The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - The Comedy Cellar, Cigars and Cancel Culture: Bobby Kelly and Big Jay Oakerson

Episode Date: May 28, 2024

Noam Dworman, Dan Naturman and Periel Aschenbrand are joined by Robert Kelly and Big Jay Oakerson. Robert Kelly is a stand up comic and actor. His multiple television and film appearances include: The Tonight Show, Louie, Trainwreck, Fourth of July, Nurse Jackie, Inside Amy Schumer. He is co-host of the podcast, The Bonfire and has a one hour comedy special called Kill Box. Big Jay Oakerson is a comic and the co-host of the podcast, The Bonfire. On the screen, Jay has been featured on “This Is Not Happening” with Ari Shaffir, “Comedy Underground” with Dave Attell, FX’s Emmy winning “Louie”, “Inside Amy Schumer”, and “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” & Conan O’Brien. His new special, Dog Belly is available on You Tube.

🎵 This is Live from the Table, the official podcast of the world-famous comedy seller, coming at you on SiriusXM 99 Raw Comedy, also available as a podcast, and on YouTube for that multimedia experience. This is Dan Natterman, comedy seller, semi-regular. Dan says he doesn't get spots like he used to. Nobody does. Let's talk about that. Go ahead. And here with Noam Dorman,

the owner, the proprietor of the Comedy Cellar, the ever-expanding Comedy Cellar, the new room, the Menachem Dorman Comedy Theater, should be opening... The Monopoly. ...in 2025. Well, we can't say precisely when.

Perry L. Ashenbrand joins us. And we are pleased, we are blessed to have with us today Robert Kelly and Big Jay Oakerson, comedians of longstanding comedy, stellar comedians, hosts of the Bonfire on Sirius, friends and colleagues. Welcome, gentlemen. Hello. I'm so happy to have you guys here.

You know, when Robert started doing the show with you, how long has that been? A year. A year. So when Robert started doing the show with you, I said, we got to get these guys on the podcast, right? It wasn't easy to get you guys on the podcast. It's not easy because of this. Three things. Yeah.

Jay, me, you. Oh, no. I'm not the one. You're difficult. Please, I change my plans on any date, time. You don't respond to shit. That's not true. Oh, my God. That's true respond to shit. That's not true. Oh my god! That's true about other matters. That's not true

about this particular situation. I send you texts. Jay doesn't respond. Let's all be honest. Jay responds when he's walking the dog at night. He has certain times. I know at night time, Jay will get back to me. And he gets back to me like that. Hey, what's up, dude? Got your thing. I'll call you four times in a row to try to get you to answer And he gets back to me Like that Hey what's up dude

Got your thing He's I'll call you four times in a row To try to get you to answer I'm like this is the moment You got 15 minutes Once this dog shits I'm going back in

And I'm going back to watching Some weird videos And by the way He's so committed to that That it actually does become Your fault Yep That you didn't respond

At the moment That he bequeathed He's ready to speak to you. I don't know what that means. You know who I am, dude. So why weren't you available? You know I don't talk to the other person. When he calls me, I know he's at night.

Yeah. I panic. I'm like, if I'm on the phone, I'm like, Mom, I got to go. Dawn, tell Max to shut the fuck up. It's okay. Bye. Oh, you've been surrounded by your cigar friends? Dude, I am.

I have man friends. I have a whole other life that you guys... And they all congregate above a massage parlor. It is genuinely a double life because I've walked into a cigar lounge with Bobby and playfully tried to hold his hand or make it seem like we were a couple and Bobby

shoos that away. It is the only time in life where Bobby is not open to extreme gay play. Yeah, yeah. We were in L.A. and he had to go. He was going to a weed shop to get a little weed. Yeah. And there's a V-Cuts right next to the Improv.

A what? V-Cuts. It's a cigar lounge. Oh, okay. One of my favorites. And it's all dudes. It's all dudes. Brothers with funky hats.

Dude dudes. Men. Men, yeah. Fucking men I walked in with painted fingernails He walked in like this I tried to grab my hand I was like

Dude don't fucking do this Don't play Don't play This is another This is man Bobby These are So you have a whole Non-comedian friendship circle

I have Yes They're not friendships I have great friends Pauly G PLP The plumber PLP. I got the three Spaniardos, Rob the Cop. Yeah, dude.

I'm getting my gun permit this week through Rob the Cop, PLP. I mean, dude, yeah, I called my friend the other day, Pauly G. He's like, I go, where you at? I go in the morning too Sometimes I get 8 And it's They have coffee And it's

It's man talk Yeah Can I Are you quiet Are you dog whistling Right wing stuff on the show Cause I had a message today Or a DM today

From just a fan That was like It was like Fucking Bobby And his right wing Bullshit all the time And I'm like What what's he talking about? We don't talk politics at all.

I just said I love America. I literally said that. One second. First of all, I just want to say, you guys have a show every day on SiriusXM. What time? It's on Sirius 103 Faction Talk from 5 to 7. It's the bonfire. The hottest show on the network.

Now, how are the ratings before with Dan Solder as compared to with you? Right now? Oh, they don't tell you any ratings, unfortunately, but the listenership hasn't dipped at all, which is good. The only thing we can keep track of is the podcast. And that has.

Downloads from it. That's gone up. You get complaints like, oh, bring back Dan with Robert Sucks, stuff like that. Sure. Every day. All the time.

How does that make you feel? How does it make me feel? I could give two shits Well you know they complained about Peter Best too When he left the Beatles Can I be honest about that? What's his name who replaced David Lee Roth? Sammy Hagar

Can I be honest about that? You're the Sammy Hagar of the bonfire They had number one hits with Hagar I like Van Hagar It was never the same though It's not the same No, what they had was lightning in a bottle And I begged Dan, you should stay.

This doesn't happen too often in radio. And Jay wanted him to stay. Believe me. Jay didn't want you. No, maybe, maybe he had no choice, but he, I mean, he should have, but Dan was done. And here's the thing is that I, I fully, I understand that you guys love Dan and Jay. You love Dan. That's great. That's gone. But you could do voices love Dan and Jay. You love Dan. That's great.

That's gone. But you could do voices like Dan. No, I can't. We tried. We tried, though. We just tried. We just do it poorly. Yeah, we...

But that was a big part of the show. Yeah, I want to go get you. Well, that's what Dan was, like, to the show. It was one of the elements of him to the show. That's why I said when it switched out, it would be... Dan didn't want to do it anymore. He was just over the responsibility. He said he didn't want to the show. That's why I said when it switched out, it would be... Dan didn't want to do it anymore. He was just over the responsibility.

He said he didn't want to broadcast anymore. Sure, is he now doing a podcast and another podcast with Bobby, weirdly enough? Sure. Jay was like, oh, you left this podcast to go do another podcast with the guy I'm doing the show with. That sucks. It's strange.

No, but I knew Dan was going i never put any like pressure on him to stay because i don't want him to stay like for me or on for my behalf so um and it was at the time for the last couple years me and bobby sort of like reconnected that we just didn't see each other a lot but kind of just in a situation where we were together a bunch and just having a ball just like it was weird it's like the eight like from Bobby taking me on the road, like opening form when I was brand new in town and doing all that. That was a real life. We had a big gap in life experience and everything.

And it's funny now that I'm 46 and Bobby's 53. 53. So that gap is so much smaller now. And both parents. We were having a blast. And I asked him kind of on the fly in Montreal festival. We were doing the nasty shows.

Like if I couldn't say if Dan was that Dan was leaving yet, but I was like, if Dan ever wanted to leave, would you, when Bobby said, Sophie's a 2000%, I'd be there. It's great for him because he,

he has a family and it's great to be income, steady income, close to home. Right. And you're terrific. Like there's no, there's no downside to it. It wasn't, it wasn't a downside, but it was hard. It wasn't an easy decision because you know, I make my living doing standup comedy acting. You know,

I have a couple of shows that I'm working on. Right. Well, I have, I haven't acted in a while, but I'm working on a couple of shows and stuff like that. So it was like, I didn't want to commit to, I didn't want to fail him again and be like, I don't like this. I had to really make sure, like, if we do this, this might last for a long time. And it's Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,

and you have to be around, and it's a job. It's the first job I've had since my last job before comedy. Comedy is a job, but it fluctuates. You know, you're on, it fluctuates, you know, you're on, you're away, you're home for a while. You can do what you want this.

You gotta be there. You gotta do the show. And when I first started doing it with Dan and we started two days a week, then we went to the four shows a week. And it was interesting to have a life where you were like, my night generally started like 10 PM. Yeah. And now having to do something like in the afternoon

like and be ready for it was a big difference but it's been great for a decade now robert and i have you know breakfast sometimes once every few weeks yeah he always speaks just so you know he speaks very positively and happily about doing this show oh we're having a blast like i said before we said it is work and it is like you know when you have to get ready and you know go when you don't feel like it or you know strange time of the day that we do do the show so like but all doing it's always a blast there's never a time you show up and it's not like having a ball that can happen with stand up too sometimes you don't always want to go on stage and do and do an hour or 45 minutes but when you're doing it you're like oh well this is fun, obviously. It's like the work itself is fun. But you can also shut stand-up off when you want.

I take July and August off pretty much of stand-up. This, like last summer, I got to Tiny House. It was the second year we were up there, and I had to come back. In New Hampshire. Yeah, in New Hampshire. So I have to come back Sunday night to do Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. You can't do remote? No, I don't want to do remote.

