The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Sperm Donors with Laura High

Episode Date: December 8, 2023

Laura High is a New York actor and comedian. She has been featured on the New York Comedy Festival and won the 'Broadly Funny' Divison at the 360 Stand Up Festival. Laura is a rising content creator and has gone viral several times on TikTok.

This is Live from the Table, the official podcast of the world-famous comedy seller, coming at you on SiriusXM 99. Raw Comedy, formerly known as Raw Dog. They just changed their name. This is Dan Natterman, and I'm with Noam Dwarman, the owner of the world-famous comedy seller. And Perrielle Ashenbrand is with us, our producer, and we have with us in studio Laura High. Laura High is a recently passed comedy seller, comedian, and she's also an actress and a TikToker and a podcaster and does everything that you're supposed to do nowadays. Hello, Laura.

Hello. Thank you. I got to say, I mean, as much as I love doing TikTok, there always is a little bit of a like, yeah, I do TikTok. I do. Well, I mean, as much as I love doing TikTok, there always is a little bit of a like, yeah, I did. I do TikTok. I do. Well, that's where everything is. Let's talk about my daughter loves TikTok. I do. I love it. I do.

But it also it feels like when I I'm always talking to like stand up comics, there's always like a like, oh, you do TikTok. Really? Like there always is like that's still like it's a little bit of a judgmental territory when it comes to stand up comedy. But you know what? Was anybody not doing TikTok? I mean, everybody's doing TikTok. Oh, not everyone's doing TikTok. Some people are not doing it out of protest. Oh, OK.

Because of the Chinese? Just because I think on principle. I think there's a lot of comics who are just like, I refuse to do TikTok just off of principle that I just don't want to do it. But it is like I always tell comics that you should do it. TikTok, reels on Instagram. It's literally made for stand-up comics. I think we can understand the formula of it better than almost anybody else. I understand it's a pain in the ass to get your social media together.

I totally get it. But what you get from it, if you learn how to do it, can just pay out so much in terms of your comedy career. I mean, I've gotten booked as a headliner just based off of my follower accounts. How many followers do you have? I have on TikTok, I've got 616,000 followers. Wow. On Instagram, I've got like I think 69,000 followers.

And then on Facebook, I have something in the 70s, 70,000. So would you wear a Bring the Hostages Home t-shirt on your TikTok account? Sorry, go ahead. No, no, no, no. By all means, answer. No, no, no. Go ahead. Anyway, look, first of all, as I said, Laura's recently passed. In other words, she auditioned for Esty the Booker just a couple of weeks ago.

Esty gave her the thumbs up. You should definitely wear this when you talk to Esty. Esty gave her the thumbs up. And, of course, Laura, I must tell you that just because you're passed doesn't mean now it's a free ride. Well, you know, you have to bring it. Because many people get passed here, and you never hear from me after one or two times on stage. And then it's like the Bermuda Triangle. I don't want to say which comic said this to me,

but what I was told by another comic, because I was very honest, because obviously I was on my first two shows, which were last week, you could definitely tell I was a little bit nervous because it's the fucking cellar. Can I swear? Sure, it's the internet. I was like

and i was like holy shit like this is this is the seller like i i know what i'm here for like i know what this is like i'm not taking this this opportunity for granted and one of the comics i think they gave me the best piece of advice i'm not not gonna say who it was but he was like um you he's like just letting you know you are on probation for the next six months and he was like, he's like, just letting you know, you are on probation for the next six months. And he was like, they're going to watch every single one of your tapes. You have to bring them. Wait, I know that's not true. That's what he said. Noam's the owner and he's obviously.

They're fucking with you. Well, here's the thing. I take that seriously. Well, here's the thing I do know that I'm getting watched to see like if I actually live up to my audition and so I wanted to be like okay no no

that's fair let me tell you what happens we have a chat with a bunch of waitresses and it's called comedians like just let me know but anybody's not doing well okay see that you shouldn't tell me. It's a WhatsApp group. Because now I'm just going to bring cupcakes to all the goddamn waitresses. So I'm like, okay, that's how we do it. There we go. Now

I just got to bring the waitresses. Are you getting an honest opinion out of the waitresses? She brings up a good point. If they're friends with us, they don't want to drop down on us. It's not a much way, but it's like a few people have been there for a very long time. Some managers. Whatever. And then you do the occasional spot check. I see you sometimes poke your head in. Like a few people have been there for a very long time. Some managers, whatever. And then you do the occasional spot check.

I see you sometimes poke your head in. Well, sometimes when I get a complaint from a customer, I will ask for the tape to watch it. But I see you sometimes watch the show every now and again. You poke your head. Yeah, I watch the show, but there's nobody watching your tape every night. That's crazy.

Who's got the time to do that? Between all the emails. As a matter of fact, I'm a little narcissistic even believe it. I'm a comic, so there's always a little bit of narcissism in it. It's like the fact that I'm like, oh yeah, no, people totally want me to take up a mic and listen to like all of my like, you know, half-baked stories of my idea. There is always a little bit of narcissism with us. But again, like, you know, I'm sitting there like, you know, fucking nervous. So it's like, okay. But I will say it gave me fuel and a little bit of narcissism with us. But again, like, you know, I'm sitting there, like, you know, fucking nervous. So it's like, okay.

But I will say it gave me fuel and a little bit of like, definitely like make sure like, okay, really make a good impression in the next few months. Make sure that I'm not, like what the comics suggest to me was like, don't try any of your new fucking bullshit. Just do your shit.

That's good advice. And was just like, don't do any of your new bullshit. Just go in and kill it for the next few months. And he's like, let them know that you are here. Because he's like, for the comics who come here and kind of like, don't really take it seriously. They stop getting booked after a few months. And that was good advice. And I would have.

Can I ask you a question there? Why would you, what mental planet are you on that you would actually need somebody to tell you that? Isn't that completely intuitive? Like you're booked at a comic club. Let me give you some good advice. When you're there, try to do a good job. Do your funny material. You know what?

Oh, thank you for telling me because I was just going to wing it. As obvious as that sounds, I don't know that every club really pays strict attention to that. It doesn't matter. On your own, you should know. But the comics come here also to do new jokes. To practice new jokes.

You have to find that balance between my new jokes. I got hired as a chef at a five-star restaurant. Okay, listen. Here's my advice. You should really try to make the food well. How many more analogies are you going to... No, no. I totally agree with you. Like, I would have done that on my own.

You have a job at a massage parlor. Okay, go ahead. Yeah, but the difference being is that comics come here in addition to entertaining the crowd to work out new jokes. So you have to find a balance

between new shit and killing. No. I don't think new comics come here to try out new jokes. People who have been here, like David Tell maybe comes to try new jokes.

David Tell's a genius. Right, that's what I'm saying, though. I don't think that most people are coming here. You even said yourself that you don't love trying new jokes. I don't love it, but I do it because that's part of it. If you're doing well, you have to sneak in new jokes, of course. That's also why you book some shows that are also sort of like, I would say, a little bit less high stakes. And that's why you like, you know, I always make sure that I have shows that are like a little bit of a little smaller that I can kind of like more.

