The Commercial Break - 21 EPM

Episode Date: December 16, 2022

The magic number is 21! 21 EPM's is what science says a male human needs to achieve to stay away from prostate cancer! So TCB is getting behind the cause. While Bryan is training like a runner for a 10k, Krissy has some ideas about marketing materials. More specifically, TCB 21EPM stickers for your car! The Annual Ball Checking is he new name for an "annual" Things no one taught you how to do Bryan recalls a high school indecent proposal Bryan can't remember most things...but Irene Cara is top of mind! Podconference Tshirts are not great gifts for your loved ones Expensive purses are just cheap purses with nice labels Phipps Plaza is THE mall to shop at in the ATL. But no one goes there! What is the worst gist you've received? Regifting as a sport! LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us or leaving a voicemail at: 1.855.TCB.8383 Lululemon.com is for people who like comfort! Watch Us on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Written By: Bryan Green Exec Producers: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Content Production & Research: Tina Khano YouTube Producer & Editor: Morgan Please Audio Editing: Christina A. Executive Director: Astrid B. Associate Producer: Gustavo Episodic Contribution: Marianne, Diane, Natalie, Will The Champ, Will D** Huge Thanks To Our Supportive Listeners, Friends, Family & Spouses: Astrid & Jeff!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

And the holidays are approaching and with them the param-pum-pum-pum of the little... On this episode of the commercial break... We should sell 21 p.m. stickers. Absolutely. We should do that. 21 p.m. Adjaculations per month. Yes.

So we'll do 21 p.m. we'll make stickers just like that 26.2, but it'll just say 21 EPM. And then we can sell it. It'll have it like you did little families, the stick figure family, you'll just have one guy. One stick figure with an extra stick. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh yeah, Katsukins, welcome back to the commercial break. I am Brian Green, this is my dear friend and co-host, Kristen Joy, totally best of you, Chris.

Hi, that's the Ubraia. Best of you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us on yet another episode of this The Commercial Break. It's not for everyone, but fact news or fiction is guaranteed in 30 seconds or less tcbpodcast.com is where you go to do whatever I'm not talking about it anymore. I'm just I'm done with it. I'm just I'm gonna slowly but surely start to back away from all these words. I gotta ween off it. It's stupid. It's ridiculous. Why are we talking? Why are we saying all these words? I can say best to you and best to you and best to you and then we can be done with it, right?

Yeah, it's not for everyone. Yeah, it's not for everyone. Why are we talking? Why are we saying all these words? I could say best to you and best to you and best to you and then we can be done with it, right? Yeah, it's not for everyone. Yeah, it's not for everyone. Yeah, it's not for everyone. Yeah, it's not for everyone. So I, you know, six months ago, four months ago, however many months ago, I went and I got my annual checkup. You know, you do your annual checkup.

Of course. You know, you get your physical. They go, look you over from head to toe and they, you know, play around with your balls and then they tell you head. You know, you get your head. You get your physical. They get a look you over from head to toe and they, you know, play around with your balls and then they tell you everything's gonna be, it takes some blood and lots of blood and then they tell you everything's gonna be okay. Or you're in deep shit, right?

Yeah. So I'm sitting here last night and I'm talking to my wife about just like life in general. And she says, well, you know, maybe next year, you can talk to the doctor about that and your annual physical. Like we were just talking about something in general, right? Little back pain that I experienced every once in a while. She's like, well, maybe you should go to the orthopedic and then maybe you can talk to your physician about this next time you go and I go go where?

And she goes to, you know, to the annual thing and I go to the annual one. She's like, you know, where they check your balls and stuff. The annual ball checking. What are you saying? I'm here for my annual ball checking What's it like in flats I don't remember like flat what flats when he's like you put the whole hand up there doc I just I could not stop laughing because Astrid was like you put the whole hand up there, Doc. Ha ha ha ha ha. I just, I could not stop laughing because Astrid was like, you know, he thinks there's that, well, because that makes sense, because as women, we get annual.

You get your tits checked and your, and your, and your fluids. Yes. Yeah. You get your oil in your fluids, Jack. Yeah, yeah, you get an oil change. Yeah, you're, you're, you're annual veg checking and we get our annual ball checking.

But I swear on all this holy next time I call the doctor, no. What? You don't go get the annual ball checking. I do get the annual ball checking. Oh, yeah, yeah. For sure. Well, I mean, if you get over a certain age,

they want to rub your balls together and make sure that they don't feel anything, the older I get, the more uncomfortable that whole thing gets. And for no other reason that they're checking extra carefully Like when I was 20 they basically patch you on the penis and tell you to go home, right? Nothing to worry about here strong strong good looking rather small penis on your way Now, you know, they're like twiddling around down there

Yeah, and then they tell you you know, I'm in big show you shake your balls every couple of months, you know So I do I do do to flee check my balls, under duress, under duress. I don't want to look or touch myself in that area anytime, because it's just embarrassing altogether. But you know, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do. I'm trying to work up to 21, so we read this story on air. I'll repeat it.

And there are a lot of articles out about this. This isn't just this one article, but we read one article where scientists had put in, they said that the more that you release, the more that you ejaculate as a man, the less it lessens the chances that you will get prostate cancer over time. Basically, make sure that your prostate gets cleaned out

and it's healthy and all this other stuff So you know Amanda this study Amanda this study not for the world for his wife. I can guarantee it She's like no one masturbates that much Jim at 62 years old. He's like nope do it all the time Gotta go to the strip club, get myself worked up so I can get my daily adjaculation out. But this one article put a number to it,

and that number was 21 times per month that a man should ejaculate, and it significantly reduces the chances that you will get prostate cancer. But I gotta work back up to that because you know when I was like 20, 21 times a month was the least amount that I would be masturbating. But at my age you know it's you slow down a little bit. Well I'm with three kids. Yeah I think that's really them. I think that's really it actually. I think if I had more time on my hands I'd'd have more dick in my hands, but I don't.