It wouldn't be the same. But is it possible? It's possible. It's possible, but it's not the same. Being in the room with Jay, that was another hard thing, too. It's like I'm with a guy who did something with another guy for eight years. That would be the pressure on me. I feel like I can't measure up.

I can't measure up to what they had. In my brain, we're going to up to what they had. It's, in my brain, we're going to create a whole new thing. It's a whole new thing. And they had time to find their footing. You have to hit the ground running,

otherwise people start judging. Well, they judge, and that's why I was like, I accept the judgment because it's valid for them. It was abrupt for them, and all of a sudden it's this new show.

But those people will leave. They'll find something else who really don't like it And the other people I find Coming up to me at these shows now A lot of Bonfire fans are like Dude I love you and Jay You guys are awesome

I love the new show I love Dan No one ever comes and says fuck Dan I love Dan and Jay But the new show I love what you guys are doing Because it is a little No one's ever said fuck Dan to you?

I've had people say fuck Dan They did but I wasn't going to say that So let's get back to what we were talking about before. Palestine, Israel. I want to talk about that too, but you assume that he didn't actually have non-comedian friends because most comedians don't have non-comedian friends that they really consider friends.

Not on a regular basis, not on a daily. So what's the hardest thing? What's hard about being friends with civilians like oh your experience well even in their regard like my best example my friend john uh friends since we were little kids nine years old i think i was when i met him and uh stayed friends he's two years older than me stayed friends all through high school then he went away to the military as an Apache helicopter pilot. Fought in two wars.

Crazy. I'm right wing. Crazy experiences. You're right wing. He did join the army. I didn't do that. I was getting fat and telling dick jokes. We took different routes for sure. It's just like when you catch up. it's fun to catch up

on like what their lives have been but like i don't you know he was a person who i was like funny with when we were kids and hearing someone like it's like a civilian being funny today you know and you go okay you know like when they're when they're trying hey remember we did this funny thing like yeah okay it was fine it wasn't that funny actually i guess so it's like i think there's just An imbalance in like life experience You know what I mean we don't know the same things at all So but Robert

I'm your friend I'm not a comedian You're a Jason You're one of the funniest guys I know Dude When we hang out we're pretty much We're doing comic shit We're gossiping we're pretty much, we're doing comic shit. We're gossiping. We're talking about our wives, our family.

We're fucking being inappropriate. We're whispering at the diner. It's funny. You're one of the funny, you're a comic. Okay, this might upset you. It would upset you. But just so you know, I have friends with comedians like you, and I have my civilian friends. You have nerds.

I have nerds and various friends. You have nerds. I have nerds and various friends. You have nerds. And I find some of them as funny or just as funny as some of the comedians in terms of conversation. It's a different funny. Not on stage, of course. Like when I go to the cigar lounge and my friend, I have a friend Joe Giordano

and you know, Paul. When I go to the cigar lounge with those guys, it's a different, they're fucking hilarious. but it's like guy funny. It's like that guy, we bust each other's balls. Cause I grew up with five uncles. You know, I grew up with that, you know, guy shit all the time. So when I hang out with them, but they don't fuck with me too. It's not like they're, Hey, you're a fucking comedian.

They don't do any of that shit. I command. I'm one of the guys. I sit down, we fucking bust balls, hey, you're a fucking comedian. They don't do any of that shit. I come in. I'm one of the guys. I sit down. We fucking bust balls, make fun of each other, try to trigger each other. It's all the guy shit. So I kind of, I love that shit. Plus, you know, I have two worlds, and I don't really mix them that much.

I was going to say, too, it just made me think that a good connection with people who aren't like comedians that I'm friends with, sports. Sports is always held on the night. You could always just talk sports for a good half hour and then, all right, your family's good. All right. Talk to you later. But you're going through the motions. You don't feel it. You don't feel.

No, no. I'm pretty stoked to talk about sports because they're from like my home, you know, people from Philly that I grew up with and stuff. So there's that. But just beyond that, there's not much. I don't get the urge. If I watched a new documentary or a show that I'm dying to call a friend and talk about, I want to talk to another comedian. I'll tell you what the nerds and the comedians have in common in my experience.

Comedians can be nerds too, can they not? Yes. Are we exempt from that? Like dancing in front of my nerd friends. So if I'm talking to you guys, or I'm talking to like Michael Moynihan or Coleman or Harry, you know, some of the nerds I hang out with, what's common about both groups of people

is that I can say anything I want to them. Right. As opposed to 95% of the other people in the world say, what the fuck did you just say? Or worried about what you said, or God forbid at a dinner table. I've been to your nerd party. It was a blast.

Yeah, you could say, but that's what I think is the joy. It's what my father loved about the comedians. He could sit at the table and say anything. Anything you wanted. Nobody would say, what the fuck does it matter with you? Yeah, but I could bring Jay to my cigar lounge. They'd love him. They would love Jay.

Yeah. And he would- They'd love him more than you. They'd love him. That always happens. Oh, a couple of elbow bumps in the N-words. I'll be a star there. He knows sports.

I'm a little unclear, I think, on the definition of nerd that you're using. How is Michael Moynihan a nerd? Nerds are these people who make their living through- Actually make their living in intellectual pursuits. Writing, appearing on podcasts, television, whatever it is, as experts in the world at discussing politics and ideas. That's how it is. That's how you define it, I guess.

Yeah, that's how it is. You agree with that? Well, you invited me to that nerd party one night at your house. You think it was a theme party? You should have glasses with tape in the middle and a pocket protector. These guys were some of the smartest guys. guys yeah some of the smartest guys in the world in the world yeah and he's like come over and i'm like all right i brought cigars you were the star of the show i brought cigars they wound up smoking bats with me so i kind of you know they kind of

went into my world a little bit and i was cracking jokes and they were one guy though the one guy wasn't there was one guy that was kind of like what like he'd say something i'd say a little bit and I was cracking jokes and they were... One guy though, the one guy wasn't... There was one guy that was kind of like, what? Like he'd say something, I'd say a quip and he'd be like, excuse me? But the other two nerds were fucking loving it. Two out of three is not bad. Is Elon Musk a nerd? I mean... No question. I think you got $200 billion

and you've changed the world. You mean the guy who owns rockets? I feel like you hit Dan in the chest with that nerd line. No, I copped being a nerd but I don't see Michael Moore... You think the nerd doth protest too? I feel like you hit Dan in the chest with that nerd line. No, no. I copped to being a nerd, but I don't see Michael Moynihan. You think the nerd does protest too much. If you call that a chest. I don't think that Michael Moynihan doesn't seem like a nerd to me. He's an attractive man that gets beautiful women,

that has a successful podcast. There's a difference between like a man, some guy, you know, a man, man, like a blue-collar guy. Right. And some dude who, you know, a man, man, like a blue collar guy. Right. And some dude who, you know, uses rubber bands to work out with,

you know, and like is. Nerd is, nerd is a bit of a broad term for it. Don't you, don't say broad. It's kind of like.

I know what you meant. I think, I think I said precisely what you meant, right? Yeah, it's exactly, like,

like when I hang out at the cigar lounge, it's blue collar guys, it's firefighters, it's cops, it's construction workers. You're Trump supporters. No. I mean, mostly. But surprisingly, there are liberals at the cigar lounge and they have arguments

and they fight, but it's never an end, it never ends a friendship. It's like that old school way that my uncles and my grandfather and people would argue, and my mother and my stepdad used to argue. Physically? Yeah, my stepdad used to beat my mom. No, it's just an argument. It's yelling, but someone's going to throw a dig in.

We're all going to laugh, and they're going to move on. You know what I mean? Do you feel, do you feel about hanging out with those blue collar guys that, um, it moves your politics a little bit to more Trump friendly. Like you kind of, it's funny that you say that because I'm me and Jay talk about this all the

time. I'm such a flip flopper and I, I, I, I don't know anything about it. Like I have my friend Joe Giordano, who I talked to him one day, and I was going to vote. I'm, fuck, Trump, fuck, Trump.

I'm going, I'm heading in there with, fuck everybody, I'm trumping this up. As soon as I walked in at the door, my neighbor down the street, a beautiful black man, like Denzel Washington dude, always talks to me, hey Bobby, how are you?

Good? So calming. You panic in the retelling of the story that you just called him beautiful. He's a beautiful man. I don't think that's where you wanted to go with it. Well, you know what I meant. Beautiful black man. And he was like, how are you?

And I was like, good. I was like, oh, shit. And I looked over as I'm about to check Trump and he's looking at me and he waves. He's like, you're voting for Biden, aren't you? And I went, yes, I am. Did he say that to you, really? No, in my head, he did. All right, let's talk about the seller.

Dan thinks, there's a lot of accusations. Dan thinks, and you've said people don't get spots anymore. I've heard it said, I don't know about you guys, but I've heard it said, it's bubbled up to me on various podcasts around. People are saying that the seller has sold out, that we've become woke. Those are two separate questions. Well, are they two separate questions? Hang on one second, nerd.

I would imagine that you might think there's some connection, right? There might be. I don't think in my case. So, Dan, we'll start with you. Do you feel the seller is sold out? You make snide remarks about the seller now on a regular basis. No, I make remarks that I'm being phased out. That's not a snide remark.

