The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Suicide Girls and Comedy

Episode Date: January 17, 2020

Lindsey Jenningz and Mike Cannon

You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the table, on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the Comedy Cellar Show here on Sirius XM Channel 99. My name is Norm Dorman. I'm the owner of the Comedy Cellar. We're here at the back table of the Comedy Cellar, as always, with Mr. Daniel Natterman. Fresh off his triumphant appearance on America's Got Talent, where he... I don't want to give it away, but where he certainly told Simon Cowell.

Well, give it away. Yes. All right, they can see it on YouTube. We'll get to that, but just introduce everybody else, I guess. Of course, as always, we have Perry L. Asherbrand, our producer, and our guest, Mike Cannon, is a New York-based comedian. His multiple TV appearances include Comedy Central and MTV. His first stand-up special, Life Begins, will be available January 24th exclusively on YouTube.

He may be seen regularly at the Comedy Cellar. Yes, sir. And I guess she's the guest of honor. Well, we don't have to have a guest of honor. Every week you insist on... Can I nominate her the guest of honor. Well, we don't have to have a guest of honor. Every week you insist on... Can I nominate her as guest of honor? Designating a guest of honor. I'd like to think all our guests are honorable and important.

And guests. Well, our guest of honor is Lindsay... Is it Lindsay? Lindsay. Lindsay. Lindsay Jennings is a bi-coastal comedian and artist from New York. She's also an active model for the company Suicide Girls. You can catch her opening their burlesque show with her stand-up all over the globe this year!

Welcome, Lindsay. Now, I don't know anything about you. Yeah. And so I think what that usually means is that Dan has taken an interest in your Instagram feed. Well, you know what? I thought that too, but I hit up Dan and he had no idea who the fuck I was. Somebody messaged me. Somebody messaged me last year or like, yeah, sometime in 2019. They were like, oh, we want you to do the podcast. Unless I made this up in my head. But no, I swear because I had a note in my phone of

things to do when I go to New York. And it was like, do the Comedy Cellar podcast. But I didn't write down who messaged me. I don't know who the fuck messaged me. My DMs disappear because now they disappear after four weeks. So I don't know. Yeah, it wasn't me. She asked me to do the podcast. Yeah, I took interest in it.

Which is not to say that her Instagram feed is uninteresting. What was it? Tell us about her Instagram feed. She is a suicide girl. They have erotic, you know, they're models. They pose in various states of undress. Total undress? Yeah.

But not on her Instagram feed. No. You have to pay for that, right? You gotta pay for that shit But on the Instagram feed You certainly get, you know An eyeful Yeah, Instagram used to let you post more

I definitely used to be racier But now I have like all these websites To make money on Am I understanding That somebody could give you money For naked pictures of you? Yes Do you want some?

You know how people do podcast Patreon? People now, porn stars do like nude Patreons. Well, she's not a porn star. What do I get for a free hamburger? I'll send you a one-tit picture. Just one tit. Is the other one similar?

One might be better. I'm not going to let you know which one. Are these custom photos or just you have One might be better. I'm not going to let you know which one. Which one do I get? Are these custom photos or just you have photos and I can buy them? One could buy them. I mean, Dan, he's going to make a fake Instagram now. No, I have, like, I do custom, but, like, half the time I just, like, have back stock that I use.

And, like, half the time I'll post the same news that I posted, like, six months ago. And nobody fucking knows the difference. And I'll get, like well, like half the time I'll post the same news that I posted like six months ago and nobody fucking knows the difference. And I'll get like new followers all the time, so. But one could ask for, if I say, for example, and I'm just throwing it out there. Well, I don't want to get. I want to know.

A nude with today's paper. Oh, wow, so you know. It's referencing one of my ads. But with that, how much would I pay, say, for if I want to do in a certain, I don't know, you know, say you're on the toilet bowl. Oh, my God.

I would charge extra for that because that's like a little freaky deaky. For bespoke. Is that what they call bespoke porn? You want a little bespoke? Is that the right word? Is that the right word? Bespoke, yeah. That'd be a good website.

Anyhow, by the way, we'll get more. I have a question for her. Yeah, I just,, go ahead So this always intrigues me About people who Who come to their Come to a decision to Trade something intimate or sexual About themselves for money

Yeah That's a career move Now, of course Some people come to it Like being unfortunate Like, you know Some poor Korean woman Who gets caught up in a sex trade

And really has no choice Yeah But I think You seem like you have white privilege. But my parents are still together, so shockingly. Privileged enough to afford tattoos. Yeah. That's pretty good. Or at least get them for free.

So take us back to the moment when you decided first that you were going to trade your naked body for money. What exactly was going on and why did you do that? I mean, it's like there's so many different factors and like there was so much put into the decision because I mean, I liked Suicide Girls since I was like 15. I used to follow them on like MySpace, you know? I don't know what Suicide Girls are. That's that modeling thing?

Yeah. So basically Suicide Girls is, yeah, like a bunch of tattooed alternative models. So yeah, back in the day, they were really punk rock, you know? And now it's more... I mean, I guess I'm kind of punk rock, but all different kinds of girls. They have some girls without tattoos, but it's just... But it's wider appeal, right? Now more people know about it. I guess so,

but it's still kind of niche. A lot of people don't know it still. He doesn't know what it is, you know? It's not on Fox News, I don't know it. We do pretty well because it's like, we have a tour and it does pretty well,

but... Go ahead. Yeah, basically, it's just naked pictures and now we do the burlesque tour and I get to open with my stand-up, which is awesome.

It's such a good opportunity. Wait, wait, wait. Do you remember the question? No. Take us back to the moment when you decided to sell your naked body for money.

So, yeah, I was like 15 when I wanted to first do it, you know? Now, why did you want to do it? I guess I just respected the girls and thought it was cool. I just wanted to be a tattooed girl. I didn't have tattoos yet.

I started getting tattoos when I was 15. With your parents' permission? No. You can't see it anymore, but I got my boyfriend at the time's name in braille tattooed, which is fucking idiotic because it's not braille anymore because it's flat like it heals after a week so it's only braille for a week and it was just a bunch of black dots

you know and it looked like back HPV yeah like a tattoo of poppy seeds in honor of his heroin addiction but he yeah so I don't know I wanted to do it then and then when I was 18, I took pictures. But you wanted to be tattooed or show your naked body?

I guess like, I guess I was like, I was always like teetering on whether I should or not because I like, I still make music. I make music. And I, at the time thought, I never thought I would fucking do comedy. I got like, I literally got pulled out of an audience at the comedy store. That's how I ended up do comedy. I got like, I literally got pulled out of an audience at the comedy store. That's how I ended up doing comedy. But I always thought like, Oh, I want to do music and then like be successful enough to host SNL. And cause I know I'm a funny person, but I would never have like gone out and done standup on my own without being like pushed to. Um, so yeah, I was always

teetering whether or not I should get naked, if it would be bad for my music career or not. And then I finally moved to LA, LA to work on my music career when I was 23 and really nothing was going on. So I found out Suicide Girls was like two miles away. And I just was like, oh, fuck it, I'll apply again. I applied when I was 18, took the pictures, didn't feel comfortable in myself, naked.

So I did it again when I was 23. And I was just like, fuck it, why not, you know? And what were the, so now what did you show? Your whole body knew? I didn't show my vagina at first. I was going to say, it. Why not? You know? And what were the, so now what did you show? Your whole body knew it? I didn't show my vagina at first. I was going to say, it's like a gateway. Like a first breast is like a gateway to the full, like.

Well, you have to show tits and ass. And it's funny because now like, okay, I know I'm like on a lot of tangents, but I was in Bozeman, Montana and this trans woman started like, I literally almost got into a fight with a trans woman and then a fucking. They can fight. Yeah. And then I almost fought a dude after, like, I literally almost got into a fight with a trans woman, and then a fucking... They can fight. Yeah, yeah. And then I almost fought a dude after, like, a dude pushed me, too. The bartender was, like, hammered and fucking pushed me, because I was

fighting with this girl, because she was fighting with one of our girls, because she was going, your company's transphobic, your company's transphobic, and I'm a fucking idiot, so I thought she meant, like, the company that was with us right now, like, the company we were spending our time with. The company you keep? Yeah, I was like, who's transphobic here? I don't get it.