So there you go. What am I gonna do? I gotta work back up to it and I will. So I'm practicing. It's like running a marathon. You gotta run five miles before you can run however many marathon it is. Somebody is a marathon.

26.2. Oh my God, I can't even imagine. Yes, it's almost as much as you do ejaculate. Yes, there's stickers on the side of the... I'm gonna put 21.5. That's called your car. Yeah, I'm gonna put 21.5. That's coming. Your car? Yeah, I'm gonna put 21PM per month, 21PM.

Ah! We should sell 21PM stickers. Absolutely. We should do that. 21PM, ejaculations per month. Yes. So we'll do 21PM, we'll make stickers just like that, 26.2, but it'll just say EPM. We'll make stickers just like that 26.2,

but it'll just say 21 EPM. And then we can sell it. It'll have, like, you know, the little families, the stick figure family. We'll just have one guy. One stick figure with an extra stick. We gotta do this. Where's your book?

You need your handbook. I'm gonna put it on my notes. Okay, 21 EPM stickers. We're creating. We're gonna bring back the stickers by not popular demand. Somebody the other day asked me for a sticker and I was like, you can have 30 of them. I'll give you a whole new fucking.

21 EPM, what do we say? 21 EPM. Yeah, just a jackal that's just for a month. Yeah, 21 EPM. 21 EPM and with the stick figure with the stick figure with an extra stick. Well, we we got to make the stick figure like just with one man. We just got to do it like that because we want to make sure people can put it on the back of their car. Exactly. Can you imagine if those things start popping up everywhere on B. Leave them. And people could take pictures of them and send them in to us.

That's right. Send pictures of the sticker, not of you accomplishing 21.2. No, yeah, the sticker on your car. I don't need 21. But wherever. That's going to be on there. And maybe on your laptop. Yeah.

You know, you're the Apple sticker. You can put it over your camera. Oh my God. I was going to get it to it. I was going to do a whole review. You know, you're the Apple thicker? You can put it over your camera. Oh my God. I was like, you did it too. I was gonna do a whole routine, but I won't even go there. We've talked so much about it, so I'm gonna show in the last three weeks, and it's like, I'm all whacked out.

Literally. I am, for sure. But you know, like, this brought up an interesting question to me, like a really legitimate, interesting question to me when I was thinking about masturbation in your ball checking and all that stuff. What are some of the things that you learned

that no one ever really taught you? Like you never really got taught how to do it. I mean, masturbation for me at least is certainly one of those things. I didn't have a show and tell going on with anybody. Wow. Right, so it's one of those things I just kind of learned on my own.

Exactly. But what are some of the other things in life that you've learned on your own that no one ever taught you? Finances. Yeah. How to be friends. How to be friends?

What? You're going to get a lesson and how to be friends. How to be friends? You're gonna listen and how to be friends. It's just an innate thing, you know, that you kind of learn. True. Or the years. Sex is one of those things, while I certainly saw pictures. Yeah. No one taught me how to do it.

Right. Like, I would, the first time I had sex was with someone that was relatively... Fumble your way around. Oh my God, the first time I had had sex, it was like the most... It felt good that I was like doing it, but I didn't know what doing it meant. So it was just a weird, sloppy, just kind of... I mean, if it was a video of it, it probably looked like two monkeys flailing around a tree. I mean, it was just weird and awkward.

And there would be a market for that, I'm sure. Oh, yeah. In the internet. Yeah, there probably isn't a tealie girl. I was 15 when I first had sex. So for me, it definitely would have been illegal. What, when you had sex was, for the first time, was it uncomfortable and weird and awkward? Yeah, of course. Yeah.

Isn't everybody so, I feel like? I don't know. Am I doing it right? Am I doing this? I don't know. I feel like. don't know am I doing it right? I'm I'm doing this. I don't know I feel like Or it could depend on how drunk you are there was a girl that when I that's true There was a girl when I was in high school This is the weirdest story about the telonair and I think this might be one of those I might not should tell on air But I'll tell it on there because I Because I believe that some of the people involved

may be listening to the show. But I'm not gonna say names, let's not say names. I'm convincing myself not to say names. You're being talkin' about yourself. Yeah, tell me. Tell me, tell me. When I was in high school, there was, I had mainly girlfriends.

I had guy friends, but I mainly had girlfriends, just like the rest of my life. You really are, you're a girls guy. I am a girls guy like the rest of my life. I mainly have you really are your girls guy. I am a girl's guy. Yeah. It's just my way of getting close to women. I know I'm not gonna sleep with them. I might as well be closer and they smell good.

They feel good. You know, they're nice and soft and cuddly. But I was probably known as that guy who was very friendly to all the women unbeknownst to me. So there was like a group of girls. So it was called five or six that were friendly with each other. They were all best friends, and then I was in the group too, also friendly. Of course we were.

On, you know, we had like kind of this den of sins going on down in my basement. Like everyone would come in, they'd smoke pot, they'd party, da da da. My parents were either clueless or were just too tired to care, right? One of the two. And I think parents were either clueless or were just too tired to care, right? One of the two. And I think it was really clueless, actually. Wait, this could lead, actually, I'm sorry to interrupt. But I just thought, this is kind of a Christmas story.