That's just how I perceive it. And who's replacing you? Well, any number of new people. Young people. More Jewish than that. But I never got a lot of spots here. So, you know, I don't know if you're hearing things that I'm not doing well or whatever, but I'm getting less than I used to.

As to the question, has the seller sold out? I mean, you know, the seller books who's killing, and who's killing is going to be dictated by who's in the audience. So if the audience is becoming more touristy, more, I don't know, you know. I think, I feel like your tenure here would, like, be, like, like, void of having to worry about, like, a daily.

I've been here long enough that they probably won't just completely eliminate me. No, but I mean, like, for the sake of, like, he's not killing, are there people watching you? I don't think that kind of eyes are on you to see if you're killing. I don't know, Noam. I mean, how much do you pay attention, or does Esty pay attention, or does whomever pay attention to who's killing and if you're killing? I don't know, Noam. How much do you pay attention? Does Esty pay attention or does whomever pay attention to who's killing and who's not killing? I always picture

Esty sitting home in front of a wall of television. Some kind of weird thing blinking on her temples, taking it all in at once. We have laugh recognition software now. What are your LPMs, dude? We should actually do that. There is

like a manager chat. I don't really check on it where people say somebody killed, somebody didn't do well, whatever it is. That's what kept me alive here for years and years. Was what? Manager meetings, I think. I think the staff always loved me here. Everybody always loved you.

Jay, I mean, I haven't seen you here in a while. I'm literally on the road every week. But Jay and I, we should rehearse. Jay and I actually had a little friction. I haven't called it friction, but I hope that wasn't ever a reason that you didn't perform here. The book?

No, yeah, our little... No, no, no, no. I still roast that guy, Hankinson, every time we have a conversation. Did the book ever come out? Yeah, yeah,... No, no, no, no. I still roast that guy, Hankinson. Every time we have a conversation... Did the book ever come out? Yeah, yeah, the book came out. Nobody bought it. I bought 10 copies.

Highlighted the bad parts. Every time we have a conversation, I just skewer him for causing me that problem. It wasn't even going to that. You can see, we did a podcast about it. Anyway, so do you think the seller has changed over the years in a bad way? Um, and you can be totally honest.

I was, I mean like, again, it's hard. I try to have perspective on stuff like this and realize, do you know what I mean? I would come here now and be like, man,

I don't know a person. I know two people all night on the lineup or three people all night on the lineup. But I think like that's supposed to kind of like you're supposed to kind of get pushed i'm supposed to not be doing five nights a week at the comedy cell well you're on the road i'm saying you're supposed to be like busier than do that when you're home you pop in and do some spots but i mean like so it is kind of that way the the i would say the word on it is just that I seem to think with like, you know,

the general tone of a comedy clubs, like it comes to a point, whatever's. So it's like, oh man, if you're, if you're gay and black or gay and Indian, just clear your schedule,

man, cause you're going to do, you'll be doing a lot of spots that it's more like, that it's more booked, that it's more booked on a check Mark than a comedy. Then like the, to people being funny or, you know what I i mean like who kind of brought you in like who put who was the person who recommended you versus that i think if there's like something that's checking a box it's a an easy thing to work and i think that only shows

because like how fast someone will be in you know having like this was a club that I think seven years I was in comedy and hanging out here for about four of those and then like in seven years in I auditioned and got like the and passed like here after hanging for a long time I feel like it's there's like like three year two year comics like working here I don't know. Couldn't name names on that. But I feel like when I look at the thing, I'm like, how long have they been around? I've never heard this name before.

Actually, I appreciate you being so honest about that. A lot of people just got fired. I want to answer it 100% honest from my heart, but I want to see what your thought on it is at first. It's a hard thing for me because I came from when the cellar had nobody here. They were barking people in. We used to perform in front of waitresses. Melissa.

Yeah. Bark people in. Bark people in. Melissa. Melissa. Yeah, yeah. I went from nine to two, and I was here every single night with the same people. It was one show and

nobody came and Esty would be in the room the whole night. One show and nobody came. I know, it's hilarious. Nobody would be here. People don't believe that. The weekends were always good. It was alright. It wasn't good.

By the time you got 12 o'clock because it was just a rolling show. When I went up, I always went up they? It was all right. It wasn't good. By the time you got 12 o'clock, because it was just a rolling show, when I went up, I always went up last. It was me or Godfrey. Went up last every night. We flipped the spots. And by the time you got up, there was probably maybe 20 people. Even on a weekend night?

On a weekend. Dude, by the end of the night, it was better than the weekday. So when I was here, you'd go was better than the weekday but so when i was here you'd go upstairs and it would be the same guys it would be greg giraldo norton it was guy heavy uh it was the see esty used to be in the chair every night and would watch and you had to get there was a there was a real heavy filter in here you had to go up after a tell or Geraldo or Quinn or Norton or whoever, and she would either be there when you were off or she wasn't, and you knew if you got in.

And if you got in, you were in. Right. And, you know, so. But when Jay says now you got to be gay and black to get a spot at the Cellar. Well, I think. No, not to get one. I'm just saying, like, I think you don't have to. If you're gay and black.

That will come before... If someone does... If they do passably fine on stage with new person, young material, even I think if they check some boxes, they'll... You used to have... What I'm saying is, and that goes to my point, back in the day, you had headliners. Every single person here was a headliner

Could do an hour on the road After anybody In front of anybody anywhere on the show And kill And I think what happened too Is part of it you have to kind of put into the equation Is that you went from one show All of a sudden it's successful

How many shows do you have a week now? 80 80 shows a week So all of us became head's successful. How many shows do you have a week now? 80. 80 shows a week. So all of us became headliners. We're not around. You have to fill those spots with people. The people that were comedy just blew the fuck up. Comedy back when we started was a shit thing to do.

You don't become a stand-up. You can't do that. I felt like the community was big, but it wasn't anywhere near it. It wasn't anything. Now it's actually, you could fucking just watch stand-up on YouTube or TikTok, figure out the thing,

the set-up punch tag, get a topic, pop it in there, do it, and do well. I'm not saying these comics aren't great, but you can, so now you have to fill those spots.

Comedy blows up. More people are doing it. There was four women comics back then. There's a million women comics now. There was no internationally fucking Russian comics. Two of them released Lampanelli. I would also add, by the way, back then, that there was nobody over 40 at the clubs.

Can I say something, too? Comedy was American back then. Comedy was America and Canada Now because of Netflix It's fucking everywhere It's everywhere There's comedy all over the world So you have to

All of a sudden there's Chinese comics There's you know There's Indian comics They're coming from all over the place now There's comedy everywhere Build that wall I get what you're saying Bob Build that wall

So let me ask you a few things Does that make sense though? It's like comedy is so big now all over the place now. There's comedy everywhere. Build that wall. I get what you're saying, Bob. Build that wall. Let me ask you a few things. Does that make sense, though? It's like comedy is so big now worldwide. It's not our thing anymore. It's the world's thing. And now you have all these comics doing it from all over the place. Okay.

At 80 shows a week, you got to fill those spots. So two things. So in the last year, as you know, I archived a lot of old shows from back in the day. By the way, if you want old footage of yourself. I'd love that. I want old footage of him bombing. Please.

Particularly me bombing. Yeah, please, with long hair. Oh, I have plenty of that. And your memory is half right. It was you and Geraldo. You guys were the mainstays, and you guys were all fucking home run hitters. That was 60 to 70%

of the lineup. The other 30% of the lineup, 30 to 40% of the lineup was a bunch of guys, if I showed you the line, oh yeah, I remember him, I remember him. And the average level of the shows was weaker than it is now. You don't remember it that way because you weren't really focused on those

guys. There wasn't that many comics that could do it. Now there's a lot of comics that can be, I would say, good. Hold on. We were used to, in those days, that a comedy show had some people who bombed. That was just a regular thing, is to see one or two acts in a show bomb

or really do badly. You don't see that. For some reason, I'm even blanking on names, but I'm glad I don't want to say anyone's names. But I think I remember being here young and being a couple of comics where it was like, you know, they always kind of go too bad. It's like the thing almost.

Yeah. That they're like, that's almost to go on that spot. And like, if they get it, great. Can you mute the microphone for a second? Mute all the mics for a second. Just mute them all. No, it doesn't mean that. You mute them all.

They're all, no, mine's still on. Are they all muted? Mine's still on. Are they muted? Mine. The second one you said is what I was thinking. Did he not kill that guy? The second guy you mentioned?

No, none of them killed. I could swear he killed. And there were a lot of people like him. He had one bit. You put those guys on today, forget about it. So that's the first thing. And there were a lot of people like that. He had one bit. You put those guys on today, forget about it. So that's the first thing. So there is a kind of the good old days syndrome, which is like, as far as the checking boxes,

which is more serious to me. You did. It's so untrue. I mean, SD and I never, not once, ever would say between us in our most private moments, well, it's good because we need a gay or it's good to have an Indian guy. As a matter of fact, I would fucking lose it on her if she would ever say something like that

because she knows how averse I am to that way of looking at the world. Well, what you call it, I think you personally call it, I think you kind of like not recanted it, but I think even like said you didn't fully grasp who that guy was when you had the uh seth simon guy on oh we could talk about that in a second too that's well almost that thing though i think that's what might be what sits in my head because when he said um he had written a column about me i didn't know about it yeah right all right no so i'm saying forget even that i i believe that completely that you didn't really know his thing but if i felt

you had you on the ropes at one point when he said, like, he just starts calling out, like, lack of diversity here, which this place has, for the time I've been coming, 24 years, never had a lack of diversity, I don't feel like. Never. It was always, that's why I always thought it was funny, because I started in the black circuit. I always found it interesting that they would call the mainstream rooms

like the white rooms. And I'm like, I don't, the crowds weren't even like that at all. There is a lack of diversity in the audience. Wait, so can I just say something real quick? Let me just say something real quick, because I think one of my funniest things when you were fighting with that gay comic about not having gays, women, blah, blah, blah.

