The Comedy Cellar: Live from the Table - Tricks of the Trade

Episode Date: March 22, 2019

Gary Gulman and Joe Zimmerman

You're listening to The Comedy Cellar, live from the table, on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Good evening, everybody. Welcome to the Comedy Cellar Show here on Sirius XM Channel 99. We're here at the back table of the Comedy Cellar. My name is Norm Dorman. I'm the owner of the Comedy Cellar. Next to me is the handsome Mr. Daniel Natterman. Hello, Dan. I heard you got rocked.

Sorry. Is that your Chris Rock imitation? It's the best as I can do it. Do your Maya Angelou. Angelou. I don't know. Does my sassiness upset you? We are joined by Gary Goleman.

I'm not an impressionist. Who the New York Times called one of the greatest, one of the country's strongest comedians. By the way, I should interject. They call them that in the crossword section. Six down. A six-letter word for one of the country's strongest comedians. Thank you. That's great.

Gary Goldman, one of the strongest comedians, has three TV specials and has sold out theaters throughout the country. He may be seen regularly at Les Salles de Comédie. And Perrielle Aschenbrand, as I said, is a mom. She's our producer. She's a mom. She's our producer. She's a producer. She writes a monthly or so, something like that,

column for Tablet Magazine, which is the Jewish Bible. Yeah. Hello. Hi. And she's our producer and booker. Okay, that's it. So we have Gary Goleman here.

Well, I wanted to have Gary on because it seems to me that 2019 might be the year of Goleman. The year of the Goleman. 18 was the year of the Goleman, I think. It's all downhill from here. 19 is starting off positively. And mainly I wanted to talk about Noam. You might have noticed on Twitter. I know, Noam, you're sort of absent on Twitter.

You have an account, but you don't use it. No, I don't use it. And in fact, Noam doesn't even have a picture on his Twitter account. It's just the, you know, the... ComedySong logo? No, it's just the default picture. Oh, really?

It's just a space for a picture. No, it's not a space. It's like that silhouette of a person. Yeah. Oh, man. No wonder why you don't have time to fix the Wi-Fi. Is the Wi-Fi still not working? It's not that great.

All right, let's cut the show right now. Let's take care of this. No, but you don't even have time to put in a picture for your... Oh, that's right. You need an assistant. Do you have an assistant? By the way, before... I'm afraid they can't keep a secret.

Go ahead. Oh, wow. We've got to talk also about the fat black pussycat at this time, if we could. Just so I don't forget. If you wouldn't mind. Perry, I'll take a memo. They have me. They don't need anything. Gary, I see what's going on here. Gary

has started doing on Twitter and Instagram he started doing his comedy tips and he does them once a day. And they've sort of become sort of a cult following, would you say? Yeah, I would say a cult. Yeah. Yeah. But a benign

cult. Not one of these cults that will eventually... Not a death cult. No. You haven't told them what you want them to do yet. You're just... I'm grooming them. And then eventually they'll do my bidding. Don't you know the five stages of cult? They are doing your bidding, Gary, because your bidding is right, right, and right.

Yeah. And be original. Imagine you didn't lead with the murders. You don't open with the murders. You build slowly to the murders. Yeah. So do you do once a day, you said? Yeah, one a day.

Yeah, that was my New Year's resolution. And what pushed you into giving trade secrets out for free? I have to be honest with you. There might be something subconscious going on, but it was just a really strong cup of coffee on December 31st that suddenly I had a lot of energy, and I said to my partner, girlfriend,

future wife Sade. Are you engaged? No, but I'm moving towards that slowly. Slowly. Take it, John. Yeah. And I said, Don't rush me.

I said, what do you think if people would think if I sent out a tip every day on Twitter? She said, I think that people would love it. Can you read some samples? Do you have any favorite Goldman? They're so generous. Well, I was going to ask Gary.

You don't have to. I was going to ask Gary. No, they're great. Read a few. If there was only one tip I could give, it would be to listen to your sets after you perform them and transcribe them and try to add things to them. Apparently that's what Tracy Morgan does. Gary, do you worry

that you're giving away the store? No, because my theory is that about 11 people will actually act on them and if they act on them, then they deserve them because I don't do anything for you. It's deeper than that, Gary, actually. I gotta tell you something. So years ago,

Bob Englehart, one of those punchitos on the block, you know punchitos? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He didn't have an employee or manual or whatever it was, and my father said, you could take hours. And Ava, his wife, went crazy. I spent a... What are you gonna do? Why would you help a competitor? And he's like, it doesn't matter.

You can give him all the manuals in the world. Right. You have to have the talent. Really? Yeah. Meaning you can tell anybody the tips. That's actually not valuing what makes you a great comic. You came to those tips by pattern recognition of what you were doing that worked,

but you can't make somebody a great comic by telling them. No, but it's about putting the work in. I don't think. Yeah, no, it's about putting the work in. Marginally, you can make them a better comic. You can make them a better hack, perhaps, perhaps, but I, you know. So jaded. Well, you can.

Wow, that's rather cynical. It's not jaded. No, it's not cynical. It's actually, I believe in talent. I'm not going to say I have no talent. No, no, no. I wasn't like this hilarious man who was quick-witted and... Well, I don't know if that's true either.

But I think what I, after reading a lot of them in preparation for this, was like, wow. As a writer myself, part of writing is really sitting down it doesn't mean you're gonna be a good writer like you have to be funny and talented anyway right right but that's not enough no no it's not enough we know so many talented people who put didn't put in the in the effort see I agree with no I mean so far as I think these tips can are helpful and they can they can take you a little further and perhaps they can make you a little further and perhaps they

can make you a competent comic. Okay. But to make you a, well, let me just finish my thought. They can make you a competent comic, but I don't think they can make you Gary Goleman. Well, that's, listen, and music is a good analogy. You can, you're a guitar teacher, you can teach people tips, significant tips about music, but you know who takes them and runs with it? The people with talent.

Okay. You know, to them, they're like, oh, and it's like an insight and an epiphany to them, and then they internalize it immediately. But you can't make a good guitar player by giving a bunch of tips. You can't. Right. But I remember seeing an interview with Steve Martin on the BBC that really stuck with me. He said, because people always refer to him as a genius,

and he's touched and all this, and he says, I'm not a genius. If I have any genius, it's my obsession. I'm obsessed with these things, and I think obsession can translate into success and accomplishments. I do agree. I think trial and error. Yeah.

They talked about, I just saw you know, trial and error. Yeah. Like they talked about, I just saw an article, but it was right. They're going back and seeing all these Beatles demos. And like the Paul McCartney demos, like the first demo of like a Hey Jude.

It's Hey Jude exactly. Really? Back to the nah, nah, nah, the whole thing. But the John Lennon demos are all over the place. There's different sections. Like the words,

and the writer described John Lennon as more of a trial and error composer. That does really seem right, but it's a legit creative process. Not everybody operates the same way. Heuristic, right? Isn't that the word?