Like, is she talking about the venue guys? Because we were the guys from the venue of the show. And then I realized she was talking about Suicide Girls. So Suicide Girls won't take trans girls unless they're post-op. But really, if you were a smart person, you would just hide your dick because you don't have to show pussy.

So you could just tuck it, you know? You just have to show tits and ass. So anyway, I just showed tits and ass. So they are transphobic? I guess. I don't know. I mean... They're not transphobic. They know their audience. They know their audience. People don't want to see dick on the site. I mean, is that so bad? I don't know. Everybody has their...

Transphobic? Do they know that? Have they tested the market? Then you could also say they're malephobic because they don't have men either. Right, like I don't know. I don't know how to... What they are is they have a niche and their niche is cis women with tattoos.

Yeah, Peril is shaking her head. Well, I mean, to Mike's point, they don't know that. I mean, how do you know that? How do I know what? How they test the market. Yeah, like, I mean... Did they put a Twitter post?

They do whatever they want, but I'm just saying. I assume they're in business to make money, and they're making the decision based on that. Just like no one makes a decision who to put on stage. And he's sometimes wrong, but the goal is to put the best people on, the people that the audience will appreciate the most. I assume that Suicide Girls have the same agenda.

Yeah, I don't know. I mean, like, it's from a different time. It started in a different time. Now we're, you know, coming to all these, you know. Now you have a dad, correct? Yeah. I still do. I think everybody does that.

That's the best transition of it. Just because he was trying to figure out about his daughter. Right, that question. I knew the second he asked that. And your dad knows, therefore, that whatever doesn't

kill him has made him stronger. So what was it like when your dad found out that you were appearing naked for money? You know, we don't really talk

about it that much. Thank God he is not an internet-s internet savvy person. Although my brother told me he had to help him clear his history of websites of big-breasted women. Your dad's history? He's a simple man. My little gay brother, yeah. My dad was trying to figure out how to clear the history.

He's like, can you help me? And my brother's like, what is this? And he's like, it's a website for big-breasted women, okay? It's real weird when some dads are like almost overly supportive of their naked daughter yeah like they're like hanging they're showing the playboy magazine or whatever and it's like no i don't want i mean i've seen it before on like certain weird interview shows or like any actress that chooses like kim chris jenner was like super pumped when uh kim posed for Playboy and she's slapping the pages all over the place. Now, Noam, what she's doing,

it's not pornography. I mean, I wouldn't call it pornography necessarily. Then why would you pay for it? I guess technically they call it... I call it erotica. They call it soft porn. So it's not like... Pornography to me is a little...

Yeah, it's a little... There's labia involved. Yeah, but there are girls who are just spread eagle on there. You do have spread eagle. Oh, yeah.

What would you consider doing pornography on a film? Oh, I consider it every six months. You would consider being in a video.

Oh, you know, I make like amateur porn, basically. I literally was, I have my backpack with me because I was supposed to go like bang a dude and Snapchat it, but I decided I'm not going to. Would it insult you if somebody offered you money to have sex but didn't want to videotape? I don't know.

Nah. I just assume. I'm happy to videotape it. I just assume they have somebody to hide it from, you know? So you have a locked Snapchat account that people with certain pay privileges get to see when you do that? Yeah, I mean, I just have all these little places I make money. It's small money, but it adds up after a while. But I just charge $50 for my Snapchat.

But I just post normal nudes on there, just like tits and ass, maybe a little vagina here and there. And then I'll like be like, you know, a lot of teasing and then be like, oh, you want to see me fucking masturbate or fuck somebody? Right. What do you charge the guy that wants to fuck? Uh, I mean, I don't charge, I don't like fuck dudes for money. Oh, okay. I mean, I fuck dudes for money, but I fuck dudes that I want to fuck to make money by

selling it to guys I don't want to fuck. You know what I mean? Does the guy show his face? No, never. They never do. Because they're all comedians. Wow. Is there anybody that works here regularly?

I'm sweating. We do pay the most. Yeah, like one. That means at least three. Is it Ian Fide? Oh, my God, no. No. No.

Not that, like, you know. I don't know. Maybe he has a nice dick. Any other questions about this, Dan? Well, probably, but why don't we move on for now, and then we can come back to Lindsay, because we do have a lot to get to today. I'm pretty fascinated by this.

Okay, move on. I don't want to ignore my recent appearance on America's Got Talent. First of all, by the way. I do have a question, though. Perry, maybe you can tell me this, too, because you probably qualify for this How does it feel To know that just like your body parts

Like it doesn't work Like people will pay Like you're born with Somebody will pay money just to see my Many people pay money just to see my tits Like no man feels You know very seldom You have to be like really really noteworthy.

Yeah. Can I piggyback that also? Have you ever raised or dropped in value? And if so, does that affect your feelings? If I'm low on cash and I need money, I'll be like, fuck it, I'm selling this masterband video for 50 bucks. And I'll just hustle. And I'll just message every single one of the

300 subscribers on my Snapchat and be like, do you want this? Do you want, you know? And then I'll make like $600 real quick. Oh, that's great. Because, yeah, if I sell it for cheaper, then more people will buy it. But I'll go back and forth. Is it real masturbation or staged masturbation? I mean, yeah, like I'm not coming.

I fucking. You're not? No. Because when I'm coming, I'm like face down in the bed. But you pretend to. You know, not really so much. I'll just like use toys. Maybe, yeah, I think I kind of pretended. I took a Xanax last time I did it, so I don't really

remember. You're just nodding off. I hope you're probably the one with the three knuckles in. No, he won't. Thank God. No, but it is... Well, she is from Suffolk County. That's weird goings on out there. It's a weird thing because it's like

you want to be like free the nipple but at the same time I'm making money from not freeing the nipple so it's like weird. I'm making money off of like

Oppression. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So I'm like, whatever. Well, I don't know if this is what I'm supposed to say but I'm going to check you out.

That was a compelling advertisement. I think that goes without saying I'll trade you my Snapchat for some spots Noam does that tempt you at all? Of course it tempts me But how do I tell I'll explain that to my wife I would imagine you don't explain it to your wife

Exactly You just say Yeah we got this great new comic Very funny And she did not send me nude pics to get on stage, in case you're wondering. I won't send them directly to him. I just post them to my story.

Yeah, you can set up your ghost account. Oh, my God. But of course, Noam is a man of means. He could also just pay in cash. I also have a lot of couples who will be on there together. Do you have a nondisclosure agreement that you normally use, or do I have to bring my own? I do actually have a thing that I send them that's basically like,

no unsolicited dick pics. Your account can be terminated if I deem anything you say unhealthy to me. So literally if somebody pisses me off, I'm just like, blocked. Like, fuck you. Let's say some man of means wanted to have an encounter with you of some kind. And he didn't want the whole Stormy Daniels treatment. Not that I would compare you to Stormy Daniels. But, you know, what would it take to keep your mouth shut?

I mean, I don't really talk about other people's business like that, you know? What if someone were to become president someday? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, obviously, I might take advantage of that and get some money if I needed it. I don't know, you know? I'd have to be put someday. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, obviously, I might take advantage of that and get some money if I needed it. I don't know, you know?

I'd have to be put in that position. No spots for you. Shit. Greenwich Village Comedy Club. Well, but, but, but, but, but, if you kill, if you go downstairs

and kill, or if you... Oh, if you kill, yeah, you get spots. Then you can get spots. Thanks. And you don't have to send nude pictures. Oh, thanks, guys. So one thing about Noam is he will use

people that kill and he will not... Even if they won't fuck him. Even if he does not like them personally. Oh, that's good. I like her already. I know you do, but I'm saying Noam has completely divorced your objective personal opinion from booking decisions

I think to a fault to a fault why who do you want to see gone some of his enemies are here I'm just saying if somebody if it were me and somebody mistreated me I'm not mentioning any names well we got a lot of flack about Seth Simons

on the show last week, but I thought it was... Mike Cannon, listen to the show, he has some thoughts. I listened to some, yeah. It was frustrating. It was a frustrating conversation. I think I... Okay, now let me just say, that's fine, but I don't want to... He and I have had two nice conversations since then. I thought he was fine

on the show, and I'm happy to talk about the interview, but I don't want to, like, bash him in a way that is not gentlemanly. I'm not harboring any particular bad feeling towards him. I still disagree with him. Can I get a little background, because I know nothing about this person.

