The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Tom Rhodes and Dave Juskow

Episode Date: May 11, 2016

Tom Rhodes and Dave Juskow

You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the table, on the Riotcast Network. Riotcast.com Alright, now I'm starting to sound good. Good evening everybody, welcome to The Comedy Cellar show here on Sirius XM Channel 99, the comedy channel. We're here with, of course, the host of this show, Mr. Dan Natterman. Well, co-host, co-host, unless I've just been upgraded. Yes, you've been upgraded. And two comedians we're going to introduce in a second.

But I just want to tell you that Dan just starred in a Comedy Cellar presentation of The Godfather. That is correct. Where he played Michael Corleone. You are two for two. And I have to say, Dan, I was pretty impressed with your acting. Thank you. Thank you, Noam. I just was myself.

I didn't play Michael Corleo. Just to clarify, this was like a parody of The Godfather that I did with several other comedians here, including Artie Lang, as well as not a comedian, but an actor named Richard Klein, who played Larry in Three's Company. He was also in the production.

And the best thing about it was that I played the mandolin. So, well, I thank you, Noam. It comes naturally to me. I just played me. I played Michael as myself. But I did a nice job. Let's get this show on the road. Go ahead and introduce the guest, Dan. Nick Griffin. He's here, and he's a regular

here at the Comedy Cell, and a regular on this show, in fact. This is not the first time you've come introduce the guest, Dan. Nick Griffin. He's here and he's a regular here at the Comedy Cell and a regular on this show, in fact. This is not the first time you've come here? No, it's probably the third. Well, we like having you on. Well, I mean, that's nice of you to say. I'm always shocked when people are happy. I feel like...

Oh, Jesus. No, I feel like that you and I are on a similar wavelength. I believe so. I believe in many ways we are. It's a similar fatigue that you and I are on the similar wavelength. I believe so. I believe in many ways we are. It's a similar fatigue. I find you guys on the same wavelength. And Tom Rhodes is also here. He's almost on the opposite wavelength.

I was going to get to Tom, but I hadn't finished with Nick. Go ahead. Go ahead. Tom Rhodes, who I never see because he's an international comic, which means, I guess, right, Tom? You're all over the world, right? I have been for a while. I just recently found a place to live.

Well, where'd that place be? In Los Angeles. I had everything in storage for 10 years. So that was a treat to get everything out of storage, see what I've been holding on to. It was a time capsule of outdated electronics. Where were you prior to being... Nude photos of girlfriends. Get rid of those. Remember what we had to go through to have naked photos?

Take a roll of film to the drugstore. Are these kids now? With their digital photography. I never had a naked photo. I guess I wasn't getting laid in the photo era. Now you say, but Dan, you're 46 years old. How's that possible? It's possible.

You're not getting laid in the digital era. No, I'm getting laid in the digital era. Yes, I am. Not in great frequency, but... Anyway, well, think of the photomat people you don't have to deal with. Intermittently? No, did I say intermittently? I said not...

I forgot what I said. Not infrequently. I said not frequently. Oh, not frequently. Yeah. I want to tell you why I think you guys are on opposite wavelengths. You mean me and Tom Rose? Well, Nick and Tom, yeah, the two wings here, because

Nick and Tom, Eric, Nick and Tom, Nick and Dan to various degrees exude kind of a negative energy, right? As part of your acts, you know, kind of like, but it's not an act. It's also like, you know, kind of a...

But Nick does it in kind of brooding, like poet, kind of like, you know, you can see something creative is kind of going on. He's one of my favorite, favorite comics. I'm not commenting. I'm saying that these guys, they're introspective, and they're thinking about things, and they don't exude happiness. I didn't mean to insult anybody. You certainly didn't.

No, as you can imagine, it's not the first time I've heard that. Well, even if nobody ever told you that, you must have had some idea. Sure, of course. You're not kicking heels. I'm not skipping and jumping. And Tom Rose just has this aura of like, and I don't know if it's true or not, just like confidence and happy with himself and wake up each day in happiness. Well, how well do you know Tom?

It's all going to work out. I'm talking all aura here, Dan. I don't know. But I never see the guy. I see him once in a blue moon, so I don't have a good read on him. But I'm in a good mood when I come around, Dan. Yeah, I guess so. I guess you are.

It's just been so long. You're in L.A. now. Before that, you were... I didn't live anywhere for 10 years. I had everything in storage, and I just traveled the world as a comedian. So how does that work? So I would do like six months of the year out of the country, and six months relentlessly all over the U.S. and Canada.

Last year, I did five months in Europe, a month in Asia. My wife is from Holland. She's been traveling with me for eight years. I know that. She has a hot Indian wife. So when we had time off, the last four years in a row, we went to Rome and rented an apartment for a couple weeks. That's what I was going to ask.

Sleepinitaly.com. Love it. Two years ago, I did a month in Asia, and then we went to Bali for a couple weeks. So depending where we were in the world, we lived everywhere, basically. And you got tired of that? No. So why did you finally get an address? I don't know.

I've been working on a book for about three years, and I'm trying to come up with my next hour for my next hour special. So kind of just to focus on writing and whipping it together. I don't know. I couldn't do it. But you did live for a time in Holland. Five years. I lived in Amsterdam. So you actually had an apartment and you were in one place. Yeah, I lived here in New York, 98, 99, and then 2000, I moved to Amsterdam.

Living in Amsterdam, you realize where your limits are. I used to think I was really open-minded about things. Fuck that, I got limits. I went to a sex club in Amsterdam. This girl comes out dressed like the Grim Reaper. Death. She had a circle and everything. She put on a circle cloth on a stage

and it had a devil pentagram star on it. She stripped naked, flipped upside down on the devil star, put a candle in her thingy-ma-hoo, lit the candle on fire, and then she did this breakdance

and her legs were going all these different directions and the fucking candle never moved, man. And the flame never went out. I'm sorry, that is beyond my Christian sensibilities. Okay?

That is too far for me, mister. I'm going back to that club one day. I'm gonna get a squirt gun full of holy water. I'm gonna jump out from behind the seats and pop-pop! We're gonna get some Jesus into that girl, even if it's one drop at a time. In her satanic little butthole, okay? A little Jesus for you. Pop, pop. A lot of my European friends, some of them think all Americans own guns and we're all easily prone to violence. I just want to shoot them in the face when they say shit like that, man. It's just

so unfair to blanket me. I just moved back to the United States, man. It's so unfair to blanket me. Jesus. I just moved back to the United States, man. I'm in culture shock. It's like a foreign country to me there. It's weird, man. Nobody eats bread anymore. Everybody's on a low-carb diet. Really, people go to McDonald's and they just get the meat patty

and they don't eat bread. Jesus said, take this bread and eat it. It is my body. And the disciples said, Jesus, we're all on low-carb diets. We appreciate you dying for our sins, but we're all trying to slim down a little bit. We want to look good in the paint tank. Technology's so much more advanced now, man. A friend of mine has a camera phone. Have you seen these things?