H-E-U-R-I-S. Let me read one of these, and I want to ask Gary how he applies it in his own act. You say, if you want to make a joke denser and deeper, do some research on the topic. Right. Would you like me to read this in my own voice, or is there a particular voice you'd prefer I read this in? In Gary Goldman's voice. I'd like you to read it as Tracy Morgan.

You want to make a joke denser. That's terrible. You want... And deeper. Youer Nah, that's terrible You want A deeper You got to do some research You will find Inside a perspective That you hadn't thought of Spend an hour or two

To add a minute To a good joke That's a bargain Very good, Dan Thank you You didn't see the physical part of that It was great So

I'll just summarize. You talk about doing research to make a joke. Can you give us an example from your own ass? Yes, I can give you an example. Okay, so I started one night downstairs at the cellar, which is a great lab, and I had this thing about Chris Pine being in Wonder Woman and in Star Trek in the same year. And then the line was just basically, and yet you walk by a person on every street corner and they don't have shoes.

It was that simple. And it would get a good laugh occasionally, and then I was like, this is not worth trying out over again. And then I just read the Wikipedia page for Chris Pine, and it said that he was agnostic, and then I wrote like five or six minutes on me believing in God with very little, especially at the time, and him not believing in God with all these gifts and how infuriating it was.

And yet God rewarded him. Yes. Well, that's a lot like our dear friend Mr. Noam Dorman, who mocks the very notion of God. And yet he cannot help but succeeding here at the Comedy Cellar. Right, but I think I'm maybe on the Pascal Wager side of my religiosity in that I feel like I have nothing to lose by believing in God. Yes, but you know, I read the book by, what's his name, that famous atheist, Richard Dawkins?

Oh, yeah, I read that, too. He talks about Pascal's Wager, for those who don't know what that is. The God Delusion? The God Delusion, yeah. So Pascal's Wager means you might as well believe in God because you have nothing to lose by believing in God. Richard Dawkins posited the notion that what if there's a God that wants you to think for yourself?

Right. And then you're punished because you just believed without logic and evidence. And you'll get to heaven and say, I'd love to let you in, but actually I'm a God that wanted you all to think for yourselves. And there was no evidence to believe in me. So down you go. So that's sort of Pascal's wager in grace. There's another French philosopher who I...

Well, that's what Dawkins... I thought it was an interesting... No, I think it's true. The pig or vermin, you have to call the herd. Like, why are you letting the pigs... You have to eat the pigs, you idiot. Go ahead. Albert Camus, who said, I'd rather go through

life believing in God and die to find out there isn't than go through life not believing in God and die and find out there is. So that's another... But of course, one can say they believe in God, but to really believe in God is not something you can choose, I don't think. I mean, I've struggled. Obviously, I'd want to believe in God. I go in and out.

Or I've gone in and out over my life. But there's also a very good chance that we're all in a computer simulation. I keep coming back to that. There's not a good chance of that, Gary. I heard one philosopher say there's only a one in a billion chance that we're not. Oh, that must be true. I'll give you a... How did he calculate those odds? odds well my proof is frame stores

frame stores go ahead yes okay so this is amazing by the way you never go in them until you go in them because we don't frame that much but when you do go in them they're so ridiculously overpriced that you say, well, I'm never coming in here again. And I think it points to the laziness of the coder who puts a frame store in every strip mall because he doesn't want to put anything creative in there. It's a generic loop of... Yes, yes. Like when you're watching a Flintstones episode, animation was so expensive, Fred would run by the same painting of a dinosaur over and over again because they didn't want to pay animators

to do the background. And so I think frame stores are that painting of this computer simulation we're in. And then the people who work in the frame store, who they had to design and everything, they just go back to working at a place where it's actually affordable and good value, which a Starbucks or a...

So let me ask you a question. If we are in a computer simulation, what are the odds that the simulator made all the races equal? I mean, if you want to go there, like really, well, if this is somebody's idea of fun, like a simulation, why would they have any thought about egalitarian

and all people should be created equal and stereotypes won't be true? Maybe it's all true. It's all part of the simulation and we're fighting it. Although I read a tablet article saying that the Jewish nose was a myth. I didn't write that. Okay.

I didn't know they were fiction. You know what? I'm beginning to believe this simulation. Look at the schnozzles at this table. Guy, I wanted to, can I ask one of the tips I questioned you on ever so slightly, only to provoke discussion. But let me just tell you that my self-esteem,

my ego is so fragile that if you question my tips, I fly into a rage. And it wasn't even questioning. I wouldn't even qualify it as questioning your tip. I fly into a rage. How dare you? I appreciate that. And I deleted the tweet that I tweeted back. And again, I was only trying to deepen the discussion.

Sure, of course. But you had tipped about not, I believe it was based on a famous writer. Was it Orwell or Fitzgerald? Orwell's idioms and metaphors? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, I flew into a rage. Never use an idiom or figure of speech that you've seen in print. That was Orwell's first rule for effective writing.

Give me an example. Can you think of one? Well, I'm trying to think. Like leading a horse to water or something like that. Within your act, you should try to be more creative than something you've read before. And original, you also said. Yeah. So finish your thought.

We've talked about this, actually. I countered... Well, I was thinking more along the lines of don't use obvious metaphors that you've seen before. But certain figures of speech we use, they're part of the English language. They're fixed expressions.

Like, it was the last straw. Right. That I see as okay speech we use, they're part of the English language, they're fixed expressions like, it was the last straw. Right. That I see as okay because if you said, no in French by the way, they say it was the drop of water that made the vase overflow instead of the last straw that broke the camel's back. Terrific. How do you say that in French?

I love it. It's too long. It sounds better in French. It sounds much nicer in French. I love it. It's too long. Sounds better in French. Sounds better in French. Good fellas. But if we said in English, if I said to you, or if I said on stage, man, you know, my old lady was nagging me, and that was just the fucking last drop of water that made the vase overflow.

Do you see that you proved my point there? That was good. This is so funny. This is so original. And you got it because you didn't use a lay point there? That was good. This is so funny. This is so original. And you got it because you didn't use a layup of a figure of speech. Well, I used another layup, a figure of speech in another country. Nobody knows that. Nobody knows that.

You went into an original idea. And I guess that's the underlying truth or my point of that tweet is that it's, yeah, use it. But you're not gaining anything and you're not adding anything to it. But wouldn't the audience be like, what the fuck is he talking about? No, I understand that. And by the way, the first time somebody said straw that broke the camel's back, that packed a wallop. Yes. But that was Orwell's point, that they've lost all impact.

Yeah. So we've talked about this because during this whole Ilhan Omar thing, I didn't want to use the word tropes. Like you just like trope, trope, trope, trope. Trope, yeah. When did trope become so commonplace? And I have this allergy to people. And there's a lot of like conflate is a word you hear all the time. Like just people or let's unpack this.

Or gaslighting. Yes, unpack, yes. And in some ways it's not fair because it's a perfectly good word or the concept may be accurate. But you just start becoming generic when you start using the same word. Be clever. Make an impact. Because you know what, Gary? Everything is entertainment.

