The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Ryan Hamilton & Kat Timpf

Episode Date: September 1, 2017

Ryan Hamilton is a prominent standup comedian who performs regularly at the Comedy Cellar. His new special, "Happy Face," is out on Netflix. Kat Timpf is an American television personality, reporter,... and comedian living in New York City. She appears regularly as a panelist on Fox News. 

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the table, on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Good evening, everybody. Welcome to The Comedy Cellar show here on Sirius XM, Channel 99, The Comedy Cellar. We're at the backstage, we're at the back table of the Comedy Cellar. My name is Noam Dorman. I'm the owner of the Comedy Cellar. I'm going to turn it over to my co-host, my nemesis, Mr. Dan Natterman, to make the introductions. Go ahead, Dan. We have with us today
Starting point is 00:00:35 Noam, Ryan Hamilton. He just completed his Netflix Hour special, or it just aired, I should say. Yeah, it just was released. To rave reviews, at least according to my highly biased Facebook feed. But remember, all my Facebook friends are comedians. That's right. They love Ryan Hamilton.
Starting point is 00:00:53 So they have nothing but good things to say. I haven't seen it yet, but we'll talk about this. Doesn't Netflix have a star thing? Yeah, they have a star thing, I think. I don't know. Oh, go ahead. Finish the introduction. Well, we hope it gets five stars. Whatever the system is, I assume it's one to five. I took a peek. I don't know. Finish the introduction. Well, we hope it gets five stars.
Starting point is 00:01:05 Whatever the system is, I assume it's one to five. I took a peek. It's around four and five. That's pretty good. We also have with us Kat. When I met her, she was Kat Tim. But now she's become classy. And now she thinks she's the queen of England.
Starting point is 00:01:22 And it's Catherine Tim. Sometimes Catherine. But now I'm going back into Cat. So I'm kind of figuring it out. It's a bit of an identity crisis that I'm having right now. Okay, well, I know her as Cat. I'm going to call her Cat. And if you're a fan of Fox News, you certainly recognize that husky voice of hers. She is a regular on Fox News Specialists.
Starting point is 00:01:45 And prior to that, I believe she was on the Greg Gutfeld Show. I still am on the Greg Gutfeld Show. Okay. So, yeah. She's a self-described libertarian. Yes. I think that means you want government to get the hell out of your life as much as possible. Yeah, absolutely.
Starting point is 00:01:59 Okay. But also, like, anti-war and, like, you know, I think immigration's great. I love immigrants, more immigrants. Oh, you're for open borders. Yeah, it's not like completely open, obviously, but it's people like Ted Cruz, I feel like hijack the libertarian label, but they're just like not libertarians. They just don't want to be called Republicans. I'm like pro-choice, like all that stuff. It is a word I've been hearing a lot more these days than I used to, libertarian.
Starting point is 00:02:25 But I don't know if that's just because I see it on Facebook more often. By the way, before we get to any of that, it's official. Our regular viewers, our listeners, know that we've been talking about opening up a comedy cellar room in Vegas. It was a possibility. then it was a probability. Well, now it is a certainty, barring a nuclear holocaust or asteroid strike, there will be a comedy cellar room in Las Vegas, Nevada at the Rio Hotel Casino that's off the strip, near the strip. Noam, you have a weird look on your face. I was trying to think if there's a word with an ility at the end of it that you could
Starting point is 00:03:06 have used. I think that was supposed to be a possibility, that was a probability. And now it's certain. There's a certain certability. There will be a room in Vegas. I know it was trepidatious.
Starting point is 00:03:22 Not sure that's a word either. Yes, that's a word. It's too late now because the paperwork is signed and we will all sink or swim together, but obviously Gnome has a lot more at stake than we do. We're just going to go play there. I'm so nervous about it.
Starting point is 00:03:38 And on top of that, I signed, I literally, you know, you can docu-sign documents now on your It's scary, right? It doesn't even feel like you're signing anything. Yeah. So I'm doing this while I'm being prepped for a vasectomy, which is already an emotionally difficult thing.
Starting point is 00:03:51 It's too much at once. And the human body is like this. I remember one time I got 107 temperature when I was in high school. Whoa. And I was playing this Paul McCartney and Wings album during that time. And after I recovered, I could never listen to that record again. Yeah. For whatever reason, it was associated.
Starting point is 00:04:06 So now this deal, on top of all the trepidation, whatever, all the... Trepidacity. All the trepidacity that I had about it is now associated with all the nervousness of this vasectomy. Oh. And I'm sure that's just compounding it. Now every time you get a vasectomy...
Starting point is 00:04:24 Yeah. So every time I think about the room in Vegas, I immediately think about the vasectomy. Right. Well, that'll be fun. And the vasectomy is horrible. Really? Yeah. Oh, really?
Starting point is 00:04:37 Yeah. They say it's so simple, but it's. Well, I mean, it is simple. But it's not fun for sure. Well, you don't feel it, but they don't put you to sleep. Just the first one, they don't put you to sleep. Yeah, that's weird. But you don't feel it.
Starting point is 00:04:52 The recovery process is painful and upsetting. My doctor was fantastic, but my doctor is an African-American. I'm a black urologist. I've had him for a while, but I never really got to know him. But during this process, while he literally has his fingers literally inside your scrotum, like they're really operating on you, he starts to talk about politics. Wouldn't that help, though? Wouldn't that help?
Starting point is 00:05:18 Well, except that— They're trying to make you not think about that. Yes. But— So he kind of asked me what I thought about what was going on in Charlottesville. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:05:28 And I'm such a jackass. Like, I'll tell him, you know, I don't think the Confederate flag, and they should leave these Robert E. Lee sets. And he's like, yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:35 And then I smelled the burning flesh of cauterized, you know, vast deference. So it was literally a scene right out of Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Starting point is 00:05:43 And I'm exaggerating a little bit because actually he was, I think we agreed on mostiasm. And I'm exaggerating a little bit because actually he was, I think we agreed on most things. And I didn't say anything. But afterwards, I said, what the hell is the matter with me? Like, don't you know when to shut up? Right.
Starting point is 00:05:54 And then I tried to take pride in it. Like, well, you know, I really don't see color. Like, people say they don't see color. Like, first of all, I had a black urologist, so that's already not seeing color. But then he's talking about politics while he's giving me a vasectomy. And I'm talking. It's a pretty good test.
Starting point is 00:06:09 Yeah. You should have just called a friend. Whenever I even get blood drawn or anything, I'll, like, call my friend. Just called your friend while you're getting a vasectomy. So you didn't have to deal with that. Well, yeah, I should have. Yeah. But then, but, like, but sometimes maybe you should see color.
Starting point is 00:06:22 Like, maybe, maybe the proper. Maybe the liberals are right. Maybe you need to see color because that was really risky to talk about Charlottesville. He's from South Carolina. He was telling me stories about the Klan when he was a kid and stuff like that. Anyway, that was my whole thing. So it's all one big lump, Dan. Yeah, that's a lot. I don't know if, by the way, with regard to Vegas, I don't know what you're planning to pay. There was a number that was thrown around. Let's get right to that. Are you Jewish? I don't know what you're planning to pay. There was a number that was thrown around.
Starting point is 00:06:45 Let's get right to that. Are you Jewish? No. I know what you're thinking. I can read non-Jewish minds. Look at that face. That's no Jew. Polish Catholic. I really know what you're thinking. Lapsed Catholic. I don't know if you can get Ryan for the numbers that I
Starting point is 00:07:02 heard you, Bandy, about. You were the one who gave me the numbers. I gave you a number, and then I heard another number that get Ryan for the numbers that I heard you, Bandy, about now that he's a... You were the one who gave me the numbers. No, I gave you a number and then I heard another number that was less than the number that I gave you. What was the number that you... I suggested $3,500 for the week. You suggested $2,500. Yes. I don't know that Ryan would go out there for $2,500
Starting point is 00:07:17 especially now that he's a Netflix star. Well, the other option... Now, you might want to pay different people different amounts. Yeah, and we have to pay people different amounts and have to keep it a secret or...
Starting point is 00:07:28 That's going to be tough to do. Ryan will keep it a secret. Ryan's one of the few. Actually, Ryan not only would keep it a secret but he would also
Starting point is 00:07:35 turn it down because he wouldn't think it was right. But, having said that, we have the ability to collapse two spots.
Starting point is 00:07:43 Like, I want to have four comedians and an MCcee. But maybe for someone who has a draw, we could have three comedians and an emcee, and then someone could have a double share. They would do more time. They would do more time, which I don't think the comedians care one way or another about doing more time,
Starting point is 00:07:57 but to warrant them traveling out there. I imagine that for a comedian, it's all about how much money they would have made otherwise. I don't know. Well, it's also how much money they would have made otherwise. I don't know. It's also how much money we feel we can get out of Noam Dorman. But that's always the case in a negotiation. I'm willing to tie my fee to the
Starting point is 00:08:18 number of people in the audience so that you would say, okay, well Dan, if there's 1,000 people paying customers that week you get this. If there's 2,000 you get that 1,000 people paying customers that week, you get this. If there's 2,000, you get that. I'm willing to take that risk with you. Okay. No, I can't speak for everybody.
Starting point is 00:08:32 I don't know how we're going to do it. I know that the other clubs in Vegas have horrible lineups, like people that, with rare exception, would never get on here, would never, ever, ever get on here. So that's scary because maybe that's what they feel the only communities they think they can afford. Yeah, I don't know. If they could get better, they would, right? There's a lot of unknowns, and we'll see. And it's your money, thankfully, not mine. But then again, you'll profit bigly if it works.
Starting point is 00:09:06 I'm really feeling like everything that took place that day, the Rio and the vasectomy, are the two things I've done in my life I'm most likely to really regret. And neither of them is necessarily reversible without a lot of... One day. Yeah, that's pretty interesting. Well, I think you've had enough kids. Now, can we talk about Charlott Charles Brown and Trump and Fox gossip? I love Fox.
Starting point is 00:09:28 Before we do that, there is one thing that I really want to talk about this week. I think Bill O'Reilly got a totally bum deal. We'll get to Fox. But I don't know if you've been paying attention, Ryan, to the Comedy Cellar Twitter account. But apparently Noam Dorman got a hold of it. Okay. It's mine's Twitter account. I thought that Liz was in charge of the Twitter.
Starting point is 00:09:50 Anyway, so the Comedy Cellar Twitter account's been around for what, four or five years? I don't know. Yeah. Every tweet for the past five years has been related to comedy. Well, we have a show this Friday. Come see us. Oh, no. All comedy- related tweets.
Starting point is 00:10:07 So for the first time that I've ever seen, Noam decided to get political with the comedy cell. And what are the many, many topics that people are discussing that you think that he broached for the first time that he talked about something
Starting point is 00:10:23 other than pornography No, pornography. Oh, really? After all these years, Noam doesn't have shit to say. Is that a hot topic? It is for Noam. Noam has his bug up his ass. No, no.
Starting point is 00:10:33 I'll let you finish. Go ahead. Apparently, Noam's like, what is it, Verizon? So you go to the channel guide, right? Oh, I saw this on your Facebook. Noam. He also posts it on Facebook.