Seth Simons is an extremely woke comedy blogger, and he took Noam to task for, among other things, his use of Louis C.K. on stage, and the fact that he does not feel that there are a sufficient number of

women working here, or people of color, or people of whatever alternative. I have some new interesting data on that, by the way. So that's his beat with Noam is that he feels Noam... But that's not actually accurate, because when Noam gave him the numbers, he was like, oh, those numbers are actually representative.

They are with regard to black men. They are not with regard to women, and I don't know about gay people or not. But anyway, his perception is that Noam does not make enough of an effort to be diverse enough here. That's his main beef with Noam. Oh, no, and the other thing was that it's not safe. That was...

That's kind of absurd. But that was the claim. Yeah, that was the claim. Not safe in what way? In that people work here that he feels are... should not be working here, like Louis C.K. He does not feel safe. It was more that he...

And I had... I think I could talk about this. I had a conversation afterwards where I was trying to find out, because there's this whole world of comedians out there that he's aware of that I fully believe some of them might be funny and should be working here. So I don't regard it as any kind of negative to try to find out, hey, give me the names of some comedians. That's how we found Matteo Lane through this whole thing that we had with Guy Branum, if anybody knows about it, where he was accusing us of not using gay comics.

I'm like, well, who then? He says, this is Guy Matteo Lane. And I happen to have already known Matteo because I had done some of these sketch comedy things with Dave Justgau with him, but I never knew he was a stand-up comic. And it turns out, I mean, that was a huge... He's a killer.

Oh, a monster, you know? And Guy Branum would like to think that the reason we weren't using him was because we didn't want you know gays right right which is absurd

yeah so so where was I oh so I asked so he I was asking for the names of some people and he said

he says well you know I do have the names of some people but I don't think they would want to work at the club because of the reputation for being like a macho, whatever it is.

Wow. And I bristled to that. I'm like, well, they can't at the same time complain that we won't book people. Right. And then not perform there. And then when I say, oh, okay, please, you had me wrong. I'd be happy if you'd come perform here. No.

Well, then fine. You don't have to come perform here. But I think at that point, you do give up the right to complain. Yeah, I think people on that level only want it to be burned down and for their own place to be erected. I say I think because I'm sure he might have a response to that, but I think as a logical matter, that's it. Isn't it also kind of inflammatory to be saying things about a place

where you haven't really spent any significant amount of time and make claims about people's intelligence and what kind of work practices. Yes. But as a listener, can I say that? As a listener, and we've had very few conversations,

but what I do know about you is that you are an intelligent man, a successful guy, a dude that was gifted a franchise in comedy and then built from that. Right. So you could have kind of rested on your ass. I wish you just listed it that it was gifted. But you could have rested on your ass and not built this thing and just been, you know, completely satiated in the success it's already gotten and just see where it went without your efforts. What I found to be kind of a bummer wasn't his opinions

because some of his points have merit. Well, which ones? Not about this place. I'm talking about in comedy in general and just life in general. But I thought that he lacked a bit of humility in the sense that he didn't – I don't apologize. I don't know. I stopped listening after a little while, but up until my knowledge, he didn't apologize for being so abrasive about your intelligence and by calling you an idiot.

And his opinions were paint by numbers. Didn't bother me whatsoever. I've heard them all before in the exact same jargon that he used. What was weird was that when confronted face-to-face by an obvious human being that is asking for respect while also exhibiting respect, he had none of that.

That was a bummer. To be fair to him, he didn't say the words that you're referring to, but in all other aspects of the way he behaved or comported himself, I think he did. Oh, he did, but he said, you did this, this, and this, and I found that to be dumb. That's what he said. Right, but he was respectful with me.

He was nice with me. His body language, I mean, you know, listen, you would wish that it would be easier for a human being to say, you know what, I'm sorry, I was wrong. Yeah. But the fact is, or that I might be wrong, or you know what, even I have to think about this. You'm sorry, I was wrong. Yeah. But the fact is, or that I might be wrong, or you know what, even not, I have to think about this.

You know, maybe I was wrong. Yeah. But the fact is that that's a rare quality. Well, also I would add that he has built sort of his brand, to the extent he has a brand, on... Or maybe he doesn't think he was wrong. On wokeness and on taking on, you know, the power structure, which is gnome in this case, it's kind of hard to then say, uh, maybe not. You know, if your whole life is built on one way of thinking,

if you're an NRA guy and you're shown clear statistics that... That's a National Rifle Association period. You know, that guns do not make you safer. Her glasses look like a shooting range instructor. Or take the opposite. Say you've built your whole life, your whole career, on saying guns make people unsafe. And you're shown ironclad statistics

that actually guns make people safer. I don't believe there are such statistics, but say you were shown such statistics. What are you going to say after 50 years of campaigning against guns? Oh, I guess I was wrong. I mean, once you've established your brand, it's very hard to go back on it, even when confronted with overwhelming evidence, which is why I try not to say anything about anything.

I mean, even global warming, I say, I don't get that. I think it's real, but who knows? Tomorrow there might be statistics that say it's not real. I doubt that's going to happen, but I'm not going to rant and rave about it just in case. But even that shows an open-mindedness because to be so staunchly invested in you being correct, it's a weird thing.

Staunch is where the money is. No, you're absolutely right. That's 100%. So if that's what he's trying to do by coming on and not be... If he's not being honest and just trying to build a brick... I think he's a bridge. I think so too. But that's also kind of a problem then. If he's 100%, I'm

correct. There is no gray area. There is no way that any other human could have any tidbit of information that could maybe, you know, turn my certainty into a little bit of doubt. That seems like a weird position. There are certain things, just not to get dragged into it, but there are certain things that the far left believes

that are so audacious, I still can't believe. I love how he looks right at me when he says that. And really, and he accused, you know, he touched on this. There are 500 things that they will, without hesitation, attribute to you because you're white. Yeah. They will dismiss your opinions. They'll assume that you're this, you're... There's a whole long list that is perfectly okay to say about you because you're white.

If you were to say one thing that you thought you could assume about a person of color, they would call you a white supremacist. Right, but the loophole to that is they can say nobody is saying those things from a position of power. So it's a lose, but they can't lose. No, but that's where it falls. Yes, that's the answer, but the answer doesn't cut it. I agree. Because we're talking about whether something is true or not.

And what they come down to is saying, there's truth in generalizing based on a person's color of skin, as long as that skin is white. And it is purely immoral and evil to assume that people of other colors can also be generalized in that way. You cannot square that circle. Lindsay, you say what? Because not often we hear a suicide girl's opinion on these matters, and I think this would be an interesting thing to delve into. I know nothing.

That's my tagline. Because I agree with Mike. It's like, I don't know. I feel like anybody respectful would be able to go back on their opinion if they're wrong, you know, if you're proved wrong, whatever. Or not even that. Just acknowledge that the other person is a human being that you dehumanized in an article

by calling dumb and completely like trying to shatter them as a personal, on a personal level. It's just, it's not making anything better by like you know, choosing sides because if we don't like communicate with each other then nobody's ever going to get anywhere if we're just like, oh well these people are white

supremacists and the far left is this, you know what I mean? Like we all have to come together and actually listen to each other and understand each other in going to get anywhere if we're just like, oh, well, these people are white supremacists and the far left is this. You know what I mean? We all have to come together and actually listen to each other and understand each other in order to get anywhere. But I do... I've been guilty of just being like, all right, you're a straight white male, fuck off. And being like, you know, you have had such a

high place in society for so long that it's okay to be getting the butt end of things now because... What date does that kick in? You have an eight-year-old, a nine-year-old. They're still not guilty of that, right? At what point do they wake up and,

now we can say whatever we want about you. Now you're privileged. You're the enemy. Everybody loves my five-month-old son now. It starts at birth Is that a little bit absurd? Not conceptually Doesn't that almost sound like social original sin?