Like at the stand or Gotham. Um, and, but that's why you also book some of those smaller shows to make sure that like you, you get that, those reps and you get that practice. And, um, I mean, I'm somebody who like, I have like massive ADHD. Um, so for me, I still go to some open mics every once in a while. It's like, there's a joke. I'm still literally trying to like get out of my mouth that I go to it just so that I can say it. Um, so that I can ensure the fact that when I am on a paid show, I can do my job as best as I can. And I know that there's a lot of comics who are like, I would never go to an open mic ever again. And I'm like, it's not a pride thing.

It's a job thing. I want to ensure that I can do the job as best as I can. Well, there is a new joke night here that I assume you're aware of. Sure, we can pretend like I totally knew that. Oh, you don't? What? No, I was clearing my throat. Actually just clearing my throat. There's a new joke night here, right?

I think you have to talk to Liz or something. I never do it. I just slip a new joke in the regular show. I still wouldn't do new jokes that I've never because I just know myself well enough i would never do a brand new i just wrote this joke now i've never done it in front of an audience at a seller uh show that's just something i don't feel comfortable with because i just know myself

well enough that i need like some time because otherwise like as you can tell with my my speech i stumble really easily and if i'm doing again a show of a certain caliber, I just can't do that. Now, how many spots have you done at the Cellar? Two so far. And then I just got booked for my next two. And how did they go? They went well. It was a ton of fun.

Actually, after my very, very first set, was in the underground, totally sold out show. And I took the bullet. I was very first up. So obviously, I was like, OK, we're going to do it. I got off the stage and then the server came up to me about, I want to say like five minutes after my set and said, audience member wanted me to give this to you. And it was a napkin that said, I loved your set. It was so amazing to see you. Thank you so much. I loved all of your material. And that just fucking, you know, put me

on a different level of just pure joy. And so obviously I'm framing that napkin. Oh, you should. That's nice. You should frame that napkin. That's great. That was literally after the very, very first set. And that was really cool. Well, I've been coming here since the 90s. Never got a napkin. I want to talk, I invited

Laurie here specifically because she has an absolutely fascinating backstory that I guess you can recount it or I can, I can, I can summarize it. No, I guess. No, totally. I'm happy to do that. So what my, I would say my, my type five and what I did for my audition and what I'm known for the most on the, on the social media is I basically, so I'm a sperm donor baby. And so I do, so that's my type five is all about me being a sperm donor baby, donor conception. I'm actually a sperm donor baby.

Woo! I had nothing to do with it, but cool. I'm what happens when a woman needs to become a mother and a man needs $200. Now I was made before when the technology was like brand-new. I was actually the first one my doctor ever made. I was the first one my clinic ever made. So I'm like the dog the Russians sent into space. I was made so new that sperm banks didn't even exist yet. Like someone had to go out and like find the sperm, which is a funny job. Like I just imagine people like sitting at a table

and they're just like, so what do you do? Well, I'm a fireman. I'm in sales. I collect jizz. And then I do funny skits on TikTok, on Instagram, basically breaking down how basically unethical the fertility industry is. So that's kind of like, you know, my fun thing that I am the most known for. There is lots of video footage of me actually running around the city in a sperm costume, interviewing people and asking them, you know, hey, what do you know about the fertility industry? Well, that first video I saw of Laura is a video wherein she talks about how everybody asked her if she was Jewish and she always said no. Yep. Because she didn't know her sperm donor father was Jewish. No, because what, so I was made, I was made in New York City. I was made in, I was conceived in 1987, born in 1988. And I was made when parents weren't allowed to pick their donor. Like they can nowadays. I mean, that's also like,

that's a whole nother conversation about like sometimes not really. But basically what the clinic said was we're gonna find a donor that matches your, my dad, as best we could between like hair color, eye color, ethnicity. And this clinic, now my parents didn't pick the clinic for this reason.

This was just how this clinic operated. They said the number one thing we match up before anything else is religion. Now, my dad, Irish, Scottish and Catholic. And he couldn't have a baby. No, my both my parents had fertility issues. My mom's could be fixed. My father's could not. And that was like the hard rule that they're like, no, no, we never break this rule. We never, ever do. So I'm born. And so we know nothing about my donor, except my mom is like, yep, this is Scottish Irish and definitely Catholic. So I started getting asked when I was, I want to say people started assuming that I was Jewish, probably 11, 12 years old.

People were like, so you're Jewish. And I'm like, no. What quality of yours do you think clued them in? That's a trick question. What anti-Semitic thing did your parents constantly tell you that you noticed in yourself? Oh, it wasn't my parents. It was literally everyone.

Where did you grow up? You have a little bit of a Southern... No, Westchester. Where in Westchester? Rye, New York. I grew up in Ardsley. So you're getting harassed by those guys every Hanukkah. They say, are you Jewish?

And they want you to do a prayer or something. You know, those guys. I do a bit on it. But I actually, like, I remember when I was, like, really young, some, like, punk guys came up to me and they looked at me and they were like, how did you escape from the camps? Jesus. I didn't know what to say.

I've never even gotten that. And I was like, I didn't know. I had no clue what they meant. You thought they meant summer camp? So all I told them was like, I faked a fever and my mom picked me up. I had no clue what that meant. That really happened?

Yes. And it's become more and more, and it became more and more real as I got older. You guys remember the Toys R Us in Times Square? So I used to work there. And there was another member there who was another member of my team who was also Jewish. And he spoke, I believe, like Yiddish, Hebrew. I apologize.

I don't know. And so whenever we had members of the Hasidic community come in, he would always talk to them. Always went, like Yiddish, Hebrew. I apologize. I don't know. And so whenever we had like members of the Hasidic community come in, he would always talk to them. Always been great. Yiddish. Yiddish, okay. Then he would come up,

then they would come up to my floor because I was always on the second floor. They would see me and start speaking Yiddish to me. And I would go, I'm so sorry. I don't speak Yiddish. And they were like, oh, no, no, no, no worries. No worries. But you are Jewish.

And I'm like, no, I'm not. And they would all look at me and go, what? They were like, they would look at me in a way that they were like, child, are you okay? Do we need to take you back? Like, are you safe? Are you lost? Did someone kidnap you?

Are we in trouble? Are we not telling the truth here? And it happened over and over again to the extent that it was just like, okay, maybe, maybe we didn't get the full truth, Mom. Maybe we didn't. Now, you always knew you were a sperm donor baby? I knew when I was, my parents told me when I was 14 years old.

Oh, my God. Well, okay, let's pause there. Yeah. How devastating was that? It wasn't. It was not devastating. But you are your mother's biological daughter. I am my mother's biological daughter.

I was such a, it gave me a weird sense of confidence because I swear to God, I knew something the fuck was up. I knew, like, I was like, was I adopted? Was I switched at birth? Always? You always had? Always. I knew something was up.

And it's the same thing for a lot of donor conceived people. Just because you thought you didn't look like your father. I didn't. I would have never, I never picked it as a sperm donor on my own like that that to me was like out of my realm of thinking but like i knew something was up and i could like i can't explain it and i can't explain it well enough but it was like i could sense that something was off i could tell that there was just something between you and your father no i in Just in general. Just in general. I couldn't specifically say like my dad. It was just, there was something off in general and I couldn't place it.