Starting point is 00:10:43 There's a channel guide, and the channel guide has little blurbs summarizing the porn. The plots of the porn, yeah. And Noam is very upset about those summaries because he feels that those summaries normalize sex with underage girls. Okay, listen. Do you want to talk about this? I certainly would. This hit me in two ways.
Starting point is 00:11:09 But this is, of all the things going on, the race is. Well, I'm not stupid enough. I'm only going to pick on something that in no way could snap back on some kind of Antifa backlash out there. I'm not going to talk about race on my Twitter feed. Not with my views on race. But this porn thing, it's a two-pronged thing.
Starting point is 00:11:28 And you might agree with some of this. First of all, the hypocrisy. That, like, Fox had to fire Bill O'Reilly because he left a dirty message on somebody's thing. But Verizon can make their money on advertising the following. Baby-faced teens with braces. This is the blurb, the plot summary.
Starting point is 00:11:48 Yeah, I mean, that's obviously some gross shit. Baby-faced, barely legal babes. Man, they look for young, we have enough to... Deep throat shaft and get plowed till they scream. So, and I imagine myself like, what if by day, by day we talk about how horrible racism is and we boycott and by night
Starting point is 00:12:10 the same company goes on and says pay per view like awesome racist it's so disgusting and so hypocritical and say how can why is this okay and then so that's one part that's what really the hypocrisy really disturbs me like it's like just no rhyme or reason what issue is going to have traction,
Starting point is 00:12:28 what issue is not going to have traction. You feel it normalizes sex with underage girls. The other thing is that I know that these urges, I mean, urges can be natural and fantasy is harmless, but culture exists, as I've said, to kind of discourage the worst of our human instincts and encourage the best of them. That's what culture does kind of. So there is something I think troubling where it becomes acceptable in a culture in mainstream on the channel guide to be saying, listen, you probably want to see this, don't you? Like this, this is probably awesome. Baby face girls plowing, you know, being plowed
Starting point is 00:13:02 by, uh, and one of them was like my big black shafts or whatever it is i'm like the dads that my daughter is gonna go uh you know the on play dates too this is what they're watching and is it crazy to think that that might in some way make them think that this is kind of okay like how bad could it be? So I just like, we should really start retweeting this because I felt like Verizon would immediately shut down if anybody started really to question it. How could they possibly defend it? But this is the interesting thing.
Starting point is 00:13:36 Nobody cares. Nobody cares. The same people who are literally crying, crying at the idea that Bill O'Reilly left a dirty message on his gun, had no interest in baby faced teens with braces getting shafted by big black poles, whatever it is. And the racial aspects
Starting point is 00:13:52 of it are also disturbing, but that's, I guess that's a fetish, so it's, you know, that's between adults. I don't know if anybody even watches porn on TV anymore. I don't even know how big of an industry that really is. Don't people watch it on the internet? I don't know,
Starting point is 00:14:08 but they're selling it. Well, first of all, you can block that, Noam. You can block those blurbs. As Verizon said to you, I think Verizon tweeted back to you, you can block those. I can handle the blurbs. The point was not me blocking the blurbs.
Starting point is 00:14:23 Two points, I'll tell you again. Two points is the hypocrisy of a major corporation making their money on something that we all think is horrible. Immoral and horrible. And if you were to go through, I mean, and illegal. And we call it rape and it's disgusting and all that. Well, most Americans don't think fantasies are horrible. Wow. And I know you said, well, we shouldn't encourage that kind of a fantasy.
Starting point is 00:14:49 There is some research, I think, to the effect that it can actually be an outlet for people who have these feelings and maybe make it less likely that it'll act on them in real life. I'm not trying to make it illegal. I just think, on the contrary, I would never want to make anything illegal. I'm a strong First Amendment guy
Starting point is 00:15:06 I just don't then we should go the other way and stop with these boycotts these phony boycotts trying to drive and ruin careers and drive people off the air as if we can't
Starting point is 00:15:17 because they did something that we don't like Catherine Kat-Timp where do you stand on these on this issue it's hard for her because... She's a woman. Yeah, but she's at Fox where everybody's being accused of sexual harassment,
Starting point is 00:15:29 and she doesn't want to step on a landmine here. Go ahead. I certainly don't want to step on a landmine, and I'm not familiar with... I never even met Bill O'Reilly, so I don't know anything about it at all. Forget Bill O'Reilly. What do you think about these pornography that emphasizes the youth of the young lady? It's gross.
Starting point is 00:15:49 Like, I'm 28 years old, and I'm going to be 100 in two years when I turn 30. I'm dead to the world. But I don't know if that's going to be the same thing, whether the braces porn exists or not. I really think that. I don't know if it makes that big of a difference. Is it gross? Yeah. But I don't know if it's going to make that big of a difference, really.
Starting point is 00:16:04 Right? I don't know. Getting rid of it, it gross? Yeah. But I don't think it's going to make that big of a difference. Really. Right? I don't know. Getting rid of it, you mean? Yeah. If we got rid of all the braces porn, people would just start making it in their basements or whatever. There's much worse stuff online. Yeah, but Verizon is not marketing it. They're marketing it. Isn't this awesome? Baby-faced teens.
Starting point is 00:16:20 You want to buy it. It's like Coca-Cola or something. It tastes great. It's delicious. Baby-faced teens. Is that a normal desire? If it's a normal desire, then why do we have to? Well, I'm going to quote the great Marc Maron, who once said, of course I want to have sex with teenage girls. Doesn't everybody?
Starting point is 00:16:37 That's why there's a law. Now, I don't know if that's accurate or not, but clearly this is a very common fetish because you have barely legal magazines, you know, and barely legal pornography. And this is very widespread. So let's encourage it. So you're upset about the marketing of it, not necessarily that it's being created? Yeah. I mean, I'm not thrilled that it's being created.
Starting point is 00:17:01 Right. But I'm not on a campaign here, a crusade to stop porn or anything so stupid like that. I'm saying that I don't like to see it on my channel guide, and I don't see why it's okay for Verizon, who's supposed to be... Like, if I were to have a night... It's in your home, that way, yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:20 Let's have a night on Indie Comedy Cellar. People would be like, what the hell is the matter with you? You can't do that Don't you care About your reputation Babyface team Right
Starting point is 00:17:28 Well I I have a family Pussycat Let's have a babyface team With braces And we'll show it On the screen one night It would be like
Starting point is 00:17:35 Getting a mailer In your home Or something In the mail Just like Why am I getting this Yeah Can you imagine
Starting point is 00:17:40 If I showed it Let me just put it On the olive tree Right Well You know I don't know If I agree or disagree With Noam on the issue.
Starting point is 00:17:46 I did find it interesting. Would you buy? He would never tell the truth. Ask me the question. Babe, do you do barely legal porn? Do I do barely legal porn? You know what I'm asking. Barely legal, you mean by barely legal, I see a girl that's 25 and driving a rental car?
Starting point is 00:18:06 Yes. That would be barely legal, I see a girl that's 25 and driving a rental car. Yes. That would be barely legal. A 35-year-old woman taking the oath of office naked? A girl that's... If it's the Constitution, she's got to be 35 to be president. A girl that, by looking at her, you can't tell whether she's a 14-year-old girl in braces or not. And she's being, you know, whatever. She's doing whatever.
Starting point is 00:18:24 Are you going to pay this? It doesn't disturb you? Even if it turns you on, wouldn't you say, you know what, I shouldn't do that. I am only attracted to women that the good people in the state legislature in Albany have said that I'm legally allowed to be attracted to. Alright, alright, whatever.
Starting point is 00:18:39 I don't think you're wrong, Noam. I just found it interesting that of all the topics to go to war about on the Twitter account, that's what he chose. What was the response like? Was there any response? People were probably just like,
Starting point is 00:18:56 what's happening over there? Don't fuck with my porn, Dwarven. Very few people responded. A few people said, yes, this is awful. And then Noam doubled down. He tweeted, come on, guys. He thought that it was going to be a huge thing where we all march on Washington.
Starting point is 00:19:13 He thought Verizon would respond, maybe. They did respond. They said, block it. If you want to block it, you fag. Whoa, whoa. The perfect example. If you said fag. That's whoa. What? See, that, that, the perfect example. If you say fag.
Starting point is 00:19:26 That's a joke. No, I know. But if you're like a Fox News guy and you said fag, they will literally come at you. You might literally never work again if you say fag. I quit doing stand-up pretty much. I used to do stand-up and then I quit when I started working on the news because I was like, if I make a joke and someone records it on their cell phone, it's like not in context or this or that, I'll probably get fired.
Starting point is 00:19:46 It's terrifying. So this is kind of like examine it. If you say fag even as a joke, there will be a movement to have your career ending. But the same company that's doing that can market baby-faced porn with braces. That's okay. At least you didn't say fag. As long as they don't say fag in that baby-faced scene with braces. That's okay. At least you didn't say fag. As long as they don't say fag
Starting point is 00:20:05 in that baby face he's in with braces. Maybe it's the difference between an individual with a face who's a human and this faceless large corporation.
Starting point is 00:20:14 Yes, it is. Well, why? But my question is more or less to do with the merits of Noam's argument and more to do with why did you feel that this is the issue
Starting point is 00:20:22 you're going to the mat for on the Twitter account? Because I actually thought it might catch on A and B. I thought it was uncontroversial. In other words, even if people didn't disagree with me, it's not like what I am on a warpath about is like these statues
Starting point is 00:20:36 of Jefferson and all that stuff and judging people within the time and place that they were born. And I have a lot of I've really been concentrating on that. However, I would never dare take to Twitter about that because I'll get tarred,
Starting point is 00:20:49 you know, some sort of a racist or something or get a rock through my window. Well, I just think going forward the comedy seller
Starting point is 00:20:55 Twitter account should concentrate on things like Ryan Hamilton's new Netflix special available. Okay, but this is what
Starting point is 00:21:03 you don't understand. I don't distinguish in my't understand. I don't distinguish in my life. Everything in my life is for me and whatever makes me happy. So if I have access, I have a Twitter feed out of my comedy seller
Starting point is 00:21:17 and I want to tweet about something political because I want to for whatever problems I might have, but I want to. I don't care if anybody, like, it's my thing. It's my ball. I get to play. I can use it for whatever I want. And by the way, people with that kind of access, they abuse this all the time.
Starting point is 00:21:35 I mean, I did one thing in all these years, but every dumb movie star, you know, gets on one campaign or another. We expect that from them. The comedy seller has never gone outside of their narrow range of tweeting about, you know, guess Mo Amir will be here at the 12.30 show, or whatever you guys tweet, or there's a brunch show this Sunday, don't miss it. People might find it a little bit interesting.
Starting point is 00:21:53 Then all of a sudden you got baby-faced teens. And it took a few of us a little bit, you know, by surprise. Anyhow, I think we've discussed that enough. I still don't understand why I'm the only one upset about this. But anyway. Well, I'm not thrilled about it.
