The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Tom Green

Episode Date: November 22, 2019

Tom Green and Graham Kay

You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the table, on the podcast of the comedy cellar here on SiriusXM. Ruddug. 99. We have a jam-packed show tonight. By the way, Noam's not here, which is why I'm doing the introduction. Noam is not feeling well, but he'll be back. Don't worry, it's nothing serious. It is Canada Day come...

Belated Canada Day here at the Live from the Table. We have two Canadian guests. We have Graham Kay from... Ottawa. Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. And he's newly passed here at the Comedy Cellar,

so congratulations to Graham. Thank you. And we have with us the legendary Tom Green. Awesome. I'm from Ottawa, too. And Graham and I know each other. We've performed in Yuck Yucks in Ottawa. This is the brilliance of my booking. Yes, absolutely.

I figured there might be a connection when we booked you, and I figured another Canadian and Sparks will definitely, there'll be Sparks of some sort. Oh, boy. Buckle up. Whenever Graham and I get together, it's Sparks flat. That's what we always say. sparks of some sort. Oh, boy. Buckle up. Whenever Graham and I get together, it sparks flat. Well, I thought it might be. That's what we always say.

People of Ottawa say. I'm looking forward to it. Oh, and of course. Us Ottawa people are nuts. Last but certainly not least, our producer is with us, Perrielle Ashenbrand. Sometimes we forget to introduce her. Nice to meet you.

She's our producer. She's not officially an on-air personality, but yet she is. You're like Freddy DeCordova. I feel like I wasn't supposed to be, but then they realized how invaluable I was.

I've been listening to a few episodes, getting prepared. Oh, that's good. I like that. And your thoughts are? Did you listen to a few? Yeah, I've listened to every single one. I've listened to every episode are? And did you get, did you listen to a few, Tom? Yeah, I've listened to every single one. Whoa. I've listened to every episode. God, he's good.

Yeah. And what did you think? I loved it, man. I loved it. It was tough because it took about like 500 hours. But I've been just on the planes and, you know,

every day I kind of pop one on. I'm looking for, I've heard good things about you, Tom, personally. Of course, I've known about your career for a long time,

but I came in here and Steve, outside Steve, the manager said that you're a sweet guy and a wonderful guy, and so I'm looking forward to this. A little handsy.

He's a little handsy. Well, he didn't mention that. Wait, I want to know what Graham thought. He said he listened to a few episodes. I was just saying that you're, I didn't realize that you're an official because you're on the mic a lot and you're very good at it

and you are necessary. Oh, thank you. That's very kind of you. Because sometimes conversations can become a vacuum with a, you know, there's just a lot of white guys in this biz. Right. I mean, that's also sort of the box that I checked. That's not why I'm not saying you check a box. No, no. I mean, it's okay. But we just got a

comment on Instagram saying, can we mute Periel's microphone? Well, certainly there are people that feel that way. Now, Tom, you're here at the Comedy Cellar doing stand-up tonight, and you've been doing stand-up here all week. Wait, read the intros. Perry L does these intros.

Oh, yeah, of course. I don't know that Tom needs an intro. I like it, though. If you were alive in the 1990s, he certainly doesn't, because he was host of the popular Tom Green show and Tom Green's Man on the Street pranks changed television forever according to the introduction.

I guess it led to Jackass too. It ruined everything. He was on the cover of Rolling Stone, hosted SNL, and guest hosted Letterman and appeared in mainstream Hollywood movies like Road Trip, Freddy Got Fingered, Stealing Harvard, and Charlie's Angels which is up for a reboot. I was the Chad in Charlie's Angels.

The Chad. It's on Netflix now. Yeah, I saw it, I think, when it came out. That was some years back. Like the Chad. Graham Kay has been on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, Embracees, Bring the Funny, and had a role in the Super Troopers 2 movie, which I didn't know that you had a role in that. That's so cool.

It's important to read those. That's so cool. It's important to read those. It's so cool. You know, we started doing stand-up, the exact same club in Ottawa, Yuck Yucks, Basement Comedy Club. It's been there for 30 years. You know, I started when I was in high school doing stand-up there and before I did the Tom Green Show, and then I met Graham recently in recent years up there.

Whenever I go home to visit Ottawa in the summer, my family lives there. I always do a weekend at Yuck Yucks. So stand-up was your initial thing in show business? I guess so. I mean, I guess you could say so. I mean, I was doing, you know, open mic nights and stuff when I was in high school, and I loved it. And I did it for a few years. And then I started broadcasting school and started doing radio, actually, on the Ottawa University radio station. And then I built a...

Which I listened to as a little boy. Did you listen to that show? I sure did, yeah. The Midnight Caller, it was called. We did a phone-in show on Friday nights, and people would call in, and I'd goof on the people on the air. A little bit, a little bit. But your other show, which you're getting to, is what?

Oh, the Tom Green show, yeah. And then I started that on public access television. As kids, sorry, as kids, I'm a little younger than him. I was maybe 14, and it would be, what, Friday night or something like that? Yeah, Thursday nights, yeah. Thursday nights. So we'd be out in the summer, running around, trying to smoke weed or whatever,

and then we'd run home to watch his show. And leave fun, to go watch local public access cable. Perrielle, you were wondering why I asked for Graham K to be booked on this show? I was not wondering why.

I just said that the first email I sent, he didn't get back to me. No, I did. No, no, I sent one through your site. And then you said... By the way, you might want to know that. You said... Your website doesn't work.

You said, well, Graham can't make it. Who else can we bring? I said... No, I said... I said, you're not listening to me. Graham didn't write me back. I said, you're not listening to me. I said, the guest is Graham.

I appreciate it. How many bookings have I lost? And I didn't have Dan Nannerman on my side. No, he really, I mean, I was like, sure, I can try him again. Anyway, so now you're back into stand-up? How long have you been back into the stand-up time? I don't know, 10 years. Oh, okay, so you've been back.

I've been touring pretty much nonstop the last 10 years. That's what I've been doing. But it's great. Usually when I've been in New York, I've been doing weekends at Caroline's the last 10 years every year, but I haven't really come to New York and just gone around the city and done spots and been here, and this is really incredible and exciting to be here at the Comedy Cellar.

Graham, do you know his stand-up? Because I haven't seen it yet. I'm looking forward to it. Yeah, it's very good. It's very good. He's a natural performer, naturally funny. And I've seen it evolve. Because I was one of his first...

He might have been two years in. And he has an issue because he has to start as a headliner. Because he's so famous. Yeah. So I caught him at the beginning of that. And he was very smart. And he would do the characters in the beginning and get them what they wanted, and then he would go into stand-up.

And then now his writing has caught up to how talented he is as a performer. That's an interesting point to bring up. Some people are famous for non-stand-up related things, as you are, initially. If you do stand-up, yeah, you can't be somebody's opening act because you're famous. I guess so, yeah. So then you have to be a full headliner. But if you're not necessarily, don't have the material, don't have the hour, the 45 minutes, that can be tricky. Yeah. I mean, it's hard for me to really analyze it because I always look at it like I did stand-up

and then I started my TV show and I spent years writing my television show and writing monologues and performing on TV. So it kind of always felt like my TV show and writing monologues and performing on TV so it kind of always felt like my TV show was rooted in stand-up to me because I knew that I did that before but most people in America just think of me as the guy that was from that show on MTV or in that movie Road Trip

so they don't really necessarily know that. I know Screech from Saved by the Bell when he started doing stand-up because he was famous from Saved by the Bell but he didn't necessarily stand-up, because he was famous from Saved by the Bell, but he didn't necessarily have enough material. But he also wasn't a writer. I'm just saying, but that is a phenomenon. It may not apply to Tom, but the famous people getting into stand-up and not necessarily having 45 minutes of material. I agree, but there is a distinct difference in that he's an actor who got fed lines and Tom wrote, or at least had a big hand in most of his funny sketches.

I'm not sure I like you disparaging Screech on my program. That's fair. He is a powerhouse. You can compare me to Screech if you want. So let's talk about the Tom Green Show. For our younger, we do have some, I assume, younger people that may not be familiar with the Tom Green Show. Yeah.

This was like, you did a lot of pranks. Yes, I did, absolutely, yeah. I was always into skateboarding when I was a kid growing up, and I would watch these videos that were sort of something you'd never really seen before on television. This was before reality TV. We're talking about the 80s, right? In the late 80s.

So, you know, you'd have skateboard videos like Animal Chin and Palo Peralta, Tony Hawk videos. They'd go out in the street. They'd do all this crazy stuff. Skateboarding was the theme, but you wouldn't see anything like that on TV. There was no YouTube, all of that kind of thing. So that was always a big inspiration for me,

as well as Letterman. You know, I was a huge fan of Letterman. I was doing stand-up. I loved David Letterman. I was a huge fan of Letterman. I was doing stand-up. I loved David Letterman. I would go down to the comedy club when I was in high school wearing my dad's suit, wearing khaki pants and Adidas sneakers, literally doing Letterman, trying to be Letterman. And so there was a lot of that influence when Letterman would go out in the street and do man-on-the-street stuff or yell out the window of Rockefeller Center with his megaphone,

that was kind of like what made me want to get a video camera, get a desk, put it in a TV studio, and make a TV show. Because I knew that no one was ever going to give me a TV show, so I just had to go figure out how to make a TV show. So you did it in Canadian public access at first. Absolutely. I studied broadcasting in college. And basically, you know,

because you got to remember back in like 1994, there was no, you know, you didn't really have, everyone didn't have cameras in their phone, obviously, there was no YouTube. But obviously, there was, there wasn't even really many video cameras, you know, the only way you could get access to editing equipment was to somehow convince the TV channel to let you use their equipment. I went to school. I got access to the equipment at school. But all that stuff was too expensive. University of Ottawa?