So as soon as that was told to me, it was this feeling of like I saw the matrix. I was like, everything made sense. I was like, I knew it. How did they tell you? How could you just, this is a devastating thing. It's not devastating. It,

for me, it wasn't because for me, that doesn't take away anything from my dad. My dad's my dad. And it literally, for me, it really like it was, um,

it, that piece of it really was, was fine for me. Um, I really was, there were other elements of my donor conception that have been devastating. That one wasn't. The being Jewish part? No, I loved that actually. I, you kidding? I grew up in Westchester. I went to more bar and bar mitzvahs than I did than sweet 16s. I was like, yes. I biggest, like love being part of this culture and this ethnicity. I mean, I'm most certainly a guest in that house, but having some connection is just wonderful. But no, we're Jewish than my kids for God's sakes,

but go ahead. But no, it really wasn't. It, for me, it was that didn't take anything away from my dad being my dad. My dad will always be my dad. And that didn't change anything for me. What was devastating and what was devastating for me was finding out later in life as a 30 year old that I have siblings out there that I didn't know about. And that relationship was taken from all of us our entire life. That is what has been devastating. Can we rewind just a bit? Sure. You found out you were a sperm donor at 14? Yes. And then at what point did you decide I made I need to take a test to see if my father is? So you got so for me now do remember that like DNA tests like when I was like 14 and that didn't exist.

Like I mean that that wasn't there so it became available like DNA test I would say like Ancestry 23andMe like started popping up like uh I want to say like it started popping up somewhere when I was in um like late college I want to say maybe early like early 20 something like 2010 something like like that. And that was, I can't remember what, what year it was, but like, I think I want to say like 2015, maybe 2016 is when, um, I decided, okay, it's time to take the DNA test. Let's do it. Let's, it became reliable enough that we were just like, let's do it. And my mom took it with me so that we could compare to see what popped up. And right there,

and I can certainly pull it up on my phone, 50% Ashkenazi Jewish. And my mom did not have a single percent of Ashkenazi Jewish whatsoever. 50%. And that was- It's so funny. It's wild though that that fertility clinic

is like hanging its hat on this thing. And it's just like a complete and patent falsehood. I mean, we can go into it. Do you want to be the person in the news for suing somebody for the fact that I'm Jewish? I'm damaged. But of course you want the money. Get you both directions. You're anti-Semitic and you're money-grubbing.

But honestly, I mean, we could totally go into this, but the thing is, and that I talk about all the time on my TikTok and my Instagram, is that what happened to me is like tip of the iceberg. This is like nothing compared to what so many people have gone through. And so I took the test when I was about like 25, 26. That's when I found out I was half Jewish. Then I located my donor when I was about, I think I was like 29.

And then I found siblings when I was 30. So you met your Jewish father. Oh, no. He wants no contact. I just know who he is. Is he religious? Yes. He is an OBGYN Orthodox Rabbi Moyle. Stop it right now.

And he is still in practice. And he did this to get paid? Oh yeah. He donated. I found out. Why are you looking at me? I'm just curious. That's why people donate typically. I found out this guy was donating for at least six years. We have no idea when he stopped, but he was donating all throughout medical school. And at least for me, donating when he was a full-on in-practice OBGYN. Now, how much is it? That is so crazy. Maybe the process is enjoyable. How much do they make?

Why waste it? Maybe it's a sin unless you don't. How much does he make per shot? I have no idea how much he made in the 80s, but now donors make usually in between 100 to 150 like per donation. Now, does it have to be? But that's only for sperm donors, not egg donors. Does it have to work?

Like, does it have to actually get somebody pregnant or you just make the money for the jizz? What they would do first is like, they're obviously going to, like, test your sperm out and go, like, is it fertile? Is it viable? It has to be viable. It has to be viable. And then if it is viable, then they're like,

great, you are now, like, an approved donor. Like, let's start setting you up. And donors can donate between, like, one to three times per week for a year or multiple years. Do you feel any desire to meet this man? Or is he anything to you other than just the guy that donated? Other than your doctor? Other than my doc.

For me, I, in a perfect, I would say what I would, what I would love from him is medical history because I do have medical issues that definitely seem like they're from his side. And my siblings who I have talked to so far. Tay Sox.

I was just kidding. Not, not to get too dark but actually a tumor on the bottom of my brain um the tumor's gone now it was benign it wasn't malignant um but the tumor was on my pituitary gland which basically uh caused my thyroid and my adrenals to like basically like just go complete out of whack but I had been showing signs of a hormonal disorder since I was like 13 years old. And my other siblings seem to have also been having very similar hormonal issues. So, and they have, and one of my sisters like has like a crap load of like autoimmune disorders. Like there seems to be some very serious problems and none of it seems to be from any of our

maternal side. So it all kind of leads back to him. And so we are like literally, I literally sent him an email going like, I will sign anything you want. All we want is medical history. That's it. And he didn't write you back?

No. Maybe we can get him on the show. That'd be a great idea. Give us his name. We'll get him on the show. We'll get him on the show for something else entirely. And say surprise. Oh my God. I'll do it. What is it We'll get him on the show for something else entirely. And say surprise. Oh my God.

I'll do it. What are we like the Richard or the Jerry Springer show? Yeah. We want to talk about OBGYN shit. Okay. That is appalling. That'd be our greatest show ever. Better than, I can't even say it.

But he knows who you are. Oh yeah. At this point, he absolutely does. He's ashamed of you. Oh, 100%. Absolutely ashamed of me. If you become a big star, all of a sudden, I'll be like, that's my daughter.

I'll let you guys. She'll pull up the old block? I will absolutely let you guys know if suddenly my career takes off and suddenly I get a call from Daddy Doctor. Like if he starts calling me. Yeah, that's sad. So are these siblings of yours, do any of them, like, no one's fascinated by twins separated at birth studies about how sometimes they, they meet each other and

they both go to the same school and they both have the same profession. Any of your siblings, comedians in New York or something that's like staggeringly similar to you? Not to me necessarily. So far, I should say, not so far. How many are there? Right now... There's like 50 of them, right? Well, right now... This is like boys from Brazil.

It is guessed that I have over 50 siblings. Okay. But right now... Oh, no, no. That's considered a moderate pod due to the other pods that actually exist out in the world. I mean, there are pods that I've personally spoken to. A pod is a term of art that we're not familiar with. Oh, I apologize. A pod is like a sibling pod of half donor conceived siblings. There are pods

that are over hundreds of kids each within the United States. Some of them have been born as early as just a couple of years ago. This is still a problem within the United States. Wait, some of those pods are, the fertility doctor was supposed to use the dad's sperm and he put his and he substituted his own sperm. That's the those those guys are going to hell. Well, let me let me make this even let me make that situation even worse for you, because I was in January. I was actually in Washington, D.C., helping to lobby for the fertility fraud legislation, which would criminalize that absolute egregious act. Because right now, fertility fraud, so what you are referring to is fertility fraud. When a doctor switches out the chosen gametes for their own, whether that is sperm, egg, embryo, but so far we've only caught doctors switching it out for their own sperm.