Whether you're writing a dry scholarly essay or on TV or have guests to dinner, it's entertainment. And part of entertainment is not being fucking predictable. Absolutely. Everything in life. And a flair. And also, one of your tips is the sounds of words. Oh, they matter, yeah. Yeah, and so one of them is the word Buick is funnier than Nissan,

which is really true and I think, again, makes you think about the economy of your word choice. This is where talent, I think, comes in, because I think certain people can hear, they just hear it in their head, a funnier rhythm. I mean, there's certain rules, like the K sound, if it's been said is funny or whatever, and maybe that's a rule that anyone can follow,

but I think in a more general sense, certain people can hear that rhythm and hear, just know what's funny intrinsically, and other people just ain't never going to get it. Never going to get it. But, and Vogue, but I think that I can do it on the fly now, and I can do it on stage because I've done it so many thousands of times. But initially, I had to do these things

the way I'm saying to do them in the tips. So that I can choose a word. But also, sometimes I actually do trial and error, the heuristic approach, and try different words and syllables and things like that. And when you were talking about Lennon and McCartney, it reminded

me of the two schools that I operate from. There's the Jerry Seinfeld school who writes everything down and performs, he says, in imitation of his best performance of that joke. And then there was Gary Shandling who would meddle with the pacing

and the order and the delivery with the pacing and the order and the delivery and the timing and the pitch and all these things. And, and I think somewhere in the middle is, is you're going to get your best, best work. You know what I've suspected about that being, because, you know, having some experience with some of these things, when I heard Seinfeld say that, I said, you know why you think that? Because emotionally you have very little variance day to day. Interesting. Because, you know, when you're in a different mood, a different way will come out funnier.

Yes. Because you're feeling it differently. Yes, absolutely. And certain people are, like, volatile that way. Same thing with, like, a song. A song, exactly with a song. You're just like, I'm feeling it. Yes.

I'm feeling it this way, so I'll play it this way. But if I'm not feeling this way and I try to play it that way tomorrow, the audience is not going to accept it. But Seinfeld is so even keeled. Yeah. All he need do is imitate his best show. I think there's something to that. Absolutely.

One tip I would give, if I was giving tips, and I'm certainly not involved in that space. That's another word people use nowadays, in the space. They say in the space, in the that space. That's another word people use nowadays, in the space. They say in the space, in the tech space. That's not my wheelhouse, but go ahead. Yes, wheelhouse. I would say any joke written whilst you're half asleep ain't going to work. Wow.

Now that's your find out anyway. But you can still get your wife pregnant that way, by the way. Have you ever, like, sometimes I'm half asleep and I come up with something. Oh, my gosh. And it happens all the time. And it even seems okay once I'm fully awake. But then it never, and not only doesn't it work, it bombs catastrophically. Wow.

That said, sometimes tweets written half asleep do work. That's interesting. That's been my experience. The question is, how many times have you written something or come up with something half asleep do work. That's interesting. How many times... That's been my experience. The question is, how many times have you written something or come up with something half asleep and then tried it out? Often. Ten times? Maybe ten times.

Ten times? I don't know if that's a big enough sample. I think it's a reasonable sample, especially because... Twelve is a significant sample. When we judge a joke as comedians, we not only judge... We do a joke, and if it doesn't work, we might do it again. And if it doesn't work, we might try a third and last time, and usually by then we'll scrap it. But not only do we, but if it doesn't work in such spectacular fashion.

Right. I'm not talking about not working. I'm talking about stares, like, what is this guy, what is he saying? I'm talking about a cacophonous not working. That, you don't need to do three times. Two cacophonous is more than enough. Wow. Two dead silences is more than enough, I think, to throw a joke away.

In other words, we judge a joke not just by does it work, but how much does it work? Do you have any jokes that you dust off every once in a while because you believe in it so much you can't believe it doesn't work? I remember John Mendoza having one of the best jokes I ever heard. He said that he was a shepherd who was fired for falling asleep during inventory.

And he said he could never get that to work and it was one of the funniest things I've ever heard in my life there are topics that I've been working on sometimes for years and sometimes I finally get them right like one topic I was working on for years is the idea of sending text to the wrong person and I had various variations

of that joke and none of them worked very well until I finally came up with a Cousin Sheila angle wherein I sent a text to my Cousin Sheila saying, I'm horny, come over. And then I realized I'd sent it to my Cousin Sheila instead of the girl that I'm dating. And then I apologized to my Cousin Sheila.

I said, I'm sorry you came all the way over here. But that took me probably about two years of playing with that concept to get right. But if coming out of the gate it had gotten nothing, you probably wouldn't have gone back. If it had gotten nothing, I would have dismissed the particular joke but not the concept. The concept might still be valid.

I think that's a good lesson. Even if the joke itself is not valid. The concept, the premise. I do want to talk about. Wait, I want to say one thing because both of the things that you just said are two tips that I read in the past two days. One of which is that proximity is better. Yes. What does that mean? Well, go ahead. What does that mean? Imperial is an open-coming comic, by the way.

Oh, I didn't realize that. I'm sorry. Or maybe I forgot it because my memory is not the best. And also a writer. Proximity is, I find that if I tell a story that happened to a friend of mine from high school, it's not as funny as if I say this thing happened to my brother or my father. Or my Aunt Sheila. Yeah. Or Cousin Sheila.

Cousin Sheila. Well, the Cousin Sheila joke, it had to be Cousin Sheila. It's only funny because I'm... But that's another tip, which is specific. That's right. If you had said my cousin, not as funny as my Cousin Sheila. That's true. Yeah.

I think you're right there. Is there a Cousin Sheila? No, there is not. Nor is there a cousin based on Cousin Sheila. In other words, I never... But that's brilliant. Yeah. Well, I appreciate it.

I don't know if brilliant is... That's why wife jokes are funny. Complain about your wife's cooking, you don't complain about your friend's cooking. Yeah, or a restaurant's cooking. Do you ever have jokes that contradict themselves so they have to be separated by, say, 20 minutes? No, I'm...

Because I'm... Yeah, I try to eliminate that because it drives me insane. But if you, like, in other words, if you have a joke that says, well, in high school I never got laid. And it's a joke and it works or whatever. And then you have another joke about some chick you banged in high school. Oh, yeah, you can't do that. Well, but if you separate it by a sufficient length of time, you might.

