryan makes it big, guess who's the opening act?
That's how Dan gets over his resentment.
He has to find an angle.
The special is so good.
It's amazing.
Ryan is fantastic.
What Ryan does has a higher degree of difficulty.
And I'll actually put Dan in this, too, because Dan actually is not a dirty comic.
But just pretend you weren't here, Ryan.
Dan can't see me complimenting anybody because he thinks it compares to him.
But anyway, just forget about that, Dan.
What you do, I believe, has a higher degree of difficulty than virtually anybody else's.
It's like a triple salchow.
It is.
And I shouldn't say it doesn't get credit because it gets a lot of credit.
But I still don't think the public realizes how much fun.
If you put some dick jokes into your hot air balloon, you'd be out of another universe.
You'd be in Ali Lang, Ali Wong territory. But it's really, really
amazing that Ryan can talk about
almost anything
without any sexual references,
without anything dirty, and bring the house
down. That's amazing.
But it's not nearly the most impressive thing
about Ryan that there is.
Because we've seen that.
We've seen comics killed with clean material before.
But we haven't seen Ryan's level of decency.
Come on. And goodness.
And by the way, you know, Ryan
we're talking about political correctness.
So Ryan has a bit about a hot air balloon.
Yeah. Tell the story about the time
that somebody...
I do this bit. It's just about a hot air
balloon and how it's not the best
means of transportation. That's how edgy I get.
But it's like eight minutes long. I respect
it, yeah. It's a great bit. After the
show, the club manager came up
to me and said, hey, will you go talk to these people?
And he's kind of laughing and he goes,
I can't wait to watch. And he goes out
and there's this couple who were very
cold. They were very standoffish.
They did not care for me. And they said
we are hot air balloonists.
And they were offended.
So I say that I don't remember what I said to them,
but I remember that I thought I had finally become the edgy,
boundary-pushing comedian that I've always wanted to be.
That's the joke.
And that's in the special.
But it's like, yeah, that's the story.
Yeah, like I told you, Dan, I told Dan earlier, I posted a picture.
I was eating fried chicken and drinking champagne on my rooftop on Sunday.
And I posted a picture of just the chicken.
And people were like, I'm surprised at you.
While people during the hurricane are on their roofs because they don't want to be that you would post this.
This is sickening.
I used to like you, but then you were on your roof eating chicken.
Exactly.
But you can put Brace Face Teen Porn and that's all right.
That's the problem with the internet.
Because those people would never have gone to see Ryan or Kat perform live.
They just sit there and do their shit online.
It sucks.
But they were live.
They talked to you live.
They said this to your face. They said this to your face.
They said this to my face, but yeah, the point is you can't
escape. There's
anything you say, you're going
to get criticized. I wasn't allowed to go on my roof.
I should have stayed inside. I should have
known better. It's a crazy world.
I had a joke that some women deserve
to be raped, and just out of nowhere,
just for no reason
at all all people thought
it was offensive.
Alright.
Good night everybody.
Thank you.