They're amazing. And my friend showed me on his camera phone, he's got pictures of his girlfriend. He's got close-ups of her cookie and pictures of her blowing him. And I'm like, wow, you can do so many things with those. I've got to get a girlfriend. What an entertainment package they are.

You can bend them and lick them and take them places. There is no limit to the amount of fun you can have with a girl. Get Just Go in here. Tom, do you know Just Go? Do you know Dave Just Go? I thought everybody knew. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course.

Dave, do you know Tom Rhodes? I do very well. Hey, Dave, how are you, bro? Nice to see you again. You don't need a place to stay, right? Not this time. How are you? Do you remember me at all from the 90s?

Where did we hang out at? Catch a Rising Star. Wow, yeah. Yeah, years ago. We even went to a Mets game together. Oh, my God. You were so high. I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have. David. You're not holding that against me, are you? No, never. I was too. So let me tell you about Dave. It's nice to see you. Dave Justgall.

You were a stand-up comic? Yeah, back in the 90s. In the 90s. And you were on Star Search. I would say the 70s. But Dave Justgall came to my attention because he's like the single most beloved human in the stand-up comedy community. I don't know whether you'd know that from Tom's reaction. I'm not so sure.

He is very beloved. I mean, everybody loves this guy. And having dealt with him now a little bit, I can see why. He's just one of those... And Rick Crome is here, too. Do you agree with that assessment? Wholeheartedly. He's really... He's like our own

special... special, crazy cousin. He's done these shows. First of all, he loves The Godfather. Do you like The Godfather, Tom? Who doesn't? I mean, I'm a huge Godfather fan. And he's a huge Godfather. So he's been doing these Godfather parodies.

And he's getting heavy hitters like Jeff Ross and David Tell and Paul Mercurial. I saw that coming. You heard it? But tonight we have Artie Lang. I mean, people who don't leave their house for less than real sums of money are coming down, rehearsing.

I don't know if you pay them anything, but there's no money. Everybody gets $20. Yeah. I have to pay you. I haven't got my $20. For real? That's all right. No, no, no, no.

It's on the house. I don't know who I love. That ought to fill you with tremendous pride, like as a person, to know that people like you that much, that they're going to come do this thing for $20. It's a real effort. I guess, you know, I'm one of those people that just, I'm just like, everybody hates me.

I feel like Charlie Brown. No, they don't hate you. Sarah Silverman. No, they love you. We all love you. I feel bad. I wish I could pay more. I was just doing what, I got the idea from Tom Papa.

How much can you pay with what you're getting paid? That's what I'm saying. I want everybody to get something. No, I don't think we do it for the money. I didn't even know there was money. I just did it because it sounded like it. I was giving it. You came later and I was just giving it to everybody sitting down.

It's all right. It'll be taken out in sexual favors of some sort or another. If Paul Mercurial called Jeff Ross, Artie Lang, and said, listen, I want to do the Godfather set. I want you to come for $20. What do you think would happen, Paul? I think. First of all, I would never get their numbers.

They wouldn't even allow me. That's right. Artie, he gave up a big paying gig just because he really wanted to do it. Yeah, and do you know, Tom, do you know Artie Lang? Oh, yeah, of course, for years. He is just unbelievable.

He was perfect. He was wonderful. He did it exactly the way it's supposed to be from the movie, yeah. I think he could play dramatic roles. Absolutely. That's exactly what I was thinking when I was listening to him.

I'm like, he's such a good actor. Yeah, he was excellent. him. I'm like, he's such a good actor. Yeah, he was excellent. Yeah, I'm surprised sometimes when people don't know how it's supposed to be said. Like, you know, if you know the movie, I'm surprised more of the guys don't really. It didn't seem like the people who did the show knew the movie. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. It's okay, but I just, you know, sometimes I assume the boys are going to know more, you know.

Anyway, so when are we doing the next one? August 2nd. August 2nd. Are you in? You need mandolin? Always. You were amazing. How awesome was the mandolin?

That was fantastic. The music was incredible tonight, though. Do one of the characters. You know the movie. Do one of the characters. Yeah, but do you know that if you searched to find a mandolin player who could play all the themes from The Godfather, including the Tarantino, you couldn't even find someone? No, absolutely not.

And I actually already knew them because I loved the movie that much. And your friend was amazing, too. I mean, really. Give him my 20 bucks because he was... I wasn't sure if I should. You had now in this episode, as I mentioned earlier, Richard Klein. Oh, yeah, from Three's Company. I guess he went home. He's not here.

He stayed for a while. He took some pictures. He did a really good job, too. He did much better than he did in the rehearsal. There was only one thing I didn't like, but I don't know if you want me to say it. Please, go ahead. Rick knows what I'm going to say. I didn't like the guy who played the gay character.

Was that Paulie? I wasn't happy with that, either. You weren't happy with that either. You weren't happy with that? No. And this is interesting. The actor was amazing. Rick, don't defend him. I don't know.

This is what I think. And this has to be an interesting conversation. That's my fault because I made it that way. He wrote Pauly as... And Pauly's the guy who is the guy

who was a traitor and ends up getting Marlon Brando killed. And then he gets killed. And he wrote him as a flamboyant gay guy. Yeah. Which is, in this day and age, risky already. Yeah.

And then you cast a flamboyant gay guy to play the part. And I thought that was you being afraid. Like, I would have cast Claire Barnes to do it. No, I never think of him as gay because he also did Johnny Fontaine and he plays the old man, so he's not really that flamboyant to me. Were those pants he was wearing, was that his normal outfit or that was a costume? No, it was his normal outfit. He was wearing, like, skin-tight stretch jeans.

He's gay, but he's not completely flaming. Yeah, I made a mistake because I should have just done it myself because I knew exactly how I wanted to do it, and I should have. I don't know why. I got confused because I get killed. I play Don Corleone, and I get killed in the middle, and I should have given myself another part

because then I know how the flow of the thing goes, so I was a little disappointed. Okay, but there's something that is funny that's not so well accepted anymore. But like it's funny to see a man dress up as a woman. It's funny to see a woman dress up as a man. And it's funny to see a straight guy play a flamboyant gay character. I didn't even want him to be gay.

I just thought it was funny that he just kind of was effeminate. And like just so, you know, I just thought the gag was he, you know, he's just pretending like everything's okay. We know he's going to get killed. I thought that was funny. That was funny. You're right. I was very disappointed. Not very disappointed.

It ruined my night. I just worried, and you guys may want to speak on this, just how much has the threat of offending and political correctness just infected everybody's comedy and everybody's decisions about what they do? I don't know. It must be worse in Europe, no? I haven't been to Europe in a couple years, so I don't know. But no. And you're pretty, I don't know what the word is.

What's the word? Risqué. He's pretty. Edgy, that's what they say. Well, like in Holland, they like dark humor. They like dark humor. Yeah. In England, yeah. Do you have. Well, like in Holland, they like dark humor. They like dark humor. Yeah. In England, yeah.