Obviously. Obviously. We have caught, in the United States, over 70 doctors doing this. None of them have gone to jail. Some of them have continued practicing and never lost their medical license. A lot of them get caught when they already were retired. Some of them have ended in NDAs, so we don't really know exactly what happened. But most doctors absolutely just get away with this. Some of the Jewish women are probably happy

to have a doctor. I think maybe they would have preferred it with a little less rape, maybe a little, a slight less rapey vibe. Listen, the thing is also, just to backtrack for one second, that's so insane is that

these medical issues like should have been vetted out to begin with, right? Like they're supposed to be testing the sperm and to let their-

In those days, they didn't do that. Well, they still don't. And also, not everything can be tested. So there's a couple of things- I mean, I didn't do that. Well, they still don't. And also, not everything can be tested. So there's a couple of things. I mean, I don't know that you can test a sperm

for benign pituitary gland cancer. You can test for broccogene and stuff like that, right? You can test for broccogene. So there's a couple of things with it. One, there is no, the only regulation, the only FDA regulation that we have currently in the United States in terms of donor screening is an STD test.

We have no other. And everybody feels that. Everyone feels that now. We have no regulation. What we have is what is called ASRM guidelines. ASRM is the American Society of Reproductive Medicine. They create guidelines for the clinics and cryobanks to follow, which in anyone who has watched Pirates of the Caribbean knows it's a guideline. We don't have to fucking follow that shit. So what ends up happening is it really just depends on what the banks and clinics are feeling

that day. And so there's no, it's such a free-for-all. It's an unbelievably, it is the most unregulated branch of medicine. There isn't a sibling cap in the United States. So these clinics and cryobanks can literally pump out kids like freaking Skittles as much as they want. And there's the risk of incest if you don't know, if you bump into somebody. Which has happened. So like that, that, so when you ask me like, you know, about like, you know, stories stories of twins finding each other, so I have personally spoken to donor-conceived people who were best friends growing up, had no idea, went to the same school, had no idea,

had a crush on each other, had no idea, dated the same person, and I do know donor-conceived people who were high school sweethearts. I will say I have read that. You know, incest generally revolts us. We have no sexual attraction toward our siblings. I would say that it doesn't revolt everybody, but go ahead. But that's, we hope it does. From what I've read, I'm an only child, but I know from what I've read that that's not because you're too similar. That's because when you grow up with somebody

that you automatically kind of don't have a sexual... It's like marriage. But, yes. But the truth is that siblings, if they didn't grow up together, are often very attracted to each other. That's what I've read. It actually, it is a really weird phenomenon because what ends up happening is when you do not grow up with like biological family, what, and this isn't like a blanket statement.

This happens to everybody. This, this does happen in some cases is if you have not experienced what is called like genetic mirroring. So like hypothetically, like let's say, let's say you and I are related and I can experience genetic mirroring with you.

Like maybe we guys are related. Who the fuck knows? Ashkenazi Jews are so inbred. We might be cousins, but like I can see like, okay, like maybe there's similar hair texture, there's similar nose,

there's similar cheek structure that I never got to see myself in my own family because it wasn't biological family members. So what ends up happening with a lot of these siblings is they experience

genetic mirroring with their siblings for the first time. They don't know what's going on. They just are like, wow, there's a connection. I see something in you that I see in myself. Wow. I feel this. And they mistake the genetic mirroring for romance. And so there is romance. What is romance? Romance is whatever you feel. But no, but it is a real connection. They feel a connection. Woody Allen used to say that love is the silly, is the crazy idea that one woman is any different from another.

It's not me saying that was Woody Allen, but go ahead. Or something like that. You know, he definitely lived up to that with his stepdaughter, but that's fine. But yeah, no, it's a, it's a real, it's a real problem. And we have seen very serious problems with that. And especially because the fertility industry literally has made pods of hundreds of siblings. And typically, like if you are in like, if you use the same clinic, and it's not like a hundred siblings are spread evenly throughout the entire world.

They typically are in the same location. Right. So they might be in the same school that you mentioned. Oh, yeah, absolutely. They're in the same school. Now you're married, I see. I am. I am married, yes.

And you're married to a Jewish guy? I am not married to a Jewish guy. We did. You just became Jewish and already you're marrying outside your religion? Go ahead. I was, okay, as a donor conceived person, I am terrified of accidental incest. So before we even got engaged, I was like, dude, we are taking a DNA test. I need to know that I am far as removed related to you as humanly

possible. So it was very good to see on our ancestry that I was like, nothing fantastic. That's what I wanted to see. Now, do you consider that your children are Jewish? I mean, I didn't get, I wasn't raised within the culture. I know not about that, but just like you know, I mean I know I always say like I'm half Ashkenazi Jewish. I never say like I am Jewish that that to me feels like That that to me it feels like I'm claiming something that isn't mine. We're gonna have you know, you're Jewish No, her father her biological father is so by Jewish law. she's not Jewish. Oh, it's her father that's Jewish. Well, sperm, where have you been?

Where do you think sperm comes from? I know, for some reason, I was just... Anyhow. It's my age. Yeah, of course, you're not Jewish. That was the quickest flip-flop I've ever seen. I don't know what the hell I was thinking about. I felt so welcomed for a moment, and then it was just like, no, fuck off.

So, thank you for coming. No latkes for you fuck off do you have any affinity for the the either the religion or i mean israel's going through some shit now do you have any affinity any desire to go on birthright or whatever i mean i am lactose intolerant so you know that i do have that for me i mean i i have always for me like the the I would say my neighbors, my schoolmates, my best friends have always been Jewish. Like that's a culture that's always literally just been my next door neighbor. I've been to more Jewish weddings than any other kind of wedding. So for me, I've always. Yeah, I mean, the culture was always my my next door neighbor.

So I've always loved it. And it's always been integrated within my life um and I have I have started speaking actually to a rabbi here and there um as to kind of like maybe like dip my toe into like thinking about you know kind of like conversion and stuff like that um I will say though I was raised Catholic so I still am working through all of my like fucking Catholic trauma I was an altar server I went to Catholic school so like for am working through all of my fucking Catholic trauma. I was an altar server. I went to Catholic school. So for me, any religion, I'm just like, I don't want to So are your parents pretty Catholic

then? My mother's side is very Catholic, yes. By the way, here's a question. Growing up, did you ever hear anything out of your parents' mouth? Maybe not anti-Semitic, but like, oh, these Jews, you know. No, never did. Were they scandalized when they found out that you were Jewish after they had told them? They didn't give a shit.

No, but after they had told them that like, oh, the most important thing is that they're going to be the same religion as you. No, I mean. No, they didn't care. No, they didn't give a shit. They already liked you. Luckily, they like me. No, I mean, if my doctor had told my parents saying, we we don't have any Catholic sperm, which, I mean, Catholic sperm, it's great on its knees.

But no Catholic sperm available. All we've got is this Ashkenazi Jewish donor. Do you accept it? My parents would have been like, fuck yeah, let's do it. They wouldn't have given a shit. Yeah, that makes sense. I'll ask you a question, Pearl. If you found out that your son was not actually your son.

What does that mean? Biologically? It came out of her. It could have been implanted. Let's say you do IVF and they implanted someone else's embryo in you and you didn't know. Yeah. And you actually raised some Scottish, Scott Irish child. I don't think it matters.

Well, they knew she wasn't her father's biological daughter. But she said... Should we explain the concept of sperm again? No. She said... I know I'm spacing out. But she said that it didn't matter to her at all. Her dad is just her dad.