Of course it is It's conception Life begins at birth I'm going to take the reins for one second Life begins at birth. I mean, I'm going to take the reins for one second. Just because people, can you please talk about America's Got Talent? Yes, talk about America's Got Talent. Go ahead. I do think.

Do you still want me to make it fast? I don't love. You did make it fast. You said, let's talk about America's Got Talent, which was a rather brief. Oh, my God. I need to watch it. And I don't like talking about America's Got Talent. Can you send Dan a picture of you naked, masturbating, watching America's Got Talent, which was a rather brief Oh my god, I need to watch it. And I don't like talking about America's Got Talent Can you send Dan a picture of you naked

masturbating watching America's Got Talent? That's damn right. You know what? I'll chip in. $200. I'll do it. $200? Yeah, it's not even that much, right? That's not bad. That's not the best deal I've ever gotten on a naked picture. I met a girl

on Tinder that... Sent them for free. No, she didn't send it for free. She was on there to sell her naked picture. Yeah, I've heard of people like that. I got kicked off Tinder because I guess they thought I was doing that because I never met up with anyone.

And I did, I will admit, to having purchased a few. You paid some roses? She took requests. What did you request? He pointed at me, like, take a lesson. Well, let's not get into my requests, because my brother-in-law listens to this podcast.

I just found out. Which I told him, I told him, please, I tell my family, please don't listen. But they do it anyway. Tell us an AGT story. Well, America's Got Talent. So you can see it on YouTube. Just Google my name and AGT.

Yeah, I went on AGT, the champions. We taped it back in October. You know, because I was on it five years ago. So the champions is like they're the champions. It's like the all-star game. I made it to the semifinals, whatever. They needed a comedian, so they figured who had done the show before that did reasonably well. Dan, you're a great comic.

Give yourself some props. You made it. You're a champion, and you made it to the semifinals. I do think I'm a great comic, but not by AGT standards. Okay. I don't think comedy should be on AGT to be honest. I was going to say, what are their standards? So they invited me back, and I had misgivings about it because this is not the ideal venue for comedy.

This is a primetime show, and I don't like being judged. I've done America's Got Talent before. I've done Last Comic Standing. It was always an unpleasant experience. It always helped my career, but it was psychologically unpleasant. So it's always the same decision whether to do it. But I did it, and I got now on America's Got Talent, unlike last comic standing, each judge, there's four judges

has an X, and they can, if you get four X's, you're automatically eliminated. Simon gave me an X, Simon Cowell. At the end of my act, I'm right about to do the Cousin Sheila joke, which you don't know, but that's a joke where I accidentally text my Cousin Sheila, come over, I'm horny. And then I say,

oh, Cousin Sheila Sheila I'm sorry that was meant for somebody else sorry you came all the way over here anyway right before that joke Simon I didn't even know

what it was because I had never heard the buzz I just heard it I thought it was a fire alarm or something and I'm like

what the hell was that and the crowd goes oh Howie says keep going Howie Mandel says keep going keep going I said I'm completely like I said, I'm completely like, out of my, I'm completely like,

you know, destabilized. And then I did the Cousin Sheila. And it was going well, by the way. The crowd was laughing. It's like a bad, a really bad heckler. And then, and then I did the Cousin Sheila joke, which didn't do that great, probably because my rhythm was off, maybe because it was too strong. I'm surprised they let me do it on Network

Primetime, but anyway. And then it was too strong. I'm surprised they let me do it on network primetime. But anyway. And then I got eliminated in the vote round. But anyway. So Simon, during the, this is the significant part, I guess. Well, first Heidi Klum came and gave you a hug. She gave me a hug before. Because we had had some words in five years ago when I did America's Got Talent. I wonder what she charges.

Go ahead, guys. I think she doesn't get out of bed for less than 10 grand an hour, I would imagine. Probably. But last time I did it, America's Got Talent, five years ago, she accused me of telling jokes that were anti-gay and anti-German, of all things. You can research that online. But so she said, well, she said, I want to give you a hug. I want to make up.

So she gave me a hug before my set. Wow. Which, you know, I was really not interested. I was just like, let's get this over with. You know, let's get this set over with. Not interested in a hug from Heidi. I'm not interested in a hug from Heidi at this time. Did they capture it?

So that was all for TV, do you think? Did they capture it? Well, I don't think she would have hugged me if there were no cameras there. You know, if she had seen me in the street, she wouldn't have hugged me. She probably wouldn't have remembered me. Not to correct the opposite.

But the producer said, this is the guy you had beef with five years ago. I don't remember. Well, just tug him. So after the set, the judges talked to you, and Howie said, oh, great job. No, Howie was saying, you're my favorite comic. You're one of the funniest comics in America. Don't play it to him.

I wasn't playing it down. I forgot. Yeah, I mean, Howie was like, I love you. Show America why I love you so much. He said that before or after? I don't remember, but he said it. I don't remember,

and I didn't see it. And your Cousin Sheila joke actually did very well. It had a buzzer in the middle of it, so that's why. It had a buzzer right before it. And he was killing. I mean,

the audience loved him. So Simon was giving me a whole song and dance about, I don't think you can, you know, I just don't see it. I don't get it. You don't make me laugh. And I don't think you can win this competition. No, I said, I have to be able to remember what they say. And I can't remember, something like that.

I can't remember anything you say. Wasn't it something like that? Yeah, something like that. And again, I don't recall with perfect clarity. And then Dan said. Well, so then I said. He was very composed. First of again, I don't recall with perfect clarity. And then Dan said... Well, so then I said... He was very composed. First of all, I agreed with him,

and I don't know if this made it in the final cut, but I agreed with him about not being able to win the competition. He was absolutely right about that. No comic has ever won the competition. Yeah. And probably won't. But so he's fully correct there. As for me being completely unfunny,

that's obviously subjective, but I felt he was overstating it. So I said to him, well, Simon, just try to be as polite as possible. I said, you know, in music, obviously your opinion is the gold standard. But in comedy,

I don't think you know your ass from your elbow. Did the crowd laugh? So that was the only thing that made Simon laugh. And Simon was like, oh, I laughed at that. I laughed at that. I laughed at that. The crowd went crazy. But he doesn't do a good job of doing it the way he did on the show.

What he did was, he says, in music, your opinion is obviously the gold standard. But in comedy, you don't know. And it was clear he was going to say, you don't know shit. You don't know your ass from your elbow. But he stopped writing. He says, you don't know. And then he pauses. You don't know your ass from your elbow. Which is a way better delivery says, you don't know. And then he pauses. You don't know your ass from your elbow, which is a way better delivery

than what he just did now. And it was like, bam! That's great. What it appeared as, he chickened out, then. And then he said, fuck it. And then he came back. So it was great. I saw the headline of the video. I didn't watch it yet, but I want to.

It was just like, comic gives Simon a taste of his own medicine. Well, look, I mean, a taste of his own medicine. At the end of the day, I get eliminated and he's got billions. Four deaths.

But, you know, but it felt good. For a brief moment, uh, perhaps I gave him a taste of his own medicine. The show is called Champions. Gotcha.

You judge this show in a different context you've got to walk away for the end of the night and remember things and go you know what i saw and heard something which blew my mind that didn't well in the music business your opinion is gold gold stamp in in the world of comedy i don't think you know your ass from your elbow. I hate to say it. I don't believe that his taste in comedy is very... Can I ask a question, though?

So while that's happening, and while these people who, you know, besides Howie, have no business telling you how to do a joke on her, you know, Howie's, have no business telling you how to do a joke on her. You know, Howie's the only one that's done it. While Simon is doing that and you know you're about to retort, is your heart, like, slamming out of your chest? No, well, I didn't have the retort prepared.