Do you have to tone it down when you come to America now? In the middle parts sometimes. Have you had people get angry? Yeah, I mean, I had a woman get angry the other day. I was at the Met, and I took a photo. It was a Caravaggio of Christ and Virgin Mary. And I just tweeted, me personally, I would have given Christ a bigger cock. And some woman got really pissed.

And like, you know, I'm sorry. You know, my savior's got a big fucking donkey cock and it's beautiful. And, you know, if I'd have been around 300 years ago when the guy was painting it I would have been over his shoulder going you're going to add a little more paint there right? You'd have to get Rick out of the way but I think

America's probably more politically correct in many ways than Europe. Certainly America's more religious than Europe you know there's more fundamentalist Christians in America than there are in Europe. Yeah, a lot of people are mostly atheists in Europe. And then hardcore

Muslim people. Because this was essentially a play of some kind, it didn't, that political correctness concern never entered my head with him doing that super gay flamboyant. Whether or not it fit within the motif of what you wanted it to be is a

different thing, but it's an interesting point that you raised, Noah. It was incorrect, but I wondered if he didn't say, well, I want to write a gay account to make sure I get a gay guy to do it. I didn't care at all. I was just looking for something. I'm inoculated, you know. I didn't even think of that for a second. In fact, actually, I said I

forgot he was gay, and then I was like, oh, you know, do you have a problem doing this? I wouldn't have cared who it was a second in fact actually I said I forgot he was gay and then I was like do you have a problem doing this? I wouldn't have cared who it was as long as they were able to do it. In the first one he did the photographer at the wedding Sonny throws $20 at him the guy that's actually taking the portrait

he goes we're not doing anything until Michael comes and he goes darn it I was trying to cut out early and from that so that's why I thought of it, because he just did it that way for that one line, and that's the only reason. And by the way, Rick, who is gay. He's a gay American. He's a gay American.

Rick was a Republican when I met him. Is that right? Well, I was center right. You were a Republican. Well, I was. Okay. But not when I met you. I was veering that way

during the Clinton administration. But now he's kind of a member of the prissy left. Oh, is that right? I never think of him as gay either. And he has a lot of sympathy. Not as anybody I'm trying to get. He does not

like... I'm not sure how you make your decision, but when someone's playing a gay character as gay, he scrutinizes it very closely. And he can go either way with you. How do you decide? I think that tonight's portrayal, we're talking about

that specifically, was so over the top in kind of a clownish way, and it was not done in a hostile way. The character wasn't self-loathing. He was just very effeminate in a very macho situation, and that juxtaposition was funny, and I didn't find it offensive at all. And I just thought the timing of this actor, what's his name again? Mateo.

Mateo. It was just brilliant. So, I don't know, because I am, you're right, Noam, I am a little, you know, scrutinous. You know, let's say if it's a straight guy doing a, you know, the gay guy impression, hi there, I'm going to. And it's all to say, all gay guys talk like this and he winds up getting some sort of a horrible thing

happen to him. Let me tell you something. If that guy playing that gay character today had been gay, I mean had been straight, had been straight, playing it exactly the same way,

Rick would not have liked it. You're probably right. I'll be honest with you. I would have thought I wouldn't have hated it because it was such a brilliant portrayal. It would have made you uncomfortable. It would have made me uncomfortable. Now that I think about it, we also had that other gay part with Luca Brazzi

where we mentioned that most of the mafia guys are homophobic. We were talking about that, you know, but we had that thing where he makes a pass at Bruna Tattaglia. So we did address that the mob doesn't, you know, that kind of stuff. I was trying to be politically correct in that sense. May I just say that that character did not talk about sexuality at all. He just had the voice. Yeah, he was just the effeminate voice. So it wasn't even like, here's a gay

guy and here's how he sounds like. He was just being very effeminate. That was the plan, just to be Paul Lynn. By the way, and Rick, if you don't want to delve into this, you can just shoot it down, but Rick confided in me earlier today that his sex life has never been better.

Never been better. And he's, I don't want to reveal his age, but he's not... I'm 59 years old. Wow. And you're saying the party just keeps going. Well, first of all, he has medical technology. Well, yes, thank God. It ain't all me. Well, he has medical technology. He also has

computer technology on his side, which we didn't have back in the day. All of a sudden, look at me. I'm a type. I'm a silver daddy. Is that what it's called? I've got silver hair, and I'm an older gay guy. Silver like a fox. Silver fox, and I'm a type.

And now those younger fellas who like older fellas, I'm beating them off. Hello. Gay sex is a total mystery to me. Anybody else here besides Luke ever had a gay experience? Well... Wait a minute. What do you call tonight? Maybe a camp. I can't even imagine how they relate to each other. Listen, this is what I say.

I say, listen, I got gray hair, I got a big dick, I've been on TV, and I can pay for dinner. I'm irresistible. And Tom, since you're the most unusual guest, you're not around, I wanted something you wanted to jump in on. But when you're with a woman, no matter what, even if you're like a not-so-masculine guy like me and you have a – it's still clear who the man and the woman is. She lays in your arm. Like, it's just – the the man and the woman is. She lays in your arm. It's just the script is clear.

When you have two men, I don't understand. Do you bump heads? Do you trade off? Not if you're doing it right. No. You should be bumping heads. How do you decide? Do you want to be treated like a lady?

Do you want to be treated like a man? What goes on? Oh, my God. We're getting into the technical aspects of gay sex. You mean like, who's the bottom if you're fucking and who decides who that is? Oh, my God. Where did that come from? I mean, that's what he said.

That actually is a question I would like addressed. Let me ask you this, Dan. You ever kiss a man like really hard on the mouth? You got to go on? Soon, yeah. Two minutes. Do you have anything on the gay experience you want to talk about? It always happens this way, Tom.

They get into the gay stuff and they can't get off. You must have a lot of gay men approach you. No, I mean, it's interesting to... I mean, if any one of us was put on the spot over our sex life, you know? Like, the specifics of it. You know, I mean, what if you're with a dominant woman who wants to be on top all the time? You know who is there tonight? Liza Minnelli's publicist

came to the show tonight. He's the most flaming. He loved it. I wasn't talking about penetration, although that's certainly worth talking about. I'm just saying just the way you relate to each other. To me, can I just say, I don't know if it's a physical thing. To me, I'm more interested

in terms of the relationship. Who is more the husband, like more the dominant one? I don't mean physically dominant. I think in any relationship, you have somebody who's, there's always somebody saying, let's do this, and another person saying, yes, dear. Whether they're straight people or gay people. So that's just a natural dynamic that happens.

Somebody becomes more of a dominant in the relationship. But it's not like there's a role thing. Okay, today you be the husband. That kind of thing. Ask me another question. I'm not sure exactly how to answer that. Do you find yourself the dominant man in one relationship and then kind of the submissive guy in the next relationship?

You can, sure. Sure, you can get a personality. Like, I was in one relationship where it was, I was the person who was always looking to satisfy the other person's needs. You know, what movie do you want to go to? You know, should we paint the wall this color? Is this all right with you? And I'd lose myself in the relationship.