And then Keith was like, what are you talking about? He's gay. And he started, he outed three people in a row. And we were like, he's not out. And he's like, what are you talking about? He's gay. And he started, he outed three people in a row. And we were like, he's not out. And he's like, well, what about this? No, he's not. Remember you had to do that? There's a lot of gay guys working here that nobody knew were gay.

So that's painful for me. Well, let me say what I was saying with the Seth Simon when he was in here. He was calling you, I said it falsely, like a false accusation and not having enough diversity. And particularly, he said, I have got so many friends, trans comedians that are friends of mine that are so much funnier than half the lineup here. And you were like, send them over to me.

I'll put them on. Are you honest? I was like, what? I think he said, send them over. I'll give them a look. Yes, yes. Because I'm always on the lookout for funny people. I think the quote was, I'll put them on Are you awesome? I was like what? I think he said Send them over I'll give them a look Yes yes Because I'm always on the lookout For funny people

I think the quote was I'll put them on Or put them on Whatever I'll put them on once I'm not going to put them on If they're not funny So

And yet You're right That the There's more The comedy was way more diverse The pool's bigger yeah And so when I hear I said that

When I hear you saying this... That was me. I said it. What I hear is, what I worry about is not that your analysis is correct, that we're actually checking boxes. It was my analysis.

No, he said that. I'm worried about... I'm worried about a much deeper problem, which is that you don't think the comedians are... a lot of the comedians are that funny. And so... And when you see someone who's not that funny you say well the only reason i can imagine that they put this person on must have been because they checked the box so that's what leads to that conclusion all right what i'm saying uh-oh maybe we're being sloppy about who we're

putting on and we need to reassess everybody because i can't give you on that i'm i guess i could swear my children to you, there is nobody that I would ever put on. I believe you. I'm just saying when I look at a lot of... Yes, hello? That's what I'm saying. It's just like an outside looking in from the perspective. I said, it's me. It's also, I'm removed a bit

so I don't know a lot of the people. If you put a laugh meter in the back of the room, everybody would knock that laugh meter off the chart. But when you put a laugh meter in the back of the room, everybody would knock that laugh meter off the chart. But when you put a David Tell up, there's a difference. Yeah. When you see a show here, there's a difference between certain comedians. Even with the same level of laughter, there's a difference.

I think the laughter, the show is amazing, great. Everybody's going to leave going, that was awesome. But there's certain people that think the the laughter the show is amazing great everybody's going to leave going that was awesome but there's certain people that go up where you're like people will be like wow what the fuck was you can hear a thing happen in the room that back in the day was with when i was on shows was there the whole time pretty much you know but also with different styles which is was kind of yeah everybody was different, Norton, you'd have, you know, Giraldo, then Attell, and Colin, and me, and Correale, and Godfrey.

I forgot about that. And there also is something else, God forbid, which is that we've gotten all older. Yeah. And I've told this story before, I'm sure to you, Robert, but I don't know if Jay ever heard of it. I remember very well coming into the Olive Tree

and like, whenever it was that Eddie Murphy's Raw came out, late 80s, and the bar was still towards the front there. Alan Havey and I think John Heyman, maybe even Colin Quinn. I don't remember if it was Colin or not. Maybe not Colin, but a bunch of comedians were like the giants of the day were sitting there. And I said, I just saw

Eddie Murphy Raw. Holy shit, was this funny? And they said are you kidding he's a hack he's a derivative of Richard Pryor this guy is not

like I was so shamed by these comedians isn't it funny but do you almost have the perspective of it now not that I always thought it was great

but now the whole can I turn the AC on yeah the whole young generation of comedians they love Eddie Murphy Raw no and I said

and I loved it also when I grew up, it is funny going back and watching those things and see, they really don't age well, because also when you work in this a long time and do it so long, it's, I could watch delirious and raw and be like, Oh,

I see like the 19 year old and 22 year old all over it. You know what I mean? It's like, I just saw Roy the other night. It still made me laugh. I know he was what his unique talent why he was a mega star was because at that age he was able to pull it off with

that kind of grace. But it's really not like brilliant. It's pretty surface level. He also was great with impressions and act outs. It's not intellectually brilliant comedy, but it is a display of tremendous talent.

Sure. Just tremendous talent. Yeah, it was 100%, but I understand what they're saying about it. I just watched Raw the other day, too. His closing bit was not a, wah. He just rambled.

He did a whole rant as this character, and he goes, I'm out, and the place went nuts because it's Eddie Murphy. But it wasn't like, you know, I mean,

I think Jay's special made me laugh more now. A Tell's special made me more. Tell's special is great, right? It made me, I mean. Shane Gillis' special. Shane Gillis, you watch these guys now, comedy has evolved into another thing now where it has to be

really funny because there's so much shit out there, you know? But, you know, know look i think a lot of it too man i really believe you have that many shows a night and all of us went away we went and we do this as our work now these young bucks are where we were i was here seven nights a week seven nights a week i was here friday saturday was here. Friday, Saturdays, here. Sundays, here. And the concept of being out until 3 in the morning now, I'm just like, what? Now, by the way, that's Seth Simons' guy, Seth Simons, who I, you know, he wrote a,

he had written a column about me. I had talked to my podcast how I read my kids To Kill a Mockingbird, you know, to teach them about race. And he wrote a column called Dumb Dorm. He wrote a quote criticizing me for that. So that was the reason I had him on. And unbeknownst to me, he had been the guy who came at Michael Che about stuff later on. He's the one that got Shane booted off SNL. After my podcast.

No, that was before. Before. Anyway. But just to say, I would have had him on even for those issues. Sure. Because. I've asked him to come on things 30,000 times

especially with confrontation can we please do it on air I don't want to do it all that makes me way more uncomfortable so I had a thing I spoke to Michael Che about it I don't want to overstate it but I know he was a little irked that I had the guy on

but then I explained it to him and he, he was fine. But to this day, I see him. He comes in, he came into the olive tree a few weeks ago and I bought him a drink. Really? Yeah.

And my, my assessment, Perry L. Well, first of all, this is my nature. She knows. I mean,

I do the same thing for Norman Finkelstein who, you know, I was livid. Norman Finkelstein is a lot more charming than Seth Simon. Really? I'm saying, but his opinions.

Well, I don't think that that assessment is the truth. And your style of comedy and what you perceive to be funny is not in my realm. So it's my nature

to want to sit down with people like you say who are against me in some way But You love it, you're like your father Your father I'm going to say this Certain comedians

He had work here To argue with them That's true The week after 9-11 He brought Hood back here, who his closing bit was he pulled his shirt up with a bomb just to see him, if it would work or not, in front of a crowd. We all ran downstairs.

It didn't. Oh, it did. It worked. Yeah? The crowd ran for the game. It blew up. It was great. We were all in the hallway.

Your father ran down the stairs. That guy, Seth Simon, just wrote another article It blew up. It was great. We were all in the hallway. Your father ran down the stairs. That guy, Seth Simon, just wrote another article about Legion of Skanks a few weeks ago. And this is what I mean. Why anyone would take that guy seriously is hilarious. We decided on Legion of Skanks to do, and the show is dubbed the most offensive podcast in the world. Just to say, we're just kidding. Leave us alone.

And we talked about the Nickelodeon. You watched the whole Nickelodeon saga thing with all the people in Nickelodeon getting... The pedophilia? ...blessed and all that kind of stuff, yeah. But a lot of it was about the guy's treatment of his staff, making them massage him and making them do weird stuff and just, like, being very over-the-top and inappropriate with his staff.

And we have a meeting for our podcast every week. And we were like, we asked our staff for like, what could we do? Like, what are these things? Cause we're going to say, we're here to celebrate the professionalism and like,

you know, the, the, the business running of Dan Schneider. And we're going to have them do all this stuff. And then he just writes an article. It's just so funny when someone writes the bit out, but like in anger where he's saying like,

he's saying like he's presenting it like, you guys won't guess this. They went on to say they admired the, you know, the styles of Dan Schneider's work and then went on to force their staff to do these things, you know, like on camera, mind you. And it's just funny where you're describing what the bit was, but he's just like trying to rile people up.

I hope he didn't get it. He does get it. The thing is... I was going to say one thing about Seth Simons, and then you can say whatever you want. Okay. I like the guy. I actually, I've spent a couple hours with the guy.

He is a true representation of a point of view that I vehemently despise. But he's not a point of view. He's jelly. He's putting whatever mold you put on. This guy interviewed me years ago for my first special. Glowing review of how much he likes my comedy. Then it became sexy to take people down. And then I'm a Nazi three years later.