Algonquin College. Algonquin College, yeah. I studied broadcasting there, so it was cool. But it was the only way you could get access to the cool equipment in 1992. So how did your public access lead eventually to an MTV show? Well... What's that... How did that happen?

Well, basically, I did this show, and I did it for probably about, I don't know, six or seven years. And, you know, it was... We got a pilot episode. We got picked... It sort of developed a cult following, I guess is the easy way to describe it, in Canada.

Like you said, Graham was running home to watch it. There were kids coming down to the studio. But this is the show, this is the public access Ottawa show. Yeah, yeah. So people knew about it. I was trying to get a deal.

I wanted to work in television. So I was a very ambitious kid. I was making tapes and sending them off to Saturday Night Live and to MTV and everybody, you know? The CBC. We got a pilot episode when I was, I don't know, 26 years old, 26 or 27 years old with the CBC. And we did that episode. They passed on it.

We got picked up by this new network in Canada called the Comedy Network. And did two seasons there. on it. We got picked up by this new network in Canada called the Comedy Network and did two seasons there and then MTV heard about it and moved me to New York and I never left. I've been living in the United States for 20 years now and thank you MTV. It changed my life. It's a life changing thing. And then from there you did several movies, several

big movies. Yeah, I did. It was very but you know it really was MTV that really kind of changed my life really because just the impact of MTV at the time. In 1999, everybody was watching MTV. It was just... There's nothing really even comparable to it. I don't think people even really know or certainly remember the way MTV worked.

But in 1999, they picked up my show. We'd been doing it for five or six years in Canada. I had about a thousand of these videos all recorded. And when we went to MTV, we would, you know, edit them all and re-air them all on MTV. And it basically, we had sort of 10 or 20 episodes already completed immediately when the show started and they were shot like not running them through the mtv system you know where you had you know the standard way of making television it was not sanitized it was raw it looked really kind of like something no one had ever seen on mtv gorilla gorilla tv yeah and so what what mtv did which you know people probably forget but they ran that show

six times a day every day seven days a week for like two years and so it was like on all day you know it was you'd turn on MTV

in 1999, 2000 the show was on all day back in those days what else was big on MTV the real world I guess was the real world was on they had. Back in those days, what else was big on MTV? The Real World, I guess, was... The Real World was on. They had... The only other real shows they had were... They only had, like, five or six shows on the one year. The Osbournes was still, I think,

a couple years, a few years away. That hadn't started yet, you know? You know, I think, you know, honestly, like, I was doing all these pranks on my parents. I was doing all this stuff to my parents on my show. I think MTV kind of realized, hey, that's kind of interesting, you know? Like, pulling pranks. Yeah, you didn't wake them up. Filming real people. I think, you know, hey, that's kind of interesting, you know? Like, pulling pranks, filming real people. I think, you know, I'm responsible for the Kardashians, you know?

I like to feel like, you know, we weren't accustomed to seeing families disintegrating on television before me. I think you were more of a jackass predecessor than a... I mean, I'm just kidding around. I don't think I'm responsible for the Kardashians, but... Responsible for Trump, though. Yeah, Trump. I'll blame you for Trump, around. I don't think I'm responsible for the Kardashians. Responsible for Trump, though. Yeah, Trump.

Blame me for Trump, yeah. But what is that? Your parents seem to remember you. You went into their room with, like, firecrackers or something and woke them up in the middle of the night? I went into my parents' bedroom in 1994 with Highland Dancers. I went into their bedroom with Bag Piper and Highland Dancers I went in them with we went into their room with

Monica Lewinsky in 1999 That's amazing We woke them up with Monica Lewinsky that was after the show had been on MTV I went into their room with a decapitated cow's head that we got from the local slaughterhouse

and put it in their bed and said this is a message from Don Carleone. So, you know, we did some crazy stuff. But, yeah, the firecrackers was Jackass. See, you're getting mixed up. Oh, I'm getting mixed up. You're getting mixed up with Jackass. See, they did a lot of things on Jackass that we did on my show. So there was a lot of precise, you know, they borrowed a lot of our ideas.

Well, how do your parents... Precise borrowing. Yeah. Well, we stand on the shoulders of giants. Yeah. Look, I was yelling through a megaphone because I love Letterman yelling through a megaphone. I mean, I had a desk because I grew up watching David Letterman and I wanted a desk. So we all are inspired by things. And Steve O. is a friend of mine, has straight up told me he would watch the Tom Green show on VHS tapes and was inspired by it.

So I got no problem with it. What did your parents think about that as it was happening? I mean, would they eventually get into it and say, like, okay, this is, you know, this is like our son, how our son makes his living, or, you know, it's his art? My parents were excited for me. Even though I was doing these pranks,

they were always supportive. They let me go down to the comedy club when I was 15 years old to do stand-up on Thursday nights when I was in high school. All through high school. Every week I'd go down to the comedy club. So they knew since an early age this was what I wanted to do.

Are you an only child? I have a younger brother, know. Are you an only child? I have a younger brother, yeah. I have a younger brother. What I'm hearing here is the story of a very ambitious, very self-starting, very nerdy kid. And it reminds me a bit of Judd Apatow, who we interviewed here recently. He would write down the sketches for SNL word for word. Before you could record it on V would, he would write down the sketches for SNL, word for word, before you could record it on VHS, he would write it down, he would interview celebrities

for his high school radio or whatever it was, but also as a very young kid, very, what I'm trying to say is, I get it now, I have never gone anywhere in this business. Because I'm comparing my, because the people that have really succeeded, really, I'm seeing a pattern here. What's the pattern? A pattern of tremendous ambition, very young, and doing things that nobody else was doing at the time.

I always feel like, you know, like, I mean, to succeed in this business, you have to have two of three things. You either have to have, you know, if you looked at it like a triangle, you've got talent, you've got luck, and you've got hard work. So you say two of those things. Two of those things. If you have no talent, but you work hard and you get some luck, you'll do fine. If you've got talent and no luck, but you work hard, talent and luck, you'll do fine. If you don't work hard, but you've got talent and luck, you'll do fine.

So any two of those things, talent, luck, hard work. So if you feel like, you know, okay, well, shit, I'm not going to, you know, I'm not getting any luck here. You know, I better work really hard and better work on my craft and figure out how to do this, and it'll be fine. But also, again, what you were doing was not, you were taking the road that at that time was not taken. Nowadays, of course, everybody has a podcast, everybody has

a blog, everybody is doing those things, but you were doing that kind of shit before anybody was doing it. I've always kind of like, I had like a thing that happened like a little bit before the show, which is kind of very, you know, inside my life, and you know, but when

I was a teenager, I started a rap group, okay? And we got a record deal when I was in high school, right after high school. But the reason that happened was because I saw, like, technology was changing. Like, I saw, like, Run DMC and the Beastie Boys came out. And that was my era. And I heard that music, and I thought, boy, what is this? You know, it sounds different. And then I started trying to figure out why it sounded different. And electronic music became the

thing that I was into. Drum machines and sampling and all that kind of stuff. So I got into that and I kind of identified that if you figured out how to use technology before anybody else did that you could kind of be the only person doing something. So we were the only goofy rap group in Ottawa in 1987. We were the only rap group in Ottawa.

When I was a kid, they had a hit song that was on the Canadian MTV. It's called Much Music. It's called Check the OR. I don't know what it means. It stands for Organized Rhyme. Our band was called Organized Rhyme. It was very confusing.

That's right. No, no, it makes sense. I forgot. I probably knew that at one point. But one thing I like to do, what I used to like to do, is if I met some, if you're at a party, you do YouTube, everyone

starts playing funny videos on YouTube. I would play them like 30 seconds of Check the OR. Tom Green used to be a rapper. This is a rap song. Yeah, it's a hit rap song that Tom Green had in Canada. He was nominated. OR meaning operating room? Organized Rhyme, which is the name of his group.

And so I think you were nominated for... Yeah, we got nominated for a Juno Award, which was like a Canadian Grammy. So before that... It was a pretty big deal in Ottawa. So I would play people 30 seconds of that, and then... No, in all Canada.

I would play people 30 seconds of that, and then I would play him the follow-up of Exhibit being on his internet show that he had. Or still has, maybe. Anyway, so Exhibit was a guest on a show that he had, and he's like, I'd like to do some rapping.