And I'm saying, would you feel the same? Would the parent feel the same way? It doesn't matter to my son. I don't think it matters. I think that when you love your child, you love your child. I don't think it matters. I think that when you love your child, you love your child. I don't think it necessarily matters if they're biologically yours or not. I also have heard—

It would matter to me. I mean, I will say it does— It would. I will say— I'm not saying I would throw them out of the house. I'm just saying—I'm sorry. I will say the one area where it does get very, as you kind of mentioned, where it does get, I would say, emotionally very complicated is when the doctor switches out the dad's sperm in IVF for his own. And then you have the kids, the mom, the dad all realize what happened. That is a real shit situation.

Yeah. And is that a legal cause of action there? No, so far, as far as I'm aware, no, I mean, no doctor has gone to jail for that whatsoever.

Dr. Klein of our father did that. You know, it's just so crazy. And I've met one of the families that that has happened for. And it's, God, it's heartbreaking.

And it's just, it's such a shit situation. Everybody's a victim. And it's, God, it's heartbreaking. And it's just, it's such a shit situation. Everybody's a victim. And there's, it takes, in order to nail a doctor for fertility fraud right now in the United States, if you're in a state that doesn't have fertility fraud passed in it,

it is unbelievably hard. Like it's literally almost impossible. Here's the thing. If you like, say your father thought you were his biological daughter and then found out that the, the, the,

the, the doctor switched in his sperm. Suing him is, is in a way like saying I'm unhappy with my daughter. Right. I mean, it's, it's,

it's like, I know you, I want my money back for this. So you make a deal with your daughter to split her or something. Well, I mean, you know what I'm saying? It's like, this is who you raised and you love.. But you know what I'm saying? It's like, this is

who you raised and you love and now you're saying I'm damaged. I wouldn't, I totally hear that, but I disagree with that because it was, the doctor essentially raped your wife. I mean, I feel like suing is a very legitimate thing to do. I feel like

It's a criminal action, but suing me is like, it's like saying you ripped me off. Well, no, but that, that, that, I feel like it's a criminal action, but suing me is like, it's like saying you ripped me off. Well, no, but that isn't that, I mean, it's you can, cause you can sue for emotional damages because that is a bit emotionally damaging. Now, can I ask a question? Yeah. Why is there no legal component to compelling, um, the sperm donor to disclose medical records?

Like why is, why don't you have any rights or anybody have any rights to compel? Very easy question because we live in a capitalistic society and I'm a product and products don't have rights. I am no, I mean no more to the fertility industry than a mouse pad. I am a transaction. That is it.

So I have no rights whatsoever. And that is what we deal with a lot with dealing with the fertility industry is because they're basically like, why are the blenders speaking? I don't understand. Wait, wait, wait. I think, I mean,

I get what you're saying. Yeah. That's probably the way I would put it. But I would just say that I don't think you have rights with your biological parents either, number one. What do you mean? Meaning that, although practically speaking, you have a much better chance of getting it from your parents,

my kids have no right to sue me for my medical history either. Totally. The difference is... The other thing I'll say is that I think eventually they will pass the law that you're saying as part of the donor process. But obviously the law is always a certain step behind the technology. So what kind of an asshole wouldn't want to help out? Okay, but let's leave aside sperm donating.

Traditionally, if you give a child up for adoption, you sign something where the orphanage agrees to never give your identity up. If you want that. If you want that, which is a typical thing. And in that situation, you also don't get access to the medical. That used to be the case, I think, a very long time ago. But nowadays, there are all different sorts of arrangements when you're adopting.

So as I'm saying, things catch up with these technologies. But there was a time when nobody even understood the importance of medical histories. Then medical histories, now we're at the point where the genes themselves can tell you a real story about medical history. But I guess we're in between where they it's still you'd want to match those up with the actual phenotype, as it were, of your of the donor rather than just being able to tell just by looking at your genes. So the difference is still not capitalism on my show. Right. I apologize. I don't mean to knock capital um but uh the the difference between i would say like because you were like my my children cannot sue me for medical history you're absolutely right but i think it is also a false equivalence because you having your own kids

is very different than how i came because for me how i was made was a multi-billion dollar industry was profiting off of my literal conception and that's what makes a big difference um you know for me is that the fact that you have that literal huge big of an industry massive industry and they're actively profiting off of all of us with absolutely no ethical care for our literal lives like as soon as like the parents get pregnant with us, they don't give a shit. Cause they don't view us as patients. The parents are the patients. We are not.

And I just like our job here is done. Our job here is done. And I, and I understand the idea of like, no, no, no, you're not our patient,

but the, but the parent is the patient. Like I sort of get it, but we are a secondary patient. A hundred percent. They really should not do this with Jewish sperm. Because look at the trouble they've wrought. Loud mouth Jew wants to sue.

They got all the angles, making the arguments. Are you sure Dershowitz wasn't your father? Well, I mean, that's a part that I always kind of, I'm like, you fuckers, you made me deal with me for fuck's sake. Like, you created an army of us. This is where you're a fucking problem. What a shock. She's Jewish.

Here's the thing, though. Your point is a really good one because it's almost like all of these pro-life people who don't give a shit about these babies once they're born. Right? It's like everybody's anti-abortion, anti-abortion, but once the baby's born and the biological parents don't want them or can't take care of them, they're not Russian.

I like that we cycle that dumb argument at least once every five shows. It's not dumb, it's true. What do you, what medical information do you want to know? I mean, you know your father's, I guess you know he's still alive and reasonably healthy at whatever age. How old is he right now? He's alive, but I have no idea how old he is.

Wait a second. Well, we could find out. Can I go to his office and just like make an appointment? Oh my God. I would buy you the biggest dinner in the world. I will. He's an OBGYN? He's an OBGYN.

Oh my God. This could be the best experiment ever. Oh, we should tell him. I will say he's got a very nice office because I've contacted him twice. I dropped a letter off at his office, and then I've emailed him. His office is very nice. His secretary is lovely. We're going to talk about this off air.

So let's go 60 minutes on his ass. Come on. I will tell you what neighborhood he's in. Yeah, no, I know. You think you'll want followers now? Half the followers are her ass. Come on. I will tell you what neighborhood he's in. You think you'll want followers now? Half of followers are her siblings. I can guess.

I'll tell you what neighborhood he's in. How about that? Let's see if we're right. Hold on. Obviously. Let me see. I don't want this public where he is. You know what neighborhood he's in. Hold on a second. I don't want this public where he is. You know what neighborhood he's in. It's a blank thing.

Oh, here. Hold on a second. It just went away. Let me... I'll help you out. But no, I don't want... Because I do... Because I've been asked many times, like, where is he?

What's his name? I'm very careful with his identity. Because even though he's being, like, a total, like, you know, tool right now, I still never want to leak his identity because if i ever did because i have over 600 000 followers the amount of like death threats this guy would get would be unbelievable so i'm very careful so very careful back to my question what health info do would you like to know uh any anything that he he would like anything i would love to know about uh obviously, any kind of cancers. Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, literally anything.

Rheumatoid arthritis. Impotence. Well, clearly none of that. Clearly, we don't have a problem with that. There are things you can do something about. If you know you have Alzheimer's in your genetic code, is that going to help you in any way? Absolutely. Because, I mean, when you go to the doctor, I mean, every time I go to the doctor, they

always are asking me, like, do you have, what's your family history with heart attacks? And I go, I don't know. What is your family history with cancer? I don't know. I have to tell them literally every time I'm missing half of my medical history. Now, luckily, we live in New York City. Just to be on the safe side, I would recommend a colonoscopy. Yes.