It doesn't make any kind of sense. He's a worm. I don't really follow what he does, so maybe I would agree with you. But when I was speaking to him, arguing about the politics of the day, I wasn't really arguing about anything. I said, this is a pretty intelligent version of that

kind of woke left point of view. I took it as sincere. And I enjoy the back and forth. Sure. And he was pleasant to hang out with. Right to your face. And then he goes behind your back and he writes. And he will do that.

No, he didn't do that after we. Okay, after. He will. He might. No, he will because that's the kind of person that he is. Well, he has a right to write an article about something that he disagrees with. He has a right to do whatever he wants, but then don't show up as another person.

Did you just turn your headphones down? I'm trying to. So this is what I would say about that. If he writes something about disagreeing with something I said, that would not bother me. If he wrote something which I thought indicated a dishonest version of me that he now, since he knows

me a little bit, knows better, which is kind of what you're saying. He's pretty sure. I'm sure he knows I'm not a Nazi. I'm 100% sure that he would do that. And also, by the way, I think that you guys make him fucking important.

Why do you hate him so much? Oh, I cut his shoe, his importance. I said, he's a guy's ridiculous. That's why I tell this story about the last article. But even talking about it, it's like, I didn't think

that we should have had him on the show. You know that. He wrote a column about me. Who gives a shit? Well, you're looking for the R. I understand the... He's looking for...

That's Noam's thing. I know. Noam is a lawyer. Literally has a law degree. He loves arguing. He loves to... Okay, you said this, and to prove somebody wrong. And you've done it a bunch of times

where you've had these people on, and you've made them look a fool. I love it. I think that's great. I think you were awesome. I watched the whole... Guy Branum. No, not the Guy Branum. The Seattle thing.

I thought you handled that very well. I thought it was great. I thought you gave them every opportunity to not look kind of doofy and dumb and they just did it to themselves over and over again. I don't have a problem with them at all. I don't have a problem with them even canceling the shows. The best part about them, and I like them

a lot, is that when we went downstairs, I said, you want to see some comedy? They looked down the line and said, Andrew Schultz? The one with the Hitler mustache and the Nazi haircut? I just think that... They're excited to see Andrew Schultz. That's the thing, though. That really happened. Oh, I know. I believe it. It's like, people like Norman Finkelstein

and this fucking set guy. Aaron Matz. These people are disingenuous. Like, you can disagree and you can say whatever you want. But the good thing, the good thing. They're not disingenuous. They're not passionate about this. They are disingenuous.

They're not passionate, no, I'm promising. They're picking up on a thing. There's a whole genre of, which, by the way, I'm a fan of. I watch a lot of the like i well i think seth simon and people like that and i'm not sure the other person you named was but in that ilk are dangerous because they're trying to actually cut people's like careers down i agree i love there's a whole genre of podcasts that are just podcasts shitting on comedy and podcasts and that's great that That's equilibrium to me.

That's like you can't just have all your press speed. What's the one you got me into? Red Bar. Red Bar. That guy's hilarious. He just says he's turned on me eight times. It always makes me laugh. He made fun of my podcast.

The funny part about it is a lot of it's true. He's right. That's the problem. He hits the chord because he's right. Some people, he tortured Joe Mattarese. I have some video of him too but um so do me and jay but he tortured uh he tortured matter and we just and the people who like kind of go for it you got like joey diaz wound up and by the way i don't even want to over um sell him because like i think he does like go i think he's willing to have people like show up at your shows and yell stuff out at the shows and stuff so i don't even want to oversell him because I think he's willing to have people show up at your shows and yell stuff out at the shows and stuff, so I don't like that. But that genre of critique comedy and kind of take that all like, it stinks, heard it before.

I don't mind that. I think it's funny because I believe also they're fans in some way. They just found a niche that will give them something to talk about and i think that's almost uh in a much more vile way it's like seth simon is doing that and going like oh you know i mean i said at one point i kind of i've just met enough these people that i said i sort of feel for the guy more than anything else because i go that guy wakes up every day i wake up and i grab my phone or computer or whatever and i go and i sit and i'm like, I'm looking for someone who's going to make me laugh or smile, I guess. You know what I mean?

Just something like silly. I'm not looking for like, and that guy every day is going, he's just combing through everything. He has to listen to everything we all do to go, okay, he said, you know, he said her instead of them. You're saying something which is true and I have to figure out how figure out how i feel about it which is that i'm giving them credit i'm giving him and people who agree with him credit for being sincere and believing what they say and why do you think he won't have a debate he had a debate with you he hasn't he's turned down myself included many times i said i would go on his platform, whatever he wants to do, and talk to him. But part of what they believe is, you're right,

ruining people's lives by taking away their jobs and stuff. It's like holier than thou. He's proud of what he did to Shane. He's very proud of that. That's very, very awful. So maybe it doesn't matter whether it's sincere.

It's similar to the anti-Israel people who say, well, they're very, very sincere, but they would have Israel into the sea. You kind of have to suspend a certain reality to engage them within their own ideology. Otherwise, you really can't talk. But to what extent is one of a right

to give critique? I mean, Siskel and Ebert ruined careers too when they panned a movie. But that's not their intent. Movies, they're movie reviewers. Jay is right that he was trying, I'm assuming. We should have mom maybe to ask him what he was... I don't want to give any opportunity

to anything that would hurt Shane. But what were you trying to do? Were you trying to get him to lose his job? Of course he was. But he didn't think that would happen. And then it did. And then he got him fired over what I would argue is pretty benign comedy,

quite honestly. But he just saw that thing and like... Well, it was the Asian voice that he... was the main thing. Yeah. But that Asian voice was a character that he was doing. There's also this like... Everybody knows there's no such thing as an Asian voice. Yeah. But that Asian voice was a character that he was doing. There's also this like smile. Everybody knows

there's no such thing as an Asian voice. Hi. In real life. Oh, there's no such thing. He's in on my show. Sorry,

sorry, sorry. This is not the cigar bar. Sorry, sorry. How about if it's a legitimate Asian accent? Well,

look, I. You're nailing it. Listen, Jessica Kirsten does Korean nail salon. She does the Asian voice and I watch

the Asian women in the audience when she does it. They are hysterical. Of course they are. Yeah, of course they are. But that's funny, too, because he only goes after certain people. You could go find any comics act has something in it that he could highlight and attack, but he doesn't. He does certain types of people. And he's smug

about it, too. Okay, let's all dump on Seth Simons. Oh, no. Let's not. I don't even know the guy. Well, he's not here to defend himself. We can ask him, but you don't want to have him back on. No, I don't want to have him back on. Actually, I have a surprise. I'd love to come on with him if you have him.

The last thing on my mind was mind I would genuinely love to talk I've asked this guy I go let's just talk well why do you think he doesn't want to talk to you though I mean the answer is so obvious the first thing is because whoever he's trying

to show this to I'm going to make those people laugh they're going to see there's nothing nefarious about me and then his whole argument that's right because everything falls apart because you won't face it he's going to ask me you have a holocaust joke so you think the holocaust is funny There's nothing nefarious about me. And then his whole argument's over. That's right, because everything falls apart. Falls to pieces.

Because you won't face it. He's going to ask me, he's like, you have a Holocaust joke. So you think the Holocaust is funny? And that's just a stupid question. It's the dumb thing. Yeah. So it's like, I can't even, so it just makes them look dumb. I've had several people who have written stuff about me.

I've been like, hey, why don't we do it? I'll come on your thing. And then they're always like, uh. Jay doesn't think the Holocaust is funny. He just doesn't think it happened. Yeah. Yeah. So the whole sk on your thing. And then they're always like, uh. Jay doesn't think the Holocaust is funny. He just doesn't think it happened. Yeah. Yeah. So,

the whole skank fest thing. So, I don't know if you, I was in Vegas last year. Yeah. I don't think we saw each other. I was there to see Robert. I couldn't even catch up with Robert.

But, I was so fucking impressed with what you guys created there. And, it's Louis, Christine, and Rebecca,

really. But, I mean, like, the whole team. I mean, you need the talent on stage and off stage, right? But, I mean, the, Christine, and Rebecca really, but I mean like The whole team, I mean you need the talent on stage and off stage, right?

I mean the rabid following is a credit to you guys, not to them and also I would say there was nothing offensive that I heard, there was no, the crowd was, it was a lot of dudes, but it wasn't like, you weren't there when Lewis

they stuck a gun in Lewis' asshole? Is it the gun that's offensive? No. Nothing about it was offensive. It was actually brilliantly funny.

It's like college humor. I don't find that offensive. Well, I'll tell you what I loved about it last year that made me kind of happy. It was so funny. Joe DeRosa

was the talk... The very first thing of the weekend was we kicked off with Legion of Skanks Live. And there's a, a trans girl who comes every year, hot named Nikki Fox.

Yeah. Very pretty smoking hot. And she, uh, and DeRosa and her walked off during the show and went in the bathroom and it went further than we thought it was going to go. And, uh,

and when they came out, it was like the talk of the festivals and like in a, in a world where again, a person like Seth would write, writes an article about was like the talk of the festivals. And in a world where, again, a person like Seth writes an article about this hate-filled, transphobic, and these are all things he's called us before. It was like, everyone's just cheering. No one's like, ew, Joe, we hate you.

At the end, the Christian ministers who rail against homosexuality were actually, you're gay? Yeah, yes. But at the end of the festival, they have this big comedy jam, and she was on stage singing. No, no, DeRosa was singing Time of My Life from Dirty Dancing with her on stage.