And then Exhibit's like, I don't think you can do it. And then he's like, really good. Because nobody in America knows that he is a nominated rapper. By the way, speaking of Canadian music scene in Canada, I'm just deviating just a little bit. What do you guys think? There's a Canadian group that apparently is hugely famous in Canada

that no one knows here called the Tragically Hip. Yeah, we love Tragically Hip. Apparently in Canada, like the Beatles and Nana Muscuri rolled into one. Yeah, and their lead singer just passed away of cancer recently and there was

a whole country was rallied around the band. They did a final tour and it is kind of like the Canadian Beatles or something. And you guys

are both big fans? Yeah, I love the Tragedy Hip. When I grew up, I didn't like them at all. I thought it was like dad rock or whatever, but as I've gotten older, if you're in the

Canadian woods on a boat, it's very nostalgic. The thing about it is it's so big. It's kind of like if you're a rebellious kid and you're growing up wanting to be different, that's not what you're going to listen to because that was literally on the radio all day, every day, to Tragically Hip.

But that being said, when they started out, they were the rebellious band. You know, my friend told me about them, and I was astounded that something so big in Canada could be unknown here. They were on SNL. Were they? Yes.

They played on SNL. But they never blew up. I tried to listen to a couple. She recommended Boy Cajun, I think was the name of the song, and one other song. Bob Cajun. Bob Cajun. Boy Cajun.

I tried to listen. It's a Trump song. Graham, I've got to be honest, I was struggling to love them, you know, and I was forcing, like, It's kind of like a I just couldn't do it. I would say you could say it has a bit of a sound of like an REM, sort of a southern rock, southern alternative rock sound.

So if you like that kind of music. It has to be in the background of your life to sort of get in there, I think. And also, you could say the same about Bob Dylan. Bob Dylan sounds terrible. If you just showed somebody Bob Dylan right now, they'd think, well, this is bad music. But it's not. It just takes a while to get in your head. Maybe you just had to be there, right?

You had to be there. Well, I'll give him another shot. Yeah. Because, you know, my it's not. It just takes a while to get in your head. Maybe you just had to be there, right? You had to be there. Well, I'll give him another shot. Yeah. Because, you know, my parents are Canadian, so if it's in the blood, I should have it. I was never that big a fan of Elvis, to be honest with you. So, you know, your American music sucks, too.

Well, no, no, no. I'm not saying your music sucks. I very much enjoy Rush, and even Celine Dion has some good stuff. Yeah, yeah. The Guess Who? And the Guess Who? I met, as a matter of fact, I met Burton Cummings right here at the Comedy Cell. Oh, my God. Now we're talking.

Leading to the Guess Who. He was downstairs. And I said, who here is from Canada? As I often do. And he said, oh, hey, I'm Amy. I mean, he has the thickest Canadian accent ever. And I didn't know who he was. But after the show, he introduced himself to me.

And it was the legendary Burton Cummings from The Guess Who. I like Elvis, actually. I'm just kidding. Okay, okay. But you don't have to. I don't want to hate on America. I just became an American citizen for the... I just became an American citizen. I'm very proud to be American. Graham's also newly American. I'm not American. I'm a green card holder. I'm a green card holder.

I'm a legal alien. That's different. You're a legal alien. I was a green card holder for 15 years, though. Well, I did want to talk a little bit's different. You're a legal alien. I was a green card holder for 15 years, though. Congrats. Yeah, thank you. Well, I did want to talk a little bit about that. You guys are both new immigrants. Immigration is a huge issue now in the United States. What prompted... Well, Graham, you wanted to...

What's going on with that? Graham, you wanted to live here... I heard everything's fine. You wanted to live here mostly for career reasons? Is that why you're here? Yes. Yes, for career reasons. And you as well.

And freedom. Oh, yeah. Well, good luck for that. It's the greatest country in the world. That's why people come here from Yes. Yes, for career reasons. And freedom. Oh, good luck for that. It's the greatest country in the world. That's why people come here from all over the world, because it's the greatest country. Now, do you say that with some degree of sarcasm? Listen, this is a thing that I think that sometimes people don't understand about Canada if you're American, right? When you grow up in Canada, let's say you grow up in Toronto, and you turn on the TV at night, you're watching The Tonight Show. You're watching Saturday Night Live. We grow up completely immersed in

and love American television. Unless you're French. Unless you're French, yeah. So if you're from Toronto, right, you probably aspire to move to New York City the same way that somebody from, you know, Cleveland would want to move to New York City. No one aspires to be the tragically hip.

People from Toronto might not like me saying that. So if you're from Ottawa, okay, a smaller city, you look at New York as the center of the universe, the same way that somebody from Cleveland or somebody from Des Moines, Iowa would, right? So we don't sort of draw this line at the border like, oh, I can never go to New York and live my dream of being in show business, right? I mean, it's... But aren't you guys appalled by our politics?

Well, we'll get to that, Perry. I want to hear Tom finishing his thought about why Canadians come to America. So we come here because we grow up and we watch Saturday Night Live, who, by the way, was created by a Canadian, Lorne Michaels. By the way, Lorne is a name that if you ever meet somebody named Lorne, he's Canadian. And Saturday Night Live has been populated by so many Canadians. Some of the greatest cast members of Saturday Night Live have been Canadian. Martin Short, John Candy.

So there's so many incredible Canadians have passed Canadian. Martin Short, John Candy, so there's so many incredible Canadians who've passed through. Mike Myers, right? So, you know, Saturday Night Live is actually practically a Canadian show, if you don't mind me saying. So, you know, we want to be on it. Norm MacDonald is from Ottawa, right? So when I was a kid doing stand-up comedy in Ottawa, and I was,

you know, like I said, 16 years old doing stand-up, and Norm MacDonald hadn't broken in the U.S. yet, so he would come through his headlining act at Yuck Yucks. Norm, who's, I think, 16 years old doing stand-up, and Norm MacDonald hadn't broken in the U.S. yet. So he would come through, his headlining act at Yuck Yucks, Norm, who's I think one of the greatest stand-ups ever to have done stand-up, would come through, and we'd be watching this 27-year-old Norm MacDonald just killing it and being weirder than, and just doing things you'd never seen before

and being completely amazed by it. I mean, I feel very lucky to have been there in the room at Yuck Yucks. Apparently he was always good. Like I was talking to guys of your generation, saw him at Yuck Yucks. He was always that. There was an energy there that was just so exciting. So you ever get a lottery ticket, like buy a lottery ticket? Huh?

You ever get one of those and they give you one as a present like for christmas or something like that that's always a weird gift there huh i think that's the weirdest gift say here you go nothing that's for me and you there's nothing at all there cardboard i'm giving you this year and you'd see him and and he was touring Canada, and then one day you'd hear, oh, Norm's writing for Roseanne now. He lives in Los Angeles. And your mind would sort of explode.

You know, you're a kid in Ottawa doing, you know, doing open mic nights, and all of a sudden the guy who's, the other Canadian guy who's the biggest guy in Canada at the time, now he's living in Los Angeles. He's writing for Roseanne. Now he's on Saturday Night Live doing a weekend update. So you automatically created in your head this idea that, oh, that's the dream, right?

That is the dream, to do Saturday Night Live, right? So that's why. It's not like in Canada we have another Saturday Night Live that we all dream of doing. No, we want to do Saturday Night Live. That explains why you want to live in America and why you want to get a green card. But you recently became a citizen, which is taking it a step further. Sure, sure, yeah. So what's the reasoning there?

Well, you know, I've been living here for 20 years. You know, I own a house in Los Angeles. I pay all my taxes here. I'd like to vote. I would like to be able to vote. I would like to be able to vote. I'd like to be able to take part of the political discourse. You know, I think it's when you're living in a society and you care about it, it sort of feels, after a while, not voting for 20 years,

and seeing things changing around you, you feel, geez, you know, I'd like to be able to, you know, to have a say here. So that's part of the reason, I think. Well, now we can get to Perry L's point. Thank you. Well, because now it's appropriate to get to Perry L's point.

Okay, now you can vote. Graham cannot vote, but he can certainly... But I can get drafted. I can? I didn't know that. That's insane. That is so crazy. I can't. I'm too old. I don't know anything. I'm probably too old, too, now. I can't. I didn't know that. That's insane. That is so crazy. I can't. I'm too old. I'm probably too old too now. I hurt my ankle.

I didn't know that. Bone spurs. On record. But now that you are participating in the U.S. you know, polity. Of course, it is very frustrating in a way, but you can't let a politician take away your dream.

You know, your dream is always... Hello, Namesh. Your dream, like our friend here said, is like you always... Your dream is always to be on SNL or whatever it is. I used to see comics on Letterman. I'm like, I want to do that. And I'm not going to let a politician who doesn't care about me destroy my dream

and go, oh, well, he's there, so I guess I can't have my dream. I don't really care. You do what Tom does, and you vote, or you do what you have to do to change the system. And the fact of the matter is, it's hard being on top america's a huge country it's it's just difficult it's there's a lot of there's inherent a lot of

problems there we're it's very easy for canadians now i play devil's advocate all the time i'll go home and play and say what i'm about to say right now but you know my my parents don't especially my mother does not like that i'm here. She thinks I moved to a poorer, violent country filled with idiots. Like, literally. She thinks that... She's not wrong.

She is. She is wrong. We put a man on the moon. We're not morons here. She is wrong. This is... That's not... I mean, that's not...