And they don't notice they're being lied to? Well, a sufficient length of time divided by the attention that they pay to Dan. Yeah, I don't notice they're being lied to? Well, it's official at the time divided by the attention that they pay to Dan. I don't know. I think if you have two great jokes, and I don't have any jokes that contradict each other that brutally, but I do have jokes that are better, and I should have prepared an example of this, but the point is that some jokes need to be separated

because they're slightly contradictory. Or they have two political points of view sometimes. What, are you going to come out as a Republican and a liberal? No, it wouldn't be that drastic, but it might be. Well, I think your example is actually pretty good because you could have both those jokes. Yeah, you could have both those jokes. You know, high school I never got laid, and then, oh, this chick I banged in high school. And if they're both great jokes, beautifully written jokes,

and they can be separated sufficiently. Now, Louie would put them right back to back. And then that would be the joke, too. Yeah, that's interesting. It would also be interesting to point out, although there's post-modern where you acknowledge these are jokes, but then there's post-post-modern

which says, yeah, people have done that, so it's not so modern. Can we talk about, bringing this more specifically to the Comedy Cellar about your war against the fat black pussycats? Just to give the listeners some background, here at the Comedy Cellar, because there's so many people coming to this club that know how to open up other rooms. So we opened up a room around the corner called the Village Underground. Yes, which is a miracle.

It's a beautiful room, wonderful room. It's a masterpiece. It's given us many laughters. But a lot of tweaking went into the Village Underground's arrival. Yeah. As a space and venue equal to what we have downstairs, which is miraculous because he caught lightning in a bottle twice. I read, you know, there's tips.

Bud Friedman tips Comedy Club. He tweets. You know what I'm trying to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course, yeah. Then he opened up a third room upstairs in the lounge area of the Fat Black Pussycat Bar that he also owns. And it's about an 80-seat lounge area with couches.

No, like 60 seats. 60 seats, couches, comfortable chairs. Nice place to take a nap. Do you know what it's sometimes referred to in the underground? No. The slapdash cash grab. Oh, that's not what it is.

I know. I'm just joking. Because Robert Kelly actually was the one who really pushed me to open that room. I wasn't. It has enormous potential. People like Colin Quinn use it all the time. Sure. Amy Schumer wanted to shoot her

special there. Sure, but the people who come to see Amy Schumer sit up at attention and don't get lulled into the cushions of the sofa. The thing about that room is you almost never get the same crowd response that you get in the other two rooms. Sometimes you get very little

at all, and sometimes it's pretty good, but on average it's significantly less. What I was just talking to Liz about was putting a drop ceiling there, because part of that is just the high ceiling. Right. And laughter is contagious in a sense that if the laughs are loud or people laugh more, it's kind of a positive feedback loop. So we may tweak that as well. Do you attribute that? A lot of people have just attributed it to comfortable chairs and couches.

People are just tired, and they're so comfy they fall asleep. I don't people have just attributed it to comfortable chairs and couches. People are just tired and they're so comfy they fall asleep. I don't think that's what it is. I think it's the acoustics more. Do you think it's that the people who are in that room by definition don't really have their shit together? Because if they did, they would

have made reservations at one of the original rooms? No, people like that room. Audiences like that room. They like Like, audience people like that room. Wow. They like balancing fries and things on their laps. They just like the vibe. They like kind of the alternative. Yeah, there's also no tables, right?

So the food is eaten on your lap, I guess? Yeah. I don't know. They like it. We get compliments about it. But Gary's gone so far as to say he doesn't want to work there anymore. Yeah. Yeah.

I've gone that far. No, he actually didn't go that far. He did not go that far. No, he didn't. He went as far as to complain about the room. Yeah. And I told him he didn't have to work there. Right.

He actually never said that. Yes. Okay. Yeah. That's the clarification. That's true. I work there, but only because I don't have the temerity to say I don't want to work there. And also because if I say, no, I won't work there,

then I'd rather work there than not at all. Yeah. And were I, you know, in a position to make demands, that might be a demand that I would make. Why? Because you think that people are just slung back in those seats? Well, I don't know the reason, as we've said. I just know that the response there is hit or miss.

Yeah. Hit slash miss. It's hit slash miss. Yeah. Having said that, I've seen people kill there. Oh, yeah. So, for instance, Will does New Joke Night down there. Yes.

And I think it works better in that room than it might work in the underground. That's interesting. Yes, yes. It's very informal. I've heard that, yes. Yes, and the underground. Yes, yes. It's very informal. I've heard that, yes. Yes, and Will is terrific at running that. He's great. But he uses the vibe of the room becomes the vibe of the show.

Yeah. Oh, that's a good point. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we'll see if the drop ceilings have any impact. But, yeah, I had suggested a couple of tweaks. What tweaks would you think might be workable? Well, I wanted a little more space between the front row and the stage

so that people don't rest their feet on my stage, right? Because I think they disrespect me if they think, oh, look at me. And it's from Blazing Saddles. Yeah, yeah. If it's even before that, it's an old joke. Yeah, it's an old joke. And then... Are you in show business?

Get your feet off the stage. And then maybe it could be as simple as putting a board underneath the cushions so that they're a little less comfortable in the sofas. Thumb tacks.

No, you know, to be honest, when you talk this way, I realize that I'm getting a little complacent because, you know, 25 years ago, I would have taken your, what you said, as a said as a clarion call to really get on it, which I did on the underground. And I've been a little slow, but I'm going to recommit myself.

I mean, you are a very busy man with a lot of irons and a number of different fires. He is busy. That being said, we've all seen him spend hours here drinking Frangelico and just debating with his friends. Right, but there was a time when he would count the blueberries in the muffins. Yeah, he was right for counting the blueberries in the muffins. Listen, I love to debate with my friends. This is like, I tell you, the song Filler on the Roof. Yes.

I mean, if I were a rich man. If I were a rich man. I think about that all the time. When I was on vacation, I read nine hours a day, and I was in heaven. But the point is how busy Noam is is an open question. I know the verse about the greatest

gift would be to study. Sing it. Sing it. Sing it. I'm not going to sing it for you, but... If I were rich, I'd have the time that I lack to sit in a synagogue and maybe have a seat at the eastern wall. I would discuss the holy books with a learned man

seven hours every day. But this is the part, Dan. This is the whole point of the song. That would be the sweetest thing of all. Wow. I've got the chills.

And know him who is a rich man. No, no, but let me be clear. So the whole point of this song, which is lost on everybody, is that the whole thing is like, if I were rich, I'd have this. One staircase going to this.

But actually, at the end, the greatest thing about being rich would be to be able to sit around and shoot and debate. Yep. That would be it. And sink himself further into his faith. Well, the faith, yeah. And, you know, in Judaism, it's the faith and the arguing. You know, it's that whole thing.

So that's the sweetest pleasure of all. Once again, Noam, rushing to the defense of the Jewish people. No, I'm defending myself because you kind of poo-pooed, like, sitting around debating. I'm not poo-pooing it. No, not at all. That's my happiest thing. No, I was questioning how busy you are. Because you have so much.

It's the kids. I don't like to take time away from the kids. But as far as being busy at work, I don't know how busy he is. I'm busy. That's another issue. Do you want to talk about Gary's veganism? Okay, yeah, Gary. Gary's recently gone vegan.

Are you deep into this vegan stuff? Well, I started January 1st, 2018. That was my resolution before the tips last year. And then, so I've continued over a year. Now, are you heavy into the vegan philosophy of it? Like, because there's, you know, there's an answer for everything when you talk to a vegan, do you have the, like, do you have you know, like, why won't you eat a, an unfertilized egg that just drops out of a chicken, you know, she can't even help it. Yeah, I just, if I knew for sure that the source was a chicken who seemed to be living in relative comfort. I would eat it, yeah. Okay, so that's different because I have a vegan friend who said he would not eat it.