Every five years. Every five years. Fuck that. We're doing every two years. I'm neurotic. So, but we are, but no, I always have to tell the doctors I'm missing half my medical history. And because of that, very lucky, they run extra tests for me just to be careful. And that's actually ended.

That is how I ended up at the endocrinologist who was able to find the tumor. And I've been on medication now for two years. As I said, though, there are certain things you like Alzheimer's like there's nothing they can really do for it anyway. Well, there's a drug now. Well, and also not to mention another is also mental health because you can't test for mental health. Oh, no, I can diagnose you right now. Well, there's a drug now. Well, and also, not to mention, another is also mental health, because you can't test for mental health. Oh, no.

I can diagnose you right now. Oh, shit. The good news is, is- Well, we already went over that. Narcissism. The good news is, is if you're going to go nuts, you'd have done it by now. I mean, there's still time. There's still time.

Generally speaking, these things, you know, hit you in your adolescence. Absolutely. But for a lot of, but I would still love to know because maybe for me, I didn't, maybe like I would say maybe any mental health disorder. I mean, I do have an anxiety disorder. If that was not clear to everybody. You didn't need a test to do that. You just needed to find out you were half Jewish. But what about my kids as well?

Because, you know, my kids, like what happens when they're born? Maybe, maybe that, because I have no idea, like, let's say hypothetically on my paternal side, bipolar disorder runs in it. Now, maybe I don't have bipolar disorder, but maybe my child will. extremely hard to diagnose. And we have seen that same exact issue with in other donor conceived people when like a donor has had like schizophrenia, stuff like that. It's very, very hard to diagnose, especially when you don't have a proper medical history. So yes, maybe these things are not going to personally affect me in my life, but they could affect my children because my husband and I are hopefully we're going to be starting to try next year. You probably do have some mental issues from your dad because he's who I mean, think about what he's doing. Oh, no, it's like donating to try to create try to create a pot of kids. That's very, very annoying children. You know, what is the profile of the average donor?

Is it obvious? Is it typically financially motivated or some people just want to have progeny? I would say that's hard. And it's also hard for us to actually get much truth behind it. I mean, a lot of donors are college-age kids and they're paying for their books, they're paying off

student loans. And your father was in med school when he donated? My father was in med school, yeah. All 50 kids? No, but then he was still he got in the habit. He became a routine. Well, you only need one load to get billions of kids right there. Right, but it seems like at a certain point... You don't know

if you're the same... Ah, never mind. I mean, the same squirt? Okay, so no, no, no, that's a totally good question, because this is actually, no, it actually is, because this is a misunderstanding that a lot of people have. A lot of people assume one squirt equals one donation, and that's not true.

They're able to take one donation, and depending how much mass a dude is able to donate, how fertile he is, they break it up into multiple-cellable vials. So that one load can be anywhere between three-cellable vials to 19-cellable vials is the most we've ever heard of. That was a Jewish guy? I don't think it was. That one I know wasn't a Jewish guy.

That's a stereotype I've never heard of. I'm just assuming. But I do know one thing we didn't talk about is I do actually know that I was only specifically one load. Because so my... You mean you have no other siblings. One load Laura. You have no siblings. That's a great title.

You have no siblings. That's going to be the name of my special, One Load Laura. That's a great title. We just figured it out. You mean you have no other siblings from that one. That's my donation. the name of my special, One Load Laura. We just figured it out. That's my donation. I can tell you exactly why I know that. My parents were trying for three years with fertility treatments.

My mom went through three years of hormone therapy and two surgeries. Her last surgery was a full reconstruction. Then she was holidaying on... Sorry, she was ovulating on a holiday weekend. Holidayidating? Yeah, you said holiday. Sorry, I apologize.

For Star Trek? Again, this is why I say I always test out my brand new jokes on an open mic because I can't fucking do that otherwise. I have to because otherwise I jumble shit. But she was ovulating on the Jewish New Year. So the clinic was closed. And they were like, we can't do an insemination. And she was just like, I'm because if you're in hormone therapy for three years and this was in the 80s, so there was like so much experimental shit going on. She was like, please help me out. What can we do? Now, I was my parents were the very first patients of this clinic and of this doctor.

So a lot was riding on this. So he told my mom and my parents, don't worry about it. I'll set it up so that you go pick the sperm up at a hotel concierge. Then you can go inseminate it with your husband. Oh, I didn't know you could do that. You really shouldn't. This shouldn't be an option. Now, Jewish New Year is Yom Kippur,

right? No. No. You're close. You're very close. Okay, I'm learning. But why was the clinic closed on a Jewish New Year if it was right? No. No. Rosh Hashanah. You're close. You're very close. Okay. I'm learning. Uh, so on, but why was the clinic closed on a Jewish new year? If it was a holiday, it's a holiday. Okay. It was closed because of Rosh Hashanah. Um, that, that is as much information as I have. So I, so on Rosh Hashanah, my donor donated fresh hot sperm into a cup, put it in a paper bag, dropped it off at a hotel concierge. My mom picked it up, went to my father's office because my dad was still goddamn working.

My dad couldn't take a day off for this. And I was inseminated on my father's desk. And my mom just put her legs up as my dad went back to his spreadsheet. His spread legs, his spreadsheet. Do they use a funnel? I mean, it's like a... Or a syringe? It's a syringe. You squirt it in there?

It's like a turkey baster, essentially, yeah. Wait, he went into the cup and your biological father delivered it himself? No, no, no. Well, we have no idea who actually delivered it i mean it may have been my biological father i have no idea but my the the guy donated it was dropped off at the hotel concierge i would have to believe it was him like i don't think he had like you know a runner for sperm i might be wrong i don't i would imagine the clinic was, you know. But the clinic was closed. Oh, boy.

The clinic was closed. Like, my doctor called in a friend, called in a favor to a friend. In those days, it was a lot like these black guys on bicycles, the messenger services. That was a big thing back then, remember? Yeah. Like, you would call a messenger and they'd deliver it. I don't think sperm was a typical one. I hope so.

I don't know what's in there. But now they would use Postmates. Yeah, Postmates for sperm. Uber Eats. Uber Eats. Uber Sperm. Uber Sperm, that's good. Spunkmates. Yeah, that's good.

Oh, my God. So have you met, how many of your siblings have you met? I've not met any in person, but I have spoken. Right now, so far, all- I think Leah Lamar might be one of your pod mates. One of my newest sibling that I found, which is a brother, he's actually from Brooklyn. I have reached out to him.

He has not messaged me back, which I fully am like, I'm not going to push because I have no idea what his story is. I don't know if he was ever told that he was donor conceived or if I just suddenly spoiled the surprise. Well, that's not nice. That's a pretty, like that's a harsh thing for you to do. Well, it's, you do it delicately. There's a way to do it.

There's no delicate way to do that. Yeah, but you gotta know. No, no, that's, no, you should not have done that. You, this, you have to, you have to, I'm literally listed as half sister. No, no, no, that is a selfish thing to do. 23andMe did it. I literally, it's there.