Starting point is 00:22:12 Ryan's not thrilled, but he's not outraged either. I don't like to get involved. I think we've accepted that a lot of people consider that a fetish. There's many fetishes, and that is a fetish. And people aren't overwhelmingly outraged about it. What about a fetish where it was a plantation fetish? That's a fetish, too. And what if the movie was the white guy and has the black guys all dressed up as slaves and he has sex with the slaves?
Starting point is 00:22:39 No, that would not be okay because race, but teens in braces? That's perfectly okay. Cat Timp, any thoughts before we move on? I'm just saying, 18-year-olds, they're legal. So, you know, they're technically legal. And I'm sure that the slave porn thing exists somewhere. Right, but Verizon would never, ever get away with it. That's only my point.
Starting point is 00:23:05 It's not making it illegal. Everything exists, and that's none of my business. I'm saying that it's the hypocrisy that somehow race, any hint of racism, is considered like the mark of the Scarlet Letter or whatever it is, the mark of pain. But teen wanting to have sex with girls in braces is perfectly fine. It's perfectly fine. It's hypocritical. I think that the teen fetish is a lot more offensive than the plantation fetish.
Starting point is 00:23:36 I mean, that's just, or even the concentration camp fetish. I don't care. It's all adult. And whatever adults want, it doesn't, you know, but there's something coarsening to the culture where teens and children grow up and they see that the fact that they're
Starting point is 00:23:52 in braces and they're young is something awesome for older people to be fantasizing and beating off to I don't like that I don't want my daughter processing all that I'm sure there are a lot of people who feel that way but it's labeled as porn or something so people don't know how daughter processing all that. I'm sure there are a lot of people who feel that way, but it's labeled as porn or something, so people don't know how to control it any further.
Starting point is 00:24:09 Catherine Timp, any last thoughts about teenage girls with braces? I'm good on that. Okay. So we can move on now. Now, just by coincidence, I read about you today. Okay. That you were one of the people who were totally outraged and said so about Trump's Charlottesville comments in real time. Yeah, I was.
Starting point is 00:24:32 I think it was just because, you know, like the both sides thing. I think you should focus on like the person who actually killed someone in that moment. And like if someone that I love got killed and people were like oh yeah all murderers are awful all murderers suck I would think that that was inappropriate so I said that I was you know very reasoned in my response also because you know I'm I said I was shocked that he didn't as soon as he heard that like a car was driven and that he didn't like say it was like an Islamic terrorist because that's normally what he does he's been wrong more than once because he just can't help himself like terror attack he did the Times Square on once because he just can't help himself. Like, Terror Attack, he did it, the Times Square on Terror Attack, he did it with the one in Manila.
Starting point is 00:25:08 Same thing. So I just pointed that out. And then, you know, people went apeshit on me, of course. You know, I'm a commie, I'm this and that. Like, I'm a cold-hearted capitalist. I'm certainly not a commie. So it's just the vitriol that you get. Like, people, lots of emails about people want to shove things violently in my ass, all that kind of stuff.
Starting point is 00:25:26 If I make any sort of comment like that. Well, the thing about Kat Timp is being an attractive woman, you've got that double anger. Number one, they're angry at you because you have the wrong views. Number two, they're angry at you because they can't tap that.
Starting point is 00:25:44 It's bullshit. I have to spend two hours in hair and makeup every single day. My hair is actually this short. I wear clip-in extensions for work. Tons and tons of makeup. I actually look much less attractive on the weekends because I feel like I've spent so much
Starting point is 00:26:00 of my life getting made up into naughty librarian Barbie that on the weekends I'm just going to look like shit. Naughty librarian, that's what that is. Yeah, it is. There's a lot of sexual anger going on,
Starting point is 00:26:09 being directed your way. A lot of it. The worst was when I did that, made that Star Wars, I made a joke about Star Wars. People were like telling me they were going to come to my house and like rape me
Starting point is 00:26:18 and all this, and kill me and all this other stuff. And you can see that on the Verizon. That's exactly, I was like, you've thought about this.
Starting point is 00:26:25 So what did you, so okay, Charlottesville, his remarks were bad. Have you crossed paths with Laura Ingraham? Yes. Because she, you saw that thing between her and Krauthammer where she was kind of defending Trump and all that. Did you debate her at all? No. I mean, I debated a lot of people on the network. I've debated her before on various
Starting point is 00:26:48 things. For me, it's just comparing it to the way he treats every other act that's ever happened. Like, every other time. It was a very marked difference. He literally ran on, like, you have to name the enemy. You have to say radical Islamic terror. You have to say radical Islamic terror.
Starting point is 00:27:03 And he wouldn't say that about this guy. And the fact that David Duke and Richard Spencer were like, this is dope. He did a great job with his statement. You kind of got to say, eh, maybe it's not the best thing. And no one named the enemy, and the enemy is teenage porn.
Starting point is 00:27:19 And it was stupid for him on another level that if he had simply said, listen, the KKK and the Nazis, you know, these are disgusting organizations. He could have gone on to discuss Antifa and the fact that there's reprehensible behavior on both. He could have said anything he wanted to if he had simply made it very clear at the top that, you know, where he was coming from. And also, he should have been mindful that this was also occurring in the context of his previous kind of hedging on David Duke during the campaign, where, I don't know who David
Starting point is 00:27:52 Duke is, so this was the second strike also, so you weren't even ready to give him the benefit of the doubt on this, because he should have known better. Yeah, and he waited like two days to even say anything about KKK or white supremacy. He's never like, and then he walked never like, and then, and then he walked back. Then like,
Starting point is 00:28:06 then he walked it back. And then like, you know, he attacks the media right away. Like, Oh, this wasn't good enough. He's never waited two days to attack anyone that he's pissed off about.
Starting point is 00:28:15 Can't we just grade this dude on a curve? We, I mean, at this point we know who he is. We know we got in that. I thought that that speech, but given it was that it was Donald Trump that speech, given that it was Donald Trump, was pretty good, considering
Starting point is 00:28:28 it's Donald Trump. He did say, I don't like the KKK and these people are bad. I mean, that shouldn't be hard though. That shouldn't be something you take two days. This is who the guy is. I mean, if we're going to be outraged every week, it just seems like, yeah, when your dog pisses on the
Starting point is 00:28:43 rug, okay, that's what dogs do. He pisses on the rug. Okay, that's what dogs do. He pisses on the rug and we'll take it from there. Now, if Donald Trump were my son, these are the questions I'd be asked, you know, because I just want to know that he clearly, did he know at the time he made that remark about both sides that these people, whoever, that woman was killed by that car attack? Did he actually know that at that time? Well, because he came out and said it again on the Tuesday.
Starting point is 00:29:05 So yeah, he did. No, no. The second one. But the first speech, when the first one, that's where it all started. I was never clear and I didn't spend the time
Starting point is 00:29:13 to look it up. It didn't seem to me when I heard it that he realized what had happened. Right, but he never waits for the facts on anything, which was kind of my point.
Starting point is 00:29:21 Right, but just to put it in context, then the second one he clearly knew and that was the one where, as Crowd Armor said, it was like a my point. Right, but just to put it in context, and then the second one he clearly knew, and that was the one where, as Crowd Armor said, it was like a hostage video. He just read exactly what he was supposed to say, and he said the right thing.
Starting point is 00:29:34 And then the third one, you know, he just can't stand the fact that he was tarred with this, and he's so thin-skinned, he just lashes back. And in his clumsiness, he does touch on some issues that I think we probably do agree with, which is this rewriting of history and do we really want to take down Jefferson and Antifa? I mean, Peter Bainert had written a huge
Starting point is 00:29:55 article in The Atlantic just a few days before about Antifa and how they were fueling right-wing hate. So he's not out to lunch on some of these issues he wants to discuss. He's really just out to lunch that he couldn't, that it seemed like he was hesitant to criticize the KKK and the Nazis. That's really what it is, right? He seemed like he didn't want to do that.
Starting point is 00:30:19 Yeah. And that's really the problem. Not the stuff he said. It's that. He didn't want to. And why? Well, maybe either he thinks they're a large part of his base, or he doesn't think they're that big a problem.
Starting point is 00:30:31 He's not thinking day and night that America is about to be taken over by Nazis. It's not like in his head that any second now there's going to be another Third Reich in America. So he kind of maybe treats them with the lack of seriousness he feels they're doing. I do have a theory. I think he has been somewhat radicalized online. Do you remember during the campaign he was retweeting some... The president? Yeah. Retweeting some bogus statistics
Starting point is 00:30:53 from white supremacist websites and stuff like that. Oh yeah. And he was like, how did that get to him? Nobody really thought it might have got to him because he might have actually been on the white supremacy websites. So during that whole Charlottesville, I began to listen,
Starting point is 00:31:09 sending to these guys. They wouldn't even bother. I was like, why don't you guys take the time to actually learn about what it is you're screaming about. So I began to read some Richard Spencer and that Kessler guy and listen to some speeches. And the fact is that a whole lot of what they say reverberates. I could chop it out. A lot of it. Maybe 80% of what they say reverberates.
Starting point is 00:31:25 Like, I could chop it out, a lot of it. Like, maybe 80% of what they say, I could chop it out and show it to the average white moderate. And they'd be like, yeah, that's right. You know, if you just take out the part where we want it only for white people and whatever it is. not wanting to abandon our European roots and not have to think about Europe with cultural relativism and the fact that we're embarrassed to say that European values are good and that we're cautious about
Starting point is 00:31:54 not wanting to adopt values of other cultures and the part about social fabric and wanting people to love America's traditions and all that stuff, which is all kind of politically incorrect stuff, which is the kind of politically incorrect stuff, which is the problem, so that we've ceded that ground, even though it reverberates with a lot of people, only the white supremacists can talk about it. And then they also say, and by the way,
Starting point is 00:32:17 we don't want anybody of color here and we think we're genetically superior. But I think that Trump and Bannon, they're filled with a lot of these ideas and Trump didn't want to bash them because I think he didn't understand he's seeing two sides to it. He doesn't understand that Hitler might have been right about the Treaty of Versailles
Starting point is 00:32:39 and how horrible it was and how horrible it was for Germany, but you can't start saying, well, but you know Hitler's right about this and wrong about this. Because you just cannot say anything about Hitler was okay. Well, that's why I think the other bad thing that he said during that speech was that there was good people that were marching with the Nazis. He didn't say that, but yeah, he said good people. Yeah, both sides.
Starting point is 00:33:00 But I mean, like, this was an explicitly Nazi rally. Well, the night before was explicitly Nazi. The march was explicitly... But the daytime one wasn't... Kessler, the guy, was not a Nazi. It was organized by all of these white supremacist groups. But they're not all Nazis, right. They're all white supremacists.
Starting point is 00:33:19 And even... I mean, I'm just... I want to compose a new introduction to the show where we say essentially that the views expressed by the host of the show are not necessarily the views of the host of the show. Because I really want to set up a situation where we can really play devil's advocate without somebody stuffing that opinion down my throat. Because otherwise it's boring. Yeah, I agree. Okay, next time.