Oh, this is a Christmas story. The one with the Christmas tree. Oh yeah, the Christmas tree where I was banging somebody and my dad popped in the back. Dad and brother. They lit my brother was like seven and we had French doors that just like popped open in our basement into a bedroom and they brought the Christmas tree into that bedroom

because you had to go through that room to get to the stairs. And so they all went out to go get a Christmas tree around Thanksgiving or something and I was downstairs and with a young lady and we were both naked on the bed her ass was up in the air Facing the French doors and my brother came in with the front of the tree and my dad and mom on the back of the tree And he just popped open the doors and there it was Hello, yeah for everybody to see jingle jangle jangle jangle indeed

Is that a mistletoe? No dad That's a missileoe? No, dad. That's a mistletoe right there, buddy. That's what you call that. That's a slay. That's a mistletoe dick. So, you know, as teenagers do, you create kind of like these little soap operas

that are going on all the time. Of course, yeah. Well, because you're in your head. You're in your world. Definitely. And your world is your world. That's all there is. All there is to it.

Things are unfair. You don't have enough freedom. Then you get to the freedom. Then you get scared. Then you get scared and you run away. And you run away from all your responsibilities. That's how it works. Welcome to the world of the commercial.

So one night a couple of these girls came over. Two of the girls, two, a three of the commercial. So one night, a couple of these girls came over, two of the, three of the girls that I was friendly with. I had been dating one of their friends for a long time. We were like an item, a couple, like a school couple, like one of those two were together, right? We were going together. We were going together in for a while, and it was pretty intense, and everybody knew that Brian

and this person were together and whatever. And we had, Lola. Yeah, Lola. Lola and I, we had broken apart and it had been together and whatever. And we had, Lola. Yeah, Lola. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Lola and I, we had broken apart and it had been months or whatever. So two of these girls came over and they were actually three altogether. But two of these girls, I was sitting outside

and we'll never forget this. I got handed a note by one of the girls. Oh, the nine. And she was like, I'm gonna leave. Now it's a text. Yeah, I know, I know. Can you imagine? I know. I had my own phone line. Like, you could bring me up if you wanted to, but she left me the old fashioned note handwritten front and back the whole nine yards. Oh, a long one. On the note.

Which she said, read it when we leave and then you left. And so on the note, it explained And so on the note, it explained that her and possibly this other girl had not yet been defloured. They had not yet had sex. And they were interested in doing this in a way. Like a test experiment. Like a test experiment exactly. And they had nominated me as the most likely person to help them with this test experiment. Is that also in the yearbook?

I did most likely to fuck everybody. Yes. Most likely to deflower everybody. Yeah. I just, first of all, I said no, because I wasn't a dumbass then. I'm not dumbass now. Like, there's no way you're gonna, there's no way you're gonna have your first experience with me.

And then forget about me because that's never going to happen. Right. Really, it's happening. you're gonna have your first experience with me. And then forget about me, because that's never going to happen. Right, really, it's gonna happen. I remember my first sexual experience and I still can remember that vividly to this day. And I just said, no, I was like, no, this is a bad idea. It's gonna ruin the friendship.

And you know, you'll figure out somebody and you'll love it and all this other stuff. All of that said. Find a boyfriend. They could, they weren't, they didn't have a boyfriend. So it was, and everybody was doing it. Yeah, everybody was doing it. And I think they felt left out of the whole situation.

And they were worried about how the first time was gonna go down because you build up a line of anxiety around this and now it becomes a whole bigger deal. Well, if you can go to your dumb shit, small, dick friend, Brian, and get him to, you know, go ahead and service the engine for a minute, then you then you got it out of the way, right? Then you get all the uncomfortable out of the way and now you feel a little more confidence going into the next situation. I could kind of understand the premise.

I was certainly flattered by the note. I thought that I took it at face value. Like, oh, that's very nice. They feel like they can trust me and they feel safe with me. I never imagined that level of trust would go to, please have sex with me for the first time. But I was like, okay, so no. Now.

When you read that note, you were like, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I have a huge dick. You're 16 year old cell-free eating that note Again all the matches So yes my my penis was I Yeah, of course I was I was flattered and yes

I probably did walk around with a big head for like five days, like secretly knowing that this letter had come to me. And not only was it this particular person, but it was, she had insinuated that it was another particular person. Also, another one of the friend group. I also, and your girlfriend was aware of this as well? My ex girlfriend at the time.

Oh, oh, she was ex. She had been exed for a while. I think I probably told her, but not at that moment. I probably told her at some point. And you're 50. Yeah. I probably told her 10 years from that. Yeah. I probably told her on this episode of the commercial break. Yeah. Just like you know, this is the night I got. Oh, I know she's listening. Uh, she probably freaking out. The reality was it wasn't meant to be in that moment. However, months and months and months later, one of the girls, not the girl wrote me the note,

but one of the other girl who she and situated, one of the girls, we actually started dating. Okay. And this went. It's a very high school switcheroo's work. So getting back to the awkward part of this, like isn't everybody awkward on the first time? I got to be honest with you. No, she was not. It was as if she had, I mean, it was like, she had instructions. She had hardwired into her brain on how to do this and, and I was,

I'm still bad at love making. So I haven't learned a fucking thing in so many years. I still don't know, but this particular woman or girl at the time, it was like, it's like she knew exactly what to do, exactly what to do. She was one of those girls, hyper sexualized and really comfortable with herself and her body. And she knew what she wanted and she was gonna do it and that was it.