And it was, I think, basically out of a fear of argument. You know I don't like to argue. Not when you're not sober. Not when you're not drinking yet. Yeah, and I haven't been drinking for two years. What about the transgender bathrooms? Hey, I'm two and a half. I don't like those.

Congratulations. Wait, Tommy, you're sober as well? Yeah, two and a half years. Two and a half years? I blacked out in Philadelphia, fell off two and a half. I don't like those. Get some resolutions. Wait, Tommy, you're sober as well? Yeah, two and a half years. Two and a half years? I blacked out in Philadelphia, fell off of a bar stool. See this scar there? Ah, nice. Six stitches.

That was your rock bottom. Do you post your sober anniversaries on Facebook? I see that. One of the more common Facebook posts. No, he's a man. No, I'm a year off the cigarettes. I was two packs a day. Always been a heavy drinker my whole life.

So I feel like I kind of just joined the human race recently. That's amazing. I need a drink. I put William McGough, and every year he posts his sober anniversary. I know. I said he's a man. But he doesn't say what it is. He said, three years ago today, my life changed. And every year I write the same thing.

I comment, what do you mean? What the hell are you talking about? Thanks to me. I told him he was doing drugs the wrong way. And then he actually went into rehab. Now he starts running one. The guy that used to run... No one was chomping at the bit.

Because then it was going to go on. Do you worry, have you read about the cognitive damage that alcohol... I was drinking a lot every day while I was playing music. And then I read an article that apparently you get a kind of alcohol dementia not from drinking

even all that much. And it scared the shit out of me because I have trouble remembering names and all kinds of stuff. I just saw some news piece that said like Advil and Advil PM and these kind of flu and cold medicines shrink your brain. Really? That's scary. And like it leads to early stages of dementia and cold medicines shrink your brain. That's scary.

And it leads to early stages of dementia, and there's no test of how much you've taken in a lifetime. I only saw one news thing, but I'm like, oh, shit. It's scary, right? The good news is for Noam is that a monkey could run this place. So he doesn't, I mean, let's face it, it's on autopilot. That's not what, that's supposed to make me happy? Well, it could be worse.

Can I tell one story about your dad before I leave? Please do. Manny was such a funny guy, man. And the stories, there's one great story I remember he told me about from the Cafe Wah when Bob Dylan was coming around. Hated him. Yeah, he hated him. Manny hated Dylan.

Hated his voice. Hated his songs. He said he couldn't even stay, he hated Dylan. Hated his voice, hated his songs. He couldn't even stay in the same room when Dylan would go on stage and he said he'd talk to himself whenever he'd see Dylan.

This guy's never gonna make it. It's absolutely true and it's even deeper than that. First of all, if I wanted to listen to a Bob Dylan record, I had to make sure my father didn't catch me.

And when Blown in the Wind came out, which was a good song. You had to acknowledge it was a good song. My father, he said, I don't believe you wrote it. I feel similar about Hall & Oates. What about The Times They Are a Changing?

That's an undeniably great song. He didn't know that song. Desolation Row. No, but he knew the really, really commercial Dylan song. And even, he might have known times, but Blown in the Wind was a special hit. It was covered by everybody, every campfire. Civil rights anthem, baby. Civil rights anthem, that's right.

Can't you see that the waters around you have grown? Our tempo classes. Well, how come we couldn't do that today in the show? I'm sorry, Tom. I'd like to talk to you some more. I'm sorry you have grown. Our temple classes. Well, how come we couldn't do that today in the show? I'm sorry, Tom. I'd like to talk to you some more.

I'm sorry you have to go. No, it's okay. You scheduled me. I have to go on stage. No, I know. Honestly, I find you... I'm sorry you have to go. I don't know you

very well at all, but I always find you to be a very interesting guy, and I know there's a lot going on there, and you know... Hey, shit, we did shit. Give me a chance

to talk to you. Give me a drink, shitabong. Thanks for having me on. And we have Indian wives, you know, in common. Hey, shit, we did shit. Give me a drink, shitabong. And we have Indian wives in common. Yeah, man. Anyway. Back to being a bottom rick. Nice to see you, Tom.

I haven't seen Tom for 10 years or so. And you're wandering around you're havin' a rick in there. I'm the world's biggest Dan Aderman fan. As am I. I was the first. You guys will have to fight it out. Was I not the first?

You were certainly early on on the train. That's right. I even wrote a song called Natterman's Down. Did you really? Yes, I did. He introduced it, yeah. With my band. Do you have a recording of it?

I think I do. If you could get it, we will cut it into the show. I can sing it right for you. One second. Come gather round people wherever you roam. I don't know. It was about

Naderman's down, sign on the line. Naderman's down. I don't know. So have a copy. What I'm wondering, because one chapter is... The Godfather there.

That's my Norm MacDonald impression. Hey, the Godfather there, you know? This is what happens to me after I drink half a glass of Hennessy. That's what it is. The next chapter is Michael Corleone intensive, correct? Yes. You mean at the hospital? Yeah.

Oh, it might be what you're saying. Yeah, the next one goes from the hospital scene. I'm trying to think of what I called it. Oh, I called it Captain McCluskey Tries the hospital scene. I'm trying to think what I called it. Oh, I called it Captain McCluskey tries the veal. So Dan's got to

shoot McCluskey in the next... He does shoot McCluskey and you're absolutely right. Yes, the gun in the bathroom. Then we'll have to get a serious actress. You know what I'm talking about.

Please, get someone to show her tits. No, no, it's going to happen. Please. You know what? I knew this perfect girl too who would totally do it. You're talking about Apollonia?

Yeah. And you need those strange elongated tits that's etched in. Please. You know what? I knew this perfect girl, too. You're talking about Apollonia? Yeah. And you need those strange elongated tits that's etched in our minds. Those perfect ones. I'll never forget when I saw that and she opened it up. I'm like, there it is. Because you've been waiting, you know. I feel bad. Nick Griffin, by the way, kind of laughed quietly.

He felt, I guess. He did the exact same thing on Brennan's show yesterday. You know, I do feel bad. I hope he's not thinking, oh, well, we didn't appreciate him, because we certainly did. He thought that yesterday, too, on the Brennan Attell Hour. We love him. He waved me over, and he said, here, sit down.

I'm leaving. All right. He gets it. He's cool. Yeah, he's cool. That's all he had to say. All right, so you had a question about penetration. Chesco told me a story that he was almost the third wheel after Dave Chappelle and Neil Brennan on the Chappelle show.

But Dave Attell ruined everything. Can you tell that story? You're like the Pete Best of comedy. Yeah, this is an amazing story. Neil Brennan was a big fan of Dave Chappelle. And I always liked Dave Attell up until this. Yeah. You know, Dave Attell, when he was drinking in his days,

when it was his birthday, he would come here, we'd all get drunk, and we'd laugh hysterically when he was on stage. And then one time, Chappelle was on early, and he wouldn't get off, you know, the way Chappelle is. And Atel was just yelling at him from the stage to get off, and they got in a huge fight. The next day, Atel called me. He goes, why did you call the New York Post?