It literally has us labeled as half siblings. The cat is out of the bag. No, no, no. That is some cognitive dissonance right there. Look, dude, if 23andMe listed him, that means he did a 23andMe as well. He did a 23andMe. I did 23andMe. I don't read all the stuff they send me. I might have

you know, you don't notice. All I said was... You should not be the person that breaks it to somebody that their parents are not their parents. You're right. It should have been his parents, but this is the situation we are in. Nobody needs to ever tell him. Oh no, he absolutely needs to know because he's walking

around with a false medical history that could end up getting him killed. Oh, it's not going to get him killed. Come on now. No, it's gotten donor conceived people killed. It has killed donor conceived people. How's that? How's that? Because you have a false medical history.

What could get you killed? What could get you killed? Because there have been times. You're not getting timely colonoscopies. You're not getting the proper screenings because there are certain things that you can't test for. So what ends up happening is donor conceived people have not gotten their right medical history or have gotten a false medical. For instance,

like what? I just told you. Everybody gets a colonoscopy. Yeah, but if you have family history, you might get it earlier. You might get it more frequently. All right.

But what are you referring to? There is a case in particular. I don't know if I'm allowed to go public with it. So I, I, I can't give the very specifics of it. I can certainly talk. So how many families have you ruined?

How many families? I haven't ruined any. The parents didn't fucking tell their kids the truth. That ain't my goddamn fault. But what has happened is there have been donor conceived people who have gotten a false medical history. And because they didn't get screened in time for their proper things,

it has ended up getting them killed. That has happened. And it's why in New York City, we are specifically asking, we've put forward the bill, the Donor Conceived Person's Protection Act, which would require all clinics and banks to verify the medical history that a donor hands in.

So it has. So the fact that like this guys or any of my siblings or any donor conceived person is walking around not knowing that their donor hands in. So it has. So the fact that like this guy's or any of my siblings or any donor conceived person is walking around not knowing that their donor conceived is literally dangerous to them when you are going in.

So for example. It could potentially in certain low probability cases be dangerous to them. But it has. But it has happened. Wait a second. How many years have you known

that you've had siblings? Like 10 years? I've only known that you've had siblings? Like 10 years? I've only known that I've had siblings for five years. Okay. It's no more dangerous than if you have a parent who dies young. Yeah, but again, as we went back, this is a multi-billion dollar industry, though, that is letting this happen.

Right, but hold up. But listen, I don't really care, but I don't agree with you because, yes, there is that physical, medical potential risk. Although I'm not really like that. Maybe colonoscopy earlier or whatever it is. But on the other side is emotional devastation. That's something, too.

Like you shrugged it off that your father wasn't your father, but someone else might never recover from that. So here's the thing. Especially because they find out that their parents lied to them. They might not have even ever been known. But what she said, what Laura said also... Why do you take her side? Because I'm on her side. And because also, it's true that people, I have

very close friends who've been adopted. I also have very close friends who have kids that were conceived by donor egg in their case. And if you don't know, you, you really do go around. So, you know, let me finish feeling like something is off. And then when you find out, oh, I was adopted. It all makes sense now.

That's fine. But you don't see any, like, at least issue here that's complicated. Like, I find out that your dad is not your dad. You're a sperm daughter. He is my dad. He's not my biological father. All right, whatever. No, it makes it simple.

I knew that was going to pick you up. It's an important distinction. I find out that your father is not your biological father. That someone else donated, and they never told you. Fuck that. They should have told me. And you'd be like, oh, go tell her. I don't think that's how to lead her.

Of course you should go tell her. Why should I go tell her? Because I have a right to know. Because that's your literal body. You have the right. Laura, do you think there's any way that somebody that does a 23andMe that lists a half-sibling would not notice that? In other words, you're half-sibling in a 23andMe, right?

Yes, absolutely. And his says that you're his half-sibling. It literally odds with me. Is there any way he didn't notice that? Yes, absolutely. Because you take your 23andMe first, and then you never check it again. So you don't even ever get the notification of someone else's...

But that doesn't make sense then why you did 23andMe. If you did 23andMe or you did Ancestry, it's literally because you're interested in connections. No, that's not why I ever did it. I did it to find out about my genetic, my nationality makeup and all that stuff,

and to find out... What second? And to find out whatever traits, my nationality makeup and all that stuff, and to find out what second, and to find out whatever traits, you know, my musical ability, intelligence, whatever it is. But he specifically said, but he specifically chose, I want to see DNA relative matchups. He literally signed up for it. Also, I just want to let you know, because

just an FYI, 23 and Me is not a medical grade test. So if you did look at it... Oh, I know, I do the better ones now. Okay, well, none of them are. If you actually want to not a medical grade test. So if you did look, I know I do the better ones now. Okay. Well, none of them are. If you actually want to get a medical grade test, you need to go see a genetic counselor or a geneticist.

Any of those at home tests are not. I know I had one that my, uh, my doctor sent me to. Oh, okay. Then. Okay. Okay.

All right. What do you want to make? When you do them now, how often do you do them? I had, I've done a few of them. Why? So if you're this particular,

let him get a particular brother, um, you know his name? Yeah, I do. So say his name is Figueroa or Rodriguez. Okay. And he did a 23andMe, and it says half Ashkenazi. The cat's out of that bag. So the chances are that he knows.

He's actually, he's about almost 100% Ashkenazi. Oh. So far, I'm the only one. You're the only one that that happened to. I am so far the only one that was not raised in a Jewish household. Maybe they should sue you. I am so far the only one. Maybe your donor dad is the one that got ripped off here.

Maybe he specified that it should only go to Jewish. I can't wait to meet him. I don't think that's possible to specify. I'm kidding. Anyway, but yeah, I, listen, I'm not saying you did the wrong thing by saying that, but I don't think it's at all a no-brainer

about how that should be handled. Well, we have, the reason we do, we have done surveys, we have done studies on donor-conceived people who were early discoveries or late discoveries who found out through a DNA test. Like we've done this. So what I did was backed up by surveys,

has been backed up by people who do this professionally. So like, I understand for somebody. Oh, your survey. Yeah, we've done these things. Well, let me just tell you this. If somebody were to come to me tomorrow and say, listen, I have some news for you. Your dad was not your...

Biologist. I'd be like, who the fuck? What kind of nerve do you have to drop that on me? I don't give a shit about knowing my regular medical history. That devastates me. I didn't want to know that. You wouldn't? You really wouldn't want to know?

Of course not. Why not? Has anybody told Judy Gold and her wife's son that he's a sperm donor baby? What the fuck's the matter with you? That's a joke. So here's the thing. That's legit and you get to feel that way, but that's just not the majority of how donor-conceived people feel. Right.

I don't understand why you wouldn't want to know that. You're such a proponent for, like, such fierce honesty, though. Whose place is it to tell somebody that kind of news? The half-sibling. If somebody came up to me and said, listen, I've been fucking your wife. I said, listen, I didn't want to know that. Some people don't want to know things. I like how that's, like, the thing that you didn't want to know.

It's not the fact that you're like, I really don't want anyone else fucking my wife. But you're like, just don't tell me. Well, sometimes. But this is a natural human reaction. Listen, there's an expression for it. You know, better left unsaid. Somebody actually recently told me that. Sleeping dogs lie.

There's somebody recently, a friend of mine, told me that she said, oh, this so-and-so comic was like talking shit about you. Not somebody that I'm friends with, but somebody that I know. Who the fuck was that? I said, why would you tell me that? Yeah, that I agree with. Who was talking shit about you. Not somebody that I'm friends with, but somebody that I know. Who the fuck was that? I said, why would you tell me that? Who was talking shit about you? If my friend was talking, well, I'm not going to mention his name. Was it Ray Allen? It was somebody that's an acquaintance, but not a friend.