And even though it was her first time and it was probably weird for her, you wouldn't have never known it. And so, and for me, it was probably my seventh time, is she see flash dance? Flash dance? That is flash dance. What of those, what of those maybe?

Have you ever seen flash dance? Oh, a bunch of times. You've seen flash dance? Oh my god, yeah. My parents would let me watch flash dance. They still don't let me watch flash dance. I still don't get to watch flash dance. That never feels when my favorite people,

oh my god, did she just die? A couple of times. Oh, no. Jennifer Bail? She's still going strong. Is she? What is she in now? Well, she was in the L word for her dance.

Oh, she was. Yeah. Okay, never watch that show either. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. And then I never caught the whole flash dance. But I remember the video very vividly.

Yeah. Yeah. That is where I learned to masturbate. What a feeling. What a feeling. Did it. Did it. Did it. Yeah, yeah, that is where I learned to masturbate Irene Kara yes, yes, how did I ever remember that? I can't remember my kids names I can't even remember the name of the woman that I'm talking about in this story But I pulled out Irene Cara who had exactly one hit you would know and it was that one Yeah, see my brain still does work. Chrissy. I'm not gonna have to go on that all-time

It's very selective well. I got so much shit rolling around I know and where bombarded with stuff on our phones every day I know like you don't have to know anything. You can just Google it. Yeah, I would hold anything in my head because I all I have to use pick up the phone. I know exactly one phone number. I know probably like 12. Okay.

Yeah, but they've been the same phone number for years and years and years. And I know them, just in case I ever get into trouble, I know you call. No. No. I don't know your seat. Yeah, I probably should know yours, but I don't.

I know you should remember I see. Well, you're one of the only two people currently that are in my favorites on my text messages. It's my wife and Chrissy. Yeah. And my therapist is about to move into third position. Thanks, Ed. So yeah, I don't know that everybody's first time was was uncomfortable. Some people just might have it in them They just might you know, have to move or you just fake it till you make it. I've been doing that for a long time

I'm hoping it comes any day soon. Yeah, I mean, listen my wife also reminded me of this when we were talking last night She was like So there's just like pod Cast conference that's coming up. Yes. It's coming up on the 25th of January. I was about to say the 25th of December? No.

It's probably a bad time to have a podcast conference. Either that or it's a really good time to have a podcast. Well, I bet everybody would because there's family sick of hearing them talk. They'd be like, go to the podcast conference. I'm hearing enough of you. I was talking to Rachel the other day. I love it. It be like, go to the podcast conference. I'm hearing enough of you. I was talking to Rachel the other day.

I love it. It's like, I just love your show. And I'm like, I can't believe anybody volunteers to listen to an extra two or three hours of my bullshit. So there's this conference. It's coming up, but we are having a baby soon. Yes, we are. And that's gonna be like within weeks of the baby coming,

maybe even within a week of the baby coming. It depends on when the baby comes. Yeah. The reality is, I probably should never be thinking about going to a podcast conference when my baby is so young and brand new and my wife will be recovering, but there's gonna be a bunch of family here and everyone's here to help and all this other stuff.

So my wife says, you can go, you should go. Like this is important for you and for your career and all this other stuff. So my wife says, you can go, you should go. Like this is important for you and for your career and all this other stuff. For those residual checks later in the morning. Yeah. No, one way street. We're just paying in, not paying out. So he says, or she says, you should go.

And I said, listen, let me make that decision. I'll make that like a game time. Game time, yeah. Right, let's see how you're feeling. Let's see how the baby's feeling. Quite frankly, even though I may sound like a pompous asshole on this podcast most of the time, I actually care about the people around me and I'm kind of like, I don't think I should be doing that.

But I'm giving it some consideration. Okay. And she said, but if you go, you have to bring me back a really fantastic present. Like you have to bring me back a wonderful gift. That'll smooth everything over. And I know what she's talking about. She wants a nice pair of shoes or a purse, which she likes.

She loves purses and you know, when she loves shoes and all that other stuff. There's a couple other things she's into. And I'm like, okay, you know, that's probably gonna be pretty expensive. And she goes, what you cannot bring me home. Like you did last year at this same conference. Is you cannot bring me back a t-shirt from the conference.

Oh my God, the funny thing is I just wore my t-shirt from the conference. Oh my God. But anything is I just wore my t-shirt yesterday. I know she was wearing it to bed last night. I was like, I know. I brought you back a podcast conference t-shirt. Oh, we come on. I pulled it out of my drawer and I was like, what t-shirt is this? Oh yeah. And Jeff's like, what does that say? You're like I'm not really sure. Podcast movements. Yeah, podcast can ford's or whatever it says. Podcast movement is what it is. We'll say it. But it's a, I, I, I, and I go, babe,

I didn't bring that home as a present. I brought it home. It's like a trinket. Like, you know, hey, here you go. Here's where I was. And she goes, well, while it's really comfortable, she wears all the time to bed. Yeah, she goes change that.

Change that. I just need you to start thinking a little bit differently. Yeah. Podcast T shirt, not-shirt, not a great present. And I was thinking to myself, I mean, I just, I felt like I was so thoughtful when I got on Fest T-shirt for you guys. When did you give me and her? Yeah, well, I got two women in my life. Three women. I got my dog. You want a pair of shoes? You want me to get you a nice purse also? Maybe. I'm going to go to Burberry and pick up two purses. Maybe I'll get a discount. Yeah, full, full great. Hey everyone, it's time for the commercial break inside the commercial break, did you know you can dial 1-855-TCB-8383?