No, I know. But even just in that moment, knowing that you're about to say something. It wasn't beating out of my chest. No, at that point, I knew that at least the crowd was with me. Yeah. You know, I was just glad the whole damn thing was over because I was so nervous before it. You know, I get very nervous. I still get nervous doing stand-up, even here, let alone on a TV show.

And I knew Simon had buzzed Tom Carter the year before. So I knew he had a thing with comics. Right. So I figured this could happen. And I didn't want to be you were great well thank you and again I say I don't think comedy here's the thing

I said this after the show but it didn't get on the air obviously I said let's think about this the woman said post set interview what do you think about what Simon said let's look at this rationally.

Comedy shouldn't be on this show. In any, all the other things, say you brought out, who's the best singer in the world? You know, one of the best singers. Adele. Silly Adele. Adele would do very well on America's Got Talent. Very well indeed.

Yeah. Say you brought out a good magician. A plate spinner. You know, the best magician in the world, say, is David Blaine. Would he do well on America's Got Talent? Yes, he would. Okay, who are considered the best comedians? Louis C.K. Would he do well?

Not with the act he's got. No. Because they wouldn't let him perform the act he's got. They would tell him you couldn't do any of those jokes. Could he come up with five minutes that Simon would love? Maybe. You know who would do good? Like a John Mulaney.

Maybe. I don't know. Jackie did very well. Jackie Fabulous? Simon liked her. But I feel like that's the thing. Which is a little bit strange, right? It's like he liked her, but I feel like that's the thing It's like it's Which is a little bit strange, right? It's like he liked her Stand-up comedy is a different It's a different animal

It's halfway between writing It's not like singing You write an act And you could put it on a page And it kind of is on a page in a figurative sense. And then you get up there, and you read it out loud. And you do it with a little charisma. But it's never going to hit somebody, as you say, the way like singing a song.

That's like party performance, right? You sing a song that is beloved, that has been beloved for 40 years, and you hit the right notes. And that's not easy to do, obviously. But if you're a good singer and a professional singer, and you hit the right notes on a song that everybody loves, no one's going to hate it. Imagine if you came out and did a comedy set that everybody knows. Like if you went out and did Andrew Dice Clay's. But not everybody loves Andrew Dice Clay.

But people would know it. Furthermore, you couldn't do his act on that show. They didn't let me do I Have a Joke About Marijuana. They wouldn't let me do it. I Have a Joke About a Fat Guy Checking into a Hotel. That's fatphobic. Fatphobic? I couldn't do it.

I'm shocked they let me do the Cousin Sheila joke. I think that there is something about seeing, watching something that you say, holy shit, how does he do that? So that could be playing an instrument, that could be being an acrobat, impressions, which are kind of considered a hack thing at comedy clubs. An impressionist really could win

America's Got Talent. Holy shit, he sounds just like Johnny Carson, right? Right, it's very objective. But telling jokes, people don't say, holy shit, how does he do that? And the idea is to make it look easy. Right, well, I think that that's the thing. That's what's complicated about it. First of all, I think that it's... I can get a good laugh out here on the show sometimes,

but I can never just happen to get a triple somersault off. No, really. I'm serious. Go ahead. Well, I think people's number one fear is public speaking. So I do think that people do have a sense that doing stand-up is incredibly difficult. But you're right. Yeah, I think they do.

Anytime you talk to somebody, they'll be like, oh my God, I don't know how you do that. I don't know how you get up there. But oddly, subconsciously, everybody thinks that they're capable if they got the nerve to actually do it. They think it's brave. They think it's brave. I don't know if they necessarily think it's hard. And look, I can only judge by the comments I got on YouTube and Twitter, which do not represent the American public. Or maybe they do.

Well, what comments did you get? The comments were, some of them were positive. And the rest? And the rest were, this guy's not funny. I agree with Simon. I agree with Simon. One person said the Cousin Sheila joke was completely inappropriate for Primetime Network for a family show. One person said, I have a joke about being an uncle and how uncles don't do anything.

Besides Melissa. Right. Well, that's the joke. That's part of the joke, but I didn't include that's part of the joke but i didn't include that part i said being an uncle is an easy job that's why there's no magazines for uncles what would an article be in that magazine is your nephew out of control with drugs and alcohol since it's not your problem here's some weekend getaway ideas that would be an article in an uncle magazine so i got one comment this is what's wrong with america being an uncle there's a lot you can

do for your niece and nephew. Oh, for the love of God. So, I don't, you know, what can I tell you? It's outrageous. The victim Olympics. Anyway. But it's unbelievable they let you tell a joke about incest, but you're not allowed to say fat guy. Yeah, I don't. You can fuck your cousin. First of all, if you listen to the joke, you know that I didn't

fuck my cousin. And if you knew anything about the fatphobic movement, you would know that fat is now a neutral term. And I don't think it's incest to fuck your cousin. You know what? I don't think it is. I don't think it is. But other than that. So do I have any more questions that I can field about my experience on AGT?

Really? I don't think that's incest, no. Wait, fucking your cousin? So many people fuck their cousins. All the royals are cousins. I think they're more distant cousins. Yeah, but still. Rami has a really funny joke about

fucking your cousin. They're not necessarily first cousins. Rami, by the way, has a very funny... Do you know what a double cousin is? No. I learned this since I was a kid. Double cousin? When you fuck your cousin twice? No, it's when... Check.

If I married you and my brother married your sister, our children would be double cousins. You lost me. If two sets of siblings have children... It's a new word for retarded. Then they're cousins on both sides. They're cousins on their father's side and they're cousins on their mother's side.

It was in To Kill a Mockingbird. Anyway. But yeah, I don't know if incest includes cousins or not, but it's... Well, apparently a lot of people find out that they date or married a distant cousin, especially now with 23andMe. Yeah, a lot of people are finding out that... I didn't get to be 99.2% Ashkenazi Jew with a lot of little cousin fucking going on right now.

That math doesn't work on that. Ireland is filled with it. Not people for miles. They're all family. Mike, tell us about your special. Sure, yeah. I mean, I filmed it here. Are we all done?

Nobody has any further questions about my America's Got Talent star turn, if you will? How many minutes did you do, and what did they edit it down to? No, I did what they showed. I did about two and a half minutes. They showed two and a half minutes. That's crazy. The editing took place in terms of, I mean, there wasn't editing, but they told me what jokes I could and couldn't do. Right, right.

Did you get paid? That I did not, and I can't believe that SAG lets them get away with it, but it's some loophole because it's a game show. That's fucked up. Did they fly you out there? Not even like $100? Did they fly you out there? Well, they flew me out there.

First class? No, not first class. No, they did not. They gave me a hotel room, obviously, a per diem, which I think was 20... I forgot the per diem. Maybe it was $100 for the... I was going to say $20 in LA. How many dirty pictures did you buy?

You should have been selling dirty pictures. You'd make more. But, you know, because that's... SAG has some sort of loophole with game shows, I guess. Wow. I didn't get paid. I'm hopeful and I'm reasonably confident that

it will help to get some corporate work because it did the last time I did it. It actually made a significant difference. I don't think it'll make quite as significant a difference this time as I only did one episode, but I suspect I'll get some work from it. What's the YouTube video at? Has that gone viral? Well, no.

No, it has not. It's only at about 150,000 at this time. That's pretty good. That's what I said. I texted him. That's surprising. That's what I said. I was like, you're going viral. He was like, this isn't viral.

He's like, I need a million. Well, my last video on AGT from five years ago was at 2.7 million. But even then, it's not like people are running to see me in clubs. Partially because I don't do clubs. But if I did, I don't think like people are running to see me in clubs. Partially because I don't do clubs. But if I did, I don't think they'd be running to see me. It's hard to do two and a half minutes too, right? Not for me. No, not for me.

I have, my jokes are a bit modular. They're like Ikea furniture. You can stack them, you can mix them, and you can match them. You can put them in almost any order. Oh, that's cool. And they're not long stories that have any sort of... You know, it's not like Chappelle talking for 20 minutes

about the car with the LGBTQ in it. These are modular-based jokes, and they're stackable. So, I can do any length of time that you need for your bar mitzvah, wedding, or corporate event.