I agree with you, Dan. She said, well, if somebody was talking shit about me, I'd want to know. I said, well, I don't, and he's not really a friend of mine anyway. Yeah, who cares? He's just an acquaintance. But that's a little bit different than what this is. Yeah. This is slightly different.

Because I agree with you. I wouldn't the fuck want to know. It's also the intention of somebody telling you that. Like, why? But yeah, it's not the same thing. Yeah, it's a bit of a false equivalence. I guess so. Can I ask you a personal question?

Ask the fuck away. How come you haven't met any of your siblings in person? Because they find her annoying. They're a bit far away. Oh, really? So the brother that I most recently found, he is within the area and he's the closest one. But he doesn't want to talk to you.

He has not. Sometimes what we have found with donor conceived siblings is it takes a few years. He's in a mental institution with colon cancer. On a respirator. Two siblings are both in Colorado. Okay. And they're full siblings that ended up using the same donor, our donor. And then we have another sibling in Seattle.

The sibling who I am closest with, though, has been really very, very sick. She's been completely unable to travel and has not been able to have much interaction with people because she's so immunocompromised and with everything the pandemic so we've been waiting until she's in a safer space until I can go see her and then her full sibling who is you know she totally knows I'm here and everything and she's just not she's just personally not ready for that yet, which I totally respect and understand. Um, and, and for the record, they found me first. I did not find them. They're non-binary. Oh no. Both of the siblings. Oh, okay. No, no, uh, no, no. It's saying the, the, uh, no, they're not, they're, um, both cis, uh, cis women. Um, but they, so one of the siblings wants to when she is healthy enough. And what about, did you grow up with siblings?

She thought she did. I do. I have a half sister who is 15 years older than me from my dad's first marriage. Okay. So we did not have, and she's actually, she's adopted. So I'm a sperm donor baby. She's adopted from my dad's, from my, so like we're all related from my dad. So her and I is like genetically.

I'm just going to just say she's your full sister then at that point. I mean, we probably are related on the opposite ends. Probably more than through my dad. But like we didn't have a traditional like sibling relationship in the least. But like we never lived together. You should have good hybrid vigor though. Heterosis as they say. What does that mean? It means that... No more so than

your kids. No, not any more so than my kids. That when you have two... The mating of people from two different gene pools, generally they're more robust health-wise because they get a lot... a mix of

genes and I guess it causes a lot of – it reduces the number of recessive genes that – Yeah, when you have, like, a better genetic diversity, you know, that's always, like, we like that, which is also a big thing that we have an issue with the fertility industry is they are actually hurting the genetic diversity of our gene pool in the United States because they are letting – No more than the Hasidic community. My guess is... Well, I don't think...

Even with the Hasidic community, they're pumping out like 100 kids per one donor and just letting them run wild. My guess is that... I don't think that the human... I think that they sort of beat the Hasidic community with that. Because all her Jewish genes are reflected on the outside. They certainly are. Your inside, you've got to be a genes are reflected on the outside. They certainly are.

Your inside, you've got to have pure Gentile on the inside. So I would think, you know, you've got to have a strong Irish colon. It's very Polish. No IBS. Whatever you marry, your husband's not Jewish. He's Italian.

So all these genes probably just go underground. You do look a lot like one of my cousins. She looks like... Really? She looks like Lea Lamar. Do you know Lea Lamar? She's a comic in LA, but in any case.

All right, we have to wrap it up. This is a fascinating story. Very interesting. And what's the name of your podcast? You probably have families to wreck, so we should probably... Yes! I'm sorry.

She's glared at me with a with a with a knot she didn't actually like that no i'm fine with wrecking families that's okay no that that hurt you i'm sorry i didn't mean no no you're a comedian you got to take it what what's the name of your podcast insemination oh that's a good one oh thank you yeah no insemination and um i'm next year going to be um producing and filming my own uh docu-series uh that will also be called insemination where uh i'll be going around and interviewing all of like kind of like these stories that i have been building for a very long time and like all of these records that i have with like a lot of the pods that like i have a question.

Are there, since you can do it yourself with a turkey baster, are there any women who inseminate themselves with a dude who is not their husband and the husband doesn't even know it? The woman does it because she wants to get a better, better high grade sperm. You're talking about like using a condom, going in, fishing a condom out of the... No, she goes to get the sperm from the clinic and inseminates herself and never tells her husband. I've never heard of that. If somebody did

that, that's real shit. But I've never heard of that. What about using like a condom and then you take the condom out of the garbage and you use the sperm no i mean right is that impossible yeah women do that yeah is that what do you mean if you're rich yeah is that possible there has been some story like oh yeah like like we women do not take condoms out there's

been i can't remember i bet you if you google it can you google it there's somebody famous like that's happened to or there's somebody famous who's paranoid about that. What? Drake. That happened to Drake? He was paranoid about it. I have never heard any woman talk about this on any of our brunches. Of course, it's as much a thing as a woman who would try to get pregnant by a famous celebrity.

Can we find online if that's even possible? I think it might be. Oh, no. If sperm is at the right temperature, it can live outside the body. If it's at a certain temperature. Although most condoms have that non-oxidant, whatever that is, spermicide. Non-oxidant or not.

But not all of them do, obviously. But, no, I mean, sperm can live outside the body for a period of time. I don't know how long, but it just has to be at a certain temperature imagine if you went on jeopardy and somehow this was your cat like you know it's such an odd expertise well it's incredible i'll take sperm for a thousand no it's i'm known on tiktok as like the sperm girl which i'm like i love that i love that but i have like i have a sperm fascinator that I that I wear when I do like videos and like when I go and bother people on the streets and everything. I literally I love this. I literally organized the very first protest for donor conceived rights on October 15th. And I got a custom made cup filled with sperm costume for myself by a Broadway

costumer that I ran around New Orleans with. It's so good. It was the best money I have ever spent. Hands down. I will say, though, my first sperm costume I got off of Amazon, that was thirty dollars. Best thirty dollars I ever spent as well. But that sperm costume literally was like it was no longer fertile. It was no longer stood the test of time. Okay. Did you find anything online or are you not looking it up? Well, you can technically. Yeah, you can technically take it out of a condom.

Has anybody famous ever had that happen to them? It doesn't seem like there's any famous cases of it. Drake talked about putting hot sauce in condoms so women couldn't. And there's been stories about women putting pinholes. Then you'd have a Hispanic baby if you put hot sauce. Look up a Richard Gere in a gerbil.

Is that one true? Oh, for the love of God. That's not true. All right. Are we done? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Thank you so much, Laura High.

Do you have a spot tonight here? I don't have a... It came down special for us. No, it just came down special for you, but I will be here this coming Sunday. I have a spot here. And where can people find you on TikTok and Instagram? My handle everywhere is at LauraHigh5.

Thank you. I don't think I will ever come up with a greater thing than that. That is my pinnacle right now. I don't know. One load's pretty good. One Load's pretty good. One Load is pretty good. One Load Laura is like that. Well, that is the name of my special.

The future special is One Load Laura. Okay. Well, thank you, Laura High. Podcast at ComedySally.com for comments, questions, suggestions. And I guess that's all. Thank you. Bye-bye. We'll see you next time.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.