Oh, really? I said, you won't eat your own pet chicken egg. And he had some reason, which I don't think he made up. I think this, you know, he went to the talking talking points of veganism interesting but then i and my sorry so i haven't gone deep enough so i let him out and say what if uh what if it was a free range what if you owned the farm no no because farming okay what if it was a pet chicken you just found the egg yeah i wouldn't eat i'm like okay what about a sixth month abortion and he's like woman's right to choose right and i'm like, oh really?

So you won't eat an unfertilized egg, but you're okay with abortion's not even a tough one. Your reasons for veganism are mainly not health, but moral or both? Both. I read an essay by Michael Pollan in which he I can't remember the philosopher or the philosophy which talked about the fact

that in our society, we give equal rights to people who aren't as smart as us. And if you take that a little bit further, then animals are just beings that are really not as smart as us, and so we should give them the same accommodation. Pigs are as smart as three-year-old children. They are not. Where do you get these factoids from this?

Fox News. Ah, good answer. Well, then maybe it's true. I cannot. Pigs are not as smart as three-year-old children. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Three-year-old children can do puzzles. I think that...

The pigs in this Fox News study actually proved collusion. I think that the argument for veganism, or at least for vegetarianism, is pretty unimpeachable. I just can't do it. Right, sure. No, I understand that. I eased into it partially with you. We used to frequent a vegan restaurant.

And I will say that people have said that it makes a significant difference if you only eat one vegan meal a week. So here's a question. So first of all, I'm actually quite sympathetic. I don't know about veganism, but I'm sympathetic to the idea of being concerned about the humanitarian issue of animals. Well, the meat industry in America is appalling beyond measure. I'm a vegetarian. I'm not a vegan. But the industry as it works in this country

is horrific. Right. I agree with you. And yet it's never been better. The meat. The meat industry has never been less corrupt. So my question is this, and I see an analogy here. So, you know, a lot of these left-wing people in the news lately, like Ocasio-Cortez,

they get called out for driving SUVs or for, like I had a guy I met the other day, he's a real labor agitator. I'm like, well, do you have an iPhone? He's like, you know, in Amazon, they're peeing in bottles. I'm like, well, do you have an iPhone? He's like, yeah. I said, well, you know, in Amazon, they're peeing in bottles. I'm like, well, do you have an iPhone? He's like, yeah. I said, well, you know, they're... And he's like, well, but... And the argument is like, well,

we can't shut down everything. You know, you can't expect me to stop driving. I say, well, vegetarians who believe that it's, you know, who are concerned about the humanitarian treatment of animals, they do stop eating meat. You don't need to have an iPhone. Like, my Pixel phone, I was

actually concerned, is made in South Korea. So why not have, like, it's just so you wonder sometimes about these things, how much of it is, I'm not, I mean, with you, but how much of it is trendy, how much of it is thought through. Yeah. And things like that. I think that if you're concerned about animals, yeah, you should stop eating meat. I get that.

And if you're concerned about global warming, yeah, you should probably start taking the subway everywhere. And in every aspect that you can control, minimize your carbon footprint, just like a vegetarian will. I'm sure if you were starving, you'd eat meat. If you have to, you have to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But wherever you can, you do it. And you know you're not going to bring down the meat industry. Right.

But it's a principle. But it's all best effort. So you can have an iPhone, but there could be other things that you could do. You could support a labor movement or. No, no, no. If you are concerned about labor and you actually have the nerve to go on TV and talk about it, you should not have an iPhone, knowing that they're committing suicide. I lose all respect

for you. You don't even mean this a little bit. The iPhone is just too good. Come on now. But you want everyone else to... Well, John Stossel, who was on the show not that long ago, said that whatever we do for global warming, it doesn't make a

difference. You could do every single American... I'm paraphrasing, this might not be right. Is it America could shut down and it would not change the trajectory of global warming? This is correct. I've researched this. It sounds like such an insane thing to say. Because China and India, they have billions of people. Right, but it wouldn't make things worse. If it wouldn't make a difference, there's a reason... It's rational not to do it. Yes.

But not eating a cow is making a big difference to that cow. Yeah. So whatever little you do as a vegan or vegetarian, you are making some difference. In order to combat global warming, we're going to have to figure out some way to reverse it. I agree with that. But saying there's nothing we can do throwing up our hands, I don't think

it's going to lead to people studying to reverse it. But I haven't taken anything John Stossel said seriously since he got beat up by that wrestler on 2020 a long time ago. Your memory is very good. We're fundamentally not serious about global warming because

we do actually have a solution to global warming right now, which is nuclear energy. Yes, yes. That's such a tough yes, right? Because environmentalists are against nuclear energy, and it is the answer. It means they're not serious. Yes, and it is the answer.

It means they're not serious. Yes, and I'm also, or they're brainwashed, I think. I don't know what the hell they're thinking. The other side of that, there was something else that I was thinking of recently. Oh, GMO. I have no problem eating anything GMO. I don't care about that. That is not dangerous.

Yeah, it's not dangerous, no. Yeah. They're nuts. Yes, it's foolish and anti-science. If you think civilization is going to end in 12 years, and we don't have... Or 100 or whatever. Well, the AOC has been saying 12 years. I don't think she said it's going to end. That we will be...

We will... She didn't say it was going to end, but 12 years was the number. We're going to have irreparable... The shit's going to hit the fan in 12 years. Yeah. And you don't have the technology today to adjust to this, but we do have nuclear.

So you build nuclear now. Yeah. And then as soon as you can leave it behind, you leave it behind. Right. And yes, it might be a nuclear accident. Yes. And maybe 100 people die.

So unlikely though. Well, maybe 1,000 people will die. Yeah. It's nothing. You can't even put that on the other side of equation with civilization ending. I spend so much time put that on the other side of equation with civilization ending. I spend so much time putting things on the other sides of equations. I don't know if you do.

Of course. I just, because the numbers we're dealing with, that's why I've been reading this excellent book that I don't, I'm sure people have debunked or whatever it is, they do anything, but I find Steven Pinker very, very interesting. He wrote a book called Enlightenment Now, which is sort of an update of the better angels of our nature. Anyhow, he talks about a lot of the things we're talking about. Yes, there are... Is he talking about nuclear?

Yes. He's in favor of nuclear energy as an answer to global warming. But he says that, yes, some terrible things happened. A nuclear accident did happen, but it's an anecdote, not a trend. And an anecdote doesn't make a trend, and a trend doesn't make an epidemic. It's insanity, Gary. Yes, it is insanity. I mean, 70,000 people died of opioids this year. Yes.

I mean, there's death everywhere. A car accident is much more likely to kill you than any of the things that we're going crazy trying to prevent. That's right. So then somebody from my political persuasion exponentially asks, okay, so what's going on there?