Anyway, Mike, that's I think enough, but Mike Cannon has got a new special that he would like to plug and briefly discuss before we get to the week's events.

Michael? So yeah, I filmed it here during New York Comedy Festival over at the VU. We sold out two shows and it's kind of, the whole special is loosely based around how I got in here. New York Comedy Festival over at the VU. We sold out two shows. And the whole special is loosely based around how I got in here. I'm not sure if you're familiar with this. It's a great story.

Yeah. So I was here having dinner with Chris DiStefano and his daughter. I didn't work here at the time, had no intentions of asking or anything like that. Liz, the manager, she got a text that Colin Quinn had a heart attack. Chris was here to open for Colin. Liz, you know, obviously has to now find coverage in the next few minutes. Turns to me, asks me if I can do 30 minutes. I immediately have a semi-panic attack and agree to it, of course.

And it ended up to be 20 because Chris went on first, Rich Voss went on second, and then I went last. Both of them were trying new bits, I assume. And, you know, they're taking it very lightly and then i threw every fastball i have you know known to man and i had a great set liz uh chopped that set gave it to esty and then i got my audition here so colin quinn's heart attack is the reason why i uh and your special is about that you wrote then you wrote music yeah so the special has like you know i i tell that story initially up front kind of uh in a grandiose way where i say colin was collapsing and texting to liz get me my canon

things like that and then i you know i mean this is this place means a lot to me because i i was a comedy fan first i was obsessed with ona i was obsessed with tough crowd i've been a fan of this place i've known of it since i was a teenager. So I've held it in such high regard my entire life. And I wanted to kind of put that, if I was going to tell the story, I wanted to put that out there and say that now I'm sitting at the table with all these guys that I've looked up to and respect and people that I've been almost obsessing about since I was in high school. And now I'm at the table with them.

They respect me. They think I'm a good comic. And I got Colin Quinn, Robert Kelly, Jim Norton, Rich Voss, and Keith Robinson to do little interstitials where they say I'm terrible at comedy. Interstitials mean like... Yeah, they just trash me straight to camera, say I suck,

I'm not respected, and that I have no business working here. Keith is a master. It's unreal. He's a virtuoso at that stuff. I've never seen, like all of them, their faces lit up. Something I've never seen, like all of them, their faces lit up. Something I've never seen before where they're like,

hey, can you do this? And they're like, yeah, I can easily take care of that. Finally not asking for a compliment. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I was just going to say

we can watch it on YouTube, you said? Yeah, it's going to be out July 24th. January 24th. Yeah, July, Jesus. January, that would be an early promotion.

But yeah, January 24th on Mike Cannon Comedy on YouTube. So you're basically doing this for free? So what I'm doing is the special itself has about 31 minutes of stand-up, and then the interstitials add to it. I think it runs about 45 minutes total. That will hopefully also act as a business card to the full hour album that I have coming out in February. So it's going to be on Raw Dog premiering February 7th, and then it comes out February 21st. So it's got like 25, 30 extra minutes that I'm putting out, and I'm going to roll clips out as well on Instagram and YouTube.

And now, if you don't have somebody asking you to do a special, you kind of have to figure out your own way. And, you know, the onslaught of content seems to have worked for a lot of comedians. And I am on the road. I am in clubs and I'm, you know, chipping away and podcast listeners and radio listeners are coming out. But, you know, it's time that I hope to level up and offer something a little bit more. So that's why I got Mike Lavin, the homeless pimp, on Instagram. He's here a lot taking pictures. But he's the filmmaker that did it. He shot the thing.

He edited it. You know, did all of the work. How did he shoot it? With his cameras? With his cameras and yours. Now, here's a question. Ours are okay, right? They're great.

They look great. Say your hour album becomes a big success. Yeah. A lot of people buy it. And, of course, you'll make money that way. But then people come out to see you in the clubs. Do you have another hour or 45 minutes?

I have a past hour that everybody may have not heard. That's an album out. I think it just kicked in. But I'm developing new material. I have about 12 to 15 new since I stopped. And you know, it's all going to be trial by fire. That sometimes can be a problem if a comic all of a sudden explodes.

It's a good problem to have. It's a good problem to have, but then people come see you and now they don't want to see the same material that maybe was on your special. My live show also is not a monologue. So I think regardless, they're going to get a different show.

They're going to hear some stuff that maybe they had heard in a different way. They're going to hear some stuff that maybe they had heard in a different way. They're going to see some stuff that is live in the moment, and they're also going to see what new horse shit I'm cooking up. So I think each show is a bit different, and I hope that people that are a fan of me and what I've done will kind of understand the process. But, of course, if you sell enough albums for that to be a problem,

you'll have already made money. Exactly, yeah, and then I can retreat to the woods. Maybe you can just retreat for a year and work on your next album. He's not selling any albums if he has a special on YouTube. Well, the specials are only a teaser, Noam. No, nobody's buying. Look, I mean, what do I know?

I believe this just to come and say, like, Andrew Schultz, who's kind of, like, pioneered this whole thing. I don't think he's selling many albums. He was one on iTunes and on Billboard. I don't even know if that's a lot of albums. He's raking it in performances. For sure, and that's the goal. Would you say he was number one on iTunes or something?

I feel like everybody's fucking number one on iTunes. You hear it a lot, but then you see people that release albums that are shockingly quiet when it comes out, and that's why. Maybe the key is to just release a little bit on YouTube but you say you're giving them a half hour. Maybe that's too much. Maybe, but

I also feel very confident in my... Maybe just try to go viral on YouTube and then you have your war chest ready to go when they come see you in the club. I would say if you sold 20,000 downloads of a comedy act, that would be a lot. Yeah, I agree. As opposed to Steve Martin selling a million albums in the 70s.

My first album is streamed over 4 million times. No, that's different. Streaming money is actually somebody purchasing it. Yeah, as a full piece. That stuff kind of doesn't really happen anymore. So if I get really great views on my special, I'm super happy. What I anticipate happening is that I get a pretty, like a pretty good response from the special. People see it.

They pass it around. What I find, what we'll probably do even a little bit better are the individual bits that I'm going to release from that special on YouTube, on Instagram. All of this is an onslaught of content for people that don't necessarily have an attention span. So it's,

it's special. It's small clips. It's literally every digestible version of my jokes that you could possibly get and that's what I'm going to give in hopes that something sticks.

And I think people will download the album because, you know, there's a lot of people who only listen now. He's not making pictures, young lady. They're not downloading

his dumb album. That is the inside cover, though. A lot of people don't, you know, they don't watch shit. Like, there's a lot of people who are just listening when they're driving and stuff like that, driving to work, on the commute, or whatever. So there though a lot of people don't uh you know they don't watch it like there's a lot of people who are just listening when they're driving and stuff like that driving to work on the commute or whatever so there's a lot of like podcast listeners podcast listeners are are a

devoted group so even if they consume something for free on youtube a lot of these people are really invested in your career and you've kind of sold them on yourself so those people they send me receipts of stuff that they order and maybe have no intention of even listening to me. And another analogy, there's plenty of my nudes on Google, but people still buy them. Are you? There you go.

And thank you for that tip going on to Google. I had a question, though. What was the involvement of the New York Comedy Club in all this? New York Comedy Festival. Yeah, New York Comedy Festival, I meant. It was just during the festival. It wasn't a festival show. It was, yeah.

What the fuck? I thought we weren't in that festival this year. Are you guys rivals or no? No, I think... Absolutely. The festival? The whole festival? I don't like the festival.

Oh, okay. I had no idea. I would have omitted that part. You don't partake in it? I'm exaggerating it. But no, years ago, they asked us to be in the festival, and they did something that really insulted us. So for those who don't know,

the New York Comedy Festival is really a Caroline's event. And it's a pretty impressive thing that they do. It doesn't feel like the typical festival. Like it's more of like, you know, almost a showcase, separate showcases. Every other comedy festival is almost like communal.