And the crowd was loving every second of it. Nobody was... So DeRosa's gay. Oh, yes, that was the big tell of the whole thing. He's definitely not just straight. I actually got him a shirt when he did my podcast that says I'm not gay. Well, I think he's so straight that he loves women even with cocks. That's right.

That's a good way to look at it. I'm going to tell my wife that. Is that a joke or you actually mean that, Dan? It's partly a joke and partly if, you know, if they look like a woman. With a cock? With a cock. They look like a woman and taste like a cock. So anyway.

The fact is when you interact with trans women, they're women in every way in terms of, I mean, Norton. He's going for it. You're talking yourself into it there. Yeah, they happen to have a cock. Well, what about a guy that likes to get pegged? What does that mean?

The woman wears a strap-on and fucks him in the ass But it's a woman, but you got a strap-on Hard to find What? A strap-on? A woman who'll do that I don't know Is that gay? You don't know what getting pegged is?

I didn't know That's the last time you'll ever say, pipe down, woman So, there's a question about getting pegged is? That's the last time you'll ever say, pipe down, woman. So, there's a question about getting pegged. Does it have to be shaped like a cock? Yes. Or is it just getting something in the ass? Well, I mean... If you're going to

DYI it, you know what I mean? You could use a shampoo bottle. Or a carrot. Have you ever done that? This show isn't about me Anything that fits in the ass Is going to be reasonably cock shaped Yeah hopefully

You pegged a guy before I didn't say that You're not going to put a stomach Shaped like a photo album In somebody's ass I mean I've had girls I know them You've had girls put fingers

In your butt before I had a girl who wanted to Not with a cock I had a girl who wanted Suck the puppet on it Who wanted to peg me She was like I want to fuck you And I to peg me. She was like, I want to fuck you. And I was like, cool. And she's like, no,

I want to get a strap on and fuck you in the ass. I was like, oh, I heard you. You'd be okay with that. Well, she was like, the reason why this is young, when I was young. You've already been over. I mean, I want to put on a strap on. He's like, I heard you. The reason why it didn't happen

she wanted me to go buy it. I'm like, I'm not paying didn't happen, she wanted me to go buy it. I'm like, I'm not paying for it. I'm not going to fucking buy it. That's where your line is? Is it gay then? I wouldn't even pay for a full abortion. I put the question to you. Jesus Christ, is it gay?

Is what gay? Wanting to get a dildo in your ass by a girl who's wearing it as a strap-on. That is the most ridiculous question in the world. Is it? Of course not. It's not? No. He's like, thank God.

Well, because no one... I'm going to call Dawn right now. Great news. Your husband's not gay. What? Well, because no one would say that a woman, a trans woman with a penis fucking you in the ass, I'm sure you would say that's gay. Well, I keep trying to tell them that that's not gay either.

But what is gay? I'll tell you what's gay. I'm going to go with all of them. I'll tell you what's gay. Broadway. Rick Crome. What actually makes you gay, then? When you sing show tunes and suck dick.

Front row at Wicked. Yeah. 15th cock. Then you're gay. Yeah. 15. I think... What's like that movie

with the knock around guys? 415 dicks. That's how many dicks you gotta suck before you're a real gay. I think if you like the feeling of something in your ass,

that's not gay. I think if you like the idea that it's a cock in your ass, that's closer to gay. I think if you're picturing that it's a man behind you, that's gayer.

What if you call it an ass pussy? Is that gay? No, we didn't say that. And I think that if you are giving a woman a blowjob, that's gay. What if she doesn't come? You're a bad gay. You're a terrible, terrible gay.

Cruel, sadistic gay I'm not gay at all But I do feel If I ever did suck a dick And the guy didn't finish I would be bummed I'm not even good at this Yeah

I left this guy hanging I thought it was just women I'm a flat leaver now Blue ball in the sky So anything else? We're probably close out of time What else? So I will talk about this

So I think Legion of Skaggs gets a bad rap. I am. I had Dave Smith on. He didn't like me very much for some reason, but... I saw him after the series. He said he had a great time with you. I hope so. By the way, he very much, like you, enjoys the same thing. I think he had a very good time. You guys

got right into Israel-Palestine, I believe, right? Yeah, well, we were good. How could we not talk about Israel-Palestine? No, no, I know, but I'm saying, Dave loves that. I don't think he did. He came over and said it was a great show. Well, I hope he does because I like him and also I respect his success.

I wish that... He's debating Chris Cuomo this week. He's doing Chris Cuomo? He's debating him on a live debate about COVID response. You wish what? He's going to just, Dave's going to secure him on his brother. Can I say one? Can I say one thing really quickly?

The problem that I have with people like Seth Simon and Finkelstein is in different from you, you go into conversations with these people with no malicious intent and you are actually granting them something genuine and true and they're not going in and you're not going to turn around behind their back and start talking shit and they're not doing the same thing.

They are coming in with malintent and they are not being honest and genuine. Well are coming in with malintent and they are not being honest and genuine. I don't know that Seth Simons has gone behind my back. He wrote a fucking article about you. That was before we knew each other. Okay, so what? Can I say something about that? I think it's important

that guys like Noam have those guys on because they get exposed. They get exposed. When somebody who, because they think he's a comedy club owner, they don't understand how smart he is. The one thing that I love when Noam has these people on

is that he's as intelligent, if not more than them, just he's a little more down to earth. Because you're like that too, I think everyone was bummed with that particular interview. It was like, because you said the same thing to me. I spoke to you after it also and you were said you're like I didn't know I wish I knew all the Shane stuff and everything and I was like yeah you just kind of went into it on and for I wish

because that's all I wish to that was like I wish you would know the stuff I would you would call them on it absolutely and I don't think you would have liked his answers it was the first time I ever heard of the guy which I wrote this column about me yeah yeah, yeah. When you have the people on, it's good to watch that because it's somebody who's not, you're not, like when you had that Finkelstein on, there's a guy, what's his name over here? What was the other guy's name?

Aaron. He's 100% on this side. He's 100% on that side. You're on the side of logic, and you're going to let somebody talk, and then you're going to debate them on that. And I think to have to to have somebody on who's intelligent enough to see both sides and if something makes sense to acknowledge it, which you do also when they don't make sense to call them on it without anger and malice and fuck you. I think that's important. And it makes a guy like me, who I don't know politics, I'm not smart in that, but I can watch that and understand things a little better and see what that guy is.

You understand? Also, yeah, I understand. Also, we who are supposedly on the side that hates the people who are against free speech and all this stuff and cancellation, we have to hold ourselves to a particular more open standard of being willing to speak to people we disagree with because that's what we accuse them of not doing.

Such a dumb thing to have to be militant about. It was never my thought about that. I remember Shane said something to me, very interesting, when the whole thing went down with SNL. And we were talking and he was like, and he said, he worded it perfectly. He's like, I didn't get in the comedy

to be some fucking martyr for the First Amendment. How many times have I had to say the First Amendment in my life? It's like, I don't, it's like, I have a thing like, I'm going to, like you said, your father said at the table, I go and I just want to say whatever within reason, obviously, you know what I mean? I probably wouldn't take many swings at trying to say the N word on stage ever because I'm like, what would be the payoff that's worth anything?

That's because I'm just trying to be funny either way. So it's like, if that's going to cause the stink, you know, you could play within certain rules, but you can say whatever you want. And the idea is if it's something that makes you that upset, I was probably joking. Like, I thought that was just always the concept. So they don't have to keep explaining that to adults. It's like, you know, how can you say blah, blah, blah about abortion?

Because I'm kidding. That's how I can say anything, right? You can just say any words. It doesn't mean you mean it. Yeah, but also I also i hate that thing too that they took the freedom of speech thing where you don't apologize for anything i think that's stupid too because we say stuff sometimes we're like i fucked up i'm sorry i messed up you should be able to say whatever the fuck you want but make mistakes and also be like i fucked up that's well the apology to the real that's what shane gave, the apology to the real,

that's what Shane gave too, which is funny. The real apology isn't what they want to hear. They want to hear a fake apology. Everybody wants to be treated like children. Yeah. So it's like when, what was his name? Was it Paula Deen, whoever got in trouble and everybody like that with the N word.

And they go, have you ever said that word before? He goes, it's crazy. They caught me on tape the one time it fell out of my mouth. Isn't that nuts? And like, they really want, but people would rather that than just go, do you say that word? He goes, oh, I've said it in anger.

I've said it to be funny. I've said it behind someone's coming. I said it when I thought there was a ghost in the closet. But you know what I mean? Nobody wants the real like apologetic thing because I think Shane's thing was what it said. If I did, we've done things before people have taken it I remember one time we one of our apologies we ranked the special olympics girls gymnastics team from hottest to least hot in a dark room with our fans to the whatever

thousands of people that listen to the show um assuming anyone who'd be connected to any of those kids that listens to this show would think that was hilarious and funny which is true that actually weirdly ended up happening too but a person who hates us take took that and sent it to the parents of uh those kids of the kid but the you know the gymnastics uh the gymnasts and we uh the parents got in touch they were like angry at us and they reached out a 15 minute phone call before those moms were able to understand like, oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that piece of shit who hates us wanted to ruin your day by showing you something that would have never been on your radar. It's a bunch of idiots.