Are they unserious about global warming or are they not smart enough to do this simple arithmetic? Like, how could somebody who makes this such an important issue to themselves, if I had AOC here, what would her reason be against nuclear? Is she anti-nuclear? Yeah. Or is she not pronounced an opinion?

It's not a part. The Green New Deal should be, tomorrow we build all the nuclear plants we can. And with the time that that buys us. Or use some of the ones we already have. Use the ones we have, build all we can. And with the time that that buys us. Or use some of the ones we already have. Use the ones we have. Build all we can. And with the time that that buys us, we devote all our attention to trying to find a permanent solution to this.

That's the only rational Green New Deal there is. First step, build all the nuclear power plants. How much would it help if I went back to my non-electric toothbrush? Anyhow. Minus. With your gingivitis? Actually, I have very good teeth. Gums.

Death comes in through the gums. I have very good teeth, and my gums are pretty good. My teeth are A+, my gums are, say, B+. The gums are all that matters. Yeah, gums could lead to serious heart disease. You can hold on to the worst teeth

with good gums. Be that as it may, your point about my gums was simply wrong. You know, a lot of Ashkenazi Jews have bad gums. Well, I didn't know that, but I'm the exception to that particular rule. I'm not the exception to the big nose rule or the annoying rule. So let me ask a question. Dan, do you think there's truth to any of the Jewish stereotypes?

Well, certainly there's truth to physical stereotypes. Obviously, you put Gary and Rutger Hauer side by side and say, which one is Dutch? I'm likely to guess Rutger Hauer. That's a great, oh my gosh, Dutch Rutger Hauer. See, that's a brilliant joke. Well, I don't know if it's a joke, but it's whatever it is. I would say the same thing about putting Rutger next to him. No proximity. By the way, Rutger Hauer. See, that's a brilliant joke. Well, I don't know if it's a joke, but it's whatever it is. I would say the same thing about putting Rutger next to him. No proximity.

By the way, Rutger Hauer... Specificity. And Rutger Hauer is a very funny expression. But, as far as other stereotypes are concerned, Jews and money. Well, statistically, Jews

have more money. Are Jews more concerned with money, statistically Jews have more money. Are Jews more concerned with money, Dan? They might be. I don't know about that for sure. I've heard several people say that the Jamaicans are the Jews of the Caribbean.

Oh, yes. What does that mean? No, the answer is no. Why are you dropping that penny, man? The answer is no. The answer is no, that Jews are not more concerned with money. That there are many. And then also the Chinese are the yellow Jews.

A Chinese person told me that. I have a theory, and it could probably be picked apart, but that it's... I hate to refer to it as cheapness, but it comes from being poor and struggling. Well, you could say that it comes from the Holocaust. Yeah, that you could lose everything in a moment, but not even from the Holocaust.

They've been chased out of every country we've ever been in except America. My experience is not that Jews are cheap. But there is, and Colin Quinn talked about this, but there is a lack of... Can we get a Gentile in here to maybe speak to this? There's a lack of shame sometimes.

I had dinner with somebody recently. Jim Norton. I'm talking to him. I had dinner with this guy for the first time at the restaurant. I just met him. I was like, how are you doing? He goes, it's a little bit slow tonight.

The numbers are going to... It immediately starts spouting out financial numbers. I'm like, whoa. Tacky. It was a certain tacky thing that somehow I imagined it was like a cultural thing. I don't know. Clearly we recognize talking to other Jews. Yeah.

We find ourselves revolting. But I don't... They're not bad tippers. They're not ungenerous. No. I don't find... Cheapness is not the actual... It's not the exact...

It's not a perfect fit. Right. Do you feel that Jews are more likely to, say, go into fields that are highly remunerative. No, I don't believe that. Whereas a smart Gentile might, say, become an archaeologist or a zoologist or something. Would a Jew be more likely to become a bond trader? I don't know. A lot of Jews go into creative fields and education. Well, speaking as a Jew in a creative field, honestly, God, I thought I was going to make money.

As crazy as that sounds. One stereotype that is absolutely true is Jewish clickiness. Witness, for example, this podcast. Wow. Well, Jews,

look, Jews are into everything and, you know, Barry Weiss talked about anti-Semitism. She said, you know, the Jews are the capitalists and the Jews are the communists and blah, blah, blah. And she you know, Barry Weiss talked about anti-Semitism. She said, you know, the Jews are the capitalists and the Jews are the communists and blah, blah, blah.

And she was making the point that it's contradictory. I'm like, you know what? But they are the capitalists and they are the communists. Like, if you look at the history of the Russian Revolution, it was like half of them were Jews. And the capitalists... I don't know where you read that statistic.

There were certainly prominent Jews in the movement, but not half of them. Yeah, there was a famous train ride where Lenin and Trotsky, and apparently half the people on that train ride. Sure, that train, yes. But doesn't Israel have half of them? That was the only train that ran. All the other trains ran on Shabbat. If it's not half, this was a tiny percentage of Russia.

And Jews were heavily... Jews are very loud. So you have a lot of Jews that are anti-Trump and you have a lot of Jews in Trump's corner. They're both equally as abrasive. Karl Marx was Jewish too. And they are the capitalists

and they just seem to be involved in... Whatever they decide to get involved in, they make themselves known in some way. Though I have not met a Jewish zoologist, and I think that Jews do not also generally go into... How many zoologists have you met? I've never met a zoologist.

I've met a Jewish zoologist. And I know a number of Jewish veterinarians. But I don't know any Jews that have gone into like very dangerous fields. Like Jews are not into doing shit that's dangerous. Except in the Israeli army, like Entebbe. Israelis don't count.

Israelis don't count. Israelis are very different than American Jews. That's quite an easy way to just prove your point by disqualifying all the people who contradict it. I have to sign off now. Where are you going to, Gary? Littlefield in Brooklyn.

I don't know what that is. Five more minutes? I really can't. I should have left sign off now. Where are you going to, Gary? Littlefield in Brooklyn. I don't know what that is, but enjoy. Five more minutes? I really can't. I should have left five minutes ago. We were supposed to have Sam Morrow, but he didn't show up like a Jew. He just blew us off. Thank you.

This was delightful. Is there anybody around that we can bring into our discussion? You know what? We're going to cut in some of Gary's comedies. I'm a pretty good athlete. I started off my... I love basketball. That's my athlete. I started off my, I love basketball, that's my favorite. I started off my basketball career in the very prestigious,

very competitive, very cutthroat Jewish community center basketball league. The JCC. The JCC was a wonderful microcosm of Jewish thinking. Because we're a very cautious group, the Jews. Which you can understand, we've been in a couple of pickles over the years. Generally lose everything we have every 65 years. And it's been like 67, so if your Jews are on edge you'll have to

understand but this goes beyond caution into the realm of lunacy the Jewish Community Center basketball league was a league for 12 and under Jewish boys and they installed collapsible rims on the hoops. There wasn't a kid in the league who could grab net. And yet the rims were collapsible, which is such Jewish thinking. You never know. You never know. Better safe than sorry, Gary.