There was something in page six about it. I guess. I didn't know. He just goes, why did you call the Post? I'm like, hey, I do things that I feel like doing. Whatever the way the wind takes me. I was just kidding. I didn't know what he was talking about. And then he's like, why did you call the Post? I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about. I wouldn't even know how to get in touch with the Post.

This was years ago before there was internet or anything. And apparently there was an article about Chappelle and Attell getting into a huge fight at the Comedy Cellar. And he got so angry, he told Chappelle. And Neil had called me and said, we're doing a pilot called The Chappelle Show. We want you to be heavily involved with this. Because Neil was a big fan of mine. Apparently I influenced somehow. And then I was never on the show.

Because apparently I found out about a year ago. The reason was because I called the post, which I never did because Attell told Chappelle this. Oh, my God. Attell told Chappelle that just got called the post and Chappelle just crossed him off the list. Yeah. This, by the way, is one of the reasons, David, you mentioned how beloved Dave is. How do you not love a guy that just becomes close to success on so many occasions and it never, you know, it never comes to fruition?

It's true, but there's a flip side to that, too. It's like I've told so many people they're not going to make it, and I think they make it in spite of me. Like, I told Jim Gaffigan he was the worst actor I've ever seen, and I said he's not going to make it as an actor. Why would you tell him that? Because this is what I do. Did he ask you?

I don't tell people that. He hasn't, but he's not made it. He was in one of my shows and I was just like, I'm like, listen, you're a horrible actor. You're a very good comedian. You're a horrible actor.

You're not going to make it. So I went back to see him on his Broadway show and apologized. This 15 years later, I went back and he was doing a Broadway. No, of course he remembers.

Yeah. We're good now. We're really good. But for a long time, it was bad because I tell people this. I don't know. He won't play here. Is that right? I don't know why.

Rick might know why. I think that were you using him like he feels you should have before he was a name? Yeah, he holds grudges. But he hasn't to me, so you could get it over with. If you weren't using him a lot when he was not famous, then yeah, he's going to be pissed at you. Well, now we're very close, actually. It may have been that he wasn't being used a lot when he was famous, and he thought, well... No, if he was famous, they use him a lot.

Between him and me... I don't like your tone, Dan, but... I told Chelsea Handler, I knew her since she was 12. She's like, Jessica, how can I get into comedy? I'm like, when she was 22, I was like, kid, you're not going to make it in comedy. I mean, I must have told her a hundred. I laughed in her face.

She didn't. She made it as a talk show host. Well, whatever. She still made it. It was unbelievable. Who else did you say wouldn't make it? The Blue Man Group

is the best example of all time. I knew them. Yeah, I met them. I knew them and I knew their room. My roommates do this thing where you got to meet them

and I met them and they're like, yeah, they do this. They paint themselves blue and I'm them, and they're like, yeah, they do this. They paint themselves blue, and I'm like, I'm going to stop you right there. This is a huge, you guys are wasting your time. So then I met, you know, I remember me and my friend walk out of that house, and we're just like laughing. What a bunch of jerk-offs.

That's the loserish thing. So then I go to see the show, you know, after, and I was just like, that wasn't that bad. It's not that bad. I actually took Sarah Silverman, like, on a date, I think. So then I go to see the show, you know, after, and I was just like, that wasn't that bad. Not that bad. I actually took Sarah Silverman like on a date, I think. I'm like, yeah, my friends do. Once they made it,

I was like, yeah, my friends, I know these guys. They're great. I told them they were going to make it. Those guys are so nice, so nice that they totally forgave me

and I went down and they were like, help us with the show. Help us. They're the nicest guys and I don't know if you know their story. You punched up

the Blue Man Group? I gave them some pointers. Well, wait. The best story is that I just had David Copperfield. I know David Copperfield since I was like eight because he was my camp counselor. The magician? Yeah. Is that his real name, Copperfield?

No, it's David Cotkins. Okay. We're from the same neighborhood. So when I was like eight or five and he was 13, he was my counselor. And he was doing magic at a girls' party. And I'm like, what are you doing here? He goes, I do magic. I'm like, or five and he was 13 he was my counselor and he was doing magic at a girls party and I'm like what are you doing here

he goes I do magic I'm like oh you do magic and he finished the show and he goes and he I guess the reason

you're like Forrest Gump in a way I think the reason I remember it so well was because he came up to me after and asked my advice and I was the only person

he knew he goes everybody was going to get ice cream, and I didn't care for ice cream, so we talked. And he goes, what do you think of the act? And I'm like, I don't know if it ended with the balloon animals. I don't know if that's... So I gave him advice. You're bullshitting.

No, I swear I'm not bullshitting. I gave him advice. How old were you? Like, seven? He asked a seven-year-old for advice? That's what I'm saying, because that's why I remember it. Because he asked to say... He was only 13. So then the next, because that's why I remember it, because he asked to say, he was only 13.

And then, so then the next day, this is why I remember too, the next day in camp, we were on the bus together, and he goes, oh, I saw David Saturday night at a party, and the guys in my book, they're like, you hung out with the counselor? You hung out with Copperfield? And I'm like, eh, we were at a party together.

It wasn't a big, I mean, it was very exciting for me. But I did tell him that some of his tricks were not as good as they could have been. This is why we love Dave Justkow. This was one of the most fascinating stories I've ever heard. Those are great stories. The last three things that you just said. That's in one column. And the other column, has there been anybody that you did have faith in that other people didn't that actually made it?

No, not one. Not one. No, I mean, it's like people always ask me, did you say that to Attell? Did you say that to Saron? I'm like, no, we knew that. I mean, I've known Attell since 1987, and there was no... We knew it was going to be... He was hilarious

from day one. No, he wasn't. You don't think so? Oh, you didn't think so either. Dave Attell was one of my late-nighters when I ran late-night. I know, but for me, I just knew. I just knew. I'm sorry. This is the story. I remember you told me. That's right. But my father, you know, I wasn't around then,

but my father would have waitress meetings, and he would ask the waitresses, what's going on with the late-night comedians? And Attell was clearing the room. And my father said, that's it, Estee. No more Attell. Estee wasn't involved at that time. Or whoever it was. He said, that's it, Rick. That's it,. Estee wasn't involved at that time. He said, that's it, Rick.

That's it, no more tell. And Julia Waller, who was his waitress, she says, no, Manny, he's a genius. Don't do that. He's a genius. And my father loved this waitress, Julia. And he had the highest regard for her. Because she said that.

He said, all right, if Julia says it, then let's wait a little bit longer. And then pretty quickly, he got everything together. For me, I just knew at the beginning. I remember... Dave used to go to NYU and he would hang out and sit

in the back of the room until midnight. He had three jokes. One of them ending with, you know you've had too much to drink when you when you find yourself being tit fucked by a guy named Lumpy oh I don't remember that

you know you've had too many drinks when you get pulled over by the coast guard that was later yeah but he emulated Colin Quinn at the time Colin had nine jokes and and Attell used to end his sentence with, folks, folks. That's right.