Starting point is 00:33:42 Yeah, I agree. Next topic. But they don't consider themselves Nazis or white supremacists. So we call them that, all of them, for whatever that's worth. I know that they probably are not Nazis. They share the Nazi belief in white superiority I guess but there's probably
Starting point is 00:34:06 a lot of things about Nazis they find just you know unacceptable they don't want it for example they don't think
Starting point is 00:34:12 that the Sudetenland is necessary for the expansion of Germany or whatever but in any case but it's like if they believe
Starting point is 00:34:21 one thing doesn't it knock them out for you yes absolutely I'm just when you're on one side of something But it's like if they believe one thing, doesn't it knock them out for you? Yes, yes, absolutely. I'm just, when you're on one side of something, you tend to start choosing adjectives or whatever it is,
Starting point is 00:34:34 which kind of like bolster your opinion about something. It's a human thing. Like that quote where Trump said there's good people on many sides. Most people recast it as both sides. And I thought to myself, well, many sides is not actually the same thing as both sides. So even though I think, I'm not defending Trump in any way. I would be careful to say that he said there's good people on many sides or whatever the exact quote was. Because both sides is not what he said and both sides is worse.
Starting point is 00:35:02 Many sides could be, he's very, anyway. He said both sides on one of the days. On one of the days he said something both sides. But the bad quote, he used many sides. The one that was really bad, he used. It's just his support, people who support him, like it's hard, they're not going anywhere no matter what he does. So I don't know if he'd be worried about that. Like it's not like all of a sudden the Nazis are going to be like Democrats.
Starting point is 00:35:20 No, there were a hundred Nazis at that rally. See, I'm a Jew. I'm not worried about the Nazis. I'm way more worried about Antifa. I shouldn't say his name. But my friend on Facebook, this is the world we live in. I can't even, I'm afraid he might get in trouble for having said that he viewed the Nazis as the idiot remnants of a defeated evil. And that's kind of the way I feel.
Starting point is 00:35:40 Like 100 Nazis, that's fewer people than we draw on an early show at brunch or something. 100 people is not, and I'm not worried about, I don't think anybody's really worried about the Nazi movement. They shouldn't be, I don't think. But the Antifa movement, this left wing anarchist movement, this is a real threat. I worry about it here. Yeah, no, I've talked to them
Starting point is 00:36:00 when I've done like man on the street reporting and these people will just straight up be like, yeah like this rally sucks because we're not destroying any property you know they'll just beat the shit out of people that's obviously bad but it doesn't hurt to talk about it with the fine gradations because
Starting point is 00:36:15 it's interesting in a way and I believe this is a good segue because I believe Ryan talks about this in his hour special yeah there's a lot of that the racial differences and how we can't live together. Yeah, I enjoy that. Can we focus a bit on Ryan's hour special
Starting point is 00:36:30 since we brought him in here? I want to get some Fox News gossip, but go ahead. I know it's not going to happen. I mean, I have a special out. What else is there? You can talk to Kat
Starting point is 00:36:37 after the show. Kat, we do invite our guests to have dinner and drinks after the show. I'm going to drink. I wish I had a drink right now. Have a drink now. What do you want? I don't know. Whiskey show. I'm going to drink. I wish I had a drink right now. Have a drink now. What do you want?
Starting point is 00:36:45 I don't know. Whiskey soda. Whiskey soda, quick. Mike, what kind of whiskey do you like? I really don't give a shit. I like Bullet maybe, Jameson. I don't care. What do you like?
Starting point is 00:36:54 Bullet. And I don't give a shit in tonic. My Bullet is soda quick because you're going to loosen her up. Go ahead, Ryan. I don't know. I'm going to chug it too. Okay. Ryan Hamilton, one of the few selected by Netflix.
Starting point is 00:37:07 It's not famous. I mean, they're giving out big deals to famous people. But he's not famous. I mean, it's true. Unless you have information I don't have. Because last time I checked, when he walked out the door, nobody screamed. Yeah. I don't deny that I have a large amount of fame.
Starting point is 00:37:22 He can walk the streets with perfect not being molested. Yeah, pretty easy. I saw Jon Stewart walking down McDougal Street with his son just three days ago. That's because he doesn't look like Jon Stewart anymore. Are you making a case that Jon and I are the same amount of famous? The equals be in the equals be in. The people, Robbie Pry, I guess, the guy at Netflix, right? He's the head dude there at the comedy department.
Starting point is 00:37:44 Yeah. Long-time fan of Ryan. Loves Ryan. Always has. He used to be at the Montreal Comedy Festival. Who doesn't? We all do. And Kat is starting to.
Starting point is 00:37:51 She just met him. Yeah, he's just a very nice face. He's like resting smile face. It's wonderful. I don't have that. I have like a mean looking face. Oh, that's nice. Well, thanks.
Starting point is 00:37:59 Well, the name of my special is Happy Face. Really? It's like you set me up for the plug. Oh, there you go. And it talks about in his act. He has an hour special. My initial reaction was like, well, where's my hour special?
Starting point is 00:38:11 But because I'm a comedian and that's how I think. But Ryan is so deserving that it was hard for me to really be angry. Oh, that's very sweet. And he's such a lovely man and it's very hard to resent. I've given it the old college try, but it just won't take. Do people ask you
Starting point is 00:38:28 for stuff all the time, though, if they need directions or you know? I guess so. I don't know. I wouldn't know if it happens more to me than other people because I've just lived like this my whole life. My line on Ryan is like the Red Cross. It's like people are, even in a bar fight,
Starting point is 00:38:43 people are throwing chairs and punches. Ryan could walk right through and nobody would touch him. He's like people are, even in a bar fight, where people are throwing chairs and punches, Ryan could walk right through and nobody would touch him. He's like the Red Cross in wartime. You don't shoot the Red Cross. He's like that, you know? I've never heard anybody say a bad word about Ryan. And you won't. And you won't.
Starting point is 00:38:58 But anyway, so you got this hour special, and this could be it for you, right? I mean, like Ali Wong, she goes on Netflix, and the next thing you know, she's selling out theaters. And I do think that's the exception, though. Not everybody who gets a Netflix special has the Ali Wong effect attached to it. She's great and deserving of it. I'm just saying, you know, who knows?
Starting point is 00:39:21 Well, what is it in your estimation with Ali Wong? Why did she become the one to blow up after all these Netflix specials, and it's Ali Wong that blew up? Well, did you watch the special? I don't watch comedy. Oh, yeah. Well, it's great. It's very well delivered, very well written.
Starting point is 00:39:37 It's accessible, and she's in a very interesting place in her life in the special. She's pregnant, and that was interesting. And it's also good. So it had an interesting vibe and it's great. And she's going to, she's pregnant again. I just opened for her. She's got another special coming out. She's a comedy seller comedian. First of all, she's hilarious.
Starting point is 00:39:58 Second of all, she's hot. Third of all, she's Asian, which is, you know, which is charismatic. You know, it cuts a totally different impression from another white guy, whatever it is. And she's dirty, which is kind of also outside the expectation. And I didn't see the special, but she was destroying when she was performing in the club. We all destroy. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:40:22 We all destroy. No, no, no, no, no. You all destroy. We all destroy. No, no, no, no, no, no. We all destroy, Noah. No, no, no, no, no. We all destroy. You go any night where one person's destroying, everybody's destroying. Very seldom. No, Ryan, back me the hell up on this. We all do.
Starting point is 00:40:37 Yes. Everybody's destroying, Noah. I'm sure Ali's destroying. Well, let me put it to you this way. Everyone's destroying. Okay, let's examine this. We're all destroying. In the same way put it to you this way. Everyone's destroying. Okay, let's examine this. We're all destroying. In the same way we distinguish between the Nazis and the KKK and the white supremacists and the white nationalists.
Starting point is 00:40:50 Greer is destroying. I'm destroying. Hamilton's destroying. Everybody's destroying. Okay, if you stop filibustering, just let me talk. That's what I do. Imagine during a show at the end of Underground, I actually gave out like a survey and asked people to rate their most, the comedian they liked best. Are you saying
Starting point is 00:41:07 that it would probably split 20%, 20%, 20%, 20%? I don't know how it would split, but I can almost guarantee it. Because I do know how it would split. Oh, how do you know that? Because I send out surveys
Starting point is 00:41:16 to the customers. Because she does this. But I also know because when you're in the room, although you may all technically meet the level of Natterman calls destroying, there is still some people who, you know,
Starting point is 00:41:29 are destroying a little bit more. Yeah. And she was in that destroying a little bit more. Well, I have to take a night for a while. There were certain nights when I didn't want to follow Allie. I'll say that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:39 Yeah. Well, Noam is the master of working backwards, so I'll have to... He is. Once somebody becomes famous, so I'll have to... He is. Once somebody becomes famous, he then retroactively makes them geniuses. I didn't even know she was famous until this moment. She's getting famous, but I'll have to look at Ali's act next time she's in town and see if indeed... And I don't work backwards.
Starting point is 00:41:59 I thought Ali Wong was fantastic. I always did. Yeah, but now you're saying she was killing more than everybody else. I thought that at the time. You really hurt his feelings, I think. I find that unlikely, but I will, not because Ali is bad, but because I watch the shows all the time, and I
Starting point is 00:42:15 generally speaking, you know who I hear? I'll tell you who I hear when I listen to customers. TJ Miller. I hear Lenny Marcus. I hear Lenny Marcus. When I listen to customers talking about who their favorite was, to tell you the truth, I do hear Lenny.
Starting point is 00:42:31 When Ali is not on the lineup, Lenny Marcus might actually be the man. Lenny has been killing lately. That's what I hear. But that's a very unscientific kind of fly-on-the-wall overhearing. So that's not scientific.
Starting point is 00:42:49 Let's leave out the competition among the nerdy white guys to make it a little bit more palatable. I came in the other day, and Godfrey was on stage. And literally, it was like an earthquake. I had seldom seen the room so... And yet Godfrey's not becoming famous. So the question I ask again is, why Ali Wong? But do you want to be famous, Dan?
Starting point is 00:43:12 Because I feel like that would be the worst thing for you. I don't think that you could handle being in public and having people know who you are, come up to you. I think you would flip shit regularly. Well, you may be right, but that's not the point. I'm not here to say... I'm just saying. But everybody's got it in their head that Dan Aderman
Starting point is 00:43:26 is jealous or Dan Aderman is resentful. Dan Aderman is neither of the two. Well, he is, but... He totally is. But that's not the discussion we're having. The discussion is, why do some people pop and others don't? And I don't think it's as simple as they're killing harder. That's my point. Well, I told you... Whether I ever make it
Starting point is 00:43:42 or not, or I die alone... What do you think the reason is? You're certainly someone who's obsessed with this and thinks about it all day and night. You might have a theory. I think it's complex. I think it's to do with fitting a niche. You know, it could be that she's Asian
Starting point is 00:43:58 and she fits a certain niche. Ray Allen is sending, I don't know if he has something to say on this. Ray Allen, he says the following. I publicly predicted his special, Ryan's predicted will be the highest rated ever by a non-celebrity. Allie is clean, family friendly. Ryan is clean and family friendly.