And we even said we would take it down. And they were like, no, you don't have to take it. It's fine. We took it down anyway. But they were like, they understood like this wasn't, of course, it was a dumb thing that when Louis got nailed with the jokes about the park. And then that I felt bad that they even paraded that poor girl who was like a victim or a survivor. They paraded her to go up there and go, Louis C.K., would you come to my house and say that joke? No, no, no.

A lunatic would do that. That's a crazy. You know what I'm saying? Like these people that think they're they're being righteous by like, hey, they lunatic would do that. That's a crazy, you know what I'm saying? Like these people that think they're being righteous by like, hey, they're shining this light. Ari Shaffir's thing with Kobe Bryant. It's like they're shining. You're upsetting people by showing a thousand people.

This is for a core audience of people. I stay in my lane. Comedy clubs are where you go and you're going to be probably offended in some way, but hopefully they're smart enough. They offend you, but you laugh at it. That's what we do. We save the shit that in a way that will make you laugh we we perfected that and in podcasting too

we're performing for a certain audience if we wanted to go on NBC ABC we wouldn't do it because you can't right that's where you go you chose you chose your lane it's like that's what's annoying when you're like okay I'll stay you're right I your lane. You chose your lane. And it's like, that's what's annoying when you're like, okay, you're right. I'm not going to pitch NBC sitcoms. It's just not my world and it's not what I do. It's not the kind of comedy I do.

And then they're still coming in the lane where you're at. Like, he shouldn't be performing at his place. It's the same thing you said about with the Seattle.

They shouldn't be performing there but it's like, well, you're letting someone who's not going to come anyway tell you who should be performing. That's crazy. Well, I had said to a guy

at the New York Times one time, and then he actually took it and pretended he said it. I'm trusting these writers. I made the point that when, you know, late at night at a comedy club, you've had a few drinks

and the light's kind of low and you get into a kind of naughty vibe and you make outrageous jokes and you'll laugh at it you know and then if you watch the video of a morning coffee like what the fuck was i thinking about it's like hearing yourself have sex like it was appropriate at the time shut up are you i was like when patrice got in trouble for the when he did the battered women's thing and he he did the joke about um he had those things where he's like you ever do the

angry pirate and he's like um that's when you you you come in a girl's eye kick her in the shin and she hops around on one leg going argh so they got so offended by that they but she wrote it she wrote this whole piece on him but she wrote the joke and she wrote arg so when you read it you're like arg arg you and i you couldn't help but laugh and then he went on the news and he told that she fucked the joke up but then he told the joke the way it is and you just heard a camera guy go it's for him so it's not for you you don't know funny so we all know that i'm sure like people would say jokes about me behind my back that are funny. Yeah, we do.

And of course, you wouldn't do it in front of me. And if I found out about it, it would bother me. But I understand that people joke about anything. But the problem is that years ago, if you did that in a club, that was it. There was no way. It had no life after that. People couldn't sneak. We didn't have cameras then.

Yeah, but the average asshole is in front of thousands, if not millions of people. Now you don't know when you're sitting at lunch with me whether I don't have a reporter. No, I know, but it's also... I caught Kevin Brennan trying to record me one time in a conversation. He goes, are you recording? No. But the thing is, the problem with the market

for stand-up shows now and clubs is that you have, I don't know what the number is, but there is certainly a measurable percentage of an audience who is coming here to have a problem. They're coming here to comb through and see. He goes, you know, oh, what did Sam Jay just say? Like, they're waiting. They're waiting to have their eyes perked up. We get almost no complaints about people being offended from time to time.

Way fewer than once a week, maybe once a month. And sometimes, almost always, it's not just that I can see why it's offensive, but it also wasn't funny. It's usually a swing and a miss offensive. From time to time, it's something just crazy. But at least at the Cellar, they seem to self-select. Is there like a theme or a topic that people are generally? The Jews. Well, right now, I think it's the topic of the day.

The thing that the letter that was written that the whole book controversy came about was the lady was upset that I said something. I thought she was mad that I said something about, like I made a Trump joke or something. And she, that's what I thought she was pissed off about. I said she thought I was into Trump or something and she was like a 20-year-old college girl. What it was was I told this couple,

so they were staying at a Trump hotel. I was like, ah, fuck that room up. I go, it's not your problem. It's a hotel. It's a Mexican lady's problem in the morning. And because there was that point in time that was the news of Mexican kids in the cages at the border. She was like this racist off that sentence. That's that was that's bad shit.

Like it's crazy that people can get that like wound up over stuff. Didn't somebody like flip out to Samarill made a joke about the kid that got eaten by an alligator? Yes, yes, yes. That was a funny one. I mean, that was that was hilarious. But of course, yeah, if you're if your kid was mauled in Disney World, you wouldn't. Sure. But the person who is complaining their kid wasn't eaten by an alligator.

It's the odd. You're always playing the odd. Whenever you're going to do jokes that are going to hit in the gut, like gut like the high risk high reward yeah you're taking the odds the same thing there's hilarious domestic violence jokes and you're just taking the odds that there's just not a guy in this room and his wife who he just beats the shit out of you know you're playing the average probably not i got in trouble depends how midwest i got in trouble here. Your father. At the cigar bar. No, your father. It was a guy, a dad with his kid and his wife to the left, and he had a massive head.

Just a massive, it was a big head. And I just walked up and I was like, holy shit. That's a head. You got a head on you, sir. That's a big melon. I said something like that. He got so offended and angry. My father did? No, the guy.

He wrote a letter to your father. This whole fucked up thing about... But I wasn't going up to fuck with the guy's head. I didn't spend the whole hour on it. I just said, you got a big head. And he had a big head. He's probably heard it his whole life. Yeah, well, don't sit front row at a fucking comedy club

with a head like that. You know what I mean? It might come up. But here's the thing, though. I wrote back to the guy, hey, man, I didn't mean, I wasn't going up there

to hurt your feelings. I'm sorry you got offended by it. I'm sure when he saw your spelling and punctuation, he felt better. Oh, I didn't write the letter. Don wrote the letter. I used the wrong two there.

He felt superior. But I was like, look, man, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm sorry you felt that way. And I hope you give comedy another shot. That was nice of you. Because I don't want to hurt people's feelings. Like he said, we're only going up there to make you laugh. What we think is funny.

And you might not think what I think is funny. And sometimes... But you also got to take the shot, too. Like I said, I've had... Only one time I can remember to scare when someone's looking at a wheelchair, very prominent in the room. And like, you know, you go...

And it's like, it makes sense. There's jokes, but I usually also try to make them feel like... You know what I mean? Like try to make this guy, the coolest guy in the room, uh, move. And some like the attention and something, you know,

most of the time people like, please make all the leg can't work jokes in the world. I love it. And then there's this one person who's like, no, I hate that. But it's usually not the person in the wheelchair. Oh yeah.

Yeah. Well, that's why it's rare to find someone. It's usually, I said my, you know, my Mexican complaint was from a 20 year old white girl. Yeah.

It's usually a woman and it's usually a white girl. What happened to the man with no legs we were supposed to have on the show? We were supposed to get a set of tickets. He couldn't get up the stairs. Yeah, you never built a ramp. I told him that we have stairs. Yeah, you got four sets of stairs. I'm kidding.

Were we going to crane him up the window? Were you a monster? We'll get him in here like a piano. I told you. Were you going to crane him up the window? Were you a monster? We'll get him in here like a piano. I told you. You're going to get an Iron Man suit to fly up through the window. Have you seen this guy? Do you remember his name?

Not off the top of my head. I think he could climb stairs on his hands. I'm kidding. This guy's like an Iron Man triathlete. Listen to me. He wasn't coming to New York just to do the show. That was the answer to that. He wouldn't come. Correct.

But did you offer him a round-trip flight? He was not going to come to New York just to do the show. So what, he wants something more from us? Then why did he agree to do the show in the first place? Because they offered to do it or via Zoom or when he was on like an East Coast speaking tour the show in the first place? Because they offered to do it or via Zoom or when he was on an East Coast speaking tour because he usually gets paid

to. To Bobby's original point, if you read the emails that I send you, you would know that. Listen, first of all, if you want people to read your email, you can't send a fucking thousand emails. Well, I mean, yes, actually you can. You wouldn't send a thousand emails if you responded to one. Thank you. And a text message. You don't answer the fucking thousand emails Well I mean Yes actually you can But you wouldn't send a thousand emails

If you responded to one Thank you And a text message You don't answer the phone And then it says If you really want to get in touch with me fast Text message me And then you do

And then you don't get back either That's right Alright so Listen I'm busy I'm fucking Yes so am I What do you think we are What do you think we're not busy

What do you think I'm sitting around all day long Business owner I understand this No I'm going to take you back on this one Oh fuck you Can't always be getting back to people. Yeah, fuck you too. You don't get back.

I have three kids. I got a kid. I don't want to hear it. I have a wife who's worth three wives. I have a wife. Your wife is different than my wife.

What the fuck does that mean? My wife is very high maintenance. You're the high maintenance one in your relationship. I'm the drama mama. Yeah. Dawn and I connect on spous your relationship. I'm the drama mama. Yeah.

Dawn and I connect on spousal problems. I wish you connected fully. I'll take your wife and your house and your money. Half of it. All right. By the way, your daughter's grown. 21. Wow.