That doesn't mean anything. You also invented GPS. Okay, so there are... I mean, first of all, I think GPS was actually invented in Israel. No, GPS was invented in the United States. But I appreciate your love of your Israeli heritage. America, it is a great country, and there is...

It's easy to sit on our high horse in Canada. Just a small country, it's easier to control. We don't have this huge population that four generations ago were slaves. It's a lot. It's a lot to deal with. And we don't border on Mexico.

You know, it's just way easier. And then people look down on America. It's just like, relax. I had a post on July 1st. That's America Day, relax. I had a post on July 1st. That's America Day, Tom. Yes. And I said, you know, America

invented every single kind of music that we listen to around the world pop culture-wise. And then the amount of flack I got, I'm like, this is a historical fact. Yeah, Mozart. Hip-hop, I'm like, this is a historical fact. Yeah, Mozart. Hip-hop, rock.

No, pop music. I'm not talking about. I'm kidding. Yeah, jazz. It all came from jazz. K-pop is from America. Blues. It goes back to America.

Blues, rap, rock. Everyone who is oppressed. Martha and the Muffins. Yes. Martha and the Muffins, of course, is a Canadian band. Martha and the Muffins. Remember Martha and the Muffins? I went to summer camp in Canada years ago,

north of Montreal in St. Agathe. They were playing a lot of Martha and the Muffins. I could respond to your question, too. Peril never misses an opportunity to bash the United States. I'm not bashing it. I think it's really important to be critical. Certainly. I certainly am not doing that.

What I'm saying is that I think that most Americans would be surprised that we have very divisive politics in Canada, too. Yes. And we have right and left in Canada. It's called... And here it's the Republicans and the Democrats in Canada. It's the Conservatives and the Liberals. Our Liberal Party is actually called the Liberal Party. That's how

unashamed we are of being Liberal. We actually call the party the Liberal Party, right? That's the party in power. So, you know, it was a very divisive election we just had in Canada. You know, out West, Alberta... The Conservatives are the progressive Conservatives. Progressive. You know, I thought of something fun to do. So you come down here and you say, oh,

it's really bad, the politics here right now. You know, the politics are really bad in Canada right now, too. You know, we do have universal health care. There are, you know, there are some nice things about living in a more of a socialist country, I admit, that I do miss. You know, I do miss. It is interesting being here in the United States, and I have a lot of friends who are freelance cameramen or stand-up comedians or not working for a major corporation with health care provided for them,

and they get sick and they don't want to go to the doctor. That's something I've never had to even contemplate growing up in Canada. Everybody had health care, and nobody was worried about that. That's a nice thing. So there are some good things to be had in Canada, for sure. But the United States, you're perfectly right. The United States is anything

but a perfect country. But when it comes to just being cool, I think you have to say that we're the top. You definitely definitely think you are. Canadians are absolutely, Americans are absolutely more confident than anyone else in the world. And they're also more

have the ability to say a statement like the one you just made. So other people kind of hold back. Like Canadians hold back. They don't really want to say, we're the greatest country in the world. I didn't say we're the greatest. Even though they might think it. I didn't say we're the greatest. I said we're the coolest.

Yeah. And even if Canadians think they're the coolest, they wouldn't say it. No. That's the difference. But okay, fair enough. I think most Canadians probably think they're the coolest, they wouldn't say it. No, that's the difference. But, okay, fair enough. I think most Canadians probably think they're the coolest, but they wouldn't say it. Yes, but here's the thing, Tom. That's the difference. I don't say it as a brag, because I can perfectly accept the fact that I had nothing to do with it.

All the great things about America do not involve Dan Natterman. I definitely think... So I'm an outsider in that regard. I'm looking at all the people that created rock and roll, the people that invented so many of the things like GPS, like a lot of the Internet came from there. I absolutely think that Americans are cooler than Canadians if you go by the definition of what cool is in the dictionary.

You know, leather jacket, you know, cooler than the Canadians if you go by the definition of what cool is in the dictionary. You know, leather jacket, you know, brill cream in your hair, smoking a cigarette, you know, that's definitely cool. Canadians, but if you were to say like, you know, if cool was like who's the best at like ice fishing for Northern Pike, you know, if you hung out with a bunch of people that like were really into ice fishing for Northern Pike, who can drill the hole in the lake quicker than, you know, if you hung out with a bunch of people that were really into ice fishing for Northern Pike, who can drill the hole in the lake quicker than, you know, you'd be like, man, you know, like, you know, Jean-Claude, he's cooler than any American.

Well, and I will also say when it comes to bagels and pickles, our friends in the North have us beaten. Do you like Montreal bagels better? I love Montreal bagels. I think they're really good, too. And I love Montreal pickles. I thought I'd do something fun. You know, this is something we normally don't do here on the podcast. Wait, I just want to say one thing. Go ahead, Perrielle.

I feel like part of why we're cool though, if SNL is any example, is because we get people from other places. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And I do think, I will say this, every single person who I know from Canada is really cool and has something that Americans don't have, honestly.

We're cool, see. They have some, I don't know, they're less- But you meet the ones that come here, perhaps it's a self-selecting group. I get it. I get that a lot. When I was younger and traveling, a lot of backpackers would be like, Canadians are so more, they're cooler. They are.

They really are. This is before I did comedy. Minus that maple leaf, but yeah. I think it's pretty cool. I think we're less confident. I think you're less arrogant. That's what I'm saying. And that can be kind of interpreted as cool if you're hanging out with somebody who's a little more apologetic.

Right? Because we're less of a threat when you're hanging out with somebody who's kind of apologetic. Well, look, we have to face facts. America is a hugely important player on the world stage. Yeah. You're very proud of America. Well, I mean, I'm going to wrap you in a fucking American flag. Again, I say to you.

I wasn't expecting this to be like, you know, like the sort of like Helsinki Summit here today or something. But again, I want to emphasize that I had absolutely nothing to do with that. Yeah.

So I'm not saying it as a brag. But you are a product of it, though. You're very proud. I'm proud, but again... By the way, I'm very proud American, too.

You're a product. And Tom is American, by the way. I'm very proud. He's American as a poutine. And Graham is well on his way to becoming one. Much to his mother's dismay. I'm a proud Canadian, too.

Dual citizen. Given that, I thought it would be something fun to do, which we normally wouldn't do and probably would not do if Noam were not here. But because the teacher is absent today, I thought we could maybe do something we wouldn't normally do. I thought it would be fun to have a little U.S. trivia to see what our new Americans, one is a resident, but not quite a citizen yet, but maybe will be. The other is a new citizen.

If I end up living here for that long, I would suspect that I will become a citizen, for the same reasons that Tom. Well, I think it would be fun to see what you guys know about a little trivia. Okay. If that sounds like something you'd be up for. Absolutely. Okay, so, and Periel can play too, but I suspect Periel, she is American, but she doesn't pay attention. So you're putting me on the spot here, huh?

Well, I don't think so. Can I start by naming every president of the United States in order? Uh, well then that's my first question. Okay. Who was the third president of the United States? So here, I'll name them all, okay? George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, James Monroe, John Quincy Adams, Andrew Jackson, Martin Van Buren, William Henry Harrison, John Tyler, James K. Polk, Zachary Taylor, Millard Fillmore, Franklin Pierce, James Buchanan, Abraham Lincoln, Andrew Johnson, Ulysses S. Grant, Rutherford B. Hayes, John Tyler, Chester A. Arthur, Benjamin Harrison, no, Grover Cleveland, Benjamin Harrison, Grover Cleveland, William McKinley.

Well, I suppose he's right, you know. Harry Truman, Theodore Roosevelt, William Howard Taft. Wait, no, Truman wasn't before Theodore Roosevelt. Sorry, no, Herbert Hoover. Sorry, Herbert Hoover. You're right. Herbert Hoover, Theodore Roosevelt, William Howard Taft, Woodrow Wilson, Warren G. Harding, Calvin Coolidge, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Harry Truman, Dwight D. Eisenhower, John F. Kennedy, Lyndon Johnson, Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, and Hillary Clinton. Well, I assume he's right, but I can't say for sure.

Is Taft the one who's too fat? That looks fucking insane. I mean, can we take a second to acknowledge that? That was intense Not one other single person on this block Now did you memorize that Just for shits and giggles or because In preparation for the show

I got a little carried away when I Studied for my citizenship test And I got really into kind of reading about American history I picked the wrong guy to fuck with on American history That was insane Now ask me a bunch of questions I don't know the answer to. Okay, what major war, and maybe let's see if Graham knows this one. Is there a prize here?

Well, the prize is that we don't deport you. What major war involving the United States started in 1846 and ended in 1848? Perrielle, do you know this one? I wasn't even paying attention to the question. I was just thinking about how I was going to get this to go viral. That is not correct. Perrielle, do you know this one? I wasn't even paying attention to the question. I was just thinking about how I was going to get this to go viral. That is not correct. Perrielle, what major war involving the United States started

in 1846 and ended in 1848? The Civil War. Oh, Christ. Do you really believe it was the Civil War? Mexico? Did they fight Mexico? No, that's Mexico. Tom, you want to take a crack? Was it with France? No, and I Mexico. Tom, you want to take a crack? Was it with France? No, and I think you know it was not with France.