Starting point is 00:44:16 Ryan, Allie fits a slot, female, Asian. Which is, that's actually, you know what, that's almost racist, Ray. How is that racist? Because there's very few female Asian guys. Ray, Ray, don't yell. If you want to talk, we have one extra mic, because Paul Mercurio is not coming tonight. Don't take Kat's mic. Get your fucking hands off Kat's mic.
Starting point is 00:44:35 Get your fucking hands off Kat's mic. There's very few female. There's a mic over here. Get your fucking hands off Kat's mic. Take the mic over here. You don't take our guest's mic. You have a mic over here. Go over here. Take the mic over here. You don't take our guest's mic. You have a mic over here. Go over here.
Starting point is 00:44:46 Have a mic over here. It's here. Ray, you can't talk. They don't talk. Get off the microphone. I want you on the show. If you don't want to be, that's fine. But we have a mic, especially for Ray Allen.
Starting point is 00:44:55 Kat's wondering whether we had... I know Paul Mercurio from Red Eye and all that stuff. You know that scene in... Was it something about Mary where Ben Stiller touches the guy's ears and he freaks out and starts punching him. That's how Dan gets it. Somebody touches the microphone. It's like a weird mentally challenged reaction.
Starting point is 00:45:13 We have a beautiful mic. It's working condition. And Ray is entitled to it. But I don't like when Kat is a guest and I don't want her mic taken from her. This is what I think. I think what you actually said, like if I were Ali, I might actually be offended by what you said.
Starting point is 00:45:34 I'm only getting on the mic now so I can defend why it's not racist what I said. And Ray, I apologize if I offended you, but I do have a thing about the mics. And you know that from Paul's episode. Well, I only wanted to get on that mic because it was timely to follow up with Noam's comment. Well, you can get on the mic now.
Starting point is 00:45:48 It's not racist because there's very few female Asian comedians, and she's very funny. Oh, you didn't say that. And she's a female Asian comic. We're assuming
Starting point is 00:45:57 that there's a lot of funny people. That's the basic assumption. Right, but she's not another white man. She's a female Asian comic, which there's almost none. There's Helena.
Starting point is 00:46:04 Louis was another white man when he became the biggest of them all. He's almost none. There's Helen Hong. Well, Louis was another white man when he became the biggest of them all. He'd been around for 30 years now. Yeah, but so what? Nobody heard of him for the first time. That's not true. People had heard of Louis. No, they hadn't.
Starting point is 00:46:13 He had a fan base before he had his first sitcom. Everybody makes it for different reasons. We can discuss why Louis made it in another episode. Ray is positing a hypothesis as to why Ali blew up on Netflix. She's very funny, and she's a female comic who's Asian. I can't,
Starting point is 00:46:31 besides Helen Hong, Margaret Cho, and Ali, who else is there? I can't think of any. Kat, you're a female former comic. Do you have any thoughts on this? Well, I am a former comic. He's also a former Asian. I'm thinking about branding in general. I went on Fox News once and I was like, never asked on again.
Starting point is 00:46:48 And then I put, these glasses are fake. I don't need them to see at all. And I've been wearing them every single day for three years. And as soon as I put these on my face, I was getting asked back all the time. People were like, oh, she's like the cute, skinny, nerdy one. And so it was
Starting point is 00:47:03 just like a distinguished type of thing. And it was, I mean, like, so me she's the cute, skinny, nerdy one. It was just a distinguished type of thing. Me with glasses is essentially diversity, I guess. That's very interesting, actually. I wear them every single day. I was thinking about how stupid it was this weekend. It was kind of humid. It was sweaty. I was like, I can't take these off because now I feel naked and I feel not myself.
Starting point is 00:47:24 I'm viewing my entire life through glasses that I don't need to see. I see way worse when I'm wearing them. Wow. That's hilarious. Now, what's interesting to me is that you're actually divulging this information on the air. I thought you wanted to continue to this charade that you're perpetrating on the American public. Isn't it okay, though? I'm wearing fake hair.
Starting point is 00:47:43 I'm wearing fake eyelashes. Like, why can't I accessorize my face with some fake glasses? That makes you a very real person to admit all the fakery. Yeah. I hear this. I wake up looking like, you know, like Jeff Daniels in Dumb and Dumber with the hair, like a very short hair. It's all full of hairspray.
Starting point is 00:47:58 I look terrible. So. It's not that abnormal. I hear from women that wear glasses that they don't need. I started it though. I've been doing this since 2013. Since 2013, I'm wearing glasses that I don't need to see. And I forgot them at home when I was home visiting my parents once in
Starting point is 00:48:16 Detroit. And I made my father overnight them to me. And he was like, this is ridiculous. And I was like, but no, it isn't. That's interesting.
Starting point is 00:48:24 I actually do need glasses. I don't wear them. No, I mean, I mean, I don't need them that badly, this is ridiculous. And I was like, but no, it isn't. That's interesting. I actually do need glasses. I don't wear them. No, I mean. I mean, I don't need them that badly. Excuse me. But, you know, if I'm driving at night. Anyway, whatever. I wear them alone in my apartment.
Starting point is 00:48:35 I just, like, don't even have, you know. Now, Kat, were you traumatized? We were talking earlier. Kat has been just the victim of excessive trolling on the Internet. Well, of course, we're living in the age of trolls. Yes, yes. Anyway, Kat, and especially being a woman, and especially being an attractive woman, you're going to get a lot of nasty shit.
Starting point is 00:48:53 Yeah. So how are you dealing with that? I had no idea how many things were wrong with my face. This little mole that I have in between my eyes. Yeah, I can't look at it. This little tiny one right here. It has its own Twitter account. It's at Kat Timps Mole.
Starting point is 00:49:08 And it tweets at me and my father on Twitter. That's hilarious. Sometimes it talks shit about me. Sometimes it talks shit about me. You're saying your mole is trolling you. My snaggle teeth. I never had braces. So they have a Twitter account.
Starting point is 00:49:20 Because my teeth are a little fucking. They're the bottom teeth. How do you even look at that? Wow. You know, like, I have no tits, but I already knew that, so, like, that doesn't really bother me. And, you know, eat a sandwich, you're too skinny, like, my arms are too skinny. And then sometimes people just tell me they're, like, coming to my work to rip my entrails
Starting point is 00:49:40 out. So, you know, but that's just, like, every day of my life. I get stuff like that every single day. Is this traumatizing for you? Are you dealing with it with your usual diploma? Yeah. It's fine. I just deal with it like it's whatever. It doesn't scare you at all? No, it doesn't scare me. It can be annoying.
Starting point is 00:49:58 The mole, I had a really hard time with in the sixth grade. I thought the mole between my eyes was a big deal. I got over it and I'm like thought the mole between my eyes is a big deal. Got over it and I'm like, oh yeah, people are making a big deal about this mole. That's easy enough, by the way, to, if you wanted to, and I don't think you should, it's easy enough to get rid of.
Starting point is 00:50:14 I got it removed and it grew back. It's my destiny. It won't escape. It's got supernatural powers. I seriously got it cut off and I had to work from home and wear a band-aid between my eyes for three weeks, and it grew back like two months later. Like Schwarzenegger in The Terminator.
Starting point is 00:50:29 So I can't. And it's like a little bigger now. So if I do it again, like who knows what will happen. I was so unattractive when I was a kid that now nothing could— What do you mean when? I mean when. You know what I mean. Nothing would bother me. No one could say anything about me that would bother me at this point.
Starting point is 00:50:44 Yeah, I was like a really weird younger person. Well, you know, women, it's just brutal what women have to deal with in terms of being judged by their looks, obviously. Oh, this thing in my neck, my vein, people tell me to get it removed. It's a wart. It's like it's my fucking vein, and I'll die if I get it removed. I don't even know where it is. There's some sort of thing that sticks out sometimes over here.
Starting point is 00:51:03 Yeah, my vein. Oh, the vein. It's like, yeah, it's called sort of thing that sticks out sometimes over here. Yeah, my vein. It's called my circulation that's keeping me breathing and shit. The upside to that is I found plenty of people commenting on a recent YouTube video of you I watched in preparation for this podcast that are big fans of yours, at least
Starting point is 00:51:19 in terms of your physical beauty. There's a lot of videos of me crossing and uncrossing my legs. Compilations of me crossing and uncrossing my legs. Compilations of me crossing and uncrossing my legs. With alarming amounts of views. Just too many views. There's a lot of Julie Banderas videos like that, too. She's dope. I love Julie Banderas.
Starting point is 00:51:34 Our families are friends. Really? She's a very good friend of mine. Oh, yeah? Right, didn't you have sex with Julie Banderas? No. Oh, come on. Do not talk about Julie. No, I thought I heard something.
Starting point is 00:51:43 She was great during the Charlottesville. She was great. She used to live up here. She used to live in this building. Yeah. Her and Andy, when they were between apartments, something happened
Starting point is 00:51:54 with their apartment and they took an apartment in this building for like six months. Do you remember? She's one of my favorite people in the building. I love Julie.
Starting point is 00:52:01 And her husband is great too. Is she Latina? Half, I think. And by the way, can I just go on record? Go ahead, no. I love Julie. And her husband is great, too. Is she Latina? Half, I think. And by the way, can I just go on record? Go ahead, no. I'm reading about this white supremacy
Starting point is 00:52:09 versus white nationalism versus blah, blah, blah. And apparently in MSNBC, there's some experts, there's a video describing the factions. I feel like just by bringing out the fact
Starting point is 00:52:20 that they consider that there's a difference between them, that I'm going to somehow get tarred that I have any time for difference between them, that I'm going to somehow get tired that I have any time for any of them. So I'm going to say something ridiculous. I despise all the
Starting point is 00:52:32 white nationalists and the white supremacists, okay, just so everybody knows. If I had to choose my favorite among them, it would be the Nazis. Why did you have to add that? However... Do you think that's why Trump does this, though? I think it's just kind of fun for him sometimes.
Starting point is 00:52:47 Like, I think it's fun. Like, I'll be in a social situation where I'll think of something real weird to say, and then I'll be like, I wonder what'll happen, you know, and then you just, like, say it and try it out. But, like, there's not all these, like, television cameras watching. I've just become a fanatic about choosing about like when I criticize somebody that I make
Starting point is 00:53:09 sure that I'm doing it in a way that they couldn't catch me on a technicality. Just choose the right accurate words. That's all. It doesn't mean you like them or you hate them. I mean they do it to Jews and Zionists, whatever. It's like whenever somebody doesn't like you they'll just paint you with a broad brush, and it'll always be the
Starting point is 00:53:26 worst possible brush. And you may deserve the worst possible brush, but it's just very healthy for everybody to really choose your words carefully so they can't say, well, I'm not a white supremacist. Like, okay, yeah, you're a white nationalist. You think there's a difference, or these are the differences between you. I'll use the proper terminology. It doesn't mean
Starting point is 00:53:41 that you don't hate them. That's all. Well, I do think it's important to define people. I don't think it's a bad thing to get into what their beliefs are. Yeah. There might be
Starting point is 00:53:53 some subtleties and it's worth knowing. Well, it was interesting like Richard Spencer was distancing himself from one of the other groups. They were having a little feud between them.