But you better, no, you never know. Nah, sometimes you know. Better safe than sorry, Gary. But you better know. You never know. Nah. Sometimes you know. There are certain precedents as far as smashing backboards. In the history of the NBA, four people have smashed a backboard. Not a single one was a 10-year-old Jew. More 10-year-old Jews have played chunk

in the Goonies than have smashed a back board playing basketball. You're probably not chunk, but it's more likely you are than you smashed a backboard playing basketball and I remember I told my mom about this she says well Gary maybe it's for the fathers did you think about that yes I thought about it and I immediately dismissed it yes oh yeah it's for the fathers

it's for the only group of people less likely to smash a backboard the 45 year old black socks socks with Air Jordans fathers. They're not only dunking, they're dunking so ferociously that they're shattering glass backboards. Yes, yes. Dr. Barry Rosenthal got off on a break Monday night. And he filled the lane and Avi Liebman, attorney at law, threw him a no-look oop. Rosenthal timed it perfectly, came down like a house of fire,

shards of glass went everywhere. Dr. Mel Rabinowitz, your orthodontist, you have an appointment for a tightening on Wednesday. I'll call to confirm, because he received lacerations about his forehead and neck. He was treated and released, Baruch Hashem. But now, now, the Rabinowitzes

are suing the JCC, Spalding Basketball for making a defective, well, they feel they were negligent. They feel that the Spalding Basketball should come with a parachute

in case such a thing happens. And they're suing Dr. James Naismith's estate for inventing a basketball game that was so violent. So very, very violent, Gary. Oh, it's exhausting. What about this Zimmerman character? Zimmerman, would you?

No, we need a Gentile. He is Gentile. Zimmerman? Yes. It's a German name. Zimmerman. He's not Gentile. Yes, he is. You're German? Does Esty is Gentile. Zimmerman? Yes. It's a German name. Zimmerman. He's not Gentile. Yes, he is. You're German?

Does Esty know that? Does Esty know that you're German? Hey, Jim. Jim has sat down for just a spell. I know he's a busy guy. Does Esty know that you're not Jewish? I'm sure she doesn't. What are you guys talking about?

We're just talking about Jews and stereotypes. We're talking about Jews and whether the stereotypes are true. We wanted a Gentile opinion. Sit down. We wanted a German's opinion. I'll just do it. I'll just do it. I'll just do it.

I'll just do it. I'll just do it. I'll just do it just talking about Jews and stereotypes. Whether the stereotypes are true. A Gentile opinion. Sit down. We want a German's opinion. I'll just do it for a minute. How many generations away from Germany are you? I'm Swiss. We're the friendly people. Oh, you're Swiss. Good job, Dan.

What would you like to know about them? We'd like to know if you found Jews to be cheaper or more money-oriented than non-Jews. Colin pointed out that Jews just talk about it more. I think they're just more honest about money. They're comfortable with it. Whereas most people have that fake humility around money and Jews will just talk about it.

No, I don't think they're any money-hungrier than anybody else. I've never noticed that. And the German point of view? Swiss, Joe. I grew up in West Virginia. I never knew a single stereotype about Jewish people, basically, until I got to New York.

A few nice posters hanging up, and that was about it. People in West Virginia don't really I never knew a single stereotype about Jewish people, basically until I got to New York. Yeah. A few nice posters hanging up, and that was about it. People in West Virginia don't really know much about, or have any negative things to say. Let's get off Jews. Let's talk about something else. We have a few more minutes. What's on your mind these days?

They're not... I'm going on stage. And Zimmerman has to go. Where are you going? Five minutes anyway. What's that? I said, I don't know if you can stay for another couple minutes. I'm going to Village Underground in ten minutes to do a spot. And Zimmerman has to go. Where are you going? Five minutes anyway. What's that? I said, I don't know if you can stay for another couple minutes. I'm going to Village Underground in ten minutes to do a spot.

Jim, what's your take on the Mueller and Trump and the investigation and everything? I just don't care about it. I don't care. I don't care about it. I'm sick of hearing about it. I don't think they found anything. I'm bored with everybody hating Trump. Like, I get it.

He says some argumentative things. You don't have to like the guy. You think you might vote for him? I don't know if I'd vote for him because I don't like where he stands on certain trans issues. There's certain things he does that I don't like. But I don't hate him. I'm bored with every fucking late night show host having the exact same opinion,

the exact same angle. Could one of you guys mix it up a little? Just a little. One new joke that's not, I know where this is going. The orange blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I find myself just bored with all of it. I'm with you. You don't think Mala's going to find any collusion? No.

What do you think, Joe? Do you follow politics? Just a little bit. I mean, it just seems like it's tracking that way, but it's just going to take all four years to get there, it seems like. Tracking that way that they're not going to find him.

It seems like it's tracking that they're going to find criminal stuff on him. Okay, but the thing is, yeah, you take a real estate guy in New York, and you're going to find something. And you don't even know if it's criminal. It's just like, usually these, I'll tell you as a business owner, usually where you get hung up is that some of the laws are not clear. And you ask your accountant, can I take this deduction? Can I, well, and then you say, well, what happens if I do it?

Well, they might disallow it. You might pay a penalty, you know. Now, if he tells you it might be criminal, then you wouldn't do it. The point is that usually when a guy like that gets in trouble, something like that, I would imagine it's something like that. It could be a criminal scheme, but we didn't investigate

the president for four years to find, to take an x-ray to everything he, a microscope to everything he did prior. It was to find out if he was a Russian spy. Yeah, it's crazy. And if he's not a Russian spy, I'm not that concerned whether he paid off his mistress or you. Well, exactly.

I don't think it's as boring as Jim's saying because when has a U.S. president ever been questioned about possibly being a Russian spy? Well, the question is, yeah, it's not boring, but it's become, it's gone on for a long time. What's that? It's gone on for a long time. What's that? It's gone on for a very long time, and it's really about time that they end this. I just think it's going to be an all-four-year thing, and then it might prevent him from being a second-term president, but I just think it's going to be the whole four years.

I don't think he's going to be a second-term president anyway. Doesn't it take a long time to investigate criminal acts as a rule? I've never heard of anything taking this long. I mean, you know, I don't know. I suppose it could be. I mean, it takes, if they were hoping, this is the thing, they were hoping that people would flip. So what they do is it takes a long time

to find the evidence on these lower people, find something they did criminal, which is not related to Trump, not related to, and then sentence them, and then hopefully right at the last minute they'll say, okay, okay, I'll tell you everything I know. But that takes years, but then at the end, if it turns out they don't know anything, then the whole thing goes up in a poof.

Do you think that he's a Russian spy? He can't be. I told you, he can't be. The reason he can't be is because, in my opinion, if Mueller had information that, for instance, Donald Trump was talking about pulling out of NATO because Putin told him to, or Donald Trump pulling out of Syria because Putin told him to, kind of doing irreparable damage to the world, and Mueller knows that this is because he has to come forward immediately.