I think you're toying with me. It wasn't the Mexican-American War? That's what it was, and Graham did allude to it. Yes, but I wanted to give Tom a chance. I thought he said the Mexican-American War. He said it, and I wanted to see if you knew it as well. Oh, okay. So you both get credit for it.

You confused me because you said it wasn't that. Okay, so sometimes if he gets it right, I Oh, okay. So you both get credit for it. You confused me because you said it wasn't that. Okay. So sometimes, if he gets it right, I might not say anything at all. I believe the president at the time would have been James K. Polk.

Well, that might well be, but I'm not sure. This is insane. You could have said any one of those weird little ones. Zachary Taylor was a general in the Mexican-American War, and he was the next president.

Also, Robert E. Lee, he was involved there somehow. What, Robert E. Lee, he was involved there somehow. What U.S. territory became a state on August 21, 1959? No, Alaska. Hawaii? Hawaii. Oh, Hawaii. No, Alaska, Hawaii.

What import? No, Alaska is 18 months. It was Hawaii. It was Hawaii. I got that right. That recently, huh? I did not know that. That is wild stuff.

David Letterman. Johnny Carson just joined us. What important document begins with the words, when in the course of human events? Steve, you want to sit down? No. Steve, could you get Steve a peri-o? He's coming in a minute. That'd be the Declaration of Independence.

Do you concur? What was the question? I was looking at you. What important document begins with the words, when in the course of human events? Sounds pornographic. Yeah. I mean, the only famous American document I know

is the Declaration of Independence. Do you concur? Whatever Tom said. It is indeed the Declaration of Independence. All right, all right. Okay, so we're not doing too bad. Doing very well. Not Periel, but the Canadians are doing well. I got Hawaii, right? Okay, so we're not doing too bad. Doing very well. Not Periel,

but the Canadians are doing well. I got Hawaii, right? The American Civil War ended in what year? Oh, jeez, I don't know. I don't know the actual year. 1865. 1865.

Nice, Graham. 1865. Nice, good. Very good. Which of the following was not, not one of the original 13 colonies?

Rhode Island, Georgia, Delaware, Maine, New Jersey. Was not an original 13 colony. Say them again. Rhode Island, Georgia, Delaware, Maine, New Jersey. Was not an original 13 colony. Say them again. Rhode Island.

Uh-huh. Georgia. Delaware. Georgia. Georgia. Maine and New Jersey. Georgia. You're all wrong.

It's New Jersey. It was Maine. Maine at the time was part of Massachusetts. Oh, okay. Now, did you know all of this? That is wild stuff. I knew that Maine was not, but I didn't know it was part of Massachusetts. That is wild and wacky stuff.

Jimmy Fallon. Yes. Do you do impressions in your act? No, I don't. I love a good impression. I love a good Regis impression. Any Regis impression, I'm there. I love Regis. Carson sounds very similar to Regis impression. Any Regis impression, I'm there. I love Regis. Carson sounds very similar to Regis.

Yes. At old school, everyone in the 50s talked like that. Yeah, that was a little Regis-y. For some reason, everyone in the 50s copied the way they spoke. They liked to talk from that part of their voice, because we're all sheep. The Grand Canyon is located in what state? Arizona.

Do you concur, Tom? Well, it's definitely in Arizona, but I think it might... Does it go into another state, too, or is it just in Arizona? I'm going to guess... Is it a trick question? Arizona and New Mexico? It's one state. The whole hole is located...

Certainly Arizona. The whole hole is located in the great state of Arizona. Home of the Diamondbacks. But it's near Nevada, and if you go to Vegas, you can make a day trip. Absolutely. Maybe, Tom, you'll be in Vegas. The Comedy Cellar has a room in Vegas. If you're ever there, I'm sure they'd love to have you.

I was just there a few weeks ago at the Plaza in Vegas, but I want to do the Cellar next. That would be great. What is the tallest mountain in the continental United States? Mount Washington. Mount McKinley? Mount McKinley is in Alaska. Continental. Oh, Mount Rainier.

Oh. It's Mount Whitney in California. Really? California. Yeah, I didn't know that one. That was the one of these I didn't know. Yeah, I did not know that. I can name all the presidents. Can I do that again? Can we do that again? Well, I'd like to that one. That was the one of these I didn't know. Yeah, I did not know that. I can name all the presidents. Can I do that again? Can you do that again?

Well, I'd like to just have a special show where all you do is name the president. I've also been to every state. Well, that's something I haven't done. Yeah. And I assure you, Periel hasn't. But I can tell you one thing. He looks down on most of them. I don't think I could name all the state capitals, that's for sure.

I don't really know them. Besides Idaho, Montana, and Montana, besides Idaho and Montana, what U.S. state borders the Canadian province of British Columbia, besides Idaho and Montana? Washington. Washington, yeah. Perrielle, any thoughts? Obviously Washington.

I was expecting you guys to really not know as much as you do. I like how you look at me when you say that. The Canadians. No, he just looked at me. He was just expecting me not to know anything. But, well, that I was expecting. Never underestimate a strong public education system. What famous Supreme Court case

decided in 1954, now if you know it already, don't hesitate. No, tell us what it is. Declared that racial segregation in U.S. public schools... Outer support of education. Thank you, Jim Norton. How are you, man? Declared that racial segregation

in U.S. public schools is unconstitutional. Jim Proffert... Are you sure it's not Jim Crow? Well, uh... I said Roe v. Wade. Sorry, I missed the question. I was excited to say hi to Jim Norton. Does Jim want to come hang out with us?

We've got a microphone here. Well, he might, but we're waiting for Steve to come over. He often does. Well, he can have my mic. You want me to see if Jim wants to come? He pops by. Yeah. What famous Supreme Court case in 1954

declared racial segregation unconstitutional? Jim gave his answer. I'd like to hear yours now. What was the name of the case? The name of the case. A famous Supreme Court case. Oh, I don't know. I think it is Brown.

I don't know the name. Did you hear what Jim said? Steve is here. Steve, what famous Supreme Court case in 1954 declared racial segregation unconstitutional? Oh, that was Anderson versus Cooper. Brown versus Board of Education. Was correct, Jim, is correct. We just did a little bit.

I gave some trivia to see how much our Canadian friends know about America, and they did pretty well. Oh, pretty good. One thing is studying American history in school was an elective in high school, so we had to study Canadian history. We had to study Canadian history, but we. So we had to study Canadian history. We had to study Canadian history, but we didn't actually have to study American history. I never actually studied American history

in school. It soaks in there, watching a lot of American TV. Well, this was not just history, but I quizzed them also on geography. Yeah. And... What do you know about Canada? And jurisprudence. Well, I know quite a few things about Canada. Quite a few things indeed. What's the name of the country?

Your parents live in Montreal. My parents, they do not. They moved to the United States where I was born. From Montreal. They're from Montreal. Tu parles français? Oui. Tu es...

He does speak French. Canadienne-Française. Tu es Franco-Ontarienne? Non, pas du tout. Non? Petit peu. Non. Pas français.

Merci. Oui, mais pas parfaitement. Mais je ne veux pas faire tous les podcasts en français. Literally nobody is going to understand. C'est très intéressant pour les auditeurs. Dan, you did comedy in Paris. I have done. All in French.

And I also did in Montreal. Steve, welcome. That's amazing. I went to Paris last year, and he was the talk of the town. Nice. He's like, do you know Dan Natterman? Natterman. I was like, I do know.

He's like, he's very good. Oui. Nice. I was going to, I was trying to do, I wanted to do, my goal was to do an hour in French. Uh-huh. Because I figured that would be interesting. Here in America, I'm another comedian. I'd like to think I'm unique, but how unique am I?

Uh-huh. If I went to France and did it in English, I'd be very unique. I've actually wanted to try to translate my... I was telling you I want to try to translate my stuff into French. Right, you were telling me that. Slight problem. Slight problem. I got so sickeningly nervous every time I did comedy in French that it just, I felt, there's no way I can do an hour in French. Uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And maybe you're probably less neurotic than I am, so maybe for you it would work? Yeah, yeah. Well, I was going to kind of do it in a way where I was sort of mocking the fact that I wasn't really able to speak French, so I was going to kind of have fun with it. But for a whole hour? Yeah, well, but then I would sort of be able to slip in and out

of that sort of idea. So I would be kind of being silly with my French, but at the same time, speaking pretty good French, but clearly not attempting to make anyone believe that I'm fluent. Well, that might be one way to approach it. While being fluent. Right.

So that's kind of like... I would still be horrifically nervous, and I'm nervous even in English, I have to be honest. The truth is, I'd like nothing more than to stop doing stand-up and maybe just do other things, be have to be honest. The truth is, I'd like nothing more than to stop doing stand-up and just, maybe just, you know, do other things, be it acting, writing, I'm working on a novel, for example. You're a good actor. Well, I've been accused of that.