Starting point is 00:54:03 I can't keep track of it. But Kat is the opposite of a white nationalist. I believe because she believes in open borders. Not to brag. Not totally open borders. I'm a capitalist first and immigrants actually do great things for the economy.
Starting point is 00:54:20 They lower wages for bosses like me. The thing is there's a lot of open jobs in this country that are extremely low-wage that can't be filled. So cutting the level of legal immigrants makes no sense to me. No, legal immigrants makes no sense. Which is one of the things in the immigration plan that Trump wants to do. One thing about Noam, I will say, he employs a lot of people. You give a lot of people jobs.
Starting point is 00:54:45 I was thinking about that. I was sitting here one day having lunch. And I don't pay anybody minimum wage, by the way. And there's tons of people who work here that comics never see. You know, there's day workers. I want to clarify. You employ a lot of people. I employ a lot of people, and I don't pay anybody minimum wage.
Starting point is 00:55:02 However, the truth is that if all the immigrants were to disappear, the unskilled immigrants, wages would come up. I'm sure of that. On the same side, a lot of jobs would disappear because a lot of immigrants, unskilled immigrants even, come here. They're very entrepreneurial, and in a very short time, they create their own businesses. Construction and landscaping. And they start employing a lot of people. So I think that both happen at the same time. The unskilled immigrants both lower wages for one segment at the same time create jobs for another segment.
Starting point is 00:55:37 And I think the problem that we make, the mistake that we make all the time, in more than this context, is that we aggregate things and say, well, actually, there's a 5% benefit of these immigrants, and that becomes the end of the story. When that might be true, however, it camouflages and hides the fact that there might be 45% of the people who are actually hurt by this. And when you have 45% hurt by something, that's very, very serious and it's a social cost to that
Starting point is 00:56:07 that doesn't get figured into the thing. And this is kind of the story of the Trump voters. The economy's booming, the economy's booming, everything's great. Oh, but wait a second. And in the aggregate it is, but there's this underbelly of 35%, this white working class that are getting murdered.
Starting point is 00:56:22 And if we just want to take the aggregate statistic of the country, well, no, we don't ever see it. And I think it's kind of the same mistake with this immigration thing. I think it's a lot more complex. I think there are huge segments that are hurt by it and huge segments that are helped by it. I don't know what the best policy is, but that's it. That's my take on it.
Starting point is 00:56:39 So, Kat, you don't believe in completely open, but you feel there should be some limitation as to the number of immigrants that come in every year. Or just as many as the economy can absorb. I mean... Yeah, there we go. YouTube says, Kat Timpf looks hot
Starting point is 00:56:56 while complaining about Trump press conference. That's going to make you feel good, though. Oh, I look hot? Yeah, sure. I mean, there's weirder shit. I mean, people do slideshow videos about my, like, they'll do, like, slides about my life. And it's, like, me, like, vaping or doing something, like, real sad. And, you know, it kind of sucks. But, yeah, I mean, I just think that now it's, like, in terms of also, like, violence.
Starting point is 00:57:20 Like, I don't think that immigrants are, like, the reason for violence. Like, I know that there's Kate Steinle and that's really sad, but they're using that to put a face on a lot of things. I think a lot of it could be solved if we ended the drug war and legalized all the drugs. Can I add to that? Yeah. That the Kate Steinle case could be solved with measures
Starting point is 00:57:39 a lot shorter than stopping immigration. They had so much, like, just don't let this person come in and out six times. Like, get a little serious about keeping someone like that out. You don't have to stop all immigration in order to keep somebody like that. I mean, they, what do you think about these sanctuary cities? Well, I'm like a strict constitutionalist, so actually the federal government can't force the state law enforcement to do their job for them, and immigration is supposed to be the federal government's job.
Starting point is 00:58:09 So there's a couple of them that are you know completely making it illegal to cooperate which that's one thing but you can't force them to do your job for you um i also when you talk about in terms of crime i think that uh i'm like all like i said i'm literally i'm all about legalizing all the drugs that's where a lot of the crime comes from even heroin absolutely and i've said this on Fox News before, and so people call me crazy. Like, I do heroin. But I don't do heroin. And the reason I don't do heroin, not to brag, but the reason
Starting point is 00:58:34 I don't do it is not because it's illegal. You know what I mean? My father used to say the same thing. I think that all the drugs should be legal. Right. Now, Ryan Hamilton, I am assuming you don't do heroin either. No. Not anymore, not yet. Not anymore. You don't think that legalizing all those drugs would make a quality of life problem in New York City?
Starting point is 00:58:52 I think there's one guy who smokes pot in my building on a regular basis, and it stinks up the entire building. It sucks. It's not about being a Jew. What are you talking about? Everybody in the fucking building hates it. Why do you have to become a self-hating Jew? I should have said that, but the only other person I've ever heard that make that argument was Lenny Marcus.
Starting point is 00:59:12 He's like, I'm complaining about Sherrod smoking pot. The majority Gentile building will agree with me. They're the ones who complain more than I do. I mean, but it sucks. Well, obviously, I think libertarians... You live in a house in the suburbs. Amongst no Jews. So what are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:59:33 I don't think libertarians believe that there should be laws which prevent you from encroaching on your neighbor's quiet enjoyment of his property. You shouldn't be able to have a loud party or have fumes. It doesn't have to be pot. It could be, you know.
Starting point is 00:59:49 Sure. Heroin fumes. Heroin fumes or, you know, whatever you people eat, you know, that you cook in the chicken soup fumes or whatever it is. But when people cook, they open the window. You think when someone smokes weed, they would open the window. And I have no problem with smoking pot. But you wouldn't want it below you going up into your house.
Starting point is 01:00:05 That is not the reason to keep pot illegal, I don't think. In Manhattan? What about smoking cigarettes? People shouldn't be able to smoke cigarettes in their houses. A lot of buildings are smoke-free buildings. But it's not a law. You can have a smoke-free building for pot. It would be great. And I have no problem with smoking weed, but in your building, it sucks.
Starting point is 01:00:22 Now, can I ask you a libertarian question? Sure. You think prostitution should be legal? Absolutely. Okay. You think polygamy should be legal? Absolutely. You and Ryan have something in common. You think that... Sorry, sorry, sorry. It's not true. Are you Mormon as well, Kat?
Starting point is 01:00:37 No, I'm just like, no judges. It's just like, I don't think the government should be getting in. Kat is not religious in any way. No, I'm not religious at all. I remember you were kind of a fag hag when I met you. Still am. Still am. Yeah, very much so. What do you mean, hey, hey, hey, hey?
Starting point is 01:00:49 You're not supposed to say that word anymore. No, there's no other word for fag hag but fag hag. You know the Jews, but don't joke about it. Explain to me why. There's no politically correct word for fag hag. Is there? No, there is not. I don't know that there is.
Starting point is 01:01:02 Say more stuff about the Jews. No. Explain. I can say it. I mean, I went to seven gay bars this weekend. Wow. You know. Me too.
Starting point is 01:01:09 It was someone's birthday. So, you know. Explain to me why it is that the libertarian position on abortion is clearly pro-choice. It's pro-choice because you can be personally pro-life, but it shouldn't be up to the government to decide that if it's not clear. There are some libertarians who are pro-life. I don't know that, but I would think so because if you happen to believe that life begins whatever, at the conception or even at the second month or third month,
Starting point is 01:01:39 then it's not libertarian to think that you should be able to kill it. Right, because life, liberty, pursuit of happiness. Right. For me, I don't know. that you should be able to kill it. Right, because life, liberty, pursuit of happiness. Right. For me, I'm just, I don't know. I don't know the science of it. So I'm just like, I don't want the government to be involved in it. What about libertarians who only eat liver? Good one.
Starting point is 01:01:55 In any case, well, we're not going to top that joke. We might as well end the podcast. Hey, one question for you. Would you rather take all the shit you put up with the trolling and all that, would you rather take that with the good stuff that you get or throw all of it away and have nothing or just deal with the good and the bad? She's made her decisions. She's still on TV.
Starting point is 01:02:13 Yeah, I would take it how it is. And, you know, it can be rough for a lot of reasons, but it's... That's why she goes on TV and speaks her mind. I think it's harder for women than men, I'm sure. It is. Of course it is. I've seen your show a few times. I've seen your show
Starting point is 01:02:27 a few times, and you are the best thing on that show by far. Now, you can just be silent or you can actually go like this and I'll stop. I never cared for Eric Bolling. I always thought
Starting point is 01:02:37 that he was a kind of a O'Reilly wannabe without the substance or depth of thought, just kind of like a parrot who just parrot out without the substance or depth of thought. Just kind of like a parrot who just parroted out whatever the right wing thing of the day was. And I was shocked that Fox had as much faith in them as they did. But you, and this is I think the key to all the people in anything where you really do want to watch them. You're never really quite sure what their take is going to be on something.
Starting point is 01:03:05 So it's interesting and informative to listen to them, even if you don't agree with them, as opposed to Bowling or even Hannity. It's like, I don't need to turn on Hannity to know what Hannity thinks about anything. And her snaggletooth, and that doesn't bother you, and the mole between her eyes. The mole doesn't bother you?
Starting point is 01:03:20 No, actually, I shouldn't say I watch her. I listen to her on Sirius Radio. Yeah, okay. So it's not even like an attractiveness thing, although you're very attractive. That's not what it is that made me think
Starting point is 01:03:31 you're the best thing on the show. I would just enjoy listening to you talk. But she also has a very... And sometimes you say, oh, I hadn't thought of that. I don't know if I agree, but yeah, that's interesting,
Starting point is 01:03:39 you know? She has a cool voice as well. I do. I mean, I appreciate that. We've been doing nothing but hurricane coverage for like four days, which I don't really know how to do well. I do. I mean, I appreciate that. We've been doing nothing but hurricane coverage for like four days, which I don't really know how to do well. I don't know what to do about that, you know.
Starting point is 01:03:51 I'm not sure why they do that nonstop. Is it ratings? I mean, does it get higher ratings? I mean, it's boring. Not that the incident is not horrible. Of course. I don't think it warrants real-time coverage because it's playing out like, couldn't they do 15 minutes an hour?
Starting point is 01:04:05 Like, is something changing every minute? Yeah, exactly. It's not really. There's just more rain, and it's obviously devastating, and I guess people are interested in it, but I don't know. There's not like I have an opinion on the hurricane. I think the hurricane's bad. I'm against the hurricane.
Starting point is 01:04:20 I sit there, and I watch for a few minutes, and I say, okay, well, I have to change this because there's nothing new going to happen. I do. OK, I'm just going to say I know you can't answer, but I am so want to know all about all the sexual harassment at Fox. That is just fascinating to me. And especially that one story with Bill O'Reilly, which I read the court, where she followed him from job to job, then had a meeting with him, then went up to his hotel room and watched the election, and then went back down. And then he was paying her.