Do you remember that? Of course. Before he became David Attell, who we know now, he was emulating Colin Quinn. That's right. Yeah. Can I ask you guys a question? Dan actually might like this.

You know, they say, I'll go around just one word. What's the number of years you think somebody needs to develop into a good stand-up comic? How many years? A good stand-up comic? Seven. Too many, because by the time you're any good, you're dismissed as old. I see. I'm not finished, though.

Sorry. That's a good one-word answer, Dan. Go ahead. I I say it's... I'm not finished, though. Sorry. That's a good one-word answer, Dan. Go ahead. I didn't know you asked for a one-word answer. Go ahead, because you weren't listening. Because when it comes to music, like, if you say it takes 10 years to get good at an instrument, intuitively, even if you don't play,

you kind of understand that. You watch somebody play an instrument, and you see that skill, and you say, holy shit, right? But then, what takes seven years to go from, like Colin Quinn, who had nine jokes, what takes seven years to go from, like Colin Quinn, who had nine jokes, like what happens

in that seven years that all of a sudden he's a fantastic comedian? Like, what skills are you developing? If we just get back to my point, the definition of fantastic

has changed. The bar has been raised. Okay, wherever you want to put the word, I'm just saying, what clicks with a comic? It's not a physical skill. It's jokes, but I mean, how hard is it to say something funny,

like I'm saying as a layman? Like, what goes on? Do you even know? Your mic's not plugged in. Paul Mercurio is going to join us now. Always the narrator. I'm always the narrator. Or is it just magic and you can't explain it?

No, I think what happens is I agree with Dan, but the Tonight Show meant something then and that's why people became stars. I think that's part of it. And I think seven could be right, but I think it depends on what you're doing for those seven years. If you're on the road and in

the city, I think you get stronger faster. I think the answer to your question for me personally is I think comics at 7, 8 or whatever the number is, start to not feel like they have to do stuff just to make people laugh but to do stuff that they want to talk about and that comes from confidence, being on stage and being able to just be yourself on stage. And when you break through that wall, then you become unique and then hopefully you become a star.

You develop a point of view. Yes. Is that what it is? Do you have to find your point of view? I think so. But Attell always had his point of view, right? Sorry. He didn't always have the point of view, but when he first started, he was absurd.

But as he got, I'm running the word angry, but as that hostility came out, it came from a point of view that made it twice as funny. Yeah, you're right. He's right. That's exactly right. About Attell. I'm sorry. Who were we talking about? Attell.

Yeah, Attell. No, I agree, but I remember Attell early on, like all of us, doing fairly surface jokes that kind of you heard before. Because I think you're just, it's so freaky to be up there that you want to do stuff that pleases people and then after a while you go, fuck it, I'm going to do what I want to do. And Dave became pretty absurd pretty quickly, but he was doing pretty standard stuff in the beginning,

but then he made a turn and became Dave. When did you tell Louie he was never going to make it, Dave? Early on, 1990. Did you think Louie was going to make it? Yeah, we were all pretty sure Louis was pretty cool. I find this thing with Louis to be really interesting because he was super absurd. And then he

turned the corner. He tells the story. That's what made me think about it because Louis had nothing to do with what he does now. He tells the story that he was sitting at the Kowloon Restaurant Comedy Club up in Saugus, Massachusetts and had an epiphany or a breakdown in a car. Like, I got to really do something else. And now he's, I don't want to say Justin and that is insignificant,

but he's doing something really simple. He's talking about his life and how things affect him. And while that's really good, that's kind of what all stand-ups are supposed to do. Dan doesn't do that, though. I don't do that. I try to encourage him to do it. I think if you listen to Dan and he talks about sort of his trying to get relationships with women and this and that, I think through his material you get a sense of it.

No, you get a sense of it. I don't mean that as an insult. I don't mean that as an insult. I'm not taking it as an insult. But I don't, I'm not keeping it real, if you will. And no one says he encourages me to do it. I don't know what he means by that. If he encourages me to throw away all the material I have,

you know... I think you have a point of view. David Tell doesn't do that either. So would you say that he should do it? I don't think we know anything about David Tell's personal life or Jerry Seinfeld's personal life. And Jerry doesn't do it either. Because they're doing observational stuff, but they're doing it from a point of view. Or misdirection. A lot of misdirection.

Yeah. But that personal life thing is what makes a really great comic. I mean, it's the personal life that people want to hear more. Yeah, but I don't think it's either or. I think both styles are valid. That's true, too. But I will agree with you that it seems to be that the more personal and the more heartfelt it is now, the more people are drawn to it these days.

But even Pryor went through it. You look at him in 68 and 69 on The Tonight Show in a suit and tie. Sure. It was real, like, friendly, easy stuff. And then, you know, that episode that he had in Vegas with a big white audience, and he went out and he said,

fuck it, and he dropped the mic and he walked out, and then he started working small clubs, and he turned into the Pryor that everybody revered. Right. I think everybody goes through that process. Everybody tells me when I was doing comedy that I needed to be more about myself, tell more stuff,

and I just can't seem to do it. I just never want to hide behind imitations. But I want to pay you a compliment. I want to pay you a compliment, Dave, because you always discount how funny you are. He did a great set tonight that truly reflected you. I believe that you run around your house and do impressions of kids. No, no, no, I do that.

I know, but to say that people don't get a sense of you from that, I think you're wrong. I'm branching out now. It's like when I was doing it more, I was only doing imitations, kind of hiding behind them. I remember I did one of those Aspen one-person shows, and that guy Lucian from the comic strip came out one time, and he goes, well, we've gotten to see a little bit more of Dave Juskow this time. But that's how you get more better, I guess. A lot of times people do tell young comics, we want to hear more about you.

But as we said, David Tell doesn't talk really about himself. Neither does Stephen Wright, never did that. Ronnie Dangerfield never did that. There's exceptions just like Rickles. Exceptions, I'm talking about half of the... Jerry Seinfeld didn't do that. You're talking about the people that tell and Rickles, Dangerfield, they all have one-liner guys.

That's kind of different though, right? It's hard to build a TV show around that character. Forget about a TV show around that character forget about a TV show I'm saying as a comic it's not wrong to do you know Woody Allen did his whole thing about the moose there's nothing about Woody Allen the real Woody Allen in any of them

and that was one of the greatest considered I think by many comics also like with Attell like you're saying you still do you don't really getting involved but you're getting I, that's his character. His character, who he is. That's not who he is. But I do.

That's not who he is. You don't think that's who he is when he's on stage? It's a part of who he is. He doesn't hang around with Lollipop Johnson and solve crimes. He never fucked a girl in Doggy Style because that's just how she passed out. But we all know. I disagree about that one. But we all know Dave off stage and he's a real introvert.

So it doesn't surprise me that he's not comfortable onstage in front of strangers. Rick was trying to get in. Regardless of why he's comfortable, he's not what we were describing as talking about yourself. He's not really doing that. But I think the grain of truth that does come through, no matter what kind of material you're doing, even if it's observational, is the point of view, But that emotion that is there, that's the real thing we see. It's not exactly the stories or the jokes he's telling.