Judd Apatow uses me, you know, in small roles. You're getting crashing. But stand-up makes me terribly nervous. Yeah, it should. It's good to get nervous before you get on stage. I think that any time you don't get nervous before you go on stage, you're going to bomb. But a little bit of nerves, not so much nerves, that it just ruins not just your whole day, but your whole week. You just got to learn how to channel that. Channel that energy into the performance. Graham, I do...

You've been doing it like 20 years, probably. It's getting worse. Really? But you have less to live for, so who cares? You mean less time left to live? Absolutely. I've been thinking about that a lot myself, actually. The older I get, the less stressed I am

because there's so much less of my life to ruin. Well, but you had, can I talk about briefly, you had a health issue many years ago. I'm a cancer survivor. I had testicular cancer. It took my right testicle. I still have yeah. I'm a cancer survivor. You're a cancer survivor. I had testicular cancer. Testicular. It took my right testicle. I still have the left one. It's the middle one now.

You're not the only one. You're not the only stellar comedian, by the way, with that issue. Des Bishop's also missing a testicle. He talked about that right here on our podcast. Richard Belzer as well, yeah. He doesn't work here, but yes, he is missing a testicle. Yeah, missing a testicle. Hitler, they say, was missing a testicle.

A micropenis, they said. Microthallus. Oh, my gosh. So you're aicle. A micropenis, they said. Oh, I didn't know about that. Oh my gosh. So you're a survivor. You have completely cancer-free now for 20 years. Joking. Everything's fine. Everything's fine with me.

You're cancer-free now for 20 years? Yes, I am. Absolutely, yeah. Happy to say I'm cancer-free. You know, the good thing about testicular cancer is it's very curable if you get it early. And I got it early. So it's completely... But you got it very early. You were only like 25. Yeah. get it early, and I got it early. So it's completely... But you got it very early. You were only like 25.

Yeah, and I mean... You mean caught it early. Caught it early, yeah. Caught it early. I think my paranoia helped me a lot. I think that's a good thing about, A, being nervous or being paranoid. Nervousness is actually there for a reason, right? You're there. It's making you prepare for your stand-up set or go to the doctor when you feel something wrong with your testicle. You're there, it's making you prepare for your stand-up set or

go to the doctor when you feel something wrong with your testicle, you know? You're a hypochondriac. If I had been less of a hypochondriac, I might have sat around and waited for a year and then I'd be dead. So I always tell people, you know, whenever I talk about this, that if you ever feel like something's wrong, you should go to the hospital right away. And that's kind of what I feel like is great about having a universal health care system, not to get back to the politics. Preventative medicine.

When you know that you have coverage, you know, you'll go for every little thing just to get checked up. You won't wait. And then it could save your life. Last week, I felt a bump on my skull, but it's gone away. I think I just hit my head. Yeah. But I do have a suspicious-looking mark on my finger.

Tom, what do you make of this? I know you're not a doctor. It's on this finger. It looks like a mole, but it's kind of red. He's a comedian, not a doctor. Too much masturbating. It's hair. That's from masturbating too much.

Tom, what are the indications that there was something wrong? I felt some pain. I don't want to hear the symptoms because then I'll get the symptoms. I tend to get whatever symptom you're talking about. My doctor said that your testicles should feel like a smooth, hard-boiled egg. Well, your testicles, you should not feel

your... It's a bump. That's bad. I don't touch my testicles because I'm afraid I might find a bump there. Yeah. That's the wrong... That's actually the opposite of what you should do. I'm like an ostrich burying my head in the sand. Yeah, the opposite of what you should do. What you should do is you should be very vigilant with your health. Looking for...

It can go too far in reverse. I'm also now... I've become extremely paranoid since that happened. Every little thing I run to the doctor now, any little thing, because I just kind of want to get it early. So we're back to your micro phallus. Any little thing.

Yes, absolutely. Steve, are you a, would you characterize yourself as a hypochondriac? No, no. I'm not. Okay, that's it. I never get sick. But you don't have to get sick. The hypochondriac often doesn't get sick. Interesting. The hypochondriac... I think, I don't know, that's not true. I'm a hypochondriac.

I'm constantly washing my hands, and my body hasn't built up any resistance to any germs. I'm sick quite a bit. I constantly think I have... I've never had bed bugs, but one time I thought I had bed bugs, and I threw all my stuff out, and I moved.

That's true. And I put everything through the dryer. What was it, though? I went to a dermatologist and said I had winter itch. I just need to use moisturizer. Wait, so you threw everything out? Rare pictures I'll never get back and books.

Anything that couldn't go through a dryer on high heat. It's so nuts. Winter itch is the Canadian term for chlamydia. I was ravaged by chlamydia. So I threw everything in a dryer. Steve. Yes.

It's getting a little different topic, but have you seen Tom stand up here at the Cellar? Yeah, he's fantastic. I look forward to it. I think he's performing tonight. I said to him, I'm like... How would you characterize it? I said to Tom the first thing, I'm like,

for sure I thought you were going to suck. And he goes, really? Did he really say that to you? He did. He goes, really? Why? People have low expectations. I think it's kind of relating to what you were saying at the beginning of the show, because people, if they know someone from a television show before they know them from stand-up,

then they assume they're just doing stand-up because they had a TV show. So Tom says to me, why did you think that? I'm like, well, first of all, you're Canadian. Yeah. Secondly, you live in L.A. But, of course, Canadians are very often... Would you say that Norm Macdonald is a great stand-up? There are, of course, exceptions.

Of course, so he's Canadian. I think we disproportionately dominate it. And William Shatner's funny. Rich Little. He's also from Ottawa, by the way. Harry Mandel. Dan Aykroyd's from outside Ottawa. You're talking stand-up now.

You've got Jeremy Hotts, amazing Canadian stand-up comic. Oh, I know him. Yeah, Jeremy Hotts. He talks like... From Ottawa as well. He was one of the comics we grew up watching was Jeremy Hotts. This is what I heard once. I didn't invent this, but American stand-up is dominated by...

John Doerr, amazing. By Jewish people, black people, and Canadians because it helps to be an outsider who's also an insider. Or an ootsider in the case of Canadians. That's right.

Ootsider. So you thought he was going to suck and it turns out... He was great. I could tell he was comfortable. He had his thing down

and he was a pro. Tom's been doing... Sold out the Pittsburgh Improv last weekend. All five shows. I imagine your comedy... All five shows sold out. Not a seat empty in the house. What's your comedy like?

Is it quirky kind of one-liners? You know what? What's it like? Listen, I have sort of a combination of one-liners mixed with some social commentary, mixed with some self-reflection, self-deprecating humor, you know, lots of... Can you close with the president bit? I do talk a little bit about that because I do know the president of the United States personally because he fired me on The Celebrity Apprentice.

Amazing. Which is a gift that keeps on giving when you're doing stand-up. Especially right now. But, you know, yeah, so I have a mixture of different things I do. You know, because I do like to talk about the world that we're living in and a lot about our addiction to technology, a lot about our

addiction to social media and our cell phones and things like this, which I think is something that really is personally irritating to me. Because I was always very into technology. You you know I started for instance we're doing a podcast now and he was talking about that show that I did with where I was rapping with exhibit that was on a tv studio that I built in my living room in 2003

right with cameras and it was a full-on streaming internet show which you know was you know kind of one of the first podcasts right there was nobody nobody had at the time. So it was kind of a silly time to do it, but I was excited about doing it. So I'm like really into technology. You know, I started my website in 1996. You know, when I was doing my public access show, I started TomGreen.com in 1996. I've been having people like coming at me online in the comment sections, you know, for, you know, for over 20 years, 23 years now. And so I kind of feel like I kind of identified some of the pitfalls of technology and social media maybe a little bit for your average person. And so, you know, I've been finding that an interesting subject.

Well, social media is, yeah, I mean, I think Instagram is, of all the social media, one that I find the most useless. Yeah. You know, Twitter can be hostile and mean, but you can also learn a lot. And Facebook, I have debates with people on Facebook all the time and exchanges and learn things. Instagram is mostly, it seems to me, just about look at me, aren't I pretty? Or here's what I'm having for lunch.

It's also the least, you have the least chance of getting into a debate, which is why it's the most popular because I think it's like candy. Yeah, it is, it is the least hostile. It doesn't mean it's the greatest.

I mean, I just think it's all bad. But it's just a lot of, you know, it's just a lot of people looking for compliments, looking to be told how cute they are.

You know, people talk about how divided the country is right now and how divided we are politically. And I really think, you know, yeah, sure, of course, you know. Sorry to interrupt. I got to... Graham has to go to another club. And here at the Comedy Cellar, we don't mind that. Graham, great seeing you, man.

You can even name the club. It's the New York Comedy Club. That's how confident the Comedy Cellar is. I'll be back at the Comedy Cellar tonight to do a... We'll see you later seller is. No, don't say that. I'll be back at the comedy seller tonight to do a better job. We'll see you later. Awesome. Thanks, man. That was, on my part, a wonderful call that I made to ask Graham to come.

Yeah, that was great. Give me a shout tomorrow. I'll see you later. And they even have each other's phone numbers. Yeah, absolutely. Wow. Yeah, no, for sure. Graham's great.