Starting point is 01:04:53 She came back from CNN, but they couldn't match her salary, so he was paying her out of his pocket. And all this was okay. And then at some point, it didn't work out, and she sued him for millions of dollars. And in the end, it led to him losing his job. And I think it was just unfair. And it's opening the floodgates that people start losing their careers, not on even anything that's proven, but on accusations and out-of-court settlements.
Starting point is 01:05:17 And out-of-court settlements are not supposed to be admissions of guilt. It's a very bad treadmill that we're getting on. I dated a woman who used to work at a hospital and we broke up and after that she dated one of her co-workers at the hospital they dated for a year and a half, they broke up she sued him in the hospital for sexual harassment and she won
Starting point is 01:05:34 it's incredible, they were a couple and let's say clearly there is such a thing as sexual harassment clearly Ryan Hamilton's guilty of it every weekend. Second show. I mean, what can I say? But the idea
Starting point is 01:05:49 that everybody who gets accused of something and settles out of court is now, I mean, that's, I think that's
Starting point is 01:05:56 a really bad precedent. Especially when Verizon could have a race face. Did they put a gag order at everybody at Fox about that? I'm not talking... If they know
Starting point is 01:06:04 it's good for them. I'm not talking about that this stuff at all, obviously. Yeah. Of course you can't. Can't. I'm literally just saying it out loud and trying to read the bubble over your head. Like I'm just looking deep in your eyes. Fascinating, isn't it?
Starting point is 01:06:18 Through your non-prescription lenses. And I'm trying to see what. It's like playing poker. I'm looking for your tell. Like I say, Eric Bolling. And I'm trying to see what it's like playing poker I'm looking for your tell like I say Eric Bolling and I'm looking at her you should have Tom Shalhoub
Starting point is 01:06:29 come on we had Tom Shalhoub we had Tom he was a good guest did he divulge anything about that or no? no but somebody did
Starting point is 01:06:36 Schultz but you know the guy used to be on Red Eye Bill Schultz Bill Schultz he spoke to me a little candidly about some of this stuff I used to love going on Shalhoub's show Red Eye? Bill Schultz. Bill Schultz. He spoke to me a little candidly about some of this stuff.
Starting point is 01:06:45 I used to love going on Shalhoub's show, Red Eye. It was great. Yeah, they shouldn't have canceled that. No, it was a lot of fun. You used to go on Red Eye. Yeah, I started with Greg on Red Eye, and that's how I ended up on the Greg Gutfeld show, who then I got on this other show. That was the most fun show.
Starting point is 01:06:59 Red Eye was the most fun show. I think he's a huge talent. Yep. And I did his podcast, and it was the best ever. He's so smart. He's so funny. I agree with him a huge talent. And I did his podcast and it was the best ever. He's so smart. He's so funny. I agree with him on almost everything, too. Shalhoub or Gutfeld? Gutfeld. Yeah, he's great. Shalhoub's a little bit
Starting point is 01:07:13 more moralistic in a way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, what else? Do you have any opinions on anything that you feel is kind of like an original take on something that you kind of feel you should be known like? Like you're seeing things differently than the conventional people.
Starting point is 01:07:34 I don't know. I'll probably think of it right after this is over. All right. I don't know if you had something you're a cause right now. I do recommend the... The specialist. The chicken, the roasted chicken. No, no, because we do offer our guests free food, as I mentioned earlier, and drink.
Starting point is 01:07:53 Oh, and Harris Faulkner? I don't know what the chicken has to do with Harris Faulkner. She is fantastic also. That's her name, right? Harris Faulkner? Yeah, she's amazing. She's great with, like, breaking news. She does Outnumbered?
Starting point is 01:08:03 Yep. She's really, really good. She's really good and this is once again we know him and I'm trying to talk about chicken no one wants to talk
Starting point is 01:08:09 about Harris it's kind of funny to hear this I want to talk about Bumble and Tinder Bumble and Tinder what about them nothing
Starting point is 01:08:16 I've never been on either one I've never been on a dating site you missed nothing Ray how old are you 29 oh Ray
Starting point is 01:08:24 am I too old for Brian? What is the youngest girl you would sleep with? That's a ridiculous question. It has to be legal. Okay, so in Puerto Rico, 15? No. I'm asking you. Youngest?
Starting point is 01:08:39 18. 18. See, I told you. It's everywhere. Why is Noam acting shocked like he wouldn't do it? What's everywhere? No, no, no, but I'm not going on Verizon cable to fantasize about it.
Starting point is 01:08:52 If I met someone who was cool, who I actually enjoy talking to, they could be 18 or 40, they're legal, I would sleep with them. I don't seek out 18-year-old girls. I'm out of the game, but I remember... I don't seek it out. I remember when I hit my late 30s, like 39.
Starting point is 01:09:08 Yeah. And I was playing in a band and all that. Yeah. I began to feel like, you know, I'm not comfortable with these young girls. I feel a little creepy. No, no, no. It feels really weird. But you asked me what's my cutoff.
Starting point is 01:09:20 So if I met somebody who's really cool and into me and we got along, sure, why not? But I don't, that's not like my sweet spot. Ooh, I love 18-year-old girls. Ryan hasn't said anything, and I know exactly what he's thinking. I was hoping the same for you. Ryan is saying I'd marry four 18-year-olds. Don't lash out at Ryan to cover up for yourself. I love Ryan Hamilton.
Starting point is 01:09:40 You asked me what's the youngest I would sleep with, not what do I pursue. Okay, can I tell you what, either way, can I tell you, and I think Dale will agree with you. Early 30s is great. You me what's the youngest I would sleep with, not what do I pursue. Okay, can I tell you what? I think Dale will agree with you. Early 30s is great. You know what's unfair in life? What? You're actually answering the question honestly.
Starting point is 01:09:53 Yeah. Which you should be commended for. Thank you. Where most people would ask, they would give the question. They'd say 31. They would give the answer that they know is what they're supposed to say, and we'd move on. So I don't want to make you feel bad. There's no law against it. You're right. And, you know, thank you for being honest on. So I don't want to make you feel bad. There's no law against it.
Starting point is 01:10:05 You're right. And, you know, thank you for being honest. Sure. I don't feel bad. It's just not what I seek out. You'll never get an invitation to my home again. In 13 years, I am going to be at your home. Noam is very, very concerned.
Starting point is 01:10:18 And, Kat, you're not a regular listener. By the way, my headphones. I turned them off. It's okay. Go ahead. Go ahead. Noam is very, very headphones... I turn them to go. It's okay. Go ahead. Go ahead. Talk. Noam is very, very concerned about his daughter's future sexuality. I think... She's five.
Starting point is 01:10:32 I think... Jesus. I think overly so. Yeah. Noam is quite concerned that his daughter does not too sexually active when the time comes. And I think that he's overly concerned about it. But that is a common theme that you might,
Starting point is 01:10:48 that our regular listeners... I've picked up on it already. Yeah, that's... The truth is I'm not overly concerned about it. Well, you do bring it up a fair amount. And actually, Dan accused me of this teen thing, teen porn thing, because I have a daughter. It's really not the case.
Starting point is 01:11:02 It's really not the case. The hypocrisy would always bother me. And it would always have bothered me. No, but you are a little preoccupied with making sure your daughter doesn't become No, I just think
Starting point is 01:11:11 it's interesting for the radio show. Did it bother you 20 years ago? Yes, it would have bothered me 20 years ago. You made a very good point. I was surprised to see it
Starting point is 01:11:18 on the seller account but you made a good point. What difference does it make where it is? It's just bizarre when that's where it comes from. If I was blasting the racist in Charlottesville
Starting point is 01:11:27 on the seller account, I'd be like, oh, no, no. That would be weird, too. That would be weird, also. When you go four or five years of every tweet is, come to our brunch show.
Starting point is 01:11:37 There'll be laughs aplenty. I'm trying to break out of it. And the next tweet is, the next tweet is, she's got to go. Ryan Hamilton special. Yeah, Ryan Hamilton special. Which is unbelievable, by the way.
Starting point is 01:11:47 It is so fucking good, and I'm so happy for you. It's great. I believe it's so fucking good. Whether or not Ray's really happy for Ryan is another issue. I'm very happy for him. I find that hard to believe. I'm not like you. I'm happy for people. No, you're not like me. You're not honest.
Starting point is 01:12:02 His success has nothing to do with my life. How old am I? I'll tell you right now. 47. I'm old enough to. No, you're not like me. You're not honest. His success has nothing to do I'm an open book. My life. How old am I? I'll tell you right now. 47. I'm old enough to date Kat Timp. When did I lose my virginity? Creepy, right? Yeah, a little creepy.
Starting point is 01:12:12 How is that creepy? I didn't say anything bad about the mole. It's cute because you don't know when it's creepy, but it is creepy. How is that creepy? You asked me,
Starting point is 01:12:19 it ties into what you asked me earlier about when I date somebody who's 18. It's hard to explain. She's obviously older than 18. Creepiness is really something that's hard to explain, but you know it when you see it. Yeah, I see it who's 18. It's hard to explain. She's obviously older than 18. Creepiness is really something that's hard to explain, but you know
Starting point is 01:12:27 when you see it. Yeah, I see it right now. I'm looking at it. You. Could you think you could explain it to him? It's just like, you know,
Starting point is 01:12:34 what does that even mean? I'm 28 years old. The oldest guy I ever dated was 50. Wow. Well, who was that? Was that a Fox news? But he was very,
Starting point is 01:12:41 very, you know, no, I can't say who that is. It was a famous person? Yeah. Was he in a rock and roll band? No. Disco?
Starting point is 01:12:49 I'm not going to say. House music? Holy shit, thank you. Was he married? No. I was just asking. I would never date a married guy. That's just too stressful. I mean, like, why would you want to do that?
Starting point is 01:12:58 Well, I'm sure you have a lot of offers online, but I'm sure that probably most of them aren't very charmingly worded. No, they're not. And they're all like, you know, they're profile pictures of like George Washington or some shit. And I just. Would you have dated that 50-year-old guy if he wasn't successful? If you just met him and he was like, you know, some guy. Good question. Well, that's actually a very good question because my last, you know, like I've dated a lot of guys who have not been at my level.
Starting point is 01:13:21 And like what does success even mean? That doesn't bother me at all, except for occasionally I'll have guys who have not been at my level. What does success even mean? That doesn't bother me at all, except for occasionally I'll have guys who are insecure about it. About what? I'll get recognized on the street, or I'll make more money than they do, and then literally there'll be fights over that.
Starting point is 01:13:38 I don't want to... That's really... It doesn't make a difference to me. Some guys get weird about that. I care less about how much money a woman makes. 100% I can tell you most. It's like a problem. Really? I would have trouble with it.