What? Wow. Just graduated from school. It's a black dude A black dude with no legs Who does athletes Athletics Who does athletes

You said athletes Does athletics Alright so I guess Listen Zion His name is Zion something Very good Perrie You know

I cannot remember names anymore I can't either My memory You gotta do tea man Get in on that tea Come down the cigar lounge. Get you on some tea. I don't want to. Are you doing it? Huh? Are you doing it? I'm actually

talking to a doctor right now. You've been doing that for months already. It doesn't take a long conversation. Because here's the thing. I just did that whole... I think he's doing it and not admitting it. I swear to God. Doing what? Testosterone. He's been talking about this for at least six months. I got my tea checked. It's 400. It should be be That's low

It's low but it's not It's the low end of normal It's the low end of normal So if I go under 400 I can actually I could do it but Looks like he's growing out of the ground I'm sorry

Max before we play Just find a spot Where he's actually Where he's locomoting We don't even know what this guy's dick Would have looked like What if he just still had his dick? So that's him.

Look at him. That's not. Wait. He does have a dick. Does he have a dick? For sure. No. That's him.

Can you find a part where he's running on his hands? Not wrestling. By the way, whatever chance we have. Max, not the wrestling part. Find a part where he's running and then get back to us. Go ahead. I would suck to get your ass kicked by him.

You're never getting this high on the show now. That is the least scary, should be scary person I've ever seen in my life. Find Zion running his hands. So go ahead. Go ahead. Test house run. 400.

Are you becoming fans? Now, what are your symptoms? I'm sluggish. I don't remember things. just you know how about your sex sex sex my sex got you know when I lost the weight my my sex drive came back it just it sucked because my wife hit menopause at that time so it's like, but I, I think there's a, you know, I would like to do it just to get my, just to get my, my oomph back, my mojo back. And I've talked to him. Have her peg you.

Real quick. Let's, let's show this back to them. Look at that guy. That's amazing. I was expecting, I was like, y'all don't understand. Like I'm going to be under five seconds, maybe even under four. And I called. 20 mile, 20 meter. The second I was done, I looked at all of my stuff. I told you.

That was good. That was good, Mac. I told you exactly what I was about to do, and I just did it. Yeah, but can he ski? To be a Guinness World Record title holder. Can he run and then catch a football? Yes. Look at that guy.

There's nobody faster than me right now. Look at this. Look at this. Can he put the plates away after he washes them? Nope. That's fucking amazing. This is a tribute to the human spirit. Okay, go ahead.

Back to pegging or testosterone? Both. I want to meet that guy. Testosterone, you're only replacing what you had. It's not like doing steroids or something like that. you're only replacing what you had. It's not like doing steroids or something like that. It's just replacing what you had to a normal thing, 800, you know, 750, 800.

I'd only go to there. I wouldn't replace it. Some guys, the problem with testosterone, guys... Are you going to get erections in class again? I hope so. If you're lucky. I hope so. I would love to get erections all the time again. Just light nipple play, bone jump, everything. Oh, God, hope so. I would love to get erections all the time again.

Just light nipple play, bone jump, everything. God, I love it. But if you get erections all the time, you're either going to need someone to satisfy them, or you're going to end up cheating. That's what's going to happen. I could just jerk off a lot. No. Is that what you do?

I'm just saying, to have an unnatural sex drive for your age is probably going to lead to some consequences you have to figure out. I don't have to figure that out. Dawn does. Yeah. Dawn has to figure that out.

You want me to cheat or are you going to give me some puss? Right? I'm not going to cheat on Dawn. I'm not fucking, there's no way. She better get wet then. Yeah, well, she doesn't have to get wet.

I can just put stuff on it. If you're within the normal range of testosterone, I don't think you should. Well, that's why I haven't done it yet. I'm still at 400. It is literally the lowest level. It's a weird number. When I got checked,

it's a very strange range of normal. I don't even know what the numbers mean, but it's 400 to 1,200 is normal range. For white people? Whatever, I guess me, yeah. That's a big range. For nerds? What does it do for longevity?

Are there any effects? Your dick stays the same size, but I think your balls get smaller. It's all relative. Does it have any lifespan effects? Relative. Yeah. Where are you going? Does it have any lifespan effects? Is it any disease protection that it offers? I think what you're able to do is you're able to work out better.

You're able to, you know, like right now I lost all this weight, but it's hard for me some days to get motivated to work out and do the things I need to do to keep it off and and that's because I have low my t is low all steroids are healing I believe yeah and it's mostly about healing it's not like about like every guy I talked to is like I got more energy I work out better I can actually uh get stronger easier and it's I've never heard uh the thing you have to be careful of is that it does, you have to get your colon checked every six months because it can fuck with colon cancer.

And now we're back to pegging. And now we're back to why I want to get pegged, to get checked. Hey, Don, could you strap on this colonoscopy machine? What do you mean colon check? Colonoscopy? Well, you have to, no, you do blood work. You can do blood work now. You just get your blood checked every six months,

make sure nothing's happening. Come on. I'll let you do it. Don't take this from me. Yeah, so you have to, you can't just start doing T and not keep checking that you're okay. At some point, if something happens,

you have to get off of it. But every guy that I know that's on it swears by it. Swears by their- Sleeping better. They sleep better. Their memory is better. Their energy is off the charts better. They feel like you felt when you were in your 20s.

Bobby's saying he has friends, but he just means Joe Rogan. He listens to Joe Rogan's podcast. That's what he says. And also, hunt your own elk. Does Rogan do testosterone? I don't know. I have to assume yes. I think he has to do it right into his neck or between his toes like a junkie.

What we do know is nobody in this room does. I'm so lazy. I took it. The doctor gave me one round of it, so I did it for a month. And I was like, that feels good. And he goes, I got to do your Before I Before I can give it to you again And I went Oh that's gonna take a day

And then I just never got the blood work But I never got on it again You did T For a month And it felt good I mean barely It was just like a month You gotta take time to sit in

It takes a little bit Yeah It takes time Yeah you should do it We should start doing it You guys wanna juice? I'll juice with you guys Let's all juice

Natterman Let's fucking juice Yeah let's make that other room Into a bedroom And start juicing I'll do it. We should start doing it. You guys want to juice? I'll juice with you guys. Let's all juice. Natterman, let's fucking juice. Yeah, let's make that other room into a bedroom and start juicing. I'll do it for a show. Yeah, we'll do Dark Web. If we all do it, videotape ourselves, and then do it. All of us getting swole. The four of us getting crazy swole would be awesome. I'm telling you, we could do HGH.

We could do all this stuff, the Dark Web. Yeah, I'll do it. Let's do it for a year. Do we tell our wives? No, we don't tell our wives. Oh, they'll do it Let's do it for a year Do we tell our wives? No, we don't tell our wives Oh, they'll find out We start fucking them, hitting them They'll know

If you do it and you stop doing it Do you just go back to where you were? It takes a while It takes a while It's a big depletion It'll take a while before you start producing your own again. But that's why also they try to keep you. That's more like weightlifter abuse of it, though.

They try to give you an amount that just is like a supplemental. Yeah, you got to get checked every six months to see where your T is. But what happens with the guys who weightlift, they're like, fuck it. And they go to like 1,100. Well, because they stop producing their own testosterone completely. So when they get off, it takes a while for that to come back. Like a doctor prescribed one, they're going to make sure that it's like, you don't stop producing your own. Dan probably has 1,000.

We should all get tested beforehand. Dan would be like twice as high as the rest of us. I bet your dick's so hairy. We should all get tested and see who has the highest T. Okay, I'll do that too. Let's do that. I can't do that. Why?

What do you think your T is at? Two? No. I'm in a position of a boss. I can't be known to have the lowest T. Low T? I'm not assuming it is the lowest, but if it were the lowest, I just... Well, you're the oldest.

Noam up there with his low T yelling at me for being late. Can you imagine the abuse? It's a function of age, so you're the oldest. But if you find out you have low T and we get on the juice, you're going to have high T. You might beat Keith into another stroke. All right, fellas, I'm going to let you go. All right.

I'm really, really happy you guys came. Thanks for having us. I hope you had a good time. Thanks for having us, man. Robert, I'll see you. This weekend. Sunday. Are you coming over Sunday?

No, not Sunday. Monday. Monday. Sunday, we're going to the Stones. Sunday, you're going to the Stones? Yeah, we're going to the Stones. Yeah, it's going to be fun. It's going to be awesome.

Mick Jagger, talk about amazing. Fucking 80 years old. That guy's tees high. He had heart surgery. I saw him in like 89 on the Steel Wheels Tour, and they were calling it the Steel Wheelchair Tour. That was Mark Cohen's tour. No, no, they were were calling it the Steel Wheelchair Tour. That was Mark Cohen's tour. No, no, they were really calling it the Steel Wheelchair Tour.

Yeah. Because they were considered old at 48 because rock and roll started in the 50s, so nobody was that age. Dude, I've told this story. Dan hates when I tell this story twice, but just like 1978 or 79, I got punished and I wasn't allowed

to go to a Rolling Stones concert. And my father, he always gave in on his punishments. But this time, no, I'm sorry. This time I'm sticking to it. You can't go. I started crying. I said, Dad, you don't understand. It's probably the last time they'll ever tour.

This is eight years after the Beatles had broken up. They were already like this. And everybody's saying this is going to be the Stones' final tour, 1979 or 1978. Christine went to Cher's final tour in 1999, and then she just went to go see her two years ago. Okay, good night, everybody. Thank you.