We're seeing that real point of view. I mean, Louis Black is the sweetest man in the world offstage, but there's that little part of him that he says he lets the man out who comes out, the Tasmanian devil. That's really a part of him. That he will never, in private conversation, he'll never let it out. But you see the

grain of reality. But you see the anger, and the anger comes from disenchantment and disappointment, generally, in like mankind. And it also reflects ours. He's our voice in that sense. Also, you've got to do something that other people aren't doing. If I just kept it real, if you will, what am I going to say that hasn't been said?

I guess I have. I mean, my life experience is not that weird or different. Yes, it is. Your life experience is pretty unique to the people that I know. And your point of view. And when you tell me stories about your life, I find them pretty interesting. And I see how they could be interesting to an audience. You may be right.

But you know what? What's the difference? I've been written off anyway. Oh, that's so not true. Well, yes, it is. Can I tell one story? That's why I have to go to Quebec or France. Can I tell one thing about a tell just one?

This is why he's so interesting. Years ago, we were playing at some club, me, him, and Jon Stewart. And I think it was called Rectangles on like 14th and 2nd or something. The Yemenite restaurant? Yeah, because they had glass windows. So we were sitting outside smoking or talking, whatever it was. And you can only see inside Atel sitting there with the microphone, just his mouth moving, but you couldn't see what he was saying.

And he was just sitting there so grouchy. He was sitting on a stool and he just looked so depressed. And then when I opened the door, the first thing I heard was so I told Elie Wiesel, lighten the fuck up. And that's where I was like, this guy's unbelievable.

My father hated Elie Wiesel. Your father hated Elie Wiesel too? He was on fire, your dad. Elie Wiesel. Your father hated Elie Wiesel, too? He was on fire, your dad. Elie Wiesel got my father to utter one thing he never thought he'd say. Enough with the Holocaust! He really did. Jesus Christ, Elie. Enough with it.

Enough already. How did him and Attell not like each other? They had the same material. Gilbert Godfrey, by the way, is another guy who doesn't have

the real honest. Excellent point. And he's one of my personal favorites. But could you say that those guys are all characters maybe? Wisell.

Godfrey especially is a character. Yeah, and so is Attell and so is Dangerfield. Can you say that if you're a regular guy, you probably need to tell more about your... If you're a Tom Rhodes, it's more important for you to tell your life story.

You remember that old adage that the difference between a comic and a comedian is that a comic says funny things, and a comedian says things funny. Yeah, but nobody takes it seriously. No, but wait a minute. No, hold on. No, no, no. It's like the Lincoln gunshot. If you do nobody takes it serious. No, but wait a minute. No, hold on. No, no, no. But there's so time. Like, if you do jokes, if you do jokes from a point of view,

but you don't tell me your life story, I think that you're more of a comic. You're telling, you know, like Rodney Dangerfield was a comic. You know, Phyllis Diller was a comic. Who's doing one-liners now? I'll tell you that easy. Obviously, there's not one size fits all. That's the problem. It's easy to make excuses. What I want'll tell you that easy. Obviously, it's not one-size-fits-all. That's the problem.

You can make excuses. We're talking about the personal stories now and things coming from a more human reality TV point of view that compels us all to follow that story. I think that would be the style now that we're craving more than just the jokes, but both of them are valid.

What's the name of the guy who does impressions that we had on the show? Dave Josco. No. Bob DeFoe. Are you sure? No, he's not a good impressionist. He's on Stern.

Craig Gass. Craig Gass. He's amazing. So he does amazing impressions, right? And we put him on, and it didn't go that well. Yeah, he's a strange guy, but on the show, he was brilliant. So I tried to talk to him, but the back story to him is

he was raised by two deaf parents. Is that right? And he learned to speak by watching television. Why doesn't he talk about that in his act? That's what I'm getting at. And that's where the whole impression thing, I'm like, why are you not using that as your entree? It's one thing to do impressions on a Stern show.

Yeah, how did Stern not even get that out of him? But on a stand-up comedy stage, I mean, I would, and so, like, when you have something that is gripping, you should use it. Natterman has stuff. I don't know Seinfeld's life. I don't know if we're missing out on Seinfeld. The problem is, I've told you this a million times,

the funny thing about Noam is, I say this with all due respect, somehow he thinks he knows more about comedy than I do. I would never presume to say I know more about music than you. You understand this is just a dodge. No, I'm getting to what you're saying. I don't say I know more about comedy than you. I've said this a fucking million times. I can't combine.

I cannot combine the jokes that I'm doing now. Noam seems to think I can do the jokes I'm doing now and then just talk normally about real shit. But don't you have an experience? Oh, you don't know anything about comedy. You can't combine it. You're a professional.

You're a professional. You can. No, you can't. If David Tell was like, so I was fucking her, that's just how she passed out. And then he was like, yeah, so my father died

and I really miss him. That I agree with. It wouldn't work. That I agree with. You can't fucking mix the two. But what I am too smart, you're a University of Pennsylvania

graduate, you can figure out, you can be the guy that figures it out If no one wants me to go in that direction I would have to throw out all the shit That I've built over the years I couldn't even work here Because I don't have enough time To fill the ten minute spots that I get here

With the new shit that no one wants me to do This is what I want to say In the debate when somebody says your name You have the right to respond I have the right to respond You have the right to respond Three I have the right to respond. I do know something better than you know and actually you know it too in the reverse. I know better than you

do how you come across to an audience. That is the one thing you performers never can be sure of that I can tell you. And I know better than you do what comes out of your mouth that's interesting. And similarly, you know better than I do how I come across. So I'm trying to tell you, listen, I'm a pretty, you know, I see a lot of comics. I don't like dumb things.

We usually agree in our tastes on matters of a third party. We usually think the same things are funny, the same. We're pretty alike in how we judge things aesthetically. So taking the fact that you can't really judge yourself and B, that I have a taste, which you usually agree with, you should say, you know what? Maybe there is something to what he's saying because the guy, you know. No, no, no. I never said you were wrong. Is that ridiculous? No.

I never said you were wrong, but I said many times that I couldn't combine the two, and that's where you disagreed with me, and that's what I disagreed with you about. Can I just say something? If I did go down... You're selling yourself short. If I did go the route that you're suggesting, which is be honest, talk more real,

I would have to dump all the shit that's... I'll say one more thing, and then I can turn it over, and I'll stop saying it. The way this actually started, just to remind you, was that I had noticed that the comedians who really were dominating in stand-up comedy were doing longer form material. And that doesn't only have to come from talking about yourself, but very often that's what it involves. That the rapid-fire comics, while they have some success, they're not becoming the Louis C.K.'s or the Richard Pryors or whoever's out there, even Bill Burr.