But logistically it's a lot of shows. And then they have some, so usually some really famous acts, new Carnegie hall, whatever. It's a big thing. I, I,

I don't knock that at all, but they wanted us to be in the, in the festival one year. And they said, um, we're going to do like a-and-coming comic competition, and we'd like to have Esty be the judge for the semifinals. And then whoever wins,

then the prize is they get to do a real paid spot at Caroline's. So they set us up like we were the bar team. And I'm like, no, we're not doing that. I actually literally was insulted by that. I thought that was a tone-deaf thing to ask us to do. But I didn't really care. So then years later, they asked us to be in the festival. And we did do a bunch of shows.

And it was just a pain in the ass, and it was a lot of demands, and having to, something I hadn't done in a long time, having to answer to somebody for why did this happen, and why did you do it this way, and so... They were pretty hands-off with mine. They just slapped the thing, the logo, on my flyer.

That was hopefully, and for somebody on my level, that was hopefully add a little bit of weight to it, a little bit of a level of importance because it was a Monday night. Do you think you had more people come because of that? No, I think I had a lot of people come because I worked my ass off to promote. I did every podcast, every radio show, and

I sold out both shows. Congratulations. And you guys do well. So I told Liz that I didn't want to do the festival unless a comedian came to us and wanted to do a show. So maybe you approached Liz. Yeah, yeah, I did. I mean, it was one of those things where it all kind of fell together.

You know, special filming, I made the decision when to do it. It fell on that week. It just so happened that it was kind of a perfect storm situation. Lindsay, do you feel that you're a comic and a suicide girl? Do you feel that there's any... What's the word I'm looking for? Symbiosis? Maybe that's not the word. But do you feel that the attention you get as a suicide girl

can help you bring in audience members as a comic, and will they take you seriously as a comic once they've seen you masturbating, for example? Yeah, that's a tough question. But no, they do, because I have a lot of fans who are like, I love your comedy, I'm signing up for your Snapchat. I'm like, okay. But it's really helped me so much,

because I get to go open for them on tour, and they'll have hundreds of people. The biggest crowd I've done with them is 1,500. I go up six nights a week. Last year I was doing 10 to 15. Now I'm doing a half hour so I get to do a half hour. That's unheard of. I've been doing comedy for a little over four years.

It's unheard of for somebody at my level to get to do a half hour every night, six nights a week on a national tour for three months straight. I did 69 shows with them this fall. It's funny because we were only booked to do 68 and I just kept saying 69 because I'm like, why wouldn't I?

And then we booked another show on the road. You manifested it. Yeah, I did. Is your main ambition then comedy? I mean, if all of a sudden you started succeeding as a comic in a big way, would you dump the other stuff? Or raise the price? Right, I don't know, that's hard to say.

Do you love both equally? I love fucking, so... But you're not fucking for money, as you had said earlier. She can't admit to that on the air, Dan. No, I could. I mean, I don't know, it's legal

in Nevada, right? I don't know,, I mean, I don't know. It's legal in Nevada, right? I don't know. But, I mean, I don't fuck for money, but, like, I fuck somebody. To make money. Yeah, like, I fuck somebody on video and then make money off of it. So, if you became a famous comedian somewhere, say you're an Ali Wong level, you would still sell naked pictures? No, I don't know. I can't say. That would be groundbreaking.

That would be groundbreaking. Oh, maybe I should. But, I don't know. That would be groundbreaking. That would be groundbreaking. Oh, maybe I should. But I don't know. That would be kind of incredible. It would depend on, yeah, I mean, I could charge a lot more money then, so maybe, yeah, I should. So let me ask you this. What's your edge? When you're in the market of selling

naked pictures or masturbatory videos, how do you get noticed? You know what I'm noticed? I'm serious. I feel like the answer is in the question. What? I feel like the answer is in the question. That's a saturated market. Why would I choose your masturbation video?

Well, I think it's just people are fans of me. What do you do that's so special? I'm just amazing. You have to buy the videos. You have a special move that people like this. No, I do nothing special at all. Nothing'm just amazing. You have to buy the videos. You have a special move that you know people like this. No, I do nothing special at all. Nothing that I do. I'm great at sex. I'm not going to lie about that.

The videos are great, but for the most part what I sell is just nudes. It's really just a small market of people who buy the sex videos and the masturbation stuff. It's like they were my fan on Instagram or something. I will tell you as a contestant. Didn't you say earlier that you didn't have sex for money on video?

I said I don't have sex. Guys don't pay me to have sex with me. You didn't do actual porn. I have sex with guys I want to have sex with, and then guys who I don't want to have sex with buy the videos. You know what I mean? So it is porn? I guess, yeah.

That's not softcore porn. That's real porn. No, no, no. Yeah. SuicideGirls.com is softcore porn. Me fucking people on video and selling it. That's not softcore porn. That's real porn. No, no, no. Yeah. SuicideGirls.com is softcore porn. Me fucking people on video and selling it. Did you get that from the earlier part of the interview? She does actual porn?

Amateur porn. But I'm not like a porn star. I'm not like on websites. I mean, somebody could post it up there. But who's doing the camera work? The guy. I always do point of view because I never put their face in it. So you're getting, if you like that,

but you're not getting, um, you know, the full on, you're not getting close-ups necessarily. I mean, do you want me to show you? No.

Um, well, I would take a look at it as, as I feel it's my job as an interviewer. What do you mean you're not getting, oh yeah, it's not like,

no, sometimes, you know, it depends on how good the guy is at being a cameraman. To answer Noam's question, what is so appealing about Lindsay Jennings, as a sometime consumer of these kinds of things, I will tell you what I find, and I can't speak for everybody,

but I will tell you what I find interesting about her is that she is a normal girl. I don't feel as though I'm talking to a coked out pornography actress. You haven't seen me on a bad day. With no opinions that are worth listening to. I feel like I'm talking about an actual girl,

a real person that happens to like sex. I think most of them are real people. I'll just say that, but... They are real people, but they don't they have a porn star way about them. I've been on podcasts with a lot of porn stars and they will act.

It's like they're putting on a show for you. They have glassy eyes. I don't get the sense that I'm talking to I get the sense that I'm talking to deadness. Yeah, I've been there too. Yeah, but you get this from an Instagram feed? This is how DP scores.

Howard Stern used to interview a lot of porn actresses. No, but I'm saying what appeals to you about her... I've been talking to her for the past hour. Oh, but you've never consumed her internet? No, I don't. Except the Instagram. I've seen the Instagram. I've never seen anything else she's done. But my

point is, she strikes me as a real person. I, as a potential consumer, find that intriguing. If somebody seems like a real girl, it's all the harder to see them doing these sorts of things. If they seem like a porn star... No, I think that makes sense. And I think that that is where my market is a little bit. Because I'm very honest and just out there and truthful. I have a question. We've got to wrap it up. Go ahead. where my market is a little bit because I'm very honest and just, you know, out there and truthful.

We got to wrap it up. How do you stop people or do you, or can you stop people from pirating the thing that they paid for and putting it on Pornhub? Yeah. I mean, there's literally nothing I could do to stop that, but nobody's done it yet. So luckily,

like it's like, sorry for giving that idea. No, I don't, you know, I think that, uh, most of my fans like are actually fans of mine.

So they like, they wouldn't want to do that. Although who knows, I could piss somebody off and then they might do that. There are compilation videos like that on Pornhub. Did you see my eyes? I was like, wait, of me? No, I mean, not to say I haven't searched. There are compilation videos of my nudes I've seen on like Pornhub, but it's like just like a video of just pictures.

But yeah, I've managed to not have any end up on there, but I really don't care. It's just going to get more people to my page. I really don't fucking care. The only people I would care, yeah, is if my fucking dad or my uncle saw it. That would be the only thing that would be upsetting. Actually, my two uncles, my uncle in Colorado and my uncle in Spokane, Washington,

both came to my show, the Suicide Girls show, and they loved it. I talk about sex in my whole act, and they were just proud of me. If I knew that my daughter was doing something like that, I wouldn't even go on the internet. I would be so worried about finding those pictures of my daughter. Have you done the Guys We Fuck podcast? I imagine you have. No, I haven't.