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Because you can't see with your ears. A doctor told me that once. And please, if you have two minutes free, do us a favor and write us a review, subscribe to our podcast, or rate the show on your favorite podcast player. It helps us get found by new folks who might be as strange as you. Let's hear from our wonderful sponsors, and then we'll be back to this episode of the Commercial Break. Alright everybody, I gotta let you know about our wonderful sponsors, Lulu Lemon.

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Never did I picture myself a lululemon of guy, and now I'm sold for life. Chrissy got a jacket, she's in love with it, Astrid's ordered some apparel for after the baby comes, and now I am eyeing some slacks for Christmas. So go to LuluLemon.com, get comfortable, get cozy, get Lulu Lemon this holiday season. For anyone who needs a little comfort in their life, LuluLemon.com, and we wanna thank

Lulu Lemon for becoming a sponsor of the commercial break. I have bought some expensive purses in my life. Yeah, for sure. For one woman in particular, not Astrid, but for one woman. I bought like a burberry purse, and I was so young and so fucking stupid.

I went in there and I had no idea what I was doing but I was like it's burberry. So this girl, a woman had a burberry coat that she absolutely loved and she kept talking about this burberry coat, burberry coat, burberry coat. And I was like when it came time to get a Christmas gift, I was like I'm gonna make a statement here. I'm really gonna go, I'm gonna save a bunch of money, and I'm gonna go get a Burberry purse. Now, I never heard her say that she wanted a Burberry purse, but she loved that Burberry coat. So I go in there and I'm perusing around,

I have no idea what I'm doing. It's certainly the most expensive single gift I've ever given anybody at any time at that moment in my life. And I'm like, okay, whatever, what's the most popular? What's the thing everybody's into, right? So they just show me a couple of options. I still have no clue. So I'm like, okay, the girl behind the counter.

You pick, which one would you like best if you were a monk? Yeah, of course, you know, and it's not that all women think alike. It's just that, you know, I don't wear a purse every day. So maybe you know. It's like a $2,000 one that I would love. Oh, it's the $3,000 one that I would love. And I was like, the other like a $900 one,

and she's like, I have a keychain. Yeah, a wallet. A keychain. Oh, a wallet. A little wallet, that's right. A pair of earrings. And so I took whichever one she had suggested and spent way more money than I'd ever intended to,

blah, blah, blah, blah. So I had than I'd ever intended to, blah blah blah blah. So I had it, I wrap it up, it's all exciting. It's a Christmas gift that I'm just really excited to give. So Christmas morning comes, there's a couple of presents under the tree for me, I put a couple of presents under the tree for her, and everyone's really excited we get to wrap and you know, taking photographs

and all that other stuff. And she opens the present and I was just so excited that she was gonna get so excited about this. But the- I'm excited for you, Liz, I know. But as she unwraps it and she sees it's a burberry box, she's like, and she looks at me and I'm like,

I love you, I love you honey. And she's like, wow, did you really spend money on something burberry? And I was like, open up the box, you got to see? She opens up the box. And as soon she opens up the box, it doesn't take but one microsecond for it to register that she does not like what's in that box.

Oh, no, she's not the type of person that would ever complain about something like this. She's not an asshole. So she was like, oh, wow. So thoughtful. And I was like, do you like it? And she's like, it's honestly so thoughtful. And I was like, is it like something, is it like with a kind of purse you would like? And she's like, it really was thoughtful. Honestly. And I'm like, wait, that's three thoughtfuls in a row. And no, I love it. Yeah. And it only went downhill

from there because not only did she not like it, she never used it, ever. It's sad in the closet forever. I think she used it that day to go to parent house, like events, right? She brought it with her, but she never even put anything in it. It was just like an empty purse with her wallet, right? She was so, and then it went straight into the box

and straight onto the shelf. Well, where is she trying to preserve it? Yeah, I mean, but a person's meant to be preserved. It's not Dick Tracy collectible goods. Yeah. It's not Pearl Jam, that's what I'm not a big purse person.

I want a purse that's nice and functional. Mm. But I don't care about the brand, I'm not a big label person. Yeah, I mean, I get it. Like, Senausum labels have very nice things. Well, labels are the value.

That is. That is the value, right? And, well, I don't think there's anybody. Also, it's really hard to pick out a purse for another person. It is really hard to pick out clothing and a purse and jewelry and shoes. It's really hard. Julie, actually, Jeff is amazing.

Is he really? Yes. And I love it. I would have never expected this, but he is amazing. I'm picking out jewelry. We have this jewelry shop that we go to. And it's totally my style. Is it?

And so how did he get good at that? Because he was paying attention to you? Yeah, we just went one day to this place together and kind of looked at some different things and loved it. And now he just knows what I like from this specific jewelry store. It's kind of like a classic and it's expensive can be expensive. There's also a very affordable things there.

It's definitely not like a gold herring bone. It's like, it's unique. It's designer jewelry. It's unique. Yeah. It's like, it's a unique. It's designer jewelry. It's unique. Yeah, it's designer jewelry without all the flash in the bank. Yes. Hey girls, me, Carl.