You know, Bill Burr will do a 15-minute something on something. And so I was, that's what you recall, I was trying to encourage you to find a way to stretch out into longer things because I know that you're tremendously talented and smart. And I just, and I'm not saying it would work or wouldn't work. I'm saying you don't even try. It's like you've decided, oh, this is what I am, and I'm never going to try anything else. Can I just say something?

You get to the length, whatever the length is, based on what you're talking about. And Dan just may not be at a place where something happens to him in the middle of the day, an interaction, or somebody talks to him a certain way, and he wants to bring that on stage and talk about it. Like, 12 hours after San Bernardino bombing, I get on the subway, and there were two women in full burkas,

and I instantly thought they were terrorists. And I decided to talk about it on stage, and it's a little uncomfortable, but, like, if somebody's not ready to go there, he's got it, but he's got to be ready to go there. I'm ready to go there, but I'm not. But no, you wouldn't use me if I did that because I couldn't do it and make... That he's right about.

You've got to kill in the room in this place. You're right about that. You wouldn't use me because even if I decided to go in this direction that you're suggesting, it's basically like starting over. I repeat this because apparently, you know, maybe you didn't hear me the first time. I would have to dump all the shit I already had. First of all. What's wrong with that?

Not necessarily anything. But this is how I make a living. Louis did it. Let me be something. Louis was in a position to do it maybe. You could do your first seven minutes that are very, very strong and then experiment with a little bit of what we're talking about. And then if you find it wasn't going well, then maybe punt. That's a good point.

And then you could also go to some other clubs where you have more latitude to do it. You're right. I can't use you if you're not going over. But why can't you do your – when you go on the road, you do your regular act for now, and then you work on the other stuff. What I'm doing now is very – I mean, what you're suggesting, I guess, might be unique in a sense. What I'm doing now I consider to be quite unique. It is.

And so that has some value. Now, you suggested that people that are really making it huge are the Louis C.K. types, the people that just kind of go on there, and there's a preaching quality to it. There is a say-it-brother quality to it. You know what I mean? You're right about that, and I don't like that so much, but you're right. You know. I don? You're right about that, and I don't like that so much, but you're right. You know. I don't know, Dan.

I know we talk about this every time we're on the podcast, but it's kind of like the same thing on America's Got Talent when the judges are talking to you and we just want to hear more about you. Everybody was interested. Everybody was on your side. We just want to hear more. Well, when did I not? I don't want to talk about America's Got Talent.

I know, I know. I'm sorry. First of all, I don't know what you're saying. Just people want to know more about you. Well, when did I not? I don't want to talk about America's Got Talent. I know, I know. I'm sorry. But first of all, I don't know what you're saying. Just people want to know more about you. Well, when did I not talk about me? Like when the judges are talking to you. They're just giving you criticism and you're not being Dan. You're not doing this and being like, what do you know about your German, your Nazi?

I don't believe he said Nazi. You know, when I'm in front of live television in front of 10 million people and I don't see it coming, it's kind of hard to be Dan. That is Dan Natterman in that situation. A deer in the headlights. I guess it's just that Howard Stern would talk about it. You make too much of that, that damn stupid America's Got Talent. I know I do. I know, because I was just rooting for you.

But it's the same thing, that everybody just wanted more to find out. I know. Who's everybody? Everybody wanted more. Howard Stern talked about it like every day when you were on. Well, he loved me so much, he's never had me on his shows. He didn't love me that much. And the people at home didn't vote for me enough,

so they didn't love me that much or want to hear more. On that note. Yeah, we have a lot of stuff to... We have every time. How much time have we done? We've done three shows. An hour and 20 minutes. Good.

Well, you know. Listen, Dan, we all love you and see talent. Well, we all love Dave Jesko, too. Yes. And the problem is neither of us are going anywhere. It's true. I mean, what's the side? Can we all be at that level?

Can we all be at that Louis level? I mean, that. No, we can't all be at that Louis level. That's why being in Louis. I don't understand what the big problem is. So you're a great comedian and direction. The problem is that I can't do the fucking... do comedy clubs anymore.

And if... Why? I just can't do it. Psychologically, I can't do it. I just can't. No, I understand that. You mean... Dan is going to be in the stress factory all week.

Hang on a second. You mean just being on the road? I can't do it. I get anxious. I hate... I just hate the environment. By the way, I'll be at the Stress Factory this Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I will be. And I don't want to go.

We have to wrap it up because we're already way, way over. We're going to have to. Yeah, most of this will be lopped off anyway, I think. Not this part. Anyway, congratulations, guys, on your success with The Godfather tonight. You were amazing. Thank you. You were amazing. Thank you. You too.

It really brought another thing to it. Yeah. It was really great. I agree. And show business is stupid. Can we all agree with that? It's a stupid business to go into. If our mother hugged us two more times, we wouldn't be doing this.

Kids, if you're listening at home, don't do this. Well, look, I was a kid. I was starry-eyed. You know, and like so many of us. Me too. Do you think? Yes, I know it's the same for everybody. You're an attorney, Dan.

I'm an attorney, and I practice. And I had several people recently, for some reason, say to me, man, your life seems so great and cool. And these are, like, pretty rich lawyers who, like, feel like they've just kind of march into the same beat. And I don't necessarily feel that way about myself. And I look at them and go, man, well, that would be nice to maybe not have to worry. So the grass is always greener. And, you know, you may we may not have sort of monetary gains that we want,

but, you know, we might be living a life that a lot of people envy. Not that we judge by other people's opinion. Yeah, but I think what Dan is saying is that, like, if the Lord could come down and guarantee, Dan, look, you're not going to be a star, but it's not going to get any worse than it is now. Like, okay, what he's saying is that two years from now, I got no guarantee it won't get much worse, except that now I'm going to be in my mid-40s. And then what do I do? We all have to have the intestinal fortitude to fight through that concern. That's the bottom line. We all have it. But Gnome is exactly, by the way,

encapsulated perfectly. Yes, because you just don't know. But look what we get to do. So it's, you know, are you going to go back to the office? No. That's not an option. Bend over. Alright, on that note.

I don't know, maybe I've had too much to drink. You see, Dan Aderman was this weekend. I'll be at the Stress Factory. Yeah, Vinny tells me that the tickets are, you know, we still have some left. Is it okay if I throw something out there? Yes, yes, please. May 21st, I'm in the New York City Podcast Festival. Me too.

I'm up before him. Saturday night, at the Cake Shop. Just different podcasts are part of this festival over the course of two or three days. My guests are John Fuglesang and John Batiste from the Colbert Show. And it's at 945 at the Cake Shop, but Dave's also... Mine's at 3 in the afternoon at the Cake Shop.

It's called this Podfest thing. It's the New York City Podfest. What's the Cake Shop? Exactly. It's a small venue, like a, you know, like they have music there, comedy. They call me, they say, you have zero ticket sales. And I'm like, I told you. A competitor? No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no.

It's not a comedy club. You're plugging a podcast at ComedySeller.com. Podcast at ComedySeller.com. We want your feedback. I would just like to say to everyone a good night. The next Godfather, August 2nd. August 2nd, The Godfather.