He can't say, well, I'm going to take my time, I'll tell you two years from now, and after Trump has totally fucked the world from the Russian point of view, done everything the Russians want, then we'll announce why he did it, even though we can't, Humpty Dumpty's already fallen apart.

I'm looking at Zimmerman's face, and I'm saying to myself, this is not of great interest to him. No, it is. I wish... Sounds like a Jewish logic. He'd have to come... If Mueller had evidence that Trump was a Russian spy... this is not of great interest to him. No, it is. I wish... Do you understand my logic? If Mueller had evidence that Trump was a Russian spy... Don't get very deep into this.

I got the feeling Zimmerman maybe... It's not deep at all. It's actually a total bird's eye view. He's like, you know what, if he knew something, he'd have to tell us because it's too dangerous to have a Russian spy as president. That's all I'm saying. Yeah, no, I'm interested. I just don't have the answers. It just seems like the people going, getting charged around him

is going to eventually get to him, does it not? That's my only logic. Does Michael Cohen have information about something Donald Trump has done wrong? Yeah, he probably does. Why do you not have any accent to speak of? He does. I don't hear it.

And I'm still stuck on the fact that his last name is Zimmerman and he's not Jewish. That's very common. If you might leave the borough of Brooklyn once in a while, you might know that. Zimmerman means carpenter in German. My last name is German. Ashen brand. It means burnt ashes.

Oh, right. But I am Jewish. Oh, my God. The jokes. But the Zimmerman telegram. Remember World War I, the Zimmerman telegram? That was some German that tried to get Mexico to fight the United States in the First World War. It was a German attache named Zimmerman.

There you go. But Zimmerman is a very popular Jewish last name also. It is, yes, because we had lived there for a certain period of time. What does burnt ashes mean? I think it was like a Holocaust joke. I'm not saying, but ashes are burnt. Ashes are the product of burning. Do they actually take ashes and burn them?

Zimmy has to go. Zimmy, where are you going? You going to the underground? I got the village underground. What are your thoughts on the fat black pussycat? The room, the fat black pussycat. Because Gary is not a fan. Oh, I love it.

Gary's the only one I've heard who's not a fan. It's just not as hot as the two other rooms, but it's still a great room. Zimmerman, you've got to remember, is from West Virginia. And compared to the rooms there, sure, it's good. The Fat Butt Pussycat's a great room. I mean, I don't understand.

It's like McDougal's awesome. Village Underground's awesome. Maybe we're just spoiled. Yeah, we're just spoiled. We're just spoiled. And, you know, I mean, it's like if your shower pressure is, you're used to it at a certain level, then even mediocre becomes intolerable. That's a very good point, Dan.

You know, so I'm used to explosions, and I'm getting, you know, a lighter pressure over at the Fat Black Pussycat. I'm mixing my metaphors, but you get the idea. You got to earn the joke more there, I would say. All right, you're putting a positive spin on it. You're saying it's more of a challenge. Yeah, but the other two rooms are hot crowds, right? That's the point.

We want all three to be perfect. Hot, baby. Perfect hot rooms. All right, we are at... I guess we're out of time Normally we try to give the people a little extra time By the way can we give out our email Podcast at ComedyCellar.com

Podcast at ComedyCellar.com We want your feedback How well the hell else are we supposed to know What you don't like and what you like And you can find Dan on Instagram also Which is a good thing Yes I don't like and what you like. And you can find Dan on Instagram also, which is a good thing. Yes. I don't post very often.

We didn't talk about the Howard Stern, Wendy Williams thing. Well, we don't have time. We do have time, but I don't have the energy. Okay. Podcast at ComedyCellar.com. Please give us your feedback. Let us help you. Help us help you.

What kind of questions do you want to hear from them? I want to hear what they like, where they'd like this podcast to go. This is the nation's leading trans genre podcast. That's right. We are a little bit of everything. We're politics. It's not a little bit of everything. It's politics, pop culture, and comedy.

And Jewy stuff. And Jewy stuff. I think we're too Jewy, but Noam feels that I'm being self-hating. No, we probably are. Lately, there's been a lot of Jew-y stuff in the news. I don't think the show is too Jew-y. I just think that we're Jew-y, but we're Jews. I want to be more Jew-y.

I always hang out with Jewish people. We have a very diverse roster of people who come on the show. Except for the past two nights. It's been all Jews. Gary Goldman, David Frum, John Stossel. Jews, everyone. And these aren't like William Shatner Jews. These are hardcore Jews.

I have one Jewish question. When you meet another Jewish person, is there like a thing where you're like, hey, we're both Jewish, and you wink at each other a little bit? Well, there's no wink that goes on. First of all, it's a mating dance. It's a secret handshake. In other words, I see somebody,

I say they might be Jewish. So I don't know for sure. Say I meet Periel. I say, hey, Periel Asherman. Oh, that's an interesting name, Periel. What kind of name is that? And she would say Israeli. And I'd say, oh, Periel Asherman. Oh, that's an interesting name, Periel. What kind of name is that? And she would say Israeli. And I'd say, oh, you don't say.

What part of, and just to make double sure, because there are non-Jews in Israel, albeit small in number, I might say, oh, so were you in the army? So, you know, you don't know right away. It's like two black people know right away we have to say what do you do for a living if i hear oh i'm actually a a police diver then i would say okay he's probably just italian yeah yeah if he said i'm a dermatologist then i'd say he's probably jewish so people always ask me people always do what you're doing to her and i always

end up saying no so what happens if i say yes? Well, they say, where are you from? And you say, West Virginia. That's the end of the discussion. If you say yes, you're going to hear some stuff. You need to say yes. Go undercover. There's really nothing you're going to hear that you wouldn't necessarily hear anyway. The Holocaust did happen. We're not going to say, hey, can you believe these idiots

think the Holocaust happened? It did. So there's really nothing you're going to hear anyway. But we might, but, that said, I might bring up something Hebrew school because I think maybe you can relate to it. Well, I have to tell you, I met somebody recently and we were talking about, I'd never met before,

and we were talking about the Arab-Israeli conflict. And he was very like-minded to me. But then he came out with some remarks about the Palestinians which I regarded as racist and I was turned off to him

but he wouldn't have said that if he didn't think I was Jewish. He thought for some reason he was going to have a sympathetic ear to that kind of thing. Now having said that just for listening, that's very unusual. I very, very seldom have heard people talk like the way I heard this guy talk. But, yeah, people think that no one's listening.

They will sometimes let their hair down in a way of all racism. I'm sure if you could listen in on Keith Robbins' cell phone, I bet you hear some shit about white people. I'll tell you that right now. No question in my mind. I think you could hear that regardless of whether you're listening to his cell phone. Yeah. All right, we have to wrap it up.

Cool. I'm going to run to the VU. Okay. I'm going to run to the VU. Thank you for having me. We'll have you back. I actually had told Perry L to put you on the schedule. You're on my list.

You're on my list. Good night, everybody. Good night.