Okay, so what were we talking about? Social media. I was just saying that I think that people maybe haven't given enough attention to the fact that maybe the reason why we are so divided right now isn't necessarily just due to the inflammatory rhetoric of our current president, but it also is due to the fact that we're all able to anonymously criticize one another online and get very embedded in our opinions. And on places like Facebook, if you hear about Cambridge Analytica, how we're being fed our own personal opinions

and being reinforced by our own personal opinions to the point that we don't hear other opinions. Back in the 70s and 80s, you grow up listening to Walter Cronkite deliver the news. That would be your source of information. It would be coming from a balanced, hopefully, place, right? Whereas now you're just getting these sort of extreme, extreme opinions on both sides. People are now entrenched in their beliefs, and they have a forum to just go talk shit to each other. And so when they get out in public and run into someone who disagrees with them,

they're just much more likely to get into a big beef. You know, we used to kind of be able to be a little bit more civil with each other. I think a follow-up question is, are we as divided as social media might lead us to think we are? I think so. Well, yes and no. Judging by the rhetoric.

But social media does give us, I think, a deformed view of what people are thinking. We hear the loudest, we hear the most vehement, strident voices on social media. Yeah, sure. And we tend to think that everybody... Yeah. To name an example,

we've talked about on this show that's very personal to the comedy seller, when Louis C.K. was coming back to do stand-up, we heard a lot of very, very vocal people that thought that he should not come back, that he has no right to come back and do stand-up. And when he came here,

we didn't see that. What we saw were mostly people that were very welcoming to him, and we didn't expect that given what we were reading on Twitter. Yeah, absolutely. People, that's sort of what I'm saying, is we're just sitting there online just saying everything that we can possibly think

and being drawn into these arguments. And, you know, I do think it does somehow maybe reflect itself in the real world later, but I agree with what you're saying, yes, absolutely. Well, you're on Twitter. What do you use it for mainly, just to promote your shows and so on? I do like to tweet out thoughts and ideas,

and then I also do it to promote my shows as well. So, you know, I try out jokes on there. But, yeah, that's sort of a mixture of things. I also like photography. So Instagram and Twitter, I like to take photos when I'm traveling around the world and I like to post my photos and stuff like that. Well, I didn't Instagram. I was trashing it, but I'm sure that you put it to good use.

You know, I enjoy it. I enjoy photography. So I actually am really into shooting film right now. So I got an old Leica camera that I've been going out and filming, shooting, you know, pictures. But yeah, I like Instagram. I do, I do.

I like it to the point that I use it too much. I'm definitely addicted to it. And it's something that I actually have some sort of concern about now like I'm 48 years old and I'll look at my screen you know that screen time on your phone it'll be noon and some days I'll look at that and it says you've been on your phone for six and a half hours you know and it's noon right so I have a sort of an unhealthy sort of thing with that you know where I'll wake up in the morning and before I've even sort of, you know,

know where I am, I'll have my phone in my hand and I'll be reading comments on this thing. So I'm actually thinking about getting a flip phone and getting rid of my smartphone and trying to come up with a new way of living life. Well, I mean, it is interesting. I survived 40 years without a smartphone and it didn't bother me at all.

And now if you take it away for 10 minutes, I mean, if I go on a plane ride, I have to go on Wi-Fi right away because I can't stand being on a three-hour plane ride without the Internet. I think the media companies... And it's an addiction, no question about it. I think the media companies that are profiting off of the advertising, all major corporations are using it for advertising, right? They're like a little hesitant to actually maybe do some real studies about what it really is doing to our brain.

I mean, it is a dopamine addiction, right? Like when you see something that you like, you know, whether it's a picture or a video or a comment or somebody says something nice to you, you have a dopamine rush in your brain and now you keep going back to your texts and your phone to get that dopamine rush that you're not aware of. That's why you're doing it, but that's why you're doing it.

That's why when you turn your phone off for 10 minutes, you feel that nervous reaction. So I think it's a physical addiction and I think it's probably going to be a thing where I would say in you know, 50 years they're going to look back at this time the way we look back at cigarettes. You know, remember they used to have

ads for cigarettes? It's the healthy smoke. Philip Morris. I think they're going to look back at this time and think, wow that's crazy how we were putting every picture of ourself on the internet. Giving up our privacy the way we are. I think people are going to think. Well, I don't know that I'll be here in 50 years to verify the

accuracy of your statement. I think possibly even in 20. Well, I hope to be here in 20. I hope you're here too in 20 years. Well, I hope to be. Hope we can do another podcast in 20 years. Well, it's a date. Perry, I'll put that down on the calendar. Stephen, do you have any questions for our guest, Tom

Green? So, Tom, your show, the Tom Green show started. No, we did discuss it already, so I don't want to repeat shit. You went from public access in Canada? Yeah, we did discuss that. And then MTV picked it up. Yes, absolutely. I sent them tapes. And, you know, honestly, that was the most exciting sort of thing that really I could say ever really, you know, that year of my life was just probably the most incredibly exciting thing.

You went from zero to, you know, supersonic. I had been living in my parents' basement. I had been working on radio shows and stand-up and editing music and doing all these things for 10 years, you know. Never made a dime, you know, in Canada, doing it. It was always voluntary. Do they have dimes in Canada? They do. They do. They have them.

They've got the blue nose on it, which is a schooner. And they call it a dime? It's called a dime, absolutely. It's called a dime. They also have the loon. Yeah, we have the loonie, which is our dollar coin. The dollar coin and the toonie. So, Tom, what was the level of fame that you encountered in public access back then when you were a kid?

It was a local cult following. So we had kids in Ottawa would come down to the show, and it was sort of a local thing. I was telling them earlier I had this record that I had out, too, with this rap group that I was in. That was a known thing. But it wasn't the same. It wasn't like being on MTV, which was a mainstream, very commercial, popular channel. But outside of that,

when MTV picked up the show, it was very exciting because, first of all, they moved myself and two of my friends who worked on the show with me, we wrote the show together, moved us to New York City. They got us all apartments. I had an apartment in Midtown on 52nd Street, across the street from the office. And it was a pretty sweet way to move to New York.

You were very young. Yeah, I was 28 years old when the show got picked up. So you were in the prime, I mean, even before your prime. I think for men, 35 is our prime. So I got to... Says you. That's when I think we look our best. And I'll tell you, the craziest thing about it was the show went on the air,

and it really did spark. It did make some sort of a connection with the audience that it really became a very popular show on MTV. It was one of their number one rated shows. Just without getting into details, believe me, we're not a scandal podcast. We're not, you know,

into... I'll tell you, just to finish this thought, though, the most exciting thing that happened to me, I would say, in my life, in this business, was within two weeks of the show being on the air we got a call from Letterman and Letterman wanted me to come on the show as a guest.

This was somebody I'd grown up Letterman I'd grown up idolizing since I was 13 years old and now here I was. And Paul Schaefer. Yeah, and Paul Schaefer. Another Canadian. I also did Letterman. And here I was, 28 years old, living in New York. I'd been living in New York for a few months,

but the show had been on the air for two weeks. And all of a sudden, I'm walking out onto the Letterman set, and it was just the most out-of-body experience that I had ever really felt. Can we even talk about the 1990s without talking about Tom Green? We talk about grunge music. So it was 1999 the show premiered on MTV. So people, this is, I think, an interesting thing. I feel like in some ways I feel like I've kind of missed out on this whole 90s nostalgia thing

because I was so close to the edge that people sort of, when they remember the 90s, they kind of overlook my show because it was sort of 99, 2000. Was it the 2000s? Was it the 90s? I don't know. Well, but the early 2000s were also kind of like the 90s. Grunge music was still a thing. Yeah, I was on the cusp of the 2000s. It was pre- everybody had the internet and everybody had smartphones.

What I was going to ask you is just very briefly, did you take sexual advantage of your fame at that time? No, no. I mean, I was, honestly, the thing about me is I'm like, I was pretty, like, driven about the show.

I mean, my entire life was sort of revolving around, you know, this show. You know, we were writing, and we were just all day working on that, you know? I mean, you know, this show. You know, we were writing, and we were just all day working on that, you know? I mean, you know, so, no. Not advantage, no. I mean, I've had girlfriends and stuff, you know? Right, you didn't go crazy is what I'm saying. No, no. It was busy.

Well, Perrielle, you're looking at me like maybe I shouldn't have asked that. No, no, no, no. I was just thinking, You know, get distracted by Well, a lot of people go down that Down that road What were your parents thinking when you blew up like that? They couldn't believe it, right?

You know, they were Really happy That I moved out of the basement That I wasn't asking them for money anymore Amazing They were proud of me And they were were happy that they, you know, because they were very worried about me for, you know, those 10 years. I remember I was 28, so that's kind of like getting up there.

Well, getting up there. I'm 50, and I haven't even accomplished what you've accomplished. I know, but my parents, I'm not talking about show business. I'm talking about if there was no show business. To be in the basement. Yeah, I was in the basement. If there was no show business. To be in the basement. Yeah, I was in the basement. If there was no show business, then I wasn't going to, you know, at 28, I'm not going to be a lawyer or a doctor or something.