Hi, Carl. Hey, Chrissy. I'm here at the specialty jewelry shop, and I'm trying to pick out a strap on that works best for you. I don't want to get anything fancy with diamonds and I think I just thought if I can do the regular black label, you know, patent leather strap. Right. But I'm just wondering, do you want some anal jingle with that? Do you want like a gold chain with an

anal balls attached to it? Or no, I'm just trying to figure out what kind of girl you are. You go with your instinct. I'm going gonna go with my instincts. Always go anal. It's for the Lord. Necklace. Necklace. Big tree for Jesus. Okay, so I made those tip picks. I'll be out of here in my car.

All right, car. Possibly one last season three carl appearance. You never know. Yeah. Yeah. When Ashron I first met, she came to the United States to visit and her and I went to the mall. I needed to get something and so we were in and out of the stores. And she, it was cold and she needed something also.

And so I went shopping with her. Probably spent two or three hours in the mall. We went shopping and I was, she was trying a bunch of stuff on and I was saying, no, that with this and this with that, I have an eye for first, and that and the other thing. And it was amazing because everything that I suggested,

she loved and then she got it. Yeah, just the same too, when we go shopping together for clothes. But as time has gone on, my patience for spending two or three hours in the mall has more. No, I don't even like to do that. No, no, the malls are dangerous now.

Like, you know, they are actually. I went to the fucking mall, the nicest fucking mall. I didn't tell this story, but the kids went and got the Santa pictures. Yes. Right? They went to the Ho Ho Ho. The guy who gets paid $500,000 a year to do fucking Santa pictures. They like the best Santa in the world or whatever he is.

We go to that mall, which is also in the world in the most expensive mall in Atlanta, maybe in the southeast. I mean, every store, you have to drop a grand or you're not getting anything. Every store in this particular mall called FIPS Plaza. The nice part about that mall is that it's sparsely populated. Sparsely populated. It's not a lot of people out there. Ever.

So like all these luxury brands. Yeah, no one can afford it, so no one ever goes there. And if you can afford it, you buy two items at one of these stores and they're open for another month because it's $10,000 you're dropping. But so we got, and it was like this was right around right before Thanksgiving. And so it was a little bit more populated. But I think I told this story last year or two years ago, of what the Secret Santa.

The Secret Santa. The Secret Santa, the Sickle Cell Santa, the Quarant Goblin, COVID Christmas castle. Yeah, the Christmas castle. By the way, Spotify is going to flag this episode because I just use the word COVID. Just watch, just watch that happen. They're going to put a little disclaimer on the bottom of this episode.

Um, that was like 20, 20. I mean, that was 2020. I mean, we were the thick of things with COVID. Yeah It was like one of our first it was one of the first times we recorded together a face-to-face Uh, and that little bedroom down there Oh, yeah, go back and listen to COVID. We could run that as a best of forever And I think that people would probably get a gig a lot of it. But anyway, so just like that time But only worse this time there was literally armed with semi-automatic rifles,

police officers, not security guards, police officers. Everywhere, we saw at least three police dogs, at least three police dogs, and not only did they have the officers that are standing at every corner of the mall, you cannot look without seeing an armed police officer with a semi automatic rifle but there at the very high-end stores there are there is private security with guns they they're wearing guns

it's gotten to that point it's gotten to that point because fifth spasit like much of the country has experienced this rash of what I call just it's just young dumb crime. That's what it is. It's just young dumb crime. Kids who either get influenced because of the circles that they run in or because they see that this can be done

and they could possibly get away with it. They run in, they do the smashing grabs. They're usually not armed. It's usually, but they come in packs, right? That's like, you know, 50 teenagers will run in and they'll overtake the store. I just watched this happen. It's happening all, California has a really bad problem.

Oh, wow. But I was just watching, they, like, five kids run into an Apple store and they start ripping off every phone off the tether, right? You know, they all have tethers. They start ripping every phone off the tether. The store has hundreds of people in it. And every one of them is videotaping this happen.

And the employees are just like pushing the people back. They're like, and one guy in the video is like, should we do something? Should we stop? He's like, no, no, just let him go. Just let him go. Because they know that losing their life isn't worth it, right? And you never know if someone's going to be armed or anything. But then the kids just run the fuck out the door.

If you're watching a YouTube video like that, every three seconds and you're a teenager, like I was a teenager, you're likely to do some dumb shit because you think you can get away with it. Now whether or not they do, I don't know, who knows, really? But Fipps Plaza has been a victim of this on a number of different occasions. And so now they have to like beef up to make people feel comfortable.

You're gonna have, Atlanta is full of rich people and celebrities. It really is. It's a wonderful town, and there are a lot of very successful people that live here, like a lot of their places. But here, if you're gonna make the celebrities and the very rich people feel comfortable, that they can come in and buy a $3,000 purse,

then you have to be feel comfortable, that you're gonna be able to keep them safe. That's just the reality of what's going on. So, you know, so I don't know. I just felt like it was sad that my kids had to see that. Like we're going to this Christmas thing and all they see is a bunch of armed officers and police dogs everywhere.

And even my son asked me, who's daddy, why is it, what is that? And I'm like, that's a gun and he's like, why know, what is that? And I'm like, that's a gun. And he's like, why does he have a gun? And I'm like, well, it's complicated, but. It's Christmas. It's Christmas. It's Christmas in America, son.

I gotta get some cocaine! Don't be crazy! It's Christmas in America, son. It's time for Coke, Pros in the bathroom. Yeah. And security officers at the police, at the Christmas castle. Ah, ah, ah, ah.