Oh, really? No. That's odd, because you know about them, right? That's Corin Fisher and Christina Hutchinson. They've both judged roast battles of mine. I mean, they're sex positive. I gather you consider yourself sex positive. Anti-slut shaming, that sort

of thing. Yeah, I should hit them up. I guess we're wrapping up. Does anybody have any words to say about Neil Perth? Neil Perth, the drummer from Rush. What happened with him? He died. Mike, you strike me as a big Rush fan.

Just looking at you, I'm seeing a Rush fan. I'm a Rush fan just because of the movie I Love You, Man. That was a central part of that movie, and it got me kind of into that music. But I mean, I've watched Neil Peart's stuff. After that, I kind of watched a bunch of drum solo stuff with my baby, and it seemed to stimulate him and get him going.

But I mean, just strictly from a fan of good stuff and from the people that really dig into their craft, I'm bummed that he's dead. But he had a tough life. Didn't he lose his wife and his kid to a car accident or something like that? He lost his kid to a car accident. His wife died about a

year later from cancer. Brutal. Now, Noam, you're a musician. Where do you stand on Neil Peart's drumming? I don't have it. I have very little knowledge of it. I know that sounds ridiculous. I've never into that whole Rush kind of very contrived music. What kind of music do you make?

Very ornate, contrived, technically leading with their technique kind of music. But I know all musicians all around me swear by Rush. They love Rush. They just never really spoke to me. Well, even the people that don't like Rush seem to all agree that Neil Peart was one of the top drummers in rock. I mean, I can't tell.

Every song I listen to, the drumming sounds good to me. Yeah. But I'm probably like, I'm like the Simon Cowell of drumming in terms of my ability to judge. But people that know all seem to agree that he's up there with John Bonham, who I also can't tell if he's good.

Impressive combinations. How can you tell? I mean, you can tell because you're a musician, but a regular person? Can a regular person tell? I don't know. Okay. Also, I guess that's it. Any thoughts about the Iranian protest, Noam?

I'm for them. Okay. I do think it's ridiculous that people are blaming, for whatever the reasons that he should or should not have... Shot down that plane? Droned Qasem Soleimani, or whatever his name is. The idea that there might be a freak accident is just, that cannot enter into the calculation. Like, either it's the right thing to do or it's not.

If you think it's the right thing to do, the idea that they might shoot an airplane and take down their own airplane taking off. That's just absurd to me. And people with a straight, even the Iranians, clearly by the protests, none of them are protesting. None of them blame Trump for the fact that this airline came down. They're blaming the regime. But our politicians are blaming Trump. It's surreal. If they're going to be consistent and blame him for an unforeseen consequence, then they would have to give him credit if the regime falls.

Yes, absolutely. Which they won't likely do. Like, obviously, he started the whole thing, but wasn't it a Ukrainian plane that they shot down? Yeah, but from an Iranian... No, but it was filled with Iranians. Oh, yeah, I mean, that's just dumb. I mean, it's just poor planning.

And some Canadians. Yeah, a lot of Canadians, I remember. But it's just such a... Like I said, it's a freak accident. What if the missiles had blown up right on the launch pad and killed people? Was that just like a fuck up of the anti-aircraft missiles? Like they just saw. No, I think they aimed at them.

They saw something. They didn't necessarily know what it was. Gotcha. But shouldn't they know? Don't they have like air traffic control that knows who's going where? I know we got to end it, but this is really the inside. Did anybody see Chernobyl? Did you see that show Chernobyl on HBO?

No. I only watched one episode. Oh, but this is really the inside. Did anybody see Chernobyl? Did you see that show Chernobyl on HBO? I only watched one episode. Oh, it's fantastic. Yeah. But what it really does give you insight into, it's something that really Americans really don't sufficiently understand, is how dysfunctional dictatorships are. Like, everything is bullshit there.

Nothing works. Everything is incompetent nobody tells the boss what's really going on everybody just tries to cover up what happened if you watch Chernobyl at one point they didn't know like I don't know what the scale is but like the actual radioactive reading for Chernobyl

was like 10,000 and for a week they thought the actual reading was 30. Because, rengens, I think, because the Geiger counters that they use only went to 30 because they were meant for only low-level things. I thought it went to 11. And somebody picked up on this and said, well, no, they only go to 30. Everybody's like, shut up, shut up. Oh, man.

Don't get us in trouble. So they actually were conspiring to hide the fact that it was like a thousand times more. So getting back, so in Iran, normally you would think they would shut the airspace. No, they didn't want anybody to know the missiles, half of them don't even

work. They let the airplane go off. They let the commercial airliners fly just at the same time that they're shooting off missiles. They let the airplane go off. They let the commercial airliners fly just at the same time that they're shooting off missiles. And then the guys who are waiting for incoming missiles in retaliation don't even know what airplanes might be taking off. So they shoot them right out of the sky.

And they have no procedures to avoid any of this. And this is why in the end, okay, fine. Now imagine them with an atom bomb. And this is why, in the end, okay, fine. Now imagine them with an atom bomb. And this is why it's so, it is absolutely unacceptable to ever let Iran or anyone in the

North Korea, has it, you know, why it's so dangerous, they should have never allowed it because they have no procedures. It's all, it's all by the seat of their pants. And there's going to be a terrible accident. Well, the Soviet Union had a lot of nukes. Yeah, well, but is there?

Yes, they did. And it's scary. But Chernobyl happened in the Soviet Union. But I think the Soviet Union, we're as far more competent than the Soviet Union was. The Soviet Union is probably twice as much more competent than Iran is in those terms. They have no fail-safe procedures in Iran, I'm sure. They had an atom bomb. It's a total threat to the world.

It wasn't that long ago when we were ready to go to war to prevent Cuba from having a nuclear missile, the Cuban Missile Crisis. Iran is much more dangerous than Cuba having a missile. This, by the way, is the beauty of our podcast. A lot of podcasts talk about women masturbating on video. And a lot of podcasts

talk about the Cuban missile crisis. I don't know if any of us do both. And that may well be unprecedented. Would you take a picture straddling a scud? I think that's as good a way

to end the show as any. Good night, everybody. Give me information. Well, we need to give information. Also, the questions, comments, podcast at ComedyCellar.com. At Live From the Table on Instagram. And please do not

write in that Perrielle's never had an original thought. Oh yeah, that fucking guy. Somebody wrote in that Perrielle has had no original thoughts in her life. And you didn't even stick up for me. And what does that tell you? Well,

my response to that is Perrielle's had plenty of original thoughts Not necessarily coherent, but original I've had more fucking original thoughts In one day than that guy probably has In his entire life I don't stick up for myself when I get these things You stick up for Seth Simons

Oh, he's a nice guy If somebody says I'm an idiot You have not, you're a fucking radio silence I know this is your insecurity speaking and I know you want me to say you've had an original thought and I do think you've had an original thought. You just don't think they were very good ones. What would you have me write the guy?

Like, that's not true. I don't know anything. Like, literally anything. Next time we get something like that, you write you write. I'll send it. Well, I'm saying it. I'm saying it. I'm sticking up for myself. I don't need anybody

to stick up for me. There are people that have written in insulting me. It's just rude. Insulting me and I don't believe no one's responded.

You know, so I wouldn't take it personally. It's rude. Don't take it personally. Okay, wrap it up then. Okay, so. Watch Mike's special. Mike Cannon. Yeah, youtube. Watch Mike's special. Mike Cannon.

Yeah, youtube.com slash Mike Cannon comedy. Was that even necessary to say youtube.com? I don't know, but I said it. How about just on YouTube? On YouTube. HTTP colon colon. HTTP backslash. And Lindsay, where can we find you?

I'm on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, at Lindsay Jennings with a Z. I'll be on tour with Suicide Girls. Get tickets on bicarbrilless.com. And at Dan Aderman on the various social media platforms, be it twitter.com, instagram.com, or facebook.com.

We thank you, and we will see you next time at Live from the Table.