So it's like, you know, what is my recourse at that point? I didn't go to university, right? I studied broadcasting. I didn't go get a degree. I got a diploma in television broadcasting. So, you know, there was really diploma in television broadcasting. So, you know, if there was, there was really no plan B for me at that point. Well, what do you think would have become of you had that all not happened? I'd probably be making peanut buster parfaits at Dairy Queen right now.

Well, I'm going to tell you what you might or might not be making peanut butter parfaits, but if you were a standup and a good one, according to Steve. Yeah. Well, I consider standup. I consider standup. I put that in the same category, right? For example, like, see, this is the thing that maybe you don't really see the same way as me, but, you know, I consider the TV show was stand-up. You know, I was doing a monologue on the show. I was writing it. I was editing. I was creating comedy, right?

So I was, like, sitting, you know, there creating a television show, you know, so, you know, you don't, like, you know, you don't, I don't discount that as something that was part of my stand-up experience. But the thing about stand-up is? Like, I don't look at it like the 10 years Seinfeld was doing Seinfeld, he wasn't a stand-up, you know, he was making a TV show, you know, and then he went back and did he come back to stand-up after Seinfeld, you know? No, he was always a stand-up. But the thing is, is that what happened to you with the phenomenon that was Tom Green at that time doesn't happen to many people.

But stand-up is a way that many people do make a living. In terms of your parents being worried about your future, we know many, many, many people that if they're good at stand-up, and Steve indicates that you are... Then they get a TV show, and then the TV show's big, and then they start doing stand-up again, and people say, Oh, when did you good at stand-up, and Steve indicates that you are. Then they get a TV show. And then the TV show's big. And then they start doing stand-up again, and people say, oh, when did you start doing stand-up? Well, I always did it, but I just

did that TV show for ten years in the middle there. Usually what happens is we just, people like myself, do stand-up, and we do okay. And anybody that's good at stand-up that I know makes a living at it. So that's what I'm getting at. Right, but Tom, not everybody becomes a good stand-up after your kind of type of situation, no matter how unique it was.

Not everybody can make that transition into any part. But he's saying it wasn't a transition because he was a stand-up for the jump street. In his own mind, it was like that. Yeah, I guess I'm just saying, like... But being in a room full of people with a microphone is a different animal. Yeah, yeah. No, what I'm saying is what would have happened to you, I think, is you would have been a stand-up like Graham, like me,

and you would have been doing okay. Yeah, well that would be good too. That was the dream for me. Or a peanut butter parfait. When I was a kid at Yuck Yucks, watching Norm and Harland and Jeremy Hotz and all of these great Canadian stand-up comedians

come through who hadn't made it yet, like I said earlier, and then all of a sudden they made it, you know, but before they made it, my dream was like, oh my God, how cool would that be to be going to Edmonton next weekend to perform at Yuck Yucks, to be on the Canadian headlining circuit, you know, I was like 16 years old going, man, to be able to walk in here. I remember we used to do these yuck yucks was really amazing. Mark Breslin is an amazing person who's really brought so much

talent out in the world. Jim Carrey started at yuck yucks, right? In Toronto. And was given this time to perform and this stage time. When I was a kid in the Ottawa yuck Yucks, they would have, on Saturdays, they would have a comedy workshop.

So all of us, I was the youngest stand-up. I was literally 15 and 16, 17, 18 years old when I was doing it. The other guys were in their 20s. And they would have a workshop on, they called me Little Tommy Green from down the street. The other comics, that was their little name for me. And they would have a comedy workshop on they called me little tommy green from down the street the other comics that was their little name for me and they would have a comedy workshop on saturdays you could go into the club on saturday afternoon during the day and the headliner was invited to come in sometimes he

would come in so mike mcdonald also from ottawa i don't know if you know mike mcdonald passed away recently with great canadian stand-up comedian him or har or Harland Williams would come in and they'd sit down with the open micers and you'd have a comedy workshop. I remember Harland came in when I was a kid. He was probably in his early 20s. He came in. It was a summertime. He showed up in a fur coat.

He was always completely off the wall, right? And I'd just sort of look at him and I'd go like, here's this guy who's just doing hilarious stuff, and he's teaching us, and he's giving us his feedback on our jokes and giving us ideas, and then tomorrow he's going to be getting on a plane, and he's going to be flying to Winnipeg to do stand-up, and he's getting paid to do it. How cool is that? That is the dream, you know, so so now the last ten years, you know

I've been you know performing every weekend and clubs all over the world. You actually started at like 15. Yeah Oh, I had no idea that you started that young. Yeah Yeah, I thought it was way out of hell and my getty Murphy a few people started that young Yeah, Louis CK was about 17. That's a little younger than... I was 23. That's a little younger than most people. I think maybe it was probably like my late 15, early 16 is when I started. That's unbelievably young. Especially for back then. Yeah, and so we were lucky.

We were lucky that they let us on stage. When I discovered the Comedy Club, we would go down and we actually... Howard Wagman, who runs the Yuck Yucks in Ottawa still, who's been there since I was a kid, put me on stage for the first time when I was a kid, he still runs the club there. He tells this story a lot, but we would go down when we were in high school to the club.

I think we thought it was cool because for some reason, like when we were teenagers, we were able to go to the comedy club, but it felt like you were at a bar. But for some reason, we were able to go. It was in the basement of this hotel called the Beacon Arms Hotel, and we were able to go. And so it felt very, like a very adult thing to do, that for some reason we were able to go. I might have been a little bit of a fudging of the rules back in the 80s there. They might have been able to get away with that. Or maybe they had a restaurant license. I can't remember exactly, but we were able to go.

So I remember when we would go and we would actually, because we were mischievous and somewhat shit-disturber kids, we would go and heckle, okay? We would go to heckle the comics. And we would do these weird heckles. We'd all sit in the front row beside each other. You know, we'd all sit, we'd all put our hands on our face. We were just total jerks.

We didn't know anything about stand-up comedy. It was the first times we went to clubs, let's go down and heckle a comedian. So we just wanted attention, right? And we'd sit there with our hands on our face, and then whenever the comic would tell the punchline, we'd switch hands. You know, all at the same time, you know?

And we got kicked out. We got kicked out of the club. And as we were getting kicked out that week, that was the first week I heard that they had amateur night, where you could call into the club, leave your name on an answering machine, and they would call you back and leave a message on your answering machine and tell you whether

or not you had a spot. So right after I got kicked out, I called and left my name on that answering machine. They called back, said, okay, we'll give you a seven-minute spot Thursday night. Be there, you know, nine o'clock, whatever. So I show up on my first night to do stand-up, and they immediately recognize me as the prick that they've kicked out the last three weeks in a row, right? And, you know, Howard didn't want to let me on, me and my friends on, my other friend on, who was also kicked out. But the bouncer, his name was Tibor, is the doorman,

you know, when he was kicking us out, we were kind of like, I don't know, throwing some jokes around with him. And he kind of thought we were kind of funny. And he went up to the, he went up to Howard and said, you know what, Howard, I know you kicked these guys out, but I think they're kind of funny, you know, like maybe you should give them a shot. right? So I went on, did my seven minutes, and I actually had, and I actually think this happens a lot with stand-up, like when you're like your very first time on stage, sometimes people, sometimes the audience senses the nervousness, and there's an endearing aspect to that when they know it, and they give you a chance, And I did really well my first set. And Howard said,

wow, you know, you shouldn't have been such a prick, you know, like you're a funny kid. Come back next week. Came back the next week. Didn't do... Bombed.

Bombed the second week. Didn't do nearly as well. But I was in now. And I just started coming every week and I slowly kind of figured it out. Well, my first time I did well too,

but mostly because the whole audience was composed of people that the comedians had invited. So it was a very warm audience. It's called The Bringers Show. I don't know if you have those up there, where all the comedians have to bring two friends, three friends, whatever it is, in the audience.

But now they do, yeah. We're running out of time. So I guess people want to come see you, Tom. They go to your website. Yeah, go to my website. I'm in Winnipeg next week, but then I've got the rest of the year I'm in Raleigh, North Carolina at the Improv. I've got shows coming up in Dallas at the Addison Improv and San Antonio and Miami Improv. Any theaters?

Why the choice to do clubs maybe? Small theaters? I do some small theaters too. I just did the Rio Theater in Vancouver and I like clubs. I do really love

doing the clubs. I like, you know, if I'm going to fly out to a city, I like to be there and do a few shows and, you know, I like the intimacy of it

and, yeah. What's your website? Comedians, now I know a lot of them are doing these small rock clubs instead of stand-up clubs. I do those, too. I do a lot of those clubs, too, yeah. But I'm hitting the comedy clubs. I'm loving it, so come see me.

Great, and I look forward to it. What time is your set tonight here at the Comedy Cellar? I think it's around 10. Ooh, I'm not sure. No, I'm kidding. No, I'm not sure. I might be soon. I'm going to go check it out.

You have a root canal. Well, great pleasure meeting you. I've known you for years through your work. Thank you. Thank you, and Steve, thank you for all you do. Thank you. Check me out at steveyawn.com.

And you can give us feedback at podcastatcomedycellar.com. And you can follow us at atlivefromthetable on Instagram. See you next time. Thank you. Awesome. That was fun, man.