I don't know, boy, I just don't know. I'm sorry, I don't know. But I mean, but he's gonna grow up in this world also. So part of me shields him from some of the more gnarly details, but part of me is just being realistic. Like, hey, it's a gun, kid. And you need guns, I guess, to protect your retail merchandise nowadays. And I really don't get it.

I really don't get all the smashing grab bullshit, but I'm also not a 15-year-old, 16-year-old, 17-year-old. I don't know. I don't get, I'm not in their heads, so I don't understand. With a different world. When I was 15, 16, or 17, what you were giving as a Christmas gift was your penis to people who needed to lose their Virginia. That's what you were giving. It's your

a bottle of polo. Oh my god. I can't I'll never forget my first bottle of ambercrombie and fish. Oh, from from the same girl that I'm talking about in this story. gave me my first bottle of amber-combing fish woods and you would have believed that I was in the woods After I sprayed that self sprayed myself with that I literally smelled like a car deodorizer For miles around because you could smell Brian coming for a block. I was like I'm wearing wood Where it ever

I was like, I'm wearing wood! I'm wearing ever- I've never got these woods! I had never worn a clone before, besides Dracar that I had sprayed on myself a few times, and that just made me sick to my stomach. But when I got that fucking woods or whatever it was my dad. And he was like, he was like, son, son.

What is that you're wearing? And I'm like, oh, it's a T-shirt and my baggy jeans with my Doc Martins. Besides the fact those Doc Martins need to be cleaned. Let's talk about what you're wearing, colon-wise. And he goes, what's that aftershave you're wearing? And I'm like, aftershave, dad, what is this? 1932? I'm wearing an aftershave.

This is Amber Cumbian Beach woods. And he was like, whatever it is, you should go wash it off. Yeah. It's too much. He was less. Yeah. And I started to notice that anytime I was in the car with this particular girl I was dating at the time, she'd roll down the windows. No matter how cold it was, she'd be rolling down the windows.

She'd light up cigarettes and like one after the other, just to get rid of the wood smell. I'm like, well, you got it for me girl. You got it for me. What's the best gift you got, like, as a teenager? You must have had like that teenage love. Oh yeah, for sure. What's the best gift you got from him?

Oh my God. Yeah, I mean, it might have been like perfume or jewelry. We're getting some jewelry. What a bonehead move. And I know it's like a popular thing to do is like a young person is to go walk into that first jewelry store with your parents and like. Like, sales.

Pick out, yeah, sales. Sales is too fancy. We used to go to a place called Caminsky's. And this was their, they used to have radio commercials. It's like, give ski, come, rex ski, come in, or give ski, that jewelry ski, come in, and see come min ski, or whatever it was. And you go in there and they're be like,

they had old fire engine lights that were just, you know, it was like a neon everywhere. And they sold million dollar rings, but they had the most of it was dedicated toward just like really shitty jewelry that teenagers give each other Goodbye could afford yeah, I got I remember getting some stuff with my burst down, which is February and so it's amethyst Oh, that was a nice that's a thoughtful gift. Yeah Diamond is my first

That's May is that may is may diamonds? Oh fuck those may people. That's May. Is that May? Is May Diamonds? Oh, fuck those May people. That's why I never date May girls. I never date May girls because the first stones are too much. I remember going to get that first piece of jewelry at that Kaminsky jewelry. So I remember my mom was like, she gave me like 50 bucks or something right wherever it was.

Which went up a lot of money back then. Anything, anything 50 bucks that was 2020 or earlier was a lot of money. After 2020, I was like $10,000. Yeah. So I remember going to get that first, like, piece of jewelry, and I think it was a bracelet.

Oh, the bracelet. And I think it was like a gold loopy thing if I can remember correctly. And I was so excited to- And you present it in the long box. In the long box, that's right. In the cheap white long box with that cotton

that gets everywhere. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Like the unprocessed cotton that they just throw in there. And then you're like, it's stuck to the cotton. And I'll never forget giving that to the my very first like, you know, we're talking like grade school, I think. I think I was in like eighth grade when I gave this. I was like, you were doing those presents in middle school. I just, you know, I had a pension for giving expensive presents that no one really wanted. I falter out my life, including the pod fest t-shirt, which I'm sorry.

Sorry. I'm sorry I went pod fest on the two of you. It's okay, times were tough. What is the shittiest gift you've gotten that, have you ever given back a gift or have you ever, you've re-gifted? Now ever you've re-gifted now have you regifted I don't think so unless I admittedly told the person like I got this as a gift and I don't want it here yeah yeah yeah and I wasn't giving an as a gift it was more just like I can't I don't like this do you like it you don't

okay good I think we regifted President back to the same person for Christmas one time. Oh, that's classic. Yeah, now it was a total mistake, but when they opened it up, we realized that they had actually given it to us the year before. Oh my goodness.

We were like, and then here's the move, you go, you gave us one and we liked it so much. We had to give it back to you. We had to get you one also. Well, such can't be true actually. Sometimes like one time I gave a bunch of gifts, these back massagers things we were just talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like a shawl thing and Jeff and I fell in love with them guy, like a friend of mine.

And I gave him for Christmas one time. I gave him this, like an ashtray, right? But it was like a really, really nice ashtray. Like one of those ashtrays that's... From Ronco. Yeah, from Ronco. Ronco. Ronco.

It was a smokeless ass tray. It wasn't, but it's hard to explain. It was like a cool like artsy. Yeah, it was a cool artsy ass tray, but it also like held your weed in a certain way, I think, or whatever. Yeah, it's Seth Robins making his own. Yeah, Seth Robins making him all the time right now.