Starting point is 01:13:50 Well, I'll tell you this. As a guy, speaking as a guy, I want to have something that I do. You know, I don't want the chick to kick my ass in every way. I mean, if she makes more money than me, you know, at least I should be the funny one, for example. Or the more interesting one, the more well-read, the more versed in Torah, something that
Starting point is 01:14:13 distinguishes me from the young lady. If she makes more money than me, like, I'm a man. A man's got to be the dominant one on some level. It doesn't have to be financial. But I'm like a dominant person. You know, but it's also like,
Starting point is 01:14:28 but I didn't have this issue like when I was like, you know, I mean like I was like homeless six years ago. Like I was like couch homeless, you know, but like I had like
Starting point is 01:14:37 the best time of my life. Now the guy who's 50, let's say he had been a school teacher. Would you have dated him? It just depends on how well I get along with somebody. I never
Starting point is 01:14:45 go younger. School teachers, there's certain professions that are just young by nature. A 50-year-old Mick Jagger is not the same thing as a 50-year-old superintendent of schools. No. So one has to be very careful
Starting point is 01:15:00 when conflating. Conflating is a word that everybody uses now. I was just going to say that. I've heard conflate like six times in the last ten days. I grew up, Butterface didn't even exist as a word. I talk about that in my act. Conflating was a word, but nobody used it. I hate that when words get, there's a lot of phrases.
Starting point is 01:15:20 First of all, there's something, these are the things I know this whole time. People start answers with so. Yes, that's a very common new. And also, right. That's a new thing that they didn't use to do when I was a kid. So is very common as a starting word. Conflating. Let's unpack this as a new one that I'm hearing all the time.
Starting point is 01:15:37 I guess that's just the way language is. And, of course, the ever popular really, which is starting to get on my nerves. Irregardless? No, that's not a word. Ray Allen. I hear it all the time. No, you don't. I talk to morons. What do you want? Actually, I think it may actually be a word. I think I heard reason that
Starting point is 01:15:55 actually people say it's not a word, but it might actually be a word. What was the word? What about that moment when, which is something you see on Facebook all the time. That's a Facebook thing. That moment when. That feeling when.
Starting point is 01:16:10 It's TFW. They just start with a face. When you blah, blah, blah. Just go when you. That ass, though. That face, though. Those eyes, though. That I see a lot.
Starting point is 01:16:21 Listen, but Kat, if you're ever in the mood for any kind of long form reading on Facebook You might want to friend Ray Allen Because Ray likes to write You do that? We are Facebook friends Are we Facebook friends? Ray Allen wrote a post Where did I meet you?
Starting point is 01:16:39 I checked while we were sitting here, probably at Fox It went to the evening sky one time Ray Allen wrote a whole poem about it I was in Aruba and I took a night swim and I took a picture of the sunset and I was moved at the moment. You weren't moved. And I wrote something and I really thought all my friends
Starting point is 01:16:53 are going to let me have it. And sure enough all the comics really let me have it. He literally blocked me from Facebook because he knew what was going to happen. He blocked me from Facebook. I take back the honesty thing. He's like, oh, I thought you blocked me. No, that's not how blocking Facebook. I didn't block. And I take back the honesty thing. He's like, oh, I thought you blocked me. No, that's not how blocking goes.
Starting point is 01:17:08 You can't think that you blocked or blocked when you blocked. I think if you read that post, I think you'll think, oh, that sounds actually really nice. It's you and Laura. Drawn out description of the sky in Aruba at 8.30 p.m. at night.
Starting point is 01:17:21 Cue the music. And the colors were completely calm with the exception of one bird that effortlessly glided above me, occasionally alighting in midair as if to share the view. Were you high? As I sat slowly on my back,
Starting point is 01:17:36 gently rippling through the warm water, I watched the moon glow a few feet to my left with the sunset just over my shoulder to the right. Look. Don't judge it until you read it. We all know what you're talking about. This is like not Walden Pond.
Starting point is 01:17:49 Sorry. Just in case anyone wants to know how it ends. And then I sat on the delicate sand and breathed the clear room air and I rested
Starting point is 01:17:57 and I lived. It sounds awful. And I was perfect. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. That's still Shame on all of you. That's still on the internet. Do you mean to tell me that that is still on the internet?
Starting point is 01:18:14 I'm still proud of it. And shame on all of you. How would a man who wrote that know he should shut up about sleeping with 18-year-olds? You need a certain amount of self-awareness. You know you watch a middle school talent show and you're embarrassed for them. That's how I feel about hearing that. Listen, when you go home tonight
Starting point is 01:18:32 and you look at the picture and you read it, you're going to say, No, I'm not. No one was wrong. It was very thoughtful. Now, can't you use the comedy seller Twitter account to get rid of this? I'm going to tell you something.
Starting point is 01:18:43 I do want to ask you one other thing. I know you have to go, but this is actually interesting. No, I'm good. The Hillary Clinton audio tapes. Yeah. What's your take on that? I have interest. What do you mean?
Starting point is 01:18:54 Well, I don't want to put words in your mouth. What's your impressions of what you heard and what she's saying? For her book, or do you mean? Well, the book and the audio excerpts that we heard on the news of her book yeah okay yeah i mean i think that this is like the exact same way she ran her whole campaign is like this guy is so mean to me and you know going on and on and on and it's just like not how you win an election and i've talked about this on tv before like you couldn't win a student council election that way like kids would bully you you know uh she needs
Starting point is 01:19:24 to she needs to like look at herself a little bit. Well, now you actually hit on exactly why Ray's poem jogged my memory about the Hillary Clinton. I would love to know how that connection was made. It was literally that. It would all make sense. I would have kept it to myself. I went to Tulum for four days and posted nothing.
Starting point is 01:19:42 Tulum sucks. You can't drink the water. No, Tulum does not suck. Let me tell you, it was really that. Because in it, she says, first of all, you heard that tape where she's on the phone defending, having defended the child rapist. Yes. She was like so fluid and relaxed.
Starting point is 01:19:53 She sounded great, right? I mean, forget about what she's saying. Right. But in the other, she is so stiff. And then, and she said, and I thought that I would win, but I just couldn't make it happen. And then she goes, and I'll have to live with that for the rest of my life. And I thought to myself, first of all, her delivery is unbelievably stiff and robotic. It's bad. It was alarming.
Starting point is 01:20:14 And the prose, and I'll have to live with that for the rest of my life. This is the most trite, cliche way of expressing. It's like when Ray ends his thing. That's not even a great picture. No filter. No filter. Hey, you need prescription glasses. No filter.
Starting point is 01:20:31 That should be the name of your piece. I wish I did. I wouldn't be as much of a douchebag. Stunning. So do you agree with me that like, there should have been some attempt to, okay, I get the message. I get what you're trying to say.
Starting point is 01:20:41 You have to deal with this failure. But can't you put it in a way that's a little bit original to you, shows a little bit of who you are? It was all trite cliches and I was stunned by that. And that is why she lost.
Starting point is 01:20:56 I've seen this picture not only from you twice, but before like 9,000 times. No, you did not because I took it. I know, but it's just like all the other pictures of Sunset. No, you did not because I took it. I know, but like that, it's just like all the other pictures of Sunset. No, this is spectacular.
Starting point is 01:21:08 Well, I don't want to think together. Nobody wants to see a picture unless there's somebody they know in it, okay? Or a person in it. A lot of people liked it and hearted it.
Starting point is 01:21:16 How many is a lot for you? 200. Yeah. That's a lot. That's pretty good. But you have like tens of thousands of Twitter followers
Starting point is 01:21:23 that are very suspect too. No, this was on Facebook 200. Oh, you can't buy Facebook friends? No. I used to host an internet talk show called Late Met, and we had a really big guest. Far bigger than us. So no one gives me shit about that.
Starting point is 01:21:40 Anyway, Kat, you were an awesome guest. And I'm really excited that you came on the show Because I'm such a huge Fox fan That's great And I hope you'll maybe come on again Or come down and drink with us Yeah, I like drinking, I'm a drinker Do you live, you shouldn't say where you live Yeah, I can't
Starting point is 01:22:00 He lives in the New York metropolitan area I do Let's leave it at that Ryan Hamilton, despite Dan's resentment. There's no resentment. Dan's happy. He's resent-proof. Ryan's resent-proof.
Starting point is 01:22:11 Plus, I know that what's good for Ryan is good for Dan and Adam. When Ryan makes it big, guess who's the opening act? That's how Dan gets over his resentment. He has to find an angle. The special is so good. It's amazing. Ryan is fantastic. What Ryan does has a higher degree of difficulty.
Starting point is 01:22:29 And I'll actually put Dan in this, too, because Dan actually is not a dirty comic. But just pretend you weren't here, Ryan. Dan can't see me complimenting anybody because he thinks it compares to him. But anyway, just forget about that, Dan. What you do, I believe, has a higher degree of difficulty than virtually anybody else's. It's like a triple salchow. It is. And I shouldn't say it doesn't get credit because it gets a lot of credit.
Starting point is 01:22:53 But I still don't think the public realizes how much fun. If you put some dick jokes into your hot air balloon, you'd be out of another universe. You'd be in Ali Lang, Ali Wong territory. But it's really, really amazing that Ryan can talk about almost anything without any sexual references, without anything dirty, and bring the house down. That's amazing.
Starting point is 01:23:16 But it's not nearly the most impressive thing about Ryan that there is. Because we've seen that. We've seen comics killed with clean material before. But we haven't seen Ryan's level of decency. Come on. And goodness. And by the way, you know, Ryan we're talking about political correctness.
Starting point is 01:23:32 So Ryan has a bit about a hot air balloon. Yeah. Tell the story about the time that somebody... I do this bit. It's just about a hot air balloon and how it's not the best means of transportation. That's how edgy I get. But it's like eight minutes long. I respect it, yeah. It's a great bit. After the
Starting point is 01:23:50 show, the club manager came up to me and said, hey, will you go talk to these people? And he's kind of laughing and he goes, I can't wait to watch. And he goes out and there's this couple who were very cold. They were very standoffish. They did not care for me. And they said we are hot air balloonists.
Starting point is 01:24:05 And they were offended. So I say that I don't remember what I said to them, but I remember that I thought I had finally become the edgy, boundary-pushing comedian that I've always wanted to be. That's the joke. And that's in the special. But it's like, yeah, that's the story. Yeah, like I told you, Dan, I told Dan earlier, I posted a picture.
Starting point is 01:24:28 I was eating fried chicken and drinking champagne on my rooftop on Sunday. And I posted a picture of just the chicken. And people were like, I'm surprised at you. While people during the hurricane are on their roofs because they don't want to be that you would post this. This is sickening. I used to like you, but then you were on your roof eating chicken. Exactly. But you can put Brace Face Teen Porn and that's all right.
Starting point is 01:24:52 That's the problem with the internet. Because those people would never have gone to see Ryan or Kat perform live. They just sit there and do their shit online. It sucks. But they were live. They talked to you live. They said this to your face. They said this to your face. They said this to my face, but yeah, the point is you can't
Starting point is 01:25:08 escape. There's anything you say, you're going to get criticized. I wasn't allowed to go on my roof. I should have stayed inside. I should have known better. It's a crazy world. I had a joke that some women deserve to be raped, and just out of nowhere, just for no reason
Starting point is 01:25:24 at all all people thought it was offensive. Alright. Good night everybody. Thank you.

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