But this is like an early version of that, right? It's made by graphics or whatever. I can't remember what it was. Graphics. But I got it. Yeah, I got it for him. I wasn't really in the effort. It a 10-foot glass bomb for Christmas. But he just said graphics that for a fact, man.

Yeah, you remember the skull and the plastic? I remember those guys most of them made a fucking killing because when 311 came out, everybody was using graphics and it was a piece of fucking PVC pipe, is what it was. That's what it was, in a cool color, like orange or green. And

it had that little sticker and when you got that graphics bomb and they gave you your stickers that you could put on there, it was the most exciting thing ever. And I remember walking out of those head shops with like, you know, this huge PVC pipe for all the police officers to watch. And then getting in the house was a whole adventure. I had to like throw it in the back window. But I gave him this. And because we all work together, right? And it was like, it was like a, whatever you call it. With something that you could all use late night party. Yeah, it would have been had we hung out with this particular guy, but we didn't. And

it was like a, what do you call that? Like a secret Santa type thing. Oh, yeah, white elephant. Yeah, white elephant or something like that. Yeah. The next year, he gave the exact same present as a secret Santa, and my little fucking heart was crushed. I was like, oh my God, it's the exact same present that I gave him. How do I know that?

Because you usually don't find these type of asteroids anywhere. And I was like, should I say something or should I not say something? Should I say something or should I not say something? So I said something. Yeah, that's right, of course. I would have let it ride. I took the opposite of good advice. So I walk into the kitchen and I'm like,

I've ever you in that gift giving session. I would have been like, oh my God, that's the best gift ever. I would have been like that. It's so awesome. I gave that to you, oh my God, that's the best gift ever! I would have been like that, it's so awesome! I gave that to you last year. Oh, it's amazing. Amazing, you have great taste in gifts.

So I walked in the kitchen and I said, hey, you know, just throwing that out there, though, I think I gave that to you last year for Christmas. And he goes, yeah, you did. And I was like, oh, he's like, I don't smoke cigarettes. And I was like, oh, it's not four cigarettes. It's for your weed. And he's like, I don't smoke weed either. I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't drink either. And I was like, I thought you, I'm sorry. I thought you were like a weed smoker. And he's like, no, I've been sober for like 22 years. He was like an older guy. He's like,

I've been sober for 22 years. I don't do any of that shit. He's like, but I didn't want it to go to waste. I thought I would get there. Yeah, he waste Yeah, I was kind of hoping you get it that way you get the use of it No, no, I've been sober for two hours. I've been sober for two hours I've been sovers I've been sovers since last time I went to the bathroom. We did some below. Yeah Alrighty, Rudy Even so, since last time I went to the bathroom, we did some below. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, righty Rudy. Oh, Christmast.

You love it. Christmas. It's all good. We're right around the corner from Christmas. I mean, we really are. And we're right around the corner from season number four. So just to keep you in the loop, Season number 4 will start in late January or early February, but fear not, because all throughout that time we will be bringing you new episodes, as well as best ubs and our

favorite clips and segments from throughout the year. Yeah, mix nuts. You never know what you're going to get. It's like a ball-checking section. Yeah, that's right, we're going for our ball-check. But Chrissy and I are going to mix it up, we're going for our ball-check. But Chrissy and I are gonna mix it up. We're gonna have a bunch of fun stuff for you. So don't you worry, it's not just gonna be

a bunch of reruns. We're gonna make sure that you stay up to date with fresh-crunches. We should do Christmas games. Don't get me started on the games. Every time we try and play a fucking game, it goes side-to-side. I like factor crap. We can do factor crap like Christmas version.

Okay, maybe we'll do that as one of the episodes while we're gone, while I'm having a baby and getting adjusted and all that and go into the podcast conference and get in play of sleep. Oh yeah, getting plenty of sleep. Rest in on. The best sleep I'm gonna get is in that hospital couch

when no one else is around. That's gonna be my favorite thing. For three days I'm gonna get to sleep really well. And they have their own TV, I can watch whatever I want. There you go. So you have fresh episodes. You have their own TV, I can watch whatever I want. There you go. So you have fresh episodes. You have to go to the shower to watch TV. You have to go to the shower to watch TV.

It's the best time to watch my TV, is in the shower. That's why I take 45 minutes to go to the showers. So, fear not, but we wanna hear from you. If you have a favorite clip or segment that you've heard in this season, season number three, that's been going on all of 2022 forever and ever and continues to drag on forever and ever then let us to tell we need a break let us know tcbpodcast.com hit the contact us button contact us button and send it on over or 855 tcb 8383 that's one 855 tcbC-B-8383, that's 1-855, T-C-B-8383.

Tall free from anywhere around the world, we'll pick up the tab. Please go to youtube.com slash the commercial break because we want you to see our videos. We had a little bit of a lag in the videos, but now we're catching up. Okay. So just a few days after the air, a week after the air, you'll be able to watch those episodes. Please do subscribe to the channel, go to add the air, you'll be able to watch those episodes. Please do, subscribe to the channel, go to At The Commercial Break on Instagram. We are posting again on Instagram.

Thank you very much to everyone who's contacted or called. I think that's all we can do today, Chrissy. I think so. So I love you. I love you. And best of you. Best of you. Best of you out there in the podcast universe

until next time, Chrissy. And I always say we do say we must say. Bye. Bye. universe until next time, Chrissy and I always say we do say we must say bye!I'm a baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby you